1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,420
(light music)
2
00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:09,217
(fast-paced light music)
3
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:36,119
-(light music)
-(lawn mower purring)
4
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:40,832
Hmm. Two and an eighth.
5
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:42,000
(birds chirping)
6
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,627
{\an8}And two and a sixteenth.
7
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,380
{\an8}Better let some air out of my left tires.
8
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:51,092
{\an8}Hey, you getting your lawn ready
for cinco de mayo, Hank?
9
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:54,262
{\an8}Bill, my lawn is
in a constant state of readiness.
10
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:57,015
{\an8}The block party is just
an opportunity to trot her out
11
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,141
{\an8}and show what she can do.
12
00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,476
-(puppy barks)
- KAHN: Hey, Hank,
13
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:02,604
{\an8}since you let your lawn go to heck,
okay, if Doggie make on it?
14
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:05,065
Hey, if you've got
something to say, say it.
15
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,902
{\an8}It's not my place to point out
low density patches here... over there...
16
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,237
- And behind other side of house.
-(sniffing)
17
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,948
Sucky lawn bring down value
of my property.
18
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,409
{\an8}-(birds chirping)
- DALE: Now, you listen here, Kahn.
19
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,119
{\an8}If anyone's bringing down
20
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:20,789
{\an8}the value of this neighborhood, it's me.
21
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,084
{\an8}My lawn's nothing
but ragweed and auto parts.
22
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,878
I should be ashamed
to live next to Hank Hill.
23
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,172
He's got the best lawn in Arlen.
24
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:31,508
Oh, best lawn... after mine.
25
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:32,801
-(quirky music)
- Ha!
26
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:33,885
Ha!
27
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,303
(barking)
28
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,930
BILL: Oh, don't worry, Hank.
29
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,100
We might be able to tell Kahn's lawn
is better than yours,
30
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,727
{\an8}but all those people
at the block party, they won't.
31
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:44,270
They'll be drunk.
32
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,980
(rustling)
33
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,233
(quirky music)
34
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,275
Darn.
35
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:52,070
I've poured my whole life into this lawn.
36
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,155
{\an8}My heart, my soul...
37
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,826
{\an8}the tender feelings
I've held back from my family.
38
00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,202
(quirky music)
39
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:02,080
Now, Hank, you don't want to win that way.
40
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:06,167
Why don't you just switch those back
and go in and hug your wife.
41
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,169
(light music sting)
42
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:09,129
(thumps)
43
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,549
Bethany, it does not matter
if your avocados are hard.
44
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,300
Life is hard.
45
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:19,222
You cannot make authentic guacamole
out of lima beans and ritz crackers.
46
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,390
-(clanks)
-(birds chirping)
47
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,391
Ah, these people...
48
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,976
-(thuds)
- Gringos.
49
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,604
I'm just glad you're in charge
of the block party this year, Aunt Peggy.
50
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,732
Last year it was all tex and no mex.
51
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:34,696
I don't know why everyone's so gaga
over Kahn's lawn all of a sudden.
52
00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:38,116
For God's sakes,
the man mows with the grain.
53
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,159
Oh, he's the devil.
54
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,286
Anyway, Hank.
Would you please tell Boomhauer
55
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,288
swiss cheese is not Mexican?
56
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:44,789
It is American.
57
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,126
I want him to bring some monterrey hack.
58
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,878
I'm the block captain.
59
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:53,131
I should have the best lawn
for cinco de mayo.
60
00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:54,841
But look at her, something's wrong.
61
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,635
She's like a pretty girl with short hair.
62
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:58,678
(birds chirping)
63
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:02,348
Hey, Hank, what do you say
to another lawn spraying
64
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,225
from your favorite exterminator?
65
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,311
Well, uh, I don't know.
66
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:10,398
I guess those twice-a-week sprayings
have been doing the job, Dale.
67
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,150
I lost another client.
68
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,486
Thinks I use too much chemicals.
69
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:19,365
I say Sara Lee
uses more chemicals than I do.
70
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,951
Come on, I need to make up the income.
71
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,077
I'll do it for free.
72
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:26,623
Uh, well... Okay.
73
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,082
Wingo, man!
74
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:29,584
I'll get my stuff.
75
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:32,086
You know, maybe
that's what's wrong with your lawn.
76
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,380
- Dale's spraying too much poison on it?
-(thumps)
77
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:35,924
What? No...
78
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,051
He's always sprayed my lawn.
79
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,470
And if I can give
some business to my friend
80
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,263
and keep my lawn bug-free,
81
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,015
it's worth two dollars a week.
82
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:47,393
Well, then, good for you
for choosing your friend over your lawn.
83
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,062
(somber music)
84
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,396
-(slurps)
- DALE: All right.
85
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,983
Turn your cuffs down, boys
and make sure you're zipped.
86
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,902
Uh, you know what, Dale?
87
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,988
I thought it over,
and I think I'll take a rain check.
88
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,908
But I was going to spray
for fire ants today.
89
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,202
All the same, I'll give it a pass.
90
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,329
Oh, I wouldn't advise that.
91
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:07,956
You risk getting a queen.
92
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:09,540
Look at her!
93
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,500
(birds chirping)
94
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,836
She can lay a million eggs
in a 24-hour period.
95
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,046
BILL: Wow...
96
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:18,341
That's more than a human woman
does in a lifetime.
97
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:22,553
These fire ants are well-organized,
highly trained insects.
98
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,472
They'll swarm all over you
99
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:28,518
and sting you all at once
without warning on a single command.
100
00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:31,271
It's how they killed L. Ron Hubbard.
101
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,400
Ah, Dale, fire ants
don't sting you all at once.
102
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,945
Half of them bite,
the other half are on defense.
103
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,530
That's not true.
104
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,948
I don't know, man, Hank's the man.
105
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,950
He knows, dang ol' Hank's the man.
106
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,202
What are you guys listening to Hank for?
107
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:51,749
I have dedicated my professional career
to the study and control of arthropods.
108
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:56,462
I have personally taste-tested
each and every household insecticide.
109
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,047
I have read a book.
110
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,675
Now, who do you believe, me or Hank?
111
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,969
- Hank.
- Dang ol' Hank's more believable.
112
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,096
Fine, side with him.
113
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:07,849
Just to show you what a big man I am
114
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:10,059
I'll still spray your lawn.
115
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,060
(sighs)
116
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,938
Dale, I don't want you
to spray my lawn anymore.
117
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,024
- Not now, not ever.
-(beer plops)
118
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:19,235
I see what's going on here.
119
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,279
You got another exterminator.
120
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:22,864
Is he licensed?
121
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,407
Is he bonded?
122
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:25,533
Is that it?
123
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:28,328
Did you want someone
who's licensed and bonded?
124
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,748
Dale, let's not make this any harder
than it has to be.
125
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:32,915
It's over.
126
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,459
- But...
-(somber music)
127
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,127
I'm your exterminator.
128
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,087
You were my exterminator.
129
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:40,048
Now we're just friends.
130
00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:42,925
(somber music)
131
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,636
Don't do this to me in front of everybody.
132
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,681
Let me just spray a little
to keep up appearances.
133
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:49,640
No.
134
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,352
-(somber music)
-(footsteps)
135
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,980
-(hissing)
-(clanking)
136
00:05:57,648 --> 00:05:58,649
(clears throat)
137
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,026
All done, Hank.
138
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:03,112
Just keep the dog
in the house for an hour.
139
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,322
(car approaching)
140
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,074
I did what had to be done.
141
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,868
- I got rid of an anti-lawn element.
-(Bobby grunts)
142
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,747
Sure, he's a friend,
but I have lots of friends.
143
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,916
I only have the one lawn.
144
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,376
(tires screeching)
145
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,711
(light music)
146
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:20,880
Hmm...
147
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,715
-(clattering)
- What do you think?
148
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,884
Does this say Hank Hill?
149
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,512
I thought we just came
for seed and fertilizer.
150
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,098
Why are men so attracted to hoes?
151
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,849
(gasps)
Peggy...
152
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,518
- Peggy, look!
-(thumps)
153
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,937
-(light music)
- It's Raleigh St. Augustine.
154
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,689
The heck with fertilizer and seed.
I want this.
155
00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:41,776
Hank, it's $1.25 a square foot.
156
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,195
- So what? It's worth it.
-(clanks)
157
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:47,782
Look, some people hoist a flag
to show they love our country.
158
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,742
Well, my lawn is my flag.
159
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,744
It tells the world,
160
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:55,039
here lives a competent,
trustworthy salesman
161
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:58,084
of propane and propane accessories.
162
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:01,629
A man who can't keep up a lawn
is either inept or stupid.
163
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,507
Without my lawn, I am Bill.
164
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,968
Do you want to be married to Bill?
165
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,386
(shudders)
166
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:09,470
(birds chirping)
167
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:10,805
(rustling)
168
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:16,727
Well, mister
169
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:20,022
you have just installed
the finest lawn on the block.
170
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,442
Oh, Peggy, I didn't do it for me.
171
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,818
I did it for Arlen.
172
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:27,155
Ooh, it looks so nice. Can I touch it?
173
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,906
Sure. It's a lawn.
174
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,741
It's meant to be enjoyed.
175
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,326
-(rustling)
- Ooh...
176
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,078
(giggling)
177
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:37,832
It feels so... good against my skin.
178
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,834
(laughing)
179
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,712
(grass rustling)
180
00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:47,758
Uh, okay, that's enough.
181
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,093
Ahh.
182
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:50,970
(water trickles)
183
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,346
- Hey, Hank.
-(birds chirping)
184
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,682
Congrats on the lawn, friend.
185
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:55,600
(both slurp)
186
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,518
Well, I'm glad you came.
187
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:58,561
May I?
188
00:07:58,686 --> 00:07:59,687
Just a little.
189
00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:03,691
Oh, yeah... That's nice.
190
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:06,319
Feels like a shag carpet with dirt.
191
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,654
Feels like... home.
192
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:09,864
KAHN: Hey!
193
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,240
Get off my property!
194
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,617
-(grass rustling)
-(giggling)
195
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,035
Luanne!
196
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,411
For God's sakes...
197
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:20,124
(suspenseful music)
198
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,044
(laughing)
199
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,295
Ouch.
200
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,630
(high pitch music)
201
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,507
-(footsteps)
-(grass rustles)
202
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,553
(birds chirping)
203
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,390
(thumps)
204
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,642
HANK: Ahh.
205
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,601
(chuckles)
206
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,187
Boy, it does feel good against the skin.
207
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,355
KAHN: Hank Hill,
208
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,565
somebody steal my TV guide out of mailbox.
209
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:48,945
First I think it Bill,
but then I think, "Can Bill read?"
210
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,196
Well, hey, Kahn.
211
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,240
- Just letting my feet air out here.
-(rustles)
212
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,116
Well, Hillbilly barefoot.
213
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,368
Big surprise.
214
00:08:55,368 --> 00:09:00,540
Yep. Just walking around
on my lush, super-plush new lawn.
215
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,709
I noticed.
Raleigh st. Augustine, very expensive.
216
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:07,129
Well, I think it was worth it
for the best lawn in Arlen.
217
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,006
Yes, yes, all right. You win. Best lawn.
218
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,841
Tomorrow maybe we compare salary.
219
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,177
Kahn Jr., get fertilizer.
220
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,012
Minh, get my tax return.
221
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,472
(chuckles)
222
00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:20,268
Hmm, don't want to get a hose imprint.
223
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:21,852
(grass rustles)
224
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,271
Ow! What the...
225
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,690
(gasps)
A fire ant?
226
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,067
(yells)
227
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,193
Oh, God, no!
228
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,320
An anthill on my new lawn!
229
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:34,156
Oh, so that's what that is.
230
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,992
How did I get fire ants?
231
00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:38,661
I'm only a professional exterminator.
232
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,246
I don't know how you get 'em.
233
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,998
I only know how you get rid of 'em.
234
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,041
Welp, got to go.
235
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,668
(light music)
236
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,628
It's called eco-kill, Hank.
237
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,172
The government would not
let them use the word "Eco"
238
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,091
- unless it was ecologically safe.
-(buzzes)
239
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,552
(sighs)
I don't know, Peggy.
240
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,722
It seems to me it's going
to take more than a bag of flies
241
00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:00,683
to scare off these red devil bastards.
242
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:03,811
No-ho-ho-ho-ho,
they do more than scare 'em.
243
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:08,107
"The phorid fly injects its egg
into the fire ant's head.
244
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,568
The egg hatches into a maggot
245
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,612
which eats awa at the ant's brain
246
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,946
until the head falls off.
247
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,324
- Repeat as necessary.
- I like it.
248
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,869
This is exactly what
those environmentalists
249
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,829
should be spending their time on,
250
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:25,583
finding ways to use nature
against other forms of nature
251
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,585
that are inconvenient to man.
252
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:30,546
Wow. Look how busy this ant is.
253
00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:33,507
It's got so many places to go
254
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,217
and so many things to do.
255
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,469
-(hisses)
- Oops.
256
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:37,637
(birds chirping)
257
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,596
Ooh.
258
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,806
Your parents got eco-kill.
259
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,350
Cool.
(chuckles)
260
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,977
We can collect the empty ant heads
when they're done.
261
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,104
What a terrible way to die.
262
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:48,606
-(hisses)
- Oops.
263
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,609
Come on, if we save them,
we can play with them.
264
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:53,319
(thumping)
265
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,403
(crickets chirping)
266
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,490
(suspenseful music)
267
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,409
(buzzing)
268
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:02,953
(hisses)
269
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,288
(crickets chirping)
270
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,999
Hey, look at that chubby white one.
271
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:10,836
He reminds me of me,
before my growth spurt.
272
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,463
That's the queen, stupid.
273
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,424
It looks just like
the one on my dad's truck.
274
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,176
You mean, Dale Gribble's truck?
275
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,386
Yeah, yeah. My dad.
276
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,304
The queen is cool.
277
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:21,931
She lets out smells
278
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,225
that make the other ants
do whatever she wants.
279
00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,060
Wow.
280
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:27,895
(high pitch music)
281
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,271
(birds chirping)
282
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,231
Hmm.
283
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,732
DALE: Well, well, well.
284
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:35,027
Looks like those fire ants
played you like a darn fiddle.
285
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,821
Yeah, well, the opera ain't over yet.
286
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:40,866
Okay, ants, put your heads
between your six legs...
287
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,785
-(engine rev)
- ...and kiss your butt good-bye.
288
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,036
(tires screech)
289
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,162
(engine revs)
290
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,497
(clinks)
291
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,333
(light music)
292
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,711
-(birds chirping)
-(paper rustles)
293
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,588
"Celebration of local graffiti artists?"
294
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,007
I'll give you a headline,
295
00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,510
"Local man cancels
newspaper subscription."
296
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,011
(yells)
297
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,681
(chuckling)
Hey, Hank!
298
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,058
You got a permit
for all that construction?
299
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:07,476
(footsteps)
300
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,561
You've got ants.
301
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:11,272
(rock music)
302
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,692
(sniffing)
303
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,403
(sniffing deeply)
304
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,449
(thumps)
305
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,660
(rock music continues)
306
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:28,038
Yes, my queen.
307
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:32,877
(rock music continues)
308
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:38,090
(soft music playing)
309
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:41,677
BILL: Yo, Peggy wants me to barbecue
20 pounds of Mexican sausage.
310
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,678
(hisses)
311
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,514
I got half a tank of propane left.
You think that's enough?
312
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,684
I figure I could top it off
with some lighter fluid or something.
313
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:52,605
Whoa, Bill, you don't want to be mixing
and matching your petrochemicals.
314
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,649
The propane association recommends that...
315
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,067
It'll be fine, Bill.
316
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,402
Burn is burn.
317
00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,695
"Burn is burn."
318
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,155
I got to remember that.
319
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,908
No, no. I'm telling you, that's dangerous.
320
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,993
Propane is what I know best.
321
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,787
Well, it sure ain't lawns.
322
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,079
(laughs)
323
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:12,166
Yeah, man, you're dang sure
right about that, yo.
324
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,292
(sighs)
325
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:16,921
Hey, guys, I kind of got
to talk to Dale alone.
326
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,756
(birds chirping)
327
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:20,674
(clanking)
328
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,844
Hank, I was just telling
the guys about Stonehenge.
329
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:27,807
It seems the druids used it
as some kind of sophisticated celestial...
330
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,684
Uh, Dale, I didn't come here to...
331
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,813
Oh, no. For once you will hear me out.
332
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:35,773
Calendar.
333
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:36,941
(birds chirping continues)
334
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,526
Now, what can I do for you?
335
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,152
You can save my lawn.
336
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,279
Those fire ants are out of control.
337
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,907
Dale, you're the only one who can help me.
338
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,743
That's right. I am.
339
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,162
The question is, why should I?
340
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,248
Well, I'll give you two dollars.
341
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,834
(chuckles)
Ha! Two dollars.
342
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,544
(sighs)
343
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,254
Because you're my friend.
344
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,298
Ooh, I'm Hank's "Friend."
345
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,259
Tie a ribbon around me.
346
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,470
(sighs)
Because I'm coming to you, man to man
347
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:11,016
offering a genuine apology
for choosing my lawn over our friendship.
348
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,601
(birds chirping)
349
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,604
Geez, Hank, I was just
holding out for $2.50.
350
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,023
-(hissing)
- Hey, what's that? What are you spraying?
351
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,859
There won't be bleaching, will there?
352
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:20,818
Hell, no.
353
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:25,114
Uh... I'd put that mask back on
if I were you.
354
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,783
You should have come to me sooner.
355
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,202
- I got to pull out the big gun...
-(clanking)
356
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:34,540
...dioxaphilaphide 6,000 with techroline.
357
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,166
-(hissing continues)
-(Dale chuckles)
358
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,085
MEN (on TV): And don't forget,
it is cuatro de mayo.
359
00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,962
That's right, brother.
360
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,171
- That's right man.
-(thumps)
361
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,423
(door opens)
362
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:43,924
(footsteps)
363
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:44,925
(surprise music)
364
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:48,012
(Hank whimpering)
365
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,472
(birds chirp)
366
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,018
-(quirky music)
-(groans)
367
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,312
It's not fair.
368
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,188
She was so young
369
00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,440
and green.
370
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,776
I never even got a chance to mow her.
371
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,904
- Oh, it'll be okay, Hank.
-(birds chirping)
372
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:08,073
You will grow a new lawn
by next year's Cinco de mayo.
373
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,784
Uh-uh. I can't go through this again.
374
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:14,288
From now on, wood chips and gravel.
375
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,372
Now, you do not mean that.
376
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,833
Ashes to ashes, man.
377
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,293
That dang ol' ashes to ashes.
378
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:24,840
I only used as much poison as necessary
and not a 55-gallon drum more.
379
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,258
Poor Hank.
380
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:29,011
- Serves him right.
- Darn straight.
381
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,179
Yeah, yeah, does.
382
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,764
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, where I come from
383
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,015
we got a thing called karma.
384
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,017
You do something bad,
385
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:37,394
it come back and bite you in the ass!
386
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,229
Big, white stubborn ass.
387
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,608
HANK: Uh, guys, I can hear you.
388
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,443
- LUANNE: Aunt Peggy.
-(Peggy humming)
389
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,403
Buckley wants to bring his .38
390
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,030
to shoot off at the block party,
391
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,158
but Uncle Hank said nothing
bigger than a .22.
392
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,911
Well, now, he is
the block captain, Luanne.
393
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,829
-(munching)
-(somber music)
394
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:58,415
PEGGY: Now, I coat the churros
395
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,167
with azucar or sugar.
396
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,794
(somber music)
397
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,754
- Well, how very odd.
-(clinks)
398
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,090
Now what the heck was that?
399
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,424
(somber music continues)
400
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,636
- Feast, my queen, feast.
-(pattering)
401
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:11,762
(growls)
402
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,099
(birds chirping)
403
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,475
-(squeaks)
-(water trickling)
404
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:18,560
(plopping)
405
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,396
(water trickling continues)
406
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,776
I just hope Hank doesn't blame Dale
for what happened.
407
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,069
Oh, no, Nancy.
408
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:29,279
He knows Dale was only doing his job.
409
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,156
That's it. He gave him a 50-cent raise.
410
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,409
Oh, sugar.
411
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:34,868
We're out of sugar, shug.
412
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,162
You know, I think there's some
more in the basement.
413
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,831
Oh, no, I'll go get it.
414
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,082
-(clinking)
-(footsteps)
415
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,334
(door opens, squeaks)
416
00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:44,670
(somber music continues)
417
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:46,922
-(somber music)
-(footsteps)
418
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,010
Dale?
419
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,136
(soft music)
420
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:53,554
(clicks)
421
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,308
(Peggy gasps)
422
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:00,561
-(thumps)
- Mm.
423
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,564
(somber music)
424
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:05,733
(screams)
425
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:06,859
(squeaks)
426
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,193
(growls)
427
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:09,820
(somber music)
428
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:10,946
(gasps)
429
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:12,990
Oh, my goodness.
430
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:13,991
Hey, Peggy.
431
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,451
How could you do it?
432
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,954
How could you plant fire ants on our lawn?
433
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,540
Uh, I'm denying that. That's my position.
434
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,375
Dale, you wrote it on this map...
435
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,127
3:00 AM, planted ants.
436
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,588
If all you're going on
is my confession, forget it.
437
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,506
-(clicks)
- I'm simply not credible.
438
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:33,594
Well, then, what on God's green earth
are you doing with all these fire ants?
439
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,096
Uh... they're silkworms.
440
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,056
Uh-huh.
441
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:40,184
If you keep your mouth shut,
I'll make you a business suit.
442
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,019
(sniffing)
443
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:45,773
No. I cannot allow you
to leave the safety of the bowl.
444
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,816
It is too dangerous out there.
445
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,027
(sniffs)
446
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,820
Forgive me, my queen.
447
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,280
I spoke out of turn.
448
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,741
(somber music)
449
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,076
(birds chirping)
450
00:17:57,659 --> 00:17:58,786
(thumping music)
451
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:03,040
Yes, your majesty,
I will tell my people about you.
452
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:08,128
And may I be so bold as to ask you
to tell your subjects about...
453
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,047
-(quirky music)
- Uh-oh.
454
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,590
-(humming)
-(door closes)
455
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:15,469
PEGGY: I'm telling you, Hank, it is Dale
with those fire ants...
456
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,387
- Dale!
-(yells)
457
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:19,973
Oh, man.
458
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:22,226
- Dale, you went too far this time.
-(thumps)
459
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,019
-(Dale screams)
- Come back here.
460
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,188
- Come here! I'm going to kick your ass.
- DALE: No!
461
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,524
- No.
- I'm going to kick it harder
462
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,858
if you don't come over here.
463
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,610
You shouldn't have fired me!
464
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,153
You know what I'm like!
465
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,364
I'm capable of any crazy thing!
466
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,865
But my lawn, Dale?
467
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,076
You don't mess with a man's lawn!
468
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,494
I had no choice!
469
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:43,580
I tried planting the ants in your driveway
but they didn't take.
470
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,624
They couldn't bite through cement.
471
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,417
They're weak, like me!
472
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,128
BOBBY: Um, Dad...
473
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,547
Not now, Bobby,
I'm in the middle of something.
474
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,173
BOBBY: This really can't wait.
475
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,760
Aah, Bobby, what are you doing?
476
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:58,512
- Take 'em off.
-(suspenseful music)
477
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,222
Bobby, don't move a muscle.
478
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,265
What?
479
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,474
Listen to him, Bobby.
480
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,476
If you move,
they're all gonna sting at once.
481
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,894
Take my hand, Bobby.
482
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,646
The ants will swarm on me.
483
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:08,981
What if they don't?
484
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,899
Oh, they will.
485
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:14,945
They've been waiting to get
a piece of me for 15 years.
486
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,990
Come and get it, boys.
487
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:22,327
-(quirky music)
-(Dale grunting)
488
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:23,453
Youch.
489
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:24,872
(thuds)
490
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,373
HANK: D-Dale?
491
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,376
BOBBY: Mr. Gribble?
492
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,086
Dale, no!
493
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:32,671
Oh.
494
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:34,965
- Oh, God.
-(somber music)
495
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:38,844
You sacrificed your life to save my son.
496
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:43,515
I guess that makes us even
for you ruining my lawn.
497
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:44,641
(sobs)
498
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,227
What am I saying?
Of course it makes us even.
499
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,563
-(sobs)
-(coughs)
500
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:55,194
While I was blacked out,
was anything inserted into me?
501
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:57,279
You're alive?
502
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,822
Answer the question.
503
00:19:58,906 --> 00:19:59,990
(gasps)
504
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:03,118
(mariachi music)
505
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,704
(indistinct chattering)
506
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,873
(squeaking)
507
00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:10,751
ANNOUNCER (on TV):
...And it's on the green.
508
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,002
HANK (sighs): Beautiful.
509
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,003
(squeaking)
510
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,087
It's on the green.
511
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:15,839
So green and soothing.
512
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,507
PEGGY (trilling): Oh, yeah.
513
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:19,218
Come join the block party.
514
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:22,721
How about at least one margarrrrita
before Bill finishes them all.
515
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:26,183
(sighs)
It's not... Margarrrrita.
516
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,644
Okay. It's margarita.
517
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:29,937
(doorbell rings)
518
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,191
-(door opens)
- Oh, Hank. Hank, come quick.
519
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:36,944
Well, I'll be.
520
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,279
- Here, Hank.
-(soft music)
521
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:42,115
I've been saving this for someone special.
522
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,369
But I guess she's never coming back.
523
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,913
KAHN: Try and make lawn nice, neighbor.
524
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:51,458
Organically grown. No chemicals.
525
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,961
I killed all the bugs with my fingers.
526
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:55,587
BOOMHAUER: Whoo-ee, man.
527
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,589
That dang ol' Hank, man.
528
00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,050
Everybody's best friend, man.
Richest man in the world.
529
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:03,470
Just like the dang old, jimmy... Yo.
530
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:06,139
Well, this is a very friendly gesture.
531
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:09,476
I-I-I like you all a whole lot.
532
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,270
If any of you weren't here,
533
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,730
- I'd miss you some.
-(tapping)
534
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,191
I especially want to thank Dale Gribble.
535
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:20,821
Without his paranoid,
and... well, hateful nature,
536
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:22,281
I never would've learned
537
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,950
what kind of beating
a friendship can survive.
538
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,868
You're my best friend, Dale.
539
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,162
Oh, I thought
I was your best friend, Hank.
540
00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:30,372
(chuckles)
541
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:31,707
Yeah, well...
542
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:32,874
(mariachi music)
543
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,042
(chuckles)
544
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,419
(sighs)
545
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:39,881
(mariachi music continues)
546
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:47,431
{\an8}-(Hank whistling)
-(engine purring)