1
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,309
What do you say we tee off together, Hank?
2
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,811
Sure thing, Willie.
3
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,237
Dead solid perfect!
4
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:36,870
Ah.
5
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,915
You know, Hank,
I've always wanted to sell propane
6
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,917
and propane accessories like you do.
7
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,045
But I guess this dang music thing came up.
8
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,006
Well, ain't no changing the past, I guess.
9
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,007
Let's jam.
10
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,733
Ah... ah... aah!
11
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,195
What in the name of God...?
12
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:12,947
Bobby!
13
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,407
Uh-oh.
14
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,689
{\an8}Son, have you lost your mind?
15
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,316
{\an8}Aren't you supposed to knock first?
16
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:49,692
{\an8}I could have been naked.
17
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,903
Bobby, how many times have I told you?
18
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:54,030
{\an8}Betsy is not a toy.
19
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,992
{\an8}- She's a 1963 guild, solid-top...
20
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:00,995
What's that smell?
21
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,997
You been playing this with your feet?
22
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,541
That's cheese, dad.
23
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:09,003
Why would there ever be cheese on Betsy?
24
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,631
It's funny. It's a comedy routine.
25
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,217
{\an8}You know, play the guitar
with a piece of cheese
26
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,010
{\an8}and you go, "Hey, look at me,
27
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,720
I'm Eddie Cheddar!"
28
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,099
You know, it's from Celery Head.
29
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,226
What is a "Celery Head"?
30
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:25,061
He's the world's best comedian.
31
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,396
He glues things.
32
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,064
{\an8}Like he glues a kleenex box
33
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,691
{\an8}to a tennis shoe and goes...
34
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:33,611
..."This is in case you have
a runny nose."
35
00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:35,405
{\an8}That's not a joke, son.
36
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,615
{\an8}That's a waste of good glue.
37
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,577
Well, he makes
three million dollars a year.
38
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,245
You must have got that wrong.
39
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:45,415
{\an8}People don't pay money
to see things like that.
40
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,916
Now, Robert Klein,
41
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,877
that's something you pay money for.
42
00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:51,462
What is going on in there?
43
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,631
{\an8}Peggy, I'm worried about our boy.
44
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,718
{\an8}Some green-haired freak
told him to rub cheese
45
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:57,927
on my guitar.
46
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,888
Oh, you mean Celery Head.
47
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,140
I saw him on entertainment tonight.
48
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,642
He makes three million dollars a year.
49
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,188
Luanne, good lord!
50
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,772
Put on some pants.
51
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,940
I'm wearing shorts.
52
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:11,941
Aah!
53
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,985
Don't scare me like that.
54
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,279
Look at this, Peggy.
55
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,781
The boy chipped Betsy's bridge
56
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:19,866
{\an8}and he woke me up
57
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,785
{\an8}from my Willie Nelson
golfing dream number three.
58
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,245
{\an8}Hank, calm down.
59
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,955
{\an8}It is just a bunch of wood and some wires.
60
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,332
{\an8}Wood and wires?
61
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,542
{\an8}I've had Betsy since high school.
62
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,294
I took her to the prom.
63
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,129
I love this guitar.
64
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,881
Do you understand what I'm saying?
65
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,008
Do you understand what love means?
66
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,093
Yes. I love my family.
67
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,595
Yeah, now you're getting it.
68
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,306
That's the kind of love I have for Betsy.
69
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,558
I'm going back to sleep.
70
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,476
You coming?
71
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,602
Uh-uh. I'm already up.
72
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:50,730
Besides, I wouldn't want
to make Betsy jealous.
73
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:54,275
Luanne, would you please
not sit like that?
74
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,695
I sell propane
75
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,364
and propane accessories.
76
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:00,990
I tell you what.
77
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,201
- Shut up, Dale.
78
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,995
- Oh. Ah, ah, ah!
79
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:08,957
Aah! Willie, no!
80
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,500
That's a one-way street!
81
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,962
Cripes, Bobby, what happened to my truck?
82
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,296
Your mower hit it.
83
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,298
Well, maybe I ought to send my mower
84
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,968
to one of those children psychologists.
85
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,138
Are you mad about something, Aunt Peggy?
86
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,890
Mad? Why would I be mad?
87
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,976
- Just because Hank pays more attention...
88
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,353
...to that silly guitar
than he does to me.
89
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:33,856
Lay off the gas, Aunt Peg.
90
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,734
If I break another nail,
I'll fail my manicure final.
91
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,820
Are you having trouble
at the beauty academy, Luanne?
92
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:39,821
No.
93
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,949
I'm also failing braidwork.
94
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,076
Braidwork does not come
natural to the women
95
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,327
in our family, honey.
96
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:47,870
You know it, I know it
97
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,330
and the whole town knows it.
98
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,958
- Sounds like your horn's going off.
99
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,002
You really think so, Bill?
100
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,420
Oh, yeah.
101
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:56,879
Darn it, Hank.
102
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,465
You know I can't have loud, sudden noises
103
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,175
while I'm meditating.
104
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:04,554
I was a nose hair away from
attaining inner peace.
105
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,180
- Yaah!
106
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,225
Don't even try to take credit for that.
107
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,561
It was not done by me.
108
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,563
It was done through me.
109
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,358
What is that "chinging" noise?
110
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,527
One of those stealth helicopters
111
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:22,530
with computerized noise
cancellation capability.
112
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,034
They're still working the "chings" out.
113
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,578
How'd you know about stealth helicopters?
114
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:32,248
- Alt. Conspiracy. Black. Helicopters.
115
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,500
Yeah, man, I tell you what,
that dang old internet man.
116
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,835
You just go on in there and
point in click.
117
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,421
Get in there and talk about www.wcallme...
118
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,089
You got them naked chicks on there, man.
119
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,466
You go click, click, click...
120
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,051
- It's real easy, man.
121
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,139
Bobby, give me that club!
122
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,933
Son, maybe I'm not getting through to you.
123
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,143
Let me explain.
124
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:55,146
You got to respect other people's things.
125
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,899
You do not use a man's pitching wedge
126
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,609
to hit clumps of mud.
127
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,361
It's not mud, dad.
128
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,612
It's dog doo.
129
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,490
- That boy ain't right.
130
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,991
- Ho yeah!
131
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,034
Excellent workout.
132
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,535
I got my rotator cuff rotating.
133
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,329
My face feels weird.
134
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,247
Carlos!
135
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:14,457
"Carlos"?
136
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:16,209
You name your things, I'll name mine.
137
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,294
Well, what about that thing named Bobby?
138
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,338
What are we going to do about him?
139
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,215
He seems bent on destroying
140
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,424
everything I own.
141
00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,636
Why can't he turn that energy
into something useful?
142
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:30,014
Like that boy with no legs
who ran across Canada?
143
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,225
Maybe you need
to spend some time together.
144
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:35,645
You know, just talking,
you and Bobby, man-o a man-o.
145
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:36,729
Well, I can't now.
146
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:37,730
I'm going golfing.
147
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:38,940
Well, take him with you.
148
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,484
Peg, we're riding a full 18 holes today.
149
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,821
You know what that kind
of stress can do to a boy?
150
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,826
Bobby, I apologize for yelling at you.
151
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,370
But sometimes you just don't listen.
152
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:56,165
It's like you got a problem
with concentration.
153
00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:58,626
Bobby?
154
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,086
Bobby?
155
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:01,587
- Bobby!
156
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,257
Hey, you just killed me!
157
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,883
Well, you needed killing.
158
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,219
You know, I've been thinking, son,
159
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,847
and I realized you don't have any goals.
160
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,515
You got to figure out
161
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,725
what you want to do with your life.
162
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,894
Okay. Can we go to six flags?
163
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,232
I think you need a role model, Bobby.
164
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,859
Someone to emulate...
165
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,318
- A hero.
166
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,779
Someone besides that broccoli neck.
167
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,365
Hmm... How about Eddie Stillson?
168
00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:30,992
Can I emulate him?
169
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,327
Now, there you go, Eddie Stillson.
170
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:36,497
Which one's he?
Is he the space shuttle astronaut
171
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:37,915
or the stock car champ?
172
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,417
He got to the end of level six
173
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:40,334
in Scream Ninja.
174
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,004
Bobby, when I say "Hero",
175
00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:45,339
I don't mean some weird Gameboy freak.
176
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,091
If you don't watch it
177
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,427
you're going to end up
like Jason Adderly's boy.
178
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,430
Deal me out this hand, Jason.
179
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:54,515
I'm about to bust.
180
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,351
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought
this was the bath...
181
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,644
Aah! Good lord!
182
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,940
You know Howard Adderly?
183
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,735
He's my number-two hero
after Eddie Stillson.
184
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,697
Bobby, you need to be lectured
all afternoon.
185
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:12,492
Peggy, I'm taking the boy
golfing, and that's that.
186
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,584
Careful now, Peggy.
187
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,336
Betsy isn't strapped in yet.
188
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:26,923
Oh, do not tell me you are taking
that thing golfing with you now.
189
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:28,382
Don't be silly, Peg.
190
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,301
Just bringing her in to get fixed.
191
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,136
Sit in the middle, son.
192
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,889
I want to make sure Betsy's
in front of the airbag.
193
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:38,976
So, Bobby,
we got to think of a hero for you.
194
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,728
Do you have a hero, dad?
195
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,397
- I sure do, and it's Willie Nelson.
196
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,690
How come?
197
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,067
Well, you might say
198
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,110
he's been my inspiration.
199
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,571
You see, Willie grew up in Texas
200
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,281
and I grew up in Texas.
201
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,742
He loves golfing and playing guitar
202
00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:57,495
I love golfing and playing guitar.
203
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,664
He's had trouble with the I.R.S.
204
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:05,086
And I must have spent six hours
last April on that 1040 form.
205
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,129
Easy my ass.
206
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,757
Do you have a hero like that?
207
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:12,552
Uh... Willie Nelson?
208
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:17,723
You're just saying Willie Nelson
because I said Willie Nelson.
209
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,809
No, I like Willie Nelson.
210
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,018
He's got long hair.
211
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,603
He's alternative.
212
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,188
Now you take that back.
213
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,650
I followed that man from
country western to country
214
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,652
to adult contemporary
215
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,696
and that's as far as I'm going.
216
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,240
Here, son, take a look at that.
217
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,410
That's Willie Nelson's
own personal golf course.
218
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,332
I am going to show
that braiding machine
219
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,458
who's boss, Aunt Peggy.
220
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:45,710
- Go on, Luanne.
221
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,170
Show this town
there's a braider in the family.
222
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,382
I'm not scared of you.
223
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,634
This time I'm going to beat you
at your own game.
224
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,727
Miss Kremzer?
225
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,021
Someone?
226
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,148
It's the bridge, isn't it?
227
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,567
Well, the bridge is the symptom.
228
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,360
Fret asymmetry is the disease.
229
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,656
Smells like a belly button.
230
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,409
Yeah, my son was playing it
with a piece of cheese.
231
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,494
You mean, like Celery Head?
232
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:23,497
Look, I'm Camembert Humperdink.
233
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,166
Les, go in the back
234
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:27,376
and alphabetize the guitar strings.
235
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,629
Alphabetize by letter or...?
236
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,755
Les.
237
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,298
- Okay.
- All right.
238
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,009
Cheese or not, this is
a sweet, sweet guitar.
239
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:35,926
Is she for sale?
240
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:36,969
Not hardly.
241
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,512
Just fix the bridge, Earl.
242
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,598
Oh, didn't think so.
243
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,976
Most guys would sell their wives before
they'd sell a guitar like this.
244
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,772
I got to remember that one.
245
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,732
Oh, heck, I got a million of them.
246
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,984
Like, women are a lot like a guitar.
247
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,903
They both come with strings attached.
248
00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:58,449
Oh, actually,
249
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,409
I guess those are the only two.
250
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,829
Most women would be threatened
by Betsy, but not me. I don't care.
251
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:06,082
And I would like to see
that guitar come home
252
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,709
and chicken-fry steak
after substitute teaching all day.
253
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:09,710
- Ow!
254
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,005
Why thank you, Mrs. Helman.
255
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,388
- Santa Claus!
256
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,931
What are you talking about?
257
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,099
Santa Claus.
258
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,475
He could be the boy's hero.
259
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,102
In one 24-hour period,
260
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,938
he delivers toys and joy
to every child on earth.
261
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,815
Santa Claus is for babies.
262
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,359
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
263
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,696
- Yah!
264
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:41,826
Darn Russian titanium alloy...
265
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,760
Hm. Maybe it's just first hole jitters.
266
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,387
You got any tips, Boomhauer?
267
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,055
Yeah, man, I'll tell you what you do, man.
268
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,182
You just keep that dang old
arm straight, man.
269
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,059
Y'all put your left hand still, man.
270
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,227
Just speed it the heck up.
271
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,437
Let's roll.
272
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,480
- Come on, Bobby.
273
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:15,901
Oh, man.
274
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,570
I'm out of cigarettes.
275
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,780
Dang, oh,
y'all just hit the hedges.
276
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:20,990
Fore!
277
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,285
Mr. Gribble, who's your all-time hero?
278
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,537
You are, if you get me some smokes.
279
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,999
So the stripper says to the priest...
280
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,250
Bill, the boy.
281
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:36,630
Uh, she says, "I, uh, decided
to repent and, uh...
282
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,716
Become a nun."
283
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,677
A dang ol' nun.
284
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:42,845
Tell you what, man.
285
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:43,846
That's pretty funny.
286
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,556
Hey, dad, watch this.
287
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,266
No, no, son, don't.
288
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:51,187
All right, Bobby!
289
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:52,271
Well, I'll be.
290
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,733
Son, you just might be
the next Lee Trevino
291
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,110
without the crazy accent.
292
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,405
Tell you what, I'm going
to let you tee off on this hole.
293
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,364
Okay.
294
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,451
That's okay, Bobby.
295
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:06,452
You can do it.
296
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,536
Just choke up on it.
297
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,122
And swing less like a girl.
298
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,168
Aagh!
299
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,087
- Can I get a do-over?
300
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:18,464
Bobby, hop in.
301
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,925
- Hank, dispose of the witnesses.
302
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,344
Dale, come back here.
303
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:27,890
Willie Nelson!
304
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,060
- Check his pockets for cigarettes.
305
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,814
Willie Nelson!
306
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,982
Oh, my lord, are you okay?
307
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,400
Am I bleeding from the ears?
308
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,401
No.
309
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,779
Then I must be okay then.
310
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:43,948
Oh, Mr. Nelson,
311
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,282
I am so sorry.
312
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,201
My boy's new to golfing.
313
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,995
Oh, gosh, I'm your biggest fan.
314
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,206
I go to every concert I can.
315
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,750
I've been to every farm-aid except one.
316
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,419
I don't much care for that Bryan Adams.
317
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,965
Darn, I wish I had my guitar here with me
for you to sign.
318
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,007
Uh, here.
319
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,926
Why don't you make it out to...?
320
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:07,012
Uh, let's say... "To my best friend."
321
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,098
No, no, I don't want you to lie.
322
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:10,850
-"To my good friend..."
323
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,227
- Uh... Hmm...
324
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:16,355
"To my number-one fan, Hank hill."
325
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,315
- Uh... Hey, hey, Willie.
326
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,109
You know, I play guitar, too.
327
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:23,737
I also play golf
but you already know that.
328
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,615
But you probably don't know you're, uh...
329
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,701
You're my hero.
330
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,327
He took our cart.
331
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,079
Was he bleeding from the ears?
332
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,122
No.
333
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,331
He must be okay then.
334
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,125
- You don't understand, Peg.
335
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:40,337
A man only gets a chance
to meet Willie Nelson once in his life.
336
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,381
It's supposed to be special.
337
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,425
- We meet on the golf course.
338
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,969
He compliments my perfect swing.
339
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:50,931
We start talking about music,
cut an album, go on tour
340
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,434
open a chicken franchise.
341
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,020
How's that going to happen now?
342
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:59,023
It's my fault forever,
taking the boy with me.
343
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,233
I said I was sorry.
344
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,777
Um, are you Hank Hill?
345
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,571
Uh... Yes.
346
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,866
I'm tired of being lack of focus.
347
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,285
I'm going to show themI can do better.
348
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,078
I'm going to make my dad proud.
349
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:17,166
I'm going to not tell dad about that.
350
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,943
Hey, is that Ben Crenshaw turbo golf?
351
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:44,860
Yeah.
352
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,111
Ah! I can never get it past
353
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,571
the bunker on the third hole.
354
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:50,616
Try letting it go just below the mark
on your drive.
355
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,369
Hey, you're the kid that rakes my lawn.
356
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,746
No, I'm the kid who hit you in the head.
357
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:56,747
With a rake?
358
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,123
No, with a golf club.
359
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,000
You've been raking with a golf club?
360
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,210
I want my quarter back.
361
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:04,797
Hill Residence.
362
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,966
Dad, guess where I am.
363
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,384
I don't know. Let's see...
364
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,553
Crushing Dwight Yoakum's
voice box with my five iron?
365
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:14,765
I'm at Willie Nelson's,
and he wants you to come over.
366
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,643
Son, you're teasing
the gorilla in the monkey house.
367
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,811
Willie Nelson here...
368
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,187
practically blind in one eye now
369
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,897
but I got your son here...
370
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,483
I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Nelson.
371
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,110
Bobby's never stalked anyone before.
372
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,820
- And he's not very good at it.
373
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,447
I mean, well, he shouldn't
be stalking anybody.
374
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,324
I'll come get him right away.
375
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:45,629
Bobby!
376
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:46,797
Bobby!
377
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,340
Out of my way, rooster boy.
378
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,512
Betsy?
379
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:55,431
What the...?
380
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,682
Hey, dad.
381
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,101
Hey, Hank, Bobby's been telling me
all about you.
382
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,020
I hear you're a guitar player
383
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,063
and that you've got a narrow urethra.
384
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:03,981
Bobby...
385
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,691
Yeah. And he had me autograph your guitar.
386
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,568
You signed my guitar?
387
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,029
"To my number-one fan. Willie Nelson."
388
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,781
The fox chases the rabbit
389
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,908
around the tree trunk and into the hole.
390
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,619
I was so close.
391
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,581
Hill Residence.
392
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,874
Peggy, you'll never guess,
393
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,375
I'm at Willie Nelson's house.
394
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,794
He says we're all invited to his barbecue.
395
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,337
Gee, I'd love to come, Hank,
396
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,173
but Ann Richards
and I are doing our toenails.
397
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,924
I don't think so, Peggy.
398
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,551
I'm looking at Ann Richards right now.
399
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,678
And she's playing tetherball
with one of my roadies.
400
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,138
See? That was him.
401
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,974
Oh, my lord, what do I wear?
402
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,351
It doesn't matter, Peg.
Wear any old thing.
403
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:45,147
Oh, just don't forget to bring Betsy's
orange woven shoulder strap.
404
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,858
Betsy sure is a beaut, Hank.
405
00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:49,818
I think trigger's getting jealous.
406
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,153
Why, thank you, Willie.
407
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:53,238
It sure means a lot coming from you.
408
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,532
You know what they say...
409
00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:58,786
..."I'd sell my wife before
I'd sell my guitar."
410
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,956
I tell you what, man.
411
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,666
You did that dang old "Mr. Tambourine Man"
412
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,127
talk about "come play a song for me".
413
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,671
You know, then you changed
your name to Zimmerman
414
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:10,714
and y'all born again.
415
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,966
Well, a whole bunch of kids
are going around.
416
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,845
Mad dog denim going platinum, who knows?
417
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:20,432
Accounting firms and dang old Boomhauer.
418
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,768
Uh, ma'am, you're going to want
419
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,353
to angle that glass.
420
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:25,771
Uh-uh.
421
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,022
You're blowing it.
422
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:29,900
You're going to get nothing but foam.
423
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,235
Mm-hmm.
424
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:34,696
Yep.
425
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,616
You know, Mr. Hopper,
I just loved you in that movie.
426
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,160
You know, the one
where you played a mad villain.
427
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,912
Come on, Peggy, you wild thing.
428
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,414
Let's drive straight down to Mexico, huh?
429
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,083
Come on, right this minute.
430
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:49,711
Mexico? I wonder what a wife
goes for down there, huh?
431
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,713
One guitar? Two guitars?
432
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,132
I will have to ask Hank.
433
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:58,220
Los mariachis son diablos.
434
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,180
He's not treating you right, Peggy.
435
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,307
A delicate flower like you.
436
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,226
You want me to kick his ass?
437
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,312
Oh, you are so sweet to offer, Dennis,
438
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,940
but Hank would flatten you out like a bug.
439
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:13,902
No, this is something Peggy Hill
has to handle on her own.
440
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:14,987
- Hoo yeah!
441
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,197
You go, girl!
442
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,995
That's some boy you got there, Hank.
443
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,958
Well, it's nice of you
to say that, Willie,
444
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:31,753
but Bobby's got no direction
in life, no heroes.
445
00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,464
When I was his age, I worshipped you...
446
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,675
And Jesus, of course.
447
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,802
Ever think you're too tough on the boy?
448
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:39,928
Oh, I don't know.
449
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,389
Just today, he chipped Betsy's bridge,
450
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,683
ran into my truck with the mower,
451
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,518
dinged up my favorite wedge,
452
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,228
then dinged you up worse.
453
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:49,646
Well, now hold on there, Hank.
454
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,689
You think about it.
455
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,357
Bobby wants to play your guitar,
456
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:55,110
ride your mower and swing your golf club.
457
00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,738
I believe that kid does have a hero
458
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,573
- and his name is Hank Hall.
459
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:00,949
Uh... Hill.
460
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,534
- Uh, yeah, right.
461
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:03,827
- Bobby...
462
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,413
- Bobby! Bobby!
463
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:07,581
What?
464
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,374
I just want to, uh...
465
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,169
Thank you for helping me meet my hero
466
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:14,671
and having him sign my guitar.
467
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,840
I helped him put ointment in his eye.
468
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:18,467
Now, I'm going to show you something
469
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:21,637
you can do with a guitar
that doesn't involve cheese.
470
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,099
This is a song I wrote a long time ago.
471
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:33,440
♪ Well, I know a gal with a purdy leg ♪
472
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,817
♪ She's a gal who can fry my egg ♪
473
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,071
♪ And her name is Peg... ♪
474
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:41,198
♪ ...gy ♪
475
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,992
♪ Well, Peggy Peg ♪
476
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:44,910
♪ Peggy Peg ♪
477
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:47,204
♪ Pe-he-he-he-heg-a-leg ♪
478
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:48,789
♪ Oh, Peggy ♪
479
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:51,458
♪ My Peg-a-leg ♪
480
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,293
♪ Well, I love you ♪
481
00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:55,921
♪ And I love you, Peggy Peg... ♪
482
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,548
Well, uh, then it just sort of goes off
483
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:00,676
into a buddy holly riff.
484
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,427
Oh, Hank.
485
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:06,139
Peggy, uh, oh, I didn't
realize you were there.
486
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,766
Here, Bobby. Go practice.
487
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,726
Are you sure it's okay for me...?
488
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,686
Git.
489
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:11,687
I was headed over here
490
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,064
to knock you six ways from
Sunday with that guitar.
491
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,607
Then I get here and you're playing
492
00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:17,567
that old song of yours and...
493
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:21,822
Well... I love you, propane man.
494
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,205
You braided that perfect, Luanne.
495
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,250
But next time lighten up
a little on the glitter spray.
496
00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,762
{\an8}What's that cord you hit on the...
497
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:48,598
{\an8}Just kind of hold it
just a little longer...
498
00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:50,767
{\an8}Once we go to F.
499
00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:55,856
{\an8}Now?
500
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,107
{\an8}That's a good spot.