Yo, Maurice!
Jackie-Jack!
How you doin'?
And Miss lovely Amber Waves.
You haven't been around.
We were on vacation.
Don't ever stay away from my club that long again.
You got it.
And not for nothing, honey...
but you are the sexiest bitch here, and I love you!
Such a charmer.
I got your booth set up in the back.
I'm ready, I'm available.
You put me in a movie, we're talking box office.
G. G!
Jack and Amber's table...
take them over an order of clams.
How's it going here?
It's gonna be me and you. We'll take a picture later on.
I love you, baby.
How's it goin'?
I was looking for you. Where were you?
I was here.
I love you back.
Hey, Maurice, cowboy.
That's the cowboy?
You like it?
Yeah, if you like it.
I love it!
Compliments of Maurice.
- Thank you. - Can I get a margarita?
A 7-UP.
Hi, Rollergirl.
Did you call that girl today?
I forgot.
If you don't do it tomorrow, you'll never see her.
What's the matter down there?
I gotta go pee.
Well, go then.
Hey, Little Bill.
Hi, Amber. How are you?
How's our schedule? Are we still on for day after tomorrow?
More like the day after the day after tomorrow.
Come on. I gotta call Rocky and Scotty and Kurt.
It's going to be a small group on this one.
- A low-key deal? - Exactly.
Do we... I'm sorry.
Do we have a script?
How you doin'?
Fine.
How old are you?
I have a work permit. I have all the papers.
Not that. Been working here long?
A month.
Maurice give you the job?
You from around here? Canoga? Reseda?
You know where Torrance is?
How do you get here?
Take the bus.
What do you want to be?
Excuse me?
You take the bus to Reseda for this job.
Can't you get a job like this in Torrance?
Yeah, but I don't want to.
So...
Do you want a five or a ten?
What?
If you want to see me jack off, it's ten...
but if you only want to look at it, it's five.
Guys pay to watch you do it?
You already done it tonight?
Couple times.
And you can do it again?
If you want. If you got ten bucks.
My name is Jack.
Eddie. Eddie Adams.
Eddie Adams from Torrance.
I'm Jack Horner, filmmaker.
Really?
I make adult films, exotic pictures.
I know who you are. I read about you in a magazine.
Inside Amber, Amanda's Ride. You made those, right?
Those are great.
So, now you know I'm not full of doggy doo-doo.
Want to come back to the table and have a drink?
I'd love to, but I have to work.
You have to work, get money, pay the rent.
I need money, but I don't pay rent.
I still live at home.
How old are you?
Seventeen.
Seventeen-year-old piece of gold.
Yeah, right.
Why don't you come back to the table?
I do know you. I know who you are.
I'd love to come for a drink, and you're not full of...
Doggy doo-doo.
But I just couldn't walk out on Maurice. I'm sorry.
I got a feeling beneath those jeans...
there's something wonderful just waiting to get out.
Hey, Bill. What's up?
What are you guys doing?
A couple of bad girls.
I guess I'll see you later.
What are you still doing here?
Half hour be OK.
Listen, thank you.
Love you, mamita. Take care.
This is the man you let in any time, understand?
All right.
A luego.
Hasta mañana.
Make you some eggs, beauty?
No. I'm going to sleep. Good night.
Good night, honeytits.
Sleep beautiful.
Tom? It's me.
I know it's late, but I...
Is Andy there?
I'd like to say hello to my son, and that's all.
Let me tell you something you don't know.
I know a lawyer, you understand?
You think I don't, but I do, and I'll take you to court!
Don't. Please.
What the fuck are you doing?
What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?
Can you close the door?
Will I close the door?
That's my wife, you asshole.
I'm sorry.
Get out.
Go sleep on the couch.
Don't stop, big stud.
That's right.
Shave if you're gonna do that.
You'll scratch my face.
Sorry.
Morning.
How's that work? You get home late now?
You work in a nightclub.
If it means so much to you, find one that's closer.
I gotta get to work.
- A car wash. - What?
You work at a car wash and a nightclub.
School never occurred to you?
You're getting twice the bass with the TK-421...
which we've got on this system right here.
I don't know if I need all that bass.
I think you need all that bass.
If you want a system to handle what you want...
you need the bass.
This is hi-fi, OK?
High fidelity.
You know what that means?
That means this is the highest quality fidelity.
Hi-fi. Two very important things in a stereo system.
It's the price for the...
I have this very unit in my home.
Really?
But I got it modified with the TK-421...
which kicks it up another...
three or four quads per channel.
But that's technical talk.
That doesn't really concern you.
Still a little uncertain, aren't you?
You know what you need? You need a test drive.
That's what you need.
It's one thing to hear it from Buck's mouth.
It's another thing to hear it from the TK-421.
So let me just pop in this 8-track...
and you just give a listen, tell me what you think.
You hear that?
You hear the bass? Right?
You hear it? It kicks.
It turns. It curls up your belly.
Makes you want to freaky-deaky, right?
You got that? If you get this system as is...
it won't sound like this without the TK-421 modification...
and we do that in the store, very small price.
Move with it if you need to. It helps me.
Thank you for your time.
So long, partner.
What the fuck was that?
Have I told you?
I don't know what you're talking about.
With that country-western shit, no one's going to buy a stereo.
What kind of brother are you, listening to that shit?
Look, Jerry...
I gave you a job here because I thought your acting stuff...
might bring some nice pussy into the place...
and it has, but I can't have any more fuckups.
You dig?
- You dig? - Yeah, I dig.
Now get in the back and unload those new 484s.
All right. Sorry.
Settle down, class.
This is your final.
Keep your test papers facedown until I tell you to turn them.
Clear your tables, please.
There should be nothing on your desk...
but your test paper and a pencil.
We're covering chapters seventeen through twenty-eight.
Your eyes should stay on your test papers, please.
Are we ready?
Class, begin.
Honey?
You OK?
Sweetheart? Is something wrong?
I got to get back.
I need it once more.
I have to go back to work.
Come on. Give it to me.
Don't make me pounce you, Sheryl Lynn.
- I'll do it. - You promise?
That's it!
- You want it? - Yeah.
- How bad? - Bad.
- You sure? - Yeah.
You asked for it!
Oh, God. Wait.
Stop.
What?
Your cock is so beautiful.
Do you know how good you are doing it?
Having sex? Fucking me?
Making love to me?
Everyone has one thing, you think?
I mean, everyone's given one special thing, right?
That's right.
Everyone's blessed with one special thing.
I want you to know I plan on being a star.
A big, bright shining star.
That's what I want.
That's what I'm going to get.
I know.
I got to go.
Get lucky.
Want a ride?
I'm going really far.
Do you remember me from a couple hours ago?
I remember.
Come with us, sweetie.
This is a really cool car.
What I'm trying to tell you...
is it takes a lot of the good old American green stuff...
to make one of these things.
You've got your camera...
you got your film, you got your lights...
your sound, your lab costs, your developing...
your synching, and your editing.
Before you turn around, you spent maybe $20,000...
$25,000, $30,000 on a movie.
That's a lot of money.
You bet your ass it is...
but if you make a good one...
there's practically no end to how much money you can make.
Have you seen Jack's house?
- No. - He will.
He'll see it.
You got maybe fifteen, twenty guys standing around...
just making sure that your lighting is right.
But you can work out in the morning...
you can work out at noon, you can work out at night.
Doesn't matter if you don't have those juices flowing...
down there in the Mr. Torpedo area, in the fun zone.
But you got to get the people in the theater.
You need the big dicks, the big tits.
Here we go.
How do you keep them in the theater after they've come?
With beauty...
and with acting.
I understand you've got to get them in the theater.
You got to keep the seats full...
but I don't want to make a film...
where they show up, sit down, jack off...
and get up and get out before the story ends.
It is my dream, it is my goal...
it is my idea to make a film that the story sucks them in...
and when they spurt out that joy juice...
they just got to sit in it.
They can't move until they find out how the story ends.
I want to make a film like that.
And I understand they have to make films.
I've made them myself that are a few laughs...
everybody fucks their brains out...
and that's fine...
but it's my dream...
to make a film...
that is true...
and right...
and dramatic.
You sure you don't want a Fresca?
- No, thanks. - Are you sure?
You're out of limes.
Check in the kitchen.
I'm going to bed. Good night, Jackie.
Don't stay up too late.
Good night, beauty.
Good night, Eddie.
Glad you came by.
You're great.
Thank you.
She's the best.
She's a wonderful mother.
She's a mother to all those who need love.
She's really nice.
You know what I'm thinking?
I'm thinking I want to be in business with you.
- Really? - Yeah. What do you think?
I'd love it.
What do you think of Rollergirl?
She's great.
Would you like to do it?
- Have sex? - Oh, yeah.
I'd love to.
She's really foxy.
You bet your ass she is.
You're officially out of limes, Jack.
I'll pick up some for you tomorrow.
Come here, darling. I want you to go over there...
and sit on the couch with Eddie.
Here we go. Are we going to fuck?
Wait a minute.
Are you ready?
Yeah. Are you?
Are you going to take your skates off?
I don't take my skates off...
and don't fucking come in me.
Aim it at her tits, Eddie.
Where were you?
- Nowhere. - Shut up.
You see that little slut girl you see?
Sheryl? Sheryl Lynn?
Don't say that.
Make you feel like a stud to see trash like that?
Is she your girlfriend?
She's not my girlfriend.
She's a little whore and a little piece of trash...
and I know you're not the only one she sees.
Why would you say something like that?
I heard things about her.
Don't think I don't know what goes on when I'm not here.
I wash your sheets. I know she's been here.
Or you doing something else in there...
with your music and your posters on the wall?
What is your problem?
OK. Fine.
Go to that little whore Sheryl Lynn.
- Why don't you go to her? - Maybe I will.
What are you going to do?
I don't know. I'll do something.
You can't do anything!
You'll always be a loser!
You couldn't finish high school because you were too stupid!
- What are you going to do? - I'll do something!
I'll go somewhere, and I'll do something!
Maybe I'll run away where you can never find me!
Go ahead! Fuck that little girl!
What do you think you're doing?
- I'm getting my stuff. - You think that's your stuff?
That's not your stuff! You didn't pay for it!
That is not your stuff because you didn't pay for it!
None of this is yours!
You leave here, you leave with what you've got!
Nothing!
You understand me?
You want to treat me like this?
This is what happens! Is that fair?
- I didn't do anything! - You want to live that way?
You think you're going to do this?
Goddamn poster!
Don't do that! Why are you doing that?
You're not going to be shit, because you're too stupid!
- I'm not stupid! - Yes, you are!
Please! Don't fucking do that!
Please don't be mean to me!
I'm not being mean to you. You're too stupid to see it!
You don't know what I could do...
what I'm going to do, what I'm going to be.
You don't know. I'm good.
I have good things you don't know about...
and I'm going to be something! I am!
Don't fucking tell me I'm not!
Don't be mean! And you don't talk to me!
Fuck!
Eddie Adams from Torrance.
I knew you'd make it.
You take the bus the whole way here?
It wasn't bad.
Great. I got some people I want you to meet.
You like music?
- I love music. - What kind?
All kinds of music... rock, jazz, classical.
I want you to meet a couple of great people...
Buck and Becky.
I'm Eddie Adams.
Buck Swope. Nice to meet you.
- Our new fella. - Becky Barnett.
- It's nice to meet you. - This is the new fella?
- Is that a faccia? - That is a faccia.
- Faccia's "face," right? - That's right.
- Nice to meet you guys. - All right.
Great people.
He's one hell of an actor.
Hey, Reed. Reedo!
I want you to meet the new boy on the street... Eddie Adams.
I'm Eddie.
Reed Rothchild.
I want you to stick around for a while, OK?
Sure.
- Make him something special. - Aye, aye.
- You live on this street? - No.
I thought Jack just said you did.
- Want a drink? - Sure.
- Margarita? - Great.
Wow.
Two, four...
whatever.
Can I ask you something?
Do you work out?
You look like it. What do you squat?
About two.
Super, super.
What about you? What do you squat?
- 350. - Wow.
- It's no B.S. - That's a lot.
- Where do you work out? - In Torrance, where I live.
Cool.
Do you ever go to Vince's out here?
No, I would have seen you. I'm there every day.
I've always wanted to work out at Vince's.
Cool. Here. Taste that.
- Rock and roll. - All right?
Did you ever see that movie Star Wars?
About four times.
People tell me I look like Han Solo.
Really?
What do you bench?
You tell first.
I asked you first.
Same time.
Cool.
Are you ready?
Ready.
One... two... three...
- You didn't say anything. - Neither did you.
Hey, guys. Look at me.
Thank you, Johnny.
My dear, it's party time.
Do you look lovely?
Hello, Colonel. How are you?
This is my lady friend.
Darling, I'd like you to meet Jack Horner...
the finest director in the business.
Do you have any coke at this party?
I'm sure they can find some somewhere.
Great.
You're no bigger than a minute, are you?
Shy as a butterfly, I'll bet.
He doesn't have the right to tell me how to dress.
Baby, it's just plain old.
Wait. Let me tell you something.
First, he was obviously pissed off about the music.
What's wrong with it?
Second, the cowboy look ended about six years ago.
- It's coming back. - No, it's not. It's dead.
I don't think you know what you're talking about.
I know what I'm talking about...
and it sounds like your bosses are saying the same thing.
- What? - You have to get a new look.
You get a new look.
I have a look, OK? The look I have is just fine.
- What's your look? - Chocolate love.
Take a pill.
You don't have to lash out like that.
I'm just trying to be your friend.
I tried opening up a club there...
but I'm just this poor fellow from Puerto Rico.
I got this club here. That's one thing.
But soon that goes, I die, and what do I have?
I got nothing.
I want something I can send home.
Something I can send my brothers and say, "Look at me...
and all the beautiful women I've been with."
So, what? You want me to talk to Jack?
Yeah. I mean, you know.
What am I asking you here?
Honey, Amber, baby, please talk to Jack.
Tell him I can do this. Tell him I won't be bad.
You want to be in a movie?
- Baby, please. - I'll see what I can do.
Would you, love? Thank you very much.
Thank you, mamita.
Maurice, can I talk to you?
I need to talk to you now.
Pal, buddy...
Excuse me.
Can I join in?
Most certainly.
The cowboy look, that's not dead.
What is Becky talking about?
She's got a fucking something up her ass.
- Fuck that shit. - Bitch.
Do a cannonball!
No. Watch this jackknife.
- Did it look cool? - Pretty good.
Let me show you what you did wrong.
Full flip.
You all right?
You got to bring your legs all the way around.
I know. I know.
This is my point.
You know what I say? Wear what you dig.
Just wear what you dig.
- That's what I say. - What's the problem?
Should I get that?
Can you speak a little louder, please?
Who? Maggie.
- Do you know a Maggie? - I don't know a Maggie.
Sorry. There's no Maggie here.
Your mother.
Just give me a second.
Watch that for me, OK?
Excuse me. Is there a Maggie here?
Maggie? Are you Maggie?
Do you know Maggie?
You Maggie?
Can you believe this?
I'm sorry. There's no Maggie here.
OK. No. It's not a problem.
Ciao.
Who was that?
Some kid looking for his mom.
What the fuck are you doing?
What's it look like they're doing?
- That's my wife. - Shut up, Bill.
You're embarrassing me.
Yeah, Little Bill. Shut up.
Hey, Kurt. How's it going?
What's wrong?
My fucking wife.
She's down there, some idiot's dick in her.
Everybody's standing around watching.
It's a fucking embarrassment!
Yeah, I know. Anyway, listen.
For the shoot, I want to talk about the look.
I want to see about getting this new zoom lens.
I was wondering if we'd get some more lights, too.
Jack wants a minimal thing.
Very often, minimal means a lot more photographically...
than most people understand.
- I understand. - I know you understand.
I'm talking about some other people.
I think what Jack is talking about is minimal...
not really natural, but minimal.
- I was just saying... - I understand.
Because I'm trying to give each picture its own look.
Can we talk about this later?
Oh, yeah. You got to go somewhere?
I was hoping for the shoot tomorrow...
we could send Rocky down, and he could pick it up.
No, hey. Got you. You got to go somewhere...
so what the fuck? It's only the photography...
of the film we're talking about.
Are you giving me shit?
Hey, no way, Little Bill.
My wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway!
I'm sorry if my thoughts are not on the photography...
of the film we're shooting tomorrow, OK?
OK. No big deal. Sorry.
- All right? - Got you.
All right. Where is this?
I think she's sick.
What the fuck is this?
I didn't do anything. I didn't.
Is she breathing?
I don't know. I think she did too much coke.
Do you think so, Doctor?
This girl's definitely OD'd.
I want you to handle this for me, Johnny.
Pick her up, get her in the car, and drive her to Saint Joe's.
Drop her off in the front.
Got you.
Make sure no one sees the limo.
What the fuck is this?
This is twice in two days that a chick has OD'd on me.
Do you think maybe you ought to get some new shit?
Shit. She's freaking out!
See? Look at this.
With all this fucking conversation. Come on.
Please don't die!
Come on!
Back door, Johnny.
You got it.
Fuckin' shit!
Get out of my way.
- Is she all right? - Shut the fuck up!
Hey, Scotty J. How are you?
You know, you know. Who's this?
Eddie, this is Scotty J. He's a friend.
He works on some of the films.
- Nice to meet you. - Oh, yeah. Me, too.
You going to be working or...
Maybe.
Probably.
That's great. How'd you meet Jack?
Because I work on the films sometimes.
So if you ever...
Come here a second, will you?
Could you excuse me for a minute?
Very nice to meet you.
Take care.
Eddie Adams, this is the Colonel.
How do you do?
Eddie is interested in film.
I can't give you much advice...
that Jack probably doesn't know...
but I can advise that maybe you think about your name.
My name?
Think about some name that makes you happy...
or something with a little pizzazz.
Sure.
The Colonel here puts up all the money for our films.
It's an important part of the process.
Great.
I'm looking forward to seeing you in action.
Jack says you got a great big cock.
I don't know. I guess so.
- May I see it? - Really?
Please.
Thank you, Eddie.
No problem.
Thanks, Eddie.
All right.
You want to hear a poem I wrote?
I love you, you love me...
going down the sugar tree.
We'll go down the sugar tree...
and see lots of bees...
playing, playing.
But the bees won't sting...
because you love me.
That's it.
That's fucking great. Did you write that?
- I write songs, too. - Wow.
How's it going, boys?
Having a good time?
Excellent time. Thank you, Jack.
- It was a great party. - The best.
That's what Jackie's house is for.
- Right? - That's right!
Coming in.
How about a little bubbles, Reed?
Excuse me, Jack.
I'm thinking about what the Colonel said about my name.
I was just wondering if you had any ideas.
I had some thoughts on it.
What about you? What do you think?
My idea was I just want a name...
I want it so it can cut glass, like razor-sharp.
Razor-sharp. Right.
When I close my eyes, I see this thing.
It's this big sign...
and the name is in bright blue neon lights...
with purple outline...
and this name is just so bright and so sharp...
that the sign blows up because the name's so powerful.
It says, "Dirk Diggler."
I think Heaven has sent you here, Dirk Diggler.
I think the angels have blessed us all because of you.
You're Dirk!
Amen.
Talk to me, Kurt.
- Twenty to thirty. - Why?
I got a couple of tough shadows to deal with.
There's shadows in life, babe.
You want to go over this?
The setup is... Here we go.
One, Amber talking to Becky.
They make the telephone call to the agents...
to send over some actors.
Two, enter Reed to audition for Amber.
They go at it. Becky watches.
Three, Becky goes to the bathroom to jack off.
She gets interrupted by Amber. They go at it.
Four...
Who's Dirk Diggler?
That's that new boy, good-looking kid...
Eddie at the club.
Good name.
Anyway, enter Dirk. He meets Becky. They go at it.
Change that, will you?
I want Eddie to be auditioning for Amber.
Got it.
Darling, where are you going?
I got to go wash my vagina.
How long will you be?
Two seconds. You want it clean, don't you?
I'm back now.
I'm ready to start.
I'm supposed to come get you now...
and tell you that they're all ready now.
Do you think you could give me a minute?
Thanks.
I'm back now.
I'm ready to start my acting career.
That's right.
- You look really good. - Thank you.
And you look really sexy.
Thanks.
- I like your name a lot. - You do?
- It's really cool. - Thanks.
You'll be right down there.
Thanks.
How's my boy?
- Great. Let's do it. - All right.
Remember everything we talked about?
Now, you're going to come through the door...
walk right over here.
I'll say, "Action, Eddie."
That will be your cue, right?
You come through the door...
you walk right over to the desk to Amber, and we shoot.
Do we go right into the sex or...
Is that all right?
Is it OK with you?
Good.
You don't need a rehearsal?
No. It's OK. I can do it.
Then we'll shoot the rehearsal.
- Great. - All right.
Could I ask you something?
Can you call me Dirk Diggler from now on?
- Absolutely. - Great.
- I'm sorry. - It's all right.
From now on.
Let's get a good one.
Do you want to practice your lines with me?
No. I know it.
- You look great, honey. - Thanks.
Does he want me to keep going until I come?
Yeah. You just come when you're ready.
Where should I do it?
- Where do you want? - Wherever you tell me.
Come on my tits if you can, OK?
Just pull it out and do it on my stomach and my tits.
Yeah. No problem.
Are you all right, honey?
This is great. I'm fine.
I just want to do good.
I just want it to be really good.
Is it OK if I really try to make it look sexy?
Would that be OK?
Great.
You ready?
You're going to enter through this door right here.
He'll call "Action." You got the lines for the scene?
If you drop one, just call for it, but do not stop, OK?
You want some water or something?
- No. I'm fine. Thanks. - You're going to do fine.
Roll it, Scotty.
Speed.
Sticks.
Marker.
Camera's set. We're ready, chief.
And...
Action, Dirk.
Hello. Are you John?
Your agency recommends you very highly.
I'm a really hard worker...
and if you give me a job, I won't disappoint you.
What special skills do you have?
I've been in the Marines for three years.
I just got back from a tour of duty.
- You're kidding. - No, I'm not.
It got really hard being surrounded by guys all day.
How long has it been since you've had a woman?
- A long time. - That's terrible.
But I'm back and ready to pursue my acting career.
As you may or may not know...
this is an important film for me.
If it's not a hit, I'll get kicked out of my apartment.
- My landlord's a real jerk. - Really?
Why don't you take your pants off?
It's important I get an idea of your size.
No problem.
I think that you have the job...
but why don't I make sure of something?
This is a giant cock.
We've rolled out.
We got to change mags.
Do it quickly.
- Kids. - Is everything cool?
It's going great. We just got to change the angle.
Does it look sexy?
It's great.
You're doing so good, Dirk.
Does it feel good?
Roll sound, Scotty.
Speed.
Quiet. Sticks.
Marker.
We're back.
Action, kids.
We're going to go down now.
No. Do it again.
John, you're a wonderful actor.
You're amazing.
- You feel so good, Amber. - You ready to come?
- Come in me. - What?
Don't worry. I'm fixed.
I want you to come in me.
Oh, God.
Wonderful.
Cut. Terrific!
Nice work!
That's great! Wasn't that sexy?
Rock and roll!
Really good.
- Looked great. Very sexy. - Doesn't he fuck like a champ?
- He rocked. - Thanks, Reed.
- The camera loves you. - We didn't get the come shot.
We missed the come shot. He came inside her.
Maybe we could go to stock footage or...
Are you crazy? It won't match.
I could do it again if you need a close-up.
Here we go!
Everyone say, "Dirk."
These are real wood.
I know.
These are the ones. These are great.
Those are really cool. Are they lizard?
No. They're Italian. I'm going to fucking buy these.
Guys!
It's funny you say that, because we should be in a band.
- You like my shoes? - They're pretty cool.
I got them with Reed and Scotty. They're cool, huh?
They're embossed leather with this reptilian pattern.
Cool.
Can we have some hot sauce here?
Hiya, Scotty. Sit down and help yourself.
Thanks.
Say hello to Jaimelyn.
- You're a Leo? - That's right.
My girlfriend wants to meet you.
- Is that right? - This is Raymond.
How do you do? What's your name?
- Becky Barnett. - Excuse me?
- Raymond's a Leo. - I knew it.
- What's your sign? - I'm a Pisces.
What? I can't deal with no Pisces.
That shirt's pretty sexy, too.
This is imported Italian nylon...
and it's a special edition limited silk print...
and it was done by this really famous design artist.
Pick a card.
What's up, baby? I love you. Bitch you later, baby.
What table's that going to?
Four? Five, Jose.
What's happening, my man?
You alive, man.
What's up, people?
Rise from the deck.
Damn! That's...
Two of diamonds, right?
That's my card. That is incredible.
Doesn't it make you nervous dealing with those evil forces?
- Horses? - No. Evil forces.
Evil? No, man.
It's not evil. It's an illusion.
Yeah, it's confusing.
Thank you.
Listen up, kid.
We're going to try and do this all in one shot.
We start like this, and you roll her over, Dirk.
Rollergirl, you roll right over with him...
but try to give me every single position. Is that possible?
If you wrap your leg around...
The other one, the left leg... around and over. Good.
See, we can go right into doggy style.
Perfect.
Is the movement of the waterbed a problem?
No, not at all. I dig it. It's great.
OK, can we do this?
All right, everybody, here we go.
This is going to be great.
Do you want me to use the Spanish accent?
"Jack Horner has found something special...
"in newcomer Dirk Diggler.
"Another stellar sexual standout from Horner and company.
"Diggler delivers a performance worth a thousand hard-ons.
His presence when dressed is powerful and demanding."
"When stripped to the bone...
"Diggler's more eruptive than a volcano on a bad day.
"Amber Waves' ripe cherry lips do a wonderful job...
of handling Diggler's wide load."
"And Reed Rothchild's stiff biceps...
do a slapping good job with Becky Barnett's supple ass."
"But Diggler remains the standout in this film.
"It's easy to predict that after only two films...
that Diggler's suck-cess can only grow and grow and grow..."
What else?
That's it for now.
Look at the character Holmes came up with.
And look, I just...
Tell me.
I don't like seeing women treated that way.
This guy he plays, Johnny Wadd...
it's always about slapping some girl around.
It's not right. It's not cool. It's just not sexy.
It's not sexy like it should be.
This guy's more a James Bond type character.
You know, he's classy.
He's a world-traveled guy.
I like that.
Reed could play my partner.
I like that a lot.
We could make it really good.
If you direct it, we make a series with a whole story.
It's exactly what we've always talked about.
Please?
When we get back...
set up the typewriter.
We'll see what comes out of it.
I have to talk to the Colonel when we get to Vegas.
And you got to work on the Colonel, too.
You got to be committed.
I'll do whatever I have to do.
Does this character have a name?
His name is Brock Landers.
His partner's name is Chest Rockwell.
Those are great names!
And the award for best newcomer goes to...
Yes! My baby boy!
And the award for best cock goes to...
Here we go again.
The award for best actor goes to...
I've seen all his movies, and I can't wait to work with him.
Wow. I don't know what to say.
I guess...
Wow. I guess the only thing I can say...
is I'll promise to keep rockin' and rollin'...
and making better films.
It seems we make these movies, and sometimes, you know...
they're considered filthy or something by some people...
but I don't think that's true.
These movies we make, they can be better.
They can help. They really can. I mean that.
We can always do better.
I'm going to keep trying if you guys keep trying.
Let's keep rockin' and rollin', man.
Marker.
Set.
Shot of tequila, straight up.
I've been in this place for twenty minutes...
just to get a seat.
Are you alone?
Yeah. Just visiting L.A.
Some people told me the food in here was really good.
Good? It's not good.
It's probably the best place to eat in Los Angeles.
- It's excellent. - I certainly hope so.
I could die of starvation before I get something in my mouth.
Still hungry?
Starving.
Why don't you feast on that?
Oh, it's true.
What's that?
You are Brock Landers.
Freeze! Don't make me chase you, Raphael!
Freeze!
We're almost there.
Here's what I want. I want you to trim the head.
Dump that shot of Reed with the revolver.
And switch the title card.
I want it to come flying out of the screen at the audience.
Nice. Piece of cake.
That's my guy.
I told him, "This is a special party for Scotty J.
I want your lightest, bubbliest champagne."
So this is what he gave me, Scotty.
Take a little sip of this and tell me what you think.
This is supposed to be really good stuff.
Here. Take a sip.
Isn't that pretty light?
What do you think, huh?
Beautiful.
Great. Look how spacious it is.
Look, I like this, too.
That's custom-made. Real imported Italian leather.
- Very unusual. - Watch this.
- What's that? - My initials.
That's so imaginative. How'd you think of that?
I was thinking of my name one day and dreamt it up.
How are you?
I'm almost finished.
Looks great.
I used a little poetic license to capture your essence.
Looks great, Jessie.
It's good for conversation.
Jessie did that oil painting as well...
and Buck is still installing the stereo.
- That's a beanbag. - You're kidding.
And that lamp, those are real sterling silver.
They have a very modern feel, too.
This could be the place you could have conversations.
You ready? Ta-da!
It's my dojo.
It's all Asian.
You have an Asian dojo.
It has that whole karate feel.
It's very comfortable.
A lot of ancient China.
I have my statues for my best-actor awards.
A good place to keep your awards. I'm glad.
Yeah. Look at this.
- Oh, that's handy. - Can you see yourself?
It's great, huh?
My whole entire wardrobe.
That's great.
It's all perfectly organized by color and designer.
You don't have to think about it or anything.
No. It's all ready.
You're going to love it.
This is my favorite thing in the whole entire world.
You ready? Close your eyes, please.
Yeah, baby.
- Isn't it beautiful? - Oh, God!
This is it. This is the thing.
You deserve this, baby.
Isn't it great?
This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Want to go for a ride?
She rocks!
You set us up, Chico.
You want to fuck with Raphael and Ringo, that's your business.
You don't fuck with Chest and Brock!
You know what? You're not even worth it!
I gave you a chance!
I trusted him.
Well, we almost solved the case.
At least the women are safe.
Let's go get some of that Saturday-night beaver.
No one fucks with Chest and Brock.
This is the best work we've ever done.
It's a real film, Jack.
It feels good.
You made it fly.
You know, this is the film...
I want them to remember me by.
Thank you.
As far as I'm concerned, it's all about love, you know?
I mean, if you love someone, how hard can the world be?
People will come and go, and so will problems...
but ultimately, if you have got love on your side...
and it is just...
I mean, it is just deep down in your soul...
what's a problem going to be...
that takes your attention away from that?
Do you understand?
I'm Becky Barnett.
I'm Jerome.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too, Becky.
So what do you do?
I'm in the auto industry.
Yeah, I'm a regional manager over at Pep Boys.
Oh, wow! That's great. That's great.
You've got a really nice smile, Becky.
Thank you... Jerome.
The Colonel.
Excuse me.
Floyd Gondolli.
Great you could make it.
How are you? You look happy.
I'm fine.
Meet boys... Tommy, Pete.
Meet girls... Cyndi, Angie.
These are the next stars.
These are the real people in the world.
I think we ought to do that talk with Jack now.
Maybe iron this thing out before we start the new year?
Let's do it.
What were you thinking? What were you feeling?
Did you do research?
What are you talking about here?
Nothing.
You want to come with me for a little while?
- Where? - It's a surprise.
Yeah. Let's go.
Excuse me, Jessie.
Hey, Buck.
Hey, Jessie. How you doing?
- You sitting alone? - Yes.
Todd Parker!
Rockin' Reed Rothchild!
- Aw, you made it! - Yeah!
An amazing party, man. Fuckin' chicks everywhere.
You bet. Courtesy of Jack Horner.
I wouldn't mind having a piece of that action over there.
Michelle. I'll introduce you.
Sure. Introduce her to my lap.
Did you get off work, man?
Don't dance Sunday nights.
Right.
Whose 'vette is that out in the driveway?
Dirk. I'm so jealous.
That shit's jammin', man.
Start down low with a 350 cube...
3.25 horsepower, 4-speed, 4-10 gears...
10 coats of competition orange hand-rubbed lacquer...
with a dual-plane manifold...
Full fuckin' race cams.
I'm pretty happy with it, you know.
It's a great look for you, I think.
It's pretty original, you know, I think.
Right.
Take this off.
What were we talking about before?
- Oil painting? - No.
No... Yes. I mean, but I was saying that...
Oh, sunsets.
Right, yeah. I was saying I love sunsets.
But sunrises are better.
Exactly.
I thought I was the only one who felt that way.
- No. I feel that way. - Really?
Yes, really. Have you ever heard my stereo system?
I'm going to open my own business.
- Really? - Yes.
It's my dream, OK?
It's hi-fi stereo equipment at discount prices.
It's called Buck's Super Stereo World.
That is a fucking great idea.
Yeah. The Eighties, that's when it's gonna happen.
- Really? - Really. The 1980s.
Wow.
I wanted you to come in and give me a minute...
so I could tell you how much I love you.
I mean, it's going to be a new year.
We're going to start things and do things...
and I just wanted you to know how much I care about you.
I really care about you, honey. You're my little baby.
Thank you, Amber.
You're the best thing that's happened to me...
since my son went off, and I just...
I love you, honey.
I love you, too.
Fuckin' 1980, you know?
Can you believe it?
I can't. It's, like, the next thing you know...
it's going to be, like, 1990 and 2000.
I mean, can you imagine?
Good-bye, 1979.
Hello, 1980.
Make sure you snort it back...
real quick and hard.
Like this.
It burns.
It's good, though, right?
It's going in my throat.
That's the drip. The drip's the best part.
It tastes like aspirin.
Here. Do one more in the other nostril.
I need a drink of water.
One more... and then a drink of water.
Do you think I look cool when I do it?
Let's talk about the future.
Let's talk about what it really means to this industry...
and let's talk about how all of us, not one of us...
how all of us are going to profit.
Now, I've been doing theater in San Francisco, San Diego...
about as long as you've been doing stag and hard core.
We're all familiar with your biography, Floyd.
No one doubts your credentials or your history.
Then why the resistance?
This industry is going to be turned upside down soon enough.
- Why help it? - Why not be prepared?
The Colonel's got the money. You got the talent.
I got the connections to the equipment...
and the mail-order distribution...
not to mention those kids out there...
who are hot fuck action to the max, Jack.
This is the future. Videotape tells the truth.
Wait a minute.
You come into my house, my party...
to tell me about the future?
That the future is tape... videotape... and not film?
It's amateurs and not professionals?
I'm a filmmaker.
That's why I will never make a movie on videotape.
I'll tell you something else.
I will never, ever loan out...
any of the actors that I have under contract.
Wait, Jack.
I'm not a complicated man. I like cinema.
In particular, I like to see people fucking on film...
but I don't want to win an Oscar...
and I don't want to reinvent the wheel.
I like simple pleasures...
like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth.
That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy.
Call me crazy, call me a pervert...
but there's one little thing I want to do in this life...
and that is to make a dollar and a cent in this business.
I'm not trying to hurt you.
I'm trying to help you stay one step ahead of the game.
We're going in circles now...
but we're in familiar territory.
The territory we're in is the future...
not to mention the cost.
If it looks like shit, and it sounds like shit...
then it must be shit.
You're holding on too tight.
It doesn't have to look good.
Film is just too damn expensive...
and the theaters are already converting to video projectors.
I haven't heard that.
Well, it's true.
Well...
ten minutes before the new year.
I'd like to spend it with my friends.
We will or will not continue this conversation.
What's up?
Fuckin' New Year's, right?
1980.
Man, right. Did you see my new car?
You got a new car?
- Want to see? - Yeah.
All right, cool. It's out front.
Come on. It's out front.
I want you to meet my friend. Todd Parker, Dirk Diggler.
What's up, man? How are you?
We finally meet.
I was telling you about him before.
Todd Parker... he works at Party Boys Strip Club.
Cool. You're a dancer.
Yeah. I got some moves.
I'm sorry. Are you coming?
Listen, I'll be around in a little bit.
We can talk then, all right?
See you later, Reed.
When you get by the lights, close your eyes, OK?
All right.
All right, just follow my voice.
All right, here, here, here, here...
Where?
Keep coming. All right, open them.
This is it.
It's cool!
Yeah! You want to get inside?
When did you get this?
Yesterday. Actually I had it painted yesterday...
so the paint might still be kind of sticky.
This is great, man.
You want to go for a ride?
Wait. Fuck. Hell, how much time is left?
I'm sorry, Dirk.
What the hell is the matter with you?
Why did you do that, Scotty?
You look at me sometimes.
I want to know if you like me.
Of course... Yeah, I like you, Scotty.
Can I kiss you?
Please? Can I kiss you on the mouth?
- No! - Please let me.
- Scotty! - I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to grab you like that or scare you.
- It's all right, man. - Do you want to kiss me?
- What is the matter with you? - All right, forget it.
I'm really drunk. Really, I am.
I'm out of my head.
I'm really wasted. Really, Dirk.
I understand, man.
I'm crazy right now. I'm really crazy.
Do you want to go back inside?
Do you like my car, Dirk?
What? Yeah.
Because I wanted to...
I wanted to make sure you thought it was cool...
or else I was going to take it back.
- It's great, Scotty. - Happy New Year.
I love you. I really love you.
I love you, too, Scotty.
Let's go back inside, OK?
All right. All right.
Fuckin' idiot.
I'm a fuckin' idiot.
Two minutes, pops. Two minutes.
Come on, Little Bill!
OK, Becky. I'm...
Little Bill! Smile, man!
Right.
Little Bill, champagne?
Aw, thanks. That's really nice of you.
- Happy New Year. - To you, too.
Hey, Kurt, have you seen my wife?
No. Hey, they're doing that countdown thing.
Come on in, man.
We need something to make a toast.
Hey, Little Bill, look at me.
Ten, nine, eight...
seven, six, five...
four, three, two...
What about your character Brock Landers...
and what some people consider violent attitudes towards women?
Violence?
No. What...
I mean, if there's a certain amount of...
you know, violence or action in this series of films,
you know, that's the movie.
If Brock Landers is slick with a gun...
he does so only in the vein of good and right.
Brock protects the values of the American ideal...
and fights for causes that instill pride...
in a society where morals are hard to come by.
Who sent you?!
Get the fuck off me.
Lie still, or I'll punch you in the goddamn face!
Get the fuck off!
I'll find out who sent you.
Amber, I live in this world.
I don't like violence any more than you do.
Violence is a bad thing.
But when you see violence in films...
it's... you know...
if movies... films caused violence...
we'd be able to wipe out violence tomorrow.
Boom. No more films. That's fine with me.
I'll find something else to do. I'll fuck on my own time.
You know, I got other interests. I'm a magician.
That will be something that I focus on in the future...
because you can't fuck forever. I realize that.
Anyway, violence...
is something that plagues us as a society.
The fine line is, I'm playing a character.
You know, I mean, I'm Dirk Diggler.
Brock Landers is a character that I'm playing.
I'm going to ask you once more, and I'm going to ask you nice.
Where the fuck is Ringo, you bitch?
Fuck you.
Why do I love him?
He's very special, and he can fuck hard...
or he can fuck, like, really gently.
He's the best.
I think that's... that's...
part of my reason for doing this, you know.
I've gotten thousands upon thousands of letters...
you know, from people telling me...
"God, you've taught me this...
and you've made our love life so much better."
And this isn't go out and have sex...
with ten million people and how to get a girl off.
It's about how to get your wife off.
If only people could have been doing this before...
we could have saved a million relationships.
I've saved thousands.
Blocking, an idea of movement...
Jack will put the final touches together...
for what the camera needs for editing and stuff...
but he allows me to block my own sex scenes...
gives me the freedom to develop the character and stuff.
God, I don't know any other director who'd let an actor...
you know, do that. You know?
I don't allow him to block his own sex scenes.
It is. It's jealousy.
It's deceitfulness. It's vindictiveness.
It's all of that stuff, you know?
But I mean, God, what can you expect when you're on top?
It's like Napoleon. When he was the king...
people were just constantly trying to conquer him...
in the Roman empire, so it's...
history repeating itself all over again.
To all the critics out there...
I know they're going to be reviewing this...
and I know they're going to try to knock me.
I just want them to know...
Is it OK if I say this into the camera?
I only am who I am because I was born that way.
I have a gift, and I am trying to not be selfish about it...
but to use it, OK?
If you want to knock me for that, it's your own problem.
Jealousy will get you nowhere.
I'm going to keep rockin' on.
For Dirk Diggler...
the future is something to look forward to, not to fear.
He is a creative man of many interests...
film, poetry, karate, music, dance.
He is a man of passion and mystery.
He is a man of lust.
It's my poem to you.
It's good, Amber. It's really good.
You're a director now.
So have you shown Jack yet?
No. I wanted you to be the first.
It's really good, Amber. Congratulations.
Thanks, baby.
The only thing I was wondering is...
you might want to cut that part where Jack talks about...
About blocking the sex?
That stuff about me not being a black belt is not true.
Yeah. I can fix that.
- Ace of spades. - How'd it turn out?
Are you sure?
Hey, how was it, man?
What?
Look, slow down.
Guys, guys, guys.
Slow down, Colonel. Say again?
I'll be right there.
So?
Let me tell you, Jack.
I don't mean to laugh about it...
but she was 15 going on 150, believe me.
She was. You would never know it, never know.
I was fooled completely.
I've had a few of them. Anyhow...
You do believe me, don't you, Jack?
Yeah, I believe you.
Anyway, so I take her home, Jack...
you know, and I got her there...
and I tell her not to do so much coke...
but she must have done twenty lines in five minutes.
It's like a vacuum in her nose.
Just going up like crazy.
Anyway, she's got all this stuff going on...
and the next thing, she stopped...
something must have broken up there...
because blood poured all over the place...
all over the sheets and everything.
Just pouring out. Oh, Jack.
All right, you thought she was older.
You didn't do anything.
She was just at your place.
You didn't do anything, right?
- Right. Nothing. - You didn't do anything to her?
Not a thing. You know me, Jack. I didn't do a thing.
- You didn't do anything? - I didn't do anything.
All right, nothing.
But they...
they found something at the house.
What?
There's something that's...
Jack, it's my fuckin' weakness.
They're so small, and they're so cute...
and they're so adorable.
I just can't help it when...
Jesus Christ.
Listen, I don't touch them, Jack.
I don't touch them in any way, honestly.
Jack, please.
All right.
Now you think I'm an asshole.
Jack, let me tell you this.
I love you, Jack. I'm your friend.
There's one thing I want you to do, though.
Jack, come on. Tell me that you're my friend.
Just tell me. Am I your friend?
- I do. - I do, too.
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Listen, I'm dying to do a movie with you.
I'll tell you what comes to mind.
What comes to mind is, I am the ultimate Latin lover.
There is no Latin lover like me. You understand?
Once you get Maurice as the Latin lover...
Have you ever been to Niagara Falls?
That is great! That's so great, you guys.
It's an opportunity for me to run the store my way.
Just get those guys off my back.
Exactly.
I'll run the store my way.
Are you guys moving to Bakersfield?
- Yeah. - Soon?
Aren't your folks from Bakersfield?
Hey, guys, we're losing these two.
- Wow. - You like it there?
Big promotion!
You look at the movies and say, "Hell, I can do that."
I can do it.
It's a little more complicated than that.
It's a tough racket. Dirk, you made it.
- Hey, Jack. - How you doing?
Good. Who's that?
Hi. I'm Johnny Doe.
You're... Dirk Diggler.
It's great to meet you.
Johnny's the new boy on the street.
He's interested in show business.
He's very tired.
And he's shy, you know?
So like I said, it's a tough business.
You got a great kisser...
but there's a lot of work involved, a lot of people.
We all have to work our buns off.
Know what I mean?
It takes sixteen guys just to do the lighting.
No, it's crystal, man. You just want to do bumps.
Shut up, man.
Hey, you guys.
- What? - Just saying hey.
Yeah, whatever.
Oh, man.
You all right?
It's getting me fuckin' high, man.
It's that carpet dope.
The kind of dope they used to put carpet in.
They'd mix it up in the bathtub...
and while they were mixing it up in the bathtub...
they'd drop in a hunk of carpet into it.
It's a lot better than that pink shit.
The pink shit's fuckin' weird.
They put fish scales in that shit.
You look good.
You ready?
Come on.
I am a star. I'm a fuckin' rock and roll star.
Man, I got to get hard. Come on. Fuck.
Please don't do this to me.
No, please. Come on.
I'm a star.
You ready?
I was born ready.
Come on.
I'm ready to shoot.
Twenty minutes, huh?
No. I'm ready now. It's got to be now.
Twenty minutes, babe.
Fuck it. Hey, Jack. I'm ready to shoot now.
My cock is ready. I want to fuck.
Twenty minutes.
I want to fuck. Who's it going to be?
What?
Who do you want to start fucking? Me or him?
- Me? What? - Shut up, OK?
I didn't do anything to you.
You're not even an actor, man. You got no business being here.
Yes, I am.
No, I'm an actor, man.
Shut up!
What?
Stop this Mickey Mouse bullshit.
I want you to go in there.
I want you to cool off, OK?
Just cool off, and we'll come back and shoot the scene.
I said I'm ready to shoot.
Not now.
I'm not going to tell you again, Jack.
I'm not going to shoot you in the state you're in.
What do you mean, state? State of California?
I know where the fuck I am.
Jesus Christ, you've been up for two days.
I haven't been up for two days.
You look like you haven't been to sleep...
so I ain't gonna shoot you because you don't look good.
You know what? You don't tell me anything.
- Really? - You're not the boss of me.
- Yes, I am. - You're the king?
Don't you fuckin' touch me, man!
- Dirk, honey... - You shut up, too.
You're not the mother of me, and you're not my boss!
You're not my mother! You're not my fuckin' mom!
I'll take you home.
No. I'm ready to shoot the scene.
I want to shoot the scene. I'm fine.
I want you out of here.
Look, it's over, OK? I'm done.
Listen to me, kid. I want you...
Don't you fuckin' call me a kid!
I'll fuck you up! You want to see me kick some ass?
I know fuckin' karate!
You're fuckin' fired!
You're fired, you goddamn kid!
Jack, what the hell...
You know what? No, no, no.
You know what? I'm the biggest star here, man.
That's the way it is!
I want to fuck! It's my big dick!
So everybody get ready fuckin' now!
You know what? I don't need this shit!
Fuck you! Fuck all of you!
You're not my boss! You're not the king of me!
I am the fuckin' king of Dirk!
You're nothing without me, Jack! You're fuckin' nothing!
Fuck this, man! I don't need this shit!
Dirk, wait. I'm so sorry, Jack.
I'll take care of this. I'll straighten him out.
OK, Dirk, you ready?
I was born ready, Nick. Let's go, man.
- Dirk Diggler demo... - Keep the vocals up.
You Got The Touch, take seven.
Excuse me, Reed.
You got the touch
You got the power
After all is said and done
You never walk, you never run
You're a winner
You've got the moves, you know the streets
Break the rules, take the heat
You're nobody's fool
You're at your best when the goin' gets rough
You've been put to the test, but it's never enough
You got the touch
You think the bass is taking away from the vocal?
No, not really. Maybe.
It sounds balanced to me.
It's definitely taking away from my vocal.
Just take the bass down and bring up the vocal.
OK, let's do it, Nick. You heard him.
You want to take it from the top?
Yeah. Let's try it.
Heat will rock you
And heat will roll you
Baby, don't you know?
My heat will move your soul
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Love me today
Love me tomorrow
All day
All night
You feel
My heat
Feel, feel, feel, feel my heat
I think we should repeat that again.
Feel, feel, feel, feel, feel
Feel my heat
Yeah. It's definitely cool.
Let's lay it down. Nick.
You want to lay it down?
Were we rolling on that rehearsal?
Is he going to fuck me in the ass?
Is that what you want?
It would be nice.
Fuck her in the ass.
Lock and load, Jack.
I was gonna take a pottery class at Everywoman's Village.
I want to do that.
Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 3:00.
I was thinking something.
I was going to see about taking the G.E.D.
Do you know what that is?
For high school, to graduate.
I never got my diploma. I feel bad that...
I think you were right about that.
You should do it, Rollergirl,
because you know what?
If you wanted to, you could do anything.
- Mr. Swope. - Yes. That's me.
Do you have your loan application?
- Do you want to follow me? - Yes, I do.
Kurt, are we gonna have any more coverage on this...
No. We keep shooting. This is video.
We shoot and shoot, and then we deal with it later.
All right, now, Summer...
I want you to take Skye's thong off.
Actually take it off.
That's good. And finger it.
That's good. Lick the thong.
That's really good technically, but it lacks passion.
I want to see some passion here.
Yes, bitch!
Yeah, that's it. Lick my balls.
Fuck me.
Who's your daddy, bitch?
You'll live.
I'm back.
Perfect timing.
What the fuck took you so long, man?
Fuck.
That's what Buck's Super Stereo World is about.
It's about the customer who wants to know...
what they're getting into technically...
and I have the specific technical hi-fi background...
to answer any technical question somebody's going to have.
I've been in sound equipment long enough to know exactly...
what a guy wants when he walks through that door...
and that's the kind of personal touch...
that Buck's Super Stereo World's going to have.
I miss my two sons.
I miss my little Andrew and... and my Dirk.
I always felt like Dirk was my baby...
my new baby.
Don't you miss Dirk?
He's so fuckin' talented, the bastard.
You know, I just...
I love him, Rollergirl. I really love the stupid jerk.
I love you, Mom.
I want you to be my mom, Amber. Are you my mom?
I'll ask you if you're my mom, OK?
And you say yes, OK? Are you my mom?
Yes, honey.
Hold on. Come on, all right?
All we need is the tapes, Burt.
No. You don't get them until you pay.
In our situation, that doesn't make any fucking sense!
Wait! We can't pay the price of the demo tapes...
unless we take the tapes to the record company and get paid!
Hello?! Exactly!
That's not an M.P.
That's a Y. P... your problem.
Come up with the money, and I'll give you the tapes.
That's it.
All right, now you're talking above my head.
I don't know this industry jargon... Y.P., M. P... whatever.
All I know is that I cannot get a record contract.
We cannot get a record contract unless I take these tapes...
and granted, the tapes themselves are your...
You own them, OK?
But the magic that is on the tapes...
that fuckin' heart and soul we put into those tapes...
that is ours, and you don't own that.
I need to take that magic and get it to the record company.
And they're waiting for us.
We were supposed to be there a half-hour ago.
We look like assholes right now, man!
I don't want to do this anymore, honey.
I can't. Let's have fun now.
Let's just go and go and go...
because it's over. There's too many things.
Let's go walk.
I don't want to leave this room.
Me, either.
- I love you, honey. - I love you, Mom.
Let me explain to him...
in simple arithmetic... one, two, three!
Because you don't fuckin' get it, Burt!
You give us the tapes. We get the record contract.
We come back and give you your fuckin' money.
Have you heard the tapes? Have you even heard them?
We're guaranteed a record deal. Our stuff is that good!
Now I got it. Now I understand.
You want it to happen...
but it's not going to happen because it's a Catch-22.
What the fuck does that mean? What is a Catch-22, Burt?
Catch-22, gentlemen. Think about it.
You know what I'm thinking about, man?
I'm thinking about kicking some fuckin' ass!
Scotty, get him out of here!
Thanks a lot for backing us up, too. Real good.
Fuck!
We can't help you.
I have all the papers, though.
Everything's in order, yes?
Yes, but we can't give you a loan. I'm sorry.
I don't understand. Why can't you give me the loan?
Mr. Swope, you're a pornographer.
This bank is not in business to support pornography.
I'm not a pornographer. I'm an actor.
- I'm sorry. - Please.
This is a new business for me.
All right? It's a real thing that I want to do.
It's a real thing that I can do.
Please.
I'm sorry.
We did everything right.
Honey, it's OK. Just wait a minute.
Let's just take a minute, OK?
You have something to say.
I have something to say, all right?
Let's just talk, OK?
If there's something I didn't fill out correctly on this...
or if there is something I left out...
or something maybe you want me to write on there...
just tell me what to write.
I'm sorry.
You're not being fair!
This isn't fair!
This financial institution cannot endorse pornography.
Stop saying pornography! Why are you doing this to me?
Please! Please!
I'm sorry.
I am an ac... I am an actor.
Come on.
Aaron wants that thing for the thing from...
You fix it up.
Who's your daddy?
How is it?
It is what it is.
Suck that cock, bitch.
You must be Maggie.
Kathleen O'Malley. I'm the judge.
You have a lawyer with you?
No, I don't. I do not.
Hello, Judge.
Good morning, Counselor.
You've been divorced for six years?
Yes, since 1977.
The money settlement has been taken care of?
So what we're talking about, then...
is coming to an agreement on the custody of...
of Andrew.
What was decided during the divorce?
Initially, Andrew was to go with his father...
for visitation with his mother from Saturday noon...
to Sunday at 7:00 with his mother entitled to bring him...
to her house or any reasonable place.
Was that the understanding?
Why wasn't that visiting privilege honored, then?
It was for a while.
I only saw him twice.
It said "reasonable place."
I didn't think that a house of prostitution...
and drugs and pornography was that.
I'm sorry?
My wife is in the pornography business.
I didn't think that environment was a safe place for my son.
No, this is not right. My son was never exposed...
to drugs or pornographic material or any of those things.
My husband just assumed...
I saw it with my own eye, Maggie.
Did you register a complaint?
My client didn't officially register, Your Honor...
but I think the circumstances call for immediate action...
for the safety of the child.
The problem is, Judge, is that my ex-wife...
she's a sick person, and she needs help.
She deals in sex and drugs for a living.
No, I don't do drugs.
Your Honor, she has been in and out of trouble with the law...
on several occasions for this sort of thing.
Not anymore.
Have you ever been arrested?
When was the last time you were arrested...
and what was the charge?
OK, let's get ready for this... experiment.
Hi. Jack Horner here.
We're in the back of this beautiful limousine...
in the back seat riding west along Sherman Way...
and beside me is a beautiful, talented, gorgeous...
young actress from adult cinema...
Miss Rollergirl.
Are you ready to get on with this experiment?
Ready like Freddy.
Yes. And we're going along, like I said...
west on Sherman Way...
and this is called On The Lookout...
that's the name of this show...
on the lookout for a young stud...
who maybe will get in the back seat here...
and get it on with Rollergirl.
We're going to make film history...
right here on videotape.
Waiting for someone?
I'm waiting for somebody, but...
I'm not sure if they're going to show up.
You want to wait in the car?
Cool.
I'm Joe.
You know who I am?
My name's Dirk Diggler.
I mean, you're a guy. I'm just helping you out.
What do you see here?
I see a girl.
Do you like what you see?
Yeah, I do.
Get in...
and let's make film history.
So...
what do you want to do?
It's what you want to do.
I want to watch you.
I mean, I'm not gay. I just want to...
Maybe you could jerk off, and I could watch.
Maybe I'll join in later...
but for now, I just want to watch.
Twenty bucks.
Ten's all I have.
Go to school?
Yeah, I do.
Where do you go?
Is it OK if I don't tell you?
That's cool.
You recognize Rollergirl from her films?
We watch her films a lot at my frat house.
I go to CSUN.
Wonderful.
The fuckin' guys will never believe this.
We've done a bunch of films together...
Rollergirl and I.
Do you remember me?
We went to school together.
Your name's Brandy, right?
Brandy's your name, right?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Your name's not Brandy?
Can you do it harder?
Do it a little faster.
All right.
You're hiding her again.
Let's get on the other side. That's it.
Just nice and sexy.
Listen, pal...
make it a little more sexy.
Don't just ram it in like that.
She's not a hole in the wall. This is Rollergirl.
Faster.
Do it faster.
Get your hand wet.
Be quiet.
Can you be more sexy?
Like, cinematically sexy.
Just don't ram it.
Don't...
Be respectful. This is Rollergirl.
Are you listening to me?
Just let me do my thing.
This is stupid.
That's it. Cut.
Pull over.
I can't fucking believe this.
You gave me a hard-on.
The least you could do is jack me off.
What the fuck did you say?
I said it's not cool to leave me with a hard-on.
Fuck you.
I don't fucking believe this.
This is a fine life you've made for yourself.
You really should be proud.
I mean really.
Fuck you.
And your fucking films suck now anyway.
Come on.
I can't.
I can't get it hard. I just can't. I'm sorry.
You shouldn't do this sort of thing, faggot.
Get him out of the car!
Jack, Jesus!
Get him out of the truck!
You shouldn't be coming down here!
- You piece of shit! - You faggot!
Amateur fucker!
Come on!
You don't ever disrespect me, fucker!
You don't ever disrespect me!
Motherfucker! Look at you now, huh?
That's what you get, you faggot!
You think you can fuck? You can't fuck me!
You can't touch me!
Stop it!
You don't do this, donkey-dick!
Fucking faggot!
You don't ever disrespect me...
you fucker!
You fucking piece of shit!
You fucking...
Fucking die, you shithead!
What do you want?
I want an apple fritter, jelly...
chocolate with sprinkles...
and a bear claw, too.
And hurry.
How's my little kung fu fighter?
He's kicking ass inside my stomach.
See? That's a boy.
Di!
Ki!
Be right back.
What's up?
Can I help you?
I'm going to get a dozen.
Let me get a couple of bear claws...
and...
a couple glazed.
Oh, apple fritter.
Not that one. The one in front of it.
That one.
Two chocolate.
Old-fashioned, yeah. Give me two of those.
Is this...
Did you do this for the Christmas?
That's cute.
Give me two of those sprinkly Christmas things.
That's great.
- How many is that? - That's eleven.
Empty the cash register!
Now, motherfucker, and hurry up!
Jesus Christ.
Shut the fuck up! Hurry up with that shit!
Empty the safe, too, asshole.
And I ain't got all night.
Don't even move.
I'm not moving.
Shut up!
Don't fucking move.
I'm not...
Shut the fuck up.
Don't do that.
You shut the fuck up!
Give me the shit.
This could be the thing...
something to help us score a little extra cash.
The guy's name is Rahad Jackson.
He's got more money than God.
He's got twice as much coke, crank, and smack.
All right?
This guy's going to buy anything anybody wants to sell him.
Just likes people hanging around at his house...
partying, the whole thing.
How do you know him?
Used to come to the Party Boys a lot. Mutrix introduced me.
How would we do it exactly? How would it all go down?
It's going to go down like this.
I'm going to call him on the phone and tell him...
I got a half a key of quality stuff.
Do you have his phone number?
So I'm going to call him on the phone.
I'm going to give him a price.
How much?
It's half a key. It's, like, 5,000 bucks.
We'll split that up three ways.
It's enough to get the 'vette fixed.
That's right.
So we're going to do the deal.
We're going to drop half a key of baking soda into a bag.
We're going to walk over there. We're going to...
Right there.
This is going to be a nifty little bit of hustle-bustle.
Do you have his address?
I got his fucking address.
Question. Sorry.
What if he tests the stuff out?
He won't.
How do you know that?
Because I know he won't.
I'm positive.
You guys should be careful.
What?
What do you mean, what?
Just mind your business.
What the fuck?
Sorry.
Anyway...
Dump it in there good.
You can't lay this all on me.
We're going to go in there.
This is it. Fine.
You guys ready for this?
I am.
Me?
I was born ready.
All right.
What the fuck is that?
- It's a big gun. - But why?
Just in case.
Shit!
You never said anything about a gun.
Now I'm getting nervous. Do you have a gun, too?
I don't have a gun.
Let's just get in and out, all right?
Not too fast. It makes it look suspicious.
God damn it.
You all right?
Just let me do all the talking.
Just be cool.
How you doing? Come on in.
Hey, man!
Hey, Rahad.
Hello, friends!
Which one is Todd?
That's me. We met before, down at the Party Boys.
Come on in.
These are my friends Dirk and Reed.
Good to see you. Take a seat.
You want something to drink? A little pill, a little coke?
You sure you don't want something?
So...
got something?
We got something here?
Here it is.
That's about half a key there.
That is some quality shit...
Don't worry about him.
If you want to test that out...
Wait.
Love this part.
You're motorin'
What's your price for flight?
So anyway, what's the price?
We...
I don't know... five grand?
That's cool.
Five grand.
You guys want to play baseball?
No, thank you.
The black guy has a gun in his jacket.
Let's just get the fuck out of here.
Count the money in the car.
You want to see something really fascinating?
Check it out.
That's sweet.
That thing's not loaded, is it?
- Not yet. - Is that silver?
- Look, we... - Let's see what happens now.
Could you not point the gun, please?
Why? You think I can't do it?
Wait!
You think I can't do it?
You dare me?
No, we don't dare you!
Fucking dare me!
Thank you. Thank you.
Your fucking faces.
What the fuck?
I love this thing. I make these little mix tapes.
I put all my favorite songs together.
Which one is this? Number eleven.
I love it.
When you buy a tape or an album...
the bands put the songs in some fucking order...
like they want you to listen to it in that order.
I hate that.
I don't like to be told what to listen to...
when to listen to it...
It's Cosmo.
He's Chinese.
That's why he likes lighting off firecrackers.
Jessie is a friend
Yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine
But something's changed, it ain't hard to define
Jessie's got himself a girl
And I want to make her mine
And she's watchin' him with those eyes
And she's lovin' him with that body
I just know it
Ricky Springfield. He's a buddy of mine.
...late at night
You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I'm so jealous.
I want to have Jessie's girl
She should be with me!
Why can't I have a woman like that?
I play along with the charade...
We're leaving.
Right?
You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute
I want to tell her that I love her
But the point is probably moot
'Cause she's watchin' him with those eyes
And she's lovin' him with that body
I just know it
And he's holdin' her in his arms late, late at night
You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl
Where can I find a woman like that
Like Jessie's girl?
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
Where can I find a woman
We're leaving.
We got to split.
We got to go.
You just got here.
We got somewhere else to go.
We're not leaving yet.
We're here now, and we want something else from you.
We want something else from you.
What?
What the hell are you doing? Let's just go.
In the master bedroom...
under the bed...
in a floor safe.
Understand?
What is the matter with you? Let's go.
Shut up, Dirk.
I told you I got a plan.
Are you kidding me, Kitty?
No, I'm not.
I'm not kidding. I want what's in the safe.
We want what is in the goddamn safe...
in the goddamn master bedroom...
in the goddamn fucking floor safe.
Don't be crazy, OK?
We don't know anything about this.
This is not at all what we wanted.
Shut the fuck up. Do not reach for your gun.
Don't reach for your gun!
He went in the bedroom!
What are you doing?
He went in the bedroom.
Did you go crazy?
He's got coke, and he's got cash in that safe...
and if we leave here without it, we're idiots.
We came here to do something...
and we can do it, all right? Are you with me?
Listen to me! Let's just split right now.
This is not supposed to be the thing!
That's what we came here to do...
and that's what I'm going to do right now.
Fuck you!
Don't be stupid!
Come on!
Come on, you puppies!
It's coming down for puppies!
Come back!
Shit!
Fucking son of a bitch!
Oh, God.
Oh, fuck!
Fucking stupid motherfucker!
Bitch.
Could you please help me?
I'm...
I just wanted to come and say sorry.
And...
I just want to know if you can help me.
I need help.
And...
I'm sorry, you know?
I need help.
I'm sorry, too, kid.
It's OK, baby.
We all need to start again.
It's OK.
You're all right, baby.
Did I hear someone say deal?
This weekend and this weekend only...
Buck's Super Cool Stereo Store is making super-cool deals...
on all name brands.
We're open. We're ready.
All you need to do is walk over, get down, and come inside us.
Word.
Cut.
Excellent.
That was great.
I said shut up, Colonel!
Cinco...
cuatro...
tres...
dos...
uno...
¡Dale!
Wait!
No, that's a "Q"! That's supposed to be a "G"!
Oh, man!
Go!
What the heck?
Naughty, naughty, Candi.
Let's push.
Come on, baby.
Go, go, go. Push, push, push.
God almighty, fucking Christ!
Don't cuss, sweetie. Just push, all right?
Last big push for the doctor. Big push. This is it.
I got it!
He got it!
It's a boy!
No hurry. Just sometime this year, huh?
Put it where I told you to put it.
You've got to turn the fan on.
It smells good, doesn't it?
It smells like shit.
This is Puerto Rican cooking.
Everybody's complaining in the whole neighborhood.
This is what they're complaining about. Taste this.
Not now. I'll taste it later.
Honey, honey.
Take the dirt on one side of your room...
and move it to the other side of your room.
Then one side will look clean that used to look dirty.
Then that will be good, huh?
Johnny Weissmuller!
That's my swimmer!
Say, "Hello, Uncle Jack."
Who is the Olympic-fever baby?
Say, "Hi, Jack."
"Watch me kick."
He's not going to piss in the pool?
I don't think so.
I got to talk to you...
about the stereo modification for this system.
No technical shit.
If you don't get the right modification...
it's not going to be loud.
I don't want loud. I want...
Mellow.
That's what I want.
Great, honey.
Are we ready?
We've got all the time we want.
What are you looking at?
I'm looking at you.
You're staring.
You know what I'm staring at?
I'm staring at the foxiest bitch in the whole world.
I've been around this block twice now.
I'm looking for something.
A clue.
Been looking for clues, and something led me back here.
So here I am.
Could have been me that was at Ringo's place...
when the shit went down.
I know how it is. I've been there.
We've all done bad things.
We've all had those guilty feelings in our heart.
You want to take your brain out of your head...
and wash it and make it clean.
I'm going to help you settle this.
First we're going to check for holes, see what we can find.
Then we're going to get nice and wet...
and you're going to spread your legs.
That's good.
So you know me.
You know my reputation.
Thirteen inches is a tough load. I don't treat you gently.
That's right.
I'm Brock Landers.
So I'm going to be nice.
I'm going to ask you one more time.
Where the fuck is Ringo?
I am a star.
I am a big, bright, shining star.
That's right.