1
00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:06,238
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
2
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- THIS LOOKS WELL-BALANCED.
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- EW, THIS IS LIKE THAT MOVIE
ANGELA'S ASHTRAY.
4
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- JAKE, DID YOU FORGET
TO BUY LASAGNA?
5
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- WE ARE THROUGH
PAYING THROUGH THE NOSE
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FOR SECOND-RATE FROZEN FOOD.
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- THAT'S A RELIEF.
8
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THE COINS WERE MAKING
MY NOSTRILS BLEED.
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- THANKS TO BASEMENT BOB'S
BULK RATE STEAK AND SAUSAGE.COM,
10
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TONIGHT WE LUXURIATE
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IN THE MAJESTY
OF NEAR WHOLESALE PRIME RIB.
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- WHAT? IF THE FASHION CLUB
FINDS OUT I'M EATING BULK RATE--
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- OR EATING AT ALL.
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- DAMN IT,
15
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WE'VE GOT FOUR MOUTHS TO FEED.
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FOOD COSTS MONEY.
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- I KNEW IT!
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- BUT DARIA WILL BE AWAY
AT COLLEGE SOON,
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AND THEN THERE WILL ONLY BE
THREE MOUTHS TO FEED.
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- YES, I'M SURE
THE SUDDEN WINDFALL
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WILL MORE THAN MAKE UP
FOR TUITION, ROOM, AND BOARD.
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- TUITION?
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OH, GOD!
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- DARIA, I KNOW;
WHY DON'T YOU GET
25
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ONE OF THOSE SCHOLARSHIP
THINGIES?
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- WHY, QUINN,
THAT'S AN EXCELLENT IDEA.
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- YEAH, IF ONLY THEY
DIDN'T GIVE THEM
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TO PEOPLE WITH WELL-ROUNDED,
BALANCED INTERESTS.
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YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY ELSE.
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[doorbell rings]
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- THAT MUST BE THE PRIME RIB.
32
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- I JUST ASSUMED
IT WOULD BE DEAD.
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AND HERE IT IS
RINGING THE DOORBELL.
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- YOU KNOW, DARIA,
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THERE ARE SCHOLARSHIPS
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EXCLUSIVELY
FOR ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT.
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WINNING ONE OF THOSE
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COULD MAKE UP FOR YOUR LACK
OF EXTRACURRICULARS
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COME COLLEGE ADMISSIONS TIME.
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IT WOULDN'T HURT
TO LOOK INTO IT, RIGHT?
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- [grunting]
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ALL RIGHT!
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FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS.
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HUH?
45
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- EW.
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THEY LOOK LIKE HOT DOGS.
47
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- MANY HOT DOGS.
48
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- HEY, THAT'S NOT
WHAT I ORDERED.
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- JAKE!
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- WAIT, HEY, MEAT GUY!
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COME BACK HERE!
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- CRIMINALS BEWARE.
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THIS DETECTIVE WON'T TALK,
BUT YOU WILL.
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MIME AND PUNISHMENT NEXT,
ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
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00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,739
- I DON'T LIKE
WHERE THIS IS GOING.
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- I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING YET.
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- SO THERE'S STILL TIME TO FLEE?
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- LOOK, DARIA,
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THE MORE I THINK ABOUT APPLYING
FOR AN ACADEMIC SCHOLARSHIP,
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THE MORE I LIKE IT.
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THERE'S ALMOST NOTHING
ON YOUR HIGH SCHOOL RECORD
62
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TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE MOTIVATED
AND INVOLVED.
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- COULD THAT BE BECAUSE I'M NOT?
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- DARIA, ARE YOU TELLING ME
YOU DON'T PLAN TO GO TO COLLEGE?
65
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- OF COURSE I DO.
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- THEN ARE YOU TELLING ME
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YOU DON'T WANT YOUR CHOICE
OF SCHOOLS?
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THEN PROMISE ME
YOU'LL AT LEAST LOOK INTO
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SOME KIND OF PRIZE
OR SCHOLARSHIP, OKAY?
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NOT FOR ME, NOT FOR YOUR FATHER;
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FOR YOU.
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- [sighs]
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ALL RIGHT.
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DAMN.
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THESE SCHOLARSHIP FOUNDATIONS
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ALL WANT YOU TO BE
AN EXPERT IN SOMETHING:
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"CONCERT VIOLINIST,"
"NATIONALLY RANKED GYMNAST,"
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"PUBLISHED AUTHOR."
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- GOD, DARIA, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN
DOING ALL THIS TIME?
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ACTING LIKE A TEENAGER?
81
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,988
- HEY, HERE'S ONE FOR YOU.
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"HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANYTHING
SHOWN IN A MUSEUM?"
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REGIONAL'S OKAY.
84
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- YEAH, LIKE I'M GONNA FILL OUT
A FIVE-POUND APPLICATION
85
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AND KISS THE BUTTS
OF SOME REVIEW BOARD
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JUST FOR A FEW THOUSAND BUCKS
TO GO TO A SCHOOL
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THAT I'LL PROBABLY HATE ANYWAY.
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UM, NOT THAT YOU
SHOULDN'T DO IT.
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- HMM.
90
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,572
HERE'S SOMETHING.
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00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:57,409
"THE WIZARD FOUNDATION
WILL AWARD A $10,000 PRIZE
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"TO THE STUDENT
WHO BEST EMBODIES
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THE WIZARD PURSUIT
OF EXCELLENCE."
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YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIRE
THEIR VAGUENESS.
95
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,116
- "THE PURSUIT OF EXCELLENCE."
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00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,752
SO YOU DON'T
HAVE TO ACTUALLY CATCH IT?
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- GREAT.
98
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:08,954
THERE'S AN ESSAY.
99
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:11,256
"HOW WOULD YOU CHANGE
THE WORLD IF YOU COULD?"
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I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE TAPED
THE MISS AMERICA PAGEANT.
101
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,962
- WELL, IF YOU NEED ANY
ILLUSTRATIONS FOR YOUR ESSAY,
102
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I'M PRETTY GOOD
AT PAINTING MUSHROOM CLOUDS.
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- HEY, DARIA.
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I KNOW I'M CRAZY TO ASK,
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00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,602
BUT ONE OF THE PAPER'S
EDITORS QUIT.
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COULD YOU USE ANOTHER
EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY
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FOR YOUR TRANSCRIPT?
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- TECHNICALLY, NO,
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SINCE "ANOTHER" IMPLIES
I HAVE ANY TO BEGIN WITH.
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- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
ABOUT YOUR COLLEGE APPLICATIONS?
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- GEE, HOW REFRESHING.
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A LECTURE FROM A FELLOW STUDENT
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JUST LIKE THE ONES I GET
FROM MY MOTHER.
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THANKS TO HER,
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I SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT
ON THE WEB
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LOOKING INTO SCHOLARSHIPS.
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- REALLY?
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FIND ANYTHING?
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- THE CLOSEST I CAME WAS
THE WIZARD FOUNDATION PRIZE.
120
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- THE SOFTWARE COMPANY?
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- JUST TO APPLY
122
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THEY MAKE YOU FILL OUT A FORM
AND WRITE AN ESSAY.
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- UM, DARIA, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH
PAR FOR THE COURSE.
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- DARN.
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00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:01,640
I GUESS THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS A FREE $10,000.
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- HMM, WELL, GOOD LUCK.
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- IF I ACTUALLY FOLLOW THROUGH.
128
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BUT I'M HOPING TO COME
129
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TO MY SENSES
BEFORE THAT HAPPENS.
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"IN SUM, MY WORLD WOULD BE
MADE FAIR
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"THROUGH THE SIMPLE STEP
OF ELIMINATING ALL MONEY.
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"POLITICIANS COULD SERVE
THE PEOPLE THEY REPRESENT
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"INSTEAD OF THE ONES PAYING
FOR THEIR ATTACK ADS.
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"CEOs COULD STOP FOULING
THE PLANET
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"AND CHEATING THEIR WORKERS
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"JUST TO KEEP
THEIR STOCK PRICES PUMPED,
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"AND OF COURSE,
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"PROMISING YOUNG STUDENTS,
SUCH AS MYSELF,
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"COULD ACTUALLY STUDY
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"INSTEAD OF SPENDING THEIR TIME
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GROVELING IN SCHOLARSHIP
ESSAYS."
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- WOW, YOU'RE REALLY GONNA
SEND THAT IT?
143
00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:39,311
- WHY WOULDN'T I?
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- THE WHOLE POINT
OF THESE SCHOLARSHIPS
145
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IS TO SHOW HOW MARVELOUSLY
WELL-ADJUSTED YOU ARE.
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YOU'RE COMING OFF
ALL OBSERVANT AND HONEST.
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YOU KNOW, ANTISOCIAL.
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- LOOK, THIS IS HOW I WRITE.
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I WOULDN'T WANT TO GET THE PRIZE
BASED ON SOME PHONY ESSAY
150
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AND PHONY PERSONALITY.
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WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
152
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- THE UMBILICAL CORD,
153
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SINCE YOU WERE OBVIOUSLY
BORN YESTERDAY.
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- DARIA, DID I HEAR YOU READING
YOUR SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY?
155
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:06,405
- JUDGING BY HOW CALM YOU ARE,
I'D SAY, NO, YOU DIDN'T.
156
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,706
- DARIA--
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- YOU GIRLS READY
FOR SOME MORE HOT DOG SLICES?
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- UM, THANKS, MR. MORGENDORFFER.
159
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,912
BUT I THINK I'M JUST EXACTLY
AS WOOZY AS I WANT TO BE.
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- HEY, HONEY.
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HOW DOES HOT DOG JALAPEÑO HOTTIE
SOUND FOR TONIGHT?
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- KIND OF LIKE THE SOUND
OF FOUR PEOPLE RACING
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TO BEAT EACH OTHER
TO THE BATHROOM.
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- JAKE, SEND THOSE
HOT DOGS BACK.
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- I CAN'T.
166
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I BROKE THE SEAL.
167
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- BUT THEY MADE THE MISTAKE.
168
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- WELL, IF YOU WANT
TO GET TECHNICAL ABOUT IT,
169
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I MADE THE MISTAKE.
170
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I KIND OF TYPED IN THE WRONG
PRODUCT NUMBER.
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DAMN FUZZY COMPUTER SCREEN.
172
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- YES, YOU CAN EAT OVER.
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- IS THIS WHAT YOU
IN THE LEGAL PROFESSION
174
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REFER TO AS "DISCOVERY"?
175
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- UM, THIS IS FOR YOU.
176
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IT'S FROM THE WIZARD FOUNDATION.
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I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU'D ALREADY
SENT IN THE APPLICATION.
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- YOU WEREN'T MEANT TO.
179
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,155
OH, GREAT.
180
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,291
NOW I HAVE TO BE INTERVIEWED
BY THESE PEOPLE.
181
00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:01,360
- DARIA, YOU GOT AN INTERVIEW?
182
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:04,363
- YEAH, ME AND 99
OTHER FINALISTS.
183
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:06,131
TALK ABOUT FEELING SPECIAL.
184
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,499
- BUT YOU SHOULD FEEL SPECIAL.
185
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,699
YOU'RE A FINALIST.
186
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:09,768
YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY.
187
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,702
- BESIDES, EVEN MAKING IT
THIS FAR
188
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WILL IMPRESS
A COLLEGE ADMISSIONS BOARD.
189
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:15,774
IT MEANS THE WIZARD FOUNDATION'S
RECOGNIZED
190
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,708
WHAT A UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL
YOU ARE.
191
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,709
- HUH.
192
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,879
WHY DOES THIS SAY "OCCUPANT"?
193
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,682
- HEY, DARIA,
WHAT'S UP?
194
00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:28,386
- ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW THAT WIZARD
SCHOLARSHIP I TOLD YOU ABOUT?
195
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:29,787
I MADE THE FINALS.
196
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,456
- THAT'S GREAT;
SO DID I.
197
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,691
- YOU APPLIED?
198
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,526
- YEAH, THANKS FOR LETTING ME
KNOW ABOUT IT.
199
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:35,894
- LETTING YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?
200
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:39,297
- COLLEAGUES, CONFRERES,
AMICOS DI SCOLASTICO.
201
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,666
- GEE, TRILINGUAL OBNOXIOUSNESS.
202
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:43,634
- I SEE FROM THIS LIST
THAT I DOWNLOADED
203
00:06:43,636 --> 00:06:45,436
THAT WE'VE ALL BEEN
DEEMED WORTHY OF THE TITLE
204
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:47,839
"WIZARD FOUNDATION FINALIST."
205
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,941
AND I, FOR ONE,
AM BASKING IN THE GLOW
206
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,110
OF YOU TWO LOVELY LADIES,
207
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,312
NOT TO MENTION
MY OWN LUMINESCENCE.
208
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,713
[growling]
209
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:58,049
- HOW MANY PEOPLE DID YOU TELL
ABOUT THIS SCHOLARSHIP?
210
00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,283
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
211
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:01,519
THE FEWER PEOPLE WHO KNOW
ABOUT THIS, THE BETTER.
212
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:02,620
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
213
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:04,022
I'M KIND OF SURPRISED
YOU APPLIED,
214
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,423
WHAT WITH THE WAY
YOU WERE TALKING.
215
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,491
- HMM, SURPRISE, SURPRISE.
216
00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:10,462
- YEAH, WELL, NO HARD FEELINGS,
RIGHT?
217
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:12,230
- WHY WOULD YOU HAVE ANY?
218
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:23,341
- DID YOU KNOW THAT THINLY
SLICED FRIED WIENERS
219
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,376
ARE A FUN AND PROTEINACEOUS
PARTY FOOD?
220
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:26,611
- DARIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
221
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,312
TO PREPARE
FOR THE WIZARD INTERVIEW?
222
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:29,447
- NOTHING.
223
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,316
WITH AMERICA'S STUDIOUS
SWEETHEART,
224
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,184
JODIE LANGDON,
IN THE COMPETITION,
225
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,819
I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
226
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,054
- JODIE APPLIED TOO?
227
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,290
- AFTER SHE HEARD
ABOUT IT FROM ME.
228
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,025
- WELL, IT'S A DOG-EAT-DOG
WORLD.
229
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,560
YOU MIGHT AS WELL
GET USED TO IT.
230
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:45,230
- GEE, I DON'T THINK I COULD GET
ANY MORE USED TO EATING DOGS
231
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:48,633
THAN I AM RIGHT NOW.
232
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,535
- I MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH COMPETITION
233
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:52,436
AS LONG AS YOU RISE
TO THE OCCASION,
234
00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:54,139
EVEN IF YOU NEED
A LITTLE OUTSIDE HELP.
235
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,474
- OKAY, THAT WAS SHOE
NUMBER ONE.
236
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,409
- I JUST HAPPENED TO HEAR
ABOUT A COACH
237
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,211
WHO COULD HELP YOU PREPARE
FOR THE INTERVIEW.
238
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,080
- WHAT A MAD COINCIDENCE.
239
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:03,982
- A COUPLE OF SESSIONS
WITH DR. DANADA,
240
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,883
AND YOU'RE A GUARANTEED MASTER
241
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,086
OF SPECIAL INTERVIEWING
TECHNIQUES AND STRATEGIES.
242
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,488
- ISN'T HAVING SOMEONE
TELL YOU HOW TO ACT
243
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,889
AND WHAT TO SAY
CHEATING?
244
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,357
- HE'S JUST TEACHING YOU
245
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:16,027
WHAT YOU'D EVENTUALLY HAVE
LEARNED FROM EXPERIENCE ANYWAY.
246
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:19,230
- YOU MEAN THAT A SCHOLARSHIP
SUPPOSEDLY BASED ON MERIT
247
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,298
CAN BE BOUGHT?
248
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:24,769
- FEISTY LADY.
249
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:27,471
- NO, I WON'T SHOW YOU
MY BELLY BUTTON.
250
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,574
- HMM, THEN PERHAPS
YOU CAN ENLIGHTEN ME
251
00:08:29,576 --> 00:08:30,742
ON SOME OF THE SPECIAL EFFECTS
252
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,510
YOU'RE PLANNING
FOR YOUR WIZARD INTERVIEW:
253
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:36,047
ACCOMPANYING VISUALS,
CHARTS, GRAPHS, DANCING ANIMALS?
254
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:40,151
- SORRY, IT'S JUST GONNA BE ME
AND THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR.
255
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:43,021
- YOU KNOW, SINCE WE ARE
IN THE COMPETITION TOGETHER--
256
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,689
- ACTUALLY,
WE'RE IN IT SEPARATELY.
257
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:45,857
- TECHNICALLY.
258
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,926
- BUT WE CAN STILL
HELP ONE ANOTHER, SAY,
259
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,428
BY SWAPPING ESSAYS TO GAIN
A BROADER PERSPECTIVE
260
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,462
ON WHAT THEY LIKE?
261
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,497
- NOT INTERESTED.
262
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:53,498
THANKS.
263
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,565
DRIVE HOME SAFE.
264
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,801
- OH, TART-TONGUED TEMPTRESS.
265
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,002
IF YOU HELP ME,
266
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,271
I MIGHT AFFORD YOU
AN OPPORTUNITY TO INVEST
267
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,906
IN MY DOT-COM COMPANY.
268
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:03,341
- YOU'VE STARTED A DOT-COM?
269
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,410
- A MODEST EXOTIC
CANDIES VENTURE,
270
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,613
NOT UNLIKE THE SMALL BUSINESS
THAT WIZARD'S ILLUSTRIOUS CEO,
271
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:11,149
MARK STRONG,
BEGAN IN HIS HIGH SCHOOL DAYS.
272
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,485
CARE FOR A WASABI GUMMY FISH
IMPORTED FROM TOKYO?
273
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:17,188
IT'S JUST THE KIND MR. STRONG
HAPPENS TO ENJOY.
274
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,489
- HOW DO YOU KNOW?
275
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,758
- EXTENSIVE RESEARCH
INTO HIS LIKES AND DISLIKES
276
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,626
AND THE ORDER HE'S ALREADY
PLACED ON MY SITE.
277
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,364
- SO IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU WERE RIGHT.
278
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:30,234
BETWEEN SUPER-JODIE
AND WWW UPCHUCK,
279
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,604
THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA WIN
THAT SCHOLARSHIP
280
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:36,007
WITHOUT SOME KIND OF HIGHLY
UNCHARACTERISTIC BUTT KISSING.
281
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,776
- OH, I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND
A CHARACTERISTIC WAY TO DO IT.
282
00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:39,877
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
283
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,713
- NOTHING;
YOU GONNA EAT THAT?
284
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:44,148
- DON'T YOU THINK I'M
IN A LOUSY POSITION?
285
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,283
- SURE, SURE.
286
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,152
I JUST CAN'T GET
WORKED UP ABOUT IT.
287
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,153
THAT'S ALL.
288
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,387
- HEY, GUYS;
MIND IF I JOIN YOU?
289
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,755
- THE MORE, THE MERRIER.
290
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,457
THAT'S YOUR MOTTO, ISN'T IT?
291
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,392
- LOOK, I DIDN'T DO
ANYTHING WRONG.
292
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,194
THAT SCHOLARSHIP IS OPEN
TO EVERYONE,
293
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,396
AND YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T EVEN
THINK YOU WERE GONNA APPLY.
294
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,598
WHY CAN'T WE JUST HOPE
ONE OF US GETS A BREAK?
295
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,434
- GEE, WHICH ONE OF US
DO YOU HOPE GETS A BREAK?
296
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,170
- LET'S LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD.
297
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,605
MY DAD FOUND A COACH WHO PREPS
PEOPLE FOR INTERVIEWS,
298
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,039
AND I WANTED YOU
TO KNOW ABOUT IT.
299
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,675
HERE'S HIS CARD.
300
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,110
- DR. DANADA.
301
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,244
OF COURSE.
302
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:16,714
I ALREADY KNEW ABOUT HIM,
BUT THANKS.
303
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:17,915
- OH, A COACH.
304
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,384
THAT SOUNDS FAIR
TO EVERYBODY ELSE.
305
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,885
- IS SOMETHING BUGGING YOU?
306
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,220
- NOT A BIT.
307
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,055
I THINK AFTER SCHOOL
I'LL GO HOME, SURF THE WEB,
308
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,191
SEE IF THERE ARE ANY
SCHOLARSHIPS FOR UNDERACHIEVERS.
309
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,625
AT LEAST I'LL KNOW
I'M NOT COMPETING
310
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,226
WITH ANYONE WHO WAS COACHED.
311
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,528
- SHE ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE YOU.
312
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:34,098
- DOES THAT MEAN I'VE BEEN
SOUNDING LIKE YOU?
313
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,366
- HI!
314
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,835
- IF ANY OF US STARTS
TO SOUND LIKE HER,
315
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,570
IT'S TIME TO PANIC.
316
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:40,771
[doorbell rings]
317
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:41,839
- HI, MR. MORGENDORFFER.
318
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:42,841
I'M HERE TO SEE DARIA.
319
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,108
- SURE THING.
320
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:47,245
BUT FIRST, CARE FOR
A CARAMEL POP POPCORN DOG?
321
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,613
- UM, THANKS.
322
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,682
- YOU KNOW, I COULD BE
ON TO SOMETHING HERE.
323
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:53,218
A PUSHCART, A NICE BIG UMBRELLA,
AND HEY,
324
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,385
I'M OPEN FOR BUSINESS.
325
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,955
- I'VE GOT TO HELP DARIA
326
00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,591
PREPARE
FOR HER INTERVIEW NOW.
327
00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:00,959
- WHY, GOD?
328
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:05,162
WHY ARE THOSE COMPUTER SCREENS
SO DAMN HARD TO READ?
329
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,965
- HEY, THANKS
FOR HELPING ME OUT.
330
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,400
- I JUST HOPE THIS LITTLE
RUN-THROUGH
331
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,668
WILL BE ENOUGH TO DO ANY GOOD.
332
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,770
- OKAY, NOW,
I'M A HUMORLESS SUIT
333
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:14,105
FROM THE WIZARD FOUNDATION.
334
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,740
AND YOU'RE SOME JADED
HIGH SCHOOL SNOT;
335
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:16,740
IN OTHER WORDS, YOU.
336
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:18,076
- HOW FLATTERING.
337
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,310
- ALL RIGHT, DARIA.
338
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,045
LET'S SAY WE HIRE YOU
TO WORK AT WIZARD.
339
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:22,446
NOT VERY LIKELY, BUT HEY.
340
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,916
NOW, YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT
IS TO FIRE HALF YOUR EMPLOYEES.
341
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,051
DO YOU, "A," FIRE BY LOTTERY,
342
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:29,186
"B," FIRE BY SENIORITY,
343
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:31,689
OR "C," JUST GET RID
OF ANY WOMEN AND MINORITIES
344
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,390
WHO HAPPEN TO HAVE
SNUCK THROUGH THE GATES?
345
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,892
- OKAY, THANKS, TOM.
346
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,194
VERY HELPFUL.
347
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,196
- I'M TRYING TO REPRESENT
WIZARD ACCURATELY
348
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,997
SO YOU'LL BE COMFORTABLE
WITH THE FACE OF EVIL
349
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,332
WHEN IT STARES INTO YOUR SOUL.
350
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,900
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
351
00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:45,102
- YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT THEIR
HIRING POLICIES, HAVEN'T YOU?
352
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:48,440
- I MUST HAVE FALLEN BEHIND
IN MY ANNUAL REPORTS AGAIN.
353
00:11:48,442 --> 00:11:51,342
- SO THEN YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THEIR MEASLY TWO WOMEN VPs
354
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,712
AND ONE AFRICAN-AMERICAN
IN SENIOR MANAGEMENT.
355
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:54,879
- REALLY?
356
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,881
I WONDER IF JODIE'S
HEARD ABOUT THIS.
357
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,148
- THAT'S IT?
358
00:11:58,150 --> 00:11:59,717
NO RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION?
359
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,853
NO PROTESTING
OF SEXISM AND RACISM?
360
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,421
THIS IS WHERE
YOU USUALLY LEAP UP
361
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:06,658
AND SWEAR YOU WON'T BE CO-OPTED
BY THESE BOTTOM-FEEDING WEASELS.
362
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:08,426
- YEAH, IT IS.
363
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,361
- SO WHY AREN'T YOU LEAPING
AND SWEARING?
364
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:13,965
- UM, MY FOOT'S ASLEEP?
365
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,577
SO BASICALLY,
THEIR HIRING PRACTICES
366
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,879
AND EMPLOYEE RELATIONS
AREN'T THAT DIFFERENT
367
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,614
FROM THE KU KLUX KLAN'S,
368
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,549
IF YOU DISREGARD
THE DENTAL PLAN.
369
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,718
- WELL, YOU MAY BE OVERSTATING
THINGS A LITTLE.
370
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:34,919
BUT I GET YOUR POINT.
371
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,654
THEY'RE NOT WHAT
YOU'D CALL PROGRESSIVE.
372
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:37,822
- NOT PROGRESSIVE?
373
00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:38,890
- HEY, DARIA.
374
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,859
SUMMIT MEETING
OF THE WIZARD FINALISTS?
375
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,027
- DAD, DARIA FOUND OUT SOME
KIND OF QUESTIONABLE THINGS
376
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:44,929
ABOUT WIZARD'S
PERSONNEL POLICIES.
377
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:45,930
- [laughing]
NO KIDDING.
378
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,165
I GUESS YOU DIDN'T SEE
379
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,933
THE INTERVIEW WITH THEIR CEO
IN THE JOURNAL.
380
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,468
TALK ABOUT YOUR REDNECK
BILLIONAIRES.
381
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:51,903
[laughs]
382
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,538
- YOU ALREADY KNEW ABOUT THIS?
383
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:54,772
- THEY HAVEN'T PROMOTED
384
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,142
A WOMAN OR A MINORITY
IN THREE YEARS.
385
00:12:57,144 --> 00:13:00,211
- SO WHO BETTER TO WIN THE PRIZE
THAN A BRILLIANT YOUNG WOMAN,
386
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:03,148
ESPECIALLY IF IT TURNS OUT TO BE
A BRILLIANT YOUNG BLACK WOMAN?
387
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,149
- THAT IS A GOOD POINT.
388
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:05,550
- I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T WANT
389
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,385
TO HAVE ANYTHING
TO DO WITH WIZARD
390
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,553
ONCE YOU FOUND OUT.
391
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,087
- TRYING TO REDUCE
THE COMPETITION
392
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:11,722
BY GETTING ME TO DROP OUT, HUH?
393
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,992
- NO, I THOUGHT
WE'D BOTH DROP OUT.
394
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,593
- AND WHO WILL WIN
THE SCHOLARSHIP THEN?
395
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:16,594
- HUH?
396
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:17,928
- LOOK, DARIA.
397
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:20,098
WIZARD'S POLICIES HAVE BEEN
PREHISTORIC, YEAH.
398
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,266
BUT SOMEONE SOMEWHERE
IN THE ORGANIZATION
399
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,634
IS TRYING TO ADDRESS THAT,
400
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,703
OR THEY WOULDN'T HAVE CREATED
THIS PRIZE.
401
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:26,837
NOW, DO YOU WALK AWAY
402
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,539
BECAUSE THE GUY AT THE TOP
IS AN IDIOT,
403
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:29,707
OR DO YOU JOIN THE PEOPLE
404
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,609
TRYING TO CHANGE THE WAY
HE DOES BUSINESS?
405
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:34,778
- HOW DO I KNOW THEY'RE NOT JUST
TRYING TO MAKE HIM LOOK GOOD
406
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,881
WITHOUT ACTUALLY CHANGING
ANYTHING AT ALL?
407
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:39,784
- THEY WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING
AT ALL IF KIDS LIKE YOU TWO
408
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,285
DON'T PUSH YOUR WAY
ONTO THEIR RADAR
409
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:42,887
AND SHOW THEM THE ERROR
OF THEIR WAYS.
410
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:45,556
IF YOU DON'T GO UP TO THE GATE
AND RING THE BIG BELL,
411
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,659
THEY'VE KEPT YOU OUT WITHOUT
HAVING TO DO A THING.
412
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,627
RING THE BIG BELL, DARIA.
413
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,696
RING THE BIG BELL!
414
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,464
- BIG BELL?
415
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,966
- OKAY, SO MY DAD THINKS HE'S
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
416
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:56,967
OR QUASIMODO.
417
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,102
I'M NOT QUITE SURE.
418
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,337
LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO GO,
419
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,072
OR I'LL BE LATE
FOR MY COACHING SESSION.
420
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,806
DID YOU SIGN UP WITH
DR. DANADA YET?
421
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,579
- MAKE NO MISTAKE
ABOUT THIS, DARIA.
422
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:09,881
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.
423
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,949
THE KEY TO SCORING BIG
ON ANY INTERVIEW
424
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:13,084
IS KNOWING WHAT THEY WANT
425
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,552
AND THEN DELIVERING
THAT PRODUCT.
426
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,788
- I'M JUST PRAYING THAT THEY
WANT BULK-RATE HOT DOGS.
427
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,390
- DARIA, THE PRODUCT IS YOU.
428
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,659
SUCCESSFUL ALUMNI REFLECT WELL
ON COLLEGES AND FOUNDATIONS.
429
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:25,263
SO YOU NEED TO PROJECT "WINNER"
THE MINUTE YOU WALK IN THE DOOR.
430
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:26,530
DRESS FOR SUCCESS.
431
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:27,999
LOOK THAT INTERVIEWER
IN THE EYE,
432
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,034
AND DAZZLE HIM
WITH A MILLION-DOLLAR SMILE.
433
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,437
- SQUANDER
MY MILLION-DOLLAR SMILE
434
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,272
ON A $10,000 PRIZE?
435
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,472
THAT'S CRAZY TALK.
436
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:37,208
- DARIA, IF YOU DON'T MIND
MY SAYING SO,
437
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,111
YOU'RE GIVING OFF MIXED SIGNALS
ABOUT WANTING THIS AWARD.
438
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:42,079
YOU DO WANT THE SCHOLARSHIP?
439
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:45,816
- I GUESS, BUT NOT IF IT TAKES
DISHONESTY TO GET IT.
440
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,185
- IS IT DISHONEST TO SAY YOU'RE
DESERVING OF THE WIZARD PRIZE?
441
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:49,287
- SEE, NOW,
442
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,756
THAT SPEAKS DIRECTLY
TO THE AMBIGUITIES
443
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:52,757
AT ISSUE HERE.
444
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,858
THE PRIZE IS GIVEN
BY A COMPANY
445
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,994
WITH LESS THAN STELLAR ETHICS.
446
00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:59,764
SO WHICH WOULD MAKE ME MORE
DESERVING OF THE PRIZE,
447
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:02,399
ACTING ETHICALLY
OR ACTING UNETHICALLY?
448
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:06,271
- LET'S TALK ABOUT
WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO WEAR.
449
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:07,405
[bell ringing]
450
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,341
- SO BASICALLY,
DANADA WAS A COMPLETE WASTE
451
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:11,909
OF TIME AND MONEY.
452
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,078
I'LL NEVER LEARN
TO SUCK UP LIKE JODIE.
453
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,079
- YOU SHOULDN'T ANYWAY.
454
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,214
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
455
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,848
- YOU GOT TO BE YOURSELF
WHEN YOU SUCK UP.
456
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:19,417
- WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT?
457
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,119
MY WHOLE PROBLEM IS THAT
I'M NOT SUCKING UP.
458
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,519
- REALLY?
459
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,355
THEN WHY'D YOU GO TO THE COACH
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
460
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,389
FOR THAT MATTER,
461
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:26,790
WHY APPLY FOR A SCHOLARSHIP
AT ALL?
462
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,459
- WHAT?
463
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,060
- IT'S ALL PART
OF BUYING INTO THE SYSTEM,
464
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,095
AND BUYING INTO THE SYSTEM
465
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,563
IS ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING
"SUCKING UP."
466
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,398
- WHO MADE YOU
THE CHICAGO EIGHT?
467
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,601
THIS ISN'T THE WAY
YOU USUALLY THINK.
468
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,002
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT HOW I THINK?
469
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,303
JUST BECAUSE A PERSON
DOESN'T GO
470
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:40,705
AROUND APPLYING
FOR SCHOLARSHIPS
471
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,106
AND USING EVERY $10 WORD
THEY KNOW,
472
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,340
IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE STUPID.
473
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,275
- WHO SAID YOU WERE--
474
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:50,180
- MR. BROWER, ALLOW ME
475
00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:52,483
TO PERSONALLY WELCOME YOU
TO LAWNDALE HIGH.
476
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:53,751
WE ARE VERY HAPPY
477
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,087
TO HAVE THREE FINALISTS
FOR THE WIZARD SCHOLARSHIP.
478
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:59,456
WE'LL TALK LATER ABOUT SOME
OF YOUR SURVEILLANCE SOFTWARE.
479
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:00,491
- LET'S BEGIN.
480
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:01,592
MISS LANGDON,
481
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,193
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
ARE YOUR STRENGTHS
482
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:04,829
AS A STUDENT AND A HUMAN BEING?
483
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,097
- THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
484
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,866
MY STRENGTHS ARE THAT I QUESTION
AND I CARE.
485
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,368
AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO GO FOR IT
WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND SOUL.
486
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,438
- MR. RUTTHEIMER,
487
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,839
YOUR STRENGTHS?
488
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:17,442
- ASIDE FROM MY FAR-FLUNG
REPUTATION AS A PEOPLE PERSON,
489
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:21,012
I'D SAY MY STRENGTHS INCLUDE
A DARING ENTREPRENEURIAL BENT
490
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:24,082
COUPLED WITH AN UNQUENCHABLE
NEED TO SUCCEED.
491
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,148
NICE TIE, BY THE WAY.
492
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:27,985
- MISS MORGENDORFFER?
493
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,853
- I WOULD SAY
THAT MY MAIN STRENGTH
494
00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:32,023
IS THAT I DON'T BABBLE.
495
00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:34,691
- UM, MISS LANGDON,
496
00:16:34,693 --> 00:16:36,493
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
497
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,028
- I BELIEVE MY GREATEST WEAKNESS
498
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:39,329
IS THAT SOMETIMES
I CARE TOO MUCH
499
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,330
AND TRY TOO HARD.
500
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,532
AND AS A CONSEQUENCE,
501
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,801
I DON'T ALWAYS TAKE TIME
TO SMELL THE ROSES.
502
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,102
- [sighs]
503
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:46,270
- TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
504
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:49,006
I HAVE A WEAKNESS
FOR WASABI GUMMY FISH.
505
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,141
CARE FOR ONE?
506
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:52,977
- MY MAIN WEAKNESS
507
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,813
IS MY INABILITY
TO ANSWER STOCK QUESTIONS
508
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,281
WITH STOCK ANSWERS.
509
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,253
NOW, FOR MY LAST QUESTION,
510
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,422
WHY DO YOU DESERVE
THE WIZARD SCHOLARSHIP,
511
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:05,455
MISS LANGDON?
512
00:17:05,457 --> 00:17:07,525
- MR. BROWER,
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF,
513
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,460
AND I HOPE TO ACHIEVE
A LOT IN THIS WORLD
514
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,928
AND THEN USE EVERYTHING
I'VE LEARNED
515
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,396
TO GIVE BACK TO MY COMMUNITY
516
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:15,232
THE WAY WIZARD IS DOING NOW
WITH THIS WONDERFUL SCHOLARSHIP.
517
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:16,667
- MR. RUTTHEIMER?
518
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,135
- AWESOME QUESTION.
519
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,603
I WAS THINKING ABOUT JUST THAT
520
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,605
WHEN I STARTED
MY DOT-COM COMPANY.
521
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,474
BECAUSE I'M JUST THE KIND
OF GO-GETTER
522
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,809
THAT THE WIZARD SCHOLARSHIP
WAS CREATED FOR.
523
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:27,278
THANK YOU!
524
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,813
- [sighs]
525
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,080
MISS MORGENDORFFER,
526
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,216
WHY DO YOU DESERVE
THE WIZARD SCHOLARSHIP?
527
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,586
- WHETHER OR NOT I DESERVE
ANYTHING IS IRRELEVANT.
528
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,955
ASSUMING YOU RUN YOUR
SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM
529
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,990
THE SAME WAY YOU RUN
YOUR COMPANY,
530
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,693
SINCE THE TOKEN WOMEN
AND MINORITIES YOU HIRE
531
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,962
RARELY MOVE
INTO UPPER MANAGEMENT
532
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:47,431
AND SINCE I WON'T GIVE
THE ANSWERS YOU WANT TO HEAR
533
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,667
IN HOPES OF SOMEHOW
BUCKING THE ODDS,
534
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,902
I GUESS YOU CAN JUST PASS ON ME
535
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:55,172
AS IF I WERE ONE OF YOUR FEMALE
EMPLOYEES UP FOR PROMOTION.
536
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:56,373
- MISS MORGENDORFFER,
537
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,842
YOU SEEM TO HAVE A BIT
OF AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM.
538
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,611
ARE YOU TRYING
TO SABOTAGE YOURSELF?
539
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:03,380
- I'M RESPONDING
TO YOUR QUESTIONS TRUTHFULLY.
540
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:05,449
SO I GUESS THE ANSWER IS "YES."
541
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:07,417
- TOO BAD;
ACCORDING TO MY NOTES,
542
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,219
YOU GOT HIGH MARKS
ON THE LIGHT-HEARTED SPOOF
543
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:10,220
YOU WROTE FOR AN ESSAY.
544
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:12,089
- "LIGHT-HEARTED SPOOF?"
545
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,425
- SO NONE OF US
546
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,993
IS WIZARD SCHOLARSHIP
MATERIAL.
547
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,428
- I REALLY THOUGHT
I HAD A GOOD SHOT.
548
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,429
[sighs]
549
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,497
OH, HELL.
550
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,532
MAYBE MY ANSWERS WERE TOO
DOWN-PAT.
551
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:24,535
- IS IT POSSIBLE I IMPORTED
THE WRONG WASABI GUMMY FISH?
552
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,871
- WELL, I KNOW WHY
I DIDN'T GET IT.
553
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,105
- OH, YEAH.
- NO QUESTION THERE.
554
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,106
- DEFINITELY.
- HEY!
555
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,107
- COME ON, DARIA.
556
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,108
YOU DIDN'T WANT IT.
557
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,977
- NO, I DID WANT IT.
558
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,178
IT JUST TOOK ME A WHILE
559
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,480
TO FIGURE OUT
HOW BADLY I WANTED IT.
560
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,815
- HOW BADLY WAS THAT?
561
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:41,585
- NOT BADLY ENOUGH TO SMILE
AND LIE FOR THE AWARD,
562
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:44,655
BUT BADLY ENOUGH
TO GET MAD AT YOU FOR APPLYING.
563
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:45,656
SORRY.
564
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:46,690
- I'M SORRY.
565
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,492
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU
I WAS APPLYING.
566
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:49,694
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T.
567
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,929
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
I WENT TO THAT COACH
568
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,232
AFTER ALL MY
HIGH AND MIGHTY POSTURING
569
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,298
ABOUT INTEGRITY.
570
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,767
- WHAT ABOUT BOTH OF US
SUCKING UP
571
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,669
TO THOSE RACIST,
SEXIST GOONS AT WIZARD?
572
00:18:58,671 --> 00:18:59,837
- YEAH.
573
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,305
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
WE'D BE ABLE
574
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,374
TO PURSUE EXCELLENCE
AND SCUMMINESS
575
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,142
BOTH AT THE SAME TIME?
576
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,779
- OH, WHY COULDN'T IT
HAVE BEEN ME?
577
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:10,948
- JODIE TOLD ME
578
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,416
ABOUT THE BIG BRUSH-OFF
FROM WIZARD.
579
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:13,484
SORRY, KID.
580
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,485
- WHY WERE YOU
SO ANTI-SCHOLARSHIP?
581
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:16,754
- NO REASON,
582
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,856
EXCEPT MAYBE SEEING
THE BIG BRAINS
583
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,158
COMPETE FOR A PRIZE BASED
ON THEIR ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT--
584
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,227
WELL-DESERVED,
DON'T GET ME WRONG--
585
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:24,428
MIGHT POSSIBLY HAVE MADE
586
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:26,563
LITTLE JANIE FEEL A BIT---
I DON'T KNOW.
587
00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:27,831
- LEFT OUT?
588
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,433
- LOOK, I'M GOOD
AT THE THINGS I'M GOOD AT.
589
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:30,501
GRADES ISN'T ONE OF THEM.
590
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,702
[sighs]
591
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,471
WE NEVER USED TO THINK
ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS.
592
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:34,472
- I KNOW.
593
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:35,473
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO US?
594
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:36,474
- I DON'T KNOW.
595
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,841
SELLING OUT?
- BUYING IN?
596
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:38,876
- JOINING THE SYSTEM?
597
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,044
- BEING CO-OPTED?
598
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,846
- MAYBE WE'RE JUST
GETTING OLDER.
599
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:42,847
- YEAH.
600
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,782
I FELT A TWINGE
OF OSTEOPOROSIS
601
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,217
WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING.
602
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:47,585
- SO ARE YOU WILLING
TO ADMIT YET
603
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,420
THAT YOU'RE MORE COMPETITIVE
THAN YOU THOUGHT?
604
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:50,421
- COME ON.
605
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,589
IF I WERE REALLY COMPETITIVE,
606
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,624
I'D BE IN THE PARKING LOT
RIGHT NOW
607
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:55,626
SQUARING OFF
WITH THE REST OF THEM.
608
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:58,061
- WELCOME TO LAWNDALE HIGH'S
609
00:19:58,063 --> 00:20:00,631
FIRST ANNUAL HOT DIGGITY DOG
EATING CONTEST,
610
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,733
COURTESY OF JAKE MORGENDORFFER
CONSULTING.
611
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:05,236
FIRST PRIZE IS A YEAR SUPPLY
OF GRADE "A" QUALITY
612
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,670
[quietly]
BULK-RATE
613
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:08,138
[normal volume]
DELICIOUS HOT DOGS.
614
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,874
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU,
LET'S BEGIN THE FESTIVITIES,
615
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,610
AND MAY THE BEST PORKER WIN.
616
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:13,677
[snorting]
617
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:14,679
[whistle blares]
618
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:18,081
[crowd cheering]
619
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:20,317
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
620
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:28,258
♪ ♪
621
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:37,934
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
622
00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:42,673
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
623
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,709
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪