♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- AND, FINALLY, WE WILL BE TEAMING UP
WITH THE SCIENCE AND LANGUAGE ARTS DEPARTMENTS
FOR AN INTERDISCIPLINARY FIELD TRIP
TO JIM'S PAINTBALLING JUNGLE,
AN ACTIVITY THAT SOME OF YOU MIGHT FIND
A LITTLE MORE TAXING THAN SLEEPING THROUGH CLASS!
- UM, THE MAJOR LEAGUE OF NATIONS?
- AND WHY ARE WE GOING TO ENGAGE IN SIMULATED COMBAT?
DARIA.
- BECAUSE NO HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION IS COMPLETE
UNTIL YOU'VE CHASED YOUR FELLOW STUDENTS AROUND THE WOODS
WITH TOY GUNS?
- [chuckles]
YOUR SARCASM AMUSES ME, DARIA.
I HOPE IT PROVIDES YOU COMFORT
WHEN YOU'RE COWERING IN A FOXHOLE.
NO, WE'RE GOING TO STUDY HOW WARFARE
IMPACTS ALL ASPECTS OF CULTURE!
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO NEED PARENT VOLUNTEERS--
THAT IS, IF ANY OF THEM CAN PULL THEMSELVES AWAY
FROM THEIR SIX-FIGURE JOBS AS SYCOPHANTS!
YES, KEVIN?
- MY DAD'S NOT A SYCOPHANT,
MR. D.
HE'S A CONTRACTOR.
- KEVIN, STAY CLOSE TO ME
WHEN WE GET TO THE PAINTBALL RANGE, ALL RIGHT, SON?
- SURE.
- [laughs evilly]
- ARE FISH USING OUR OCEANS AS THEIR OWN PRIVATE TOILETS?
A SICK, SAD WORLD EXCLUSIVE
RIGHT AFTER THIS.
- THE BATHROOM'S DOWN THE HALL.
OR THERE'S AN OCEAN THAT WAY.
- UGH.
THIS ROOM IS EVEN GEEKIER THAN I REMEMBERED.
- I'M SORRY; THE MAXIMUM OCCUPANCY IS ONE.
PLEASE EXIT THROUGH THE FRONT.
- LOOK, I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE TO EMBARRASS ME
AND SAY WE'RE RELATED AND STUFF,
BUT PLEASE DON'T TELL MOM AND DAD
THE SCHOOL'S LOOKING FOR PAINTBALL VOLUNTEERS, OKAY?
- BUT I ALREADY SENT OUT THEIR INVITATIONS.
- HA HA.
YOU DIDN'T, RIGHT?
- RELAX.
WE WORK TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF A COMMON GOAL.
NO MENTION OF PAINTBALLING OR VOLUNTEERING
FROM EITHER ONE OF US.
- AGREED.
- LATER, AFTER WE'VE ACHIEVED THIS GOAL,
WE'LL RESUME THE AGE-OLD HOSTILITIES
THAT HAVE MADE PEACE IN THIS REGION OF THE HOUSE
A SEEMING IMPOSSIBILITY.
- GOOD PLAN.
- QUINN?
- DO YOU THINK THIS HAIRSTYLE MEANS SOMETHING?
'CAUSE IT DOESN'T. - BUT YOU'VE NEVER--
- CAN'T I EXPERIENCE WITH A NEW LOOK IF I WANT TO?
- OF COURSE, BUT IT'S JUST--
- ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT.
THE WHOLE SCHOOL'S GOING ON A PAINTBALLING FIELD TRIP.
- PUT AWAY THE RED-HOT POKER.
- THE FASHION CLUB PUT ME IN CHARGE OF FIGURING OUT
A STYLE TO PREVENT HELMET HAIR.
I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO DO IT!
I CAN'T TAKE ALL THIS PRESSURE.
- DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP.
YOU HELD OUT A GOOD TEN SECONDS.
- PAINTBALLING?
THAT'S EXCITING, ISN'T IT, DARIA?
- NO.
- DARIA, THIS TRIP COULD BE VERY GOOD FOR YOU.
YOU'LL GET TO KNOW YOUR SCHOOLMATES AND YOUR TEACHERS.
I SMELL LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION FOR COLLEGE.
- THAT'S FUNNY.
ALL I SMELL IS 15 POUNDS OF MAGIC BRAIDS HAIR GEL.
- THOSE LETTERS CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE
IN GETTING INTO YOUR FIRST-CHOICE SCHOOL.
- ONLY IF YOU HAVE A FIRST-CHOICE SCHOOL.
- JAKE, TELL DARIA--
- OH, MY GOSH, FORGOT TO FIX THAT LOOSE FLOORBOARD
WAY AT THE OTHER END OF THE HOUSE.
- ACTUALLY, I SHOULD PROBABLY
DEAL WITH THESE TEACHERS DIRECTLY.
- HEY, YOU WANT TO FINISH OUT THE SEMESTER FOR ME?
- IT'S WHAT AN INVOLVED PARENT WOULD DO.
- MOM, I THINK YOU'VE ALREADY DEMONSTRATED YOUR INVOLVEMENT
BY PRETENDING YOU'RE GOING OUT OF TOWN
WHENEVER MR. O'NEILL CALLS ABOUT SCHOOL REVIEW MEETINGS.
- THAT MAN IS JUST SO CREEPY.
I DON'T SUPPOSE THEY NEED VOLUNTEERS FOR THIS--
- [together] NO.
- OH, DARN.
- ALL RIGHT!
NOW LET'S SEE WHICH SIDE OF THE BUS CAN SING THE LOUDEST.
LEFT SIDE!
♪ WHEN JOHNNY COMES ♪
♪ MARCHING HOME AGAIN ♪
♪ HOORAH, HOORAH ♪
♪ WHEN JOHNNY-- ♪
COME ON, LEFT SIDE.
DON'T BE SHY.
- THANK YOU, MR. O'NEILL, FOR YOUR TIRELESS DEDICATION
IN REMINDING THE STUDENTS HOW OUT OF TOUCH WE ARE.
NOW WE'RE GOING TO DISCUSS
THE HISTORY OF GUERILLA WARFARE.
UNLIKE MOST OF YOU SLUGS...
- "ONLY 20 MILES TO THE GREAT WHITE SHARK."
YOU KNOW, SHARKS DON'T REALLY LIKE TO EAT HUMANS.
THEY USUALLY JUST TEAR OUT A BIG BITE AND SWIM AWAY.
- VERY MUCH LIKE MY SISTER'S DATES.
- I MEAN, SURE, THEY OFTEN TAKE A VITAL ORGAN OR TWO WITH THEM.
- I APPRECIATE YOUR TRYING TO CHEER ME UP,
BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
- COME ON. LET'S PLAY A WORD GAME!
- HOW ABOUT GEOGRAPHY?
- NAH, YOU HAVE TO, LIKE, KNOW STUFF FOR THAT.
WHAT ABOUT MONOPOLY?
- MONOPOLY'S NOT A WORD GAME.
- I KNOW THAT.
CAN I BE THE RACING CAR?
- SO IT'S DECIDED.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
WE WON'T SHOOT EACH OTHER AND MESS UP OUR OUTFITS.
IF I FIRE ON A FELLOW FASHION CLUB MEMBER,
MAY I WEAR BROWN PANTS WITH AN ELASTIC WAIST
FOR A WHOLE WEEK.
- IF I FIRE, I'LL WEAR TAUPE PANTY HOSE--
THE SHINY KIND.
- STONE-WASHED JEANS.
- GLASSES.
- QUINN, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYONE HITTING YOU,
'CAUSE I'LL PROTECT YOU.
- ME TOO. I'LL BE YOUR BODYGUARD.
THEY'LL HAVE TO KILL ME FIRST.
- WELL... OKAY.
- I REALLY WANT TO TAKE A BULLET FOR YOU.
- OH, IF ONLY YOU COULD.
- OKAY, SO LET'S SAY IT'S MACK'S TURN.
HE SAYS, LIKE, "I NEVER WENT STEADY WITH TWO PEOPLE
AT THE SAME TIME."
AND THEN, JODIE,
IF YOU NEVER WENT STEADY WITH TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME,
THEN YOU DON'T TAKE A DRINK.
- A DRINK OF WHAT?
WE'RE ON A BUS.
- BUT, LIKE, SINCE I HAVE
GONE STEADY WITH TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME,
I DO TAKE A DRINK.
YOU GET IT?
[laughs]
UM, I MEAN--
OH, NO!
- COME ON.
LET'S DITCH PAINTBALLING
AND GO SEE THE GREAT WHITE SHARK.
IT'LL BE COOL.
- NO, IT WON'T.
IT'LL BE STUPID, AND WE'RE ALREADY DOING SOMETHING STUPID.
- BUT THIS STUPID THING WILL BE OUR IDEA.
- NOT INTERESTED.
THERE ARE PLENTY
OF TINY-BRAINED PREHISTORIC CREATURES RIGHT HERE.
thud! - OW!
- [together] SURPRISE!
- WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?
- I GUESS TORMENTING ME IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN HOME
WASN'T ENOUGH.
- DARIA, ISN'T THIS GREAT?
I CALLED YOUR MOTHER ABOUT THE SCHOOL REVIEW MEETING,
BUT SHE WAS GOING OUT OF TOWN THAT NIGHT
AND ASKED IF WE WERE LOOKING FOR PAINTBALL VOLUNTEERS.
I ONLY WISH MORE PARENTS CARED ENOUGH
TO TAKE SUCH AN ACTIVE ROLE IN THEIR CHILDREN'S EDUCATION.
- ME TOO.
- [nervously] YES.
- IF WE WALK FAST, WE CAN SEE THE GREAT WHITE SHARK BY 10:00.
- ♪ YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- WE ALSO HAVE AN EXACT REPLICA
OF 'NAM'S INFAMOUS P.O.W. PRISON, THE HANOI HILTON.
SPECIAL DISCOUNTS FOR WEDDINGS.
[laughs]
- UM, COLONEL OR WHATEVER?
WHERE'S THE LADIES' ROOM?
- OH, THERE ARE COMFORT STATIONS SCATTERED ABOUT,
BUT THEY'RE REALLY WELL CAMOUFLAGED.
[laughs]
HEY, YOU, COME HERE! - ME?
- WATCH THIS.
- [screams] - JAKE!
- ISN'T IT GREAT?
A WHOLE LABYRINTH OF UNDERGROUND TUNNELS.
YOU CAN GET LOST DOWN THERE FOR DAYS.
- YEAH, GREAT.
UCK, WORMS!
- SO SEIZE THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO SAY,
"PRIVATE YOUNG PERSON REPORTING,
"SIR OR MADAM.
"READY, WILLING, AND ABLE
TO EXPLORE THE TRUE MEANING OF TEAMWORK."
- LET'S GO, TEAM!
- THAT'S IT, BRITTANY.
WHO ELSE ON TEAM RED
WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING BEFORE WE BEGIN?
JANE?
NOW, JANE, THERE'S NO "I" IN "TEAM."
- OH, SHUT UP.
- [sighs]
- TO UNDERSTAND THE DISRUPTIVE NATURE
OF WAR ON SOCIETY,
FIRST WE MUST UNDERSTAND
ITS SHATTERING IMPACT ON INDIVIDUALS.
I REALIZE IT'S FOOLISH OF ME TO ASSUME
THAT ANY MEMBER OF TEAM BLUE
EVEN KNOWS WHAT PHYSICAL PAIN FEELS LIKE
OUTSIDE OF A PAPER CUT.
- YEAH, WHAT A BUNCH OF WEAK--
- DUCK!
SORRY, FALSE ALARM.
- THAT'S OKAY.
- EW, THAT'S YOUR UNCLE?
- NOW, REMEMBER, THE OBJECT OF THE GAME IS TO SHOOT TO KILL.
- EXCUSE ME.
ISN'T THE OBJECT OF THE GAME TO CAPTURE THE ENEMY'S FLAG?
- WHATEVER. MOVE OUT.
- NOW, BEFORE WE GO OUT ON THE BATTLEFIELD,
WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO SHARE THEIR FEELINGS
WITH THE--
[paintball gun firing]
[crying]
- NOW THAT MR. O'NEILL HAS PREDICTABLY DESERTED US
IN OUR PRIME,
I WILL TAKE COMMAND.
ALL RIGHT, IF WE SPREAD OUT
IN A LONG LINE AND SWEEP TOWARDS THE FLAG--
- EXCUSE ME, MS. BARCH.
SINCE THEY CAN'T SEE US VERY WELL
BECAUSE OF THE TERRAIN,
WE CAN SPLIT UP,
AND THEY WON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
THEN WE CAN ATTACK FROM THREE SIDES,
DRIVE THEM OUT TO THE ONE SIDE THEY THINK IS SAFE,
AND THEN SET AN AMBUSH THERE TO CAPTURE THEM ALL AT ONCE.
PROBABLY BE A GOOD IDEA
TO SET UP A SECRET OBSERVATION POST
ON THE HIGH GROUND
SO WE CAN WATCH THEM
WITHOUT THEM SEEING US.
[silence]
WHAT?
- THAT'S VERY GOOD, BRITTANY.
- OKAY, TEAM. LET'S GO!
[all cheering]
COME ON, JANE.
- I'M MORE THE MERCENARY TYPE--
YOU KNOW, LONE WOLF OPERATING ALONE KIND OF THING.
- GOOD IDEA.
IF PLAN "A" FAILS, YOU CAN COME IN ON A RESCUE MISSION.
- THE MEN ARE SHOOTING!
- OW!
THOSE PAINTBALL THINGIES HURT.
- OH, NO, YOU'RE HIT!
YOU'RE OUT OF THE GAME.
- DAMN IT!
OH, WELL.
- POOR KID.
SHE NEVER HAD A CHANCE.
- SOMEBODY IN A MOVIE ONCE SAID,
"HELL IS THE POSSIBILITY OF SANITY."
THAT'S WHAT THIS PLACE FEELS LIKE: HELL.
I HATE IT ALREADY, AND IT'S ONLY BEEN AN HOUR.
SOME DAMN HOUR, GRANDMA.
[rustling]
- DARIA, YOU COULD AT LEAST TRY.
- I CAN'T SHOOT MY OWN MOTHER.
NOT WITH PAINT, ANYWAY.
- DARIA, IF I'M OUT HERE GIVING MY ALL,
WHY CAN'T YOU, FOR ONCE--
[cell phone rings]
HELEN MORGENDORFFER.
OH, HI, ERIC.
YES, I'M OUT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
[laughs]
[paintballs thudding]
THE MEMO?
DIDN'T STEPHANIE GIVE IT TO YOU?
NO, WELL, I--
- OW!
- SORRY.
- WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
- I STOPPED TO WIPE OUT A VILLAGE OF FARMERS.
- I MEAN, JUST BECAUSE YOU DUMP A GUY
FOR HIS OLDER, CUTER BROTHER,
DOES THAT GIVE HIM THE RIGHT TO HOLD A GRUDGE?
- MEN ARE SO IMMATURE.
- YOU KNOW, IF I KNEW
WE'D BE RUNNING AROUND IN DIRT,
I WOULDN'T HAVE WORN MY GOOD SNEAKERS.
- WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP?
I THINK I SEE SOMETHING.
- HEY, QUINN,
IS THAT YOUR COUSIN?
- OW.
- WAY TO GO, QUINN.
- OUR LEADER!
- all: OW!
- HEY, I JUST BOUGHT THIS.
- SANDI?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I WAS LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU STARTED SHOOTING AT ME.
I THOUGHT WE PROMISED NOT TO DO THAT.
- I WOULD NEVER FIRE AT YOU, SANDI,
BUT I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU WITH THOSE GOGGLES.
- YEAH. I MEAN, WHY WERE YOU WEARING THEM?
THEY'RE SO UGLY.
- BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE RULES.
- WELL, SOME RULES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN,
LIKE WEARING RED LIPSTICK WITH AN ORANGE SWEATER.
- OR BLACK MASCARA WITH BLONDE HAIR.
- BESIDES, YOU FIRED AT US WHEN YOU WERE ALREADY HIT,
AND THAT'S AGAINST THE RULES TOO.
Tiffany and Stacy: YEAH.
- GEE, IF EVERYONE IS ON QUINN'S SIDE,
MAYBE QUINN SHOULD BE PRESIDENT OF THE FASHION CLUB.
- DON'T BE SILLY.
I WOULD NEVER TRY TO BE PRESIDENT...
AS LONG AS YOU WERE AROUND.
- REALLY? - SURE.
I MEAN, DO YOU REALLY THINK
THAT I COULD REPLACE YOU?
- ALL RIGHT, KEVIN.
DO YOU THINK THAT ATROPHIED, PEA-SIZED CLUSTER OF CELLS
YOU REFER TO AS YOUR BRAIN
CAN REMEMBER THE COMPLICATED INSTRUCTIONS I JUST GAVE YOU?
- UM, GET THE FLAG?
- VERY GOOD, KEVIN.
- FREEZE, BABE.
- OW!
THOSE PAINTBALL THINGIES HURT.
I'M GOING TO HAVE A WELT.
- WAR'S NOT PRETTY, KEVIE.
SORRY.
HI-YAH!
[paintball gun clicks]
- OW!
- ROTTEN DIRTBAG LIARS, ALL OF YOU!
- MS. BARCH, STOP SHOOTING!
THOSE PAINTBALL THINGIES HURT.
- I TRUSTED YOU, DAMN IT.
TWO DECADES OF LEGAL SLAVERY,
AND STILL YOU THROW IT ALL AWAY
FOR A HALTER TOP AND A PAIR OF PUMPS.
- OW!
MADAM, I BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT ME CONFUSED WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
I'M NOT YOUR EX-HUSBAND.
- I KNOW THAT.
BUT HE'S NOT HERE!
[thunder rumbles]
- GOOD; I WAS FEELING TOO DRY.
- ♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ ♪
MAYBE WE SHOULD TURN BACK.
- MAYBE YOUR MOTHER WILL LEND YOU A RAINCOAT.
- SHUT UP, AND KEEP WALKING.
[bells jingle]
- WE'RE HERE TO SEE THE GREAT WHITE SHARK.
- OH, IT'S A BEAUTY, AIN'T IT?
- IT'S A TOOTH.
- YOU WOULDN'T SAY,
"IT'S A TOOTH" IF YOU KNEW THE LEGEND OF GREAT WHITE.
- WOMEN HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED
TO LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE FOR SO LONG,
NO WONDER PEOPLE THINK 40 LOOKS LIKE 50.
I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER.
- AMEN. OOH!
THANK GOD MEN NO LONGER LOOK AT US AS SEX OBJECTS.
- YOU SAID IT, SISTER.
SO DO I LOOK 46--44?
- WOULD YOU LIKE MY--
- FORGET IT, YOU--YOU MAN.
- BUT I WAS JUST OFFERING.
- 22 YEARS OF MY LIFE GONE,
AND ALL I HAVE TO SHOW
FOR TENDING TO YOUR EVERY NEED
ARE THE CORNS ON MY FEET AND A BIG RED RASH ON MY CHEST.
- GO AHEAD; IT'S ALL RIGHT.
LET IT OUT.
- OH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK OUTSIDE
WITH YOUR WARMONGERING SEX AND DESTROY SOMETHING WEAK?
- VENTING FEELS GOOD, DOESN'T IT?
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AND TO EXPRESS THAT ANGER.
- HUH?
- OH! HI.
IT'S RAINING CATS AND DOGS OUT THERE.
- WHAT A UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE ON THE SITUATION.
- LITTLE NIP TO WARM YOU UP?
- MR. MORGENDORFFER,
I'M A TEACHER RESPONSIBLE FOR DOZENS OF STUDENTS
ON A FAIRLY HAZARDOUS FIELD TRIP.
DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TAKE A LITTLE NIP?
- I GUESS NOT.
- NO! I GUESS NOT!
GIMME THAT!
- SAY, DID YOU, BY ANY CHANCE, GO TO MILITARY SCHOOL?
- HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?
- UNTIL GREAT WHITE'S CAPTURE TWO MONTHS AGO,
HE TERRORIZED THE EASTERN SEABOARD,
CHOMPING ON TOURISTS AND SPITTING THEM OUT
LIKE BAD RED WINE.
- EXCELLENT.
- IT WAS THE PEAK OF TOURIST SEASON
WHEN A MANGLED BODY WASHED UP ON THE SHORE,
SCARING THE BEACHCOMBERS AND LIFEGUARDS...
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- WHICH ONE OF US DO YOU LIKE BEST?
- WHICH ONE OF YOU WANTS TO TAKE ME TO CHEZ PIERRE?
- I'LL TAKE YOU, QUINN. - NO, NO, COME ON!
WITH ME! - I GOT THE MONEY.
- QUINN'S SO CUTE.
- YEAH.
- CUTER THAN ME?
- OH, NO.
YOU'RE WAY CUTER.
- NOT THAT LOOKS ARE IMPORTANT.
- NO WAY.
- I WISH I COULD FIND THAT BATHROOM.
- I THINK IT'S OVER THERE SOMEWHERE.
- WHERE'S SANDI?
- OH, YOU KNOW SANDI.
ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A BATHROOM.
- SHE LOOKS REALLY CUTE TODAY.
- MM-HMM.
- CUTER THAN ME? - OH, NO.
YOU'RE WAY CUTER.
- OF COURSE THE MAYOR CLAIMED THE CHEWED-UP BODIES
WERE THE VICTIMS OF A PROPELLER.
BUT THE PEOPLE KNEW BETTER.
- EXCUSE ME, BUT ISN'T THIS THE PLOT OF JAWS?
- NO, NO, THIS IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
THAT'S WHEN THEY CALLED IN THE GREAT SHARK HUNTER.
THAT'S WHEN THEY CALLED IN... ME.
- I'M GLAD TO SEE
YOU TAKE SUCH AN INTEREST IN YOUR DAUGHTERS,
MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
- WELL, IT ISN'T EASY RAISING TWO TEENAGERS
ALL BY YOURSELF...WITH JAKE.
- OF COURSE, I LIKE TO THINK THE SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT
ALSO PLAYS A PIVOTAL ROLE.
- ABSOLUTELY, ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE NICE IF THE STUDENTS
GOT A LITTLE MORE ENCOURAGEMENT.
MAYBE A BRIGHT KID LIKE DARIA WOULD HAVE A BETTER ATTITUDE.
- [snorts and laughs]
- DID I SAY SOMETHING FUNNY?
- WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I CAN'T THINK OF A PRISON
THAT COULD CREATE AN ATTITUDE LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER'S,
MUCH LESS A SCHOOL.
NO, I ALWAYS ASSUMED
THAT CAME FROM INTERACTION WITH HER PARENTS...
OR LACK OF IT.
- OH, SO YOU DRAW A DISTINCTION BETWEEN PRISONS AND SCHOOLS,
BECAUSE FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD,
YOU RUN THE ONE PRETTY MUCH LIKE THE OTHER.
- I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS!
- NO, YOU DON'T.
- AND, BY THE WAY, YOU LOOK 50!
- I TRIED HARPOONING GREAT WHITE,
BUT THE MASSIVE BEAST SHOOK THEM OFF
LIKE SO MANY TOOTHPICKS.
I TRIED TYING HIM DOWN WITH FLOATING BARRELS, BUT NO.
GREAT WHITE SAID, "I WILL HAVE NONE OF THIS."
SO THE CAPTAIN DECIDED...
- THE RAIN'S LETTING UP.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- AND THEN THAT LITTLE SNOT RICHARD DREYFUSS
DECIDED THAT IT WAS ALL HIS BIG GAME,
AND HE...
- BECAUSE WHAT GOOD IS SIGNING A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT
WITH ANOTHER IF WE DON'T FIRST SIGN ONE WITH OURSELF?
- I NEVER THOUGHT IT POSSIBLE.
YOU'RE SENSITIVE, YET YOU'RE A MALE.
- OH, WELL...
- WATCH THE RASH.
- I DIDN'T MEAN TO STEP ON DAD'S CONTACT.
THE NEXT DAY, HE SHIPPED ME OFF TO MILITARY SCHOOL.
- MY MOTHER DIDN'T WANT HER DATES TO KNOW SHE HAD A SON,
SO I SPENT A LOT OF TIME AT THE NEIGHBORS'.
STRANGE, TWISTED PEOPLE.
- I KNOW; I HAD THE SAME NEIGHBORS.
- JAKE, YOU'RE DRUNK!
- DRUNK?
HONEY, DON'T BE SILLY.
- HEY, QUINN, COME ON.
- QUINN, WE'RE LEAVING!
- COME BACK, QUINN!
QUINN, COME BACK!
- [breathing heavily]
- ♪ HUH, HUH! ♪
♪ WHEN JOHNNY COMES MARCHING HOME ♪
- ALL RIGHT.
IS EVERYONE ACCOUNTED FOR?
- YES.
OKAY, TIME TO GO.
- WAIT.
I DON'T SEE THE MORGENDORFFERS.
- OH, WELL.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
- BESIDES, THEY DROVE HERE.
THEY CAN GET THEMSELVES HOME--
THAT IS, IF SOMEONE HADN'T TAKEN THEIR DISTRIBUTOR CAP.
[engines turn over]
[helicopter rotors beating]
- UH...
WAIT!
[romantic music]
♪ ♪
WHOA!
[moaning]
- DRINKING ON A SCHOOL TRIP WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
SHOWING THE GIRLS YOU'RE COMMITTED.
- COMMITTED?
I'VE BEEN COMMITTED, ALL RIGHT,
AND I NEVER HAD A TRIAL.
- JUST WAIT TILL I HAVE ENOUGH ROOM TO RELOAD.
- NO!
HELEN, THOSE PAINTBALL THINGIES HURT.
THE HORROR.
THE HORROR!
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com
[rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪