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- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
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- WATCHING THE FASHIONVISION
HUMANITARIAN AWARDS
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00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:17,182
INSTEAD OF GOING OUT TONIGHT
WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA, SANDY.
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- THEY'RE DONATING
A TENTH OF A CENT TO CHARITY
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FOR EVERY HOUSEHOLD TUNED IN.
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WE'RE REALLY DOING
SOMETHING WORTHWHILE.
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- SANDY, YOU'VE MADE US
INTO CONTRIBUTORS.
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- THANK YOU ALL.
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I TRY.
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- THANK YOU
FROM ME AND SPONGE CAKE,
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AND MOST OF ALL,
FROM THE LITTLE CHILDREN
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WHO NOW GET THE PEDICURES
THEY SO SORELY NEED.
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[all sigh]
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- THE FASHIONVISION
HUMANITARIAN AWARDS
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WILL BE BACK RIGHT AFTER--
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- BUT, RITA,
IF ERIN NEVER LOVED HIM,
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WHY'D SHE MARRY HIM
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
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ONCE HE GAVE HER HERPES,
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SHE DIDN'T THINK ANYONE ELSE
WOULD WANT HER?
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OH, LORD, RITA!
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IT'S A NEW MILLENNIUM.
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WHEN WILL PEOPLE GET RID OF
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THESE OUTMODED IDEAS
ABOUT SEX?
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WHERE'S YOUR SISTER?
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- IN HER ROOM.
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- IS TOM IN THERE WITH HER?
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- MO-OM!
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I'M NOT J. EDGAR WINTER.
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- UGH!
TALK TO YOUR AUNT.
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- HELLO?
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IT'S QUINN, AUNT RITA.
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WELL, OF COURSE
SHE SHOULD DIVORCE HIM.
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HE'S SHORT.
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- DARIA, WHY DON'T YOU TWO
COME DOWNSTAIRS AND, UM...
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TOM'S NOT HERE?
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- NOT UNLESS
YOU'VE GOT HIM SECRETED
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SOMEWHERE ON YOUR PERSON.
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YOU DO, DON'T YOU?
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- OH, HMM, ALL RIGHT, THEN.
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[phone ringing]
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- HELLO?
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- OKAY, THE MOVIE JUST STARTED
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AND YOU'RE IN THE COMFORT
OF YOUR OWN HOME,
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SO I'D SAY
YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT.
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WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?
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- CRAP.
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- GEE, WHO'DA THUNK IT?
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IT TURNS OUT
ALIEN SUPERINTELLIGENCE
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IS NO MATCH
FOR OUR EARTHLY CAN-DO SPUNK.
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- AND BEAUTIFUL
20-YEAR-OLD ASTROPHYSICISTS
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ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR
A NICE MIDDLE-AGED STREET COP
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TO FALL IN LOVE WITH.
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- YEAH, DIDN'T SEE
THAT ONE COMING.
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- I WISH I HADN'T SEEN IT
AT ALL.
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- WELL, IF YOU'D BEEN ON TIME,
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WE'D BE DECONSTRUCTING
THAT COMEDY FROM CROATIA
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INSTEAD OF
IT CAME FROM PLANET STUPID.
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WHAT WERE YOU DOING
THAT WAS SO IMPORTANT, ANYWAY?
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- UM...WORKING ON SOMETHING.
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- [sarcastically]
OH, I'M SATISFIED.
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OUT WITH IT, MORGENDORFFER.
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- OKAY,
I WAS WRITING A SHORT STORY.
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- AND THE BIG SECRET IS...
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- I'M, UH, THINKING
OF SUBMITTING IT SOMEWHERE,
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LIKE A PUBLICATION.
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- HEY, THAT'S A STEP.
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WHEN CAN I READ IT?
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- HOW DOES NEXT LEAP YEAR SOUND?
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- YOU'RE WILLING TO HAVE IT
PUBLISHED AND READ BY STRANGERS,
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BUT YOU DON'T WANT
YOUR BEST FRIEND TO SEE IT?
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- THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING.
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- CONGRATULATIONS FOR WATCHING
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THE FASHIONVISION
HUMANITARIAN AWARDS.
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AND REMEMBER,
THERE'S NO BETTER FEELING
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THAN LOOKING GOOD DOING GOOD.
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GOOD NIGHT.
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- [sighs]
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THOSE MODELS ARE SO UNSELFISH.
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- I FEEL HUMBLE.
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- I WISH I COULD WIN
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A FASHIONVISION
HUMANITARIAN AWARD.
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- WELL, YOU KNOW, AS A PROMINENT
EXTRACURRICULAR ORGANIZATION
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AT LAWNDALE HIGH,
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THERE'S NO REASON
WE COULDN'T LEND OUR NAME
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TO A WORTHY CAUSE.
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- LIKE THE GIRLS' SOCCER TEAM
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AND THEIR ADOPT-A-HIGHWAY SIGN?
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- EW.
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PICKING UP TRASH
ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD?
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- UM, QUINN,
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I HAVEN'T BEEN CONVICTED
OF ANYTHING.
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HAVE YOU?
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BESIDES, WHY SETTLE FOR A SIGN
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WHEN YOU CAN HAVE A PLAQUE?
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- WOW, A PLAQUE?
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- EXACTLY.
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MOUNTED ON SOMETHING APPROPRIATE
FOR OUR BEAUTIFICATION IMAGE,
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LIKE...A PARK BENCH.
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- BUT THEN WOULDN'T PEOPLE
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ALWAYS BE PUTTING
THEIR BUTTS ON US?
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- EW.
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- I KNOW;
HOW ABOUT A NEW MIRROR
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TO REPLACE THAT AWFUL ONE
IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM
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THAT ADDS AT LEAST TWO POUNDS.
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- I HATE THAT MIRROR.
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- IT HAUNTS ME.
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- THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, QUINN.
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DONATING A MIRROR
WILL REFLECT WELL ON US.
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REFLECT WELL ON US?
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- OH!
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[awkward giggling]
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- NOW, THAT STAIN TO THE LEFT
OF THE BARBIE'S CORVETTE STAIN
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LOOKS JUST LIKE
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT.
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- JUST SAY IT.
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YOU READ MY STORY
AND HATED IT.
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- WHAT?
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WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT MADCAP IDEA?
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- YOUR INCREASINGLY
DESPERATE ATTEMPTS
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TO AVOID THE TOPIC.
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- [sighs]
I DIDN'T HATE IT.
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IT JUST SEEMED, WELL--
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THE PLOT FELT A LITTLE MUDDLED.
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- YOU THINK IT SUCKED.
JUST ADMIT IT.
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- IT HAD TOO MANY STYLES
OR SOMETHING; THAT'S ALL.
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- IT'S OKAY IF YOU
DON'T LIKE IT, YOU KNOW.
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IN FACT,
I DON'T EVEN LIKE IT.
127
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IT STINKS.
128
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- LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW IT
TO SOMEONE ELSE,
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SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES
LITERATURE,
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SOMEONE NAMED TOM?
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- I COULDN'T SHOW IT TO HIM.
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IT'S TOO INTIMATE.
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- DARIA, IT'S ABOUT
A FLESH-EATING VIRUS.
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HOW IS THAT INTIMATE?
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- YOU'D THINK
IT WAS PRETTY INTIMATE
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IF IT WERE EATING YOUR FLESH.
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[intense dramatic music]
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- THIS KING OF THE JUNGLE
WAS ONE TUBBY TABBY
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TILL THE ANIMAL PLASTIC SURGEON
CAME TO CALL.
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LIPO FOR LEO NEXT
ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
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- DAMN IT!
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WHY DO THEY HAVE TO MAKE
THE EYE OF THE NEEDLE
143
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SO DARN SMALL?
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- I GUESS TO PISS OFF
THE CAMEL.
145
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- THANKS, KIDDO.
146
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- JUST HAPPY TO FIND SOMETHING
I CAN DO, UNLIKE WRITING.
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- GOOD FOR YOU.
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NOW, WHAT THE HELL
DID I DO WITH THAT BUTTON?
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HEY, WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T WRITE?
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- IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
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FORGET I MENTIONED IT.
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I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
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IT'S TRUE, ISN'T IT?
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- I BET IT WAS
SOME BUSYBODY TEACHER
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LIKE CORPORAL ELLENBOGEN.
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GUY CAN DIG A FOXHOLE.
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THAT MAKES HIM AN EXPERT
ON SHOW TUNES?
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I DON'T THINK SO, DAMN IT!
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- UM, DAD, ARE YOU GETTING
YOUR MILITARY SCHOOL BOYHOOD
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MIXED UP WITH A PAST LIFE
IN VAUDEVILLE?
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- ELLENBOGEN TOLD ME
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THE SONG I WROTE FOR THE SCHOOL
MUSICAL STANK, DAMN IT!
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AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
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IT WAS A DARN GOOD SONG.
165
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I SHOULD HAVE SUNG IT
FOR SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T THINK
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MUSICAL COMEDY BEGAN AND ENDED
WITH GILBERT AND SULLIVAN.
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OH, PLEASE!
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- ALL RIGHT,
NOW THAT WE'VE AGREED
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TO DONATE
A NEW GIRLS' ROOM MIRROR,
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THE NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS
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IS TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO PAY FOR IT.
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- OH, YEAH.
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- WE COULD HOLD A YARD SALE.
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- STACY, ARE YOU SUGGESTING
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WE SIT BEHIND A CARD TABLE
AND HAGGLE?
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- OH, GOD,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
177
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- WHY DON'T WE DO
WHAT WE DO BEST?
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- QUINN, NO ONE IS GOING TO
PAY US TO EAT CARROT STICKS.
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- I MEAN, TELL PEOPLE
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEIR OUTFITS.
180
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- BUT WE DO THAT ALL DAY
FOR FREE.
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THAT'S WHY EVERYONE LIKES US.
182
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- WELL, WE COULD PUT IT DOWN
ON PAPER,
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SELL OUR OWN NEWSLETTER
184
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OFFERING ADVICE
TO FASHION VICTIMS.
185
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,629
AND WE COULD PREDICT
FASHION TRENDS.
186
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PEOPLE WILL SAVE MONEY
WITH OUR NEWSLETTER
187
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BY NOT BUYING THINGS IN
THE WRONG FABRIC OR BELT WIDTH.
188
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- A COMMENDABLE IDEA.
189
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,303
ALL IN FAVOR?
190
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:15,440
THEN I GUESS WE SHOULD DECIDE
WHICH TOPICS TO COVER.
191
00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:18,076
- BOY, THIS VOLUNTEERING
IS GONNA BE A LOT OF WORK.
192
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- I KNOW.
193
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,947
SOMEONE SHOULD REALLY
PAY US FOR IT.
194
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- IF IT WEREN'T
FOR ELLENBOGEN,
195
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I MIGHT BE A BROADWAY LYRICIST.
196
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,152
I COULD WRITE SONGS FOR CATS.
197
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:29,954
I COULD WRITE SONGS FOR DOGS!
198
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,890
MY NAME IN LIGHTS
WOULD HAVE BEEN FANTASTIC.
199
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:32,991
- JAKE.
- ELLENBOGEN!
200
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- JAKE!
- HUH?
201
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,159
- WHERE ARE THE GIRLS?
202
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:37,795
- UH, QUINN'S, UM...SOMEWHERE.
203
00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:40,298
AND DARIA'S UP IN HER ROOM
WITH, UM...TOM.
204
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,234
- JAKE, HOW LONG
HAVE THEY BEEN UP THERE?
205
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,635
- DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT THE SONG
206
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,837
I WROTE IN MILITARY SCHOOL,
CADET GUYS, HO?
207
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,139
- IF I SAY I DON'T WANT THEM
IN THERE ALONE,
208
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I MIGHT GIVE THEM IDEAS.
209
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,442
I KNOW.
210
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,109
SNACKS.
211
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:54,446
- I'D LIKE TO THANK
MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS,
212
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:57,114
AND NOT THAT DAMN
CORPORAL ELLENBOGEN
213
00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:59,351
OR GILBERT OR SULLIVAN!
214
00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:01,419
- I'M SO GLAD
YOU ASKED ME TO READ THIS.
215
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,454
- YOU ARE?
216
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:03,721
- YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
217
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:04,789
- IT'S NOT MUDDLED?
218
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,057
- NO, IT'S VARIED.
219
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,158
IT CHANGES VOICES.
220
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,392
IT CHALLENGES THE READER.
221
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:09,427
DARIA, I'M SERIOUS.
222
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THIS IS REALLY GOOD.
223
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- OH, TOM!
224
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I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE.
225
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ARE YOU TWO HUNGRY?
226
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,867
I COULD GET YOU
SOME CHACKERS AND CREESE--
227
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,203
UM, CRACKERS AND CHEESE
AND CRACKERS.
228
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,704
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
229
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,506
- YOU KNOW, I READ THIS STORY
230
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,608
MY ENGLISH TEACHER SENT
TO MUSINGS MAGAZINE,
231
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,942
AND THIS IS MUCH BETTER.
232
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,311
WHY DON'T YOU SUBMIT IT TO THEM?
233
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:29,948
- THE REJECTION, INDIGNATION,
AND LASTING HUMILIATION.
234
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,817
- HOW ABOUT THE SUCCESS,
STARDOM,
235
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,118
AND EVENTUAL ALCOHOLISM?
236
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,587
- I ACTUALLY DID THINK
OF SUBMITTING IT SOMEWHERE,
237
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,155
BUT IT FEELS TOO...
238
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,823
TOO MUCH LIKE TRYING.
239
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,692
- I'LL NEVER TELL
YOU DISPLAYED MOTIVATION.
240
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,527
- I'M JUST NOT SURE
IT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
241
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,529
- WHY DON'T YOU LET
THE MAGAZINE DECIDE?
242
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,398
NO ONE HAS TO KNOW.
243
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:53,171
- HELLO, DARIA.
244
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,373
- OH, HI, MR. O'NEILL.
245
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,408
- MUSINGS MAGAZINE?
246
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,476
DARIA, ARE YOU SUBMITTING
A STORY?
247
00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,944
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
248
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,546
- UM, I'D APPRECIATE IT
249
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:03,381
IF YOU DIDN'T TELL ANYONE
ABOUT THIS.
250
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,415
- OH, OF COURSE.
251
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,917
IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET,
252
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,820
A NEW AND DEEPER LEVEL TO OUR
TEACHER-STUDENT RELATIONSHIP,
253
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,655
SOMETHING UNIQUE
AND MEANINGFUL
254
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:14,492
BETWEEN A GIFTED WRITER
AND, WELL...HER MENTOR?
255
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,560
- SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
256
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:16,828
- I'M HONORED!
257
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,830
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
YOU'D LIKE TO TELL ME?
258
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,566
- UH, YOUR SHOELACE IS UNTIED.
259
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,809
- PURPLE-BASED LIPSTICKS
WILL BE IN,
260
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,978
SO PEACH-BASED BLUSHES
WILL BE OUT,
261
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,479
BECAUSE OTHERWISE,
YOUR CHEEKBONES
262
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,481
WON'T MATCH YOUR LIP LINER,
AND WHO NEEDS THAT?
263
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,483
SMILEY FACE.
SURPRISED FACE.
264
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,584
WINK.
265
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:42,720
- HOLD THE TWEEZER
IN YOUR RIGHT HAND,
266
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:46,591
OR IN YOUR LEFT HAND
IF YOU'RE LEFT-HANDED.
267
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,894
SQUEEZE THE EYEBROW HAIR
AND PULL.
268
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,831
THERE IS PAIN INVOLVED.
269
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,900
- LONG SKIRTS WILL BE BACK,
ALTHOUGH NOT TOO LONG,
270
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,768
MAYBE ON THE SHORTER SIDE
OF LONG.
271
00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:59,637
BUT DON'T BE MAD
IF IT TURNS OUT
272
00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,105
THAT THE LONGER LONGER ONES
273
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,408
ARE MORE IN
THAN THE SHORTER LONGER ONES.
274
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,444
- LIKE A FINE WINE,
IF WINES WERE COLORS,
275
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:10,282
AUBERGINE IS DARK, TASTEFUL,
AND GOES WELL WITH FISH.
276
00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:12,917
I PREDICT IT WILL BE
THE BREAKOUT COLOR
277
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,051
FOR NEXT SEASON.
278
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,120
[applause]
279
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,321
FELLOW PUNDITS,
280
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,256
IT'S TIME TO GO TO PRESS.
281
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,993
FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS,
282
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,128
AS PRESIDENT
OF THE FASHION CLUB,
283
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,429
I AM PROUD TO ANNOUNCE
284
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,999
THE FIRST ISSUE
OF OUR CUTTING-EDGE PUBLICATION
285
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,002
PREDICTING UPCOMING TRENDS
IN PERSONAL DEPORTMENT
286
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,772
WHILE PROVIDING UNDERWRITING
TO A DESERVING CAUSE.
287
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,440
- UH, WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?
288
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,976
- PERHAPS I DIDN'T
MAKE MYSELF CLEAR.
289
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:41,947
OUR NEWSLETTER IS DEDICATED
TO THE ART OF LOOKING GOOD,
290
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,782
OR AT LEAST BETTER
THAN THOSE AROUND YOU.
291
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,316
- A FASHION MAGAZINE?
292
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,718
UH, NO THANKS.
293
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,285
- WILL YOU BUY ONE FROM ME?
294
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,420
- SURE, I'LL TAKE ONE!
295
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,454
- I'LL TAKE TWO!
296
00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:51,990
- MAKE IT THREE!
NO, FIVE!
297
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,557
- "AN ODE TO AUBERGINE"?
298
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:54,692
- "GOOD PLUCK"?
299
00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:56,427
- "PLEASE REMEMBER TO BLUSH"?
300
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,629
- THERE MUST BE A LOT GOING ON
IN THE BOYS' ROOM
301
00:09:58,631 --> 00:09:59,698
WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT.
302
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,100
- AND REALLY, ISN'T THAT
AS IT SHOULD BE?
303
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,302
- HEY, MAYBE QUINN
SHOULD PUBLISH YOUR STORY.
304
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:07,706
- NAH, IT'S FULL OF SENTENCES
THAT DON'T BEGIN WITH "I."
305
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,473
BESIDES, I, UM,
306
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:12,644
ALREADY SUBMITTED IT
TO A MAGAZINE, TOM'S IDEA.
307
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,412
- TOM LIKED YOUR STORY?
THAT'S GREAT!
308
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,647
SEE? WHAT DO I KNOW
ABOUT LITERATURE?
309
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:17,815
- WHAT DOES HE?
310
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,717
- WAS I BEING
ENTHUSIASTIC AGAIN?
311
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:20,818
I'M SORRY.
312
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,355
- YOU DIDN'T MEAN
ANYTHING BY IT.
313
00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:25,590
- ALTHOUGH THE GREAT
GREEK DRAMATIST AESCHYLUS
314
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,459
WROTE A STAGGERING 80 PLAYS,
315
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,694
ONLY 7 OF THEM
ARE AVAILABLE TO US.
316
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,129
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY?
317
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,464
- THE REST ARE STILL IN GREECE?
318
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,531
- UH...HEH.
319
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,300
ANYONE ELSE?
DARIA?
320
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,034
- THE REMAINING PLAYS
WERE DESTROYED.
321
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:38,069
- THAT'S RIGHT.
322
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,203
ALL OF THEM, GONE.
323
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,673
CAN YOU IMAGINE
AESCHYLUS' FEELINGS?
324
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,842
- HECK, I BET HE'S NOT EVEN
THINKING ABOUT IT.
325
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,343
- DARIA, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
326
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,346
IF THE STORY YOU WROTE
WERE LOST TO MANKIND FOREVER,
327
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,249
IF EVERY LAST COPY
OF MUSINGS MAGAZINE
328
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,184
WERE SOMEHOW SET AFLAME?
329
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,587
- WOW, YOU'VE BEEN PUBLISHED
IN MUSINGS?
330
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:56,788
- I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
331
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,923
I WROTE TO
THE EMBARRASSING MOMENTS COLUMN
332
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,424
IN TEENBAG MAGAZINE
333
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:02,794
ABOUT KEVIN'S GASEOUS PROBLEM
WHEN WE'RE MAKING OUT,
334
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,428
AND I NEVER HEARD BACK
FROM THEM.
335
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:05,463
- BA-ABE!
336
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:06,764
- KEVY, IT'S OKAY.
337
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,700
THE IMPORTANT THING
IS THAT I TRIED.
338
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:09,734
- [groans]
339
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:10,768
- UM...
[chuckles]
340
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,537
DARIA, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
341
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:13,604
- NEVER MIND.
342
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,140
I THINK YOU'VE SAID IT ALL.
343
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,174
- EXCUSE ME?
344
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,942
OH.
OH, DEAR.
345
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,978
UM...SORRY.
346
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,545
- HE MEANT WELL,
347
00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:23,247
FOR A TEACHER
WHO DOES NOTHING WELL.
348
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:25,150
- I'M REMINDED OF MY FATHER.
349
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,251
- WHAT?
WHY?
350
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,985
- BECAUSE I CAN'T GET
THE PHRASE
351
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,921
"DAMN IDIOT TEACHERS
WITH THEIR DAMN IDIOT BRAINS"
352
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:31,923
OUT OF MY HEAD.
353
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:34,191
- HEY, DARIA,
CONGRATULATIONS.
354
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,226
A PUBLISHED STORY?
355
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,327
THAT'S AMAZING.
356
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,630
- UM, IT'S NOT EXACTLY
PUBLISHED.
357
00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:40,932
I SENT IT IN,
BUT I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK.
358
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,167
- THEN WHY ARE YOU TELLING
EVERYONE IT'S BEEN PUBLISHED?
359
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,870
- OH, YOU KNOW DARIA AND HER
COMPULSIVE NEED TO IMPRESS.
360
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,240
- OH, BUT THEN INSTEAD OF
MAKING UP STUFF ABOUT WRITING,
361
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,709
SHOULDN'T YOU PICK
SOMETHING GOOD?
362
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:51,910
- HOW'S THIS?
363
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:54,478
DURING THE DAY,
I'M A MILD-MANNERED STUDENT,
364
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:58,049
BUT AT NIGHT, I FIGHT CRIME
IN A STRETCHY, STRETCHY COSTUME.
365
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,083
- COOL!
366
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:00,117
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!
367
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:01,586
- SHE DOESN'T REALLY.
368
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,654
- BUT SHE JUST SAID--
369
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:05,023
- KEVY, YOU'RE SO GULLIBLE.
370
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,524
- YOU KNOW,
MY MOTHER GETS MUSINGS,
371
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,726
AND THEIR FICTION IS AWFUL.
372
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,560
I BET YOU'LL HAVE
NO TROUBLE GETTING IN.
373
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,628
- GEE, THANKS.
374
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:11,896
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.
375
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,065
- [sighs]
I KNOW, THANKS.
376
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,132
- GOOD LUCK.
377
00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:18,102
- DARIA, IN THE NAME
OF JANE AUSTEN,
378
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,271
EMILY DICKINSON,
ANNE BRONTE,
379
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:23,274
EMILY BRONTE,
AND CHARLOTTE BRONTE,
380
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:26,177
I WANT TO SAY,
"YOU GO, GIRL."
381
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,845
- THAT'S JUST HOW THEY
WOULD HAVE PUT IT.
382
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:28,947
- WHO TOLD YOU?
383
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,916
- ER, UH, UM...NOBODY.
384
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,451
IT CERTAINLY DIDN'T COME UP
385
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:36,086
DURING ANYTHING OTHER THAN
NORMAL IN-SCHOOL CHITCHAT
386
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,187
AMONG COLLEAGUES,
387
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,590
FULLY DRESSED,
WITH NO OILS INVOLVED.
388
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,927
- EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS
THAT NO SHOWER,
389
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,029
NO MATTER THE DURATION
NOR THE TEMPERATURE,
390
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:46,464
CAN EVER ERASE?
391
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,967
- I'M LEANING TOWARD
TRAUMA-INDUCED AMNESIA MYSELF.
392
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,401
PUNCH MY HEAD, WOULD YA?
393
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,272
- DARIA, GUESS WHAT!
394
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,874
I FOUND MY OLD SONG LYRICS!
395
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,275
HERE, I'LL SING THEM FOR YOU.
396
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,712
GET READY TO HEAR
SOME DOPE BEATS.
397
00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:04,716
[electronic dance music]
398
00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,151
- OW!
399
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,318
- HEY!
400
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,786
♪ WE'RE THE GUYS
THEY CALL CADETS ♪
401
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,054
♪ WE'RE HERE TO SERVE OUR ♪
402
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,823
♪ NA...TION... ♪
403
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:14,025
DARIA?
404
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:17,094
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
ALL OUR NEWSLETTER PREDICTIONS
405
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,229
WERE WRONG!
406
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,230
HEMS HIKE UP.
407
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,398
HEELS FALL DOWN.
408
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,367
TWEEZING ISN'T PLEASING.
- [gasps]
409
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,403
- AND DARK COLORS
LIKE AUBERGINE ARE OVER.
410
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:28,105
- WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
THAT BRIGHTLY COMIC TONES
411
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:31,242
LIKE PEACH AND LEMON
WOULD SUDDENLY COME INTO VOGUE?
412
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,810
I NEED TO BE ALONE.
413
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,446
- THIS IS SO SAD.
414
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:38,116
- WHY DOES EVERYTHING
ALWAYS HAPPEN TO US?
415
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:39,650
[girls crying]
416
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,752
- LET ME GUESS.
417
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:43,621
THE WIDE WORLD OF WOOL
WAS PREEMPTED
418
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,790
FOR AN EMERGENCY
STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS.
419
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,425
- EVEN WORSE.
420
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,494
WAIF'S "WHAT'S HOT
AND WHAT'S ROT" ISSUE JUST CAME,
421
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,362
AND WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS
OUT AND IN IS NOT AND NOT,
422
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:54,232
AND NOW OUR CAREERS AS FASHION
PROGNOSTICATORS ARE OVER.
423
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:57,434
- I'LL GO LOWER THE FLAG
TO HALF-MAST.
424
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,745
"THANK YOU FOR GIVING US
THE OPPORTUNITY
425
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:10,481
TO READ YOUR WORK."
426
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,750
I'VE BEEN REJECTED.
427
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:23,193
[doorbell dings]
428
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,329
- DARIA!
COME IN.
429
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:26,764
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
430
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,899
- NO, EVERYTHING'S NOT OKAY.
431
00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:31,035
MUSINGS REJECTED MY STORY.
432
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,803
- REALLY?
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
433
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,772
- DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL GET OVER IT.
434
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,308
I KNEW IT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH
TO BE PUBLISHED.
435
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,343
- OKAY, SO MAYBE IT WAS
THE WRONG PLACE
436
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:40,444
OR JUST A BAD EDITOR.
437
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,045
THERE ARE LOTS
OF MAGAZINES OUT THERE.
438
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,247
SEND IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.
439
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,717
- IT'S NOT ENOUGH
TO GET REJECTED ONCE.
440
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,352
YOU WANT ME TO GET REJECTED
DOZENS OF TIMES?
441
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:49,720
- COME ON.
IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE.
442
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,955
ONE TRY AND YOU GIVE UP?
443
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,456
- UNCLE.
444
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,425
- DARIA, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING
TO WHAT I'M SAYING.
445
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:57,128
- HEY, I LISTENED
WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO SEND IT IN,
446
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,162
AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.
447
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,064
NOW YOU WANT ME
TO KEEP SUBMITTING IT
448
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,433
SO I CAN LIVE IN A STATE
OF PERPETUAL MISERY?
449
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,567
GOD, YOU'RE INSENSITIVE.
450
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:04,968
- NO, I'M SUPPORTIVE,
451
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,570
BUT YOU'RE TOO THICK-HEADED
TO NOTICE.
452
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,771
I LIKED THAT STORY.
453
00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:09,706
I THOUGHT IT WAS SMART,
FUNNY, AND INSIGHTFUL--
454
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:11,609
NONE OF WHICH I CAN SAY
ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW.
455
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,611
- GEE, THANKS.
SEE YA.
456
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,646
- WHY DON'T YOU JUST GROW UP?
457
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,782
OR NOT?
458
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:18,916
- ATTENTION.
459
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,285
DUE TO A SENSELESS ACT
OF SABOTAGE
460
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:24,388
CURRENTLY UNDER INVESTIGATION
BY INVESTIGATORS,
461
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,323
THE ARTICLES
IN OUR NEWSLETTER
462
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,492
WERE ALTERED
PRIOR TO PUBLICATION
463
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:29,961
AND WITHOUT OUR KNOWLEDGE.
464
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:32,496
WE ARE THEREFORE
RECTIFYING THE SITUATION
465
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,032
BY ISSUING REFUNDS.
466
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,300
- THERE YOU GO.
THERE'S MY PAPER.
467
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:38,669
- SO, EVERYONE, JUST IGNORE
EVERYTHING YOU READ.
468
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:44,241
- YOU DIDN'T READ IT AT ALL,
DID YOU?
469
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:46,577
- BEING AN AUTHOR SUCKS.
470
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,745
- WANT US TO READ IT NOW?
471
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,180
[together]
NO.
472
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,818
- THESE DUMPSTERS ARE GROSS.
473
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,087
- WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS STUFF
IS THAT LOOKS LIKE VOMIT?
474
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,755
- STACY!
- SORRY.
475
00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,257
- I GUESS WE AREN'T GONNA MAKE
OUR FUNDRAISING GOAL.
476
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:01,425
- IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR
477
00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:03,561
THAT YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
TO GET A PLAQUE.
478
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,863
- HMM...
479
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:06,931
- DARIA!
480
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,365
- [sighs]
481
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:09,700
- THERE YOU ARE.
482
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,069
I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY
TO SING YOU THIS SONG.
483
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:13,437
- UM...OKAY.
484
00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:15,506
- ♪ HEY, WE'RE THE GUYS
THEY CALL CADETS ♪
485
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,041
♪ WE'RE HERE
TO SERVE OUR NATION ♪
486
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,509
♪ FIGHTING
STINKING FOREIGNERS ♪
487
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,944
♪ RIGHT AFTER GRADUATION ♪
488
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,412
♪ WE HAVE LEARNED
TO MAKE OUR BEDS ♪
489
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:22,880
♪ SHINE OUR BOOTS
ALL GLEAMY ♪
490
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,281
♪ WHEN WE PUT ON
OUR DRESS BLUES ♪
491
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,016
♪ WE REALLY LOOK
QUITE DREAMY ♪
492
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:30,788
CORPORAL ELLENBOGEN WAS RIGHT.
493
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,190
- UM...
THE TUNE IS CATCHY.
494
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:34,458
- IT SUCKS.
495
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,426
DAMN DRUM MACHINE!
496
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:37,561
DAH!
497
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,597
I'M A FAILURE.
498
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,366
- DAD, YOU MADE UP ONE SONG
WHEN YOU WERE A TEENAGER,
499
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:44,201
AND IT'S NOT THE BEST THING
EVER WRITTEN,
500
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:45,936
AND THAT MAKES YOU A FAILURE?
501
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,705
- WELL, THAT'S ONE
OF THE THINGS.
502
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,640
- SO YOUR REACH
EXCEEDED YOUR GRASP.
503
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:52,342
I'D RATHER HAVE THAT HAPPEN
TO ME THAN THE OPPOSITE.
504
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:53,377
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
505
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,912
- YOU KNOW WHAT GOOD IS.
506
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,680
THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW
YOU DIDN'T ACHIEVE IT.
507
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,150
THAT'S A LOT BETTER THAN
IF YOU WERE PUTTING OUT CRAP
508
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,484
AND THINKING IT WAS GREAT.
509
00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:01,785
- IT IS?
510
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:04,021
- YOU CAME UP SHORT
BECAUSE YOU WERE AIMING HIGH.
511
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,356
- YOU'RE RIGHT, DARIA.
512
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,457
I DID!
513
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,259
I WENT OUT ON A LIMB
AND TOOK A CHANCE.
514
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,727
THAT TOOK GUTS, DIDN'T IT?
515
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:12,230
- UM, YES, YES, IT DID.
516
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,797
- DAMN RIGHT, KIDDO!
517
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,566
♪ GUTSY JAKEY WENT TO TOWN ♪
518
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,001
♪ RIDING IN A LEXUS ♪
519
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,435
♪ MISSED HIS STAR
BUT DID AIM FAR ♪
520
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:19,470
UM...
521
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,639
- WHO CARES WHAT JERK
REJECTS US?
522
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,508
- ♪ WHO CARES
WHAT JERK REJECTS US? ♪
523
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,910
YEAH!
524
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:29,080
- AND SO AS PART
OF OUR CONTINUING EFFORT
525
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,847
TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF LIFE
526
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,583
FOR THE STUDENTS
OF LAWNDALE HIGH,
527
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,586
THE FASHION CLUB IS PLEASED
TO PRESENT THIS PLAQUE
528
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,822
COMMEMORATING THIS PLAQUE,
529
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,424
BECAUSE, AS MY GRANDMOTHER SAYS
530
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,460
WHENEVER SHE TRIES TO GIVE ME
SOME HORRIBLE PEASANT BLOUSE
531
00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:46,531
FROM, LIKE, THE HAIGHT-ASHTRAY
PERIOD OF AMERICAN HISTORY,
532
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,265
IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
533
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,601
- OH, SANDY, THAT WAS GREAT.
534
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,503
- REALLY MOVING.
535
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,873
- UM, DOES THE RED LIGHT THINGY
HAVE TO BE ON TO RECORD?
536
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,174
[phone ringing]
537
00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:58,208
- HELLO?
538
00:17:58,210 --> 00:17:59,911
- UM, HI.
539
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,813
I'M COOKING UP A DELICIOUS,
JUICY CROW TONIGHT
540
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,416
AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE
TO COME OVER FOR A DRUMSTICK.
541
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,218
- OH, I'M NOT HUNGRY.
542
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,054
BUT I'LL WATCH YOU EAT.
543
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,322
[sniffs]
544
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,523
MMM.
545
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,358
THAT CROW SMELLS GOOD.
546
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:19,163
- WELL, WE BOTH KNOW
WHY I ASKED YOU HERE.
547
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,799
- NOT ME, NO IDEA,
NONE WHATSOEVER.
548
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,834
- FINE, I DESERVE THAT.
549
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:26,170
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
550
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:27,905
YOU WERE BEING SUPPORTIVE.
551
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,641
I WAS THE ONE ACTING LIKE...
YOU KNOW.
552
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:32,610
- YOU CAN DO IT.
RHYMES WITH "CLERK."
553
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,677
- SHUT UP.
554
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:36,079
SO...
FORGIVENESS AND WHATNOT?
555
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:38,349
- EH, YOU'VE SUFFERED ENOUGH,
FOR TODAY.
556
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,217
- TOM, DARIA,
557
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,619
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
558
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,222
- I'LL HAVE A BIG GLASS
OF HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE.
559
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,389
- COMING RIGHT UP.
560
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:47,325
I MEAN, I'LL BE BACK
WITH SOME SNACKS.
561
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,859
- BETTER TALK FAST.
562
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,728
SHE'S BEEN DOING SPEED DRILLS.
563
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,063
- SO YOU'RE OVER
THE REJECTION LETTER?
564
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:55,065
- WHAT LETTER?
OH, WAIT.
565
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,400
YOU MEAN THE ONE THAT SAID,
566
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:57,768
"DEAR, MS. MORGENDORFFER,
567
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,202
"THANK YOU FOR GIVING US
568
00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:01,037
"THE OPPORTUNITY
TO READ YOUR WORK.
569
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:02,939
"IT'S NOT RIGHT FOR US
AT THIS TIME,
570
00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:05,609
BUT PLEASE KEEP US IN MIND
FOR FUTURE SUBMISSIONS"?
571
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,778
GEE, I'D ALMOST FORGOTTEN.
572
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,413
- DARIA, WE'RE OUT OF CHEESE.
573
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:10,548
WOULD YOU LIKE PRETZELS?
574
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:11,749
- THAT'S WHAT IT SAID?
575
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:12,850
TO SUBMIT AGAIN?
576
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,118
- YEAH.
DON'T THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT?
577
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:16,888
- NO, DARIA, THAT'S GREAT.
578
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,589
MY TEACHER GOT
A ONE-LINE NOTE:
579
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,325
"MUSINGS REGRETS THAT
YOUR MATERIAL IS UNSUITABLE."
580
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,392
- REALLY?
581
00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:24,295
- HOW ABOUT
SOME PINEAPPLE CHUNKS?
582
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,598
IN THEIR OWN JUICE
OR HEAVY SYRUP, YOU DECIDE.
583
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:28,899
- EDITORS NEVER ENCOURAGE PEOPLE
584
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,734
UNLESS THEY THINK
THEY REALLY HAVE SOMETHING,
585
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,102
AND THAT'S NOT OFTEN.
586
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,938
- WELL, LET'S SEE
IF I'VE GOT THIS STRAIGHT.
587
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,206
THE EDITORS
DIDN'T LIKE MY STORY.
588
00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:37,641
THEY DON'T WANT TO PUBLISH IT.
589
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:40,444
BUT THEY DO LOOK FORWARD
TO REJECTING ME IN THE FUTURE,
590
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,478
AND THAT'S GOOD.
591
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,512
- CONGRATULATIONS.
592
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,281
- IT'S GREAT TO BE A WRITER.
593
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:45,550
- AND SUCH A CHEERFUL WRITER.
594
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:48,085
- RICE CAKES--
OH, GOD, NO!
595
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,023
- YOU THINK HELEN
WILL EVER RECOVER
596
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,257
FROM THE TELLTALE SMOOCH?
597
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:54,892
- ALL WE CAN DO FOR HER NOW
598
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,761
IS BE THERE
WHEN SHE'S READY TO TALK.
599
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,262
- HOW'S THAT COMING,
BY THE WAY?
600
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:01,299
- GOOD, REALLY GOOD.
601
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,935
[machine gun blasting]
602
00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:08,438
BUT I GUESS I'LL GET BACK
TO MY WRITING.
603
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,375
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
604
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,312
Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com
605
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:25,422
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
606
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,093
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
607
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,798
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪