1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,536
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
2
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- SO THEN SANDI SAID
TO MR. O'NEILL,
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00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:14,045
"WELL, IF YOU WANT TO GET
TECHNICAL,
4
00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:16,314
"ALL WRITING IS PLAGIARISM
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BECAUSE YOU'RE USING WORDS
THAT ALREADY EXIST."
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00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:20,819
AND HE GAVE HER
AN "F" ANYWAY.
7
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- MAYBE SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE
TITLED HER STORY
8
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SANDI GRIFFIN'S DRACULA.
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- NO HARDTACK TONIGHT, LADS.
10
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WE'RE GOING
TOP RAIL NUMBER ONE.
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- GEE, IS IT
FAMILY BABBLE TIME ALREADY?
12
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- THAT'S CIVIL WAR TALK,
DARIA.
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- WHAT IS THAT?
14
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- IT'S FROM MY NEW
CIVIL WAR COOKBOOK.
15
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- CIVIL WAR COOKBOOK--
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SO YOU'RE SERVING US
AMPUTATED LEG?
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- EWW!
18
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- NO, IT'S CORNED PORK
AND CABBAGE.
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- EWW!
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- GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE.
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- IF IT'S ABOUT US LADS
GOING TOP RAIL NUMBER ONE,
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THAT'S YESTERDAY'S
BROADSHEET.
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- WE FINALLY SETTLED
THE ATC MOTORS CASE
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AFTER A GRUELING MONTH,
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AND AT LAST, I'M GOING TO GET
SOME TIME OFF
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TO SPEND WITH MY FAMILY.
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- DAD, WHO'S THAT WOMAN
IN THE BUSINESS SUIT?
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- I MEAN IT THIS TIME.
29
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ERIC'S, UM, EXHAUSTED
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AND IS TAKING 28 DAYS
TO, UH, RECUPERATE.
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ALL THAT ESPRESSO
HE WAS DRINKING
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REALLY WORE HIM DOWN.
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- ESPRESSO?
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- TO SAY NOTHING
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OF THOSE PRESCRIPTION
AMPHETAMINE DOUGHNUTS.
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- DARIA.
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- SO HE'S IN DETOX AGAIN?
- QUINN!
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- OH, RIGHT.
ESPRESSO.
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[phone rings]
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- HELLO?
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OH, HELLO, RITA.
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- UH-OH, CALL THE SIBLING
RIVALRY SWAT TEAM.
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- WHAT? ERIN AND BRIAN
ARE GETTING DIVORCED?
44
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- UH, YOU MEAN
I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY
45
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IN THAT DISGUSTING
BRIDESMAID'S DRESS FOR NOTHING?
46
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- NO, YOU HAD TO PAY FOR IT,
REMEMBER?
47
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- WELL, OF COURSE
I'D LOVE TO HANDLE IT,
48
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BUT IT'S NOT REALLY
MY AREA OF EXPERTISE, AND--
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RITA, THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS A SIMPLE DIVORCE.
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beep!
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HANG ON;
THAT'S MY CALL WAITING.
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HELLO.
OH, MOM. HI.
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WELL, I WAS JUST NOW
TALKING TO RITA ABOUT THAT.
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SEE, I JUST CAME OFF
THIS BACKBREAKING CASE.
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- YOU TELL HER.
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- YES, I KNOW THIS ISN'T EASY
FOR EITHER OF THEM,
57
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BUT AN ATTORNEY WHO SPECIALIZES
IN DIVORCE COULD--
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WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY
I'M THE BEST LAWYER IN MY FIRM.
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ERIC'S--REALLY?
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WELL, OF COURSE I WANT RITA IN
THE MOST CAPABLE HANDS POSSIBLE.
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DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.
BYE.
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RITA, I'M IN.
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- OH, GOD, HELEN, NO!
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THE WAY
YOU AND YOUR SISTER FIGHT,
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A MAN CAN ONLY TAKE
SO MUCH!
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- NO, THAT WAS JAKE.
HE SAYS HI.
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00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,914
- [sobbing]
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- WELL, IF I CAN'T SAY
SANDI GRIFFIN'S DRACULA,
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WHY DOES BRAD STOKER GET TO SAY
BRAD STOKER'S DRACULA?
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- UM, I THINK
THAT'S BRAM STOKER.
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- I DON'T.
- PERHAPS NOT.
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BUT ANYWAY, HE GETS TO SAY IT
BECAUSE HE MADE THE STORY UP.
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- HUH, QUINN, DRACULA IS
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AN INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN
CELEBRITY VAMPIRE.
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MADE THE STORY UP.
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- GUYS, HOW DO YOU LIKE
MY NEW DRESS?
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YOU DON'T THINK THE BLUE
IS TOO RISQUE, DO YOU?
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- NOT AT ALL,
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AND IT GOES PERFECTLY
WITH YOUR CELL PHONE.
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- REALLY?
YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING THAT?
81
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- QUINN'S RIGHT.
82
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FOR ONCE,
YOU HAVE CHOSEN A DRESS
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00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,283
THAT'S NOT A COMPLETE
EMBARRASSMENT TO THE REST OF US.
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00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,418
- OH, THANK YOU, SANDI.
85
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,487
- COME ON; LET'S GET
TO THE CAFETERIA
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00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:10,922
BEFORE THEY RUN
OUT OF SHREDDED LETTUCE.
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- [gasps]
88
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- OH, NO.
89
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TIFFANY IS WEARING
YOUR DRESS.
90
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,296
NOW WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?
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- IN THIS CANINE GO-GO BAR,
92
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THE SPECIALTY OF THE HOUSE
IS--HOT DOG--
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LAP-DANCING LAPDOGS
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
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- WHAT DO YOU THINK, DARIA?
95
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STONEWALL JACKSON FED HIS MEN
THESE JOHNNYCAKES
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00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,646
THE NIGHT BEFORE THE BATTLE
OF CHANCELLORSVILLE.
97
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,316
- WELL, THAT EXPLAINS
WHY THEY SHOT HIM THERE.
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- ALL RIGHT, RITA.
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I'VE GATHERED
THE NECESSARY PAPERWORK,
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00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,687
AND WE CAN GO OVER IT WHEN
YOU AND ERIN GET HERE SATURDAY.
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- ACTUALLY,
IT'LL JUST BE ERIN.
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I'D COME,
BUT I PROMISED RALPH--
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YOU KNOW
THE ACTOR I'VE BEEN DATING?
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I PROMISED TO TAKE HIM
TO NEW YORK FOR HIS BIRTHDAY,
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MAYBE CATCH A PLAY OR TWO.
- UH-HUH.
106
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,565
- BUT I'LL CALL YOU
WHEN I GET BACK.
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GOOD LUCK.
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beep!
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- WELL, THAT'S JUST PERFECT.
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RITA'S NOT EVEN COMING.
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- HEY, THAT'S GREAT!
- NO, IT'S NOT!
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SHE'S SPENDING THE MONEY
I'M SAVING HER...
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[doorbell rings]
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ON A TRIP WITH HER BOYFRIEND
TO NEW YORK.
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- JOHNNYCAKE?
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- HEY.
117
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,918
- YOU KNOW, I CAN'T GET THROUGH
ON THE PHONE AT ALL ANYMORE.
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ISN'T YOUR SISTER AFRAID HER EAR
WILL GROW OVER THE RECEIVER?
119
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:19,124
- ACTUALLY, MY MOTHER'S THE ONE
BURNING UP THE LINES.
120
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MY IDIOT COUSIN IS SUING
HER HUSBAND FOR A DIVORCE,
121
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AND MOM GOT ROPED
INTO HANDLING IT.
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- OUCH; WANT TO DRIVE
AROUND THE BLOCK
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AND GIVE ME THE GORY DETAILS?
124
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:30,168
- NO, I'VE ALREADY PUT
A BITCHING SESSION WITH JANE
125
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,970
ON MY CALENDAR FOR TOMORROW.
126
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- OKAY, SO JUST WANT TO DRIVE
AROUND THE BLOCK
127
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WITH NO DISCERNIBLE GOAL?
128
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,609
- IT'S PROBABLY NOT
A GOOD TIME FOR THAT.
129
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THANKS, THOUGH.
130
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- NO THANKS NECESS--
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SARY.
132
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,015
- SO MY MOTHER
GETS CAUGHT UP
133
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IN ALL THIS CRAP
WITH HER FAMILY,
134
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,386
AND THEN OUR FAMILY
HAS TO SUFFER FOR IT.
135
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,855
- AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN
LOOKING FORWARD
136
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:50,989
TO HAVING A RINGSIDE SEAT
137
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AT YOUR COUSIN'S
GUT-WRENCHING BREAKUP?
138
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:56,028
- I KNOW; IT'S LIKE
I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO HAVE FUN.
139
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,131
- ALL RIGHT, STACY, TIFFANY,
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YOU MAY EACH DELIVER
YOUR PREPARED STATEMENT
141
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,134
ABOUT WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE
THE DRESS...
142
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- A DEBATE WAS
SUCH A GREAT IDEA, SANDI.
143
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- FOLLOWED BY A REBUTTAL.
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- EEWW, THAT WORD.
145
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- STACY.
146
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,809
- WELL, I THINK
I SHOULD HAVE THE DRESS
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00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,411
BECAUSE TIFFANY LOOKS GOOD
IN ANYTHING,
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WHEREAS I DON'T,
149
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,648
DUE TO A SLIGHT ASYMMETRY
IN MY SHOULDERS
150
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,583
THAT IS VERY PAINFUL
FOR ME EVEN TO MENTION
151
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,585
BUT WHICH THIS PARTICULAR DRESS
MINIMIZES
152
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:22,053
WHILE SETTING OFF MY EYES.
153
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- VERY GOOD, STACY.
154
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:24,923
AND NOW TIFFANY.
155
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:29,694
- WELL, I THINK
I SHOULD HAVE THE DRESS.
156
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:34,466
- UM, TIFFANY, IS THERE
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ADD?
157
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,534
- YES.
158
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:39,304
THANK YOU, AND GOD BLESS.
159
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,641
- PERHAPS A DEBATE IS
NOT THE WAY TO GO HERE.
160
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:48,080
- HMM, SHOULD I GIVE ERIN
AN AFTER-YOU-DUMP-HIM MAKEOVER
161
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:50,582
OR A NEWLY SINGLE AND SIZZLING
MAKEOVER?
162
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:54,252
- THAT DEPENDS.
WHICH ONE INVOLVES BOILING OIL?
163
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,420
- NOW, WHILE ERIN'S HERE,
164
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,455
I WANT YOU BOTH
TO MAKE HER FEEL RIGHT AT HOME.
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SHE'S FAMILY, AND SHE NEEDS
OUR LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING.
166
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,659
I COULD KILL
THAT SISTER OF MINE!
167
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:02,961
- BRING ON THE GUEST.
168
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:06,031
ONE FRESH PITCHER OF MARTINIS
READY TO POUR.
169
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,166
- JAKE, ERIN DOESN'T DRINK
MARTINIS.
170
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,035
- I KNOW THAT;
THEY'RE FOR ME,
171
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,236
JUST IN CASE RITA CALLS.
172
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[doorbell rings]
173
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,171
- THAT MUST BE ERIN.
174
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,041
RITA.
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00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,077
[gulping]
176
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,319
RITA, WHY AREN'T YOU
IN NEW YORK?
177
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,255
- RALPH BROKE UP WITH ME.
178
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,290
OH, IF ONLY MOM HAD SENT ME
TO GSTAAD ALONG WITH ERIN.
179
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,991
- ERIN'S IN GSTAAD,
SWITZERLAND?
180
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,094
- MOM THOUGHT SHE COULD USE
A WEEK AT A SPA
181
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,095
TO CALM HER NERVES.
182
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,196
WASN'T THAT THOUGHTFUL?
183
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,231
- THAT'S MOM:
184
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,533
ALWAYS THINKING
OF HER GRANDCHILDREN--
185
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,934
ONE OF THEM, ANYWAY.
186
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:44,402
UM, RITA, YOU KNOW,
187
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,239
IT WOULD BE REALLY HELPFUL
IF ERIN WERE HERE.
188
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,973
IT IS HER DIVORCE, AFTER ALL.
189
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,908
- WE CAN ALWAYS CALL HER
IF WE HAVE TO.
190
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:54,246
UM, HELEN, I KIND OF ARRANGED
TO HAVE MY HOUSE PAINTED
191
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,646
WHILE I THOUGHT I'D BE
IN NEW YORK.
192
00:06:55,648 --> 00:06:58,249
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND IF I STAY
HERE WITH YOU THIS WEEK.
193
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,051
- DEAR LORD.
194
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,886
WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
195
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,722
- OH, HI, ERIN.
196
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,123
SORRY ABOUT BRIAN.
197
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,892
I HATE HAVING TO BREAK UP
WITH GUYS I'M DATING.
198
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,027
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
199
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,595
MARRIAGE ISN'T THE SAME
AS DATING.
200
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,830
NOBODY EVER GIVES YOU
REALLY NICE APPLIANCES
201
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:14,232
JUST FOR GOING OUT
WITH A GUY.
202
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,900
ERIN, WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
203
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,536
- FIRST OF ALL,
204
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,771
BRIAN AND ERIN NEED TO LIST
ALL THEIR ASSETS.
205
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,072
- THAT SHOULD BE A BREEZE
FOR HIM.
206
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,773
YOU KNOW
THE GOVERNMENT FIRED HIM
207
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,775
THE DAY THEY GOT BACK
FROM THEIR HONEYMOON?
208
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,344
THEY'VE BEEN LIVING
OFF HER SALARY
209
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,846
WHILE THAT CLOWN TRIES TO PASS
HIS REAL ESTATE EXAM.
210
00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:29,981
- WELL, GOOD.
211
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,016
THEN HE HAS NO REAL CLAIM
ON HER PROPERTY.
212
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,619
- AUNT RITA, UM,
ERIN WANTS YOU TO KNOW
213
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,854
THAT SHE AND BRIAN KIND OF
SIGNED A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT
214
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,323
THAT SHE KIND OF
NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT
215
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:40,157
TO KIND OF SPLIT EVERYTHING
50-50.
216
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:41,526
SHE'S GOT TO GO.
BYE.
217
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,728
- WHAT?
LET ME TALK TO HER.
218
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:44,863
DAMN.
219
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,031
- SAY, UM, DARIA,
COULD YOU, UM, HELP ME
220
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,800
IN THE, UM, KITCHEN
WITH THE, UH...
221
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,302
- JOHNNYCAKES?
- YEAH, THE JOHNNYCAKES.
222
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,970
- SMOOTH, MR. BOND.
223
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,072
LEAD THE WAY.
224
00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:57,375
- THAT LITTLE WEASEL
MADE HER SIGN A PRENUP.
225
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,711
HE KNEW SHE WAS GONNA BE
THE BREADWINNER.
226
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,045
WE'VE GOT TO FIGHT THIS,
HELEN,
227
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,148
ALL THE WAY TO THE SUPREME
COURT, IF WE HAVE TO.
228
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:06,084
- RITA, THE SUPREME COURT
DOESN'T HANDLE DIVORCES.
229
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,286
THEY'RE SWAMPED
WITH SHOPLIFTING CASES.
230
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,889
NOW, THERE'S A JUNIOR ASSOCIATE
IN MY OFFICE
231
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,724
WITH A TON OF EXPERIENCE
IN MATRIMONIAL LAW.
232
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,258
I'LL BE HAPPY TO--
233
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,161
- YOU'D PUT ERIN'S LIFE IN
THE HANDS OF A JUNIOR ASSOCIATE?
234
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,630
- RITA, YOU SAID
THIS WAS A SIMPLE DIVORCE,
235
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,664
AND IT'S NOT.
236
00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,300
I'M REALLY NOT QUALIFIED
237
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,935
TO HANDLE
SOMETHING THIS COMPLICATED.
238
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,870
- OH, I SEE;
YOU'RE WILLING TO HELP,
239
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,506
PROVIDED IT DOESN'T TAKE MORE
THAN TEN MINUTES OF YOUR TIME.
240
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,341
WELL, I'M SURE
MOM AND I CAN FIGURE OUT
241
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,943
SOME WAY TO HIRE
A LAWYER WHO CAN.
242
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,411
- ALL RIGHT!
I'LL DO IT.
243
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,046
- I CAN'T TAKE IT, DARIA:
244
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,180
THE FIGHTING, THE YELLING,
245
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,816
AND THEN ALWAYS THE CRYING.
246
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,017
- YOURS, YOU MEAN.
247
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,051
- I GOT TO GET OUT,
248
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,352
AT LEAST
UNTIL THE DUST SETTLES.
249
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,988
- OR THE BODIES STOP TWITCHING.
250
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,655
- NOW, WE'RE GONNA NEED
A SIGNAL.
251
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:47,325
OKAY, WHEN I CALL,
IF RITA IS STILL HERE,
252
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:50,261
SAY, "THE EAGLE HAS LANDED."
253
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,231
AND IF THEY'RE FIGHTING, SAY,
"THE CROW FLIES AT MIDNIGHT."
254
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:56,267
BUT IF SHE'S GONE, THEN
"THE PIGEONS ARE AT REST."
255
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,802
GOT THAT?
256
00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,871
- IS THERE ANY WAY TO WORK IN
"HARK, I HEAR THE CANNONS ROAR"?
257
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,040
- GOOD LUCK.
HI, QUINN. BYE, NOW.
258
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,342
- DAD'S LEAVING?
259
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,979
- ONLY UNTIL MOM AND AUNT RITA
STOP BEING SISTERS.
260
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,582
- HMM, MAYBE AFTER
MY FASHION CLUB MEETING,
261
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,049
WE SHOULD JUST STAY
AROUND THE HOUSE
262
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,451
UNTIL AUNT RITA LEAVES--
263
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,152
YOU KNOW, TO BE, LIKE,
PEACEKEEPERS?
264
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,387
I'LL CANCEL MY DATES.
265
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,956
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS
TONIGHT, RIGHT?
266
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,958
- WELL, I WAS GONNA
GO DOWNTOWN
267
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,892
AND COUNT
THE CRACKS IN THE SIDEWALK.
268
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,595
- OH, DARIA,
SURELY THAT CAN WAIT.
269
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:27,565
CAN I MAKE YOU
A CARROT JUICE?
270
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,134
- BUT, SANDI, WHAT IF I AGREED
TO WEAR MY DRESS
271
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,636
ONLY ON ODD-NUMBERED DAYS
272
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:34,538
AND TIFFANY AGREED TO WEAR HERS
ONLY ON EVEN-NUMBERED ONES?
273
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:38,076
- STACY, DAYS HAVE NAMES,
NOT NUMBERS.
274
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,044
- ALTERNATING SOUNDS
LIKE A GOOD IDEA.
275
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:42,747
- OH, SURE, UNTIL OUR ENEMIES
SPREAD THE RUMOR
276
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:46,717
THAT STACY AND TIFFANY ARE
TRADING OFF A SINGLE GARMENT,
277
00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:48,987
THE ONLY POSSIBLE SCENARIO
MORE HORRIFYING
278
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,055
THAN OWNING
TWO OF THE SAME DRESS.
279
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:52,823
- OH, GOD!
OH, GOD!
280
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:57,162
- I'M SORRY, TERESA, BUT WE MUST
RETURN THESE DRESSES.
281
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,997
HERE ARE THE RECEIPTS.
282
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,365
- OH, NO.
283
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,901
UM, GUYS, YOU BOUGHT THESE
DRESSES OVER TWO WEEKS AGO.
284
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,436
IT'S TOO LATE TO RETURN THEM.
285
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,538
- SURELY THOSE SILLY RULES
DON'T APPLY
286
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:08,305
TO YOUR MOST VALUED CUSTOMERS.
287
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:09,607
- I'M REALLY SORRY.
288
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,742
I CAN GIVE YOU SOME FREE
SHOPPING BAGS, IF YOU WANT.
289
00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:14,712
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU BOUGHT MY DRESS.
290
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:17,081
- EXCUSE ME.
YOU BOUGHT MY DRESS.
291
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,817
- GUYS, GUYS!
STOP THE MADNESS.
292
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,520
IS A DRESS REALLY WORTH
DESTROYING THE SACRED BOND
293
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,789
BETWEEN FASHION CLUB MEMBER
AND FASHION CLUB MEMBER?
294
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:29,194
STOP YOUR FIGHTING
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
295
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:32,297
- QUINN, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT?
296
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:35,333
[loud electronic zapping]
297
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,638
[boys booing]
298
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,339
- KNOCK IT OFF,
YOU LITTLE BRATS!
299
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:44,909
- [booing]
300
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,047
- WHO IS THIS?
RITA?
301
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,015
[in high voice]
MUST HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER.
302
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,082
DAMN IT.
303
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:53,951
[sighs]
304
00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:57,589
- NOW, PRENUP OR NO PRENUP,
305
00:10:57,591 --> 00:10:59,390
WITH A LITTLE
CREATIVE ACCOUNTING,
306
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,992
I THINK WE CAN GET BRIAN TO TAKE
A FAIRLY MODEST LUMP SUM.
307
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,461
- GOD, I HOPE SO.
308
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,596
HE'S CERTAINLY OLD ENOUGH
TO BE EARNING HIS OWN MONEY.
309
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,966
- TELL ME ABOUT IT.
- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
310
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,033
[phone rings]
311
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:10,768
- OH, HI, ERIN.
312
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:11,769
UH-HUH.
313
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:14,739
WHAT? THAT'S GREAT!
BYE.
314
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,641
GUESS WHAT.
THE DIVORCE IS OFF.
315
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,110
- BUT WE WERE HAVING
SO MUCH FUN.
316
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,645
- COME ON, LET'S TELL MOM
AND AUNT RITA.
317
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,346
- JUST ADMIT THAT EMPLOYMENT
318
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,248
HAS NEVER BEEN
ONE OF YOUR STRONG SUITS.
319
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,650
- MOM, AUNT RITA.
320
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:28,186
- EXCUSE ME, BUT I HAD
MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO,
321
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,187
LIKE RAISE ERIN.
322
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,521
- ERIN'S 24, RITA.
323
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,789
- LISTEN!
324
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,258
BRIAN FLEW TO SWITZERLAND
TO MAKE UP,
325
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:34,826
AND THEY'RE HAVING
A SECOND HONEYMOON.
326
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,894
- ON MOTHER'S CREDIT CARD,
NO DOUBT.
327
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,230
YOU KNOW, JAKE AND I
BARELY HAD A FIRST HONEYMOON
328
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,599
BECAUSE WE HAD TO PAY
FOR OUR OWN WEDDING.
329
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,301
- AND THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
MY FAULT?
330
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,869
- WELL, IF YOU HADN'T GONE
OVER BUDGET
331
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,570
ON YOUR WEDDING
SIX MONTHS BEFORE--
332
00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:48,039
[doorbell rings]
YOUR FIRST WEDDING.
333
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:50,608
- HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
334
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:53,778
- $4,000
FOR A LIGHTED DANCE FLOOR!
335
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:54,945
- HELEN, DISCO WAS KING.
336
00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:56,147
- OH, JUST FINE.
337
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,815
- MOM BROKE
EVERY RULE OF PARENTING,
338
00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,317
THE WAY SHE FAVORED YOU.
339
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:02,520
- IT'S JUST LIKE YOU TO DECLARE
THE RULES FOR EVERYONE ELSE.
340
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:06,357
- OH, WHEN WILL IT STOP?
WHEN? WHEN?
341
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:09,427
- CARE TO STEP AWAY
FROM THE CROSSFIRE?
342
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,796
- WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON IN THERE?
343
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:14,933
- LOOK, IT'S BAD ENOUGH
I HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT ALL DAY.
344
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,368
I DON'T WANT TO
HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO.
345
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,003
- UM, SORRY.
346
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,138
SO...
347
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,507
- I'D BETTER GO.
348
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,175
MOM MAY NEED AN EYEWITNESS
349
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,277
OR SOMEONE TO HAND HER
THE MURDER WEAPON.
350
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,645
- DARIA.
- WHAT?
351
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,847
- NOTHING.
352
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,250
[phone ringing]
353
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,250
- HELLO.
354
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,352
- DARIA?
THANK GOD IT'S YOU.
355
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:38,523
SO, UM, HAS THE EAGLE LANDED,
OR IS IT THE CROW?
356
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,957
- AUNT RITA'S STILL HERE
AND--
357
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,292
- DARIA, IS THAT YOUR FATHER?
358
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,293
- NO, NO, NO, NO!
359
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,629
- A LARGE PIZZA
WITH EXTRA CHEESE.
360
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,698
GOT IT.
THANKS FOR CALLING PIZZA PRINCE.
361
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:48,700
beep!
362
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:49,734
- YOU'RE UP.
363
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,168
- AWW.
364
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:52,970
- WHERE IS YOUR FATHER,
ANYWAY?
365
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,839
- JOHNNYCAKE FEST 3000.
366
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,874
- GREAT.
NOW JAKE'S RUN OFF.
367
00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:59,243
- DID YOU EVER THINK THAT
HE MIGHT STICK AROUND MORE
368
00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:01,245
IF YOU WEREN'T SO PREOCCUPIED
WITH WORK?
369
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:02,747
- EXCUSE ME.
370
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:07,018
THE ONLY WORK I'VE BEEN DOING
AROUND HERE IS FOR YOU, DAMN IT!
371
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,352
[phone rings]
372
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,888
- HELLO.
- HI, AUNT AMY.
373
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,732
- RITA, WE NEED TO TALK.
374
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,300
- RELAX, I'M GOING HOME
TO THE PAINT FUMES.
375
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,502
AND DON'T WORRY.
376
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,504
ERIN AND I WILL
NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN.
377
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,140
- LOOK, I THINK WE BOTH SAID
THINGS WE SHOULDN'T HAVE.
378
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,943
BUT FOR ONCE,
LET'S NOT GO AWAY ANGRY, OKAY?
379
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,310
- I DON'T KNOW, HELEN.
380
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,679
- I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
381
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:38,215
LET'S BURY THE HATCHET
AND, UM, BAKE SOME COOKIES.
382
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:39,316
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
383
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,018
- COOKIES?
FROM SCRATCH?
384
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:42,220
- MORE OR LESS.
385
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,222
CHOCOLATE CHIP
OR PEANUT BUTTER?
386
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,090
- THE CHIPS ARE
ALREADY IN IT, RIGHT?
387
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,258
- OF COURSE.
388
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,826
I THINK.
389
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,027
[doorbell rings]
390
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,495
- AUNT AMY?
391
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,364
- DARIA CALLED
FOR REINFORCEMENTS.
392
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,266
HAVE YOUR MOTHER AND RITA
KILLED EACH OTHER YET?
393
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,168
- ACTUALLY, THEY'RE
IN THE KITCHEN MAKING COOKIES.
394
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,368
- NO. REALLY?
395
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,471
- YOU'RE CUTTING THOSE SLICES
TOO THICK.
396
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,806
- THE PACKAGE SAYS
1/2 AN INCH.
397
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,173
THAT IS 1/2 AN INCH.
398
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:05,510
- OKAY, I JUST HOPE YOU LIKE
YOUR COOKIES UNDERCOOKED.
399
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,744
- HERE.
YOU CUT IT.
400
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,345
I'M SURE YOU COULD DO
A MUCH BETTER JOB
401
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,780
THAN LITTLE OLD USELESS ME.
402
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,716
- OH, PLEASE.
YOU WEREN'T EVEN TRYING.
403
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,352
YOU KNOW, IF YOU EVER PUT
YOUR MIND TO ANYTHING--
404
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,554
- WHY CAN'T THEY
JUST GET ALONG?
405
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:17,856
- ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS.
406
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,525
THEY WERE BOTH EXPOSED
TO EACH OTHER AS CHILDREN.
407
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,792
[knock at door]
408
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:22,860
- COME IN.
409
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,495
- THE CAVALRY HAS ARRIVED.
410
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,397
- OH, SPEAKING
OF SOLDIER JUNK, DARIA,
411
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,931
GONE WITH THE WIND
IS ON TONIGHT.
412
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,033
WE SHOULD WATCH IT.
413
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,167
IT HAS THAT CIVIL WAR IN IT
414
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,602
YOU AND DAD
ARE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT
415
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,137
PLUS THIS REALLY BIG FIRE.
416
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,273
- FRANKLY, QUINN,
I DON'T GIVE A CRAP.
417
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,241
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE
RIGHT NOW.
418
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:38,709
OH, AND DID I TELL YOU
419
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,945
YOUR HAIR DOESN'T LOOK
THAT BAD TODAY? BYE.
420
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,914
- I KNOW
SHE WANTS SOMETHING.
421
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:45,049
- SO UPDATE?
422
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,083
- OKAY.
423
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:47,818
MOM AND AUNT RITA
ARE ON THE BRINK
424
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,587
OF MUTUALLY ASSURED
DESTRUCTION,
425
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,222
QUINN'S OBVIOUSLY HAVING
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN,
426
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,491
AND DAD'S ON THE LAM.
427
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,227
- GEE, REMINDS ME
OF MY CHILDHOOD.
428
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,428
YOU HOLDING UP OKAY?
429
00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:00,564
- WELL, MUCH AS I COULDN'T CARE
LESS ABOUT ERIN,
430
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:04,135
I CAN'T SAY MY 24-YEAR-OLD
COUSIN'S NEAR DIVORCE
431
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:08,039
HAS LEFT ME EXACTLY OPTIMISTIC
ABOUT LIFE'S POSSIBILITIES.
432
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,806
- SO THINGS ARE NOT GOING WELL
433
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:11,175
WITH THAT GUY
YOU'VE BEEN SEEING?
434
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,277
- HUH?
THAT'S GOING FINE,
435
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,513
EXCEPT HE WON'T STOP
DROPPING BY
436
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:18,649
DURING THIS MULTIGENERATIONAL
FAMILY CRISIS.
437
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,451
HE REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE FACT
438
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,420
THAT I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR HIM NOW.
439
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:26,456
- HMM, MAYBE HE'S TRYING
TO OFFER HIS TIME TO YOU.
440
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,126
- HUH. MAYBE.
441
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,561
- COME ON; LET'S SEE
HOW GOES THE BATTLE.
442
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,530
- EVEN IF I DID HAVE A JOB,
443
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,166
I'M SURE IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY
MEET WITH YOUR APPROVAL.
444
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,535
- I GUESS WE'LL NEVER
FIND THAT OUT, WILL WE?
445
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,604
- AH, ANOTHER KODAK MOMENT
WITH THE BARKSDALES.
446
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,873
- AMY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
447
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,342
- OH, I THOUGHT I'D DRIVE
A FEW HOURS, DROP BY,
448
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,111
AND SEE IF YOU GUYS WERE HAVING
THE SAME FIGHT
449
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,780
YOU'VE BEEN HAVING FOR 40 YEARS.
450
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,114
- HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
451
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,516
YOU SPENT THE WHOLE TIME
BARRICADED IN YOUR ROOM,
452
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,185
READING
THOSE WEIRD RUSSIAN NOVELS.
453
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,955
- IT WAS BETTER THAN GETTING
CAUGHT IN THE NONSTOP CROSSFIRE.
454
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,389
- OH, PLEASE.
455
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,091
YOU JUST USED US AS AN EXCUSE
456
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,427
TO AVOID ANY FAMILY
RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER
457
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,228
SO YOU COULD DO
WHATEVER THE HELL YOU PLEASED.
458
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,731
- AT LEAST I DIDN'T NURSE
A CHILDHOOD GRUDGE
459
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,666
WELL INTO ADULTHOOD
BECAUSE RITA WAS MOM'S FAVORITE.
460
00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:10,801
- I DID NOT!
461
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,302
- I WAS NOT.
- YOU ARE TOO.
462
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,038
- SHE'S RIGHT.
- I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.
463
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,207
- MAYBE MOM WOULD GET ALONG
BETTER WITH BOTH OF YOU
464
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,409
IF YOU EVER BOTHERED
TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL.
465
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,610
- UM, MOM--
466
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,445
- WHY SHOULD WE,
WHEN SHE'S NEVER OFFERED US
467
00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:24,015
THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF
ENCOURAGEMENT OR APPRECIATION?
468
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,583
- THAT'S RIGHT!
- I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.
469
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,452
- ENCOURAGEMENT?
470
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:30,020
YOU WITH YOUR GRADES AND YOUR
EXTRA CREDIT AND YOUR AWARDS,
471
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:31,655
YOU DIDN'T MAKE US LOOK
LAZY ENOUGH.
472
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,924
YOU WANTED ENCOURAGEMENT
TO DO MORE?
473
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,626
- [chuckles]
- WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?
474
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:36,660
- SHE'S GOT A POINT.
475
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,229
- SHE CAN LAUGH
IF SHE WANTS TO.
476
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,363
- OH, SO YOU THINK THAT--
477
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,631
- YOU'RE ALWAYS
PICKING ON ME.
478
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:41,632
[all talking at once]
479
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,534
- HEY!
480
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:46,670
GEE, RITA, ARE YOU EVER
GONNA GET A JOB?
481
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:49,907
WHY SHOULD I, HELEN, WHEN YOU
WON'T PAY ATTENTION TO MOTHER?
482
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,842
AND YOU, AMY,
WHO ASKED YOU?
483
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,245
- YEAH, YOU HAD A DANCE FLOOR
AT YOUR WEDDING!
484
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:56,014
- YOU'RE A SHOWOFF
AND A KNOW-IT-ALL.
485
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,282
- YOU JUST HIDE IN YOUR ROOM
LIKE A KERMIT.
486
00:16:58,284 --> 00:16:59,450
- MOM LIKES YOU BETTER.
487
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,985
- THAT'S BECAUSE
I CALL HER BETTER.
488
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:04,422
- OH, RITA.
- HELEN.
489
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:05,889
- I'M SORRY.
490
00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:07,691
- ME TOO.
OHH.
491
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:08,792
[both laughing]
492
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:09,960
OHH.
493
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,929
- WHY ARE YOU HERE, AMY?
494
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,964
- DARIA ASKED ME
TO COME MEDIATE,
495
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,933
ALTHOUGH PERHAPS
THAT'S SOMETHING
496
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,635
SHE'S BETTER AT THAN I AM.
497
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:20,338
- OH, AMY.
- COME HERE.
498
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,975
- I BLAME YOU FOR THIS.
499
00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:26,777
- DID YOU DECIDE
ABOUT GONE WITH THE WIND?
500
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,815
- SO THEN, AFTER AUNT AMY
ARRIVED TO SAVE THE DAY
501
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:33,550
AND WITHIN THREE MINUTES,
IT TOTALLY REGRESSED
502
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,720
INTO THE SAME PRESCHOOL
ENCOUNTER GROUP AS HER SISTERS,
503
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,991
QUINN AND I HAD TO TAKE MATTERS
INTO OUR OWN HANDS.
504
00:17:39,993 --> 00:17:42,126
- WOW, GROWING UP
IN A REPRESSED HOUSEHOLD
505
00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:43,760
IS SO BORING
NEXT TO THIS STUFF.
506
00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,997
WE ALWAYS HAVE TO PRETEND
PROBLEMS DON'T EXIST.
507
00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:48,499
GETS PRETTY INCONVENIENT
WHEN THERE ARE ODORS INVOLVED.
508
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:52,470
- YES, AND SPEAKING OF
PRETENDING PROBLEMS DON'T EXIST,
509
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:55,606
SORRY FOR GIVING YOU THE SHORT
END OF THE STICK THIS WEEK.
510
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,141
- HEY, YOU WERE BUSY
REFEREEING.
511
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:58,509
I UNDERSTAND.
512
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,278
- ACTUALLY, I THINK MY COUSIN'S
LITTLE MARITAL CRISIS
513
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,582
MADE ME FEEL WEIRD ABOUT
THE BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND THING.
514
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,717
DOES THAT FREAK YOU OUT
AND SCARE YOU?
515
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:08,219
- NO, I GUESS
I COULD SEE THAT.
516
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,320
- THANKS.
517
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,788
- ANYWAY, WHAT ABOUT
A MOVIE TONIGHT?
518
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,390
- I CAN'T.
519
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:14,792
I PROMISED QUINN I'D WATCH
GONE WITH THE WIND WITH HER.
520
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:17,861
- [laughing]
521
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:19,897
OKAY, THAT FREAKS ME OUT
AND SCARES ME.
522
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,899
- PRAY FOR ME.
523
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,235
- AS PRESIDENT
OF THE FASHION CLUB,
524
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:26,470
I AM PUTTING YOU BOTH
ON SUSPENSION
525
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:29,540
FOR FAILING TO DO A WARDROBE
CHECK BEFORE LEAVING HOME
526
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,243
AND THUS APPEARING IN THE SAME
DRESS ON THE SAME DAY.
527
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,411
- BUT, SANDI,
YOU CAN'T SUSPEND ME.
528
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:36,581
IT'S NOT FAIR!
[gasps]
529
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:39,917
- MY DRESS--IT'S RUINED.
530
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,552
- OH, TIFFANY,
I AM SO SORRY.
531
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,587
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
532
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,321
- SURE IT WAS, STACY.
533
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:46,891
SHE'LL NEVER GET
THAT GRAPE SODA OUT.
534
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,527
THIS CALLS FOR SEVERE
DISCIPLINARY ACTION.
535
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,695
- BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO.
I SWEAR!
536
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,564
I'LL GIVE YOU MY DRESS
TO PROVE IT.
537
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,966
- YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME?
538
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,668
- OF COURSE.
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
539
00:18:57,670 --> 00:19:00,237
- OH, STACY.
540
00:19:00,239 --> 00:19:03,774
OH, THAT WASN'T
A GOOD IDEA.
541
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:08,346
- [sniffs]
THAT MOVIE WAS SO SAD.
542
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,815
- I KNOW IT MADE ME FEEL
LIKE CRYING.
543
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,984
UM, QUINN, THERE'S SOMETHING
BOTHERING YOU
544
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,319
OTHER THAN THE SAGA
545
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,855
OF OUR FAIR NATION
BEING TORN APART, ISN'T THERE?
546
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:18,989
- NO.
547
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,759
- I ONLY ASK
BECAUSE I FINALLY REALIZED
548
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,661
ALL THAT STUFF
GOING ON HERE THIS WEEK
549
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,196
WAS MAKING ME ACT STRANGELY
TOWARD TOM,
550
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:30,034
SO MAYBE YOU'RE HAVING A SIMILAR
UNANTICIPATED REACTION,
551
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:33,638
SUCH AS, OH,
WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH ME?
552
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,639
[phone rings]
553
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,674
HELLO.
OH, HI, DAD.
554
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,943
THE PIGEONS ARE AT REST.
555
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,845
- DARIA, YOU DON'T THINK
WE'LL END UP
556
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,479
HAVING THE SAME FIGHT
OVER AND OVER AGAIN
557
00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:43,614
FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES,
558
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,348
THE WAY MOM AND AUNT RITA DO,
DO YOU?
559
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,350
- NO, WE'LL USE WEAPONS.
560
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,586
- DON'T SAY THAT.
561
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,854
- I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.
562
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,056
THE ONLY WEAPON
I'LL USE AGAINST YOU
563
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,124
WILL BE
MY WINNING PERSONALITY,
564
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:56,393
AND THE ONLY WEAPON
YOU'LL USE AGAINST ME
565
00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:58,296
WILL BE YOUR MERCILESS
SILENT TREATMENT.
566
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,432
- SILENT TREATMENT?
I NEVER--
567
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,801
HAH. DEAL.
568
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,036
- "THE PIGEONS ARE AT REST."
569
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,705
THAT MEANS IT'S SAFE,
DOESN'T IT?
570
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,040
NO, "THE EAGLE HAS LANDED"
MEANS IT'S SAFE,
571
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,842
OR WAS THAT A CONDOR?
572
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:15,012
DAMN IT, I CAN'T SLEEP IN HERE
AGAIN TONIGHT!
573
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,980
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
574
00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:24,855
♪ ♪
575
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,362
- ♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
576
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:34,731
♪ ♪
577
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,266
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
578
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:39,437
♪ ♪
579
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,771
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
580
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,773
♪ ♪