1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:04,922 [♪ acoustic guitar playing] 2 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,677 [beer hisses] 3 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:13,222 [♪ theme song playing] 4 00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:29,071 ♪♪ 5 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:36,954 [♪ theme concludes] 6 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,038 [birds chirping] 7 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,331 You are late. 8 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,834 Now, we can call this meeting of the Hill Family Inc. to order. 9 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,546 Can we at least skip the reading of the minutes? 10 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,089 No, I... 11 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:48,549 [scoffs] Okay, fine. 12 00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:51,677 Our income portfolio has paid out dividends, 13 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,513 so we need to decide what to do with the new money. 14 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,223 How much are we talkin' about? 15 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,976 -Just a measly 5%. -Measly? 16 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,854 That's money making money, invented by President Reagan. 17 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:06,024 Yes, but still less than the average index fund. 18 00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:09,278 Then, there is inflation, which if you ask me, 19 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,862 is the real silent killer. 20 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:13,407 Heart disease just has better marketing. 21 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:16,994 That's what was so great about the Aramco retirement plan. 22 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,912 You pick your risk tolerance. 23 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:23,834 Leave moderate growth for millennials and other folks who wear tattoos to work. 24 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:27,087 I'm just trying to have more say in our investments. 25 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:30,549 Every second we do not invest is money lost. 26 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,509 Remember, time is money. 27 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:36,430 But also remember, slow and steady wins the race. 28 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,765 No need to turn this into a cliché comp-- [gasps] 29 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,517 Early bird gets the worm! 30 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,810 ♪♪ 31 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:42,894 -Yep. -Yep. 32 00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:44,855 [Hank Hill] [sighs] Yep. 33 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,106 Whoa, Hank. 34 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:48,942 Whatever's eating at you, don't take it out on us. 35 00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:51,820 Well, I'm sorry for the short fuse, fellas. 36 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:55,240 Me and Peggy were just havin' some money discussions. 37 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:58,410 [all murmuring] 38 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,829 Hello, gentlemen. Would you like to try 39 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:03,373 John Redcorn's Red Corn? 40 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,294 -[all] Mm! -[Boomhauer] Oh, man. 41 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,795 That's some dang ol' good stuff, man. 42 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:12,007 You got yourself some mighty good corn here, John Redcorn. 43 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,552 Nancy would love this. Have you given it to her yet? 44 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:19,097 I've been giving it to Nancy for quite some time. 45 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:21,516 [kernel plops] 46 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,185 How much have you sold so far? 47 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:24,353 None. 48 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:27,272 Invasive pigs have ravaged most of my land. 49 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:30,025 You know what kind of hogs can't eat crops? 50 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,443 The dead kind. 51 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:35,364 Well, I read that the best way to take care of a feral hog problem 52 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:36,907 is actually trapping them. 53 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,493 'Course you'd say that, Hank, 'cause you can't shoot. 54 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,995 This isn't about whether or not I can shoot. 55 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,206 -You can't! Wingo! -You right, man. 56 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,334 This is about how to best help John Redcorn. 57 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:51,797 Maybe you can help me mend the fences and set traps too. 58 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,173 Well, that sounds good. 59 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,551 There's no shame in gathering while the other men hunt. 60 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,137 -[Hank] Hm. -Nice burn, JR. 61 00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:00,222 ♪♪ 62 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,725 [♪ upbeat guitar music playing] 63 00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:06,937 According to hundreds of reviews, this trap is perfect 64 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,940 -for catching up to 50 hogs a day. -[gun firing] 65 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,109 [Boomhauer] Dang man, mow 'em down, mow 'em down! 66 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,860 -[gunshot, pig squealing] -[Dale Gribble] Nailed it! 67 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,487 -[Bill Dauterive] That's 51! -[Hank sighs] 68 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,699 Uh, there's a money-back guarantee on this. 69 00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:21,159 ♪♪ 70 00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,411 [indistinct chatter] 71 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:25,831 It's just a first date with Connie. 72 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,207 Be cool! 73 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,335 Wow, this is nice. 74 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:33,880 I thought I couldn't "Handel" classical music, 75 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:36,967 but it was on my "Chopin Liszt." 76 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,302 [laughs] I take that "Bach." 77 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,429 [Connie yawns] 78 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,932 [laughing] Sorry. Frasier's been on Netflix. 79 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,684 No, no, no, it-- it was funny. 80 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,311 I'm just tired from pulling all-nighters this week. 81 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,730 Oh, I get it. Last night I stayed up 82 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:53,024 until 2:00 a.m. peeling garlic. 83 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,985 [sniffing] I don't smell, do I? 84 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,029 -I showered twice. -[chimes ding] 85 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,741 This concerto is supposed to be great, 86 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,369 according to the Beethoven subreddit. 87 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:07,080 The composer. Not the movie about the dog. 88 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:10,876 That movie subreddit gets surprisingly nasty. 89 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,794 "Concerto in D." 90 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:16,256 I learned this right before I stopped playing in middle school. 91 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,967 You don't play violin anymore? 92 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,261 -I don't. -Oh. 93 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,180 Did not know that. 94 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,600 This is one of the longest violin concertos ever written. 95 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,186 Did not know that either. 96 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,189 -[♪ classical music playing] -[Bobby snoring] 97 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,815 -[attendee] Quiet! -[continues snoring] 98 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,817 -[gasps] -Shh! 99 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:38,028 [meat sizzling] 100 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,698 Nothing like fresh harvested pork. 101 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,701 Bill, I didn't think you were gonna get that last one. 102 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,078 That had to be a 200-yard shot. 103 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:50,040 My trick is I don't shoot where the pig is, 104 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,834 I shoot where the pig is going to be. 105 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,836 That's called hunting, Bill. 106 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,757 Hank, why don't you grill up the pigs you caught in your trap? 107 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,177 Oh, that's right, there are none. [laughing] 108 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,971 It was good doing something together. 109 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,641 I haven't had this much fun since... 110 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:12,145 No reason we can't do it every weekend. 111 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,981 There are plenty of farms with plenty more pigs to shoot. 112 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,901 Yeah, man, like 'em dang ol' Ikigai, the intersecting circles, man. 113 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,321 Do what you love, never gonna work a dang ol' day in your life, man. 114 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:24,574 You really think we can make it a business, Boomhauer? 115 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,744 Well, it's a better idea than your Uber for dogs. 116 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,580 If a dog can guide a man across the street, 117 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,541 why can't he drive a car?! 118 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,210 Wait, your idea was for the dog to-- 119 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,170 [sighs] Never mind. 120 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:40,590 If you're serious about this, my advice is for you to take your time 121 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,551 and build it slow and steady. 122 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:45,178 Like I was tellin' Peggy when we were trying to figure out 123 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,097 where to invest our extra money. 124 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,099 -[Dale sipping loudly] -Uh... 125 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,142 -Hank has money! -Yeah, Hank, 126 00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,562 you could invest in Boomhauer's idea. 127 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:56,439 Yeah, man, you got that dang ol' nest egg, man. 128 00:05:56,523 --> 00:06:00,402 Sure, sure, we'll talk about it at the next meeting of Hill Family Inc. 129 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,612 Hey, who wants some ribs? 130 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,489 Mm, tasty. 131 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,950 ♪♪ 132 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,828 Talkin' 'bout two years, man, to get ol' red, red to black, man. 133 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,580 Gonna be cash positive already, man, 134 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:14,708 return on the dang ol' investment, man. Angel. 135 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,501 What the hell is going on? 136 00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:18,461 Hank, Boomhauer is making a pitch 137 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,380 for his hog-killing business. Quiet. 138 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,966 I told him I was gonna talk to you about it. 139 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,593 Well, he beat you to it. 140 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:28,513 So now, I am considering investing my half of our money, Hank. 141 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,515 My half and your half? 142 00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:32,767 That's not how we do our investments. 143 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,228 Investing isn't like raising a child. 144 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,564 You can't just make it up as you go along. 145 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,984 Well, Hank, he has a reasonable cost structure for equipment, 146 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:45,196 a sound profit projection based on the population growth of pigs in Texas, 147 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,449 and low employee costs: 148 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:48,742 Dale and Bill. 149 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,786 This is our retirement money we're talkin' about. 150 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:54,414 How 'bout we let someone at our bank decide? 151 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,541 They have a bit more know-how than both of us. 152 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:57,626 Fine. 153 00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:58,710 ♪♪ 154 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:02,380 So, Mr. Coleman, we came to you because we knew you'd be able to tell us 155 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:06,301 if this was a bad idea or a horrible, horrible idea. 156 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:10,096 I'm glad you came to me. I've gone over the papers. 157 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,890 -Yeah? -[Kevin Coleman] I think this 158 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:16,061 is a great business idea and a sound investment. 159 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,647 -Exactl-- Wait, what? -Hoyeah! 160 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,066 Hoyeah, man, that ol' hoyeah, man. 161 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:24,527 Well, if it's such a great idea, why don't you invest in it? 162 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,906 -Well, you make a good point. -See, that's what I thought. 163 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,158 -I'll go in with you as a partner. -[Peggy and Hank] You will? 164 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:32,327 I'll help you make the business connections you need. 165 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,788 This seems to be moving way too fast. 166 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,623 Yeah, man, you talkin' 'bout puttin' that money 167 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:39,542 where your dang ol' mouth is, man. You got a dang ol' deal, man. 168 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,544 There's room for one more hand, Hank. 169 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,380 We would be a great team. 170 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:47,467 You know, every team needs a guy to watch the team from the stands 171 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,636 without putting his money in. 172 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:50,845 Go, team. 173 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,389 ♪♪ 174 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,059 ♪♪ 175 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,644 [speaker] [over video call] I love it, yes! 176 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,020 [Peggy Hill] Then, it's unanimous. 177 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:03,024 The name of the company will be "Boar No More." 178 00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,235 [group chattering] 179 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:10,031 Uh, Peggy, who is this person? And why is everyone in our kitchen? 180 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,575 I'm Cindy Carrington, Community Development. 181 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:16,413 I'm excited to share I've already lined up two farms as your first clients. 182 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,331 Oh, no, I'm not-- Wow. 183 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,668 Well, even though you have a very strong handshake, I, uh-- 184 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:25,296 this isn't-- I-I'm not investing in the company. 185 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:28,216 Bill? You invested in this nonsense too? 186 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,093 Oh, I'm not an investor. 187 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,387 I'm in charge of field operations. 188 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,305 You know, shootin' stuff, 189 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,933 then hidin' any stuff we weren't supposed to shoot. 190 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,144 I'm a salaried employee. 191 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:42,063 Hard to make a salary when there's no money comin' in. 192 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,983 It's called deferred compensation, Hank. 193 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:47,861 -Okay, what that means is-- -I know what it means, Peggy. 194 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:52,198 -It means he's a glorified intern. -That is just not true. 195 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,617 -Bill, the creamer's low. -I'm on it! 196 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,828 Alright, so the purpose of this meeting is to discuss-- 197 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,997 [Connor Feliz] [on laptop] Bup-bup! This is an executive session. 198 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,083 -Company officers only. -And who are you? 199 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,127 Sorry. Connor Feliz, Accounting. 200 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,962 Look, Connor from Accounting, 201 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,798 I don't know how to kick someone's ass over Zoom, 202 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:12,343 but I'll figure it out if you try to put me out of my own kitchen. 203 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,638 Hank, if you wanna stay, honey, there is still an opportunity 204 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,640 for you to invest in the company. 205 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:21,269 In exchange for my 30 years of exterminating experience, 206 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:23,021 I get stock options. 207 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,773 That's guaranteed money! 208 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:27,150 That's not how stock options work. 209 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,152 How do they work, Hank? 210 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,155 I have no idea, but it can't be that. 211 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,240 [sighs] I'll take my coffee outside. 212 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,201 -[Connor] Bup-bup-bup! I move that we-- -Oops. 213 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,285 ♪♪ 214 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,079 [Joseph Gribble] You slept together on the first date? 215 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,163 You're a legend! 216 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,457 No, bro, you're not listenin'. 217 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:46,461 We both fell asleep and got kicked out of the symphony. 218 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:49,672 -For having sex? -Joseph, come on, man. 219 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,382 Did you take your Adderall? 220 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,885 It was an awful first date, and I blew it. 221 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,054 -Okay, okay, I'm focused. -[phone buzzing] 222 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,430 Connie? 223 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,767 Hellooo? 224 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,561 [Connie Souphanousinphone] Hey, Bobby. First off, I wanna say, 225 00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,314 I know last night wasn't the best first date. 226 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:09,400 Yeah, I kinda felt that too. 227 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:12,862 [Connie] We just need to figure out a good "us" date, you know? 228 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,448 I think I have a surprise you're gonna love. 229 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,826 Ask her if it's "that thang." 230 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,994 [Connie] Joseph, I can hear you. 231 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,830 -Then answer me! -[phone beeps] 232 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:26,668 [♪ tense guitar music playing] 233 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:31,673 Check this out, Hank. We already have equipment sponsors. 234 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,883 Equipment sponsors? 235 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,427 People are just givin' you free stuff? 236 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:39,055 Wow, Hank, you're red-hot with jealousy. 237 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:43,059 You got dang little F-O-M-O, man. I'm talkin' 'bout that FOMO, man. 238 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,562 I do not have F-O-M-O. 239 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:49,107 I just don't understand. Y'all haven't killed pig one yet. 240 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,442 Well, that is how business works, Hank. 241 00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,653 We do not have to kill pigs to make money. 242 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:58,116 We just have to let people know how many pigs we plan on killing, 243 00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:01,911 and then they are going to give us money today 244 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,788 for the pigs we kill tomorrow. 245 00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,999 It is all in the prospectus. 246 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,876 ♪♪ 247 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,003 [Hank] I'm not taking this for myself. 248 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:13,798 I'm gonna run it past the most successful businessperson I know. 249 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,550 ♪♪ 250 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,760 You came to the right person, Ol' Top. 251 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,388 Are you sure this is a good time, sir? 252 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:23,975 I'm retired, Hank. I got nothing but time now. 253 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,852 -[treadmill beeping] -Walk with me, Hank. 254 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:29,814 So, what am I missing, Buck? How is this a good investment? 255 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,358 Yeah, well, I know the game they're playin', 256 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,111 and trust me, the odds are stacked against ya 257 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,114 more than at a Puerto Rican craps table. 258 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:42,160 Uh-uh, I wouldn't roll those dice, even if I loaded 'em myself. 259 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:45,413 This was the kind of advice I was lookin' for, sir. 260 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,749 Especially after they told me it was the last chance 261 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,459 to get in on the ground floor. 262 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,086 -[watch beeping rapidly] -Hmm. 263 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,297 How much is the buy-in? 264 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,840 Uh-- Uh... for you? 265 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:58,885 It's the same amount as you used to pay me in a year. 266 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,345 Well, that's nothin'. 267 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:03,097 Nothin' you wanna risk losing. [chuckles] 268 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:06,017 You just-- you just go on home and you tell your wife 269 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,353 you're passin' on their offer. 270 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,939 What are you gonna do, Hank?! 271 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,441 Uh, pass on their offer, sir. 272 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:17,820 200% projected growth in one year is too good to be true. 273 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,948 -[watch beeping rapidly] -Sir, are you okay? 274 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:22,617 You gotta go slower, Mr. Strickland. 275 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,327 Yeah, uh... [clears throat] 276 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,163 It just, you know, it makes my blood boil 277 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,750 to think a simple, honest man like you almost got fleeced. 278 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:34,837 Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for my sponge bath. 279 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,339 [Hank shudders] 280 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:37,590 ♪♪ 281 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,217 Oh, good, you're all here. 282 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,595 Well, I appreciate the offer, but after talkin' with someone 283 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,932 who knows more about business than all of us combined, 284 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,308 I'm gonna pass again. 285 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:50,144 The shares are not available anymore, Hank. 286 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,272 -Really? -[Buck Strickland] Is that Hank? 287 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,856 Mr. Strickland? 288 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,650 You got the last shares? 289 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,986 But you told me it was too good to be true. 290 00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:01,322 Hank, it's your own fault you seduced me 291 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:05,118 with your stories of dice, and odds, and craps. 292 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,953 Those were your words, sir. 293 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,831 Hank, this is a closed-door meetin' of investors. 294 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,625 You gotta go. Sergeant at arms! 295 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,878 Sorry, Hank. Nothin' personal. 296 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,174 ♪♪ 297 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,551 What the...? 298 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,389 -[Hank groans] -Peggy's husband is here. 299 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,890 [security] [over walkie] Yeah, let him in. 300 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,058 -[walkie chirps] -Follow me. 301 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,351 [birds chirping] 302 00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:34,355 [♪ distant party music playing] 303 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,523 [engine shuts off] 304 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:36,733 [people chattering] 305 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,151 [crowd] Cheers! 306 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,028 -[Boomhauer] Cheers, man! -[Peggy] Here's to us! 307 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,739 To us, livin' high on the hog! 308 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,283 -[Dale] Good one, Buck! -[laughter and chatter] 309 00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,869 Here's your celery stalk juice, Mr. Strickland. 310 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,747 -[Buck gulping] -[crowd] Oh! [laughing] 311 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,749 -[bottle clinking] -I'm happy to announce 312 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,960 that Boar No More has been acquired 313 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:59,297 by the biggest publicly-traded hog eradication company 314 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,507 in the Southwest, 315 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:04,427 -Pig Force Incorporated! -[crowd exclaiming] 316 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:07,764 How did you sell a two-week-old company in two days? 317 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,308 Oh, the company sold itself. 318 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,852 I didn't even have to lift my skirt. 319 00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:17,482 Pig Force is buying up smaller companies all over the state. 320 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,442 Hank, isn't it great? 321 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:23,696 I have tripled our money, plus we all got shares in Pig Force Inc. 322 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,698 Honey, can you believe it? 323 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,117 They have gone up 20% since we sold! 324 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,578 Ah, man, talkin' 'bout dang ol' hot stock, man. 325 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,956 That good ol' dang man, that choo choo on that dang ol' gravy train, man. 326 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,793 Cha-cha-ching! That's what I say now. 327 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,921 -Get used to it. -Hank, isn't it great? 328 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:43,508 We're all going to be rich! Oh, except you. 329 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:47,136 Sorry, I'm just used to you being involved in what we do. 330 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,806 -[people gasping and cheering] -No, that's fine. I'm at peace with my-- 331 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,766 It just went up another 2%! 332 00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:54,435 Cha-cha-ching! Warned you. 333 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:57,814 As I was saying, I'm at peace with my decision. 334 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,899 I don't feel like I'm missing out. 335 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,360 -[car horn honking] -[Buck] Whoo, they're here! 336 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:05,321 Gifts for our company founders. 337 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:06,697 -Wingo! -Oh, goody! 338 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,366 -Gotdangit. -Ooh, man! 339 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,910 Talkin' 'bout dang ol' shiiit. 340 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:15,331 And here to present them, Pig Force celebrity spokesperson, 341 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,709 -Nolan Ryan! -The Ryan Express?! 342 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:23,256 These keys are for Peggy, Bill, Dale, and-- how do you say this? 343 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,591 Oh, talkin' 'bout dang ol' Boomhauer, man. 344 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,051 Dang ol' Boomhauer. 345 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,719 How did they get you to come here? 346 00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:33,182 I invested in Pig Force stock. You'd be a damn fool not to. 347 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,309 -[people cheering] -It's gone up 10 more percent! 348 00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,645 -Cha-cha-ching! -Hey, that's my thing. 349 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,814 And it's still goin'! [laughing] Yes! 350 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,065 [all] Go! Go! Go! 351 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,567 Oh, wow. 352 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:47,238 Is it possible that I am even better at investing than I thought? 353 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,615 I have to go to the bathroom. 354 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:52,618 And, honey, while you're in there, I will get Nolan Ryan 355 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,829 to sign a football for you. 356 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,747 [indistinct chatter] 357 00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:59,167 [♪ curious music playing] 358 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,587 [sighs] 359 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:05,923 ♪♪ 360 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,885 Good ol' slow and steady. 361 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,637 [crowd] [continues chanting] Go! Go! Go! Go! 362 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,473 [faint chanting continues] 363 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,894 [♪ curious music continues] 364 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:20,855 [phone chimes] 365 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,152 [kids shouting] 366 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,654 [Connie] This is a fun surprise, right? 367 00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,239 Sure! 368 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,700 Remember when we played in the bouncy house 369 00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:34,243 at Mr. Dauterive's as kids? 370 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,912 [laughs] So fun! 371 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,916 I remember the creepy guy who sold us beer, 372 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,584 and I remember throwin' up. 373 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:42,919 Oh, yeah. 374 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,754 [kid laughing] 375 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,547 Why aren't you jumpin' higher? 376 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:49,717 I'm trying, kid. [chuckling] I'm just outta shape. 377 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,553 Are you a giant kid or a weird adult? 378 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:55,306 Neither. Go away. 379 00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,808 I didn't think there'd be so many kids here. 380 00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,937 As long as I'm with you, I'm having fun. 381 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,482 Let's see how high we can bounce. Come on, take my hand! 382 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:07,235 [♪ "Every Woman in the World" by Air Supply playing] 383 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:11,572 ♪ You're every woman in the world to me ♪ 384 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,783 ♪ You're my fantasy-- ♪ 385 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,660 -[kid grunting] -[Connie and Bobby] Whoa! 386 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,078 -[Connie] Ow! -Are you okay? 387 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,162 [gags] 388 00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,498 -[Connie groaning] -Oh my goodness, Connie! 389 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,668 [indistinct chatter] 390 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:27,171 [sighs] Are we still chanting? 391 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,923 No, Hank, we are not. 392 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,550 -[concerned chatter] -[Bill sobbing] 393 00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:31,884 Shiiit. 394 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,177 [Bill whimpers] 395 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:37,390 Wall Street's sayin' traditional pig eradication companies are out. 396 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:42,395 So, all our investors are bailing like ticks on a drownin' dog. 397 00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,815 -What does that mean? -Ticks can't breathe underwater, Hank. 398 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,693 It means the company's stock is worthless! 399 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,361 Bwaah! 400 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,863 Oh, well, win some, lose some. 401 00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,323 Thanks for the fun, guys. 402 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,243 I guess you made the right play this time, Ol' Top. 403 00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,495 ♪♪ 404 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:02,790 She's being sedated to help with the pain. Can I ask you a few ques-- 405 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:05,626 Her legal name is Kahn Souphanousinphone, Jr. 406 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,671 She's allergic to celery, sulfites, and cats. 407 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,841 Her blood type is B positive. Her first menstruation was-- 408 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,926 Uh, are you next of kin? 409 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:17,221 Actually, we just started dating. 410 00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:19,056 Wanna guess how it's going? 411 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,433 I see. 412 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:23,644 Why don't you go down to the cafeteria before it closes? 413 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:25,563 That's a good idea. 414 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:30,276 Oh, before you go, for her weight, you put "None of my business." 415 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,653 I know a trap when I see one. 416 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:34,113 ♪♪ 417 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,240 Peggy, there's somethin' I need to tell you. 418 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:40,328 I know I often invoke "The Tortoise and the Hare," 419 00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,955 but the truth is, when that story was written, 420 00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:46,208 the tortoise didn't have the power to throw his nest egg away 421 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,586 with a click of a "Buy Shares" button 422 00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:51,756 because he'd watched his slow friends make fast money. 423 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,635 Are you saying you bought stock in Pig Force? 424 00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,512 -Yes. -Right before it crashed? 425 00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,848 It was almost like I caused it. 426 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,225 -Oh, Hank. -I know. 427 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,520 And I'm sorry that because of me, we've lost our money. 428 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:10,858 To make it up, I can hold off on buying the new jeans I wanted. 429 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,235 Hank, we did not lose it all. 430 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,614 I sold my shares before the stock crashed. 431 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,616 You did? Why? 432 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,327 Well, when we sold the company to Pig Force, 433 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:26,040 I heard your voice in my head saying it was all happening too fast. 434 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:29,126 I also heard you say... [imitating Hank] "Uh, Peggy? 435 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,921 You still have to pay insurance on those trucks." 436 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,589 [normal] But the point is, Hank, 437 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,592 I made the right decision because of you. 438 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,803 I guess we do make a good team. 439 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,222 But that's not what my voice sounds like. 440 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:42,515 Where are you going? 441 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:45,017 Well, I recollect there being two clients 442 00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:47,311 that never got their pig problem solved. 443 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,689 Call me old-fashioned, but I think a company 444 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:51,774 should do what it says it's gonna do. 445 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,318 If you need me, I'll be out trappin' hogs. 446 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,278 And I greatly respect that. 447 00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,074 But to be clear, you are not owed any compensation 448 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,535 from me or any company I am affiliated with. 449 00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:07,123 [people chattering] 450 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,042 Aw! Is all this 451 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:12,169 -for your little brother or sister? -What? 452 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,004 [laughing] Oh! No. 453 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:16,465 These are for my girlfriend. 454 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,050 She's not a kid. 455 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:20,136 I see. Cash or card? 456 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,097 I was hopin' this would make her feel better, 457 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,725 but maybe I know 12-year-old Connie 458 00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:29,478 better than 21-year-old Connie. [sighs] 459 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,647 There's a connection problem. 460 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:35,317 I think you're right. What if all our connections now 461 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:38,988 are just memories of the connection we had when we were younger? 462 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,532 No, the credit card. Connection problem. 463 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,702 Take it out, rub the back on your shirt, and try it again. 464 00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:46,203 -Oh. -[register beeps] 465 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,788 There it goes. All set. 466 00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,290 I guess so. 467 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,792 [♪ gentle music playing] 468 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:58,299 Connie, I think I know why our dates have been terrible. 469 00:20:58,382 --> 00:21:01,010 We've been trying to have somethin' we had when we were kids 470 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:04,054 and, uh, maybe we don't have it now, and-- 471 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:06,807 -[crying] No! -What's wrong? 472 00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:09,685 Wait, are you breaking up with me 473 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,188 while I'm in the hospital dying?! 474 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,316 No! No, no, that's not what I meant. 475 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:18,194 I was saying the adult versions of ourselves 476 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,529 might not have the same connection. 477 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:24,116 What if you only like the husky 12-year-old version of me 478 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,619 that played wooden spoons on his belly? 479 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:30,998 [laughing] I loved that Bobby. 480 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:34,543 But I really like this... you Bobby now. 481 00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:37,296 I don't even know what I wanna do. 482 00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:40,633 But you, you're the bravest person I know, 483 00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:44,011 because you knew exactly what you wanted to do, 484 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:46,222 and you are doing it. 485 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:49,934 So, do you like the me Bobby now as a-- 486 00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,644 -[Connie kissing, moaning] -[Bobby moaning] 487 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:52,853 [Bobby gasps] 488 00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,688 That was amazing. 489 00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:57,149 Get that cute butt in my bed! 490 00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,568 I wanna do weird stuff with you. 491 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:02,655 -Weird stuff to you. -[Bobby chuckles] 492 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:05,157 Ah, I feel so good. 493 00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:07,535 Nurse! Another round of this. 494 00:22:07,618 --> 00:22:10,538 How about we just talk? 495 00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:12,456 Is that pudding? 496 00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:14,250 [laughing] You know it. 497 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,460 What was that stuff you stayed up all night 498 00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:18,629 studying for before the symphony? 499 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:22,216 There's cool stuff called quantum dot emitters. 500 00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:25,594 The shit they're doing in Korea with it? [mimics explosion] 501 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:30,891 That's exactly how I feel about the stuff I'm trying with kimchi and samgyeopsal. 502 00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:33,894 Bob! Let's go to South Korea! 503 00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:36,981 [laughing] That sounds like a date. 504 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,524 -[chuckles] Oh. -Oh, ow. 505 00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:40,234 -Mm. -Ooh, sorry. 506 00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:42,194 ♪♪ 507 00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:47,449 [hog snorting] 508 00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:50,327 [squealing] 509 00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:52,162 [hogs snorting] 510 00:22:53,247 --> 00:22:54,373 It's working. 511 00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:56,500 [hogs snorting] 512 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,544 It's working too well. 513 00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:00,421 [engines revving] 514 00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:01,672 [Dale] Woo-hoo! 515 00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:04,174 -[Bill] We got your six, Hank! -[Dale laughing] 516 00:23:04,258 --> 00:23:05,759 [Boomhauer] Yeah, man, we got your six, man. 517 00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:08,470 -[Bill] You guys got it! -[Boomhauer] Yeah, man! 518 00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:10,222 -[engines revving] -[hogs squealing] 519 00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:13,142 [♪ exciting music playing] 520 00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:16,228 [engines shut off] 521 00:23:16,312 --> 00:23:17,980 [♪ gentle music playing] 522 00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:20,149 We couldn't let you have all the fun. 523 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,610 Besides, you're a terrible shot. 524 00:23:22,693 --> 00:23:27,114 Well, now that you guys are out here, we've got one more job to do. 525 00:23:27,197 --> 00:23:29,617 Hop in, you sexy tortoise! 526 00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:34,914 [John Redcorn] And now that my land is wild hog free, 527 00:23:34,997 --> 00:23:37,917 John Redcorn's Texas-Grown Red Corn 528 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,712 will have a projected operating profit margin of 38%. 529 00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:43,505 So, Hills, what do you say? 530 00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:46,717 What does the Hill Family Inc. CFO say? 531 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:51,138 After all, she's the reason we still have dividends left to invest. 532 00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:56,268 She says it is time Hill Family Inc. got into bed with John Redcorn. 533 00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:59,897 Uh, John Redcorn's Red Corn. The corn. 534 00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:02,024 She means the business, not you. 535 00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:04,568 I just want to be very clear. 536 00:24:10,908 --> 00:24:14,078 [♪ "Yahoos and Triangles" by The Refreshments playing] 537 00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:32,012 -♪ Yee-haw! ♪ -♪ Wa-hoo! ♪ 538 00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:51,532 [♪ song ends] 539 00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:52,616 [birds chirping] 540 00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:54,535 -[golf club thumps] -[crowd cheering] 541 00:24:54,618 --> 00:24:56,578 ♪♪ 542 00:24:56,662 --> 00:24:59,581 -[Peggy] Bill, the creamer's low. -[Bill] I'm on it! 543 00:24:59,665 --> 00:25:01,291 [♪ fanfare playing]