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YTS.MX
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[boy] Mom, can I have some ice cream?
4
00:00:44,546 --> 00:00:46,047
[boy 2] Hey, Bob, wait up.
5
00:00:59,269 --> 00:01:01,813
[man] And the sunlight clasped the earth.
6
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:05,650
And the moonbeams kissed the sea.
7
00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:09,112
What are all these kissing's worth
8
00:01:10,363 --> 00:01:13,450
if thou kiss not me?
9
00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:18,079
That's it.
10
00:01:18,163 --> 00:01:19,497
[students laugh]
11
00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:23,168
- Mike.
- Mr. Brackett.
12
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:26,588
Okay, that Cameron Drake guy.
Did you really teach him?
13
00:01:27,172 --> 00:01:29,674
Yes, I did, Mike.
Right here in this very room.
14
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:31,843
Do you have a question about the poem?
15
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:34,345
Yes. Meredith.
16
00:01:34,846 --> 00:01:36,931
When Cameron went here
did he have a girlfriend?
17
00:01:37,599 --> 00:01:38,933
- Please.
- Jack.
18
00:01:39,017 --> 00:01:40,518
- Mr. Brackett.
- Vicky.
19
00:01:41,019 --> 00:01:43,104
- Does this have to do with the poem?
- Oh, yeah.
20
00:01:43,188 --> 00:01:47,275
You have a comment about
English literature or Romantic poetry?
21
00:01:47,859 --> 00:01:49,360
- Absolutely.
- Oh, let's hear it.
22
00:01:49,444 --> 00:01:50,945
Well, when Cameron went here
23
00:01:51,029 --> 00:01:54,532
um, he studied English literature
and Romantic poetry.
24
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:56,993
Was he really cute?
25
00:01:57,577 --> 00:02:00,121
No. No, he's had massive surgery.
A complete overhaul.
26
00:02:00,205 --> 00:02:01,915
He was an iguana.
27
00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:03,541
[students laugh]
28
00:02:03,625 --> 00:02:07,420
But, you know, he loved this poem.
29
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,424
Excuse me. Mr. Brackett.
30
00:02:12,509 --> 00:02:13,635
Mr. Brackett.
31
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,596
- Jack.
- It's here.
32
00:02:16,679 --> 00:02:18,348
- What?
- From Indiana State.
33
00:02:18,431 --> 00:02:19,933
- Hey, Mr. Brackett.
- And? Hey, Joe.
34
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:22,101
Will you open it?
It'll make it a lot easier.
35
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:25,563
I mean, what if I--
I mean, I'm not gonna get in.
36
00:02:25,647 --> 00:02:28,358
I bet that it just says,
"Nice try, you moron.
37
00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:31,611
- You loser. Get lost. Get out of here."
- That's not quite the way they put it.
38
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:33,071
- Hey, coach.
- Hey.
39
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:36,491
- Yes. You're in. Full scholarship.
- Yes? Yes?
40
00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:38,117
- Way to go.
- Yes.
41
00:02:38,952 --> 00:02:40,119
Yes.
42
00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:43,331
- What he said was--
- You didn't understand what he said.
43
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,582
Wait, wait. He's coming.
44
00:02:47,836 --> 00:02:50,421
Gentlemen, are we having a practice?
45
00:02:51,256 --> 00:02:53,550
We can't, you know. It's our coach.
46
00:02:54,050 --> 00:02:55,969
You know, he's getting married this week.
47
00:02:57,512 --> 00:02:59,222
Yes, that's correct.
48
00:02:59,806 --> 00:03:00,932
And he's drunk.
49
00:03:02,976 --> 00:03:04,143
I'm drunk?
50
00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:06,312
Pretty soon!
51
00:03:07,105 --> 00:03:09,190
[students clamoring]
52
00:03:13,278 --> 00:03:14,654
You guys.
53
00:03:17,782 --> 00:03:20,034
Congratulations, Mr. Brackett.
54
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,331
[gasp]
55
00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:30,628
You're so beautiful.
56
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,297
Howard?
57
00:03:32,881 --> 00:03:34,299
You look exquisite.
58
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,593
Oh, I just wish my folks were still here.
59
00:03:36,676 --> 00:03:40,346
They never thought it would happen.
They never thought I'd get married.
60
00:03:40,430 --> 00:03:44,517
We're your family now, dear.
I'm not just Howard's mom. I'm yours.
61
00:03:44,601 --> 00:03:45,643
Beware.
62
00:03:45,727 --> 00:03:48,521
But, honey, when you
walked in here last month, I almost died.
63
00:03:48,605 --> 00:03:51,357
- I didn't recognize you.
- She's worked very hard.
64
00:03:51,441 --> 00:03:53,026
- Isn't she a knockout?
- Absolutely.
65
00:03:53,109 --> 00:03:54,485
I just had been fat my whole life,
66
00:03:54,569 --> 00:03:56,863
and I was not gonna
waddle down that aisle.
67
00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:59,324
And when I saw
that Richard Simmons' infomercial...
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00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,450
I love him.
69
00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:03,578
Well, remember when he actually
went to that woman's house
70
00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:06,706
who lost over 400 pounds using the tapes?
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00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:08,291
- [woman] Yes.
- I just thought,
72
00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:10,710
"If she can do it, so can I."
73
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:14,172
And you did. Bridal Barn, we salute you.
74
00:04:17,467 --> 00:04:19,302
- It's a straitjacket, is what it is.
- Dad.
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00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,012
It's a classic. The J-12.
76
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,056
You know, everybody in town's
been stopping by
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00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:24,390
revving up for your nuptials.
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00:04:24,474 --> 00:04:25,600
[man] Look at this.
79
00:04:28,478 --> 00:04:30,855
Oh, son. I don't know.
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00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:33,358
The Tormé.
81
00:04:40,615 --> 00:04:43,368
[glass clinking]
82
00:04:45,036 --> 00:04:47,163
Thank you. Well, uh...
83
00:04:47,956 --> 00:04:51,084
in just a few short days,
Emily and I will be married.
84
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:52,585
After three long years.
85
00:04:52,669 --> 00:04:55,171
Now, what, you may be asking yourself,
was the problem?
86
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,422
You said it.
87
00:04:56,506 --> 00:04:58,257
[guests laugh]
88
00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:01,260
Well, Aunt Becky,
I think I have the answer.
89
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,429
I vowed that I would not be married
90
00:05:03,513 --> 00:05:06,265
until Cameron Drake
was nominated for an Oscar.
91
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:07,433
I thought I was safe.
92
00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,435
[guests laugh]
93
00:05:10,603 --> 00:05:12,772
Now, tonight's the night,
for Cameron, at least,
94
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:15,942
and so I'll let you all
get back to your sets.
95
00:05:16,526 --> 00:05:20,321
And this Sunday, thanks to my mom,
and dad, and Emily,
96
00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:23,199
it's gonna be the happiest day of my life.
97
00:05:24,117 --> 00:05:26,703
[applause]
98
00:05:29,247 --> 00:05:32,250
[music playing]
99
00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:35,336
Wouldn't it be extraordinary
if Cameron actually wins?
100
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,964
- You remember, I had him.
- You did?
101
00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:40,425
Yeah. I was a student teacher.
It was sophomore English.
102
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,802
He used to come every day
after school for extra help.
103
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:47,015
We spent the whole year reciting
Romeo and Juliet to each other.
104
00:05:47,724 --> 00:05:50,351
Oh, really? Just the two of you?
105
00:05:50,435 --> 00:05:52,895
He was just a student.
106
00:05:52,979 --> 00:05:54,814
Hmm, well, all right.
107
00:05:57,275 --> 00:05:58,359
Now, which channel?
108
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:02,488
Who wants movie-style buttery lite?
109
00:06:02,572 --> 00:06:04,449
Me. I do.
110
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:07,326
- Score pads and pencils.
- Over here.
111
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:08,453
[man] Oh, thanks.
112
00:06:10,121 --> 00:06:12,582
Gretchen, what do you have
for Best Documentary?
113
00:06:12,665 --> 00:06:16,419
Something about Polish mine workers
and their struggle to be free.
114
00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:19,547
I hope that nice Sally Field wins.
115
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:23,217
- But she's not nominated.
- Even so.
116
00:06:23,301 --> 00:06:24,677
It's almost time.
117
00:06:25,595 --> 00:06:27,805
- Well, turn it on. Turn it on.
- Turn it on.
118
00:06:35,271 --> 00:06:37,440
[reporter] The place, Hollywood, U.S.A.
119
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,779
This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment
120
00:06:42,862 --> 00:06:45,698
inviting you to join me
for Hollywood's night of nights,
121
00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:48,284
the 68th Annual Academy A wards.
122
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:53,623
Ladies and gentlemen,
here is another screen legend,
123
00:06:53,706 --> 00:06:56,375
an Oscar winner herself,
Miss Whoopi Goldberg.
124
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,294
- Whoopi.
- Whoopi, I love you.
125
00:06:58,377 --> 00:06:59,712
Whoopi.
126
00:06:59,796 --> 00:07:02,507
So, Whoop, Cameron Drake, his chances?
127
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,133
I think this kid is incredible.
128
00:07:04,217 --> 00:07:07,095
- He is so sexy, so sweet.
- [woman] It's Cameron!
129
00:07:07,178 --> 00:07:08,304
I mean, I just adore him.
130
00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:10,723
I mean, he's just the best there is,
you know.
131
00:07:10,807 --> 00:07:12,100
It's Cameron Drake!
132
00:07:12,183 --> 00:07:13,351
There he is.
133
00:07:13,935 --> 00:07:15,061
Look.
134
00:07:16,521 --> 00:07:19,398
[crowd chanting]
Cameron, Cameron, Cameron!
135
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:25,822
Cameron, Cameron, Cameron!
136
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:32,662
He is just so cool.
137
00:07:32,745 --> 00:07:36,207
- What is that stuff on his chin?
- It looks like a troll doll.
138
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,835
- Did he just wake up?
- Shut up.
139
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:43,172
Ladies and gentlemen, here comes
America's hottest young star
140
00:07:43,256 --> 00:07:46,467
and People magazine's
sexiest man of the year, poor guy,
141
00:07:46,551 --> 00:07:47,635
Cameron Drake.
142
00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:51,597
- Hello.
- Hey.
143
00:07:51,681 --> 00:07:52,765
Hey.
144
00:07:52,849 --> 00:07:54,892
[women screaming]
145
00:07:56,394 --> 00:07:59,021
- So, Cameron, tonight's the big night.
- [woman] Cameron!
146
00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:01,732
- All the marbles. Planet Cameron.
- Right.
147
00:08:01,816 --> 00:08:04,443
- Excuse me?
- I said right.
148
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:05,570
- Yeah.
- Right.
149
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:08,072
Everyone's saying
you won't be going home empty-handed.
150
00:08:08,156 --> 00:08:10,575
How do you feel about that? And speak up.
151
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:15,830
Well, basically to me,
awards are meaningless.
152
00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:21,377
I'm an artist. It's about the work.
All the nominees are artists.
153
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:25,214
We shouldn't be forced
to compete with each other like dogs.
154
00:08:25,298 --> 00:08:26,883
I hear you. Good point.
155
00:08:26,966 --> 00:08:28,301
So then, why are you here?
156
00:08:29,177 --> 00:08:31,554
- In case I win.
- [woman] You're gonna win!
157
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:35,308
- Cameron!
- [women screaming]
158
00:08:41,189 --> 00:08:44,692
[announcer] And now we return
to the 68th Annual Academy A wards.
159
00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:48,154
Coming up, the Oscar
for best performance by an actor.
160
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:51,699
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Glenn Close.
161
00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:53,242
[applause]
162
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:12,511
And now our final nominee for Best Actor.
163
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:13,721
Cameron Drake.
164
00:09:14,305 --> 00:09:15,431
Oh!
165
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,725
[applause]
166
00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:24,690
Cameron rocketed to stardom
with courage and charisma,
167
00:09:24,774 --> 00:09:27,860
tackling the role of a brave gay soldier
168
00:09:27,944 --> 00:09:31,405
in the breakthrough film
To Serve and Protect.
169
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:34,784
[applause]
170
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,372
[groans]
171
00:09:46,379 --> 00:09:47,838
You're gonna make it, Danny.
172
00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:50,758
I love you, Billy.
173
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:56,222
Wait. Do you love me as a friend
or in another way?
174
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:57,682
Another way, Billy.
175
00:09:58,391 --> 00:09:59,725
You mean as a brother?
176
00:10:00,518 --> 00:10:02,311
No, another way.
177
00:10:03,354 --> 00:10:06,315
- You mean as a cousin?
- No, another way.
178
00:10:08,234 --> 00:10:09,568
You mean as a pen pal?
179
00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:12,905
My legs hurt.
180
00:10:12,989 --> 00:10:14,448
- [gunfire pops]
- [groans]
181
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:17,118
[Danny screams]
182
00:10:24,292 --> 00:10:25,376
Proceed.
183
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:30,756
Lieutenant Stevens,
184
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:35,469
you've been awarded two Purple Hearts
and a Congressional Medal of Honor.
185
00:10:35,553 --> 00:10:37,763
You saved the lives of your entire unit.
186
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:41,809
However, your sergeant has come across
187
00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,853
the following items in your footlocker.
188
00:10:43,936 --> 00:10:46,647
Will you kindly tell the court
if they are yours?
189
00:10:46,731 --> 00:10:48,983
A personal letter to another soldier.
190
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,901
Oh, no.
191
00:10:50,985 --> 00:10:52,361
Yes, sir.
192
00:10:52,445 --> 00:10:56,907
A photograph signed,
"Danny, San Francisco."
193
00:10:56,991 --> 00:10:57,992
Yes, sir.
194
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,995
[murmuring]
195
00:11:03,164 --> 00:11:09,128
And finally, an autographed copy
of Beaches starring Bette Midler.
196
00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:10,212
Give that back.
197
00:11:10,296 --> 00:11:12,923
Discharge. Dishonorable.
198
00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:14,175
[gasps]
199
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:23,851
They're kicking him out.
200
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:25,936
That's not fair.
201
00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,939
I mean, he killed people.
202
00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:30,149
[both] Mm-hmm.
203
00:11:37,156 --> 00:11:38,699
Danny, I just don't know.
204
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:40,785
Did I do the right thing?
205
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:44,413
Ask him.
206
00:11:46,791 --> 00:11:51,045
Well, Mr. President,
am I still a good American?
207
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,177
It's a statue, Billy.
208
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:04,892
Oh, Danny. I love you.
209
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,813
Come on, let's go home.
210
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:15,277
Billy?
211
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:21,450
Billy!
212
00:12:25,371 --> 00:12:26,622
Billy!
213
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,251
Billy!
214
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:35,339
[applause]
215
00:12:37,133 --> 00:12:38,467
Oh, look, here he is.
216
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:48,102
This is Cameron's first nomination,
and he's in extremely good company.
217
00:12:48,686 --> 00:12:51,772
Tonight, he joins fellow
Best Actor nominees:
218
00:12:51,856 --> 00:12:54,191
Paul Newman for Coot.
219
00:12:54,275 --> 00:12:56,610
[applause]
220
00:12:57,236 --> 00:12:59,321
Clint Eastwood for Codger.
221
00:13:00,990 --> 00:13:04,076
Michael Douglas for Primary Urges.
222
00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:13,294
And Steven Seagal for Snowball in Hell.
223
00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:16,297
[applause]
224
00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:17,548
And the winner is:
225
00:13:20,593 --> 00:13:23,012
Cameron Drake, To Serve and Protect.
226
00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:25,598
Oh, my God!
227
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:28,225
- Oh, my God!
- Yes!
228
00:13:30,144 --> 00:13:32,646
That's it! Yes!
229
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:38,027
Doofus, doofus, doofus.
230
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:41,614
Doofus, doofus, doofus.
231
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:46,202
- That's our boy. He did it. Look at that.
- Look at him. Oh, my God!
232
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:51,165
Thank you. Thank you.
233
00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:55,252
Nice, man.
234
00:13:56,629 --> 00:13:57,963
Nice.
235
00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:04,094
I'd like to thank a great director,
an incredible cast,
236
00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:06,514
my agent, and my new agent.
237
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:09,725
But I'm just an actor playing someone.
238
00:14:10,643 --> 00:14:14,021
This really belongs
to all the gay soldiers and sailors
239
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,065
and other guys and women
240
00:14:16,148 --> 00:14:20,361
who defend this country to keep us free
but can't date.
241
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:22,112
[applause]
242
00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:28,202
So maybe I should thank someone else.
243
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:30,538
Someone who's really been there.
244
00:14:30,621 --> 00:14:34,750
Someone who taught me a lot
about poetry and Shakespeare,
245
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:38,504
and just, like, you know,
staying awake, man.
246
00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:43,551
Someone who's just
an overall great guy, and a great teacher.
247
00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:46,637
To Howard Brackett
from Greenleaf, Indiana.
248
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,472
- Look at that.
- Oh, my God.
249
00:14:48,556 --> 00:14:51,058
- Oh, I can't believe it.
- Oh, wow.
250
00:14:53,686 --> 00:14:54,687
And he's gay.
251
00:15:01,569 --> 00:15:03,737
You know, I've been thinking a lot
about this night,
252
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:09,076
and I've decided to dedicate
this whole night to a great, gay teacher.
253
00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:12,871
Mr. Brackett, we won!
254
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,417
[applause]
255
00:15:24,592 --> 00:15:26,051
[TV shuts off]
256
00:15:40,524 --> 00:15:41,525
Howard?
257
00:15:43,027 --> 00:15:44,028
Hmm?
258
00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:45,988
- Howard.
- Precious.
259
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:48,032
Howard, what is he talking about?
260
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,742
- [doorbell rings]
- I have no idea!
261
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:52,995
What?
262
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:00,085
Mom. Dad.
263
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,089
Is there something you wanna tell us?
264
00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:05,674
Something about the wedding?
265
00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:07,676
I'm not gay.
266
00:16:08,761 --> 00:16:12,348
- Oh. Of course not.
- No, no, no.
267
00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:13,557
My son's not gay.
268
00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:15,351
- No way.
- No how.
269
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:17,019
- No dice.
- Nowhere.
270
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:19,647
- No, sir.
- But that boy on television...
271
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:22,608
I don't know what that was about.
I am outraged.
272
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,152
- I may hire an attorney. I may sue.
- That's right.
273
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:26,820
- That's a very good idea.
- You think?
274
00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:29,156
Get that Johnnie Cochran, not that woman.
275
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:32,743
Good idea. Now, we have to remember,
he's been in Hollywood a long time,
276
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,287
and he may be under
the influence of something.
277
00:16:35,371 --> 00:16:38,207
- Or he may have joined a cult.
- Oh, my Lord.
278
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:39,500
That little zombie.
279
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:42,378
His family was... Oh, I hate to say this.
280
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:46,298
But when they lived here,
they were not active in the PTA.
281
00:16:46,382 --> 00:16:47,925
He used to mow our lawn.
282
00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:49,551
Never again.
283
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:53,305
Howard, we want you to know
284
00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:55,641
you're our son and we'll always love you.
285
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,268
Gay, straight, red, green.
286
00:16:58,352 --> 00:17:00,646
If you rob a bank. If you kill someone.
287
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:04,149
If you get drunk, climb a clock tower,
and take out the town.
288
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,527
As long as you get married.
289
00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:08,737
I need that wedding.
290
00:17:08,821 --> 00:17:12,574
I need some beauty, and some music,
and some place cards before I die.
291
00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:13,826
It's like heroin.
292
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:16,078
Do you hear me, Howard?
293
00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:18,622
Hmm?
294
00:17:22,376 --> 00:17:24,545
Oh, Emily, can we give you a lift?
295
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:28,799
Will you be all right?
296
00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:31,844
Of course. I'm fine.
297
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,470
We're getting married.
298
00:17:34,138 --> 00:17:35,139
I love you.
299
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,270
Good night.
300
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:44,148
[car doors close]
301
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,233
[telephone rings]
302
00:17:47,151 --> 00:17:48,235
Hello.
303
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:50,195
No, I'm not.
304
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:02,040
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
305
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:04,418
♪ Macho, macho man ♪
306
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,211
♪ Macho man, yeah ♪
307
00:18:06,295 --> 00:18:09,840
♪ I've got to be a macho man
I've got to be a ♪
308
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,452
[girl] Oh, we're so late.
309
00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:52,257
All right, let's go.
310
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:09,191
There he is. That's him. Guys.
311
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:11,109
- [man 1] Hey.
- [man 2] Howard. Howard.
312
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:12,986
- Howard.
- Howard.
313
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,323
- Care to comment?
- Mr. Brackett.
314
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,617
Are you a spokesperson?
315
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,244
Do you have a boyfriend?
316
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:23,789
- I am getting married. I am not gay.
- [female reporter] Do you know Ellen?
317
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:29,711
A teacher in trouble. A town under siege.
318
00:19:29,795 --> 00:19:31,588
A journey to the heartland.
319
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,966
Peter Malloy. Stay tuned.
320
00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:35,300
- Howard.
- Howard.
321
00:19:35,384 --> 00:19:37,761
Should gays be allowed
to handle fresh produce?
322
00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:40,180
I don't care. This is a classroom.
323
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,601
Class.
324
00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:47,020
So where were we?
325
00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:50,649
Romantic poetry. Shakespeare.
326
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:53,569
Talented, English, dead.
327
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:55,696
The sonnets.
328
00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:57,406
Shall I compare thee to a summer's gay?
329
00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,533
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
330
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,495
Rough winds do shape
the darling buds of May
331
00:20:03,579 --> 00:20:04,746
And sum...
332
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:17,301
Okay.
333
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,178
Let's get it out into the open right now.
334
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,222
What's on your mind?
What do you wanna know?
335
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,350
Is it true?
336
00:20:26,143 --> 00:20:29,688
Of course not!
I'm getting married in three days.
337
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,982
- [class sighs]
- See? I knew it.
338
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,276
- Told you.
- All right. Class, class.
339
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:37,696
But why did he say it on TV
in front of the whole world?
340
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,282
Yeah. I mean, were you, like,
incredibly embarrassed?
341
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:42,576
Did you just wanna
stick a grenade in your mouth?
342
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,746
We... All right. Okay, that's...
Class, class.
343
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:48,498
I don't know why he said it.
I've been trying to figure that out,
344
00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:51,251
but that is not why we're here today.
We're here today--
345
00:20:51,335 --> 00:20:53,629
- Mr. Brackett. Mr. Brackett.
- Mike.
346
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,466
Well, I've been thinking about it
all night.
347
00:20:57,549 --> 00:20:59,384
Why would that guy say you were gay?
348
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:00,844
And I got it figured out. I got it.
349
00:21:02,554 --> 00:21:04,640
- What have you got?
- Look at you.
350
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:07,184
- I beg your pardon?
- I mean, no offense,
351
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,895
- but you're an English teacher.
- Exactly.
352
00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:13,190
I mean, all this poetry,
and odes and bonnets.
353
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,524
"Sonnets?"
354
00:21:14,608 --> 00:21:16,109
And you're kind of prissy.
355
00:21:17,152 --> 00:21:19,655
- "Prissy"?
- Well, not in a bad way.
356
00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:22,741
- I mean, like, you're smart.
- And well-dressed.
357
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,952
- And really clean.
- It doesn't look good.
358
00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:28,622
And plus, you got the drama club,
and you ride that bicycle.
359
00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:32,167
You've been engaged
to Miss Montgomery for like three years.
360
00:21:32,668 --> 00:21:34,419
- What does that have to--
- Think about it.
361
00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:37,714
If you add it up,
of course the guy thinks you're gay.
362
00:21:37,798 --> 00:21:40,300
Oh! Oh! Oh! And plus...
363
00:21:40,926 --> 00:21:43,679
he was in that movie.
364
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:47,683
So his brain is, like,
already going that way,
365
00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:50,185
and then, he remembers you,
366
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:55,232
and he goes, "Smart, clean,
totally decent human being... gay."
367
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:56,608
[female] Yeah.
368
00:21:57,275 --> 00:21:58,902
[reporters clamoring]
369
00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:02,406
- Gays in the space program...
- [female reporter] Lesbians on Mars?
370
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:04,992
- Do you have any comment...
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
371
00:22:07,244 --> 00:22:09,746
Mr. Brackett. Boys and girls.
372
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:12,916
- Mr. Halliwell.
- Howard, could... could I...
373
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,419
Oh. Class, excuse me.
374
00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:19,715
The school is surrounded.
There are TV cameras, reporters.
375
00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:22,050
See? They want pictures of the gay guy.
376
00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:27,472
I tried to reason with them.
377
00:22:27,556 --> 00:22:29,433
I told them I was the principal
and they...
378
00:22:31,143 --> 00:22:33,520
- they mocked me.
- I'm sorry.
379
00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:35,772
Could you...? Could you talk to them?
380
00:22:35,856 --> 00:22:36,898
Right away.
381
00:22:38,442 --> 00:22:42,070
- Uh, class, page 58.
- Yes, learn... learn all... all you can.
382
00:22:42,154 --> 00:22:43,822
- Mr. Brackett.
- Yes?
383
00:22:44,906 --> 00:22:45,907
Watch the hands.
384
00:22:46,867 --> 00:22:49,119
- Oh.
- Good... good point.
385
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:52,998
[female reporter] Howard, are you gay?
Are you gay?
386
00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:58,628
[man] I'm sorry, I think that the jury
is still out on this.
387
00:22:58,712 --> 00:23:00,756
No way. He's been here for how many years?
388
00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:02,799
Oh, come on. I always knew.
389
00:23:02,883 --> 00:23:05,552
Well, I say bravo.
It's a blow for freedom.
390
00:23:05,635 --> 00:23:08,430
Good for Howard. To quote Mr. Bob Dylan,
391
00:23:08,513 --> 00:23:12,350
"How many roads must a man walk down
before we call him a man?"
392
00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:15,353
- Ed, don't. It's early.
- Knew what?
393
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:17,355
♪ And how many seas ♪
394
00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:19,274
- ♪ Must the white dove sail ♪
- Ed, please.
395
00:23:19,357 --> 00:23:21,443
- ♪ Before she sleeps... ♪
- Shut up, Ed.
396
00:23:21,526 --> 00:23:23,904
- Trina.
- We're talking about Howard.
397
00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:25,822
Why are we talking about Howard?
398
00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:28,492
Because he likes dick, Carl.
399
00:23:29,659 --> 00:23:31,078
[door opens]
400
00:23:32,788 --> 00:23:34,998
Good morning, everyone. How are you?
401
00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:37,834
- Hey.
- Hey. Terrific.
402
00:23:37,918 --> 00:23:41,546
Fabulous.
Is that Xerox still on the fritz?
403
00:23:41,630 --> 00:23:43,882
- How are you, sunshine?
- Oh, fine.
404
00:23:43,965 --> 00:23:45,675
Oh, look at you.
405
00:23:45,759 --> 00:23:47,010
Dick who?
406
00:23:48,053 --> 00:23:49,971
He's getting married this week.
407
00:23:50,555 --> 00:23:53,100
See? He's not gay. I told you.
408
00:23:53,183 --> 00:23:56,645
- But think about it. I mean, gay guys.
- I don't wanna think about it.
409
00:23:56,728 --> 00:24:00,440
There's only two times
where it's okay to do, like, gay stuff.
410
00:24:00,524 --> 00:24:03,485
- Two, like, emergency situations.
- What? Which situations?
411
00:24:03,568 --> 00:24:05,654
- Prison, when it's like a substitute...
- Right.
412
00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:07,030
Or guys in space.
413
00:24:07,114 --> 00:24:09,616
- Guys in space?
- Well, not on purpose.
414
00:24:09,699 --> 00:24:12,410
It just happens because they're weightless
415
00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:15,080
and they float into each other
when they're asleep.
416
00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:18,458
You're so lame.
417
00:24:19,209 --> 00:24:21,002
Well, I know it's wrong.
418
00:24:21,545 --> 00:24:23,922
It's against, like, nature.
It's basic plumbing.
419
00:24:24,798 --> 00:24:27,676
- What?
- It's the human body.
420
00:24:27,759 --> 00:24:30,595
It's divided up
into in-holes and out-holes.
421
00:24:31,096 --> 00:24:34,558
And stuff is supposed to go in
the in-holes and come out the out-holes.
422
00:24:34,641 --> 00:24:39,271
But gay guys,
they, like, put stuff in the out-holes.
423
00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:42,983
Wait. So is your mouth like an in-hole?
424
00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:46,653
Right. Because you put burgers in it
and brew.
425
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:51,032
Unless you're sick and you puke,
and then it's an out-hole. So it's wrong.
426
00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:57,497
Guys, guys, come on. Hustle.
427
00:24:57,581 --> 00:24:59,291
You're gonna be late for class. Let's go.
428
00:25:02,127 --> 00:25:03,295
What's going on?
429
00:25:04,212 --> 00:25:06,923
Um, Mr. Brackett, could you,
like, excuse us?
430
00:25:08,258 --> 00:25:09,259
Why?
431
00:25:10,385 --> 00:25:11,761
Mike's being a jerk.
432
00:25:12,262 --> 00:25:15,265
No. Just until we're, like,
dressed and ready.
433
00:25:15,807 --> 00:25:18,059
This doesn't have anything
to do with the Oscars
434
00:25:18,143 --> 00:25:19,519
and Cameron Drake, does it?
435
00:25:20,270 --> 00:25:21,730
- No. Come on.
- Of course not.
436
00:25:23,857 --> 00:25:24,858
Well, what is it, then?
437
00:25:25,942 --> 00:25:28,612
Well, it's just,
before the Oscars it was different.
438
00:25:28,695 --> 00:25:29,905
I mean, you weren't...
439
00:25:31,406 --> 00:25:32,616
I wasn't what?
440
00:25:35,869 --> 00:25:36,912
Famous.
441
00:25:41,833 --> 00:25:45,462
[laughs] You guys.
442
00:26:05,398 --> 00:26:06,983
Peter Malloy, network.
443
00:26:07,984 --> 00:26:10,070
No, no, no. No more interviews. No.
444
00:26:10,153 --> 00:26:11,988
I have nothing to say.
I have no comments...
445
00:26:13,365 --> 00:26:16,993
I... I have no thoughts on gay marriage.
I did not see The Birdcage.
446
00:26:17,077 --> 00:26:19,788
- And I'm trying to have my dinner.
- Oh, of course. I'm sorry.
447
00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:22,540
You should be.
What are you sitting down for?
448
00:26:23,124 --> 00:26:25,460
You people, you people...
Have some decency.
449
00:26:25,543 --> 00:26:28,213
You've been hounding me all day.
At my school. At my home.
450
00:26:28,296 --> 00:26:30,048
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
451
00:26:30,131 --> 00:26:32,133
I am, of those leeches.
452
00:26:32,217 --> 00:26:34,844
They have no right to pry into your life.
They're sleazy.
453
00:26:35,345 --> 00:26:37,681
I don't know.
I kind of like that Barbara Walters.
454
00:26:37,764 --> 00:26:39,808
Did Barbara call you?
455
00:26:40,392 --> 00:26:41,393
No.
456
00:26:44,104 --> 00:26:45,105
Howard.
457
00:26:46,064 --> 00:26:47,357
Howard.
458
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,693
- [Howard] No.
- Oh, Howard.
459
00:26:49,776 --> 00:26:52,279
- Leave me alone, you smut peddler.
- Oh, Howard.
460
00:26:52,362 --> 00:26:53,446
You professional gossip
461
00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,282
- with a permanent tan.
- Will you get real?
462
00:26:57,075 --> 00:26:58,368
- Look at me.
- Why?
463
00:26:58,952 --> 00:27:01,663
Well, sure, I look great,
But my ratings...
464
00:27:01,746 --> 00:27:05,458
Look, everyone wants to talk
to Diane Sawyer, or Joan Lunden,
465
00:27:05,542 --> 00:27:06,918
and my network's killing me.
466
00:27:07,002 --> 00:27:09,296
- They want me blond.
- With your coloring?
467
00:27:09,379 --> 00:27:12,716
Look, all those reporters,
after today, they're gone.
468
00:27:12,799 --> 00:27:14,092
They've got their story.
469
00:27:14,759 --> 00:27:17,429
But I care. I am doing a full week.
470
00:27:19,139 --> 00:27:22,642
- A week? No, you can't.
- Oh, but I have to. It's too good.
471
00:27:22,726 --> 00:27:24,394
No, no. I have classes to teach.
472
00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:26,104
- I'm getting married.
- I'll be there.
473
00:27:26,938 --> 00:27:28,523
No. I'll... I'll kill you.
474
00:27:28,606 --> 00:27:31,860
But it's classic.
Sex, a small town, and a movie star.
475
00:27:31,943 --> 00:27:33,403
Why can't you see that?
476
00:27:33,486 --> 00:27:35,947
"Howard Brackett: In and Out."
477
00:27:37,198 --> 00:27:40,952
My God, you are pure television.
478
00:27:41,661 --> 00:27:42,704
Stop it.
479
00:27:43,663 --> 00:27:44,664
Good night.
480
00:27:53,923 --> 00:27:55,258
Guys, remember...
481
00:27:55,342 --> 00:27:56,676
- I got that one.
- Thanks, Dean.
482
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:01,473
Don't say nothing about the Oscars,
or Cameron Drake. None of that.
483
00:28:03,767 --> 00:28:05,018
[man] I think he's coming.
484
00:28:11,566 --> 00:28:12,609
Shh. Shh.
485
00:28:18,239 --> 00:28:19,282
He's here.
486
00:28:19,366 --> 00:28:21,159
[all] Yeah!
487
00:28:22,369 --> 00:28:23,620
There you go.
488
00:28:24,371 --> 00:28:25,955
Yeah, baby.
489
00:28:28,416 --> 00:28:30,668
- Are we gonna have a bachelor party?
- Yeah!
490
00:28:30,752 --> 00:28:33,046
- Are we gonna get down and dirty?
- Yeah!
491
00:28:33,129 --> 00:28:35,256
Disgustingly puking gross?
492
00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:38,510
We've been working on this for weeks, man,
493
00:28:38,593 --> 00:28:41,596
and we got all your favorite stuff,
everything you love.
494
00:28:41,679 --> 00:28:43,598
- Hit me.
- Oh, yeah.
495
00:28:44,474 --> 00:28:49,104
What are we talking about here?
Triple X, Little Oral Annie, Traci Lords?
496
00:28:49,187 --> 00:28:50,730
Lay some adult video on me.
497
00:28:50,814 --> 00:28:52,982
We got it. Uncut.
498
00:28:53,066 --> 00:28:55,235
- Funny Girl.
- Yeah!
499
00:28:55,819 --> 00:28:57,487
[all laugh]
500
00:28:59,906 --> 00:29:01,658
- Funny Girl?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
501
00:29:01,741 --> 00:29:03,993
I don't believe this. Barbra Streisand?
502
00:29:04,077 --> 00:29:05,995
You had that little
film festival last year.
503
00:29:06,079 --> 00:29:08,373
- Yeah. You made us watch all her movies.
- It was fun.
504
00:29:08,456 --> 00:29:10,208
- It was great. I loved it.
- Guys.
505
00:29:10,291 --> 00:29:12,752
Guys, I'm truly offended. I...
506
00:29:12,836 --> 00:29:14,629
Don't you see this is precisely the reason
507
00:29:14,712 --> 00:29:16,923
why Cameron Drake
and half the civilized world
508
00:29:17,006 --> 00:29:18,508
think that I'm... you know.
509
00:29:19,092 --> 00:29:21,010
- Oh, no.
- No, no, no.
510
00:29:21,094 --> 00:29:23,596
- You're a guy's guy.
- No, no, no, that's not true.
511
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:28,601
Well, I don't know how this got started,
but this is my goddamn bachelor party,
512
00:29:28,685 --> 00:29:31,312
and I am not going to goddamn watch,
513
00:29:31,396 --> 00:29:33,815
pardon my split infinitive... Funny Girl.
514
00:29:33,898 --> 00:29:36,609
- Me neither. I hate that crap.
- Thank you.
515
00:29:36,693 --> 00:29:38,361
- You got A Star Is Born?
- Oh, sure.
516
00:29:38,445 --> 00:29:41,156
- A Star is Born?
- She looks bad in Star is Born.
517
00:29:41,239 --> 00:29:43,074
- Yentl.
- Yentl.
518
00:29:43,158 --> 00:29:44,909
- Yentl?
- That's one of my favorites.
519
00:29:44,993 --> 00:29:46,995
- I'd watch it again.
- I love Yentl.
520
00:29:47,078 --> 00:29:49,080
Yeah. "Papa, Can You Hear Me?"
521
00:29:49,831 --> 00:29:53,084
- Oh, we've heard this argument...
- Dudes, hombres, guys.
522
00:29:53,168 --> 00:29:55,795
Guys, I'm sorry. I am...
I am truly offended.
523
00:29:55,879 --> 00:29:58,715
I thought I knew you guys.
I thought you were studs.
524
00:30:01,384 --> 00:30:02,635
I guess I thought wrong.
525
00:30:03,636 --> 00:30:05,054
I'm out of here.
526
00:30:05,138 --> 00:30:06,306
- Hey.
- Howard.
527
00:30:06,389 --> 00:30:07,807
Maybe he's right. Yentl sucks.
528
00:30:09,642 --> 00:30:11,227
[men exclaim]
529
00:30:13,438 --> 00:30:14,522
What did you say?
530
00:30:15,732 --> 00:30:17,275
Yentl, it sucks. It's boring.
531
00:30:22,697 --> 00:30:23,781
Say that again.
532
00:30:28,495 --> 00:30:31,414
She was too old for Yentl.
533
00:30:34,709 --> 00:30:36,461
[yelling]
534
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:56,898
Guess you heard the latest story.
535
00:30:56,981 --> 00:30:59,359
Michael Jackson getting married again.
Yes, it is true.
536
00:30:59,442 --> 00:31:02,237
And this time he's made
the perfect choice, Howard Brackett.
537
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:03,780
Yes, Howard Brackett.
538
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:08,618
This is Peter Malloy with day two
539
00:31:08,701 --> 00:31:10,662
of "Howard Brackett:
Will There Be a Wedding?"
540
00:31:10,745 --> 00:31:13,081
I'm standing with Aldo Hooper,
Howard's barber.
541
00:31:13,164 --> 00:31:16,084
Stylist. Razor cuts, color, full blow-dry.
542
00:31:16,167 --> 00:31:18,419
That's very nice.
So, Aldo, what do you think,
543
00:31:18,503 --> 00:31:19,754
will there be a wedding?
544
00:31:19,837 --> 00:31:23,383
Howard is booked for Saturday,
a full styling. I say yes.
545
00:31:24,634 --> 00:31:27,220
Emmett Wilson,
who has just delivered Howard's mail,
546
00:31:27,303 --> 00:31:29,973
his intimate correspondence,
letters to alleged.
547
00:31:30,056 --> 00:31:31,391
Anything we should know about?
548
00:31:31,474 --> 00:31:34,227
I can't reveal that.
I'm a postal employee.
549
00:31:34,310 --> 00:31:35,603
Don't make him mad.
550
00:31:35,687 --> 00:31:38,856
Of course Howard's getting married.
He's a man of his word.
551
00:31:39,607 --> 00:31:41,568
- Is this national?
- You bet.
552
00:31:42,193 --> 00:31:45,655
Please, use your full zip codes.
553
00:31:46,364 --> 00:31:48,366
Greenleaf High, cradle of crisis.
554
00:31:48,449 --> 00:31:50,827
Howard's seniors, youth in the cross fire.
555
00:31:50,910 --> 00:31:54,247
Tell us in your own innocent,
young words, is he gay?
556
00:31:54,330 --> 00:31:57,917
Oh, no. No, he told us.
It was all, like, this big, huge mistake.
557
00:31:58,001 --> 00:32:00,461
It just happened
because Mr. Brackett likes poetry,
558
00:32:00,545 --> 00:32:02,171
and Shakespeare, and uses his napkin.
559
00:32:02,255 --> 00:32:04,549
- Unlike some people.
- What?
560
00:32:04,632 --> 00:32:07,385
Teens in turmoil.
And your message to America?
561
00:32:07,468 --> 00:32:10,054
- Greenleaf rules!
- Greenleaf rules! Yeah!
562
00:32:10,138 --> 00:32:12,432
Kids on the edge, a community in chaos.
563
00:32:12,515 --> 00:32:15,476
Indiana cries out. Howard, can you hear?
564
00:32:22,233 --> 00:32:23,776
Howard. Uh...
565
00:32:23,860 --> 00:32:25,236
You... you got a minute?
566
00:32:29,157 --> 00:32:30,199
Howard, uh...
567
00:32:31,909 --> 00:32:33,828
Your life, I mean, since...
568
00:32:34,704 --> 00:32:37,332
since the Oscars, I can...
I can only imagine.
569
00:32:37,832 --> 00:32:40,793
You know, it's over now.
It's fine. It's just fine.
570
00:32:40,877 --> 00:32:42,712
- It's all ancient history.
- Howard, we...
571
00:32:42,795 --> 00:32:45,965
We do have graduation coming up Monday,
572
00:32:46,049 --> 00:32:50,345
and you kind of, you know,
put us right... right in the spotlight.
573
00:32:50,845 --> 00:32:54,223
- I'm so sorry, Tom. This--
- Howard, I'd be...
574
00:32:54,307 --> 00:32:56,309
I'd be less than honest
if I didn't tell you
575
00:32:56,392 --> 00:32:58,936
that I've gotten some calls from...
576
00:33:00,521 --> 00:33:04,275
from parents wondering if, in fact, you...
577
00:33:04,359 --> 00:33:08,237
you were a ho... ho... ho...
578
00:33:08,863 --> 00:33:10,615
- Ho...
- Homeroom teacher?
579
00:33:10,698 --> 00:33:12,825
Homo-Ho... homosexual.
580
00:33:14,285 --> 00:33:16,621
Tom, do I look like a homosexual?
581
00:33:16,704 --> 00:33:18,831
Would you walk for me?
582
00:33:20,249 --> 00:33:21,376
Excuse me.
583
00:33:22,919 --> 00:33:25,171
- Howard?
- Yes?
584
00:33:25,755 --> 00:33:27,840
Do you... do you enjoy teaching?
585
00:33:29,175 --> 00:33:30,718
No, I don't enjoy it.
586
00:33:30,802 --> 00:33:32,387
You...? You don't?
587
00:33:32,470 --> 00:33:34,514
No, I love it. It's my life.
588
00:33:35,181 --> 00:33:37,558
Then you'd, uh... you'd miss it?
589
00:33:41,938 --> 00:33:44,357
Are... are you threatening me?
590
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:48,027
No. No. I'm... I'm your friend.
591
00:33:48,111 --> 00:33:50,154
Friends... friends don't threaten.
592
00:33:51,364 --> 00:33:52,657
No, they don't.
593
00:33:52,740 --> 00:33:53,866
Friends warn.
594
00:33:55,410 --> 00:33:56,744
And you, uh...
595
00:33:57,245 --> 00:33:59,831
You... you are...
you are getting married, aren't you?
596
00:34:01,457 --> 00:34:04,794
But are you saying
that if I weren't getting married,
597
00:34:05,712 --> 00:34:06,838
I'd be fired?
598
00:34:08,548 --> 00:34:11,259
- But that's not an issue, is it?
- No.
599
00:34:13,052 --> 00:34:14,220
Best wishes.
600
00:34:27,775 --> 00:34:29,986
- Hi.
- Bless you, my son.
601
00:34:30,069 --> 00:34:31,154
Thank you.
602
00:34:31,237 --> 00:34:32,780
Would you like to tell me your sins?
603
00:34:33,322 --> 00:34:35,616
Yes. Yes.
604
00:34:35,700 --> 00:34:38,369
First of all, I'm... I'm not Catholic.
605
00:34:38,453 --> 00:34:39,495
Then why are you here?
606
00:34:39,579 --> 00:34:41,831
I have a friend who's Catholic
and he's very busy.
607
00:34:42,999 --> 00:34:44,625
Well, aren't you helpful?
608
00:34:45,334 --> 00:34:48,045
Well, what are his, you know, sins?
Your friend's.
609
00:34:48,129 --> 00:34:52,175
He's a... he's a plumber.
And he's... he's about to be married.
610
00:34:52,258 --> 00:34:53,843
He's been engaged for three years.
611
00:34:53,926 --> 00:34:55,928
Well, caution is a virtue.
612
00:34:56,512 --> 00:34:57,889
Yeah, but, see, everyone's...
613
00:34:58,514 --> 00:35:02,101
everyone's saying something about him,
something that isn't true.
614
00:35:02,185 --> 00:35:05,104
I mean, it's not a bad thing, but he...
he isn't that thing.
615
00:35:05,188 --> 00:35:06,481
Which thing?
616
00:35:07,023 --> 00:35:08,816
Which thing are people saying about him?
617
00:35:09,734 --> 00:35:11,027
That, um...
618
00:35:12,361 --> 00:35:14,697
- He's... that he's... that he's gay.
- That he's what?
619
00:35:16,073 --> 00:35:17,241
That he's gay.
620
00:35:17,742 --> 00:35:19,869
- Oh, my.
- Yeah.
621
00:35:19,952 --> 00:35:21,829
Oh, my, my, my.
622
00:35:21,913 --> 00:35:24,165
Well, that's rather like
that fellow on the Oscars.
623
00:35:24,248 --> 00:35:27,919
That... that Howard Brackett
from over at Greenleaf.
624
00:35:28,002 --> 00:35:29,879
But it's not him. This is a different guy.
625
00:35:29,962 --> 00:35:33,174
- And what is it he wants to know?
- He wants to know what he should do.
626
00:35:33,883 --> 00:35:35,843
What is the right thing?
He needs to know...
627
00:35:36,552 --> 00:35:39,388
His mother's planning
this huge wedding with the...
628
00:35:39,472 --> 00:35:42,850
with the whole town,
and it's her whole life.
629
00:35:42,934 --> 00:35:48,231
It's gonna be beautiful.
But he... he li...
630
00:35:48,314 --> 00:35:50,399
He doesn't wanna leave this town.
631
00:35:50,983 --> 00:35:56,405
And he has this wonderful fiancée
who's sweet and thin, and...
632
00:35:57,114 --> 00:36:00,284
he just has never had
a physical relationship with her.
633
00:36:00,368 --> 00:36:02,829
Never? In three years?
634
00:36:02,912 --> 00:36:04,956
- He respects her.
- He's gay.
635
00:36:05,039 --> 00:36:06,582
- No, he's not.
- Yes, he is.
636
00:36:06,666 --> 00:36:08,376
No, he can't... no.
637
00:36:09,335 --> 00:36:11,295
Well, then he must go to her.
638
00:36:11,838 --> 00:36:13,381
He's got to find out.
639
00:36:13,464 --> 00:36:15,758
He must be, you know...
640
00:36:16,259 --> 00:36:17,718
Be with her.
641
00:36:18,970 --> 00:36:20,221
Really?
642
00:36:23,391 --> 00:36:24,892
Before the wedding?
643
00:36:26,477 --> 00:36:28,104
Godspeed, my son.
644
00:36:30,064 --> 00:36:31,774
Now, let's do Michael.
645
00:36:31,858 --> 00:36:34,694
♪ Go, Michael, go Michael
Banana-fana, fo Michael ♪
646
00:36:34,777 --> 00:36:36,571
♪ Fe-fi-fo, Michael ♪
647
00:36:37,154 --> 00:36:38,865
♪ Michael ♪
648
00:36:40,658 --> 00:36:41,993
♪ Banana-bana-bo-bana ♪
649
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:44,370
[knocking on door]
650
00:36:44,453 --> 00:36:45,496
Oh!
651
00:36:47,540 --> 00:36:51,168
- [loud knocking on door]
- [Howard] Emily? Emily.
652
00:36:51,252 --> 00:36:52,587
- Howard.
- Emily.
653
00:36:52,670 --> 00:36:54,088
Howard. [gasps]
654
00:36:56,090 --> 00:36:57,675
Howard. Howard.
655
00:36:58,551 --> 00:37:00,469
We're getting married. We are.
656
00:37:00,553 --> 00:37:03,014
- We are getting married.
- Of course we're getting...
657
00:37:03,097 --> 00:37:05,308
I'm glad we're getting married, Howard.
658
00:37:05,391 --> 00:37:06,601
Oh, okay.
659
00:37:09,437 --> 00:37:12,106
- Howard.
- Yeah. Who's gay, huh?
660
00:37:14,233 --> 00:37:15,651
Howard.
661
00:37:17,069 --> 00:37:18,279
That's right.
662
00:37:18,362 --> 00:37:19,947
[moans]
663
00:37:20,781 --> 00:37:22,116
[screams]
664
00:37:23,910 --> 00:37:25,912
Howard, what is all this?
665
00:37:25,995 --> 00:37:28,664
I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure.
666
00:37:28,748 --> 00:37:30,583
I, uh... Could you turn him off?
667
00:37:30,666 --> 00:37:32,501
- Howard, Howard.
- I can't.
668
00:37:32,585 --> 00:37:34,879
Howard, I love you. I'm not worried.
669
00:37:34,962 --> 00:37:37,465
- You don't understand.
- Of course I do.
670
00:37:38,466 --> 00:37:41,802
Look at your life. The Oscars, the press.
671
00:37:41,886 --> 00:37:43,888
It's no wonder you're going crazy.
672
00:37:43,971 --> 00:37:44,972
But it doesn't matter.
673
00:37:45,056 --> 00:37:47,016
- Why not?
- Because I love you,
674
00:37:47,099 --> 00:37:48,643
and we're getting married.
675
00:37:48,726 --> 00:37:50,811
You still want that, Howard, don't you?
676
00:37:51,938 --> 00:37:55,191
That's why I transformed myself, isn't it?
677
00:37:55,900 --> 00:37:57,443
Do you want me to start eating again?
678
00:37:57,526 --> 00:38:01,781
- No.
- I can, Howard. I'm very fragile.
679
00:38:05,368 --> 00:38:06,494
I love you.
680
00:38:26,681 --> 00:38:28,265
- [car horn blares]
- [tires screech]
681
00:38:28,349 --> 00:38:29,642
[screams]
682
00:38:33,771 --> 00:38:35,731
Oh, my God. Howard.
683
00:38:35,815 --> 00:38:37,566
Howard. You okay?
684
00:38:39,276 --> 00:38:44,490
No. No, I'm not okay.
I've never been so not okay in my life.
685
00:38:44,573 --> 00:38:46,492
I tried to stop. I...
686
00:38:47,535 --> 00:38:50,955
One week ago, I was fine.
I was... I was perfect.
687
00:38:53,541 --> 00:38:55,584
I want my life back!
688
00:38:55,668 --> 00:38:58,879
Well, that is not going to happen, Howard.
689
00:38:58,963 --> 00:39:01,007
- Your life has changed.
- But why?
690
00:39:01,090 --> 00:39:02,550
Why is this happening?
691
00:39:03,050 --> 00:39:05,553
I haven't changed.
One little word and everybody changes.
692
00:39:05,636 --> 00:39:08,848
I'm still the same person. Why...?
Why doesn't anyone believe me?
693
00:39:08,931 --> 00:39:11,976
Well, this town is crazy about you.
I've talked to everyone.
694
00:39:12,601 --> 00:39:14,937
Stop. That's it.
That's the problem. It's you.
695
00:39:15,021 --> 00:39:19,525
You're trying to turn me into a story,
into something juicy for your show.
696
00:39:19,608 --> 00:39:21,277
Well, I am not a sound bite.
697
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,612
I'm tr... I'm... Look, I'm...
[groans]
698
00:39:24,572 --> 00:39:26,741
I am hurting the people I care about.
699
00:39:27,241 --> 00:39:30,411
My students, my family, Emily.
I love Emily.
700
00:39:30,494 --> 00:39:34,123
Well, then think about
what you're doing to her.
701
00:39:34,206 --> 00:39:37,168
Oh, will you...? It's like...
you're like talking to... I...
702
00:39:37,251 --> 00:39:39,086
[sighs] Why am I talking to you?
703
00:39:39,170 --> 00:39:41,547
You couldn't possibly understand
what this is like.
704
00:39:41,630 --> 00:39:42,673
Howard, I'm gay.
705
00:39:44,425 --> 00:39:46,427
- You're what?
- I'm gay. I came out.
706
00:39:49,221 --> 00:39:51,724
- To whom?
- Who? To everyone.
707
00:39:51,807 --> 00:39:55,352
My folks, my boss, my dog.
708
00:39:55,436 --> 00:39:57,605
Yeah, one day, I just snapped.
709
00:39:57,688 --> 00:40:01,942
I just got tired of switching pronouns
and remembering to lower my voice,
710
00:40:02,026 --> 00:40:04,737
and I couldn't take
lying to the people that I love.
711
00:40:04,820 --> 00:40:06,864
- Does that sound familiar?
- No.
712
00:40:06,947 --> 00:40:10,826
So I just said,
"Mom, Dad, Sparky, I'm gay."
713
00:40:12,995 --> 00:40:13,996
What happened?
714
00:40:15,414 --> 00:40:18,250
Well, my mom cried
for exactly ten seconds.
715
00:40:18,334 --> 00:40:22,379
My boss said, "Who cares?"
And my dad said, "But you're so tall."
716
00:40:22,463 --> 00:40:28,427
Howard, everyone surprised me,
once I let them, once I trusted them.
717
00:40:28,511 --> 00:40:32,765
You know, sometimes the worst thing
you think can happen
718
00:40:32,848 --> 00:40:34,266
turns out to be the best thing.
719
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,479
- For you.
- For anyone.
720
00:40:38,562 --> 00:40:40,940
Yes, but I am not gay!
721
00:40:41,023 --> 00:40:42,525
What was Streisand's eighth album?
722
00:40:42,608 --> 00:40:44,401
- Uh, Color Me Barbra.
- Stud.
723
00:40:44,485 --> 00:40:45,653
Everyone knows that.
724
00:40:45,736 --> 00:40:49,198
Everyone where?
The little gay bar on the prairie?
725
00:40:49,281 --> 00:40:51,826
- You know what you need?
- Yeah, I need a wedding. I need...
726
00:41:08,259 --> 00:41:09,844
You... You...
727
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:16,767
- You kissed me.
- You noticed.
728
00:41:18,602 --> 00:41:20,980
You... You... This is not Los Angeles.
729
00:41:21,063 --> 00:41:22,898
What, people don't kiss in Greenleaf?
730
00:41:23,482 --> 00:41:25,526
Not at an intersection!
731
00:41:25,609 --> 00:41:26,902
[car horn honks]
732
00:41:26,986 --> 00:41:29,905
Oh, stop. Oh, hello, sweetheart.
733
00:41:29,989 --> 00:41:32,324
Mom. Dad. Hi.
734
00:41:32,908 --> 00:41:34,118
Look, it's the cake.
735
00:41:34,201 --> 00:41:36,245
- Yes. Well...
- [Frank] Everything okay there?
736
00:41:36,328 --> 00:41:39,206
Oh, yeah, fine. We...
This is my Peter... friend, Peter.
737
00:41:39,290 --> 00:41:42,042
We just ran into each other
at the intersexual... Homosection...
738
00:41:42,126 --> 00:41:44,211
Intersection. I gotta go.
739
00:41:46,005 --> 00:41:48,757
- It's that fella from TV.
- Thank you.
740
00:41:48,841 --> 00:41:51,802
If you're Howard's buddy, I do hope
you'll be coming to the wedding.
741
00:41:53,304 --> 00:41:54,305
The wedding.
742
00:41:54,930 --> 00:41:58,184
That's right. Sunday morning, 9:00 a.m.
743
00:41:58,267 --> 00:42:00,853
I gotta go. I have to prepare myself.
It's formal, you know?
744
00:42:20,289 --> 00:42:22,041
Okay. Okay.
745
00:42:35,387 --> 00:42:38,807
[narrator] Welcome to our series
on exploring your masculinity.
746
00:42:39,642 --> 00:42:41,936
This is audio tape number one,
747
00:42:42,603 --> 00:42:43,729
"Getting a grip."
748
00:42:44,647 --> 00:42:47,399
Are you dressed
in suitably masculine attire?
749
00:42:48,984 --> 00:42:51,195
- Very.
- Are you in control?
750
00:42:51,278 --> 00:42:53,906
- Yes.
- Are you ready to take charge?
751
00:42:55,908 --> 00:42:57,618
Are you a man?
752
00:42:58,535 --> 00:42:59,828
Yes.
753
00:42:59,912 --> 00:43:00,996
Stand up.
754
00:43:05,918 --> 00:43:07,586
Stand straight and tall.
755
00:43:08,921 --> 00:43:10,881
Excuse me, are we a little teapot?
756
00:43:12,758 --> 00:43:14,093
Untuck your shirt.
757
00:43:16,053 --> 00:43:17,263
Just one side.
758
00:43:18,555 --> 00:43:19,848
Oh.
759
00:43:20,975 --> 00:43:22,685
[narrator] You hate this, don't you?
760
00:43:22,768 --> 00:43:24,478
Well, look at it.
761
00:43:24,561 --> 00:43:26,146
You want to be neat.
762
00:43:26,230 --> 00:43:27,731
You want to be tidy.
763
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:29,692
Adjust yourself.
764
00:43:31,819 --> 00:43:32,861
Not there.
765
00:43:33,529 --> 00:43:35,656
The package, sissy man.
766
00:43:35,739 --> 00:43:37,157
The family jewels.
767
00:43:40,244 --> 00:43:41,537
Grab 'em.
768
00:43:43,747 --> 00:43:46,083
- You're in a bar room.
- Okay.
769
00:43:46,166 --> 00:43:47,626
Repeat after me.
770
00:43:47,710 --> 00:43:50,421
- Yo.
- Yo.
771
00:43:50,504 --> 00:43:52,214
- Hot damn.
- Hot damn.
772
00:43:52,298 --> 00:43:54,133
What a fabulous window treatment.
773
00:43:54,216 --> 00:43:56,176
- What a fabulous win...
- That was a trick.
774
00:43:56,260 --> 00:43:58,304
[groans] Damn.
775
00:43:58,804 --> 00:44:02,474
[narrator] We have come to the most
critical area of masculine behavior.
776
00:44:02,558 --> 00:44:04,727
- What?
- Dancing.
777
00:44:04,810 --> 00:44:07,438
♪ First I was afraid, I was petrified... ♪
778
00:44:07,521 --> 00:44:08,564
Yes.
779
00:44:09,481 --> 00:44:12,234
Truly manly men do not dance.
780
00:44:12,860 --> 00:44:13,986
Oh, come on.
781
00:44:14,069 --> 00:44:16,280
[narrator] Under any circumstances.
782
00:44:16,363 --> 00:44:19,033
This will be your ultimate test.
783
00:44:19,116 --> 00:44:23,662
At all costs,
avoid rhythm, grace, and pleasure.
784
00:44:24,663 --> 00:44:27,416
Whatever you do, do not dance.
785
00:44:30,753 --> 00:44:31,837
I won't.
786
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,256
- Can you hear it?
- Yes.
787
00:44:34,340 --> 00:44:36,759
Can you hear the demon?
788
00:44:36,842 --> 00:44:39,053
"Dance, " the demon whispers.
789
00:44:40,095 --> 00:44:41,805
Everyone else is dancing.
790
00:44:42,765 --> 00:44:44,308
They're getting down.
791
00:44:44,391 --> 00:44:45,893
They're getting funky now.
792
00:44:45,976 --> 00:44:48,979
- They're having fun. Not you.
- No.
793
00:44:49,063 --> 00:44:50,647
Catch the fever.
794
00:44:50,731 --> 00:44:53,233
Feel the heat of the disco beat.
795
00:44:53,984 --> 00:44:55,903
It's calling to you.
796
00:44:55,986 --> 00:44:59,365
Do not listen. Men do not dance.
797
00:44:59,448 --> 00:45:02,910
They work, they drink,
they have bad backs.
798
00:45:02,993 --> 00:45:04,495
They do not dance.
799
00:45:04,578 --> 00:45:09,249
Hold still. Hold tight.
Whatever you do, do not dance.
800
00:45:12,503 --> 00:45:14,546
♪ I will survive... ♪
801
00:45:14,630 --> 00:45:16,131
What are you doing?
802
00:45:17,383 --> 00:45:20,219
Stop dancing, you big ballerina.
803
00:45:21,011 --> 00:45:22,930
Stop waving those hands.
804
00:45:25,349 --> 00:45:27,684
Aren't you listening, you pantywaist?
805
00:45:27,768 --> 00:45:30,312
Stop it. Stop shaking that booty.
806
00:45:32,147 --> 00:45:33,565
Be a man.
807
00:45:33,649 --> 00:45:35,692
Kick someone. Punch someone.
808
00:45:36,318 --> 00:45:37,653
Bite someone's ear.
809
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,199
Stop it. Get a grip.
810
00:45:43,784 --> 00:45:47,204
Think about John Wayne,
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
811
00:45:47,788 --> 00:45:50,499
Arnold doesn't dance. He can barely walk.
812
00:45:51,667 --> 00:45:53,460
Stop it. Stop it!
813
00:45:53,544 --> 00:45:56,296
Just stop dancing!
814
00:45:58,048 --> 00:46:01,009
So how did you do, pussy boy?
815
00:46:03,011 --> 00:46:05,931
[panting]
816
00:46:11,103 --> 00:46:14,231
[church bells ring]
817
00:46:16,316 --> 00:46:18,193
Oh, is it all right? Is my veil crooked?
818
00:46:18,277 --> 00:46:19,862
Oh, it's perfect.
819
00:46:19,945 --> 00:46:23,490
You're everything I've ever dreamed of
for a wedding and more.
820
00:46:23,574 --> 00:46:25,117
- Do you have an attorney?
- Hush.
821
00:46:25,742 --> 00:46:26,869
You're radiant, dear.
822
00:46:27,870 --> 00:46:31,206
I just can't believe it.
It's really happening.
823
00:46:31,290 --> 00:46:34,585
My life, after all those years,
it's starting.
824
00:46:34,668 --> 00:46:36,462
My mom says it won't last.
825
00:46:37,004 --> 00:46:38,380
Your mom's an alcoholic.
826
00:46:46,763 --> 00:46:49,016
That's terrible. It's terrible.
827
00:46:49,099 --> 00:46:51,101
- Son, do you need some help there?
- No, I'm fine.
828
00:46:51,185 --> 00:46:53,645
It's just that the dry cleaners
left a shine on my trousers,
829
00:46:53,729 --> 00:46:56,023
and my right lapel is slightly bent,
830
00:46:56,106 --> 00:46:58,567
and the laundry did not use
enough starch in my shirt front.
831
00:46:58,650 --> 00:47:00,444
I mean, where are we, the Ukraine?
832
00:47:00,527 --> 00:47:02,738
How can I get married
if I look like a hobo?
833
00:47:02,821 --> 00:47:03,822
Howard.
834
00:47:03,906 --> 00:47:05,866
I'm coming, Dad. I'm coming. One minute.
835
00:47:08,494 --> 00:47:09,912
Just wait.
836
00:47:09,995 --> 00:47:12,247
She said at the church at 4:00.
837
00:47:15,250 --> 00:47:17,461
Oh, look, there he is.
838
00:47:18,962 --> 00:47:21,381
He looks so nice.
839
00:47:25,761 --> 00:47:29,598
[organ music playing]
840
00:47:42,027 --> 00:47:45,072
["Bridal Chorus - Here Comes the Bride"]
841
00:48:32,494 --> 00:48:34,288
[preacher] What a joyous morning.
842
00:48:34,371 --> 00:48:36,415
What a perfect day.
843
00:48:36,498 --> 00:48:39,710
What a gloriously splendid occasion.
844
00:48:41,753 --> 00:48:45,924
Dearly, dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
845
00:48:46,008 --> 00:48:49,803
to join this wonderful couple
in the state of holiest matrimony...
846
00:48:50,887 --> 00:48:52,472
before the eyes of God.
847
00:48:54,891 --> 00:48:56,351
Before we begin the vows,
848
00:48:56,435 --> 00:48:59,146
is there anyone present
who knows of a reason
849
00:48:59,229 --> 00:49:02,691
why this couple should not be joined
in holy wedlock?
850
00:49:11,199 --> 00:49:12,200
Very good.
851
00:49:13,619 --> 00:49:17,831
Because let us remember,
a marriage is truly a blessed event.
852
00:49:18,582 --> 00:49:23,837
It must be a union
based on deepest love, total kinship,
853
00:49:24,671 --> 00:49:26,882
and absolute honesty.
854
00:49:29,426 --> 00:49:30,761
Let us begin.
855
00:49:32,596 --> 00:49:36,183
Do you, Emily, take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband
856
00:49:36,683 --> 00:49:40,479
to have and to hold
till death do you part?
857
00:49:41,688 --> 00:49:42,898
I do.
858
00:49:44,858 --> 00:49:48,570
And do you, Howard, take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife...
859
00:49:49,696 --> 00:49:53,742
to have and to hold
till death do you part?
860
00:49:57,913 --> 00:49:59,039
I'm gay.
861
00:50:00,791 --> 00:50:02,084
Pardon?
862
00:50:03,377 --> 00:50:06,213
[guests murmur]
863
00:50:14,262 --> 00:50:15,722
I'm...
864
00:50:15,806 --> 00:50:17,432
- I'm gay.
- You're what?
865
00:50:17,516 --> 00:50:19,351
He's gay.
866
00:50:19,434 --> 00:50:21,019
I heard him.
867
00:50:24,481 --> 00:50:29,152
Uh, everyone, everyone,
what Howard meant to say was
868
00:50:29,236 --> 00:50:31,530
he's having a wonderful day.
869
00:50:31,613 --> 00:50:32,656
Mom.
870
00:50:37,285 --> 00:50:38,286
Dad.
871
00:50:43,625 --> 00:50:44,918
[sighs]
872
00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:47,879
I'm gay.
873
00:50:50,716 --> 00:50:53,093
[guests murmur]
874
00:50:55,554 --> 00:50:57,305
Oh. Whoa.
875
00:51:02,352 --> 00:51:03,770
[moans]
876
00:51:11,820 --> 00:51:14,573
[guests murmur]
877
00:51:26,251 --> 00:51:27,711
Seventy-five pounds.
878
00:51:27,794 --> 00:51:29,296
I lost 75 pounds.
879
00:51:30,130 --> 00:51:33,341
I'm a horrible person,
and you have every right to hate me.
880
00:51:33,925 --> 00:51:36,428
You should hate me. I want you to hate me.
881
00:51:36,511 --> 00:51:37,637
I insist that you hate me.
882
00:51:38,221 --> 00:51:43,435
I'm... I'm scum, I'm garbage,
I'm vermin, and... and I'm sorry.
883
00:51:44,269 --> 00:51:45,812
You're sorry?
884
00:51:46,521 --> 00:51:47,981
You're sorry?
885
00:51:48,064 --> 00:51:53,445
After I... I wait for you for...
886
00:51:53,945 --> 00:51:55,113
No!
887
00:51:55,197 --> 00:51:58,241
No, not just three years.
888
00:51:58,325 --> 00:52:00,035
My entire life!
889
00:52:00,118 --> 00:52:03,663
After I plan my future around our wedding,
890
00:52:03,747 --> 00:52:08,126
after I base
my entire concept of self-esteem
891
00:52:08,210 --> 00:52:10,629
on the fact
that you're willing to marry me!
892
00:52:11,213 --> 00:52:12,672
And you're sorry?
893
00:52:13,465 --> 00:52:14,508
I'm sorry.
894
00:52:16,843 --> 00:52:20,430
Thank God my parents are dead.
This would've killed them.
895
00:52:27,062 --> 00:52:28,313
Are you... are you... [sighs]
896
00:52:29,356 --> 00:52:31,399
Are you really... gay?
897
00:52:33,318 --> 00:52:36,112
Mm... Mm-hmm.
898
00:52:37,531 --> 00:52:40,200
Was... there...
899
00:52:40,742 --> 00:52:46,915
oh... any other time
you might've told me this?
900
00:52:49,918 --> 00:52:54,214
I'm wearing a wedding dress
which you picked out!
901
00:52:54,297 --> 00:52:58,844
I... I... I highlighted my hair
because you said I needed shimmer.
902
00:52:58,927 --> 00:53:02,973
I loved you, and believed you, and...
903
00:53:03,056 --> 00:53:05,809
and pretended not to notice
the Streisand thing.
904
00:53:06,643 --> 00:53:08,478
I thought you were just creative.
905
00:53:08,562 --> 00:53:10,188
I thought you were just smarter than me
906
00:53:10,272 --> 00:53:14,192
and more sensitive, and more interesting.
907
00:53:14,693 --> 00:53:17,195
I thought you were
the most wonderful man who ever lived.
908
00:53:17,279 --> 00:53:23,785
I thought you could just change my life
and show me the whole world
909
00:53:23,869 --> 00:53:28,665
and teach me about art,
and life, and magic.
910
00:53:28,748 --> 00:53:33,587
And I thought you could make me feel
like a beautiful woman
911
00:53:34,379 --> 00:53:36,673
instead of the girl nobody wanted.
912
00:53:37,841 --> 00:53:39,134
Oh, no.
913
00:53:39,718 --> 00:53:41,094
Emily.
914
00:53:41,678 --> 00:53:42,804
But... But...
915
00:53:43,555 --> 00:53:44,681
Emily. Emily.
916
00:53:47,559 --> 00:53:52,647
Does anybody here know how many
times I've had to watch Funny Lady?
917
00:53:55,984 --> 00:53:59,195
It was a sequel. She was under contract.
918
00:54:00,071 --> 00:54:02,616
Fuck Barbra Streisand!
919
00:54:03,408 --> 00:54:04,743
And you!
920
00:54:05,493 --> 00:54:06,703
[guests gasp]
921
00:54:16,338 --> 00:54:17,380
[Howard] Emily!
922
00:54:21,843 --> 00:54:23,553
Emily. Emily.
923
00:54:48,495 --> 00:54:50,580
Howard. You did it!
924
00:54:50,664 --> 00:54:54,084
[laughs]
I'm so proud of you. Congratulations.
925
00:54:54,167 --> 00:54:57,545
Congr...? Congratulation...?
I just destroyed Emily's life.
926
00:54:57,629 --> 00:54:58,630
I killed her.
927
00:54:58,713 --> 00:55:01,007
Oh... you saved her life.
928
00:55:01,091 --> 00:55:04,094
Oh, God. I don't believe it.
929
00:55:04,177 --> 00:55:05,428
I...
930
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:11,017
I just came out at my wedding.
931
00:55:11,601 --> 00:55:13,103
In front of everybody.
932
00:55:13,186 --> 00:55:17,065
My family, my friends, my mom, my da...
933
00:55:17,148 --> 00:55:18,400
Look at my hand.
934
00:55:18,483 --> 00:55:20,026
It was fantastic.
935
00:55:20,110 --> 00:55:21,486
It was a nightmare.
936
00:55:21,569 --> 00:55:25,782
I ju... I ju... I ju... I just demolished
my mother's dream wedding.
937
00:55:25,865 --> 00:55:28,827
I'm... I'm a... I'm a monster.
I'm... I'm a lunatic.
938
00:55:28,910 --> 00:55:31,871
You're a hero! And I've got great footage.
939
00:55:31,955 --> 00:55:33,081
I got the whole thing.
940
00:55:33,164 --> 00:55:35,125
Oh, is that
what this is all about? Footage?
941
00:55:35,208 --> 00:55:36,668
Here, I'll give you your headline.
942
00:55:37,544 --> 00:55:42,757
Howard Brackett is a big homo,
queer, Mary, sissy man.
943
00:55:43,341 --> 00:55:45,677
He just came out
at his big church wedding.
944
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,555
Martha Stewart is furious.
945
00:55:48,638 --> 00:55:50,682
- Is that what you want?
- That was great stuff.
946
00:55:51,266 --> 00:55:52,475
[groans]
947
00:56:06,448 --> 00:56:08,700
No, tell him
I really appreciate the offer,
948
00:56:08,783 --> 00:56:10,869
but I just don't think I'm right for it.
949
00:56:11,369 --> 00:56:14,039
This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment.
950
00:56:14,122 --> 00:56:17,083
I'm standing in front
of Greenleaf's First Methodist Church,
951
00:56:17,167 --> 00:56:20,336
where Howard Brackett
has boldly declared, "I don't."
952
00:56:20,420 --> 00:56:23,298
- Cam, come look at this.
- After a week of stress and pressure,
953
00:56:23,381 --> 00:56:25,759
Brackett, outed by Cameron Drake
at the Oscars,
954
00:56:25,842 --> 00:56:28,219
today, to the amazement
of family and friends,
955
00:56:28,303 --> 00:56:31,556
outed himself at his own wedding.
956
00:56:31,639 --> 00:56:33,433
You can imagine the fireworks.
957
00:56:33,516 --> 00:56:36,603
He's been besieged by the media,
his job may be in jeopardy,
958
00:56:36,686 --> 00:56:38,063
and as for his fiancée,
959
00:56:38,146 --> 00:56:41,441
fellow English teacher
Emily Montgomery, well, who knows?
960
00:56:42,067 --> 00:56:43,193
Miss Montgomery?
961
00:56:43,276 --> 00:56:47,363
But the real question is,
where is Cameron Drake?
962
00:56:47,864 --> 00:56:50,533
This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment.
963
00:56:51,034 --> 00:56:52,160
We gotta get out of here.
964
00:56:53,620 --> 00:56:55,955
- Cam?
- We gotta go.
965
00:56:56,915 --> 00:56:58,249
Go where?
966
00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:00,543
Greenleaf, because of what I said.
967
00:57:00,627 --> 00:57:03,129
I gotta see what's going on.
I gotta do something.
968
00:57:03,213 --> 00:57:05,507
But I promised Isaac I'd do his show.
969
00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:08,968
The new collection is this afternoon.
I have to shower and vomit.
970
00:57:14,557 --> 00:57:17,185
Man. At his wedding.
971
00:57:17,852 --> 00:57:19,270
Yeah, poor Miss Montgomery.
972
00:57:20,814 --> 00:57:24,442
So I guess Mr. Brackett's
really like that Cameron guy said.
973
00:57:24,526 --> 00:57:25,527
Like, duh!
974
00:57:25,610 --> 00:57:27,695
And you, like, hung out with him.
975
00:57:27,779 --> 00:57:29,531
He drove you to that college interview.
976
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:33,034
Didn't you, like, stay over somewhere?
977
00:57:33,618 --> 00:57:35,036
But nothing happened.
978
00:57:35,703 --> 00:57:38,915
I mean, I don't even know the guy.
Not anymore.
979
00:57:38,998 --> 00:57:41,584
Excuse me. You don't know the guy?
980
00:57:41,668 --> 00:57:42,919
He only got you into college.
981
00:57:43,002 --> 00:57:45,380
I mean, just last week
he was only, like, your total hero.
982
00:57:45,463 --> 00:57:46,965
That was last week.
983
00:57:47,966 --> 00:57:51,845
Guys, we had a gay teacher all year.
984
00:57:52,929 --> 00:57:56,891
We have to face that
and move on with our lives.
985
00:57:56,975 --> 00:57:58,977
What are you talking about?
986
00:57:59,811 --> 00:58:01,896
[woman] Kids, how was the wedding?
987
00:58:03,982 --> 00:58:05,191
[all] Fine.
988
00:58:29,841 --> 00:58:32,594
You know, I can understand
about Howard being gay,
989
00:58:33,428 --> 00:58:38,725
but I will never, ever understand
as long as I live, as God is my witness,
990
00:58:38,808 --> 00:58:41,394
how could he not want a wedding?
991
00:58:42,312 --> 00:58:45,648
Oh, sweetie, it's not your fault.
992
00:58:45,732 --> 00:58:47,442
You have two boys.
993
00:58:47,525 --> 00:58:49,527
You fed them the same,
you raised them the same,
994
00:58:49,611 --> 00:58:52,155
and you loved them the same.
And one of them is gay.
995
00:58:52,906 --> 00:58:54,657
- And the other one is--
- Walter.
996
00:58:56,993 --> 00:58:58,745
Howard was just being honest,
997
00:58:59,287 --> 00:59:02,248
clearing the air
before he made a real mess.
998
00:59:02,332 --> 00:59:03,541
What's wrong with that?
999
00:59:04,125 --> 00:59:06,628
What are we all so afraid of?
1000
00:59:06,711 --> 00:59:10,465
What do we think will happen
if we all just spill the beans?
1001
00:59:11,799 --> 00:59:14,302
Oh. I don't know.
1002
00:59:14,886 --> 00:59:16,512
All right, I'll start.
1003
00:59:19,807 --> 00:59:23,728
My Rice Krispie Treats
that I made for the reception,
1004
00:59:25,813 --> 00:59:27,690
they're not my recipe.
1005
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:30,944
It's Harriet Carter's.
1006
00:59:31,694 --> 00:59:34,614
After she died from that massive embolism,
1007
00:59:35,114 --> 00:59:36,658
a lie was born.
1008
00:59:38,952 --> 00:59:41,287
These are a dead-woman's treats.
1009
00:59:41,371 --> 00:59:42,956
[gasps] Oh!
1010
00:59:43,039 --> 00:59:44,582
Oh, my.
1011
00:59:49,045 --> 00:59:53,091
All right, I'll say it right out loud.
1012
00:59:55,343 --> 00:59:58,429
I hated The Bridges of Madison County.
1013
01:00:01,391 --> 01:00:03,643
My husband has three testicles.
1014
01:00:03,726 --> 01:00:05,228
[gasps]
1015
01:00:05,979 --> 01:00:07,230
Bob?
1016
01:00:09,190 --> 01:00:10,441
It's disgusting.
1017
01:00:12,110 --> 01:00:15,071
[laughs loudly]
1018
01:00:19,826 --> 01:00:22,954
[women laugh]
1019
01:00:24,747 --> 01:00:27,417
Oh, I love this.
1020
01:00:29,335 --> 01:00:31,671
[women laughing]
1021
01:00:40,096 --> 01:00:41,097
Howard?
1022
01:01:11,085 --> 01:01:12,170
So...
1023
01:01:14,714 --> 01:01:15,840
So...
1024
01:01:20,511 --> 01:01:21,763
Are you still gay?
1025
01:01:24,349 --> 01:01:25,350
Yep.
1026
01:01:30,772 --> 01:01:32,774
Are you gonna have an operation?
1027
01:01:32,857 --> 01:01:34,233
Excuse me?
1028
01:01:34,317 --> 01:01:37,403
Will you be going into show business?
1029
01:01:38,071 --> 01:01:40,073
Absolutely. Vegas.
1030
01:01:41,616 --> 01:01:43,201
I'm making an effort here.
1031
01:01:44,452 --> 01:01:45,536
I know, Dad.
1032
01:01:45,620 --> 01:01:47,163
I'm a farmer.
1033
01:01:49,791 --> 01:01:52,335
Your mother asked me to come here.
She's worried about you.
1034
01:01:52,418 --> 01:01:54,003
She's afraid you're not eating.
1035
01:01:56,381 --> 01:01:58,132
She sent you this.
1036
01:01:59,092 --> 01:02:01,302
- What is it?
- Wedding cake.
1037
01:02:01,386 --> 01:02:02,887
She's diabolical.
1038
01:02:02,970 --> 01:02:04,680
She's insane.
1039
01:02:09,727 --> 01:02:14,524
Will we be seeing you
at the graduation tomorrow?
1040
01:02:16,651 --> 01:02:19,821
I got a call right after the wedding.
Or after there was no wedding.
1041
01:02:20,988 --> 01:02:22,240
They fired me.
1042
01:02:32,500 --> 01:02:34,127
You taught those kids.
1043
01:02:36,421 --> 01:02:39,841
If you're not there,
what are they gonna think?
1044
01:02:41,217 --> 01:02:42,260
I don't know.
1045
01:02:49,100 --> 01:02:52,478
That Barbra Streisand,
did she do something to you?
1046
01:02:52,562 --> 01:02:53,604
Dad.
1047
01:03:01,195 --> 01:03:02,530
[Cam] Thank you.
1048
01:03:03,197 --> 01:03:04,198
Cam.
1049
01:03:06,325 --> 01:03:07,535
Cam.
1050
01:03:10,538 --> 01:03:13,332
Cameron, where are we?
1051
01:03:13,416 --> 01:03:15,334
I told you, it's a motel.
1052
01:03:17,795 --> 01:03:20,548
[Sonya] Cameron,
you don't seem to realize.
1053
01:03:21,048 --> 01:03:24,677
I am a supermodel. I am Sonya.
1054
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:27,722
And I'm in a motel in Greenblatt?
1055
01:03:28,347 --> 01:03:30,099
Greenleaf. This is where I grew up.
1056
01:03:30,183 --> 01:03:31,350
I don't care.
1057
01:03:31,934 --> 01:03:34,437
Sonya, we're here to help someone.
1058
01:03:34,979 --> 01:03:37,773
For once, we're gonna think about
something besides our careers
1059
01:03:37,857 --> 01:03:38,858
and our hair.
1060
01:03:39,442 --> 01:03:41,444
We're gonna help Mr. Brackett,
if I can find him.
1061
01:03:45,573 --> 01:03:47,617
Cam. Cam.
1062
01:03:48,284 --> 01:03:50,495
Cameron, where are you going?
1063
01:03:50,578 --> 01:03:51,704
Cam.
1064
01:03:52,371 --> 01:03:54,081
You can't just leave me here.
1065
01:03:55,958 --> 01:03:59,170
There's a diner down the block.
Go eat something, I'm begging you.
1066
01:04:01,964 --> 01:04:05,051
You look like a swizzle stick.
It's unhealthy.
1067
01:04:05,885 --> 01:04:07,011
Food?
1068
01:04:07,887 --> 01:04:11,057
Cameron, I'm warning you,
I'm calling my agency.
1069
01:04:26,322 --> 01:04:27,990
Cam!
1070
01:04:29,158 --> 01:04:31,160
[tires screech]
1071
01:04:40,378 --> 01:04:41,879
Well, can I get a drink?
1072
01:04:44,090 --> 01:04:45,466
Uh...
1073
01:04:46,968 --> 01:04:47,969
What kind?
1074
01:04:48,052 --> 01:04:50,346
Let's see. What kind? Uh...
1075
01:04:51,430 --> 01:04:54,809
- Is vodka okay?
- That's right. Straight-up.
1076
01:04:56,060 --> 01:05:00,064
And uh, some peanuts. Lots of them.
1077
01:05:00,565 --> 01:05:02,567
I don't care about anything anymore.
1078
01:05:03,067 --> 01:05:04,610
What else have you got back there?
1079
01:05:05,278 --> 01:05:06,737
I just wanna eat.
1080
01:05:06,821 --> 01:05:08,573
I just wanna gorge.
1081
01:05:09,323 --> 01:05:10,449
Hey, thanks.
1082
01:05:16,914 --> 01:05:18,040
You're from TV.
1083
01:05:20,918 --> 01:05:23,087
- Guilty.
- You're that guy.
1084
01:05:23,170 --> 01:05:24,547
What are you doing here?
1085
01:05:24,630 --> 01:05:28,509
Well, I am getting drunk.
1086
01:05:29,176 --> 01:05:32,680
I had a bad day. A very, very bad day.
1087
01:05:34,724 --> 01:05:37,351
- Excuse me?
- You win.
1088
01:05:37,852 --> 01:05:38,894
I hate men.
1089
01:05:42,398 --> 01:05:46,360
Am I so repulsive
that no man would want me?
1090
01:05:46,444 --> 01:05:47,820
No.
1091
01:05:48,613 --> 01:05:50,364
Look, you're very attractive.
1092
01:05:51,824 --> 01:05:53,367
Howard didn't think so.
1093
01:05:54,076 --> 01:05:55,286
Howard didn't want me.
1094
01:05:56,412 --> 01:05:57,538
[Peter] Listen to me.
1095
01:06:00,416 --> 01:06:03,586
Now, this is Howard's problem, not yours.
1096
01:06:04,253 --> 01:06:07,381
And he should've told you, years ago.
1097
01:06:10,468 --> 01:06:11,552
Okay?
1098
01:06:20,394 --> 01:06:21,479
I love you.
1099
01:06:22,647 --> 01:06:23,648
You're nice.
1100
01:06:25,107 --> 01:06:27,902
I'm not nice. I'm a hack.
1101
01:06:27,985 --> 01:06:29,779
I'm show-business garbage.
1102
01:06:34,909 --> 01:06:36,410
Will you sleep with me?
1103
01:06:44,460 --> 01:06:45,503
What?
1104
01:06:48,005 --> 01:06:50,966
- Three years.
- Oh, my God.
1105
01:06:51,050 --> 01:06:55,721
Three years of sunsets, and long talks,
1106
01:06:55,805 --> 01:06:59,141
- and loving, supportive friendship.
- Oh, my God.
1107
01:06:59,225 --> 01:07:01,477
This is my wedding night.
1108
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:05,731
I'm there, I'm ready.
This is a medical condition.
1109
01:07:05,815 --> 01:07:08,943
Gee, thank you, but I can't.
1110
01:07:09,026 --> 01:07:11,445
- Are you married? Are you seeing someone?
- No, I--
1111
01:07:11,529 --> 01:07:12,863
- I don't care.
- Well, no, I--
1112
01:07:12,947 --> 01:07:14,615
You're a man. I'm a woman.
1113
01:07:15,199 --> 01:07:16,200
I'm gay.
1114
01:07:23,124 --> 01:07:26,210
Is everybody gay?
1115
01:07:27,253 --> 01:07:29,296
Is this The Twilight Zone?
1116
01:07:30,506 --> 01:07:32,633
Oh, hey.
1117
01:07:32,717 --> 01:07:35,636
Oh, hi. Hi.
1118
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:37,346
Will you marry me?
1119
01:07:37,430 --> 01:07:40,391
I have the dress.
I have the plane tickets.
1120
01:07:40,474 --> 01:07:42,143
I... I'm packed.
1121
01:07:45,396 --> 01:07:46,439
Stop.
1122
01:07:46,981 --> 01:07:48,441
Stop, please.
1123
01:07:48,524 --> 01:07:52,194
Stop. You have to stop. It's an emergency.
1124
01:07:52,278 --> 01:07:55,156
I need a heterosexual, Code Red.
1125
01:07:55,239 --> 01:07:57,283
- [car horn blares]
- [tires screech]
1126
01:07:59,368 --> 01:08:00,661
[sobs]
1127
01:08:01,328 --> 01:08:03,539
Miss, are you okay?
1128
01:08:04,290 --> 01:08:05,416
Do you need help?
1129
01:08:06,375 --> 01:08:09,336
No, no, no. I'm just beyond help.
1130
01:08:09,420 --> 01:08:11,380
I'm just a grinch.
1131
01:08:11,464 --> 01:08:13,174
I'm a jinx.
1132
01:08:17,386 --> 01:08:19,597
[sobs]
1133
01:08:22,224 --> 01:08:24,268
Uh... Miss... Miss Montgomery?
1134
01:08:35,529 --> 01:08:36,530
Cameron?
1135
01:08:42,203 --> 01:08:43,329
Oh, my God.
1136
01:08:44,079 --> 01:08:45,164
Cameron?
1137
01:08:47,041 --> 01:08:48,083
What happened to you?
1138
01:08:51,045 --> 01:08:54,381
Well... well, everything.
1139
01:08:54,465 --> 01:08:58,469
Well, you won the Oscar,
and you said Howard was gay,
1140
01:08:58,552 --> 01:09:01,806
and I didn't believe you,
and I had no self-esteem...
1141
01:09:01,889 --> 01:09:03,557
No, no, I mean your...
1142
01:09:03,641 --> 01:09:05,100
Your body. What happened?
1143
01:09:07,186 --> 01:09:11,398
Well, what happened? Well, I was fat.
1144
01:09:11,482 --> 01:09:15,861
And I... And I swore
I'd become someone else tonight.
1145
01:09:15,945 --> 01:09:20,199
I did,
and now I'm more miserable than ever.
1146
01:09:20,282 --> 01:09:25,579
And I'm a mess, and I'm starving.
1147
01:09:25,663 --> 01:09:27,081
But, but why?
1148
01:09:27,915 --> 01:09:29,250
Why did you wanna change?
1149
01:09:30,334 --> 01:09:33,379
You... you were so beautiful.
1150
01:09:37,508 --> 01:09:38,717
I was?
1151
01:09:38,801 --> 01:09:41,846
I mean, you still are. You always were.
1152
01:09:42,555 --> 01:09:45,224
It's just skinny girls can be
so annoying sometimes.
1153
01:09:46,392 --> 01:09:48,102
Oh, I mean, but you're not.
1154
01:09:49,562 --> 01:09:53,482
You're just like I remember you
from after school.
1155
01:09:55,943 --> 01:09:57,236
You remember?
1156
01:09:58,654 --> 01:10:03,534
But, soft! What light
through yonder window breaks?
1157
01:10:03,617 --> 01:10:06,203
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
1158
01:10:07,371 --> 01:10:11,125
How camest thou hither,
1159
01:10:12,376 --> 01:10:15,796
tell me, and wherefore?
1160
01:10:19,842 --> 01:10:22,970
With love's light wings
did I o'er-perch these walls.
1161
01:10:28,684 --> 01:10:30,853
For stony limits cannot hold love in.
1162
01:10:33,105 --> 01:10:35,107
- "Out."
- Hmm?
1163
01:10:36,692 --> 01:10:38,277
Cannot hold love out.
1164
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:54,585
♪ Crazy ♪
1165
01:10:55,336 --> 01:10:56,670
I can't, you're a student.
1166
01:10:57,421 --> 01:10:58,589
Not anymore.
1167
01:10:59,715 --> 01:11:02,760
♪ ... so lonely ♪
1168
01:11:05,054 --> 01:11:08,057
♪ I am crazy ♪
1169
01:11:09,141 --> 01:11:16,106
♪ Crazy for feelin' so blue... ♪
1170
01:11:18,817 --> 01:11:20,319
I've seen all your movies.
1171
01:11:21,654 --> 01:11:22,696
Both of them?
1172
01:11:22,780 --> 01:11:28,577
♪ ...you'd love me
as long as you wanted ♪
1173
01:11:38,045 --> 01:11:40,047
[girl] Kim, Dan, wait up.
1174
01:11:44,843 --> 01:11:46,595
[boy] Let's go, it's starting.
1175
01:11:46,679 --> 01:11:48,180
[girl] Is my cap on straight?
1176
01:12:11,620 --> 01:12:12,621
Hey, Jack.
1177
01:12:18,502 --> 01:12:20,421
Hey, Mr. Brackett.
1178
01:12:21,839 --> 01:12:22,923
Big day.
1179
01:12:23,799 --> 01:12:26,176
Yeah. Yeah, I can't believe it.
1180
01:12:28,637 --> 01:12:29,847
Congratulations.
1181
01:12:31,473 --> 01:12:34,309
- Yeah, thanks.
- Jack. Come on, we're late.
1182
01:12:35,269 --> 01:12:36,645
Good luck next year.
1183
01:12:38,105 --> 01:12:39,106
You too.
1184
01:12:39,815 --> 01:12:41,567
Indiana State is lucky to have you.
1185
01:12:54,121 --> 01:12:57,666
♪ Hail to thee, O Greenleaf High ♪
1186
01:12:58,167 --> 01:13:01,754
♪ 'Neath the Indiana sky ♪
1187
01:13:02,254 --> 01:13:06,258
♪ Through thy halls we spent our youth ♪
1188
01:13:06,341 --> 01:13:09,928
♪ Seeking knowledge, learning truth ♪
1189
01:13:10,471 --> 01:13:14,641
♪ Like a friend who walks beside us ♪
1190
01:13:14,725 --> 01:13:18,395
♪ Greenleaf High will always guide us ♪
1191
01:13:18,479 --> 01:13:23,192
♪ We will love thee till we die ♪
1192
01:13:23,275 --> 01:13:29,531
♪ Hail to thee, O Greenleaf High ♪
1193
01:13:30,115 --> 01:13:33,202
[applause]
1194
01:13:36,538 --> 01:13:40,292
That song always reminds me of our...
1195
01:13:41,460 --> 01:13:42,795
our school motto.
1196
01:13:44,463 --> 01:13:49,009
Studiare, imparare, partire.
1197
01:13:50,052 --> 01:13:54,181
"Study, learn, leave."
1198
01:13:55,808 --> 01:13:59,645
Now, before we begin handing out diplomas,
I have an announcement to make.
1199
01:14:00,229 --> 01:14:01,313
We've uh...
1200
01:14:06,068 --> 01:14:07,319
Well, we've uh...
1201
01:14:08,153 --> 01:14:10,322
We've had quite a year, haven't we?
1202
01:14:10,405 --> 01:14:15,077
Um, but let's begin our ceremony
on a high note.
1203
01:14:15,160 --> 01:14:20,332
We're awfully proud, of course,
of our Oscar-winning graduate,
1204
01:14:20,415 --> 01:14:22,042
but today, we have a...
1205
01:14:23,836 --> 01:14:25,838
another winner, if you will.
1206
01:14:26,380 --> 01:14:29,925
That's right, our teacher of the year.
1207
01:14:30,717 --> 01:14:34,847
And what do they say?
"May I have the envelope, please?"
1208
01:14:34,930 --> 01:14:36,056
[chuckles]
1209
01:14:36,765 --> 01:14:38,976
[drumroll]
1210
01:14:39,059 --> 01:14:41,353
The, uh, the winner is...
1211
01:14:41,854 --> 01:14:44,106
I always get so nervous here.
1212
01:14:44,940 --> 01:14:47,484
Can you hear my heart beating? [laughs]
1213
01:14:49,695 --> 01:14:51,655
Seriously, though, ladies and gentlemen,
1214
01:14:51,738 --> 01:14:54,700
our brand-new teacher of the year,
1215
01:14:56,368 --> 01:14:58,620
Edward Kenrow.
1216
01:14:59,329 --> 01:15:00,372
No.
1217
01:15:00,455 --> 01:15:02,541
[applause]
1218
01:15:03,750 --> 01:15:06,837
Ah! This is such a surprise.
1219
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:09,590
- Ed, Ed, over here.
- Thank you, Tom.
1220
01:15:12,342 --> 01:15:16,471
Hoosiers.
What is the definition of a Hoosier?
1221
01:15:16,555 --> 01:15:19,057
- Well, in the early part of the--
- [Cam] Mr. Kenrow?
1222
01:15:19,141 --> 01:15:21,768
- Excuse me?
- Mr. Kenrow.
1223
01:15:22,352 --> 01:15:25,105
I guess I'm a recent Greenleaf graduate.
1224
01:15:25,189 --> 01:15:26,940
Oh, my God, it's Cameron Drake.
1225
01:15:27,024 --> 01:15:29,484
- [girls scream]
- It's Cameron.
1226
01:15:29,568 --> 01:15:30,944
It's Cameron.
1227
01:15:34,364 --> 01:15:36,283
Guys, please, please.
1228
01:15:37,034 --> 01:15:39,203
[students scream, cheer]
1229
01:15:41,872 --> 01:15:44,458
People, can we have a little respect here?
1230
01:15:44,541 --> 01:15:47,377
We have our teacher...
our teacher of the year.
1231
01:15:50,047 --> 01:15:52,090
Guys, please, please.
1232
01:15:54,885 --> 01:15:56,511
Man, I am...
1233
01:15:56,595 --> 01:15:59,348
I'm really sorry to interrupt
graduation and everything.
1234
01:16:00,182 --> 01:16:01,808
I was looking for Mr. Brackett.
1235
01:16:02,351 --> 01:16:03,393
Hey, Mr. Brackett.
1236
01:16:04,853 --> 01:16:06,271
Uh... Cameron.
1237
01:16:06,355 --> 01:16:08,899
Mr. Brackett, weren't you up
for teacher-of-the-year?
1238
01:16:08,982 --> 01:16:11,485
No. Withdrawn.
1239
01:16:11,568 --> 01:16:12,569
Tom.
1240
01:16:12,653 --> 01:16:14,029
Uh... ineligible.
1241
01:16:15,239 --> 01:16:17,658
Mr. Brackett is... He's no longer...
1242
01:16:17,741 --> 01:16:19,451
No longer an employ... an employee here.
1243
01:16:19,534 --> 01:16:20,994
What?
1244
01:16:21,078 --> 01:16:22,621
Why? What happened?
1245
01:16:23,247 --> 01:16:25,165
He resigned. Sadly.
1246
01:16:26,250 --> 01:16:28,126
It's fine, Cameron.
It's over and done with.
1247
01:16:28,210 --> 01:16:29,586
Today belongs to the students.
1248
01:16:30,170 --> 01:16:32,422
Yes, this is for the kids,
for the youngsters.
1249
01:16:32,506 --> 01:16:33,590
They canned him?
1250
01:16:33,674 --> 01:16:36,301
Wait, is this about the Oscars
and the gay thing?
1251
01:16:36,385 --> 01:16:37,552
No.
1252
01:16:37,636 --> 01:16:40,264
- No. No, no, no.
- No.
1253
01:16:40,347 --> 01:16:41,390
Then what is it?
1254
01:16:42,140 --> 01:16:47,813
Well, we felt...
The community felt that... that it was...
1255
01:16:47,896 --> 01:16:51,984
It was a question of, of... influence.
1256
01:16:54,152 --> 01:16:56,697
I'm sorry. I'm a little slow.
1257
01:16:56,780 --> 01:17:00,492
I was a C student,
and now I'm an actor, so...
1258
01:17:00,575 --> 01:17:01,576
Influence?
1259
01:17:02,327 --> 01:17:07,958
Well, you know, I mean, it's all right
to be this way or that way at home,
1260
01:17:08,041 --> 01:17:12,379
you know, in your...
in your private area... arena.
1261
01:17:13,171 --> 01:17:19,136
But uh... but Mr. Brackett, after all,
is... was a teacher.
1262
01:17:20,304 --> 01:17:23,640
[Cam] Oh, I see, I see.
So you're thinking about the students?
1263
01:17:23,724 --> 01:17:27,644
Yes. Yes, that's... that's what...
that's what this is all about.
1264
01:17:27,728 --> 01:17:31,356
Oh, okay, so...
All right, so stay with me here, then.
1265
01:17:31,440 --> 01:17:34,818
So what you're saying then
is since Mr. Brackett's gay
1266
01:17:34,901 --> 01:17:39,656
that he's gonna, like, send out
some kind of voodoo vibes
1267
01:17:39,740 --> 01:17:44,995
or gay microwaves
and make everybody else gay?
1268
01:17:45,078 --> 01:17:48,498
Well, in the... in a... in a crude...
crude manner of speaking.
1269
01:17:48,582 --> 01:17:51,251
Well, seniors,
you've all had Mr. Brackett.
1270
01:17:51,793 --> 01:17:53,128
Is that the way it works?
1271
01:17:53,211 --> 01:17:55,964
- Kids, you don't have to answer that.
- Really, this is not the time
1272
01:17:56,048 --> 01:17:59,092
- and place to discuss that.
- It's a completely inappropriate forum.
1273
01:17:59,176 --> 01:18:02,012
- Cameron.
- This is still a graduation ceremony.
1274
01:18:02,095 --> 01:18:04,723
May I please finish my acceptance speech?
1275
01:18:04,806 --> 01:18:08,018
Hoosiers.
What is the definition of a Hoosier?
1276
01:18:08,101 --> 01:18:11,188
- Well, way back in--
- [Jack] Excuse me, I'm gay.
1277
01:18:15,359 --> 01:18:16,401
Who said that?
1278
01:18:21,823 --> 01:18:22,991
Jack.
1279
01:18:25,577 --> 01:18:27,412
[crowd murmurs]
1280
01:18:29,498 --> 01:18:32,000
I had Mr. Brackett for senior English.
1281
01:18:33,293 --> 01:18:34,544
He taught me Shakespeare.
1282
01:18:36,046 --> 01:18:39,883
Well, he was my track coach,
and he also helped me get into college.
1283
01:18:42,094 --> 01:18:45,472
I just realized
that what Mr. Halliwell said is right.
1284
01:18:48,975 --> 01:18:50,435
It must've rubbed off.
1285
01:18:51,353 --> 01:18:52,646
I'm gay.
1286
01:18:54,606 --> 01:18:57,859
You see? This is exactly my point.
A young life corrupted.
1287
01:18:57,943 --> 01:18:59,403
Thank you. Very brave.
1288
01:18:59,486 --> 01:19:03,323
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1289
01:19:03,407 --> 01:19:05,492
- Young lady?
- It's happening.
1290
01:19:06,118 --> 01:19:10,455
I had Mr. Brackett all year and...
Oh, my God, I'm gay.
1291
01:19:10,539 --> 01:19:11,623
Excuse me?
1292
01:19:11,706 --> 01:19:14,751
If there's something wrong
with Mr. Brackett, or Jack,
1293
01:19:14,835 --> 01:19:16,461
then there's something wrong with me.
1294
01:19:16,962 --> 01:19:18,713
- I'm gay.
- So am I.
1295
01:19:18,797 --> 01:19:20,549
- Oh, she is not.
- You're not.
1296
01:19:20,632 --> 01:19:22,592
I know you're not. You're a tramp.
1297
01:19:22,676 --> 01:19:24,136
[crowd gasps]
1298
01:19:24,761 --> 01:19:27,264
- Mike. Michael.
- Oh, man.
1299
01:19:28,098 --> 01:19:29,683
- Stirgo.
- All right!
1300
01:19:29,766 --> 01:19:32,894
I'm gay. I'm a homo. I like guys.
1301
01:19:32,978 --> 01:19:35,105
I mean, I still do it with chicks
every chance I get,
1302
01:19:35,188 --> 01:19:36,773
and I'm totally good at it,
1303
01:19:38,191 --> 01:19:40,944
but I hate it and I'm gay.
1304
01:19:41,027 --> 01:19:44,239
Kids, kids, kids,
please, please, sit down.
1305
01:19:44,865 --> 01:19:46,116
We're here to graduate.
1306
01:19:46,199 --> 01:19:50,704
I'm sure Mr. Brackett
is gratified by your display.
1307
01:19:50,787 --> 01:19:55,083
Compassion is a wonderful quality,
however misguided.
1308
01:19:55,167 --> 01:19:58,962
But as Howard very well knows,
the decision is not yours.
1309
01:19:59,045 --> 01:20:00,088
It is a gonad thing.
1310
01:20:01,923 --> 01:20:04,718
A... a grown-up thing.
1311
01:20:06,303 --> 01:20:07,762
I have to answer to the community,
1312
01:20:07,846 --> 01:20:09,890
and as far as
the community is concerned...
1313
01:20:11,558 --> 01:20:16,480
toward Howard Brackett,
they have said, "No, no, no."
1314
01:20:17,147 --> 01:20:21,401
Now, please, sit down
and let's pass out some diplomas.
1315
01:20:22,486 --> 01:20:23,778
Well, I'm a...
1316
01:20:29,951 --> 01:20:32,996
I'm a member of the community,
and I don't mind that Howard's gay.
1317
01:20:33,079 --> 01:20:34,789
But you're his brother.
1318
01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:40,045
As... as you... as you know.
1319
01:20:43,965 --> 01:20:45,509
So you know what that means.
1320
01:20:48,303 --> 01:20:51,014
Uh-oh. I must be gay.
1321
01:20:52,390 --> 01:20:54,935
But... but...
but you're not a parent, are you?
1322
01:20:56,102 --> 01:20:57,270
Excuse me, I'm a parent.
1323
01:21:00,774 --> 01:21:02,859
I've lived in this town all my life.
1324
01:21:04,653 --> 01:21:05,946
I'm Howard's father.
1325
01:21:09,783 --> 01:21:10,951
And I'm gay.
1326
01:21:11,034 --> 01:21:12,994
[crowd murmurs]
1327
01:21:14,788 --> 01:21:18,458
I'm Howard's mother,
and I'm very proud of him.
1328
01:21:19,125 --> 01:21:21,503
And I'm... I'm a lesbian.
1329
01:21:25,382 --> 01:21:26,716
Excuse me.
1330
01:21:26,800 --> 01:21:30,136
Hi. I run
the Bridal Barn for Better Brides,
1331
01:21:30,220 --> 01:21:32,806
and I can tell you
Howard has perfect taste.
1332
01:21:32,889 --> 01:21:35,433
So do I. So I'm gay.
1333
01:21:36,685 --> 01:21:39,521
I'm Howard's stylist, and I'm gay.
1334
01:21:40,355 --> 01:21:41,690
And I'm bald.
1335
01:21:44,359 --> 01:21:46,611
I deliver Howard's mail
and everybody else's.
1336
01:21:46,695 --> 01:21:49,739
I'm a federal employee, and I'm gay.
1337
01:21:49,823 --> 01:21:53,410
Fire Chief Fred Mooney,
and the volunteer fire brigade.
1338
01:21:53,493 --> 01:21:55,579
Howard has always been ready
to lend a hand.
1339
01:21:56,371 --> 01:21:57,414
Gay!
1340
01:21:58,164 --> 01:22:00,125
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1341
01:22:00,625 --> 01:22:02,335
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1342
01:22:03,044 --> 01:22:04,254
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1343
01:22:05,297 --> 01:22:07,173
- I'm gay!
- I'm gay!
1344
01:22:07,841 --> 01:22:09,509
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1345
01:22:10,218 --> 01:22:11,303
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1346
01:22:11,970 --> 01:22:13,096
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1347
01:22:14,097 --> 01:22:15,557
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1348
01:22:16,683 --> 01:22:17,934
I'm gay!
1349
01:22:18,018 --> 01:22:19,477
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1350
01:22:20,061 --> 01:22:22,564
But he's not the teacher of the year.
1351
01:22:22,647 --> 01:22:25,567
I am, and this belongs to me.
1352
01:22:25,650 --> 01:22:28,153
Well, maybe Mr. Brackett
deserves something else.
1353
01:22:29,321 --> 01:22:32,282
[crowd screams, cheers]
1354
01:22:33,575 --> 01:22:37,203
[band plays "The Impossible Dream"]
1355
01:22:42,125 --> 01:22:45,587
[applause]
1356
01:22:54,012 --> 01:22:55,388
Thank you.
1357
01:23:10,278 --> 01:23:13,615
[applause, cheers]
1358
01:23:28,380 --> 01:23:30,507
- You ready?
- Nearly.
1359
01:23:32,550 --> 01:23:35,220
Very snappy. Nervous?
1360
01:23:36,054 --> 01:23:37,472
No. Why should I be nervous?
1361
01:23:37,555 --> 01:23:39,974
It's just a wedding.
I just want everything to be perfect.
1362
01:23:40,058 --> 01:23:41,851
It will be.
1363
01:23:42,519 --> 01:23:43,687
Is your cameraman here?
1364
01:23:44,270 --> 01:23:46,523
No. Not today. I'm not filming this.
1365
01:23:47,315 --> 01:23:50,485
There are some things
more important than showbiz.
1366
01:23:51,069 --> 01:23:52,404
Really? Like what?
1367
01:23:53,113 --> 01:23:56,199
I don't know. But didn't that sound good?
1368
01:23:56,282 --> 01:23:57,951
Guys, we're starting.
1369
01:24:01,079 --> 01:24:02,163
Preacher's waiting.
1370
01:24:08,920 --> 01:24:11,381
[preacher] What a truly special occasion.
1371
01:24:11,965 --> 01:24:13,967
What a joyous ceremony.
1372
01:24:14,884 --> 01:24:16,720
What an unusual couple.
1373
01:24:20,849 --> 01:24:22,475
Berniece, after 42 years,
1374
01:24:22,559 --> 01:24:25,353
do you still take Frank
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
1375
01:24:26,855 --> 01:24:28,064
I do.
1376
01:24:28,148 --> 01:24:31,651
And do you, Frank, take Berniece
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
1377
01:24:31,735 --> 01:24:32,902
I'd better.
1378
01:24:34,237 --> 01:24:39,242
I now pronounce your vows renewed
for another 42 years.
1379
01:24:39,743 --> 01:24:40,952
You may kiss the bride.
1380
01:24:43,413 --> 01:24:45,915
[applause]
1381
01:24:49,586 --> 01:24:51,129
♪ Hey, hey ♪
1382
01:24:51,421 --> 01:24:53,256
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
1383
01:24:53,339 --> 01:24:57,010
♪ Macho, macho man
Macho man, yeah ♪
1384
01:24:57,093 --> 01:24:59,637
♪ I've got to be a macho man ♪
1385
01:24:59,721 --> 01:25:04,100
♪ I've got to be a macho, macho man
Yeah ♪
1386
01:25:04,184 --> 01:25:06,478
♪ I've got to be a macho ♪
1387
01:25:07,729 --> 01:25:11,357
♪ Macho, macho man, yeah ♪
1388
01:25:11,441 --> 01:25:15,069
♪ I've got to be a macho man ♪
1389
01:25:15,153 --> 01:25:18,656
♪ Macho, macho man, yeah ♪
1390
01:25:18,740 --> 01:25:20,909
♪ I've got to be a macho ♪
1391
01:25:22,202 --> 01:25:25,914
♪ Body, body, it's so hot, my body ♪
1392
01:25:25,997 --> 01:25:29,375
♪ Body, yeah, love to pop my body ♪
1393
01:25:29,459 --> 01:25:33,671
♪ Body, yeah, love to please my body ♪
1394
01:25:33,755 --> 01:25:36,758
♪ Body, don't you tease my body ♪
1395
01:25:36,841 --> 01:25:40,261
♪ You can tell a macho
He has a funky walk ♪
1396
01:25:40,345 --> 01:25:44,015
♪ His western shirts and leather
Always look so boss ♪
1397
01:25:44,098 --> 01:25:47,644
♪ Funky with his body, he's a king ♪
1398
01:25:47,727 --> 01:25:51,272
♪ Call him Mister Ego, dig his chains ♪
1399
01:25:51,356 --> 01:25:54,818
♪ You can best believe that
He's a macho man ♪
1400
01:25:54,901 --> 01:25:58,571
♪ Likes to be the leader
He never dresses grand ♪
1401
01:25:58,655 --> 01:26:02,075
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
1402
01:26:02,158 --> 01:26:05,829
♪ Macho, macho man
Macho man, yeah ♪
1403
01:26:05,912 --> 01:26:08,498
♪ I've got to be a macho man ♪
1404
01:26:08,581 --> 01:26:13,086
♪ I've got to be a macho, macho man
Yeah ♪
1405
01:26:13,169 --> 01:26:15,463
♪ I've got to be a macho ♪
1406
01:26:16,005 --> 01:26:20,343
♪ All right, body, body, it's so hot
My body ♪
1407
01:26:20,426 --> 01:26:23,888
♪ Body, love to pop my body ♪
1408
01:26:23,972 --> 01:26:27,433
♪ Body, love to please my body ♪
1409
01:26:27,517 --> 01:26:31,229
♪ Body, don't you tease my body ♪
1410
01:26:31,312 --> 01:26:34,732
♪ Body, yeah, you'll adore my body ♪
1411
01:26:34,816 --> 01:26:38,319
♪ Body, come explore my body ♪
1412
01:26:38,403 --> 01:26:41,865
♪ You can tell a macho
He has a funky walk ♪
1413
01:26:41,948 --> 01:26:45,618
♪ His western shirts and leather
Always look so boss ♪
1414
01:26:45,702 --> 01:26:49,205
♪ Funky with his body, he's a king ♪
1415
01:26:49,289 --> 01:26:52,876
♪ Call him Mister Ego, dig his chains ♪
1416
01:26:52,959 --> 01:26:56,421
♪ You can best believe that
He's a macho man ♪
1417
01:26:56,504 --> 01:27:00,174
♪ He likes to be the leader
He never dresses grand ♪
1418
01:27:00,258 --> 01:27:03,678
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
1419
01:27:03,761 --> 01:27:07,432
♪ Macho, macho man
Macho man, yeah ♪
1420
01:27:07,515 --> 01:27:10,059
♪ I've got to be a macho man ♪
1421
01:27:10,143 --> 01:27:14,355
♪ I've got to be a macho, macho man ♪
1422
01:27:14,439 --> 01:27:18,359
♪ I've got to be a macho
Dig the hair on my chest ♪
1423
01:27:18,443 --> 01:27:22,155
♪ Macho, macho man
See my big, thick mustache ♪
1424
01:27:22,238 --> 01:27:24,657
♪ I've got to be a macho man ♪
1425
01:27:24,741 --> 01:27:29,203
♪ I've got to be a macho, macho man
Macho, macho man ♪
1426
01:27:29,287 --> 01:27:32,749
♪ I've got to be a macho
Big, broad shoulders, yeah ♪
1427
01:27:32,832 --> 01:27:34,876
♪ Macho, macho man ♪