- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
- DAMN IT!
WHERE DOES IT SAY WHICH WIRE IS WHICH?
- MAYBE A LITTLE LIGHT WOULD MAKE THINGS EASIER.
- NO, DARIA, DON'T!
- I WAS JOKING, DAD.
- WAS THIS GREEN ONE ALWAYS HERE?
- THE MAN WHO RESCUED DONNA THAT SNOWY CHRISTMAS EVE
WAS NO ORDINARY ROADSIDE MECHANIC.
THE AUTHORITIES HAVE NO RECORD OF HIS EXISTENCE,
BUT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING FIXED THE FLAT TIRE
ON HER SPORT UTILITY VEHICLE.
TO THIS DAY, DONNA BELIEVES IT WAS A GUARDIAN ANGEL.
- [sniffling]
- TOO BAD THE ANGEL DIDN'T FIX DONNA'S BRAKES
BEFORE SHE FLATTENED THAT FAMILY IN THE HATCHBACK.
- YOU SHOULDN'T MAKE FUN, DARIA.
THERE ARE SOME MYSTERIES THAT ARE JUST BEYOND OUR KNOWLEDGE.
- LIKE THE FACT THAT THE HUMAN EGO IS BLOATED ENOUGH TO BELIEVE
THE FORCE THAT CREATED THE UNIVERSE
GIVES A CRAP ABOUT OUR BLOWOUTS.
- YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT IF YOUR LIFE
WERE TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL.
- I'D BE TOO BUSY SUING FOR HARASSMENT.
- DARIA, DON'T EVEN JOKE LIKE THAT.
ANGELS ARE EVERYWHERE.
THEY CAN HEAR YOU.
- THEN I'M GOING TO MY ROOM
SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK.
- SOME PEOPLE JUST WON'T LISTEN TO LOGIC.
- ALL RIGHT.
WHY DID THE SOOTHSAYER TELL CAESAR
TO BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH?
WHO WANTS TO TAKE A STAB?
[chuckles]
KEVIN?
- BECAUSE THE IDES
WERE GONNA DO SOMETHING MEAN TO HIM?
- THE IDES AREN'T PEOPLE.
THEY'RE A TIME OF THE MONTH.
- EW, GROSS!
WELL, THERE'S YOUR ANSWER.
[bell rings]
- OH, CLASS, BEFORE WE GO,
BRITTANY HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
- I JUST WANTED TO TELL EVERYONE THAT MY DAD AND STEPMOM
ARE THROWING A PARTY FOR ME SATURDAY
FOR GETTING A "C"-MINUS AVERAGE LAST SEMESTER.
THERE'S GONNA BE A BAND, AND EVERYONE'S INVITED,
EVEN THE UNPOPULAR PEOPLE.
- OH, STOP.
- ALL RIGHT! YEAH!
- THANK YOU, BRITTANY.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
NOW, I DON'T BELIEVE I HAVE YOUR ADDRESS.
- EEP!
- I'M TELLING YOU, THESE LYRICS ARE INTENSE.
- "THE UNIVERSE IS A COLD, COLD PLACE,
"BLACK AND BLEAK LIKE OUTER SPACE.
"THE WINDCHILL DROPS BELOW SUBZERO.
IT'S NOT NO TIME TO BE A HERO"?
THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
HOW CAN THE TEMPERATURE DROP BELOW SUBZERO?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
"SUBZERO" MEANS "BELOW ZERO."
- THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
IF SUBZERO IS ALREADY BELOW ZERO,
THEN HOW CAN IT BE BELOW SUBZERO?
- WELL, THAT'S EVEN COLDER.
- BUT EVEN IF IT'S COLDER, THAT'S STILL SUBZERO.
- YEAH.
BUT, TRENT, IT'S THE WINDCHILL.
- HMM.
I'M JUST NOT SURE HIGH SCHOOLERS ARE MATURE ENOUGH
TO APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
- HIGH SCHOOLERS?
- YEAH, WE GOT A GIG THIS WEEKEND
AT A HIGH SCHOOL PARTY.
UGH.
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT, TRENT.
UNLESS YOU SUDDENLY FIND YOURSELF
DOING ALGEBRA PROBLEMS, I THINK YOU'RE SAFE.
- ALGEBRA?
EW!
- WAIT A MINUTE.
IS THIS BRITTANY'S PARTY?
- YOU GUYS SHOULD COME.
- WE COULD USE THE MORAL SUPPORT.
- ALL RIGHT, BUT THE SUPPORT WILL BE AMORAL, AT BEST.
- BACK FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE,
AND HE STILL WON'T PAY CHILD SUPPORT.
UNDEAD DEADBEAT DADS, NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- WHERE DO YOU WANT TO HOOK UP BEFORE THE "C"-MINUS FEST,
HERE OR YOUR HOUSE?
- UM, EXCUSE ME?
BUT I BELIEVE GOING TO MIND-NUMBING PARTIES
FALLS UNDER THE JOB DESCRIPTION OF BOYFRIENDS.
- I'M GIVING TOM THE NIGHT OFF.
I WANT TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOU.
- UH-HUH.
HOW LONG'S HE OUT OF TOWN?
- A WEEK.
I HEARD MR. TAYLOR ADDED
A FAUX ALLIGATOR CARPET ON THE STAIRS.
A BIG PURPLE PAINTING OF A SAFARI AT SUNSET.
[sighs]
TOO BAD.
QUINN WOULD BE MORTIFIED IF YOU WERE THERE.
- ONE SET, THEN I'M GONE.
- THAT'S THE SPIRIT!
- SPIRIT? - SORRY.
- OH!
LET ME SEE, LET ME SEE, LET ME SEE!
- BACK OFF, WOMAN.
THIS THING'S PRACTICALLY CRYSTAL,
AND IF IT HITS THE PAVEMENT,
THAT'S A BIG SAYONARA TO A HUNDRED CLAMS.
ALL RIGHT, NOW GET A LOAD OF THIS.
- [gasps]
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- LOOK AT THE "C," IN HONOR OF BRITTANY'S GRADES.
NOTICE ANY MINUS?
NO, YOU DON'T.
FIGURED THE KID'S EARNED A LITTLE UPGRADE.
I MEAN, WHO'S COUNTING, RIGHT?
[laughs jovially]
- I WANT A PRESENT!
I WANT A PRESENT!
- DOWN, BRIAN, DOWN.
- I WANT A PARTY TOO!
- YOU JUST GOT ONE LAST MONTH, REMEMBER?
I TOOK 20 OF YOUR DAMN FRIENDS TO THE BALL GAME,
SPENT 50 BUCKS ON CORN DOGS ALONE.
- CORN DOGS SUCK!
- WHAT?
WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, YOU LITTLE TURD!
- [screaming]
- HEY, GET AWAY FROM THAT CAR!
- [screaming]
- WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.
SO THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT A MALE PLUG.
- WHERE'S QUINN?
- I WARNED YOU.
REMOVE THOSE DAY-GLO ARROWS FROM THE FLOOR,
AND SHE GETS ALL CONFUSED.
- QUINN, IS THAT A BOOK YOU'VE GOT?
- SORRY TO GIVE AWAY THE SURPRISE,
BUT IN THE END,
HE EATS THE GREEN EGGS AND THE HAM.
- FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
I'M READING ABOUT REAL-LIFE PEOPLE
WHO HAVE HAD ENCOUNTERS WITH GUARDIAN ANGELS.
- OH, I KNOW THAT BOOK:
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE STUPID.
- I JUST FINISHED A STORY
ABOUT A FAMILY WHOSE HOUSE CAUGHT ON FIRE,
AND THE CAT SAVED THEIR BABY'S LIFE.
- TECHNICALLY, THAT'S A GUARDIAN CAT.
- YOU KNOW, I WANTED A CAT WHEN I WAS LITTLE.
BUT MY FATHER NEVER LET ME HAVE ONE.
"DOGS ARE FOR BOYS.
CATS ARE FOR GIRLS."
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, DAD?
I DIDN'T WANT A DOG, OKAY?
- OH, MY.
AREN'T THOSE DIAGRAMS FASCINATING?
- YEAH!
- QUINN, I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL
THAT YOU'RE DISCOVERING YOUR SPIRITUAL SIDE.
- THANKS.
I THINK I'M VERY SPIRITUAL.
- YES, YOU TAKE AFTER YOUR MOTHER IN THAT.
- YOU WORK 14-HOUR DAYS HELPING GIANT CORPORATIONS
FIND LOOPHOLES TO SKIM ON THEIR TAXES.
- SEE, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF: "HELPING."
THAT'S SPIRITUAL.
- UGH. - IT'S OKAY, MOM.
DARIA JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND, BECAUSE SHE'S SO UNSPIRITUAL.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL FINISH DINNER IN MY ROOM.
I DON'T WANT TO BE DISTURBED.
- TOO LATE.
[loud creaking]
crash!
- DAMN IT, MY FIXTURE!
- OH, QUINN, THAT JUST MISSED YOU.
- I MEAN, YEAH!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE?
- OH, MY GOSH.
IF I HADN'T GOTTEN UP AT JUST THAT SECOND,
THAT WOULD HAVE HIT MY HEAD.
- OR SOMETHING VITAL.
- SOMEONE OR SOMETHING
TOLD ME TO GET OUT OF THAT CHAIR.
DON'T YOU SEE?
THIS IS PROOF THAT I HAVE A GUARDIAN ANGEL.
AND THEN SOMETHING JUST PULLED ME OUT OF MY CHAIR
SECONDS BEFORE THAT LIGHT CAME CRASHING DOWN.
- WOW, A REAL LIVE MIRACLE.
- LIKE IN THAT MOVIE ABOUT THE BIBLE.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE MISS BARCH BANNED PHONES IN STUDY HALL.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IN THERE FOR AN HOUR?
- EEE!
YOUR SWEATER!
- ISN'T IT RUDE WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO PRETEND
THEY DON'T LIKE SOMETHING YOU'RE WEARING,
BECAUSE THEY'RE SECRETLY JEALOUS?
- NO, SANDY.
I ALMOST BOUGHT THAT EXACT SAME SWEATER,
BUT SOMETHING TOLD ME NOT TO.
- COULD THAT SOMETHING BE A MIRROR?
BECAUSE A SWEATER LIKE THIS
ONLY LOOKS GOOD ON A VERY TALL AND LEAN FIGURE.
- NO, NO, NO.
MY GUARDIAN ANGEL TOLD ME NOT TO GET THE SWEATER.
HE KNEW YOU ALREADY HAD IT.
- YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL IS A GUY?
- I THINK SO.
I MEAN, WHENEVER I TALK TO HIM ABOUT LOW-FAT YOGURT FLAVORS,
HE SEEMS VERY DETACHED.
- QUINN, MAYBE YOU'D BETTER STOP
PUTTING YOUR COATS IN STORAGE
UNTIL WE KNOW MORE ABOUT THE EFFECTS OF MOTHBALL FUMES
ON THE HUMAN BRAIN.
- NO, SANDY.
QUINN REALLY DOES HAVE A GUARDIAN ANGEL.
- HE SAVED HER LIFE.
- AND HE FOUND THIS EARRING
I WAS MISSING SINCE LAST SEPTEMBER.
- BUT IF A GUARDIAN ANGEL IS SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU,
WHY WOULD HE FIND AN EARRING THAT'S SO '80s?
- GEE, SANDY, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
- YEAH.
IT'S RELEVANT.
- I GUESS THERE ARE SOME MYSTERIES
THAT ARE JUST BEYOND OUR KNOWLEDGE.
- GUARDIAN ANGEL, HUH?
- AT LEAST HE DOESN'T LEAVE THE MILK OUT
LIKE WHEN THE TRIX RABBIT WAS STAYING WITH US.
- I GUESS I CAN COUNT YOU AMONG THE SKEPTICS.
- LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY.
IN MY SPIRITUAL UNIVERSE,
IF THERE ARE GUARDIAN ANGELS,
THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE IN CLOGS.
- AND THEN MR. DEMARTINO ASKED ME FOR THE ANSWER,
SO I STALLED AND SAID, "HMM, LET ME SEE,
ROOSEVELT'S BIG DEAL, ROOSEVELT'S BIG DEAL."
AND THEN HE SAID,
"NEVER MIND!
HOW ABOUT YOU, COREY?"
[all gasp]
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE SOMEONE KNEW
I HADN'T DONE MY HOMEWORK
AND WAS MAKING SURE I DIDN'T GET CAUGHT.
- YEAH, GUARDIAN ANGEL, COOL!
- QUINN IS SO DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION.
- IT'S SAD, REALLY.
- I WISH I HAD QUINN'S GUARDIAN ANGEL.
MINE'S JUST THIS CREEPY OLD AUNT
WHO'S GONNA TAKE ME IN IF MY PARENTS DIE.
SHE SMELLS.
- STUPID!
THAT'S A GODMOTHER.
A GUARDIAN ANGEL'S LIKE THIS DUDE
WHO FOLLOWS YOU AROUND
AND MAKES SURE YOU DON'T GET INTO TROUBLE.
- OH, LIKE A PAROLE OFFICER.
- SO YOU MEAN HE FOLLOWS HER EVERYWHERE?
- YEAH, SURE.
- EVEN IN THE SHOWER?
- THAT PERVERT!
- HE'S WAY TOO OLD FOR HER.
- WE SHOULD KICK HIS BUTT.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE MAKING
SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS, QUINN.
I MEAN, I HAVE A GUARDIAN ANGEL TOO.
I JUST DON'T BRAG ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.
- REALLY?
THAT'S GREAT, SANDY!
WHAT KINDS OF THINGS DOES HE DO FOR YOU?
- WELL, TODAY IN THE CAFETERIA,
MY ANGEL TOLD ME TO HAVE
THE RASPBERRY VINAIGRETTE DRESSING,
BECAUSE IT'LL MAKE MY HAIR EXTRA LUMINOUS.
- I HAD THE SAME DRESSING.
I WONDER IF MY HAIR WILL GET MORE LUMINOUS.
- IT DIDN'T.
- OH.
- BUT YOU ALWAYS EAT SALAD
WITH VINAIGRETTE DRESSING.
- I'M SORRY, QUINN.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TELL MY ANGEL TO STOP BEING SO CONSISTENT.
- SANDY,
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
- UH, I GOT TO GO.
- OH, I FEEL REALLY SICK.
- ME TOO.
- THAT'S WEIRD.
I FEEL FINE.
- I THINK IT WAS THE SALAD DRESSING.
- SOMEONE OR SOMETHING STOPPED ME FROM EATING THAT DRESSING.
- I DIDN'T HAVE IT EITHER,
BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BE SICK.
- THANKS FOR TAKING ME SHOPPING FOR MY PARTY, ASHLEY-AMBER.
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
I LOVE MALLS.
THEY PLAY SUCH HAPPY MUSIC.
- AND THEY LET YOU TRY ON THINGS.
- HOW DO YOU THINK THEY MAKE GLITTER?
- HMM.
I DON'T THINK WE LEARNED THAT YET IN SCIENCE.
- CAN I HELP YOU, LADIES?
- YES.
HOW DO THEY MAKE GLITTER?
- WHY, THEY CAPTURE A MOONBEAM AND CRUMBLE IT UP
INTO TINY LITTLE SPECKS OF MAGIC.
- THEN WE CAN SAVE A BUNCH OF MONEY
BY DOING THAT OURSELVES.
- ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE?
- YOU KNOW, THE NEIGHBORS CAN SEE YOU
READING THAT THROUGH THE WINDOWS.
- I WANTED TO SEE WHAT YOUR SISTER'S SO EXCITED ABOUT.
- WHY?
- OH, DARIA.
MUST YOU BE SO QUICK TO JUDGE?
- YOU'RE READING A BOOK ABOUT CATS WITH WINGS.
- ALL RIGHT, SOME OF THE STORIES ARE A LITTLE FAR-FETCHED.
- CARRYING AN AMPUTATED ANIMAL FOOT FOR GOOD LUCK
IS FAR-FETCHED.
CELESTIAL MIDDLE MANAGERS
CHANGING THE COURSE OF HUMAN EVENTS IS LUDICROUS.
- OKAY, GUARDIAN ANGELS AREN'T FOR YOU, OBVIOUSLY.
BUT WHAT'S THE HARM IN QUINN THINKING SOMEONE SPECIAL
IS LOOKING OUT FOR HER?
- LIKE A HEAVENLY PERSONAL SHOPPER?
- DARIA, WHY DOES THIS BOTHER YOU SO MUCH?
- [screaming]
- SOMEONE JUST MIXED FALL AND SPRING FASHIONS.
- MOM, MOM, I TOOK MY NEW JEANS OUT OF THE LAUNDRY,
AND THEY HAVE BLACK GUNK ALL OVER THEM.
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?
- HAS ANYONE SEEN MY ELECTRICAL TAPE?
- I THINK YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL
FORGOT TO CHECK DAD'S PANTS POCKETS.
- WHY?
WHY WOULD MY ANGEL JUST DESERT ME LIKE THIS?
- MAYBE THE NEXT BOOK YOU READ SHOULD BE
WHEN MILDLY INCONVENIENT THINGS HAPPEN TO SHALLOW PEOPLE.
- AW, YOU CAN STILL WEAR THESE.
THERE'S ONLY A COUPLE OF STAINS.
- DAD, I'M NOT DARIA.
- JAKE, WHY DON'T YOU TELL HER YOU'LL REPLACE THE JEANS,
SINCE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO RUINED THEM?
- [sighs]
ALL RIGHT, HERE.
- YOU CAN'T BUY PANTS FOR $20.
- [sighs]
- HEY, WHY CAN'T I GET MONEY FOR NEW JEANS?
- YOU DON'T WEAR JEANS.
- WELL, THEN I NEED MONEY
SO I CAN BRIBE A DEAD GUY TO BE MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.
- JAKE, GIVE THEM EACH $50, AND DON'T NEGOTIATE.
- [grumbling]
- SO THERE WAS A REASON FOR THIS AFTER ALL.
THANK YOU.
- THERE'S NO COMMISSION INVOLVED HERE, IS THERE?
[distorted rock guitar]
- SEE, MAX, SUBZERO ISN'T ONE NUMBER.
IT'S ALL THE NUMBERS BELOW ZERO.
- SO WHAT?
- SO THE TEMPERATURE CAN'T GET BELOW SUBZERO,
BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW LOW IT GETS,
IT'S STILL PART OF THE SUBZERO SET.
- SET?
HEY, ISN'T THAT LIKE ALGEBRA?
- OH, MAN.
DAMN IT.
SOUND CHECK.
[guitar reverberating]
[crystal tinkling]
[crystal shattering]
UM, MAYBE WE SHOULD TURN IT DOWN A LITTLE.
- AND NOW MY ONCE RATIONAL MOTHER IS TELLING ME
I SHOULD RESPECT QUINN'S BELIEFS.
- HMM, I SUPPOSE THE EARTH COULD BE FLAT.
- EVEN THAT WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE.
I MEAN, WATCH THE BLOODSHED ON THE EVENING NEWS
AND THEN TELL ME THERE ARE GUARDIAN ANGELS.
- WELL, SOMEONE'S KEEPING THOSE DICTATORS IN COMBAT BOOTS.
- OH, COME ON.
- YOU KNOW WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?
YOU'RE AFRAID THAT IT'S TRUE,
THAT THE QUINNS OF THE WORLD FIT IN SO WELL
BECAUSE SOMETHING REALLY IS LOOKING OUT FOR THEM.
EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN DECIDED.
THEY WIN, YOU LOSE,
AND WHAT YOU DO DOESN'T MATTER,
BECAUSE THE END IS FIXED.
SO WHY EVEN BOTHER?
GOD, I'M DEPRESSED.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE'D BETTER CALL IT A NIGHT.
- KEEP MOVING, MORGENDORFFER.
[random guitar tones]
♪ ♪
- HEY, WE'RE MYSTIK SPIRAL, AND WE'RE TO HONOR
BRITTANY TAYLOR, 'CAUSE EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY.
- WHAT DID THEY CALL ME?
- THEY--
- THEY'RE CUTE.
- YEAH! together: OOO!
- ♪ YOU PUT ME A SHORT LEASH ♪
♪ AND THREW AWAY MY HYDRANT ♪
♪ YOU ATE UP ALL MY KIBBLE ♪
♪ NOW MY COAT'S NO LONGER VIBRANT ♪
♪ MY NOSE IS DRY AND CHAPPED ♪
♪ BUT THIS PUPPY'S HERE TO STAY ♪
♪ SCRATCH MY BELLY, BABY ♪
♪ EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY ♪
♪ AROO! ♪
- [barking]
♪ ♪
- I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE SEEN YOUR FAIR FIGURE
GRACING THE HALLS OF LAWNDALE HIGH.
- OH, I DON'T GO TO YOUR SCHOOL.
I'M--
- AH, THEN ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
CHARLES RUTTHEIMER III.
- I'M ASHLEY-AMBER.
- AND MAY I BE THE FIRST TO PUT THE LEGEND
OF MY AMOROUS EXPLOITS TO REST.
I'M ACTUALLY QUITE SENSITIVE
TO THE SECRET MOST STIRRINGS OF YOUR HEART.
- I'M BRITTANY'S STEPMOM.
- STEPMOM?
AN OLDER WOMAN, A YOUNGER, WILLING MAN.
DO I DARE TO DREAM?
PLEASE, DON'T BE GENTLE.
HUH?
OH, ASHLEY-AMBER.
ASHLEY-AMBER.
- SO DO YOU THINK
THAT GUARDIAN ANGEL DUDE IS HERE?
- OF COURSE HE IS.
LOOK AROUND FOR AN OLD GUY.
- THERE HE IS!
- DUDE, THAT'S MR. O'NEILL.
- DON'T YOU GET IT?
THEY TAKE HUMAN FORM WHEN THEY COME TO EARTH.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS DEMONS WHO DO THAT.
- NO, THAT'S ALIENS, DOOFUS.
- COME ON, WE GOT TO KEEP HIM AWAY FROM QUINN.
- WHERE'D YOU GET THE SODA, QUINN?
- OH, COREY BROUGHT--
UM, OVER THERE.
- YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING.
IF PEOPLE IN REALLY POOR COUNTRIES CAN'T GET FOOD,
DOES THAT MEAN THEY CAN'T GET DIET SODA EITHER?
- BUT THEN HOW DO THEY STAY THIN?
- STACY, YOU WERE WHAT?
- NOTHING.
- COME BACK HERE!
- I WANT A PARTY TOO!
I WANT A PARTY TOO!
- EEK!
- I'LL GIVE YOU A BUTT-KICKING PARTY,
YOU LITTLE BRAT.
- MY NEW NEW JEANS.
- GEE, QUINN, I HOPE NO ONE THINKS YOU HAD AN ACCIDENT.
- [gasps]
- BRR.
- YEAH, THAT'S SO HUMILIATING.
YOU JUST WANT TO DIE,
I IMAGINE.
- MAYBE YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL BETTER GIVE YOU A RIDE HOME,
THAT IS, IF HE HASN'T DESERTED YOU.
- NO, HE'D NEVER DO THAT.
HE'S PROBABLY JUST TESTING ME.
- WE NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK.
WHY DON'T WE STEP OUTSIDE?
- RELINQUISH OUR ROLES AS EDUCATOR AND STUDENT
AND SEIZE THE CHANCE TO HANG OUT AS JUST PLAIN FRIENDS?
THAT'S GREAT, JOEY.
- HE IS AN ALIEN.
- NO, I'M NOT, JEFFY.
BUT I UNDERSTAND THAT TO AN ADOLESCENT,
GROWN-UPS CAN SEEM ALIENATING AT TIMES.
NOW LET'S HEAD OUTSIDE AND RAP.
THE SKY'S THE LIMIT.
[laughs]
- GEE, I DON'T REMEMBER SEEING YOU GUYS BEFORE.
ARE YOU FRIENDS OF BRITTANY?
- BRITTANY?
- YOU KNOW, THE PERSON FOR WHOM THIS PARTY IS FOR.
- PARTY?
- YES, PARTY FOR BRITTANY,
'CAUSE SHE'S BECOME AN HONOR STUDENT.
- BRITTANY?
- THANK YOU.
WE'RE, UM--
NEVER MIND WHO WE ARE.
MR. TAYLOR WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING.
[cheers and applause]
- HEY, KIDS.
WE HAVE A LITTLE PRESENT FOR BRITTANY
TO SHOW HER HOW PROUD WE ARE.
BRING IT OUT, ASHLEY-AMBER.
BRITTANY, BABY, THIS IS FOR YOU.
- OH, DADDY, THANK YOU.
WHAT IS IT?
- BABE, IT'S A HAT.
- NO, IT'S A BULLHORN.
YOU KNOW, FOR CHEERLEADING.
GENUINE NEAR CRYSTAL.
BORROWED AGAIN FROM BRIAN'S COLLEGE FUND,
BUT YOU'RE WORTH IT.
- OOO!
[applause]
- HEY, YOU'RE LEANING ON THE MIXING BOARD.
[glass shattering]
MY BULLHORN!
- SORRY.
I'LL BUY A NEW ONE.
I PROMISE.
- SOME GUARDIAN ANGEL.
HE DIDN'T EVEN STOP YOU FROM DESTROYING THAT ITEM.
- I--I--
OH, WHERE'S MY ANGEL?
[sobbing]
- I GUESS NOW ISN'T THE BEST TIME
TO BREAK THE NEWS ABOUT THE TOOTH FAIRY.
- BUT AESTHETICS ALONE DON'T ACCOUNT
FOR THE SILO'S ROUND SHAPE.
YOU SEE, IF AIR POCKETS--
- QUINN?
YOU'RE WATCHING AN EDUCATIONAL PROGRAM.
- MM, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
MY ANGEL'S GONE.
- MAYBE HE'S JUST STUCK IN THE ENGINE OF A JUMBO JET.
- RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I KNOW GUARDIAN ANGELS
SOUND LIKE A DUMB IDEA.
BUT ONCE I STARTED BELIEVING IN THEM,
IT FELT REALLY NICE,
LIKE THERE WAS SOMEONE PUT HERE JUST TO DO THINGS FOR ME.
- YOU MEAN, BESIDES THE ENTIRE
MALE POPULATION OF LAWNDALE HIGH?
- IT'S NOT THE SAME THING.
DARIA, YOU'RE SMART, RIGHT?
- WELL, I'M NO BRITTANY TAYLOR.
BUT THE OCCASIONAL ELECTRIC IMPULSE
DOES SHOOT THROUGH MY BRAIN.
- SO IF THERE ARE NO GUARDIAN ANGELS,
WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?
- I GUESS I BELIEVE IN TREATING PEOPLE
THE WAY YOU'D WANT TO BE TREATED.
- BUT THERE'S NOTHING WATCHING OVER US,
NOTHING KEEPING TRACK?
- WELL, THERE'S THE IRS
AND THOSE GUYS WITH THE BLACK HELICOPTERS.
QUINN, UNTIL I SEE SOME PRETTY CONVINCING EVIDENCE
TO THE CONTRARY,
I THINK WE'RE ON OUR OWN.
- BUT--BUT THAT'S SO SAD.
- THEN AGAIN, I DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF
THAT THERE ISN'T SOMETHING OUT THERE.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BULLHORN?
- MAYBE THE ANGEL DIDN'T THINK SAVING AN OVERPRICED,
UNDESERVED KNICKKNACK
WAS THE MOST EFFICIENT USE OF HIS TIME.
- YEAH.
MAYBE ANGELS ONLY GET INVOLVED
WITH REALLY BIG STUFF.
HE WAS PROBABLY PLAYING HIS STRING THING
WHEN THE BULLHORN BROKE AND DIDN'T EVEN HEAR IT.
THAT MAKES SENSE, RIGHT?
- I THINK WHAT MAKES SENSE
IS TO BELIEVE WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL BEST.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA STOP RELYING
ON MY ANGEL SO MUCH FOR LITTLE THINGS
AND LET HIM DO HIS IMPORTANT STUFF
AND JUST KNOW THAT IF I NEED HIM
FOR ANYTHING REALLY CRITICAL
LIKE A COMPLEXION CRISIS OR AN UNANTICIPATED WEIGHT GAIN,
HE'LL BE THERE.
THANKS, DARIA.
- DON'T MENTION IT.
- QUINN SEEMS TO BE DOING BETTER.
- DON'T BLAME ME.
I TRIED TO MAKE HER CRY.
- I THINK IT'S VERY SWEET
WHEN SOMEONE PUTS ASIDE HER OWN STRONG FEELINGS
JUST TO COMFORT SOMEONE ELSE.
- "SWEET"?
OFFICER, YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY.
- OKAY, DARIA.
WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL BEST.
- AND THEN BRADLEY SAID,
"WELL, IF YOU'RE TOO BUSY FOR A REAL DATE,
HOW ABOUT A CYBER DATE?"
AND I SAID, "NOT UNTIL THEY INVENT
CYBER FRENCH RESTAURANTS, BUSTER."
[laughing]
I SAID "BUSTER."
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
- NO.
- THAT'S JUST SO FUNNY.
- LITTLE MISS SPIRITUAL CRISIS SEEMS TO HAVE RECOVERED
FROM LOSING HER ANGEL.
- YEAH, I KNEW HER SUFFERING WOULDN'T LAST.
- THE GOOD TIMES NEVER DO.
- WELL, AT LEAST WE GOT TO SEE A GROWN MAN
TRY TO MAKE A BULLHORN FROM A PILE OF BROKEN GLASS.
- AND I GOT TO MEET AMBER-ASHLEY.
- YOU MEAN ASHLEY-AMBER.
- RIGHT.
HOW IS IT THAT SHE LOOKS AND ACTS
EXACTLY THE SAME AGE AS HER OWN STEPDAUGHTER?
- HEY, THERE ARE SOME MYSTERIES
THAT ARE JUST BEYOND OUR KNOWLEDGE.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
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♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪