1
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,971
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
2
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:08,540
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
3
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,879
- I'M TELLING YOU,
PUPPETS MAKE ANYTHING FUNNY.
4
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:16,448
GIVE ME SOMETHING
THAT ISN'T FUNNY.
5
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,685
- A PLANE CRASH
INTO A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT.
6
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:20,753
- OKAY.
7
00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:22,454
NOW PICTURE
THE SAME PLANE CRASH,
8
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,689
ONLY THE CABIN IS FULL
OF SCREAMING PUPPETS
9
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,625
FLAILING THEIR SKINNY LITTLE
PUPPET ARMS.
10
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:27,659
FUNNY, RIGHT?
11
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,161
- MM, MAYBE.
12
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,429
ARE THEY ON FIRE?
13
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,430
- HMM.
14
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,431
[tires screeching]
15
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:33,498
- HEY, LAWNDALE HIGH.
16
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:37,135
ARE YOU READY
TO PAR-TAY CRA-ZAY?
17
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,770
- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
18
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,238
- IF IT'S AN ICE CREAM TRUCK,
19
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,075
THAT BETTER BE
SOME DAMN GOOD ICE CREAM.
20
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,076
- WOW!
- YEAH!
21
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:46,010
- OH, MY GOD!
22
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:47,011
LOOK AT HIS HAIR.
23
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,013
- I'M BING.
24
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:49,414
- AND I'M THE SPATULA MAN.
25
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,249
WE'RE MENTAL IN THE MORNING.
26
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:54,353
- 'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT TO BE CRAZY
TO MAKE IT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL.
27
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:55,354
- YEAH!
28
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:56,822
- ALL RIGHT!
- WHOO-HOO!
29
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:57,823
- GREAT, YOU GUYS.
30
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:58,824
- GOOD GRIEF.
31
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,859
- IT'S LAME DJs, CHARLIE BROWN.
32
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:01,860
- WHOO-HOO!
33
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:02,861
together: GAH!
34
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:03,862
- THIS IS SO EXCITING.
35
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:06,097
IMAGINE, REAL-LIFE CELEBRITIES
36
00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:10,369
BROADCASTING ALL WEEK LIVE
FROM LAWNDALE HIGH.
37
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:11,870
- THEY'RE NOT CELEBRITIES.
38
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,205
- THEY'RE DJs.
39
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,106
- WACKY DJs.
40
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:18,176
AND THEIR HILARIOUS ANTICS
WILL SOON SILENCE
41
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:20,812
THOSE NAYSAYERS
WHO WOULD HAVE US BELIEVE
42
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,415
THAT LAWNDALE HIGH
IS A PLACE OF GLOOM.
43
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,616
[laughs]
44
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,418
- OF COURSE, GETTING RID
OF THE HIDDEN CAMERAS
45
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,887
AND BOMB SNIFFING DOGS
WOULD ACCOMPLISH THE SAME GOAL.
46
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,655
- YOU GIRLS SHOULD BE
THANKING ME
47
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,592
FOR CARING SO MUCH
ABOUT STUDENT MORALE.
48
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,327
- I DON'T SUPPOSE THE SCHOOL
WOULD BE RECEIVING A LARGE FEE
49
00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:39,130
FROM THE RADIO STATION
FOR PARTICIPATING IN THIS STUNT.
50
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:40,399
- MS. MORGENDORFFER,
51
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,135
THOSE BOMB SNIFFING DOGS
HAVE TO EAT.
52
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,636
[horn honking]
53
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,771
- COULD PUPPETS MAKE THEM FUNNY?
54
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,908
- MM, I WITHDRAW MY THEORY.
55
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,743
- WELL, ACTUALLY, ERIC,
56
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,479
WOULD YOU MIND
IF WE WRAP THIS UP TOMORROW?
57
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,246
OH, NO, THAT'S OKAY.
58
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:56,348
NO, FINE.
59
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,749
IT'S JUST THAT MY FAMILY
WAS JUST--
60
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:58,984
- NO, YES, SURE, OF COURSE.
61
00:01:58,986 --> 00:01:59,985
NOT AT ALL.
62
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,152
ANYT--
NEVER.
63
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:03,288
- NOTHING LIKE TACO TUESDAY,
EH, GIRLS?
64
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,756
- IF I RECALL CORRECTLY,
65
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,792
TACO THURSDAY
WAS PRETTY SIMILAR.
66
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:07,993
- I WAS ON THE RADIO TODAY.
67
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:10,596
BING AND THE SPATULA MAN
INVITED THE FASHION CLUB
68
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:13,832
TO CRITIQUE THE OUTFITS
OF SOME LESS STYLISH STUDENTS.
69
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,734
- MARCONI WOULD BE SO PROUD.
70
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,003
- THAT SPATULA MAN IS FUNNY.
71
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,506
- AS ARE MOST MEN NAMED
FOR KITCHEN UTENSILS.
72
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:23,876
- HELEN, YOU'RE GONNA MISS OUT
ON ALL THE GUACAMOLE.
73
00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:26,277
♪ MOM'S GONNA MISS
THE GUACAMOLE ♪
74
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:27,679
♪ MOM'S GONNA MISS
THE GUACAMOLE ♪
75
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,982
- ENOUGH WITH THE GUACAMOLE!
76
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:32,584
NO, NOT YOU, ERIC.
77
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,820
- I THINK BING
HAS A CRUSH ON ME.
78
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,589
DADDY, YOU'RE USING
ALL THE CHEESE!
79
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,025
- HEY, WHAT DID THE DOCTOR
TELL YOU ABOUT CHEESE?
80
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,694
NO, NOT YOU, ERIC.
81
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,397
HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT THE DOCTOR
TOLD YOU ABOUT CHEESE?
82
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,398
[laughs]
83
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,799
WHY, SURE.
84
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,868
I'D LOVE TO HEAR WHAT THE DOCTOR
TOLD YOU ABOUT CHEESE.
85
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,537
- "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR TELL YOU
ABOUT CHEESE, JAKE?"
86
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,639
"WHAT DID THE DOCTOR TELL YOU
ABOUT CHEESE, JAKE?"
87
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:57,509
WHY CAN'T A MAN COME HOME
FROM HARD DAY'S WORK
88
00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:00,178
AND ENJOY A LOUSY TACO WITHOUT
IT TURNING INTO--
89
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,214
HEY, YOU KNOW,
IT'S THE DARNDEST THING.
90
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,781
I CAN'T FEEL MY ARM.
91
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:05,383
- YES, I CAN PROBABLY
PUT TOGETHER A--
92
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:07,386
- [wheezing]
93
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:08,386
- DAD?
94
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,621
- BLERG.
95
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:10,889
- DADDY?
96
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:14,927
- ♪ MOM'S GONNA MISS
THE GUACAMOLE ♪
97
00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:16,929
- JAKEY!
98
00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:18,931
[siren wailing]
99
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:21,099
- WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT
FOR THE TEST RESULTS,
100
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,435
BUT SO FAR IT LOOKS LIKE
A VERY MILD HEART ATTACK.
101
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,536
- OH, NO.
102
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,438
- A HEART ATTACK?
103
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,506
[sobbing]
104
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:30,275
- A VERY MILD HEART ATTACK.
105
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,043
- WAS THERE MUCH DAMAGE
TO HIS HEART?
106
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,345
- I DON'T THINK SO.
107
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:36,280
IF HE ADOPTS THE RIGHT DIET,
EXERCISE, AND ATTITUDE,
108
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:37,449
HE SHOULD BE FINE.
109
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,916
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND
THE QUESTION,
110
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:41,519
BUT IS THERE ANYTHING
IN YOUR FATHER'S HOME LIFE
111
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,522
THAT MIGHT BE
CAUSING HIM STRESS?
112
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,857
- [stops sobbing]
113
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:48,893
- ARE BATS SNEAKING
INTO YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD
114
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,696
DISGUISED AS CUTE
FLYING SQUIRRELS?
115
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:54,099
RABID RODENT RIP-OFF,
TONIGHT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
116
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,100
- [screaming]
117
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,101
THE BATS OF DEATH!
118
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,803
THEY'VE COME FOR ME!
119
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:58,904
- DON'T WORRY, DAD.
120
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,872
IT'S JUST THE BATS OF BAD TV.
121
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,139
- OH, JAKEY.
122
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:03,441
I PROMISE THE GIRLS AND I
123
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:05,744
WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU
FROM NOW ON.
124
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:06,745
- WHAT'S THE CATCH?
125
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,413
- THERE'S NO CATCH, JAKE.
126
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,948
THAT'S JUST YOUR MEDICATION
TALKING.
127
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:12,718
- ASSUMING HE'S ON
ANY MEDICATION.
128
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,120
- THIS BOOK WILL TELL US
WHAT WE NEED TO DO
129
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:17,389
NOW THAT WE HAVE A HEART ATTACK
SURVIVOR IN THE FAMILY.
130
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:18,523
- AND GUESS WHAT, DADDY.
131
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,559
I'M GONNA STUDY TO BE A DOCTOR.
132
00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:21,826
- HEY, THAT'S GREAT.
133
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:23,795
- DR. QUINN, MEDICINE MORON.
134
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,229
- A HEART DOCTOR.
135
00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:26,498
IF DAD HAD DIED,
136
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,300
I WOULD HAVE BEEN FREAKED OUT
FOR, LIKE, YEARS.
137
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,668
- THAT'S THE SPIRIT, SWEETIE.
138
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,136
AVENGE MY DEATH.
139
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,638
- YOU'RE NOT DYING, DAD.
140
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,839
- AVENGE ME!
141
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,506
- JAKE, YOU'RE GONNA GIVE
YOURSELF A--
142
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:36,708
NEVER MIND.
143
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,311
HONEY, IS THERE ANYTHING
WE CAN GET FOR YOU?
144
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,812
- YIPE!
145
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,681
[machine beeping]
146
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:43,682
- I WANT MY MOMMY.
147
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,619
- SO MY GRANDMOTHER RUTH WILL BE
STAYING WITH US
148
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:48,754
WHILE MY DAD RECOVERS.
149
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,255
- IS THIS THE GRANDMOTHER
WHO SAID
150
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,557
SHE'D GIVE YOU A HUNDRED BUCKS
IF YOU CHANGED YOUR HAIR?
151
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:54,259
- BOTH MY GRANDMOTHERS
SAID THAT.
152
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,460
[rock guitar]
153
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,395
- SPATULA MAN,
I SEE A COUPLE OF LADIES HERE
154
00:04:57,397 --> 00:05:00,465
WHO I BET KNOW HOW TO PAR-TAY.
155
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,101
- WE REALLY SHOULD START DRIVING
BETWEEN CLASSES.
156
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,636
- GIRLS, WE'VE GOT
A TREASURE CHEST
157
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,639
FULL OF Z93 PRIZES HERE,
158
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,273
AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
FOR THE KEY
159
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,209
IS TELL US ON THE AIR
160
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:14,045
WHERE YOU LOVE TO GET MENTAL
IN THE MORNING.
161
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:18,784
- I THINK THEY HAVE
STAGE FRIGHT, SPATULA MAN.
162
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:19,785
- COME ON, GIRLS.
163
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,520
NOTHING TO FEAR BUT WINNING.
164
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,755
JUST TELL US WHICH STATION
PLAYS THE HITS
165
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,157
HIGH SCHOOLERS LOVE TO HEAR.
166
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,726
- NOTE TO SELF,
167
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:31,363
STOP BY COURTHOUSE ON WAY HOME
AND PICK UP RESTRAINING ORDER.
168
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,297
- WELL, NO PROBLEMO.
169
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:36,934
WE'LL JUST FIND SOME OTHER
MENTAL MORNING PARTY PEOPLE.
170
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,303
- THIS WILL GET WORSE
BEFORE IT GETS BETTER.
171
00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:42,106
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY GAVE US
FREE KEY CHAINS
172
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,275
WITH A Z93 THINGY.
173
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:46,711
- AND LOOK,
IT'S A FLASHLIGHT TOO.
174
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,346
- WOW, HOW DO THEY DO THAT?
175
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,116
- THEY MUST BE MADE
WITH COMPUTERS.
176
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,317
[door bell rings]
177
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:55,620
- RUTH,
IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU.
178
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,621
- HEY.
179
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:57,622
- HI, GRANDMA RUTH.
180
00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:58,623
- YEAH, HI.
181
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,024
- HELEN, GIRLS.
182
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,927
STILL HAVEN'T SETTLED
ON A DECORATOR, I SEE.
183
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,895
- WELL, IF YOU REMEMBER, RUTH,
184
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:07,432
I DECIDED TO DECORATE
THE HOUSE MYSELF.
185
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,133
- OH, MARVELOUS.
186
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,503
I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING IT
ONCE YOU GET STARTED.
187
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,071
- AS A MATTER OF FACT,
IT'S ALREADY--
188
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:16,140
- AND HOW ARE MY LITTLE
GRANDDAUGHTERS?
189
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:18,477
DARIA, YOU LOOK--
190
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,411
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.
191
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:23,615
- ACTUALLY, I'VE HAD A NUMBER
OF BIONIC LIMBS INSTALLED.
192
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,416
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
193
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,786
BUT AS LONG AS YOU DON'T GET
A TATTOO, I'LL BE HAPPY.
194
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:30,021
- YOU MEAN ANOTHER TATTOO.
195
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:33,958
- AND HOW'S MY BEAUTIFUL
LITTLE QUINN?
196
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,527
IS THAT A STETHOSCOPE?
197
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:36,528
- I NEED TO GET USED
198
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:37,962
TO COORDINATING OUTFITS
AROUND IT.
199
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:39,897
I'M STUDYING TO BE
A HEART DOCTOR.
200
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,433
SO THE NEXT TIME
MY DAD COLLAPSES,
201
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,967
I CAN SAVE HIM.
202
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:46,972
- QUINN, GIRLS AS PRETTY AS YOU
DON'T NEED TO BECOME DOCTORS.
203
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,072
- I KNOW.
204
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,573
BUT IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,
A CALLING.
205
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,109
- WHERE'S MY JAKEY?
206
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,677
- MOM, IS THAT YOU?
207
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:55,647
- JAKEY, YOU SHOULDN'T
BE YELLING.
208
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,549
DIDN'T YOU GIVE HIM A BELL?
209
00:06:57,551 --> 00:07:00,618
- WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO,
OF COURSE.
210
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:01,553
- REALLY.
211
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:07,025
- THIS DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT A BELL.
212
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:11,363
- ♪ LA, LA-LA, LA-LA
LA-LA ♪
213
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:14,733
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA ♪
214
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:21,739
- "OH, IT OFFENDS ME TO THE SOUL
215
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,975
"TO HEAR A ROBUSTIOUS
PERIWEG-PATED FELLOW
216
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,344
"TEAR A PASSION TO TATERS,
TO VERY RAGS,
217
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:27,946
TO SPLIT THE EARS
OF THE GROUNDLINGS"--
218
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,881
- COMING UP,
OUR RAUNCH-A-RIFFIC LIST
219
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,249
OF 101 WORDS FOR SEX!
220
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,251
- [gasps]
221
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,821
[all cheering]
222
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,088
- [laughs]
223
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:40,459
- SO THE STORIES WERE RIGHT.
224
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:43,728
PEOPLE REALLY DO USE THESE
PECULIAR ROOMS TO PREPARE FOOD.
225
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,230
- WELCOME HOME, DEAR.
226
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,031
I'M JUST TEACHING YOUR MOTHER
HOW TO COOK.
227
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,132
- OH, NONSENSE.
228
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,267
I COOK ALL THE TIME.
229
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,469
DON'T I, DARIA?
230
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:51,670
- WELL--
231
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,405
- WHAT EXACTLY
ARE YOU MAKING, HELEN?
232
00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:55,573
- CHINESE CHICKEN WITH PEA PODS.
233
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:56,974
- MM-HMM.
234
00:07:56,976 --> 00:08:00,111
YOU DO REALIZE
THAT'S A PIECE OF FISH.
235
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:06,717
- UGH, THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING.
236
00:08:06,719 --> 00:08:08,854
DARIA, HAVE YOU EVER
READ THIS BOOK?
237
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:12,423
- THROMBOCYTOPENIC COMPLICATIONS
AFTER STENT PLACEMENT
238
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:15,260
POST CORONARY ARTERY
ANGIOPLASTY.
239
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,829
MAYBE YOU SHOULD START OFF
WITH SOMETHING EASIER.
240
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,299
MANY COLORING BOOKS
FEATURE HEARTS AND RAINBOWS.
241
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:25,236
- COME ON, JAKEY.
242
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,205
YOU'VE GOT TO EAT SOMETHING.
243
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,207
- BUT I DON'T LIKE OATMEAL.
244
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:31,943
- IF YOU EAT IT,
I'LL GIVE YOU SOME APPLE JUICE.
245
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:32,944
- WITH A STRAW?
246
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,813
- PRETEND THE SPOON
IS AN AIRPLANE.
247
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,081
WORKS EVERY TIME.
248
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,817
DARIA, COULD YOU FEED
YOUR FATHER FOR A MINUTE?
249
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:39,818
- I'M SURE HE CAN--
250
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:40,819
- THANKS, DEAR.
251
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:44,222
- DARIA, MY ELDEST, MY HEIR.
252
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,557
- WELL, IF I MANAGE
TO BUMP OFF MOM
253
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:47,993
AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE
AN ACCIDENT.
254
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,227
- THIS IS SERIOUS, DARIA.
255
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,928
I MAY NOT BE LONG
FOR THIS EARTH.
256
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:53,031
AND WHEN I GO,
IT COULD WELL FALL ON YOU
257
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,366
TO PUT THINGS IN ORDER.
258
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,634
YOUR MOTHER, OF COURSE,
WILL BE SO STRICKEN WITH GRIEF
259
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:57,935
SHE'LL BE UNABLE TO FUNCTION.
260
00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:02,340
AND QUINN, SHE'S JUST
SO VERY YOUNG.
261
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:05,509
OH, GOD, MY LITTLE QUINN!
262
00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:06,510
[sobbing]
263
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:08,713
- DAD, YOU'RE NOT DYING.
264
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,015
THE DOCTOR SAID YOU'D BE FINE
AFTER SOME REST.
265
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:13,752
- TO THINK I PROMISED TO WALK
YOU DOWN THE AISLE ONE DAY.
266
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,086
- NOW THERE'S A REQUEST
267
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,755
I DEFINITELY
DON'T REMEMBER MAKING.
268
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,857
- DARIA, YOU DON'T GET IT.
269
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,159
THE REAPER COULD WALK
INTO THIS ROOM AT ANY MOMENT.
270
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,361
- TIME FOR SOMEONE'S
SPONGE BATH.
271
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,130
- [screams]
272
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:27,232
- HEY, SPATULA MAN.
273
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,433
LET'S REMIND OUR AUDIENCE
274
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:29,901
WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE
THIS MORNING.
275
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,269
- IT'S SIMPLE, BING.
276
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,938
WE'RE GONNA MAKE A LOVE MATCH
FOR THIS YOUNG MAN
277
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,206
LIVE ON THE AIR.
278
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,274
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, CHIEF?
279
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,642
- CHARLES IS MY NAME.
280
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:41,879
EXPLORING THE DARK UNDERBELLY
OF PASSION IS MY GAME.
281
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:42,880
- [laughs]
282
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:43,881
OKAY, CHARLES.
283
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,416
THE FIRST GIRL OUT HERE
IN OUR AUDIENCE
284
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,651
TO AGREE TO A DATE WITH YOU
285
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:50,054
IS GONNA GET A FREE
MENTAL IN THE MORNING
286
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,722
BUMPER STICKER.
287
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:54,092
- WHAT DO YOU SAY, LADIES?
288
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,426
- EW!
- UPCHUCK?
289
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,928
- NO WAY.
290
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,096
- A DATE FOR A BUMPER STICKER?
291
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:02,366
- EVEN UPCHUCK DOESN'T DESERVE
THIS MUCH HUMILIATION.
292
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:04,603
- THINK HOW THE BUMPER STICKER
MUST FEEL.
293
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:07,572
- WELL, CHARLES, LOOKS LIKE
THE RESPONSE IS UNDERWHELMING,
294
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:08,573
TO SAY THE LEAST.
295
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:09,574
- NO, NO.
296
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,876
THEY'RE ALWAYS SHY AT FIRST.
297
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:14,679
IT MAKES THEM MORE MYSTERIOUS.
298
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,381
- HEY, IF THEY WON'T
COME TO YOU, CARLOS,
299
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:20,852
THE SPATULA MAN AIN'T TOO PROUD
TO GO TO THEM.
300
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,487
- HEY!
301
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:23,488
- OW.
302
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,223
- WATCH IT, SPATULA GEEK.
303
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,792
- HEY, CHICK-A-RITAS,
WHICH ONE OF YOU LOVELIES
304
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,261
WANTS TO GO OUT
FOR A NIGHT ON THE TOWN
305
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,363
WITH MY MAN CHARLES
306
00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:35,533
AND WIN A FREE BUMPER STICKER
ON Z93?
307
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:36,668
- TIFFANY DEAR,
308
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:39,671
WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
TO THE SPATULA MAN
309
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:42,573
WHY A BUMPER STICKER CANNOT
POSSIBLE COMPENSATE
310
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:45,209
FOR THE SHAME AND PERMANENT
REPUTATION DAMAGE
311
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:48,379
INVOLVED WITH A SINGLE DATE
WITH CHARLES RUTTHEIMER?
312
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,481
- UPCHUCK?
313
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,683
EW.
314
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,384
- WELL DONE.
315
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,752
- HEY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
316
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:58,289
UP FOR A DATE
WITH OUR DON JUAN DE LAWNDALE?
317
00:10:58,291 --> 00:10:59,524
- NO THANKS.
318
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:02,460
- DON'T YOU WANT TO HEAR
YOUR VOICE ON THE RADIO?
319
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,461
COME ON.
320
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,796
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE
A DATE.
321
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,798
- CLIMB ON UP HERE, KITTEN.
322
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,600
LET ME BE YOUR BALL OF YARN.
323
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,369
[purring]
324
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,872
- OKAY, YOU TALKED ME INTO IT.
325
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,140
- YOU HEAR THAT, EVERYBODY?
326
00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:20,445
- I'LL JUST RUN HOME FIRST
AND TAKE A TEN-YEAR SHOWER.
327
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,713
- BED, COME ON.
328
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:25,316
I NEED LUMBAR SUPPORT,
LUMBAR SUPPORT!
329
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,117
- JAKE, CALM DOWN.
330
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,554
YOUR FATHER NEVER
USED TO CARRY ON LIKE THIS.
331
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:30,555
- OF COURSE NOT.
332
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:32,724
EXPRESSING EMOTION REQUIRES
A SOUL.
333
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,859
- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
334
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,729
DAD WAS A DECENT, CARING MAN.
335
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,063
- OH, SURE HE WAS.
336
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:41,099
CARING ENOUGH TO SHIP ME
OFF TO MILITARY SCHOOL
337
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,266
FIRST CHANCE HE GOT.
338
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,902
- BUT YOU ASKED FOR MORE
STRUCTURE IN YOUR LIFE.
339
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:48,405
- ALL I SAID WAS I MIGHT
WANT TO GO TO TENNIS CAMP.
340
00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:49,741
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
341
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,442
- BUT DAD TWISTED
MY WORDS AROUND,
342
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:54,411
THE SAME WAY HE TWISTED MY
ENTIRE ADOLESCENCE
343
00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:58,315
INTO A BITTER HANGMAN'S NOOSE
OF RESENTMENT AND ISOLATION.
344
00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:00,752
HE WOULDN'T EVEN
TEACH ME TO SHAVE.
345
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:01,753
- NOW, JAKE.
346
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:04,155
YOU KNOW YOUR FATHER HAD
A RAZOR PHOBIA.
347
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,290
- I HAD TO LEARN BEHIND
THE MUNITIONS HUT
348
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:07,926
FROM CORPORAL ELLENBOGEN.
349
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:10,762
- THAT MAN WITH ONE THUMB?
350
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,096
[game buzzing]
351
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,432
- DARIA, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS PATTERN?
352
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,767
YOUR GRANDMOTHER SEEMS TO THINK
OUR CURRENT DRAPES
353
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,236
AREN'T CHEERY ENOUGH.
354
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,071
I'LL SHOW HER CHEERY.
355
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,506
- THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST
TIME FOR YOU TO BE WORKING
356
00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:24,175
NEAR LARGE PANES OF GLASS.
357
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,810
- OH, DARN IT.
358
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:28,846
I THOUGHT THIS SURGERY THING
WOULD BE A LOT EASIER.
359
00:12:28,848 --> 00:12:29,847
- DON'T WORRY.
360
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,148
WHEN YOU OPERATE
ON REAL PEOPLE,
361
00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:32,450
THEIR NOSES DON'T LIGHT UP.
362
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,952
- CAN YOU BELIEVE THE STOMACH
ON THIS PATIENT GUY?
363
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:37,355
NO WONDER HE HAS TO GET
ALL THIS STUFF REMOVED.
364
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,423
[phone ringing]
365
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,692
- UM, QUINN.
366
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:42,427
THAT IS THE PHONE, ISN'T IT?
367
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,162
- SORRY, I'M STUDYING.
368
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:45,163
[buzzing continues]
369
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,297
- HELLO?
370
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,333
MOM, IT'S MARY ANNE
AT THE OFFICE.
371
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,267
- I'LL JUST HAVE
TO CALL HER BACK.
372
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,836
USE THE MESSAGE PAD.
373
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:54,105
- MESSAGE PAD?
374
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,742
SHE'LL HAVE TO GET BACK TO YOU
WHEN SHE REGAINS HER SANITY.
375
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,444
NO, I DON'T KNOW
WHEN THAT WILL BE.
376
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,280
OKAY, BYE.
377
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,281
[phone beeps]
378
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,850
[phone ringing]
379
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:07,952
HELLO?
380
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,488
YES, QUINN'S HERE,
BUT SHE'S STUDYING.
381
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,457
[slowly]
STUDYING.
382
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,425
NO, THIS ISN'T A PRANK CALL.
383
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,060
YOU CALLED ME.
384
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:17,462
OKAY, I'LL TELL HER.
385
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,463
[game buzzing]
386
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,463
THAT WAS--
387
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,866
- MESSAGE PAD.
388
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:24,469
DARN GALL BLADDER.
389
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,504
- NO MATTER WHAT I DID,
390
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,038
HE'D ALWAYS DONE IT BETTER.
391
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,775
- HE GAVE ME $50 A MONTH
FOR MY ALLOWANCE.
392
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,043
ALLOWANCE!
393
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:35,246
AS IF KEEPING HIS HOUSE SPOTLESS
AND RAISING HIS CHILDREN
394
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,948
WAS ONLY WORTH THE PRICE
OF A COUPLE OF GIRDLES.
395
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:40,117
- TRIED TO MOLD ME
INTO A SOLDIER,
396
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,819
BUT DID HE EVER LET ME HAVE
A G.I. JOE?
397
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,289
DIDN'T WANT HIS BOYS PLAYING
WITH DOLLS, HE SAID.
398
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:45,290
- OH, JAKE.
399
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,425
I WANTED YOU TO HAVE THAT DOLL.
400
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:48,793
- IT WAS AN ACTION FIGURE.
401
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,461
- I'M SORRY, JAKEY.
402
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:51,796
IF I COULD DO IT ALL OVER,
403
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:54,632
I'D STAND UP FOR YOU
AGAINST YOUR FATHER.
404
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:55,800
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
405
00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:58,303
I'D DO A LOT OF THINGS
DIFFERENTLY.
406
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,204
OH, OH, MY.
407
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,639
[sighs]
408
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,407
FEEL A LITTLE FAINT.
409
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,475
MY CHEST.
410
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,576
- MOMMY?
411
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,678
SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE, OLD MAN?
412
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,980
HOW MANY MORE LIVES, DAD?
413
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:13,985
HOW MANY MORE LIVES?
414
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,352
[game buzzing]
415
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,521
- DARIA,
WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE?
416
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:21,392
- I THINK WE MAY HAVE ANOTHER
PATIENT ON OUR HANDS.
417
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,836
ANYWAY,
THE DOCTOR CHECKED HER OUT,
418
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,337
AND SHE'S OKAY.
419
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:36,607
IT WAS JUST GAS FROM MY MOTHER'S
HEART-SMART LIMA BEAN CUPCAKES.
420
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:39,276
- SHE COLLAPSED
RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR DAD?
421
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,211
THAT'S SO SWEET.
422
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,814
I MEAN, IN A TWISTED,
HORRIBLE SORT OF WAY.
423
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:45,115
- I GUESS.
424
00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:47,151
- THEY'RE NOT STILL
IN BED TOGETHER, ARE THEY?
425
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:49,487
- HEART DISEASE,
BORDERLINE PSYCHOSIS:
426
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,456
I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT LIES
BEHIND DOOR NUMBER THREE
427
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,392
IN THE MORGENDORFFER
GENETIC CODE.
428
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,093
- IT COULD BE WORSE.
429
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,462
YOU COULD COME FROM A FAMILY
OF WACKY MORNING DJs.
430
00:14:58,464 --> 00:14:59,763
- DON'T REMIND ME.
431
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:01,399
BETWEEN DAD AND THE PARTY VAN,
432
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,335
LIFE'S BECOME A LIVING HELL
AT HOME AND AT SCHOOL.
433
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,336
- DON'T WORRY.
434
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,904
THE VAN WILL MOVE ON SOON
435
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,506
OR BE DESTROYED
IN A MYSTERIOUS BOMBING.
436
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:10,641
I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.
437
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,743
- THERE'S NO PLACE LEFT
FOR ME TO HIDE.
438
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,779
- YOU COULD ALWAYS DIVE
INTO A WOODED THICKET.
439
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,816
HEY, IT WORKS FOR BUNNIES.
440
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:23,821
- Z93 MAKES ME
MENTAL IN THE MORNING!
441
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,356
[gasping]
442
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,858
- WHOO-HOO!
443
00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:28,092
- YEAH!
444
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,260
[all cheering]
445
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,129
- I'VE SEEN MORE PEOPLE COLLAPSE
THIS WEEK.
446
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,563
- THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.
447
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,964
BUT GOOD ENOUGH TO WIN
A T-SHIRT?
448
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:35,800
I DON'T THINK SO.
449
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,536
- THERE MUST BE SOME
OTHER STUDENTS OUT THERE
450
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:42,640
WHO CAN TELL US ON THE AIR
WHY Z93
451
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,909
MAKES THEM
MENTAL IN THE MORNING.
452
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:45,910
- ME, ME!
453
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:46,911
[all shouting]
454
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,813
- YOU THERE, IN THE GREEN.
455
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:49,814
YEAH, YOU!
456
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,081
- ONCE AGAIN,
457
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:53,017
I'M BEING PERSONALLY ADDRESSED
BY A MORNING DJ.
458
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:54,018
- THAT'S IT.
459
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,219
I WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPH.
460
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:57,221
- YOU'VE BEEN AVOIDING US
ALL WEEK LONG.
461
00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:58,756
WHY NOT COME UP HERE
462
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:05,095
AND TELL US WHY Z93 MAKES YOU
MENTAL IN THE MORNING?
463
00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:07,331
- FREE T-SHIRT.
464
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:10,300
- IT'S TWO SIZES TOO LARGE
AND TISSUE THIN.
465
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:11,736
HOW CAN YOU RESIST?
466
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,438
- I'D FINALLY HAVE A DECENT
OUTFIT FOR THE AUTO SHOW.
467
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,940
- BUT ARE YOU
MENTAL IN THE MORNING?
468
00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:19,243
- YOU KNOW, I THINK I AM.
469
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:22,179
[all cheering]
470
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:26,684
A FEW DAYS AGO,
MY FATHER HAD A HEART ATTACK,
471
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,986
FORCING ME TO ADMIT
HIS MORTALITY TO MYSELF
472
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,487
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
473
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,056
ACCEPTING THIS GRIM
NEW KNOWLEDGE
474
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:33,591
HAS BEEN ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT,
475
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,727
AS I'VE BEEN UNDER CONSTANT
YAMMERING ASSAULT
476
00:16:35,729 --> 00:16:37,628
BY TWO UTTERLY BRAINLESS
AND TALENTLESS
477
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:40,031
SO-CALLED RADIO PERSONALITIES.
478
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:43,334
AND SO FOR THESE REASONS,
I, DARIA MORGENDORFFER,
479
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,868
AM MENTAL IN THE MORNING.
480
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,942
[tires squealing]
481
00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:55,480
- WHAT DO YOU THINK?
482
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,582
IT'S BASICALLY
YOUR CHILI RECIPE
483
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:58,816
BUT WITH HALF THE FAT.
484
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,551
- JAKE WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
485
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:01,986
HE GREW UP WITH MY CHILI.
486
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:04,288
- AND NOW HE'S HAD
A HEART ATTACK.
487
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,891
- I'M SURE YOU DID
THE BEST YOU COULD.
488
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,360
CHILI'S NOT EASY
FOR SOMEONE WHO SO RARELY
489
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,428
GETS TO COOK FOR HER FAMILY.
490
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,829
- NOW, RUTH--
- [gasps]
491
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,230
together: QUINN?
492
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:17,134
- DID YOU KNOW THE HEART CAN
TAKE BLUE BLOOD AND MAKE IT RED?
493
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,336
- QUINN, IF YOU DON'T TAKE
YOUR NOSE OUT OF THAT BOOK
494
00:17:19,338 --> 00:17:21,272
FROM TIME TO TIME,
YOU'RE GOING TO GET WRINKLES.
495
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,640
- I THOUGHT OF THAT.
496
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,941
BUT THE LADY AT THE MAKEUP
COUNTER SAID READING IS OKAY
497
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:26,477
AS LONG AS I PACE MYSELF.
498
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:30,080
- WOULDN'T IT JUST BE EASIER
JUST TO MARRY A NICE DOCTOR?
499
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,349
THEN YOU COULD STAY HOME
WITH YOUR CHILDREN
500
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:35,520
AND HAVE DINNER ON THE TABLE
FOR YOUR HUSBAND EVERY NIGHT.
501
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:37,154
- JUST WHAT ARE YOU
GETTING AT, RUTH?
502
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:39,723
- SHE WANTS YOU BOTH TO MODEL
YOUR LIVES AFTER HERS.
503
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,258
AND WHO COULD BLAME HER?
504
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,394
AFTER ALL, YOU WERE JUST TELLING
DAD YESTERDAY
505
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,263
HOW YOU MADE ALL THE RIGHT
DECISIONS IN YOUR LIFE.
506
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:47,731
RIGHT, GRANDMA?
507
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,999
- I--WELL--
508
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:52,770
I NEED TO CHECK ON THE LAUNDRY.
509
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,538
- YOU BOTH OWE ME.
510
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,742
- HOW DOES SHE DO THAT?
511
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,777
- YOU GOT ME.
512
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,913
- HOW ARE YOU FEELING, JAKEY?
513
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,447
- OH, BETTER, I GUESS.
514
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,983
IT'S JUST A LITTLE DIFFICULT
WHEN YOUR FIRST MAJOR ORGAN
515
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,317
DECIDES TO BETRAY YOU.
516
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:10,354
- JUST BE THANKFUL YOUR PANCREAS
IS STILL ON YOUR SIDE.
517
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:13,190
- DARIA, HOW AM I DOING
AS A DAD?
518
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:15,326
- UM, I'M NOT SURE
WHAT YOU MEAN.
519
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,062
- MY FATHER ALWAYS HAD TO
POINT OUT HOW I WAS SCREWING UP.
520
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:19,497
AND THAT SCREWED ME UP.
521
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:22,633
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE I NEVER
MAKE YOU GIRLS FEEL THAT WAY,
522
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,935
LESS WORTHWHILE OR INTELLIGENT
THAN YOUR OLD MAN.
523
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:28,072
- HERE, I DID THE HARD PARTS
OF THE CROSSWORD FOR YOU.
524
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:29,106
THANKS, KIDDO.
525
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,574
- DON'T WORRY, DAD.
526
00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:33,744
I'M SURE YOU'RE DOING BETTER
THAN YOUR FATHER DID.
527
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,080
FOR STARTERS,
WASN'T HE DEAD AT YOUR AGE?
528
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,681
- HEY!
529
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:41,085
- DO DOCTORS IN OPERATING ROOMS
HAVE TO WEAR THESE MASKS?
530
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,254
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T BE GOOD
FOR YOUR PORES.
531
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:44,488
- NOT NOW, QUINN!
532
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:47,057
I MIXED UP THE SUGAR
AND THE SALT AGAIN.
533
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,659
- YAHOO!
534
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,061
I'M BETTER THAN HIM,
BETTER THAN HIM AT LIVING.
535
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,697
HE WAS DEAD AT MY AGE.
536
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:55,266
WAHOO!
537
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,600
- WAS THAT JAKEY?
538
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:59,202
- MOM, DOES THIS MEAN THAT DADDY
ISN'T GOING TO DIE?
539
00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:02,839
- I THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAY
THAT DADDY'S BETTER NOW, HONEY.
540
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:08,746
- WHERE'S THAT MESSAGE PAD?
541
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:09,747
- YOU CAN USE THIS PHONE.
542
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:10,748
I'LL USE MY CELLULAR.
543
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:11,749
[phones beeping]
544
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,250
- YAY!
545
00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:14,585
HELLO, FRONT LAWN.
546
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,153
HELLO, GARBAGE TRUCK!
547
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,354
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
548
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:20,024
YOU WONDERFUL OLD GARDEN GNOME.
549
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:23,160
- SO GRANDMA RUTH JUST TOOK OFF?
550
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,196
- SHE FINALLY REALIZED SHE WAS
DOING MORE HARM THAN GOOD.
551
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:28,032
- AND DID YOU PERHAPS HELP HER
REALIZE THAT?
552
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:30,368
- I MAY HAVE HAD A HAND
IN HER EPIPHANY.
553
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,270
- HOPE YOU WASHED IT THOROUGHLY.
554
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,272
SO WITH THE PARTY VAN GONE,
555
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,606
I GUESS YOUR LIFE
IS BACK TO NORMAL
556
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:36,773
AT SCHOOL AND AT HOME.
557
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:39,643
- YOU KNOW,
AS STUPID AS BOTH PLACES ARE,
558
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,712
I SEE NOW THAT THEY COULD BE
A LOT WORSE.
559
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,281
- WHY, DARIA,
ARE YOU BECOMING AN OPTIMIST?
560
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,216
- HMM, I'M NOT SURE.
561
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:47,318
HOLD UP YOUR GLASS.
562
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:50,487
- NOPE, STILL HALF EMPTY.
563
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:52,056
- GUESS IT WAS JUST A PHASE.
564
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,825
- ALTHOUGH THE HALF THAT'S THERE
LOOKS DELIGHTFULLY REFRESHING.
565
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:55,826
[rock music]
566
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:59,130
- ALL RIGHT, PARTY PIZZA PEOPLE.
567
00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:01,232
THIS IS THE Z93 PARTY VAN,
568
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:04,035
AND WE'LL BE BROADCASTING LIVE
ALL WEEK FROM RIGHT HERE
569
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:07,171
AT THE BEST PIZZA PLACE IN TOWN.
570
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:11,041
NOW, WHO HERE DIGS DJs?
571
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,310
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
572
00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:16,246
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