1 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,309 What do you say we tee off together, Hank? 2 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,811 Sure thing, Willie. 3 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,237 Dead solid perfect! 4 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:36,870 Ah. 5 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,915 You know, Hank, I've always wanted to sell propane 6 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,917 and propane accessories like you do. 7 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,045 But I guess this dang music thing came up. 8 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,006 Well, ain't no changing the past, I guess. 9 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,007 Let's jam. 10 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,733 Ah... ah... aah! 11 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,195 What in the name of God...? 12 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:12,947 Bobby! 13 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,407 Uh-oh. 14 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,689 {\an8}Son, have you lost your mind? 15 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,316 {\an8}Aren't you supposed to knock first? 16 00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:49,692 {\an8}I could have been naked. 17 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,903 Bobby, how many times have I told you? 18 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:54,030 {\an8}Betsy is not a toy. 19 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,992 {\an8}- She's a 1963 guild, solid-top... 20 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:00,995 What's that smell? 21 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,997 You been playing this with your feet? 22 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,541 That's cheese, dad. 23 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:09,003 Why would there ever be cheese on Betsy? 24 00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,631 It's funny. It's a comedy routine. 25 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,217 {\an8}You know, play the guitar with a piece of cheese 26 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,010 {\an8}and you go, "Hey, look at me, 27 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,720 I'm Eddie Cheddar!" 28 00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,099 You know, it's from Celery Head. 29 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,226 What is a "Celery Head"? 30 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:25,061 He's the world's best comedian. 31 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,396 He glues things. 32 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,064 {\an8}Like he glues a kleenex box 33 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,691 {\an8}to a tennis shoe and goes... 34 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:33,611 ..."This is in case you have a runny nose." 35 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:35,405 {\an8}That's not a joke, son. 36 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,615 {\an8}That's a waste of good glue. 37 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,577 Well, he makes three million dollars a year. 38 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,245 You must have got that wrong. 39 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:45,415 {\an8}People don't pay money to see things like that. 40 00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,916 Now, Robert Klein, 41 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,877 that's something you pay money for. 42 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:51,462 What is going on in there? 43 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,631 {\an8}Peggy, I'm worried about our boy. 44 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,718 {\an8}Some green-haired freak told him to rub cheese 45 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:57,927 on my guitar. 46 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,888 Oh, you mean Celery Head. 47 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,140 I saw him on entertainment tonight. 48 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,642 He makes three million dollars a year. 49 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,188 Luanne, good lord! 50 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,772 Put on some pants. 51 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,940 I'm wearing shorts. 52 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:11,941 Aah! 53 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,985 Don't scare me like that. 54 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,279 Look at this, Peggy. 55 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,781 The boy chipped Betsy's bridge 56 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:19,866 {\an8}and he woke me up 57 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,785 {\an8}from my Willie Nelson golfing dream number three. 58 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,245 {\an8}Hank, calm down. 59 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,955 {\an8}It is just a bunch of wood and some wires. 60 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,332 {\an8}Wood and wires? 61 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,542 {\an8}I've had Betsy since high school. 62 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,294 I took her to the prom. 63 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,129 I love this guitar. 64 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,881 Do you understand what I'm saying? 65 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,008 Do you understand what love means? 66 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,093 Yes. I love my family. 67 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,595 Yeah, now you're getting it. 68 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,306 That's the kind of love I have for Betsy. 69 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,558 I'm going back to sleep. 70 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,476 You coming? 71 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,602 Uh-uh. I'm already up. 72 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:50,730 Besides, I wouldn't want to make Betsy jealous. 73 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:54,275 Luanne, would you please not sit like that? 74 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,695 I sell propane 75 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,364 and propane accessories. 76 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:00,990 I tell you what. 77 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,201 - Shut up, Dale. 78 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,995 - Oh. Ah, ah, ah! 79 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:08,957 Aah! Willie, no! 80 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,500 That's a one-way street! 81 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,962 Cripes, Bobby, what happened to my truck? 82 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,296 Your mower hit it. 83 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,298 Well, maybe I ought to send my mower 84 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,968 to one of those children psychologists. 85 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,138 Are you mad about something, Aunt Peggy? 86 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,890 Mad? Why would I be mad? 87 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,976 - Just because Hank pays more attention... 88 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,353 ...to that silly guitar than he does to me. 89 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:33,856 Lay off the gas, Aunt Peg. 90 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,734 If I break another nail, I'll fail my manicure final. 91 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,820 Are you having trouble at the beauty academy, Luanne? 92 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:39,821 No. 93 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,949 I'm also failing braidwork. 94 00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,076 Braidwork does not come natural to the women 95 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,327 in our family, honey. 96 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:47,870 You know it, I know it 97 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,330 and the whole town knows it. 98 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,958 - Sounds like your horn's going off. 99 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,002 You really think so, Bill? 100 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,420 Oh, yeah. 101 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:56,879 Darn it, Hank. 102 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,465 You know I can't have loud, sudden noises 103 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,175 while I'm meditating. 104 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:04,554 I was a nose hair away from attaining inner peace. 105 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,180 - Yaah! 106 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,225 Don't even try to take credit for that. 107 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,561 It was not done by me. 108 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,563 It was done through me. 109 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,358 What is that "chinging" noise? 110 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,527 One of those stealth helicopters 111 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:22,530 with computerized noise cancellation capability. 112 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,034 They're still working the "chings" out. 113 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,578 How'd you know about stealth helicopters? 114 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:32,248 - Alt. Conspiracy. Black. Helicopters. 115 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,500 Yeah, man, I tell you what, that dang old internet man. 116 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,835 You just go on in there and point in click. 117 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,421 Get in there and talk about www.wcallme... 118 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,089 You got them naked chicks on there, man. 119 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,466 You go click, click, click... 120 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,051 - It's real easy, man. 121 00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,139 Bobby, give me that club! 122 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,933 Son, maybe I'm not getting through to you. 123 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,143 Let me explain. 124 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:55,146 You got to respect other people's things. 125 00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,899 You do not use a man's pitching wedge 126 00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,609 to hit clumps of mud. 127 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,361 It's not mud, dad. 128 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,612 It's dog doo. 129 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,490 - That boy ain't right. 130 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,991 - Ho yeah! 131 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,034 Excellent workout. 132 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,535 I got my rotator cuff rotating. 133 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,329 My face feels weird. 134 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,247 Carlos! 135 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:14,457 "Carlos"? 136 00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:16,209 You name your things, I'll name mine. 137 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,294 Well, what about that thing named Bobby? 138 00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,338 What are we going to do about him? 139 00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,215 He seems bent on destroying 140 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,424 everything I own. 141 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,636 Why can't he turn that energy into something useful? 142 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:30,014 Like that boy with no legs who ran across Canada? 143 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,225 Maybe you need to spend some time together. 144 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:35,645 You know, just talking, you and Bobby, man-o a man-o. 145 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:36,729 Well, I can't now. 146 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:37,730 I'm going golfing. 147 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:38,940 Well, take him with you. 148 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,484 Peg, we're riding a full 18 holes today. 149 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,821 You know what that kind of stress can do to a boy? 150 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,826 Bobby, I apologize for yelling at you. 151 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,370 But sometimes you just don't listen. 152 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:56,165 It's like you got a problem with concentration. 153 00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:58,626 Bobby? 154 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,086 Bobby? 155 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:01,587 - Bobby! 156 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,257 Hey, you just killed me! 157 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,883 Well, you needed killing. 158 00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,219 You know, I've been thinking, son, 159 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,847 and I realized you don't have any goals. 160 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,515 You got to figure out 161 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,725 what you want to do with your life. 162 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,894 Okay. Can we go to six flags? 163 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,232 I think you need a role model, Bobby. 164 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,859 Someone to emulate... 165 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,318 - A hero. 166 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,779 Someone besides that broccoli neck. 167 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,365 Hmm... How about Eddie Stillson? 168 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:30,992 Can I emulate him? 169 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,327 Now, there you go, Eddie Stillson. 170 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:36,497 Which one's he? Is he the space shuttle astronaut 171 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:37,915 or the stock car champ? 172 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,417 He got to the end of level six 173 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:40,334 in Scream Ninja. 174 00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,004 Bobby, when I say "Hero", 175 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:45,339 I don't mean some weird Gameboy freak. 176 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,091 If you don't watch it 177 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,427 you're going to end up like Jason Adderly's boy. 178 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,430 Deal me out this hand, Jason. 179 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:54,515 I'm about to bust. 180 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,351 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was the bath... 181 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,644 Aah! Good lord! 182 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,940 You know Howard Adderly? 183 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,735 He's my number-two hero after Eddie Stillson. 184 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,697 Bobby, you need to be lectured all afternoon. 185 00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:12,492 Peggy, I'm taking the boy golfing, and that's that. 186 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,584 Careful now, Peggy. 187 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,336 Betsy isn't strapped in yet. 188 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:26,923 Oh, do not tell me you are taking that thing golfing with you now. 189 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:28,382 Don't be silly, Peg. 190 00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,301 Just bringing her in to get fixed. 191 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,136 Sit in the middle, son. 192 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,889 I want to make sure Betsy's in front of the airbag. 193 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:38,976 So, Bobby, we got to think of a hero for you. 194 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,728 Do you have a hero, dad? 195 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,397 - I sure do, and it's Willie Nelson. 196 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,690 How come? 197 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,067 Well, you might say 198 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,110 he's been my inspiration. 199 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,571 You see, Willie grew up in Texas 200 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,281 and I grew up in Texas. 201 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,742 He loves golfing and playing guitar 202 00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:57,495 I love golfing and playing guitar. 203 00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,664 He's had trouble with the I.R.S. 204 00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:05,086 And I must have spent six hours last April on that 1040 form. 205 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,129 Easy my ass. 206 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,757 Do you have a hero like that? 207 00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:12,552 Uh... Willie Nelson? 208 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:17,723 You're just saying Willie Nelson because I said Willie Nelson. 209 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,809 No, I like Willie Nelson. 210 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,018 He's got long hair. 211 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,603 He's alternative. 212 00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,188 Now you take that back. 213 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,650 I followed that man from country western to country 214 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,652 to adult contemporary 215 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,696 and that's as far as I'm going. 216 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,240 Here, son, take a look at that. 217 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,410 That's Willie Nelson's own personal golf course. 218 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,332 I am going to show that braiding machine 219 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,458 who's boss, Aunt Peggy. 220 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:45,710 - Go on, Luanne. 221 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,170 Show this town there's a braider in the family. 222 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,382 I'm not scared of you. 223 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,634 This time I'm going to beat you at your own game. 224 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,727 Miss Kremzer? 225 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,021 Someone? 226 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,148 It's the bridge, isn't it? 227 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,567 Well, the bridge is the symptom. 228 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,360 Fret asymmetry is the disease. 229 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,656 Smells like a belly button. 230 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,409 Yeah, my son was playing it with a piece of cheese. 231 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,494 You mean, like Celery Head? 232 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:23,497 Look, I'm Camembert Humperdink. 233 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,166 Les, go in the back 234 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:27,376 and alphabetize the guitar strings. 235 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,629 Alphabetize by letter or...? 236 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,755 Les. 237 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,298 - Okay. - All right. 238 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,009 Cheese or not, this is a sweet, sweet guitar. 239 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:35,926 Is she for sale? 240 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:36,969 Not hardly. 241 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,512 Just fix the bridge, Earl. 242 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,598 Oh, didn't think so. 243 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,976 Most guys would sell their wives before they'd sell a guitar like this. 244 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,772 I got to remember that one. 245 00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,732 Oh, heck, I got a million of them. 246 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,984 Like, women are a lot like a guitar. 247 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,903 They both come with strings attached. 248 00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:58,449 Oh, actually, 249 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,409 I guess those are the only two. 250 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,829 Most women would be threatened by Betsy, but not me. I don't care. 251 00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:06,082 And I would like to see that guitar come home 252 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,709 and chicken-fry steak after substitute teaching all day. 253 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:09,710 - Ow! 254 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,005 Why thank you, Mrs. Helman. 255 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,388 - Santa Claus! 256 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,931 What are you talking about? 257 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,099 Santa Claus. 258 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,475 He could be the boy's hero. 259 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,102 In one 24-hour period, 260 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,938 he delivers toys and joy to every child on earth. 261 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,815 Santa Claus is for babies. 262 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,359 You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. 263 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,696 - Yah! 264 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:41,826 Darn Russian titanium alloy... 265 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,760 Hm. Maybe it's just first hole jitters. 266 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,387 You got any tips, Boomhauer? 267 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,055 Yeah, man, I'll tell you what you do, man. 268 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,182 You just keep that dang old arm straight, man. 269 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,059 Y'all put your left hand still, man. 270 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,227 Just speed it the heck up. 271 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,437 Let's roll. 272 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,480 - Come on, Bobby. 273 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:15,901 Oh, man. 274 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,570 I'm out of cigarettes. 275 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,780 Dang, oh, y'all just hit the hedges. 276 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:20,990 Fore! 277 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,285 Mr. Gribble, who's your all-time hero? 278 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,537 You are, if you get me some smokes. 279 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,999 So the stripper says to the priest... 280 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,250 Bill, the boy. 281 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:36,630 Uh, she says, "I, uh, decided to repent and, uh... 282 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,716 Become a nun." 283 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,677 A dang ol' nun. 284 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:42,845 Tell you what, man. 285 00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:43,846 That's pretty funny. 286 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,556 Hey, dad, watch this. 287 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,266 No, no, son, don't. 288 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:51,187 All right, Bobby! 289 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:52,271 Well, I'll be. 290 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,733 Son, you just might be the next Lee Trevino 291 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,110 without the crazy accent. 292 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,405 Tell you what, I'm going to let you tee off on this hole. 293 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,364 Okay. 294 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,451 That's okay, Bobby. 295 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:06,452 You can do it. 296 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,536 Just choke up on it. 297 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,122 And swing less like a girl. 298 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,168 Aagh! 299 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,087 - Can I get a do-over? 300 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:18,464 Bobby, hop in. 301 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,925 - Hank, dispose of the witnesses. 302 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,344 Dale, come back here. 303 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:27,890 Willie Nelson! 304 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,060 - Check his pockets for cigarettes. 305 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,814 Willie Nelson! 306 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,982 Oh, my lord, are you okay? 307 00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,400 Am I bleeding from the ears? 308 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,401 No. 309 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,779 Then I must be okay then. 310 00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:43,948 Oh, Mr. Nelson, 311 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,282 I am so sorry. 312 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,201 My boy's new to golfing. 313 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,995 Oh, gosh, I'm your biggest fan. 314 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,206 I go to every concert I can. 315 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,750 I've been to every farm-aid except one. 316 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,419 I don't much care for that Bryan Adams. 317 00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,965 Darn, I wish I had my guitar here with me for you to sign. 318 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,007 Uh, here. 319 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,926 Why don't you make it out to...? 320 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:07,012 Uh, let's say... "To my best friend." 321 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,098 No, no, I don't want you to lie. 322 00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:10,850 -"To my good friend..." 323 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,227 - Uh... Hmm... 324 00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:16,355 "To my number-one fan, Hank hill." 325 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,315 - Uh... Hey, hey, Willie. 326 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,109 You know, I play guitar, too. 327 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:23,737 I also play golf but you already know that. 328 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,615 But you probably don't know you're, uh... 329 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,701 You're my hero. 330 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,327 He took our cart. 331 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,079 Was he bleeding from the ears? 332 00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,122 No. 333 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,331 He must be okay then. 334 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,125 - You don't understand, Peg. 335 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:40,337 A man only gets a chance to meet Willie Nelson once in his life. 336 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,381 It's supposed to be special. 337 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,425 - We meet on the golf course. 338 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,969 He compliments my perfect swing. 339 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:50,931 We start talking about music, cut an album, go on tour 340 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,434 open a chicken franchise. 341 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,020 How's that going to happen now? 342 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:59,023 It's my fault forever, taking the boy with me. 343 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,233 I said I was sorry. 344 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,777 Um, are you Hank Hill? 345 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,571 Uh... Yes. 346 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,866 I'm tired of being lack of focus. 347 00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,285 I'm going to show themI can do better. 348 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,078 I'm going to make my dad proud. 349 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:17,166 I'm going to not tell dad about that. 350 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,943 Hey, is that Ben Crenshaw turbo golf? 351 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:44,860 Yeah. 352 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,111 Ah! I can never get it past 353 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,571 the bunker on the third hole. 354 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:50,616 Try letting it go just below the mark on your drive. 355 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,369 Hey, you're the kid that rakes my lawn. 356 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,746 No, I'm the kid who hit you in the head. 357 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:56,747 With a rake? 358 00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,123 No, with a golf club. 359 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,000 You've been raking with a golf club? 360 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,210 I want my quarter back. 361 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:04,797 Hill Residence. 362 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,966 Dad, guess where I am. 363 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,384 I don't know. Let's see... 364 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,553 Crushing Dwight Yoakum's voice box with my five iron? 365 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:14,765 I'm at Willie Nelson's, and he wants you to come over. 366 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,643 Son, you're teasing the gorilla in the monkey house. 367 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,811 Willie Nelson here... 368 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,187 practically blind in one eye now 369 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,897 but I got your son here... 370 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,483 I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Nelson. 371 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,110 Bobby's never stalked anyone before. 372 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,820 - And he's not very good at it. 373 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,447 I mean, well, he shouldn't be stalking anybody. 374 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,324 I'll come get him right away. 375 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:45,629 Bobby! 376 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:46,797 Bobby! 377 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,340 Out of my way, rooster boy. 378 00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,512 Betsy? 379 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:55,431 What the...? 380 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,682 Hey, dad. 381 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,101 Hey, Hank, Bobby's been telling me all about you. 382 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,020 I hear you're a guitar player 383 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,063 and that you've got a narrow urethra. 384 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:03,981 Bobby... 385 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,691 Yeah. And he had me autograph your guitar. 386 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,568 You signed my guitar? 387 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,029 "To my number-one fan. Willie Nelson." 388 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,781 The fox chases the rabbit 389 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,908 around the tree trunk and into the hole. 390 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,619 I was so close. 391 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,581 Hill Residence. 392 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,874 Peggy, you'll never guess, 393 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,375 I'm at Willie Nelson's house. 394 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,794 He says we're all invited to his barbecue. 395 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,337 Gee, I'd love to come, Hank, 396 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,173 but Ann Richards and I are doing our toenails. 397 00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,924 I don't think so, Peggy. 398 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,551 I'm looking at Ann Richards right now. 399 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,678 And she's playing tetherball with one of my roadies. 400 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,138 See? That was him. 401 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,974 Oh, my lord, what do I wear? 402 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,351 It doesn't matter, Peg. Wear any old thing. 403 00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:45,147 Oh, just don't forget to bring Betsy's orange woven shoulder strap. 404 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,858 Betsy sure is a beaut, Hank. 405 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:49,818 I think trigger's getting jealous. 406 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,153 Why, thank you, Willie. 407 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:53,238 It sure means a lot coming from you. 408 00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,532 You know what they say... 409 00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:58,786 ..."I'd sell my wife before I'd sell my guitar." 410 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,956 I tell you what, man. 411 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,666 You did that dang old "Mr. Tambourine Man" 412 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,127 talk about "come play a song for me". 413 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,671 You know, then you changed your name to Zimmerman 414 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:10,714 and y'all born again. 415 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,966 Well, a whole bunch of kids are going around. 416 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,845 Mad dog denim going platinum, who knows? 417 00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:20,432 Accounting firms and dang old Boomhauer. 418 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,768 Uh, ma'am, you're going to want 419 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,353 to angle that glass. 420 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:25,771 Uh-uh. 421 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,022 You're blowing it. 422 00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:29,900 You're going to get nothing but foam. 423 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,235 Mm-hmm. 424 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:34,696 Yep. 425 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,616 You know, Mr. Hopper, I just loved you in that movie. 426 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,160 You know, the one where you played a mad villain. 427 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,912 Come on, Peggy, you wild thing. 428 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,414 Let's drive straight down to Mexico, huh? 429 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,083 Come on, right this minute. 430 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:49,711 Mexico? I wonder what a wife goes for down there, huh? 431 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,713 One guitar? Two guitars? 432 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,132 I will have to ask Hank. 433 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:58,220 Los mariachis son diablos. 434 00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,180 He's not treating you right, Peggy. 435 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,307 A delicate flower like you. 436 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,226 You want me to kick his ass? 437 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,312 Oh, you are so sweet to offer, Dennis, 438 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,940 but Hank would flatten you out like a bug. 439 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:13,902 No, this is something Peggy Hill has to handle on her own. 440 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:14,987 - Hoo yeah! 441 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,197 You go, girl! 442 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,995 That's some boy you got there, Hank. 443 00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,958 Well, it's nice of you to say that, Willie, 444 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:31,753 but Bobby's got no direction in life, no heroes. 445 00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,464 When I was his age, I worshipped you... 446 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,675 And Jesus, of course. 447 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,802 Ever think you're too tough on the boy? 448 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:39,928 Oh, I don't know. 449 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,389 Just today, he chipped Betsy's bridge, 450 00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,683 ran into my truck with the mower, 451 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,518 dinged up my favorite wedge, 452 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,228 then dinged you up worse. 453 00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:49,646 Well, now hold on there, Hank. 454 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,689 You think about it. 455 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,357 Bobby wants to play your guitar, 456 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:55,110 ride your mower and swing your golf club. 457 00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,738 I believe that kid does have a hero 458 00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,573 - and his name is Hank Hall. 459 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:00,949 Uh... Hill. 460 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,534 - Uh, yeah, right. 461 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:03,827 - Bobby... 462 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,413 - Bobby! Bobby! 463 00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:07,581 What? 464 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,374 I just want to, uh... 465 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,169 Thank you for helping me meet my hero 466 00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:14,671 and having him sign my guitar. 467 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,840 I helped him put ointment in his eye. 468 00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:18,467 Now, I'm going to show you something 469 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:21,637 you can do with a guitar that doesn't involve cheese. 470 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,099 This is a song I wrote a long time ago. 471 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:33,440 ♪ Well, I know a gal with a purdy leg ♪ 472 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,817 ♪ She's a gal who can fry my egg ♪ 473 00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,071 ♪ And her name is Peg... ♪ 474 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:41,198 ♪ ...gy ♪ 475 00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,992 ♪ Well, Peggy Peg ♪ 476 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:44,910 ♪ Peggy Peg ♪ 477 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:47,204 ♪ Pe-he-he-he-heg-a-leg ♪ 478 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:48,789 ♪ Oh, Peggy ♪ 479 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:51,458 ♪ My Peg-a-leg ♪ 480 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,293 ♪ Well, I love you ♪ 481 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:55,921 ♪ And I love you, Peggy Peg... ♪ 482 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,548 Well, uh, then it just sort of goes off 483 00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:00,676 into a buddy holly riff. 484 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,427 Oh, Hank. 485 00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:06,139 Peggy, uh, oh, I didn't realize you were there. 486 00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,766 Here, Bobby. Go practice. 487 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,726 Are you sure it's okay for me...? 488 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,686 Git. 489 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:11,687 I was headed over here 490 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,064 to knock you six ways from Sunday with that guitar. 491 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,607 Then I get here and you're playing 492 00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:17,567 that old song of yours and... 493 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:21,822 Well... I love you, propane man. 494 00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,205 You braided that perfect, Luanne. 495 00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,250 But next time lighten up a little on the glitter spray. 496 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,762 {\an8}What's that cord you hit on the... 497 00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:48,598 {\an8}Just kind of hold it just a little longer... 498 00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:50,767 {\an8}Once we go to F. 499 00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:55,856 {\an8}Now? 500 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,107 {\an8}That's a good spot.