1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:03,840 NARRA TOR: Previously on Stargate SG-1. 2 00:00:03,950 --> 00:00:07,390 I'm not just interested in outer space, 3 00:00:07,490 --> 00:00:09,620 I'm from outer space. 4 00:00:09,730 --> 00:00:14,560 ANNOUNCER ON TV: Four excellent heroes in an extraordinary new sci-fi series, 5 00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:18,000 starring Nick Marlowe as the wry Colonel Danning. 6 00:00:18,470 --> 00:00:21,770 As a matter of fact, it does say "Colonel" on my uniform. 7 00:00:21,870 --> 00:00:24,270 Wormhole X-treme. 8 00:00:24,370 --> 00:00:25,340 It's what I do. 9 00:00:26,980 --> 00:00:28,270 HAMMOND: He sold the idea to the studio. 10 00:00:28,380 --> 00:00:31,370 He obviously got the whole thing from his knowledge of the Stargate Program. 11 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,040 No, if the Air Force didn't want it to happen, 12 00:00:33,150 --> 00:00:35,740 they wouldn't have let it go this far. 13 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,210 Come on out. 14 00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:42,610 FURLING: We are the Furlings. 15 00:00:43,660 --> 00:00:45,820 We thought we'd never get to meet you. 16 00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:54,930 We led them straight here. 17 00:00:58,410 --> 00:01:00,640 - Sam! - I thought I could make it work. 18 00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:04,510 The thermodynamic loop is feeding back into the planet's core. 19 00:01:05,580 --> 00:01:07,520 (FURLINGS SPEAKING FURLING LANGUAGE) 20 00:01:13,020 --> 00:01:14,180 CARTER: Well, that never happened. 21 00:01:14,290 --> 00:01:16,350 Well, you've got to open big, catch people's attention, 22 00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:18,950 make them think the whole thing is going to be jam-packed. 23 00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,230 I love jam. 24 00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:26,560 Oh, I get it, it's yet another playful twist on words in your Earth language. 25 00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:30,100 It makes us look stupid. 26 00:01:30,210 --> 00:01:31,970 JACKSON: You realize it's not actually us. 27 00:01:32,070 --> 00:01:35,070 Okay, okay, it makes the characters look stupid. 28 00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,940 I mean, do you really think the best way to introduce the heroes of 29 00:01:38,050 --> 00:01:40,350 the story is to show them causing a massive catastrophe? 30 00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:42,280 That's realistic. 31 00:01:42,380 --> 00:01:44,880 - I don't care. - Come on. It'll be fun. 32 00:01:44,990 --> 00:01:46,550 You know, you say that about everything. 33 00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:48,850 Come to think of it, why am I doing this? 34 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,860 To make sure that the Air Force is being properly represented 35 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:56,920 and because General O'Neill has requested you specifically. 36 00:01:57,330 --> 00:01:58,930 Of course he did. 37 00:01:59,140 --> 00:02:03,000 Jackson, how often do we get to give notes on a big Hollywood feature script? 38 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,530 I believe this is intended to be a television movie. 39 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:10,200 A fictionalized, albeit slightly ridiculous, version of Stargate Command 40 00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:13,770 is an excellent cover for the real thing in the event of a security leak. 41 00:02:13,980 --> 00:02:15,010 Plausible deniability. 42 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,240 I'm sorry, sir, did you say slightly ridiculous? 43 00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:19,910 You're doing this. You have no choice. 44 00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:22,110 Just give the man five minutes. 45 00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:24,490 I'll get you out of this when the time comes. 46 00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,290 VALA: I've been looking through this, and there doesn't seem to be 47 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,890 any mention of a sexy female alien anywhere. 48 00:02:36,140 --> 00:02:37,610 I'm not even in this. 49 00:02:37,710 --> 00:02:39,330 CARTER: You know, the really unbelievable part 50 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:40,770 is that anyone would consider spending 51 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,970 millions of dollars on this thing. 52 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,240 I mean, seriously, all these writers and they couldn't come up 53 00:02:45,350 --> 00:02:46,370 with anything better? 54 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,970 I don't know, I've been watching a lot of television lately 55 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,880 and, apart from one glaring omission, it doesn't seem to be that bad. 56 00:02:52,990 --> 00:02:55,680 Maybe we can make it better. 57 00:02:55,790 --> 00:02:56,780 No, I'm with Sam on this one. 58 00:02:56,890 --> 00:02:59,730 I mean, who makes a movie out of a series that only lasted three episodes? 59 00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:03,060 It allegedly performed well on DVD. 60 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,900 No, I'm not using any shots from the series. 61 00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,730 It's a movie, not a clip show. 62 00:03:09,610 --> 00:03:11,040 The budget is the budget. 63 00:03:11,140 --> 00:03:14,470 They are a bunch of pencil-pushing, bean-counting idiots. 64 00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:19,150 You tell them if they don't like it, I'm going to take it somewhere else. 65 00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:24,780 You know not to say that last part, right? 66 00:03:26,420 --> 00:03:28,910 Yeah, movie, not clip show, is fine. 67 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,990 Yeah, I've got to go. Yeah. 68 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,090 Your cell coverage is just terrible in here. 69 00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:40,930 How's it going? You done? 70 00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:50,340 Well, it certainly seems to be packed full of jam. 71 00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:52,580 I knew I should have given you my first draft. 72 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,840 The producer brought in the other writers. 73 00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:59,110 - I thought you were the producer. - Yeah, the real one. 74 00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:01,750 Look, just be honest. 75 00:04:01,860 --> 00:04:04,660 I trust you guys. That's why I'm here. 76 00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:08,730 Just tell me what you think. 77 00:04:11,270 --> 00:04:13,240 MARTIN: Come on, you must have some ideas. 78 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:17,800 Don't be afraid. Just pitch them out. We call it spinning. 79 00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:21,470 Don't worry. No one's going to judge you. 80 00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:27,110 Okay, for starters, I think you need a strong opening title sequence. 81 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:28,440 Are you serious? 82 00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:29,920 No one does that anymore. 83 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,350 You just throw up the title and get on with it. 84 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:38,330 (ALARM BLARING) 85 00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:38,850 (ALARM BLARING) 86 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,450 (SCREAMING) 87 00:04:56,710 --> 00:04:58,080 (SCREAMING) 88 00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:05,450 Walter! Dial 447. 89 00:05:05,550 --> 00:05:08,820 The only way to stop this is to get the device back to the planet. 90 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,390 (SCREAMING) 91 00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:30,070 Look, no offense, but zombies have been done to death. 92 00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:33,680 No pun intended. 93 00:05:33,780 --> 00:05:36,650 Besides, this is science fiction, not horror. 94 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:38,080 Did I mention the Tel'chak device? 95 00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:40,450 'Cause that's what turned them into zombies. 96 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:41,520 (MUSICAL CELL PHONE RINGING) 97 00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:43,150 Sorry. Go for Marty. 98 00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:48,560 (WHISPERING) Hey, Charlie. What's up? It's the studio. 99 00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:50,990 What kind of problem? 100 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,330 Just out of curiosity, what was the rest of the team doing 101 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,900 while your character was fighting the zombies? 102 00:06:01,010 --> 00:06:04,910 - MARTIN: Son of a bitch! - Studio executives, huh? 103 00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:08,550 What? No, Charlie, he's a great guy. 104 00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:10,850 He's the only one I trust. 105 00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:12,680 So, what's the problem then? 106 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,650 Our lead backed out. 107 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,750 How am I supposed to tell a story without my lead character? 108 00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:21,090 Easy. You just bring in a character to replace him. 109 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:26,560 What? 110 00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:28,470 MARTIN: You guys have to help me. 111 00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:32,230 I mean, how can I keep the main character in the story 112 00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:35,610 without actually having the actor who plays him? 113 00:06:36,110 --> 00:06:39,880 Well, you could have the other characters refer to him all the time, 114 00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:42,580 maybe get him on the phone once in a while. 115 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:46,210 Yeah, right. I mean something cool, 116 00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:50,620 like face-switching or body-swapping. 117 00:06:50,930 --> 00:06:53,720 As if anyone would believe that. 118 00:06:54,130 --> 00:06:57,960 Come on, you guys must have some real-life experiences I can draw on. 119 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,400 Well, there was that time that Colonel O'Neill was invisible. 120 00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:06,660 So, essentially, what I think happened is that you were bombarded by 121 00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:09,740 the particle field being emanated by the cloaking generator. 122 00:07:09,850 --> 00:07:12,110 See, you were in the engine room standing right next to it 123 00:07:12,210 --> 00:07:14,150 when the device was turned on. 124 00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:16,220 That would account for the minute traces of radiation 125 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:17,440 we've been picking up from you. 126 00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:21,650 But the good news is, I think I've found a way to reverse the process. 127 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,660 We have to go back to the mothership and get the cloaking generator. 128 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,990 - Sam, who are you talking to? - Colonel O'Neill. 129 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:29,720 I was just explaining to him how we're going to make him visible again. 130 00:07:29,830 --> 00:07:31,420 No, you're not. 131 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:35,070 Jack's in Hammond's office. 132 00:07:35,570 --> 00:07:37,770 - I can't believe he did that to me again. - Yeah. 133 00:07:37,870 --> 00:07:40,210 You know, getting that cloaking generator off that mothership, 134 00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:41,470 that's going to be the least of our problems. 135 00:07:41,580 --> 00:07:45,140 Now, getting Jack to help, that's going to be the hard part. 136 00:07:45,450 --> 00:07:49,080 - Oh, don't tell me. - Yes. He likes being invisible. 137 00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:49,520 (CAR HORN HONKING) 138 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:50,680 (CAR HORN HONKING) 139 00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,350 (ENGINE REVVING) 140 00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:02,830 And so, by translating this tablet, 141 00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:07,530 we should be able to determine the most important thing in the universe. 142 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,130 (O'NEILL SNORING) 143 00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:20,340 Everyone just want to poke around, see if you can find him? 144 00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:23,950 Sir, are you there? 145 00:08:28,390 --> 00:08:29,620 O'NEILL: Nope. 146 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,960 - You cannot remain this way, O'Neill. - Why not? 147 00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,620 It gives us an advantage over the Goa'uld. 148 00:08:37,730 --> 00:08:40,860 I can sneak around all I want totally undetected. 149 00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:45,640 I give us the element of surprise. 150 00:08:45,740 --> 00:08:50,470 The bottom line is I can do more for this planet invisible 151 00:08:50,580 --> 00:08:53,050 than I ever could as my own sweet, salient self. 152 00:08:57,450 --> 00:09:00,180 I assume I'm staring at you stoically. 153 00:09:02,190 --> 00:09:04,160 - Not buying it, eh? - No. 154 00:09:04,790 --> 00:09:06,730 You are most transparent, O'Neill. 155 00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:11,660 I get it. Good one. 156 00:09:12,330 --> 00:09:14,330 I can see right through you. 157 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,270 Don't push it. 158 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,570 (GRUNTS) 159 00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:25,570 (GROANS) 160 00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:28,410 (GRUNTS) 161 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,860 O'NEILL: Hello? Hand signals? 162 00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:46,530 I'm waving you over. 163 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,270 Okay, I've made the necessary adjustments. 164 00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:52,900 All you have to do now is initiate the sequence. 165 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:54,840 Okay. 166 00:09:55,740 --> 00:09:57,110 Let's do it. 167 00:10:03,650 --> 00:10:05,980 O'NEILL: Oh, yeah. This is better. 168 00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:10,930 It might feel like kind of a cheat. 169 00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:14,200 Maybe it's best just not to mention the guy at all. 170 00:10:15,260 --> 00:10:19,760 Yeah, besides, invisibility can be very powerful. 171 00:10:20,470 --> 00:10:22,800 You might not want to open that can of worms. 172 00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:25,600 You don't want your heroes to become too powerful. 173 00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:28,940 Well, you could always invent some negative side-effects. 174 00:10:29,850 --> 00:10:32,910 That's how we talked Colonel O'Neill into becoming visible again. 175 00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:36,140 Okay, that's it, SG-1, you are cleared to leave. 176 00:10:36,250 --> 00:10:37,680 - Thank you. - MARTIN: They can't leave! 177 00:10:37,790 --> 00:10:39,550 They haven't finished reading my script! 178 00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:42,220 That's funny, I thought it said "General" on my uniform. 179 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,090 - We owe you one, sir. - You mean another one. 180 00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:47,720 What are you talking about? I thought you said it was going to be fun. 181 00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:49,960 Not after his zombie idea got shot down. 182 00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:52,430 So, where are you guys all off to? 183 00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:55,090 Someplace pretty important, huh? 184 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:56,730 It's just a recon mission, isn't it? 185 00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:59,540 "Just" a recon mission? This is no simple recon mission. 186 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,170 This is no less than my 200th trip through the gate. 187 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,240 Really? 188 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,700 - You're counting? - You bet. 189 00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:07,480 TEAL'C: I have been reflecting while changing into our gear. 190 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,020 I believe this is far from your 200th mission, Colonel Mitchell. 191 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,680 I didn't say 200th mission. I said 200th trip through the gate. 192 00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:17,660 That's counting off-world gates, back and forth, pretty much anytime 193 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,690 I crossed the event horizon. 194 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,760 Yeah. This is going to be huge. 195 00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:24,990 The big 200. 196 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:32,800 (INAUDIBLE) 197 00:11:38,310 --> 00:11:39,710 - Fix it. - Quickly. 198 00:11:39,820 --> 00:11:42,880 - I'm on it. - Indeed. 199 00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:48,280 Gotta go! 200 00:11:48,390 --> 00:11:51,480 We've got 10 seconds before the time dilation field is activated. 201 00:11:51,590 --> 00:11:55,790 If we don't make it through the gate, we'll be stuck here forever! 202 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,630 Okay, this could be a problem. 203 00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,900 - That was close, huh? - Oh, yeah. 204 00:12:05,270 --> 00:12:07,300 JACKSON: Are you serious? MARTIN: What? 205 00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:08,880 How did we escape? 206 00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:11,480 - They. - Fine, they, they, they. 207 00:12:11,580 --> 00:12:15,450 - How did they escape? - Isn't it obvious? 208 00:12:15,550 --> 00:12:19,180 Even if the valley wasn't filled with Jaffa, we could never have made it 209 00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:22,220 to the gate and dialed out in under 10 seconds. 210 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,860 Good. See, that's why we're here. 211 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,430 So, what do you think? 30 seconds? 212 00:12:27,530 --> 00:12:29,790 Maybe not such a round number. 213 00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:32,330 How about 38? 214 00:12:32,430 --> 00:12:33,630 What difference does it make? 215 00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:36,800 I mean, it's not like you're going to have an actual ticking clock on the screen. 216 00:12:36,910 --> 00:12:39,770 - That's brilliant! - That's ridiculous. 217 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,710 Trust me, jeopardy plus ticking clock is box office. 218 00:12:43,810 --> 00:12:46,510 It's the E=MC-squared of the entertainment world. 219 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:47,950 Ask any executive. 220 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,710 Except I think you've replaced jeopardy with certain death. 221 00:12:51,990 --> 00:12:56,390 Oh, come on. You guys have escaped situations more dire than this before. 222 00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:59,750 - He has a point. - So show the actual escape. 223 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,560 No, no, no. You can't give away too much, too early. 224 00:13:03,670 --> 00:13:04,860 It'll step on the ending. 225 00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:08,370 Maybe if my character doesn't say, "This is a problem." 226 00:13:08,470 --> 00:13:11,030 He could say something like, "This should be easy." 227 00:13:11,210 --> 00:13:14,700 How many times do I have to tell you? It's not you. 228 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,070 Colonel Danning is based on Colonel O'Neill. 229 00:13:22,020 --> 00:13:24,380 Please tell me you have the gate working again. 230 00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:27,110 We're running another diagnostic, but right now, we're stumped. 231 00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:29,020 The power's getting through to the capacitors, 232 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,350 but, for some reason, the charge isn't holding. 233 00:13:31,460 --> 00:13:34,330 That's causing the control crystal to send feedback into the interface 234 00:13:34,430 --> 00:13:38,160 and reset the programming code of the base computer's dialing protocol. 235 00:13:38,270 --> 00:13:41,460 Whoa! That was awesome. Say that again. 236 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,300 No. 237 00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:50,040 Oh. Everybody, take five. I've got to get that down before I forget it. 238 00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:52,510 MARTIN: The power getting to the flux capacitor, 239 00:13:52,610 --> 00:13:56,110 but feedback is not feeding back into the feedback face. 240 00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:57,650 This is gold! 241 00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:03,080 Forget about the techno talk. No one's really interested in it. 242 00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:05,190 You're an alien, right? 243 00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:07,890 Exactly, and I know just what this movie needs. 244 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:12,400 So how would you know what sci-fi fans from Earth would be interested in? 245 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:17,360 - Aren't you also an alien? - Yeah, but I've been here quite a while. 246 00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:21,180 Right. Look, I think I know a good story when I hear one. 247 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,870 Don't you want this movie to appeal to a broad range of people? 248 00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:27,580 - From Earth. - I have all kinds of fabulous adventures, 249 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,950 none of which have been classified by the Air Force. 250 00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:35,320 - Okay, shoot. Give me your best one. - Right. 251 00:14:35,420 --> 00:14:38,190 I was in a stolen cargo ship, on my way home, 252 00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:42,390 when a solar flare from a nearby star wreaked havoc with my navigation system 253 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,970 and I was forced to crash-land on the nearest planet. 254 00:14:45,070 --> 00:14:46,470 In a bizarre twist of fate, 255 00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:49,730 I crashed right on top of the Goa 'uld who ruled that planet, 256 00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:52,700 which was fortunate because my ship was too badly damaged to repair 257 00:14:52,810 --> 00:14:54,430 and I needed help. 258 00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:57,670 The local villagers were very grateful. 259 00:14:58,550 --> 00:15:01,880 They introduced me to a lovely fair-haired Tok'ra 260 00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:03,750 who had been hiding out on the planet. 261 00:15:03,850 --> 00:15:06,510 She told me the legend of a powerful Ascended being 262 00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:09,850 who supposedly lived in some distant, far-off mountains 263 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,290 through a treacherous forest. 264 00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:13,450 Look, I don't have all day. Cut to the chase. 265 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,090 All right. I met up with a number of my friends along the way, 266 00:15:16,230 --> 00:15:18,830 and after a dangerous and eventful journey, 267 00:15:18,930 --> 00:15:22,270 we finally come face to face with the Ascended being. 268 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,900 What can I do for you? 269 00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:27,670 Well, at first I thought I just wanted to go home, 270 00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:31,580 but now I've decided I'd quite like to be a part of something. 271 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,270 A regular part, if you catch my drift. 272 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,580 Oh, and these guys have their own issues. Boys? 273 00:15:50,370 --> 00:15:51,920 That's The Wizard of Oz. 274 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:57,060 - Oh, you've seen that one? - Yeah. 275 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,070 Oh, that's my phone. Martin Lloyd. 276 00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:04,300 - I didn't hear it ring. - It's on vibrate. 277 00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:06,380 MARTIN: Yes, go ahead. 278 00:16:06,510 --> 00:16:07,820 I can sing. 279 00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:13,780 - So how's it going? - Not well. 280 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,320 Samantha, 200 is waiting. 281 00:16:16,420 --> 00:16:17,480 Right now, I'm just hoping 282 00:16:17,590 --> 00:16:19,960 we haven't done something to permanently damage the gate. 283 00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:22,660 How can something work perfectly fine for 10 years 284 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,290 then all of a sudden it doesn't work anymore? 285 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,700 I don't know. Okay, try it now. 286 00:16:30,210 --> 00:16:33,700 We're getting some strange power readings here, Colonel. 287 00:16:33,980 --> 00:16:37,710 - Shut it down. - It's not responding. 288 00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:40,750 The gate's drawing massive amounts of energy into its capacitors. 289 00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:43,250 Close the blast door and the iris. 290 00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:54,030 I can't shut it down. 291 00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:56,320 Siler, manually cut the power! 292 00:17:03,770 --> 00:17:05,300 (SCREAMING) 293 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:09,740 Why does this always happen to me? 294 00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:13,270 Sir, we have to evacuate the base! 295 00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:17,080 This is General Landry. I'm declaring a code red emergency. 296 00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:19,280 All personnel, evacuate the base immediately. 297 00:17:19,390 --> 00:17:20,350 (ALARM BLARING) 298 00:17:20,460 --> 00:17:23,480 Sir, the capacitors are overloading. We have to get out of here now. 299 00:17:23,590 --> 00:17:24,890 Hurry. 300 00:17:31,330 --> 00:17:34,300 And that is the end of act two. 301 00:17:37,740 --> 00:17:41,200 - The mountain blows up? - No possible hope for survival. 302 00:17:41,410 --> 00:17:44,670 Cool, huh? I just wrote it based on what's going on with the gate. 303 00:17:45,010 --> 00:17:47,380 I love it when art imitates life. 304 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,580 Hang on. We're alive in the next scene. 305 00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:53,450 Oh, I just haven't fixed that part yet. 306 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:58,220 I'm thinking I can back-sell it and say you were beamed out at the last second. 307 00:17:58,330 --> 00:18:00,590 - JACKSON: Beamed out? - Sure. Why not? 308 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:04,190 - Is that not too convenient? - MARTIN: Not if you hang a lantern on it. 309 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,390 - What's that? - It's a writer's term. 310 00:18:06,530 --> 00:18:09,990 Another character points out how convenient it is. 311 00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:14,670 Dr. Levant can say, "Well, that was great timing." 312 00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:19,440 That way the audience knows I intended for it to be convenient, 313 00:18:19,580 --> 00:18:22,140 - and we move on. - Really. 314 00:18:22,980 --> 00:18:26,010 - Okay, where were we? - Scene 24. 315 00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:28,710 Oh, great, one of my favorite scenes. 316 00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:31,350 Go ahead. 317 00:18:32,260 --> 00:18:33,490 (VALA CLEARS THROAT) 318 00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:36,600 "Interior Bridge. 319 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,630 VALA: "The crew mans their stations." 320 00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:41,000 I'm picking up a strange energy anomaly, Colonel. 321 00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:43,090 It appears the singularity is about to explode. 322 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,540 Weapons are at maximum. 323 00:18:44,670 --> 00:18:46,640 Damn it, Captain! Solar flare. 324 00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:48,680 We've got a shockwave heading straight for us. 325 00:18:48,780 --> 00:18:51,270 Can you reverse the polarity? 326 00:18:51,750 --> 00:18:53,300 I'll do my best. 327 00:18:54,180 --> 00:18:56,650 Engine room. Warp speed! 328 00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:58,840 MITCHELL: Take us out of here now. 329 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,920 I'm giving it all I've got, Captain, but you're expecting a bloody miracle. 330 00:19:04,030 --> 00:19:06,390 - JACKSON: Hang on, hang on, hang on. - What? 331 00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:10,830 Okay, one, that's Star Trek. And two, it's ridiculous. 332 00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:12,760 What's wrong with it? 333 00:19:12,870 --> 00:19:15,800 - The singularity is about to explode? - Yes. 334 00:19:16,570 --> 00:19:18,630 Everything about that statement is wrong. 335 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:22,040 How exactly is having weapons at maximum going to help the situation? 336 00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:24,540 The audience isn't going to know the difference. 337 00:19:24,650 --> 00:19:27,550 They love weapons at maximum. 338 00:19:27,950 --> 00:19:29,970 Never underestimate your audience. 339 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,050 They're generally sensitive, intelligent people 340 00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:34,520 who respond positively to quality entertainment. 341 00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:37,320 TEAL'C: I do not understand why everything in this script 342 00:19:37,430 --> 00:19:38,920 must inevitably explode. 343 00:19:39,030 --> 00:19:40,820 MARTIN: Look, you guys may all know 344 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,230 how things really work out there in the galaxy, 345 00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:48,390 but I know the film business. Explosions make great trailers. 346 00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:51,240 Simple fact. More explosions, better trailer. 347 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:52,370 Simple fact. More explosions, better trailer. 348 00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:55,640 Better trailer, more viewers. 349 00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:57,230 (MUSICAL CELL PHONE RINGING) 350 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:03,780 Yeah, go for Marty. Oh, hey, Nora. 351 00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:07,520 What? That's ridiculous. 352 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,620 Tell them to stop panicking. 353 00:20:10,730 --> 00:20:15,030 We're going to sign him. Don't worry. I already put in a call to his manager. 354 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:18,960 We'll get back to you. Yeah. Bye. 355 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:24,000 - So, trouble with Nora? - MARTIN: No. Nora, she's great. 356 00:20:24,510 --> 00:20:27,200 But since Nick Marlowe is holding out, 357 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:31,270 one of the new junior executives at the network has suggested 358 00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:35,820 we re-cast the whole movie with younger, edgier versions of the team. 359 00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:37,780 Can you imagine that? 360 00:20:49,260 --> 00:20:51,160 Yo, dawg, what did you do that for? 361 00:20:51,270 --> 00:20:53,390 Dude, that hot chick was so totally a Goa'uld! 362 00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:57,300 - Duh, I was still gonna tap that. - You don't appreciate me, do you? 363 00:20:57,570 --> 00:20:59,970 I think you're so totally awesome. 364 00:21:03,140 --> 00:21:04,630 That's what I'm talking about. 365 00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:11,020 Yo, Wonderbread, you got that address figured out yet? 366 00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:15,810 Chill, T. I'm, like, translating as fast as I can. 367 00:21:17,060 --> 00:21:20,360 I'm so sick of being treated like some sort of object to be worshiped. 368 00:21:20,460 --> 00:21:22,190 I'm a real person with real feelings. 369 00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:26,670 You know, I don't think Mitchell likes me anymore. 370 00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:28,940 I'm pregnant. 371 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,040 - No. - Nope. 372 00:21:36,510 --> 00:21:38,640 I need a latte. 373 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,280 How about this one? We were in a cloaked cargo ship 374 00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:44,610 on a simple, three-hour reconnaissance mission... 375 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,690 Gilligan's Island, right? 376 00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:48,980 You got that from "Three-hour reconnaissance mission?" 377 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,180 Piece of advice. 378 00:21:50,290 --> 00:21:54,020 If you're going to rip something off, think of something a little more obscure. 379 00:21:54,130 --> 00:21:55,190 Oh, okay. 380 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,400 Call me fahrbot, but they're gonna have our mivonks on a platter if we don't 381 00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:01,400 starburst the draz out of here. 382 00:22:01,500 --> 00:22:04,670 The cluster's been damaged. We're not going anywhere. 383 00:22:05,870 --> 00:22:07,930 Oh, dren. 384 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,270 Hezmana! 385 00:22:09,780 --> 00:22:10,940 (GROANS) 386 00:22:11,380 --> 00:22:12,510 Frell! 387 00:22:13,380 --> 00:22:15,280 Son of a hasmot! 388 00:22:15,980 --> 00:22:17,280 Yotz! 389 00:22:19,490 --> 00:22:22,980 Okay, you got me. I have no idea what that is. 390 00:22:23,090 --> 00:22:24,390 (MUSICAL CELL PHONE RINGING) 391 00:22:24,930 --> 00:22:27,330 Oh, for crying out loud, what now? 392 00:22:28,630 --> 00:22:30,360 Oh, give me a break! 393 00:22:32,770 --> 00:22:35,630 I just a got a text message from the studio. 394 00:22:35,940 --> 00:22:39,340 The foreign distributor went bankrupt. They're slashing my budget. 395 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:40,910 In a text message? 396 00:22:41,010 --> 00:22:43,770 This totally screws up the end of act three. 397 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,680 - What happens at the end of act three? - With these cuts, not much. 398 00:22:47,780 --> 00:22:49,510 Act three just ends. 399 00:22:52,220 --> 00:22:53,740 What's so bad about this? 400 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,620 - Any idea when we'll be able to go? - Sorry. 401 00:22:57,020 --> 00:23:00,360 We're trying a full reset of the system, sir. 402 00:23:00,930 --> 00:23:02,090 Hey. 403 00:23:04,570 --> 00:23:05,860 If you want this to be more accurate, 404 00:23:05,970 --> 00:23:07,660 why don't you just give him your mission files? 405 00:23:07,770 --> 00:23:09,200 - They're classified. - So? 406 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:12,300 Didn't you say that no one on your planet would believe this was all real anyway? 407 00:23:12,410 --> 00:23:15,100 Even still, do you know how many mission files there are? 408 00:23:15,210 --> 00:23:17,470 MITCHELL: 1,263. 409 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,780 Hopefully 64 by the end of the day. 410 00:23:20,050 --> 00:23:22,950 Actually, it's 1,264 already. 411 00:23:23,050 --> 00:23:26,280 No, it's 63. Pretty sure. I've read all the files recently. 412 00:23:26,390 --> 00:23:29,480 Actually, you haven't read 30185. 413 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:34,060 30185? What's that? 414 00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:36,030 We can't tell you. 415 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,790 What do you mean you can't tell me? 416 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:43,800 I have the highest security clearance known to mankind. What is 30185? 417 00:23:44,140 --> 00:23:46,300 We were sworn to secrecy. 418 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:51,340 Well, why even mention it to me if you're not going to tell me what it is? 419 00:23:51,550 --> 00:23:52,510 Sorry. 420 00:23:52,850 --> 00:23:55,280 - Can you tell me? - Oh, yeah, we can tell you. 421 00:23:55,650 --> 00:23:59,450 It has to do with the time that the gate sent us back to 1969. 422 00:23:59,620 --> 00:24:01,050 Well, that can't have anything to do with me. 423 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,520 I wasn't born till a year later. 424 00:24:02,620 --> 00:24:05,790 Actually, it was nine months before he was born. 425 00:24:05,890 --> 00:24:06,880 What? 426 00:24:06,990 --> 00:24:09,620 You have to remember, it was the '60s. 427 00:24:10,900 --> 00:24:11,870 JACKSON: Come on, 428 00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:16,330 you have to have known that Jack's always taken an interest in your life. 429 00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:18,330 Jack O'Neill? 430 00:24:19,670 --> 00:24:20,900 Indeed. 431 00:24:21,980 --> 00:24:24,140 CARTER: Do you remember when you were chosen for the 302 program 432 00:24:24,250 --> 00:24:26,150 even though you didn't think you should get in? 433 00:24:26,250 --> 00:24:29,220 How about when you were chosen for SG-1? 434 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,750 - Wait, are you saying that Jack O'Neill is... - My daddy? 435 00:24:32,850 --> 00:24:35,690 All starting to make sense now, isn't it? 436 00:24:38,730 --> 00:24:40,920 Oh, I'm being punked, aren't I? 437 00:24:41,030 --> 00:24:43,870 We honestly can't tell you about 30185. 438 00:24:43,870 --> 00:24:44,700 We honestly can't tell you about 30185. 439 00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:47,020 MARTIN: I can't believe it! 440 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,470 The whole cast heard Marlowe is holding out for more money, 441 00:24:49,570 --> 00:24:51,600 and now they're all joining in. 442 00:24:52,170 --> 00:24:54,570 Where do they think it comes from? 443 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,810 How am I supposed to do a movie without any actors? 444 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,780 MITCHELL: Carter, correct me if I'm wrong on this, but is it not 445 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,980 a fact of parallel dimension physics that each of us exists 446 00:25:05,090 --> 00:25:08,250 somewhere in some universe in whatever way, shape, or form we can imagine? 447 00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:11,720 Any way, shape, or form we can imagine. We've seen it for ourselves. 448 00:25:11,860 --> 00:25:13,290 There you go. 449 00:25:14,230 --> 00:25:15,860 Use your imagination. 450 00:25:25,970 --> 00:25:27,270 All right, people. 451 00:25:27,380 --> 00:25:31,680 We created this multi-billion dollar facility under Cheyenne Mountain 452 00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:33,970 so that we can use this thing. 453 00:25:35,420 --> 00:25:36,970 Anyone know how? 454 00:25:41,490 --> 00:25:43,790 Sir, we thought you knew. 455 00:25:44,930 --> 00:25:49,450 I do know this, we need to put together a team, 456 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:53,860 starting with the most beautiful, battle-ready scientific genius I know, 457 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,400 - Captain Doctor Samantha Carter. - Reporting for duty, sir. 458 00:25:58,570 --> 00:26:00,800 What can you tell us, Captain? 459 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,710 Well, at first glance, I suspect the device creates a stable wormhole 460 00:26:05,810 --> 00:26:08,680 between superconducting rings that have been placed in fixed positions 461 00:26:08,780 --> 00:26:09,770 elsewhere in the galaxy... 462 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,440 ...converts matter into energy at the event horizon, 463 00:26:11,550 --> 00:26:13,710 once the initial vortex has subsided, of course. 464 00:26:13,820 --> 00:26:16,650 And just because my sex organs are on the inside instead of the outside 465 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:17,920 doesn't mean that I can't handle... 466 00:26:18,030 --> 00:26:20,820 Provided, of course, that sufficient energy has been channeled to the device 467 00:26:20,930 --> 00:26:23,800 and that the correct coordinates have been calculated. 468 00:26:25,130 --> 00:26:26,830 Okay, get to it. 469 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,690 Next, we need a bookworm adventurer who can say "brains" and "guts" 470 00:26:31,810 --> 00:26:33,500 in 27 languages. 471 00:26:33,610 --> 00:26:35,130 Dr. Daniel Jackson. 472 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,110 Why have I been brought here? This is not... 473 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:41,250 What is that? 474 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,180 The reason you're here, Doctor. 475 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,880 This big ring was discovered in the sands of Egypt, near Giza. 476 00:26:49,620 --> 00:26:51,220 Then I was right. 477 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,220 The pyramids really were landing sites for interplanetary starships that 478 00:26:54,330 --> 00:26:58,290 enslaved primitive human populations by posing as their gods. 479 00:26:58,470 --> 00:27:00,990 Well, we found the ring in the sand. 480 00:27:02,140 --> 00:27:04,200 These symbols, they look familiar. 481 00:27:04,410 --> 00:27:07,570 They're like constellations. Don't you see? Here. 482 00:27:10,650 --> 00:27:14,100 If each symbol represents a specific point in space, 483 00:27:14,220 --> 00:27:17,510 then six of them would create a sort of box. 484 00:27:17,620 --> 00:27:21,350 The intersection point between those six points would indicate a destination. 485 00:27:21,460 --> 00:27:26,620 Maybe, just maybe, the seventh marks the starting point. 486 00:27:26,890 --> 00:27:29,450 Is there a monitor that shows these symbols in detail? 487 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,430 Over here, Dr. Jackson. 488 00:27:38,610 --> 00:27:39,770 Wait. 489 00:27:39,870 --> 00:27:41,930 This one seems different. 490 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:43,770 You found the ring in Egypt. 491 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,370 The pyramid represents Earth. 492 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,570 This symbol has to be the point of origin. 493 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,280 It was under our noses the whole time. 494 00:27:50,750 --> 00:27:53,240 I feel so stupid. 495 00:27:53,350 --> 00:27:57,790 And now what this team needs is a leader, someone who'll laugh in the face 496 00:27:57,890 --> 00:28:00,880 of his enemy, even when it's inappropriate. 497 00:28:01,860 --> 00:28:03,800 Colonel Jack O'Neill. 498 00:28:03,900 --> 00:28:05,800 I thought I told you I retired. 499 00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:10,100 I thought you said you were tired. 500 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,540 Well, as a matter of fact, I am a little tired. 501 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:16,670 There's no time for that now. 502 00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:18,840 You have a mission to lead. 503 00:28:18,950 --> 00:28:19,940 Right! 504 00:28:22,220 --> 00:28:24,210 Sergeant? Make it spin. 505 00:28:24,990 --> 00:28:26,080 Spin? 506 00:28:27,350 --> 00:28:28,950 Sir, it doesn't spin. 507 00:28:29,060 --> 00:28:30,250 What? 508 00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:32,550 It has to spin. It's round. 509 00:28:32,660 --> 00:28:35,560 Spinning is so much cooler than not spinning. 510 00:28:35,660 --> 00:28:36,990 I'm the General. 511 00:28:37,100 --> 00:28:39,190 I want it to spin. Now! 512 00:28:39,730 --> 00:28:41,260 Yes, sir. 513 00:28:44,810 --> 00:28:46,570 Hey, look at that. 514 00:28:51,310 --> 00:28:53,370 HARRIMAN: Chevron one is lit up. 515 00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:55,280 I wonder what we're going to find on the other side. 516 00:28:55,380 --> 00:28:57,180 Whatever it is, I'll bet it's amazing. 517 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,340 Well, don't get too excited. It's just a simple recon. 518 00:29:00,450 --> 00:29:02,850 Aren't you the least bit curious about what's out there? 519 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,050 Well, I'm just hoping we find some new meat for the team, 520 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:11,830 preferably something bald, mysterious, you know, the warrior type, 521 00:29:11,930 --> 00:29:14,830 with lots of, you know, muscles. 522 00:29:14,940 --> 00:29:18,890 Sir, the odds against any alien life forms we encounter looking remotely human 523 00:29:19,010 --> 00:29:20,700 are astronomical. 524 00:29:20,910 --> 00:29:22,670 Yeah, well... 525 00:29:23,580 --> 00:29:24,650 We'll see. 526 00:29:24,650 --> 00:29:24,910 We'll see. 527 00:29:27,980 --> 00:29:30,450 Chevron seven, also lit up. 528 00:29:38,690 --> 00:29:41,490 - Holy... - Colonel O'Neill, you have a go. 529 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:43,360 Godspeed. 530 00:29:43,660 --> 00:29:45,460 Easy for him to say. 531 00:29:54,340 --> 00:29:55,310 Okay. 532 00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:00,480 We're all gonna do this together on three, all right? Okay? 533 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:02,480 Okay. 534 00:30:03,180 --> 00:30:06,780 One, two, three! 535 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,430 Dear God in heaven. 536 00:30:17,330 --> 00:30:18,660 (SIGHS) 537 00:30:19,230 --> 00:30:21,720 I feel so stupid. 538 00:30:32,710 --> 00:30:34,410 (LAUGHING) 539 00:30:35,180 --> 00:30:37,340 Yeah, that'll work. 540 00:30:37,820 --> 00:30:39,950 A whole movie made with puppets. 541 00:30:40,150 --> 00:30:41,250 Hey, I'm just saying... 542 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:42,820 MARTIN: Maybe we can have puppet O'Neill 543 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:46,620 jump over a puppet shark on a one-third scale motorcycle. 544 00:30:48,300 --> 00:30:49,260 I don't get it. 545 00:30:49,460 --> 00:30:51,800 Look, you don't know the business like I do. 546 00:30:51,900 --> 00:30:57,770 I don't have any money, so I have to give the actors something else. 547 00:30:58,410 --> 00:31:01,070 - Bigger trailers? - I can't afford that either. 548 00:31:01,180 --> 00:31:06,580 No, I have to give them something that costs me nothing but no actor can refuse. 549 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:07,940 And what's that? 550 00:31:08,050 --> 00:31:09,810 A good ego-stroking. 551 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:14,010 I have to make them think that I re-wrote the script just for them. 552 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:17,560 In this draft, there has to be something that makes them want to do this movie 553 00:31:17,860 --> 00:31:19,420 even if it's for scale. 554 00:31:19,530 --> 00:31:21,960 You know, we've been trying here. 555 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,020 You're not listening. 556 00:31:24,130 --> 00:31:28,470 I'm talking about a twist, something nobody's expecting. 557 00:31:28,570 --> 00:31:30,760 O'NEILL: You mean something like this? 558 00:31:38,750 --> 00:31:41,540 Wow, I don't think anyone will see that coming. 559 00:31:41,650 --> 00:31:43,840 - No, but there'll be spoilers. - Are you kidding? 560 00:31:43,950 --> 00:31:45,850 Lt'll be in the commercial. 561 00:31:48,790 --> 00:31:50,690 ANNOUNCER ON TV: When it comes to fighting crime, 562 00:31:50,790 --> 00:31:54,730 there's only one man keeping the streets safe, while keeping it real. 563 00:31:59,570 --> 00:32:00,830 Indeed. 564 00:32:00,940 --> 00:32:03,670 Teal'c, P. I. Coming this fall. 565 00:32:04,940 --> 00:32:06,240 I love it. 566 00:32:08,340 --> 00:32:10,780 I'm just not sure if the network... 567 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:15,540 (STAMMERING) But I'll pitch it to them next week and we'll see what they think. 568 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:16,150 (MUSICAL CELL PHONE RINGING) 569 00:32:16,150 --> 00:32:16,950 (MUSICAL CELL PHONE RINGING) 570 00:32:18,150 --> 00:32:21,050 I have to get that. We'll talk later. 571 00:32:21,660 --> 00:32:22,750 You got Marty. 572 00:32:22,860 --> 00:32:24,720 So what brings you this way, sir? 573 00:32:25,990 --> 00:32:29,330 What, a guy can't just stop by from Malibu to say hi? 574 00:32:29,660 --> 00:32:31,320 - Malibu? - Sure. 575 00:32:32,470 --> 00:32:34,200 I was there on business. 576 00:32:34,300 --> 00:32:38,260 Exactly, sir. You're an Air Force General with enormous responsibilities. 577 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:43,340 Ostensibly, I just stopped by to see how you were doing with Marty. 578 00:32:45,910 --> 00:32:47,940 Well, truth be known that 579 00:32:48,980 --> 00:32:51,350 lately I've been feeling a little... 580 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,050 What? How do I say it? 581 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:58,330 It's okay to say that you missed us, sir. 582 00:32:58,430 --> 00:32:59,720 No, not that. 583 00:32:59,830 --> 00:33:02,590 - Like you have unfinished business? - Okay. 584 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,200 You need closure, and I have the perfect thing. 585 00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:09,240 We were about to go on a mission to commemorate 586 00:33:09,340 --> 00:33:11,170 my 200th trip through the gate. 587 00:33:11,270 --> 00:33:13,930 Really? 200, you say? 588 00:33:14,580 --> 00:33:19,340 That's 200 times he's stepped through the gate, sir, not actual missions. 589 00:33:19,750 --> 00:33:22,810 To be honest, I wouldn't mind one last jaunt 590 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,780 through the old orifice. 591 00:33:29,290 --> 00:33:30,350 What? 592 00:33:31,790 --> 00:33:33,820 We call it that sometimes, don't we? 593 00:33:35,130 --> 00:33:36,320 Orifice? 594 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:39,160 Stupid focus groups. 595 00:33:39,270 --> 00:33:40,730 They hate the ending. 596 00:33:40,900 --> 00:33:42,600 I have to think of something new. 597 00:33:42,700 --> 00:33:44,500 They could go fishing. 598 00:33:44,610 --> 00:33:47,100 - Fishing? - Yeah, it'd be the perfect ending. 599 00:33:47,610 --> 00:33:51,770 I mean, after that, anything else would seem pointless. 600 00:33:53,850 --> 00:33:55,250 CARTER: This is great. 601 00:33:56,250 --> 00:33:57,650 I told you. 602 00:34:02,590 --> 00:34:04,920 Yup, it's good to be here. 603 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:07,790 You weren't there. 604 00:34:08,860 --> 00:34:12,630 So, what's the twist? No fish? 605 00:34:13,130 --> 00:34:18,070 No, I need something with more impact, something more... 606 00:34:18,910 --> 00:34:20,030 Moving. 607 00:34:22,140 --> 00:34:24,300 Everyone loves a wedding. 608 00:34:27,050 --> 00:34:28,740 (ORGAN PLAYING) 609 00:34:32,790 --> 00:34:34,150 (SNIFFLING) 610 00:34:36,220 --> 00:34:39,490 It's just a summer cold, sir. 611 00:34:41,860 --> 00:34:44,130 - A bit of a wait. - Indeed. 612 00:34:46,770 --> 00:34:47,890 (CLEARS THROAT) 613 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:53,530 You know, if she doesn't show, people are gonna think that you and I are... 614 00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:55,980 What? 615 00:35:07,620 --> 00:35:09,180 (ALL APPLAUDING) 616 00:35:13,830 --> 00:35:16,130 - Nice entrance. - Sorry, sir. 617 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,260 Carter. 618 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:20,600 Jack. 619 00:35:21,570 --> 00:35:22,870 Thank you. 620 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,130 KVASIR: Shall we begin? 621 00:35:29,580 --> 00:35:33,910 Yeah, right, if I want to torture the audience on purpose. 622 00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:38,550 - The gate is back up and running. General. - General. 623 00:35:38,820 --> 00:35:40,340 With permission? 624 00:35:46,890 --> 00:35:49,360 But I still don't have my ending. 625 00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,340 You keep these kids out of trouble, Jack. 626 00:36:05,950 --> 00:36:07,910 Here's an idea, Hank. 627 00:36:08,020 --> 00:36:10,140 Why don't you come along with us? 628 00:36:10,250 --> 00:36:11,270 No, it's all right. 629 00:36:11,390 --> 00:36:12,410 - No, seriously. - I don't know. 630 00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:13,990 Yeah, come on. 631 00:36:14,090 --> 00:36:17,180 It'll be kind of like a special occasion deal. 632 00:36:19,860 --> 00:36:21,190 - Well, what the hell. - Yeah, that's it. 633 00:36:21,300 --> 00:36:24,230 Hey, Walter! Come on, we're all going. 634 00:36:25,300 --> 00:36:26,600 I don't have the right outfit. 635 00:36:26,700 --> 00:36:28,930 You look fine! 636 00:36:44,250 --> 00:36:46,950 Everything ready? 637 00:36:47,050 --> 00:36:49,220 SGs 3 through 18 are waiting, sir. 638 00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,480 - The cake? - It's all set. 639 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,660 Balloons, streamers, the works. 640 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,250 All right, let's go check out the mysteries of P2C-106. 641 00:37:02,170 --> 00:37:03,570 Hey, Marty. 642 00:37:03,670 --> 00:37:05,470 Why don't you come with us? 643 00:37:05,810 --> 00:37:10,970 Maybe find a little inspiration for the end of your little movie. 644 00:37:11,180 --> 00:37:12,300 MARTIN: I can't. 645 00:37:12,410 --> 00:37:15,580 I just heard from the studio. The movie's been canceled. 646 00:37:17,380 --> 00:37:18,850 There's some heartbreak. 647 00:37:18,950 --> 00:37:19,250 - That's too bad. - Not for me. 648 00:37:19,250 --> 00:37:21,740 - That's too bad. - Not for me. 649 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,920 They decided to renew the series instead! 650 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:28,960 Okay. 651 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,600 Let's move out. 652 00:37:46,980 --> 00:37:48,470 DIRECTOR: And, cut! 653 00:37:48,580 --> 00:37:49,610 (BELL RINGING) 654 00:37:52,350 --> 00:37:54,150 - Good job, Doug. - Here, here, here. 655 00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:55,450 - Ocean. - Thanks. 656 00:37:56,020 --> 00:37:57,420 Well, that wasn't so bad. 657 00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:58,680 DIRECTOR: And that's a cut, everybody. 658 00:37:58,790 --> 00:38:02,090 That is a wrap on the 200th episode! 659 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:03,290 (ALL CHEERING) 660 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,060 Nice job, everybody. 661 00:38:07,630 --> 00:38:11,260 So, did you ever think a show like this would go on for 200? 662 00:38:11,370 --> 00:38:12,740 Well, sure. 663 00:38:13,210 --> 00:38:15,610 What do you mean, "A show like this"? 664 00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:17,040 (MUSICAL CELL PHONE RINGING) 665 00:38:18,150 --> 00:38:20,710 Martin Lloyd. Yeah. 666 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:23,870 Are you kidding? 667 00:38:25,150 --> 00:38:28,020 Hey, everybody. Guess what? 668 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:29,850 The movie's back on! 669 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,250 (ALL CHEERING) 670 00:38:35,700 --> 00:38:38,690 Ten seasons, seven Saturn Awards 671 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:43,500 for Best Cable or Syndication Science Fiction Show. 672 00:38:45,210 --> 00:38:46,930 Who would have guessed? 673 00:38:47,510 --> 00:38:51,710 I think, first and foremost, it has to do, you know, with the writing. 674 00:38:51,810 --> 00:38:56,440 I mean, obviously we don't take ourselves too seriously. 675 00:38:56,980 --> 00:39:00,440 The writers are really great guys, all of them. 676 00:39:00,550 --> 00:39:02,080 Men, you know. 677 00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:04,580 Yeah, it's a bit of a boys' club. 678 00:39:04,690 --> 00:39:08,130 The real challenge was coming up with a good catch phrase. 679 00:39:09,730 --> 00:39:12,390 "It's what I do." 680 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,990 "It's what I do." 681 00:39:17,540 --> 00:39:21,740 That was so, you know, good. 682 00:39:22,540 --> 00:39:24,640 It defined Colonel Danning. 683 00:39:25,010 --> 00:39:28,140 I just don't think they know what they want to do with my character. 684 00:39:28,250 --> 00:39:32,780 I probably should have taken up golf a long time ago. 685 00:39:33,690 --> 00:39:35,750 Just... Just kidding. 686 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,350 And I needed something even better 687 00:39:38,460 --> 00:39:43,450 to make you forget about the guy that fans loved to watch 688 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,030 for the first seven years of the show. 689 00:39:46,130 --> 00:39:48,000 I know he was here for eight, 690 00:39:48,100 --> 00:39:51,330 but, you know, a lot of people say he just kind of phoned it in 691 00:39:51,910 --> 00:39:53,100 that last season. 692 00:39:53,210 --> 00:39:56,940 Yeah, well, that's ancient history. We don't talk about that around here. 693 00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:00,510 The fact of the matter is, I don't really even know what happened there. 694 00:40:00,610 --> 00:40:03,310 You know, to me, it never felt like I was leaving the show. 695 00:40:03,420 --> 00:40:05,210 I just needed a little space, a little time, you know? 696 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,250 I wanted to get back to my roots. Theater, right? 697 00:40:07,350 --> 00:40:09,880 So I go to New York, do a little Broadway, 698 00:40:09,990 --> 00:40:11,460 off-off-Broadway. Either way, it doesn't matter. 699 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,690 Acting, you know? Acting without having people hurling 700 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,920 papier-mвchй boulders at you all (BLEEP) Day. It was great, you know? 701 00:40:18,030 --> 00:40:20,190 I like them both. I like boulders. I'm fine with that. 702 00:40:20,300 --> 00:40:23,500 This production runs like a well-oiled machine, 703 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,800 and, sure, that starts from the top, but, I mean, 704 00:40:26,910 --> 00:40:29,070 we all love the show. 705 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:34,240 The gaffers, the lighting guy, the medic, 706 00:40:34,350 --> 00:40:37,110 the makeup and the caterers. 707 00:40:37,220 --> 00:40:38,310 It's like a family. 708 00:40:38,420 --> 00:40:41,850 The writers were trying to come up with a catch phrase. 709 00:40:42,390 --> 00:40:47,350 "I can get behind that," was something we tried for a while. 710 00:40:47,590 --> 00:40:52,050 Anyway, I mean, I'd actually like to do some writing. 711 00:40:52,670 --> 00:40:53,720 Maybe have a baby. 712 00:40:53,830 --> 00:40:54,800 (EX CLAIMS) 713 00:40:54,940 --> 00:40:56,660 It just hit me. 714 00:40:58,170 --> 00:40:59,570 Sweet... 715 00:40:59,670 --> 00:41:00,640 (BLEEPING) 716 00:41:04,510 --> 00:41:07,740 And we can get away with that, too, because it's cable. 717 00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,950 You can't get there without the fans, right? I have to thank them. 718 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,480 I've got to thank specifically the ones... 719 00:41:13,590 --> 00:41:16,950 Oh, God, what's it called? SaveDrLevant. Com. 720 00:41:17,060 --> 00:41:18,720 Have you seen the site? I mean, it's insane. 721 00:41:18,830 --> 00:41:22,390 Apparently they get dozens of hits a month, whatever. I think that's a lot. 722 00:41:22,530 --> 00:41:26,760 But between them and the ad in Variety that they put out, I'm pretty sure 723 00:41:26,870 --> 00:41:29,840 that went a long way towards convincing the producers to take me back. 724 00:41:29,940 --> 00:41:31,600 Have me... To invite me back. 725 00:41:31,710 --> 00:41:34,700 It wasn't their decision, you know. They called, said, "Hey, do you want it?" 726 00:41:34,810 --> 00:41:36,070 You know, and I was ready. 727 00:41:36,180 --> 00:41:39,630 What I think really makes this show what it is, 728 00:41:40,410 --> 00:41:45,440 is the chemistry with the cast. 729 00:41:45,550 --> 00:41:46,520 (MUSICAL CELL PHONE RINGING) 730 00:41:46,620 --> 00:41:48,180 Yeah. Oh, could you hold on? 731 00:41:48,290 --> 00:41:49,950 Stop the tape. 732 00:41:50,060 --> 00:41:52,020 Who does he think he is? 733 00:41:52,630 --> 00:41:57,290 Well, you tell that ungrateful little (BLEEP) Bag to shove it up his (BLEEP) 734 00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:01,430 Yeah, yeah, let him try to get a job that pays this much. 735 00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,440 You weren't rolling, were... Okay. 736 00:42:09,110 --> 00:42:10,600 What... What was I saying? 737 00:42:10,710 --> 00:42:13,440 Oh, yes, the cast. 738 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:16,240 Holy... 739 00:42:16,350 --> 00:42:17,870 (BLEEPING) 740 00:42:22,820 --> 00:42:24,720 That would be, like, a 19. 741 00:42:24,820 --> 00:42:26,990 That's it? You're good? All right. 742 00:42:27,260 --> 00:42:29,630 Can I get my (BLEEP) sandwich, please? 743 00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,030 All right. Hey, thanks, man. 744 00:42:32,330 --> 00:42:35,060 Science fiction is an existential metaphor 745 00:42:35,170 --> 00:42:38,600 that allows us to tell stories about the human condition. 746 00:42:38,810 --> 00:42:42,370 Isaac Asimov once said, "Individual science fiction stories may seem 747 00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:46,710 "as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today, 748 00:42:46,810 --> 00:42:50,410 "but the core of science fiction, its essence, has become crucial 749 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,380 "to our salvation, if we are to be saved at all."