1
00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:29,988
Yep.
2
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,657
Yep.
3
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:35,744
- Yep.
4
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,662
Mm-hmm.
5
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,458
You know what it could be?
6
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,251
That damn starter motor.
7
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,336
You getting good compression?
8
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,130
Yeah.
9
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:49,841
I know what's wrong with it.
10
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,426
It's a Ford.
11
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:54,012
You know what they say
"Ford" stands for, don't you?
12
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:57,640
It stands for "Fix it again, Tony."
13
00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,143
You're thinking of a Fiat, dale.
14
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:03,772
Fix... It... Again.
15
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,859
I tell you what you do,
16
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,779
you just take them dang ol' spark plugs
out that little hole.
17
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,656
You just put a little oil round there.
18
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,492
It'll go bu-bu-boom! Just like that.
19
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:20,121
Well, I wish it were
that simple, Boomhauer.
20
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,957
But I'll tell you
what my truck really needs,
21
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,334
leadership.
22
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:27,045
Detroit hasn't felt any real pride
23
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,339
since George Bush went to Japan
24
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,217
and vomited on their auto executives.
25
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,843
Who's ready?
26
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,392
Y'all catch the Seinfeld show
last night?
27
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:42,519
- Yep.
28
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:43,895
- Aw, hell, I missed it.
29
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:47,565
I tell you what. You see that part where
dang ol' George come in there.
30
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:48,900
He's talkin' about tastin' his own bird
31
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,319
and Kramer comes slidin' in.
32
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,613
I'll tell you what, man,
33
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:58,159
them dang ol' New York boys,
just a show about nothin'.
34
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,195
- What you listening to, son?
35
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,072
{\an8}I don't think you'd like it.
36
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,240
{\an8}Well, why not?
37
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,450
{\an8}I like this new generation of music.
38
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:42,829
{\an8}Hello.
39
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:47,000
{\an8}Mother of God, it's all toilet sounds.
40
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,710
{\an8}Where did you record this?
41
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,588
{\an8}I bought it at the mall.
It's the Funny Phone Jerks.
42
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,131
{\an8}Let me tell you, Bobby.
43
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,009
{\an8}There's nothing funny about these sounds.
44
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,469
{\an8}What that person on your tape has
45
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,305
{\an8}is a medical disorder.
46
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,515
{\an8}Now, get ready for the game, okay?
47
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,725
{\an8}- Yes, sir.
48
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,019
That boy ain't right.
49
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,105
{\an8}- Oh, God!
50
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,899
{\an8}Luanne, I thought you went home.
51
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,275
{\an8}No, Uncle Hank.
52
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,152
{\an8}Mom and Dad are still fighting.
53
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,029
{\an8}Well, you're welcome to stay
54
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,656
{\an8}But for god's sakes, girl, lock the door.
55
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,701
{\an8}I've got a minor son living in this house.
56
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:27,999
So, are you ready
to kick some wildcat butt, Bobby?
57
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:28,917
Okay.
58
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,793
- Now, don't you worry, son.
59
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,170
You just do your best.
60
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,088
Don't listen to her, Bobby.
61
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,715
If you want to win,
62
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:38,509
you're going to have to do better
than your best.
63
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,345
How do I do that?
64
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,264
You got to give 110 percent.
65
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,725
That's what'll give you that winning edge.
66
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,686
But what if the wildcats
give 110 percent, too?
67
00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:51,898
Well, then you got to try even harder.
68
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,859
How about if Bobby gave 112 percent?
69
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,611
Sure. That'd work.
70
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,614
Or maybe 113.
71
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,659
Yeah, yeah, that's even better.
72
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,035
Mm. No, Uh-uh. I don't know.
73
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,329
13 is a very unlucky number.
74
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,998
Look. We're not talking about 13.
75
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,335
We're talking about 113 and even...
76
00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:16,047
Okay, give 112. What's the difference?
77
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:19,092
Look, Bobby,
just do your best, okay?
78
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:22,971
Swing, Bobby!
79
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,430
Swing! Swing!
80
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,183
Y'all did dang ol' did... ball one.
81
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,476
Good eye, honey. Good eye.
82
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,021
Aw, for crying out loud.
83
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:37,235
Bobby, you can't make an omelet
without breaking eggs
84
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:40,321
and you can't get on base
without taking a swing.
85
00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,615
The pitcher could walk me, couldn't he?
86
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,660
Don't play lawyer-ball, son.
87
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,870
Hit the next one out of the park.
88
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,376
Run!
89
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,961
- Run! Run!
90
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,462
Whew!
91
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:01,134
Look at the batter, boy.
92
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,176
Watch the ball.
93
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,178
Huh? What?
94
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,097
Hey, don't look at me.
95
00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,141
Keep your eye on the ball.
96
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,018
Keep my eye on the what?
97
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,436
Stop looking at me, boy.
98
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,645
Watch the ball.
99
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:15,189
- Can't hear you, Dad.
100
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,816
- Ahh.
- Ohh!
101
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,195
Don't worry, Bobby.
You played a good game.
102
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,406
I got to stop in here for a minute
103
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:26,909
and get me some WD-40 and a tap and die.
104
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,750
Manager register 47, please.
105
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,461
I hate this place.
106
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,754
Excuse me.
107
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,589
Where's the hardware department?
108
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:42,717
Where is the hardware department?
109
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,093
Um, hmmph.
110
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,928
- What exactly is it you're looking for?
111
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,680
The hardware department.
112
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,516
Yeah, but are you looking
for a tool or something?
113
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,727
What difference does it make?
114
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:55,313
- Huh. What difference does it make?
115
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:58,983
Okay, I'm looking for
a tap and die and WD-40.
116
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:02,028
Huh. What is it that you're trying to do?
117
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,948
I'm trying to buy a tap and die
and some WD-40
118
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,701
and get out of this godforsaken store.
119
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,329
Oh. And what is a tap and die?
120
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:12,538
Okay, forget it.
121
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,540
Let's say I want a hammer.
122
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,292
Do you know what a hammer is?
123
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,795
That's what I want, a darned hammer.
124
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,089
Now, where in the hell would I go?
125
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:24,050
Hey. That's that Hank Hill
that lives in the block next to us.
126
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,344
- He sure has a temper, doesn't he?
- He sure does.
127
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,763
Makes you wonder who gave his boy
that black eye.
128
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,350
Uh... You're going to have
to pay for that, dude.
129
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:33,768
You're fired!
130
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,021
Ella said she saw Hank hit his son.
131
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,399
Really? Well, I heard he threatened
a clerk in Mega Lo Mart
132
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,316
with a hammer.
133
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,361
Did you hear about Hank Hill?
He beat up his son.
134
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,530
And then some ladies in
Mega Lo Mart tried to stop him.
135
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,115
And he beat them up, too.
136
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,617
Well, somebody really ought to report him
for the boy's sake.
137
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,828
You say he hit his son with a bat?
138
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,205
- No, that is definitely not acceptable.
139
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:56,416
- I wish I could, ma'am,
140
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,876
but the regulations say
we can't take custody of the boy
141
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,586
- without an interview.
142
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,255
Don't you worry. He's in the system now.
143
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,132
I am on my way.
144
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,638
Hey, I know what's wrong with your truck.
145
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:11,806
It's your quote, unquote
146
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,182
- pollution controls.
147
00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:15,852
I heard on talk radio
you don't even need them.
148
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:17,979
They're just an egghead government plot.
149
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,273
How is cutting down on pollution
150
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,983
a government plot, Dale?
151
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,818
- Open up your eyes, man.
152
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,821
They're trying to control global warming.
Get it?
153
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,614
- Glo-bal.
154
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,032
- So what?
155
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:33,161
That's code for U.N. Commissars
telling Americans
156
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,580
what temperature it's going
to be in our outdoors.
157
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,165
I say, let the world warm up.
158
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:41,210
See what "boutros boutros
golly golly" thinks about that.
159
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,671
- We'll grow oranges in Alaska.
160
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:46,757
Dale, you giblet-head, we live in Texas.
161
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,802
- It's already 110 in the summer,
162
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,306
and if it gets one degree hotter
I'm going to kick your arse.
163
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:58,603
What in God's name is that thumping sound?
164
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,689
Bobby, why don't you
go out and help your Daddy?
165
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,900
You have been watching
way too much TV, son.
166
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:04,901
- Huh?
167
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,402
Come on, Bobby, up.
168
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,529
No more TV. Turn it off.
169
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,159
{\an8}Oh. Oh, god love that poor man.
170
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,452
- Oh!
171
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,246
There.
172
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,831
That's better.
173
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:27,298
Hello.
174
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,175
I'm a social worker with the state.
175
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,093
Would you mind if I talked
to you for a minute?
176
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,887
- Well, sure. Come on in.
177
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,681
Darn it. There it is again.
178
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,017
Where is that thumping coming from?
179
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,727
It's driving me crazy.
180
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:42,355
Could be far-off helicopters.
181
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,398
U.N. Helicopters.
182
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:45,983
Dale, what are you doing?
183
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,485
Give me some light!
184
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,986
- Now! I can't see!
185
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,321
Ow! My arm!
186
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,572
- Ow! My head! Ow!
187
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,157
Ow! Ahh!
188
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,955
Mrs. Hill, would you say
your husband has a bad temper?
189
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,373
Who, Hank?
190
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,667
No, Hank is as gentle as a lamb.
191
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,585
Ahh... Da...
192
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:07,505
No more bouncing that ball.
193
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:10,132
- Hank, we have a visitor.
194
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:18,349
So, your assertion, Mr. Hill,
is that Bobby got the black eye
195
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,642
at his baseball game?
196
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:23,229
That's not my "assertion".
That's what happened.
197
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,731
- Have you ever hit your son, Mr. Hill?
- No.
198
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,236
What the heck are you writing?
199
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,822
All you got to write is one word, "No".
200
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:36,409
Mr. Hill, I feel that you're
coming from an anger mindset.
201
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,869
And if you're projecting
this anger onto me
202
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,288
it gives me grave concerns
203
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,416
as to how you facilitate
your son's growth in private.
204
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:47,878
Mister, I have not begun to project
my anger onto you.
205
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,548
Mrs. Hill, how did you get
this here on your forehead?
206
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,508
Oh, this? Bobby threw his baseball...
207
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,635
You threw a baseball at your mother?
208
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,929
Oh, Hank, it was an accident.
209
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:01,350
So would this be the same "Baseball"
that gave Bobby the black eye?
210
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,560
- Uh, Dale
211
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,937
You sure you want
to mess with Hank's truck
212
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,105
when he's not around?
213
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,065
I'm going to help get him
this alternator off.
214
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:12,653
Uh, Dale, I think you released
the brake cable...
215
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,613
Dale!
216
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,572
No, I didn't.
217
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:19,327
I guess I better get going.
218
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,495
I got some edgin' to do.
219
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,666
Do you work outside the home, Mrs. Hill?
220
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:26,709
Well, yes, I do.
221
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,628
I'm a substitute Spanish teacher.
222
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:31,672
los estudiantes son mis ah-migos.
223
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,090
- And you just have the one son?
224
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,050
Uh-huh.
225
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,886
Yeah, well, we would've liked
to have more kids
226
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,388
- but Hank has a narrow urethra.
- Peggy...
227
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,391
- In fact, Hank's sperm count...
- That's enough!
228
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,977
What in the hell did
you tell him that for?
229
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:45,978
Well, he asked me.
230
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:50,399
He asked you how many kids we have.
He didn't ask you about my glands.
231
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,609
Please, Mr. Hill?
232
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,778
Loud is not allowed.
233
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:54,737
What the...?
234
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,656
"Loud is not allowed"?
235
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,574
Now, you listen to me, mister.
236
00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,992
I work for a living.
237
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:03,371
And I mean real work
not writing down gobbledygook.
238
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,164
- I provide the people
239
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:06,457
of this community
240
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:09,460
with propane and propane accessories.
241
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:13,130
Oh, when I think of all
my hard-earned tax dollars
242
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:17,051
going to pay a bunch of little
twig-boy bureaucrats like you
243
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,969
it just makes me want to...
244
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:21,430
Oh-ho... Oh, God, it just...
245
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,473
God...
246
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,391
Hank?
247
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:27,728
Honey, bring me my BC Headache powder
and a glass of water.
248
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,063
All right, Hank.
249
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,815
Now, you listen here.
250
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:33,776
You see that boy? That's my boy...
251
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:37,154
And if you ever try to take him away,
so help me, God,
252
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:40,741
I'll tear you a new one
bigger than the grand canyon.
253
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:41,951
Now, I want you
254
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,327
- to get out of my house.
255
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,037
You're not welcome here.
256
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:48,249
I mean now! Before I give you a black eye!
257
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,375
Git!
258
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,505
You want to know about old Hank?
259
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:58,092
Well, Hank's got a lot of problems.
260
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,345
Hey, baby! How about a couple of beers?
261
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:02,722
Sorry, sug, got to go.
262
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,057
I got another Migraine treatment
with John Redcorn.
263
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,809
Nancy, you been going to that
264
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,060
- healer for 12 years...
265
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,604
...and you still get
headaches every night.
266
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,690
Healing process takes time, honey.
267
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:17,027
Getting back
to the Hill family,
268
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,321
have you ever seen Hank
hit his child, Bobby?
269
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,990
Hank? No, sir.
270
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,284
- Bobby's his pride and joy...
271
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,911
...'cause of his narrow urethra.
272
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,457
- Are you absolutely sure?
- Hundred percent.
273
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,793
You can ask my son.
He's Bobby's best friend.
274
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:33,753
Joseph!
275
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,421
What is it, Daddy?
276
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,256
You ever seen Hank hit Bobby?
277
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,632
Nuh-uh, never.
278
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:39,550
- See?
279
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,678
Now, you can just move along now.
280
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,346
- I been calling y'all people for...
281
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,347
...better than a month now.
282
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,640
Gripe about y'all every time
that dang old dog
283
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,310
crosses the street, starts yapping his
jaw, 24 hours a day,
284
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,729
and nobody answered...
285
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,939
How are you supposed to come out
and do anything about that dog
286
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:55,149
if you're just gonna get a damn computer,
287
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:58,235
ain't gonna come over here and shut
that dang old dog up.
288
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,613
- And then some weirdo came over
289
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,990
and was asking us a bunch of questions.
290
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:06,243
Yeah, he asked me if your Dad
ever whupped you.
291
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,537
- He hasn't, right?
- Of course not.
292
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,373
You know my Dad. He's all bark.
293
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,501
Boy, that guy got him mad, though.
294
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,169
My Dad was like...
295
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,505
"Get out of my house!
296
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:20,674
My boy ain't much, but he's all I got."
297
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,720
You do great impressions!
298
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,180
Let me try.
299
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:29,099
I'll tear you a new one!
300
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:33,771
When I get my hands on you,
you little pea-brain
301
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:37,358
I'll bust your butt into little pieces!
302
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:39,485
- Oh, I knew it.
303
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:43,739
Good God, Peggy, this
was on my road and track.
304
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:46,826
Luanne!
Luanne, honey, could we talk to you?
305
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,078
Oh, wait, wait, not while I'm here.
306
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,622
Mama's in jail.
307
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:54,166
She was saving a quart of beer
for before bed
308
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,376
and Daddy threw it out,
309
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:56,919
and she went after him with a fork.
310
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,255
The trailer tipped over, and
everything went upside-down
311
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:02,091
and it'll all be on Real Stories
of the Highway Patrol.
312
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:06,512
And the wig I styled for beauty academy
is ruined...
313
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,557
What am I going to do, Uncle Hank?
314
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:12,101
Uh, uh, there, there, uh...
315
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:15,312
You can, uh, stay with us
till your mama comes home.
316
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:19,733
And you'll, uh, style a new wig
better than before.
317
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:23,028
Uh... I'll let you use my tools.
318
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:26,031
- Oh, thanks, Uncle Hank.
319
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,784
She has got to go.
320
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,748
Bobby? Bobby, are you all right?
Come on out.
321
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,876
I thought I told you to get lost.
322
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,252
Come on, Bobby.
323
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:41,088
I can put you with a nice
foster family in North Arlen
324
00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:43,841
where you can develop
healthy life adaptations,
325
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,134
and they've got a pool.
326
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,136
Honey, let's give him Luanne.
327
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:50,139
Hey, I got a girl in here
you can take right now.
328
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,766
Don't you want to live
in a house with a pool?
329
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,185
- No.
- See, twig-boy?
330
00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:57,855
Now, get your skinny butt
off of my property.
331
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:01,358
Bobby, I know you can't
talk in front of him.
332
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:04,737
I said, get! Get! Get out of here!
333
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,071
You are out of control!
334
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,948
- You're out of control, twiggy!
335
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:15,581
Mm. Thanks for the latte, Kenneth.
336
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,333
Anthony, could I see you a minute?
337
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,543
So on this Hill family case,
338
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,921
you couldn't confirm any actual abuse
339
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,506
but you still recommended
the State take custody?
340
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,509
Uh, oh, yeah.
The whole neighborhood was redneck city.
341
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:30,262
Did you see in the report
how he dented my geo?
342
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,973
"Redneck city." That's pretty funny.
343
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,267
- Where're you from, son?
- Los Angeles.
344
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:36,477
Hmm.
345
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:39,229
Let's see here, "Hit by a baseball."
346
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,609
So, uh, how did you like old Harvey?
347
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,363
- Who's Harvey?
- He's the Little League coach.
348
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,907
You did talk to the
Little League coach, didn't you?
349
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,123
Son, have you lost your mind?
350
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,876
Wait... Dad...
351
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,128
You're not supposed to yell at me anymore.
352
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,047
The guy from the state said
353
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:09,969
your hostility invalidates
our parent-child contract.
354
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,805
You're quoting that twig-boy at me?
355
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,431
Hank, the neighbors...
356
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:17,935
Remember, he said loud
is not allowed, Dad.
357
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,645
- Or they'll take me away.
358
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,648
Oh, God.
359
00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:28,779
Hello.
360
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,364
Is this the Hill residence?
361
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,407
Who am I talking to?
362
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,574
Bobby Hill.
363
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,452
Well, son, this is
the State Social Services.
364
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,163
We're calling off our
investigation of your father.
365
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,373
The worker that visited you
366
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,959
will be leaving the office
and going back to LA.
367
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,879
Now, you please tell your parents
we apologize for the misunderstanding.
368
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,382
Okay, I'll tell them. Bye.
369
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,883
- Bobby, who was that?
370
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,093
Uh...
371
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,012
Wrong number.
372
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:05,649
- Mm-hm.
373
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,032
I borrowed your truck
this morning, Uncle Hank.
374
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,199
It wouldn't start at first...
375
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,451
- ...'cause you had a clogged fuel line
376
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,827
but I blew it clean.
377
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:19,329
Hm.
378
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:23,333
Hey, Bobby, go plug
this in the garage for me.
379
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,626
Okay.
380
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:30,841
Want to see something cool?
381
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:36,055
- What in the heck?
382
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,849
Don't you see I'm working here?
Close the dang door!
383
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,477
Uh, Bob... Just keep... Put... Stop!
384
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,978
Stop hitting that button!
385
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,104
Give me that thing!
386
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:48,150
Dad, that's not respectful
adult-child growth dialogue.
387
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,194
I'll give you dialogue...
388
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:53,572
that's not coming from a center of anger.
389
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:59,286
Please return the garage door
to its factory pre-set down position.
390
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,707
That is cool.
391
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,296
Bobby! Hey!
392
00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:12,424
Please, uh, respect
393
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:16,512
- my fence's right to be a fence.
394
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,596
Now!
395
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,727
- You can't do nothing!
396
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,188
- Ahh, ahh. Hey, hey.
- You can't do anything!
397
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,232
- You're all wet, Dad.
398
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,154
- Kreeeek.
399
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:35,614
Thump, thump, thump...
400
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:40,119
What on God's green earth
are you making those noises for?
401
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,205
They're sound effects.
Like that guy on police academy?
402
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,958
That's what I'm going to do
when I grow up, I decided.
403
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,335
And Dad can't say "Boo" about it.
404
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:51,213
Bobby, a man from the
child protective services
405
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,339
just came by.
406
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:57,511
Now, he said that he told you last week
that this investigation was off.
407
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,012
Oh...
408
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:01,515
Please don't tell Dad!
409
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,809
Well, son, I have to. He's been worried.
410
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,978
But I like him better this way.
411
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:06,895
How come?
412
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:10,190
I can make him love me,
even when I screw up.
413
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,067
Is that what you think?
414
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,322
It's hard, Peggy.
415
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:21,410
I don't want to lose my little boy.
My only son.
416
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,453
But, oh, it's hard.
417
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,122
Well, you can relax.
418
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:29,835
The investigation has been off for a week.
Only Bobby didn't tell us.
419
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,962
- I'll kill him!
- All right, calm down, honey.
420
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,297
Now let me explain.
421
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:35,174
He didn't do it to be mean.
422
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:38,135
Bobby honestly doesn't think
that you love him all the time.
423
00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:39,970
That's crazy. 'Course I love him.
424
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,013
Very good.
425
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,514
Now, say it to Bobby.
426
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:43,640
What are you talking about?
427
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:47,853
I want you to tell Bobby
that your love for him is unconditional.
428
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,438
I can't say that.
429
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,898
I can't!
430
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:54,193
You know how I was raised,
what my father's like.
431
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,528
- I got my shins blown off
432
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,739
by a Japan-man's machine gun.
433
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,533
So don't come crying
to me with your problems.
434
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,079
Honey, I am begging you
for the sake of this family
435
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:07,539
you have got to do it.
436
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,166
He's waiting for you out on the porch.
437
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,168
Aw, geez.
438
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:13,212
Darn twig-boy comes over here.
439
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,214
- And you got to...
440
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:20,302
- Uh, you, uh...
441
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,679
You're my son, uh...
442
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,766
Well, you know, with everything, uh...
443
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,060
that entails, uh...
444
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:29,978
Uh-huh?
445
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,188
Uh...
446
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:36,276
Huh. You know, uh,
feelings of, uh, fondness
447
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,321
and more, uh...
448
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,573
You know what I mean, don't you, boy?
449
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:42,950
No.
450
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,285
Ah... Well, uh...
451
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,830
Oh. That's a heck of a weird sound.
452
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,749
I never made that before.
453
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:56,129
Uh, I, you, uh, family.
454
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,968
You're not making this easy on me, boy.
455
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:05,514
Okay, I love you no matter what you do.
456
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,515
There! Whew!
457
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,267
Let's go get something to eat.
458
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:09,893
I'm not...
459
00:21:10,894 --> 00:21:13,230
- Just a big disappointment to you?
460
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:14,982
Disappointment?
461
00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:17,234
No, you make me proud!
462
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,485
I've been disappointed
463
00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:20,570
by just about everything
else in this town.
464
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,656
But you? Not once.
465
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,408
Darn it, you're my boy.
466
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,952
You know better than that.
467
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,705
He punched him!
468
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:30,747
I knew it! I told them.
469
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,040
Did you see that?
470
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,875
See what, twig-boy?
471
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:35,544
Never mind.