1 00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:05,304 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 2 00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:08,273 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:13,012 [doorbell rings] 4 00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:15,014 - SO THE STORIES WERE TRUE. 5 00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,949 WELCOME TO EARTH, PLANT PEOPLE. 6 00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:18,183 BE GENTLE WITH US. 7 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,952 - YEAH, ARE YOU MS. MORGENDORFFER? 8 00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:21,353 - DARIA OR QUINN? 9 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,520 - THESE ARE FOR QUINN. 10 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,323 YOU MUST BE DARIA. 11 00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:28,293 - HMM, IT SAYS HERE THAT PEOPLE KEEP CLOSING DOORS IN YOUR FACE. 12 00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,461 - HEY, DO YOU THINK YOUR SISTER MIGHT WANT TO GO OUT WITH-- 13 00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:31,797 [door slams] 14 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:35,167 - HMM, A LOT OF FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES. 15 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,435 DID YOU COME DOWN WITH A DEBILITATING ILLNESS 16 00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:39,171 AND FORGET TO SHARE THE GOOD NEWS? 17 00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:43,074 - DARIA, IT'S NOT LIKE I ASK GUYS TO BUY ME PRESENTS. 18 00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:44,809 I MERELY SUGGEST. 19 00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:45,977 DARIA! 20 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,246 THAT'S PERSONAL. 21 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:50,349 - "HAPPY ONE YEAR SINCE YOU BORROWED A PEN FROM ME. 22 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:51,683 LOVE, JOEY." 23 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,719 "I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE DAY YOU FIRST ASKED ME 24 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,186 "TO GET YOU A SODA. 25 00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:56,588 LOVE, JEFFY." 26 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:57,922 [giggles] 27 00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:59,824 "THESE FLOWERS SHOULD BE TWICE AS BIG AS JEFFY'S, 28 00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:02,160 "BECAUSE I PAID TWICE AS MUCH. LOVE"-- 29 00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:04,196 I CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE OUT THIS HANDWRITING. 30 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,897 - MAYBE HE SHOULD USE A SHARPER CRAYON. 31 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,199 - YOU KNOW, DARIA, 32 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,734 HOW BIG A FUSS A GUY MAKES OVER YOUR ANNIVERSARY 33 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,870 IS THE TRUE TEST OF WHETHER HE CARES. 34 00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:14,973 - HUH, AND HERE I'VE BEEN DEMANDING THEY MAIL ME AN EAR. 35 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,174 - I'M SERIOUS. 36 00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:17,275 IF HE FORGETS, 37 00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:18,743 IT MEANS HE'S TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED. 38 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,513 NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW, BUT THAT'S WHAT STACY TELLS ME. 39 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,316 SAY, HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND THAT TOM BEEN GOING OUT? 40 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,585 - UM, NO IDEA. 41 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,720 - OH, DARIA. 42 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,922 - LOOK, ALL THAT MATTERS IN A RELATIONSHIP 43 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,125 IS THAT YOU LIKE THE SAME PIZZA TOPPINGS. 44 00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:35,260 - WELL, I REMEMBER THAT YOUR FIRST DATE 45 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,930 WAS THE SAME DAY I STARTED MY SPLIT-END REFUSING REGIMEN, 46 00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:39,597 UNLESS YOU DON'T COUNT FROM THE FIRST DATE 47 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,832 BUT INSTEAD FROM THE TIME 48 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,634 YOU KISSED HIM BEHIND YOUR BEST FRIEND'S BACK 49 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,169 WHILE SHE WAS STILL GOING OUT WITH HIM, 50 00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:45,304 WHICH I BELIEVE WAS THE NIGHT 51 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:46,972 OF THE FASHION CLUB BLUSH-A-THON FINALS. 52 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:50,542 - AND TO THINK MOM AND DAD ONLY HAVE THE DAY JFK WAS SHOT. 53 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:51,643 - LET'S SAY WE IGNORE 54 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,478 THE INSTANCE OF SLEAZY BACKSTABBING, 55 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,313 SO THAT MEANS-- WOW! 56 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,116 IT'S YOUR SIX-MONTH ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK. 57 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,218 HOW ARE YOU GONNA CELEBRATE? 58 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,919 - DECLARE A NATIONAL HOLIDAY? 59 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,387 - THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 60 00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:04,589 WHAT'S THE POINT IF THERE'S NO SCHOOL THAT DAY? 61 00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,327 - HEY, WHEN DID THE "HELP WANTED" SECTION 62 00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:11,229 START COMING PRE-CIRCLED? 63 00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:13,098 AM I PAYING EXTRA FOR THIS? 64 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,033 - ACTUALLY, I DID THAT, 65 00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,769 BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU COULD USE A NEW CHALLENGE. 66 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,039 - I WAS TALKING ABOUT LEARNING TO PLAY TWO-DECK SOLITAIRE. 67 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,040 - DREAMER. 68 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,408 - "FEELING BOXED IN? 69 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:25,878 "LEADING CORRUGATED CARDBOARD MANUFACTURER 70 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,780 SEEKS SENIOR VP OF SALES AND MARKETING." 71 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,382 DAMN IT, HELEN. 72 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,117 I'M A MAN WITH MY OWN BUSINESS. 73 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:34,619 I'LL NEVER WORK FOR SOMEBODY ELSE AGAIN, NEVER! 74 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:35,620 DO YOU HEAR ME? 75 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,723 AND SHAME ON YOU FOR SUGGESTING IT. 76 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:38,724 SHAME, HELEN. 77 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,258 SHAME. 78 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,760 - JAKE, I'M SO SORRY. 79 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,261 - HEY, LOOK AT THIS ONE. 80 00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:46,198 "KICK-ASS 'I' START-UP SUPER JAZZED ABOUT EXPANSION 81 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,033 "SEEKS VISIONARY DOT-COM EXPERT 82 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,767 FOR MEDIA LEADERSHIP POSITION." 83 00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:51,336 WHERE DO I SIGN UP? 84 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,072 - JAKE, YOU DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT THE INTERNET. 85 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,341 - OH, BUT I'M AN EXPERT ON CARDBOARD! 86 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,277 - MOM, DAD'S BRAGGING AGAIN. 87 00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,245 - AND LOOK AT THAT SALARY. 88 00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:01,446 IT'S AN INSULT. 89 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,081 - IT'S A START-UP, HELEN. 90 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,483 I'LL GET IN ON THE STOCK OFFERING, 91 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,385 AND SOON WE'LL BE LIVING ON EASY STREET. 92 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:10,422 - ISN'T THAT JUST AROUND THE CORNER FROM DELUSION DRIVE? 93 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,192 - HOW SHODDY FERTILITY DRUGS 94 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,961 ARE CREATING A NEW BREED OF GANG 95 00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,497 AND WREAKING HAVOC WITH POLICE LINEUPS. 96 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:21,633 DELINQUENT QUINTUPLETS NEXT, ON SICK, SAD WORLD. 97 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,469 - SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT? 98 00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:25,470 - OH, NOTHING SPECIAL. 99 00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,305 - NOTHING SPECIAL, HUH? 100 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,807 - I'M FINE JUST HANGING OUT. 101 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,342 - JUST HANGING OUT. 102 00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:34,679 EVER WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO GO ON A TYPICAL DATE, 103 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:37,248 SAY, TO A RESTAURANT OR SOMETHING? 104 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,683 - OH, YEAH, I KNOW. 105 00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:40,552 WHY DON'T WE GO TO CHEZ PIERRE? 106 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,854 NORMAL DATES ARE FOR PEOPLE WITH NO IMAGINATION. 107 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:43,955 - AH. 108 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,523 - REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT TO THE DRUG STORE 109 00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:47,092 AND READ THE GREETING CARD POEMS ALOUD? 110 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,093 THAT WAS A FUN DATE. 111 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,461 - YEAH. 112 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,798 - JAKE MORGENDORFFER? 113 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,835 I'M NOAH BARKMAN, PRESIDENT OF BUZZDOME.COM 114 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,603 - YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT? 115 00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:01,039 - LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT BUZZDOME, J-MAN. 116 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,507 WE'RE A BLEEDING-EDGE SHOP 117 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,275 PUMPED TO OPTIMIZE OUR WEB PRESENCE. 118 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:05,310 [phone ringing] 119 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,344 ONE SEC. 120 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:07,545 [phone beeps] 121 00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:08,680 YEAH. 122 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:09,681 UH-HUH. 123 00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:10,682 WELL, THAT'S A START, 124 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:11,949 BUT I'M THINKING MASSIVE, 125 00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:13,818 AND I WANT YOU TO THINK MASSIVE WITH ME. 126 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:14,952 LATER. 127 00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:17,221 WHEN DID INVESTORS BECOME SUCH CHICKENS? 128 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:18,590 GOOD THING THEY WEREN'T LIKE THIS 129 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:19,791 WHEN WE HAD THE STOCK OFFERING. 130 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,259 - STOCK OFFERING IS OVER? 131 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,795 - RAN UP 800% IN THE FIRST DAY OF TRADING. 132 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,163 AND HERE I AM. 133 00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:26,464 I JUST TURNED 24, AND I DON'T KNOW 134 00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:27,532 WHAT TO DO WITH ALL MY MONEY. 135 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:28,966 - YOU'RE 24? 136 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,369 - NEW ECONOMY, RIGHT? 137 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,436 YOU EXPLAIN IT TO ME. 138 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:32,471 - DRINKS? 139 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,974 - I NEED-- I'D LIKE A MARTINI. 140 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,976 - SORRY, NO ALCOHOL. 141 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,310 WE'RE MACROBIOTIC. 142 00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,479 [napkin ripping] 143 00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:42,814 - I'LL HAVE A POT OF KOMBUCHA. 144 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,016 - YEAH, KOMBUCHA, ME TOO. 145 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,417 - JAKE, TELL ME. 146 00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:48,719 WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW QUICKSTREAM CONVERGENCE 147 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:50,855 IMPACTS BRANDWIDTH EXPLOITATION? 148 00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,123 GIVE ME YOUR E-VISION, 149 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,925 NOT WHAT YOU THINK THE DIGIRATI WANT TO HEAR. 150 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,961 - SNOTTY DIGIRATI. 151 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,329 HEY, THAT RHYMES. 152 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,631 - AND DON'T JUST THROW KILLER APPS AT ME. 153 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,799 - SO THE ANSWER IS, 154 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,234 AN ENGAGED COMMUNITY-BASED KILLER APP 155 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,771 COMBINED WITH BLEEDING-EDGE E-VISION 156 00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,906 AND DIVERSIFIED SYNERGY? 157 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,675 - JAKE, THAT IS A VERY PRESCIENT COMMENT. 158 00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,877 - DID I MENTION THAT I MAKE REALLY NEAT PIE CHARTS? 159 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,913 - YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A LITTLE UP THERE IN YEARS, 160 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,182 BUT YOU'RE DEFINITELY PLUGGED IN. 161 00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,383 A TOAST TO YOU, JAKE MORGENDORFFER. 162 00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:22,887 YOU ARE BUZZDOME.COM'S NEWEST EMPLOYEE. 163 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,789 YOU DON'T MIND AN 80-HOUR WORK WEEK, DO YOU? 164 00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:27,191 - UM, COURSE NOT. 165 00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:28,493 BLEH! 166 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,195 [gagging] 167 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:36,167 - I'M GONNA CALL IT "EXPLODING KILN NUMBER ONE." 168 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,336 OR WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "POTTERY BLAM"? 169 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,471 - MM. 170 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:40,739 - ENJOYING THAT SHARD? 171 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:41,740 - HUH? 172 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:42,907 - OUT WITH IT, MORGENDORFFER. 173 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:43,909 WHAT'S WRONG? 174 00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:46,912 - WELL, IT'S TOM. 175 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,214 - MY EX, YOUR CURRENT. THIS IS SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE. 176 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,916 BUT HOW CAN I RESIST? GO ON. 177 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,984 - HE TREATS ME MORE LIKE A PIECE OF FURNITURE 178 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,219 THAN HIS GIRLFRIEND. 179 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,253 I KNOW I SHOULDN'T CARE 180 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,654 WHETHER OR NOT HE GIVES ME PRESENTS 181 00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,123 OR REMEMBERS OUR ANNIVERSARY. 182 00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,324 BUT I THINK I DO. 183 00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,192 AND THEN I HATE MYSELF FOR CARING. 184 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,661 I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING, BECAUSE THEN HE'LL KNOW I CARE, 185 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,964 AND IT WON'T BE THE SAME AS IF HE'D THOUGHT OF IT HIMSELF, 186 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,199 AND, OH, GOD, LISTEN TO ME. 187 00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,601 - WOW, YOU SOUND ALMOST HUMAN. 188 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,768 - [sighs] 189 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,703 IT'S JUST THAT WE NEVER GO ANYWHERE. 190 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:14,172 - YEAH, THAT'S TOM. 191 00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,007 HE NEVER TOOK ME ANYWHERE EITHER. 192 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,376 WELL, EXCEPT FOR THAT HORSE AND CARRIAGE RIDE ONCE. 193 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,878 OH, AND THAT ITALIAN RESTAURANT 194 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,180 WHEN HE GOT THE MUSICIANS TO PLAY MY FAVORITE SONG, 195 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:25,016 THE THESE FROM THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE. 196 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,618 BUT THEY DIDN'T EVEN PLAY THE WHOLE SONG, 197 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,520 AND THE BREAD STICKS WERE STALE, I MEAN, REALLY STALE. 198 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:30,889 BAD BREAD STICKS. 199 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,591 EW. 200 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:39,664 - YOU SEE, JAKE, AN OPEN PLAN ENCOURAGES CREATIVITY. 201 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,667 COME SAY HI TO THE OTHER MEMBERS OF YOUR WORK NODE. 202 00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:43,668 THIS IS NORA. 203 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,469 SHE'S OUR INFORMATION ARCHITECT. 204 00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,838 - SORRY, CARPAL TUNNEL. 205 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,174 - ZHENG DONG, INTERACTIVE STRATEGIST. 206 00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:51,609 - I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ON FREEBSD 207 00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:53,178 VERSUS LINUX AS A SERVER PLATFORM. 208 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,179 - RIGHT. 209 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,547 - AND SAMIR. 210 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,982 HE'S KIND OF A ONE-MAN PINCH-HITTING BRAIN TRUST. 211 00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,417 IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, 212 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,585 MY DESK IS THE ONE WITH THE GIANT INFLATABLE PALM TREE. 213 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:04,656 - BUT WE TESTED IT ON ALL THREE PLATFORMS. 214 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,390 THERE'S NO WAY THOSE LINKS ARE BROKEN. 215 00:07:06,392 --> 00:07:07,391 - THAT'S JACQUELINE. 216 00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:08,693 SHE INTERFACES WITH CLIENTS. 217 00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,261 - IT MUST BE YOUR BROWSER CONFIGURATION 218 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,262 THAT'S SCREWING IT UP. 219 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,065 YOUR TIE IS CROOKED! 220 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,169 - YOU SURE ARE COMFORTABLE. 221 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,203 - OH, GOOD. 222 00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:22,173 THEN I'VE ACHIEVED MY GOAL. 223 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,475 - HAVE YOU MET MY GIRLFRIEND DARIA? 224 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:26,310 SHE'S THE PERFECT COMPANION PIECE. 225 00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:27,812 NO MUSS, NO FUSS. 226 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,514 SHE OFFERS THE VERY BEST IN LUMBAR SUPPORT 227 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:31,515 AND DURABILITY. 228 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:32,751 - MM. 229 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,585 DATING DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER THAN THIS. 230 00:07:34,587 --> 00:07:35,787 thud! 231 00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,931 - YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH HAVING THIS PROBLEM. 232 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,866 ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE THE LATEST VERSION OF FLASH? 233 00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:50,301 - HEY, JAKE. 234 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,369 THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW THEY'RE SERVING LUNCH. 235 00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:53,437 IT'S CATERED. 236 00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:55,440 - FREE LUNCH? THIS PLACE IS GREAT! 237 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,707 - HEY, YOU BUYING IN 238 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,009 ON THAT SHOPPING MALL PROJECT? 239 00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,010 - HUH? 240 00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,578 - OOPS, SORRY, FORGOT. 241 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,380 YOU GOT HERE AFTER WE WENT PUBLIC. 242 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,349 YOU PROBABLY DON'T NEED ANY BIG WRITE-OFFS. 243 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,716 - HEY, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? 244 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:06,851 - I'M THE IDEA GUY. 245 00:08:06,853 --> 00:08:09,454 - WHAT EXACTLY DOES THIS COMPANY DO? 246 00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:11,756 - WE PROVIDE TOOLS TO HELP OTHER INTERNET START-UPS 247 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,291 MAXIMIZE THEIR POTENTIAL 248 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,226 AND EXPAND THE VIRTUAL MARKETPLACE. 249 00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,064 LISTEN, JAKE. 250 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,566 I GET PAID BIG MONEY TO SIT AROUND AND DAYDREAM. 251 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:24,069 I'M NOT ABOUT TO ROCK THE BOAT. 252 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:28,340 - DANISH MODERN FURNITURE IS SO BIOMORPHIC. 253 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,942 DO YOU THINK 6K FOR A COFFEE TABLE IS TOO MUCH? 254 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,143 - NOT IF YOU LOVE IT. 255 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,279 LOOK, THE ORIGINAL BAT MOBILE IS UP FOR SALE. 256 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:35,513 THINK I'LL PUT IN A BID. 257 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,782 - YOU GUYS GOT IN ON THE STOCK OFFERING TOO? 258 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,617 - THAT WAS SUCH A COOL DAY. 259 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,052 - [sighs] 260 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,888 - HEY, NORA, THANKS FOR THAT JAVA PATCH. 261 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:45,423 - HEY, DO THOSE THINGS REALLY HELP YOU QUIT SMOKING? 262 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,425 [laughter] 263 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,459 - JAKE, YOU'RE AS FUNNY 264 00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,528 AS A CASE-SENSITIVE SEARCH ENGINE. 265 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,896 - HEH. 266 00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:54,032 - WELL, I'VE GOT A TON OF CLICK-THROUGHS TO CALCULATE. 267 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,067 - HAVE FUN CRUISING THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY! 268 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,768 - INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY? 269 00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:59,838 JAKE, THAT IS SO 1992. 270 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,172 - NEXT THING, YOU'LL BE TELLING US 271 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,174 YOU STILL USE HYPERCARD 1.0. 272 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,441 [laughter] 273 00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:06,511 - [laughs] 274 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,279 [sighs] 275 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,848 BACKSLASH, BACKSLASH, DAMN IT! 276 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:12,216 GOT TO REMEMBER IT'S A BACKSLASH. 277 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,618 - RELAX. 278 00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:16,254 IT'S NOT LIKE YOU DEPEND ON THE INTERNET FOR A LIVING. 279 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:17,288 - RIGHT. 280 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,823 HEY, THANKS FOR HELPING ME OUT, KIDDO. 281 00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:19,958 I THINK I'M STARTING 282 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,760 TO GET THE HANG OF THE WORLDWIDE WEBIVERSE. 283 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,828 HUH, SHOULD I COPYRIGHT THAT? 284 00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,930 - I'M SURE SOMEONE ALREADY HAS. 285 00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:28,266 - I'M REALLY GONNA WOW THEM AT WORK TOMORROW. 286 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,533 OH, LOOK. 287 00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,236 I'M RECEIVING SOME SORT OF MESSAGE IN CODE. 288 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,737 LOOKS TECHNICAL. 289 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,072 THIS IS EXCITING! 290 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,140 - YOU'RE LEANING ON THE KEYBOARD AGAIN. 291 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:37,508 - OH, RIGHT. 292 00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:38,743 GOOD CALL. 293 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,745 [doorbell rings] 294 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,580 - OH, HELLO. 295 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,682 - HI, QUINN. IS DARIA HOME? 296 00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:47,085 - POSSIBLY, OR SHE MIGHT HAVE GONE OUT. 297 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,120 I DON'T REMEMBER. 298 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,721 - CAN YOU CHECK? 299 00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:52,457 - WHOM SHALL I SAY IS CALLING? 300 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:53,458 - TOM. 301 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,026 - OH, RIGHT. 302 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,962 SOMETIMES THINGS JUST SLIP MY MIND, 303 00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,898 LIKE NAMES OR WHAT DAY IT IS. 304 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,267 - IT'S TUESDAY. 305 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,334 - SO THAT WOULD MAKE 306 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,202 THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW-- 307 00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:06,337 - TOM? 308 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,405 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 309 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,407 - OH, DARIA. YOU'RE BACK. 310 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,209 I LEFT YOUR MANY MESSAGES ON THE REFRIGERATOR. 311 00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:15,012 I WROTE THEM DOWN IN CASE I FORGOT. 312 00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:16,480 JUST TRYING TO HELP. 313 00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:18,549 - I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND THOUGHT I'D SEE 314 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:19,617 IF YOU WANTED TO TAKE A WALK. 315 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,951 - NOTHING BETTER TO DO? 316 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:21,953 - THAT'S IT. 317 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,221 - I'LL GET MY JACKET. 318 00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:27,158 [electronic noises] 319 00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,528 - HEY, JAKE. HOW'S IT GOING? 320 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,829 - I'M MULTITASKING: 321 00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:34,298 FINISHING UP THIS PRESENTATION WHILE I PLAY AN MP3, 322 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,767 DOWNLOAD A CANNELLONI RECIPE, 323 00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,234 AND EMAIL MY CONGRESSMAN TO COMPLAIN 324 00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:38,736 ABOUT THE HIGH COST OF CAR INSURANCE. 325 00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,472 - I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU HAVE FOR US TOMORROW. 326 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:44,308 - IT'S GONNA ROCK THE WORLD WIDE WEBIVERSE. 327 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,544 - HMM, WE SHOULD COPYRIGHT THAT. 328 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,412 YOU KNOW, JAKE, YOU REMIND ME 329 00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:50,648 OF HOW EXCITED I WAS STARTING THIS PLACE UP. 330 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,483 I'D CODE FOR WEEKS STRAIGHT, 331 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,019 FUELED BY CHOCOLATE COVERED COFFEE BEANS, 332 00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:56,487 SLEEPING UNDER THE DESK. 333 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,922 IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY, 334 00:10:57,924 --> 00:11:00,525 YOU CAN STILL SEE THE CARPET FIBERS EMBEDDED IN MY CHEEK. 335 00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:01,893 - EWWW. 336 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,761 - HERE, HAVE SOME COFFEE BEANS. 337 00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,530 SEE YOU IN THE A.M. 338 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,098 - OKAY, BACK TO WORK 339 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,368 AS SOON AS I FINISH THIS GAME OF TWO-DECK COMPUTER SOLITAIRE. 340 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,970 NOW, WHERE THE HECK DID THAT 3 OF SPADES GO? 341 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,876 [frantic electronic noises] 342 00:11:19,613 --> 00:11:22,647 JAKE MORGENDORFFER, THAT IS ONE BEAUTIFUL PIE CHART. 343 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:23,848 OH, DAMN. 344 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,316 THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING OVER THE HILL! 345 00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,317 BAM, BAM, BAM! 346 00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:27,385 AN EXPLODING FROG CARTOON? 347 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,386 GOT TO SEE THAT. 348 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,421 GOOD LORD, THE NIKKEI IS DOWN. 349 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,022 QUICK, MOVE OUT OF YEN. 350 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,224 SOMETHING'S HAPPENING ON THE PANDA CAM! 351 00:11:34,226 --> 00:11:37,261 "I'M WEARING A POLO SHIRT AND KHAKIS. 352 00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:39,097 WHY DO YOU ASK?" 353 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,099 [computer buzzing] 354 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:44,235 THAT STUPID TINY HOURGLASS! 355 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,371 SPIN, DAMN YOU, SPIN. 356 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,473 [computer rattling] 357 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:52,276 [screaming] 358 00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:53,844 COME BACK, DAMN IT! 359 00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:55,279 DAAHHH! 360 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,082 - I ALWAYS FEEL SO COMFORTABLE WITH YOU. 361 00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,485 - YOU'RE TALKING TO ME, NOT THE BENCH, RIGHT? 362 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,786 - I MEAN, I CAN JUST RELAX AND BE MYSELF. 363 00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,655 I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IMPRESSING YOU. 364 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,792 - YEAH, WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT. 365 00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,328 - IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER, I'D SWEAR YOU WERE MAD AT ME. 366 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,163 YOU ARE MAD AT ME. 367 00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:14,865 - I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 368 00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:16,934 - YOU'RE MAD, BUT YOU WON'T TELL ME WHY. 369 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,270 JEEZ, DARIA, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE, 370 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,005 I DON'T KNOW, A TYPICAL GIRL. 371 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:23,308 - AND YOU'RE TALKING LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, 372 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,709 A SEXIST GUY. 373 00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:26,444 - I JUST MEANT YOU'RE USUALLY DIFFERENT. 374 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:27,712 - OH, THAT'S RIGHT. 375 00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,046 I'M NOT AVERAGE. 376 00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:31,950 I DON'T HAVE TYPICAL EXPECTATIONS LIKE NORMAL GIRLS. 377 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,317 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 378 00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:34,318 - NOTHING. 379 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,754 JUST FORGET I SAID ANYTHING. 380 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:41,192 - IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ME, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. 381 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,827 OKAY. 382 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,104 [knocking at door] 383 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,006 - OH, DARIA. COME IN. 384 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,141 - YOU'RE BUSY. NEVER MIND. 385 00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,177 - I'M NOT GETTING MUCH DONE ANYWAY. 386 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:02,413 I CAN'T SEEM TO CONCENTRATE WITHOUT YOUR FATHER'S SNORING. 387 00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:06,083 - WELL, UM, I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD ASK YOU SOMETHING. 388 00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:07,919 - YES! 389 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,954 - UH, WELL, TOM AND I HAVE BEEN GOING OUT 390 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,422 FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS, AND-- 391 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,592 - OH, UM, DARIA, SOMETIMES WE MAY THINK 392 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:16,794 WE'RE READY FOR SOMETHING AND IT WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING. 393 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,729 BUT WE'RE REALLY NOT, AND IT CHANGES EVERYTHING. 394 00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,030 AND IN THE RUSH TO GROW UP, 395 00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,400 WE SOMETIMES FORGET HOW PRECIOUS ARE THE FLEETING YEARS 396 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,467 BEFORE ADULTHOOD'S CARES. 397 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:24,836 - IT'S NOT ABOUT SEX. 398 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,137 - THANK GOD! 399 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,572 I MEAN, OH, I SEE. 400 00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:31,276 BUT WHEN YOU'RE READY, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COME TO ME. 401 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:32,644 NOT THAT THERE'S ANY HURRY. 402 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,312 NOR SHOULD THAT STATEMENT BE INTERPRETED 403 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,647 TO SOME KIND OF ENCOURAGEMENT. 404 00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:38,349 - RIGHT. ANYWAY, IT'S ABOUT OUR ANNIVERSARY. 405 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,950 IT'S NOT THAT I'M EXPECTING ANYTHING-- 406 00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:40,951 - AND YOU SHOULDN'T. 407 00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:42,620 - I SHOULDN'T? 408 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,356 - NO, BECAUSE YOU'RE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR DISAPPOINTMENT. 409 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:48,126 TRUST ME. 410 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,394 - HELEN, IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE OUR COMMITMENT CEREMONY, 411 00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,630 AND I'VE NEVER FELT MORE SELF-REALIZED. 412 00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,132 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. 413 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,266 - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, JAKEY. 414 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,704 - A LEATHER-BOUND EDITION OF DAS KAPITAL! 415 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,406 HELEN, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE. 416 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:04,275 - I WANTED TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING THAT WAS CLOSE TO YOUR HEART. 417 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,843 - LONG LIVE THE PROLETARIAT! 418 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,813 I BET THIS THING WILL APPRECIATE LIKE CRAZY. 419 00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:09,881 smooch! 420 00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:15,053 - A CANDLE IN THE SHAPE OF A WIZARD? 421 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,888 - IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A HOBBIT. 422 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,223 - OH, OF COURSE IT IS. 423 00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,425 IT'S WONDERFUL, REALLY. 424 00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,361 AND SO ARE YOU. 425 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,395 - IS THE COLOR OKAY? 426 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,064 BECAUSE I COULD HAVE MADE IT IN RED. 427 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,498 - OH, NO. 428 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,001 BROWN IS SO SOOTHING. 429 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,002 [dog barks] 430 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,003 - GAAHH! 431 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:37,841 AW, DAMN DOG! 432 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:39,978 I CAN REDO THE POINTY HAT. 433 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:42,947 - [sighs] 434 00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:45,383 - SO YOU WERE DISAPPOINTED, HUH? 435 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,386 - WELL, I WOULD HAVE BEEN IF I'D BEEN EXPECTING 436 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,754 A DIAMOND BRACELET. 437 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,656 BUT I KNEW THAT A LOT OF TIME AND LOVE 438 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:54,259 WENT INTO THAT SILLY LUMP OF WAX. 439 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,026 SEE, DARIA, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE BUYS YOU 440 00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,095 OR WHERE HE TAKES YOU. 441 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,463 THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS 442 00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,031 IS HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER. 443 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,734 - BUT WHAT IF HE FORGETS YOUR ANNIVERSARY ALTOGETHER? 444 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,069 - SHOW NO MERCY. 445 00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,237 - SO ADOPTING THESE NEW PROTOCOLS MEANS, 446 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:10,307 BYE-BYE, NETLAG, BYE-BYE CORNEA GUMBO, 447 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,576 BYE-BYE DANCING BOLOGNA. 448 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,678 OH, YEAH, AND BANNER BLINDNESS TOO. 449 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,912 - COOL! - WONDERFUL! 450 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:15,947 THANKS, NORA. 451 00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,315 NOW JAKE IS GONNA WOW US 452 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,616 WITH HIS NEW PLAN FOR INCREASING OUR VISIBILITY 453 00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:20,651 IN THE MARKETPLACE. 454 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,889 - INCREASING VISIBILITY IS A GOOD THING, 455 00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:28,326 AND IT WILL SURELY MAKE US MORE VISIBLE. 456 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:31,995 TO DO THAT, WE SHOULD DEVELOP OUR STRATEGY 457 00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:33,831 AND STRATEGIZE OUR DEVELOPMENT, 458 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,299 IMPLEMENT SOLUTIONS, 459 00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:39,103 AND SOLUTIONIZE IMPLEMENTATIONS AGGRESSIVELY. 460 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,106 EDGY? 461 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,041 - JAKE, I HATE TO SAY THIS, 462 00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,611 BUT YOU'RE JUST SPOUTING A BUNCH OF BUZZWORDS. 463 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,145 YOU'RE NOT PARADIGM SHIFTING. 464 00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:49,948 YOU'RE ALL SIZZLE AND NO STEAK. 465 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:53,084 - BUT I DID HAVE STEAK AND CHARTS AND GRAPHS 466 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:56,554 AND ANIMATED DOLLAR BILLS THAT DANCED AROUND AND SANG SONGS. 467 00:15:56,556 --> 00:16:00,024 I WAS ALMOST FINISHED, AND THEN MY SCREEN FROZE. 468 00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,659 DAMN COMPUTER! 469 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:02,927 IT ATE EVERYTHING! 470 00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:06,397 BIG FAT SMUG DAMN STUPID CRAPPY PIECE OF CRAPPY CRAP! 471 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:09,333 [sobbing] 472 00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,437 - THAT WAS GREAT, JAKE. 473 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:15,172 WASN'T IT GREAT, EVERYONE? 474 00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,474 YOU REALLY HELPED US 475 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,076 GET INTO THE MIND-SET OF THE AVERAGE JOE: 476 00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:20,445 ANGRY AND CONFUSED, 477 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:21,846 CONFOUNDED BY A NEW MEDIA 478 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:24,682 HE CAN'T POSSIBLY BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND. 479 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:25,683 - YEAH! 480 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:26,884 - TOO BAD IT WASN'T AN ACT. 481 00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,553 [laughter] 482 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:29,887 - SO I'M FIRED? 483 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,789 I'LL TURN IN MY MOUSE PAD. 484 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,024 - WAIT A SECOND, JAKE. 485 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,059 HOW'D YOU LIKE TO BE A CONSULTANT FOR US? 486 00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:36,561 - IS THAT A TRICK QUESTION? 487 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:37,562 - NO, NO. 488 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:38,729 I'D LIKE YOU TO BE ON CALL 489 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,798 AS A KIND OF SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT FOCUS GROUP. 490 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,400 HELP US SEE OUR WORK THROUGH THE EYES OF OUR END USERS. 491 00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:45,269 - BUT WHAT IS YOUR WORK? 492 00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:46,470 - DO YOU WANT TO OR NOT? 493 00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:47,638 - HELL, YES. 494 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,608 JAKE MORGENDORFFER CONSULTING IS BACK! 495 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,144 - BOY, JUMP DOWN SOMEONE'S THROAT, 496 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,745 REFUSE TO TELL THEM WHY, 497 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,381 AND SUDDENLY, THEY STOP CALLING YOU. 498 00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:58,282 - WELL, AT LEAST TOM CAN'T ACCUSE YOU 499 00:16:58,284 --> 00:16:59,684 OF TRYING TO SPOIL THE MYSTERY. 500 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,452 - I REALLY WANTED TO TELL HIM, 501 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,855 BUT I GUESS I WAS TOO BUSY PLAYING GAMES. 502 00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,490 - GEE, QUINN, THAT JACKET LOOKS HOT. 503 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,491 - REALLY HOT. 504 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,025 - SUPER HOT. 505 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,227 - YEAH, TOO BAD I COULDN'T AFFORD THE MATCHING MINISKIRT. 506 00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:11,228 - I WANT TO GET IT FOR HER! 507 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:12,296 - SHE WANTS TO GET IT FROM ME! 508 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:13,831 - BACK OFF, JAMIE! - JERK! 509 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:18,101 - OH, KEVIE, I WAS ONLY FLIRTING WITH HIM TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS. 510 00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,637 - BUT, BABE, HOW COULD I BE JEALOUS 511 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,305 IF I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT IT? 512 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:22,507 - UM... 513 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,509 - OH, NOW WHAT'S WRONG? 514 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,544 - IF YOU CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT, I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU. 515 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,645 [sniffling] 516 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,213 - EVERY TIME WE HAVE A LITTLE ARGUMENT, 517 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,282 THERE YOU GO, TURNING ON THE WATERWORKS. 518 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,349 - OH, GOD. 519 00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:34,252 THIS IS LIKE THAT SCENE IN PINOCCHIO 520 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:36,020 WHEN HE DISCOVERS HE'S GROWING EARS 521 00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,388 LIKE THE REST OF THE DONKEYS. 522 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,257 - WELL, THEN STOP BEING AN ASS AND GO TALK TO TOM. 523 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,458 - [sighs] 524 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,593 - AND ALWAYS LET YOUR CONSCIENCE BE YOUR-- 525 00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,495 - OH, SHUT UP. 526 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,500 [doorbell rings] 527 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,270 - HEY! 528 00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,371 IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA LEAVE 529 00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:55,973 A FLAMING BAG OF DOG CRAP ON THE DOORSTEP, 530 00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,175 AT LEAST COME IN. 531 00:17:57,177 --> 00:18:00,378 - WELL, CAN'T RESIST AN INVITATION LIKE THAT. 532 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:05,916 SO I ADMIT I'VE BEEN KIND OF SENSITIVE LATELY, 533 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,219 AND A LITTLE... 534 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:10,888 - DISTANT, CRANKY, CHILDISH? 535 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:13,557 - YES, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE ADJECTIVES. 536 00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:18,029 SEE, I WAS KIND OF UPSET THAT-- OH, GOD. 537 00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:20,398 I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO SAY THIS. 538 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:24,402 THE SIX-MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF OUR FIRST DATE IS TOMORROW. 539 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:25,403 - IT IS? 540 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:26,837 - QUINN BROUGHT IT UP. 541 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,539 - SO YOU'RE MAD AT ME FOR FORGETTING SOMETHING 542 00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:30,841 YOU FORGET YOURSELF? 543 00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:33,577 - I GUESS IT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT 544 00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:34,879 YOU WERE TAKING ME FOR GRANTED 545 00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:37,681 AND IF YOU REALLY DO CARE THAT MUCH ABOUT THIS 546 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,849 RELATION-DATE-SHIP THING. 547 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,517 - OF COURSE I DO. 548 00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:42,786 IT'S JUST THAT I'M NOT INTO THAT CORNY CRAP. 549 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,722 - RIGHT, 'CAUSE WHO NEEDS PONY RIDES 550 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,557 AND FANCY ITALIAN DINNERS? 551 00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:47,558 - WHAT? 552 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,126 OH, YOU MEAN WITH JANE? 553 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,127 LISTEN. 554 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,795 I ONLY TOOK HER ON THOSE DATES 555 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:55,533 AFTER OUR RELATION-DATE-SHIP THING STARTED TO FALL APART. 556 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,834 I STARTED ACTING ROMANTIC TO HIDE THE FACT 557 00:18:57,836 --> 00:18:59,403 THAT I NO LONGER FELT ROMANTIC. 558 00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:02,105 - SO NOT REMEMBERING OUR ANNIVERSARY IS A GOOD SIGN. 559 00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:03,574 - HEY, NOW THAT I KNOW 560 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,642 THESE THINGS ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU, WE'LL CELEBRATE. 561 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:06,677 - BUT THEY'RE NOT. 562 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:07,678 - OKAY, THEN. 563 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,446 - BUT WE CAN CELEBRATE ANYWAY. 564 00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:11,215 - OKAY, THEN. 565 00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:15,052 - [snoring] 566 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,120 WH--WHERE AM I? 567 00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:17,889 - YOU'RE SAFE WITH ME, JAKE. 568 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,023 YOUR FATHER'S DEAD, 569 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:21,291 AND CORPORAL ELLENBOGEN IS FAR, FAR AWAY. 570 00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:22,426 - WHEW. 571 00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,460 UM, HELEN? 572 00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:24,594 - YES? 573 00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,196 - I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK I LET YOU DOWN 574 00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:27,531 WITH THAT JOB AND ALL. 575 00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:30,034 - JAKE, I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK TO NORMAL HOURS. 576 00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,035 I MISSED YOU. 577 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,069 - YOU DID? 578 00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,571 - OF COURSE I DID. 579 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:36,040 - AND IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU THAT I'M A FAILURE? 580 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,041 - NOT A BIT. 581 00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,275 - [sighs] 582 00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:40,610 - HONEY, OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE. 583 00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:43,714 YOU'RE THE SAME KIND, DECENT, INTELLIGENT MAN 584 00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,783 I FELL IN LOVE WITH ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. 585 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:46,984 - REALLY? 586 00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:48,452 - YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING I KEEP 587 00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:51,489 IN THIS DRAWER THAT ALWAYS REMINDS ME OF WHY I MARRIED YOU. 588 00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:54,491 - WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 589 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:56,827 - HAPPY NON-ANNIVERSARY. 590 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,829 - HAPPY NON-ANNIVERSARY TO YOU. 591 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,297 - ARE YOU SURE QUINN WON'T MIND? 592 00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:01,465 - NAH. 593 00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:05,403 CELEBRATING ANNIVERSARIES WAS HER IDEA. 594 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,405 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 595 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:10,407 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 596 00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:18,349 ♪ ♪ 597 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,985 ♪ LA LA LA ♪ 598 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,957 ♪ LA LA LA ♪ 599 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,662 ♪ LA LA LA ♪