1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:05,137 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 2 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:17,582 - OKAY, STUDENTS, 3 00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,384 HERE IS YOUR READING ASSIGNMENT FOR TONIGHT: 4 00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:21,386 SCENES ONE THROUGH FIVE IN DOCTOR FAUSTUS. 5 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:24,089 SORRY I DON'T HAVE ACTUAL COPIES OF THE PLAY FOR YOU 6 00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:26,191 BUT, YOU KNOW...THE BUDGET. 7 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,227 - HEY, MR. O., I CAN'T READ THIS. 8 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,595 - I CAN'T READ MINE, EITHER. 9 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:33,465 - HMM, I CAN JUST MAKE OUT THE WORDS "INCIPIENT MIGRAINE." 10 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,367 - I APOLOGIZE FOR THE QUALITY OF THESE, CLASS. 11 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:39,404 THE SCHOOL'S PHOTOCOPIER IS SO VERY OLD. 12 00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:40,439 DARN BUDGET. 13 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,440 - MR. O'NEILL. 14 00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,775 - SORRY. 15 00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:44,943 - SO IT'S CLEAR THAT IN THE CASE OF CHECHNYA, 16 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,046 CONFLICTS THAT TOOK GENERATIONS TO DEVELOP 17 00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,581 WILL CERTAINLY NOT BE RESOLVED IN A PERIOD OF MONTHS. 18 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,417 - EXCELLENT REPORT, JODIE. 19 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:54,019 WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE YOUR CLASSMATES A CLEARER PICTURE 20 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:58,757 OF THE HOSTILITIES BY POINTING OUT CHECHNYA ON THE MAP? 21 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,695 - UM, CHECHNYA BECAME INDEPENDENT IN 1991, 22 00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:05,797 AND THIS MAP WAS PRINTED BEFORE THEN. 23 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:06,865 IT'S COMPLETELY OUTDATED. 24 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,233 - THAT'S RIGHT, JODIE. 25 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,769 I GUESS THEY THINK SINCE I TEACH HISTORY, 26 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:14,807 I DON'T NEED ANY SUPPLIES CREATED AFTER VE-DAY. 27 00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:18,643 - CLASS, I THOUGHT AS AN EXERCISE IN IMAGINATION, 28 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:19,978 WE COULD DEPRIVE OURSELVES 29 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:22,481 OF ONE OF OUR CUSTOMARY CREATIVE TOOLS. 30 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:25,249 SO TODAY LET'S ALL TRY TO PAINT A PICTURE 31 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,086 WITHOUT USING THE COLOR RED. 32 00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:28,320 - BUT I LIKE RED. 33 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,456 IT REFLECTS MY PASSIONATE NATURE. 34 00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,958 - I'M SURE IT DOES, BRITTANY, BUT, WELL, 35 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,460 I RAN OUT OF IT YESTERDAY, 36 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,562 AND THERE'S NO MONEY TO GET ANY MORE. 37 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:40,232 - SO YOU SEE, MS. LI, THE OTHER TEACHERS AND I THOUGHT 38 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,166 IF WE COULD MAYBE TAKE SOME OF THE MONEY 39 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:44,769 WE'VE BEEN SPENDING ON SCHOOL SECURITY 40 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,239 AND INSTEAD SPEND IT ON SCHOOL SUPPLIES-- 41 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,440 - MR. O'NEILL, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA 42 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:52,077 WHAT A SATELLITE TRANSMISSION JAMMER COSTS THESE DAYS? 43 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,077 - UM... 44 00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:54,379 - MR. WHITE. - YEAH? 45 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:55,814 WHY AREN'T YOU OUT THERE PRACTICING 46 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,116 WITH THE OTHER GRIDIRONERS? 47 00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,784 - UM, THE FACE MASK FELL OFF MY HELMET. 48 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,119 - SO GET A NEW HELMET. 49 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,054 - I CAN'T. COACH SAYS WE'RE OUT OF MONEY. 50 00:02:02,056 --> 00:02:03,455 - THAT'S IT. 51 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,658 THE SCHOOL FINANCIAL PREDICAMENT HAS REACHED CRISIS PROPORTIONS. 52 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:09,194 - SO WHAT WE'RE REALLY TALKING ABOUT 53 00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:12,597 IS A LENS OF FISCAL FOCUS CONCENTRATING THE DIFFUSED LIGHT 54 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:14,699 OF OUR STUDENTS' DISCRETIONARY SPENDING 55 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,101 INTO A LASER BEAM OF ECONOMIC CLOUT. 56 00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:19,171 - MR. LAMM, I LIKE THE WAY THAT SOUNDS. 57 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,840 - HOW MANY SODA MACHINES DO WE HAVE IN THIS INSTITUTION? 58 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,843 - TWO IN THE CAFETERIA AND ONE IN THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE. 59 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:25,977 - THREE? 60 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,979 NO, WE NEED AT LEAST FOUR TIMES THAT NUMBER. 61 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,148 - BUT CAN WE REALLY MAKE UP THE BUDGET DEFICIT 62 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,117 WITH THE PROCEEDS ON CANS OF SODA? 63 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,485 - OH, IT'S NOT THE CANS. 64 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,454 IT'S THE EXCLUSIVE CONTRACT. 65 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,588 - WHAT CONTRACT? 66 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,223 - SEE, WHAT I DO IS REPRESENT YOUR INTERESTS 67 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,759 TO THE SODA COMPANIES. 68 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,093 I SAY TO EACH OF THEM, 69 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,962 "I'VE GOT A HIGH SCHOOL THAT'S WILLING TO SELL 70 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:46,731 "NO OTHER BEVERAGES BUT YOURS IN ITS CAFETERIAS, 71 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:49,001 "AT ITS DANCES, SPORTING EVENTS, WHATEVER. 72 00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:52,537 THEY'LL ADVERTISE AND SELL YOUR PRODUCT EXCLUSIVELY." 73 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:53,939 - ADVERTISE? 74 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,473 - TASTEFUL LITTLE POSTERS. 75 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:58,509 "AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO, MR. SODA COMPANY FAT CAT, 76 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,613 "IS HAND OVER, OH, LET'S SAY $50,000 77 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,681 TO BE USED AS THE SCHOOL SEES FIT." 78 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,118 - $50,000. 79 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,753 - AND THAT'S IF WE DON'T GET A BIDDING WAR GOING. 80 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,054 - HMM... 81 00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:12,757 YOU DON'T THINK IT'S UNSEEMLY TO HAVE ADVERT-- 82 00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,494 UH, PROMOTION INSIDE SCHOOL CORRIDORS? 83 00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:17,662 - MS. LI, OUR KIDS SEE ADVERTISING 84 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:20,332 WHEN THEY TURN ON THE TV, WHEN THEY LOG ONTO THE WEB, 85 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,068 WHEN THEY DRIVE THE HIGHWAYS AND WALK THROUGH THE MALLS. 86 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:26,404 DO WE REALLY WANT SCHOOL TO BE A SHELTERED IVORY TOWER 87 00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:29,007 THAT FAILS TO PREPARE THEM FOR LIFE OUTSIDE ITS WALLS? 88 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,942 - HMM, I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY. 89 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:34,947 DID YOU SAY $50,000? 90 00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:37,149 - CLASS, OUR PLANETARIUM TRIP 91 00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:38,951 HAS BEEN CANCELED DUE TO LACK OF FUNDS, 92 00:03:38,953 --> 00:03:40,518 SO YOUR ASSIGNMENT TONIGHT 93 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,255 IS TO LOCATE ORION THE HUNTER IN THE SKY, 94 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:46,058 THEN WRITE AN ESSAY ON WHY YOU THINK HE NEEDS TO CARRY 95 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,793 A WEAPON TO FEEL LIKE A MAN. 96 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:49,127 [bell rings] 97 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,796 - ATTENTION, STUDENTS. 98 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,864 AN ACUTE PAPER SHORTAGE PREVENTS US 99 00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,266 FROM SENDING HOME AN ANNOUNCEMENT 100 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,335 ABOUT THE SCHOOL REVIEW MEETING, 101 00:03:56,337 --> 00:04:00,939 SO PLEASE REMIND YOUR PARENTS THAT IT'S THE 30TH AT 6:00. 102 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,373 - WHAT'D SHE SAY? THE 30TH? 103 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:03,609 - THANK YOU. 104 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:06,078 - WHY DIDN'T SHE COME ON BEFORE THE BELL RANG 105 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,412 SO WE COULD HEAR HER? 106 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,647 - WELL, CONSIDERING IT WAS ABOUT A SCHOOL REVIEW MEETING, 107 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,349 I'D HAVE TO SAY, WHO CARES? 108 00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:12,384 - WAIT A MINUTE. 109 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:14,352 THE 30TH IS A SUNDAY. 110 00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,688 WHO HOLDS SCHOOL REVIEW MEETINGS ON SUNDAY? 111 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,291 - DARIA, THE 30TH ISN'T A SUNDAY. 112 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,159 IT'S SUPER BOWL SUNDAY. 113 00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,962 - BE AN AMERICAN, DARIA. 114 00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,298 - SUPER BOWL SUNDAY? 115 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,066 - SO STACY SHOWED ME HER OUTFIT FOR SUNDAY, 116 00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,135 AND SHE HAD, LIKE, THIS SOLID CREAM-COLORED TOP, 117 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,972 AND I SAID, "STACY, IT'S A SUPER BOWL PARTY: 118 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,574 "GUYS YELLING AND JUMPING UP AND DOWN 119 00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:38,643 AND BANGING INTO STUFF AND DIP, STACY, DIP," 120 00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,979 SO SHE DECIDED TO GO WITH A PRINT INSTEAD. 121 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:45,250 YOU KNOW WHAT I ALWAYS SAY: "DIP" IS SHORT FOR "DIPSASTER." 122 00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:46,885 - THAT'S WONDERFUL, HONEY. 123 00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:49,520 - DID YOU KNOW MS. LI CALLED A SCHOOL REVIEW MEETING 124 00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:50,822 FOR SUPER BOWL SUNDAY? 125 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,023 - REALLY? THAT'S ODD. 126 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,192 WELL, MAYBE SHE'S NOT A FOOTBALL FAN. 127 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,261 - I THINK SHE'S TRYING TO PULL SOMETHING. 128 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,063 IF I WERE YOU, I'D MAKE IT A POINT 129 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,599 TO GO TO THAT MEETING AND PAY EXTRA-CLOSE ATTENTION. 130 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,433 - DARIA, YOU KNOW YOUR FATHER AND I 131 00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:04,102 HAVE TO GO TO ERIC'S SUPER BOWL PARTY... 132 00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,403 - WHAT? 133 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,306 - OR I'LL LOOK LIKE I'M NOT A TEAM PLAYER. 134 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,775 - I HAVE TO SPEND ANOTHER SUPER BOWL 135 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,276 WITH A BUNCH OF FREAKIN' LAWYERS 136 00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:14,245 AND THEIR FREAKIN' LAWYER HIGHBALLS AND LAWYER CIGARS? 137 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,314 LOUSY, STUCK-UP... 138 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,415 - JAKE! 139 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,583 I CALLED IN SOME FAVORS AROUND THE OFFICE 140 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,719 AND FOUND FIVE PEOPLE WHO PROMISED THEY'D TALK TO YOU. 141 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:21,920 - YOU DID? 142 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,689 - EXCUSE ME, BUT DOESN'T ANYBODY WANT TO HEAR 143 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:24,690 ABOUT STACY'S PANTS? 144 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:25,957 - HELLO? 145 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,225 THE HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL CALLED A PUBLIC MEETING 146 00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:29,861 SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO ATTEND. 147 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,798 - DARIA, IF YOU'RE SO CONCERNED, WHY DON'T YOU GO? 148 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,733 - WHAT? 149 00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,338 - YOU OWE ME HUGELY FOR MAKING ME MISS 150 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,873 THE BIGGEST FOOTBALL GAME OF THE YEAR. 151 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,241 - YOU HATE FOOTBALL. 152 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,777 - HEY, DON'T TRY ANY OF YOUR TWISTY-TURNY MIND GAMES 153 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,979 ON ME, MORGENDORFFER. 154 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,246 - SO IF I MAY SUM UP: 155 00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:51,883 OUR YOUNG PEOPLE ARE OUR GREATEST RESOURCE. 156 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,719 THEREFORE, LET US MINE THAT RESOURCE 157 00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:57,221 AND ALLOW THEIR THIRST FOR REFRESHMENT 158 00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:59,491 TO FUEL THEIR THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE. 159 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:02,326 THAT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IS EMPOWERMENT. 160 00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:03,761 THANK YOU. 161 00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:06,264 - YAHOO! 162 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,233 WELL, IF THAT'S NOT INSPIRING, 163 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,268 THEN I WASN'T NAMED FOURTH RUNNER-UP 164 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:12,837 FOR PRINCIPAL OF THE YEAR BY THE TRI-COUNTY CHAPTER 165 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:15,740 OF THE ASIAN-AMERICAN WOMEN IN EDUCATION'S CAUCUS. 166 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,276 NOW I'M SURE YOU ALL WANT TO GET HOME AND WATCH THE GAME, 167 00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,278 BUT FIRST, WE'VE ALLOTTED THREE MINUTES 168 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:24,216 FOR PUBLIC COMMENTARY ON MR. LAMM'S PROPOSAL. 169 00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,051 NOBODY? VERY WELL, THEN. 170 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,219 - EXCUSE ME. 171 00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,388 - UM, YES, MS. MORGENDORFFER? 172 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,556 - YOU'RE PLANNING TO MAKE SODA COMPANIES 173 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,091 BID AGAINST EACH OTHER FOR THE RIGHT 174 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,227 TO MARKET THEIR PRODUCTS IN LAWNDALE HIGH? 175 00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:36,428 - THAT'S RIGHT. 176 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,463 ALL YOU KIDS HAVE TO DO IS WHAT YOU'D DO ANYWAY: 177 00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:39,598 DRINK SODA. 178 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,566 - DOES THAT MEAN THAT EVERYWHERE I TURN, 179 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,535 I'LL RUN INTO A VENDING MACHINE? 180 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,637 - WELL, THERE WOULDN'T BE MUCH VALUE TO THE CONTRACT 181 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,304 IF THE PRODUCT WEREN'T EASILY AVAILABLE. 182 00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:48,440 [laughs] 183 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:49,908 - AND WHAT ELSE? 184 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,376 - NOTHING...BUT A FEW SMALL, DISCREET ADVERTISING POSTERS 185 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:54,946 IN THE HALLS, NOTHING IN QUESTIONABLE TASTE, 186 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:55,947 AND IF WE'RE LUCKY, 187 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,715 AN EXCITING, NEW HIGH-TECH SCOREBOARD 188 00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:00,118 FOR ATHLETIC EVENTS, BOYS' AND GIRLS'. 189 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,888 - SO THE SCHOOL WILL, IN EFFECT, BE ENDORSING THE SODA? 190 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,490 IS THAT REALLY THE SCHOOL'S ROLE: 191 00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:06,491 TO BECOME A SHILL? 192 00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,393 - MISS, DO YOU DRINK SODA? 193 00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,995 - HUH? OF COURSE. 194 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,196 - SO... 195 00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:13,097 - THIS ISN'T ABOUT WHETHER I LIKE SODA. 196 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,833 IT'S ABOUT WHETHER A PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL 197 00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:17,302 SHOULD BE USING ITS STATUS AS A PLACE OF AUTHORITY 198 00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,205 TO SERVE AS ONE MORE MARKETING TENTACLE OF CORPORATE AMERICA. 199 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,340 WITH THE TAXPAYERS SUBSIDIZING IT. 200 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,108 - SURELY YOU GIVE YOUR FRIENDS ENOUGH CREDIT 201 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,443 TO KNOW WHEN THEY'RE BEING TAUGHT 202 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,778 AND WHEN THEY'RE BEING SOLD TO. 203 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,080 - I GIVE THEM ENOUGH CREDIT TO FIGURE OUT 204 00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,316 ABOUT THREE SECONDS AFTER THOSE MACHINES ARRIVE 205 00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,184 THAT THEY CAN'T TRUST THIS INSTITUTION, 206 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,786 THE FEW WHO STILL DO. 207 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,887 - OH, DEAR. 208 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,021 DARN IT, OUR TIME IS UP. 209 00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,089 I'VE GOT SUPER BOWL FEVER. 210 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,725 UH, GO, TEAMS, GO. 211 00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,560 - THIS WHOLE THING SUCKS. 212 00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,229 THEY SHOULDN'T BE SELLING STUFF TO PEOPLE 213 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,764 UNDER THE GUISE OF EDUCATING THEM. 214 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:48,199 DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TOTALLY UNETHICAL AND UNDERHANDED? 215 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,400 - I DON'T KNOW. 216 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,335 LET ME MULL IT OVER FOR A FEW MINUTES. 217 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,846 IS IT MY IMAGINATION, 218 00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:03,782 OR IS SOMETHING ABOUT THE SCHOOL DIFFERENT TODAY? 219 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:08,353 - HEY, DARIA, JANE. 220 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,653 - ISN'T IT GREAT TO HAVE 221 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,489 ALL THESE NEW SODA MACHINES EVERYWHERE? 222 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,225 IT'S SO EASY TO GET A DRINK. 223 00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:14,726 - AND HYPERGLYCEMIA. 224 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,695 - I LIKE THESE MACHINES. 225 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:19,731 THEY'RE SO BRIGHT, SO SOOTHING... 226 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,100 YOU KNOW, WE'RE GETTING A NEW SCOREBOARD 227 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,901 AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF EQUIPMENT OUT OF THIS DEAL. 228 00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,737 - AND NEW POM-POMS AND EVERYTHING. 229 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,639 - AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO FOR IT 230 00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,841 IS NAME YOUR FIRSTBORN AFTER ULTRA COLA. 231 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,175 - WHAT? 232 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,244 - YOU WEREN'T GOING TO CALL HIM KEVIN JUNIOR, WERE YOU? 233 00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,446 - OH, KEVIE, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT DISAPPOINTED. 234 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,581 - ULTRA... 235 00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:38,082 ULTRA THOMPSON. 236 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,751 "NOW STARTING FOR THE MIAMI DOLPHINS 237 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,286 AT QUARTERBACK, ULTRA...COLA...THOMPSON." 238 00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,288 HOORAY! 239 00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,024 YEAH, IT'S COOL. 240 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,559 - HEY. 241 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,360 - YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. 242 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,495 - ABOUT WHAT? 243 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,630 - ABOUT THAT. 244 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,064 - OH, YEAH. 245 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,833 YEAH, THAT'S KIND OF SLEAZY. 246 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,635 - ARE YOU GOING TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT? 247 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,569 - I'D HAVE TO GO TO THE SUPERINTENDENT OF SCHOOLS. 248 00:08:58,571 --> 00:08:59,570 - SO WILL YOU? 249 00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:00,872 - I DON'T KNOW. 250 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,941 IT'S BRINGING IN A LOT OF MONEY TO THE SCHOOL. 251 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,976 - BUT YOU JUST SAID YOU THINK IT'S SLEAZY. 252 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,912 - WELL, YEAH, BUT THE LAWNDALE MODEL CONGRESS 253 00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,647 IS GOING TO WASHINGTON NEXT MONTH, 254 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,115 AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THREE YEARS, 255 00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,152 WE DON'T HAVE TO SELL 500 ROLLS OF GIFT WRAP TO PAY FOR THE BUS. 256 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:17,288 - NO, INSTEAD, THEY'RE SELLING YOU COLORED SUGAR WATER 257 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,424 WHILE PRETENDING TO GIVE YOU AN EDUCATION. 258 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,359 - HEY, YOU DRINK SODA, DON'T YOU? 259 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,928 - THAT'S NOT THE POINT. 260 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,862 - I JUST DON'T THINK A FEW LITTLE POSTERS 261 00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:26,031 ARE THAT BIG A DEAL. 262 00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,766 IN A WEEK, YOU WON'T EVEN NOTICE THEM. 263 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,033 - ALL THE WORSE. 264 00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,835 - DARIA, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU COMPLAIN. 265 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:31,870 - I DON'T COMPLAIN. 266 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,104 - THAT'S ALL YOU EVER DO. 267 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,940 - I MEAN, I DON'T GET INVOLVED. 268 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,475 - THEN I GUESS YOU DON'T REALLY CARE THAT MUCH, DO YOU? 269 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:42,047 - ALL HE WANTED JUST ONCE WAS TO EAT AT THE TABLE, 270 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,349 BUT SHE HAD A HANKERING TO HOWL. 271 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,885 SHIH TZU? I HARDLY KNOW YOU! 272 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,720 NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD. 273 00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,688 - DO YOU THINK I COMPLAIN A LOT? 274 00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,023 - WHAT ARE YOU BITCHING ABOUT NOW? 275 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,224 - I'M SERIOUS. 276 00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:55,193 I ASKED JODIE IF SHE'D TALK TO SOMEBODY 277 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,962 ABOUT THESE SODA POSTERS, AND SHE SAID I SHOULD DO IT 278 00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,397 SINCE I'M SO GOOD AT COMPLAINING. 279 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,398 - WHY DON'T YOU DO IT? 280 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,900 - WELL, LET'S SEE, 281 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:04,769 ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT I'M ALREADY CONSIDERED A SQUARE PEG 282 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,905 AND A MALCONTENT, THERE'S THE SMALL PROBLEM 283 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:09,207 THAT EVERYONE LOVES ALL THIS MONEY COMING IN, 284 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,042 AND I SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONE TROUBLED 285 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,243 BY WHERE IT'S COMING FROM. 286 00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:13,510 - SO WHAT? YOU'RE STILL RIGHT. 287 00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:14,746 - THANK YOU. 288 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,547 - AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO MOAN AND GROAN... 289 00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:17,782 - THANK YOU. 290 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,517 - AS LONG AS YOU TRY TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. 291 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,952 - WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME? 292 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,454 - BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WILL. 293 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,888 - BUT THAT'S WHAT'S SO INFURIATING. 294 00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,222 - AH-AH-AH. - WHAT? 295 00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:27,091 - THERE YOU GO COMPLAINING AGAIN. 296 00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:28,627 - [sighs] 297 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:31,496 - YOU OWE ME HUGELY FOR MAKING ME GET INVOLVED 298 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:32,797 IN SCHOOL DISTRICT POLITICS. 299 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,098 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 300 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,033 I JUST ASKED YOU TO WALK ME HERE. 301 00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:37,335 YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING IN. 302 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:40,004 - HEY, DON'T TRY ANY OF YOUR RHETORICAL GYMNASTICS 303 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,339 ON ME, MORGENDORFFER. 304 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,040 YOU SOUND A LITTLE NERVOUS. 305 00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,075 - NO, I DON'T. 306 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,877 - MY MISTAKE. - YOU CAN GO IN NOW. 307 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,311 - EEP! 308 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,680 AND THAT'S WHY I REALLY THINK IT'S INAPPROPRIATE 309 00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,682 TO BE USING THE SCHOOL AS A VENUE 310 00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:53,384 FOR THIS COLA COMPANY'S ADVERTISING. 311 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,753 - MS. MORGENDORFFER, 312 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,755 I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND THAT I PUNCHED YOUR NAME UP 313 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,289 ON THE COMPUTER BEFORE YOU CAME IN. 314 00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,258 YOU HAVE A VERY IMPRESSIVE ACADEMIC RECORD... 315 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,593 - UM, THANKS. 316 00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:04,029 - BUT VERY LITTLE IN THE WAY OF EXTRACURRICULARS. 317 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,964 - WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? 318 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,032 - WELL, I CAN'T HELP WONDERING, 319 00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:11,235 DO YOU REALLY OBJECT THAT STRONGLY TO A FEW SODA MACHINES, 320 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:14,105 OR IS THIS PROTEST PERHAPS AN EXERCISE 321 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,740 IN EXTRACURRICULAR INVOLVEMENT 322 00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,208 TO PUT ON YOUR COLLEGE APPLICATIONS? 323 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,276 - WHAT? 324 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,111 - DO YOU DRINK SODA, DARIA? 325 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:21,613 - THAT'S NOT THE POINT. 326 00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:24,281 - LAWNDALE HIGH IS NOW THE ONLY SCHOOL IN THE COUNTY 327 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,717 RUNNING A SURPLUS. 328 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,218 I WAS GOING TO TALK TO LEONARD LAMM 329 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,288 ABOUT WRITING A CONTRACT PROPOSAL FOR ALL OUR SCHOOLS. 330 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,623 - MR. CARTWRIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT. 331 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,959 I'M NOT A BIG ONE FOR PARTICIPATION. 332 00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,394 I WENT AGAINST MY INSTINCTS COMING HERE TODAY, 333 00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:38,930 AND WHEN WORD GETS AROUND, 334 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:42,133 I'LL PROBABLY BE EVEN MORE ISOLATED THAN I ALREADY AM. 335 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,300 - OH, I DON'T... 336 00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:45,336 BUT I DID IT, BECAUSE AS LITTLE AFFECTION 337 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,272 OR RESPECT AS I HAVE FOR MY FELLOW STUDENTS, 338 00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,607 THEY DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED AS A DEMOGRAPHIC 339 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:50,708 BY THEIR OWN SCHOOL. 340 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,610 - ALL THAT CONTRACT IS TRYING TO DO 341 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,879 IS MAKE THE EDUCATIONAL EXPERIENCE BETTER. 342 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,514 - THEN JUST COME TO LAWNDALE HIGH 343 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:57,882 AND SEE IF THAT'S HAPPENING. 344 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,150 - I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 345 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,585 - UM, THAT DOESN'T SOUND VERY CONVINCING. 346 00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:03,187 - I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 347 00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,622 THANK YOU FOR COMING IN. 348 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,660 - WELL, IT'S BEEN FOUR WEEKS, 349 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,662 AND I'D SAY WE'VE DONE A STELLAR JOB 350 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,465 OF MAKING ULTRA COLA AVAILABLE TO OUR STUDENTS. 351 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,401 - WELL, YOU MIGHT SAY SO, AND I'M SURE I'D AGREE WITH YOU, 352 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,971 BUT UNFORTUNATELY, THAT WON'T HOLD UP IN COURT. 353 00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:20,972 - HUH? 354 00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,072 - THE IDEA WASN'T MAKING 355 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,641 THE PRODUCT AVAILABLE TO THE STUDENTS. 356 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:26,644 IT WAS MAKING THE STUDENTS AVAILABLE TO THE PRODUCT. 357 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,980 THE ULTRA COLA PEOPLE SAY YOUR SALES 358 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,548 AREN'T WHAT THEY SHOULD BE. 359 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,984 YOU DO WANT TO MAKE YOUR QUOTAS, DON'T YOU? 360 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,219 OR THE SCHOOL WON'T GET THAT NICE BIG CHECK. 361 00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:36,353 - OH, MY GOSH. 362 00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:37,488 WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? 363 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,525 - WELL, WE NEED TO TAKE IT UP A NOTCH. 364 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,932 - I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS. 365 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,147 - CLASS, THERE'S BEEN A SLIGHT CHANGE 366 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,716 IN OUR LESSON PLAN. 367 00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:08,052 TODAY WE'LL DISCUSS THE PLANET'' RELATIVE DISTANCE FROM THE SUN. 368 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,355 - BUT WE DID THAT TWO WEEKS AGO, MS. B. 369 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:12,924 - AND NOW WE'RE GONNA DO IT AGAIN, CHARLES, 370 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:16,194 UNLESS YOU WISH TO SPEND THE PERIOD IN INDEPENDENT STUDY. 371 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,128 - NO, NOT THE CLOSET. 372 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:21,065 NOW, THE REASON FOR THE CHANGE IS THAT I'VE RECEIVED 373 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:24,735 A BRAND-NEW LEARNING AID. 374 00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,337 "WHY, LOOK, STUDENTS, 375 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,374 "A THREE-DIMENSIONAL MODEL OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM 376 00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:32,610 "GRACIOUSLY PROVIDED BY ULTRA COLA. 377 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:36,981 ULTRA COLA: THE FAVORITE BEVERAGE IN ANY UNIVERSE." 378 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,415 [sighs] 379 00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:41,919 "WE CAN USE IT TO DISCUSS WHICH PLANETS' ATMOSPHERES 380 00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:45,689 MIGHT SUPPORT THE PROCESS OF CARBONATION." 381 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,127 OR I CAN JUST SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY 382 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:52,597 IN THE TEACHERS' BATHROOM STARING AT THE TILES. 383 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,099 - GOOD ULTRA COLA MORNING, STUDENTS. 384 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:58,236 I AM PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE AN ULTRA COLA SCHEDULE CHANGE. 385 00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,204 FROM NOW ON, THE PERIOD BETWEEN CLASSES 386 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:02,607 WILL BE INCREASED FROM FIVE MINUTES TO TEN, 387 00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:05,376 ALLOWING YOU MORE TIME TO GET TO YOUR ULTRA COLA LOCKERS, 388 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,311 ORGANIZE YOUR ULTRA COLA BACKPACKS, 389 00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:09,780 AND STILL ENJOY A DELICIOUS ULTRA COLA. 390 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:13,384 ULTRA COLA: THE REFRESHING WAY TO LEARN. 391 00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:17,321 - YOU DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA TRY TO MAKE MR. DEMARTINO 392 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,723 USE ULTRA COLA IN HIS CLASS LESSONS, DO YOU? 393 00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:20,724 - ARGH! 394 00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,627 STUPID... 395 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:23,628 ARGH! 396 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:27,131 STUPID COLA...ARGH...FRIGGIN'... 397 00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,899 MARKETING CONTRACT... 398 00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:31,202 AUUUUGH! 399 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,837 - WHAT WAS THE QUESTION? 400 00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,806 - [muffled whining] 401 00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:38,175 OH, KEVIE, IT'S TERRIBLE. 402 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:39,910 HOW CAN I FACE THE WORLD? 403 00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:40,911 - IT'S OKAY, BABE. 404 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,814 YOU LOOK, UH...CUTE. 405 00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,248 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 406 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,517 - KIND OF, UH...ROUND AND SHINY. 407 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,486 - OHHHH. 408 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,321 - UH, I LIKE THAT IN A WOMAN? 409 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,355 - NNUH! 410 00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,457 - OW. 411 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,793 - I HATE THIS STUPID UNIFORM. 412 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,029 YOU CAN'T BUILD A HUMAN PYRAMID IN THIS. 413 00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,198 EVERYBODY KEEPS ROLLING OFF. 414 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,066 OH, GOD, MY ARMS. 415 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,334 I CAN'T FEEL MY ARMS. 416 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,870 [whining] 417 00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:07,438 - YOU SEE, 418 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,340 YOU'RE STILL FALLING SHORT OF YOUR QUOTAS, 419 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,975 AND I DON'T NEED TO TELL YOU, THOSE SALES HAVE TO BE MADE UP. 420 00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,411 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 421 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,346 I PUT IN ALL THE MACHINES THEY ASKED FOR. 422 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,448 I PUT UP ALL THE ADVERTISING THEY ASKED FOR. 423 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,384 I INSTITUTED THE LEARNING AIDS. 424 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:20,684 WHAT MORE CAN I DO? 425 00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:22,120 WHAT MORE CAN I DO? 426 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,855 IF ONLY THE STUDENTS HAD SOME MOTIVATION 427 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:26,924 TO DRINK SODA BEYOND SIMPLE THIRST. 428 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,326 - BUT THAT'S CRAZY TALK. 429 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,994 WHAT OTHER MOTIVATION COULD THERE BE? 430 00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,162 - YOU'RE RIGHT; IT'S STUPID. 431 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,397 BY THE WAY, 432 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,499 HOW ARE YOUR STUDENTS' GRADES THIS PERIOD? 433 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,000 - HUH? 434 00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,736 - DON'T YOU PEOPLE LIKE HAVING THAT NEW SCOREBOARD? 435 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,271 DON'T YOU LIKE THE DIGITAL TACKLING DUMMIES 436 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,140 AND THE NEW TOWELS THAT DON'T SMELL LIKE 437 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:44,676 A FARM ANIMAL'S PRIVATES? 438 00:15:44,678 --> 00:15:45,943 - UM...SURE. 439 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,012 - WELL, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION? 440 00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,981 - DO YOU WANT US TO CALL THE ASIAN-AMERICAN WOMEN 441 00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,516 IN EDUCATION'S CAUCUS AGAIN? 442 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,585 - NO, I WANT YOU TO DRINK MORE SODA, DAMN IT, SODA! 443 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:55,720 SODA! 444 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,689 SODA, SODA, SODA. 445 00:15:57,691 --> 00:16:00,024 - BUT WE DRINK THAT BULK-UP POWDER, MS. LI... 446 00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,292 FOR THE LADIES. 447 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,660 - FORGET BULKING UP, DAMN IT. 448 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:05,897 WHO ON THIS TEAM HAS AN AVERAGE BELOW C? 449 00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,198 NEVER MIND. 450 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,168 JUST PUT UP YOUR HAND IF YOUR AVERAGE IS ABOVE C. 451 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,302 OKAY, THE REST OF YOU, 452 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,736 I'LL RAISE YOUR AVERAGE HALF A POINT 453 00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:14,472 FOR EVERY TEN CANS OF ULTRA COLA YOU DRINK. 454 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,840 IF YOU'VE GOT A 60 AVERAGE, DRINK 20 CANS, 455 00:16:16,842 --> 00:16:18,075 AND YOU'LL HAVE A 61. 456 00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,777 WE'LL CALL IT AN EXTRA-CREDIT MINI-COURSE 457 00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:20,944 IN THE SCIENCE OF MOTIVATION. 458 00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:22,013 WHAT DO YOU SAY? 459 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,581 [together] WHOO-HOO! YEAH! ALL RIGHT! 460 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,550 - ALL RIGHT, MEN, GIVE 'EM HELL, 461 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,452 AND DRINK, MY LADS, DRINK. 462 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,987 [together] YEAH! WHOO-HOO! 463 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,889 - MS. LI, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS? 464 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,591 - JUST WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MR. MACKENZIE, 465 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:34,859 IT'S UNETHICAL, IMMORAL, 466 00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,894 IN DIRECT CONFLICT WITH MY ROLE AS AN EDUCATOR? 467 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,363 - WELL, YEAH, BUT MOSTLY I WAS THINKING 468 00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,566 I'M THE ONLY ONE ON THE TEAM WHO CAN COUNT BY HALVES. 469 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,233 - HMPH, NOTE TO SELF: 470 00:16:43,235 --> 00:16:45,302 CALCULATORS FOR THE FOOTBALL TEAM...ASAP. 471 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,441 [all belching] 472 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,977 AH, I LOVE THE SMELL OF COLA IN THE MORNING. 473 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,782 [upbeat marching band music] 474 00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:01,252 - THE OAKWOOD TAPROOTS LOOK READY FOR A WHIPPING, 475 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:04,255 BUT OUR LAWNDALE LIONS AREN'T HERE TO DO THE CLIPPING. 476 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:05,857 I SEE MIGHTY MACK, BUT WHERE, 477 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,359 OH, WHERE, COULD THE OTHER LIONS BE? 478 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:12,763 - ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, JUST THE WAY WE REHEARSED IT. 479 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,765 all: WIN, LIONS, WIN. 480 00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,033 FIGHT, LIONS, FIGHT. 481 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,170 DRINK ULTRA COLA TILL YOUR PANTS FEEL TIGHT. 482 00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,873 RUN AND PASS AND BLOCK AND BLITZ. 483 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,275 DRINK ULTRA COLA AND NEVER MIND THE ZITS. 484 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,943 GO LIONS. 485 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,046 UGH! AHHH! 486 00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,280 - HOLD ON, FOLKS. 487 00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:32,716 I'VE GOT STAR QB KEVIN THOMPSON ON THE PHONE. 488 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:36,120 KEVIN, TELL THE LOYAL FANS WHAT YOU JUST TOLD ME. 489 00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,388 - UM, HEY EVERYBODY. 490 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,489 UH, HOW'S IT GOING? 491 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:41,392 UM, I'M REAL SORRY ABOUT THIS, BUT, UH, 492 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,060 THE LIONS HAVE TO FORFEIT. 493 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,430 WE'VE ALL GOT...TUMMYACHES. 494 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,764 - OH, NO, KEVIN. 495 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,667 TO WHAT DO YOU ATTRIBUTE THIS, THE DREADED INFLUENZA? 496 00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,936 - NO, TOO MUCH ULTRA COLA. 497 00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:52,937 [belches] 498 00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,705 I'VE GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 499 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,376 - DRINK UP, DAMN IT. - EEP. 500 00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:01,178 - LEONARD LAMM SAYS A FORFEITED HOME GAME 501 00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:03,647 IS A VIOLATION OF OUR CONTRACT WITH ULTRA COLA. 502 00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:07,118 I'M ALREADY IN DEEP HORSE PLOPS FROM MISSING THE SALES QUOTAS. 503 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,919 - WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT SODA THE TEAM DRANK? 504 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,121 - YEAH, YEAH, BUT HE SAID SINCE IT WAS FROM THE CAFETERIA, 505 00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,222 IT DIDN'T COUNT. 506 00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:13,524 IT HAD TO COME FROM THE MACHINES, 507 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:14,525 BUT NOBODY TOLD ME. 508 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:15,526 NOBODY TOLD ME, I TELL YOU. 509 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,961 - CALM DOWN, MS. LI. 510 00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:19,162 MAYBE YOU SHOULD LAY OFF THE ULTRA COLA FOR A LITTLE WHILE. 511 00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,230 - LAY OFF THE ULTRA COLA? 512 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:21,599 CAN'T LAY OFF THE ULTRA COLA. 513 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:22,700 GOT TO DRINK, DRINK COLA. 514 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,335 I TOLD YOU TO DRINK UP, DAMN IT. 515 00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,971 I KNOW, CALL THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS. 516 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,906 THEY'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A CHEAP FIELD TRIP. 517 00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,708 TELL THEM TO GET THEIR KIDS OVER HERE RIGHT AWAY 518 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:31,843 FOR SODA, SODA, SODA! 519 00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,010 - DO YOU THINK THAT'S REALLY-- 520 00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,411 - JUST DO IT. 521 00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:35,512 I CAN'T JUST SIT HERE. 522 00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,148 I'VE GOT TO MOVE SOME PRODUCT, DAMN IT. 523 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,482 ATTENTION, STUDENTS, 524 00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,918 EVERYONE OUT IN THE HALLS FOR SODA...NOW! 525 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:44,589 [glass shattering] 526 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,857 MUST DRINK SODA, SODA FROM MACHINES. 527 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,693 EVERYBODY GATHER AROUND THE PRETTY MACHINES. 528 00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:51,028 OOH! 529 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,564 OOH, OOH, OOH! 530 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,332 OPEN UP, YOU LOUSY DAMN MACHINE! 531 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,134 GIVE UP THE SODA IN YOUR BOWELS! 532 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,170 SODA, SODA, MUST HAVE SODA, OH! 533 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:02,139 [kids cheering] 534 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,309 - ARRGH, AUGH, OOH! 535 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:09,547 [kids cheering] 536 00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:15,486 - EVERYBODY KEEP DRINKING! 537 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,489 - SO THE GIGANTIC SODA MACHINES ARE GONE FROM THE HALLWAYS. 538 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,324 - BUT STILL IN THE CAFETERIAS. 539 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,059 - AND THE ADVERTISING IS GONE FROM THE WALLS. 540 00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,827 - BUT STILL IN THE SCHOOL PAPER. 541 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,330 - AND THE ULTRA COLA LOGO IS GONE FROM THE UNIFORMS. 542 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,765 - BUT STILL ON THE TICKETS. 543 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,400 I TAKE IT YOU DON'T CONSIDER THIS 544 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,369 AN ALL-OUT TRIUMPH FOR THE FORCES OF GOOD. 545 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,970 - DID THEY OR DID THEY NOT 546 00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,639 RELEASE MS. LI FROM THE HOSPITAL? 547 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,306 - GOOD POINT, BUT COME ON, DARIA, 548 00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:37,842 THEY CHANGED THE ULTRA COLA CONTRACT 549 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,543 SO THEY CAN'T ADVERTISE INSIDE THE SCHOOL, 550 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,145 AND THANKS TO MS. LI'S LITTLE FREAK-OUT, 551 00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:42,179 NO ONE TRACED IT TO YOU. 552 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,413 ISN'T THAT SOME KIND OF VICTORY? 553 00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:44,815 I DON'T KNOW. 554 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,517 ASK THOSE PEOPLE. 555 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,787 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 556 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,723 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 557 00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:03,000 ♪ LA-LA, LA ♪ 558 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,704 ♪ LA-LA, LA ♪ 559 00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:13,277 ♪ LA-LA, LA ♪ 560 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,088 ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪