
2
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:57,908
Hey, Andy!
What's up, dude?

3
00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:00,111
Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara.
How you doing?

4
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,346
When you going to get a car?

5
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:04,618
- Hey, why don't you get a car?
- I can't afford it.

6
00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:10,160
<i>- So, Survivor tomorrow night. We on?
- See you then.</i>

7
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,027
I'll bring a soda.
Hey, enjoy your orange.

8
00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:14,089
- Okay, take care.
- See you. Bye-bye.

9
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,627
- That guy needs to get laid.
- Tell me something I don't know.

10
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,483
Good morning.

11
00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:44,160
Excuse me. Pardon me.

12
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,624
Sorry.

13
00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:57,437
Excuse me.
Thank you.

14
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,277
- Good morning.
- Hey.

15
00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,440
- Good morning, Paula.
- Andy.

16
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,349
Excuse me.
I have a question.

17
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:13,791
What is the difference between
Hi8 and Digital video tapes?

18
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,457
I'm not a salesman,
so, I could probably...

19
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,225
Welcome to Smart Tech.
How can I be of service to you?

20
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,866
Well, I was just wondering...

21
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,459
what is the difference between these?

22
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:27,205
Well, if I'm photographing
someone as fine as yourself...

23
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,036
I'd probably go Digital.

24
00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:36,076
<i># Hey, don't worry
I've been lied to #</i>

25
00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:45,157
- My God. Sorry I'm late, man.
- No problem.

26
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,523
Oh, man.

27
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:50,595
- I had a weekend.
- Yeah?

28
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:54,024
We went to Tijuana, Mexico,
you know...

29
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:57,035
and we thought it would be fun,
you know, to go to this show.

30
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,435
Everyone's, "You gotta
check out one of these shows. "

31
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,030
And, you know,
it's a woman fucking a horse.

32
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:05,573
We get there, and, you know,
we think it's gonna be awesome...

33
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:09,046
and it is not as cool
as it sounds like it would be, man.

34
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,610
- It's kind of gross.
- Yeah.

35
00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,345
You think,
"A woman fucking a horse"...

36
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,011
and you get there and it's...

37
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,953
- ... a woman fucking a horse.
- Yeah.

38
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,014
It was really giving it to her.

39
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,451
And you know what...

40
00:04:20,526 --> 00:04:23,154
to be honest, I felt bad for her.
We all just felt bad for her.

41
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,890
- Yeah.
- Kind of felt bad for the horse.

42
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:28,195
- Wow, that's something.
- So what did you get up to?

43
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:32,300
You know, I just kind of hung out.
I was...

44
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,270
God, Friday, when I went home...

45
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,638
I really wanted
an egg-salad sandwich.

46
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,700
And I was just obsessing
about it and I was like:

47
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,769
"Man, I'm gonna make one of those. "

48
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:44,339
So Saturday I went out and I got,
like, a dozen eggs...

49
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:47,011
and I boiled them all
and then I just...

50
00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:50,055
I spent, I don't know,
probably three hours...

51
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,719
like, three-and-a-half hours
making...

52
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,854
you know, the mayonnaise
and the onions and paprika...

53
00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:59,989
and, you know, all the accoutrement.

54
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,533
And then, by the time I was done...

55
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,193
I just really didn't feel
like eating it.

56
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,829
- I can imagine.
- And I didn't have any bread.

57
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:09,738
So, you know, it was pretty good.
It was a good weekend.

58
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,871
- Sounds pretty awesome.
- Yeah, it was fine.

59
00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:14,344
Sounds really fun.

60
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,872
- Cool.
- Cool.

61
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:18,348
Cool, cool.

62
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,045
- Hey, Paula.
- Yeah.

63
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:25,613
I gotta tell you something.
I'm really excited about it.

64
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:29,093
For the first time today,
I woke up...

65
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:33,488
I came to the store,
and I feel confident to say to you...

66
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,191
that if you don't take
this Michael McDonald DVD...

67
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,635
that you've been playing
for two years straight, off...

68
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,400
I'm going to kill everyone
in the store...

69
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,338
and put a bullet in my brain.

70
00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:46,143
- David, what do you suggest we play?
- I don't care. Anything.

71
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:49,212
<i>I would rather watch
Beautician and the Beast.</i>

72
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,842
I would rather listen
to Fran Drescher for eight hours...

73
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:53,715
than have to listen
to Michael McDonald.

74
00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:57,017
<i>Nothing against him, but if I hear
Yah Mo B There one more time...</i>

75
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,524
I'm gonna yah mo burn this place
to the ground.

76
00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:02,493
You're such a smart ass.
Get back on the floor.

77
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,959
Fuck you.

78
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,961
This is a great TV.
Nothing beats a plasma.

79
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,628
What are you doing?
That's my customer.

80
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,901
It certainly is not.
When I came upon her, she was unattended.

81
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,635
- No, that's my...
- Wait.

82
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,768
Go to the checkout there.
Pick up there, please.

83
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,642
She was unattended
because I went to the back...

84
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,510
to get the brochure
that she requested.

85
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,072
I apologize, but it's too late.

86
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,674
The transaction has been completed.

87
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,481
Then you're gonna give me
half the commission.

88
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,020
You'll receive none of the commission.

89
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,555
I need to talk to Paula.
This is crazy.

90
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:31,647
This is bullshit.

91
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,589
Every time I make a sale,
you go crying to Paula.

92
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:36,958
How about Jesse Jackson?
Old Jesse needs a cause.

93
00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:38,587
Sick of you poaching my customers.

94
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:40,154
I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit.

95
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,225
You wanna take this shit outside?
Just take it outside and squash it?

96
00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:46,567
Let's stay inside, so everybody can see
what a pussy you have, okay?

97
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:50,097
Because when I remove the blade
I keep in my boot from its sheath...

98
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:53,009
I can't return it
until it has spilled blood.

99
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,344
Look, listen to me. You are fucking
with the wrong nigger.

100
00:06:56,949 --> 00:07:00,350
Hey! You're fucking with
the wrong sun-nigger, okay?

101
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,911
Dude, I will hang your old ass
by your turban.

102
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:06,181
Turban now? Do you see
any fucking turban here?

103
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,920
Do I talk like a turban guy?

104
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:10,895
Do I say, "Hey, Jay, do you want a Slurpee?
You want a Slurpee?"

105
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:14,194
Fuck you, okay?
I was born in Brooklyn.

106
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,325
Brooklyn, okay?

107
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:18,996
My accent is a fucking
Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?

108
00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:20,402
All right, man.
Calm down, dude.

109
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,634
Look, you still covering
my shift on Friday or what?

110
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,643
If I can keep this commission,
with pleasure.

111
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:28,578
- Cool, then. All right, pop.
- No problem.

112
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,178
- How about Andy?
- No.

113
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,111
Come on, man.
We need, what, five guys...

114
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,712
- ... to play a decent poker game, right?
- Yeah.

115
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,347
If we cancel this,
I'm gonna have to go...

116
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,358
to some stupid-ass
birthday party with Jill...

117
00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:41,688
and that shit ain't happening.

118
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,228
- No.
- Why not?

119
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:47,123
He's a really nice guy and all
but I'm pretty sure that...

120
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,565
he is a serial murderer.

121
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,363
Who cares, man?
He's a nice guy.

122
00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,734
I just wanna get drunk,
fucked up, and play some cards.

123
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,932
That's great.
Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade...

124
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,032
in some creepy apartment,
that's what I'm saying.

125
00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:59,134
I don't really see any other options.

126
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,772
Andy. My man.

127
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,613
You got any plans
later on tonight?

128
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,914
Why, do we have to unload
the Sony truck?

129
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,080
No, the guys are getting together,
we're playing some poker...

130
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,147
thought, you know,
you'd wanna play.

131
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:13,687
With you guys?

132
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,762
Yeah, sure.
That would be cool.

133
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,228
- You know how to play, right?
- Yeah, I play online sometimes.

134
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,598
- We're gonna play in the store.
- Great.

135
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:25,293
Are we allowed to do that?

136
00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:26,998
- Absolutely not.
- Yeah.

137
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,195
Oh.

138
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,375
Well, so I'm gonna go tell Paula.

139
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,044
I'm just kidding.

140
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:36,240
I'm kidding. That sounds great.
Cool, I'll see you guys tonight.

141
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,339
- Okay.
- All right.

142
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,077
Oops.

143
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,045
- I almost feel guilty.
- No, you don't.

144
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,869
Going down!

145
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,302
Going down!

146
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,602
Dumbass.

147
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,943
And a full house.

148
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,743
- Oh, my dukes!
- What?

149
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,245
How much fucking online poker
do you play, dawg?

150
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:12,341
For like an hour or two a night,
when I'm not playing Halo.

151
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,320
Why did you invite this guy?
He's a fucking ringer, man.

152
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,582
This is hog shit.

153
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,851
You, you're a fucking asshole
to tell me to come here.

154
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,756
You tell me he was a nice guy,
didn't you?

155
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:23,158
Well, fuck you people,
and fuck you, you and you...

156
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,221
fuck and kiss my big brown
fucking ass, okay?

157
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,664
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.

158
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,791
- Peace.
- All right, man.

159
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:30,062
Fuck a goat.

160
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,268
- Good night.
- I love that guy.

161
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,274
Dude, you totally...
Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn.

162
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,003
About to go see Ellen
in a little bit.

163
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,544
Going now?
Late-night action, huh?

164
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:40,704
Dude, you know how it goes.

165
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,271
Does your girlfriend know
about all these late-night visits?

166
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:44,907
It's like an unspoken agreement.
Yeah.

167
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:48,044
It's like a completely
and utterly unspoken agreement.

168
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,281
If you knew her, if you knew
who I was dealing with...

169
00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:51,584
you wouldn't be saying this shit.

170
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,557
There's nothing you can't do
with this woman...

171
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,719
straight up and down.
I've done every single thing...

172
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,695
I could possibly create.
I've literally lubed up...

173
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,129
and made love to the arches
of her feet. All right.

174
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:01,291
- Wow!
- Yeah.

175
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,028
- Foot fuck!
- That's sick, man.

176
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,626
- Wow.
- That is not sick.

177
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,971
- I will give you sick.
- Oh, shit.

178
00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:09,837
I was sleeping with a woman
recently, she had the...

179
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:13,208
- Her tits were unbelievable.
- Oh, man, I love titties.

180
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,373
And so we're doing it
and I'm about to finish...

181
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,474
and her dog starts licking my ass.

182
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:22,885
I swear to God, I have to decide,
do I finish or do I stop the dog?

183
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,855
I know your nasty ass.
He finished.

184
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,290
I finished.
And then I stole the dog.

185
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,222
No, I didn't, but...

186
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:32,964
You know, sometimes,
Amy and I would make love...

187
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:35,159
till it was almost like
we weren't two people...

188
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,896
but we were two spirits
or something.

189
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,167
Our souls were connected in this way,
I can't describe it.

190
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,835
Time stood still. It was like we were
sharing the same heart.

191
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:48,710
Stop, man! Why do you always come
and kill the vibe with those things?

192
00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,749
"Sharing the same heart,"
that's like some...

193
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:51,942
Britney Spears shit, man.

194
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:55,010
This is three grown ass men,
don't nobody want to hear that shit.

195
00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,351
Yeah, man, come on,
nobody wants to hear that shit.

196
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,983
Thank you, Andy.
Dude, you broke up two years ago.

197
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,493
- You get over it at some point.
- Two years, man.

198
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,119
You need to get past that...

199
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:07,427
because no ass is worth thinking
that much about...

200
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:08,995
I always say.

201
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,701
Andy, do me a favor.

202
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:14,171
Would you please help him redeem himself
by telling a real sex story?

203
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,229
Yes.

204
00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:19,943
I don't... You know what,
I'm a gentleman and I don't...

205
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:21,810
I don't kiss and tell.

206
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:25,214
Fuck it, I raise you.
Nastiest shit you've ever done.

207
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,179
I'm talking about nasty.

208
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,445
Wow.

209
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:32,614
So many stories are running
through my head right now.

210
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,184
I dated this girl...

211
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:40,357
for a while, and she was
really a nasty freak.

212
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:45,302
She just loved to get down
with sex all the time.

213
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,931
She was like, any time of day,
she was like:

214
00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:50,737
"Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty. "

215
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,140
And I'd be nailing her.

216
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,439
- Oh, shit.
- She'd be like:

217
00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:55,878
"Oh, you're nailing me. Cool. "

218
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:59,551
- She talk dirty to you?
- She loved to dirty-talk.

219
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,449
Totally into it.
She'd be like:

220
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:07,481
"Yeah, let's screw, let's...
I wanna fuck. "

221
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,121
God, it was so dirty.

222
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:14,692
She'd be like, "Me so horny,
me love you long time. "

223
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:15,991
So...

224
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,969
- So what were the titties like?
- Yeah, describe her...

225
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,131
Yeah, she had great tits.

226
00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:24,401
No, I mean, like, detailed.
Did she have, like, you know...

227
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,274
- ... them little pink teeny nipples.
- Oh, yeah.

228
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,836
<i>Or like the long
National Geographic nipples.</i>

229
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,474
You have like the bumpy Braille nipples,
the Stevie Wonders.

230
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,915
Yeah, they were nice.

231
00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:36,216
You know, when you, like,
you grab a woman's breast and it's...

232
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:38,750
And you feel it and...

233
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:43,517
it feels like a bag of sand
when you're touching it.

234
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,196
Bag of sand?

235
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,459
You know what I mean.
Why don't we just play?

236
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:52,197
Why don't you just deal the cards?

237
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,898
What are you talking about?

238
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,032
Have you ever felt
a breast before, man?

239
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,097
Yes.

240
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:59,736
- Dude, are you gay?
- No, I'm not gay.

241
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,439
I've been with tons of women.

242
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,539
I touched a guy's balls
at Hebrew school once.

243
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,584
Dude, it's not a big deal.
You like to fuck guys.

244
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:08,279
I'm cool. I got friends
who fuck guys, in jail.

245
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:09,715
No, I'm not gay.

246
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,781
No, I've borked a lot of women
in my day.

247
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:13,984
You've "borked"?

248
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:17,024
Hold up.
Yo, answer this question:

249
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:19,428
Are you a virgin?

250
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,365
Are you a virgin?

251
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,799
Yeah, not since I was 10.

252
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,430
It all makes sense.
You're a virgin.

253
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:30,031
- I am... Shut up.
- How does that happen?

254
00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:31,542
He's a fucking virgin.

255
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:34,909
I knew it. That makes so much sense, man.
Look, he's a virgin.

256
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,278
- You guys are hilarious.
- All right, come on, don't be mean.

257
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,442
I'm not being mean.
I'm trying to help the partner out.

258
00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,247
I'm trying to say
I wanna get you laid, dude.

259
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,514
I understand what's going on.

260
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:45,421
You guys are so up your asses.

261
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:49,025
From now on, your dick is my dick.
I'm getting you some pussy.

262
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:03,908
A bag of sand! Come on, man!
You could do better than that.

263
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:07,801
God, me so horny?
Me so stupid!

264
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:15,410
Oh, come on.

265
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:21,182
It's gonna be fine.
They don't even remember.

266
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,023
Those guys are cool.

267
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,327
This is gonna be bad.

268
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,131
Yeah, well,
virgin's not a dirty word.

269
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,232
You know what's a dirty word,
is asshole...

270
00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:38,799
and that's what you guys are.

271
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,109
You know, I may not have had sex,
but I could fuck you up.

272
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,344
Yeah.

273
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:52,017
Come on.

274
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,857
- Hey, David.
- Hey, Andy.

275
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,091
- What's up?
- Cal, good morning.

276
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,163
- Hey, Andy.
- Hey.

277
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,175
We're gonna have to get you
some punani.

278
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:17,113
Andy, it's going down,
partner. We're gonna be...

279
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,749
This for you, partner, this for you.

280
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,789
Waves of them coming at you
on Friday, Saturday.

281
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,451
By Sunday,
your nuts gonna be drained.

282
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:31,155
Hey, Andy, don't let him bother you.
It's okay not to have sex.

283
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:33,664
Not everybody is a pussy magnet.

284
00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:37,668
- What are you? 25?
- I'm 40.

285
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,464
Holy shit, man.
You've got to get on that.

286
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:44,871
Life isn't about sex.
Life is about children and passion.

287
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,266
Yeah.

288
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:48,438
- And spirit.
- Yeah, life's about passion.

289
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,074
It's not about fucking
and balls and pussy.

290
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:54,449
It's about love.
It's about people.

291
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:58,053
- It's about connection.
- It's all about connections.

292
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:02,287
It's not about cock and ass and tits
and butthole pleasures.

293
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,090
It's not about
butthole pleasures at all.

294
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:07,394
It's not about this rusty trombone
and dirty Sanchez.

295
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,435
- Please stop.
- And Cincinnati bowtie.

296
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:15,369
And your pussy juice cocktail
and this shit-stained balls.

297
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,931
- Mooj, just please stop.
- Just relax...

298
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,204
All right.
That's enough, party's over.

299
00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:21,240
Let the virgin get back to work.

300
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,777
Andy!

301
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,452
Andy, come on.
We were just kidding.

302
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:30,880
Pointless.

303
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:33,254
Andy, nobody cares
that you're a virgin.

304
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,156
Don't be such a baby.

305
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,626
They were just having fun.
They didn't mean anything.

306
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,493
- Get away from me, David.
- Wait a minute.

307
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,465
- Stop following me!
- Hold up.

308
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,901
- Hold on.
- I'm gonna have to quit my job now.

309
00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:48,234
You don't have to quit your job.

310
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,138
You know what, I don't wanna
go out with you guys.

311
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:51,540
- Fine.
- Okay? I don't need your help.

312
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,101
Okay, fine, you don't have to go out
with us if you don't want.

313
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,704
You know what, I respect women,
I love women.

314
00:16:57,049 --> 00:17:00,416
I respect them so much that I completely
stay away from them.

315
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:02,882
- Okay.
- I have a very fulfilling life.

316
00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:10,492
And now, I am making
your silver pants blue.

317
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,488
Get some roadburn, come on!

318
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,960
Come on, sucker!

319
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,368
# Now, pretty ladies
around the worid #

320
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,597
# Got a weird thing
to show you #

321
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,533
Oh, my God!

322
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,512
Hey, Will and Grace, back to work.

323
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,778
Hey, Haziz, can you just
give us a second?

324
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:36,150
We're just kind of
in the middle of something.

325
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:37,916
I'm on my break, okay?

326
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,424
Fuck off, Haziz.
Leave us alone, all right?

327
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,585
- Fuck off? Fuck you!
- Fuck you!

328
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,629
- Fuck you! Fuck off.
- Fuck off.

329
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:46,425
I'm gonna kick you in the nuts,
asshole.

330
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:49,729
Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay?
I have a family.

331
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:50,894
Watch how you talk to me!

332
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,961
It's a free country, Bambi.
I can smoke out here if I want to.

333
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,301
Smoke my pole.

334
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,672
- You are a very unkind man.
- Get inside!

335
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,074
This is not professional.

336
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,442
Paula, this asshole over here...

337
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,310
- It's okay.
- Paula!

338
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,883
It's all right. Come on.
You know, it's just...

339
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,283
So, how could this not have happened?

340
00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:10,253
It just never happened.

341
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:14,090
When I was young, I tried,
and it didn't happen.

342
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:18,162
And then I got older and I got
more and more nervous...

343
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:21,698
because it hadn't happened yet.
And I got kind of...

344
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,330
weirded out about it.
Then it really didn't happen...

345
00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:28,601
and then, I don't know,
I just kind of stopped trying.

346
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,336
Do you want to give it
another shot?

347
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,173
Maybe it's too late.

348
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,077
Sometimes I feel that
it is just too late for me.

349
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,480
No, that's crazy.

350
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:42,520
You're 40 years old.
You know, 40 is the new 20.

351
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,579
You wanna spend the next 60 years
of your life...

352
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,146
never experiencing sex?

353
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:48,284
And not just sex, but love...

354
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:53,297
and a relationship, and laughing
and cuddling and all that shit.

355
00:18:53,932 --> 00:18:55,263
I don't know.

356
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:59,665
- I wouldn't know what to do.
- Look, you gotta take a risk.

357
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,399
You gotta risk it.
Look at me.

358
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,373
I went out with this girl
for four months...

359
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,171
and it was the greatest...

360
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,573
greatest thing in my life.

361
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:12,416
Until she went down on this
guy in an Escalade, I think.

362
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,609
And, you know, instead of saying:

363
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:17,678
"Okay, what am I doing
that caused this behavior?"...

364
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:19,587
I dumped her. Stupid decision.

365
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,525
I spent the last two years
of my life regretting it.

366
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,494
Why don't you get her back right now?

367
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,656
Because she's dating this pot dealer.

368
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,359
Stupid horrible decision.

369
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:31,596
But, hey, that's her journey, you know.
I gotta respect that.

370
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:32,932
I gotta give her the space.

371
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:36,941
She wants to be some immature little bitch
and blow everybody...

372
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,034
- ... that's love, man.
- It sounds horrible.

373
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,272
Of course it's horrible.
It's suffering...

374
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,871
and it's pain and it's...
You know, you lose weight...

375
00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:45,439
and then you put back on weight...

376
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,610
and then you call them
a bunch of times...

377
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,053
and you try and email and then they move
or they change their email...

378
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,647
but that's just love.

379
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,059
Do you realize that
this is the first time...

380
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,425
we've spoken for more than,
like, 30 seconds?

381
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,554
Uh-huh.

382
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,798
- It's kind of nice.
- Come out with us this weekend.

383
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,934
No pressure.
We'll just have a good time.

384
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:07,798
Okay, yeah, I will.
I'll give it a shot.

385
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:08,897
Great.

386
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,169
But I'm not going to have sex
with anybody.

387
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,973
Good, sex should be
the last thing on your mind.

388
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,858
Logjam. Hi.

389
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:34,754
Shit.

390
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,530
Oh, God.

391
00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:45,002
Sorry.

392
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,477
See you later.
Thanks for the dance.

393
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,015
I'm okay. It's all right.

394
00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:07,929
Oh, come on, bus!

395
00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:16,834
Oh, come on, dogs!

396
00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:21,912
Shit! You gotta be kidding me.

397
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:41,859
I mean, I'm kind of nervous.
I never had oral sex before.

398
00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:46,997
Jennifer told me how to do it.
It's gonna kick ass.

399
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:55,174
What are you doing?

400
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:56,646
Okay, just...
We're almost there.

401
00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:00,149
We have one.
Houston, we have one.

402
00:22:00,919 --> 00:22:03,149
You'll pull my fucking hair out!

403
00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:05,121
- We did it.
- God!

404
00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:06,885
Oh, my God,
you came in your pants.

405
00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:09,756
- What did you do?
- I had some Cream of Wheat.

406
00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:12,560
- You know what else is sexy?
- What?

407
00:22:13,131 --> 00:22:14,826
- Me...
- Yeah?

408
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,094
...sucking...

409
00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:19,994
on your...

410
00:22:20,605 --> 00:22:21,629
toe.

411
00:22:21,707 --> 00:22:23,607
- That's what you want to suck on?
- Yeah.

412
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:27,975
- It's just so big and thick.
- Okay.

413
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:31,012
Yeah.

414
00:22:34,052 --> 00:22:35,041
That tickles.

415
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,247
I'm sorry. Oh, no.

416
00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:40,348
- Your nose is bleeding.
- You think?

417
00:22:40,425 --> 00:22:42,825
- I'm sorry.
- I'm hot.

418
00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:45,120
But, now,
you can't have any of this.

419
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:47,832
You should just give up forever!

420
00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:58,438
Cal, what do you think?
Is this too yellow?

421
00:22:58,510 --> 00:22:59,534
No.

422
00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:01,971
What's Curious George like
in real life?

423
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,241
Come on, man.

424
00:23:12,991 --> 00:23:15,391
Wow, this is pretty crowded.

425
00:23:15,694 --> 00:23:18,561
Yeah. Well, it's $9 beer night.

426
00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,164
Okay, look now.

427
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,463
So, this is what's about to happen,
all right?

428
00:23:23,535 --> 00:23:26,231
You about to go run down
some drunk chicks, all right?

429
00:23:26,304 --> 00:23:28,738
And don't confuse that with tipsy.
We talking about drunk.

430
00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:30,832
I want vomit in the hair,
bruised-up knees.

431
00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:32,399
A broken heel is a plus.

432
00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:34,001
That's what you want to find, okay?

433
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,877
No, Dave already told me
I didn't have to have sex tonight.

434
00:23:36,948 --> 00:23:37,972
And now he's gone, so...

435
00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:40,040
Dude, just stop thinking
for a minute, all right?

436
00:23:40,118 --> 00:23:41,745
You ain't got to think
on this one.

437
00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:43,754
All you got to do
is use your instinct.

438
00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:45,255
Show me your instincts.

439
00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:48,087
My head, my heart.
I follow my heart.

440
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,788
Now, I'm gonna show you this
one time, all right?

441
00:23:50,862 --> 00:23:53,592
Instincts.
Show me your instincts.

442
00:23:54,199 --> 00:23:56,394
- Show me your instincts.
- They're right here.

443
00:23:56,735 --> 00:23:58,532
Own your instincts.

444
00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:01,604
All you doing is using your instinct.
That's it.

445
00:24:01,673 --> 00:24:04,471
That's how a tiger know
he got to tackle a gazelle.

446
00:24:04,543 --> 00:24:06,443
There's a code written in his DNA.

447
00:24:06,511 --> 00:24:08,206
- It says, "Tackle the gazelle. "
- Okay.

448
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,443
And believe it or not, in every man,
there's a code written that says:

449
00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:13,450
- "Tackle drunk bitches. "
- No.

450
00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:17,010
You know what,
I don't feel comfortable...

451
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,554
hitting on drunk "bitches,"
you know.

452
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:21,785
I don't think that's right.

453
00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:23,054
Okay, hold up.

454
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,995
First of all, you making it out to be
some kind of bad thing.

455
00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:28,498
I didn't use bitches in a derogatory sense.
You did.

456
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,262
It just does...
This doesn't feel right.

457
00:24:30,335 --> 00:24:33,202
Of course it don't feel right.
What has felt right for you didn't work.

458
00:24:33,271 --> 00:24:35,865
You need to try some wrong, dawg.

459
00:24:38,009 --> 00:24:40,443
Okay, how do I tell
which ones are drunk?

460
00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,207
Now you're talking all right.
Check this out.

461
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,043
- You see this redhead over here?
- Where?

462
00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:47,676
- With the big old titties.
- I'm not gonna stare at a woman.

463
00:24:47,752 --> 00:24:50,346
Dawg, I'm not telling you
to stare at nobody.

464
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:53,253
I'm telling you to use your peripherals.
Now look at me.

465
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:54,792
- See. Look. See?
- Yeah.

466
00:24:55,227 --> 00:24:56,558
I'm not looking at you.

467
00:24:57,295 --> 00:24:59,855
- No. I'm looking at...
- You're looking at her?

468
00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:05,327
- What do you want me to do?
- I want you to use your peripherals.

469
00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:07,638
See? I'm not looking at you.

470
00:25:08,707 --> 00:25:12,939
No. See, I'm looking at the redhead
at 3:00 with the big titties.

471
00:25:13,144 --> 00:25:16,011
You see her, racked up right there,
see her?

472
00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:17,904
- Yes.
- Yeah.

473
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,414
- You find one with the peripherals.
- Okay.

474
00:25:21,820 --> 00:25:24,948
You see, over by the post.

475
00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:26,952
It looks like a...

476
00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:28,754
It's either a ficus...

477
00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:30,556
It might be a rubber tree plant.

478
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:33,729
All right, if you're making a joke,
dawg, it's not funny.

479
00:25:33,798 --> 00:25:36,392
I see a blonde and she's very pretty.

480
00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:38,902
Better, okay. All right.

481
00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:40,995
- Now with your peripherals...
- Yeah.

482
00:25:41,072 --> 00:25:43,540
...you got to scope out a hot,
drunk chick.

483
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,039
And then you should make your move.

484
00:25:45,110 --> 00:25:46,941
- Okay? All right.
- Yes.

485
00:25:47,145 --> 00:25:49,943
And remember, it's more important
that she's drunk than she's hot.

486
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:52,482
For this first one. Go get her.
Peripherals, though.

487
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:53,711
All the way.

488
00:25:54,853 --> 00:25:56,115
All peripherals.

489
00:26:03,461 --> 00:26:04,758
That boy is stubborn.

490
00:26:07,632 --> 00:26:10,931
Hi, I'm Andy.
You look comfortable.

491
00:26:11,169 --> 00:26:13,603
Can I get you another cocktail?

492
00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:14,831
Too drunk.

493
00:26:14,906 --> 00:26:18,342
- But you got the right idea.
- But clinically alive.

494
00:26:20,478 --> 00:26:21,467
- Hey!
- Yo!

495
00:26:21,546 --> 00:26:23,946
I'm having trouble
finding the drunk people.

496
00:26:24,015 --> 00:26:26,245
- You want to know where there's one?
- Yeah.

497
00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:30,152
I. I, Captain Yellowshirts.

498
00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:33,450
Okay. Have a good one.

499
00:26:33,525 --> 00:26:34,719
- Yo!
- What?

500
00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:37,956
I met a girl and she's here
with a bachelorette party...

501
00:26:38,029 --> 00:26:40,054
and they invited us to party with them.

502
00:26:40,332 --> 00:26:43,267
- Okay, that's good.
- It's so good...

503
00:26:43,335 --> 00:26:44,996
because no one is hornier
than a girl...

504
00:26:45,070 --> 00:26:47,698
who's about to watch her friend
get married to a guy.

505
00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,205
It's so funny.

506
00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:57,145
So we just decided because
this is my last night as a free woman...

507
00:26:57,215 --> 00:27:00,309
before I marry Dan,
that we would just wig out.

508
00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:02,213
We're wigging out!

509
00:27:03,221 --> 00:27:06,019
You guys are hilarious.

510
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:08,554
Wait a minute.

511
00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:12,154
Yes, Mr. President.
Yes, the erection results are in.

512
00:27:13,398 --> 00:27:16,196
Hey, guys, look, it's Dr. Zeus' penis.

513
00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:18,465
I really mean this.

514
00:27:19,404 --> 00:27:21,838
Hey, everybody, who wants penis cake?

515
00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,198
I do.

516
00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:26,573
- She does.
- Hey, you guys, Betty Cocker.

517
00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,305
What a good guy. What a...

518
00:27:30,382 --> 00:27:32,373
Dan, the guy Robin's marrying...

519
00:27:32,450 --> 00:27:35,681
is such a good guy.

520
00:27:35,754 --> 00:27:37,346
He sounds like a good guy.

521
00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:40,448
I hated him for like two years
'cause he cheated on me.

522
00:27:40,725 --> 00:27:41,953
- Oh.
- But...

523
00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:46,626
he's really changed now.

524
00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:50,893
- He's a really good guy now.
- Your friends seem nice.

525
00:27:50,969 --> 00:27:53,460
You have really kind eyes,
you know that?

526
00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:56,937
Thanks. Your hat has sequins.

527
00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:00,500
Mmm.

528
00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:05,240
Mmm.

529
00:28:11,222 --> 00:28:13,452
- Your hands are on my belt.
- What?

530
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,550
- Your hands are on my belt.
- I'm sorry.

531
00:28:15,627 --> 00:28:16,821
It's good.

532
00:28:17,762 --> 00:28:18,990
You're cute.

533
00:28:19,064 --> 00:28:21,259
This is kind of lame.
You wanna get out of here?

534
00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:22,822
Okay, yeah.

535
00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:29,438
- Yeah.
- Fuck.

536
00:28:30,008 --> 00:28:31,339
- Come on.
- Okay.

537
00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:38,046
You wanna drive?

538
00:28:38,116 --> 00:28:40,641
I don't have a car with me here, so...

539
00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,584
Cars just suck.

540
00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:45,716
I'm driving.

541
00:28:46,958 --> 00:28:47,982
Are you drunk?

542
00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:49,617
No, I didn't have anything
to drink.

543
00:28:49,694 --> 00:28:51,889
- Blow into this?
- Okay.

544
00:28:56,968 --> 00:29:00,836
- What is this?
- The judge recommended I get one.

545
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,904
- Whoa, okay. Wow.
- That's fast.

546
00:29:12,817 --> 00:29:15,342
- Okay.
- Come on, you're in the lasso.

547
00:29:18,356 --> 00:29:20,085
# Missy be puttin' it down #

548
00:29:20,158 --> 00:29:21,250
# I'm the hottest round #

549
00:29:21,326 --> 00:29:22,850
# I told y'all mother-uh #

550
00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:24,121
# Y'all can't stop me now #

551
00:29:24,195 --> 00:29:25,253
# Listen to me now #

552
00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:26,592
# I'm lastin' 20 rounds #

553
00:29:26,664 --> 00:29:28,154
# And if you want me, people #

554
00:29:28,233 --> 00:29:29,757
# Then come on get me now #

555
00:29:30,668 --> 00:29:34,729
And Dan's like,
"You're such a B-I-T-C-H, bitch!"

556
00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,773
And I'm like,
"You're the bitch, bitch. "

557
00:29:38,843 --> 00:29:40,572
- You know?
- Yeah.

558
00:29:40,645 --> 00:29:42,374
What was your name again?

559
00:29:42,647 --> 00:29:44,171
- Andy.
- Andy.

560
00:29:44,249 --> 00:29:48,982
Let me tell you something, Andy.
Don't ever be named Dan.

561
00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:52,051
Dan rhymes with man,
and men jerk off.

562
00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:53,590
And he was a jerk-off.

563
00:29:53,658 --> 00:29:56,354
- Do you know what I mean?
- Look out! The car!

564
00:29:56,661 --> 00:29:59,630
- Wow.
- I like you.

565
00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:01,554
You're not a...

566
00:30:03,902 --> 00:30:04,926
Ugh.

567
00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:08,029
I think I ate some bad shellfish sandwich
or something.

568
00:30:09,374 --> 00:30:11,399
- You're cute.
- No.

569
00:30:17,882 --> 00:30:20,874
- That tasted good.
- That tasted like shellfish.

570
00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:24,951
Look out! Sorry.

571
00:30:25,990 --> 00:30:27,082
Watch it!

572
00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:31,985
- Do you think I'm pretty?
- Oh, yes.

573
00:30:32,297 --> 00:30:33,764
Oh, God, yes!

574
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:39,567
- You're not looking at me.
- Yes, you're pretty.

575
00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:42,299
Do you think I'm pretty?
Look at me.

576
00:30:42,373 --> 00:30:45,433
- Look at me!
- I'm looking! You're pretty!

577
00:30:45,510 --> 00:30:47,910
God, I just wanna live!

578
00:30:49,547 --> 00:30:52,107
God, I hope I get my period soon.

579
00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:55,742
- I am in a bad mood.
- Okay.

580
00:30:55,820 --> 00:30:58,653
I'm so tired.

581
00:30:59,390 --> 00:31:00,789
Hey, whoa!

582
00:31:01,926 --> 00:31:04,360
Oh, God! Turn away!

583
00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:06,857
Hey, get off the wheel.

584
00:31:08,566 --> 00:31:11,160
You're not gonna get in my pants
acting like that.

585
00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,794
I'm starving.

586
00:31:13,037 --> 00:31:15,562
Let's get some fucking French toast.

587
00:31:17,642 --> 00:31:21,271
- Okay, here we are.
- Oh, God, we made it.

588
00:31:21,346 --> 00:31:22,711
Home sweet home.

589
00:31:24,015 --> 00:31:25,676
Oh, mommy!

590
00:31:29,554 --> 00:31:33,354
- Are you okay?
- The fucker came out of nowhere.

591
00:31:34,759 --> 00:31:37,125
Okay. We're okay.

592
00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:41,696
Are you okay?

593
00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:44,494
Well, are you...
What's the matter?

594
00:31:50,174 --> 00:31:51,436
I'm sorry.

595
00:31:52,010 --> 00:31:55,468
That's okay.
I think I kind of had that coming.

596
00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:58,408
I'll still have sex with you
if you want.

597
00:31:58,483 --> 00:32:01,509
You know what, I think I'm gonna
pass on the sex, if you don't mind.

598
00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:04,077
At least I don't have
to work out tomorrow.

599
00:32:04,822 --> 00:32:06,722
- Did you have a daiquiri tonight?
- Yeah.

600
00:32:06,791 --> 00:32:07,849
I thought you might.

601
00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:09,791
It was a very bad night.

602
00:32:11,696 --> 00:32:12,788
Yeah, laugh.

603
00:32:12,864 --> 00:32:15,196
You know what, you guys wouldn't be
laughing right now...

604
00:32:15,266 --> 00:32:18,758
if some girl had just vomited
shellfish sandwich into your mouth.

605
00:32:19,971 --> 00:32:21,836
You know what, you're right,
it's my bad.

606
00:32:21,906 --> 00:32:23,897
Let me apologize to you
first of all...

607
00:32:23,975 --> 00:32:27,809
for not mentioning in detail
that when you pick up a drunk woman...

608
00:32:27,879 --> 00:32:30,541
who's falling down
on her way out of the bar...

609
00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:33,448
- ... that you should probably drive.
- I drive a bike.

610
00:32:33,518 --> 00:32:37,079
Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong,
who asked you to drive a bike?

611
00:32:37,155 --> 00:32:39,316
You know what, I'm not the only person
in the worid...

612
00:32:39,390 --> 00:32:40,550
who rides a bike.

613
00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:43,321
Yeah, everyone rides a bike,
when they're fucking six.

614
00:32:43,394 --> 00:32:45,521
Why don't you kiss something?

615
00:32:45,596 --> 00:32:48,724
Because this is over,
you guys, okay?

616
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,461
Can I just interject for a second?

617
00:32:50,535 --> 00:32:51,934
Let me just say...

618
00:32:52,036 --> 00:32:54,402
you're putting the pussy up
on this pedestal.

619
00:32:54,472 --> 00:32:55,996
You're just building
the pussy up, man.

620
00:32:56,074 --> 00:32:57,473
What are you even talking about?

621
00:32:57,542 --> 00:32:59,510
"Building the pussy up,"
what does that mean?

622
00:32:59,577 --> 00:33:04,276
You making the pussy into this
great big Greek goddess named Pussalia...

623
00:33:04,349 --> 00:33:05,543
and what you're doing is...

624
00:33:05,616 --> 00:33:08,915
you're psyching yourself into thinking
it's some impossible feat.

625
00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:10,352
Yeah, I think you're right.

626
00:33:10,421 --> 00:33:12,389
I'm putting the pussy up
on a pedestal.

627
00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:13,856
- Right.
- That's it.

628
00:33:14,058 --> 00:33:15,855
It's "Pussalia," right?

629
00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:18,395
- Look where you going.
- I don't wanna say the word anymore.

630
00:33:18,463 --> 00:33:20,727
- Say what word?
- "Pussy. " I don't wanna say it.

631
00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:23,062
Fuck it.
"Pussy" is a scientific word.

632
00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,260
Dude! New pants, man.

633
00:33:25,803 --> 00:33:26,792
You know what, Dave?

634
00:33:26,871 --> 00:33:29,431
You know, you said there wasn't gonna be
any pressure at all.

635
00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:31,134
- I'm not pressuring you.
- Excuse me.

636
00:33:31,209 --> 00:33:32,836
Can one of you guys help me, please?

637
00:33:32,910 --> 00:33:34,468
<i>No hablo English, lady.</i>

638
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,178
I actually am helping
a customer right now.

639
00:33:38,249 --> 00:33:40,615
- Okay, well...
- I'm on break.

640
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,245
But our stock supervisor
is very knowledgeable.

641
00:33:43,321 --> 00:33:45,812
He can answer all of your questions
and he'd love to help you.

642
00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:46,948
Thank you.

643
00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:48,583
- Have a nice day.
- You, too.

644
00:33:49,494 --> 00:33:53,760
- Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish.
- Hi, Andy is my name.

645
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:57,459
- This one looks pretty good.
- You don't wanna buy that VCR.

646
00:33:57,535 --> 00:33:58,524
I don't?

647
00:33:58,603 --> 00:34:00,400
No, actually to be
totally honest with you...

648
00:34:00,471 --> 00:34:01,802
you don't wanna buy any VCR.

649
00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,568
It's a dead technology.

650
00:34:03,641 --> 00:34:07,771
It's like getting
an eight-track player.

651
00:34:07,845 --> 00:34:10,245
- Yeah.
- Or a Betamax.

652
00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:12,373
You know what, actually
I'd recommend this one.

653
00:34:12,450 --> 00:34:13,576
This is a dual.

654
00:34:13,651 --> 00:34:16,711
You've got the VCR and DVD combo.

655
00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:20,315
So, you know, that technology would be
probably pretty good for...

656
00:34:20,591 --> 00:34:21,717
- Six months or so?
- Yeah.

657
00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,090
That's good.

658
00:34:23,227 --> 00:34:25,161
At best. Sorry.

659
00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:27,662
- No.
- As good as it gets.

660
00:34:27,799 --> 00:34:28,993
Okay, that sounds good, then.

661
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,159
Okay, all right.

662
00:34:31,335 --> 00:34:32,393
- It's perfect.
- Sorry.

663
00:34:32,470 --> 00:34:33,732
Coming through.

664
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:35,164
Okay.

665
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,969
God, you know, it's so funny,
I work right across the street...

666
00:34:38,042 --> 00:34:39,475
and I've never been in this place.

667
00:34:39,544 --> 00:34:40,977
- Really? Where at?
- Yeah.

668
00:34:41,045 --> 00:34:43,673
The "We Sell Your Stuff On eBay"
store.

669
00:34:44,482 --> 00:34:46,177
- Yes.
- And that's the name?

670
00:34:46,417 --> 00:34:48,783
Yeah, I was looking for something...

671
00:34:48,953 --> 00:34:51,820
...you know, obvious.
So I chose that.

672
00:34:51,889 --> 00:34:54,084
I don't understand.
So, what, you do what?

673
00:34:54,459 --> 00:34:56,427
Well, I take the stuff
that you don't want...

674
00:34:56,494 --> 00:34:58,587
and then I "sell" it on eBay.

675
00:34:58,663 --> 00:35:01,154
But you don't actually
sell anything in the store?

676
00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:03,691
No. I don't.

677
00:35:04,435 --> 00:35:06,528
So why do you have a store?

678
00:35:06,604 --> 00:35:07,901
I don't know.

679
00:35:07,972 --> 00:35:11,237
No, I think it's because, you know,
I wanna maybe look professional...

680
00:35:11,309 --> 00:35:14,278
and not like a crazy person
who's just gonna steal all your shit.

681
00:35:14,345 --> 00:35:16,711
Sure. I didn't mean anything by that.

682
00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:18,248
No, it's okay.

683
00:35:18,416 --> 00:35:22,113
You know what, you should come by sometime
if you want, you know...

684
00:35:22,186 --> 00:35:23,983
see it for yourself, check it out.

685
00:35:24,055 --> 00:35:25,613
I'll check out your empty store.

686
00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:28,921
Yeah, it's the one across the street
that's not empty.

687
00:35:30,261 --> 00:35:31,751
Here's my number. So...

688
00:35:32,296 --> 00:35:34,764
- All right.
- So, just anytime.

689
00:35:35,433 --> 00:35:38,300
Why do I need your number
if you're across the street, though?

690
00:35:39,570 --> 00:35:42,562
I don't really have a good answer
for that, Andy. I just...

691
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,608
- Sorry.
- Just giving it to you.

692
00:35:44,842 --> 00:35:47,936
So I'll write you up,
and I'll meet you over at the register.

693
00:35:48,012 --> 00:35:49,673
- Okay.
- And check you out... Check out.

694
00:35:49,747 --> 00:35:51,078
- Okay, see you over there.
- Okay.

695
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,138
Okay.

696
00:35:52,550 --> 00:35:54,609
- Awful chatty.
- Hey...

697
00:35:55,019 --> 00:35:57,180
Look, I think she gave me
her number.

698
00:35:57,255 --> 00:35:59,780
She wrote down her number,
but I think she gave me her number.

699
00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:01,222
- No, she gave you.
- Dude, man.

700
00:36:01,292 --> 00:36:02,884
See, you still mad at me?

701
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,825
- No, I was never.
- Right, you see what I mean?

702
00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:06,796
Yeah, we gonna celebrate it, man.
Yeah.

703
00:36:06,864 --> 00:36:08,297
- This is pretty cool.
- Yeah.

704
00:36:08,366 --> 00:36:10,300
- Unbelievable.
- Come on, give him some credit, man.

705
00:36:10,368 --> 00:36:11,562
The man pulled a number.

706
00:36:11,636 --> 00:36:14,196
It's just... I was in...
I can't believe that happened.

707
00:36:14,272 --> 00:36:15,739
What you did with you's own hand.

708
00:36:15,806 --> 00:36:17,967
Man, she just gave me her number.

709
00:36:18,142 --> 00:36:22,772
That's great, man. I'm telling you,
love is a mysterious fig.

710
00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:23,871
It is.

711
00:36:23,948 --> 00:36:26,712
Okay, here's a question.
When should I call her?

712
00:36:27,318 --> 00:36:28,580
- You like her?
- Yeah.

713
00:36:28,653 --> 00:36:30,120
You definitely don't want to call her.

714
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,815
When is the next Olympics?

715
00:36:31,889 --> 00:36:33,254
So what you just got to do is...

716
00:36:33,324 --> 00:36:35,053
just get you a bunch
of these hood rats...

717
00:36:35,126 --> 00:36:36,559
run through them,
just knock them out.

718
00:36:36,627 --> 00:36:37,685
Boom, boom, boom.

719
00:36:37,762 --> 00:36:40,322
And once you've done slayed like 20,
30 of them hood rats...

720
00:36:40,398 --> 00:36:43,128
now you ready to go up
to the upper echelon type ho.

721
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:45,328
- You know what I mean?
- I'm not a big ho runner.

722
00:36:45,403 --> 00:36:47,200
My uncle used to drive a ho runner.

723
00:36:47,271 --> 00:36:49,136
Screw these analogies.
What he's saying is...

724
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,232
you are going to be so bad
at sex the first time...

725
00:36:51,309 --> 00:36:53,243
you don't want to have sex
with someone you like...

726
00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:55,745
'cause they'll think you're a weirdo
for being so lame at it.

727
00:36:55,813 --> 00:36:57,872
You want to have sex
with hood rats first...

728
00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:00,008
so that by the time
you get to the girl you do like...

729
00:37:00,084 --> 00:37:03,542
you're not terrible at sex,
you'll be mediocre at it.

730
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:05,355
Probably still pretty bad, though.

731
00:37:05,423 --> 00:37:07,653
Let's put it up for my man
for pulling that number.

732
00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:10,091
- Way to go, man.
- Politicked his ass off.

733
00:37:10,161 --> 00:37:12,459
- You did politic.
- Thanks a lot.

734
00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:14,588
Like a train, round the bend.
You ready?

735
00:37:48,799 --> 00:37:49,788
Yeah.

736
00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:52,129
- I can't.
- Do it.

737
00:37:52,203 --> 00:37:53,830
- I can't pee in public.
- Gotta do it.

738
00:37:53,904 --> 00:37:55,496
I've got a mental block about it.

739
00:37:55,573 --> 00:37:58,770
- Come on, do it.
- I'm shy!

740
00:38:03,014 --> 00:38:05,642
I peed in public!

741
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,282
- Let me out.
- I can't hear what you're saying.

742
00:38:08,352 --> 00:38:10,912
- I don't want to be in here.
- It's a soundproof room.

743
00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:13,783
- Just learn the techniques.
- Right on, man.

744
00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:17,158
You guys, this is not funny!

745
00:38:48,426 --> 00:38:49,415
Hello.

746
00:38:56,067 --> 00:38:57,432
Hey, what you watching?

747
00:38:57,501 --> 00:38:59,628
<i>- Dawn of the Dead, man.
- Great.</i>

748
00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:01,863
The store is slow.
Paula's gone.

749
00:39:01,939 --> 00:39:04,339
- Yo, is Paula back?
- No. She's not here.

750
00:39:04,809 --> 00:39:06,777
- She said we can't watch this in here.
- You sure?

751
00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:09,210
I know.
Can I ask you something in confidence?

752
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,339
I know this is gonna sound weird.

753
00:39:12,049 --> 00:39:13,539
Am I good-looking?

754
00:39:13,617 --> 00:39:15,346
Do you think a woman
will find me attractive?

755
00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:17,114
Oh, my God!

756
00:39:17,888 --> 00:39:20,482
- Oh, my God, the blood just...
- Okay, never mind.

757
00:39:20,558 --> 00:39:22,389
Wait, Andy. Hold up.

758
00:39:22,460 --> 00:39:25,452
Listen, this is embarrassing for me.
This is hard to talk about.

759
00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:27,997
- Are you ready for my honest answer?
- Yes.

760
00:39:28,399 --> 00:39:30,765
Yeah.
I think you're a good-looking cat.

761
00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:33,093
I don't think that anybody knows it...

762
00:39:33,170 --> 00:39:34,762
and I don't think anybody can see it.

763
00:39:34,839 --> 00:39:35,999
Well, that's why I'm asking you.

764
00:39:36,073 --> 00:39:38,598
You seem really well-groomed
and really put together.

765
00:39:38,676 --> 00:39:41,372
I mean, look, dude.
You think this was an accident?

766
00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:44,237
All of this right here?
Premeditated, partner.

767
00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:47,716
You gotta highlight your attributes,
like a diamond in the rough.

768
00:39:47,785 --> 00:39:49,514
You willing to make some sacrifices?

769
00:39:49,587 --> 00:39:50,645
Absolutely.

770
00:39:50,721 --> 00:39:53,519
<i>You see that whole Teen Wolf thing
you got going right there?</i>

771
00:39:53,591 --> 00:39:55,456
You need to wax that right out.

772
00:39:55,526 --> 00:39:57,391
- Does it hurt?
- No. Waxing don't hurt.

773
00:39:57,461 --> 00:39:59,452
I mean, not unless you're a bitch.
You know what I mean?

774
00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:01,020
It didn't hurt me.
I get it done all the time.

775
00:40:01,098 --> 00:40:02,793
What the fuck!

776
00:40:06,303 --> 00:40:08,203
Fuck that nigger up!

777
00:40:09,140 --> 00:40:11,608
Bitch, get out of the room!

778
00:40:14,545 --> 00:40:16,570
This is gonna be good.

779
00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,877
- This the one right here, right?
- Hi, how are you?

780
00:40:18,949 --> 00:40:20,974
So this is your first time
getting body waxed?

781
00:40:21,051 --> 00:40:22,109
Yes, it is.

782
00:40:22,186 --> 00:40:24,279
- Take off your shirt.
- Okay.

783
00:40:27,658 --> 00:40:29,558
We're gonna need more wax.

784
00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:31,959
I'm staying.
This is gonna be good.

785
00:40:32,596 --> 00:40:35,394
And clear all my appointments
in the afternoon.

786
00:40:35,633 --> 00:40:36,964
Here we go.

787
00:40:37,301 --> 00:40:38,632
That feels warm.

788
00:40:41,772 --> 00:40:44,866
I like your sweater.
Does that come in a V-neck?

789
00:40:46,243 --> 00:40:48,734
She starts doing his pubes,
I'm out of here.

790
00:40:50,714 --> 00:40:52,306
You gonna look good after this, man.

791
00:40:52,383 --> 00:40:53,611
Thanks, man.

792
00:40:53,984 --> 00:40:55,349
- So, ready?
- Yeah.

793
00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:03,324
You fucker!

794
00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:07,056
I'm sorry.
That's just your job.

795
00:41:07,131 --> 00:41:10,589
- You want me to stop now?
- No. It's okay.

796
00:41:12,102 --> 00:41:13,330
Let's do another one.

797
00:41:13,404 --> 00:41:15,065
That one little patch
looks sexy though.

798
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:17,164
- Does it look good?
- Yeah, it looks really good.

799
00:41:18,375 --> 00:41:20,741
It looks man-tastic.

800
00:41:21,912 --> 00:41:23,072
Okay.

801
00:41:24,715 --> 00:41:28,344
Wow! I didn't expect that at all.
I really didn't expect that.

802
00:41:28,919 --> 00:41:31,319
You got it. The first one
is the only one that hurts.

803
00:41:31,388 --> 00:41:33,856
Yeah.
Those hairs are pretty deep.

804
00:41:33,924 --> 00:41:35,016
Okay.

805
00:41:35,326 --> 00:41:36,953
- You ready?
- Yup.

806
00:41:40,764 --> 00:41:42,527
Sucker motherfucker!

807
00:41:42,967 --> 00:41:45,265
You shithead! I hate you!

808
00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:47,133
I hate you so much!

809
00:41:48,272 --> 00:41:49,500
That one hurt.

810
00:41:49,573 --> 00:41:51,939
That one hurt
just as much as the first one.

811
00:41:52,009 --> 00:41:54,000
- That's great, man.
- Man!

812
00:41:55,913 --> 00:41:58,177
One, two, three.

813
00:41:59,350 --> 00:42:03,343
Fuck me!

814
00:42:03,787 --> 00:42:07,279
In the asshole!

815
00:42:09,493 --> 00:42:10,619
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.

816
00:42:10,694 --> 00:42:12,286
I really don't swear this much.

817
00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:13,796
You know what,
I got a weak stomach.

818
00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:15,661
That's all I can really take.
I'll see ya'll.

819
00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:18,099
- Jay.
- Be tough, Andy, you got it.

820
00:42:18,168 --> 00:42:20,261
- Where did Jay go?
- He went to throw up.

821
00:42:20,337 --> 00:42:21,599
- Ready?
- Yup.

822
00:42:22,306 --> 00:42:23,364
One, two.

823
00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:26,839
Cocksucker motherfucker!

824
00:42:26,977 --> 00:42:28,638
You pulled on two.

825
00:42:29,914 --> 00:42:31,575
Why didn't you pull on three?

826
00:42:31,649 --> 00:42:32,980
Freddy pie hole!

827
00:42:34,718 --> 00:42:36,618
No! Kelly Clarkson!

828
00:42:41,825 --> 00:42:43,588
Ya'll done or ya'll...

829
00:42:43,661 --> 00:42:45,185
- That's fucked up.
- Oh, shit falls!

830
00:42:45,262 --> 00:42:46,388
That's fucked up.

831
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,334
I hate you.

832
00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:53,768
Stop smiling, you jerk!

833
00:42:53,837 --> 00:42:55,031
You pussy.

834
00:42:55,105 --> 00:42:57,198
Oh, God. What's next?

835
00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:59,805
- You're doing the nipple.
- Not the nipple.

836
00:42:59,877 --> 00:43:01,606
- Come on.
- Not the nipple.

837
00:43:01,679 --> 00:43:03,374
Please, Cal, hold my hand.

838
00:43:03,781 --> 00:43:06,579
- You kidding me, man?
- Hold my goddamn hand, man.

839
00:43:07,151 --> 00:43:09,415
- Do it! Just hold.
- Okay, here we go.

840
00:43:10,688 --> 00:43:11,712
Ready?

841
00:43:12,389 --> 00:43:13,686
No. Yup.

842
00:43:13,757 --> 00:43:15,691
One, two, three.

843
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,660
Nipple fuck!

844
00:43:20,030 --> 00:43:22,498
Mika, you should burn in hell!

845
00:43:22,967 --> 00:43:25,629
Okay, all right.
No, seriously, I think I'm done.

846
00:43:25,703 --> 00:43:28,069
I think we're done.
I think that's good.

847
00:43:30,207 --> 00:43:31,538
You know what, guys...

848
00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:34,134
this is not a good look for me!

849
00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:36,376
You look like a man-o'- lantern.

850
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:38,415
Thank you very much.
Appreciate it. Thank you.

851
00:43:57,968 --> 00:43:59,697
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.

852
00:43:59,770 --> 00:44:01,362
- Thank you.
- Thanks.

853
00:44:01,839 --> 00:44:03,898
Andy, I owe you an apology, man.

854
00:44:03,974 --> 00:44:07,410
I wasn't very nice to you
for the past two-and-a-half years.

855
00:44:07,478 --> 00:44:08,604
You were nice to me.

856
00:44:08,679 --> 00:44:11,341
No, I was... I thought
you were really boring and...

857
00:44:11,415 --> 00:44:13,713
I kind of thought
you were a serial killer.

858
00:44:15,019 --> 00:44:16,418
I'm not joking.

859
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,787
- Hey!
- Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry.

860
00:44:19,857 --> 00:44:22,189
Don't worry. There's a lot of
padding in these.

861
00:44:22,259 --> 00:44:24,625
I could hurl it off the balcony,
it would be fine.

862
00:44:24,695 --> 00:44:26,424
- Yeah. It will be fine.
- We couldn't break this...

863
00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:27,555
- ... if we tried.
- No problem.

864
00:44:27,631 --> 00:44:29,724
Look, you shouldn't listen
to Dave and Jay, okay?

865
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,894
Those guys are crazy.
You should listen to me, okay?

866
00:44:32,970 --> 00:44:35,939
Look, there is a hot-ass girl
who works right there.

867
00:44:36,006 --> 00:44:39,339
There she is, in the bookstore.
You should ask her out, man.

868
00:44:41,311 --> 00:44:43,142
Something wrong with her underpants.

869
00:44:43,247 --> 00:44:44,714
Yeah, they're not in my mouth.

870
00:44:44,782 --> 00:44:46,750
You know, I kind of...

871
00:44:47,985 --> 00:44:50,180
like the woman from the eBay store.

872
00:44:50,354 --> 00:44:51,378
That's great, but...

873
00:44:51,455 --> 00:44:52,752
you're not gonna get with anyone...

874
00:44:52,823 --> 00:44:54,450
unless you play the odds on this, man.

875
00:44:54,525 --> 00:44:56,425
You need to plant a lot of seeds.

876
00:44:56,493 --> 00:44:59,985
It's like this.
When I was growing pot, I realized...

877
00:45:00,531 --> 00:45:03,625
- ... that the more seeds I planted...
- Thank you.

878
00:45:03,734 --> 00:45:06,032
...the more pot
I could ultimately smoke.

879
00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:09,334
I think I have all the advice
that I can handle right now.

880
00:45:09,406 --> 00:45:10,498
Don't get bitter.

881
00:45:10,574 --> 00:45:13,441
I'm not bitter.
I almost lost a nipple, okay?

882
00:45:13,510 --> 00:45:15,307
That was Jay's idea, okay?

883
00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:17,973
And I wasn't going to say anything,
but waxing your chest is...

884
00:45:18,048 --> 00:45:20,539
like the gayest thing
you could possibly do, okay?

885
00:45:20,617 --> 00:45:24,348
Look at me. Looks are not important.
Really look at me.

886
00:45:24,455 --> 00:45:27,390
I am ugly as fuck
by traditional standards...

887
00:45:27,458 --> 00:45:29,892
but I get with women.

888
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,087
Aren't you curious
as to how that's possible?

889
00:45:32,162 --> 00:45:34,392
I am not ugly as fuck.

890
00:45:34,465 --> 00:45:36,296
I didn't say you were ugly as...

891
00:45:36,366 --> 00:45:37,833
- Well, you implied it.
- Okay.

892
00:45:37,901 --> 00:45:40,495
It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck
or you're ugly as shit.

893
00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:43,665
It's about talking to women,
and I know how to do that...

894
00:45:43,741 --> 00:45:47,108
because I observe,
because I am a novelist.

895
00:45:47,778 --> 00:45:49,678
What? You never told me that before.

896
00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:52,545
That's because I am not
an arrogant prick, Andy.

897
00:45:52,649 --> 00:45:55,049
Okay? The problem most men have is...

898
00:45:55,385 --> 00:45:56,875
they don't know how to talk to women.

899
00:45:56,954 --> 00:46:00,651
You know what my problem is?
I am not interesting.

900
00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:03,385
What am I supposed to say?
"I went to magic camp?"

901
00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:05,558
"I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?"

902
00:46:05,629 --> 00:46:08,757
"I am a seventh-degree
imperial yo-yo master. "

903
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,925
Do me, yo-yo master.

904
00:46:12,002 --> 00:46:15,802
I want you to do me,
'cause you're the yo-yo guy.

905
00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:17,368
Are you done? Listen.

906
00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:19,375
The problem most men have is...

907
00:46:19,443 --> 00:46:22,901
they just plain straight up
have no clue how to talk to women.

908
00:46:23,313 --> 00:46:26,214
Just ask a question, okay?
That's it.

909
00:46:26,350 --> 00:46:29,547
Because women do not care
about what you have to say...

910
00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,087
at all anyway, you know.

911
00:46:31,155 --> 00:46:33,180
And all they want to do
is talk about themselves.

912
00:46:33,257 --> 00:46:34,986
So you're just gonna
let them do that.

913
00:46:35,058 --> 00:46:36,685
Okay? So remember.

914
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,991
Questions, be cool,
and be kind of a dick.

915
00:46:40,063 --> 00:46:43,191
<i>Here, be David Caruso in Jade.</i>

916
00:46:43,700 --> 00:46:45,861
Okay. I know exactly
what you're talking about.

917
00:46:45,936 --> 00:46:47,426
You do. That's good.

918
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:50,638
There she is.

919
00:46:53,477 --> 00:46:55,206
Go plant that seed, man.

920
00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:57,576
Plant it with your finger.

921
00:47:09,793 --> 00:47:11,226
Can I help you?

922
00:47:13,263 --> 00:47:14,890
I don't know. Can you?

923
00:47:16,567 --> 00:47:18,535
Are you looking for something?

924
00:47:19,903 --> 00:47:22,531
Is there something
I should be looking for?

925
00:47:26,810 --> 00:47:28,368
We have a lot of books.

926
00:47:28,812 --> 00:47:31,906
So, maybe it depends
on what you like.

927
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,387
What do you like?

928
00:47:38,655 --> 00:47:42,147
We have a great section of...

929
00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:44,126
do-it-yourself.

930
00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:46,560
Do you like to "do it yourself"?

931
00:47:47,497 --> 00:47:49,658
Sometimes. I mean...

932
00:47:50,234 --> 00:47:53,795
if the mood strikes.

933
00:47:55,072 --> 00:47:57,233
How is the mood striking you now?

934
00:48:04,181 --> 00:48:05,648
What's your name?

935
00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:07,577
What's your name?

936
00:48:07,651 --> 00:48:09,710
I'm Beth.

937
00:48:12,422 --> 00:48:13,548
Andy.

938
00:48:14,825 --> 00:48:15,951
Andy.

939
00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:21,223
- Don't tell on me, okay, Andy?
- I wont.

940
00:48:22,933 --> 00:48:25,265
Unless you want to be told on...

941
00:48:26,136 --> 00:48:27,125
Beth.

942
00:48:29,940 --> 00:48:31,532
Wow. That totally worked!

943
00:48:31,608 --> 00:48:33,735
I literally said nothing.
And she found me fascinating.

944
00:48:33,810 --> 00:48:35,641
I would've thought
you were doing that for years.

945
00:48:35,712 --> 00:48:37,441
- Should I have asked her out?
- No. That's the key.

946
00:48:37,514 --> 00:48:38,947
You wait for it to grow into a plant...

947
00:48:39,016 --> 00:48:40,506
and then you fuck the plant.

948
00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:45,646
Okay.

949
00:48:46,523 --> 00:48:47,751
This is easy.

950
00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:49,923
All right.

951
00:48:50,427 --> 00:48:53,055
Hello, Trish. How you doing?
What's going on?

952
00:48:54,698 --> 00:48:55,858
Good joke.

953
00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:57,696
This is a fun conversation.

954
00:48:57,768 --> 00:49:00,134
Just grow a backbone
and call her.

955
00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:02,864
She asked you to call her.
She wants you to call her.

956
00:49:10,047 --> 00:49:11,014
Hello.

957
00:49:11,548 --> 00:49:12,913
Hey, how you doing?

958
00:49:14,851 --> 00:49:16,648
<i>- How you doing?
- I'm well.</i>

959
00:49:17,054 --> 00:49:18,487
<i>Who is this?</i>

960
00:49:19,189 --> 00:49:22,215
<i>- This is James.
- James. Do I know you, James?</i>

961
00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:25,819
I was wondering whether
you had a few minutes...

962
00:49:25,896 --> 00:49:27,796
to talk about
a little laundry detergent.

963
00:49:27,864 --> 00:49:29,991
Are you a telemarketer, James?

964
00:49:30,233 --> 00:49:31,257
Yep.

965
00:49:31,335 --> 00:49:32,666
<i>Are you at the top
of a tall building?</i>

966
00:49:32,736 --> 00:49:35,170
<i>Can you get to a roof quickly?
Jump off!</i>

967
00:49:35,238 --> 00:49:36,398
I mean, you people are sick.

968
00:49:36,473 --> 00:49:38,270
Get a real fucking job,
why don't you?

969
00:49:38,342 --> 00:49:39,900
<i>Go shoot yourself
in the fucking head.</i>

970
00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,810
Hey, why don't you just, you know,
get a knife and run into it?

971
00:49:42,879 --> 00:49:44,278
<i>Why don't you do that, huh?</i>

972
00:49:44,348 --> 00:49:45,645
<i>- Okay.
- I'll see you later, James.</i>

973
00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:49,049
<i>- Nice to talk to you.
- Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye.</i>

974
00:49:50,787 --> 00:49:51,776
Oh.

975
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:57,358
Hey, man.
Got a big box of porn for you.

976
00:49:59,129 --> 00:50:01,461
- Can I come in?
- Yeah.

977
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,300
Sweet video game chair.

978
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:10,501
So what's in the box?

979
00:50:10,574 --> 00:50:12,940
It's my personal collection
of erotica.

980
00:50:13,343 --> 00:50:14,469
I want to give it to you.

981
00:50:14,544 --> 00:50:17,479
I think there might be a few tapes
in there that just might open up...

982
00:50:17,547 --> 00:50:19,071
Pandora's box of love.

983
00:50:19,149 --> 00:50:20,173
Okay.

984
00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:23,048
<i>Amy and I, we used to watch
Harry Twatter...</i>

985
00:50:23,153 --> 00:50:24,643
and we'd put it on the television...

986
00:50:24,721 --> 00:50:26,655
and then act it out
as it was going on...

987
00:50:26,723 --> 00:50:28,350
and it was...

988
00:50:30,394 --> 00:50:31,918
She's adorable.

989
00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:34,296
Fucking bitch.

990
00:50:34,364 --> 00:50:36,389
Well, you know,
this is really gracious and kind...

991
00:50:36,466 --> 00:50:37,626
and generous and everything.

992
00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:40,431
But I just don't want
a big box of porn in my apartment.

993
00:50:40,504 --> 00:50:42,938
There's some really
great stuff in here.

994
00:50:43,006 --> 00:50:45,372
Really great movies in here,
man.

995
00:50:45,642 --> 00:50:47,166
<i>Hey, did you ever see
School of Rock?</i>

996
00:50:47,244 --> 00:50:48,711
- Yeah.
- Well, this is...

997
00:50:48,779 --> 00:50:50,406
<i>It's called School of...</i>

998
00:50:50,747 --> 00:50:51,873
You know...

999
00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:55,549
- That's nice.
- But it stars Jack Black Cock.

1000
00:50:56,420 --> 00:50:57,614
That makes sense.

1001
00:50:57,687 --> 00:50:59,518
Dude, here it is.

1002
00:50:59,589 --> 00:51:02,149
<i>Boner Jams '03.
It's a mixed tape I made.</i>

1003
00:51:02,225 --> 00:51:06,321
All these great scenes that I was
really into in the summer of 2003.

1004
00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:09,394
- I think you'd really dig it.
- Yeah. Now I can see that.

1005
00:51:09,466 --> 00:51:10,990
This is...

1006
00:51:11,268 --> 00:51:12,701
<i>Everybody Loves Raymond.</i>

1007
00:51:12,769 --> 00:51:14,202
That's probably not supposed to be...

1008
00:51:14,271 --> 00:51:16,068
This is a good show.
I just tape it sometimes.

1009
00:51:16,139 --> 00:51:18,198
Well, I don't think
you understand something, Dave.

1010
00:51:18,275 --> 00:51:22,735
I don't want this stuff, okay?
Because I don't do that, that much.

1011
00:51:22,813 --> 00:51:24,781
- What, masturbate?
- Yeah.

1012
00:51:25,882 --> 00:51:28,248
Dude, I've jacked it twice
since I've been here.

1013
00:51:28,318 --> 00:51:31,412
- Are you kidding me? Why not?
- It's not a hobby of mine.

1014
00:51:31,488 --> 00:51:33,820
Well, then, that's the only hobby
you don't have.

1015
00:51:33,890 --> 00:51:36,290
No, seriously, I just don't feel
comfortable talking about...

1016
00:51:36,359 --> 00:51:37,451
You need to.
You're wound up.

1017
00:51:37,527 --> 00:51:39,119
You're like one of these
action figures...

1018
00:51:39,196 --> 00:51:40,925
all hermetically sealed in your box.

1019
00:51:40,997 --> 00:51:43,363
- You gotta play with...
- Don't!

1020
00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:44,525
Don't take it out!

1021
00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:47,229
I'm sorry.
You know what, it's just...

1022
00:51:47,370 --> 00:51:50,066
It loses its value if you
take it out of its packaging.

1023
00:51:50,140 --> 00:51:53,268
I'm just saying, let it out.
Give it some air, man. Play with it.

1024
00:51:53,343 --> 00:51:56,005
- Take your porn with you.
- I'm not taking it.

1025
00:51:56,079 --> 00:51:57,740
Take your box-o-porn.

1026
00:51:57,814 --> 00:52:00,612
- It's my gift to you.
- No. I don't want it.

1027
00:52:00,884 --> 00:52:02,044
David, it's not...

1028
00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:03,177
Andy, for the last time...

1029
00:52:03,253 --> 00:52:05,118
I don't want your giant box
of pornography.

1030
00:52:05,188 --> 00:52:07,486
No, no, no!
Come on, man.

1031
00:52:07,757 --> 00:52:09,054
So uncool.

1032
00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:10,853
Uncool?

1033
00:52:11,895 --> 00:52:15,695
Uncool is trying to give an honest man
a big box of porn, Andy.

1034
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,932
For the last time,
I don't want to watch...

1035
00:52:19,002 --> 00:52:20,663
<i>School of Cock with you.</i>

1036
00:53:30,740 --> 00:53:32,640
<i>It's nothing official.</i>

1037
00:53:33,610 --> 00:53:36,602
<i>Just a little token
of my appreciation.</i>

1038
00:53:57,500 --> 00:54:00,799
Hi, Andy.
I'm gonna talk dirty to you.

1039
00:54:00,870 --> 00:54:05,170
I want to have
lots of sexy sex with you.

1040
00:54:05,342 --> 00:54:09,403
I want to touch your big,
fat noodle...

1041
00:54:09,512 --> 00:54:13,380
'cause I want to have
naughty intercourse with you.

1042
00:54:13,617 --> 00:54:17,553
I want you to put your penis on,
I mean, in me, Andy.

1043
00:54:17,854 --> 00:54:21,255
I want to do lots of,
lots of sexy...

1044
00:54:21,324 --> 00:54:24,020
hot things with you. Shit.

1045
00:54:24,794 --> 00:54:27,888
This really isn't working, Andy.
I don't know what to say...

1046
00:54:27,964 --> 00:54:29,397
because I am you.

1047
00:54:31,501 --> 00:54:32,866
Okay. New tape.

1048
00:54:35,138 --> 00:54:37,971
<i>Nothing is ever good enough
and it's always our fault.</i>

1049
00:54:38,041 --> 00:54:39,906
<i>Hey, you can't speak
to your mother like that.</i>

1050
00:54:39,976 --> 00:54:41,841
<i>- You do.
- She's not my mother.</i>

1051
00:54:46,850 --> 00:54:49,182
I heard Dave gave you
the box of porn.

1052
00:54:49,552 --> 00:54:50,610
Yeah, he did.

1053
00:54:52,022 --> 00:54:53,990
<i>You ever watch, like,
Primetime Live...</i>

1054
00:54:54,057 --> 00:54:56,082
when they take a black light
into a hotel room...

1055
00:54:56,159 --> 00:54:58,650
and show you all the semen
all over the bedspread?

1056
00:54:59,262 --> 00:55:00,251
Yeah.

1057
00:55:00,864 --> 00:55:03,025
You blind someone with that box.

1058
00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:05,464
Could see that thing from space.

1059
00:55:09,005 --> 00:55:11,599
This right here, you looking at
the Bentley of big screen TVs.

1060
00:55:11,675 --> 00:55:14,041
I'm talking about, this is the Rolls-Royce
of big screens...

1061
00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:18,079
Sometimes, I think these butterflies
are in here.

1062
00:55:18,581 --> 00:55:20,515
I think he might be fooling us all,
though.

1063
00:55:20,583 --> 00:55:21,515
Really?

1064
00:55:21,584 --> 00:55:23,779
I actually think he might be,
like, some genius...

1065
00:55:23,853 --> 00:55:25,946
and this is like some big,
like, hilarious...

1066
00:55:26,022 --> 00:55:29,014
Like he's bored at work and he
just wanted to kick up some shit...

1067
00:55:29,092 --> 00:55:30,457
so he told us all he's a virgin.

1068
00:55:30,527 --> 00:55:32,620
You're seeing that a lot of stuff
that's not there.

1069
00:55:32,696 --> 00:55:34,664
You're just projecting all over him.

1070
00:55:34,864 --> 00:55:36,422
He might be an idiot savant...

1071
00:55:36,499 --> 00:55:39,491
but he's not, like,
clever enough to go that deep.

1072
00:55:39,569 --> 00:55:40,934
But he's got a great body.

1073
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,336
- Would you fuck him?
- In a New York minute.

1074
00:55:43,406 --> 00:55:45,033
- You would fuck him?
- Absolutely.

1075
00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,141
Hey, Andy, what are you doing
for lunch?

1076
00:55:49,579 --> 00:55:51,774
I don't know.
I have a turkey sandwich.

1077
00:55:51,848 --> 00:55:54,681
We're gonna go around the corner.
I think you should come with us.

1078
00:55:54,751 --> 00:55:57,549
There's this great place.
A lot of cute giris.

1079
00:55:57,954 --> 00:55:59,421
I don't know. Okay.

1080
00:56:00,357 --> 00:56:02,257
We brought you a shirt.

1081
00:56:02,692 --> 00:56:04,489
This place is pretty fancy.

1082
00:56:05,795 --> 00:56:06,819
Something going on?

1083
00:56:06,896 --> 00:56:08,727
<i>Hey, who's ready
to have some fun?</i>

1084
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,199
Hey, guys...

1085
00:56:13,636 --> 00:56:16,104
No, don't ignore me.
I know what this is.

1086
00:56:16,172 --> 00:56:18,663
<i>Within one hour,
you'll each have 20 dates.</i>

1087
00:56:18,808 --> 00:56:22,107
<i>Don't... Please don't do this.
I saw this on Primetime Live.</i>

1088
00:56:22,245 --> 00:56:23,974
All right, ninja master.

1089
00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,372
We've given you all the advice
we have to give.

1090
00:56:26,449 --> 00:56:27,643
Now you gonna put it in action.

1091
00:56:27,717 --> 00:56:29,685
Advice? You guys all
gave me different advice.

1092
00:56:29,753 --> 00:56:31,653
- He thinks you're a pothead.
- I am.

1093
00:56:31,821 --> 00:56:34,881
Dude. Hey, partner.
What are you whining about?

1094
00:56:34,958 --> 00:56:37,119
- You asked for this shit.
- No, I didn't.

1095
00:56:37,193 --> 00:56:39,024
Will you just quit whining
like a bitch?

1096
00:56:39,095 --> 00:56:41,620
- I'm not whining like a bitch.
- You are whining like a bitch.

1097
00:56:41,698 --> 00:56:44,690
And you about to cram
like 10 years of pimpage into one day.

1098
00:56:44,768 --> 00:56:47,635
- I don't want to cram pimpage.
- And after that...

1099
00:56:48,071 --> 00:56:49,800
you on my level. Come on.

1100
00:56:49,873 --> 00:56:52,341
- Just ask questions.
- This is a bad idea.

1101
00:56:55,345 --> 00:56:56,676
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

1102
00:56:56,746 --> 00:56:57,974
I'm fine.

1103
00:56:59,149 --> 00:57:00,343
Are you fine?

1104
00:57:01,117 --> 00:57:02,141
Yeah.

1105
00:57:03,019 --> 00:57:04,646
You're fine then?

1106
00:57:05,321 --> 00:57:08,484
Are you fucking retarded?
What the hell's the matter with you?

1107
00:57:08,825 --> 00:57:10,383
Do you want me to be fucking retarded?

1108
00:57:11,561 --> 00:57:13,927
When I look into the eyes
of the children and the parents...

1109
00:57:13,997 --> 00:57:15,430
and they are smiling and saying:

1110
00:57:15,498 --> 00:57:17,762
"Thank you, Dr. Montalban,
you saved my child"...

1111
00:57:17,834 --> 00:57:18,926
it was worth it.

1112
00:57:21,805 --> 00:57:22,931
Amy...

1113
00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:25,733
- ... what are you doing here?
- David.

1114
00:57:27,110 --> 00:57:29,442
- And you are Gina?
- Gina.

1115
00:57:29,546 --> 00:57:31,241
- Hey, what's up?
- Nothing.

1116
00:57:31,381 --> 00:57:33,941
Look, I'm going to be
real honest with you.

1117
00:57:34,017 --> 00:57:36,508
It's been a long time
since I've been with a man.

1118
00:57:36,586 --> 00:57:39,248
Spent a lot of time with the ladies.

1119
00:57:39,322 --> 00:57:41,756
Looking to get back up
on that pogo stick.

1120
00:57:41,825 --> 00:57:43,793
- You know what I'm saying?
- Excuse me.

1121
00:57:43,860 --> 00:57:47,819
Remember that time when we made love
and you cried in my arms?

1122
00:57:47,897 --> 00:57:50,331
Please don't reminisce about
the times we fucked, please.

1123
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:52,265
- It's so creepy.
- Let's go to Paris.

1124
00:57:52,335 --> 00:57:55,168
I want to take you underneath
the Eiffel Tower and make love to you.

1125
00:57:55,238 --> 00:57:56,500
- Cut it out.
- Cut what out?

1126
00:57:56,573 --> 00:57:59,133
This go to Paris! We've been broken up
for like two years, man.

1127
00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:00,642
I don't want to date you anymore.

1128
00:58:00,710 --> 00:58:02,337
- You're a whore.
- I am not a whore.

1129
00:58:02,412 --> 00:58:04,039
I just didn't like you.

1130
00:58:04,113 --> 00:58:05,239
This is so us.

1131
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,076
- Psycho talk.
- What?

1132
00:58:09,152 --> 00:58:10,983
- You're a good-looking man.
- Thank you.

1133
00:58:11,054 --> 00:58:13,454
Very pretty.
Real soft, delicate features.

1134
00:58:13,523 --> 00:58:16,014
You're real feminine, you know,
which is good for me...

1135
00:58:16,092 --> 00:58:18,754
because that would be
a simple sort of transition.

1136
00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:20,022
You know what I'm saying?

1137
00:58:20,096 --> 00:58:23,259
Maybe throw a little rouge
on you, tuck your sac back.

1138
00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:24,891
- You game?
- No.

1139
00:58:26,035 --> 00:58:29,766
You need to stop fucking around
with my friend, okay?

1140
00:58:29,839 --> 00:58:32,706
Because you're giving him hope,
and it's driving the man crazy.

1141
00:58:32,775 --> 00:58:35,835
I moved, I changed my e-mail address,
my phone number.

1142
00:58:35,912 --> 00:58:37,311
He's practically stalking me.

1143
00:58:37,380 --> 00:58:39,814
Well, I didn't know all that.
So, I'm sorry.

1144
00:58:41,084 --> 00:58:42,210
I love Minnesota.

1145
00:58:42,285 --> 00:58:44,879
I grew up in a town
outside of Minneapolis...

1146
00:58:44,954 --> 00:58:47,821
with a population of, like,
500 people. Really small.

1147
00:58:47,891 --> 00:58:50,155
Yeah, it's like
the Land of a Thousand Lakes.

1148
00:58:50,226 --> 00:58:52,990
What about you? You're used to, like,
a really big city.

1149
00:58:53,129 --> 00:58:55,324
Really... God, yes.

1150
00:58:56,432 --> 00:58:59,765
The town that I grew up in
was really small. I mean...

1151
00:58:59,903 --> 00:59:02,770
you know, it was just so safe.
There was no crime.

1152
00:59:02,839 --> 00:59:06,036
I mean, a girl could just walk
from one end of town to the other...

1153
00:59:06,109 --> 00:59:08,942
and just, you know,
feel completely safe.

1154
00:59:12,115 --> 00:59:13,446
You suppose he's had enough?

1155
00:59:13,516 --> 00:59:15,950
Spank bank has once again been filled.

1156
00:59:16,853 --> 00:59:18,377
I'll tell you who's the hottest.

1157
00:59:18,454 --> 00:59:21,548
You're gonna think I'm crazy.
Let me tell you. Gina.

1158
00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:24,984
Can't get va-Gina out of my head.
Va-Gina all week.

1159
00:59:34,837 --> 00:59:36,236
- You know what's a fun game?
- Huh?

1160
00:59:36,306 --> 00:59:38,240
You take three Excedrin PMs...

1161
00:59:38,308 --> 00:59:41,038
and you see if you could whack off
before you fall asleep.

1162
00:59:42,979 --> 00:59:45,539
You always win is the best part
about the game.

1163
00:59:48,318 --> 00:59:50,218
- Are you Andy?
- Yeah.

1164
00:59:50,286 --> 00:59:51,878
Is this yours?
Did you write this stuff?

1165
00:59:51,955 --> 00:59:54,617
My girlfriend, Jill,
found your speed-dating card.

1166
00:59:55,391 --> 00:59:56,688
Yeah, right.

1167
00:59:56,759 --> 00:59:58,886
God, I've been looking
for that speed-dating card.

1168
00:59:58,962 --> 01:00:00,759
Thank you so much
for bringing it to me.

1169
01:00:00,830 --> 01:00:02,957
So, you actually wrote
that one girl looked like...

1170
01:00:03,032 --> 01:00:04,932
she was
"hurting for a squirting"?

1171
01:00:05,201 --> 01:00:07,965
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for a squirting,
I wrote that.

1172
01:00:08,037 --> 01:00:10,369
So you wrote "ho fo show. "

1173
01:00:11,174 --> 01:00:13,665
Yeah, I remember that girl.
She was a ho.

1174
01:00:14,410 --> 01:00:15,604
Fo show.

1175
01:00:15,812 --> 01:00:17,871
Let me show you
how this device works.

1176
01:00:17,947 --> 01:00:19,676
Right, I'm just looking
for a cordless phone.

1177
01:00:19,749 --> 01:00:22,377
Yup, it's great. You can do anything,
make video diaries...

1178
01:00:22,452 --> 01:00:26,149
Hey, Amy, how's it going?
How you feeling? I'm great.

1179
01:00:26,356 --> 01:00:28,984
I feel fantastic since we broke up.

1180
01:00:29,525 --> 01:00:31,152
I feel awesome!

1181
01:00:31,227 --> 01:00:33,889
Can you just show me the department
where there would be phones?

1182
01:00:33,963 --> 01:00:36,124
How have you been?
What's been going on...

1183
01:00:36,199 --> 01:00:38,258
I bet... Hey, have you been
doing a lot of this?

1184
01:00:40,570 --> 01:00:41,935
Sir, please, sir.

1185
01:00:42,005 --> 01:00:43,472
You are never gonna meet anybody...

1186
01:00:43,539 --> 01:00:46,201
with that kind of mentality about women,
you sick son of a bitch.

1187
01:00:46,275 --> 01:00:48,004
Who the fuck are you
to put me on trial?

1188
01:00:48,077 --> 01:00:49,738
I've never even met you.

1189
01:00:49,812 --> 01:00:52,007
So why don't you back the shit off,
all right?

1190
01:00:52,081 --> 01:00:54,106
And stop with the inquisition.

1191
01:00:54,217 --> 01:00:55,479
That's how you talk?

1192
01:00:55,551 --> 01:00:57,416
You know what,
I don't have to answer to you.

1193
01:00:57,487 --> 01:00:59,011
You ain't my bitch.

1194
01:00:59,088 --> 01:01:00,646
Know what I saying?

1195
01:01:00,723 --> 01:01:03,055
So, shit, man. Fuck it.

1196
01:01:03,126 --> 01:01:05,151
You shouldn't even be
hanging out with this pervert.

1197
01:01:05,228 --> 01:01:07,355
I don't hang out with him.
I work with him and that's it.

1198
01:01:07,430 --> 01:01:09,125
I tried to introduce him
to a few nice people...

1199
01:01:09,198 --> 01:01:10,290
he made a fool of himself.

1200
01:01:10,366 --> 01:01:12,027
I don't mess with him, baby.
That's not me.

1201
01:01:12,101 --> 01:01:14,331
You should keep your ho
on a leash.

1202
01:01:14,404 --> 01:01:16,065
- Bro, I can't let you...
- Hey.

1203
01:01:16,139 --> 01:01:18,300
I can't let you be talking
to my woman like that, dawg.

1204
01:01:18,374 --> 01:01:20,535
- Know what I'm saying?
- Bitch is running wild, man.

1205
01:01:20,610 --> 01:01:23,841
You miss that ass?
That's the ass of a free man.

1206
01:01:23,913 --> 01:01:26,279
That ass is going out tonight,
maybe to a club.

1207
01:01:26,349 --> 01:01:27,907
Maybe to a night club.

1208
01:01:28,117 --> 01:01:29,448
Hey, Andy...

1209
01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:31,851
- ... take a look at your pal.
- Oh, my God.

1210
01:01:31,921 --> 01:01:34,481
Yeah, he's performing
a public colonoscopy.

1211
01:01:34,557 --> 01:01:35,956
Isn't that sweet?

1212
01:01:36,025 --> 01:01:37,515
I'm gonna send
David home for the day...

1213
01:01:37,593 --> 01:01:38,753
and you're gonna fill in for him.

1214
01:01:38,828 --> 01:01:40,523
- What? Selling things?
- You got that right.

1215
01:01:40,596 --> 01:01:41,824
I don't think that's a good idea.

1216
01:01:41,898 --> 01:01:43,422
And you're gonna have to
talk to people, too.

1217
01:01:43,499 --> 01:01:45,126
I know that's a frightening
concept to you...

1218
01:01:45,201 --> 01:01:46,429
but I think you can handle it.

1219
01:01:46,502 --> 01:01:48,265
So get out there
and start selling some shit.

1220
01:01:48,337 --> 01:01:49,634
...thing for Amy.

1221
01:01:49,972 --> 01:01:51,439
- Hold it.
- Check it out.

1222
01:01:51,507 --> 01:01:52,906
I miss her.

1223
01:01:55,778 --> 01:01:57,746
Dude, the floor's
the ultimate aphrodisiac.

1224
01:01:57,814 --> 01:01:59,611
All you got to do
is go make your pick now.

1225
01:01:59,682 --> 01:02:02,048
- Come on, man.
- Okay.

1226
01:02:02,819 --> 01:02:04,810
And you could act
a little enthused about it.

1227
01:02:04,887 --> 01:02:05,979
Yeah.

1228
01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:10,587
That's right. That's right.
Gazelle in the pink top.

1229
01:02:11,761 --> 01:02:13,456
- Oh, shit.
- Hi.

1230
01:02:13,529 --> 01:02:15,588
Looks like you're
checking out digital cameras.

1231
01:02:15,665 --> 01:02:17,599
You know what, he ain't going
to do it willingly.

1232
01:02:17,667 --> 01:02:20,500
No. We need to, like,
really facilitate things a bit more.

1233
01:02:20,570 --> 01:02:22,094
<i>- Yo, Andy.
- Yeah.</i>

1234
01:02:22,171 --> 01:02:23,695
What's up, dude?
This is Jay, man.

1235
01:02:23,773 --> 01:02:25,035
Hey, Jay.

1236
01:02:25,141 --> 01:02:26,574
I am throwing a party tonight.

1237
01:02:26,642 --> 01:02:28,371
It's gonna be real mellow,
just chilled up.

1238
01:02:28,444 --> 01:02:29,843
<i>Now, you really
need to be there.</i>

1239
01:02:29,912 --> 01:02:32,437
It's gonna be really, really colorful.

1240
01:02:32,715 --> 01:02:34,012
Are you free?

1241
01:02:34,884 --> 01:02:35,942
Yeah, I think so.

1242
01:02:36,018 --> 01:02:38,418
<i>That was a joke, man.
I know you're free.</i>

1243
01:02:38,721 --> 01:02:40,086
<i>- I'm okay.
- Gotta go, man.</i>

1244
01:02:40,156 --> 01:02:41,248
All right, bye.

1245
01:02:44,026 --> 01:02:46,153
So, tell me, Montel...

1246
01:02:46,529 --> 01:02:49,589
why weren't we invited to the party?
What are we, Al-Qaeda?

1247
01:02:49,665 --> 01:02:50,757
No, hold up.

1248
01:02:50,833 --> 01:02:53,028
- No, no.
- It's not that kind of party, y'all.

1249
01:02:53,102 --> 01:02:55,127
You're not coming
to our fucking party either, okay?

1250
01:02:55,204 --> 01:02:56,262
Fuck you, okay?

1251
01:02:56,339 --> 01:02:58,102
First of all,
it ain't that kind of party.

1252
01:02:58,174 --> 01:03:00,074
- Go fuck a goat.
- Yeah.

1253
01:03:00,176 --> 01:03:02,007
Why you always telling me
to fuck a goat, man?

1254
01:03:02,078 --> 01:03:03,102
Fuck a goat!

1255
01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:20,822
Hello?

1256
01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:24,258
Hello?

1257
01:03:26,068 --> 01:03:27,262
Hello.

1258
01:03:28,871 --> 01:03:30,566
Hello. Hi.

1259
01:03:31,541 --> 01:03:34,066
- Are you here for Jay's party?
- Yes.

1260
01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:36,104
I am Jay's party.

1261
01:03:37,947 --> 01:03:41,041
You know what, hiring a transvestite
prostitute isn't helping me, man.

1262
01:03:41,117 --> 01:03:43,381
What? Ain't nobody hired
no damn transvestite.

1263
01:03:43,452 --> 01:03:44,476
What are you talking about?

1264
01:03:44,554 --> 01:03:46,385
She was really nice, incidentally.

1265
01:03:46,455 --> 01:03:48,184
If that sister was a transvestite...

1266
01:03:48,257 --> 01:03:50,350
that was the Mona Lisa
of transvestites.

1267
01:03:50,426 --> 01:03:52,326
You got a hummer from the tranny,
didn't you?

1268
01:03:52,395 --> 01:03:55,728
You know, aren't we owed one now?
'Cause technically we paid her.

1269
01:03:55,798 --> 01:03:57,129
Get a dick, man.

1270
01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:58,861
Do you guys even like me?

1271
01:03:58,935 --> 01:04:02,393
Or is this some sort of cruel joke
that you're all in on?

1272
01:04:02,471 --> 01:04:04,769
Because I'm not a freak.
I'm a good person.

1273
01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:08,333
I always thought that Matt Damon
was like a Streisand, but...

1274
01:04:08,978 --> 01:04:10,946
I think that he's rocking
the shit in this one.

1275
01:04:11,013 --> 01:04:12,742
Shut up, Dave!

1276
01:04:12,815 --> 01:04:16,683
Hold up. Let's just chill
on the aggression for a minute.

1277
01:04:17,086 --> 01:04:21,182
Look at him.
He is such a bad ass.

1278
01:04:21,824 --> 01:04:24,190
He looks just like Luke Wilson.

1279
01:04:24,260 --> 01:04:25,249
Mmm-hmm.

1280
01:04:25,361 --> 01:04:27,090
So you saying she was definitely a man?

1281
01:04:27,163 --> 01:04:28,187
Yes.

1282
01:04:28,264 --> 01:04:30,357
Okay, well, how do you know
that she was a man?

1283
01:04:30,433 --> 01:04:33,368
Because her hands were
as big as Andr� the Giant's.

1284
01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,399
And she had an Adam's apple
as big as her balls.

1285
01:04:37,173 --> 01:04:38,663
So you have no proof.

1286
01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:40,706
You know what?
Just leave me alone.

1287
01:04:40,776 --> 01:04:42,835
Just stay away from me.
Or I'm gonna tell Paula...

1288
01:04:42,912 --> 01:04:44,846
that you're all stealing
the recordable CDs.

1289
01:04:45,514 --> 01:04:48,176
- Come on.
- That's like we were paid to do it.

1290
01:04:48,251 --> 01:04:50,310
We did this 'cause we're your friends...

1291
01:04:50,386 --> 01:04:53,150
and we didn't think you have
the balls to do it yourself.

1292
01:04:53,222 --> 01:04:54,484
- Really?
- Yeah.

1293
01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:56,055
Okay, watch this.

1294
01:04:56,259 --> 01:04:57,726
Yo, Andy, it's just CDs, man.

1295
01:04:57,793 --> 01:04:59,693
That's a third strike for me, dawg.

1296
01:05:23,286 --> 01:05:24,275
Hi.

1297
01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:27,114
- Andy. Hi.
- Right, yeah.

1298
01:05:27,290 --> 01:05:29,087
- You remember my name.
- I did.

1299
01:05:29,158 --> 01:05:31,649
- How you doing?
- I'm great. I like your store.

1300
01:05:31,727 --> 01:05:34,287
That's good, yeah.
If you have time, look around. It's...

1301
01:05:34,363 --> 01:05:35,455
Okay.

1302
01:05:35,898 --> 01:05:37,229
How's business been?

1303
01:05:37,300 --> 01:05:40,269
You know, it's coming along.
I mean, it takes a while.

1304
01:05:40,336 --> 01:05:43,362
- Do you want to go out sometime?
- Yes.

1305
01:05:43,839 --> 01:05:46,330
Yes, I would like that.
That would be great.

1306
01:05:46,409 --> 01:05:50,175
I think I'm maybe free this weekend,
if that's okay.

1307
01:05:50,246 --> 01:05:53,044
Or you could call me tomorrow
and we can just firm it up.

1308
01:05:53,115 --> 01:05:54,639
- Okay. Great.
- Great.

1309
01:05:54,717 --> 01:05:58,312
Okay, so I'll call you,
and yeah, that'll be good.

1310
01:05:58,387 --> 01:05:59,877
- How you doing?
- Congratulations.

1311
01:05:59,956 --> 01:06:01,856
Okay, so I'll... Yeah.

1312
01:06:02,191 --> 01:06:03,488
Can I help you?

1313
01:06:03,559 --> 01:06:06,084
Yeah, these are wonderful.
I'll take these.

1314
01:06:06,262 --> 01:06:09,891
Thanks, they are. They're great.
The goldfish just crack me up.

1315
01:06:10,032 --> 01:06:11,056
Funny.

1316
01:06:11,133 --> 01:06:12,225
- Yeah, they are.
- Yeah.

1317
01:06:12,301 --> 01:06:13,495
- Yeah.
- They're cute.

1318
01:06:13,569 --> 01:06:16,732
I don't actually sell anything here.
I just sell them on eBay.

1319
01:06:17,406 --> 01:06:18,600
I don't get it.

1320
01:06:18,941 --> 01:06:19,930
Okay.

1321
01:06:20,109 --> 01:06:23,044
- Can you help me?
- No, you're on your own here.

1322
01:06:23,112 --> 01:06:26,275
Good luck to you, and to you.
And I'll give you a call.

1323
01:06:26,349 --> 01:06:29,341
- Great. Nice to see you.
- Great. Thanks for coming in.

1324
01:06:29,919 --> 01:06:30,943
Bye.

1325
01:06:31,554 --> 01:06:33,613
So, I guess I'll just
give you some money...

1326
01:06:33,689 --> 01:06:36,214
and you can give me
these shoes and...

1327
01:06:36,292 --> 01:06:38,988
You know,
I know it seems so strange...

1328
01:06:39,061 --> 01:06:41,757
Yes. I'd just rather buy them
from you straight up.

1329
01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:43,765
Yeah, I know.
I wish it could be that easy, but...

1330
01:06:43,833 --> 01:06:47,064
I wish, too, but you're making it
extremely difficult for me.

1331
01:06:47,136 --> 01:06:49,297
I'm just trying to get these shoes
back to my house...

1332
01:06:49,372 --> 01:06:50,600
so I can wear them.

1333
01:06:51,073 --> 01:06:52,631
<i>I got a corpse in my way.</i>

1334
01:06:52,708 --> 01:06:53,868
<i>Look out. Just kill it.</i>

1335
01:06:53,943 --> 01:06:56,969
That's just so not fair
that you have blades and...

1336
01:06:57,046 --> 01:06:58,911
I'm telling you, man,
I feel great.

1337
01:06:59,048 --> 01:07:01,073
I'm so...
It's like a weight has been lifted.

1338
01:07:01,150 --> 01:07:04,745
Celibacy is the way to go, man.
Andy had it right, you know?

1339
01:07:04,820 --> 01:07:06,685
Look at him.
He looks younger than all of us...

1340
01:07:06,756 --> 01:07:08,018
but he's 10 years older.

1341
01:07:08,090 --> 01:07:10,581
Why? Because he's never had
a relationship.

1342
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:13,388
No she-devil sucked
his life force out yet.

1343
01:07:29,912 --> 01:07:32,244
- Hello?
- Hey. Hi. Hello.

1344
01:07:32,615 --> 01:07:33,639
Is this Trish?

1345
01:07:34,617 --> 01:07:36,812
- Who's calling, please?
- This is Andy.

1346
01:07:36,886 --> 01:07:39,116
<i>- Hi, Andy.
- Hi, how you doing?</i>

1347
01:07:39,188 --> 01:07:42,123
- I'm good. How're you doing?
- I'm doing great.

1348
01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:44,187
So you're gay, now?

1349
01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:46,160
No, I'm not gay.
I'm just celibate.

1350
01:07:46,829 --> 01:07:48,888
I think...
I mean, that sounds gay.

1351
01:07:48,964 --> 01:07:51,865
I just want you to know
that this is the first conversation...

1352
01:07:51,934 --> 01:07:55,370
of three conversations
that leads to you being gay.

1353
01:07:55,805 --> 01:07:58,399
There's this and then in a year
it's like, "You know...

1354
01:07:58,474 --> 01:08:01,637
"I'm kind of going to wanna get back
out there, but I think I like guys. "

1355
01:08:01,710 --> 01:08:04,543
And then there's the big,
"I'm a gay guy now. "

1356
01:08:04,814 --> 01:08:07,282
- You're gay for saying that.
- I'm gay for saying that?

1357
01:08:07,349 --> 01:08:09,943
- You know how I know you're gay?
- How? How do you know I'm gay?

1358
01:08:10,019 --> 01:08:12,510
'Cause you macram�d yourself
a pair of jean shorts.

1359
01:08:12,588 --> 01:08:13,680
You know how I know you're gay?

1360
01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:15,849
You just told me you're not sleeping
with women anymore.

1361
01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,483
- You know how I know you're gay?
- How?

1362
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:20,654
'Cause you're gay and you can tell
who other gay people are?

1363
01:08:20,729 --> 01:08:22,219
- Do you know how I know you're gay?
- How?

1364
01:08:22,298 --> 01:08:23,765
You like Coldplay.

1365
01:08:24,467 --> 01:08:25,798
You're dead.

1366
01:08:27,203 --> 01:08:28,261
Come on.

1367
01:08:28,337 --> 01:08:30,305
Leave my torso alone at least.

1368
01:08:31,173 --> 01:08:32,606
I also wanted to call...

1369
01:08:32,675 --> 01:08:35,371
and see what night
you might want to go out.

1370
01:08:35,478 --> 01:08:37,275
I'm actually free tonight.

1371
01:08:39,348 --> 01:08:42,749
Okay. Now, I was thinking maybe
this weekend, but that's good. Okay.

1372
01:08:42,818 --> 01:08:43,807
<i>Great.</i>

1373
01:08:43,886 --> 01:08:45,877
Okay, what time
do you want to pick me up?

1374
01:08:47,323 --> 01:08:48,654
Let's see.

1375
01:08:49,525 --> 01:08:53,120
That's actually kind of a problem
because I ride a bike.

1376
01:08:53,395 --> 01:08:54,794
<i>That's cool.
Are you kidding me?</i>

1377
01:08:54,864 --> 01:08:56,661
I love getting on the back
of a motorcycle.

1378
01:08:56,732 --> 01:08:59,428
My boyfriend in college
drove a motorcycle.

1379
01:08:59,502 --> 01:09:01,299
<i>So, I mean, I'm cool.</i>

1380
01:09:01,370 --> 01:09:05,466
Yeah, I bet that was cool.
I ride a bicycle.

1381
01:09:06,575 --> 01:09:08,202
You know how I know that you're gay?

1382
01:09:08,277 --> 01:09:09,335
How?

1383
01:09:09,411 --> 01:09:11,675
<i>You like the movie
Maid in Manhattan.</i>

1384
01:09:11,747 --> 01:09:13,271
- You know how I know you're gay?
- How?

1385
01:09:13,349 --> 01:09:16,512
I saw you make a spinach dip
in a loaf of sourdough bread once.

1386
01:09:16,585 --> 01:09:18,348
- You know how I know you're gay?
- How?

1387
01:09:18,420 --> 01:09:21,150
You have a rainbow bumper sticker
on your car that says:

1388
01:09:21,223 --> 01:09:23,453
"I love it when balls are in my face. "

1389
01:09:23,526 --> 01:09:24,618
That's gay?

1390
01:09:24,693 --> 01:09:26,058
God damn it!

1391
01:09:26,462 --> 01:09:29,090
I'm ripping your head off right now.
It's off.

1392
01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:31,656
And now I'm throwing it
at your body.

1393
01:09:32,501 --> 01:09:33,525
Fuck you!

1394
01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:36,130
You guys...

1395
01:09:36,906 --> 01:09:39,067
she's picking me up in an hour.

1396
01:09:40,109 --> 01:09:41,736
Oh, drag, dude.

1397
01:09:42,278 --> 01:09:44,542
- She's picking you up from here?
- Yeah.

1398
01:09:44,613 --> 01:09:46,171
That's fucked up, man.

1399
01:09:46,248 --> 01:09:47,875
- Why?
- Why?

1400
01:09:48,584 --> 01:09:52,020
Seriously. I mean,
look at this place, man.

1401
01:09:52,555 --> 01:09:55,820
You gotta see this through
the eyes of a woman, you know?

1402
01:09:55,891 --> 01:09:58,223
What is she going to think
when she comes in here? Look.

1403
01:09:58,294 --> 01:10:00,762
- He's got a billion toys.
- So what?

1404
01:10:00,829 --> 01:10:03,593
And more video games
than a teenaged Asian kid.

1405
01:10:03,666 --> 01:10:05,190
It's all right.

1406
01:10:05,834 --> 01:10:08,632
<i>Is that the
Six Million Dollar Man's boss?</i>

1407
01:10:08,971 --> 01:10:10,131
It's Oscar Goldman.

1408
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,436
- Why do you have that?
- That's worth a lot of money.

1409
01:10:12,508 --> 01:10:14,476
That's much more valuable
than Steve Austin.

1410
01:10:14,543 --> 01:10:18,809
Well, that may be the case.
But none of this shit is sexy, okay?

1411
01:10:18,881 --> 01:10:20,610
I'm not trying to be sexy, man.

1412
01:10:20,683 --> 01:10:22,150
I mean, seriously, Asia?

1413
01:10:22,284 --> 01:10:24,149
You framed an Asia poster?

1414
01:10:24,220 --> 01:10:26,211
How hard did the people
at the frame store laugh...

1415
01:10:26,288 --> 01:10:28,313
- ... when you brought this in?
- They did not laugh at me.

1416
01:10:28,390 --> 01:10:30,290
- Know why you're gay?
- Because you like Asia.

1417
01:10:30,359 --> 01:10:31,621
You guys cool it with the gay.

1418
01:10:31,694 --> 01:10:33,525
You know, she's on her way
over here, okay?

1419
01:10:33,596 --> 01:10:35,325
First, you relax, okay?

1420
01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:38,696
Just stop calming me down
and tell me what I should do.

1421
01:10:38,767 --> 01:10:40,962
Okay, we just take everything
that's embarrassing...

1422
01:10:41,036 --> 01:10:42,094
and we move it out of here.

1423
01:10:42,171 --> 01:10:44,196
So it doesn't look like
you live in Neverland Ranch.

1424
01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:52,842
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

1425
01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:53,939
Good.

1426
01:10:54,016 --> 01:10:56,007
So, you wanna head out?

1427
01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:57,950
Did you just move in or something?

1428
01:10:58,020 --> 01:11:00,284
No. Actually I'm getting
new carpet in.

1429
01:11:00,356 --> 01:11:02,756
I'm having carpet put in tomorrow, so...

1430
01:11:04,126 --> 01:11:05,457
- Well, you know.
- Yeah.

1431
01:11:05,527 --> 01:11:07,222
- Okay.
- Looks good with the floors.

1432
01:11:07,296 --> 01:11:08,729
- Yeah.
- All right.

1433
01:11:09,064 --> 01:11:10,531
I should tear up the hard wood...

1434
01:11:10,599 --> 01:11:12,726
and see if there's carpet underneath.

1435
01:11:12,801 --> 01:11:14,666
That's never the case.

1436
01:11:18,007 --> 01:11:19,668
- This is gonna be fun.
- Yes.

1437
01:11:19,742 --> 01:11:21,642
You know,
I drive by this place every day.

1438
01:11:21,710 --> 01:11:23,439
I've never been in before.

1439
01:11:24,079 --> 01:11:25,307
I'm glad you came.

1440
01:11:25,381 --> 01:11:28,646
You know, I never really go out
with nice guys like you.

1441
01:11:29,585 --> 01:11:32,452
I think I've avoided nice guys
like you my whole life...

1442
01:11:32,521 --> 01:11:33,988
at my own peril.

1443
01:11:35,858 --> 01:11:37,519
My last boyfriend drank a lot.

1444
01:11:37,593 --> 01:11:38,582
Mmm-hmm.

1445
01:11:38,661 --> 01:11:40,185
- And so...
- This is just punch.

1446
01:11:41,463 --> 01:11:43,260
No, it's okay.
A little bit's fine.

1447
01:11:43,332 --> 01:11:45,596
Buddha punch.
I need some Buddha.

1448
01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:48,603
Excuse me, miss.
Could you gather your team...

1449
01:11:48,671 --> 01:11:51,401
and sing happy birthday
for my daughter, please?

1450
01:12:09,858 --> 01:12:12,588
- That was so good. What?
- That was great. Happy birthday.

1451
01:12:12,661 --> 01:12:14,629
- It's your birthday, too?
- No.

1452
01:12:14,697 --> 01:12:16,790
- It's his birthday, too.
- No, no, no.

1453
01:12:16,865 --> 01:12:19,459
Could you sing for him
and bring him a cake?

1454
01:12:19,535 --> 01:12:21,025
Happy birthday.

1455
01:12:35,017 --> 01:12:37,383
- Thanks a lot.
- Happy birthday, Andy.

1456
01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,899
- You really like kissing, don't you?
- Yes.

1457
01:12:59,675 --> 01:13:00,937
I really do.

1458
01:13:01,009 --> 01:13:02,738
Take off your pants, okay?

1459
01:13:04,279 --> 01:13:05,610
- Okay.
- Okay.

1460
01:13:08,117 --> 01:13:10,483
- Wow, this is really gonna happen.
- Oh, yeah.

1461
01:13:10,552 --> 01:13:11,985
Thank God.

1462
01:13:13,422 --> 01:13:16,585
- Okay, I'm taking off my pants.
- Yeah.

1463
01:13:16,825 --> 01:13:18,417
Do you need some help?

1464
01:13:18,794 --> 01:13:22,252
I think I almost got them.
It's hooked on my ankle.

1465
01:13:22,931 --> 01:13:24,489
Wow, that's...

1466
01:13:26,068 --> 01:13:27,899
Hey, wait.
Do you have protection?

1467
01:13:27,970 --> 01:13:29,631
I don't like guns.

1468
01:13:32,574 --> 01:13:34,098
That's funny.

1469
01:13:34,176 --> 01:13:36,542
I have condoms right here. Okay?

1470
01:13:36,612 --> 01:13:38,477
- Okay.
- There's, you know...

1471
01:13:38,547 --> 01:13:41,607
Check the expiration date because
they were from when I was married.

1472
01:13:41,683 --> 01:13:44,516
And we didn't have sex that often.
That's why there are so many, okay?

1473
01:13:44,586 --> 01:13:45,678
Okay.

1474
01:13:50,058 --> 01:13:51,423
I got them.

1475
01:13:53,796 --> 01:13:55,423
How does this go?

1476
01:13:55,931 --> 01:14:00,630
Okay. "Roll over the tip
and down onto the base. "

1477
01:14:02,538 --> 01:14:04,096
Over the balls?

1478
01:14:04,706 --> 01:14:06,071
It doesn't say.

1479
01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,473
Do you mind if I use your magnum?

1480
01:14:12,648 --> 01:14:13,637
Yeah.

1481
01:14:15,517 --> 01:14:17,485
Wow. You got to be kidding.

1482
01:14:18,320 --> 01:14:19,787
I am Aquaman.

1483
01:14:21,890 --> 01:14:23,357
What is that?

1484
01:14:41,443 --> 01:14:42,501
Mom?

1485
01:14:43,679 --> 01:14:44,941
What's going on here?

1486
01:14:45,013 --> 01:14:46,947
- Who the hell are you?
- It's Andy.

1487
01:14:47,015 --> 01:14:48,073
Hi, I'm Andy.

1488
01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:49,640
God! What are you doing?

1489
01:14:49,718 --> 01:14:51,743
Marla, get the fuck out of my room!

1490
01:14:51,820 --> 01:14:52,844
You know what...

1491
01:14:52,921 --> 01:14:55,481
I cannot believe that you're allowed
to have sex when I'm not!

1492
01:14:55,557 --> 01:14:57,491
- That is so unfair.
- I'm gonna head out.

1493
01:14:57,559 --> 01:14:58,583
You should go.

1494
01:14:58,660 --> 01:15:01,629
Oh, Jesus!
How many times did you just do it?

1495
01:15:01,697 --> 01:15:02,823
Oh, my God!

1496
01:15:05,234 --> 01:15:06,701
I'm so sorry.

1497
01:15:13,742 --> 01:15:15,676
Dude, teach me.

1498
01:15:25,921 --> 01:15:26,910
<i>Hotline.</i>

1499
01:15:26,989 --> 01:15:30,481
Hi, yes, I'm calling
because it's more than four hours...

1500
01:15:30,559 --> 01:15:33,619
and your ad said to call
if it's been more than four hours.

1501
01:15:33,695 --> 01:15:35,629
<i>How much of the medicine
have you taken, sir?</i>

1502
01:15:36,164 --> 01:15:39,065
I haven't taken any,
but your ad said...

1503
01:15:39,134 --> 01:15:43,002
that if you've had an erection
for more than four hours, you call.

1504
01:15:43,138 --> 01:15:46,505
<i>You're only supposed to call
if you've taken the medicine.</i>

1505
01:15:46,575 --> 01:15:49,976
Okay. I'm sorry.
I must not have heard that part.

1506
01:15:50,045 --> 01:15:52,513
<i>Yes. If you haven't taken
the medicine, you don't call.</i>

1507
01:15:52,581 --> 01:15:54,606
Right. I'm sorry. Right.

1508
01:15:54,750 --> 01:15:56,980
So, there's nothing you can do?

1509
01:15:57,419 --> 01:15:59,478
<i>- I just don't wanna...
- There's nothing I can do.</i>

1510
01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:00,613
<i>I'm in Bombay, India.</i>

1511
01:16:00,722 --> 01:16:03,452
Okay. No, not you personally.
I just don't want...

1512
01:16:03,759 --> 01:16:05,659
I just don't want
to have an erection anymore.

1513
01:16:06,828 --> 01:16:08,989
<i>You know,
you could have sex.</i>

1514
01:16:09,097 --> 01:16:10,086
Okay. Yup.

1515
01:16:10,766 --> 01:16:14,634
<i>That's one thing people do
when they have an erection.</i>

1516
01:16:14,703 --> 01:16:17,263
Yeah, that's not an option.
I don't have sex.

1517
01:16:17,339 --> 01:16:19,671
<i>Okay, well,
then you can masturbate.</i>

1518
01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:21,436
I'd rather not masturbate.

1519
01:16:21,510 --> 01:16:24,479
<i>If you'd like the erection
to go away, you can light a match...</i>

1520
01:16:24,546 --> 01:16:28,607
<i>blow out the flame and put
the hot ember on your wrist.</i>

1521
01:16:29,318 --> 01:16:31,445
<i>And that will focus
the brain elsewhere...</i>

1522
01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:34,045
<i>- ... and you will lose your erection.
- Really? That'd work?</i>

1523
01:16:34,122 --> 01:16:36,920
<i>Take your finger
and flick your testicle...</i>

1524
01:16:36,992 --> 01:16:38,459
<i>and if you do that till it hurts...</i>

1525
01:16:38,527 --> 01:16:40,722
<i>- ... your erection will go away.
- Okay, all right.</i>

1526
01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:42,195
<i>It sounds unpleasant and it is.</i>

1527
01:16:42,264 --> 01:16:43,993
<i>It is a trick we use in India.</i>

1528
01:16:44,066 --> 01:16:47,832
Okay, those are all good pieces of advice.
I really appreciate it.

1529
01:16:47,903 --> 01:16:49,928
<i>We appreciate your business.</i>

1530
01:16:50,105 --> 01:16:52,164
<i>Oh, no.
We didn't get your business...</i>

1531
01:16:52,240 --> 01:16:55,676
No, not this time. I guess
I didn't need you this time. Thank you.

1532
01:17:24,206 --> 01:17:26,766
My goodness, Andy,
you are a terrific salesman.

1533
01:17:26,842 --> 01:17:29,174
- Thank you.
- Gosh, you really got it down.

1534
01:17:29,244 --> 01:17:31,075
- Thanks.
- And your numbers are good.

1535
01:17:31,146 --> 01:17:32,113
Thanks.

1536
01:17:32,180 --> 01:17:34,114
I'm going to put you out
on the floor full time.

1537
01:17:34,182 --> 01:17:35,171
- Really?
- Yeah.

1538
01:17:35,250 --> 01:17:36,148
Wow. Okay.

1539
01:17:36,218 --> 01:17:38,516
Good. We're gonna get you a blue shirt
and tie, all right?

1540
01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:39,519
Great. Thanks.

1541
01:17:39,588 --> 01:17:42,614
You know, Andy, I've been thinking
about your problem.

1542
01:17:42,691 --> 01:17:44,852
I think I might have
a solution for you.

1543
01:17:46,061 --> 01:17:49,155
You ever heard of the term
"fuck buddy"?

1544
01:17:50,932 --> 01:17:52,024
What?

1545
01:17:52,167 --> 01:17:54,635
It's a special friend...

1546
01:17:55,570 --> 01:17:56,798
who you fuck.

1547
01:17:57,773 --> 01:17:59,866
No, haven't heard that term.

1548
01:17:59,941 --> 01:18:02,876
When I was a little girl,
I developed early.

1549
01:18:03,545 --> 01:18:06,605
By the time I was 14,
I had this body you're looking at.

1550
01:18:06,682 --> 01:18:09,742
- Can you imagine that?
- I don't want to, no.

1551
01:18:10,352 --> 01:18:13,412
Well, needless to say,
a lot of male attention.

1552
01:18:13,488 --> 01:18:14,648
Like men, yes.

1553
01:18:14,723 --> 01:18:18,716
Especially from our
Guatemalan gardener, Javier.

1554
01:18:18,894 --> 01:18:20,020
Okay.

1555
01:18:20,395 --> 01:18:22,124
You know, Javier...

1556
01:18:22,998 --> 01:18:27,765
before he made passionate yet gentle love
to me for the first time...

1557
01:18:29,137 --> 01:18:33,267
he serenaded me with a beautiful
old Guatemalan love song.

1558
01:18:33,341 --> 01:18:35,002
Really, that's...

1559
01:18:35,377 --> 01:18:37,777
That sounds nice.

1560
01:19:05,173 --> 01:19:06,231
Okay.

1561
01:19:07,876 --> 01:19:09,104
My goodness.

1562
01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:11,641
- I think we better get back to work.
- Yeah.

1563
01:19:11,713 --> 01:19:14,045
- Yeah, I better go back to work.
- Yeah.

1564
01:19:14,116 --> 01:19:15,947
- So, okay.
- All right.

1565
01:19:16,051 --> 01:19:17,916
So, you mull it over
and I'll talk to you soon.

1566
01:19:17,986 --> 01:19:19,817
- All right, I will. Thank you.
- Okay.

1567
01:19:24,926 --> 01:19:27,918
What's up, dawg? What happened?
How was the date with Trish?

1568
01:19:27,996 --> 01:19:30,328
- It was a disaster.
- Really?

1569
01:19:30,398 --> 01:19:33,196
Yes. I've never been
more embarrassed in my life.

1570
01:19:33,401 --> 01:19:35,426
Couldn't get the condoms to work.

1571
01:19:35,504 --> 01:19:38,268
And one of them exploded on my balls.

1572
01:19:38,607 --> 01:19:40,370
And then her kid walked in the room.

1573
01:19:40,442 --> 01:19:41,374
Wait. Hold up.

1574
01:19:41,443 --> 01:19:42,967
She was hiding the kid from you, dawg?

1575
01:19:43,044 --> 01:19:44,375
You know what, it doesn't matter...

1576
01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:46,778
because it was going downhill
straight from there.

1577
01:19:46,848 --> 01:19:49,043
Listen, you don't want
no baby-daddy drama.

1578
01:19:49,117 --> 01:19:50,345
Trust me on this one, all right?

1579
01:19:50,418 --> 01:19:52,477
For all you know,
he in prison right now.

1580
01:19:52,554 --> 01:19:53,919
Let's say y'all living together.

1581
01:19:53,989 --> 01:19:56,958
Next thing you know, you the one
going on the 1st and the 15th...

1582
01:19:57,025 --> 01:19:58,253
to pick up the government check.

1583
01:19:58,326 --> 01:20:00,419
What if he got boys
that's on the outside...

1584
01:20:00,495 --> 01:20:01,587
and they stalking you?

1585
01:20:01,663 --> 01:20:03,563
You see what I'm saying?
You got to think, partner...

1586
01:20:03,632 --> 01:20:05,327
What the fuck are you talking about?

1587
01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:07,868
Here's what you do.
You tell her you're a virgin.

1588
01:20:07,936 --> 01:20:10,063
You test her with this shit, okay?

1589
01:20:10,138 --> 01:20:12,902
Here, tell me. Tell me.
This is how it's gonna go. Tell me.

1590
01:20:12,974 --> 01:20:14,771
- I'm a virgin.
- Sweet.

1591
01:20:15,277 --> 01:20:18,678
I like that because
you don't have chlamydia.

1592
01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:22,645
And I know that,
and that shit is everywhere.

1593
01:20:23,185 --> 01:20:24,982
What if she laughs at me, though?

1594
01:20:25,053 --> 01:20:27,248
Then you punch her in the fucking head
if she laughs.

1595
01:20:27,322 --> 01:20:29,882
I'm not going to punch her in the head.
She's really sweet.

1596
01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:33,519
No. I mean, you punch her
in her fucking head emotionally.

1597
01:20:33,595 --> 01:20:36,587
She's different. She's someone
I felt like I had...

1598
01:20:36,665 --> 01:20:37,996
a connection with.

1599
01:20:38,066 --> 01:20:41,331
All you trying to do right now
is bust off this first night.

1600
01:20:41,403 --> 01:20:43,928
You got a whole lot of semen
back up in you.

1601
01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:45,165
I am going to tell her.

1602
01:20:45,240 --> 01:20:47,071
- You should totally tell her, man.
- I'm going to.

1603
01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:49,372
<i>'Cause I watched this movie
called Liar Liar...</i>

1604
01:20:49,444 --> 01:20:52,106
and the message was, "Don't lie. "

1605
01:20:52,180 --> 01:20:53,875
And that was a smart movie.

1606
01:20:53,949 --> 01:20:55,439
- Yeah, that's the right thing.
- Yeah.

1607
01:20:56,184 --> 01:21:00,120
Really? All your girlfriends
wanted to have sex with virgins, too?

1608
01:21:00,789 --> 01:21:04,384
That's funny. I didn't even know
you girls talked like that.

1609
01:21:05,026 --> 01:21:08,154
I think my first time
might be your best time, too.

1610
01:21:08,997 --> 01:21:10,396
Well, I knew it.
You know what...

1611
01:21:10,465 --> 01:21:13,525
I knew that you'd react that way
and I knew that...

1612
01:21:13,802 --> 01:21:18,262
you would want to lead me through
my first sexual encounter...

1613
01:21:18,573 --> 01:21:23,067
with all the compassion
and care that someone...

1614
01:21:23,345 --> 01:21:24,972
would give to their soul mate.

1615
01:21:25,046 --> 01:21:26,911
Oh, my God. I'm in trouble.

1616
01:21:30,151 --> 01:21:31,345
Hey, Andy.

1617
01:21:31,820 --> 01:21:33,447
<i>You watching Survivor tonight?</i>

1618
01:21:33,521 --> 01:21:35,989
No, actually I'm going out to dinner
with somebody.

1619
01:21:36,057 --> 01:21:36,989
Hi.

1620
01:21:37,492 --> 01:21:38,516
This is her.

1621
01:21:38,593 --> 01:21:40,618
- Trish, this is Joe and Sara.
- Hi.

1622
01:21:40,695 --> 01:21:42,026
- Hi, Trish.
- Hey.

1623
01:21:42,097 --> 01:21:43,621
But tape it for me, okay?

1624
01:21:43,698 --> 01:21:45,393
- Will do. All right.
- Thanks.

1625
01:21:45,467 --> 01:21:46,593
- So long.
- Bye-bye.

1626
01:21:46,668 --> 01:21:48,363
- See you later.
- Have a good night.

1627
01:21:48,436 --> 01:21:50,836
Yeah, my man's gonna get it on tonight.

1628
01:21:50,906 --> 01:21:51,895
Yes, sir.

1629
01:21:51,973 --> 01:21:54,498
Yeah, and you better get on me, too.

1630
01:21:54,809 --> 01:21:56,709
What is wrong with this woman?

1631
01:21:56,778 --> 01:21:57,972
Mercy, mercy, mercy.

1632
01:22:04,352 --> 01:22:06,047
I'm so sorry that happened
the other night.

1633
01:22:06,121 --> 01:22:07,145
No, I'm sorry.

1634
01:22:07,222 --> 01:22:08,917
- Oh, my God.
- That was me.

1635
01:22:08,990 --> 01:22:09,979
No.

1636
01:22:10,692 --> 01:22:13,388
Let me...
I have something I want to tell you.

1637
01:22:14,296 --> 01:22:16,230
Kind of hard to talk about.

1638
01:22:17,198 --> 01:22:18,187
But...

1639
01:22:18,934 --> 01:22:21,960
you know, there are certain things...

1640
01:22:22,304 --> 01:22:24,670
about who I am that...

1641
01:22:25,173 --> 01:22:28,165
I'm sorry.
I just have to get this off my chest.

1642
01:22:28,243 --> 01:22:30,939
I am so sorry,
I didn't tell you I had kids.

1643
01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:33,511
Yeah, what was that about?

1644
01:22:33,581 --> 01:22:35,947
Gosh. You know,
that really surprised me.

1645
01:22:38,820 --> 01:22:40,754
No, you should have
told me probably, but...

1646
01:22:40,822 --> 01:22:41,811
I'm sorry. I know.

1647
01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,983
What do I care if you have a kid?

1648
01:22:44,459 --> 01:22:46,120
Well, I have two kids.

1649
01:22:46,995 --> 01:22:49,395
Wow. Okay.
How old are they?

1650
01:22:50,398 --> 01:22:51,456
Six.

1651
01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:53,428
Sixteen.

1652
01:22:53,902 --> 01:22:55,267
Twenty-one.

1653
01:22:56,137 --> 01:22:57,468
Forty-two.

1654
01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,307
Fifty-six.
How many kids do you have?

1655
01:23:00,375 --> 01:23:02,206
- I have three.
- Okay, three.

1656
01:23:02,277 --> 01:23:04,268
Yeah, and one of them
has a kid.

1657
01:23:04,346 --> 01:23:05,643
A one-year-old.

1658
01:23:05,981 --> 01:23:07,710
That's cool. That's great.

1659
01:23:09,718 --> 01:23:13,210
- I'm really glad we're doing this.
- Me, too.

1660
01:23:17,592 --> 01:23:19,116
Listen, Andy...

1661
01:23:19,527 --> 01:23:22,519
I don't want to send you running
for the hills or anything, but...

1662
01:23:22,597 --> 01:23:27,296
I really feel like if we decide to
do this again, then...

1663
01:23:29,437 --> 01:23:32,668
maybe we should hold off
on the physical part for a while.

1664
01:23:34,576 --> 01:23:36,908
That is a fantastic idea.

1665
01:23:37,712 --> 01:23:39,179
Why didn't I think of that?

1666
01:23:39,247 --> 01:23:40,475
- Really?
- Totally.

1667
01:23:40,548 --> 01:23:43,847
- No sex?
- No. Why do that?

1668
01:23:43,918 --> 01:23:45,715
Because here's the thing.

1669
01:23:45,854 --> 01:23:47,048
From personal experience...

1670
01:23:47,122 --> 01:23:49,818
I found that sex can really
complicate things.

1671
01:23:49,891 --> 01:23:52,951
And what we should be doing right now
is getting to know each other.

1672
01:23:53,028 --> 01:23:54,052
Yeah.

1673
01:23:54,429 --> 01:23:56,420
Well, I never thought
you'd go for it.

1674
01:23:56,498 --> 01:23:57,829
I'm going for it.

1675
01:23:57,899 --> 01:24:00,891
Well, that just is a great,
great notion.

1676
01:24:01,836 --> 01:24:02,928
Are you serious?

1677
01:24:03,004 --> 01:24:05,802
Look at my face.
Look at how serious I am.

1678
01:24:06,107 --> 01:24:07,836
Can you see my nostrils?

1679
01:24:07,909 --> 01:24:09,706
- Yes.
- That's serious.

1680
01:24:10,011 --> 01:24:11,444
That's more angry.

1681
01:24:11,846 --> 01:24:14,076
Yeah, you know what,
most guys would be saying:

1682
01:24:14,149 --> 01:24:17,380
"Yeah," right now, but, like,
by the third date, it would be:

1683
01:24:17,452 --> 01:24:20,979
"Hey, baby, I really need to
physically express how I feel"...

1684
01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,422
- ... and all that stuff.
- Well, hey, baby...

1685
01:24:23,491 --> 01:24:26,585
you know, three dates...
Make it 10, 10 dates.

1686
01:24:28,463 --> 01:24:29,760
How about 15?

1687
01:24:29,831 --> 01:24:33,562
Fifteen. Screw your 15.
20 dates.

1688
01:24:33,835 --> 01:24:35,894
- Okay, 20 dates.
- Twenty dates.

1689
01:24:36,337 --> 01:24:38,532
- Okay.
- This is genius.

1690
01:24:38,907 --> 01:24:40,272
It's gonna hurt.

1691
01:24:42,277 --> 01:24:44,245
Not as much as you think.

1692
01:24:45,980 --> 01:24:48,107
We can really get to know
each other this way.

1693
01:24:48,183 --> 01:24:49,172
Yeah.

1694
01:24:49,617 --> 01:24:52,177
- This is one, right?
- No, next one.

1695
01:24:58,126 --> 01:25:00,060
Is it safe to come in,
or are you guys doing it?

1696
01:25:00,128 --> 01:25:01,789
Honey, it's safe.

1697
01:25:04,265 --> 01:25:05,289
Great.

1698
01:25:05,366 --> 01:25:07,027
Well, good timing.

1699
01:25:07,368 --> 01:25:09,063
- Yeah.
- You remember Marla.

1700
01:25:09,137 --> 01:25:12,072
- Hi, we met.
- And this is my little bunny rabbit.

1701
01:25:12,140 --> 01:25:13,573
- Julia.
- Hey.

1702
01:25:13,641 --> 01:25:16,007
- This is Andy.
- Julia, how you doing?

1703
01:25:16,978 --> 01:25:20,539
You know what,
do you by any chance like magic?

1704
01:25:21,015 --> 01:25:23,506
- Yeah.
- I thought that you might.

1705
01:25:23,585 --> 01:25:25,075
Because I noticed on the way in...

1706
01:25:25,153 --> 01:25:27,747
that you had something shiny
behind your ear.

1707
01:25:27,822 --> 01:25:30,256
Marla, did you see that?
Something behind her ear?

1708
01:25:30,325 --> 01:25:31,815
You think you do?
Could I check?

1709
01:25:31,893 --> 01:25:34,191
Do you mind if I check
behind your ear?

1710
01:25:34,429 --> 01:25:35,794
Big money!

1711
01:25:37,232 --> 01:25:39,894
- That's amazing.
- Wow, it is amazing.

1712
01:25:39,968 --> 01:25:42,061
There's something else, too,
behind your ear, I think.

1713
01:25:42,137 --> 01:25:44,799
No, actually it's not behind your ear.
I think it is your ear.

1714
01:25:44,873 --> 01:25:45,862
Rip!

1715
01:25:45,940 --> 01:25:49,398
It is your ear.
There is your ear.

1716
01:25:49,477 --> 01:25:50,808
I ripped it off.

1717
01:25:50,879 --> 01:25:52,403
- Gross!
- Yeah, that's...

1718
01:25:52,480 --> 01:25:55,608
All right. Wait.
Okay, but that means that you...

1719
01:25:55,683 --> 01:25:58,652
walk around with a rubber ear
in your pocket all day?

1720
01:25:59,487 --> 01:26:01,216
Yeah, like half the time.

1721
01:26:01,489 --> 01:26:03,354
You know, I can come
to your high school...

1722
01:26:03,424 --> 01:26:05,392
and do it for your friends
if you want.

1723
01:26:05,460 --> 01:26:07,291
You know what, I should head out.

1724
01:26:07,362 --> 01:26:08,693
- Really?
- Yeah.

1725
01:26:08,763 --> 01:26:10,663
I have to give you a ride home.

1726
01:26:10,732 --> 01:26:11,960
Right. Yes, you do.

1727
01:26:12,033 --> 01:26:14,263
Yeah, 'cause you don't have
a car or anything, right?

1728
01:26:14,335 --> 01:26:15,893
Right, I don't have a car.

1729
01:26:15,970 --> 01:26:18,598
'Cause he doesn't have a car,
and he does magic.

1730
01:26:18,940 --> 01:26:19,998
Awesome.

1731
01:26:20,208 --> 01:26:22,802
And sarcasm is like
a second language to me.

1732
01:26:22,877 --> 01:26:24,936
So, I'm right there with you.

1733
01:26:28,049 --> 01:26:29,448
But, Dad...

1734
01:26:30,185 --> 01:26:33,484
I don't know how to love.

1735
01:26:34,355 --> 01:26:35,879
You never...

1736
01:26:35,957 --> 01:26:39,984
taught me how...

1737
01:26:43,331 --> 01:26:45,196
- Hello.
- Hey, Cal.

1738
01:26:45,366 --> 01:26:47,596
<i>- Hey.
- I just got back from a date.</i>

1739
01:26:47,669 --> 01:26:49,762
<i>Did you tell her
you're a virgin?</i>

1740
01:26:50,138 --> 01:26:52,265
No. I haven't gotten to that yet.

1741
01:26:52,340 --> 01:26:54,535
Really?
Are you having sex right now?

1742
01:26:54,742 --> 01:26:56,937
<i>No. She was incredible.</i>

1743
01:26:57,278 --> 01:26:59,576
She was amazing.
She didn't pressure me.

1744
01:26:59,647 --> 01:27:02,639
And she has three kids.

1745
01:27:02,717 --> 01:27:04,708
And one of her kids has a kid.

1746
01:27:06,955 --> 01:27:08,217
You all right?

1747
01:27:08,656 --> 01:27:12,922
Did you just say she has three kids,
one of whom has a kid?

1748
01:27:12,994 --> 01:27:15,428
<i>- Yeah.
- So, so, she's a grandma?</i>

1749
01:27:15,630 --> 01:27:16,619
No.

1750
01:27:16,698 --> 01:27:18,461
<i>I'm not a doctor
or anything like that...</i>

1751
01:27:18,533 --> 01:27:20,694
but she's a fucking grandma.

1752
01:27:21,536 --> 01:27:23,128
Yeah, whatever, you know.

1753
01:27:23,204 --> 01:27:24,603
She's the hottest grandma
I ever saw.

1754
01:27:24,672 --> 01:27:26,105
<i>Yeah, she is.
She's a hot grandma.</i>

1755
01:27:26,174 --> 01:27:28,904
That's a good-looking grandma.
My grandma looks like Jack Palance.

1756
01:27:28,977 --> 01:27:30,001
<i>Well, she's no Jack Palance.</i>

1757
01:27:30,078 --> 01:27:31,807
No. If Jack Palance
looked like that lady...

1758
01:27:31,879 --> 01:27:33,847
I would want to
fuck Jack Palance right now.

1759
01:27:33,915 --> 01:27:34,939
<i>Yeah, me, too.</i>

1760
01:27:35,516 --> 01:27:36,642
She's a hot grandma.

1761
01:27:36,718 --> 01:27:38,583
<i>Heck, yeah.
No, do a grandma, man.</i>

1762
01:27:38,653 --> 01:27:41,451
You should fuck her
on her plastic-covered couch.

1763
01:27:42,223 --> 01:27:44,248
<i>Fuck her while she watches
Murder, She Wrote.</i>

1764
01:27:44,325 --> 01:27:45,917
She would probably find that
very erotic.

1765
01:27:45,994 --> 01:27:47,222
Yeah, whatever, you know.

1766
01:27:47,295 --> 01:27:50,787
Fuck her and then have her send you
a check for $12 on your birthday.

1767
01:27:51,466 --> 01:27:53,730
I'm the dude with the hot granny.

1768
01:27:55,103 --> 01:27:56,866
What did you want to talk to me about?

1769
01:27:56,938 --> 01:27:58,667
Well, Andy, the numbers just came in...

1770
01:27:58,740 --> 01:28:02,437
and you are by far our best salesman.

1771
01:28:02,810 --> 01:28:05,176
So, I am promoting you
to floor manager.

1772
01:28:05,580 --> 01:28:07,411
This is the bullshit of all bullshits!

1773
01:28:07,482 --> 01:28:09,450
You scumbag! Ass kisser!

1774
01:28:11,786 --> 01:28:13,481
Thank you. That's great.

1775
01:28:13,821 --> 01:28:17,552
- I understand you have a girlfriend.
- Yeah, kind of seeing somebody.

1776
01:28:17,992 --> 01:28:20,620
- I'm very happy for you.
- Thanks. She's great.

1777
01:28:20,762 --> 01:28:22,389
Are you still a virgin?

1778
01:28:23,498 --> 01:28:24,965
You know, I don't really...

1779
01:28:25,033 --> 01:28:26,933
- ... talk about my personal life.
- You're a virgin.

1780
01:28:27,001 --> 01:28:28,366
- Yes, I am.
- Yeah.

1781
01:28:29,737 --> 01:28:31,466
My door is always open.

1782
01:28:32,073 --> 01:28:33,870
- So to speak.
- Great.

1783
01:28:35,376 --> 01:28:36,741
Great. Thank you.

1784
01:28:37,245 --> 01:28:39,213
I'm very discreet.

1785
01:28:42,016 --> 01:28:44,450
But I'll haunt your dreams.

1786
01:28:46,354 --> 01:28:47,719
- Okay.
- Okay.

1787
01:28:53,061 --> 01:28:54,460
Wow.

1788
01:28:56,331 --> 01:29:00,392
- So who's gonna take my job?
- Cal will be taking over your job.

1789
01:29:00,468 --> 01:29:02,299
And he's interviewing people
right now...

1790
01:29:02,370 --> 01:29:03,667
for his old job.

1791
01:29:03,738 --> 01:29:05,763
So, have you ever worked
with electronics before?

1792
01:29:05,840 --> 01:29:06,966
- No.
- No?

1793
01:29:07,208 --> 01:29:10,439
But I have electronics in my home.

1794
01:29:11,512 --> 01:29:15,471
Perfect. That's the job pretty much.
You're very well-qualified.

1795
01:29:16,117 --> 01:29:17,641
More than these other losers.

1796
01:29:19,187 --> 01:29:21,849
- I could do that...
- Wait, last thing.

1797
01:29:21,923 --> 01:29:23,948
I'm also gonna need that
extended warranty on it...

1798
01:29:24,025 --> 01:29:26,357
for the price of "on the house. "

1799
01:29:28,329 --> 01:29:29,626
That I can't do.

1800
01:29:29,697 --> 01:29:32,393
Hey, don't be a Negro. Be my nigger.
All right? Help me out.

1801
01:29:32,467 --> 01:29:34,526
Hold up.
I ain't nobody's nigger.

1802
01:29:35,503 --> 01:29:38,267
I mean, you're somebody's nigger
wearing this nigger tie.

1803
01:29:38,339 --> 01:29:39,863
Now you being condescending.

1804
01:29:39,941 --> 01:29:43,433
See, you've been warned, all right?
Just move forward amicably.

1805
01:29:43,511 --> 01:29:44,876
Okay. Well, check this out.

1806
01:29:44,946 --> 01:29:47,039
First of all, you're throwing
too many big words at me.

1807
01:29:47,115 --> 01:29:48,810
Okay, now because
I don't understand them...

1808
01:29:48,883 --> 01:29:50,350
I'm gonna take them as disrespect.

1809
01:29:50,418 --> 01:29:52,784
Watch your mouth,
and help me with the sale.

1810
01:29:52,854 --> 01:29:55,550
Okay, see,
now you found yourself a nigger.

1811
01:29:55,623 --> 01:29:58,456
You were looking for a nigger?
Nigger here now. See?

1812
01:29:58,526 --> 01:30:01,825
Today's forecast:
Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by.

1813
01:30:02,029 --> 01:30:04,020
- You want to go?
- I suggest you move back.

1814
01:30:04,098 --> 01:30:05,725
Then, nig, fire on.

1815
01:30:05,800 --> 01:30:07,097
What are we gonna do?

1816
01:30:07,635 --> 01:30:10,399
What are you gonna do,
Mr. Floor Manager?

1817
01:30:11,806 --> 01:30:13,034
Go, get them, tiger.

1818
01:30:13,107 --> 01:30:14,768
This shit just got rigged.

1819
01:30:14,842 --> 01:30:16,742
- What are you gonna do, bitch?
- I'll tell you what.

1820
01:30:16,811 --> 01:30:18,745
You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th?

1821
01:30:18,813 --> 01:30:20,610
You ever heard of, Rolling 20s, nigger?

1822
01:30:20,681 --> 01:30:23,047
Since I was 16, nigger,
I'm saying "frosty. "

1823
01:30:23,117 --> 01:30:24,778
You know what I'm saying,
"spoon", nigger.

1824
01:30:24,852 --> 01:30:26,513
We fucked dwarfs in the ass.

1825
01:30:26,587 --> 01:30:28,521
Nigger, this dwarf here
don't got to be tall...

1826
01:30:28,589 --> 01:30:30,386
to pull the trigger off
in somebody face!

1827
01:30:30,458 --> 01:30:32,688
- Come on nigger, back up.
- What's up? Hey...

1828
01:30:32,760 --> 01:30:33,988
Welcome to Smart Tech.

1829
01:30:34,061 --> 01:30:35,460
- Is this your boy?
- What can I help you with?

1830
01:30:35,530 --> 01:30:37,225
Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you!

1831
01:30:37,298 --> 01:30:39,027
- How can we help you, sir?
- Nigger, what?

1832
01:30:39,100 --> 01:30:41,466
No, he don't need no help.
He's already been served.

1833
01:30:41,536 --> 01:30:44,403
I served him. He's taken care of.
He's a little slow, but he got it.

1834
01:30:44,472 --> 01:30:47,168
See, what he thought was he can come up
in here and make the rules.

1835
01:30:47,241 --> 01:30:49,641
But now he see that Jay make the moves
at Smart Tech...

1836
01:30:49,710 --> 01:30:52,577
that I run this, bitch
and now he bought the bounce.

1837
01:30:53,948 --> 01:30:55,108
This your boy?

1838
01:30:55,249 --> 01:30:57,774
Yeah, that's my boy.
We represent Smart Tech.

1839
01:30:57,852 --> 01:30:59,319
You just got fucked up with him.

1840
01:30:59,387 --> 01:31:01,912
Both y'all niggers going
get clapped up when I get back.

1841
01:31:02,957 --> 01:31:04,219
Both of you all niggers.

1842
01:31:04,292 --> 01:31:06,419
- What did I do?
- It don't fucking matter!

1843
01:31:06,661 --> 01:31:09,858
Yeah, aim high, Willis.
Aim high!

1844
01:31:09,931 --> 01:31:11,398
Please don't do this.

1845
01:31:12,233 --> 01:31:14,224
Jay, what's going on?

1846
01:31:16,404 --> 01:31:17,735
Jill broke up with me.

1847
01:31:17,805 --> 01:31:20,296
I'm so sorry.
What happened?

1848
01:31:20,541 --> 01:31:22,634
I came home a little tipsy.

1849
01:31:22,910 --> 01:31:25,310
And I had one of my condoms
on still.

1850
01:31:27,348 --> 01:31:30,613
Woke up the next morning
and jumped in the shower with her.

1851
01:31:31,285 --> 01:31:33,310
I don't know what I was thinking.

1852
01:31:33,387 --> 01:31:34,513
Why did you cheat on her?

1853
01:31:34,589 --> 01:31:36,887
Because I'm insecure!
You can't tell?

1854
01:31:36,958 --> 01:31:39,358
I know, man.
It's gonna be okay.

1855
01:31:39,427 --> 01:31:41,554
- I'm cold.
- It's gonna be all right, man.

1856
01:31:41,629 --> 01:31:43,256
Seriously, man, I'm sorry.

1857
01:31:43,564 --> 01:31:45,293
I apologize to you. I know.

1858
01:31:45,366 --> 01:31:47,197
If you wanna have
a meaningful relationship...

1859
01:31:47,268 --> 01:31:49,498
you've got to leave the sex out of it,
man. You're right.

1860
01:31:49,570 --> 01:31:50,764
It's all right. You're good.

1861
01:31:50,838 --> 01:31:52,669
I'm sorry. Come here.
I love you, man.

1862
01:31:52,740 --> 01:31:54,230
Man, I love you, too.

1863
01:31:55,443 --> 01:31:57,104
You're a good guy.

1864
01:31:59,247 --> 01:32:01,681
Do you know how I know
you guys are gay?

1865
01:32:01,749 --> 01:32:04,183
You're holding each other
ever so gently.

1866
01:32:04,252 --> 01:32:05,241
<i>Cabron.</i>

1867
01:32:11,759 --> 01:32:12,851
Bravo.

1868
01:32:13,327 --> 01:32:14,919
At least he can cook, Mom.

1869
01:32:19,100 --> 01:32:21,728
I love... Spiderman.

1870
01:32:35,016 --> 01:32:37,280
Pull out slowly and go straight ahead.

1871
01:33:05,880 --> 01:33:07,040
I'm all right.

1872
01:33:07,548 --> 01:33:08,674
Nobody's there.

1873
01:33:08,849 --> 01:33:11,113
I want to know everything about you.

1874
01:33:11,185 --> 01:33:12,243
I want to tell you.

1875
01:33:12,320 --> 01:33:13,344
- You do?
- Yeah.

1876
01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:16,254
Like, what do you want to do?
What are your dreams?

1877
01:33:16,657 --> 01:33:19,592
You don't wanna work at Smart Tech
for the rest of your life.

1878
01:33:20,227 --> 01:33:22,320
I've been working there
for a long time.

1879
01:33:22,396 --> 01:33:26,093
And I've been thinking lately
that maybe I should open my own store.

1880
01:33:26,367 --> 01:33:27,425
- Really?
- Yeah.

1881
01:33:27,501 --> 01:33:30,937
- What kind of store?
- Well, like a stereo store.

1882
01:33:31,005 --> 01:33:33,371
Oh, my God, that is...
Why don't you do that?

1883
01:33:33,441 --> 01:33:35,102
I don't have enough money
to do that.

1884
01:33:35,176 --> 01:33:36,643
What about those collectibles?

1885
01:33:36,711 --> 01:33:38,975
I bet if you sold those,
you could make a lot of money.

1886
01:33:39,046 --> 01:33:42,880
I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe
for $1,000.

1887
01:33:43,217 --> 01:33:44,707
- Really?
- Do you have any of those?

1888
01:33:44,785 --> 01:33:45,911
- Yeah.
- You do?

1889
01:33:45,987 --> 01:33:47,045
I have 47 of them.

1890
01:33:47,121 --> 01:33:48,315
No, you don't.

1891
01:33:48,389 --> 01:33:50,380
- Yeah, in their original boxes.
- You do?

1892
01:33:50,458 --> 01:33:52,551
I could help you sell them on eBay.

1893
01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:55,721
I would not take a commission,
I swear to God.

1894
01:33:55,796 --> 01:33:58,856
You could do it.
You could totally pull it off.

1895
01:34:00,334 --> 01:34:02,359
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Let's do it.

1896
01:34:20,521 --> 01:34:21,715
Aquaman.

1897
01:34:22,156 --> 01:34:23,248
Here.

1898
01:34:23,724 --> 01:34:25,089
Clothes on.

1899
01:34:26,894 --> 01:34:28,794
I'll send you off to...

1900
01:34:29,864 --> 01:34:32,799
a farm with lots of land.

1901
01:34:32,867 --> 01:34:35,665
So, you and other Aquamen
can run around...

1902
01:34:36,771 --> 01:34:39,239
and play in the Aquafields.

1903
01:34:49,450 --> 01:34:51,475
Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin.

1904
01:34:53,921 --> 01:34:56,355
You don't wanna go, do you?
Okay, you can stay.

1905
01:34:56,424 --> 01:34:58,289
Steve Austin can stay.

1906
01:35:02,263 --> 01:35:03,753
Hey, Cal. David.

1907
01:35:03,964 --> 01:35:06,159
Way to sell a big TV.

1908
01:35:06,233 --> 01:35:07,757
She likes you, man.

1909
01:35:07,968 --> 01:35:09,959
Too bad I retired my penis.

1910
01:35:10,271 --> 01:35:13,468
Mooj, we try to be fair with
the schedule but it's hard.

1911
01:35:13,641 --> 01:35:17,168
Okay, but why every damn schedule
comes up, I get most early shift?

1912
01:35:17,244 --> 01:35:20,111
It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo
at 10:00 in the morning.

1913
01:35:20,181 --> 01:35:21,239
No, I understand.

1914
01:35:21,315 --> 01:35:24,250
People buy stereo
between 6:00 and 8:00.

1915
01:35:24,318 --> 01:35:25,307
Mmm-hmm.

1916
01:35:25,386 --> 01:35:28,844
Rich men get off work, then buy stereo.

1917
01:35:28,923 --> 01:35:31,448
- Right.
- Not after fucking brunch.

1918
01:35:31,525 --> 01:35:33,152
Okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.

1919
01:35:33,227 --> 01:35:35,821
I'm going to give you
a couple of Jay's shifts.

1920
01:35:35,930 --> 01:35:38,558
And then I'll give you
a couple of mine and that way...

1921
01:35:38,632 --> 01:35:41,795
- ... we'll all be equal, okay.
- Thank you, Andy.

1922
01:35:42,103 --> 01:35:43,229
It's okay.

1923
01:35:43,637 --> 01:35:45,195
You're a good man, Andy.

1924
01:35:47,374 --> 01:35:50,275
By the way,
what date are you on, now?

1925
01:35:50,678 --> 01:35:53,272
I think it's around 17.

1926
01:35:53,347 --> 01:35:56,111
It's hard to tell what actually
constitutes a date, though.

1927
01:35:56,183 --> 01:36:00,051
Three to go. So that means
you're gonna have sex in three days.

1928
01:36:00,755 --> 01:36:03,155
Maybe, I might try to space them out
a little bit.

1929
01:36:03,224 --> 01:36:05,749
- I'll pray for your cock.
- Okay, thanks.

1930
01:36:05,960 --> 01:36:08,019
- Thanks. Thank you.
- Have a good cocky.

1931
01:36:08,195 --> 01:36:10,789
Trish is on the phone.
Here is a shock.

1932
01:36:10,865 --> 01:36:12,833
- Girlfriend with a problem.
- Hello.

1933
01:36:13,100 --> 01:36:15,330
<i>I have done everything but sex!</i>

1934
01:36:15,402 --> 01:36:17,870
<i>I'm a woman, okay?
Deal with it!</i>

1935
01:36:17,938 --> 01:36:20,031
I'm gonna start
taking you back to church.

1936
01:36:20,107 --> 01:36:22,075
We are gonna start going to church.

1937
01:36:22,143 --> 01:36:23,633
- Hello?
- You know what?

1938
01:36:23,711 --> 01:36:25,042
What the hell are you talking about?

1939
01:36:25,112 --> 01:36:27,774
Oh, my God, I cannot believe this.
Thank God you're here.

1940
01:36:27,848 --> 01:36:30,817
Jesus Christ.
Marla locked herself in the bathroom.

1941
01:36:30,885 --> 01:36:31,874
What happened?

1942
01:36:31,952 --> 01:36:33,749
She wants to go
to the family health clinic.

1943
01:36:33,821 --> 01:36:35,846
She wants birth control.
But she's too young.

1944
01:36:35,923 --> 01:36:39,120
I want to have sex with my boyfriend!
But I can't, Mom!

1945
01:36:39,193 --> 01:36:40,455
So, you want me to take her?

1946
01:36:40,528 --> 01:36:42,621
- No, I don't want you to take her.
- Okay, all right.

1947
01:36:42,696 --> 01:36:45,529
I want her to keep it in her pants
until she gets to college.

1948
01:36:45,599 --> 01:36:46,657
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1949
01:36:46,734 --> 01:36:47,996
"Keep it in my pants"?

1950
01:36:48,068 --> 01:36:50,696
Okay, you didn't keep it
in your pants, Mom.

1951
01:36:50,771 --> 01:36:54,229
I know. I don't want you to make
the same mistakes as me, Marla.

1952
01:36:54,308 --> 01:36:57,334
Mistakes? Okay,
so I was a mistake then.

1953
01:36:57,411 --> 01:37:01,347
No, you're not a mistake.
Your sister was the mistake.

1954
01:37:02,049 --> 01:37:03,539
Oh, my God!

1955
01:37:03,951 --> 01:37:06,784
Her older sister, I mean,
she wasn't planned, you know what I mean?

1956
01:37:06,854 --> 01:37:09,379
Because I was such a...
Oh, God, you wanna run away, don't you?

1957
01:37:09,456 --> 01:37:10,514
No.

1958
01:37:10,591 --> 01:37:13,424
You and your boyfriend
have sex all the time!

1959
01:37:13,494 --> 01:37:15,223
Oh, my God!
Are you kidding?

1960
01:37:15,296 --> 01:37:17,127
We never have sex.
Do we ever have sex?

1961
01:37:17,198 --> 01:37:18,529
No, we don't.

1962
01:37:18,799 --> 01:37:20,630
What? Yes, you do!

1963
01:37:20,701 --> 01:37:23,363
You're such a liar!
Why do you lie to me?

1964
01:37:23,437 --> 01:37:24,461
Why?

1965
01:37:28,042 --> 01:37:30,010
I didn't hear anything
after "a liar. "

1966
01:37:30,077 --> 01:37:32,910
- What did she say after "a liar"?
- She sounds like a tea kettle.

1967
01:37:32,980 --> 01:37:34,880
Fuck you!

1968
01:37:37,184 --> 01:37:39,675
- Maybe I should take her.
- No, I don't think so.

1969
01:37:39,753 --> 01:37:42,187
You know, a little information
never hurt anybody.

1970
01:37:56,237 --> 01:37:57,295
Cool.

1971
01:37:58,372 --> 01:37:59,430
Wow!

1972
01:38:01,909 --> 01:38:04,002
Where do you put the penis?

1973
01:38:04,912 --> 01:38:06,243
Oh, shit.

1974
01:38:16,657 --> 01:38:18,318
It is...

1975
01:38:19,159 --> 01:38:20,751
not a Rubik's Cube.

1976
01:38:23,430 --> 01:38:24,419
Shit.

1977
01:38:26,166 --> 01:38:28,259
God, how much longer
are they gonna make us wait?

1978
01:38:28,335 --> 01:38:30,860
I don't know. They should be
out in a second.

1979
01:38:31,305 --> 01:38:32,363
Now, you're all here...

1980
01:38:32,439 --> 01:38:34,839
because you're interested
in obtaining birth control.

1981
01:38:34,909 --> 01:38:36,171
Any questions?

1982
01:38:36,777 --> 01:38:39,109
Here's a cute story.
I came home the other day...

1983
01:38:39,179 --> 01:38:42,171
and he is with his girlfriend
in my marital bed...

1984
01:38:42,249 --> 01:38:45,184
doing things that are illegal
in Alabama.

1985
01:38:45,319 --> 01:38:48,618
Sex acts, right?
Things that my wife won't do, okay?

1986
01:38:49,056 --> 01:38:51,889
- Did you have a question?
- How do I get my wife to do that?

1987
01:38:51,992 --> 01:38:53,391
Does anybody else have a question?

1988
01:38:53,460 --> 01:38:56,793
My daughter is,
for lack of a better word...

1989
01:38:57,197 --> 01:38:58,289
dumb.

1990
01:38:58,565 --> 01:39:00,760
How do I stop her menstrual cycle?

1991
01:39:00,834 --> 01:39:03,098
You want her to stop
having a menstrual cycle?

1992
01:39:03,170 --> 01:39:05,798
I want to stop it,
maybe just for a few years.

1993
01:39:05,873 --> 01:39:08,103
Yeah, I don't think
that's a good idea.

1994
01:39:08,175 --> 01:39:11,269
- Does anybody else have a question?
- I have a question.

1995
01:39:11,345 --> 01:39:15,179
I think some of the people
here might be sexually inexperienced.

1996
01:39:15,783 --> 01:39:18,843
Is it true that if you don't use it,
you lose it?

1997
01:39:19,219 --> 01:39:20,846
Is that a serious question?

1998
01:39:20,921 --> 01:39:22,548
- No. It wasn't.
- Okay.

1999
01:39:23,157 --> 01:39:26,786
Now, there are a lot of activities
that you can engage in...

2000
01:39:26,860 --> 01:39:29,693
without having sex
that are both fun and safe.

2001
01:39:29,763 --> 01:39:31,856
What sort of activities?
I think...

2002
01:39:31,932 --> 01:39:34,162
everybody wants to know
about the activities.

2003
01:39:34,234 --> 01:39:38,796
Well, instead of having intercourse,
you could have outer-course.

2004
01:39:39,273 --> 01:39:41,400
Outer-course?
What's that?

2005
01:39:41,508 --> 01:39:42,873
Yeah, what is that?

2006
01:39:42,943 --> 01:39:47,073
Outer-course is anything
that isn't vaginal intercourse.

2007
01:39:47,381 --> 01:39:49,372
I prefer vaginal intercourse.

2008
01:39:51,051 --> 01:39:52,348
He really does.

2009
01:39:52,686 --> 01:39:56,247
Now, there are ways of having sex
without intercourse.

2010
01:39:57,391 --> 01:40:00,792
Let's see, there are things
like body rubbing or dry humping.

2011
01:40:00,861 --> 01:40:02,192
You could dry hump.

2012
01:40:02,262 --> 01:40:05,390
- There is masturbation.
- Masturbation. Play with yourself.

2013
01:40:05,466 --> 01:40:07,491
- Mutual masturbation.
- Play with a friend.

2014
01:40:07,568 --> 01:40:11,163
Deep kissing.
There is erotic massage.

2015
01:40:11,238 --> 01:40:13,103
That sounds like it would be nice.

2016
01:40:13,173 --> 01:40:15,767
- Oral sex play.
- Sounds like my Friday night.

2017
01:40:15,843 --> 01:40:17,743
Shut up, Seth.
We went to temple.

2018
01:40:17,811 --> 01:40:19,608
Okay, are there any virgins here...

2019
01:40:19,680 --> 01:40:22,376
who are thinking about
having sex for the first time?

2020
01:40:23,650 --> 01:40:24,639
Oh.

2021
01:40:25,085 --> 01:40:27,212
Wait. So you're a virgin?

2022
01:40:29,790 --> 01:40:32,657
- I'd tap that.
- Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"?

2023
01:40:32,726 --> 01:40:35,695
Seth, what, you think you're cool
with your little Jew fro?

2024
01:40:35,763 --> 01:40:38,994
We don't say, "tap that. "
What are you talking about, Seth?

2025
01:40:39,066 --> 01:40:41,364
You know what, I'm a virgin, too.

2026
01:40:43,404 --> 01:40:44,530
That's...

2027
01:40:44,605 --> 01:40:46,470
- We're virgins, too.
- Yeah.

2028
01:40:48,409 --> 01:40:51,378
No, you know what,
it's a personal choice...

2029
01:40:51,445 --> 01:40:52,969
and I don't think it's weird at all.

2030
01:40:53,047 --> 01:40:54,309
You know what your problem is?

2031
01:40:54,381 --> 01:40:56,110
You're putting the pussy on a pedestal.

2032
01:40:56,183 --> 01:40:57,912
That's the second time I've heard that.

2033
01:40:57,985 --> 01:40:59,919
What is the "pussy on a pedestal" thing?

2034
01:40:59,987 --> 01:41:03,855
Okay, I can't listen to anymore of this,
'cause it's making me sick.

2035
01:41:03,924 --> 01:41:04,913
So, bye.

2036
01:41:04,992 --> 01:41:07,153
You can get this information
on your website, right?

2037
01:41:07,227 --> 01:41:08,956
- Yes.
- Thanks. Nice meeting everybody.

2038
01:41:09,029 --> 01:41:10,155
Any other questions?

2039
01:41:10,230 --> 01:41:12,164
Do you have any extra-large condoms?

2040
01:41:12,232 --> 01:41:14,063
Seth, you got a tiny penis.

2041
01:41:18,172 --> 01:41:21,300
So, I made that all up to help you out.

2042
01:41:23,377 --> 01:41:24,901
No, you didn't.

2043
01:41:25,145 --> 01:41:28,478
But thank you for doing that.

2044
01:41:31,351 --> 01:41:32,978
How can you tell?

2045
01:41:33,153 --> 01:41:35,587
Well, you know, I go to school
with, like, 400 guys...

2046
01:41:35,656 --> 01:41:37,089
who are all trying to have sex.

2047
01:41:37,157 --> 01:41:39,125
And, yeah, so I can tell who's done it.

2048
01:41:39,193 --> 01:41:40,251
Of course.

2049
01:41:40,327 --> 01:41:43,228
- And you really haven't?
- No, I really haven't.

2050
01:41:43,730 --> 01:41:46,130
Please don't tell your mom,
okay?

2051
01:41:46,200 --> 01:41:47,929
- Yeah, I won't.
- Thanks.

2052
01:41:48,035 --> 01:41:51,198
But when are you gonna tell her?

2053
01:41:51,405 --> 01:41:53,373
Believe me, I'm working on it.

2054
01:41:54,741 --> 01:41:56,470
I am working on it.

2055
01:41:59,480 --> 01:42:00,708
Do you have any weed?

2056
01:42:02,683 --> 01:42:03,911
- Yeah.
- You do have some.

2057
01:42:03,984 --> 01:42:06,111
Can spare any or is it all spoken for?

2058
01:42:06,820 --> 01:42:08,845
I mean, like what are we talking?
Are we...

2059
01:42:08,922 --> 01:42:11,390
Just enough to get me
baked for like a week.

2060
01:42:11,625 --> 01:42:12,683
That's a lot of weed.

2061
01:42:12,759 --> 01:42:14,693
Yeah, I am taking vacation
next week, so...

2062
01:42:14,761 --> 01:42:16,592
- Where are you going?
- I'm not going anywhere.

2063
01:42:16,663 --> 01:42:18,460
- I'll stay in my apartment.
- Just getting baked?

2064
01:42:18,532 --> 01:42:20,022
I want to be baked the whole time.

2065
01:42:20,100 --> 01:42:22,466
<i>Watch TV,
I'll probably re-watch Gandhi.</i>

2066
01:42:23,103 --> 01:42:25,037
<i>- Gandhi baked is good.
- Yes, isn't it?</i>

2067
01:42:25,105 --> 01:42:26,732
I always feel bad
when I watch it baked...

2068
01:42:26,807 --> 01:42:28,741
'cause I get really hungry
and I'm eating a lot...

2069
01:42:28,809 --> 01:42:29,833
and poor Gandhi is...

2070
01:42:29,910 --> 01:42:31,639
- ... fucking starving his ass off.
- Starving, I know.

2071
01:42:35,249 --> 01:42:36,739
- Sounds good.
- Yeah.

2072
01:42:36,817 --> 01:42:39,547
I'm going to take her to capacity.
Are you okay with that?

2073
01:42:39,620 --> 01:42:40,951
Give it a shot.

2074
01:42:41,021 --> 01:42:43,148
Freak! Oh, yeah!

2075
01:42:44,858 --> 01:42:47,486
Michael McDonald, man,
I haven't heard this in years.

2076
01:42:47,561 --> 01:42:49,688
Yeah, I haven't heard it
in like 48 minutes.

2077
01:42:50,430 --> 01:42:53,160
If I get the set,
will you throw in the DVD?

2078
01:42:53,233 --> 01:42:55,497
You don't get the set.
I'll throw in the DVD.

2079
01:42:56,003 --> 01:42:57,061
I'll take it.

2080
01:42:57,137 --> 01:42:58,934
- Really?
- Yeah.

2081
01:42:59,940 --> 01:43:02,135
Y'all want to see something beautiful?
Come here.

2082
01:43:02,209 --> 01:43:05,372
You want to see the most beautiful thing
in the world? Check this out.

2083
01:43:05,445 --> 01:43:09,176
This is my baby right here.
That's my baby's dick right there.

2084
01:43:09,816 --> 01:43:11,545
Looks like a poltergeist.

2085
01:43:11,852 --> 01:43:13,149
That is his foot.

2086
01:43:13,220 --> 01:43:15,552
Look at his dick.
That's not even four months.

2087
01:43:15,622 --> 01:43:16,953
Extrapolate that.

2088
01:43:17,024 --> 01:43:19,390
By the time he's 30,
what's gonna happen?

2089
01:43:19,459 --> 01:43:21,757
Yo, Andy! Come check this out, dawg.

2090
01:43:21,828 --> 01:43:24,388
Is this the movie about babies
that are geniuses?

2091
01:43:24,464 --> 01:43:26,955
No, this is my child, dude.
Jill is pregnant.

2092
01:43:27,034 --> 01:43:28,160
- That's yours?
- Yeah.

2093
01:43:28,235 --> 01:43:30,260
That's why she broke up
with me in the first place...

2094
01:43:30,337 --> 01:43:32,567
'cause she just thought
that I wouldn't be a good father...

2095
01:43:32,639 --> 01:43:34,971
in light of the fact that
I'd be cheating on her all the time.

2096
01:43:35,042 --> 01:43:36,737
But she got over all that.
It's cool now.

2097
01:43:36,810 --> 01:43:38,744
Congratulations, man.
That is great.

2098
01:43:39,012 --> 01:43:40,570
We having a party tonight, Andy...

2099
01:43:40,647 --> 01:43:42,205
and I really want you to be there, man.

2100
01:43:42,282 --> 01:43:44,773
We celebrating and I really,
really want you to be there.

2101
01:43:44,851 --> 01:43:47,342
It looks like the Doppler radar.

2102
01:43:47,421 --> 01:43:48,479
Can you believe that?

2103
01:43:48,555 --> 01:43:50,182
This child ain't even four months old.

2104
01:43:50,257 --> 01:43:52,521
He ain't four months old yet.
Look at what he's packing.

2105
01:43:52,593 --> 01:43:55,118
Everybody dick looks big
on 60-inch TV.

2106
01:43:55,195 --> 01:43:57,755
My sister's dick looks big on TV,
okay?

2107
01:43:58,732 --> 01:44:01,394
Oh, my God, this guy, Eric Gilliland...

2108
01:44:01,868 --> 01:44:04,462
- ... he has bought, like, 15 of these.
- Really?

2109
01:44:04,538 --> 01:44:07,507
Yeah, I think he likes action figures
even more than you.

2110
01:44:07,574 --> 01:44:10,099
- That is impossible.
- I think so.

2111
01:44:10,978 --> 01:44:14,277
Andy, the way these things
are flying off your shelf...

2112
01:44:14,348 --> 01:44:17,317
you know, I think you
could actually make like...

2113
01:44:17,818 --> 01:44:19,376
maybe like $100,000.

2114
01:44:19,453 --> 01:44:21,614
- Really?
- Yeah, you could open your store.

2115
01:44:21,688 --> 01:44:23,087
- Wow.
- Honey...

2116
01:44:23,223 --> 01:44:25,384
- That's a lot of money.
- I know.

2117
01:44:25,459 --> 01:44:28,121
That's incredible.
I wouldn't have done it without you.

2118
01:44:28,195 --> 01:44:29,389
Thanks.

2119
01:44:30,063 --> 01:44:32,861
- And that's not the only good news.
- What?

2120
01:44:33,300 --> 01:44:36,269
<i>- You know what tonight is?
- Survivor is on?</i>

2121
01:44:37,571 --> 01:44:39,095
- No.
- I know.

2122
01:44:39,706 --> 01:44:42,266
<i>Is it The Apprentice?</i>

2123
01:44:43,210 --> 01:44:44,199
No.

2124
01:44:44,978 --> 01:44:46,070
What?

2125
01:44:48,782 --> 01:44:53,116
It's our 20th date.

2126
01:44:59,660 --> 01:45:01,093
- Wow.
- Yeah.

2127
01:45:01,161 --> 01:45:02,492
- Really?
- Uh-huh.

2128
01:45:02,562 --> 01:45:05,861
Seriously?
I think we're at 18.

2129
01:45:05,932 --> 01:45:07,661
'Cause there were
a couple of dates there...

2130
01:45:07,734 --> 01:45:09,599
- ... that don't really count as dates.
- No.

2131
01:45:09,670 --> 01:45:12,332
I'll give you a free pass
on those other ones.

2132
01:45:13,373 --> 01:45:14,533
Thank you.

2133
01:45:14,608 --> 01:45:15,734
- Listen.
- What?

2134
01:45:15,809 --> 01:45:17,037
- Listen.
- Mmm-hmm.

2135
01:45:18,545 --> 01:45:20,172
I really like you.

2136
01:45:26,153 --> 01:45:27,950
I think I'm falling for you.

2137
01:45:28,789 --> 01:45:32,555
I don't know. I kind of see
this going somewhere.

2138
01:45:32,893 --> 01:45:34,087
I do, too.

2139
01:45:34,194 --> 01:45:37,391
I just think we should just
go crazy on each other.

2140
01:45:38,632 --> 01:45:40,623
- Okay.
- Okay?

2141
01:45:41,501 --> 01:45:42,763
Oh, thank God!

2142
01:45:45,572 --> 01:45:46,561
Oh!

2143
01:45:47,240 --> 01:45:49,674
Okay, I should...
I gotta pick those up.

2144
01:45:49,743 --> 01:45:50,869
Don't pick them up now.

2145
01:45:50,944 --> 01:45:52,275
No, I have to pick those up
right now.

2146
01:45:52,346 --> 01:45:54,439
- Wait, we'll get them later.
- Listen, no, I can't, no.

2147
01:45:54,514 --> 01:45:56,141
Listen, it's really important
because...

2148
01:45:56,216 --> 01:45:58,480
once the integrity of the box
gets compromised...

2149
01:45:58,552 --> 01:46:00,850
This is original packaging
and that's why these things...

2150
01:46:00,921 --> 01:46:03,082
are so valuable.
So you don't screw with that.

2151
01:46:03,156 --> 01:46:05,147
- You really don't screw with that.
- All right.

2152
01:46:05,225 --> 01:46:07,284
We can wrap them again later,
you know.

2153
01:46:07,361 --> 01:46:08,726
Yeah, I know.
But you know what...

2154
01:46:08,795 --> 01:46:10,922
this is very important
that we don't lose the value...

2155
01:46:10,997 --> 01:46:12,328
and compromise the integrity of it.

2156
01:46:12,399 --> 01:46:14,629
Andy, I'm throwing myself
at you and...

2157
01:46:14,701 --> 01:46:16,726
all you can think about
is a fucking toy.

2158
01:46:16,803 --> 01:46:19,897
They're not fucking toys!
This is Iron Man, okay?

2159
01:46:19,973 --> 01:46:22,407
I got this when I was in second grade.

2160
01:46:22,609 --> 01:46:25,305
Do you know how hard it is
for a kid to not open that?

2161
01:46:25,379 --> 01:46:26,607
This is important.

2162
01:46:26,680 --> 01:46:27,977
These are my things...

2163
01:46:28,048 --> 01:46:31,347
and you are trying to make me
sell them and I don't want to.

2164
01:46:31,418 --> 01:46:32,749
- No.
- And you're making me.

2165
01:46:32,819 --> 01:46:34,946
- I'm not making...
- You are encouraging me...

2166
01:46:35,021 --> 01:46:37,148
- ... to quit my job.
- I'm not! I'm not trying to...

2167
01:46:37,224 --> 01:46:39,954
You want me to open a store.
You want me to sell everything.

2168
01:46:40,026 --> 01:46:41,789
You know what,
I'm gonna tell you something.

2169
01:46:41,862 --> 01:46:44,990
I don't just change like that.
I can't just change for you.

2170
01:46:45,065 --> 01:46:47,966
I don't... I'm not trying
to change you. I like you.

2171
01:46:48,034 --> 01:46:50,161
I'm just... I'm trying
to help you grow up, Andy.

2172
01:46:50,237 --> 01:46:51,898
Well, thanks a lot.

2173
01:46:51,972 --> 01:46:55,999
I mean, my God, you ride a bicycle
to work in a stockroom.

2174
01:46:56,076 --> 01:46:58,408
You know what, I'm not
in the stockroom anymore.

2175
01:46:58,478 --> 01:46:59,968
- I'm a floor manager.
- Okay.

2176
01:47:00,046 --> 01:47:03,072
And I ride a bike because I like to.
Einstein rode a bike.

2177
01:47:03,150 --> 01:47:05,846
He had a wife who he fucked,
by the way.

2178
01:47:06,520 --> 01:47:08,818
What do I have to do
for you to have sex with me?

2179
01:47:08,889 --> 01:47:11,380
Do you want me to dress up like Thor?
I'll dress up like Thor.

2180
01:47:11,458 --> 01:47:13,050
I'll dress up like Iron Man.

2181
01:47:13,126 --> 01:47:14,855
What do they do?
I'll do it.

2182
01:47:14,928 --> 01:47:16,793
What?
Everything's always about sex.

2183
01:47:16,863 --> 01:47:18,455
Why don't you want to have sex with me?

2184
01:47:18,532 --> 01:47:21,000
Why not? Tell me.
You tell me the truth.

2185
01:47:21,067 --> 01:47:23,262
Is it because I have a kid
who has a kid? Is that why?

2186
01:47:23,336 --> 01:47:24,860
No, it's cool that
you're a grandmother.

2187
01:47:24,938 --> 01:47:26,565
I love the fact
that you're a grandmother.

2188
01:47:26,640 --> 01:47:29,200
- Oh, God!
- You are. You're a hot grandma.

2189
01:47:29,276 --> 01:47:30,436
Oh, my God!

2190
01:47:30,510 --> 01:47:32,603
You are so mean! Get out!

2191
01:47:32,679 --> 01:47:35,409
- Okay, fine. Good!
- Good, fine. You're gonna go.

2192
01:47:35,482 --> 01:47:38,849
- I didn't ask for any of this.
- You asked for all of it, Andy.

2193
01:47:39,252 --> 01:47:40,651
Okay. Great.

2194
01:47:43,723 --> 01:47:44,712
Okay.

2195
01:47:45,091 --> 01:47:46,683
That's the way you want it...

2196
01:47:46,760 --> 01:47:49,695
that's the way homie's gonna play it.

2197
01:47:50,797 --> 01:47:52,458
Yeah. Truth be told.

2198
01:48:09,916 --> 01:48:12,077
Baby, you better
enjoy yourself tonight...

2199
01:48:12,152 --> 01:48:14,484
'cause once this baby's born,
you ain't going out again...

2200
01:48:14,554 --> 01:48:15,578
till that baby is in college.

2201
01:48:15,655 --> 01:48:16,883
- Me?
- Yeah.

2202
01:48:16,957 --> 01:48:19,323
You the club rat. I'm not
the one that be going out.

2203
01:48:19,392 --> 01:48:21,155
I'm not a club rat.

2204
01:48:21,228 --> 01:48:23,958
You're gonna get up,
you march over there...

2205
01:48:24,030 --> 01:48:26,555
and I want you
to hit on Bernadette now.

2206
01:48:26,800 --> 01:48:28,825
Dude, I'm not gonna hit
on Bernadette.

2207
01:48:28,902 --> 01:48:30,028
Yes, you are, man...

2208
01:48:30,103 --> 01:48:32,697
'cause your depression
is boring me for one thing...

2209
01:48:32,772 --> 01:48:34,740
and it's actually making me
a little depressed...

2210
01:48:34,808 --> 01:48:36,776
which is then in turn
making me more depressed...

2211
01:48:36,843 --> 01:48:38,606
that you're actually affecting my mood.

2212
01:48:38,678 --> 01:48:42,045
Look, I'm not in any kind of place
to talk to a woman, all right?

2213
01:48:42,115 --> 01:48:44,276
I'm just... I'm fragile.

2214
01:48:44,417 --> 01:48:46,282
I hired her for you.

2215
01:48:46,353 --> 01:48:49,948
I hired a 90-pound girl
to work in the stockroom at Smart Tech...

2216
01:48:50,023 --> 01:48:51,581
for you, okay?

2217
01:48:51,658 --> 01:48:53,182
I should have hired a 300-pound guy...

2218
01:48:53,260 --> 01:48:54,852
who could lift a 60-inch flat screen.

2219
01:48:54,928 --> 01:48:57,419
But instead I hired a hot girl...

2220
01:48:57,497 --> 01:49:00,864
who can't lift an iPod
to bring you out of your funk.

2221
01:49:01,668 --> 01:49:03,192
- You hired her for me?
- Yes.

2222
01:49:03,270 --> 01:49:04,703
So will you go talk to her?

2223
01:49:04,771 --> 01:49:06,568
Yeah, I'm meeting somebody.

2224
01:49:06,740 --> 01:49:07,729
No.

2225
01:49:11,378 --> 01:49:13,505
- Did you just flick me in the nuts?
- No.

2226
01:49:13,580 --> 01:49:16,606
Flicked you in the fleshy patch
where your nuts used to be.

2227
01:49:17,784 --> 01:49:19,581
Quit flicking my balls, man.

2228
01:49:19,653 --> 01:49:22,178
Okay, I'll stop flicking your balls.

2229
01:49:22,289 --> 01:49:24,689
But I'll start punching your nuts.

2230
01:49:25,625 --> 01:49:26,614
Oh!

2231
01:49:27,294 --> 01:49:28,420
Okay.

2232
01:49:32,165 --> 01:49:33,632
Well played, sir.

2233
01:49:34,000 --> 01:49:35,160
- Okay.
- Thank you.

2234
01:49:35,235 --> 01:49:37,362
No problem, man.
Go get 'em.

2235
01:49:37,971 --> 01:49:39,700
Mooj, you done see my son...

2236
01:49:39,773 --> 01:49:41,434
you know his foot gonna be
bigger than this.

2237
01:49:41,508 --> 01:49:44,739
If that baby looks Pakistani,
don't fucking look at me, okay?

2238
01:49:44,811 --> 01:49:48,372
I wouldn't mind. You got good genes.
How old are you? What, 138?

2239
01:49:48,448 --> 01:49:51,383
When your son is born,
is he already in parole?

2240
01:49:59,726 --> 01:50:03,093
I need some poon.

2241
01:50:03,430 --> 01:50:06,422
You guys were so right,
right from the beginning.

2242
01:50:06,733 --> 01:50:11,397
I need genital to genital connection
and that's all I need.

2243
01:50:11,871 --> 01:50:15,398
You know, the thing about relationships
is that they...

2244
01:50:15,609 --> 01:50:17,338
make one person go...

2245
01:50:18,912 --> 01:50:21,142
And the other person go,
"What are you talking about?"

2246
01:50:21,214 --> 01:50:22,442
And then one person goes...

2247
01:50:24,050 --> 01:50:25,677
How much have you had to drink, man?

2248
01:50:25,752 --> 01:50:29,244
How much have I had to drink?
How many pots have you smoken?

2249
01:50:29,322 --> 01:50:30,482
What are you talking about?

2250
01:50:30,557 --> 01:50:33,822
How many times have you gone
to the bathroom in your life?

2251
01:50:33,893 --> 01:50:35,087
Let me ask you that.

2252
01:50:35,161 --> 01:50:38,153
You know what, you don't have
an answer for that, do you?

2253
01:50:38,231 --> 01:50:39,823
Fuck you, man! I'm sorry.

2254
01:50:39,899 --> 01:50:43,096
No, you're such a good guy,
and I appreciate you.

2255
01:50:43,169 --> 01:50:45,160
What's up, baby, I didn't know
you had came already.

2256
01:50:45,238 --> 01:50:47,399
Hey, motherfucker!

2257
01:50:49,776 --> 01:50:51,869
Man, you know what,
tonight is the night.

2258
01:50:51,945 --> 01:50:56,644
You know what, you were
totally right and I was wrong.

2259
01:50:56,883 --> 01:51:01,377
You were right all along.
You cannot have a relationship...

2260
01:51:01,521 --> 01:51:03,716
with somebody until...

2261
01:51:04,357 --> 01:51:06,791
you have sex and that's the long...

2262
01:51:06,860 --> 01:51:08,623
That's the long and short of it.

2263
01:51:08,695 --> 01:51:12,153
- So, thank you.
- That's good.

2264
01:51:12,499 --> 01:51:15,468
And now I have to go hunt
for some hos.

2265
01:51:18,338 --> 01:51:21,637
- He going to be all right?
- No, I don't think he is.

2266
01:51:21,775 --> 01:51:24,107
- Cal's a good guy.
- Yeah, he's a great guy.

2267
01:51:24,177 --> 01:51:25,940
It's so funny, because, you know...

2268
01:51:26,012 --> 01:51:28,810
when I first met him and I thought
you were cute at the store...

2269
01:51:28,882 --> 01:51:31,874
- ... he told me you were gay.
- I'm not gay.

2270
01:51:32,252 --> 01:51:34,880
Cal says that I'm gay because
he has a real problem...

2271
01:51:34,954 --> 01:51:37,286
with his own gayness.

2272
01:51:37,357 --> 01:51:40,656
But seriously, I'm going
to lay it out for you, right now.

2273
01:51:41,294 --> 01:51:43,626
I was a little reticent
to come over and talk to you.

2274
01:51:43,697 --> 01:51:46,530
You're very pretty and you seem very nice.
The truth is...

2275
01:51:46,599 --> 01:51:50,228
I dated this woman, let me rephrase that,
I dated this whore...

2276
01:51:50,804 --> 01:51:52,396
who stomped all over my heart.

2277
01:51:52,472 --> 01:51:55,339
And it's just taking me
a little while to kind of...

2278
01:51:55,408 --> 01:51:57,035
you know, get back in the game.

2279
01:51:57,110 --> 01:51:58,509
Oh, my God. Say no more.

2280
01:51:58,578 --> 01:52:01,172
My last boyfriend Sal junior,
is a scum bag.

2281
01:52:01,247 --> 01:52:03,477
I would totally pay people
to have him killed.

2282
01:52:03,550 --> 01:52:05,711
That's how much I fucking hate
that damn scum bag.

2283
01:52:05,785 --> 01:52:07,946
- God, you're fucking awesome.
- You too.

2284
01:52:09,756 --> 01:52:11,690
Hey, you!

2285
01:52:13,760 --> 01:52:15,489
- Hey.
- Hey.

2286
01:52:15,762 --> 01:52:17,286
How you doing?

2287
01:52:17,731 --> 01:52:20,291
Much better,
now that I'm talking to you.

2288
01:52:20,533 --> 01:52:23,127
Hey, lookie,
I can see through your shirt.

2289
01:52:23,903 --> 01:52:25,165
Nice.

2290
01:52:26,372 --> 01:52:29,068
So, you think we should...

2291
01:52:29,375 --> 01:52:31,969
take this party
to my apartment or what?

2292
01:52:32,479 --> 01:52:35,505
I am RSVPing "yes. "

2293
01:52:39,219 --> 01:52:42,416
Hope you have a big trunk
because I'm putting my bike in it.

2294
01:52:45,258 --> 01:52:46,748
Yeah, let's go!

2295
01:52:51,898 --> 01:52:54,492
Mom, I left my phone somewhere
and I...

2296
01:52:55,235 --> 01:52:56,361
Thank you.

2297
01:52:57,704 --> 01:53:00,969
What's the matter?
Where is Andy?

2298
01:53:01,040 --> 01:53:04,009
- We had a big fight, just...
- Oh, Mom.

2299
01:53:04,544 --> 01:53:06,603
He just stormed out of here.

2300
01:53:06,679 --> 01:53:07,771
What happened?

2301
01:53:07,847 --> 01:53:10,509
Well, I just...
Wait a minute, I thought you hated him.

2302
01:53:10,583 --> 01:53:14,110
I don't hate him. I mean,
he does do magic, but...

2303
01:53:14,220 --> 01:53:16,586
you know, he's a big dork...

2304
01:53:16,990 --> 01:53:19,288
and I like seeing you happy.

2305
01:53:21,027 --> 01:53:22,153
I do.

2306
01:53:24,097 --> 01:53:26,588
- That's sweet, that's really sweet.
- Mom.

2307
01:53:27,267 --> 01:53:30,236
Why don't you just go talk to him,
work it out.

2308
01:53:30,303 --> 01:53:33,136
'Cause if the thing is that important,
you can't just stop.

2309
01:53:33,907 --> 01:53:36,102
Let me dance for you.
I would love it.

2310
01:53:37,343 --> 01:53:41,177
Look at your bra and your breasts
and everything. That's so great.

2311
01:53:42,182 --> 01:53:45,674
Wow! You know what?
You're so hot. You're so hot.

2312
01:53:45,985 --> 01:53:47,612
I'm smoking hot.

2313
01:53:47,687 --> 01:53:50,554
You know what? I'm just going
to have sex with you.

2314
01:53:50,623 --> 01:53:52,716
Yes! Let's have sex.

2315
01:53:52,792 --> 01:53:55,022
- It's going to happen.
- That's why we are here.

2316
01:53:55,094 --> 01:53:57,460
That's totally what's going
to happen.

2317
01:53:57,697 --> 01:53:59,824
We could do it in the...

2318
01:54:00,834 --> 01:54:02,529
Butt, if you want to.

2319
01:54:04,204 --> 01:54:06,138
But, if I want to what?

2320
01:54:06,606 --> 01:54:09,632
- Butt.
- But what? What?

2321
01:54:09,742 --> 01:54:11,767
- Do it.
- Do it?

2322
01:54:11,945 --> 01:54:12,934
What?

2323
01:54:13,446 --> 01:54:16,279
I don't know
what you're talking about.

2324
01:54:16,382 --> 01:54:18,441
- Butt.
- But...

2325
01:54:18,685 --> 01:54:20,016
- What?
- ... what?

2326
01:54:23,022 --> 01:54:25,320
But, it still feels so right.

2327
01:54:38,137 --> 01:54:39,229
Yeah!

2328
01:54:41,741 --> 01:54:45,575
Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah.

2329
01:54:47,013 --> 01:54:48,742
That was a fun day.

2330
01:54:50,283 --> 01:54:53,377
You are so kinky.

2331
01:54:54,087 --> 01:54:55,816
Yeah, I'm so kinky.

2332
01:54:56,356 --> 01:54:59,587
That's why I did this
because I thought it looks...

2333
01:54:59,659 --> 01:55:02,150
You like to shave, don't you?

2334
01:55:02,228 --> 01:55:05,026
- Let's shave each other.
- I don't think you have any hair.

2335
01:55:05,098 --> 01:55:06,929
You know where to shave me.

2336
01:55:07,000 --> 01:55:09,059
- Yeah.
- Because I want to shave you.

2337
01:55:09,135 --> 01:55:10,830
I want to shave your head.

2338
01:55:12,071 --> 01:55:13,936
I wanna give you a buzz cut.

2339
01:55:14,941 --> 01:55:16,636
Let's get in the bath.

2340
01:55:17,010 --> 01:55:18,500
In the bath?

2341
01:55:18,578 --> 01:55:22,947
Yes. We're gonna get dirty.
Dirty, dirty. Sudsy.

2342
01:55:23,049 --> 01:55:25,074
It's just about time I got really dirty.

2343
01:55:25,151 --> 01:55:26,209
Yeah.

2344
01:55:29,022 --> 01:55:33,789
Hey. Hi, it's me,
and I'm on my way to your house.

2345
01:55:33,860 --> 01:55:36,158
<i>I want to do whatever
you want to do, okay?</i>

2346
01:55:36,362 --> 01:55:40,230
<i>Fifty dates. 100.
I hope not, but whatever.</i>

2347
01:55:40,833 --> 01:55:43,597
I'm gonna see you soon, okay? Bye.

2348
01:55:47,640 --> 01:55:50,575
Wow. Okay, well, that was fast. Okay.

2349
01:55:53,046 --> 01:55:55,981
Wow! Holy shit!

2350
01:55:56,249 --> 01:55:58,809
Wow. This is just
the right thing to happen.

2351
01:55:59,319 --> 01:56:02,686
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow!
Almost got my penis.

2352
01:56:02,789 --> 01:56:04,222
Come to mama.

2353
01:56:05,792 --> 01:56:08,590
I'm gonna really take care
of you tonight.

2354
01:56:08,828 --> 01:56:11,353
You're never gonna forget Beth.

2355
01:56:21,507 --> 01:56:23,532
I just want to please you.

2356
01:56:24,377 --> 01:56:25,969
What do you like?

2357
01:56:26,813 --> 01:56:29,907
I don't know.
What do you like?

2358
01:56:30,450 --> 01:56:32,543
Can I show you what I like?

2359
01:56:33,052 --> 01:56:34,144
Okay.

2360
01:56:47,800 --> 01:56:50,598
It's so hot in here.

2361
01:56:51,337 --> 01:56:53,703
I wanna introduce you to my friend.

2362
01:56:58,044 --> 01:57:00,103
Your friend is so shiny.

2363
01:57:01,047 --> 01:57:04,073
This guy knows exactly what I like.

2364
01:57:09,422 --> 01:57:11,151
Where's you friend going?

2365
01:57:12,992 --> 01:57:15,620
This is how I'm gonna warm up for you.

2366
01:57:16,896 --> 01:57:20,730
That's always good to warm up.
You don't wanna pull something.

2367
01:57:38,384 --> 01:57:40,750
Wow, this is graphic.

2368
01:57:54,600 --> 01:57:56,067
I can't do it.

2369
01:57:57,703 --> 01:58:00,365
God, what are you doing here?

2370
01:58:00,440 --> 01:58:03,102
We came here because we were
concerned about you and Trish...

2371
01:58:03,176 --> 01:58:05,303
and now I could not give a fuck.

2372
01:58:05,378 --> 01:58:07,972
How did you even know where she lives?

2373
01:58:08,114 --> 01:58:10,446
- I hit it like eight months back.
- What?

2374
01:58:10,516 --> 01:58:13,246
Never gave her back the key, man.
You have no idea...

2375
01:58:13,319 --> 01:58:15,378
where this is going, all right?
That girl is a freak.

2376
01:58:15,455 --> 01:58:18,913
Oh, it's happening!
It's happening! Andy!

2377
01:58:19,358 --> 01:58:20,552
You think?

2378
01:58:20,860 --> 01:58:23,090
We've been talking, and look...

2379
01:58:23,529 --> 01:58:25,827
if you love Trish, you can't do this.

2380
01:58:25,898 --> 01:58:28,924
Look, you guys, I don't know
what I'm doing anymore.

2381
01:58:29,001 --> 01:58:31,595
I don't even know who I am.
All I know is...

2382
01:58:31,671 --> 01:58:35,198
that woman scares the shit out of me...

2383
01:58:35,341 --> 01:58:37,571
and I just wanna go home, okay?

2384
01:58:37,777 --> 01:58:40,075
- Let's go.
- We should all get out of here.

2385
01:58:40,146 --> 01:58:41,875
- Okay.
- We should all go.

2386
01:58:41,948 --> 01:58:43,347
It wasn't that good for me.

2387
01:58:43,416 --> 01:58:45,316
We should totally get out of here.

2388
01:58:45,384 --> 01:58:47,579
We should run away from here.

2389
01:58:54,060 --> 01:58:55,084
Hey.

2390
01:58:56,596 --> 01:58:57,654
Cal.

2391
01:59:00,433 --> 01:59:02,128
Go around!

2392
01:59:03,035 --> 01:59:05,128
Come on, just go around me!

2393
01:59:08,341 --> 01:59:10,002
Can't you hear me?

2394
01:59:17,517 --> 01:59:20,577
Hey, there. Hi, Trish.

2395
01:59:22,188 --> 01:59:24,713
Man, I'm really sorry about tonight.

2396
01:59:24,790 --> 01:59:26,189
What's this?

2397
01:59:27,260 --> 01:59:28,921
Those are David's.

2398
01:59:30,997 --> 01:59:32,828
I think he has a problem.

2399
01:59:32,899 --> 01:59:35,390
- These are David's?
- He's into that.

2400
01:59:35,535 --> 01:59:38,971
<i>David's Boner Jams '03?</i>

2401
01:59:39,605 --> 01:59:41,630
Yeah, it's so sad.

2402
01:59:42,141 --> 01:59:45,133
He compiled all the best
boner scenes, I guess.

2403
01:59:46,078 --> 01:59:48,410
This isn't what it looks like,
okay?

2404
01:59:48,881 --> 01:59:51,975
- What does this look like?
- A vagina.

2405
01:59:53,019 --> 01:59:54,577
And what do you do with this vagina?

2406
01:59:54,654 --> 01:59:57,646
To learn.
It's for medicinal purposes.

2407
01:59:57,723 --> 01:59:58,712
Ugh.

2408
01:59:58,791 --> 02:00:01,123
- Hey, I'm sorry. God...
- What's this?

2409
02:00:01,794 --> 02:00:04,763
This your date drug?
Your roofie?

2410
02:00:05,097 --> 02:00:06,587
It's a Mentos.

2411
02:00:07,333 --> 02:00:09,267
They're "The Freshmaker. "

2412
02:00:09,335 --> 02:00:10,734
Yeah, right.

2413
02:00:10,970 --> 02:00:12,938
What are you, some kind of sex pervert?

2414
02:00:13,005 --> 02:00:14,370
Are you a deviant or something?

2415
02:00:14,440 --> 02:00:17,136
- No, I'm not a sexual deviant!
- What is all this?

2416
02:00:17,210 --> 02:00:19,678
I haven't even tried
to have sex with you, so...

2417
02:00:19,745 --> 02:00:22,646
What are you trying to do?
What are you buttering me up for?

2418
02:00:22,715 --> 02:00:23,841
Come on.

2419
02:00:23,916 --> 02:00:25,679
You're not gonna try and kill me,
are you?

2420
02:00:25,751 --> 02:00:28,413
- Look, Trish.
- You didn't get a new carpet.

2421
02:00:28,688 --> 02:00:31,987
I'm not trying to kill you.
I love you.

2422
02:00:32,391 --> 02:00:34,825
- I love you.
- Oh, God!

2423
02:00:35,094 --> 02:00:36,254
Trish.

2424
02:00:44,837 --> 02:00:47,032
Trish. No!

2425
02:00:47,940 --> 02:00:50,465
No. Trish, stop.

2426
02:00:54,981 --> 02:00:56,278
Come on, Trish!

2427
02:00:59,719 --> 02:01:01,653
I need to talk to you!

2428
02:01:01,721 --> 02:01:02,779
No!

2429
02:01:04,957 --> 02:01:05,981
Damn it.

2430
02:01:37,790 --> 02:01:39,155
Oh, my God!

2431
02:01:42,161 --> 02:01:45,028
Andy! Oh, my God!

2432
02:01:45,097 --> 02:01:46,462
Call 911.

2433
02:01:46,632 --> 02:01:48,566
Oh, my... Andy.

2434
02:01:49,368 --> 02:01:51,063
Oh, my God!

2435
02:01:51,137 --> 02:01:53,970
I'm gonna need a minute.
I'm in a lot of pain right now.

2436
02:01:54,040 --> 02:01:55,701
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?

2437
02:01:55,775 --> 02:01:56,935
Not bad.

2438
02:01:57,009 --> 02:01:59,375
There were two sides
to that billboard.

2439
02:01:59,445 --> 02:02:01,345
And they both hurt equally.

2440
02:02:01,614 --> 02:02:04,242
Andy. Andy.

2441
02:02:06,352 --> 02:02:08,513
- Are you okay?
- I'm okay.

2442
02:02:08,988 --> 02:02:10,649
No, I'm not okay.

2443
02:02:11,957 --> 02:02:13,356
I'm a virgin.

2444
02:02:15,528 --> 02:02:16,688
A what?

2445
02:02:17,630 --> 02:02:19,996
I'm a virgin.
I always have been.

2446
02:02:21,400 --> 02:02:24,733
Andy, is that what all this was about?

2447
02:02:25,705 --> 02:02:27,002
I'm sorry.

2448
02:02:27,106 --> 02:02:29,472
You're just a virgin, that's all?

2449
02:02:29,608 --> 02:02:32,270
- Yeah.
- That's good. That's a good thing.

2450
02:02:34,046 --> 02:02:35,911
I feel stupid.

2451
02:02:37,583 --> 02:02:40,279
It's okay. I thought
you were trying to kill me.

2452
02:02:42,021 --> 02:02:43,045
No.

2453
02:02:43,923 --> 02:02:45,185
Oh, my God.

2454
02:02:46,292 --> 02:02:48,852
No, I'm not trying to kill you.

2455
02:02:52,732 --> 02:02:55,394
That's why I never tried
to have sex with you.

2456
02:02:55,801 --> 02:02:58,269
I was scared, okay?
I just...

2457
02:02:58,971 --> 02:03:00,802
'Cause I didn't know what I was doing.

2458
02:03:00,873 --> 02:03:02,738
I just didn't think it would be good.

2459
02:03:02,808 --> 02:03:05,777
Of course it'll be good.
We love each other.

2460
02:03:07,380 --> 02:03:08,540
Really?

2461
02:03:10,216 --> 02:03:11,581
I love you.

2462
02:03:13,085 --> 02:03:14,211
Yeah.

2463
02:03:18,924 --> 02:03:21,449
Get the fuck out of the road,
virgin!

2464
02:03:23,262 --> 02:03:24,752
Shut up, you fucking jerk!

2465
02:03:24,830 --> 02:03:27,731
No, that's okay.
That's all right. Sorry.

2466
02:03:29,368 --> 02:03:30,460
You know what...

2467
02:03:30,536 --> 02:03:33,334
for so long I thought that there was
something wrong with me...

2468
02:03:33,406 --> 02:03:36,239
because it had never happened, but...

2469
02:03:38,711 --> 02:03:42,511
I realize now that it was
just because I was waiting for you.

2470
02:04:07,540 --> 02:04:10,304
This was some wedding.
How could they afford it?

2471
02:04:10,376 --> 02:04:13,675
Dude sells his toys and makes
like a half a million dollars.

2472
02:04:13,779 --> 02:04:15,974
- It's crazy, right?
- That's fucking crazy.

2473
02:04:16,048 --> 02:04:18,016
We're gonna get some fucking toys.

2474
02:04:18,083 --> 02:04:20,244
We are all so happy for you.

2475
02:04:20,453 --> 02:04:23,251
I am delighted to say these words.

2476
02:04:24,156 --> 02:04:25,282
Andy...

2477
02:04:25,891 --> 02:04:27,756
you may kiss the bride.

2478
02:04:41,006 --> 02:04:44,134
And for God's sake,
consummate the thing.

2479
02:04:49,114 --> 02:04:52,015
No! Stop it.
I have the key.

2480
02:04:58,891 --> 02:05:01,189
I'm not gonna be done
buffing the marble...

2481
02:05:01,260 --> 02:05:02,955
for about a half an hour,
but...

2482
02:05:03,028 --> 02:05:05,553
you can come in and sit down
if you want...

2483
02:05:05,631 --> 02:05:07,826
or wait in the lobby.
It's okay.

2484
02:05:07,900 --> 02:05:09,424
It's up to you.

2485
02:05:16,609 --> 02:05:18,907
Dude, get the fuck out of here.

2486
02:05:29,922 --> 02:05:31,412
- Ready?
- Yeah.

2487
02:05:37,563 --> 02:05:38,962
- Yes.
- Yeah.

2488
02:05:45,638 --> 02:05:46,627
Whoa.

2489
02:05:47,172 --> 02:05:49,470
You're officially not a virgin.

2490
02:05:50,276 --> 02:05:51,368
Cool.

2491
02:05:59,451 --> 02:06:00,816
Wow.

2492
02:06:08,260 --> 02:06:09,887
Wanna do it again?

2493
02:06:10,996 --> 02:06:12,520
- Yeah.
- Good. Okay.

2494
02:06:12,598 --> 02:06:13,792
Sure.

2495
02:06:14,433 --> 02:06:16,628
That was good. That was okay.

2496
02:06:20,005 --> 02:06:21,063
Okay.

2497
02:06:21,206 --> 02:06:22,264
- You ready?
- Yeah.

2498
02:06:22,341 --> 02:06:24,935
- Are you ready?
- Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.

2499
02:06:37,723 --> 02:06:39,714
So, how was that for you?

2500
02:06:44,597 --> 02:06:47,122
# When the moon #

2501
02:06:47,199 --> 02:06:50,430
# Is in the Seventh House #

2502
02:06:50,669 --> 02:06:55,163
# And Jupiter aligns with Mars #

2503
02:06:56,175 --> 02:07:01,078
# Then peace will guide the planets #

2504
02:07:01,513 --> 02:07:04,778
# And love will steer the stars #

2505
02:07:04,850 --> 02:07:09,310
# This is the dawning
of the age of Aquarius #

2506
02:07:09,521 --> 02:07:13,821
# Age of Aquarius #

2507
02:07:14,426 --> 02:07:18,863
# Aquarius #

2508
02:07:19,565 --> 02:07:24,002
# Aquarius #

2509
02:07:24,670 --> 02:07:26,763
# Harmony and understanding #

2510
02:07:27,106 --> 02:07:29,666
# Sympathy and trust abounding #

2511
02:07:29,742 --> 02:07:31,607
# No more falsehoods or derisions #

2512
02:07:31,677 --> 02:07:34,669
# Golden living dreams of visions #

2513
02:07:34,747 --> 02:07:37,011
# Mystic crystal revelations #

2514
02:07:37,082 --> 02:07:40,074
# And the mind's true liberation #

2515
02:07:40,152 --> 02:07:44,816
# Aquarius #

2516
02:07:45,090 --> 02:07:49,754
# Aquarius #

2517
02:07:50,162 --> 02:07:54,428
# When the moon is
in the Seventh House #

2518
02:07:55,200 --> 02:07:59,500
# And Jupiter aligns with Mars #

2519
02:08:00,773 --> 02:08:05,540
# Then peace will guide the planets #

2520
02:08:05,811 --> 02:08:09,076
# And love will steer the star #

2521
02:08:09,148 --> 02:08:13,380
# This is the dawning
of the age of Aquarius #

2522
02:08:13,652 --> 02:08:18,282
# The age of Aquarius #

2523
02:08:18,590 --> 02:08:23,186
# Aquarius #

2524
02:08:23,629 --> 02:08:25,790
# Aquarius #

2525
02:08:25,864 --> 02:08:27,764
# It's Aquarius, baby #

2526
02:08:27,833 --> 02:08:30,427
# We ain't talking about no Scorpio #

2527
02:08:30,502 --> 02:08:31,992
# We ain't talking about no #

2528
02:08:32,071 --> 02:08:35,063
# No, we ain't talking
about no Scorpio #

2529
02:08:39,278 --> 02:08:40,973
# Aquarius #

2530
02:08:41,513 --> 02:08:44,346
# Aquarius #

2531
02:08:46,719 --> 02:08:49,119
# Aquarius ##

2532
02:08:55,127 --> 02:08:58,494
# Let the sunshine #

2533
02:08:58,797 --> 02:09:02,233
# Let the sunshine in #

2534
02:09:02,301 --> 02:09:05,702
# The sunshine in #

2535
02:09:06,705 --> 02:09:10,038
# Let the sunshine #

2536
02:09:10,609 --> 02:09:14,010
# Let the sunshine in #

2537
02:09:14,079 --> 02:09:17,606
# The sunshine in #

2538
02:09:18,517 --> 02:09:22,180
# Let the sunshine #

2539
02:09:22,254 --> 02:09:25,746
# Let the sunshine in #

2540
02:09:25,824 --> 02:09:29,954
# The sunshine in #
# Let it shine, let it shine #

2541
02:09:30,229 --> 02:09:33,562
# Let the sunshine #

2542
02:09:33,632 --> 02:09:35,497
# Let it shine #

2543
02:09:35,567 --> 02:09:37,558
# Let it shine, yeah #

2544
02:09:37,636 --> 02:09:41,470
# The sunshine in #

2545
02:09:41,940 --> 02:09:45,398
# Let the sunshine #

2546
02:09:45,778 --> 02:09:49,214
# Let the sunshine in #

2547
02:09:49,281 --> 02:09:52,250
# The sunshine in ##

2548
02:09:53,000 --> 02:09:56,100
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