(eerie music)
(ominous music)
- [Narrator] Let's talk about black
unemployment rate okay.
It is the lowest it's ever been.
Obama couldn't even do that.
Nobody could come close.
(ominous music)
You know what I think we should do?
We should have a new show called Mexican Ninja.
I mean 'cause they're strong.
That's why I'm gonna make the wall
very very tall, okay?
Because it could climb that easily.
- [Narrator] When the crowd heard that Reagan
was the projected winner, here's what happened.
- [Narrator] Ronald Reagan is the winner
for the 1980 election and our next president!
(cheering) (owl hooting)
- [Narrator] Well the night is young
as far as the celebration is going here.
In an hour or so they're planning a fireworks demonstration.
- Paging Scorchy McDaniels!
He gone?
- Yes my husband is gone, Jermajesty.
Now get that big 10-inch over here.
- 10?
Girl you must need glasses.
You seein' double.
(screaming)
- [Scorchy] He won't be back for hours.
We have all night.
- Music to my ears!
I love these girls.
- Wait.
Have you seen little David?
I wouldn't want to traumatize him.
- He's right there.
(screaming)
He's been watching us through the window this whole time.
Look at this little shit head.
Trying to hide like we can't see his
pig-face motherfucking ass.
- He gets that from his father's side.
- Why'd you have him anyway?
- Having that little turd was my one way
ticket to the Barron Empire.
Look what Freddy got me today.
It cost $130,000!
- Scorchy, I stand corrected, nicely played.
- Now, I want to feel a supernova in my womb.
- We are gonna go intergalactic black hole type of shit!
- Yes!
- They are gonna have to peel your ass off
the ceiling in the morning!
Big bang times 10 type of shit!
- [Narrator] The way it is going tonight.
In all my years I think it's not too early
to talk about one of Reagan's presidencies might be like.
- [Narrator] Well Will, I was reared to beware
of the man who caused (speaks too low).
- [Narrator] What can you expect from
a Reagan administration other than Jimmy Carter's scalp?
- [Narrator] Well I think we'll see a lot
of businesses coming to Washington--
(ominous music)
- Woo hoo!
I will see you in the morning!
- [Scorchy] I'll be waiting.
You were amazing!
- God damn right I was.
Jermasty you are a devil dog.
I can see you.
You are one dumb kid.
And take that Ronald Reagan mask off.
Everybody knows this country ain't stupid
enough to elect another Republican.
After that Gerald Ford bullshit.
(ominous music)
(heavy breathing)
♪ You got no more money honey ♪
♪ Then I got no more time ♪
- You shouldn't be here my little orangutan.
People might say you're too old
to see your mommy like this.
Well, maybe not.
Are you hungry?
What are you doing?
(screaming) (suspenseful music)
(loud popping)
(melancholy music)
(speaking foreign language)
(ominous music)
(loud buzzing)
- Christ, why does it have to happen on my watch?
- You got to save us.
- On my salary?
You on your own man!
- Why would God let him escape?
Why!
Why God, why! (suspenseful music)
- Dr. Clinton.
(loud growling)
Gosh that's a really bad cough.
This is Yen, I'm at the southeast stairwell
and Dr. Clinton was stabbed in the back
and she fell down the stairs.
- [Narrator] Fell down the stairs?
What, again?
- Just get a medic here asap!
- David has escaped and you have to stop him.
The world is not ready for this creature's hatred,
hypocrisy, insolence, lies,
prejudice, and vanity.
Not to mention that hair.
You have to stop him.
- Clinton let go.
(loud growling)
- Oh shit!
Dr. Combes!
And Dr. McCabe!
All units.
I think I spotted him.
He's heading over to the west gate.
Someone, anyone, stop him.
Just not me.
Don't let him
get out.
(melancholy music)
(ominous music)
- Four of our best doctors murdered by that
deranged lunatic, Dr. Lutin, four.
And you know where David is going but won't disclose it?
- Where he might be going.
- You have no right to withhold that information.
- As a medic I have every right to withhold information.
And you have allowed your personal
feelings to skew your judgment Dr. Schiff.
- What exactly is it between you and David huh?
He hated everyone on the staff except you.
What kind of hold do you have over him?
- You're insinuating that there was some form of
collusion between David and me?
Then produce the evidence.
- Oh we are.
An internal investigation has already begun.
- Based on hysteria.
You all need to take your pills.
- We're also looking into your sudden
rise of power here at the hospital.
- I don't know what you mean.
- Meaning that there's something very sinister
in the nature of your stranglehold here.
- Like envy, or resentment, or both?
- We have a witness Dr. Lutin.
- Would that be Dr. Sergei?
- Why yes it would.
- Sergei met with an unfortunate accident late last night.
He will not be your witness.
- What are you saying?
- He expired.
- You had something to do with his death didn't you?
- Another accusation based on no tangible evidence.
I'll be in touch.
(slow paced music)
(speaking foreign language)
- What a beautiful day.
(whistling)
- [Little Boy] Lana!
- Good morning Pepe.
- Good morning.
- I'm so sorry to hear about your parents.
Any word yet?
- Not since the ICE agents took them away.
Blanca has been calling every day to find them.
- I hope they're okay.
- Me too.
Lana.
- Yes.
- Why is this happening?
- The people who run our country
are filled with hatred, prejudice, and fear.
They think we're different so they persecute us.
- Even if we haven't done anything wrong?
Like mi mama and papa?
- That's right.
We live in a dangerous world Pepe.
We have to learn how to cope.
The Republican party...
- Don't say that word.
It scares me.
- Republican?
- Yes.
They're the ones who took my parents away.
And now Blanca said they could take her away too
because she's a DACA recipient.
I'll be all alone.
- Your sister won't leave you.
We're gonna fight this all the way.
I promise you.
- Okay.
- You know, a great American president
once said, "With malice toward none and
"with charity for all."
- Abraham Lincoln.
- Yes, that's right.
But in today's world, those amazing words
only apply to the wealthy, the privileged,
the intolerant, and the ignorant.
Muslim, Mexican, Haitian,
gay, black, transgender,
they don't want us to be a part of their elitist society.
If it was up to them,
they would throw us all away.
You know what that makes them?
- What?
- Fucking assholes.
- You said a bad word!
- Do you know what's even scarier?
The people in this country who believe
the same things.
Who follow and support the hatred and bigotry.
They're even worse.
- Like those mean men I see on TV?
- Yes.
Like Sean Carlson and Tucker Hannity.
All these horrible people I would categorize as--
- Stupid fucking assholes?
- Now you're getting it.
Also, just remember this when you're feeling very scared.
You have a powerful shield against them.
It protects you.
Do you know what it is?
- What?
- You're an American citizen.
- I am?
- You were born here weren't you?
- Yeah.
- That gives you a whole lot of ammunition
to fight against them.
Don't ever let anybody tell you you can't
change the world Pepe.
Heck, one day you might even be the
President of the United States.
I'll vote for you.
Now, let's go before you're late for school, okay?
Oh, I have to drop off the keys
at the McDaniels first real quick.
- The McDaniels house.
You can't go there, it's possessed!
They say it's the gateway to hell.
The son of the devil was born there.
- Just an urban legend.
Stay right here, I'll be back.
- [Pepe] Okay.
(ominous music)
- Hello?
(speaking foreign language)
(ominous music)
(clanking)
Who's there?
Hello?
(upbeat ringtone)
Blanca, don't do that.
- [Blanca] Do what?
It's a phone, you get calls.
Where are you?
- At the McDaniels house.
- [Blanca] Aye, get out of there girl,
that place is possessed.
- Soy here, the padlock on the door was broken
and the door was open.
My dad's seen homeless people sleeping in here.
I hear a noise.
- [Blanca] (speaking foreign language) you're still there.
Jesus, you're like one of those (speaking foreign language)
in the movies who don't run away
when they see the killer coming.
- I gotta go, see you in a few.
(ominous music)
(suspenseful music)
(clanking)
Shit.
(suspenseful music)
See, nothing to be scared of.
Hey, why don't you come tonight with your sister?
We're making the banners and watching
the State of the Union Address.
We could use your help.
- Really?
- Sure, come with your sister.
- Isn't the State of the Union speech in January?
- [Lana] Not anymore, the mob boss of the United States
moved it up so he can vacation in Crimea.
- [Pepe] Well, I'll see you tonight.
- [Lana] Bye.
(sings in foreign language)
(ominous music)
- There was a big Republican rally today
in the town of (speaks in foreign language).
A man matching the description knocked out a driver,
took his clothes, and stole his vehicle.
So it's only a matter of time now.
- Time for what Dr. Schiff?
- Murder Dr. Lutin.
The man is evil.
- Alright.
David's heading for Sinclair.
He spent some times there at Big Brothers Summer Camp.
Often spoke of returning there one day.
They have a hilarious puppet show.
- You're not bullshitting me?
- [Lutin] I've always been a man of my word Dr. Schiff.
- Yeah okay sure.
The only one stupid enough to believe that is David.
- [Lutin] Think what you may,
but David is not my bride and I'm not his groom.
- Alright, I'll let the authorities know
to meet David in Sinclair.
You stay by the phone.
(birds chirping)
- Hello, is there anyone here?
I am locking the door from the outside
so you will not be able to get out!
(clanking)
Whoever you are, come on out.
You do not need to be afraid my friend.
If you are in trouble,
I will help you.
If you are hungry,
I will feed you.
This is the credo of my people
and well-being of our fellow--
(dramatic music)
(moaning)
- Hitler used the idea of the Big Lie
to mind control the people.
Just tell them and they'll believe it.
That's it.
They just do.
He used the use of trigger words
to manipulate the people.
Such as loser, winning,
believe me, low-life, and covfefe.
Hitler was just one man, yet he rose to power.
How Ms. Shaheed?
- It was made possible by his millions of supporters
who wanted to believe his lies
and did his dirty work for him.
- [Teacher] Yes!
- Mr. Doocy.
(loud screeching)
- It's Doocy!
- Doocy.
Isn't it true that your great grandfather,
Victor Von Doocy, hosted a radio show
called the Fuhrer and Friends
that subversively turned over half of American Citizens
into Nazi sympathizers?
- Yes that is an unfortunate
part of my scandalous heritage
which I do not wish to discuss!
Is that clear Mr. Scarborough?
- Well isn't it true--
- Remember boys and girls,
after class we are meeting in the courtyard
to witness today's solar eclipse.
Each of you will receive a pair of these glasses.
But do not stare directly into the eclipse!
As it will cause irreparable harm to your retinas.
But you all know this because you're not
brainless idiots!
(laughing)
Our esteemed math teacher and rugby coach,
Mrs. L. Ying Conway will escort you
after we are adjourned.
Now back to Hitler.
Hitler's lies and rhetoric destroyed and
deceived millions of lives. (engine revving)
And any radio programs, or newspapers
who called out his lies
were deemed fake news.
And any officials who opposed him
were arrested and taken before a firing squad.
(ringing)
♪ ICE agents snatched your parents ♪
- Stop it, Bannon!
Leave me alone!
- Look, your DACA sister, she's next.
And then, you're gonna be an orphan.
♪ Pepe's gonna be an orphan ♪
- Stop it, you're being mean!
- You and your wetback family should go back
to your shit hole country.
- Shut up Sessions, we won't!
- We don't want you here anyway.
You're gonna grow up to be a rapist or a drug dealer.
- Shut up, Arpaio.
I am not.
I'm gonna be President of the United States.
(laughing)
- If you're lucky, you're gonna be the
President of the United Taco Trucks of America.
(laughing)
(eerie music)
(suspenseful music)
- Scorchy McDaniels.
A voluptuous porn star with giant triple D titties.
And might I say an underrated actress.
I owned all of her VHS tapes.
I did not have sex relations with that woman.
I wanted to.
She helped get me through the Bush years.
- It pains me to hear you speak.
- I have great fondness for three of her cinematic opuses.
Howard the Fuck, Anal Just-Ass League,
and of course, the best one of all,
Shut Up and Stick that Cock in My Ass
You Stupid Motherfu--
- Just find the grave.
- Okay.
It'd be easier for to read 'em off as we go.
Yates, Flynn, Spicer,
Preibus, Scaramucci,
Shaub, Gorka,
Price, Hicks,
Cohn, McEntee, Tillerson,
McMaster, Newman, Powell,
Shaub, Reid, Walsh,
Dowd, Corallo, Higgins,
Prewitt.
McDaniels.
What the fuck?
"Here lays Scorchy Money Digging
"whore McDaniels dot dot dot dot.
"May she burn in hell dot, dot, dot, dot.
"Hashtag sad."
- He's come home.
- You know the man who did this?
- I do.
He's my patient.
- He spelled digging wrong.
He opened money digging whore with quotation marks
and then finished it with an apostrophe.
- Yes.
- Whore is misspelled.
It should be, she lies here not she lays.
- Yes.
- This is grammatical and syntactic cluster fuck.
What is he, some kind of retard?
- I think we're done here.
- Can you believe it?
He commits a felony and is still
elected teacher of the year.
- Incredible.
What do you think is worse?
School or hell?
- School in hell.
- Boo. (screaming)
(gasping)
- You girls think this is hell?
You have no idea what hell is like.
- I bet you do Father Guiliani.
- Indeed I do, indeed I do.
Have you girls found Jesus?
- I wasn't really looking. (angelic singing)
- Maybe he's down my shirt.
- He is right here girls.
But, you have to want his love.
You have to reach out
and grab his love.
Are you feeling his love grow in your hands?
You wanna get down on your knees
and feel his love all over your face?
- I don't think Jesus would be into me.
I'm Muslim.
- Move along girls, baby Jesus hates dwellers.
- Fucking freak.
- [Blanca] He's such a perv.
Can you believe he got away with molesting
those underage boys?
- [Lana] Yeah, all underage.
- All of them.
- They were of age.
- Who?
- No one.
Girls, life begins--
- I know, I know, conception.
- No.
Erection.
Girls, I'm a man of the cloth.
I can get away with rape, murder,
incest, pedophilia, and even bestiality if I felt like it.
Without any consequences.
I answer to God.
He is my judge, jury, and executioner in the end.
- Let's go.
- Why not have a little fun in the meantime?
- Shall we schedule your meeting with God
say, right now!
- You think you're gonna get away
with all this shit you piece of fuck!
We're here to make sure you don't!
(loud thud) (screaming)
Fucking asshole. (angelic singing)
(ominous music)
I have 42 people confirmed.
You?
82 so far.
- Great!
Glad you're getting so many families involved.
- That's just the Rodriguez and Martinez families.
- What, 82 people?
- What, I can't help it if passions in our blood.
Oh and the daily tequila shots.
- Anyway, strength in numbers right?
- Hey.
I heard the news coverage is gonna be through the roof.
I want the whole country, the world to know
that my parents were taken away.
- Oh by the way Medjine, we're coming over
to your place tonight to watch
the State of the Union Address.
- Oh great, my nights to be ruined.
Why my place?
- Because your parents are out of town
and your place is stuffed with booze.
(laughing)
- [Lana] And Gabriel is gonna be there.
(eerie music)
- I feel so bad for him.
First purple heart, bronze star, silver star, and now this.
Is that one of those ISIS agents?
- [Blanca] ICE agents.
- [Medjine] Same difference.
- I don't think so.
That weirdo was looking at me through
the window at school.
- Republican creep, why don't you take
that stick shift out your--
- Hey, cut it out Blanca,
you're gonna get us all deported!
- [Blanca] I hate a Republican without a sense of humor.
- [Lana] Is there any other kind?
- Okay, so I'm gonna make Pepe some dinner,
then I'm gonna get my stuff together
and I'll pick you up in 45?
- Yeah, sounds good.
(speaks foreign language)
(suspenseful music)
- Hey you!
(dramatic music)
- I didn't mean to scare you Lana.
- It's okay.
This scary guy's been following me.
He's wearing a suit and creepy presidents mask.
He was right there.
- I don't see anybody.
It's just your mind playing tricks on you.
Hey, we've all got the jitters
with those mid-terms right around the corner.
- Yeah, that must be it.
- You still participating in that rally tomorrow?
- Yes of course, yeah.
- I believe in your cause Lana.
- I appreciate that Sheriff Mueller.
Thank you.
- You enjoy the rest of your day okay?
- You too.
(ominous music)
(singing in foreign language)
(door creaking)
- David.
David it's Dr. Lutin.
You can come out.
Have no fear little one.
I am here to protect thee.
(ominous music)
(slow triumphant music)
(music in foreign language)
- So, I have to make one stop along the way.
- Oh, where?
- My church.
I have to get my fiesta box.
- What's that?
- Oh, you didn't hear?
Food stamps have been discontinued
so now the impoverished get a fiesta box once a week.
- You're kidding me.
- Nope.
You can thank the Christian Conservatives
for that brilliant idea.
- That's crazy.
Can we change the station?
- Yeah, go ahead if you want to.
I like that song, but whatever.
- Thank you.
- [Narrator] Native American, young, old,
gay, straight, men, women,
folks with disabilities, all pledging allegiance
under the same proud flag to this
big bold country that we love.
That's what I see.
- (speaks foreign language) I miss you so much.
Come back.
- [Narrator] Kids who have a different sexual orientation
or are transgender are subject to a lot of bullying.
Children should be allowed to use
the bathroom of their choice.
- We miss you Obama.
- [Narrator] In response, the president had this to say.
- [Narrator] You know what happened to the Greeks?
Homosexuality destroyed them.
Aristotle was a fag.
So was Socrates.
(Blanca growling)
(speaking in foreign language)
- I can't stand the sound of (speaks in foreign language)
voice, he's such a pig fucker!
He's not even a man!
He should just crawl up his own ass and die!
Jesus!
- [Narrator] But once priests started stuffing each others'
tacos, that was the end.
Homosexuality has always (eerie music)
signaled the downfall of a once great society.
Which won't happen under my watch, believe me.
Believe me, trust me okay.
But anyway, Kanye thank you
for speaking the truth about me and black people.
- [Blanca] Ooh, if I could just punch his face just once!
Just once!
Punch him, I'd knock his ass out,
I swear to God!
(bells ringing)
(camera shudders)
(dramatic music) (screaming)
- Oh Blanca, you scared the shit out of me!
- It's just a stupid presidents mask.
They're handing them out like candy.
You want it?
- No, not on my dead body.
- Okay.
- Is that the fiesta box?
- Mm hmm, check this out.
We have about six of these.
Oh and that's just the main course.
We also have some nutritious veggies.
- Oh my God, this doesn't even qualify as prison food.
- And a bottle of milk that expired last month.
- Wow.
- Oh, and let's not forget.
Desert!
- Okay, we're going to the grocery store right now
and I'm gonna stock you and Pepe up with food.
'Cause this is just fucking stupid.
- For real?
- Of course, I'll put it on my credit card.
- You're the best.
Okay, I take back all the bad things
I ever said about Muslims.
(laughing)
(ominous music)
- I command the forces of darkness
to bestow their infernal powers upon us.
God of the earth, Lord of the world,
open thy the gates of hell
so that your son, the devil incarnate,
Prince of Darkness,
may deliver unto your temple
the unholy, the unclean,
the deviant, the repellent spirits
that are God's mistakes that violate
this righteous world.
Bestow this elixir,
plus the essence of your supreme power,
so that your exultant spawns reign
shall burn eternal.
(singing in foreign language)
David,
you've been doing great work.
But you have to yet reach your full potential.
(eerie music)
Where there was light,
there will now be darkness. (loud sipping)
Where there was calm,
there will now be chaos.
And when there was love,
there will now be hatred.
(singing in foreign language)
David, you have been unleashed.
Let the purge begin.
(dramatic music) (laughing)
- [Medjine] Guys!
- I love it! (laughing)
- [Lana] Awesome.
- What do you think about mine?
- It's so good, I hope he tweets about that.
(laughing)
- You have got to be the happiest person I know.
- Well, my mama always said that
ever since I came out of the womb
I was smiling.
Not even after the doctor slapped me, I didn't cry.
I did not.
And I haven't stopped smiling ever since.
You know, I just feel like amid all the bad times
I had to find something to, you know, celebrate
and laugh about.
Even if it's that piece of shit
President of the United States.
You know, I came into this world with a smile,
and I plan to go out the same way.
- Well would you lookie lookie here.
A Haitian, a Muslim, and a God damn Mexican!
Making America less God damn American.
- Oh Porter and Sorenson,
two dumb ass rednecks making America, puke.
- What are you guys doing here?
- We're just here to watch the tryouts.
- Sorry Porter.
- You guys aren't trying out are you?
That's a God damn relief.
You see, seeing dark meat in little skimpy outfit,
is just (imitates vomiting).
I see you're prepping another
hate-filled joke of a libetard rally aye?
- Yes, and you Republicunts are the punchline.
(laughing)
- We're fighting for democracy.
- Oh, don't you spooks realize?
Every time you pull one of these stunts,
makes us real Americans want you
out of our country even more?
Hmm?
You ever think about that?
- Ever heard of the constitution?
- Constitution?
Constitution?
I don't know.
- Do you even know what's in it?
- I know my people wrote it.
We the people.
- Okay then, what does the 15th amendment say?
- Uh, 15?
- Medjine.
- The right to vote for all citizens.
- How about the 14th amendment?
- Blanca?
- All persons born in the United States are citizens.
With equal protection under the law
you stupid motherfuckers!
(speaks foreign language)
- Look Pocahontas, I hate to spoil your pinata here,
but just 'cause you can quote the constitution
doesn't make you a true American.
- How about my brother?
He's a Lance Corporal in Afghanistan fighting
for your rights to be an assholes.
- Mm hmm, and the only thing you and him are good for,
is going out on the front lines and taking bullets for us.
And mowing our state lawns, trimming our hedges,
cleaning our pools, and washing my BMW.
- Wax on, wax off.
- You know you're a real piece of shit right?
- Whoa!
Where is all the tolerance on the left huh?
Look, don't hate us 'cause we're white.
Just 'cause you got the shit end of the stick.
And you wanna know why?
- Oh please.
- God loves white people!
He gave us power, wealth,
superior intelligence,
and might I say God damn good looks.
- You do look good Porter.
Sorry.
- And that obviously trumps you.
Pissed 'em off now.
- The only thing that's gonna get trumped
is your dumb asses if you don't leave right now.
- Ooh, a threat of violence?
Not that I'm surprised.
Minorities are 10 times more likely
to commit violent crimes.
- That's a fact.
- Go ahead spook.
Take the first shot.
(screaming)
- Breathe, breathe, are you okay?
- What the fuck man!
Holy teeth, they knocked out my front tooth!
(screaming)
(loud punching) (fast paced music)
- Alright ladies, our job's done here.
Let's go to your place Medjine.
- Hey.
(groaning)
(slow paced music)
(ominous music) (heavy breathing)
(beeping)
- Hey!
- [Pepe] Oh yeah!
- [Narrator] I love you too.
I know you love me, I do.
Thank you.
Oh these resistors huh?
They love to resist.
- Do we have to watch this?
He scares me.
- That is precisely why we must watch.
(laughing)
- Sorry to bother you Sheriff Mueller but
my dad never came home today and my mom's really worried.
It's not like him.
- Lana, where was he last seen?
- He went to the McDaniel's house to fix the lock.
That's the last we heard from him.
- Okay, I'll check it out and I'll get back to you.
- Thank you so much.
Bye.
- [Narrator] I was like you go boy.
You be yourself okay?
I called for a total and complete
shutdown of Muslims, Mexicans, and Haitians
entering out great nation.
No more illiterate, immoral,
and unprincipled coming here
to contaminate our Christian values.
- Who's illiterate, immoral, and unprincipled?
- [Narrator] I say only bring in quality individuals
from you know, places like Sweden,
Denmark, Finland.
Respectable blonde-haired, blue-eyed--
(speaks in foreign language)
Let's remove those brown stains on Americas teeth
and make them pearly white again.
- By those standards, Jesus Christ
wouldn't even get a Visa to come here.
- Yeah. (cheering)
(doorbell rings)
- Oh, Gabriel's here!
(dramatic music)
- Hey, don't mind her,
she's been seeing ghost presidents all day.
- So good to see you.
- Hey buddy, how ya doing?
- Gabriel, why the hell are you wearing
this frickin' President suit?
- My sadistic way of protesting.
- Is this gun real?
- Sure is.
Locked and loaded.
In case we get raided for being just who we are.
- Did you bring them, did you bring them?
- Sure did.
- [Medjine] Yes.
- Here they are. (everyone gasping)
- My God Gabriel, we're so proud of you.
- How did you get those?
- Well, for the purple heart,
I pulled my team leader to safety
when he came under sniper fire.
Taking bullets to my shoulder.
- Can I see?
- Okay.
- [Blanca] Whoa!
- That really must've hurt.
- As for the silver star,
my team came under heavy fire.
Most of my comrades were hit
and wounded.
- What did you do?
- I commandeered one of the enemies vehicles
and I scooped up as many of the wounded
soldiers as I could.
Got them to safety.
- How many did you save?
- 15.
- Holy shit, that's ballsy.
- It really isn't Blanca.
It's expected.
It's our duty.
It's what every man and woman in uniform
would do for each other
in a similar situation.
- You don't have to go back do you?
- If asked.
But after receiving my silver star,
I was relieved of duty
and booted out of the military.
- But you're a war hero.
- See, our Republican party
decided that transgenders are an intrusion
and unfit to serve.
So a ban was put into place.
- What's a transgender?
- Someone who's feelings about their gender
don't match their bodies.
- Well, it sounds to me like a transgender
is someone who saves many lives.
A hero!
- Unfortunately Pepe,
there are many people in this world
who act on the fears of what they don't understand.
Or agree with.
I generally refer to them as--
- Fucking assholes!
(laughing)
- Yeah, how'd you know?
- Well, Lana has been teaching me
all about them today.
- Yeah Pepe.
(ominous music)
(creaking)
(flies buzzing)
(clanking) (suspenseful music)
- Freeze, police!
(ominous music)
Who the hell are you?
What's going on here?
- I assure you officer,
I am no threat.
I'm a doctor.
- Easy!
- My badge.
- Nice and slow.
- Dr. Lutin of the Lar-A-Margo Sanitarium.
I've been looking for my patient.
- And why the hell would he come here?
- He was born here.
In this room.
David Barron.
- David Barron?
- You know of him.
- I sure do.
His mother was a porn star
who birthed a billionaire son
and then blackmailed the guy into marrying her.
Is that him?
- Yes.
- A man has gone missing.
He was last reported walking into this house.
Now you wouldn't happen to know
anything about that would you?
- I've been here most of the day
and I haven't seen anyone.
(faint whispering)
- Elixir from Tana Leaves.
Nine to be exact.
- I don't know what that means.
- The extract was used in ancient times
during Satanic rituals.
A high priest would use the potion
to induce any living mummy or demon--
- Know something about demons Mr. Mueller?
- In my younger years I did some work for the RNC.
- All of this is beyond my understanding.
You see, David was heavily into the occult.
- And you think he's coming back here?
- I think he will.
- Maybe not.
Maybe this is exactly what he's expecting.
(suspenseful music)
- This is one fucked up cabinet that I've ever seen.
- You're right, it is.
- Correction, the second most fucked up cabinet.
Where are the spices?
- I'm sorry, I'm all out.
- Ah, I have some at my place.
- No, I'll get it, I'll get it.
- No, that's okay.
- Relax war hero.
Keys?
(light music)
- [Gabriel] Okay, pull it tight here.
- Alright.
- Now, lean into it.
Check the back blaster here.
- Got it.
- Then pull the trigger arming handle
to the on position.
- What's this?
- That's the infrared laser sight.
You don't wanna mess with that.
- You started this.
Show me everything, I can handle myself.
- Yeah, I noticed.
- Oh, Aliens!
Fucking aliens!
- You got it.
- It's our turn!
- [Narrator] Go after them, it feels good.
And people see you doing it.
I always get even.
- Getting even by having your attorneys
and deluded supporters do your dirty work for you?
Ha, yeah!
You know what Medjine, you just have to laugh it off.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] My wall, the one paid for by Mexico,
will be beautiful.
- How?
Oh right, by having it covered with nude
photos of Eastern European women.
- [Narrator] And it must be tall.
Because Mexican immigrants are professional
mountain climbers.
Oh they're good.
- Gabriel!
Thanks Gabriel, I could use your help.
(ominous music)
Oh.
- [Narrator] I will absolutely apologize
sometime in the distant future
if I'm ever wrong.
- Oh my God, what an idiot.
(ominous music)
- Put down the gun.
- What's in the box?
- Just give me the gun David.
- What's in the box?
- Give me the gun.
- What's in the box!
- [Lana And Gabriel] Seven!
- [Lana] Got it!
- [Narrator] Sorry losers.
- Oh my God, I can't stand him!
- [Narrator] But my IQ is one of the highest.
And you all know it.
Please don't feel stupid or insecure.
- Oh my God, he's such an idiot.
- [Narrator] It's not your fault.
- I cannot believe he got elected.
- [Narrator] Are we tired of winning yet?
- You're hysterical.
You should do stand up.
(ominous music)
(gasping)
You're killing me.
- I've been trying to call them.
I don't know where they are.
I don't know how they're doing.
They won't give me any information.
- Hey, shouldn't Medjine be back by now?
- Yeah, what's keeping her?
- I tried calling but no answer.
I'll go check on her, be right back.
- [Narrator] Black people love me.
Yellow people love me.
Orange people love me. (ominous music)
Blue people love me.
- Medjine!
- [Narrator] I'm not racist because I'm not.
Let's talk about black unemployment rates okay.
- [Gabriel] Medjine?
- [Narrator] Lowest it's ever been.
- Medjine.
(ominous music)
Medjine?
(loud thumping)
(ominous music)
(triumphant music)
(ominous music)
(cracking)
(loud punching)
- [Narrator] Remember a time when boys were boys
and girls were girls?
That time has gone.
Now we've got boy girl combos.
What do we call them?
Tranny, he-she, it,
she-male, transvestite,
man in a dress, hermaphrodite,
chick with a dick.
They're freaks.
And people who like them are even sicker okay.
Transgenders are pure unadulterated evil.
Okay.
- Anything?
- No answer.
- You think it's a prank?
- If it is, that bitch is gonna get a piece of my mind.
I'm going over there, I'll call you.
Medjine.
Gabriel.
- [Narrator] An alarming rate okay.
It's skyrocketed through the roof.
- Come on guys, quit playing!
- [Narrator] No pun intended okay.
What else do you want from me black people?
What else do you want from me?
- Medjine!
(speaking in foreign language)
What the fuck?
Medjine?
Medjine!
Gabriel answer me now or I'm calling the cops!
- [Narrator] Hilary's day off.
Oh believe me.
(dramatic music)
- Oh, thank God Gabriel.
You scared the shit out of me.
Where's Medjine?
Gabriel, is that you?
(dramatic music)
(clanking)
(eerie music)
Shit.
Damn it!
A wall, are you serious!
Yes Gabriel, yes!
(speaking foreign language)
(mexican music)
Fuck you!
(singing in foreign language)
Woo!
Yes!
(suspenseful music)
Some day soon, my people will remember your people!
Your time's almost up!
(groaning)
- Sheriff Mueller, any word from my father yet?
- No Lana, not yet.
- I think there's something strange going
on at the house across the street.
My friends are all there and none
of them are answering their phones.
- Okay.
I'll check it out.
Okay doctor, you're coming with me.
- Of course.
- [Narrator] We have great relationships with China.
(melancholy music)
I mean they love me, I love them.
Long long time okay?
Me and the president of China.
One more time, we're tight now.
Around a mouse okay.
We had a long long discussion.
- Lana.
I see Gabriel.
- Where?
I don't see anything.
- He was right there, he was carrying Blanca.
- Carrying Blanca?
Okay I'm going over there.
Lock the door, I'll be back.
- You can't leave me here by myself!
- You'll be fine.
- Please.
- You'll be fine, you'll be fine.
(eerie music)
Medjine?
- [Narrator] And now we're gonna get respect.
- Guys, stop playing.
Blanca?
Gabriel?
Medjine?
(ominous music)
Medjine?
Blanca?
(door creaking)
(sobbing)
(ominous music)
Yes operator, this is Lana Shaheed, I need--
(screaming)
(fast paced music)
(triumphant music)
(growling)
No!
No, no!
- David, stop!
- David, it's okay.
Let her go.
- Sheriff Mueller.
Sheriff Mueller, he killed my friends.
They're in the bedroom.
- Doctor, step aside.
I'm placing this lunatic under arrest right now.
- I suggest you lower your weapon Sheriff Mueller.
Or I shoot her.
- Doctor, put the gun down.
- You have no idea who or what you're
dealing with here do you?
This is no ordinary man.
He is the embodiment of evil.
The Prince of Darkness
whose reign will soon sweep the globe.
- It'll be difficult to sweep anything
from solitary confinement.
Doctor, put the gun down.
- As you wish.
(loud guns firing)
- You okay?
It's okay.
The bullet just grazed your hip okay?
- I failed you David. (solemn music)
I'm sorry.
I will miss our Sunday walks.
Your warm embrace.
Goodbye my friend.
(ominous music)
- David.
You stand your ground or I will shoot you.
David.
(loud gun firing)
Okay, hang tight.
I'm gonna go radio for an ambulance okay?
- Please check on Pepe, he's at Medjine's house
across the street.
- Okay.
(grunting)
(loud knocking)
Sheriff, open up!
Whoa there Rambo.
Let's go ahead and hand that over to me okay?
- [Narrator] Thank you so much.
I love you, and again.
- Don't tell me you know how to use this?
- It's Gabriel's.
He taught Lana how to use it tonight.
Where's my sister?
Where's Lana?
- Let's talk little man, come on.
(grunting)
(ominous music)
(grunting)
(suspenseful music)
- Sheriff Mueller where are you?
(loud banging)
Hello, is anyone there!
Help me!
Anyone?
Hello?
Help me, please let me in!
- [Narrator] Oh my God it's the Muslim!
- No, what are you doing!
Hello!
Help me!
Hello!
What are you doing!
What the hell are you doing!
He's gonna kill me!
- Lana!
Lana!
Oh shit!
- Somebody help me!
Help me please!
Someone!
Help me, open the door, open the door.
Please help me!
- I'm sorry ma'am I can't do that.
I don't have keys to the door.
You're gonna have to go around!
- You don't understand, he's gonna kill me!
He's right there, break the glass!
Do something.
- I can't do that.
- Why not?
- Look, I wanna help you I really do
but I just can't!
I'm already this close to being fired as it is.
But I'll show them,
I'm destined to do great things.
Who knows,
one day I might even bring peace to the Middle East.
- Will you shut the fuck up and call Sheriff Mueller.
Tell him it's Lana Shaheed.
Lana Shaheed.
- Shaheed?
Isn't that Muslim?
- Call him right now.
(dramatic music)
- You too!
Screw you you jerk!
(sobbing)
(ominous music)
- Get away from me!
- [Dispatcher] Sheriff Mueller, we just received
a distress call from a young woman asking for your help.
Her name is Lana Shaheed.
- It's Mueller, what's her location?
- [Dispatcher] The call came from the
Elizabeth Dane Package Plant.
(engine revving)
(grunting)
- Leave me alone.
- Lana!
- Sheriff Mueller!
- Lana!
- Sheriff Mueller!
I'm here.
Sheriff Mueller, where'd you go?
Where'd you go!
Sheriff Mueller!
- Lana, catch!
(clanking)
- You're impeached fucker!
(loud explosion)
♪ America America ♪
♪ God shed His grace ♪
♪ On thee ♪
♪ And crown thy good ♪
♪ With brotherhood ♪
(birds chirping)
♪ From sea to shining ♪
♪ Sea ♪
♪ America ♪
(suspenseful music)
- Are you okay?
I had to tell Pepe about his sister.
- I'll take care of him.
Blanca would of wanted me to.
- I'm really sorry about your friends.
- They were good people Sheriff Mueller.
They didn't deserve this.
- Just hang tight, the ambulance is on it's way okay?
- Can they stop by somewhere before we go?
- What could you possibly want to do
that's more important than your health?
- Vote.
(eerie music)
(suspenseful music)
(singing in foreign language)
(light triumphant music)
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] I'll be back.
Believe me, believe me.