1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,045
(light music)
2
00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:07,007
(fast-paced light music)
3
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:36,578
{\an8}-(light music)
-(grunting)
4
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,580
{\an8}Just two more. Come on.
5
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,415
{\an8}MANGIONE (on TV): Okay, five more.
6
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:43,043
{\an8}Okay, five more.
7
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:45,128
{\an8}Hey, you said two.
8
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:46,796
{\an8}You can't predict this tape.
9
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,256
{\an8}I've done it enough to know.
10
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,383
{\an8}My game boy's out of batteries.
11
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,802
{\an8}I need to get on the Nintendo quick.
12
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,304
{\an8}Just a minute, Bobby.
13
00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:55,972
{\an8}Get ready to turn.
14
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,849
{\an8}And turn.
15
00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,851
{\an8}-(light music continues)
-(thumping)
16
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:01,227
{\an8}Way to go, Bobby.
17
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:03,146
{\an8}-(light music continues)
-(thumping)
18
00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:04,522
{\an8}Hi, Uncle Hank.
19
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,649
{\an8}Ugh. Shut that off.
20
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:10,070
Bobby, stop dancing now!
21
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,030
He is not just dancing.
22
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,407
He's firming his thighs
and tightening his buttocks.
23
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:15,492
Watch your mouth!
24
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:16,409
Geez!
25
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:17,911
(Hank screams)
26
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,456
HANK: God... Dang... Luanne!
27
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,291
Ah! Darn it!
(pained groan)
28
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:25,085
Look at this place.
29
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,544
- What is it, Uncle Hank?
-(grunts)
30
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:29,589
{\an8}The sofa bed's in the "Out" position.
31
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,175
And I can't find nothing in here anymore.
32
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:34,135
{\an8}- What are you looking for?
-(bed squeaks)
33
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:37,055
{\an8}I didn't use to have to
be looking for something.
34
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,432
I'd come into my den and just look.
35
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:43,186
Look at my different stuff
and get ideas about what I want.
36
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,312
Don't worry, Uncle Hank.
37
00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:46,439
- I'll be out of your hair soon.
-(light music)
38
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:49,150
I think Buckley's going
to ask me to move in.
39
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,527
Isn't it neat?
40
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:54,405
I'll be going from daddy
to you to Buckley.
41
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:57,242
{\an8}Yeah, it's an amazing journey, Luanne.
42
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,493
What about this?
43
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,245
Maybe you want this record?
44
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,330
No! It doesn't work like that.
45
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:03,498
How about this tackle box?
46
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,251
Luanne, what did I just, uh...
47
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:08,628
Uh, well, that might need reorganizing.
48
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,005
(water trickles)
49
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:13,800
(loud motorcycle approaching)
50
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,843
Get a muffler!
51
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,512
- You moron!
- Cut the engine!
52
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:18,471
Come on.
53
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:19,889
- What do you think you're doing?
- Yeah, man.
54
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,892
Why do you let Luanne
go out with that hairball?
55
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,562
It's none of my business.
She's not my daughter.
56
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:30,066
Anyway, that Buckley may be dumb as dirt,
but he's her ticket out of my house.
57
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,318
-(birds chirping)
-(footsteps)
58
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,822
-(engine revs)
-(tires screech)
59
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:39,075
(engine revving)
60
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,160
Keep going!
61
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,662
They should be out of my sight by now.
62
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:46,166
(engine revving)
63
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,543
-(footsteps)
-(Luanne sobbing)
64
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,378
(quivers)
He...
65
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:53,256
(crying, mumbling)
66
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,633
Yeah, man. Them dang old birds, man.
67
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,218
Flying low this season, man.
68
00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,346
Probably dang old awkward,
man, tell you what.
69
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,806
(crying continues)
70
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,142
-(footsteps)
-(birds chirping)
71
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,019
What the heck was that?
72
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,729
That was a breakup.
73
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:12,108
At least that's what it was the last time
I ran into the house crying.
74
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,320
-(birds chirping)
-(crying)
75
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,823
(screaming, sobbing)
76
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:25,997
Uh...
77
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,499
(chuckles)
Lot of tears.
78
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,544
Guess what was on sale.
79
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,129
Oh, my lord, you've been dumped.
80
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,298
(crying continues)
81
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,966
Oh, there, there.
82
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,427
All right.
You tell Aunt Peggy all about it.
83
00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:43,306
(sobbing loudly)
84
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:47,644
-(sobbing continues)
-(hammering)
85
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,063
(thuds)
86
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:54,734
(tools whirring)
87
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,527
(hammering)
88
00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,364
(thuds)
89
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:00,990
Fish sticks?
90
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,952
(sobbing)
91
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,411
Ah...
92
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,956
You know, I was almost killed...
93
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,332
Okay, Hank, please...
94
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:10,833
Try and be sensitive.
95
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,002
(sobbing continues)
96
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,713
Okay, honey, go ahead. You let it out.
97
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:16,881
It is natural.
98
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,800
This is the healing process.
99
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:22,595
-(snoring)
-(Luanne's sobbing continues)
100
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:25,348
Peggy.
101
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,183
I had a talk with her today.
(inhales)
102
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,726
We are past the first hump.
103
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,728
So that leaves only seven more humps.
104
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:33,064
Peggy, I need you to fix her now.
105
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,607
Without my quiet time,
106
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,068
I'm not an effective propane salesman.
107
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,736
Well, you can't rush it, Hank.
108
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,614
The formula is
for however long she was dating him,
109
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,783
that's how long it takes to get over him.
110
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:46,327
You mean we got three more weeks of this?
111
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,246
If you don't fix her, I'll have to.
112
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,039
(chuckles)
Oh, well, honey,
113
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,000
I don't think you have
the tools for that job.
114
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,418
What's that supposed to mean?
115
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,628
Well, remember when my Aunt died,
116
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:58,589
and you kept grabbing me
and saying, "Let's wrestle"?
117
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,383
But you told me that helped you.
118
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,426
I did?
119
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:02,719
Well, yes, it did.
120
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:03,636
See?
121
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,222
Look, if you really want to help,
sometime tomorrow,
122
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,057
you tell Luanne she looks pretty.
123
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,101
What's that got to do with anything?
124
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,186
She just needs to hear it from a man.
125
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:15,106
Three words, "You look pretty."
126
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,190
And nothing more.
127
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,525
(birds chirping)
128
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,777
MAN 1 (on TV): So what you thinking
about there, Stu?
129
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,363
I'm thinking about
flipping that steak there.
130
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,907
-Well, all rightie.
- No, flip that other one!
131
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,492
-(quirky music)
- ANNOUNCER: Don't go away.
132
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,078
We'll be right back
With more of make a steak.
133
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,623
SINGER (on speaker): ♪ At mega lo mart ♪
134
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:36,336
♪ You're shopping
for the rest of your life ♪
135
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,088
MANGIONE (on TV): How you doin' out there?
I'm Chuck Mangione.
136
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,591
You know, even celebrities
have to hunt for bargains.
137
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:47,013
That's why I go to mega lo mart
where shopping "Feels so good."
138
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,390
-This week, 12 five-pound bags...
-(gasps)
139
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,851
...of gourmet chocolates for ten dollars.
140
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,811
- That's Buckley's section.
-(slurps)
141
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,981
(sobbing)
142
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:03,404
(sobbing continues)
143
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,115
(sighs)
144
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,703
(sobbing continues)
145
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,915
Uh... You look pretty?
146
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,875
I was dumped!
147
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,001
(chimes)
148
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,836
PEGGY: Three words. Nothing more.
149
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,338
You look pretty.
150
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:21,798
Nothing more.
151
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,634
Why aren't you saying anything?
152
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:28,513
Uh... I never liked that Buckley.
153
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,098
You should be happy.
154
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:33,476
That guy was an annoying,
greasy-headed loser.
155
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,687
I was dumped... by a loser.
156
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:39,899
(sobbing)
157
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,109
Ah, geez.
158
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,570
Luanne, sometimes,
life throws you a curve ball.
159
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,156
There's two ways you can deal with it,
160
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:51,369
you can cry, and that's the path
you've chosen
161
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,497
or you can not cry.
162
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:57,041
How do you not cry?
163
00:06:57,125 --> 00:07:01,546
Well, instead of letting it out,
try holding it in.
164
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,006
Every time you have a feeling,
165
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:07,051
just stick it into
a little pit inside your stomach
166
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,219
and never let it out.
167
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,720
-(footsteps)
-(birds chirping)
168
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,722
(whimpers)
169
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:14,767
Are you supposed to have
a pain under your rib?
170
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,061
Yes. That's natural.
171
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:20,064
The body doesn't want
to swallow its emotions.
172
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:21,774
But now, you go ahead
173
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,569
and put that pain
inside your stomach, too.
174
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,529
I think it's working, Uncle Hank.
175
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:30,199
I feel sick but not sad.
176
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,409
There you go.
177
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:32,869
Look at my friend, Bill.
178
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:35,997
He went through the worst divorce
this county's ever seen.
179
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,665
But you never see him crying.
180
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,375
(window squeaks)
181
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:45,756
(sobs loudly)
182
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,593
I'm scared I'll never find another guy.
183
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,219
Ah, don't worry about that.
184
00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:51,554
Peggy told me,
185
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:54,390
if you dated your old boyfriend
for three weeks,
186
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,851
you'll get a new one in three weeks. Tops.
187
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,896
LUANNE: Another thing I hate about Buckley
188
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,898
he always takes me to all-you-can-eat
189
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,734
and says I have to sneak off his plate
so I just get iced tea.
190
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,361
And then, he's too scared
of getting caught to share.
191
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,739
(shivers)
I hate guys like that.
192
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:13,075
And why do boys with braces
always want to French kiss?
193
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:14,827
Uh...
194
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,956
Pass me some more of that cookie dough.
195
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,125
(light music)
196
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,460
Mm-mmm.
197
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,837
I never knew you could eat it raw.
198
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,006
It's almost as good as ice cream.
199
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:30,134
You know, they make ice cream
with cookie dough already in it.
200
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,011
Darn, sister, get me my keys.
201
00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:36,682
(both laughing)
202
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,559
-(switch clicks)
- Luanne, where have you been?
203
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,311
We were supposed to be crying all night.
204
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,355
I spent the whole day with Uncle Hank.
205
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,566
Luanne, uh, why don't you
go get the fold-out ready?
206
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:46,734
Okay.
207
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:48,819
- Good night, Uncle Hank and Aunt Peggy.
-(door opens)
208
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:49,987
-(door closes)
- Good night!
209
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,072
Hank, what did you do?
210
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:53,115
I did what you couldn't do.
211
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,952
Now I'm not saying
you're not good at what you do.
212
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,453
I'm just saying I'm better.
213
00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:01,040
I went in there and fixed her
like fixing a carburetor.
214
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,000
And you know what? It was fun.
215
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,710
Like fixing a carburetor.
216
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,088
But, Hank, I told you not to meddle.
217
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:10,091
This is a natural process,
and you cannot manipulate...
218
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,342
You know, you look pretty.
219
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:12,760
Really?
220
00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:16,097
Ah, Hank, well, that's sweet.
221
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,266
But I mean it. You have got to stop...
222
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,517
You look pretty, Peg.
223
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,061
- Oh, thank you.
-(crickets chirping)
224
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,566
-(light music)
-(cars approaching)
225
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,236
(tires screech)
226
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,530
(car door opens, closes)
227
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:33,990
HANK: You ladies go on ahead.
228
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,367
We got to help Bill close his jeans.
229
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,952
(chuckles)
Yeah.
230
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,245
All right, let's go.
231
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,582
All right, we have to find
a nice boyfriend for Luanne.
232
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:46,586
Boy, that seems like a pile of work
just to get your den back.
233
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,212
Well, it's not about my den,
234
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,048
it's about that poor girl
living in my den.
235
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,508
So, what's her type?
236
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,177
-(rock music)
-(engine revving)
237
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,555
(tools whirring)
238
00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:59,890
-(yelling)
-(thumping)
239
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,018
Uh, never mind about her type.
240
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,769
Just find a regular guy.
241
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:08,149
It's a scientific fact
that women like round, muscular butts.
242
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:11,485
I'm going to look for a guy
with a round, muscular butt.
243
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:12,903
(light music)
244
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,406
Uh, maybe we should split up.
245
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,283
Oh, one more thing,
246
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,076
Peggy doesn't know about this.
247
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,786
Well, you want me to tell her?
248
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,371
(sighs)
No, Bill.
249
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,748
Just dance with her.
250
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,207
Keep her busy.
251
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,501
What... me? Dancing?
252
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,545
(chuckles)
I don't, I don't... I don't know.
253
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,423
My arms around a, a warm...
254
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,341
Okay.
255
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:36,218
(bright music)
256
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,976
Uh, hmm...
257
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,019
Nah.
258
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:48,689
Uh, hmm...
259
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:50,983
Possible.
260
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,943
Dale, I bought you a beer.
261
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,862
- Mind if I dance with your wife?
-(crowd cheers)
262
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:55,821
Take her.
263
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,907
-(footsteps)
-(slurps)
264
00:10:58,532 --> 00:10:59,617
(smacks lips)
Sucker.
265
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:02,078
Y'all know, man, he ain't
going to have to worry.
266
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,622
You go out with Luanne,
she going to go Dutch, man.
267
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,831
There's no other way.
268
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,375
Well, you smell nice.
269
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,918
Dance with me, Sugar?
270
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,670
(chuckles)
Hey, boy, I tell you what, man.
271
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,255
It's that dang old Ck-1, man.
Just like catnip.
272
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:16,175
(bright music continues)
273
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,428
Hey, you seem like a regular guy.
274
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,640
(bright music continues)
275
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,557
HANK: Hm.
276
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,102
Hey, what's Hank doing over there?
277
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,269
Oh, I don't see him.
278
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,565
Bill, why are you spinning me
into souvenir gulch?
279
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,026
It's been a while.
I can't remember all the steps.
280
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,779
Well, just do what I say,
and we'll get along fine.
281
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:40,491
On three, brush right, then fan left
then scoot, scrape and scuff.
282
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:41,867
(bright music)
283
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:42,827
Ah.
284
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:47,039
(bright music continues)
285
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,666
What's your name, son?
286
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,625
Wade, sir.
287
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:51,669
That's some buckle you got there.
288
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:52,712
Thank you, sir.
289
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,547
Means a lot coming from a man like you
290
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,675
who I can plainly see,
knows a thing or two about buckles.
291
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,427
Well, uh...
(chuckles)
292
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,137
Well, this round's on me.
293
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,597
And grapevine left hitch right.
294
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:07,268
Fan, fan, double dog down
hitch kick now, slap that heel.
295
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,978
Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe.
296
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,229
Knee, toe, heel...
297
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,522
- Quarterback, huh?
-(slurping)
298
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:12,565
Varsity.
299
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,525
- Love your mama?
- You know I do.
300
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,235
She cooks with a gas range?
301
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,361
Propane.
302
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,529
Hm.
303
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,365
I don't know if I'm ready, Uncle Hank.
304
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:22,616
Sure you are!
305
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,452
And Wade's a catch and a half.
306
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,829
He can run the 40 in under five seconds.
307
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,372
But my heart is telling me...
308
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,082
Your heart is telling you?
309
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,126
Who's the boss? You or your heart?
310
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,419
You are.
311
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,463
Your heart is your employee.
312
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,340
So get your heart off its butt
and back to work.
313
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,009
You're right, Uncle Hank.
314
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,343
What am I waiting for?
315
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:43,637
Let's go get Wade!
316
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,057
(bright music)
317
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:48,392
-(crowd cheers)
- Bill, you need to have
318
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,393
more confidence in yourself.
319
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,313
If you ask Peggy Hill,
you boot scoot with the best of them.
320
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,356
Well, I, I don't know.
(chuckles)
321
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,193
BAND LEADER: All right. This next one's
going to be ladies' choice.
322
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,986
- Excuse me, Bill.
- Hm.
323
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,530
(upbeat music)
324
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,531
Hey, Peggy.
325
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:04,200
Better than aerobics, huh?
326
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,826
You worked up quite a sweat.
327
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,661
That's not my sweat.
328
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,997
(upbeat music)
329
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:15,920
Where's Luanne?
330
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,129
Luanne's fine.
331
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,465
She's going to get a ride home
with a friend.
332
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,383
Tush push on three...
333
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:22,968
And... Three.
334
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,929
(light music)
335
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,347
(squishes)
336
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:27,890
(slurps)
337
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,559
Is Luanne going
to marry her new boyfriend?
338
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,478
Well, you never can tell.
339
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,647
- But my guess is, yeah.
-(horn honking)
340
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,482
- BUCKLEY: Luanne!
-(crickets chirping)
341
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,983
-(footsteps)
- That's Buckley.
342
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,485
Those better be for me.
343
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,195
Nah. The, they're for me for later.
344
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,488
Whe, where's Luanne?
345
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,990
Luanne is out with her new boyfriend.
346
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,033
She's in love.
347
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,159
You blew it, dip head.
348
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,994
You can't compete with this new guy.
349
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,412
He's a football player.
350
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,082
And football players know
how to treat women right.
351
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:55,793
Now get off my lawn and don't come back.
352
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,545
-(engine revs)
-(glass door closes)
353
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,213
Why'd you send Buckley away?
354
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:00,714
Luanne wants him back.
355
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:01,841
Not going to happen.
356
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,384
I found her a new guy.
357
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,427
You broke the rebound rule?
358
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,221
What has gotten into you, Hank?
359
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:11,016
Well, I was kind of hoping
she might fall in love with Wade.
360
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,185
Well, hope in one hand
and poo in the other.
361
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,520
See which gets full first.
362
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,981
Mm-mm. You are out
of your depth, Hank hill.
363
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,816
- You've opened a pandora's box.
-(chimes)
364
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:22,570
A box that has a sign
that reads "For women only."
365
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:25,114
-(women chanting)
- As long as it took that river to carve
366
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,282
the grand canyon.
367
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,659
That is how long women have been learning
368
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:31,328
- to subtly manipulate relationships.
-(squeaking)
369
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:35,583
You only think it's easy
because we make it look easy.
370
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,459
Did you really believe
371
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,504
- you could step in and fix it overnight?
-(baby crying)
372
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:43,215
Could you really be such a fool?
373
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,925
Woe is you, Hank Hill.
374
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,135
Woe is you.
375
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,553
- No! No!
-(thuds)
376
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,221
No, everything's going to be fine.
377
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,015
Wade's a good guy.
378
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,975
You don't know. He runs fast.
379
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,268
It, it'll be fine.
380
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,394
(car approaching)
381
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:58,480
- What's that?
-(engine revving smoothly)
382
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,649
See? Everything's fine.
383
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,568
Good old Wade drove her home.
384
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,819
Look at that.
385
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,988
He's fixed his dodge up
just like Boomhauer's.
386
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:08,032
Why on earth would anyone do that?
387
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,992
Boomhauer?
388
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:12,828
Good night.
389
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,246
Thanks for the lift.
390
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:19,001
(yells)
No!
391
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,669
(upbeat music sting)
392
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,255
(crickets chirping)
393
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,214
(kisses)
394
00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:28,552
-(glass door opens)
-(footsteps)
395
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,637
Luanne...
396
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,305
What happened to Wade?
397
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,848
Why aren't you with Wade?
398
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,308
I want Wade.
399
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:37,811
As soon as you left,
Wade turned into Mr. Grabby Sam.
400
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,106
I think that you just fixed me up with him
so you could get your den back.
401
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,108
Thank goodness, Boomhauer gave me a lift.
402
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,026
A lift?
403
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,153
Is that what they're
calling it these days?
404
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:47,988
You can't trust this guy.
405
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:51,283
He's a no-good, immoral
skirt-chasin' rascal.
406
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,911
So, at least you like him
better than Buckley.
407
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,121
What are you saying
he's your new boyfriend?
408
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,039
Hank...
409
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,248
So, what if he is?
410
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,417
- If he is, he ain't no more.
- Hank...
411
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:03,003
You can't tell me what to do.
You're not my father.
412
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,089
Yeah, I guess not.
413
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,966
You're darn straight I'm not.
414
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,927
But while you're under my roof,
I'm your landlord.
415
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,888
And as your landlord,
I forbid you to date Boomhauer.
416
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,307
- Shut up, Hank.
- I can find another roof.
417
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,434
I'll stay at Boomhauer's.
418
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:18,686
- Fine.
- Fine!
419
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,854
Hey, wait, man!
This ain't gonna work out, man,
420
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,773
these little old gals come around here.
421
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:23,941
Flat out no, man.
422
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,776
Thanks, Boomhauer. Let's go.
423
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:29,363
These dang old women from Mars,
man, I'll tell you what.
424
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,241
-(car door slams)
-(car pulls away)
425
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,534
(dogs barking in distance)
426
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:34,952
(crickets chirping)
427
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,037
Don't go in there, Luanne!
428
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,080
I'm warning you!
429
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,331
-(door slams)
- You'll be sorry!
430
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,541
Darn it.
431
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:43,335
This neighborhood
is turning into melrose place.
432
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,338
-(thuds)
-(grunts)
433
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,049
-(crickets chirping)
-(footsteps)
434
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:55,597
-(whirring)
-(clatters)
435
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,391
Hank, it's after midnight.
436
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,726
What the heck are you doing?
437
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,687
Clearing some space for my leaf blower.
438
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,813
Mm-hmm.
439
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,858
Now, Hank, this is not
about the leaf blower, is it?
440
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:06,859
Sure, it is.
441
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,820
(clattering)
442
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,947
(gulping)
443
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,782
- What are you eating?
- Nothing.
444
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,659
You are eating your emotions, aren't you?
445
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,245
Maybe. Who knows?
I don't know. I don't care. Whatever.
446
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:21,957
You thought you could fix Luanne
like a flywheel drive plate.
447
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,418
But a flywheel drive plate
doesn't talk back.
448
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,712
Flywheel drive plates
do not have feelings.
449
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:27,880
Flywheel drive plates...
450
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,006
I took her in, Peg.
451
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:31,258
I put a 20-year roof over her head.
452
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,469
And a sofa sleeper under the rest of her.
453
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:35,262
And this is the thanks I get?
454
00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:36,388
Well, no thanks.
455
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:39,349
(gulping)
456
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,726
Just face it, Hank Hill.
457
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:44,646
The only reason you're this upset is
because you care so much about Luanne.
458
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,399
The only thing I care about
is getting my den back.
459
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,694
-(somber music sting)
-(clatters)
460
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,531
Boy, I've never been in here before.
461
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,575
Ooh, it sure is bachelory.
462
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,702
Can I turn this light on?
463
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:00,871
Oh... Uh, mm.
464
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,790
That, that's real pretty.
465
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,208
Uh. Gosh...
466
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:07,377
Oh, you move very fast, Boomhauer.
467
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,047
But I'm having all these feelings,
468
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,673
and I need just a little time to...
469
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:13,634
(door closes)
470
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,053
(sighs)
471
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,388
HANK: Okay, last case of beer.
472
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,099
- Let's divvy it up.
-(clanks)
473
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:24,103
BILL: Hey, it don't split up even anymore.
474
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,938
DALE: That one's Boomhauer's.
475
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,524
That cradle robber's
getting none of my beer.
476
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,484
Boomhauer didn't do anything.
477
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,361
And even if he did, why do you care?
478
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,862
Luanne's not your relation.
479
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,532
Heck, she's my wife's brother's daughter.
480
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,367
You can't get any closer than that.
481
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,203
Look, let's just split that six-pack up.
482
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,371
We can each take two.
483
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,622
(birds chirping)
484
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,208
Tell you what, why don't I just
take the whole thing?
485
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:49,670
-(bright music plays)
- Okay, mom, let's try a move of my own.
486
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,923
And split-kick right and back.
487
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:56,885
And split-kick left
and sideways shuffle go.
488
00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:58,804
(groans)
489
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:01,557
- Oh, are you okay, Bobby?
- Yeah.
490
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,642
Well, it was a nice move.
491
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,102
Yeah.
492
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:06,603
Oh, honey.
493
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,981
It's just not right without Luanne.
494
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,274
Yeah.
495
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,693
(crickets chirping)
496
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,194
-(light music)
-(clinking)
497
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,321
This was a nice idea, Peg.
498
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,781
Get us out of that house.
499
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:20,826
Son, they got eight kinds of ketchup here
500
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,786
and three kinds of catsup.
501
00:19:23,453 --> 00:19:25,164
BOOMHAUER: I'm gonna have
some of that ol' fried chicken.
502
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,123
Oh, no.
503
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,458
And a plate of fried chicken
French fries side of fries.
504
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,837
Luanne! And Boomhauer, too.
505
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,047
(tongue clicks)
Well, isn't this a nice surprise?
506
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:37,384
Uh, is that gravy lumpy tonight?
507
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:39,803
Hi, Aunt Peggy, Uncle Hank.
508
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,264
I'll take a bowl of white gravy
509
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,224
and a bowl of brown gravy.
510
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:47,144
Hey, Dad, it's Luanne, right behind you.
511
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,563
Dad, it's Luanne.
512
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:51,899
Hey, dad, can't you hear me?
513
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,775
Luanne, right behind you!
514
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:54,943
(light music)
515
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,236
-(thuds)
-(clinking)
516
00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:58,947
Say, Hank, man,
517
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:02,659
I don't know what you're thinking, man,
but I ain't no dang ol' Woody Allen.
518
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,037
With that little soon lee, man.
Nothing gonna happen.
519
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:08,290
Boomhauer, you're not going
to talk your way out of this one.
520
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,417
Uncle Hank, I was...
521
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,294
Don't "Uncle" me anymore, Luanne.
522
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:15,130
Just come on by tomorrow
and pick your stuff up.
523
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,591
I got it all boxed and ready to go.
524
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:19,468
(somber music sting)
525
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,471
Well, you finally got your wish.
526
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,431
You are going to get your den back.
527
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:25,474
I hope you're happy.
528
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:29,019
(crying)
529
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,979
HANK: Look it, she's crying again.
530
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:34,983
I guess she just got dumped
by her new boyfriend, Boomhauer.
531
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,653
Boomhauer didn't dump her. You did.
532
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,820
What? What was that?
533
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:41,823
She said, "Boomhauer didn't
dump her. You did."
534
00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:44,076
Pass the catsup.
535
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,787
-(footsteps)
-(birds chirping)
536
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:50,707
-(sighs deeply)
-(somber music)
537
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:51,625
(door closes)
538
00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:53,543
I came for my stuff.
539
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:54,836
HANK: It's all in there.
540
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,589
(somber music)
541
00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,259
(crying)
542
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,469
(somber music continues)
543
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:06,306
(sniffles)
544
00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:08,392
(light music)
545
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:11,103
(whimpers)
546
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,397
Uh, I was moving stuff around,
547
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:17,150
and it seems that the room
looks a little better this way.
548
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,568
(sniffs)
549
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:20,195
The bed is even out.
550
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:24,074
Well, I figure there's no sense
in packing it up night after night.
551
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,952
I love you, Uncle Hank.
552
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,745
(sobbing)
553
00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:30,247
Oh, lord.
554
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:34,251
(sobbing continues)
555
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:38,547
(sniffles)
556
00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:41,383
{\an8}-(birds chirping)
- Is he still looking?
557
00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:42,634
{\an8}(slurps)
558
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:44,803
{\an8}Yep.
559
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:47,889
{\an8}You know, Hank,
maybe it's time to settle this.
560
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:52,019
{\an8}Yeah. I just hate
these big emotional scenes.
561
00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:54,938
{\an8}Well, let's get it over with.
562
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:57,065
{\an8}Boomhauer!
563
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:57,983
{\an8}Yep?
564
00:21:57,983 --> 00:21:58,942
{\an8}Beer?
565
00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:01,611
{\an8}Yep.
566
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:05,615
{\an8}That was beautiful.
567
00:22:06,074 --> 00:22:09,411
{\an8}(gulping)
568
00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:12,039
(birds chirping)