1 00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:05,270 ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 2 00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:09,741 - ANGELA, WE CERTAINLY RECOGNIZE 3 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,444 THE CONFLICTING EMOTIONS YOU MUST FEEL 4 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,979 AS BOTH EDUCATOR AND ADMINISTRATOR, BUT-- 5 00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:15,980 - DO WE GET OUR RAISE OR NOT? 6 00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:17,416 - BETTER! 7 00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:18,984 I'M PUTTING A NEW COFFEE MAKER IN THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE. 8 00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,452 - THAT'S NOT AN OFFER. 9 00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:21,954 THAT'S AN INSULT! 10 00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:24,956 NOW, AS HEAD OF THE LAWNDALE TEACHER'S UNION, I-- 11 00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,025 - WITH SOME OF THOSE INTERNATIONAL FLAVORS 12 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,294 YOU CAN JUST SQUIRT RIGHT OUT OF A BOTTLE. 13 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,796 MM. 14 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,964 - OOH, I LIKE WHAT I'M SEEING. 15 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,966 - MS. LI CHANGING HER SUPPORT HOSE AGAIN? 16 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:38,003 - THAT'S ANOTHER HABIT THAT WILL LEAD TO BLINDNESS, UPCHUCK. 17 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,471 - BUT IN THIS CASE, YOU'LL WISH FOR IT. 18 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,373 - YOUR CONCERN TOUCHES ME, LADIES, 19 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,976 BUT WE'VE GOT A CAT-AND-DOGFIGHT HERE. 20 00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:45,543 ME--OUCH! 21 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,080 AND IT'S ABOUT TO GET STRIKE-O-LICIOUS. 22 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,549 - GIVE US OUR 10% 23 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,717 OR WE'LL WALK! 24 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,218 - OH, YOU WILL, WILL YOU? 25 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,319 WELL, I HOPE, FOR YOUR SAKE, 26 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:55,888 YOUR NEGOTIATING SKILLS HAVE IMPROVED 27 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,489 SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU TRIED TO PULL THIS STUNT. 28 00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,391 OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT THE DENTAL INSURANCE 29 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,293 WAS CONTINGENT ON YOUR TEACHING A SEWING CLASS? 30 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:02,427 - [growls] 31 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:03,761 - DID YOU HEM THOSE PANTS YOURSELF? 32 00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:04,763 - THAT'S IT! 33 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:05,931 WE STRIKE! 34 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:10,335 [students cheering] 35 00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:13,671 - STUDENTS OF LAWNDALE HIGH, YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE. 36 00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:14,839 - IS THAT THE VOICE IN MY HEAD 37 00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,508 THAT TELLS ME TO KILL AND KILL AGAIN? 38 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,509 - NO. 39 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:18,643 SATAN'S VOICE IS LOWER, 40 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,345 AND HE HAS AN ENGLISH ACCENT. 41 00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:23,681 - IN AN UNPRECEDENTED SHOW OF SPINE--I MEAN, SPITE-- 42 00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,416 YOUR TEACHERS HAVE ANNOUNCED A STRIKE. 43 00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:28,119 HOWEVER, SCHOOL WILL CONTINUE JUST AS BEFORE. 44 00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,188 [students groan] 45 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,789 IT JUST WON'T INVOLVE TEACHERS. 46 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,593 [chalk screeching] 47 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,528 - CLASS, YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED 48 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,564 I'M NOT YOUR USUAL TEACHER. 49 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:41,500 - IF ONLY WE DIDN'T HAVE OUR USUAL STUDENTS. 50 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:45,303 - FOR OUR FIRST LESSON, LET'S LEARN EACH OTHER'S NAMES. 51 00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:46,672 I'M MRS. STOLLER. 52 00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:47,773 - GOT IT! 53 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,341 MAN, THIS CLASS IS GONNA BE A BREEZE! 54 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,442 - AND YOU ARE? 55 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,443 - I'M THE Q.B.! 56 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,378 - POSTURE, CUBIE, POSTURE. 57 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,313 - WE THINK HE'S DOING VERY WELL, 58 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,649 CONSIDERING HOW HE MISSED OUT ON EVOLUTION. 59 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,518 - AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DEAR? 60 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,585 - DARIA. 61 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,987 - THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HIPPIE NAME. 62 00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:05,356 I THINK I'LL CALL YOU DARLENE. 63 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:08,493 SO MUCH PRETTIER. 64 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,162 all: WE NEED A LOT MORE MONEY! 65 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,763 THIS REALLY ISN'T FUNNY! 66 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,932 YOU DON'T PAY US ENOUGH TO BUY HONEY! 67 00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:16,100 - I DON'T KNOW. 68 00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:17,101 THIS CHANT-- 69 00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:18,370 - IT SUCKS! 70 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:19,404 - HEY! 71 00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:20,873 I THREW OUT THE RHYME ABOUT THE BUNNY. 72 00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:22,241 - UM, ANTHONY, 73 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,409 HAVEN'T MOST GREAT LABOR MOVEMENTS THROUGHOUT HISTORY 74 00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:26,011 FEATURED A STIRRING SONG? 75 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,012 - GREAT IDEA! 76 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,013 MAKE ONE UP! 77 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,781 - OH. WELL, UM... 78 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:30,849 LET ME SEE. 79 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,352 ♪ WELL, I CAME TO SUNNY LAWNDALE ♪ 80 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,021 ♪ WITH A SMILE AND A DEGREE ♪ 81 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,322 HMM, NO. 82 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,756 UH... OH! 83 00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,460 ♪ I'VE BEEN TEACHING HERE IN LAWNDALE ♪ 84 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,695 ♪ ON RATHER MODEST PAY ♪ 85 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,565 NO, THAT'S NOT QUITE FORCEFUL ENOUGH. 86 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,434 - TRUE LITERATURE SHOULD INSPIRE US 87 00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:53,638 TO SEEK NEW EXPERIENCES, TO EXPLORE NEW SENSATIONS-- 88 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,806 - MR. EDWARDS? 89 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:55,908 - CALL ME KEN. 90 00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:58,543 - UM, KEN, THIS IS ALMOST INTERESTING, 91 00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,479 BUT SEEING AS HOW YOU'RE ONLY THE SUBSTITUTE TEACHER, 92 00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,648 PERHAPS YOU CAN GIVE US OUR BOOK ASSIGNMENTS, 93 00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:04,983 AND WE CAN BE ON OUR WAY. 94 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,418 - AH, BUT WHAT TO ASSIGN? 95 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:09,087 YOU SEE, THE ONLY BOOKS WORTH READING 96 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,188 ARE THOSE WRITTEN 97 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,657 IN THE DEEP, PASSIONATE WATERS OF LIFE. 98 00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:13,959 - SO LIKE JAWS? 99 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,094 - NO, NO, LIKE THE NOVEL I'M WRITING. 100 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:18,997 IT'S ABOUT A SLIGHTLY OLDER, SENSITIVE MAN 101 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:22,600 AND THE LOVE A BUDDING WOMAN CHILD FEELS FOR HIM 102 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,902 WHEN SHE GETS TO KNOW HIM BETTER. 103 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,070 - WHAT? 104 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,205 - SEE, LOVE CAN BE SO SIMPLE 105 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,740 WHEN THE HAND OF EXPERIENCE 106 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,510 NURTURES THE BUDDING FLOWER TO FULL BLOSSOM. 107 00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:34,179 - YOU'RE WRITING ABOUT GARDENING? 108 00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:35,947 - AND MY LANGUAGE ARTS SUBSTITUTE 109 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:38,850 WOULDN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS STUPID NOVEL HE'S WRITING 110 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,386 ABOUT SOME PROFESSOR WHO'S DATING A BUDDING CHILD WOMAN 111 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,620 BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BLOSSOM HER. 112 00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:43,888 - MM-HMM. 113 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,225 - AND THEN HE STARTED ACTING OUT HIS STUPID BOOK FOR US, 114 00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,459 STROKING TIFFANY'S HAIR 115 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,228 AND TELLING HER ABOUT HIS ANGUISHED SOUL. 116 00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:50,329 - MM-HMM. 117 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,065 WHAT? HE WAS STROKING TIFFANY'S HAIR? 118 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,066 - I KNOW! 119 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,534 LIKE TIFFANY WOULD EVER DATE SOMEONE 120 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,035 WHO WORE A TWEED JACKET. 121 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,470 - DARIA! GET ME THE-- 122 00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,404 - THANK YOU. 123 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,707 - OH, TIFFANY. 124 00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:03,809 TIFFANY. 125 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,744 I NEVER GOT TO HEAR YOU CALL ME "KEN." 126 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:10,982 - ATTENTION! 127 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,551 WILL MISS DARIA MORGENDORFFER 128 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,653 PLEASE REPORT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. 129 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,254 NOW! 130 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,289 - DARLENE? 131 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,490 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 132 00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:19,925 - TO GET DARIA. 133 00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,193 - IF SOMEONE ASKED ME 134 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,829 TO TEACH A CLASS, I'D BE HONORED. 135 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,330 BESIDES, WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS FIX 136 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:26,531 IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOUR MOTHER. 137 00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:27,532 - YEAH. 138 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:28,733 HIRE ONE PEDOPHILE, 139 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,636 AND SHE GETS ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE. 140 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,005 BESIDES, I'M NOT THINKING OF ME. 141 00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:35,440 I'M THINKING OF THE CHILDREN. 142 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,842 - NOT SO FAST. 143 00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:39,111 YOU'LL GET OUT OF GYM CLASS. 144 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:40,779 - YOU? A SCAB? 145 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:41,846 - OH, GREAT. 146 00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,282 TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL. 147 00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:45,217 - YOU'D BE BETRAYING YOUR TEACHERS. 148 00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:46,518 - HEY, YEAH! 149 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,487 YOU'D BE BETRAYING YOUR TEACHERS. 150 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,022 - YOU'D JUST BE FALLING INTO THE SAME TRAP 151 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,691 THAT MANAGEMENTS ALWAYS USE 152 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:55,193 TO KEEP WAGES LOW AND WORKERS WEAK. 153 00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:57,362 - OH, GO DANCE ON THE HEAD OF A PIN. 154 00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,998 YOU COULD MAKE QUINN'S LIFE REALLY MISERABLE. 155 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,900 - HUH. THAT'S A GOOD POINT. 156 00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,167 - HEY, YOU HUNGRY? 157 00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:06,304 - YEAH, WE CAN PICK THIS UP LATER. 158 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:12,144 - MS. MORGENDORFFER, I'M WAITING. 159 00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,146 - THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME, 160 00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,414 ESPECIALLY WITH TODAY BEING THE FIRST DAY 161 00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,716 OF CASHMAN'S CRUISEWEAR CRAZINESS. 162 00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,018 - ATTENTION, YOUNG PEOPLE! 163 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,921 MR. EDWARDS WILL NO LONGER BE JOINING US, DUE TO... 164 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,122 REASONS. 165 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:27,292 - I HOPE IT'S NOT HIS ANGUISH ACTING UP. 166 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:30,061 - BUT I AM PROUD TO INTRODUCE A SUBSTITUTE 167 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,263 WITH TOLERABLE CREDENTIALS, 168 00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,265 WHO IS FAR LESS LIABLE TO ENGENDER A LAWSUIT 169 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,500 THAT COULD COST ME MY VERY PANTS. 170 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,868 - HELLO. 171 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,704 MY NAME IS MISS DARLENE, AND I'LL BE YOUR NEW TEACHER. 172 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,447 - LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. 173 00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,615 IT'S NOT EVERY STUDENT 174 00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:53,185 WHO HAS ACCESS TO THEIR TEACHER 24 HOURS A DAY. 175 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,353 - BUT I DON'T WANT ACCESS. 176 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,789 HOME IS MY SANITARIUM AWAY FROM SCHOOL. 177 00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,023 - DOES THIS MEAN WE CAN JUST 178 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,692 DO OUR PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES HERE? 179 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,628 HELLO, FREE TIME FOR MODEL RAILROADING! 180 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:06,898 - MORNING, MOM, DAD...CLASS. 181 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,132 - MO-OM! 182 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,301 UGH! 183 00:06:09,303 --> 00:06:10,535 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER? 184 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:13,004 - IT'S HER GRADES, OR RATHER, IT WILL BE. 185 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,672 - DARIA-- - WHOO! WHOO! 186 00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:16,908 ALL ABOARD THE BIG JAKE EXPRESS! 187 00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:19,811 - "NOW, CLASS, 188 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,914 LET'S CHECK THE EVENNESS OF YOUR BOX STITCH." 189 00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:23,915 NO. 190 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,082 NO. NEVER AGAIN! 191 00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,652 - ♪ ON TOP OF OUR PAYCHECKS ♪ 192 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,187 ♪ RIGHT UNDER THE DATE ♪ 193 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,823 ♪ THERE SITS A SMALL NUMBER ♪ 194 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,491 ♪ WE'VE ALL GROWN TO HATE ♪ 195 00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:34,492 I DON'T KNOW. 196 00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:36,394 HATE IS SUCH AN UGLY WORD. 197 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,862 - COOL TUNE, MAN. 198 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,164 CLASSIC FEEL. 199 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,665 - WAIT. I KNOW YOU! 200 00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,834 - YOU'RE ON SPIRAL'S MAILING LIST? 201 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,003 - NO, YOU WERE ONE OF MY STUDENTS. 202 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,505 TRENT LANE. 203 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:47,506 - UM-- 204 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,840 - TRENT, DO YOU REMEMBER 205 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,341 HOW YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS USED TO WRITE 206 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,343 "DOWN WITH THE MAN" ON MY CAR WITH SOAP? 207 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,945 - JUST LET IT GO, MAN. 208 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,280 I MEAN, BYGONES, RIGHT? 209 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,547 - WELL, TRENT, 210 00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:58,850 TODAY "THE MAN" IS COMING DOWN ON US, 211 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,286 THE UNDERPAID TEACHERS OF LAWNDALE HIGH, 212 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:04,456 AND WE COULD REALLY USE THE HELP OF A TALENTED SONGWRITER. 213 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:05,623 - I DON'T KNOW. 214 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,725 - THIS IS A CHANCE TO FOCUS YOUR ENERGY 215 00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,794 ON A CAUSE WORTHY OF YOUR TALENT, 216 00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,963 YOUR KNOWLEDGE, YOUR VIRTUOSITY! 217 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,399 - I DON'T HAVE TO READ MUSIC, DO I? 218 00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:15,867 - NO. 219 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,002 - WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? 220 00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,970 TRENT'S ACTUALLY ON TIME TO PICK US UP, 221 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,572 AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SET HIS CLOCK AHEAD FOUR HOURS. 222 00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,476 - I DON'T THINK HE'S ADJUSTED TO THE TIME CHANGE. 223 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,179 HE APPEARS TO BE WRITING A SONG WITH MR. O'NEILL. 224 00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:28,647 - HE'S TOO GOOD-NATURED. 225 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,682 IF A TEACHER TRIED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME LIKE THAT, 226 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,150 I'D TELL THEM RIGHT WHERE TO STICK IT. 227 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,652 - JANE, THANK GOD. 228 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,387 WE NEED YOUR TASTE AND TALENT. 229 00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,721 - GO ON, JANE, 230 00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,756 OFFER THAT PIECE OF FRIENDLY ADVICE 231 00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:39,758 YOU JUST MENTIONED. 232 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,492 - MS. BARCH'S SIGNS? 233 00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:44,162 WELL, THEY AREN'T REALLY GETTING OUR MESSAGE ACROSS. 234 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:47,498 COULD YOU HELP US DESIGN SOME STRONG GRAPHIC STATEMENTS? 235 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,534 I'LL WRITE A NOTE TO GET YOU OUT OF CLASS. 236 00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:51,836 OH, WAIT, I GUESS I CAN'T. 237 00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:53,771 - NO, BUT THE SCAB CAN. 238 00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:55,707 - GEE, THANKS, MR. HOFFA. 239 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,943 - ♪ YOUR SALARY OFFENDS ME ♪ 240 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,112 ♪ YOUR HEALTH PLAN... ♪ 241 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,114 - "DOESN'T MEND ME?" 242 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:06,384 - YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, 243 00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:09,855 WE CAN JUST STOP RIGHT NOW. 244 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:12,958 - AND SO THE PEOPLE ASKED GEORGE WASHINGTON, 245 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,626 "WILL YOU BE OUR NEW KING?" 246 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,293 AND WASHINGTON SAID-- 247 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,063 YOUNG LADY, YOU'RE TARDY. 248 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,565 - GEE, HE WASN'T VERY FOCUSED. 249 00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,367 - I HAVE A NOTE FROM A TEACHER. 250 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,969 - "PLEASE EXCUSE JANE FROM CLASS. 251 00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,637 SIGNED: MISS DARLENE." 252 00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:28,440 WELL, ON YOUR WAY, THEN. 253 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,077 - OKAY. 254 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:34,245 WE KNOW MR. O'NEILL ASSIGNED A PLAY, 255 00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,147 AND YOU'RE PRETTY SURE THE TITLE 256 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:38,249 DIDN'T CONTAIN THE WORD "ALIEN." 257 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,318 DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE? 258 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,420 - UH, I THINK THE GUY ON THE COVER WAS WEARING TIGHTS. 259 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,721 - HMM. 260 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,490 SINCE THERE ARE NO WRESTLING DRAMAS ON THE SYLLABUS, 261 00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:47,759 I'M GUESSING SHAKESPEARE. 262 00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,160 - WAIT, I REMEMBER NOW. 263 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,328 HE'S A STALKER. 264 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,829 HE FOLLOWS GIRLS HOME FROM PARTIES 265 00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:52,898 AND PEEKS IN THEIR WINDOWS. 266 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,000 - ROMEO AND JULIET. 267 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,600 [bell rings] 268 00:08:56,602 --> 00:09:00,004 - A CLASSROOM FULL OF BLANK FACES IS A LITTLE SPOOKY, 269 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,706 UNTIL YOU PLANT YOUR FEET AND STARE THEM DOWN. 270 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,443 - YOU KNOW, APES INTERPRET THAT AS A GESTURE OF DOMINANCE. 271 00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,111 - THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID. 272 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,347 - HELLO, MS. MORGENDORFFER! 273 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,416 HOW LOVELY YOU LOOK TODAY. 274 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:12,883 - HEY, DARIA, COULD YOU WRITE ME A NOTE 275 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,685 THAT SAYS I DIDN'T PUT THAT DENT IN MY DAD'S CAR? 276 00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:16,454 - AND CAN WE HAVE ONE TO GET OUT OF CLASS 277 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,289 SO WE CAN MAKE OUT... 278 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,224 SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATIONS? 279 00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:24,796 - [grumbling] 280 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,397 - NICE. NICE. 281 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,633 REMEMBER, NOTHING SAYS, "DEATH TO THE BOSSES!" 282 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,734 LIKE PRIMARIES. 283 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:30,901 PASTELS ARE FOR APPEASENIKS. 284 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,304 both: ♪ HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ♪ 285 00:09:32,306 --> 00:09:34,072 ♪ TO THE CHILDREN'S ZOO? ♪ 286 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,640 ♪ WHEN THE BIRDIES SAY "CHEEP" ♪ 287 00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:38,476 ♪ THEY'RE TALKING 'BOUT YOU ♪ 288 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:39,811 NAH. 289 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:40,912 - GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! 290 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,213 I JUST CAME FROM MS. LI'S OFFICE, 291 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,381 AND SHE'S MADE A FINAL OFFER. 292 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:47,084 A .08% PAY HIKE AND FREE NON-DAIRY CREAMER! 293 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,821 AND ANTHONY, SHE SAYS YOU CAN PUT AWAY YOUR SEWING KIT. 294 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,222 SO WHAT DOES EVERYONE SAY? 295 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,824 [all agreeing] 296 00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:55,660 ANTHONY, IS SOMETHING THE MATTER? 297 00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:56,994 - MY DEAR MRS. BENNETT, 298 00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,329 AS AN INFORMED CONSUMER, 299 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,265 YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT NON-DAIRY CREAMER 300 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,601 OFFERS NO SUSTENANCE WHATSOEVER 301 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,669 AND NEITHER DOES THAT OFFER! 302 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,605 THIS IS THE CONTRACT WE WROTE, 303 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,341 AND THIS IS THE CONTRACT SHE'S GOING TO SIGN! 304 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,408 COVER ME, BOYS. 305 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,445 I'M GOING IN! 306 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,212 - WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR, JANE? 307 00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:16,414 - BOMBERS. 308 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,550 HE'LL NEVER MAKE IT WITHOUT AIR SUPPORT. 309 00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:21,218 - "FOR NEVER WAS A STORY OF MORE WOE 310 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,454 "THAN THIS OF JULIET AND HER... 311 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,556 ROMEO." 312 00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:27,358 - THANK YOU, JOEY, JEFFY, OR JAMIE. 313 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,794 LAURENCE OLIVIER, IN HIS PRESENT STATE, 314 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,162 COULDN'T HAVE DONE BETTER. 315 00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,264 - COOL. - WHAT DOES "WOE" MEAN? 316 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:35,133 - IT LIKE THE FEELING YOU'D GET 317 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,702 IF THE SUPER BOWL WERE PREEMPTED BY ANTIQUES ROADSHOW. 318 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:39,704 - WHOA! 319 00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:40,705 - SEE? 320 00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:42,307 - QUINN, ARE YOU TAKING NOTES? 321 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,641 - UM, NO. 322 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,376 I'M JUST, UH, WRITING SO THAT GIRL 323 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,312 THINKS I'M PAYING ATTENTION WHEN I'M NOT REALLY. 324 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,547 - WHO CARES WHAT A TEACHER THINKS? 325 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,915 THEY'RE SUCH LOSERS. 326 00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,784 - YEAH. EWW. 327 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,986 - SHE'S NOT A REAL TEACHER, SANDI. 328 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,154 SHE'S A SUBSTITUTE. 329 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,223 - OH. A SUBSTITUTE LOSER. 330 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:00,224 - OKAY. 331 00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,325 YOU'VE READ THE PLAY. 332 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,994 TOMORROW YOU TAKE THE TEST. 333 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,596 [all grumbling] 334 00:11:04,598 --> 00:11:05,630 SORRY. 335 00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,131 ORDERS FROM ABOVE. 336 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,000 I'D SUGGEST YOU CHEAT OFF YOUR NEIGHBORS, 337 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:13,837 BUT CONSIDERING WHO MOST OF YOU ARE SITTING NEXT TO-- 338 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:17,841 - QUINN, I HOPE THAT SUBSTITUTE YOU'VE BEEN MAKING EXCUSES FOR 339 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,411 WON'T BE HOLDING US TO THE SAME RIGID GRADING STANDARDS 340 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,746 AS EVERYONE ELSE. 341 00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:24,249 PERHAPS YOU SHOULD REMIND HER HOW POPULAR WE ARE. 342 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:25,617 - BUT SHE'S WEIRD. 343 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:27,919 I DON'T THINK SHE EVEN CARES ABOUT POPULAR PEOPLE. 344 00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:31,022 - SEE, THERE YOU GO, STICKING UP FOR HER AGAIN. 345 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:34,191 IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU TWO SHARE SOME DEEP, DARK SECRET 346 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,760 THAT MIGHT INADVERTENTLY COME OUT 347 00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:42,133 IF TOMORROW'S TEST PROVES TOO DIFFICULT. 348 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,634 - HEY, HOW ABOUT ASKING THEM THIS: 349 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,370 IF VERONA HAD HAD METAL DETECTORS, 350 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,272 WOULD MERCUTIO BE ALIVE TODAY? 351 00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:50,275 - IF HE WERE, HE'D BE ABOUT 400 YEARS OLD. 352 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,542 - THAT'S WHY THEY'LL ALL GET IT WRONG. 353 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,044 TRICK QUESTION, YEAH! 354 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:57,381 - GEE, I WONDER WHY NO ONE'S EVER ASKED YOU TO TEACH A CLASS. 355 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,983 - DARIA, YOU KNOW THE TEST TOMORROW? 356 00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,084 IT'S GOING TO BE EASY, RIGHT? 357 00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,485 BECAUSE IF YOU MAKE IT REALLY HARD, 358 00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,820 SOME POPULAR PEOPLE WON'T LIKE IT 359 00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:03,988 AND MIGHT TAKE IT OUT 360 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,890 ON ANOTHER COMPLETELY INNOCENT POPULAR PERSON. 361 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,092 AND BESIDES, IT'S GOOD TO HELP THE POPULAR, 362 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,293 BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, 363 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,827 IT MIGHT MAKE YOU EVEN MORE UNPOPULAR. 364 00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,762 ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW IF SUCH A THING IS POSSIBLE. 365 00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,597 - OOH, WOULDN'T WANT TO RISK THAT. 366 00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:14,765 - SO YOU'LL DO IT? 367 00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,268 - RIGHT AFTER I CHANGE INTO MY FUR BIKINI. 368 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,669 - DARIA! 369 00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:21,272 - YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS STUPID TEACHING JOB. 370 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,408 I DON'T NEED THE WORK, AND I DON'T NEED THE STIGMA. 371 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,443 I'VE TRIED TO MAKE THE CLASS INTERESTING 372 00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:28,880 AND FOCUS ON THE PLAY, NOT THE GRADES. 373 00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,514 AND IF, AFTER ALL THAT, 374 00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,017 THE ONLY THING YOUR VAPID FRIENDS CAN THINK ABOUT 375 00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,886 IS HOW TO FINESSE TAKING THE TEST, 376 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,787 THEN THEY DESERVE TO FAIL IT. 377 00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:38,723 - DARIA, DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO HATE YOU? 378 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:42,627 - HEY, WHY SHOULD YOU GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO PROTECT THE STUPID? 379 00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,028 YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THEM. 380 00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:46,097 - I--I... 381 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:49,200 YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING! 382 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,068 - HMM, MAYBE YOU SHOULD MAKE IT EASY. 383 00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,203 GIVE THE POOR KIDS A BREAK. 384 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,138 - I LIED ABOUT THE FUR BIKINI. 385 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:55,507 - DAMN. 386 00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:59,210 - STUPID SMOKE PELLETS GET STUCK SO DAMN EASY. 387 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,312 DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE REAL SMOKE. 388 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,113 HEY, QUINN! YOU GOT A HAT PIN? 389 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,381 - A WHAT? 390 00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:06,217 I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR CRAZY JOKES, DAD. 391 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,086 I HAVE TO STUDY FOR THIS STUPID TEST 392 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,221 DARIA IS MAKING US TAKE ON ROMEO AND JULIET. 393 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:11,923 - HEY! I REMEMBER THAT PLAY. 394 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,157 SIT DOWN. 395 00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,759 LET OLD JAKEY HELP YOU WITH YOUR STUDIES. 396 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:15,860 - [sighs] 397 00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:18,495 - NOW, IF I RECALL, ROMEO MEETS JULIET 398 00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:20,498 BY THIS BIG, BUBBLY CAULDRON... 399 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,166 - NO, DAD, SHE'S AT THIS PARTY 400 00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:23,935 HE CRASHES WITH HIS FRIEND MERCUTIO. 401 00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,603 - RIGHT! THE LITTLE WOODEN BOY. 402 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:28,339 - NO, DAD, HE'S ROMEO'S PAL, 403 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,874 BUT HE GETS STABBED TO DEATH BY TYBALT. 404 00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:31,609 - TYBALT? TYBALT? 405 00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:32,977 - SO ROMEO KILLS TYBALT. 406 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,279 AND THEN JULIET'S DAD SAYS SHE HAS TO MARRY PARIS, 407 00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:36,447 SO SHE PRETENDS SHE'S DEAD... 408 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,015 - TYBALT SOUNDS LIKE THE NAME OF A ROCK. 409 00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,450 - AND WHEN PARIS SEES HER-- 410 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,684 WAIT. 411 00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,287 I KNOW THIS STUFF! 412 00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:44,121 UM, GOT TO GO. THANKS. 413 00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:45,156 - ANY TIME. 414 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,357 PARIS? 415 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,958 WAIT, THAT'S NOT ROMEO AND JULIET. 416 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,295 THAT'S THE PINK PANTHER! 417 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,962 DAMN SMOKE PELLET! 418 00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:55,533 WHERE DID I PUT THAT HAT PIN? 419 00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:57,968 [whistles] 420 00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,414 - DON'T THINK YOU CAN INTIMIATE-- 421 00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:11,649 INTERMOLATE-- 422 00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,251 DON'T THINK YOU CAN SCARE ME 423 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:14,652 WITH YOUR THREAT TO PICKET NAKED. 424 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,120 - YOU THINK I'M BLUFFING? 425 00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:19,590 THIS IS GOODWILL POLYESTER I'VE BEEN SWEATING IN ALL NIGHT. 426 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,759 I WANT TO PICKET NAKED! 427 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,227 - ALL RIGHT. 428 00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,929 A 2% RAISE AND A SPACE HEATER FOR THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE. 429 00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:25,930 - BOY! 430 00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:28,365 IT'S GETTING HOT IN HERE! 431 00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,268 - NOW, CLASS, SIT UP STRAIGHT, 432 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,537 AND NO TALKING WHILE YOU TAKE YOUR TEST. 433 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,672 - "NAME THE COLORS ON THE AMERICAN FLAG." 434 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,006 HEY, NO FAIR! 435 00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,375 YOU DIDN'T SAY WE HAD TO KNOW THAT. 436 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,776 - CUBIE, YOU HUSH. 437 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,711 AND POSTURE, CUBIE, POSTURE. 438 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,248 - YES, JAMIE, JOEY, OR JEFFY? 439 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,917 - UM, MY TEST ONLY HAS ONE QUESTION ON IT. 440 00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,185 - THAT'S RIGHT. 441 00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:50,688 "WHAT IS ROMEO AND JULIET ABOUT?" 442 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,190 JUST WRITE WHAT YOU THINK AND BACK IT UP. 443 00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,192 200 WORDS, MINIMUM. 444 00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:56,561 - AN ESSAY TEST? 445 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,029 - 200 WORDS? 446 00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:58,996 - THINK? 447 00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:04,635 - ♪ YOU CALL THIS COMPENSATION? ♪ 448 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:07,471 ♪ YOU KEEP YOUR LONG VACATION ♪ 449 00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:10,708 ♪ YOU'RE FORCING US TO SALARY ARBITRATION ♪ 450 00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,576 ♪ MAMA SAID STRIKE YOU OUT ♪ 451 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:13,577 ♪ YEAH! ♪ 452 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,713 [cheers and applause] 453 00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,481 - MY WORK HERE IS DONE. 454 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,983 - WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE SONG, ANTHONY? 455 00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,151 ANTHONY? 456 00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,152 OH, MY GOSH! 457 00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:25,989 HE'S STILL UP THERE WITH MS. LI! 458 00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,358 ANTHONY? ANGELA? 459 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,526 ANY PROGRESS? 460 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,961 - OH, NO, THEY'VE KILLED EACH OTHER! 461 00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:33,631 DEAR GOD, WHEN WILL THE MADNESS STOP? 462 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,499 - OH, PUFFY, YOU DON'T NEED A WEAPON 463 00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,334 TO MAKE ME DO YOUR BIDDING. 464 00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:38,902 HUH? WHAT? 465 00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:40,204 - OH, THEY'RE NOT DEAD. 466 00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:41,239 - WHAT A RELIEF. 467 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,573 GET UP! - [grunts] 468 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,708 - THANK GOD. 469 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,175 I THOUGHT I SIGNED THE CONTRACT, 470 00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:46,677 BUT IT WAS JUST A BAD DREAM. 471 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:47,945 - I KNEW IT! 472 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,580 [sobs] 473 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,616 BUT IT SEEMED SO REAL. 474 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:52,617 AND YOU WERE THERE, 475 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,451 AND YOU, AND YOU! 476 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:55,586 - WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR HAND? 477 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:56,587 GIVE ME THAT! 478 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:57,788 - THE CONTRACT! 479 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:01,859 ANTHONY, YOU DID IT! 480 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,627 - HERE ARE YOUR TESTS. 481 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,364 I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER WRITTEN SO MANY "A"s. 482 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,934 YOU'RE THE SMARTEST AND BIGGEST FIRST GRADERS I'VE EVER HAD. 483 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:10,968 - THANKS! 484 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,136 - WHAT A SURPRISE. 485 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,637 AN "A" AND A SILVER STAR. 486 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:14,972 - DON'T GET TOO FULL OF YOURSELF. 487 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,140 I GOT A GOLD STAR. 488 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,477 - I GOT A GOLD STAR TOO AND A "C." 489 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,645 OH... 490 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:23,915 RED, WHITE, AND BLUE! 491 00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:25,416 - HEY, NO FAIR! 492 00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,184 HOW COME BRITTANY GOT A STAR AND I DIDN'T? 493 00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:30,088 - BOYS WITH BAD POSTURE DON'T GET STARS. 494 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,424 AND, CUBIE, IT'S NOT NICE TO TRY TO FOOL THE TEACHER 495 00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,093 BY SIGNING YOUR TEST "KEVIN." 496 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,597 - A "B!" 497 00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,733 YOU MEAN YOU THINK MERCUTIO HAD A THING FOR ROMEO TOO? 498 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,069 - NO, BUT YOU ARGUED YOUR POINT WELL, 499 00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:46,403 AND I THOUGHT YOUR IDEAS 500 00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:49,006 FOR KEEPING HIM OUT OF THE LOCKER ROOM WERE ORIGINAL, 501 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,575 IF A LITTLE CLOSED-MINDED. 502 00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,209 - A "D" MINUS? 503 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,512 I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN QUINN WOULD FAIL US. 504 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,347 - I SHOULD HAVE FAILED YOU TOO. 505 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,549 SEE, IN SHAKESPEARE'S VERSION, 506 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:01,452 ROMEO NEVER GOES BY THE NAME LEONARDO 507 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,454 OR TAKES A SWIM IN HIS CLOTHES, 508 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,156 BUT I GAVE YOU EXTRA CREDIT 509 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:07,291 FOR REALIZING THAT THE MOVIE AND THE PLAY 510 00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,792 WERE SOMEHOW CONNECTED. 511 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,794 - I GUESS WE SHOULDN'T HAVE COPIED EACH OTHER. 512 00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:11,862 - HEY! 513 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:12,863 - GEE, QUINN. 514 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,299 WHAT A SURPRISE YOU GOT A "B" PLUS. 515 00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,634 I GUESS HAVING A CERTAIN RELATIONSHIP 516 00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:20,138 WITH A CERTAIN TEACHER REALLY PAID OFF. 517 00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:23,007 - UM, SANDI, I THOUGHT SHE WAS FAIRLY EASY ON THE GRADING, 518 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:24,609 AS LONG AS YOU TRIED TO THINK FOR YOURSELF. 519 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:25,810 - OH, REALLY? 520 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,578 I GUESS EVERYTHING'S RELATIVE. 521 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,780 - SANDI, EVER SINCE THEY ASKED THIS GIRL 522 00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,449 TO TAKE OVER THE CLASS FROM THAT CREEPY GUY 523 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:32,750 WHO WANTED TO FERTILIZE TIFFANY, 524 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,485 IT SEEMS TO ME ALL SHE TRIED TO DO 525 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,687 WAS MAKE THE BEST OF A BAD SITUATION. 526 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,121 MAYBE WE SHOULD CUT HER SOME SLACK. 527 00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:39,190 - SEE? 528 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:40,824 THERE SHE GOES, TAKING SIDES AGAIN. 529 00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:43,060 YOU TWO ARE SO NICE TO EACH OTHER, 530 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,495 YOU'RE ALMOST LIKE SISTERS. 531 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,830 - I'M NOT TAKING ANYONE'S SIDE, SANDI. 532 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:48,199 I'M JUST SAYING THAT SOMETIMES 533 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,334 PEOPLE GET PUT IN AWKWARD POSITIONS. 534 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:53,171 LIKE A GIRL WHO HAS TO WEAR HUGE BRACES IN FIFTH GRADE, 535 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,739 AND YEARS LATER HER BROTHERS FIND PICTURES OF HER WITH THEM 536 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,275 AND GIVE THOSE PICTURES TO A FRIEND, 537 00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:58,942 WHO HASN'T SHOWN THEM TO ANYONE 538 00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:01,044 OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF HER HEART... 539 00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:02,045 YET. 540 00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,214 - OH. 541 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,415 - BESIDES, 542 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,450 WHY SHOULDN'T I ACT SISTERLY TOWARDS HER? 543 00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:07,884 AFTER ALL... 544 00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,153 SHE'S MY SISTER. 545 00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:10,154 - [gasps] 546 00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:11,155 DID YOU HEAR THAT? 547 00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:12,322 OH, MY GOSH! 548 00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:13,457 QUINN JUST ADMITTED 549 00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:14,992 THAT WEIRD GIRL IS HER SISTER. 550 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:17,461 - WELL, UM, OF COURSE SHE IS, SANDI. 551 00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:18,562 WE KNEW THAT. 552 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:22,967 - WE WERE JUST BEING POLITE ABOUT IT. 553 00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:25,570 - PEOPLE OF MARS! 554 00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,806 I MEAN, STUDENTS OF LAWNDALE HIGH. 555 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,007 THIS IS YOUR LEADER-- 556 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,008 UM, PRINCIPAL. 557 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,075 WHAT WAS I SAYING? 558 00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,076 OH! 559 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:34,444 THE TEACHERS-- THE TEACHERS-- 560 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,947 THE STRIKE'S OVER! 561 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,149 YOUR TEACHERS WILL BE BACK TOMORROW! 562 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,984 GOOD NI--DAY. 563 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,285 - UM...MISS DARLENE? 564 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,653 I THINK YOU WERE, UM... 565 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,955 YOU WERE A PRETTY GOOD TEACHER. 566 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,324 - THANKS, JAMIE, JEFFY, OR JOEY. 567 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,994 FOR THE RECORD, SOME OF YOU AREN'T HALF-BAD STUDENTS. 568 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,763 YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 569 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:53,830 [brooding music] 570 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,165 - IT'S QUITE A WEB SIGHT 571 00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,668 WHEN CIVIL WAR BUFFS GET IN THE BUFF. 572 00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,770 WWW.GETTYSBARE, 573 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:03,774 NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD. 574 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,276 - I ALREADY TOLD YOU, 575 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:08,379 I'M NOT SIGNING YOUR NATIONAL RAYON DAY PETITION. 576 00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,114 - UM... YOU KNOW THAT GRADE YOU GAVE ME? 577 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:11,215 SANDI SAYS I ONLY GOT IT 578 00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:12,617 BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS AT MY HOUSE. 579 00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:13,851 IS THAT TRUE? 580 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,219 - LET ME POSE YOU A QUESTION, GRASSHOPPER. 581 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,889 IF I GAVE YOU A GRADE THAT YOU DIDN'T EARN, 582 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,624 THAT WOULD BE ACTING NICE. 583 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:23,895 COULD I FACE MYSELF IF I WERE EVER NICE TO YOU? 584 00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:26,297 - REALLY? I THOUGHT SO. 585 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,631 AND BY THE WAY, DON'T THINK 586 00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,200 I COULD EVER BE NICE TO YOU EITHER. 587 00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:30,568 - I'M FULLY AWARE OF THAT. 588 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,803 - GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT THIS LITTLE FORAY OF YOURS 589 00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:35,373 INTO TEACHER GEEKLAND COST ME IN SOCIAL STATUS. 590 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,674 - I FEEL YOUR PAIN. 591 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,342 - WELL, GOOD NIGHT, THEN. 592 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,910 - GOOD NIGHT... 593 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,078 SIS. 594 00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:46,817 - YES! 595 00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:47,818 I ENDURED. 596 00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,320 MY WITS DIDN'T FAIL. 597 00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,888 MY STRENGTH DIDN'T FAIL. 598 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,322 I DIDN'T FAIL! 599 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:54,392 I GOT THAT CONTRACT. 600 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:58,496 AND IF I CAN DO THAT, I CAN DO ANYTHING... 601 00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,730 EVEN TEACH KEVIN. 602 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,332 SO TELL ME, SONNY BOY, 603 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:04,768 WHICH WAR FREED US FROM THE IRON HAND OF BRITISH RULE? 604 00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:05,769 - IRON... 605 00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:06,837 IRON... 606 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:10,007 THE GOLF WAR? 607 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,309 - [weeping] 608 00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:13,010 - MR. DEMARTINO? 609 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,312 DO YOU WANT TO SHARE? 610 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,680 - THE JOY OF TEACHING 611 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,348 DIDN'T LAST VERY LONG WITH THIS ONE. 612 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,683 - YOU GOT TO GRAB IT WHILE YOU CAN. 613 00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:23,954 ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 614 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,891 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 615 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:34,532 ♪ ♪ 616 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,234 ♪ LA, LA, LA ♪ 617 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:39,202 ♪ ♪ 618 00:20:39,204 --> 00:20:40,638 ♪ LA, LA, LA ♪ 619 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,041 ♪ ♪ 620 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,543 ♪ LA, LA, LA ♪ 621 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,478 ♪ ♪