1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,536 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 2 00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:11,376 - SO THEN SANDI SAID TO MR. O'NEILL, 3 00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:14,045 "WELL, IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL, 4 00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:16,314 "ALL WRITING IS PLAGIARISM 5 00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:19,050 BECAUSE YOU'RE USING WORDS THAT ALREADY EXIST." 6 00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:20,819 AND HE GAVE HER AN "F" ANYWAY. 7 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,954 - MAYBE SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TITLED HER STORY 8 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:24,757 SANDI GRIFFIN'S DRACULA. 9 00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:26,324 - NO HARDTACK TONIGHT, LADS. 10 00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:28,827 WE'RE GOING TOP RAIL NUMBER ONE. 11 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,063 - GEE, IS IT FAMILY BABBLE TIME ALREADY? 12 00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:32,864 - THAT'S CIVIL WAR TALK, DARIA. 13 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,066 - WHAT IS THAT? 14 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,402 - IT'S FROM MY NEW CIVIL WAR COOKBOOK. 15 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,303 - CIVIL WAR COOKBOOK-- 16 00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:40,505 SO YOU'RE SERVING US AMPUTATED LEG? 17 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:41,639 - EWW! 18 00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:43,741 - NO, IT'S CORNED PORK AND CABBAGE. 19 00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:45,009 - EWW! 20 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:46,645 - GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE. 21 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:49,715 - IF IT'S ABOUT US LADS GOING TOP RAIL NUMBER ONE, 22 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,616 THAT'S YESTERDAY'S BROADSHEET. 23 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:54,219 - WE FINALLY SETTLED THE ATC MOTORS CASE 24 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,188 AFTER A GRUELING MONTH, 25 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,356 AND AT LAST, I'M GOING TO GET SOME TIME OFF 26 00:00:58,358 --> 00:00:59,624 TO SPEND WITH MY FAMILY. 27 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,461 - DAD, WHO'S THAT WOMAN IN THE BUSINESS SUIT? 28 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,195 - I MEAN IT THIS TIME. 29 00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:06,498 ERIC'S, UM, EXHAUSTED 30 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,467 AND IS TAKING 28 DAYS TO, UH, RECUPERATE. 31 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,202 ALL THAT ESPRESSO HE WAS DRINKING 32 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:12,370 REALLY WORE HIM DOWN. 33 00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:13,371 - ESPRESSO? 34 00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:14,640 - TO SAY NOTHING 35 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,675 OF THOSE PRESCRIPTION AMPHETAMINE DOUGHNUTS. 36 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,709 - DARIA. 37 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,244 - SO HE'S IN DETOX AGAIN? - QUINN! 38 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:22,214 - OH, RIGHT. ESPRESSO. 39 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:23,715 [phone rings] 40 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:25,784 - HELLO? 41 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,118 OH, HELLO, RITA. 42 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,255 - UH-OH, CALL THE SIBLING RIVALRY SWAT TEAM. 43 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,623 - WHAT? ERIN AND BRIAN ARE GETTING DIVORCED? 44 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,359 - UH, YOU MEAN I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY 45 00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:37,295 IN THAT DISGUSTING BRIDESMAID'S DRESS FOR NOTHING? 46 00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:40,298 - NO, YOU HAD TO PAY FOR IT, REMEMBER? 47 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,567 - WELL, OF COURSE I'D LOVE TO HANDLE IT, 48 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,836 BUT IT'S NOT REALLY MY AREA OF EXPERTISE, AND-- 49 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:47,138 RITA, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SIMPLE DIVORCE. 50 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:48,139 beep! 51 00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:49,975 HANG ON; THAT'S MY CALL WAITING. 52 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:53,512 HELLO. OH, MOM. HI. 53 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,081 WELL, I WAS JUST NOW TALKING TO RITA ABOUT THAT. 54 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,483 SEE, I JUST CAME OFF THIS BACKBREAKING CASE. 55 00:01:58,485 --> 00:01:59,851 - YOU TELL HER. 56 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:02,087 - YES, I KNOW THIS ISN'T EASY FOR EITHER OF THEM, 57 00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:05,056 BUT AN ATTORNEY WHO SPECIALIZES IN DIVORCE COULD-- 58 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:08,426 WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY I'M THE BEST LAWYER IN MY FIRM. 59 00:02:08,428 --> 00:02:10,595 ERIC'S--REALLY? 60 00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:13,798 WELL, OF COURSE I WANT RITA IN THE MOST CAPABLE HANDS POSSIBLE. 61 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,968 DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING. BYE. 62 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,370 RITA, I'M IN. 63 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,204 - OH, GOD, HELEN, NO! 64 00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,073 THE WAY YOU AND YOUR SISTER FIGHT, 65 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,875 A MAN CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH! 66 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,711 - NO, THAT WAS JAKE. HE SAYS HI. 67 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,914 - [sobbing] 68 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:35,020 - WELL, IF I CAN'T SAY SANDI GRIFFIN'S DRACULA, 69 00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:38,590 WHY DOES BRAD STOKER GET TO SAY BRAD STOKER'S DRACULA? 70 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,392 - UM, I THINK THAT'S BRAM STOKER. 71 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,327 - I DON'T. - PERHAPS NOT. 72 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,464 BUT ANYWAY, HE GETS TO SAY IT BECAUSE HE MADE THE STORY UP. 73 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:47,432 - HUH, QUINN, DRACULA IS 74 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:50,034 AN INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN CELEBRITY VAMPIRE. 75 00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:51,670 MADE THE STORY UP. 76 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,805 - GUYS, HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW DRESS? 77 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,607 YOU DON'T THINK THE BLUE IS TOO RISQUE, DO YOU? 78 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,808 - NOT AT ALL, 79 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,510 AND IT GOES PERFECTLY WITH YOUR CELL PHONE. 80 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,312 - REALLY? YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING THAT? 81 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:01,313 - QUINN'S RIGHT. 82 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:02,914 FOR ONCE, YOU HAVE CHOSEN A DRESS 83 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,283 THAT'S NOT A COMPLETE EMBARRASSMENT TO THE REST OF US. 84 00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,418 - OH, THANK YOU, SANDI. 85 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,487 - COME ON; LET'S GET TO THE CAFETERIA 86 00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:10,922 BEFORE THEY RUN OUT OF SHREDDED LETTUCE. 87 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,257 - [gasps] 88 00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:13,758 - OH, NO. 89 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,227 TIFFANY IS WEARING YOUR DRESS. 90 00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,296 NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? 91 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,699 - IN THIS CANINE GO-GO BAR, 92 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,870 THE SPECIALTY OF THE HOUSE IS--HOT DOG-- 93 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:28,140 LAP-DANCING LAPDOGS NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD. 94 00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:29,508 - WHAT DO YOU THINK, DARIA? 95 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,277 STONEWALL JACKSON FED HIS MEN THESE JOHNNYCAKES 96 00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,646 THE NIGHT BEFORE THE BATTLE OF CHANCELLORSVILLE. 97 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,316 - WELL, THAT EXPLAINS WHY THEY SHOT HIM THERE. 98 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:38,483 - ALL RIGHT, RITA. 99 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:40,085 I'VE GATHERED THE NECESSARY PAPERWORK, 100 00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,687 AND WE CAN GO OVER IT WHEN YOU AND ERIN GET HERE SATURDAY. 101 00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:44,589 - ACTUALLY, IT'LL JUST BE ERIN. 102 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,224 I'D COME, BUT I PROMISED RALPH-- 103 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,759 YOU KNOW THE ACTOR I'VE BEEN DATING? 104 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:50,061 I PROMISED TO TAKE HIM TO NEW YORK FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, 105 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,963 MAYBE CATCH A PLAY OR TWO. - UH-HUH. 106 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,565 - BUT I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I GET BACK. 107 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,666 GOOD LUCK. 108 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:55,667 beep! 109 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:56,868 - WELL, THAT'S JUST PERFECT. 110 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,437 RITA'S NOT EVEN COMING. 111 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,371 - HEY, THAT'S GREAT! - NO, IT'S NOT! 112 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:02,073 SHE'S SPENDING THE MONEY I'M SAVING HER... 113 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,207 [doorbell rings] 114 00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:05,109 ON A TRIP WITH HER BOYFRIEND TO NEW YORK. 115 00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:07,512 - JOHNNYCAKE? 116 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,717 - HEY. 117 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,918 - YOU KNOW, I CAN'T GET THROUGH ON THE PHONE AT ALL ANYMORE. 118 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,287 ISN'T YOUR SISTER AFRAID HER EAR WILL GROW OVER THE RECEIVER? 119 00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:19,124 - ACTUALLY, MY MOTHER'S THE ONE BURNING UP THE LINES. 120 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:22,426 MY IDIOT COUSIN IS SUING HER HUSBAND FOR A DIVORCE, 121 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,095 AND MOM GOT ROPED INTO HANDLING IT. 122 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,463 - OUCH; WANT TO DRIVE AROUND THE BLOCK 123 00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,865 AND GIVE ME THE GORY DETAILS? 124 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:30,168 - NO, I'VE ALREADY PUT A BITCHING SESSION WITH JANE 125 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,970 ON MY CALENDAR FOR TOMORROW. 126 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,838 - OKAY, SO JUST WANT TO DRIVE AROUND THE BLOCK 127 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,073 WITH NO DISCERNIBLE GOAL? 128 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,609 - IT'S PROBABLY NOT A GOOD TIME FOR THAT. 129 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,643 THANKS, THOUGH. 130 00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:39,844 - NO THANKS NECESS-- 131 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,813 SARY. 132 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,015 - SO MY MOTHER GETS CAUGHT UP 133 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,984 IN ALL THIS CRAP WITH HER FAMILY, 134 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,386 AND THEN OUR FAMILY HAS TO SUFFER FOR IT. 135 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,855 - AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN LOOKING FORWARD 136 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:50,989 TO HAVING A RINGSIDE SEAT 137 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,924 AT YOUR COUSIN'S GUT-WRENCHING BREAKUP? 138 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:56,028 - I KNOW; IT'S LIKE I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO HAVE FUN. 139 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,131 - ALL RIGHT, STACY, TIFFANY, 140 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,466 YOU MAY EACH DELIVER YOUR PREPARED STATEMENT 141 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,134 ABOUT WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE THE DRESS... 142 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,236 - A DEBATE WAS SUCH A GREAT IDEA, SANDI. 143 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,705 - FOLLOWED BY A REBUTTAL. 144 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,273 - EEWW, THAT WORD. 145 00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:10,341 - STACY. 146 00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,809 - WELL, I THINK I SHOULD HAVE THE DRESS 147 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,411 BECAUSE TIFFANY LOOKS GOOD IN ANYTHING, 148 00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:14,513 WHEREAS I DON'T, 149 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,648 DUE TO A SLIGHT ASYMMETRY IN MY SHOULDERS 150 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,583 THAT IS VERY PAINFUL FOR ME EVEN TO MENTION 151 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,585 BUT WHICH THIS PARTICULAR DRESS MINIMIZES 152 00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:22,053 WHILE SETTING OFF MY EYES. 153 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,622 - VERY GOOD, STACY. 154 00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:24,923 AND NOW TIFFANY. 155 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:29,694 - WELL, I THINK I SHOULD HAVE THE DRESS. 156 00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:34,466 - UM, TIFFANY, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ADD? 157 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,534 - YES. 158 00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:39,304 THANK YOU, AND GOD BLESS. 159 00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,641 - PERHAPS A DEBATE IS NOT THE WAY TO GO HERE. 160 00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:48,080 - HMM, SHOULD I GIVE ERIN AN AFTER-YOU-DUMP-HIM MAKEOVER 161 00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:50,582 OR A NEWLY SINGLE AND SIZZLING MAKEOVER? 162 00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:54,252 - THAT DEPENDS. WHICH ONE INVOLVES BOILING OIL? 163 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,420 - NOW, WHILE ERIN'S HERE, 164 00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,455 I WANT YOU BOTH TO MAKE HER FEEL RIGHT AT HOME. 165 00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,824 SHE'S FAMILY, AND SHE NEEDS OUR LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING. 166 00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,659 I COULD KILL THAT SISTER OF MINE! 167 00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:02,961 - BRING ON THE GUEST. 168 00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:06,031 ONE FRESH PITCHER OF MARTINIS READY TO POUR. 169 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,166 - JAKE, ERIN DOESN'T DRINK MARTINIS. 170 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,035 - I KNOW THAT; THEY'RE FOR ME, 171 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,236 JUST IN CASE RITA CALLS. 172 00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,237 [doorbell rings] 173 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,171 - THAT MUST BE ERIN. 174 00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,041 RITA. 175 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,077 [gulping] 176 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,319 RITA, WHY AREN'T YOU IN NEW YORK? 177 00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,255 - RALPH BROKE UP WITH ME. 178 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,290 OH, IF ONLY MOM HAD SENT ME TO GSTAAD ALONG WITH ERIN. 179 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,991 - ERIN'S IN GSTAAD, SWITZERLAND? 180 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,094 - MOM THOUGHT SHE COULD USE A WEEK AT A SPA 181 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,095 TO CALM HER NERVES. 182 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,196 WASN'T THAT THOUGHTFUL? 183 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,231 - THAT'S MOM: 184 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,533 ALWAYS THINKING OF HER GRANDCHILDREN-- 185 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,934 ONE OF THEM, ANYWAY. 186 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:44,402 UM, RITA, YOU KNOW, 187 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,239 IT WOULD BE REALLY HELPFUL IF ERIN WERE HERE. 188 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,973 IT IS HER DIVORCE, AFTER ALL. 189 00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,908 - WE CAN ALWAYS CALL HER IF WE HAVE TO. 190 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:54,246 UM, HELEN, I KIND OF ARRANGED TO HAVE MY HOUSE PAINTED 191 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,646 WHILE I THOUGHT I'D BE IN NEW YORK. 192 00:06:55,648 --> 00:06:58,249 I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND IF I STAY HERE WITH YOU THIS WEEK. 193 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,051 - DEAR LORD. 194 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,886 WHAT A GREAT IDEA! 195 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,722 - OH, HI, ERIN. 196 00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,123 SORRY ABOUT BRIAN. 197 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,892 I HATE HAVING TO BREAK UP WITH GUYS I'M DATING. 198 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,027 NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 199 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,595 MARRIAGE ISN'T THE SAME AS DATING. 200 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,830 NOBODY EVER GIVES YOU REALLY NICE APPLIANCES 201 00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:14,232 JUST FOR GOING OUT WITH A GUY. 202 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,900 ERIN, WHY ARE YOU CRYING? 203 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,536 - FIRST OF ALL, 204 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,771 BRIAN AND ERIN NEED TO LIST ALL THEIR ASSETS. 205 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,072 - THAT SHOULD BE A BREEZE FOR HIM. 206 00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,773 YOU KNOW THE GOVERNMENT FIRED HIM 207 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,775 THE DAY THEY GOT BACK FROM THEIR HONEYMOON? 208 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,344 THEY'VE BEEN LIVING OFF HER SALARY 209 00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,846 WHILE THAT CLOWN TRIES TO PASS HIS REAL ESTATE EXAM. 210 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:29,981 - WELL, GOOD. 211 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,016 THEN HE HAS NO REAL CLAIM ON HER PROPERTY. 212 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,619 - AUNT RITA, UM, ERIN WANTS YOU TO KNOW 213 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,854 THAT SHE AND BRIAN KIND OF SIGNED A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT 214 00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,323 THAT SHE KIND OF NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT 215 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:40,157 TO KIND OF SPLIT EVERYTHING 50-50. 216 00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:41,526 SHE'S GOT TO GO. BYE. 217 00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,728 - WHAT? LET ME TALK TO HER. 218 00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:44,863 DAMN. 219 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,031 - SAY, UM, DARIA, COULD YOU, UM, HELP ME 220 00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,800 IN THE, UM, KITCHEN WITH THE, UH... 221 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,302 - JOHNNYCAKES? - YEAH, THE JOHNNYCAKES. 222 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,970 - SMOOTH, MR. BOND. 223 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,072 LEAD THE WAY. 224 00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:57,375 - THAT LITTLE WEASEL MADE HER SIGN A PRENUP. 225 00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,711 HE KNEW SHE WAS GONNA BE THE BREADWINNER. 226 00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,045 WE'VE GOT TO FIGHT THIS, HELEN, 227 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,148 ALL THE WAY TO THE SUPREME COURT, IF WE HAVE TO. 228 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:06,084 - RITA, THE SUPREME COURT DOESN'T HANDLE DIVORCES. 229 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,286 THEY'RE SWAMPED WITH SHOPLIFTING CASES. 230 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,889 NOW, THERE'S A JUNIOR ASSOCIATE IN MY OFFICE 231 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,724 WITH A TON OF EXPERIENCE IN MATRIMONIAL LAW. 232 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,258 I'LL BE HAPPY TO-- 233 00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,161 - YOU'D PUT ERIN'S LIFE IN THE HANDS OF A JUNIOR ASSOCIATE? 234 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,630 - RITA, YOU SAID THIS WAS A SIMPLE DIVORCE, 235 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,664 AND IT'S NOT. 236 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,300 I'M REALLY NOT QUALIFIED 237 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,935 TO HANDLE SOMETHING THIS COMPLICATED. 238 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,870 - OH, I SEE; YOU'RE WILLING TO HELP, 239 00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,506 PROVIDED IT DOESN'T TAKE MORE THAN TEN MINUTES OF YOUR TIME. 240 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,341 WELL, I'M SURE MOM AND I CAN FIGURE OUT 241 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,943 SOME WAY TO HIRE A LAWYER WHO CAN. 242 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,411 - ALL RIGHT! I'LL DO IT. 243 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,046 - I CAN'T TAKE IT, DARIA: 244 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,180 THE FIGHTING, THE YELLING, 245 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,816 AND THEN ALWAYS THE CRYING. 246 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,017 - YOURS, YOU MEAN. 247 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,051 - I GOT TO GET OUT, 248 00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,352 AT LEAST UNTIL THE DUST SETTLES. 249 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,988 - OR THE BODIES STOP TWITCHING. 250 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,655 - NOW, WE'RE GONNA NEED A SIGNAL. 251 00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:47,325 OKAY, WHEN I CALL, IF RITA IS STILL HERE, 252 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:50,261 SAY, "THE EAGLE HAS LANDED." 253 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,231 AND IF THEY'RE FIGHTING, SAY, "THE CROW FLIES AT MIDNIGHT." 254 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:56,267 BUT IF SHE'S GONE, THEN "THE PIGEONS ARE AT REST." 255 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,802 GOT THAT? 256 00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,871 - IS THERE ANY WAY TO WORK IN "HARK, I HEAR THE CANNONS ROAR"? 257 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,040 - GOOD LUCK. HI, QUINN. BYE, NOW. 258 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,342 - DAD'S LEAVING? 259 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,979 - ONLY UNTIL MOM AND AUNT RITA STOP BEING SISTERS. 260 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,582 - HMM, MAYBE AFTER MY FASHION CLUB MEETING, 261 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,049 WE SHOULD JUST STAY AROUND THE HOUSE 262 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,451 UNTIL AUNT RITA LEAVES-- 263 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,152 YOU KNOW, TO BE, LIKE, PEACEKEEPERS? 264 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,387 I'LL CANCEL MY DATES. 265 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,956 YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS TONIGHT, RIGHT? 266 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,958 - WELL, I WAS GONNA GO DOWNTOWN 267 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,892 AND COUNT THE CRACKS IN THE SIDEWALK. 268 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,595 - OH, DARIA, SURELY THAT CAN WAIT. 269 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:27,565 CAN I MAKE YOU A CARROT JUICE? 270 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,134 - BUT, SANDI, WHAT IF I AGREED TO WEAR MY DRESS 271 00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,636 ONLY ON ODD-NUMBERED DAYS 272 00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:34,538 AND TIFFANY AGREED TO WEAR HERS ONLY ON EVEN-NUMBERED ONES? 273 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:38,076 - STACY, DAYS HAVE NAMES, NOT NUMBERS. 274 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,044 - ALTERNATING SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. 275 00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:42,747 - OH, SURE, UNTIL OUR ENEMIES SPREAD THE RUMOR 276 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:46,717 THAT STACY AND TIFFANY ARE TRADING OFF A SINGLE GARMENT, 277 00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:48,987 THE ONLY POSSIBLE SCENARIO MORE HORRIFYING 278 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,055 THAN OWNING TWO OF THE SAME DRESS. 279 00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:52,823 - OH, GOD! OH, GOD! 280 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:57,162 - I'M SORRY, TERESA, BUT WE MUST RETURN THESE DRESSES. 281 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,997 HERE ARE THE RECEIPTS. 282 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,365 - OH, NO. 283 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,901 UM, GUYS, YOU BOUGHT THESE DRESSES OVER TWO WEEKS AGO. 284 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,436 IT'S TOO LATE TO RETURN THEM. 285 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,538 - SURELY THOSE SILLY RULES DON'T APPLY 286 00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:08,305 TO YOUR MOST VALUED CUSTOMERS. 287 00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:09,607 - I'M REALLY SORRY. 288 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,742 I CAN GIVE YOU SOME FREE SHOPPING BAGS, IF YOU WANT. 289 00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:14,712 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BOUGHT MY DRESS. 290 00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:17,081 - EXCUSE ME. YOU BOUGHT MY DRESS. 291 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,817 - GUYS, GUYS! STOP THE MADNESS. 292 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,520 IS A DRESS REALLY WORTH DESTROYING THE SACRED BOND 293 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,789 BETWEEN FASHION CLUB MEMBER AND FASHION CLUB MEMBER? 294 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:29,194 STOP YOUR FIGHTING BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. 295 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:32,297 - QUINN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 296 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:35,333 [loud electronic zapping] 297 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,638 [boys booing] 298 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,339 - KNOCK IT OFF, YOU LITTLE BRATS! 299 00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:44,909 - [booing] 300 00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,047 - WHO IS THIS? RITA? 301 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,015 [in high voice] MUST HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER. 302 00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,082 DAMN IT. 303 00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:53,951 [sighs] 304 00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:57,589 - NOW, PRENUP OR NO PRENUP, 305 00:10:57,591 --> 00:10:59,390 WITH A LITTLE CREATIVE ACCOUNTING, 306 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,992 I THINK WE CAN GET BRIAN TO TAKE A FAIRLY MODEST LUMP SUM. 307 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,461 - GOD, I HOPE SO. 308 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,596 HE'S CERTAINLY OLD ENOUGH TO BE EARNING HIS OWN MONEY. 309 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,966 - TELL ME ABOUT IT. - WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? 310 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,033 [phone rings] 311 00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:10,768 - OH, HI, ERIN. 312 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:11,769 UH-HUH. 313 00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:14,739 WHAT? THAT'S GREAT! BYE. 314 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,641 GUESS WHAT. THE DIVORCE IS OFF. 315 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,110 - BUT WE WERE HAVING SO MUCH FUN. 316 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,645 - COME ON, LET'S TELL MOM AND AUNT RITA. 317 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,346 - JUST ADMIT THAT EMPLOYMENT 318 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,248 HAS NEVER BEEN ONE OF YOUR STRONG SUITS. 319 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,650 - MOM, AUNT RITA. 320 00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:28,186 - EXCUSE ME, BUT I HAD MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO, 321 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,187 LIKE RAISE ERIN. 322 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,521 - ERIN'S 24, RITA. 323 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,789 - LISTEN! 324 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,258 BRIAN FLEW TO SWITZERLAND TO MAKE UP, 325 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:34,826 AND THEY'RE HAVING A SECOND HONEYMOON. 326 00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,894 - ON MOTHER'S CREDIT CARD, NO DOUBT. 327 00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,230 YOU KNOW, JAKE AND I BARELY HAD A FIRST HONEYMOON 328 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,599 BECAUSE WE HAD TO PAY FOR OUR OWN WEDDING. 329 00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,301 - AND THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MY FAULT? 330 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,869 - WELL, IF YOU HADN'T GONE OVER BUDGET 331 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,570 ON YOUR WEDDING SIX MONTHS BEFORE-- 332 00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:48,039 [doorbell rings] YOUR FIRST WEDDING. 333 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:50,608 - HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? 334 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:53,778 - $4,000 FOR A LIGHTED DANCE FLOOR! 335 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:54,945 - HELEN, DISCO WAS KING. 336 00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:56,147 - OH, JUST FINE. 337 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,815 - MOM BROKE EVERY RULE OF PARENTING, 338 00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,317 THE WAY SHE FAVORED YOU. 339 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:02,520 - IT'S JUST LIKE YOU TO DECLARE THE RULES FOR EVERYONE ELSE. 340 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:06,357 - OH, WHEN WILL IT STOP? WHEN? WHEN? 341 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:09,427 - CARE TO STEP AWAY FROM THE CROSSFIRE? 342 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,796 - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE? 343 00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:14,933 - LOOK, IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT ALL DAY. 344 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,368 I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO. 345 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,003 - UM, SORRY. 346 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,138 SO... 347 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,507 - I'D BETTER GO. 348 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,175 MOM MAY NEED AN EYEWITNESS 349 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,277 OR SOMEONE TO HAND HER THE MURDER WEAPON. 350 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,645 - DARIA. - WHAT? 351 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,847 - NOTHING. 352 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,250 [phone ringing] 353 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,250 - HELLO. 354 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,352 - DARIA? THANK GOD IT'S YOU. 355 00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:38,523 SO, UM, HAS THE EAGLE LANDED, OR IS IT THE CROW? 356 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,957 - AUNT RITA'S STILL HERE AND-- 357 00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,292 - DARIA, IS THAT YOUR FATHER? 358 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,293 - NO, NO, NO, NO! 359 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,629 - A LARGE PIZZA WITH EXTRA CHEESE. 360 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,698 GOT IT. THANKS FOR CALLING PIZZA PRINCE. 361 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:48,700 beep! 362 00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:49,734 - YOU'RE UP. 363 00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,168 - AWW. 364 00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:52,970 - WHERE IS YOUR FATHER, ANYWAY? 365 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,839 - JOHNNYCAKE FEST 3000. 366 00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,874 - GREAT. NOW JAKE'S RUN OFF. 367 00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:59,243 - DID YOU EVER THINK THAT HE MIGHT STICK AROUND MORE 368 00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:01,245 IF YOU WEREN'T SO PREOCCUPIED WITH WORK? 369 00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:02,747 - EXCUSE ME. 370 00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:07,018 THE ONLY WORK I'VE BEEN DOING AROUND HERE IS FOR YOU, DAMN IT! 371 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,352 [phone rings] 372 00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,888 - HELLO. - HI, AUNT AMY. 373 00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,732 - RITA, WE NEED TO TALK. 374 00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,300 - RELAX, I'M GOING HOME TO THE PAINT FUMES. 375 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,502 AND DON'T WORRY. 376 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,504 ERIN AND I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN. 377 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,140 - LOOK, I THINK WE BOTH SAID THINGS WE SHOULDN'T HAVE. 378 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,943 BUT FOR ONCE, LET'S NOT GO AWAY ANGRY, OKAY? 379 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,310 - I DON'T KNOW, HELEN. 380 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,679 - I'VE GOT AN IDEA. 381 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:38,215 LET'S BURY THE HATCHET AND, UM, BAKE SOME COOKIES. 382 00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:39,316 WHAT DO YOU SAY? 383 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,018 - COOKIES? FROM SCRATCH? 384 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:42,220 - MORE OR LESS. 385 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,222 CHOCOLATE CHIP OR PEANUT BUTTER? 386 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,090 - THE CHIPS ARE ALREADY IN IT, RIGHT? 387 00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,258 - OF COURSE. 388 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,826 I THINK. 389 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,027 [doorbell rings] 390 00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,495 - AUNT AMY? 391 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,364 - DARIA CALLED FOR REINFORCEMENTS. 392 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,266 HAVE YOUR MOTHER AND RITA KILLED EACH OTHER YET? 393 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,168 - ACTUALLY, THEY'RE IN THE KITCHEN MAKING COOKIES. 394 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,368 - NO. REALLY? 395 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,471 - YOU'RE CUTTING THOSE SLICES TOO THICK. 396 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,806 - THE PACKAGE SAYS 1/2 AN INCH. 397 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,173 THAT IS 1/2 AN INCH. 398 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:05,510 - OKAY, I JUST HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR COOKIES UNDERCOOKED. 399 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,744 - HERE. YOU CUT IT. 400 00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,345 I'M SURE YOU COULD DO A MUCH BETTER JOB 401 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,780 THAN LITTLE OLD USELESS ME. 402 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,716 - OH, PLEASE. YOU WEREN'T EVEN TRYING. 403 00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,352 YOU KNOW, IF YOU EVER PUT YOUR MIND TO ANYTHING-- 404 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,554 - WHY CAN'T THEY JUST GET ALONG? 405 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:17,856 - ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS. 406 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,525 THEY WERE BOTH EXPOSED TO EACH OTHER AS CHILDREN. 407 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,792 [knock at door] 408 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:22,860 - COME IN. 409 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,495 - THE CAVALRY HAS ARRIVED. 410 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,397 - OH, SPEAKING OF SOLDIER JUNK, DARIA, 411 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,931 GONE WITH THE WIND IS ON TONIGHT. 412 00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,033 WE SHOULD WATCH IT. 413 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,167 IT HAS THAT CIVIL WAR IN IT 414 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,602 YOU AND DAD ARE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT 415 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,137 PLUS THIS REALLY BIG FIRE. 416 00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,273 - FRANKLY, QUINN, I DON'T GIVE A CRAP. 417 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,241 - YOU DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE RIGHT NOW. 418 00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:38,709 OH, AND DID I TELL YOU 419 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,945 YOUR HAIR DOESN'T LOOK THAT BAD TODAY? BYE. 420 00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,914 - I KNOW SHE WANTS SOMETHING. 421 00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:45,049 - SO UPDATE? 422 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,083 - OKAY. 423 00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:47,818 MOM AND AUNT RITA ARE ON THE BRINK 424 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,587 OF MUTUALLY ASSURED DESTRUCTION, 425 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,222 QUINN'S OBVIOUSLY HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN, 426 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,491 AND DAD'S ON THE LAM. 427 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,227 - GEE, REMINDS ME OF MY CHILDHOOD. 428 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,428 YOU HOLDING UP OKAY? 429 00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:00,564 - WELL, MUCH AS I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT ERIN, 430 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:04,135 I CAN'T SAY MY 24-YEAR-OLD COUSIN'S NEAR DIVORCE 431 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:08,039 HAS LEFT ME EXACTLY OPTIMISTIC ABOUT LIFE'S POSSIBILITIES. 432 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,806 - SO THINGS ARE NOT GOING WELL 433 00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:11,175 WITH THAT GUY YOU'VE BEEN SEEING? 434 00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,277 - HUH? THAT'S GOING FINE, 435 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,513 EXCEPT HE WON'T STOP DROPPING BY 436 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:18,649 DURING THIS MULTIGENERATIONAL FAMILY CRISIS. 437 00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,451 HE REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE FACT 438 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,420 THAT I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR HIM NOW. 439 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:26,456 - HMM, MAYBE HE'S TRYING TO OFFER HIS TIME TO YOU. 440 00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,126 - HUH. MAYBE. 441 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,561 - COME ON; LET'S SEE HOW GOES THE BATTLE. 442 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,530 - EVEN IF I DID HAVE A JOB, 443 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,166 I'M SURE IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY MEET WITH YOUR APPROVAL. 444 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,535 - I GUESS WE'LL NEVER FIND THAT OUT, WILL WE? 445 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,604 - AH, ANOTHER KODAK MOMENT WITH THE BARKSDALES. 446 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,873 - AMY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 447 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,342 - OH, I THOUGHT I'D DRIVE A FEW HOURS, DROP BY, 448 00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,111 AND SEE IF YOU GUYS WERE HAVING THE SAME FIGHT 449 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,780 YOU'VE BEEN HAVING FOR 40 YEARS. 450 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,114 - HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? 451 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,516 YOU SPENT THE WHOLE TIME BARRICADED IN YOUR ROOM, 452 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,185 READING THOSE WEIRD RUSSIAN NOVELS. 453 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,955 - IT WAS BETTER THAN GETTING CAUGHT IN THE NONSTOP CROSSFIRE. 454 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,389 - OH, PLEASE. 455 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,091 YOU JUST USED US AS AN EXCUSE 456 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,427 TO AVOID ANY FAMILY RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER 457 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,228 SO YOU COULD DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU PLEASED. 458 00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,731 - AT LEAST I DIDN'T NURSE A CHILDHOOD GRUDGE 459 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,666 WELL INTO ADULTHOOD BECAUSE RITA WAS MOM'S FAVORITE. 460 00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:10,801 - I DID NOT! 461 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,302 - I WAS NOT. - YOU ARE TOO. 462 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,038 - SHE'S RIGHT. - I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP. 463 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,207 - MAYBE MOM WOULD GET ALONG BETTER WITH BOTH OF YOU 464 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,409 IF YOU EVER BOTHERED TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL. 465 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,610 - UM, MOM-- 466 00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,445 - WHY SHOULD WE, WHEN SHE'S NEVER OFFERED US 467 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:24,015 THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF ENCOURAGEMENT OR APPRECIATION? 468 00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,583 - THAT'S RIGHT! - I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP. 469 00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,452 - ENCOURAGEMENT? 470 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:30,020 YOU WITH YOUR GRADES AND YOUR EXTRA CREDIT AND YOUR AWARDS, 471 00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:31,655 YOU DIDN'T MAKE US LOOK LAZY ENOUGH. 472 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,924 YOU WANTED ENCOURAGEMENT TO DO MORE? 473 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,626 - [chuckles] - WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? 474 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:36,660 - SHE'S GOT A POINT. 475 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,229 - SHE CAN LAUGH IF SHE WANTS TO. 476 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,363 - OH, SO YOU THINK THAT-- 477 00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,631 - YOU'RE ALWAYS PICKING ON ME. 478 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:41,632 [all talking at once] 479 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,534 - HEY! 480 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:46,670 GEE, RITA, ARE YOU EVER GONNA GET A JOB? 481 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:49,907 WHY SHOULD I, HELEN, WHEN YOU WON'T PAY ATTENTION TO MOTHER? 482 00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,842 AND YOU, AMY, WHO ASKED YOU? 483 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,245 - YEAH, YOU HAD A DANCE FLOOR AT YOUR WEDDING! 484 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:56,014 - YOU'RE A SHOWOFF AND A KNOW-IT-ALL. 485 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,282 - YOU JUST HIDE IN YOUR ROOM LIKE A KERMIT. 486 00:16:58,284 --> 00:16:59,450 - MOM LIKES YOU BETTER. 487 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,985 - THAT'S BECAUSE I CALL HER BETTER. 488 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:04,422 - OH, RITA. - HELEN. 489 00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:05,889 - I'M SORRY. 490 00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:07,691 - ME TOO. OHH. 491 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:08,792 [both laughing] 492 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:09,960 OHH. 493 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,929 - WHY ARE YOU HERE, AMY? 494 00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,964 - DARIA ASKED ME TO COME MEDIATE, 495 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,933 ALTHOUGH PERHAPS THAT'S SOMETHING 496 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,635 SHE'S BETTER AT THAN I AM. 497 00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:20,338 - OH, AMY. - COME HERE. 498 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,975 - I BLAME YOU FOR THIS. 499 00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:26,777 - DID YOU DECIDE ABOUT GONE WITH THE WIND? 500 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,815 - SO THEN, AFTER AUNT AMY ARRIVED TO SAVE THE DAY 501 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:33,550 AND WITHIN THREE MINUTES, IT TOTALLY REGRESSED 502 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,720 INTO THE SAME PRESCHOOL ENCOUNTER GROUP AS HER SISTERS, 503 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,991 QUINN AND I HAD TO TAKE MATTERS INTO OUR OWN HANDS. 504 00:17:39,993 --> 00:17:42,126 - WOW, GROWING UP IN A REPRESSED HOUSEHOLD 505 00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:43,760 IS SO BORING NEXT TO THIS STUFF. 506 00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,997 WE ALWAYS HAVE TO PRETEND PROBLEMS DON'T EXIST. 507 00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:48,499 GETS PRETTY INCONVENIENT WHEN THERE ARE ODORS INVOLVED. 508 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:52,470 - YES, AND SPEAKING OF PRETENDING PROBLEMS DON'T EXIST, 509 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:55,606 SORRY FOR GIVING YOU THE SHORT END OF THE STICK THIS WEEK. 510 00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,141 - HEY, YOU WERE BUSY REFEREEING. 511 00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:58,509 I UNDERSTAND. 512 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,278 - ACTUALLY, I THINK MY COUSIN'S LITTLE MARITAL CRISIS 513 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,582 MADE ME FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND THING. 514 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,717 DOES THAT FREAK YOU OUT AND SCARE YOU? 515 00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:08,219 - NO, I GUESS I COULD SEE THAT. 516 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,320 - THANKS. 517 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,788 - ANYWAY, WHAT ABOUT A MOVIE TONIGHT? 518 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,390 - I CAN'T. 519 00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:14,792 I PROMISED QUINN I'D WATCH GONE WITH THE WIND WITH HER. 520 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:17,861 - [laughing] 521 00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:19,897 OKAY, THAT FREAKS ME OUT AND SCARES ME. 522 00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,899 - PRAY FOR ME. 523 00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,235 - AS PRESIDENT OF THE FASHION CLUB, 524 00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:26,470 I AM PUTTING YOU BOTH ON SUSPENSION 525 00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:29,540 FOR FAILING TO DO A WARDROBE CHECK BEFORE LEAVING HOME 526 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,243 AND THUS APPEARING IN THE SAME DRESS ON THE SAME DAY. 527 00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,411 - BUT, SANDI, YOU CAN'T SUSPEND ME. 528 00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:36,581 IT'S NOT FAIR! [gasps] 529 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:39,917 - MY DRESS--IT'S RUINED. 530 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,552 - OH, TIFFANY, I AM SO SORRY. 531 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,587 IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 532 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,321 - SURE IT WAS, STACY. 533 00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:46,891 SHE'LL NEVER GET THAT GRAPE SODA OUT. 534 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,527 THIS CALLS FOR SEVERE DISCIPLINARY ACTION. 535 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,695 - BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO. I SWEAR! 536 00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,564 I'LL GIVE YOU MY DRESS TO PROVE IT. 537 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,966 - YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME? 538 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,668 - OF COURSE. YOU'RE MY FRIEND. 539 00:18:57,670 --> 00:19:00,237 - OH, STACY. 540 00:19:00,239 --> 00:19:03,774 OH, THAT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA. 541 00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:08,346 - [sniffs] THAT MOVIE WAS SO SAD. 542 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,815 - I KNOW IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE CRYING. 543 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,984 UM, QUINN, THERE'S SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU 544 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,319 OTHER THAN THE SAGA 545 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,855 OF OUR FAIR NATION BEING TORN APART, ISN'T THERE? 546 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:18,989 - NO. 547 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,759 - I ONLY ASK BECAUSE I FINALLY REALIZED 548 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,661 ALL THAT STUFF GOING ON HERE THIS WEEK 549 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,196 WAS MAKING ME ACT STRANGELY TOWARD TOM, 550 00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:30,034 SO MAYBE YOU'RE HAVING A SIMILAR UNANTICIPATED REACTION, 551 00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:33,638 SUCH AS, OH, WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH ME? 552 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,639 [phone rings] 553 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,674 HELLO. OH, HI, DAD. 554 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,943 THE PIGEONS ARE AT REST. 555 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,845 - DARIA, YOU DON'T THINK WE'LL END UP 556 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,479 HAVING THE SAME FIGHT OVER AND OVER AGAIN 557 00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:43,614 FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES, 558 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,348 THE WAY MOM AND AUNT RITA DO, DO YOU? 559 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,350 - NO, WE'LL USE WEAPONS. 560 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,586 - DON'T SAY THAT. 561 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,854 - I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL. 562 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,056 THE ONLY WEAPON I'LL USE AGAINST YOU 563 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,124 WILL BE MY WINNING PERSONALITY, 564 00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:56,393 AND THE ONLY WEAPON YOU'LL USE AGAINST ME 565 00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:58,296 WILL BE YOUR MERCILESS SILENT TREATMENT. 566 00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,432 - SILENT TREATMENT? I NEVER-- 567 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,801 HAH. DEAL. 568 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,036 - "THE PIGEONS ARE AT REST." 569 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,705 THAT MEANS IT'S SAFE, DOESN'T IT? 570 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,040 NO, "THE EAGLE HAS LANDED" MEANS IT'S SAFE, 571 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,842 OR WAS THAT A CONDOR? 572 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:15,012 DAMN IT, I CAN'T SLEEP IN HERE AGAIN TONIGHT! 573 00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,980 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 574 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:24,855 ♪ ♪ 575 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,362 - ♪ LA-LA, LA ♪ 576 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:34,731 ♪ ♪ 577 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,266 ♪ LA-LA, LA ♪ 578 00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:39,437 ♪ ♪ 579 00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,771 ♪ LA-LA, LA ♪ 580 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,773 ♪ ♪