1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:03,668 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 2 00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:13,979 - WATCHING THE FASHIONVISION HUMANITARIAN AWARDS 3 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:17,182 INSTEAD OF GOING OUT TONIGHT WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA, SANDY. 4 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,017 - THEY'RE DONATING A TENTH OF A CENT TO CHARITY 5 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,419 FOR EVERY HOUSEHOLD TUNED IN. 6 00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,320 WE'RE REALLY DOING SOMETHING WORTHWHILE. 7 00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:25,490 - SANDY, YOU'VE MADE US INTO CONTRIBUTORS. 8 00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:26,725 - THANK YOU ALL. 9 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:27,926 I TRY. 10 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:31,363 - THANK YOU FROM ME AND SPONGE CAKE, 11 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,466 AND MOST OF ALL, FROM THE LITTLE CHILDREN 12 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:38,203 WHO NOW GET THE PEDICURES THEY SO SORELY NEED. 13 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,470 [all sigh] 14 00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:41,206 - THE FASHIONVISION HUMANITARIAN AWARDS 15 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,273 WILL BE BACK RIGHT AFTER-- 16 00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:44,375 - BUT, RITA, IF ERIN NEVER LOVED HIM, 17 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,978 WHY'D SHE MARRY HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE? 18 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,814 ONCE HE GAVE HER HERPES, 19 00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,949 SHE DIDN'T THINK ANYONE ELSE WOULD WANT HER? 20 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,884 OH, LORD, RITA! 21 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,619 IT'S A NEW MILLENNIUM. 22 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,254 WHEN WILL PEOPLE GET RID OF 23 00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,222 THESE OUTMODED IDEAS ABOUT SEX? 24 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,390 WHERE'S YOUR SISTER? 25 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:00,425 - IN HER ROOM. 26 00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:01,460 - IS TOM IN THERE WITH HER? 27 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,627 - MO-OM! 28 00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:04,396 I'M NOT J. EDGAR WINTER. 29 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,365 - UGH! TALK TO YOUR AUNT. 30 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:07,499 - HELLO? 31 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,667 IT'S QUINN, AUNT RITA. 32 00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:11,970 WELL, OF COURSE SHE SHOULD DIVORCE HIM. 33 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,838 HE'S SHORT. 34 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:18,010 - DARIA, WHY DON'T YOU TWO COME DOWNSTAIRS AND, UM... 35 00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:19,411 TOM'S NOT HERE? 36 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,979 - NOT UNLESS YOU'VE GOT HIM SECRETED 37 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,747 SOMEWHERE ON YOUR PERSON. 38 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,183 YOU DO, DON'T YOU? 39 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:27,686 - OH, HMM, ALL RIGHT, THEN. 40 00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:30,989 [phone ringing] 41 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,124 - HELLO? 42 00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,126 - OKAY, THE MOVIE JUST STARTED 43 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,128 AND YOU'RE IN THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME, 44 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,230 SO I'D SAY YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT. 45 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,398 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? 46 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,933 - CRAP. 47 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,501 - GEE, WHO'DA THUNK IT? 48 00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,637 IT TURNS OUT ALIEN SUPERINTELLIGENCE 49 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:47,773 IS NO MATCH FOR OUR EARTHLY CAN-DO SPUNK. 50 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,676 - AND BEAUTIFUL 20-YEAR-OLD ASTROPHYSICISTS 51 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,211 ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR A NICE MIDDLE-AGED STREET COP 52 00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:54,312 TO FALL IN LOVE WITH. 53 00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,181 - YEAH, DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING. 54 00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:58,183 - I WISH I HADN'T SEEN IT AT ALL. 55 00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,617 - WELL, IF YOU'D BEEN ON TIME, 56 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,320 WE'D BE DECONSTRUCTING THAT COMEDY FROM CROATIA 57 00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:04,456 INSTEAD OF IT CAME FROM PLANET STUPID. 58 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,792 WHAT WERE YOU DOING THAT WAS SO IMPORTANT, ANYWAY? 59 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,794 - UM...WORKING ON SOMETHING. 60 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,728 - [sarcastically] OH, I'M SATISFIED. 61 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:12,164 OUT WITH IT, MORGENDORFFER. 62 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,666 - OKAY, I WAS WRITING A SHORT STORY. 63 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,601 - AND THE BIG SECRET IS... 64 00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:19,704 - I'M, UH, THINKING OF SUBMITTING IT SOMEWHERE, 65 00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:20,906 LIKE A PUBLICATION. 66 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,441 - HEY, THAT'S A STEP. 67 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:23,508 WHEN CAN I READ IT? 68 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,277 - HOW DOES NEXT LEAP YEAR SOUND? 69 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,745 - YOU'RE WILLING TO HAVE IT PUBLISHED AND READ BY STRANGERS, 70 00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:29,548 BUT YOU DON'T WANT YOUR BEST FRIEND TO SEE IT? 71 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,816 - THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. 72 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,685 - CONGRATULATIONS FOR WATCHING 73 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,854 THE FASHIONVISION HUMANITARIAN AWARDS. 74 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,789 AND REMEMBER, THERE'S NO BETTER FEELING 75 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,690 THAN LOOKING GOOD DOING GOOD. 76 00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:40,726 GOOD NIGHT. 77 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:41,793 - [sighs] 78 00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,128 THOSE MODELS ARE SO UNSELFISH. 79 00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:45,797 - I FEEL HUMBLE. 80 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,065 - I WISH I COULD WIN 81 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,400 A FASHIONVISION HUMANITARIAN AWARD. 82 00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:52,370 - WELL, YOU KNOW, AS A PROMINENT EXTRACURRICULAR ORGANIZATION 83 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,704 AT LAWNDALE HIGH, 84 00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:55,473 THERE'S NO REASON WE COULDN'T LEND OUR NAME 85 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:56,575 TO A WORTHY CAUSE. 86 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:57,942 - LIKE THE GIRLS' SOCCER TEAM 87 00:02:57,944 --> 00:02:59,344 AND THEIR ADOPT-A-HIGHWAY SIGN? 88 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,379 - EW. 89 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:03,214 PICKING UP TRASH ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD? 90 00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:04,483 - UM, QUINN, 91 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,451 I HAVEN'T BEEN CONVICTED OF ANYTHING. 92 00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:07,486 HAVE YOU? 93 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,755 BESIDES, WHY SETTLE FOR A SIGN 94 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:11,523 WHEN YOU CAN HAVE A PLAQUE? 95 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,790 - WOW, A PLAQUE? 96 00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:14,225 - EXACTLY. 97 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:17,329 MOUNTED ON SOMETHING APPROPRIATE FOR OUR BEAUTIFICATION IMAGE, 98 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,064 LIKE...A PARK BENCH. 99 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,199 - BUT THEN WOULDN'T PEOPLE 100 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,001 ALWAYS BE PUTTING THEIR BUTTS ON US? 101 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,035 - EW. 102 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,804 - I KNOW; HOW ABOUT A NEW MIRROR 103 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,772 TO REPLACE THAT AWFUL ONE IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM 104 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,173 THAT ADDS AT LEAST TWO POUNDS. 105 00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:30,275 - I HATE THAT MIRROR. 106 00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:31,709 - IT HAUNTS ME. 107 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,712 - THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, QUINN. 108 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:37,082 DONATING A MIRROR WILL REFLECT WELL ON US. 109 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,749 REFLECT WELL ON US? 110 00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:39,784 - OH! 111 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,419 [awkward giggling] 112 00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:46,958 - NOW, THAT STAIN TO THE LEFT OF THE BARBIE'S CORVETTE STAIN 113 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,627 LOOKS JUST LIKE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT. 114 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,661 - JUST SAY IT. 115 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,496 YOU READ MY STORY AND HATED IT. 116 00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:52,531 - WHAT? 117 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,098 WHERE'D YOU GET THAT MADCAP IDEA? 118 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,234 - YOUR INCREASINGLY DESPERATE ATTEMPTS 119 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,535 TO AVOID THE TOPIC. 120 00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:59,637 - [sighs] I DIDN'T HATE IT. 121 00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:00,905 IT JUST SEEMED, WELL-- 122 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,374 THE PLOT FELT A LITTLE MUDDLED. 123 00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:04,443 - YOU THINK IT SUCKED. JUST ADMIT IT. 124 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,811 - IT HAD TOO MANY STYLES OR SOMETHING; THAT'S ALL. 125 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,880 - IT'S OKAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU KNOW. 126 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,149 IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN LIKE IT. 127 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,416 IT STINKS. 128 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,419 - LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW IT TO SOMEONE ELSE, 129 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,187 SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES LITERATURE, 130 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,589 SOMEONE NAMED TOM? 131 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,624 - I COULDN'T SHOW IT TO HIM. 132 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:19,857 IT'S TOO INTIMATE. 133 00:04:19,859 --> 00:04:22,193 - DARIA, IT'S ABOUT A FLESH-EATING VIRUS. 134 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,328 HOW IS THAT INTIMATE? 135 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:24,830 - YOU'D THINK IT WAS PRETTY INTIMATE 136 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,965 IF IT WERE EATING YOUR FLESH. 137 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,233 [intense dramatic music] 138 00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:31,035 - THIS KING OF THE JUNGLE WAS ONE TUBBY TABBY 139 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,472 TILL THE ANIMAL PLASTIC SURGEON CAME TO CALL. 140 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,606 LIPO FOR LEO NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD. 141 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:36,808 - DAMN IT! 142 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,576 WHY DO THEY HAVE TO MAKE THE EYE OF THE NEEDLE 143 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:39,978 SO DARN SMALL? 144 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:43,015 - I GUESS TO PISS OFF THE CAMEL. 145 00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:44,416 - THANKS, KIDDO. 146 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:48,186 - JUST HAPPY TO FIND SOMETHING I CAN DO, UNLIKE WRITING. 147 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,388 - GOOD FOR YOU. 148 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,189 NOW, WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WITH THAT BUTTON? 149 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,224 HEY, WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T WRITE? 150 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,559 - IT'S NOT IMPORTANT. 151 00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:55,994 FORGET I MENTIONED IT. 152 00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,795 I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 153 00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,697 IT'S TRUE, ISN'T IT? 154 00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,466 - I BET IT WAS SOME BUSYBODY TEACHER 155 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,667 LIKE CORPORAL ELLENBOGEN. 156 00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:04,302 GUY CAN DIG A FOXHOLE. 157 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,304 THAT MAKES HIM AN EXPERT ON SHOW TUNES? 158 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,106 I DON'T THINK SO, DAMN IT! 159 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:11,476 - UM, DAD, ARE YOU GETTING YOUR MILITARY SCHOOL BOYHOOD 160 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,445 MIXED UP WITH A PAST LIFE IN VAUDEVILLE? 161 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:14,712 - ELLENBOGEN TOLD ME 162 00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:17,115 THE SONG I WROTE FOR THE SCHOOL MUSICAL STANK, DAMN IT! 163 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,149 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 164 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,550 IT WAS A DARN GOOD SONG. 165 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,619 I SHOULD HAVE SUNG IT FOR SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T THINK 166 00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:24,722 MUSICAL COMEDY BEGAN AND ENDED WITH GILBERT AND SULLIVAN. 167 00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:27,292 OH, PLEASE! 168 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,193 - ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT WE'VE AGREED 169 00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:31,095 TO DONATE A NEW GIRLS' ROOM MIRROR, 170 00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:32,431 THE NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS 171 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,166 IS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PAY FOR IT. 172 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,533 - OH, YEAH. 173 00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:36,934 - WE COULD HOLD A YARD SALE. 174 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:38,837 - STACY, ARE YOU SUGGESTING 175 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,372 WE SIT BEHIND A CARD TABLE AND HAGGLE? 176 00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:43,074 - OH, GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? 177 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,042 - WHY DON'T WE DO WHAT WE DO BEST? 178 00:05:45,044 --> 00:05:48,379 - QUINN, NO ONE IS GOING TO PAY US TO EAT CARROT STICKS. 179 00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:51,583 - I MEAN, TELL PEOPLE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEIR OUTFITS. 180 00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:54,785 - BUT WE DO THAT ALL DAY FOR FREE. 181 00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,921 THAT'S WHY EVERYONE LIKES US. 182 00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:59,023 - WELL, WE COULD PUT IT DOWN ON PAPER, 183 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,358 SELL OUR OWN NEWSLETTER 184 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,660 OFFERING ADVICE TO FASHION VICTIMS. 185 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,629 AND WE COULD PREDICT FASHION TRENDS. 186 00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:06,531 PEOPLE WILL SAVE MONEY WITH OUR NEWSLETTER 187 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,201 BY NOT BUYING THINGS IN THE WRONG FABRIC OR BELT WIDTH. 188 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,936 - A COMMENDABLE IDEA. 189 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,303 ALL IN FAVOR? 190 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:15,440 THEN I GUESS WE SHOULD DECIDE WHICH TOPICS TO COVER. 191 00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:18,076 - BOY, THIS VOLUNTEERING IS GONNA BE A LOT OF WORK. 192 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,210 - I KNOW. 193 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,947 SOMEONE SHOULD REALLY PAY US FOR IT. 194 00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,549 - IF IT WEREN'T FOR ELLENBOGEN, 195 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,551 I MIGHT BE A BROADWAY LYRICIST. 196 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,152 I COULD WRITE SONGS FOR CATS. 197 00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:29,954 I COULD WRITE SONGS FOR DOGS! 198 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,890 MY NAME IN LIGHTS WOULD HAVE BEEN FANTASTIC. 199 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:32,991 - JAKE. - ELLENBOGEN! 200 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,125 - JAKE! - HUH? 201 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,159 - WHERE ARE THE GIRLS? 202 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:37,795 - UH, QUINN'S, UM...SOMEWHERE. 203 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:40,298 AND DARIA'S UP IN HER ROOM WITH, UM...TOM. 204 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,234 - JAKE, HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN UP THERE? 205 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,635 - DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE SONG 206 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,837 I WROTE IN MILITARY SCHOOL, CADET GUYS, HO? 207 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,139 - IF I SAY I DON'T WANT THEM IN THERE ALONE, 208 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,407 I MIGHT GIVE THEM IDEAS. 209 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,442 I KNOW. 210 00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,109 SNACKS. 211 00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:54,446 - I'D LIKE TO THANK MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, 212 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:57,114 AND NOT THAT DAMN CORPORAL ELLENBOGEN 213 00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:59,351 OR GILBERT OR SULLIVAN! 214 00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:01,419 - I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED ME TO READ THIS. 215 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,454 - YOU ARE? 216 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:03,721 - YEAH, IT'S GREAT. 217 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:04,789 - IT'S NOT MUDDLED? 218 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,057 - NO, IT'S VARIED. 219 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,158 IT CHANGES VOICES. 220 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,392 IT CHALLENGES THE READER. 221 00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:09,427 DARIA, I'M SERIOUS. 222 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,462 THIS IS REALLY GOOD. 223 00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:11,763 - OH, TOM! 224 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:12,964 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE. 225 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,132 ARE YOU TWO HUNGRY? 226 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,867 I COULD GET YOU SOME CHACKERS AND CREESE-- 227 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,203 UM, CRACKERS AND CHEESE AND CRACKERS. 228 00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,704 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 229 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,506 - YOU KNOW, I READ THIS STORY 230 00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,608 MY ENGLISH TEACHER SENT TO MUSINGS MAGAZINE, 231 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,942 AND THIS IS MUCH BETTER. 232 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,311 WHY DON'T YOU SUBMIT IT TO THEM? 233 00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:29,948 - THE REJECTION, INDIGNATION, AND LASTING HUMILIATION. 234 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,817 - HOW ABOUT THE SUCCESS, STARDOM, 235 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,118 AND EVENTUAL ALCOHOLISM? 236 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,587 - I ACTUALLY DID THINK OF SUBMITTING IT SOMEWHERE, 237 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,155 BUT IT FEELS TOO... 238 00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,823 TOO MUCH LIKE TRYING. 239 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,692 - I'LL NEVER TELL YOU DISPLAYED MOTIVATION. 240 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,527 - I'M JUST NOT SURE IT'S GOOD ENOUGH. 241 00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,529 - WHY DON'T YOU LET THE MAGAZINE DECIDE? 242 00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,398 NO ONE HAS TO KNOW. 243 00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:53,171 - HELLO, DARIA. 244 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,373 - OH, HI, MR. O'NEILL. 245 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,408 - MUSINGS MAGAZINE? 246 00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,476 DARIA, ARE YOU SUBMITTING A STORY? 247 00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,944 THAT'S WONDERFUL! 248 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,546 - UM, I'D APPRECIATE IT 249 00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:03,381 IF YOU DIDN'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS. 250 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,415 - OH, OF COURSE. 251 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,917 IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET, 252 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,820 A NEW AND DEEPER LEVEL TO OUR TEACHER-STUDENT RELATIONSHIP, 253 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,655 SOMETHING UNIQUE AND MEANINGFUL 254 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:14,492 BETWEEN A GIFTED WRITER AND, WELL...HER MENTOR? 255 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,560 - SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 256 00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:16,828 - I'M HONORED! 257 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,830 IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO TELL ME? 258 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,566 - UH, YOUR SHOELACE IS UNTIED. 259 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,809 - PURPLE-BASED LIPSTICKS WILL BE IN, 260 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,978 SO PEACH-BASED BLUSHES WILL BE OUT, 261 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,479 BECAUSE OTHERWISE, YOUR CHEEKBONES 262 00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,481 WON'T MATCH YOUR LIP LINER, AND WHO NEEDS THAT? 263 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,483 SMILEY FACE. SURPRISED FACE. 264 00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,584 WINK. 265 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:42,720 - HOLD THE TWEEZER IN YOUR RIGHT HAND, 266 00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:46,591 OR IN YOUR LEFT HAND IF YOU'RE LEFT-HANDED. 267 00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,894 SQUEEZE THE EYEBROW HAIR AND PULL. 268 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,831 THERE IS PAIN INVOLVED. 269 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,900 - LONG SKIRTS WILL BE BACK, ALTHOUGH NOT TOO LONG, 270 00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,768 MAYBE ON THE SHORTER SIDE OF LONG. 271 00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:59,637 BUT DON'T BE MAD IF IT TURNS OUT 272 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,105 THAT THE LONGER LONGER ONES 273 00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,408 ARE MORE IN THAN THE SHORTER LONGER ONES. 274 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,444 - LIKE A FINE WINE, IF WINES WERE COLORS, 275 00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:10,282 AUBERGINE IS DARK, TASTEFUL, AND GOES WELL WITH FISH. 276 00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:12,917 I PREDICT IT WILL BE THE BREAKOUT COLOR 277 00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,051 FOR NEXT SEASON. 278 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,120 [applause] 279 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,321 FELLOW PUNDITS, 280 00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,256 IT'S TIME TO GO TO PRESS. 281 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,993 FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS, 282 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,128 AS PRESIDENT OF THE FASHION CLUB, 283 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,429 I AM PROUD TO ANNOUNCE 284 00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,999 THE FIRST ISSUE OF OUR CUTTING-EDGE PUBLICATION 285 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,002 PREDICTING UPCOMING TRENDS IN PERSONAL DEPORTMENT 286 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,772 WHILE PROVIDING UNDERWRITING TO A DESERVING CAUSE. 287 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,440 - UH, WHAT ARE YOU SELLING? 288 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,976 - PERHAPS I DIDN'T MAKE MYSELF CLEAR. 289 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:41,947 OUR NEWSLETTER IS DEDICATED TO THE ART OF LOOKING GOOD, 290 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,782 OR AT LEAST BETTER THAN THOSE AROUND YOU. 291 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,316 - A FASHION MAGAZINE? 292 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,718 UH, NO THANKS. 293 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,285 - WILL YOU BUY ONE FROM ME? 294 00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,420 - SURE, I'LL TAKE ONE! 295 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,454 - I'LL TAKE TWO! 296 00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:51,990 - MAKE IT THREE! NO, FIVE! 297 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,557 - "AN ODE TO AUBERGINE"? 298 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:54,692 - "GOOD PLUCK"? 299 00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:56,427 - "PLEASE REMEMBER TO BLUSH"? 300 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,629 - THERE MUST BE A LOT GOING ON IN THE BOYS' ROOM 301 00:09:58,631 --> 00:09:59,698 WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT. 302 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,100 - AND REALLY, ISN'T THAT AS IT SHOULD BE? 303 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,302 - HEY, MAYBE QUINN SHOULD PUBLISH YOUR STORY. 304 00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:07,706 - NAH, IT'S FULL OF SENTENCES THAT DON'T BEGIN WITH "I." 305 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,473 BESIDES, I, UM, 306 00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:12,644 ALREADY SUBMITTED IT TO A MAGAZINE, TOM'S IDEA. 307 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,412 - TOM LIKED YOUR STORY? THAT'S GREAT! 308 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,647 SEE? WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT LITERATURE? 309 00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:17,815 - WHAT DOES HE? 310 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,717 - WAS I BEING ENTHUSIASTIC AGAIN? 311 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:20,818 I'M SORRY. 312 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,355 - YOU DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT. 313 00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:25,590 - ALTHOUGH THE GREAT GREEK DRAMATIST AESCHYLUS 314 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,459 WROTE A STAGGERING 80 PLAYS, 315 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,694 ONLY 7 OF THEM ARE AVAILABLE TO US. 316 00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,129 DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY? 317 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,464 - THE REST ARE STILL IN GREECE? 318 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,531 - UH...HEH. 319 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,300 ANYONE ELSE? DARIA? 320 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,034 - THE REMAINING PLAYS WERE DESTROYED. 321 00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:38,069 - THAT'S RIGHT. 322 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,203 ALL OF THEM, GONE. 323 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,673 CAN YOU IMAGINE AESCHYLUS' FEELINGS? 324 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,842 - HECK, I BET HE'S NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. 325 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,343 - DARIA, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL 326 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,346 IF THE STORY YOU WROTE WERE LOST TO MANKIND FOREVER, 327 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,249 IF EVERY LAST COPY OF MUSINGS MAGAZINE 328 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,184 WERE SOMEHOW SET AFLAME? 329 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,587 - WOW, YOU'VE BEEN PUBLISHED IN MUSINGS? 330 00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:56,788 - I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 331 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,923 I WROTE TO THE EMBARRASSING MOMENTS COLUMN 332 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,424 IN TEENBAG MAGAZINE 333 00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:02,794 ABOUT KEVIN'S GASEOUS PROBLEM WHEN WE'RE MAKING OUT, 334 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,428 AND I NEVER HEARD BACK FROM THEM. 335 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:05,463 - BA-ABE! 336 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:06,764 - KEVY, IT'S OKAY. 337 00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,700 THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT I TRIED. 338 00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:09,734 - [groans] 339 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:10,768 - UM... [chuckles] 340 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,537 DARIA, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING? 341 00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:13,604 - NEVER MIND. 342 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,140 I THINK YOU'VE SAID IT ALL. 343 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,174 - EXCUSE ME? 344 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,942 OH. OH, DEAR. 345 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,978 UM...SORRY. 346 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,545 - HE MEANT WELL, 347 00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:23,247 FOR A TEACHER WHO DOES NOTHING WELL. 348 00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:25,150 - I'M REMINDED OF MY FATHER. 349 00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,251 - WHAT? WHY? 350 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,985 - BECAUSE I CAN'T GET THE PHRASE 351 00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,921 "DAMN IDIOT TEACHERS WITH THEIR DAMN IDIOT BRAINS" 352 00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:31,923 OUT OF MY HEAD. 353 00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:34,191 - HEY, DARIA, CONGRATULATIONS. 354 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,226 A PUBLISHED STORY? 355 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,327 THAT'S AMAZING. 356 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,630 - UM, IT'S NOT EXACTLY PUBLISHED. 357 00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:40,932 I SENT IT IN, BUT I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK. 358 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,167 - THEN WHY ARE YOU TELLING EVERYONE IT'S BEEN PUBLISHED? 359 00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,870 - OH, YOU KNOW DARIA AND HER COMPULSIVE NEED TO IMPRESS. 360 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,240 - OH, BUT THEN INSTEAD OF MAKING UP STUFF ABOUT WRITING, 361 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,709 SHOULDN'T YOU PICK SOMETHING GOOD? 362 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:51,910 - HOW'S THIS? 363 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:54,478 DURING THE DAY, I'M A MILD-MANNERED STUDENT, 364 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:58,049 BUT AT NIGHT, I FIGHT CRIME IN A STRETCHY, STRETCHY COSTUME. 365 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,083 - COOL! 366 00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:00,117 I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! 367 00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:01,586 - SHE DOESN'T REALLY. 368 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,654 - BUT SHE JUST SAID-- 369 00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:05,023 - KEVY, YOU'RE SO GULLIBLE. 370 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,524 - YOU KNOW, MY MOTHER GETS MUSINGS, 371 00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,726 AND THEIR FICTION IS AWFUL. 372 00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,560 I BET YOU'LL HAVE NO TROUBLE GETTING IN. 373 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,628 - GEE, THANKS. 374 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:11,896 - THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. 375 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,065 - [sighs] I KNOW, THANKS. 376 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,132 - GOOD LUCK. 377 00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:18,102 - DARIA, IN THE NAME OF JANE AUSTEN, 378 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,271 EMILY DICKINSON, ANNE BRONTE, 379 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:23,274 EMILY BRONTE, AND CHARLOTTE BRONTE, 380 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:26,177 I WANT TO SAY, "YOU GO, GIRL." 381 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,845 - THAT'S JUST HOW THEY WOULD HAVE PUT IT. 382 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:28,947 - WHO TOLD YOU? 383 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,916 - ER, UH, UM...NOBODY. 384 00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,451 IT CERTAINLY DIDN'T COME UP 385 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:36,086 DURING ANYTHING OTHER THAN NORMAL IN-SCHOOL CHITCHAT 386 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,187 AMONG COLLEAGUES, 387 00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,590 FULLY DRESSED, WITH NO OILS INVOLVED. 388 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,927 - EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT NO SHOWER, 389 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,029 NO MATTER THE DURATION NOR THE TEMPERATURE, 390 00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:46,464 CAN EVER ERASE? 391 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,967 - I'M LEANING TOWARD TRAUMA-INDUCED AMNESIA MYSELF. 392 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,401 PUNCH MY HEAD, WOULD YA? 393 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,272 - DARIA, GUESS WHAT! 394 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,874 I FOUND MY OLD SONG LYRICS! 395 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,275 HERE, I'LL SING THEM FOR YOU. 396 00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,712 GET READY TO HEAR SOME DOPE BEATS. 397 00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:04,716 [electronic dance music] 398 00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,151 - OW! 399 00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,318 - HEY! 400 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,786 ♪ WE'RE THE GUYS THEY CALL CADETS ♪ 401 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,054 ♪ WE'RE HERE TO SERVE OUR ♪ 402 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,823 ♪ NA...TION... ♪ 403 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:14,025 DARIA? 404 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:17,094 - I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL OUR NEWSLETTER PREDICTIONS 405 00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,229 WERE WRONG! 406 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,230 HEMS HIKE UP. 407 00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,398 HEELS FALL DOWN. 408 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,367 TWEEZING ISN'T PLEASING. - [gasps] 409 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,403 - AND DARK COLORS LIKE AUBERGINE ARE OVER. 410 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:28,105 - WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT BRIGHTLY COMIC TONES 411 00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:31,242 LIKE PEACH AND LEMON WOULD SUDDENLY COME INTO VOGUE? 412 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,810 I NEED TO BE ALONE. 413 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,446 - THIS IS SO SAD. 414 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:38,116 - WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAPPEN TO US? 415 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:39,650 [girls crying] 416 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,752 - LET ME GUESS. 417 00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:43,621 THE WIDE WORLD OF WOOL WAS PREEMPTED 418 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,790 FOR AN EMERGENCY STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS. 419 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,425 - EVEN WORSE. 420 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,494 WAIF'S "WHAT'S HOT AND WHAT'S ROT" ISSUE JUST CAME, 421 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,362 AND WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS OUT AND IN IS NOT AND NOT, 422 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:54,232 AND NOW OUR CAREERS AS FASHION PROGNOSTICATORS ARE OVER. 423 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:57,434 - I'LL GO LOWER THE FLAG TO HALF-MAST. 424 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,745 "THANK YOU FOR GIVING US THE OPPORTUNITY 425 00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:10,481 TO READ YOUR WORK." 426 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,750 I'VE BEEN REJECTED. 427 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:23,193 [doorbell dings] 428 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,329 - DARIA! COME IN. 429 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:26,764 IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 430 00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,899 - NO, EVERYTHING'S NOT OKAY. 431 00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:31,035 MUSINGS REJECTED MY STORY. 432 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,803 - REALLY? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 433 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,772 - DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL GET OVER IT. 434 00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,308 I KNEW IT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO BE PUBLISHED. 435 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,343 - OKAY, SO MAYBE IT WAS THE WRONG PLACE 436 00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:40,444 OR JUST A BAD EDITOR. 437 00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,045 THERE ARE LOTS OF MAGAZINES OUT THERE. 438 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,247 SEND IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. 439 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,717 - IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO GET REJECTED ONCE. 440 00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,352 YOU WANT ME TO GET REJECTED DOZENS OF TIMES? 441 00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:49,720 - COME ON. IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE. 442 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,955 ONE TRY AND YOU GIVE UP? 443 00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,456 - UNCLE. 444 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,425 - DARIA, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO WHAT I'M SAYING. 445 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:57,128 - HEY, I LISTENED WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO SEND IT IN, 446 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,162 AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. 447 00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,064 NOW YOU WANT ME TO KEEP SUBMITTING IT 448 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,433 SO I CAN LIVE IN A STATE OF PERPETUAL MISERY? 449 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,567 GOD, YOU'RE INSENSITIVE. 450 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:04,968 - NO, I'M SUPPORTIVE, 451 00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,570 BUT YOU'RE TOO THICK-HEADED TO NOTICE. 452 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,771 I LIKED THAT STORY. 453 00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:09,706 I THOUGHT IT WAS SMART, FUNNY, AND INSIGHTFUL-- 454 00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:11,609 NONE OF WHICH I CAN SAY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. 455 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,611 - GEE, THANKS. SEE YA. 456 00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,646 - WHY DON'T YOU JUST GROW UP? 457 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,782 OR NOT? 458 00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:18,916 - ATTENTION. 459 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,285 DUE TO A SENSELESS ACT OF SABOTAGE 460 00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:24,388 CURRENTLY UNDER INVESTIGATION BY INVESTIGATORS, 461 00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,323 THE ARTICLES IN OUR NEWSLETTER 462 00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,492 WERE ALTERED PRIOR TO PUBLICATION 463 00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:29,961 AND WITHOUT OUR KNOWLEDGE. 464 00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:32,496 WE ARE THEREFORE RECTIFYING THE SITUATION 465 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,032 BY ISSUING REFUNDS. 466 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,300 - THERE YOU GO. THERE'S MY PAPER. 467 00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:38,669 - SO, EVERYONE, JUST IGNORE EVERYTHING YOU READ. 468 00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:44,241 - YOU DIDN'T READ IT AT ALL, DID YOU? 469 00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:46,577 - BEING AN AUTHOR SUCKS. 470 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,745 - WANT US TO READ IT NOW? 471 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,180 [together] NO. 472 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,818 - THESE DUMPSTERS ARE GROSS. 473 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,087 - WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS STUFF IS THAT LOOKS LIKE VOMIT? 474 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,755 - STACY! - SORRY. 475 00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,257 - I GUESS WE AREN'T GONNA MAKE OUR FUNDRAISING GOAL. 476 00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:01,425 - IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR 477 00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:03,561 THAT YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO GET A PLAQUE. 478 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,863 - HMM... 479 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:06,931 - DARIA! 480 00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,365 - [sighs] 481 00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:09,700 - THERE YOU ARE. 482 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,069 I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY TO SING YOU THIS SONG. 483 00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:13,437 - UM...OKAY. 484 00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:15,506 - ♪ HEY, WE'RE THE GUYS THEY CALL CADETS ♪ 485 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,041 ♪ WE'RE HERE TO SERVE OUR NATION ♪ 486 00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,509 ♪ FIGHTING STINKING FOREIGNERS ♪ 487 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,944 ♪ RIGHT AFTER GRADUATION ♪ 488 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,412 ♪ WE HAVE LEARNED TO MAKE OUR BEDS ♪ 489 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:22,880 ♪ SHINE OUR BOOTS ALL GLEAMY ♪ 490 00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,281 ♪ WHEN WE PUT ON OUR DRESS BLUES ♪ 491 00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,016 ♪ WE REALLY LOOK QUITE DREAMY ♪ 492 00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:30,788 CORPORAL ELLENBOGEN WAS RIGHT. 493 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,190 - UM... THE TUNE IS CATCHY. 494 00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:34,458 - IT SUCKS. 495 00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,426 DAMN DRUM MACHINE! 496 00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:37,561 DAH! 497 00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,597 I'M A FAILURE. 498 00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,366 - DAD, YOU MADE UP ONE SONG WHEN YOU WERE A TEENAGER, 499 00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:44,201 AND IT'S NOT THE BEST THING EVER WRITTEN, 500 00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:45,936 AND THAT MAKES YOU A FAILURE? 501 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,705 - WELL, THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS. 502 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,640 - SO YOUR REACH EXCEEDED YOUR GRASP. 503 00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:52,342 I'D RATHER HAVE THAT HAPPEN TO ME THAN THE OPPOSITE. 504 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:53,377 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 505 00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,912 - YOU KNOW WHAT GOOD IS. 506 00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,680 THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW YOU DIDN'T ACHIEVE IT. 507 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,150 THAT'S A LOT BETTER THAN IF YOU WERE PUTTING OUT CRAP 508 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,484 AND THINKING IT WAS GREAT. 509 00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:01,785 - IT IS? 510 00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:04,021 - YOU CAME UP SHORT BECAUSE YOU WERE AIMING HIGH. 511 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,356 - YOU'RE RIGHT, DARIA. 512 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,457 I DID! 513 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,259 I WENT OUT ON A LIMB AND TOOK A CHANCE. 514 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,727 THAT TOOK GUTS, DIDN'T IT? 515 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:12,230 - UM, YES, YES, IT DID. 516 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,797 - DAMN RIGHT, KIDDO! 517 00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,566 ♪ GUTSY JAKEY WENT TO TOWN ♪ 518 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,001 ♪ RIDING IN A LEXUS ♪ 519 00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,435 ♪ MISSED HIS STAR BUT DID AIM FAR ♪ 520 00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:19,470 UM... 521 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,639 - WHO CARES WHAT JERK REJECTS US? 522 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,508 - ♪ WHO CARES WHAT JERK REJECTS US? ♪ 523 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,910 YEAH! 524 00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:29,080 - AND SO AS PART OF OUR CONTINUING EFFORT 525 00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,847 TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF LIFE 526 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,583 FOR THE STUDENTS OF LAWNDALE HIGH, 527 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,586 THE FASHION CLUB IS PLEASED TO PRESENT THIS PLAQUE 528 00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,822 COMMEMORATING THIS PLAQUE, 529 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,424 BECAUSE, AS MY GRANDMOTHER SAYS 530 00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,460 WHENEVER SHE TRIES TO GIVE ME SOME HORRIBLE PEASANT BLOUSE 531 00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:46,531 FROM, LIKE, THE HAIGHT-ASHTRAY PERIOD OF AMERICAN HISTORY, 532 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,265 IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. 533 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,601 - OH, SANDY, THAT WAS GREAT. 534 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,503 - REALLY MOVING. 535 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,873 - UM, DOES THE RED LIGHT THINGY HAVE TO BE ON TO RECORD? 536 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,174 [phone ringing] 537 00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:58,208 - HELLO? 538 00:17:58,210 --> 00:17:59,911 - UM, HI. 539 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,813 I'M COOKING UP A DELICIOUS, JUICY CROW TONIGHT 540 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,416 AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO COME OVER FOR A DRUMSTICK. 541 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,218 - OH, I'M NOT HUNGRY. 542 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,054 BUT I'LL WATCH YOU EAT. 543 00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,322 [sniffs] 544 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,523 MMM. 545 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,358 THAT CROW SMELLS GOOD. 546 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:19,163 - WELL, WE BOTH KNOW WHY I ASKED YOU HERE. 547 00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,799 - NOT ME, NO IDEA, NONE WHATSOEVER. 548 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,834 - FINE, I DESERVE THAT. 549 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:26,170 LOOK, I'M SORRY. 550 00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:27,905 YOU WERE BEING SUPPORTIVE. 551 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,641 I WAS THE ONE ACTING LIKE... YOU KNOW. 552 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:32,610 - YOU CAN DO IT. RHYMES WITH "CLERK." 553 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,677 - SHUT UP. 554 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:36,079 SO... FORGIVENESS AND WHATNOT? 555 00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:38,349 - EH, YOU'VE SUFFERED ENOUGH, FOR TODAY. 556 00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,217 - TOM, DARIA, 557 00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,619 CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING? 558 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,222 - I'LL HAVE A BIG GLASS OF HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE. 559 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,389 - COMING RIGHT UP. 560 00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:47,325 I MEAN, I'LL BE BACK WITH SOME SNACKS. 561 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,859 - BETTER TALK FAST. 562 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,728 SHE'S BEEN DOING SPEED DRILLS. 563 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,063 - SO YOU'RE OVER THE REJECTION LETTER? 564 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:55,065 - WHAT LETTER? OH, WAIT. 565 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,400 YOU MEAN THE ONE THAT SAID, 566 00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:57,768 "DEAR, MS. MORGENDORFFER, 567 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,202 "THANK YOU FOR GIVING US 568 00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:01,037 "THE OPPORTUNITY TO READ YOUR WORK. 569 00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:02,939 "IT'S NOT RIGHT FOR US AT THIS TIME, 570 00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:05,609 BUT PLEASE KEEP US IN MIND FOR FUTURE SUBMISSIONS"? 571 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,778 GEE, I'D ALMOST FORGOTTEN. 572 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,413 - DARIA, WE'RE OUT OF CHEESE. 573 00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:10,548 WOULD YOU LIKE PRETZELS? 574 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:11,749 - THAT'S WHAT IT SAID? 575 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:12,850 TO SUBMIT AGAIN? 576 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,118 - YEAH. DON'T THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT? 577 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:16,888 - NO, DARIA, THAT'S GREAT. 578 00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,589 MY TEACHER GOT A ONE-LINE NOTE: 579 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,325 "MUSINGS REGRETS THAT YOUR MATERIAL IS UNSUITABLE." 580 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,392 - REALLY? 581 00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:24,295 - HOW ABOUT SOME PINEAPPLE CHUNKS? 582 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,598 IN THEIR OWN JUICE OR HEAVY SYRUP, YOU DECIDE. 583 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:28,899 - EDITORS NEVER ENCOURAGE PEOPLE 584 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,734 UNLESS THEY THINK THEY REALLY HAVE SOMETHING, 585 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,102 AND THAT'S NOT OFTEN. 586 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,938 - WELL, LET'S SEE IF I'VE GOT THIS STRAIGHT. 587 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,206 THE EDITORS DIDN'T LIKE MY STORY. 588 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:37,641 THEY DON'T WANT TO PUBLISH IT. 589 00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:40,444 BUT THEY DO LOOK FORWARD TO REJECTING ME IN THE FUTURE, 590 00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,478 AND THAT'S GOOD. 591 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,512 - CONGRATULATIONS. 592 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,281 - IT'S GREAT TO BE A WRITER. 593 00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:45,550 - AND SUCH A CHEERFUL WRITER. 594 00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:48,085 - RICE CAKES-- OH, GOD, NO! 595 00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,023 - YOU THINK HELEN WILL EVER RECOVER 596 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,257 FROM THE TELLTALE SMOOCH? 597 00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:54,892 - ALL WE CAN DO FOR HER NOW 598 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,761 IS BE THERE WHEN SHE'S READY TO TALK. 599 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,262 - HOW'S THAT COMING, BY THE WAY? 600 00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:01,299 - GOOD, REALLY GOOD. 601 00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,935 [machine gun blasting] 602 00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:08,438 BUT I GUESS I'LL GET BACK TO MY WRITING. 603 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,375 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 604 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,312 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 605 00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:25,422 ♪ LA, LA, LA ♪ 606 00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,093 ♪ LA, LA, LA ♪ 607 00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,798 ♪ LA, LA, LA ♪