- ALL RIGHT, HERE ARE THE RESULTS
OF YOUR CAREER APTITUDE TESTS.
PERHAPS THEY'LL HELP YOU AVOID WHISKEY-SOAKED DECADES
WONDERING WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
IF ONLY YOU'D HAD THE GUTS
TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAM OF A LIFE AT SEA.
- THAT'S RIGHT. LET IT OUT.
- JUST MAKE SURE YOU CLEAN UP AFTER.
- MY CONGRATULATIONS, MISS LANE.
YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
- PERFECT RECORD.
I'VE GOTTEN THE SAME THING THREE YEARS IN A ROW.
- ACCOUNTANT?
- THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FILL IN
THE LETTER "C" FOR EVERY ANSWER.
GETS THE WHOLE TEST OVER WITHIN FIVE MINUTES.
- YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS?
- QUESTIONS? WHAT QUESTIONS?
WHAT'D YOU GET?
- LET'S SEE.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
HOW MUCH CAN THEY TELL FROM A STANDARDIZED TEST?
I'VE HAD FORTUNE COOKIES THAT WERE MORE ACCURATE.
- PETROLEUM DISPEN-- DISPENSATION?
HEY-HEY! I'M GONNA BE AN OIL TYPHOON.
- OH, KEVY, THAT'S GREAT!
- SOUND IT OUT, KEVIN.
THIS SAYS YOU'LL BE PUMPING GAS AT A FILLING STATION.
- I'M GONNA BE A GAS JOCKEY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?
- EW!
- THEN AGAIN,
SOMETIMES THESE TESTS CAN BE ABSOLUTELY UNCANNY.
- AHEM.
DOES ANYONE NOTICE ANYTHING SPECIAL ABOUT ME?
- YES, FROM JUST THE RIGHT ANGLE,
I REALLY CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
- DARIA, PLEASE.
WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO NOTICE, HONEY?
- MY NECK.
I GOT MY CAREER APTITUDE TEST RESULTS AT SCHOOL TODAY,
AND THEY SAID I HAVE A FUTURE
AS A NECK MODEL FOR JEWELRY CATALOGS.
- SO YOUR HEAD WOULD SERVE AS SORT OF AN ACCENT PIECE.
- I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL
THAT YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE, QUINN,
BUT YOU'VE GOT FAR MORE TO OFFER THAN YOUR NECK.
- YES, WHAT ABOUT THE UNTAPPED POTENTIAL
OF YOUR SHAPELY WRISTS?
- DARIA, DID YOU TAKE A CAREER APTITUDE TEST?
- I DON'T REMEMBER.
- SO I HAVE TO CALL THE SCHOOL TO GET YOUR RESULTS?
- IF YOU SO CHOOSE.
- OR MAYBE I'LL JUST DROP BY IN PERSON,
BRING YOU A SURPRISE SNACK FOR YOUR LUNCH BOX,
POP INTO CLASS, AND GIVE IT TO YOU MYSELF.
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S CHECK AND MATE.
[sighs] [rustling]
- A MORTICIAN?
- HEY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
NECK MODEL WAS ALREADY TAKEN.
- "YOUR LACK OF INTEREST IN PERSONAL INTERACTION
MAKES YOU AN IDEAL CANDIDATE FOR WORKING WITH THE DEAD"?
DARIA, HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY THOUGHT TO YOUR CAREER PLANS?
- I GUESS I'LL JUST WAIT AROUND FOR PEOPLE TO KICK THE BUCKET.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT MORE AMBITIOUS.
- YOU WANT ME TO KILL PEOPLE TO DRUM UP BUSINESS?
- DARIA!
- DADDY, CAN I HAVE SOME MONEY FOR PICTURES OF MY NECK?
- WHY, SURE, HONEY.
PICTURES OF YOUR NECK, GREAT IDEA.
I'LL JUST RUN DOWN TO THE BANK RIGHT NOW.
- JAKE, YOU'RE NOT GIVING QUINN ANY MONEY.
- CAN I GO TO THE BANK ANYWAY?
- SIT DOWN, JAKE.
- BUT I NEED $500 TO PUT TOGETHER A PORTFOLIO.
- QUINN, IF YOU WANT THAT KIND OF MONEY,
YOU CAN TAKE A JOB AND EARN IT.
- A JOB?
BUT THE STRESS COULD PUT WRINKLES ON MY NECK.
- TELL ME ABOUT IT.
AND IF QUINN'S GETTING A JOB, DARIA,
YOU CAN GET ONE TOO.
I WANT YOU TO GET AN IDEA
OF WHAT THE WORKING WORLD IS ABOUT
SO YOU CAN TAKE AN INTEREST IN YOUR FUTURE.
- AND GIVE UP STUDYING FOR THE PRIESTHOOD?
- IT SAYS ON THIS FORM
THAT THEY HAVE PEER COUNSELING AT YOUR SCHOOL.
EITHER YOU GET A JOB OR YOU GET SOME COUNSELING
TO IMPROVE YOUR PEOPLE SKILLS.
- WELL, I GUESS COUNSELING WOULD TAKE UP LESS OF MY TIME.
- DADDY, I DON'T HAVE ANY WORK CLOTHES.
CAN I HAVE $500 FOR SOME NEW OUTFITS?
- IS THAT THE DOORBELL?
- OH.
- YOU'RE THAT GIRL FROM QUINN'S HOUSE.
- ARE YOU GETTING COUNSELING TOO?
- I'M THE COUNSELOR.
IT'S VOLUNTEER WORK
TO HELP THE SOCIALLY CHALLENGED.
- YOU'RE GONNA COUNSEL ME?
OF COURSE.
IT'S SOME KIND OF COSMIC PAYBACK
FOR BEING TOO IRONIC.
OKAY, IS THIS GONNA TAKE LONG?
- "YOU TOO...
"CAN LEARN...
TO MAKE..."
- YES? - "FRIENDS.
"MAKING FRIENDS"--
- WHY DON'T I READ THAT TO MYSELF?
THAT WAY, WE CAN BOTH BE OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE GRADUATE.
- "MAKING FRIENDS IS"...
- FUN?
INTERESTING? IMPOSSIBLE?
- "IMPORTANT.
FRIENDS CAN BE VERY"...
- USEFUL?
SUPPORTIVE?
PURPLE? WHAT?
- YOU MADE ME LOSE MY PLACE.
LET'S SEE.
"MAKING FRIENDS...
IS IMPORTANT."
- NOW THEY'RE MAKING ME LOOK FOR A JOB.
- I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY GAVE YOU A CHOICE.
- IT'S BEEN 24 HOURS SINCE I MET WITH TIFFANY.
AS FAR AS I KNOW, SHE'S STILL THERE COUNSELING ME.
- SO WHAT KIND OF JOB ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
- THE KIND THAT'S ALREADY BEEN TAKEN.
THEY SAID I HAD TO LOOK FOR A JOB.
THEY DIDN'T SAY I HAD TO FIND ONE.
- YEAH, I DON'T EVEN SEE ANY JOBS AVAILABLE.
- WELL, NO SENSE PUSHING OUR LUCK.
CHEESE FRIES? - SOUNDS GOOD.
- DARIA, HOW DID THE JOB HUNT GO?
- IT WAS REALLY ROUGH.
I LOOKED EVERYWHERE
AND COULDN'T FIND A SINGLE THING.
- HOW CAN THAT BE? UNEMPLOYMENT IS AT A RECORD LOW.
- THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
EVERYBODY'S WORKING, AND ALL THE JOBS ARE FILLED.
- GUESS WHAT?
I FOUND A JOB THE FIRST PLACE I LOOKED:
THE PET STORE IN THE MALL.
- ARE YOU SURE IT'S A JOB?
MAYBE THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO FIND YOU A GOOD HOME.
- AND I'VE ONLY GOT ONE NIGHT
TO COORDINATE MY ANIMAL PRINT NAIL POLISH.
- DARIA, YOU'RE NOT DEDICATED
TO FINDING A JOB AT ALL, ARE YOU?
- ON THE CONTRARY.
I'M WILLING TO SPEND AS LONG AS IT TAKES:
WEEKS, MONTHS, YEARS--
- HEY, DARIA, I GOT YOU A JOB!
- FRANKLY, DARIA,
THIS IS NOT WHAT I CONSIDER AN IDEAL SITUATION.
- THAT'S FUNNY, I'M IN HEAVEN.
- BECAUSE YOUR FATHER CONSULTS FOR OUR NATIONAL OFFICE,
MY REGIONAL MANAGER ASKED ME TO GIVE YOU A TRY-OUT,
BUT QUITE HONESTLY, I DON'T LIKE NEPOTISM.
AND I DON'T LIKE CRONYISM.
- WHERE DO YOU STAND ON VANDALISM?
- YOU GET THE SAME CHANCE AS EVERYONE ELSE:
NO MORE, NO LESS.
I NEED MY WORKERS TO THINK, SLEEP, EAT, AND BREATHE NUTS.
ONLY THOSE WHO MAKE IT THROUGH MY RIGOROUS SCREENING PROCESS
ARE FIT TO REPRESENT MY MERCHANDISE TO THE PUBLIC.
- HEY, HEY. HOW'S IT GOING?
I'M HERE TO APPLY FOR A JOB.
- CAN YOU BAG NUTS? - SURE.
- YOU'RE HIRED. - COOL.
HEY, DARIA.
- EACH CUSTOMER MUST BE GREETED WITH OUR TRADEMARK SLOGAN.
"WELCOME TO IT'S A NUTTY, NUTTY, NUTTY WORLD.
"WE'RE JUST NUTS ABOUT NUTS.
"CRUNCH NUTS WITH YOUR LUNCH,
"BUY THEM BY THE BUNCH,
SEND THEM TO FRIENDS FAR AWAY TO MUNCH."
NOW REPEAT THAT SO I KNOW YOU'VE LEARNED IT.
- WELCOME TO... - HAVE SOME NUTS.
- IT'S A NUTTY, NUTTY, NUTTY WORLD.
- CRUNCH MUNCH NUTS.
- WORLD OF... - WE'RE JUST NUTS ABOUT NUTS.
- NUTS.
- YOU ALMOST HAD THAT.
TRY AGAIN AFTER ME.
WELCOME TO IT'S A NUTTY, NUTTY, NUTTY WORLD.
- UH, LIKE, WELCOME TO NUTS WORLD?
- NUTTY, NUTTY, NUTTY WORLD.
- UH, NUTS WORLD NUTTY, NUTTY.
UM...UH, LUNCH? - NO!
- HEY, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL GET IT RIGHT FOR THE CUSTOMERS.
- JUST DON'T FORGET TO SMILE.
REMEMBER OUR GUARANTEE:
IF WE DON'T SMILE, THE NUTS ARE FREE.
AND THOSE FREE NUTS COME OUT OF YOUR PAYCHECKS.
SO COME ON, SMILE BIG, WIDE. LET'S SEE THEM.
LET'S TAKE A BREAK.
[mutters]
- LET ME GUESS.
THIS IS YOUR WAY OF MOVING UP FROM PUMPING GAS.
- YEAH.
I MEAN, THAT TEST WAS, LIKE, A WAKEUP CALL.
I GOT TO THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE.
I NEED A SERIOUS JOB WITH, LIKE, A SERIOUS CAREER PATH.
- THIS IS SERIOUS, ALL RIGHT.
- YOU GOT TO TAKE SPECIAL CARE OF THE ANIMALS.
BELIEVE ME, WHEN YOU NEGLECT THEM,
THEY DON'T LET YOU FORGET IT.
- EWW!
MR. MATTHEWS, ARE YOU SURE THESE ANIMALS ARE SAFE?
- HO-HO, SURE THEY ARE.
WOULDN'T HURT A FLY.
NOT EVEN JOANNE.
- JOANNE?
- MY $1,000 PRIZE BOA CONSTRICTOR.
- [screams]
DON'T YOU HAVE ANY CUTER ANIMALS HERE?
THOSE ARE THE ONES I ASPIRE TO WORK WITH.
- I'LL INTRODUCE YOU TO EVERYONE.
THOSE ARE MARIA AND PEDRO, MY TWO IGUANAS.
THEY NEED EXACTLY 3 1/4 TEASPOONS OF WATER
EVERY 45 MINUTES.
THESE ARE MY CANARIES--
BE SURE NOT TO BREATHE TOO HARD ON THEM--
TRAVIS, MAVIS, VENUS, ELVIS, CLORIS, CLOVIS, AND POSH.
GOT THE NAMES? - OH, YES.
- GREAT! THEN COME MEET THE GOLDFISH.
- HUH.
- OKAY, KIDS, LET'S DO SOME BUSINESS.
REMEMBER, NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL BEHIND THE COUNTER.
AND MOST OF ALL, SMILE, SMILE, SMILE,
OR THE NUTS ARE FREE.
- WHOA! FREE NUTS!
- UH, KEVIN, HE MEANT FOR THE CUSTOMERS.
- HUH?
- WELCOME TO IT'S A NUTTY, NUTTY, NUTTY WORLD.
WE'RE JUST NUTS ABOUT NUTS.
CRUNCH NUTS WITH YOUR LUNCH--
- YEAH, CAN I GET A BAG OF PISTACHIOS?
- OKAY.
HOLD ON A SECOND.
THERE.
- WOW, YOU DID IT. YOU SOLD A BAG OF NUTS.
- THAT'S RIGHT, KEVIN.
I'M SO HAPPY YOU WERE HERE TO SHARE IT WITH ME.
- HI, WELCOME TO NUTTY WORLD.
[gulps]
HI, THERE, WELCOME TO NUTTY WORLD.
WE'RE JUST CRUNCHING OUR LUNCH AND SENDING OUR NUTS--
UH, DARIA, WHAT COMES NEXT AGAIN?
- BANKRUPTCY COURT.
- CAN I GET TWO POUNDS OF ALMONDS, PLEASE?
- SURE THING, MA'AM.
HEY, DARIA, WHICH ONES WERE THE ALMONDS AGAIN?
- THESE. RIGHT HERE.
THE ONES WITH THE SIGN THAT SAYS "ALMONDS" ON THEM.
THAT'S THE SAME WORD ON THE SIGN OVER THERE
WITH THE PICTURE OF THE ALMOND ON IT.
- OH, YEAH, RIGHT, THANKS.
SO WHERE DID YOU POINT AGAIN?
- I'D LIKE MY NUTS, PLEASE.
- HANG ON.
- HERE, BIRDIES,
COME GET YOUR BIRDSEED.
- WHAT WAS THAT?
DID I HEAR YOU SAY OOPS?
OH, MY GOD, I ONLY SEE SIX CANARIES.
WHERE'S TRAVIS? - UM...
A NICE OLD LADY JUST WALKED IN AND BOUGHT HIM.
SHE BROUGHT HER OWN CAGE.
- FANTASTIC. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, QUINN.
- [sighs]
GREAT, NOW I'M A WHOLE BIRD FURTHER AWAY FROM MY PHOTOS.
- WOW! THAT'S YOUR THIRD SALE.
I THOUGHT YOU BRAINS ONLY KNEW ABOUT SCHOOL STUFF,
BUT, LIKE, YOU KNOW HOW TO SELL NUTS TOO.
AMAZING.
- YES, KEVIN, YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW HANDY
A COMMAND OF BASIC LITERACY SKILLS CAN BE.
- KEVIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
ANGIE TOLD ME SHE SAW YOU HERE
GIVING SOME LADY A BAG OF NUTS AND SMILING YOUR HEAD OFF.
YOU KNOW WOMEN CAN'T RESIST YOUR SMILES.
- BUT, BABE, I GOT TO SMILE AT EVERYONE.
IT'S PART OF MY JOB.
- OH, KEVY.
IT'S JUST FOR THE JOB, RIGHT?
- SURE, BABE. I PROMISE.
- OKAY, BUT THIS SIGN SAYS A SMILE--JUST ONE.
IF I CATCH YOU GIVING MORE THAN ONE SMILE TO A CUSTOMER,
YOU'RE QUITTING.
- NOW YOU'RE MAKING ME SMILE.
FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING.
- I NEED FOUR POUNDS OF WALNUTS.
- DO YOU THINK HE'S SMILING AT YOU BECAUSE HE WANTS TO?
HE'S NOT, YOU KNOW.
THEY'RE MAKING HIM. - HUH?
- WORLD OF CRUNCH LUNCH NUTS.
MUNCH THE NUTTY, NUTTY?
- SO HOW WAS THE FIRST DAY ON THE JOB?
- IT WENT GREAT.
THE ANIMALS LOVE ME.
- I HEARD A CANARY GOT CAUGHT
IN THE AIR FILTRATION SYSTEM AT THE MALL.
YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, WOULD YOU?
- STOP MAKING THINGS UP.
BESIDES, IT WASN'T REALLY MY FAULT.
- [sniffs] HEY!
WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES? - THAT'S DARIA.
SHE SMELLS LIKE PEANUTS FROM HER STUPID JOB.
- I WHAT? [sniffs]
OH, GOD.
THAT EXPLAINS THOSE SQUIRRELS AT THE BUS STOP.
- WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, TELL US ABOUT YOUR JOB, DARIA.
- IT WENT SURPRISINGLY WELL. - REALLY?
- IN FACT, I DOUBT I CAN EVER TOP TODAY'S PERFORMANCE.
SO I THINK I'LL TAKE EARLY RETIREMENT STARTING TOMORROW.
- NO, YOU WON'T.
YOU'RE NOT QUITTING UNTIL YOU SPEND ENOUGH TIME THERE
TO REALIZE YOUR FUTURE IS NOTHING TO TAKE FOR GRANTED.
RIGHT, JAKE?
- CAN WE HAVE OUR PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES NOW?
- WHEN ALIENS EAT OUT,
WHERE DO THEY RELIEVE THEMSELVES?
EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL RESTAURANT RESTROOMS
TONIGHT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN SCHOOL:
YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A MUCH TIGHTER SPACE,
THE RULES ARE STUPIDER,
AND KEVIN'S VERY CLOSE.
- SHOULD I COME DOWN AND VISIT?
OFFER SOME MORAL SUPPORT?
- YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN ME IN ENOUGH HUMILIATING SITUATIONS.
- SO WHAT WOULD ONE MORE HURT?
MISERY LOVES COMPANY.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME THAT.
IT'S THE BASIS OF OUR WHOLE FRIENDSHIP.
[sighs]
ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN COME,
BUT DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE KNOW.
- HEY, JANIE. HEY DARIA.
- MM, HEY.
- DIDN'T YOU MAKE SOME COFFEE LAST WEEK?
- YOU LOOK AWFUL. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
- JESSE AND I WERE UP ALL NIGHT TRYING TO WRITE A NEW SONG,
BUT WE ONLY ENDED UP WITH ONE CHORD WE LIKE.
- AND WHICH CHORD WOULD THAT BE?
- "A" MINOR SEVENTH.
- NO. "A" DIMINISHED.
- I'LL GET ANOTHER CRAMP.
- [sniffs] HEY.
THAT'S WEIRD.
SUDDENLY I'M IN THE MOOD FOR PEANUT BRITTLE.
- CONGRATULATIONS, DARIA,
DESPITE YOUR $15 PENALTY FOR UNSMILED NUT SALES,
YOU'RE OUR FIRST SALESPERSON OF THE DAY.
- I'VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF THE DAY
MY PICTURE WOULD HANG IN A NUT HOUSE.
- WELL, IF YOU EXPECT TO KEEP IT THERE,
YOU'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER TO SMILE.
- THANKS FOR THE RIDE.
I'M OFF TO GET SOME ART SUPPLIES.
SEE YOU. - OKAY.
SEE YOU.
LET'S GO HIT THAT NEW NUT STAND.
I'VE BEEN CRAVING HONEY ROASTED PEANUTS ALL DAY.
- GETTING A SNACK?
YUM.
LET'S GO SNACK SOMEWHERE.
- LET'S SEE.
YOU COULD TAKE LITTLE PUDDY PIE,
OR THERE'S LITTLE FIFI,
AND THIS PUPPY OVER HERE IS SNUGGLES.
- I LIKE THIS ONE.
- OH, NO, THAT'S BARKSY. HE'S MY FAVORITE.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE FIFI INSTEAD?
- BUT I WANT THE OTHER ONE.
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- [gasps] OH, NO!
WHERE'S JOANNE?
- WHO'S JOANNE?
- MR. MATTHEWS SAID NOT TO LET
THE PUPPIES' LITTLE PAWS TOUCH THE ROUGH FLOOR,
SO I PUT THEM ON THE LID FROM JOANNE'S CAGE.
- WHO'S JOANNE?
- HOW DID SHE GET OVER THE SIDE OF THE CAGE?
DON'T BOA CONSTRICTORS HAVE GRAVITY?
- [screams] - [screams]
- COME ON, LET'S GET SOME PIZZA
OR TACOS OR CHEESE STICKS OR STUFFED PITAS,
BURGERS, BAGELS,
CHICKEN-FRIED B.B.Q. BUFFALO WINGS, MY TREAT.
- JANIE, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT PEANUTS ALL DAY.
I'VE GOT TO GET SOME.
THEY'VE, LIKE, HIJACKED MY BRAIN.
- MOTH TO A FLAME.
both: HEY.
- YOU'VE HIJACKED MY BRAIN.
- MOTH TO A FLAME.
- IF YOU DON'T RELEASE ME,
- IT'LL REALLY BE LAME.
- NO.
- I'LL FORFEIT THE GAME.
- NAH.
- MY SOUL'S WAVES OF GRAIN.
- I'VE HEARD THAT SOMEWHERE BEFORE.
- YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE.
- TOO MANY SYLLABLES.
- OH, NO.
COVER FOR ME, KEVIN.
I'VE GOT TO TAKE A BREAK.
- WAIT. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- FURTHER INTO MY PERSONAL HELL.
- HEY, I JUST REMEMBERED,
BIG STRING GIVEAWAY AT THE GUITAR STORE, THIS WAY.
- YOU'VE HIJACKED MY BRAIN.
- MOTH TO A FLAME.
- IF YOU DON'T RELEASE ME...
- I'LL GO JUST THE SAME.
both: MOTH GONNA FLY.
MOTH GONNA FLY.
MOTH GONNA FLY FROM YOUR LOVE.
- HEY, LOOK! MONSTER TRUCKS AND NAKED MODELS.
NAKED, NAKED, NAKED.
- ALL RIGHT, SECOND VERSE.
IT'S MY PERSONAL HELL,
WHERE I ROAST IN MY SHELL.
- ROAST IN MY SHELL?
- OH, MAN, I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT
TILL I GET THOSE PEANUTS.
- HEY, WELCOME, NUTS.
MUNCH A BUNCH OF YOUR NUTTY FRIENDS' LUNCH.
- UM, OKAY.
I NEED SOME PEANUTS.
- COOL.
UM, PEANUTS. PEANUTS.
HEY, DARIA, WHERE DO WE KEEP THE PEANUTS?
- DARIA?
- SCRIMMAGE INJURY.
- DARIA?
HEY, DARIA!
YOU KNOW WHERE THE PEANUTS ARE, DARIA?
- TRY THE PEANUT BIN, YOU IDIOT.
- CAN YOU COME OUT AND SHOW ME?
- NO.
- UM...YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T WANT ANY PEANUTS AFTER ALL.
- BUT YOU SAID THEY HIJACKED YOUR BRAIN.
- WELL, NOW I THINK A BURGER'S TAKEN OVER MY BRAIN.
WHAT DO YOU SAY? - COOL.
- HEY, DON'T GO. COME BACK.
SEE YOU AGAIN AT NUT, NUT, NUTTY, NUTTY LUNCH WORLD.
HEY, YOU CAN'T GO BACK THERE.
- YEAH, I CAN. THEY CHANGED THE RULES.
- OH, COOL.
- HEY.
- WELCOME TO IT'S A NUTTY, NUTTY, NUTTY WORLD.
WE'RE JUST NUTS ABOUT HUMILIATION.
- I TRIED TO KEEP THEM AWAY.
- NICE JOB.
- COME ON, YOU GOT A BREAK COMING UP?
I'LL BUY YOU SOME JUNK FOOD.
SOMETHING NOT IN THE NUT FAMILY.
- YEAH, THAT'LL BE NICE.
LET'S GO CRUISE THE MALL IN CASE THERE'S SOMEONE I KNOW
WHO HASN'T SEEN ME IN MY NUTTY WORLD UNIFORM.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
- DARIA. - SEE YOU LATER.
[phone rings]
- MRS. MORGENDORFFER?
THIS IS JANE, DARIA'S FRIEND.
- JANE, DO YOU NEED AN ATTORNEY?
I DON'T DO CRIMINAL WORK, BUT I'LL GET YOU SOMEONE.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE UNTIL WE GET OVER THERE.
- NO, NO, I'M LOOKING FOR DARIA.
- DARIA? WHY ARE YOU CALLING HERE?
- SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS GONNA TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE WAY THEY'RE TREATING HER AT WORK.
- REALLY?
- THEY PROBABLY HAVEN'T LET HER OFF YET.
I BET SHE'S STILL IN THE BACK ROOM BAGGING NUTS.
- WHAT? IN THE BACK ROOM?
HOW IS SHE GOING TO IMPROVE HER SOCIAL SKILLS THERE?
- YEAH, THAT'S THE THING.
SHE'S THE SENIOR EMPLOYEE AT THE NUT STAND
AND THE MOST QUALIFIED,
BUT FOR SOME REASON,
HER MALE COWORKER IS THE ONE THEY'VE GOT BEHIND THE COUNTER.
- WHAT?
I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED
ONE OF JAKE'S SLEAZY CONTACTS.
[exasperated groan]
- LISTEN, I NEED YOU GUYS
TO FIND A MISSING BOA CONSTRICTOR
WHILE I WORK UP FRONT.
DON'T WORRY, THEY DON'T BITE. THEY JUST STRANGLE.
- I'LL FIND IT FOR YOU, QUINN. - I'LL FIND IT.
- NO, I WILL. - NO, ME.
- HOW ARE WE GONNA CALL THE SNAKE
WHEN WE DON'T KNOW ITS NAME?
- YOU DON'T CALL A SNAKE, STUPID.
YOU PLAY ONE OF THOSE FLUTE THINGS.
- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY A FLUTE.
CAN'T WE PUT OUT SOME SNAKE FOOD OR SOMETHING?
- WHAT DO THEY EAT?
- HEY! LOOK.
[squeaking and chittering]
[louder chittering]
THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.
- WHERE'S DARIA?
- WELCOME TO IT'S A NUTTY, NUTTY--
- OH, SHUT UP.
- YOU CAN GO BACK THERE NOW. THEY CHANGED THE RULES.
- MOM?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?
- WORKING WITH FILBERTS. - OH, I SEE.
YOU'RE IN BACK DOING THE PHYSICAL LABOR
WHILE THAT GOON IS UP FRONT NETWORKING.
- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO BAG YOUR NUTS, PAL.
YOU'RE NOT EXPLOITING MY DAUGHTER ANYMORE.
- YOU CAN'T TAKE HER AWAY. SHE'S MY SALESPERSON OF THE DAY.
- I'M SURE YOUR VALUABLE MALE COUNTER HELP
IS MORE THAN QUALIFIED TO COVER FOR HER.
- HEY, DARIA, WAIT!
MY APRON'S CAUGHT IN THE CASH REGISTER AGAIN.
- [whimpering]
- THE NERVE OF THAT SEXIST CAVEMAN.
TO THINK HE COULD GET AWAY WITH TREATING YOU THAT WAY.
- IT WAS AWFUL.
AWFUL.
[squeaking and chittering]
DAMN PEANUT SMELL.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WORKING?
- [screams] GET THIS THING OFF ME, MAN!
- CAREFUL WITH HER. SHE HAS SENSITIVE SCALES.
[both moaning and groaning]
- I SWEAR, BABE, THAT WASN'T A SMILE THE SECOND TIME.
[bell rings]
- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
FINALLY SOMEONE I KNOW IS ATTACKED BY ANIMALS,
AND I AND MY VIDEO CAMERA ARE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
- I'M NOT SURE IF CUTE LITTLE FURBALLS
MILLING AROUND YOUR FEET REALLY CONSTITUTES AN ATTACK.
- HEY, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE THINKING.
- WELL, NOW KEVIN, QUINN, AND I ARE ALL OUT OF A JOB.
WHICH SUITS ME FINE.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
- IT'S DARIA'S FAULT.
YOU GOT TOO CLOSE TO ME WITH YOUR STUPID NUT SHIRT.
YOU KNOW I'M ALLERGIC TO PISTACHIO DYE,
AND NOW I'VE GOT A RASH.
MY NECK MODELING CAREER IS OVER!
- HEY. - WHAT?
- I THINK I JUST FOUND JOB SATISFACTION.
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
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