1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:05,797
Hey, me and Dale are taking
Bobby's troop up by the lake
2
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:08,049
for order of the straight arrow
this weekend.
3
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,218
Y'all want to come, for old time's sake?
4
00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:11,761
Well, of course I'll go.
5
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:14,973
I'll never miss an order
of the straight arrow...
6
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,766
-(birds chirping)
- Not since ours.
7
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,394
Yeah, ours was something special.
8
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,980
COTTON: Now, for the final test.
9
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,273
{\an8}The snipe hunt.
10
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,733
{\an8}Not going to sugarcoat it.
11
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:27,527
{\an8}Some of you ain't coming back.
12
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,946
Those who survive will be honored members
13
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,781
Of the order of the straight arrow.
14
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,868
- Those who don't will be dead.
-(animal howling)
15
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,078
Question: are you ready?
16
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,580
Yeah! Uh...
17
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,540
- Oh.
-(approaching footsteps)
18
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,793
You flunked the test of silence, Eustis.
19
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,295
Give me your silence stick.
20
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,716
For the rest of your long, miserable life,
21
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,634
you will carry the scar of failure.
22
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:52,761
Now, go get me a beer.
23
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,221
-(crickets chirping)
-(wolf howling in distance)
24
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:58,224
And you boys, get out there
and bag some snipe.
25
00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,392
(all screaming)
26
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:00,643
(yelling)
27
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,729
(quirky music)
28
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:03,813
Snipe!
29
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,815
Shut up, Dale. There is no snipe.
30
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,650
I heard my dad talking to your dad.
31
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,194
So what are we doing out here?
32
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,112
We're gonna get snackered
I tell you what, boys.
33
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,947
I want to get all messed up
and'li just pollute our minds
34
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,325
is a three cheeks of down wind, man
35
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,410
{\an8}-(all murmuring)
- DALE: Yeah, that's the good stuff.
36
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,121
-(squeaking)
-(thumps)
37
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,206
(shivers, burps)
38
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,792
When I grow up I'm going to drink
this stuff every day
39
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:27,504
just like my dad and fly jets
and maybe even be an astronaut.
40
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:28,880
I'm going to live in London
41
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,591
and be a rich millionaire
and have people killed.
42
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,717
(slurps)
43
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:35,970
I'm going to sell propane
and propane accessories
44
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,806
if my grades are good enough.
45
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,475
(light music)
46
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,852
Oh, kids and their crazy dreams.
47
00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:46,648
I'm so depressed I can't even blink.
48
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:49,150
(fast-paced light music)
49
00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,343
{\an8}(light music)
50
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,511
{\an8}(tools whirring)
51
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,472
{\an8}Well, we're going to make some men
52
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,642
{\an8}out of those 12-year-old boys
tomorrow. I tell you what .
53
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,311
{\an8}But we still get to play
practical jokes, right?
54
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,063
{\an8}DALE: They're not jokes, Bill.
55
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,690
{\an8}They're painful lessons.
56
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:31,901
{\an8}I thank my father for all
the tricks he played on me.
57
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,280
{\an8}He taught me the most wonderful
lesson a child can learn,
58
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,240
{\an8}never trust nobody.
59
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:41,494
{\an8}That's how I know Bob Dole's
faking that dead arm.
60
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:44,080
{\an8}BOOMHAUER: I tell you what you do, man,
that dang old hand in the water trick
61
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,290
{\an8}is gonna work every time.
62
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,126
{\an8}Man, you just put it
in the water like that. And it don't.
63
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:52,088
{\an8}They'd spend a whole dad-gum day like that
cleanin' that dang pee-pee.
64
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,465
Ah, but... Those are getting tired.
65
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,134
We need some new material.
66
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:59,596
{\an8}Dad, can me and Bobby
bring life preservers?
67
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,389
If you want to be sissies.
68
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,974
He said yes.
69
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:06,352
Hey, Dale, there's your wife's, uh...
70
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,270
Healer.
71
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,732
Yeah, John Redcorn.
Let's get some funny Indian stuff to do.
72
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,692
Hey, John Redcorn.
73
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:15,862
Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer.
74
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:19,574
John Redcorn, we've got this Order
of the Straight Arrow Retreat tomorrow.
75
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,700
And I was wondering--
76
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,660
I'd be honored to look after your wife.
77
00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:27,874
Oh. Well, gee, thanks.
78
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:32,003
But what I was really wondering is
if you had some good Indian stuff
79
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,130
for the ceremony around the campfire.
80
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,674
Hmm. Our rituals are considered sacred
81
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,968
and are passed down only in the nation.
82
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,637
Oh, well, that don't bother us.
83
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,805
Hell, no. We'll take a sacred one.
84
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:46,309
There is a very ancient ceremony
I learned from my grandfather.
85
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,770
-(tranquil music)
- We call upon the sacred wumatanya.
86
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:51,689
And we ask him to breathe life
into our spirit bag.
87
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:54,943
Let's see, spirit bags, Wumatanya,
88
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,778
funny-looking headband...
89
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:59,113
Oh, the boys are gonna eat this stuff up.
90
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:02,033
The spirit bag is very sacred.
91
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,576
You should not make light.
92
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,119
(chuckles)
93
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,163
I like how you say everything's sacred.
94
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,248
That's funny, too.
95
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,874
Let's do that, Hank.
96
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,126
I got a bunch of ladies'
tennis socks we can use
97
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,044
for spirit bags.
98
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,463
BILL: I got them in the divorce.
99
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:16,589
Now every time she plays,
100
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,383
she gets blisters.
(chuckles)
101
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,009
It's been six years, Bill.
102
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,762
Don't you think she'd have bought
some new socks by now?
103
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:23,680
Mm-hm.
104
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,474
BOBBY: I want to get that
straight arrow patch so bad.
105
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:28,476
I'm going to put it right here.
106
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,687
Next to my sewing badge.
107
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,772
It's supposed to be hard.
108
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,817
I heard they make you walk on hot coals
109
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,735
and then you have to eat them.
110
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:38,653
Ew!
111
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,738
After you walk on them?
112
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,074
(both grunting)
113
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,575
-(groans)
- Hell, that's hot.
114
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,828
- Hell, you're not kidding.
- Fu...
115
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:50,081
Pardonez me!
Did I just hear what I almost heard?
116
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,457
BOBBY: I was going to say
117
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:54,085
"Fu... Get about it."
118
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:57,588
Son, Peggy Hill knows half
a swear word when she hears one.
119
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,007
Now, go to sleep.
120
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,926
You have the coolest mom.
121
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,429
She smells like miracle whip.
122
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:06,723
Hey, guys.
123
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,057
- Eustis.
- Hey, Eustis.
124
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,101
Hey, useless.
(chuckles)
125
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,936
Hmm. Ha-ha.
126
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,646
-(birds chirping)
- All right, Randy.
127
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,190
Remember the purpose of this weekend
is to have fun.
128
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:20,194
Daddy loves you whether you
Get your straight arrow patch or not.
129
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:21,946
Huh. What a load.
130
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:25,867
Can you imagine how I'd have turned out
if my dad had loved me no matter what?
131
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,536
- Thanks for the bus fare, Aunt Peggy.
- Don't be silly, honey.
132
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:30,705
It's important that you
be there for your mama.
133
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,081
This is her big day.
134
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,293
Well, actually, her big day
is the sentencing.
135
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,045
This is just the arraignment.
136
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:37,962
Here's a funsaver.
137
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,005
Take lots of pictures.
138
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,382
(birds chirping)
139
00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,052
- Well, okay.
-(thuds)
140
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:45,845
There we go.
141
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:46,971
Have a good time.
142
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,265
Here's a funsaver. Take lots of pictures.
143
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:53,853
Gosh, Peg, if I didn't know better
I'd think you were anxious to see us go.
144
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,313
(men chuckling)
145
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:58,691
Well, that is not true.
You and bobby are my whole life.
146
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,318
Come on, kids, let's go!
147
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,111
- Everybody in the car! Andale!
-(clanks)
148
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,029
PEGGY: Now!
149
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,238
HANK: Hold on, boys.
150
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:08,368
Before we go
we have to ask the great spirit, uh...
151
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:12,038
Wumatanya to watch over us on this trip.
152
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,581
- Cool.
- Ooh. Indian stuff.
153
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:14,749
Wumatanya.
154
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,919
This trip is about
the sacredness of mother earth
155
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,712
and all she gives us
156
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,757
so, pee now, 'cause once we're on the road
we ain't stopping.
157
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,967
-(engine starts)
-(light music)
158
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,344
I'll see you Sunday, Peg.
159
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,137
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, bye-bye.
160
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,931
(engine sputters)
161
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,641
Oh, damn it.
162
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,394
Looks like we're delayed a couple hours.
163
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,646
I got to charge up the battery.
164
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:37,688
(gasps)
165
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,274
Pop the clutch, hon!
166
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,151
-(thuds)
-(grunting)
167
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,612
(engine starts)
168
00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:48,658
(dramatic music)
169
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,703
(tires screeches)
170
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,872
(bright music)
171
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,961
Wumatanya. Let's spot license plates.
172
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,796
I see Texas. Wumatanya.
173
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,756
Wumatanya. There's another
Texas. Wumatanya.
174
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,592
Wumatanya. I see Texas. Wumatanya.
175
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:07,802
Oh, God.
176
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:11,013
Wumatanya. Texas. Wumatanya.
177
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,015
Would you guys just shut up?
178
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,268
ALL: You didn't say wumatanya.
179
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,394
Oh.
180
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,563
Boomhauer, pass them. I got an idea.
181
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:19,772
Pass them up.
182
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,775
Whoo-hoo
183
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,653
Wumatanya.
I see Mr. Gribble's butt. Wumatanya.
184
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:28,156
BOOMHAUER: Give 'em
a little pressed ham. Woo!
185
00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:31,200
(screaming)
186
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,493
(light music)
187
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,454
RANDY: Wumatanya. I see Texas. Wumatanya.
188
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,247
All right, that's it.
189
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,332
Everybody pile out, Right now.
190
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:43,421
Okay, the 24-hour oath
of silence starts now.
191
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,339
Here are your silence sticks.
192
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:46,883
Those are Slim Jims.
193
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,051
That's what the white man calls them.
194
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:54,098
Wumatanya calls them silence sticks
to test your spirit of shutting up.
195
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,642
Each time you talk, I take a bite.
196
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:59,103
Talk five times and you're out.
197
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,647
24-hour silence starting now.
198
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:08,529
Right now?
199
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,907
Bobby, son, you just talked.
200
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,534
Now, I'll let that pass,
but don't talk again.
201
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,037
Thanks, Dad.
202
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:19,582
(sighs)
Son, give me that Slim Jim.
203
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:24,086
(quirky music)
204
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,672
(suspenseful music)
205
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:29,842
Oh, ah!
206
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,802
Oh.
(gasps)
207
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,137
I'm hungry.
208
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,598
(chuckles)
No problem.
209
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,600
(snoring)
210
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:39,477
(tires screeching)
211
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,020
(Joseph gasps)
Mr. Hill, wake up!
212
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,064
Ha! That was a test.
213
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:46,400
Joseph, give Mr. Dauterive
a bite of your silence stick.
214
00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:47,735
HANK: Remember, kids,
215
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:49,987
you never know when
you're going to be tested.
216
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:52,573
Now, who else is hungry?
217
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:53,533
ALL: I am.
218
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,492
HANK: Gotcha.
219
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,160
Bobby, Randy, Garth,
220
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,538
pass your silence sticks up.
221
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,666
- See, kids, it's harder than you think.
- Mm.
222
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,085
You don't want to end up like Randy's dad.
223
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:06,629
My dad's a successful patent lawyer.
224
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,257
Not in the eyes of wumatanya.
225
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,426
I'm still hungry.
226
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,512
Who wants a dollar? Say "me."
227
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,429
Me.
228
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,931
(chuckles)
229
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,101
Well, these things are addictive.
230
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,812
(sighs)
Lord, Bobby, watch out, son.
231
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,022
You've lost more chaws than anybody.
232
00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:27,692
HANK: Now, don't talk, no matter what.
233
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,486
Whoo-hoo!
234
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,572
Wumatanya. Mr. Gribble's
not wearing his seat...
235
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,074
Bobby! You just got four in a row.
236
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,868
One more bite and you
can't make straight arrow.
237
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,620
(somber music)
238
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,247
BILL: I'll take that jerky now.
239
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,373
(quirky music)
240
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:46,961
Here it is, boys, the great outdoors.
241
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:50,256
(car horns honking)
242
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,133
(children clamoring)
243
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,344
Thanks to our efforts, we have
preserved the nesting areas
244
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,596
for the Texas spotted owl.
245
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,640
The snail darter
and the endangered whooping crane,
246
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:03,436
and we eliminated 300 logging jobs.
247
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,562
(crown appplauding)
248
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,939
- MAN: Yeah, right on, man.
- CROWD: Right on.
249
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,150
And also, this note, people.
250
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,277
The brown herbal ecstasy is bad.
251
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:15,489
WOMAN: Do not, I repeat, do not take
the brown herbal ecstasy.
252
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,782
Thank you all.
253
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:21,412
Oh, man, what kind of
lefty hootenanny is this?
254
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:25,291
Look at that one bouncing around
in front of god and everybody.
255
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,669
Would it kill a tree if she wore a bra?
256
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,630
(rock music playing)
257
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,174
(dramatic music)
258
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,134
(radio static)
259
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,303
(high static)
260
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,554
(soft static)
261
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:39,847
(medium static)
262
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:41,307
Hmm...
263
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,225
(high static)
264
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,226
Mm-hmm.
265
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,062
(dramatic music)
266
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:51,484
I'm beginning to think this silence thing
is just so we don't bother them.
267
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,986
They're not testing anything
except for how dumb we are.
268
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:57,365
- It's all a trick.
- My dad wouldn't trick us!
269
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,324
(gasps)
270
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,287
"My dad wouldn't trick us."
271
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,415
(tribal music)
272
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,959
MEN: Wumatanya!
273
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:12,672
(slurps)
274
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,466
Wumatanya.
Who wants another beer? Wumatanya.
275
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,509
(chuckles)
276
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,594
(tribal music)
277
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,139
HANK: I am kicking elk.
278
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,767
As long as the sacred fire is burning,
279
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,811
the Oath of Silence is suspended.
280
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:27,895
- Whew!
- Thank the lord.
281
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:30,606
- My lips are stuck together.
- Shut up. I'm talking here.
282
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,984
We of the order of the straight arrow
283
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:36,654
call upon the spirit wumatanya,
284
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,073
protector of the sacred ground
285
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,409
that brings us cool water to drink,
286
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:44,912
and energy-efficient,
clean-burning propane gas
287
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:47,957
for all our sacred heating
and cooking needs.
288
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,960
Wumatanya says respect the earth.
289
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,796
She's ours, by god.
Our taxes paid for her.
290
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:57,883
Also, uh, it says here you've got to love
all her creatures.
291
00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,677
Uh, let's see.
292
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,345
Oh, here we go.
293
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:05,057
Though we walk through
the valley of the shadow of death.
294
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:08,144
You're going to recommend us
to the spirit in the sky.
295
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,521
With liberty and justice for all.
296
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,023
Wumatanya is with you
297
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,233
and with Texas.
298
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,359
Amen.
299
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,153
ALL: Amen.
300
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,072
-(dramatic music)
-(tires screeches)
301
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:22,158
- I'd like a room, please.
-(snoring)
302
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,325
Name?
303
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,369
I am Senora Gracia Ibanez.
304
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,079
And I will be paying in cash.
305
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:29,623
HANK: Now we will say the oath
306
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,709
of the order of the straight arrow.
307
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:35,087
ALL: A straight arrow tells the truth.
308
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:38,090
A straight arrow loves nature.
309
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:42,720
A straight arrow is against Bill HR 57
310
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:47,016
to allow the importation
of South American propane.
311
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,976
Wumatanya.
312
00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:51,145
And now for the final test,
313
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,480
the snipe hunt.
314
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:55,316
You are about to come face to face
315
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,693
with the deadliest beast in creation.
316
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,529
Those who survive will be honored members
317
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,448
of the order of the straight arrow.
318
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,326
And those who don't will be dead.
319
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:06,285
(both gasp)
320
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:09,705
Oh, wumatanya, protect us on our hunt.
321
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:12,500
All right. This here's your whup-ass stick
322
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,794
to beat the snipe back
in case he comes at you.
323
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,505
Wh... What does a snipe look like?
324
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:21,342
It's got red, glowing eyes,
long, crooked teeth
325
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,927
a claw and a tail
326
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,012
with another claw on the end.
327
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,096
(all gasping)
328
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,181
Easy, Dale.
329
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,266
Bill and I will take the lead.
330
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,393
Boomhauer and Dale will bring up the rear.
331
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:34,230
Remember, the snipe call is this.
332
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,149
Woo-loo-loo, woo-loo-loo.
333
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,443
HANK: Well, call him out, boys.
334
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,070
He's not just going to show up.
335
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,030
ALL: Woo-loo-loo, woo-loo-loo.
336
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,407
Ooh, I think I hear him.
337
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,535
Look out, Bill. He almost got you.
338
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,494
Ooh!
339
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,662
(chuckling)
340
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,996
BOYS: Woo-loo-loo.
341
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,457
Woo-loo-loo. Woo-loo-loo.
342
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,044
They'll be out there another hour.
343
00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:58,045
Then we'll go get them.
344
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,548
(chuckles)
Boy, this takes me back.
345
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,007
-(Bobby screaming)
-(leaves rustles)
346
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:02,925
(thumping)
347
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,176
BOBBY: I got one!
348
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,511
I got one!
349
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,595
What the?
350
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,138
What are you talking about?
351
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:11,725
-(thuds)
-(suspenseful music)
352
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:12,935
HANK: Oh, my lord.
353
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,854
That's a whooping crane.
354
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,107
Hmm, there's only five
of those left in the world.
355
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,817
Well, four now.
356
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,235
Then we should be thankful
357
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,945
we got the opportunity to see one.
358
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,117
(crickets chirping)
359
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,660
Now you done it.
360
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,996
Now you really gone and done it.
361
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,122
What do you mean "You"?
362
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,623
We're all in this together.
363
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:35,875
Whoa, no.
364
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,627
Me and Boomhauer came on our own trip
365
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,129
in our own conveyance.
366
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,672
You and I may be acquainted,
367
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:43,924
but we are not traveling companions.
368
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,343
I'm merely here to enjoy earth day
369
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,012
and play some hackey-sack.
370
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:51,015
Dale, I'm going to need you
to give me the keys now.
371
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:53,976
-(animal howling)
-(keys clinking)
372
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,228
I can't believe it.
373
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,314
It wasn't your fault, Bobby.
374
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,732
You thought it was a snipe.
375
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,858
We all did.
376
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,443
It was.
377
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:06,030
But wumatanya turned it
into a whooping crane,
378
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:09,199
so I could live to get
my straight arrow badge.
379
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,660
Bobby, don't you get it?
380
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,829
Your dad made all that up.
381
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:16,332
There's no such thing as a snipe.
382
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,249
No!
383
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,793
My dad is the arrow leader.
384
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:22,379
He speaks only with honor.
385
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:25,883
We'll ditch the carcass by the interstate
in the morning.
386
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,426
Now let's just go to sleep.
387
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:28,844
Yes, yes.
388
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,181
We... We'll all just go to sleep now.
389
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,433
Bill, get his pants and shoes.
390
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,893
Ok'll doke.
391
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,187
-(birds chirping)
-(beeping)
392
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,105
MAN: Sir?
393
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:41,523
Huh?
394
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,359
(sighs)
Huh-uh-huh-huh.
395
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,985
Sir, I'm sorry to disturb you.
396
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:47,279
I'm with the forestry service,
and we're looking
397
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,906
for a missing whooping crane.
398
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,449
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
399
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:53,327
And, well, you see, the bird's tagged
with a little transmitter,
400
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:56,205
and I've tracked it to within ten yards
of your campsite.
401
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,831
You haven't seen it, have you?
402
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,876
A whooping crane in these parts?
403
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,836
I think I would have noticed
something like that.
404
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:03,754
(chuckles nervously)
405
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,339
They're pretty rare, aren't they?
406
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,549
Oh, yes. Very rare and beautiful.
407
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:10,260
Sir, do you know anything about this?
408
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:11,679
Yeah, man, tell you what
409
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,555
one of them snipes,
man, with that stick...
410
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:18,727
That bag... Then whack! Whack! Man
and he'd go "Woo-loo"... big mistake.
411
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,020
Right there in that cooler.
412
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,982
Well, if you do see anything,
413
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,192
you can contact the ranger station.
414
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:26,151
How about you boys?
415
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,277
Well, yeah, we saw...
416
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:30,823
Uh... They can't talk for 24 hours.
417
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,825
Order of the straight arrow, you know?
418
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:33,742
Gotcha.
419
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,285
I was in the order myself.
420
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,705
(mumbling)
421
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,915
Ah, the straight arrow
hasn't changed a bit
422
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,500
since I was a boy.
423
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,919
(sighs)
We got to get rid of this bird.
424
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:45,421
What the...
425
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:48,090
BOBBY: wumatanya, wumatanya
426
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,550
Wumatanya.
427
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,676
Bobby. Cripes!
428
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,011
Put that thing down.
429
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,345
Stop fooling around.
430
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,305
We've got to bury that thing fast.
431
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,974
We can't just bury it, Dad.
432
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,017
Remember?
433
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,603
Wumatanya wants us to honor
the bird's sacred spirit.
434
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,063
And we will do just that
435
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,940
in the dumpster behind stuckey's.
436
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,943
Now let's get out of here
before someone sees us.
437
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:10,029
(woman gasps)
438
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,613
Murderers!
439
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,074
I have got to tell the ranger.
440
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,452
(dramatic music)
441
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,918
- Brock.
- Gracia.
442
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,463
PEGGY: I almost could not get away.
443
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,340
Amigo, it is time for some new zapatas
444
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,009
Or "shoes" as you say in your country.
445
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,929
Senora, I have an Italian mock alligator.
446
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,389
You are going to love.
447
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:41,310
A size 16 for senora Ibanez, triple "E".
448
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,228
Brock, you are a genius.
449
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:46,106
Now, this is why I come
to lubbock's very big shoes.
450
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:49,485
I'll have chuck and buzz carry the box
out to the car for you.
451
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,570
I saw him waving it over
his head really proud.
452
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:52,946
Mm-hm.
453
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,532
I also heard that they were
hunting snipe last night.
454
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:56,992
There is no snipe.
455
00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:01,705
My God! How many more species
have to be wiped out before we learn?
456
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,040
Easy, easy.
457
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,958
Don't draw attention. We're almost there.
458
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,668
- We're going to make it.
-(wings flapping)
459
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,462
What's that flapping sound?
460
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,465
Taste the wind one last time, bird spirit.
461
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,633
Bobby!
462
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,134
(engine revs)
463
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,554
-(thumping)
-(birds chirping)
464
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,807
There they are, the nature haters.
465
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:20,724
Let's get them!
466
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:22,768
-(people clamoring)
-(screeching)
467
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,770
(clamoring continues)
468
00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:29,817
(tires screeches)
469
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,610
(coughing)
470
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,364
Pull over right here by that culvert.
471
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,494
(grunting)
472
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:43,080
(sighs)
Well, we can't stuff this bird in here.
473
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,206
It'll never fit.
474
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,707
You could eat it.
475
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,710
Damn, and I filled up on silence sticks.
476
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:52,422
Brother bird, I have
given you a last flight
477
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,716
and made my peace with you.
478
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,011
I release your spirit to wumatanya.
479
00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,847
Woo-loo-loo!
480
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,974
Woo-loo-loo!
481
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,976
Son, would you please knock it off?
482
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,394
You're driving me nuts.
483
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,312
There is no wumatanya.
484
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,356
It's just some darn nonsense
485
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,316
we made up to fill out the weekend.
486
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,359
Tell him, Dale.
487
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,153
How do you know my name,
488
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,237
crane killer?
489
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:18,365
I never met any
of you people before in my life.
490
00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,033
(sighs)
Tell him, Bill.
491
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,494
He's right, Bobby. It's all a crock.
492
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:26,123
Those spirit bags of yours
are just my ex-wife's old socks.
493
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:27,875
And, by the way, I want them back.
494
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:31,795
So everything you said was all a lie?
495
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:34,548
Yes. That's the secret of the snipe hunt.
496
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:35,883
That's the whole point.
497
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,467
Oh.
498
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:38,969
I get it...
499
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:40,971
- I guess.
-(somber music)
500
00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:44,308
Bobby, I didn't mean to let you down.
501
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,767
I just...
502
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,061
When Dale and Bill and Boomhauer and me
503
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,438
went through this as kids,
504
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,274
all the tricks and lies from our dads,
505
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:54,443
they were part of the experience.
506
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:55,861
It brought us all together.
507
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,946
You know, us against them.
508
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,365
I don't want to be against you.
509
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,867
You're my dad.
510
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,911
We're supposed to be on the same team.
511
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:06,121
Of course we're on the same team,
512
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,164
you and me.
513
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:10,125
And now, team Hill is going to bury
514
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,960
that whooping crane together
515
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,046
and get out of this park
without getting caught.
516
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,464
-(siren wails)
- WOMAN: There they are.
517
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,510
Sir, you lied to me.
518
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:22,304
You lied to this little boy.
519
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:25,098
And I don't know what you did
to this gentleman
520
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:26,642
in his underwear.
521
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,937
I'm going to have to take you in
to the ranger station.
522
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:32,064
Son, hand me the bird body.
523
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,899
I need it for evidence.
524
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,695
(light music)
525
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:42,574
- It's a miracle.
-(Dale and Bill gasp)
526
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,243
Well, I'll be damned.
527
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,536
Wumatanya!
528
00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:50,999
I guess knocking a crane unconscious
isn't a crime,
529
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,126
although it's probably not good for them!
530
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:54,962
You're free to go.
531
00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:57,714
(light music)
532
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,515
I knew you wouldn't lie to me, Dad.
533
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:09,017
That was just the final test.
534
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,436
Wumatanya does exist.
535
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,314
The bird was just unconscious, Bobby.
536
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,149
No. It was dead
537
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:19,403
until I made wumatanya
bring it back to life.
538
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:20,988
I'm a shaman.
539
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:23,490
Oh, God, my head hurts.
540
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:25,575
I can heal you, Dad.
541
00:21:25,659 --> 00:21:29,121
Woo-loo-loo!
542
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:31,623
(sighs)
543
00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,583
(light music)
544
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:48,348
{\an8}(rasping)
545
00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:53,312
{\an8}PEGGY: Well, welcome home, boys.
Did you have fun?
546
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,605
{\an8}(sighs)
Oh, don't ask.
547
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:57,566
{\an8}How was your weekend?
548
00:21:57,566 --> 00:21:59,401
{\an8}My... Oh, same old, same old.
549
00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:01,445
{\an8}Did you do some shopping?
550
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:02,487
{\an8}Mm-hmm, yeah.
551
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:04,197
{\an8}I bought a microwave.
552
00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:07,576
{\an8}Boy, I tell you what
this family goes through microwaves
553
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:10,245
{\an8}quicker than most people go through shoes.
554
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:12,581
{\an8}(Peggy murmurs)
Yeah, mm-hmm.
555
00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:13,915
{\an8}(footsteps)
556
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:15,250
{\an8}(birds chirping)