1
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,872
{\an8}How was beauty school, Luanne?
2
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:42,042
{\an8}Oh, how did the big shampooing final go?
3
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:45,045
{\an8}Well, I passed "Lather,"
but I failed "Rinse."
4
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,130
{\an8}And then I failed "Repeat," too.
5
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:50,300
{\an8}Because it includes "Rinse,"
which I don't think is very fair.
6
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,553
Damn...
7
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,346
{\an8}Um, Hank?
8
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,015
{\an8}You forgot to flush.
9
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,141
{\an8}Didn't have to.
10
00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,350
{\an8}Didn't do anything.
11
00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:00,643
{\an8}Oh.
12
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,104
{\an8}I see.
13
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:05,356
How long has this been going on?
14
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,026
There's nothing "Going on," Peg.
15
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,694
That's the problem.
16
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,529
Well, how long have you had this problem?
17
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:12,906
{\an8}There is no problem.
18
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,992
{\an8}Please, this is not something
we need to talk about.
19
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:18,328
Well, if you do have a problem, I can...
20
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,454
{\an8}Peggy, please!
21
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:20,580
{\an8}For god's sakes.
22
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,165
I'm getting a bite.
23
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,834
Is there any chicken-fried steak left?
24
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,016
Here.
25
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,184
What's this?
26
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,268
It's megamucil.
27
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:45,355
I take ten heaping teaspoons
in a glass of water every night
28
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,565
- to stay regular.
- I don't want to know that!
29
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:48,691
Oh, come on, honey.
30
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,944
Look, it is gentle and all-natural.
31
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:51,986
No, no, no.
32
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,530
Stop, please.
33
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,825
This is my own private, personal,
private business.
34
00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,076
At least drink the water.
35
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,494
If you drink enough water,
36
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:00,870
it will flush out your system...
37
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:01,955
- Blah, blah, blah...
- Hank!
38
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,873
- I'm telling you that it's good for you.
- ...blah, blah, blah.
39
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:06,167
Hey, eggs and sausage.
40
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,502
- That looks good.
- Hm.
41
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,795
Peggy, where's my breakfast?
42
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,089
Hmm?
43
00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,133
What are these?
44
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,593
I baked muffins.
45
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:16,845
So, good for you.
46
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,304
Where's my sausage?
47
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,515
Well, we're out of sausage.
48
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,934
Hank, try a muffin. They are oat bran.
49
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,853
Uh, sure.
50
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,275
You should eat those, Dad.
51
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,818
- They help you make.
52
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,319
Excuse me?
53
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,363
- Huh?
- What are you implying?
54
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,282
Well, I thought you were cons...
55
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,159
Where would you get such an idea?
56
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,076
That's ridiculous.
57
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,663
Anyway, that's not something
you should ever know about your father.
58
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,498
Well, it's pretty obvious.
59
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,709
You were in the bathroom
for an hour last night.
60
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:48,751
No, I wasn't.
61
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,545
Okay, Dad.
62
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,088
Give me that.
63
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,552
What is it, Ladybird?
64
00:02:58,553 --> 00:02:59,846
You want to go out?
65
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:00,763
Again?
66
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,729
Show-off.
67
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,441
Oh, Nancy, I'm worried about Hank.
68
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,610
He hasn't "Done his business"
69
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,236
in four days.
70
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,197
Good lord!
71
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,448
Poor Hank.
72
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,283
He looks so healthy.
73
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,286
But then, you know, so did Elvis Presley.
74
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,331
Nancy, you don't think
it's something serious?
75
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,791
Well, I'm a meteorologist,
76
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:29,959
not a doctor.
77
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,337
But if I had to make an educated guess,
78
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,422
I'd say he's got polio.
79
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:38,009
Oh, all right, I'm not a meteorologist.
80
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,260
I'm a weather girl.
81
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,179
So, Hank, what's this I hear
82
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,889
about you being backed up?
83
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,349
Nothing. What the...
84
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:48,436
Who are you thinking about, talking to,
it's not me, I'm fine.
85
00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,188
Well, that's not what I heard.
86
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,231
Heard from who?
87
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,148
Dale.
88
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,358
How does dale know?
89
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,275
Nancy.
90
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:55,652
Nancy knows, too?
91
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,238
Huh. Who... That Peggy.
92
00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,740
Why not just take the door
off the bathroom
93
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:01,991
and put it out on the lawn?
94
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:05,286
Oh, Hank, it happens
to everyone now and then.
95
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,747
There's no reason to be embarrassed.
96
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,291
Maybe I'm not the one
who should be embarrassed.
97
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,834
Did you ever think of that?
98
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,504
Maybe you're going a little too much.
99
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:18,841
Once every four or five days
gives me more free time.
100
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,512
You want to spend all your time
on the toilet, be my guest.
101
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,222
Have you tried squatting?
102
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,516
It takes pressure off the lower body.
103
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,101
You know, Hank.
104
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,104
I find a ride on the lawnmower helps.
105
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,564
Would you please stop talking about this?
106
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,234
Hey, Hank, you know, I've been thinking
107
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,195
about y'all and your dang ole bottom
and all what's gonna get moving again,
108
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,656
I think y'all oughta go jogging,
or swimming, or water somethin', man.
109
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,825
They gonna be having you
pooping just like you used to.
110
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,118
Man, I know it's gonna work.
111
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,412
It helped my aunt after her pregnancy.
112
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,205
I don't know you, do I?
113
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,123
No, you don't.
114
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:53,084
Would you all please leave me be?
115
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,545
This is no one's business but my own.
116
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,676
Okay, but I've got one
117
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,803
that's guaranteed to work for you, Hank.
118
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,931
You take a spoon full of bacon grease...
119
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,183
I'm not eating bacon grease.
120
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,351
You didn't let me finish.
121
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:14,897
Simple chronic constipation
can be a symptom
122
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,983
of a more serious condition.
123
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,234
I should know.
124
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,903
I'm former surgeon general
C. Everett Koop.
125
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,905
Why did you have to go tell Nancy
126
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,325
about my bathroom shortcomings?
127
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,035
Food that is not absorbed
128
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:30,288
Becomes waste and enters
the pouch-like cecum.
129
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:31,831
Who the hell is that?
130
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:32,999
Howard Stern?
131
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:37,128
-Temperature Is a pleasant 70 degrees.
132
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,796
And on a more personal note,
133
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,631
I want to wish my friend Hank Hill
134
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,134
a quick recovery for his
embarrassing consti--
135
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:44,469
-...pation.
136
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,387
Peggy, why'd you do this to me?
137
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,722
Now everybody knows.
138
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,974
Oh, Hank, I was worried.
139
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,934
So? Worry to yourself.
140
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,728
I'm tired of worrying to myself.
141
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,646
It's better to talk things out, Hank.
142
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,273
Not these things.
143
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,900
Not toilet things.
144
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,610
All right, Hank. All right.
145
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,986
If it makes you this upset,
146
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:05,156
I will just sit here
silently alone with my worries.
147
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,366
Finally.
148
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:12,747
Uh, I'll have some skirt steak,
some brisket
149
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,791
a little piece of that New York steak,
150
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,377
uh, a couple of them steak fingers,
and a burger.
151
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,629
Oh, Hank, please, have just one veggie.
152
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:20,963
Oh, all right.
153
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,508
Uh, put some macaroni
and cheese on there, too.
154
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:30,765
Mm.
155
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:35,728
Ooh, chocolate sauce.
156
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,771
Can I have some?
157
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,272
No, uh-uh, Bobby.
158
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,024
This isn't ordinary chocolate.
159
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:42,026
It is a laxative for your father.
160
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,070
Oh...
161
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,156
Where'd you find
this chocolate sauce, Peg?
162
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,157
It sure is good.
163
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,034
Here, Bobby, try some.
164
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,036
Okay, I thought you'd never ask.
165
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,413
Uh, Bobby, Bobby.
166
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,289
Uh, you know what that is.
167
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:56,999
So?
168
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:57,917
What is it?
169
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,710
- Laxative.
170
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,755
You're trying to drug me?
171
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,966
Good God, that's going too far!
172
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:06,884
Well, you won't talk to me about it.
173
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,845
Now, what if it really is
something serious,
174
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,972
like polyps or, or worse?
175
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,348
You should see a doctor.
176
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,268
Aah! Stop making such
a big deal out of it.
177
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,395
I just can't go to the bathroom.
178
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:31,742
Oh, Hank.
179
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,829
He looks like an angel.
180
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,206
A dead angel.
181
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:41,419
Oh, my ding dong dang ole. Why? Why? Oh!
182
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,796
It should have been Bill.
183
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:48,968
Oh, Hank, we never got a chance
to talk about your constipation.
184
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,304
And now we never will.
185
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:54,223
Remember, early detection is the key.
186
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,893
Now, pass in your algebra homework.
187
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,649
Goodbye, boy.
188
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,152
- See you in hell!
189
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,908
Oh! Oh!
190
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:16,412
Occupied!
191
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,706
Oh, Hank, you're alive.
192
00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:20,082
Close the darn door!
193
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,918
Can't you see I'm in here, Peg?
194
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,461
Don't... No, don't touch me.
195
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,670
I'm on the John.
196
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:25,630
Get out of here!
197
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,715
Oh, Hank, I was so scared.
198
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,342
I dreamed you died.
199
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,676
You didn't see a doctor.
200
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,178
You didn't listen to Koop.
201
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,805
Peggy, you're not supposed to see this.
202
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,849
Listen, honey, I love you.
203
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,267
Please don't die on me.
204
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,936
I love you, too, but...
205
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:44,690
Oh, geez, all right, I'll see a doctor
if you just get out and leave me be.
206
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,734
You will?
207
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:50,154
Oh, Hank... Oh, well, that's wonderful.
208
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,240
Yeah, well, come on, get a move on.
209
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,575
Thank you.
210
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,077
- Get!
211
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:04,043
And, uh, what exactly are you
seeing Dr. Morely about today?
212
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:07,129
- Uh... Uh, well, I've been, uh...
213
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:10,049
Or... Actually, I haven't been...
214
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,592
Sir, you'll have to speak up.
215
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:15,763
I need to see him
about a, uh, problem with...
216
00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:17,890
Sir, just fill this out
and have a seat.
217
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:22,937
- Ooh.
218
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,108
Bobby, put that down.
219
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:28,693
You do not know where it's been, honey.
220
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,987
Come on, I'm trying
to fill this thing out.
221
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,326
Hanky?
222
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,911
Mrs. McIntosh?
223
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,496
Hank Hill!
224
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,915
Is this your family?
225
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,544
I was your father's Third-grade teacher.
226
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:47,461
Oh?
227
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,171
Why are you here, Hanky?
228
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,299
This is an old persons' doctor.
229
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,925
Well, Hank hasn't been able to take...
230
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,385
A walk.
231
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,387
Threw my knee out playing touch football.
232
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:57,388
Mr. Hill.
233
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,098
I'm sorry, sir, I cannot read this.
234
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,683
What does it say? Con...
235
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,394
- Contact... Conta... Con-what?
236
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:08,232
So, how are we doing today?
237
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:09,984
I'm Dr. Morely.
238
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:10,901
Let's see.
239
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,362
So you're suffering from... consumption?
240
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,530
Constipation.
241
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,282
Oh, constipation.
242
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,451
Well, that's quite a different matter.
243
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,412
How long has it been
since your last bowel movement?
244
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:25,207
Well, uh, I usually don't keep
track of that kind of thing,
245
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,459
- but...
- Five days.
246
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,128
And Hank's usual schedule
is every two days.
247
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:32,506
Of course when we were first married,
he'd go every day.
248
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,841
But then I spoke to his mother.
249
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:35,635
And she said the most interesting thing.
250
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,471
She said when he was a teenager,
he would be in that bathroom
251
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,348
- three or four times a day...
- Peggy!
252
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:43,017
Please, Mr. Hill, this is helpful.
253
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,478
Now, your wife is obviously concerned
254
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,606
and if she's concerned, I'm concerned.
255
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,150
I think we'll do a sigmoidoscopy.
256
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,196
See, honey, aren't you glad we're here?
257
00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:57,031
Hi, Mr. Hill.
258
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,617
Why don't you go ahead
and take off your pants for me, mm-kay?
259
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:10,920
Why are you stopping?
260
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,297
Well, no sense in doing this now.
261
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,633
I'll just wait until
the doctor comes back.
262
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,093
- Sir.
263
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,178
You'll need to take
your pants off for Dr. Morely.
264
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,931
- Oh... Oh. Okay.
265
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,772
Uh... Why, look at that, Peg.
266
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,108
Cotton balls.
267
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,360
White ones.
268
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:38,072
Heh. Whole jar of them.
269
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,534
How many do you think there are in there?
270
00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:44,870
I'll bet 30.
271
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:47,456
Yep.
272
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:49,959
Thirty.
273
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,506
Okay, Mr. Hill.
274
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:58,551
Why don't you hop on the table
and undo the back of your gown,
275
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,802
and we'll have a look at you.
276
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,804
You got all these fancy machines.
277
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,014
Can't you take a picture through the gown?
278
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,183
It's normal to be a little frightened
Mr. Hill.
279
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,477
Just turn your face to the wall.
280
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,730
Oh! You want me to get that?
281
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,647
No!
282
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,692
- Mr. Hill.
- Mr. Hill, this is Tasha.
283
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,277
She's a medical student.
284
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,779
Would it be all right with you
if she observes the examination?
285
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,198
Uh... Well, I guess.
286
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,789
We made it, honey!
287
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,249
Quick! Sixth floor, Maternity!
288
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:42,678
Mr. Hill, this is a special camera
289
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,181
that we use to get
an inside view of your colon.
290
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,933
Just kill me now.
291
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,269
Mr. Hill, do you wish a bite plate?
292
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,021
Mom, I'm hungry.
293
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,022
Whoa!
294
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,232
Dad! What are they doing to you?
295
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:56,817
- Bobby, get out of here!
296
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,027
No, Mr. Hill.
297
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,528
When a family faces an illness,
298
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,530
all members should be involved.
299
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,949
Remember, they're your get-well team.
300
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,117
Hey there, Ace.
301
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,327
Do you like video games?
302
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:07,244
Yeah.
303
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:09,955
Well, this joystick is just like
a video game joystick
304
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,291
only my red button fires a real laser.
305
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,667
Cool!
306
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:16,086
- Pchew! Pchew! Pchew! Pchew! Pchew!
307
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:17,046
Bobby...
308
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,048
Say, you're good.
309
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:21,592
Maybe you could, uh,
help us out a little later.
310
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,719
- Just kidding, Mr. Hill.
311
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,472
Mr. Hill, it doesn't hurt to smile.
312
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,182
It might actually help.
313
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,142
Tasha, you can begin.
314
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:35,981
So far, this looks normal.
315
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,691
Normal? Uh...
316
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,235
- That's good, right?
317
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,736
Now, this is exciting.
318
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,613
There are so many twists and turns.
319
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,615
I can't wait to see
what's around the next bend.
320
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:48,035
The colon has to twist and turn
because it's surprisingly long.
321
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:50,162
You know, Bobby, if I were to take
322
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,539
your grandfather's intestine...
323
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,790
I'm his father!
324
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,124
Your father's intestine,
325
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,876
and lay it out in a straight line,
326
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,379
it would go all the way around the earth.
327
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,089
Wow. Really?
328
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,173
DR. MORELY: Mm-hmm.
329
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,008
Well, that is amazing, Doctor.
330
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,718
You know, I did not know that.
331
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,136
Now, how could that be?
332
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:09,431
The earth is 25,000 miles around.
333
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:12,226
A piece of steak would have
to shoot through your system
334
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,853
faster than the speed of sound.
335
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,479
That's impossible.
336
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,606
Well, Mr. Hill, there's certainly nothing
337
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,900
going through your intestines that fast.
338
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,111
Hey, I like this.
339
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,822
Can I be a proctologist when I grow up?
340
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:30,578
Um, Mr. Hill, I'm gonna have to ask you
to relax your buttocks for me, please.
341
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,211
How are you holding up, Mrs. Hill?
342
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,170
Well, I'm okay.
343
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:44,133
I'm just a little uncomfortable
from sitting here for so long.
344
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,345
Okay, let's take a five-minute break.
345
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:56,020
Well, Mr. Hill, we're not exactly sure
346
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,313
what's causing your problem.
347
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:00,774
So at this point, the best option might be
to remove something surgically.
348
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,402
I'm sorry, but apparently
349
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,571
your low-fat,
high-fiber diet is not working.
350
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,657
Well, maybe Hank just needs
to give his low-fat, high-fiber diet
351
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,783
a little more time.
352
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,577
Isn't that right, Hank?
353
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,245
Yes, yes, all right.
354
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,081
Mm-hmm. Just to be safe,
I'll book an operating room
355
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,207
for the end of the week.
356
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,542
Oh, god...
357
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:19,585
DR. MORELY: Don't worry.
358
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:23,172
You know, it's possible to live
a long, healthy slightly less active life
359
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,173
without a colon.
360
00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:26,675
DR. MORELY: You just can't wear shorts.
361
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:34,725
"Notdogs."
362
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,101
Now, what are these, hot dogs?
363
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,854
No, they're notdogs.
364
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,064
They're made of tofu.
365
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,066
Tofu? I can't eat that crap.
366
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:44,234
Then try this faux-fu.
367
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:47,071
It's a tofu substitute
for the tofu-intolerant.
368
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:50,074
Mm-hm. Now, would that be good for
a man who's constipated?
369
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,117
- Peggy.
- Well, I didn't say it was you.
370
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,494
Is this for your husband?
371
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,411
Yes.
372
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,956
And we will also take
a quart of your brown rice broth.
373
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,041
Do you have anything that tastes good?
374
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,710
Hmm. Ah...
375
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:03,754
No.
376
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,422
Ooh! Look at this, Uncle Hank.
377
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,801
"Experience moxibustion with Mr. Li.
378
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:11,762
Board-certified moxibustionist.
379
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:15,182
Relieves stress,
and opens the energy channels."
380
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:16,767
What the hell is that?
381
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,352
He sticks needles in your skin
382
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,561
And sets them on fire.
383
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,398
Anyone ever try that on me,
I'll kick his ass.
384
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,484
- No! Watch out behind you!
385
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,652
No!
386
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,113
God, gatorade all down his back.
387
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:30,990
Hank, it's 2 o'clock.
388
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,116
Bathroom time.
389
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,242
Peg, can't I just...
390
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,410
Bathroom time.
391
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,453
All right.
392
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:39,707
Hi, there, Peggy.
393
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:42,042
We were wondering if Hank could come out
394
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,585
and help us with my fence.
395
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,004
Oh, I'm sorry, Dale.
396
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,880
Hank is having his bathroom time.
397
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:47,923
Maybe later.
398
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:21,331
- Mm.
399
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,340
Well, thank you all for coming.
400
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,301
I thought it would help cheer Hank up
401
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,719
to have all of his friends here.
402
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:36,013
I think he's making a lot of progress.
403
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:37,848
Where are you going, Hank?
404
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,183
- To the bathroom.
405
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,684
Now, just try to relax, Hank,
406
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:41,935
and concentrate.
407
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,187
This could be it.
408
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,023
- Come on!
409
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,274
Will you hurry up!
410
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:48,776
Peggy, please.
411
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,445
Come on, Hank.
412
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:18,722
No, no. See, what I'm saying is
413
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:22,017
salad don't always have
to have salad in it.
414
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,354
See, there's potato salad and, uh... Ohh.
415
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,856
I'm sorry, Peg.
416
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,359
I let you down, I let you all down.
417
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,944
Don't you worry, Hank.
418
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,613
We still have 24 hours
before your appointment.
419
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,657
And, honey, we're gonna make
the most of it.
420
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,231
You know, Hanks seems a little... Down.
421
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,150
Well, he's a shell of a man.
422
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,985
I never thought Hank had the willpower
423
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,820
to give up everything he enjoyed.
424
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,905
Well, that's not Hank. That's me.
425
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:18,115
I mean, if it was up to him,
426
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,409
he'd still be eating
burgers in the backyard
427
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,994
with Dale, Bill and Boomhauer.
428
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:25,956
He'd still be drinking beer
and shouting at the TV set, and...
429
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:30,169
having a lot of fun, and...
430
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,426
- Wait here.
431
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:40,012
So?
432
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:40,971
So what?
433
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,014
Well, I heard a...
434
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,683
I mean, I wasn't listening,
but I did hear a...
435
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,810
Oh. That was my glasses.
436
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:49,646
Look, honey.
437
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,689
We got to talk.
438
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,524
I know you want to help,
439
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,568
but this is getting out of control.
440
00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:57,654
You can't treat a grown man like a baby.
441
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,114
It ain't right.
442
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,075
I feel like I've been trying
to be someone else lately.
443
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,119
Eating food I don't eat,
444
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,039
and I'm just not going to do it anymore.
445
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,749
And if I don't ever poop again.
446
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,542
Well, that's just going to be who I am.
447
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:13,670
I'd rather die with a burger in my colon
448
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,714
than live and eat faux-fu.
449
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,175
Hank, I know, and...
450
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,010
It's okay. You're right.
451
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,136
What?
452
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,429
Well, I'm only doing this
453
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:24,640
because I want you to be around
as long as possible
454
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,225
because I love you.
455
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,061
But I have to let you be you.
456
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:32,397
Oh... Peggy, I...
457
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,733
I'll still be here for a good, long while.
458
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,984
I worry...
459
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,152
I know you do.
460
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,153
...that you could...
461
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,655
Ah, I, I know, honey.
462
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,950
And I'm a lucky son of a gun,
I tell you what,
463
00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:45,911
to have a woman like you
care so much about me.
464
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,330
I'm going to be more open.
465
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,499
- Tell you how I'm doing more.
466
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,917
And let you in.
467
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,796
I just want this moment
to last forever, Hank.
468
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:56,880
Me too.
469
00:20:58,674 --> 00:20:59,800
But it can't.
470
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,301
Oh, hold me, Hank.
471
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:03,220
No!
472
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,805
Let go! Let go!
473
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:21,154
- Yes!
474
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,592
{\an8}You might have noticed
in tonight's episode
475
00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:44,803
{\an8}there was some brief nudity.
476
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:48,056
{\an8}Now, as an actor, I only do nudity
477
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,225
{\an8}when I feel the script warrants it.
478
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,561
{\an8}And I thought tonight's episode
479
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,230
{\an8}only warranted seeing the side of my rump.
480
00:21:55,939 --> 00:21:57,649
{\an8}You can believe me when I tell you
481
00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,986
{\an8}the Fox executives were pushing
for a whole lot more.
482
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:05,449
{\an8}If any of you were offended
by my body, I am truly sorry.
483
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:07,159
{\an8}Good night.