1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,535
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
2
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♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
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[thunder booming]
4
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- WOW, LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
5
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I WONDER WHAT IT IS.
6
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- I THINK
IT'S THE LIBRARY, BABE.
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[both moaning]
8
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- OUCH!
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[rain pattering]
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[roof cracking]
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- I COULD HAVE SWORN I HAD
MONEY BUDGETED FOR A NEW ROOF
12
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UNDER "CAPITAL IMPROVEMENTS."
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- OH, WELL,
EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES.
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- IS THAT A POLYGRAPH MACHINE?
15
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- YES, OH,
I WON IT IN A RAFFLE.
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- I DON'T KNOW WHERE
WE'RE GOING TO GET
17
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THE MONEY FOR REPAIRS:
A FUND-RAISER, I GUESS,
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BOOGIE-BASH '70s REVIVAL NIGHT?
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- WE CAN'T.
SOMEONE STOLE THE DISCO BALL.
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NO, WE'LL HAVE TO COME UP
WITH SOMETHING
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THAT TRULY CAPTURES
THE SPIRIT OF STUDENT LIFE
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AT LAWNDALE HIGH.
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[bell ringing]
24
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- NOW, WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS
THAT TOLSTOY FELT
25
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HE HAD TO MAKE WAR AND PEACE
SO DARNED UNPLEASANT, DARIA?
26
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- SO NO ONE WOULD PESTER HIM
TO DO A SEQUEL?
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- HMM.
28
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- GOOD MORNING, YOUNG PEOPLE.
29
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I HAVE A VERY SAD ANNOUNCEMENT.
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THE LIBRARY WILL BE CLOSED
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
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- GREAT, THERE GOES THE ONLY
PLACE I CAN GO TO BE ALONE.
32
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- OH, YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.
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- TO RAISE MONEY FOR REPAIRS,
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THE SCHOOL WILL BE PRESENTING
A MEDIEVAL FAIR
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SIMULATING LIFE
IN THE MIDDLE AGES.
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- YEAH.
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- VOLUNTEERS
ARE DESPERATELY NEEDED.
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THOSE WHO REFUSE TO VOLUNTEER
MUST VOLUNTARILY PURCHASE
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A TICKET FOR $10
OR VOLUNTARILY FACE SUSPENSION.
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HAVE A NICE DAY.
41
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- THAT MAY BE THE STUPIDEST
THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF.
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- I KNOW.
WE'VE GOT TO GO.
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[bell ringing]
44
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- BABE, THIS IS
VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.
45
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,921
THE CADBURY TALES
ARE, LIKE, CLASSIC,
46
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AND I THINK I'D BE GREAT
IN THE PLAY.
47
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JUST DO THE AUDITION WITH ME.
- OH, BABE.
48
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- BECAUSE NOBODY PLAYS
A LOVE SCENE LIKE YOU, KEVVY.
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- OOOH.
50
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- NOW, GO PRACTICE.
- YES, MA'AM, BREAK.
51
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- YOUR LINES!
52
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- WOW, WHERE'S HE GOING?
53
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:23,775
- WE'RE GONNA BE IN A PLAY
TOGETHER AT THE MEDIEVAL FAIR.
54
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- OH, THAT'S NICE.
55
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:30,949
- WE'LL BE
THE MOST POPULAR ONES THERE.
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- SO I THOUGHT,
IF I HAVE TO VOLUNTEER ANYWAY,
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I MIGHT AS WELL DO SOMETHING
THAT CHALLENGES ME AS A TEEN
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AND MAYBE BRING SOME JOY
INTO THE DRAB LIVES OF OTHERS
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WHO ARE LESS POPULAR,
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SO THEY'RE GONNA
HAVE THIS DINNER THEATER
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WITH A PLAY BY THIS GUY,
KEN BARRY,
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AND I'M GONNA AUDITION
FOR EMILY,
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THE REALLY CUTE SISTER.
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"PRESERVE ME
FROM THE VENGEANCE"--
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- THAT'S GREAT, HONEY.
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00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:55,006
DARIA, WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING
AT THE FAIR?
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- ADMIRING IT FROM
THE SAFE DISTANCE OF MY ROOM.
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- DARIA, THIS FAIR
IS FOR A VERY GOOD CAUSE.
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EVERYONE SHOULD GO.
70
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- ARE YOU GOING?
- THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.
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- I MEANT EVERY STUDENT.
72
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,720
- BUT WHAT IF MERYL STREEP
HERE GETS THE PART?
73
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NOTHING SAYS SUPPORT
LIKE YOU AND DAD LEADING
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A ROUSING CHEER
FROM THE FOOTLIGHTS.
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- [gasps]
76
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- AND JUST THINK
OF THE DELICIOUS DINNER.
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- HUH?
DARN IT.
78
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:22,867
- SHOULD WE TRY OUT
FOR THE PLAY?
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00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,836
WE MIGHT GET ON A POSTER.
80
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- I DON'T THINK THE FASHION CLUB
SHOULD PARTICIPATE IN ACTIVITIES
81
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WHERE YOU SURRENDER WARDROBE
AUTONOMY TO SOMEONE ELSE.
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00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,812
- YEAH, WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS TO DO.
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- THAT'S RIGHT.
84
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LET'S GO TO CASHMAN'S
AND TRY ON SEQUINED GOWNS.
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00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:41,019
- HI, SANDI, TIFFANY.
GUESS WHAT.
86
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- YOU'RE TRANSFERRING
TO A NEW SCHOOL?
87
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- NO, I'M TRYING OUT
FOR THE PART OF EMILY
88
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IN THE CANTERBURY TALES.
89
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,995
- THAT'S IS SO WEIRD.
I AM TOO.
90
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:52,431
- BUT....
91
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,765
- REALLY?
92
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I DIDN'T SEE YOUR NAME
ON THE SIGN-UP SHEET.
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- QUINN, IF YOU DON'T WANT ME
TO AUDITION,
94
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THEN JUST SAY SO.
95
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:01,439
- STOP THAT FOOLISH TALK,
SANDI.
96
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:03,408
I'M HAPPY YOU'RE AUDITIONING.
97
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,576
IF YOU GET THE PART,
98
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,745
IT WILL BE JUST LIKE
ME GETTING IT, ONLY NOT.
99
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,646
- GUYS, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
BELIEVE THIS.
100
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,815
BRET STRAND JUST ASKED ME OUT.
101
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- REALLY, IS THAT OKAY
WITH YOU, QUINN?
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both: HUH?
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- MEET THE AVANT-GARDE
OBSTETRICIAN
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WHO'S TURNED HIS CASTOFFS
INTO BIG-TICKET ARTWORK.
105
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UMBILICAL CORD SCULPTURE
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
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- DAD.
DAD!
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- HUH?
108
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- COULD YOU HELP ME
WITH SOMETHING?
109
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,036
- HONESTLY, QUINN,
I'M JUST TAPPED OUT.
110
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,904
I WISH I COULD,
BUT I'M DEAD-FLAT BROKE.
111
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,739
IF I HAD A BUCK ON ME,
YOU KNOW I'D--
112
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- DA-AAAD,
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I NEED SOMEONE
TO HELP ME REHEARSE MY LINES.
114
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,178
- OH, SURE.
115
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:43,048
YOU KNOW, I PLAYED GUILDENSTERN
IN COLLEGE.
116
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:47,052
I THOUGHT I'D BE NERVOUS,
BUT I WAS COOL AS A CUCUMBER...
117
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,987
- THAT'S ACTUALLY INTERESTING,
BECAUSE I'M JUST A LITTLE--
118
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,054
- UNTIL I WALKED ONSTAGE
119
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AND FOUND MYSELF
IN FRONT OF THE CROWD,
120
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,424
STANDING ROOM ONLY.
121
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I FELT SO...NAKED.
122
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- DAD, YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME--
- I FROZE, COULDN'T SAY A WORD.
123
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THEN "IT" STARTED:
THE SNICKERING.
124
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THEY LAUGHED ME OFF THE STAGE,
THE JERKS!
125
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,271
- I'LL GO PRACTICE UPSTAIRS.
126
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- QUINN, HONEY,
IT WASN'T THAT BAD, REALLY.
127
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AFTER A FEW MONTHS,
THE TEASING TAPERED OFF, AND--
128
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- STOP!
129
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,248
- MAYBE I SHOULD
GO TALK TO HER.
130
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HEY, ZIGGY.
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- "OOOH, PALAMON,
WHO HAS SUCH LOVE FOR ME?"
132
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- "FOR WHICH HE IS DESERVING
OF...MMM...DEATH."
133
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- "OH, PALAMON,
WHO HAS SUCH LOVE FOR ME?"
134
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,569
- "FOR WHICH HE'S,
LIKE, DESERVING OF DEATH."
135
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COOL.
136
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:43,275
- "OH, PAL-O-MINE, WHO--WHO..."
137
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WHO CAN REMEMBER ALL THIS?
138
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- UH, SHALL WE BEGIN?
139
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- UH, I DO, I GUESS.
140
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:54,686
- I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
HUSBAND AND WIFE,
141
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,289
AND THUS, WITH PERFECT BLISS
AND MELODY,
142
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PALAMON WEDDED EMILY.
143
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- ARGH!
- HEY.
144
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,061
- UHH!
- WHY FIGHT IT, TOOTS?
145
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WE'RE MAN AND WIFE NOW.
146
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:07,732
- KEEP DREAMING, CHARLES.
- AUGH!
147
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,701
[groaning]
148
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:13,304
- I DO, KEVVY--I MEAN,
PALAMONY.
149
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- YEAH, ME TOO.
150
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,640
- I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU...
151
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:16,807
[both moaning]
152
00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:19,177
OH, DEAR.
OKAY, GUYS.
153
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:22,514
UM, BRITTANY...BRITTANY?
154
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:23,515
BRITTANY.
155
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,716
- YES?
156
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,418
- THAT WAS VERY GOOD,
BUT NOW IT'S TIME
157
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,488
TO GIVE SOMEONE ELSE
A CHANCE TO AUDITION.
158
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,389
- OKAY, COME ON, KEVVY.
159
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:35,260
- UM, ACTUALLY,
I'D LIKE KEVIN TO STAY ONSTAGE.
160
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:38,196
KEVIN, YOU'RE REALLY DOING
SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH PALAMON.
161
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,064
- BUT, AREN'T I PALAMON?
162
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,266
- NOW, WHO'S NEXT FOR EMILY?
163
00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:43,635
AH, QUINN...
164
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:44,869
QUINN MORGENDORFFER.
165
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- RIGHT HERE.
166
00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:47,972
- EEP!
167
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,851
- "I WILL MAKE A DAINTY GARLAND
FOR MY HEAD AND SING.
168
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,953
"I WILL MAKE A DAINTY GARLAND
FOR MY HEAD AND SING.
169
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:05,122
I WILL MAKE A DAINTY GARLAND
FOR MY HEAD AND SING."
170
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:07,592
- WITH A HEY-NONNY-NONNY,
TRA-LA, TRA-LA.
171
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,126
WOULD YOU GIVE IT A REST?
172
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:10,895
- DARIA, I HAVE TO REHEARSE.
173
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,197
IT'S NOT MY FAULT MOM'S
MAKING YOU COME TO THIS.
174
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,766
IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT YOU THERE.
175
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,300
- AWW, THANKS.
176
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:17,769
- STOP IT, YOU TWO.
177
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,972
QUINN, DARIA'S VERY HAPPY
TO BE SEEING YOU IN YOUR PLAY,
178
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,407
AREN'T YOU, DARIA?
179
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,811
- I WILL MAKE A DAINTY GARLAND
FOR MY NECK AND CHOKE.
180
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:28,280
- I HOPE THE OTHER GIRLS
WEREN'T TOO DISAPPOINTED
181
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,448
THAT YOU GOT THE PART OVER THEM.
182
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,817
- WELL, LET'S SEE.
SANDI WAS REALLY NICE ABOUT IT.
183
00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:34,452
SHE SAID SHE'S TOO MATURE
TO GET UPSET
184
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,489
AT SOMEBODY ELSE'S INCREDIBLE,
UNBELIEVABLE, UNDESERVED LUCK,
185
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,557
AND BRITTANY
JUST KIND OF MADE NOISES.
186
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,659
- I GUESS SHE'S SPEECHLESS
WITH JOY
187
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:44,061
THAT YOU AND KEVIN
ARE GONNA BE ACTING TOGETHER.
188
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,630
- FOR YOUR INFORMATION, DARIA,
189
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,766
SHE VOLUNTEERED TO DRIVE HIM
SO HE COULD WORK ON HIS LINES.
190
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:50,902
- DID SHE VOLUNTEER
TO GET HIM A DAINTY TRANSPLANT
191
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,304
FOR HIS HEAD
SO HE COULD REMEMBER THEM?
192
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,806
[tires squealing]
193
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,107
- DAMN KIDS!
194
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,809
- CRAZY, OLD JERK!
195
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,845
I HOPE THAT DIDN'T DISTURB
YOUR CONCENTRATION.
196
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,313
- NAH, I'M COOL.
197
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,449
- 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
I DON'T WANT ANYTHING
198
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,318
TO DISTRACT YOU
FROM YOUR PERFORMANCE.
199
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,420
- I KNOW, BABE, THANKS.
200
00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:11,656
UH, BABE, ISN'T THAT
THE TURNOFF FOR SCHOOL?
201
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,292
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- REALLY?
202
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:17,228
WOW, I AM CONCENTRATING.
203
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,231
[regal renaissance music]
204
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:28,506
♪ ♪
205
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,375
- DARIA, QUINN?
206
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,177
- THAT'S FUNNY.
THEY WERE HERE A MINUTE AGO.
207
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,313
HEY, MY MAN, COOL THREADS.
208
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,015
- ARE YOU CALLING ME A WUSS?
209
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,049
- MM! AHH! OW!
210
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,317
- LINDA, TOM.
211
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,019
together: HELEN, JAKE.
212
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,655
- HAVE YOU MET
SAM AND CHRIS?
213
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:46,791
BOYS, SAY HELLO
TO MR. AND MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
214
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,259
- YOU SUCK.
YOU SUCK.
215
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,393
- MM!
- OW!
216
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:51,095
- UH, KIDS, COME BACK HERE.
217
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:54,298
- CONGRATULATIONS ON QUINN
GETTING THE LEAD IN THE PLAY.
218
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,667
- WHY, THANK YOU.
219
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,269
I HEARD THE COMPETITION
WAS PRETTY STIFF.
220
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:01,272
- WELL, POOR SANDI'S ACTING
IS A LITTLE SUBTLE.
221
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,207
MR. O'NEILL WAS OBVIOUSLY
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE
222
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,275
OVER-THE-TOP.
223
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:07,445
- AH-HA-HA...HA.
224
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,647
- STEP UP AND HAVE
YOUR PICTURE TAKEN.
225
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,716
POSE UP AND TAKE HOME
FOR A LAUGH.
226
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,519
- MR. WHITE, IF YOU'LL JUST SIGN
THIS WAIVER
227
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:17,155
ABSOLVING LAWNDALE HIGH
OF ANY RESPONSIBILITY
228
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:20,825
FOR YOUR ACCIDENTAL DEATH,
WE CAN START THE FUN.
229
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:22,493
[bugle call]
230
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:25,230
LET THE SPORT BEGIN.
231
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,765
- WELL, IF IT ISN'T JAMIE.
232
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,767
I HOPE YOU'RE BETTER
AT WIELDING A LANCE
233
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,469
THAN YOU ARE
AT OPENING A BOOK.
234
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,838
- YOU GOT MY NAME RIGHT.
SOMEBODY ACTUALLY REMEM--
235
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:34,906
OOH!
236
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,241
- NEXT!
237
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,975
- THANKS FOR MEETING ME HERE.
238
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,744
- HEY, I WANTED TO COME,
REMEMBER?
239
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,079
BESIDES, I HAD TO GET OUT.
240
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,647
TRENT DISCOVERED A NEW CHORD.
241
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:46,551
- WOULD EITHER OF YOU LOVELIES
BE INTERESTED IN A MADRIGAL?
242
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:47,819
- both: NO.
243
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,054
- ♪ I AM THE BRAVE SIR CHUCK,
SIR CHUCK ♪
244
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,990
♪ MANLY AND STRONG AND QUICK ♪
245
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:54,993
- ♪ I'M GOING TO CUT OUT
YOUR TONGUE, YOUR TONGUE ♪
246
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:57,228
♪ AND FRY IT UP ON A STICK ♪
247
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,663
- GRRRR, FEISTY.
248
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:03,201
HEY, ANDREA,
YOU LIKE MADRIGALS?
249
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:07,004
- DON'T TOUCH ME,
YOU HOWDY DOODY-LOOKING CREEP.
250
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:10,408
- GOOD AFTERNOON, YOUNG MEN.
251
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,110
YOU'RE ABOUT TO LEARN FIRSTHAND
252
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:16,347
THE PROFIT-GENERATING PRINCIPLES
BY WHICH GAMES OF CHANCE...
253
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,482
OH!
254
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:18,616
- YES!
255
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:23,388
- HA-HA, MAYBE I SHOULD SAY
GAMES OF SKILL?
256
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,656
- [sobbing]
257
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,725
- GOD, STACY, WHAT'S WRONG?
258
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,193
YOU LOOK AWFUL.
259
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:32,597
- YEAH, REALLY, REALLY BAD.
260
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:33,865
- IT'S BRET.
261
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,534
HE SAID HE'D CALL ME
AFTER OUR FIRST DATE,
262
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:37,802
BUT HE NEVER DID,
263
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,004
AND I JUST SAW HIM,
AND I SAID HI,
264
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:43,241
AND HE PRETENDED
LIKE HE DIDN'T EVEN SEE ME.
265
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,343
- BUMMER.
- YEAH.
266
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,479
- THESE LONG SKIRTS
ARE SO HARD TO WALK IN.
267
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,580
- I KNOW.
268
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,950
- [sobbing]
269
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:54,518
- STACY, IT'S GONNA BE
ALL RIGHT.
270
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,756
- HE'S NOT WORTH IT.
NO GUY IS.
271
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,224
- THANKS, GUYS.
272
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:03,128
OH, IT'S SO GREAT TO KNOW
I CAN COUNT ON MY TRUE FRIENDS.
273
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:06,931
- SO THEN,
HE'S NOT DATING ANYONE NOW?
274
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,666
- OOOOH!
275
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:12,771
- I CAN'T BELIEVE QUINN
GOT THE PART OVER YOU.
276
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:15,106
THAT'S SO WRONG.
277
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:18,376
- OH, I'M SURE
SHE'LL DO A GOOD JOB.
278
00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:21,045
- HEY.
279
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:22,480
- IF PRINCE CHARMING KISSES YOU,
280
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,282
YOU THINK YOU'LL WAKE UP
FROM THIS NIGHTMARE?
281
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,184
- IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, OKAY?
282
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,219
- YOU JUST KEEP
TELLING YOURSELF THAT,
283
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:29,721
OR HAVE YOUR
LADIES IN WAITING DO IT.
284
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:32,824
- WHERE'S PRINCE MACK?
285
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,793
- RAAAAWWR!
286
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,827
- IT WAS MISS BARCH'S IDEA.
287
00:11:36,829 --> 00:11:38,329
- NO.
288
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:39,497
- ARE YOU BARNEY?
289
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,832
- RAAAAWWR!
290
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,066
- KILL THE DRAGON.
291
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:43,501
all: KILL THE DRAGON.
292
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,202
- OW!
AUUGH!
293
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,837
AUGH!
294
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:49,407
- YOU WILL MARRY A MAN
WHILE STILL IN YOUR PRIME.
295
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,175
THEN, AFTER PUTTING HIM
THROUGH SCHOOL
296
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:53,277
AND SPENDING 20 LONG,
SUFFERING YEARS
297
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:56,014
BEGGING HIM
TO TURN OFF THOSE DAMN BRONCOS
298
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,314
AND GET A REAL JOB,
299
00:11:57,316 --> 00:11:59,717
HE'LL WALK OUT OF YOUR LIFE
LEAVING A TRAIL
300
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,054
OF MUDDY FOOTPRINTS BEHIND
ON THE FRESHLY CLEANED CARPET,
301
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,924
BUT YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF
WITHOUT HIM, MUCH BETTER OFF.
302
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,992
- [crying]
303
00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:09,827
- MUCH, MUCH BETTER OFF.
304
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,596
- AND SHE'S THE LIVING PROOF.
305
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:12,997
- SHOULD WE
GET OUR FORTUNES READ?
306
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,064
- I'LL PASS.
307
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,866
KNOWING THE PRESENT
IS BAD ENOUGH.
308
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:18,035
- THEN HOW ABOUT
A FERRIS WHEEL RIDE?
309
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:19,937
- DO I LOOK DESPERATE TO YOU?
310
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:21,840
both: CRUSADES, CRUSADES!
311
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,408
- LADIES, WAIT TILL YOU HEAR
312
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,445
THE BALLAD
OF THE MISUNDERSTOOD MINSTREL.
313
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,380
- DO I LOOK DESPERATE
TO YOU NOW?
314
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:32,283
- YEP.
- LET'S GO.
315
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,385
- YOU'RE IN LUCK,
ONE BASKET LEFT.
316
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:38,022
- HEY, COME ON,
LISTEN TO MY SONG.
317
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,423
IT'S ONLY GOT 12 VERSES.
318
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,557
- INQUISITION.
- INQUISITION.
319
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:41,625
both: INQUISITION.
320
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:43,194
- OW!
HEY!
321
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,497
OW!
OW.
322
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:47,398
- [crying]
323
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,635
PLEASE, YOU'VE GOT TO LET ME ON.
324
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:51,970
- CAN'T.
WE'RE FULL UP.
325
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,439
- BUT I DON'T WANT ANYONE
TO SEE MY EYE.
326
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,975
THEY'RE THIS REALLY WEIRD
SHADE OF RED.
327
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,010
- SORRY, SAFETY REGULATIONS--
328
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,678
- I'LL PAY YOU DOUBLE.
329
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:01,813
- ALL ABOARD.
330
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:04,582
- EXCUSE ME,
YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
331
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,785
- WE'RE HUMAN BEINGS,
DAMN IT.
332
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:10,188
- [sobbing]
333
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,767
- AND EVERYONE THOUGHT
I'D HAD A CESAREAN,
334
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:25,836
BECAUSE SANDI'S HEAD WAS
SO ROUND AND SMOOTH
335
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:28,539
AND NOT FLAT AND BUMPY
LIKE THE OTHER BABIES.
336
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:31,876
- WELL, MY LABOR WITH QUINN
WAS ONLY 2 HOURS, 20 MINUTES,
337
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:34,946
SO HER HEAD
WAS QUITE ROUND TOO.
338
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,214
- THAT'S GREAT,
ESPECIALLY SINCE GIVING BIRTH
339
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:39,784
CAN BE RISKY FOR WOMEN OVER 35.
340
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:45,356
- NOW, I WANT EVERYONE
TO TAKE A MINUTE
341
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,325
AND VISUALIZE THE AUDIENCE.
342
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,194
AS WE FINISH OUR WONDERFUL PLAY,
343
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,596
THEY FINISH
THEIR DELICIOUS DINNER
344
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:54,899
AND LEAP UP AS ONE
IN A STANDING OVATION.
345
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:58,036
BRAVA, BRAVA.
EVERYONE.
346
00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,171
all: BRAVA, BRAVA.
347
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,839
- YUM, YUM.
348
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,242
all: YUM...YUM.
349
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:06,644
- NOW, LET'S BOW OUR HEADS
FOR A MOMENT
350
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,914
AND REMEMBER POOR JAMES DEAN.
351
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:12,917
- OH, PALAMON,
WHO HAS SUCH LOVE FOR ME?
352
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,119
I WILL MAKE A DAINTY GARLAND...
353
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:18,389
SANDI, TIFFANY,
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
354
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:21,058
- WE CAME BY TO WISH YOU LUCK.
355
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,728
- NOT THAT YOU'LL NEED IT.
- NO WAY.
356
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:24,996
- YOU REALLY THINK SO?
357
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,964
- YOU'RE REALLY TALENTED, QUINN.
358
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:29,901
I ESPECIALLY LIKE
YOUR UNIQUE INFLECTIONS.
359
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,035
- YOU DO?
360
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,904
- LIKE, SAY A LINE FOR US.
361
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,571
- WELL, OKAY.
362
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:38,576
I WILL MAKE A DAINTY GARLAND
FOR MY HEAD AND SING.
363
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:39,843
- SEE WHAT I MEAN?
364
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:41,246
- OH, YEAH.
365
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,914
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SANDI?
366
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:46,217
- WELL, ANYBODY ELSE
WOULD HAVE SAID,
367
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,452
"I WILL MAKE A DAINTY GARLAND
FOR MY HEAD,"
368
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:52,623
BUT YOU, QUINN,
WITH YOUR...SPECIAL TALENT,
369
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:56,761
YOU SAID, "I WILL MAKE
A DAINTY GARLAND FOR MY HEAD."
370
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,463
I MEAN, IT MUST BE TALENT,
371
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:02,267
BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T EMPHASIZE
THE WRONG WORDS, WOULD YOU?
372
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,936
- NO, OF COURSE NOT.
373
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,939
- I DIDN'T THINK SO.
374
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,007
- I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE THINKS
375
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,009
SHE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE PART
OVER YOU.
376
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,111
THAT'S SO WRONG.
377
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:17,282
- QUINN, HAVE YOU SEEN KEVIN?
378
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:21,886
- NOW, I KNOW WE DON'T TAKE
A HIGHWAY TO SCHOOL, BABE.
379
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,621
- ARE YOU SURE?
380
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:26,291
- UM, NO.
381
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:30,795
- I EVEN WORE
MY CRUSHED-VELVET TANK TOP,
382
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,863
THE ONE WITH THE SCOOP NECK,
383
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,066
AND HE STILL DIDN'T
ASK ME OUT AGAIN.
384
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:39,703
OOOH, IF ONLY YOU WERE
POPULAR ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND.
385
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:41,672
- YES, IF ONLY.
386
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:44,142
- WHEN THE HELL IS THIS RIDE
GONNA BE OVER?
387
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,544
- WHAT'S THIS?
388
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,180
- DINNER THEATER:
THIS IS DINNER.
389
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,715
- DON'T WE GET UTENSILS?
390
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,750
- HEY, IT'S THE MIDDLE AGES,
POPS.
391
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,952
- POPS?
- COME ON, JAKE.
392
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,788
- WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED
TO THE REST OF THIS TURKEY?
393
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,826
- TRY BLAMING THIS ON DYSLEXIA.
394
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,428
OOH!
395
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,963
- COME ON, QUINN'S PLAY
IS ABOUT TO START ANYWAY.
396
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,999
- NEXT!
397
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:10,034
- OOOOH!
398
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:11,435
[sobbing]
399
00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:13,837
BUT WHY?
400
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:16,874
WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID,
SOMETHING I WORE?
401
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,676
OOOH, I WISH I WERE DEAD.
402
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:22,146
- LOOK, DON'T FLUSH YOUR ENTIRE
WORLD DOWN THE DRAIN
403
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,450
JUST BECAUSE SOME JERK DIDN'T
ASK YOU OUT ON A SECOND DATE.
404
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,819
IT PROBABLY HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU ANYWAY.
405
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,386
- UNLESS YOU DID SOMETHING
REALLY STUPID,
406
00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:32,857
LIKE BORE HIM WITH YOUR PETTY
PROBLEMS AND CONVOLUTED LOGIC.
407
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:35,959
- WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
408
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,098
- THIS IS REVOLTING.
I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK.
409
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,835
- HEY, YOU GONNA EAT THAT?
410
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,970
- I WILL MAKE
A DAINTY GARLAND.
411
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,805
I WILL MAKE A DAINTY GARLAND.
412
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:49,640
I WILL MAKE"--
- HI, QUINN.
413
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,542
I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY
AND WISH YOU GOOD LUCK.
414
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,677
- I WANT TO WISH YOU
EVEN BETTER LUCK.
415
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,978
- I WANT TO WISH YOU THE BEST--
416
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,247
- GUYS, IF YOU REALLY WANT
TO HELP ME, FIND KEVIN.
417
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,649
HE'S NOT HERE, AND THERE'S
NO ONE TO PLAY PALAMON.
418
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,251
all: I'LL PLAY PALAMON.
OH, ME, I'M GOOD.
419
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,319
COME ON, MAN, ME.
420
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:04,188
- GUYS, DON'T FIGHT OVER ME.
421
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,690
- DESPERATE TIMES CALL
FOR DESPERATE MEASURES.
422
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:09,093
EENY, MEANIE, MINIE, MOE.
423
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:10,761
all: NO WAY.
THAT'S NOT FAIR. COME ON.
424
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:14,064
- NOW, JEFFY, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS READ PALAMON'S LINES
425
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:16,133
UNTIL KEVIN GETS HERE
WITH HIS VERY GOOD REASON
426
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:17,635
FOR SABOTAGING OUR PLAY.
427
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,837
- THANKS, JEFFY.
428
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,305
- WHO AM I
SUPPOSED TO BE AGAIN?
429
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:22,873
IT STARTED WITH A "P".
430
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:23,941
- THE PARDONER.
431
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,744
- OH, YEAH, HA-HA.
432
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:31,048
- I WILL MAKE
A DAINTY GARLAND
433
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,984
FOR MY HEAD AND SING.
434
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:35,553
♪ LA, LA-LA-LA ♪
435
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,056
- THAT LUST PROCEEDS
FROM WINE AND DRUNKENNESS,
436
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:43,895
CONSIDER HOW DRUNKEN LOT
PERVERTEDLY SLEPT WITH...
437
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:46,697
- WHAT?
- THAT LUST PROCEEDS FROM...
438
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:47,831
- STOP!
439
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:51,268
[laughter]
440
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:53,037
UH...
441
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:57,307
- SNICKER, SNICKER, SNICKER,
DAMN IT!
442
00:17:57,309 --> 00:17:58,342
WHO'S LAUGHING?
443
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:01,345
WHAT'S SO DAMN FUNNY?
444
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:04,348
UGH!
WHY, YOU LITTLE...
445
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:05,449
ARGH!
446
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:08,453
[laughter]
447
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:10,054
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
448
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,422
AHHH!
449
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,224
[sobbing]
450
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,227
[laughter]
451
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:18,795
- THEN, DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD CALL HIM?
452
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,631
- YES, RIGHT NOW,
453
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:24,201
BEFORE I COMMIT
JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE.
454
00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,904
- MUST...STICK...HEAD...
COLD...WATER.
455
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:28,605
- GUYS, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT?
456
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,975
THERE'S SOME KIND OF RIOT
GOING ON IN THE AUDITORIUM.
457
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,344
JUST WATCH THE INFORMATION
BOOTH WHILE I FIND MISS LI.
458
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,745
- UH-OH,
459
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,849
SOMEONE JUST PUT US
IN A POSITION OF RESPONSIBILITY.
460
00:18:37,851 --> 00:18:41,452
- THE DAY HAS SUDDENLY
TURNED SINISTER.
461
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,655
- I JUST WANTED
THE PLAY TO GO WELL.
462
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,591
- OF COURSE YOU DID.
463
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,759
SEE, IN ANOTHER LIFE,
YOU WERE A WOMAN,
464
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,961
WHICH EXPLAINS
WHY YOU HAVE FEELINGS.
465
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,430
- REALLY?
466
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:55,699
- YOUR CARDS ALSO SAY THAT YOU
AND A STILL-ATTRACTIVE COWORKER
467
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:57,868
HAVE A CHANCE
FOR UNPARALLELED BLISS
468
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,103
PROVIDED YOU AVOID
THE TROGLODYTIC BEHAVIOR
469
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:01,439
COMMON TO YOUR SEX.
470
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,107
- REALLY?
WHEN?
471
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,675
- VERY, VERY SOON.
472
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:08,445
OOOH, MWAH, MWAH, MWAH!
473
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,949
- WHY AREN'T YOU
WEARING COSTUMES?
474
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,851
- WE WERE, BUT WE DONATED THEM
475
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,954
TO THE MUSEUM OF GLORIFYING
VIOLENCE IN MEDIEVAL TIMES.
476
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,256
- THE MEDIEVAL TIMES WERE COOL.
477
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:22,293
- YEAH, THE AIR WAS CLEANER,
AND THERE WAS LESS CROWDING,
478
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,795
SINCE THE BLACK DEATH WIPED OUT
1/3 OF THE POPULATION
479
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,229
IN MANY PLACES.
480
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,831
- MUST HAVE BEEN COOL
TO SEE THE OX CARTS
481
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:28,832
ROLLING THROUGH THE STREETS
482
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,902
PILED HIGH
WITH FESTERING CORPSES.
483
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:35,573
- AND THE REAL ROBIN HOOD
ACTUALLY LIVED IN THE 1300s.
484
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,608
KING EDWARD II BUSTED ROBIN
485
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,377
AND HIS BAND OF OUTLAWS
POACHING DEER,
486
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:42,212
BUT RATHER THAN PUNISH HIM,
HE PARDONED ROBIN
487
00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:44,047
AND MADE HIM
HIS SPECIAL FRIEND.
488
00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:45,516
- ROBIN WAS SO GRATEFUL,
489
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:49,687
FROM THAT DAY ON, HE INSISTED
ON GIVING THE KING HIS BATH.
490
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,890
- ACTUALLY,
ANNE BOLEYN WAS NO PRIZE EITHER.
491
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,026
- SHE HAD SIX FINGERS
ON HER LEFT HAND,
492
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,460
A BIG MOLE ON HER NECK,
493
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:59,663
AND DON'T EVEN ASK ME
WHAT WAS GOING ON BELOW THAT.
494
00:20:00,999 --> 00:20:02,567
- UM, BABE,
495
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,302
NOW, I KNOW IT DOESN'T TAKE
THIS LONG TO DRIVE TO SCHOOL.
496
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:07,504
- ARE YOU SUUUUUURE?
497
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,840
- OH, MAN.
498
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,809
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
499
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:19,750
♪ ♪
500
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,123
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
501
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,226
♪ ♪
502
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,761
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
503
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,898
♪ ♪
504
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,566
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
505
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:43,507
♪ ♪
506
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:47,578
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
507
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,316
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪