1
00:00:02,401 --> 00:00:03,732
Alpa Chino!
2
00:00:03,836 --> 00:00:05,531
We're loaded
3
00:00:05,638 --> 00:00:06,969
I love the pussy, hell, yeah
4
00:00:07,072 --> 00:00:08,471
I love the pussy, hell, yeah
5
00:00:08,574 --> 00:00:11,236
I love that pussy
dripping down to the floor, oh, no
6
00:00:11,343 --> 00:00:13,834
The wettest pussy, hell, yeah
I love the pussy, hell, yeah
7
00:00:13,946 --> 00:00:17,040
I'm drinking up
your Booty Sweat and busting a nut
8
00:00:17,149 --> 00:00:18,912
Alpa Chino got that pussy control
9
00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,918
Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat.
10
00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:22,453
Pop an ass open!
11
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:26,047
Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars
available at concessions now.
12
00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:34,292
In 2013, when the Earth's rotation
came to a halt...
13
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,961
The President has declared
all of North America a disaster area.
14
00:00:38,070 --> 00:00:40,766
I call on my fellow Americans
to come together...
15
00:00:40,873 --> 00:00:44,900
... the world called on the one man
who could make a difference.
16
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:52,975
When it happened again,
the world called on him once more.
17
00:00:54,386 --> 00:01:00,256
And no one saw it coming
three more times!
18
00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:04,456
Now,
19
00:01:04,563 --> 00:01:08,499
the one man who made a difference
five times before,
20
00:01:10,936 --> 00:01:15,305
is about to make a difference again.
21
00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:20,137
Only this time, it's different.
22
00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:23,608
Who left the fridge open?
23
00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,984
Tugg Speedman.
24
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:31,853
Scorcher Vl: Global Meltdown.
25
00:01:31,957 --> 00:01:33,720
Here we go again.
26
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,250
Again.
27
00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:47,737
Will there be anything else?
28
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,037
Yes, my dear man. More beans.
29
00:01:52,845 --> 00:01:55,006
Granny!
30
00:01:56,949 --> 00:01:58,109
Please!
31
00:01:58,217 --> 00:02:03,177
This summer,
America's favorite obese family is back.
32
00:02:06,058 --> 00:02:07,616
Gross!
33
00:02:07,726 --> 00:02:09,751
- You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny.
- Am not!
34
00:02:10,329 --> 00:02:11,819
Jeff Portnoy.
35
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:13,965
Jeff Portnoy.
36
00:02:14,566 --> 00:02:16,056
Jeff Portnoy.
37
00:02:16,168 --> 00:02:22,266
And Jeff Portnoy are
The Fatties: Fart Two.
38
00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,205
In some countries,
39
00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:27,038
it's considered a compliment.
40
00:02:27,146 --> 00:02:30,343
Letting loose this summer.
41
00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:45,359
In a time where to be different
was to be condemned,
42
00:02:59,111 --> 00:03:03,810
and to be condemned was to die,
43
00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:12,114
one man chose to question his God.
44
00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,790
From Fox Searchlight,
45
00:03:26,638 --> 00:03:29,869
five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus
46
00:03:30,976 --> 00:03:35,310
and MTV Movie Award
Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire.
47
00:03:41,687 --> 00:03:46,215
Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's
coveted Crying Monkey Award,
48
00:03:47,426 --> 00:03:49,417
Satan's Alley.
49
00:03:53,932 --> 00:03:56,457
I've been a bad, bad boy, Father.
50
00:04:31,970 --> 00:04:34,768
In the winter of 1969,
51
00:04:34,873 --> 00:04:36,898
an elite force of the U.S. Army
52
00:04:37,009 --> 00:04:41,878
was sent on a top-secret assignment
in southeast Vietnam.
53
00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:44,744
The objective,
rescue Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback
54
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,910
from a heavily guarded
NVA Prison Camp.
55
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:51,114
The mission was considered
to be near suicide.
56
00:04:52,424 --> 00:04:55,723
Of the 10 men sent, four returned.
57
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:59,264
Of those four, three wrote books
about what happened.
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00:04:59,364 --> 00:05:02,333
Of those three, two were published.
59
00:05:02,434 --> 00:05:06,598
Of those two, just one got a movie deal.
60
00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:13,340
This is the story of the men
who attempted to make that movie.
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00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:26,750
Whiskey Fire Old Snake
requests an LZ prep
62
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:29,419
at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner,
over.
63
00:05:34,733 --> 00:05:38,999
Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon
approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge.
64
00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,902
Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne.
Welcome aboard.
65
00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:47,473
All right, lead's going in.
Give her some cover.
66
00:05:47,579 --> 00:05:50,412
Delivery on five.
I repeat, delivery on five.
67
00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:58,786
This is Zero-Three.
I'm on your six, don't worry.
68
00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:01,752
Chalk-Three's taking fire.
Guns right, guns right.
69
00:06:13,805 --> 00:06:15,932
Lay that shit down!
70
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:17,338
Come on!
71
00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:21,476
Come on, you damn dirty heathens!
72
00:06:23,415 --> 00:06:25,610
Fats! Run your motherfucking ass
over there,
73
00:06:25,717 --> 00:06:27,014
hold these men off, now!
74
00:06:27,119 --> 00:06:28,814
We're fixing to lift off!
75
00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:31,549
Put some pep in your step, dick!
Jelly-ass bitch!
76
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:34,956
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye,
this is Boomer One-Seven in the Zee!
77
00:06:35,794 --> 00:06:39,195
I need fast movers
on my Yankee Smoke, copy?
78
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,664
Boomer, this is Wall-Eye.
I got two-Alpha-four
79
00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:43,997
- snake and nape on the ready!
- Oh, Jesus! Holy shit!
80
00:06:44,102 --> 00:06:45,262
Holy shit!
81
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:47,167
Get on that horn
and get some firepower, boy!
82
00:06:47,272 --> 00:06:48,239
Jesus Christ!
83
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:49,432
Listen, you cherry fuck,
84
00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:53,033
you call in that snake and nape
and get us some boom-boom now!
85
00:06:53,145 --> 00:06:55,613
I'd do it myself
but I'm kind of goddamn busy!
86
00:06:55,714 --> 00:06:57,079
I need an answer, Boomer!
87
00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:58,877
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye!
88
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:00,683
I copy!
89
00:07:00,919 --> 00:07:03,217
We got beaucoup zips in the zee.
90
00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:04,812
Rock and roll!
91
00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:06,680
What the fuck?
92
00:07:18,637 --> 00:07:21,071
That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker!
93
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:23,107
I think I can put it back in!
94
00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:24,971
We got to get back to the bird.
95
00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:26,169
Lukemeyer's got popped!
96
00:07:26,278 --> 00:07:29,213
This is the last Christmas
I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass!
97
00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:32,077
Want some? Get some!
98
00:07:32,517 --> 00:07:35,350
Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf!
99
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:35,954
Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!
100
00:07:35,954 --> 00:07:38,650
Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!
101
00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:41,782
Motown, get your Detroit jukebox
Jheri curl ass
102
00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:44,123
in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP!
103
00:07:44,229 --> 00:07:46,060
Four Leaf is still
outside the perimeter, Sarge!
104
00:07:46,164 --> 00:07:49,190
Miss me with that cracker chump jive!
We di di mau! We di di mau!
105
00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:50,961
Come on, Sarge. Stop jiving.
Four Leaf is there.
106
00:07:51,069 --> 00:07:52,764
Dead meat, soldier!
107
00:07:52,971 --> 00:07:54,871
Or do you want to be a hero?
108
00:07:54,973 --> 00:07:56,873
That's just how Brooks
got his Jew ass killed, man.
109
00:07:56,975 --> 00:07:59,671
And Meatball's dago ass
bought the six-by-three farm.
110
00:07:59,778 --> 00:08:03,475
Now get your ass up in the Huey, before
I stomp a trench in your hiney hole!
111
00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:06,482
Come on, get down, get down!
112
00:08:06,585 --> 00:08:08,610
What am I looking at? What is this?
113
00:08:09,521 --> 00:08:13,480
Come on, let's get, let's go!
Come on, elevator up, up!
114
00:08:13,592 --> 00:08:16,117
Sarge. It's Four Leaf.
115
00:08:28,407 --> 00:08:29,465
No!
116
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:33,334
You get out of that hole!
117
00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:47,255
You make it home, now.
118
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:55,962
Survive!
119
00:09:10,749 --> 00:09:12,774
I hope y'all like hamburger meat.
120
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,943
'Cause that's exactly what
I'm gonna be bringing back
121
00:09:15,053 --> 00:09:17,078
and serving up in this whirly bird.
122
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,680
Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!
123
00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:28,561
Peek-a-boo! I see you!
124
00:09:30,602 --> 00:09:32,331
Hold on, Four Leaf!
125
00:09:34,973 --> 00:09:36,304
Oh, shit!
126
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,606
Watch my right!
127
00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:50,355
Fuck you, Charlie!
128
00:09:55,327 --> 00:09:57,591
Come on, Leaf, let's boogie!
129
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,431
No!
130
00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:07,630
No!
131
00:10:10,809 --> 00:10:12,902
- Fats!
- Holy fuck!
132
00:10:14,179 --> 00:10:16,739
Take us over to those men! Shit!
133
00:10:21,219 --> 00:10:24,188
Look at you, man.
Playing with grenades.
134
00:10:27,692 --> 00:10:28,954
I'm cold, Linc.
135
00:10:30,996 --> 00:10:32,827
I can't feel my legs.
136
00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:35,956
Ain't nothing but a thang.
137
00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:40,869
Hey, Linc.
138
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,205
What, man?
139
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,536
Why does man
140
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,580
got to pick up sticks
against another man?
141
00:10:51,783 --> 00:10:54,081
Instead of using them sticks to
142
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:57,046
prop a man up?
143
00:10:57,155 --> 00:10:58,782
I'll never know.
144
00:11:00,091 --> 00:11:02,321
Hold my hands,
145
00:11:02,427 --> 00:11:04,258
'cause I got something to...
146
00:11:04,362 --> 00:11:06,227
I got something to say.
147
00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,293
Oh, boy.
148
00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:16,134
- You holding 'em?
- I got 'em tight.
149
00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:20,538
When we get back to the world,
150
00:11:21,012 --> 00:11:25,176
we gonna put together that three-piece
combo band we talked about?
151
00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:28,275
- Me on stand-up bass.
- Johnny on drums.
152
00:11:29,754 --> 00:11:31,881
And me tickling the ivories.
153
00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:37,257
I ain't never been worth a nothing
in this life,
154
00:11:37,362 --> 00:11:40,126
but I want you to know something.
155
00:11:41,199 --> 00:11:42,496
What, man?
156
00:11:44,402 --> 00:11:45,699
You are my...
157
00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:48,900
You are my brother.
158
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:06,915
You are my brother.
You are my... You are my...
159
00:12:07,092 --> 00:12:08,719
I am your brother.
160
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:13,959
I'm sorry. Could we cut?
161
00:12:14,065 --> 00:12:15,555
- What's he saying?
- Damien, can we cut?
162
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,328
- No. No, no, no, no, no...
- All right, you know what?
163
00:12:17,435 --> 00:12:20,427
We got the jets coming in,
big explosion, two minutes.
164
00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:21,631
Still rolling.
165
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:23,367
You know what? No, not still rolling.
Can we cut?
166
00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:25,136
- We're cutting.
- No, we're not. Get out!
167
00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:27,211
Hey, what's going on?
For real, my butt is hurting!
168
00:12:27,312 --> 00:12:29,439
This harness is riding up my crack!
169
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:32,016
- Damien, are we cutting?
- No! No! Still rolling!
170
00:12:32,117 --> 00:12:34,244
Mr. Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir?
171
00:12:34,352 --> 00:12:37,515
No! No. I'm not cutting!
We're still rolling!
172
00:12:37,622 --> 00:12:38,680
Damien, what's the dealy, dude?
173
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:40,587
Are we gonna blow
this tree line or what?
174
00:12:40,692 --> 00:12:42,250
Tuk Tuk and Kim
got the blue balls here.
175
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:43,588
I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go!
176
00:12:43,695 --> 00:12:45,925
- Play it through. Still rolling!
- Dieter, can he hear me?
177
00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:48,591
That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back.
I said a detonator.
178
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:51,066
I need some dudes up here
who speak American, God damn it!
179
00:12:51,169 --> 00:12:52,636
He's making
a fucking sweater back here.
180
00:12:52,737 --> 00:12:55,069
I'm trying to put Tiger Balm
on this jungle's nuts.
181
00:12:55,173 --> 00:12:56,333
Everyone, please shut up.
182
00:12:56,441 --> 00:12:58,602
The jets are coming in.
We only have one chance at this!
183
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:00,109
And go!
184
00:13:00,211 --> 00:13:02,509
Let's do it. You feel it?
You feel me?
185
00:13:03,515 --> 00:13:05,881
- You are my...
- I am your brother.
186
00:13:06,351 --> 00:13:08,216
We've seen it all, man.
187
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:09,943
I'm sorry, Damien?
188
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:11,352
Are you seeing that?
189
00:13:11,456 --> 00:13:13,481
The little froggy on the boom mike?
It's right in my eyeline.
190
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,455
Donny! What's up, man?
191
00:13:18,129 --> 00:13:19,096
It's been there the whole show.
192
00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,254
Yeah, well it's right in my face,
193
00:13:20,365 --> 00:13:21,354
I'm staring at a frog, I'm trying to feel...
194
00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:24,026
It's always the yellow frog that
brings them black frog on Fridays, man.
195
00:13:24,135 --> 00:13:25,830
Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl.
196
00:13:25,937 --> 00:13:28,030
No, I didn't pee on her,
listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no.
197
00:13:28,139 --> 00:13:30,664
The story is this. She was in the way
when I was peeing, she walked past.
198
00:13:30,775 --> 00:13:33,141
What the fuck is going on here?
199
00:13:33,244 --> 00:13:35,405
On three, baby. One, two, breathe.
200
00:13:35,513 --> 00:13:38,038
Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do
a countdown before I do the scene.
201
00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:39,207
- No countdown?
- No countdown.
202
00:13:39,317 --> 00:13:40,511
- Okay.
- Can we just do it off of "Action"?
203
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:42,177
Just... In your own time.
204
00:13:42,287 --> 00:13:44,084
- Good...
- I'm not a rocket ship, okay?
205
00:13:44,189 --> 00:13:45,816
- All right, dude.
- And action!
206
00:13:45,924 --> 00:13:48,859
Whatever floats your boat, baby.
Fuck! Don't die!
207
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,394
Erika, get me a VitaminWater!
208
00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:52,963
You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry.
209
00:13:53,064 --> 00:13:57,467
Not to get into his thing, but if
I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too?
210
00:13:57,569 --> 00:13:59,469
- No, it's everyone cry...
- We cutting or we crying?
211
00:13:59,571 --> 00:14:00,902
- No, no, no, we're crying!
- Just call it, man!
212
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,133
- Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry.
- Thanks!
213
00:14:03,241 --> 00:14:04,970
- Everybody cry...
- You know what?
214
00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:07,044
- You see how agitated he is now?
- I know.
215
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:09,579
- Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work.
- Okay. Still rolling!
216
00:14:09,981 --> 00:14:12,643
This is Falcon One. We have the ridge
in sight, approximately two miles out.
217
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:15,015
Dieter, these jets
are about to crest this ridge line.
218
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,054
They got about 200 pounds
of shit your pants.
219
00:14:17,155 --> 00:14:18,281
I need to know if we're ready to go.
220
00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:23,257
- You're my... You're my...
- I am your...
221
00:14:23,361 --> 00:14:26,819
See, that's what I think it is, Damien.
I think it's the line.
222
00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:27,955
Yeah?
223
00:14:28,066 --> 00:14:29,931
I don't know if Four Leaf
would say that... Four Leaf?
224
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,367
Were you crying
when your hands blew up?
225
00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:34,097
No. See, he didn't.
Yeah, I mean, just that's what...
226
00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:35,763
So now we in re-writes, right?
227
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:37,000
- Where you going?
- Let's re-write it!
228
00:14:37,108 --> 00:14:39,269
Action Jackson can't cry.
That's what's going down.
229
00:14:39,377 --> 00:14:41,345
You know what, Kirk?
I'm ready to do the scene!
230
00:14:41,446 --> 00:14:45,007
What scene? The scene is
about emotionality. Where is it?
231
00:14:45,116 --> 00:14:46,708
- Now it's time to flip the script!
- Kirk...
232
00:14:46,818 --> 00:14:48,979
Be here till Chinese New Year
waiting for my man to cry.
233
00:14:49,187 --> 00:14:51,155
You're tangling me,
you're fucking tangling me.
234
00:14:51,256 --> 00:14:52,416
You're tangling me, God damn it!
235
00:14:52,557 --> 00:14:55,390
- Kirk, no!
- Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag!
236
00:14:55,493 --> 00:14:57,290
I'm going potty.
You want to hold my dick?
237
00:14:57,762 --> 00:15:00,526
Shit! What are you fucking both doing,
Good Lord!
238
00:15:00,699 --> 00:15:03,224
We're getting this in a wide shot, right?
239
00:15:03,334 --> 00:15:04,858
Of course we're getting it
in a fucking wide.
240
00:15:04,969 --> 00:15:05,993
What, do you think
I'm a dick or something?
241
00:15:06,104 --> 00:15:07,696
Get that fucking food...
242
00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:09,239
Here they come!
243
00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:12,741
- The planes are inbound!
- Shit! Shit!
244
00:15:12,844 --> 00:15:17,747
Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks.
Tropic tits!
245
00:15:17,849 --> 00:15:20,818
That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!
246
00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:22,978
Let's go freaking Tet here!
247
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,079
Goddamn shit-picking cock!
248
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:28,784
That's my shit!
249
00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:37,267
Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!
250
00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:46,371
- Sweet.
- Oh, mama!
251
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,444
Bungle in the jungle.
252
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:54,643
More bad news from the Vietnamese set
of Tropic Thunder,
253
00:15:54,753 --> 00:15:58,484
where a $4 million explosion
charred the Asian location
254
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:00,558
and the camera wasn't even rolling.
255
00:16:00,658 --> 00:16:03,320
Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul
Les Grossman,
256
00:16:03,428 --> 00:16:06,522
the film is already rumored to be
one month behind schedule
257
00:16:06,631 --> 00:16:09,498
just five days into shooting.
The reason?
258
00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:12,536
Fingers are pointed at rookie director
Damien Cockburn,
259
00:16:12,637 --> 00:16:15,731
who, insiders say,
can't control a star-studded cast,
260
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:20,539
including flatulent star of the popular
Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy.
261
00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:23,170
Let me tell you something.
A lot of people are disrespecting me.
262
00:16:23,281 --> 00:16:27,012
They say that the movie's
just about farts. It's about family,
263
00:16:27,118 --> 00:16:30,212
and... you! You can't do what I do.
264
00:16:30,321 --> 00:16:34,553
Fresh from his most recent arrest
for heroin, glue and crack possession,
265
00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:37,025
Portnoy was almost uninsurable.
266
00:16:37,128 --> 00:16:41,462
Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking
hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino.
267
00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:44,057
I'm so excited, you know what I'm
saying, about doing Tropic Thunder.
268
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,330
Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby.
Drink Booty Sweat.
269
00:16:46,437 --> 00:16:48,098
But the real heavyweight on the set
270
00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:49,140
is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.
271
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:50,903
Is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.
272
00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:54,740
The brilliant Australian
known for his bad boy antics off-screen
273
00:16:54,846 --> 00:16:58,441
is famous for his total immersion
into any role he portrays.
274
00:16:58,550 --> 00:16:59,847
Well, being an actor is no different
275
00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:02,146
than being a rugby player
or a construction worker,
276
00:17:02,253 --> 00:17:03,379
save for the fact that my tools
277
00:17:03,488 --> 00:17:05,547
are the mechanisms
that trigger human emotion.
278
00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:07,716
Lazarus underwent a controversial
279
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:10,818
pigmentation alteration procedure
in order to play
280
00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:14,023
the platoon's African-American
sergeant, Lincoln Osiris.
281
00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:15,565
Yeah!
282
00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:17,532
Trying to hold his own onscreen
with Kirk
283
00:17:17,635 --> 00:17:19,762
is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman.
284
00:17:19,871 --> 00:17:22,669
Once the highest grossing star
in the world,
285
00:17:22,774 --> 00:17:25,834
lately his Scorcher films
have lost their heat.
286
00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:28,538
Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra.
287
00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:30,580
You have no real family.
288
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:35,119
You're on the wrong side of 40.
You're childless and alone.
289
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,915
Somebody close to you said,
290
00:17:37,021 --> 00:17:39,819
"One more flop and it's over."
291
00:17:41,926 --> 00:17:44,019
Somebody said they were close to me?
292
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:46,089
It's been a tough year for Tugg.
293
00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:48,961
The disappointing buddy comedy
Chitlin' & the Dude
294
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:53,731
was followed by an ill-advised venture
into serious dramatic territory.
295
00:17:53,838 --> 00:17:54,930
Simple Jack,
296
00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:58,770
the story of a mentally impaired
farmhand who can talk to animals,
297
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:00,742
was a box office disaster
298
00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:05,441
that many critics called,
"One of the worst movies of all time."
299
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:09,179
I ain't got a good brain.
300
00:18:10,188 --> 00:18:13,089
I think you've got a fine brain, Jack.
301
00:18:13,191 --> 00:18:18,356
You make me happy.
302
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:24,335
But now the question is,
can Speedman make audiences happy
303
00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:26,198
in what's being called
the most expensive
304
00:18:26,304 --> 00:18:28,568
- war movie never made?
- Rick Peck.
305
00:18:28,673 --> 00:18:30,163
Wishing Tugg all the best on that one.
306
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:34,609
Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker.
You got time for your agent?
307
00:18:34,712 --> 00:18:35,974
- Rick?
- Hey, buddy,
308
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,638
guess who I'm staring at right now.
309
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:39,410
- What?
- I'm looking at your ugly mug
310
00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:41,815
on the back cover
of Vanity Fair magazine,
311
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,354
holding a cute, cuddly panda
from Cutesville.
312
00:18:44,455 --> 00:18:47,049
It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.
313
00:18:47,158 --> 00:18:49,752
Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent?
314
00:18:49,861 --> 00:18:50,885
From Rick.
315
00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:53,088
Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks.
316
00:18:53,197 --> 00:18:55,757
All right,
that is a real satellite phone, bro.
317
00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:57,459
Do not re-gift.
318
00:18:57,568 --> 00:19:00,059
Hey. You see
that Access Hollywood piece?
319
00:19:00,171 --> 00:19:03,106
Yeah, I did.
It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid.
320
00:19:03,207 --> 00:19:07,644
I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
Tugg. You are a huge star, all right?
321
00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:09,212
But right now,
322
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,872
you're like that kid on the playground,
you know,
323
00:19:10,982 --> 00:19:13,951
the one who has lice that none
of the other kids want to play with?
324
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:16,043
- What do you mean?
- I mean we gotta shave your head
325
00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:18,622
and get you back
on the monkey bars, right?
326
00:19:18,723 --> 00:19:20,054
What?
327
00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:22,023
How did the crying scene go?
328
00:19:22,126 --> 00:19:23,889
Horrible. Lazarus started crying.
329
00:19:23,995 --> 00:19:27,158
Then he starts drooling and dribbling,
and it wasn't even in the script...
330
00:19:27,265 --> 00:19:28,357
Stop right there!
331
00:19:28,466 --> 00:19:30,195
You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat.
332
00:19:30,301 --> 00:19:32,997
Who cares how much more talented
he may be than you?
333
00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:36,471
If he cries, you cry harder, man.
334
00:19:36,574 --> 00:19:38,735
Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia
or something
335
00:19:38,843 --> 00:19:40,208
when you were a kid?
I mean, think of that.
336
00:19:40,311 --> 00:19:44,077
Boom! End of story.
They hook up the TiVo yet?
337
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:45,444
Good gosh.
338
00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:47,381
- What?
- The TiVo, they hook it up?
339
00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:49,749
- No. The guy didn't come.
- What?
340
00:19:49,854 --> 00:19:52,448
For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable.
341
00:19:52,557 --> 00:19:54,457
They have digital cable, but,
I mean, it's okay.
342
00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:56,789
No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay.
343
00:19:56,894 --> 00:19:59,021
It is not okay, Tugg!
344
00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:02,258
And you don't need to explain to me
why you need TiVo
345
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:06,303
or clean water, clean sheets,
food, shelter.
346
00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:09,498
I mean, I fought for that in your contract.
347
00:20:09,607 --> 00:20:11,666
How's the adoption thing coming,
buddy?
348
00:20:11,776 --> 00:20:13,801
Not too great.
349
00:20:17,048 --> 00:20:19,744
I feel like all the good ones are gone.
350
00:20:21,419 --> 00:20:23,717
Well, at least you get to choose yours.
351
00:20:23,821 --> 00:20:25,652
I'm stuck with mine.
352
00:20:27,558 --> 00:20:30,083
Tell you what, get back to work,
genius soldier.
353
00:20:30,194 --> 00:20:33,061
The Pecker's on a TiVo mission
for the Y-O-U.
354
00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:34,927
Work on those tears, my man.
355
00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:36,125
All right. Yeah.
356
00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:37,792
Say it for me one time.
357
00:20:37,902 --> 00:20:42,168
- You make me happy.
- Make me happy.
358
00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:43,865
- I love you, buddy.
- All right, bye.
359
00:20:44,776 --> 00:20:46,767
Crisis meeting?
What does that mean, exactly?
360
00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:48,539
I mean, are we in a crisis?
361
00:20:48,646 --> 00:20:50,170
He's the head of the studio.
362
00:20:50,281 --> 00:20:52,647
He's reaching out.
We're 10,000 miles away.
363
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:53,842
He just wants a little face-time.
364
00:20:53,951 --> 00:20:56,545
I know, it's just you said
that he called it a crisis meeting. So...
365
00:20:56,654 --> 00:20:59,054
It's Les Grossman.
He throws these words around.
366
00:20:59,157 --> 00:21:03,560
"Crisis," "explosion,"
"not rolling," "fired."
367
00:21:03,661 --> 00:21:04,992
These are just words.
368
00:21:05,096 --> 00:21:07,189
Yeah! Yeah!
369
00:21:07,298 --> 00:21:10,597
Keep a secret? A camera truck
in London just plowed into Judi Dench.
370
00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:11,827
Trust me, he's got bigger problems.
371
00:21:11,936 --> 00:21:14,404
Look, he may be able to see me,
but I can't see him.
372
00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:19,033
- Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello!
- Get your ass out of my...
373
00:21:19,143 --> 00:21:20,576
- Your feet were on my desk.
- Can he see us?
374
00:21:20,678 --> 00:21:22,009
I don't know why we don't have...
375
00:21:22,113 --> 00:21:24,274
Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working!
376
00:21:24,382 --> 00:21:26,873
Yeah, whatever you're doing right there.
Hello, Les!
377
00:21:26,984 --> 00:21:28,383
- Hello, Les!
- Okay.
378
00:21:28,486 --> 00:21:30,545
We got you loud and clear here, Les.
379
00:21:30,655 --> 00:21:34,352
I see you. I see you. I see you.
380
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:37,587
Which one of you fuckfaces
is Damien Cockburn?
381
00:21:38,596 --> 00:21:40,120
That's me, sir.
382
00:21:40,231 --> 00:21:43,758
It's good to finally meet you at last,
get some face-time.
383
00:21:43,868 --> 00:21:47,827
And who here is the key grip?
You? You.
384
00:21:49,841 --> 00:21:53,299
Hit that director in the face,
really fucking hard.
385
00:22:00,184 --> 00:22:01,515
Sorry, man.
386
00:22:08,025 --> 00:22:10,926
This is your fault, you limey fuck!
387
00:22:11,028 --> 00:22:12,893
You shit the money-bed, my friend.
388
00:22:12,997 --> 00:22:15,522
- What?
- God damn it, Damien!
389
00:22:15,633 --> 00:22:18,727
With all due respect, Les Grossman did
not blow up the jungle.
390
00:22:18,836 --> 00:22:19,928
- What?
- Fuck the jungle.
391
00:22:20,037 --> 00:22:21,368
Exactly!
392
00:22:22,073 --> 00:22:23,540
Come on, man.
393
00:22:24,275 --> 00:22:27,005
Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry,
394
00:22:27,111 --> 00:22:29,102
but I am dealing
with a bunch of prima donnas!
395
00:22:29,213 --> 00:22:32,705
Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry!
He can't cry!
396
00:22:32,817 --> 00:22:35,217
You know how you handle an actor?
They whine about anything,
397
00:22:35,319 --> 00:22:38,618
you pull down their pants
and you spank their ass.
398
00:22:38,723 --> 00:22:40,918
- You spank that ass, Les.
- What?
399
00:22:41,025 --> 00:22:44,791
Spanking a child
turns him into a little snot.
400
00:22:45,663 --> 00:22:48,564
Fear makes him a man.
401
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:54,196
I know a place
where a man's worth is measured
402
00:22:54,305 --> 00:22:58,105
in the ears hanging from his dog tags.
403
00:22:58,209 --> 00:23:00,939
The real deep shit.
404
00:23:01,045 --> 00:23:02,547
You wanna make this movie right?
405
00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:03,639
You wanna make this movie right?
406
00:23:03,748 --> 00:23:07,240
That's where you take
your pansy-ass actors.
407
00:23:08,819 --> 00:23:10,684
Who is this guy?
408
00:23:10,788 --> 00:23:12,688
Les, that's Four Leaf.
409
00:23:12,790 --> 00:23:16,089
Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback.
I wrote the book.
410
00:23:18,296 --> 00:23:22,357
You're a great American.
This nation owes you a huge debt.
411
00:23:22,466 --> 00:23:25,435
Now shut the fuck up
and let me do my job!
412
00:23:26,304 --> 00:23:27,771
- Look, Cockburn.
- Yes.
413
00:23:27,872 --> 00:23:31,899
From now on, my fist
is gonna be so far up your shithole
414
00:23:32,009 --> 00:23:33,374
that every time you have a thought,
415
00:23:33,477 --> 00:23:36,503
it's gonna have to tiptoe
past my wedding ring.
416
00:23:36,614 --> 00:23:40,141
Take control of your actors,
or I will shut you down.
417
00:23:40,251 --> 00:23:41,343
Diet Coke!
418
00:23:59,103 --> 00:24:01,298
One week down, two weeks behind,
419
00:24:01,405 --> 00:24:05,205
GI Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you
ain't got the camera turned on anyway.
420
00:24:05,309 --> 00:24:06,708
Let's party!
421
00:24:07,645 --> 00:24:09,545
Man, you better get your shit straight,
422
00:24:09,647 --> 00:24:12,514
or I'll be on the next NetJet out of here,
baby. You feel me?
423
00:24:13,384 --> 00:24:14,351
- You feel that?
- Yeah.
424
00:24:14,452 --> 00:24:16,977
Here comes another.
There we go. Now what?
425
00:24:17,355 --> 00:24:19,687
- Sandusky. Good.
- Hey, Mr. Cockburn.
426
00:24:19,790 --> 00:24:21,655
We need to have a cast meeting
right now.
427
00:24:21,759 --> 00:24:23,056
- Right now? Awesome.
- Yes.
428
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,354
You actually care, don't you?
429
00:24:24,462 --> 00:24:27,056
Yeah, it's a huge deal for me,
are you kidding?
430
00:24:27,164 --> 00:24:29,132
I've spent the past two years of my life
431
00:24:29,233 --> 00:24:32,930
living off residuals from a anti-herpes
medication commercial.
432
00:24:33,037 --> 00:24:34,197
I know, you're the only one
who auditioned,
433
00:24:34,305 --> 00:24:35,863
the only one who did
the two-week boot camp.
434
00:24:35,973 --> 00:24:37,634
Hey, hey, Alpa.
435
00:24:38,342 --> 00:24:40,810
I'm the director. He's...
I need to speak to my actor.
436
00:24:40,911 --> 00:24:42,139
All right, hold up. Chino?
437
00:24:42,246 --> 00:24:44,009
What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby?
438
00:24:44,949 --> 00:24:46,439
This about
the Booty Sweat cross-promotion?
439
00:24:46,550 --> 00:24:47,574
No, it's about the film.
440
00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:49,676
Oh, the film and Booty Sweat's
the same thing. Give him a shot.
441
00:24:50,054 --> 00:24:52,181
Hey, how you doing, Jeff?
442
00:24:52,290 --> 00:24:55,748
- Who are you?
- That's awesome, man.
443
00:24:58,029 --> 00:25:02,762
Kevin. Kevin Sandusky. I play Brooklyn,
we've been working together.
444
00:25:02,867 --> 00:25:04,459
Oh, right, right. I like you.
445
00:25:04,568 --> 00:25:06,536
Man, it's a real honor to be here...
446
00:25:06,637 --> 00:25:07,934
I can tell it's gonna be
a good experience.
447
00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:09,165
I'm really having a good time.
448
00:25:09,273 --> 00:25:10,900
Hey, can you help me out, man?
I'm looking for this guy.
449
00:25:11,008 --> 00:25:15,172
The grip with the bandana.
He's got a package for me.
450
00:25:15,646 --> 00:25:18,046
There he is, fucker. Dragon!
451
00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:20,981
What the fuck? Oh, buddy!
452
00:25:21,118 --> 00:25:22,483
I'm gonna go shoot a video, right?
453
00:25:22,586 --> 00:25:24,713
I'm gonna have V.C. Soldiers
in the video
454
00:25:24,822 --> 00:25:26,119
doing the noodle-legs, Damien.
455
00:25:26,223 --> 00:25:30,592
Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing
the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien.
456
00:25:30,828 --> 00:25:32,489
It's good, I love it, great. But I need to...
457
00:25:32,596 --> 00:25:35,588
V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby.
Hit it, baby.
458
00:25:35,733 --> 00:25:37,394
Hell yeah, get it. Get it, Cornbread.
459
00:25:39,570 --> 00:25:40,730
Alpa!
460
00:25:40,838 --> 00:25:42,271
Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone.
461
00:25:42,373 --> 00:25:43,340
Hello? Yo, yo, Donny!
462
00:25:43,441 --> 00:25:45,500
Can we call him back?
I've got to have a cast meeting.
463
00:25:49,046 --> 00:25:51,378
When we put aside our differences,
464
00:25:51,482 --> 00:25:54,349
we see we're kind of the same.
465
00:25:55,252 --> 00:25:58,779
When we put aside our differences,
we see
466
00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,323
we're kind of the same.
467
00:26:03,094 --> 00:26:04,891
Let's be friends.
468
00:26:05,196 --> 00:26:07,824
I know we can do great things together.
469
00:26:09,934 --> 00:26:13,700
That's a quotation from
a children's book I co-wrote,
470
00:26:14,472 --> 00:26:16,599
The Boy Everybody Was Jealous Of.
471
00:26:16,707 --> 00:26:18,436
I think it pertains to the journey...
472
00:26:18,542 --> 00:26:19,873
Simple Jack sucked ass!
473
00:26:20,945 --> 00:26:23,345
All right, who said that? It's not funny.
474
00:26:23,447 --> 00:26:25,210
Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay?
475
00:26:32,523 --> 00:26:35,219
When the herd loses its way,
476
00:26:35,326 --> 00:26:39,763
the shepherd must kill
the bull that leads them astray.
477
00:26:41,599 --> 00:26:44,864
- Four Leaf?
- Come on over. It's okay.
478
00:26:46,537 --> 00:26:48,027
- Sit down.
- Yes.
479
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:54,537
- So, you don't like the hotel?
- Beds give me nightmares.
480
00:26:59,583 --> 00:27:04,782
I'm guessing right about now
you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin
481
00:27:04,889 --> 00:27:09,223
with an Ohio hooker holding your prick
and showing you the way.
482
00:27:16,033 --> 00:27:17,364
What?
483
00:27:17,601 --> 00:27:19,193
You're a riddle
484
00:27:20,704 --> 00:27:23,639
with no cheese to maze through.
485
00:27:25,543 --> 00:27:26,510
Don't you get it?
486
00:27:26,610 --> 00:27:30,341
No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse
or something. I don't know.
487
00:27:30,448 --> 00:27:34,384
I put my story in your limp Brit hands,
488
00:27:34,485 --> 00:27:37,921
and you are not going to fail me.
489
00:27:38,022 --> 00:27:41,617
You think I was just blowing
my own bagpipe in that meeting?
490
00:27:41,725 --> 00:27:45,559
You must put those boys in the shit.
491
00:27:45,663 --> 00:27:47,221
What? I don't understand.
492
00:27:47,331 --> 00:27:50,596
- You wanna make your movie or not?
- Yes, I do.
493
00:27:50,701 --> 00:27:54,193
All right, you get
some of those little video type cameras.
494
00:27:54,305 --> 00:27:57,934
We take them out there, and we put
them in the trees in different angles.
495
00:27:58,042 --> 00:28:01,375
Then you give me
and that pyromaniac Cody
496
00:28:01,479 --> 00:28:06,348
all the smoke bombs, charges,
explosives, detonators you got.
497
00:28:06,450 --> 00:28:08,884
Then we take those boys up there,
498
00:28:08,986 --> 00:28:12,080
me and Cody,
we could light up that fucking jungle,
499
00:28:12,189 --> 00:28:15,124
so those lily-dick actors
would be shitting their pants
500
00:28:15,226 --> 00:28:17,217
and screaming for their mammies.
501
00:28:17,328 --> 00:28:20,786
They'd be begging for a body bag
if it means a ride home.
502
00:28:23,634 --> 00:28:25,158
I could do it.
503
00:28:25,936 --> 00:28:29,372
I could shoot the whole thing
guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty.
504
00:28:29,473 --> 00:28:32,806
Get them away from their helpers
and ass-licking assistants.
505
00:28:32,910 --> 00:28:34,002
Put them in the real shit.
506
00:28:34,111 --> 00:28:35,305
- Real shit.
- With real fear in their eyes!
507
00:28:35,412 --> 00:28:38,472
Real fear, real emotion!
Yes, Four Leaf, yes!
508
00:28:38,582 --> 00:28:40,675
- Yes! Yes!
- Yes! Yes!
509
00:28:40,784 --> 00:28:42,547
Take them off the fucking grid!
510
00:29:00,004 --> 00:29:02,768
You are no longer actors in a movie!
511
00:29:03,874 --> 00:29:06,604
You are five men in a helicopter!
512
00:29:08,379 --> 00:29:10,142
With three other men!
513
00:29:15,786 --> 00:29:17,310
How long are we gonna be gone,
anyways?
514
00:29:17,421 --> 00:29:21,482
'Cause I left most of my vitamins
back at the hotel.
515
00:29:21,592 --> 00:29:24,152
- Save your breath, maggots!
- That's right, maggots!
516
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:37,502
M&M?
517
00:29:39,410 --> 00:29:40,707
M&M?
518
00:30:00,497 --> 00:30:02,633
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
519
00:30:02,633 --> 00:30:03,156
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
520
00:30:04,468 --> 00:30:07,631
Move it, maggots, move!
Move, grunts, move your ass!
521
00:30:07,738 --> 00:30:10,036
Get out, you wriggly worms!
522
00:30:10,140 --> 00:30:12,608
- It's up too high!
- Move, move, move!
523
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:17,809
See you in hell!
524
00:30:29,326 --> 00:30:33,524
This is bullshit!
I gotta at least call my fucking assistant.
525
00:30:34,798 --> 00:30:37,528
Fucking! Jesus! Dude!
526
00:30:39,003 --> 00:30:41,233
You're sitting on a nest
of hostile enemy V.C.
527
00:30:41,338 --> 00:30:44,774
Congratulations, Fats.
You just got us all killed.
528
00:30:45,776 --> 00:30:49,371
Anybody else care to give away
our position to Charlie?
529
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,243
Cell phones!
530
00:30:51,348 --> 00:30:52,815
What the hell, Damien?
531
00:30:52,916 --> 00:30:56,613
Weren't no cell phones in '69, man.
I'm head-to-toe legitimate.
532
00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:00,121
Gentlemen, I've got good news
and bad news.
533
00:31:00,224 --> 00:31:03,716
The studio wants to shut us down.
That's the bad news.
534
00:31:03,861 --> 00:31:06,159
And the good news.
535
00:31:06,263 --> 00:31:09,164
If you wanna save this movie,
you will become a unit.
536
00:31:09,266 --> 00:31:13,032
Your objective is to head north
to the D'ang Kwook River
537
00:31:13,137 --> 00:31:14,627
and liberate the POW camp,
538
00:31:14,738 --> 00:31:18,003
at which point Four Leaf
will get himself captured,
539
00:31:18,108 --> 00:31:19,905
at which point you will rescue him,
540
00:31:20,010 --> 00:31:23,377
at which point
we will chopper you home!
541
00:31:24,581 --> 00:31:25,673
Damn.
542
00:31:25,783 --> 00:31:27,580
Four Leaf,
since you're the staff sergeant,
543
00:31:27,685 --> 00:31:30,085
there's the map, this is the scene list.
544
00:31:30,187 --> 00:31:32,314
Think you can handle it?
545
00:31:32,423 --> 00:31:36,621
We have rigged this entire
valley of death with hidden cameras.
546
00:31:38,095 --> 00:31:41,724
And I will be shooting as well,
from unseen vantage points,
547
00:31:41,832 --> 00:31:45,427
so that every glorious moment
is captured on film.
548
00:31:46,704 --> 00:31:49,867
And believe me, gentlemen,
it will be glorious.
549
00:31:49,973 --> 00:31:52,498
If it looks real,
chances are it probably is.
550
00:31:52,609 --> 00:31:54,201
You wanted to be actors.
551
00:31:54,311 --> 00:31:56,905
You wanted to occupy
the skin of another human being.
552
00:31:57,014 --> 00:32:00,006
Well, get ready to occupy the skin
of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt,
553
00:32:00,117 --> 00:32:03,883
surrounded by death,
crawling up Satan's bottom.
554
00:32:04,922 --> 00:32:09,621
There'll be ambushes, enemy fire,
your own little personal slice of 'Nam.
555
00:32:09,727 --> 00:32:14,323
This radio goes to the chopper
and the chopper only.
556
00:32:14,431 --> 00:32:18,868
The chopper is God,
and I am Jesus Christ, his son.
557
00:32:18,969 --> 00:32:21,665
You are my chosen disciples.
558
00:32:21,772 --> 00:32:24,798
And no one gets to go home
till we get the shots.
559
00:32:24,908 --> 00:32:27,934
Put on your war faces, gentlemen.
560
00:32:28,045 --> 00:32:32,744
Now, let's go and make
the greatest war movie ever!
561
00:32:32,850 --> 00:32:35,182
- Yeah!
- All right!
562
00:32:53,937 --> 00:32:54,995
Yeah!
563
00:33:00,444 --> 00:33:01,502
Yeah!
564
00:33:14,057 --> 00:33:15,957
Not bad, Cockburn!
565
00:33:17,795 --> 00:33:18,989
Not bad.
566
00:33:20,697 --> 00:33:22,289
Wherever you are!
567
00:33:24,301 --> 00:33:27,361
Wherever he is?
Looks like he's all over the place.
568
00:33:29,173 --> 00:33:31,073
Here we go.
569
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,200
Must be an old French mine.
570
00:33:33,310 --> 00:33:36,768
It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China.
This jungle must be full of them.
571
00:33:38,849 --> 00:33:42,307
Don't you get it?
He's messing with our heads.
572
00:33:42,419 --> 00:33:44,444
That's what all that
playing God stuff was about.
573
00:33:44,555 --> 00:33:47,115
He's trying to get us to act good,
save the movie.
574
00:33:47,224 --> 00:33:50,250
He ain't playing God.
He's being judged by him.
575
00:33:54,264 --> 00:33:56,960
That's our objective.
Complete the mission.
576
00:34:03,173 --> 00:34:06,074
No offense, Kirk,
I know you're the big fancy actor here,
577
00:34:06,176 --> 00:34:10,078
but I've done a lot more effects-driven
event films than you. Okay?
578
00:34:10,180 --> 00:34:11,579
And I think I can spot
579
00:34:13,684 --> 00:34:15,208
a prop head when I see one.
580
00:34:15,319 --> 00:34:16,809
Oh, Jesus.
581
00:34:18,021 --> 00:34:21,513
It's corn syrup, guys.
Corn syrup and latex.
582
00:34:24,728 --> 00:34:27,856
Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup.
583
00:34:27,965 --> 00:34:29,091
Oh, God.
584
00:34:29,733 --> 00:34:32,861
Smoke and mirrors, guys.
Welcome to the movie factory.
585
00:34:32,970 --> 00:34:34,164
Oldest trick in the book.
586
00:34:36,173 --> 00:34:37,470
He getting down now.
587
00:34:37,574 --> 00:34:38,939
Oh, my God!
588
00:34:41,745 --> 00:34:43,804
Whoa, look at me!
589
00:34:43,914 --> 00:34:45,381
You're going to get the shots,
590
00:34:45,482 --> 00:34:48,474
and I'm going to make sure
because I'm the director.
591
00:34:48,585 --> 00:34:50,712
I'm from London. I direct plays.
592
00:34:50,821 --> 00:34:53,847
Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on!
593
00:35:03,867 --> 00:35:05,562
Look, I'm Dave Beckham.
594
00:35:15,212 --> 00:35:17,612
So, we gotta
light these boys up today, huh?
595
00:35:17,714 --> 00:35:19,909
Blow some sense into these young men.
596
00:35:20,884 --> 00:35:23,785
Hey, I don't want to come off
as weird or anything,
597
00:35:23,887 --> 00:35:27,823
but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah.
598
00:35:29,192 --> 00:35:32,684
Tropic Thunder.
Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye.
599
00:35:33,931 --> 00:35:36,161
Yeah, I've never been in the military,
per se,
600
00:35:36,266 --> 00:35:38,700
but I have lost an appendage
in the line of duty.
601
00:35:40,504 --> 00:35:42,734
Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig.
602
00:35:43,507 --> 00:35:44,565
Yeah.
603
00:35:45,075 --> 00:35:47,873
It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there.
What is it?
604
00:35:47,978 --> 00:35:49,639
I don't know what it's called.
605
00:35:50,781 --> 00:35:55,514
I just know the sound it makes
when it takes a man's life.
606
00:35:58,655 --> 00:35:59,713
Okay.
607
00:36:00,290 --> 00:36:01,518
Damien, we're go for explosion.
608
00:36:01,625 --> 00:36:04,423
Ready to kick the tires
and light the fires on your say-so.
609
00:36:04,528 --> 00:36:06,257
Damien, we're go for explosion.
610
00:36:07,397 --> 00:36:08,421
Do you copy?
611
00:36:08,532 --> 00:36:11,399
I got an itchy trigger finger here,
and I'm ready to blow some shit up.
612
00:36:11,501 --> 00:36:15,130
All right, you happy now?
Can we do the scene?
613
00:36:15,238 --> 00:36:17,866
Or do you need a formal invitation?
Come on, let's go!
614
00:36:19,676 --> 00:36:20,768
Here. Okay.
615
00:36:20,877 --> 00:36:23,072
"Scene 12, exterior,
jungle clearing, day, ambush.
616
00:36:28,618 --> 00:36:30,552
"Four Leaf notices
movement in the brush.
617
00:36:30,654 --> 00:36:33,680
"A dozen guerrilla fighters
can be seen moving in the tree line.
618
00:36:33,790 --> 00:36:36,350
"Somewhere a mine explodes."
And you.
619
00:36:37,694 --> 00:36:39,719
"I got a bad feeling on this one."
620
00:36:39,830 --> 00:36:41,320
- Yeah.
- No, that's your line.
621
00:36:41,431 --> 00:36:44,298
- I got... Now?
- Yeah, but scared. Like, scared.
622
00:36:44,401 --> 00:36:47,131
- "I got a bad feeling on this one."
- Dude, wait, like how?
623
00:36:47,237 --> 00:36:49,068
"I got a bad feeling on this one."
624
00:36:49,172 --> 00:36:51,265
- Okay.
- Action. Go, come on.
625
00:37:00,283 --> 00:37:03,150
I got a bad feeling
on this one there, Fats.
626
00:37:04,488 --> 00:37:07,889
Our asses don't get fragged
in this bullshit valley,
627
00:37:07,991 --> 00:37:09,822
first thing I'm doing
is paying my two bucks
628
00:37:09,926 --> 00:37:11,553
so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry
629
00:37:11,661 --> 00:37:14,357
on a sweet little mama-san's
dinky dau poontang.
630
00:37:14,464 --> 00:37:17,365
Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged
before he get any cooch.
631
00:37:17,467 --> 00:37:20,698
He die, he probably die
a coochless motherfucker.
632
00:37:20,804 --> 00:37:22,203
Zip it, Motown.
633
00:37:22,305 --> 00:37:23,863
Don't you worry, Brooklyn.
634
00:37:23,974 --> 00:37:26,033
You got a lot of days of fucking
ahead of you.
635
00:37:28,145 --> 00:37:29,737
Man, I'm thirsty.
636
00:37:30,847 --> 00:37:35,807
Might as well have some of this
Booty Sweat I got back in Danang.
637
00:37:36,686 --> 00:37:40,178
Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead!
638
00:37:40,290 --> 00:37:42,087
Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak,
639
00:37:42,192 --> 00:37:45,525
David Blaine trapdoor
horseshit jumping off here!
640
00:37:45,629 --> 00:37:49,395
Hey! You wanna get on the train here,
or do you wanna ruin another take?
641
00:37:49,499 --> 00:37:52,832
There ain't no goddamn takes,
ain't no goddamn motion picture!
642
00:37:53,804 --> 00:37:55,567
- You sure?
- Yeah.
643
00:37:55,672 --> 00:37:57,469
- Yeah?
- For certain, man.
644
00:37:57,574 --> 00:37:59,474
Then why are you still in character?
645
00:38:01,044 --> 00:38:03,012
I know, but I don't have to tell you.
646
00:38:04,147 --> 00:38:05,205
You don't know.
647
00:38:05,315 --> 00:38:08,250
Man, I don't drop character
till I done a DVD commentary.
648
00:38:11,021 --> 00:38:13,182
You happy now?
We're out of position for the effects!
649
00:38:13,290 --> 00:38:15,019
Get down, fool!
650
00:38:16,726 --> 00:38:19,627
Didn't anyone read the script?
This is the ambush!
651
00:38:21,031 --> 00:38:24,694
- This feels pretty real!
- Exactly! Let's use it.
652
00:38:35,312 --> 00:38:36,472
Yeah!
653
00:38:37,747 --> 00:38:39,112
Yeah!
654
00:38:41,718 --> 00:38:42,980
Eat lead!
655
00:38:44,955 --> 00:38:47,321
They're busting caps
like a motherfucker down there.
656
00:38:50,594 --> 00:38:52,687
This is FUBAR. I say we juice them.
657
00:38:52,796 --> 00:38:54,286
- What do you think?
- Juice them.
658
00:38:56,700 --> 00:38:59,191
Fuck you, Charlie!
659
00:39:01,271 --> 00:39:02,738
Big-ass titties!
660
00:39:08,712 --> 00:39:10,339
Look at that, huh?
661
00:39:15,619 --> 00:39:16,813
And cut!
662
00:39:19,089 --> 00:39:20,920
That's the trailer right there.
663
00:39:21,024 --> 00:39:22,321
Yeah!
664
00:39:22,425 --> 00:39:24,689
- What do we do now?
- Yeah.
665
00:39:24,794 --> 00:39:26,318
North. Man said to head north.
666
00:39:26,429 --> 00:39:29,762
- Did you see me shooting?
- That's how we do. Good work, baby.
667
00:39:29,866 --> 00:39:30,924
I believed it.
668
00:39:31,034 --> 00:39:32,194
D'ang Kwook River.
669
00:39:32,836 --> 00:39:34,235
I'm betting
he's got more of these battles
670
00:39:34,337 --> 00:39:37,067
and Viet Congs
rigged for us along the way.
671
00:39:37,174 --> 00:39:40,940
Sergeant Osiris, get your men.
Load and lock.
672
00:39:41,611 --> 00:39:43,374
Real, baby, I'm real.
673
00:39:44,447 --> 00:39:47,245
Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover!
674
00:39:48,385 --> 00:39:51,411
Hump it up, gentlemen!
Single formation.
675
00:39:51,521 --> 00:39:53,352
Don't dawdle now!
676
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:21,746
D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface.
How are we coming on that hotplate?
677
00:40:24,387 --> 00:40:27,686
Something's up.
I think we better drag ass back there.
678
00:40:27,791 --> 00:40:30,487
Make sure Damien ain't forgot
how to use his talkbox again.
679
00:40:38,235 --> 00:40:41,204
Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste.
680
00:40:42,806 --> 00:40:44,933
- What are you doing, Jeff?
- Fucking... Nothing, man!
681
00:40:45,041 --> 00:40:48,374
- I'm eating jellybeans.
- Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please...
682
00:40:48,478 --> 00:40:51,208
No, you can't have
any fucking jellybeans.
683
00:40:51,314 --> 00:40:52,406
They're mine.
684
00:40:52,515 --> 00:40:53,675
You think
you're the only one who gets sick
685
00:40:53,783 --> 00:40:55,478
when he doesn't have his jellybeans?
686
00:40:55,585 --> 00:40:56,984
Boundaries, man. Fuck.
687
00:41:16,906 --> 00:41:19,602
Hey. I didn't mean to
show you up back there.
688
00:41:19,709 --> 00:41:23,839
It's just, I feel like we really need
to set the example for the other guys.
689
00:41:23,947 --> 00:41:25,847
It's gonna be tough,
690
00:41:25,949 --> 00:41:28,975
but I think Damien's gonna get
some great shit out of us.
691
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:32,249
Just wish I had
a director like this on Jack.
692
00:41:32,355 --> 00:41:34,846
On Jack. What? Jack?
What you talking about?
693
00:41:36,059 --> 00:41:38,027
- Simple Jack.
- Oh, yeah.
694
00:41:39,529 --> 00:41:42,760
Simple Jack, yeah.
You went all out on that one, huh?
695
00:41:42,866 --> 00:41:45,130
You did.
Really swung for the fences, huh?
696
00:41:45,235 --> 00:41:47,635
Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.
697
00:41:47,737 --> 00:41:50,638
Yeah, it was an intense experience,
you know.
698
00:41:51,341 --> 00:41:53,434
I just did the work.
699
00:41:53,543 --> 00:41:57,343
Watched a lot of retarded people.
Spent time with them. Observed them.
700
00:41:58,648 --> 00:42:00,809
Watched all the retarded stuff they did.
701
00:42:00,917 --> 00:42:02,680
Then again,
I always found mere observation
702
00:42:02,786 --> 00:42:05,084
in and of itself is a tad rudimentary.
703
00:42:05,188 --> 00:42:08,248
Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper
to mine the true emotional pay dirt.
704
00:42:08,358 --> 00:42:12,692
Thus, we can diagram the source
of the pain and then live it, you know.
705
00:42:12,796 --> 00:42:14,855
Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly.
706
00:42:14,964 --> 00:42:17,694
You know, there were times
when I was doing Jack
707
00:42:17,801 --> 00:42:20,269
that I actually felt retarded,
708
00:42:20,370 --> 00:42:21,735
- like really retarded.
- Oh, yeah.
709
00:42:21,838 --> 00:42:24,033
I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded,
710
00:42:24,140 --> 00:42:25,937
- I rode the bus retarded.
- Damn.
711
00:42:26,042 --> 00:42:29,273
In a weird way,
I had to sort of just free myself up
712
00:42:29,379 --> 00:42:32,348
to believe that it was okay
to be stupid or dumb.
713
00:42:32,449 --> 00:42:34,007
- To be a moron.
- Yeah.
714
00:42:34,117 --> 00:42:36,847
- To be moronical.
- Exactly, to be a moron.
715
00:42:36,953 --> 00:42:38,318
- An imbecile.
- Yeah.
716
00:42:38,421 --> 00:42:41,288
Like the dumbest motherfucker
that ever lived.
717
00:42:41,391 --> 00:42:42,551
When I was playing the character.
718
00:42:42,659 --> 00:42:45,253
- When you was the character.
- Yeah, as Jack, definitely.
719
00:42:45,362 --> 00:42:47,557
Jack, stupid ass Jack.
720
00:42:47,664 --> 00:42:48,926
Trying to come back from that.
721
00:42:49,032 --> 00:42:53,162
In a weird way it was almost like
I had to sort of fool my mind
722
00:42:53,269 --> 00:42:56,238
into believing that it wasn't retarded,
723
00:42:56,339 --> 00:42:58,068
and by the end of the whole thing,
I was like,
724
00:42:58,174 --> 00:43:02,702
"Wait a minute, I flushed so much out,
how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?"
725
00:43:02,812 --> 00:43:04,871
- It's just like... Right?
- Yeah.
726
00:43:04,981 --> 00:43:07,745
You was farting in bathtubs
and laughing your ass off.
727
00:43:07,851 --> 00:43:09,716
Yeah.
728
00:43:09,819 --> 00:43:12,117
But Simple Jack thought he was smart,
729
00:43:12,222 --> 00:43:13,519
or rather, didn't think he was retarded,
730
00:43:13,623 --> 00:43:16,490
so you can't afford to play retarded,
being a smart actor.
731
00:43:16,593 --> 00:43:19,084
Playing a guy who ain't smart
but thinks he is,
732
00:43:19,195 --> 00:43:20,822
- that's tricky.
- Tricky.
733
00:43:20,930 --> 00:43:24,457
It's like working with mercury.
It's high science, man. It's an art form.
734
00:43:24,567 --> 00:43:26,592
- Yeah.
- You an artist.
735
00:43:26,703 --> 00:43:28,500
- That's what we do, right? Yeah.
- Yeah.
736
00:43:28,605 --> 00:43:29,867
Hats off for going there,
737
00:43:29,973 --> 00:43:32,703
especially knowing how
the Academy is about that shit.
738
00:43:36,413 --> 00:43:39,940
- About what?
- You're serious? You don't know?
739
00:43:42,152 --> 00:43:44,177
Everybody knows
you never go full retard.
740
00:43:45,722 --> 00:43:47,815
- What do you mean?
- Check it out.
741
00:43:47,957 --> 00:43:52,053
Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked
retarded, act retarded, not retarded.
742
00:43:52,162 --> 00:43:56,258
Count toothpicks, cheat at cards.
Autistic, sure. Not retarded.
743
00:43:57,133 --> 00:43:58,998
Then you got Tom Hanks,
Forrest Gump.
744
00:43:59,102 --> 00:44:01,400
Slow, yes, retarded, maybe,
braces on his legs.
745
00:44:01,504 --> 00:44:04,405
But he charmed the pants off Nixon,
and he won a Ping-Pong competition.
746
00:44:04,507 --> 00:44:05,531
That ain't retarded.
747
00:44:05,675 --> 00:44:09,611
And he was a goddamn war hero.
You know any retarded war heroes?
748
00:44:11,548 --> 00:44:13,539
You went full retard, man.
749
00:44:15,084 --> 00:44:16,449
Never go full retard.
750
00:44:17,454 --> 00:44:21,015
You don't buy that?
Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.
751
00:44:21,124 --> 00:44:24,423
Remember? Went full retard?
Went home empty-handed.
752
00:44:34,270 --> 00:44:37,467
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
753
00:44:38,141 --> 00:44:40,837
Good job, turd. You killed the director.
754
00:44:40,944 --> 00:44:42,206
No, that's impossible, man.
755
00:44:42,312 --> 00:44:45,179
I rigged the whole tree line,
and this is here.
756
00:44:45,315 --> 00:44:46,839
- He must have missed his mark.
- Missed his mark?
757
00:44:46,950 --> 00:44:48,178
Yeah, this isn't me.
758
00:44:48,284 --> 00:44:51,082
Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard
and get back to the hotel.
759
00:44:51,187 --> 00:44:53,883
- You're in a world of hurt, dumbo!
- We're in a world of hurt!
760
00:44:53,990 --> 00:44:56,185
- You're in trouble.
- This isn't just on me!
761
00:44:56,292 --> 00:44:58,522
- We're in a... We're together on this.
- Bullshit.
762
00:44:58,628 --> 00:45:00,095
You're just gonna run away.
You're gonna leave.
763
00:45:00,196 --> 00:45:01,857
What happened to,
"No man left behind," okay?
764
00:45:01,965 --> 00:45:04,229
Just wait, just wait! Listen!
Listen, okay?
765
00:45:04,334 --> 00:45:07,064
- I don't wanna hear it.
- Let me just be real with you, all right?
766
00:45:07,170 --> 00:45:10,469
I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis
on Freaky Friday, okay?
767
00:45:10,573 --> 00:45:11,904
This shit will fucking ruin me!
768
00:45:12,008 --> 00:45:13,908
- Just get off me! You're pathetic.
- No, I'm not.
769
00:45:14,010 --> 00:45:16,478
- Get off me!
- You are not going back!
770
00:45:19,849 --> 00:45:21,783
- What the fuck?
- Now wait a minute.
771
00:45:32,161 --> 00:45:34,857
So, what?
We're just supposed to keep walking?
772
00:45:34,964 --> 00:45:37,831
Try to stay in character.
Remember, we're on camera.
773
00:45:37,967 --> 00:45:38,934
This thing's too heavy.
774
00:45:39,035 --> 00:45:40,468
I want the rubber one
that the prop guy gave me.
775
00:45:40,570 --> 00:45:42,834
Where's the fucking prop guy?
776
00:45:47,810 --> 00:45:50,404
How's it going with that map, chief?
777
00:45:50,513 --> 00:45:53,107
- Can I have a look at it?
- I got it.
778
00:45:53,216 --> 00:45:54,774
Yeah, Damien gave it to me,
remember?
779
00:45:54,884 --> 00:45:56,374
Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.
780
00:45:56,486 --> 00:45:58,113
- Yeah.
- Okay.
781
00:45:58,221 --> 00:46:00,746
- I got it.
- You got it upside down.
782
00:46:00,890 --> 00:46:01,857
Thank you.
783
00:46:01,991 --> 00:46:03,549
Letters go one way
and the numbers another.
784
00:46:03,660 --> 00:46:05,218
Dude, I'm trying to...
I got your back, man.
785
00:46:05,328 --> 00:46:07,091
- Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool.
- You are?
786
00:46:07,196 --> 00:46:09,061
Is your character dyslexic?
787
00:46:09,165 --> 00:46:10,894
- No, my character's not dyslexic.
- So you a cartographer.
788
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:12,831
I'm tired, I want to go home.
789
00:46:12,936 --> 00:46:15,461
Why, so you can get back and make
Fatties: Fart 20, or some shit?
790
00:46:15,572 --> 00:46:18,507
It's Fatties: Fart Two, there's no... Hey,
you wish you had a Fatties franchise.
791
00:46:18,608 --> 00:46:19,836
- What?
- It's Fatties: Fart Two.
792
00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:21,171
- Yeah, you do.
- I don't want no Fatties franchise,
793
00:46:21,277 --> 00:46:23,677
- I got a diamond toilet.
- Your stupid-ass commercials.
794
00:46:23,780 --> 00:46:25,247
You're all fucked up, man,
you look tired.
795
00:46:25,348 --> 00:46:26,474
You look like you bumped your head
or something,
796
00:46:26,583 --> 00:46:28,414
so I came over to see
if you're fucking all right, that's all.
797
00:46:28,518 --> 00:46:30,543
- Yeah, why don't you get on point?
- I'm on point right here.
798
00:46:30,653 --> 00:46:31,677
...my farts
are fucking more beautiful than...
799
00:46:31,788 --> 00:46:34,348
You still got that shit upside down.
800
00:46:34,958 --> 00:46:36,357
The numbers help, man, the numbers...
801
00:46:36,459 --> 00:46:38,689
The letters go across the top
and then the numbers.
802
00:46:38,795 --> 00:46:40,353
- Want the map?
- Yeah, I want the fucking map.
803
00:46:40,463 --> 00:46:41,896
Well, you can't have it,
'cause Damien gave it me.
804
00:46:41,998 --> 00:46:45,161
You wish you had my farts,
my farts are fucking music.
805
00:46:45,268 --> 00:46:47,634
All right. That's enough.
806
00:46:49,105 --> 00:46:52,836
Everybody's obviously a little bushed
from all this humping.
807
00:46:53,443 --> 00:46:55,934
So take a chow break. Chow break!
808
00:46:57,747 --> 00:46:59,305
But stay alert.
809
00:46:59,882 --> 00:47:03,374
Remember, Charlie don't care
if you're on break or not.
810
00:47:08,458 --> 00:47:11,393
All right, that's lunch. Coming back
to the same scene afterwards,
811
00:47:11,494 --> 00:47:12,859
"Lost in the goddamn jungle."
812
00:47:12,962 --> 00:47:13,929
Captain Simple Jack.
813
00:47:14,931 --> 00:47:15,693
Fuck you.
814
00:47:24,841 --> 00:47:26,399
I fucking hate movies.
815
00:47:28,745 --> 00:47:31,578
This is bullshit.
I don't wanna be in this shitty movie.
816
00:47:41,424 --> 00:47:44,188
No! That's my jellybeans! No!
817
00:47:44,293 --> 00:47:48,957
Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!
818
00:47:49,065 --> 00:47:52,330
- Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut.
- You go to hell! There he is.
819
00:47:55,772 --> 00:47:58,707
God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?
820
00:47:59,676 --> 00:48:01,974
You little piece of shit!
I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off!
821
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,106
Sanducci. Hold up, man,
keep it on the down-low.
822
00:48:08,518 --> 00:48:10,748
I don't really gotta piss.
I'm trying to talk at you, man.
823
00:48:10,853 --> 00:48:12,480
Bait, I need bait.
824
00:48:13,623 --> 00:48:17,320
You went to boot camp, right?
You can read a map?
825
00:48:17,427 --> 00:48:18,655
Yeah, I think so.
826
00:48:18,761 --> 00:48:21,457
I know Speedman
got everyone convinced we out here
827
00:48:21,564 --> 00:48:25,364
making Planet of the Apes on YouTube
or some shit, but I don't buy it.
828
00:48:25,468 --> 00:48:27,936
You wanna step on a real landmine?
You wanna die?
829
00:48:28,738 --> 00:48:30,433
You wanna get shot
by a real motherfucker?
830
00:48:30,540 --> 00:48:33,703
- Keep looking ahead, man.
- No, of course not.
831
00:48:34,110 --> 00:48:36,271
Trying to get home, man.
832
00:48:36,379 --> 00:48:38,040
Got a big job coming up next year.
833
00:48:38,147 --> 00:48:39,580
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
834
00:48:39,682 --> 00:48:42,207
It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes
Booth when they were both young.
835
00:48:42,318 --> 00:48:43,410
- Oh, wow!
- Yeah.
836
00:48:43,519 --> 00:48:46,010
- That's a classy picture.
- Dude, you kind of look like Abe.
837
00:48:46,122 --> 00:48:47,589
Slap a beard on you.
838
00:48:47,690 --> 00:48:49,715
- What's your fucking name?
- Really? It's Kevin.
839
00:48:49,826 --> 00:48:51,817
- Kevin Sandusky.
- Yeah.
840
00:48:52,495 --> 00:48:56,056
If I can put that map in your hands,
can I count on you?
841
00:48:56,466 --> 00:48:59,993
- Well, yeah, I guess you can.
- Dynamite. I'm out.
842
00:49:03,673 --> 00:49:06,107
That smelled just like bologna
for some reason.
843
00:49:06,209 --> 00:49:08,734
Is anyone gonna fucking help me
get this fucking thing?
844
00:49:09,445 --> 00:49:12,005
Why are they even out in the daytime?
845
00:49:14,217 --> 00:49:18,654
I'm gonna level with you, bro.
I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.
846
00:49:24,894 --> 00:49:28,660
Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.
847
00:49:30,867 --> 00:49:32,596
He's way out on a limb
with this character,
848
00:49:32,702 --> 00:49:34,533
and I think he's getting cold feet.
849
00:49:35,838 --> 00:49:38,636
And the men respect you,
'cause you went to boot camp
850
00:49:38,741 --> 00:49:40,368
and rehearsal.
851
00:49:41,410 --> 00:49:43,935
- Can I count on you, Kyle.
- It's Kevin.
852
00:49:44,046 --> 00:49:45,104
Good.
853
00:49:46,682 --> 00:49:49,549
If you want
I could give the map a look-see.
854
00:49:49,652 --> 00:49:51,813
- I'll handle the map.
- Okay.
855
00:49:51,921 --> 00:49:55,152
You stick with the program,
we get this movie in the can,
856
00:49:55,258 --> 00:49:58,955
I'm thinking there could be
a Teen Choice Award in it for you.
857
00:49:59,061 --> 00:50:03,259
You have that potential.
They'll slime you, the whole deal.
858
00:50:03,366 --> 00:50:06,995
- Yeah, that's wicked.
- Good.
859
00:50:12,909 --> 00:50:15,002
There it is! Yeah, now you're dead!
860
00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:17,407
You O.D.'d!
861
00:50:18,981 --> 00:50:20,312
Hold up now, Jeff.
862
00:50:22,718 --> 00:50:24,117
Fucking hell!
863
00:50:25,755 --> 00:50:28,815
What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man!
864
00:50:28,925 --> 00:50:31,393
I don't have any more jellybeans.
865
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,797
You land there!
866
00:50:54,717 --> 00:50:57,117
Wow. Look at these ruins.
867
00:50:59,288 --> 00:51:03,725
- Where the hell are we?
- D'ang Kwook River.
868
00:51:03,826 --> 00:51:06,192
That so? How do you know that?
How you sure?
869
00:51:06,295 --> 00:51:08,490
Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go.
870
00:51:08,598 --> 00:51:13,695
Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now.
Seriously, my skin hurts!
871
00:51:13,803 --> 00:51:16,237
Enough from the peanut gallery!
Into the water, ladies!
872
00:51:16,339 --> 00:51:18,407
No, man. Let me take a look at that map
right quick.
873
00:51:18,574 --> 00:51:20,166
Why is everybody
all obsessed with the map?
874
00:51:20,276 --> 00:51:22,301
'Cause we're tired
of being your trail donkeys!
875
00:51:22,411 --> 00:51:24,811
Acting like you some one-man GPS!
876
00:51:24,914 --> 00:51:28,782
God damn it! We lost!
We fucking super lost, man!
877
00:51:28,885 --> 00:51:31,012
Tell him, McClusky.
Tell him what time it is.
878
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:32,678
I don't believe you people.
879
00:51:34,423 --> 00:51:36,118
What do you mean "you people"?
880
00:51:38,794 --> 00:51:41,388
What do you mean, "you people"?
881
00:51:41,497 --> 00:51:43,488
I think what Tugg means is...
882
00:51:43,599 --> 00:51:44,964
No, look at his eyes, man.
883
00:51:45,067 --> 00:51:47,797
...you people, you actors. You people...
- Look at them beady, white devil eyes.
884
00:51:47,904 --> 00:51:49,428
I gotta get back to the hotel, for real!
885
00:51:49,538 --> 00:51:51,506
- Hell, no!
- Silence!
886
00:51:52,541 --> 00:51:55,203
Chill! All right? Just chill it.
887
00:51:56,712 --> 00:51:59,909
Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.
888
00:52:00,750 --> 00:52:02,308
- "Viet Cong"!
- What?
889
00:52:02,818 --> 00:52:05,844
It's "Viet Cong." There's no "S."
It's already plural.
890
00:52:05,955 --> 00:52:07,547
You wouldn't say "Chineses."
891
00:52:08,925 --> 00:52:11,359
All right, that's enough
of this insubordination!
892
00:52:11,460 --> 00:52:14,258
If the machine breaks down,
we break down.
893
00:52:14,363 --> 00:52:16,888
Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I,
he was big but a little puffy
894
00:52:16,999 --> 00:52:18,591
and then Rambo II,
he got all shredded up?
895
00:52:18,701 --> 00:52:21,568
- Yeah.
- That's kind of how you look right now.
896
00:52:21,671 --> 00:52:23,229
- Yeah?
- Not Rambo I but II.
897
00:52:23,339 --> 00:52:25,068
- Really?
- Yeah, when he was cut up.
898
00:52:25,174 --> 00:52:27,540
I'm not that... I mean,
that's what I'm going for, but you know...
899
00:52:27,643 --> 00:52:30,339
Come on, dude. You more shredded
than a julienne salad, man.
900
00:52:30,446 --> 00:52:31,936
- Thanks.
- What's the secret, dude?
901
00:52:32,048 --> 00:52:33,413
- It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
- Really?
902
00:52:33,516 --> 00:52:36,508
'Cause I'm trying to come up a little,
but it's just... It's tough.
903
00:52:36,619 --> 00:52:38,109
- You look good.
- Any tips?
904
00:52:38,220 --> 00:52:39,915
- What?
- Any tips, you got?
905
00:52:40,022 --> 00:52:41,148
There's, like, the pineapple...
906
00:52:41,257 --> 00:52:43,555
- Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you!
- Hey!
907
00:52:43,659 --> 00:52:45,251
- Hey!
- All right, now!
908
00:52:45,361 --> 00:52:47,795
What it is, Sikorski?
Tell us where we really at.
909
00:52:47,897 --> 00:52:49,888
That's fucking bullshit!
It's a chump move.
910
00:52:50,300 --> 00:52:52,234
We just getting a second opinion, doc.
911
00:52:54,070 --> 00:52:55,332
We're going the wrong way!
912
00:52:55,438 --> 00:52:56,530
- Damn!
- Son of a bitch.
913
00:52:56,640 --> 00:53:01,100
God! I think we were
supposed to be doing this,
914
00:53:01,211 --> 00:53:04,112
and instead we did this.
915
00:53:04,214 --> 00:53:07,843
Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit!
916
00:53:07,951 --> 00:53:10,476
Think you can get us back
to that drop zone, boy?
917
00:53:11,421 --> 00:53:12,820
This is not cool!
918
00:53:15,525 --> 00:53:16,651
Maybe.
919
00:53:18,094 --> 00:53:19,584
This is insane!
920
00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:23,196
Are you really going
to abandon this movie?
921
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:26,195
We're supposed to be a unit!
922
00:53:26,303 --> 00:53:27,827
Suck my unit!
923
00:53:28,705 --> 00:53:30,502
All right, fine.
924
00:53:30,607 --> 00:53:35,510
- I'll finish it by myself.
- You go be all you can be, man.
925
00:53:35,612 --> 00:53:37,603
Tugg, you have no idea
where you're going!
926
00:53:37,714 --> 00:53:39,511
Yes, I do!
927
00:53:39,616 --> 00:53:44,144
I'm going to, "Exterior, rain forest, dusk.
928
00:53:44,254 --> 00:53:48,714
"Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks
alone through a frightening jungle."
929
00:53:48,825 --> 00:53:50,759
Suck on that unit, Kirk!
930
00:54:04,341 --> 00:54:07,333
Come on, men. Let's get home.
931
00:54:45,515 --> 00:54:50,179
Hello, Mr. Mantis. You're beautiful.
932
00:54:52,455 --> 00:54:54,389
Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo
933
00:54:54,491 --> 00:54:56,220
where Hollywood
was split into schisms,
934
00:54:56,326 --> 00:54:59,727
some studios backing Blu-ray Disc,
others backing HD DVD.
935
00:54:59,829 --> 00:55:00,921
People thought it would come down to
936
00:55:01,030 --> 00:55:03,294
pixel rate or refresh rate,
and they're pretty much the same.
937
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:07,200
What it came down to was
a combination of gamers and porn.
938
00:55:07,303 --> 00:55:09,032
Now, whichever format porno backs
939
00:55:09,139 --> 00:55:12,973
is usually the one
that becomes the most successful.
940
00:55:13,076 --> 00:55:16,068
But, you know, Sony,
every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it.
941
00:55:16,179 --> 00:55:17,908
You talking to me this whole time?
942
00:55:18,648 --> 00:55:19,945
I was talking to whoever
was listening to me.
943
00:55:20,049 --> 00:55:21,516
Jesus Christ, man!
944
00:55:39,936 --> 00:55:41,995
Booty Sweat.
945
00:55:48,044 --> 00:55:49,443
Oh, God!
946
00:55:51,681 --> 00:55:56,243
It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.
947
00:55:56,352 --> 00:55:58,547
You want my flak jacket?
948
00:55:58,655 --> 00:56:02,523
What, are you insane? It's boiling!
It's like a sweat lodge out here!
949
00:56:02,625 --> 00:56:05,458
Keep the volume down on that bitching,
Flatch Adams.
950
00:56:05,562 --> 00:56:07,462
I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!
951
00:56:07,564 --> 00:56:09,532
- How we doing? We making good time?
- We're making good time,
952
00:56:09,632 --> 00:56:12,760
but there's no way we make it
over that ridge before sundown.
953
00:56:12,869 --> 00:56:15,360
All right, fellas,
we're gonna make camp, rest up!
954
00:56:15,472 --> 00:56:17,770
- Oh, God.
- Y'all might be in for a treat.
955
00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:19,273
You know,
back before the war broked out,
956
00:56:19,375 --> 00:56:22,105
I was a saucier in San Antone.
957
00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:24,840
I bet I could collar up
some of them greens.
958
00:56:24,948 --> 00:56:29,248
Yeah, noodle some crawfish
out the paddy, yo.
959
00:56:29,352 --> 00:56:33,379
And maybe some crab apples
for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah!
960
00:56:34,724 --> 00:56:35,986
Hell, yeah!
961
00:56:36,092 --> 00:56:40,290
That's how we all talk.
We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh.
962
00:56:40,396 --> 00:56:45,629
Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs.
963
00:56:45,735 --> 00:56:50,604
You're Australian! Be Australian!
Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack.
964
00:56:54,844 --> 00:56:57,244
I get excited about my foods, man.
965
00:58:22,865 --> 00:58:25,299
Die!
966
00:58:39,215 --> 00:58:41,308
No!
967
00:58:47,857 --> 00:58:52,157
Dude, dude, what the hell
is going on here? Where are we?
968
00:58:52,261 --> 00:58:54,661
I have no idea.
969
00:58:54,764 --> 00:58:57,324
I've never been outside the States.
970
00:58:57,433 --> 00:58:59,594
Wait, what?
Are you fucking kidding me?
971
00:58:59,702 --> 00:59:01,693
Did you make this
whole goddamn thing up?
972
00:59:01,804 --> 00:59:03,169
Dude, were you
even in the fucking service?
973
00:59:03,272 --> 00:59:05,934
Yes. Of course. Coast Guard.
974
00:59:06,042 --> 00:59:07,942
- Coast Guard.
- Sanitation Department.
975
00:59:08,044 --> 00:59:10,740
Oh, my God!
You're a fucking garbage man!
976
00:59:10,847 --> 00:59:14,578
Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me
and the whole goddamn U.S. Of A.
977
00:59:14,684 --> 00:59:17,346
I wrote the book as a tribute!
I'm a patriot!
978
00:59:17,453 --> 00:59:19,512
Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli
of patriots, okay?
979
00:59:19,622 --> 00:59:21,317
You lied
about fighting the Vietnam War.
980
00:59:21,424 --> 00:59:24,689
It's like punching the American flag
in the face, God damn it.
981
00:59:24,794 --> 00:59:26,227
God, and to think I believed in you!
982
00:59:26,329 --> 00:59:28,695
- I don't wanna be next to you.
- Writers lie all the time.
983
00:59:28,798 --> 00:59:30,925
Can I be tied to another post? Okay.
984
00:59:52,243 --> 00:59:54,074
- Rick?
- Tugg.
985
00:59:54,178 --> 00:59:56,237
I killed one, Rick.
986
00:59:57,381 --> 00:59:59,781
The thing I love most in the world.
987
00:59:59,883 --> 01:00:01,714
Vivica, get off the line now!
988
01:00:04,021 --> 01:00:06,421
A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker.
989
01:00:06,523 --> 01:00:08,582
Calm down.
Here's what you're gonna do.
990
01:00:08,692 --> 01:00:09,852
Get your hands on some bleach,
991
01:00:09,960 --> 01:00:12,326
some hydrogen peroxide
and a shitload of lime.
992
01:00:12,429 --> 01:00:13,919
No, a panda.
993
01:00:14,031 --> 01:00:15,794
I killed a panda.
994
01:00:15,899 --> 01:00:17,696
Amanda? Come on, dude.
995
01:00:17,801 --> 01:00:19,826
I mean,
that's probably not even her real name.
996
01:00:19,937 --> 01:00:21,598
No, a panda!
997
01:00:21,705 --> 01:00:23,070
A panda?
998
01:00:23,173 --> 01:00:25,767
A sweet, cuddly,
999
01:00:25,876 --> 01:00:27,810
vicious little panda.
1000
01:00:27,945 --> 01:00:30,880
Jesus Christ, Tugg!
Man, don't scare me like that!
1001
01:00:30,981 --> 01:00:32,141
It's beautiful here.
1002
01:00:32,249 --> 01:00:33,739
You on the set?
1003
01:00:33,851 --> 01:00:35,113
I am the set.
1004
01:00:35,219 --> 01:00:38,188
All right, man.
Hey, how's the TiVo working out?
1005
01:00:38,289 --> 01:00:39,517
Screw TiVo.
1006
01:00:39,623 --> 01:00:42,091
I'm way beyond TiVo.
1007
01:00:42,192 --> 01:00:44,285
Last I checked,
they hadn't hooked it up, though.
1008
01:00:44,395 --> 01:00:47,694
Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo?
1009
01:00:47,798 --> 01:00:49,629
It doesn't matter anymore.
1010
01:00:52,469 --> 01:00:53,936
I've moved on.
1011
01:00:54,672 --> 01:00:56,401
Where have you moved on to?
1012
01:00:56,507 --> 01:00:57,997
Another agency?
1013
01:00:59,543 --> 01:01:01,067
Who's with you?
1014
01:01:01,178 --> 01:01:03,339
It's Nick Stevens, isn't it?
That little fucker.
1015
01:01:03,447 --> 01:01:07,543
You are still my client, Tugg Speedman!
I am getting the TiVo!
1016
01:01:07,651 --> 01:01:09,846
Jacket's on, I'm out the door!
1017
01:01:09,953 --> 01:01:11,011
Tugg?
1018
01:01:14,325 --> 01:01:15,622
Please don't fire me.
1019
01:01:16,493 --> 01:01:17,687
I did it, I did it!
1020
01:01:17,795 --> 01:01:20,127
Vivica, what do I have scheduled
this afternoon?
1021
01:01:20,230 --> 01:01:23,097
- Two and a Half Men taping.
- Shit.
1022
01:01:24,101 --> 01:01:25,125
Cancel it.
1023
01:01:25,235 --> 01:01:26,896
And get me Tugg's Tropic Thunder
contract.
1024
01:01:27,004 --> 01:01:30,132
I'm going to Grossman's office,
I'm playing the card.
1025
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:31,207
Okay.
1026
01:01:34,812 --> 01:01:37,713
Oh, mama. Thirsty.
1027
01:01:37,848 --> 01:01:39,907
He doesn't look too good.
1028
01:01:40,017 --> 01:01:45,045
Must drink,
so I can throw something up!
1029
01:01:45,155 --> 01:01:47,282
No, no. Don't drink that water!
That water's like a petri dish!
1030
01:01:47,391 --> 01:01:48,483
No, don't!
1031
01:01:48,592 --> 01:01:51,117
Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?
1032
01:01:51,228 --> 01:01:53,594
Yeah, get him chugging on
some of Alpa's ass water.
1033
01:01:53,697 --> 01:01:55,631
That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all.
1034
01:01:55,733 --> 01:01:57,633
Man, what you coming out
in movies for anyway?
1035
01:01:57,735 --> 01:01:59,396
Did you need another revenue stream?
1036
01:01:59,503 --> 01:02:02,301
For your information,
my revenue stream
1037
01:02:02,406 --> 01:02:04,738
currently generates $2 million a year
1038
01:02:04,842 --> 01:02:06,776
in charitable contributions
for my community.
1039
01:02:06,877 --> 01:02:09,209
- Hot damn.
- And why am I in this movie?
1040
01:02:09,313 --> 01:02:11,645
Maybe I just knew I had to represent,
1041
01:02:11,749 --> 01:02:13,546
because they had one good part
in it for a black man
1042
01:02:13,650 --> 01:02:15,709
and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.
1043
01:02:17,321 --> 01:02:20,882
Pump your brakes, kid.
That man is a national treasure.
1044
01:02:20,991 --> 01:02:23,118
I just wanted to throw another shrimp
on your barbie.
1045
01:02:23,227 --> 01:02:24,353
That shit ain't funny.
1046
01:02:24,461 --> 01:02:27,157
Hey, fellas! It's hot!
We're tired! It stinks!
1047
01:02:27,264 --> 01:02:28,822
I'm just fucking with you,
Kangaroo Jack!
1048
01:02:28,932 --> 01:02:30,661
I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.
1049
01:02:30,768 --> 01:02:33,236
You know that's a true story?
Lady lost her kid.
1050
01:02:33,337 --> 01:02:35,999
- You about to cross some fucking lines.
- Guys, relax and stuff.
1051
01:02:36,106 --> 01:02:37,164
You know what? Fuck that, man!
1052
01:02:37,274 --> 01:02:39,936
I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger
telling me...
1053
01:02:44,681 --> 01:02:46,239
For 400 years,
1054
01:02:47,284 --> 01:02:50,185
that word has kept us down.
1055
01:02:51,255 --> 01:02:52,882
What the fuck?
1056
01:02:52,990 --> 01:02:56,756
It took a whole lot of trying
just to get up that hill.
1057
01:02:56,860 --> 01:02:59,761
Now we up in the big leagues,
1058
01:02:59,863 --> 01:03:01,626
getting our turn at bat.
1059
01:03:01,732 --> 01:03:04,394
Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.
1060
01:03:05,068 --> 01:03:08,401
That's the theme song for
The Jeffersons. You really need help.
1061
01:03:08,505 --> 01:03:11,633
Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song,
don't make it not true.
1062
01:03:11,742 --> 01:03:13,676
You know what?
I'm gonna tell you what's true.
1063
01:03:13,777 --> 01:03:17,213
I'm gonna tag you back.
You better believe that, baby.
1064
01:03:17,314 --> 01:03:19,908
Guys! Hey, guys!
1065
01:03:20,517 --> 01:03:22,985
Jeff, stay away from that animal.
1066
01:03:25,355 --> 01:03:28,188
I'm gonna bite his hide. I need...
1067
01:03:29,226 --> 01:03:32,491
I need to wear his stomach skin
like a unitard.
1068
01:03:33,464 --> 01:03:36,763
Ain't nobody doing nothing
to no one or body!
1069
01:03:36,867 --> 01:03:41,736
Now, if Mr. Portnoy is feeling
a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk,
1070
01:03:41,839 --> 01:03:43,898
put him up on that cloven-hoof animal!
1071
01:03:45,275 --> 01:03:46,572
We got ground to cover!
1072
01:04:15,572 --> 01:04:18,837
All right, POW camp, scene 67.
1073
01:04:19,743 --> 01:04:21,472
Bring it on, Cockburn!
1074
01:04:29,553 --> 01:04:31,987
Maybe he's not, you know,
Ridley Scott or something,
1075
01:04:32,089 --> 01:04:33,886
but I think Renny Harlin's
a tremendous filmmaker
1076
01:04:33,991 --> 01:04:36,789
like, Adventures of Ford Fairlane,
you know,
1077
01:04:36,894 --> 01:04:40,523
as far as an Andrew Dice Clay
vehicle goes, it's pretty decent.
1078
01:04:40,631 --> 01:04:43,065
And Cliffhanger.
Cliffhanger's incredible.
1079
01:04:43,166 --> 01:04:46,624
As far as the whole like,
man against nature type of movies go,
1080
01:04:46,737 --> 01:04:48,898
it's absolutely amazing.
1081
01:04:49,006 --> 01:04:50,906
Shut the fuck up!
1082
01:04:55,546 --> 01:04:57,207
Who send you here?
1083
01:04:57,314 --> 01:05:01,944
Tayback, John, Sergeant,
United States Army.
1084
01:05:02,686 --> 01:05:08,090
Serial number 694529987.
1085
01:05:11,895 --> 01:05:14,887
Perhaps some hot tea
will make conversing
1086
01:05:14,998 --> 01:05:16,761
a little easier.
1087
01:05:20,537 --> 01:05:22,630
My leader's not quite as cordial.
1088
01:05:26,109 --> 01:05:28,976
Look, what? I just thought you might
like some hot tea
1089
01:05:29,079 --> 01:05:32,606
- in order to calm your nerves.
- Tayback, John, Sergeant,
1090
01:05:32,749 --> 01:05:37,709
United States Army, 694529987.
1091
01:05:38,555 --> 01:05:44,084
And here's a little message
from my Uncle Sam.
1092
01:05:49,733 --> 01:05:52,099
Dude, you all right?
1093
01:05:52,202 --> 01:05:53,635
Man you totally leaned into that.
1094
01:05:53,737 --> 01:05:56,797
I was pulling it back
and you just came in too...
1095
01:05:56,907 --> 01:05:59,102
Hey, it was an accident, man.
1096
01:06:01,645 --> 01:06:03,579
Come on, good.
You want to keep going?
1097
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:05,272
- Let's go.
- Get up.
1098
01:06:05,382 --> 01:06:06,974
I rather rot in your V.C. Jail!
1099
01:06:07,084 --> 01:06:10,952
I'll never bend to your will!
You scum! You scum!
1100
01:06:11,054 --> 01:06:13,079
Now say this
and go to the beginning again,
1101
01:06:13,190 --> 01:06:14,953
let's do the tea part, okay?
1102
01:06:16,493 --> 01:06:17,926
Dude, I hope you're not pissed.
1103
01:06:18,261 --> 01:06:20,058
I see moss on both sides of that tree.
1104
01:06:20,163 --> 01:06:23,291
Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't
the only one at boot camp...
1105
01:06:23,400 --> 01:06:25,300
My belly really hurts, you guys!
1106
01:06:25,402 --> 01:06:27,597
I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous.
1107
01:06:27,704 --> 01:06:29,934
Let me off, I gotta puke!
I don't wanna die like Hendrix!
1108
01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:31,701
All right. All right.
1109
01:06:36,279 --> 01:06:38,270
Are you okay, Jeff?
1110
01:06:38,382 --> 01:06:39,747
I'm awesome.
1111
01:06:42,152 --> 01:06:43,619
Holy shit!
1112
01:06:48,158 --> 01:06:50,319
Okay. Everyone, down, down, down.
1113
01:06:55,032 --> 01:06:56,522
Man. Now I'm tripping.
1114
01:06:56,633 --> 01:06:59,261
That looks like the POW camp
from out the script, yo.
1115
01:07:00,137 --> 01:07:01,832
Speedman was right?
1116
01:07:01,938 --> 01:07:03,303
I don't think so.
1117
01:07:03,407 --> 01:07:05,637
Look at the cooking vats,
the armed guards.
1118
01:07:07,244 --> 01:07:09,337
Looks like a heroin processing plant.
1119
01:07:10,447 --> 01:07:11,573
We were in that chopper for hours.
1120
01:07:11,682 --> 01:07:13,946
I don't even think
we're in Vietnam anymore.
1121
01:07:14,051 --> 01:07:16,485
- Fuck.
- Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam?
1122
01:07:16,586 --> 01:07:19,350
No, most likely Myanmar or Laos.
1123
01:07:19,456 --> 01:07:21,014
What the fuck is Laos?
1124
01:07:21,124 --> 01:07:22,284
It's the Golden Triangle.
1125
01:07:22,392 --> 01:07:24,360
Oh, fuck. We're dead.
1126
01:07:24,461 --> 01:07:26,429
No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV.
1127
01:07:26,530 --> 01:07:30,557
Fucking boats, airplanes,
UFOs and shit, they all just vanish!
1128
01:07:30,667 --> 01:07:33,192
Yo, that's the Bermuda Triangle,
dumbass.
1129
01:07:33,303 --> 01:07:35,669
This is the Golden Triangle.
1130
01:07:35,772 --> 01:07:37,330
It's the world's hard drug superhighway.
1131
01:07:37,441 --> 01:07:38,738
How do you know that?
1132
01:07:38,842 --> 01:07:41,572
It was a really long trip.
I read the in-flight magazine.
1133
01:07:43,380 --> 01:07:44,677
Cut!
1134
01:07:44,781 --> 01:07:46,248
Oh, Jesus!
1135
01:07:46,349 --> 01:07:48,840
What do you see, man? I'm blocked.
1136
01:07:48,952 --> 01:07:50,317
Damien, cut!
1137
01:07:52,089 --> 01:07:53,681
Hey, Damien, cut!
1138
01:07:54,524 --> 01:07:56,185
They got Speedman.
1139
01:07:56,760 --> 01:07:58,193
And it doesn't look good.
1140
01:08:30,861 --> 01:08:32,158
I am Tran.
1141
01:08:33,130 --> 01:08:35,291
You are a trespasser in my poppy fields.
1142
01:08:36,700 --> 01:08:39,328
You are D.E.A. Scum!
1143
01:08:41,271 --> 01:08:44,707
Were there some re-writes
that I missed?
1144
01:08:51,014 --> 01:08:52,504
Do you want to die?
1145
01:08:53,283 --> 01:08:54,750
- Do you?
- No!
1146
01:08:54,851 --> 01:08:58,981
Please, don't hurt me!
1147
01:09:06,863 --> 01:09:08,057
Say that again.
1148
01:09:09,065 --> 01:09:10,862
Please, don't hurt me.
1149
01:09:10,967 --> 01:09:14,061
No! Like you did before! Say it!
1150
01:09:15,038 --> 01:09:16,027
Say it!
1151
01:09:16,139 --> 01:09:20,132
Please, don't hurt me!
1152
01:09:35,759 --> 01:09:38,353
- What?
- You are Simple Jack.
1153
01:09:41,331 --> 01:09:43,196
You saw Simple Jack?
1154
01:09:43,300 --> 01:09:45,632
We love the tale of this man,
Simple Jack.
1155
01:09:47,337 --> 01:09:49,168
We do not have many luxury here.
1156
01:09:49,272 --> 01:09:51,706
And Simple Jack is the only movie
we possess.
1157
01:09:51,808 --> 01:09:55,642
You got the VHS.
1158
01:09:55,745 --> 01:09:57,804
We've watched it many, many times.
1159
01:09:57,914 --> 01:10:00,382
You should've got Oscar.
1160
01:10:03,420 --> 01:10:05,183
Well, you know. It's...
1161
01:10:06,456 --> 01:10:07,718
Just to be nominated...
1162
01:10:07,824 --> 01:10:09,052
You were nominated?
1163
01:10:09,159 --> 01:10:10,683
No, no, no. I wasn't nominated.
1164
01:10:10,794 --> 01:10:13,957
I'm just saying that to have been
nominated would have been nice.
1165
01:10:14,064 --> 01:10:16,430
It's just... It's very political.
You have to take out ads...
1166
01:10:16,533 --> 01:10:19,024
- Shut up now!
- Okay. Okay.
1167
01:10:19,870 --> 01:10:21,599
So, are you going to
1168
01:10:23,240 --> 01:10:24,867
let me go, or...
1169
01:10:24,975 --> 01:10:27,102
No. We'll hold you for ransom.
1170
01:10:27,210 --> 01:10:29,007
Much more money now!
1171
01:10:40,590 --> 01:10:41,579
He's in a meeting.
1172
01:10:41,691 --> 01:10:44,455
Yeah, I know.
In about two seconds with the Pecker.
1173
01:10:45,495 --> 01:10:47,360
I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off.
1174
01:10:47,464 --> 01:10:50,126
You wanna talk about trouble?
That's trouble.
1175
01:10:50,233 --> 01:10:51,791
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1176
01:10:53,703 --> 01:10:55,603
What do you need, Peck?
1177
01:10:55,705 --> 01:10:58,333
No, more like what do you need, Les?
1178
01:10:58,441 --> 01:10:59,635
Glasses?
1179
01:11:00,710 --> 01:11:01,768
What?
1180
01:11:01,878 --> 01:11:04,369
So you can read
the Tropic Thunder contract
1181
01:11:04,481 --> 01:11:06,881
that guarantees my client,
Tugg Speedman,
1182
01:11:06,983 --> 01:11:10,714
some form of digital video recorder
on location.
1183
01:11:11,488 --> 01:11:13,615
- Huh?
- I can't believe you let him in.
1184
01:11:15,258 --> 01:11:18,091
Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy,
so why don't you get the hell out of here
1185
01:11:18,194 --> 01:11:21,254
before I snap your dick off
and jam it into your ass?
1186
01:11:21,364 --> 01:11:23,389
No, not you, Helen.
1187
01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:27,197
But I will rip your tits off
if you don't get me those theaters.
1188
01:11:27,304 --> 01:11:28,828
Perfect.
1189
01:11:28,939 --> 01:11:31,373
Hey, Tuggernuts,
I've got you on speakerphone.
1190
01:11:31,474 --> 01:11:33,339
I'm standing here with Les Grossman,
1191
01:11:33,443 --> 01:11:36,606
and he is dying to tell you
why he's apparently wiped his ass
1192
01:11:36,713 --> 01:11:39,011
with the TiVo clause from your contract.
1193
01:11:40,216 --> 01:11:42,207
We are Flaming Dragon.
1194
01:11:42,319 --> 01:11:44,685
Speedman is with us now.
1195
01:11:44,788 --> 01:11:48,349
For 50 million, you will get him back.
1196
01:11:48,458 --> 01:11:50,619
- Are you gonna get those...
- Who is this?
1197
01:11:50,727 --> 01:11:53,423
- And how did you get this phone?
- We are Flaming Dragon!
1198
01:11:53,530 --> 01:11:55,430
Simple Jack belong to us now.
1199
01:11:58,168 --> 01:12:00,193
He does, does he?
1200
01:12:00,303 --> 01:12:02,771
Let me tell you something, shitbird.
1201
01:12:02,872 --> 01:12:05,306
I've never even heard
of your little agency.
1202
01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:07,376
But if you think
you can poach my client...
1203
01:12:07,477 --> 01:12:12,005
Send $50 million, or you no see
Simple Jack again because we kill him.
1204
01:12:12,115 --> 01:12:13,605
This is Les Grossman. Who is this?
1205
01:12:13,717 --> 01:12:16,015
This is Flaming Dragon!
1206
01:12:16,119 --> 01:12:18,883
Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface.
1207
01:12:18,989 --> 01:12:23,824
First, take a big step back
and literally fuck your own face!
1208
01:12:25,195 --> 01:12:27,925
Now, I don't know what kind of
pan-Pacific bullshit power play
1209
01:12:28,031 --> 01:12:30,499
you're trying to pull here,
but Asia, Jack, is my territory.
1210
01:12:30,600 --> 01:12:31,897
So whatever you're thinking,
you better think again.
1211
01:12:32,002 --> 01:12:33,367
Otherwise, I'm gonna
have to head down there,
1212
01:12:33,470 --> 01:12:36,837
and I will rain down an ungodly
fucking firestorm upon you.
1213
01:12:36,940 --> 01:12:38,567
You're gonna have to call
the fucking United Nations
1214
01:12:38,675 --> 01:12:42,702
and get a fucking binding resolution
to keep me from fucking destroying you.
1215
01:12:42,812 --> 01:12:45,406
I am talking scorched earth,
motherfucker!
1216
01:12:45,515 --> 01:12:47,278
I will massacre you!
1217
01:12:47,384 --> 01:12:49,318
I will fuck you up!
1218
01:12:57,127 --> 01:12:58,856
- Could you find out who that was? Go.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1219
01:13:34,297 --> 01:13:37,289
You wear these.
More like Simple Jack teeth.
1220
01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:39,129
Okay.
1221
01:13:39,235 --> 01:13:41,897
Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan,
and that's great...
1222
01:13:44,974 --> 01:13:46,601
Put teeth in!
1223
01:13:53,716 --> 01:13:55,581
Now do movie.
1224
01:13:55,685 --> 01:13:57,346
The whole movie?
1225
01:13:57,454 --> 01:13:59,115
I can't. I don't know the whole...
1226
01:13:59,222 --> 01:14:01,713
You perform! You perform or die!
1227
01:14:02,459 --> 01:14:03,949
Monkey swine!
1228
01:14:06,863 --> 01:14:08,262
Pa.
1229
01:14:10,233 --> 01:14:11,598
More stupid!
1230
01:14:13,369 --> 01:14:18,432
Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad?
1231
01:14:20,877 --> 01:14:22,208
You saw what I saw.
1232
01:14:22,312 --> 01:14:24,906
Tugg Speedman is dead meat
if we don't do something soon.
1233
01:14:25,014 --> 01:14:27,380
Yeah. We could do something
by getting our asses back to the hotel,
1234
01:14:27,484 --> 01:14:28,815
which is in the other direction!
1235
01:14:28,918 --> 01:14:30,510
Ain't right.
1236
01:14:30,620 --> 01:14:32,645
What would've happened
in The Great Escape
1237
01:14:32,755 --> 01:14:36,589
if Steve McQueen and them dudes
had turned tail and ran?
1238
01:14:36,693 --> 01:14:40,686
Well, that's what that movie was about.
They were escaping. They ran away.
1239
01:14:40,797 --> 01:14:43,425
I'm trying to agree with you.
The point is they did something.
1240
01:14:43,533 --> 01:14:44,727
Then what are we supposed to do, huh?
1241
01:14:44,834 --> 01:14:48,736
'Cause he's cleaning a gun
with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan.
1242
01:14:48,838 --> 01:14:52,968
I'm just like a little boy,
playing with his dick when he's nervous.
1243
01:14:56,179 --> 01:14:58,670
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
1244
01:14:58,781 --> 01:15:01,841
I got an idea.
This might be a little crazy.
1245
01:15:01,951 --> 01:15:03,919
Crazy's better than nothing.
1246
01:15:04,020 --> 01:15:07,979
Back in '98, I did a low-budget
titty comedy for Skinemax.
1247
01:15:08,091 --> 01:15:11,424
- Sex Camp. Remember it?
- Yeah.
1248
01:15:11,528 --> 01:15:15,487
Anyway, me and the campers
from the uncool camp
1249
01:15:15,598 --> 01:15:18,123
had to break into the rich girl camp.
1250
01:15:18,234 --> 01:15:19,929
So, what we did,
1251
01:15:20,036 --> 01:15:23,028
we built a catapult
out of logs and underwear,
1252
01:15:23,139 --> 01:15:26,700
and they shot us over the wall,
and we parachuted down.
1253
01:15:32,315 --> 01:15:33,680
Look,
1254
01:15:33,783 --> 01:15:35,842
you guys, we already know the plan.
1255
01:15:35,952 --> 01:15:37,920
Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm giving you gold.
1256
01:15:38,021 --> 01:15:42,390
We do it just like in the book,
Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive.
1257
01:15:42,492 --> 01:15:44,892
The book of Tropic Thunder.
1258
01:15:44,994 --> 01:15:47,224
Yeah, did you guys read the book?
1259
01:15:48,531 --> 01:15:51,159
The flap, I read the back flap
and saw the pictures.
1260
01:15:51,935 --> 01:15:55,063
Well, it's okay.
It's exactly the same as in the script.
1261
01:15:55,171 --> 01:15:56,229
Cool.
1262
01:15:58,208 --> 01:16:00,768
You guys all read the script, right?
1263
01:16:00,877 --> 01:16:02,970
I don't read the script, script reads me.
1264
01:16:04,147 --> 01:16:05,614
What the hell does that even mean?
1265
01:16:05,715 --> 01:16:09,082
What you getting at with the books,
scripts? Spit that shit out, man!
1266
01:16:12,422 --> 01:16:14,253
All right. The Wet Offensive.
1267
01:16:15,291 --> 01:16:17,727
Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.
1268
01:16:17,727 --> 01:16:18,193
Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.
1269
01:16:18,294 --> 01:16:20,626
Motown and Brooklyn sneak in
via the river.
1270
01:16:20,730 --> 01:16:23,130
Yeah. But those dudes
was trained soldiers.
1271
01:16:25,001 --> 01:16:26,059
Yeah!
1272
01:16:27,136 --> 01:16:30,128
And we trained actors, motherfucker.
1273
01:16:30,240 --> 01:16:34,574
Time to man up.
And I ain't gonna sugarcoat.
1274
01:16:34,677 --> 01:16:37,441
Some of us
might not even make it back.
1275
01:16:37,547 --> 01:16:40,641
What do you mean?
Like not on the same flight?
1276
01:16:43,353 --> 01:16:46,117
Alpa and I's already wearing
earth mama's natural night camo.
1277
01:16:46,222 --> 01:16:48,053
- Cool it, Benson.
- Sorry.
1278
01:16:49,125 --> 01:16:53,653
We gonna scout, get a plan together.
We ain't back in 20, come looking.
1279
01:16:55,164 --> 01:16:57,029
We are Flaming Dragon.
1280
01:17:00,770 --> 01:17:01,964
Okay.
1281
01:17:03,273 --> 01:17:06,367
Flaming Dragon's
a heroin manufacturer.
1282
01:17:06,476 --> 01:17:09,570
They're responsible
for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia.
1283
01:17:09,679 --> 01:17:12,910
- Huge profit margin.
- Guys!
1284
01:17:13,016 --> 01:17:15,951
Would somebody please let me know
what the game plan is?
1285
01:17:16,052 --> 01:17:17,781
Peck! We have it handled.
1286
01:17:17,887 --> 01:17:20,378
Please, don't interrupt.
Everything's under control.
1287
01:17:20,490 --> 01:17:22,481
I got it. Got it.
1288
01:17:34,604 --> 01:17:36,834
- Les Grossman.
- We not get money yet.
1289
01:17:37,373 --> 01:17:39,500
Price now 100 million!
1290
01:17:39,609 --> 01:17:42,442
You pay now,
or tomorrow Simple Jack die.
1291
01:17:42,545 --> 01:17:45,605
Great. Let me get this down.
1292
01:17:45,715 --> 01:17:47,148
100 million.
1293
01:17:47,250 --> 01:17:49,718
Wait! I got a better idea.
1294
01:17:50,520 --> 01:17:52,351
Instead of 100 million,
1295
01:17:52,455 --> 01:17:55,322
how about I send you
a hobo's dick cheese?
1296
01:17:55,425 --> 01:17:57,723
Then you kill him! Do your thing!
Skin the fucking bastard!
1297
01:17:57,827 --> 01:18:00,022
Go to town, man! Go to town!
1298
01:18:00,129 --> 01:18:02,290
- No...
- In the meantime, and as usual,
1299
01:18:02,398 --> 01:18:04,059
go fuck yourself!
1300
01:18:05,168 --> 01:18:07,728
- No.
- We don't negotiate with terrorists.
1301
01:18:09,839 --> 01:18:12,569
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey, are you insane?
1302
01:18:12,675 --> 01:18:14,506
- I think I could've done that better.
- I thought it was good.
1303
01:18:14,610 --> 01:18:16,475
They're gonna kill him!
1304
01:18:19,549 --> 01:18:20,607
And?
1305
01:18:22,952 --> 01:18:24,078
"And?"
1306
01:18:25,455 --> 01:18:29,482
It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens.
1307
01:18:31,794 --> 01:18:34,991
We'll weep for him, in the press.
1308
01:18:35,131 --> 01:18:37,793
Set up a scholarship in his name.
1309
01:18:37,900 --> 01:18:41,836
Eventually, and I'm talking way,
way down the road,
1310
01:18:41,938 --> 01:18:43,428
we file an insurance claim.
1311
01:18:43,539 --> 01:18:46,337
Preferably before
the end of the fiscal year.
1312
01:18:46,442 --> 01:18:50,173
Actually, the claim alone would net us
more than the movie would lose.
1313
01:18:52,281 --> 01:18:54,044
You can't be serious.
1314
01:18:55,284 --> 01:18:56,842
You kick in the door to my house,
1315
01:18:56,953 --> 01:19:02,414
all ants in your pants,
sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap
1316
01:19:02,525 --> 01:19:07,121
for the third runner-up
Sexiest Man Alive 1998,
1317
01:19:07,230 --> 01:19:09,596
and you're asking if I'm serious?
1318
01:19:13,469 --> 01:19:15,164
Let's face it.
1319
01:19:15,271 --> 01:19:19,298
The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher
for Purim anymore.
1320
01:19:20,710 --> 01:19:23,702
Speedman is a dying star,
1321
01:19:23,813 --> 01:19:27,044
a white dwarf heading for a black hole.
1322
01:19:27,150 --> 01:19:29,880
That's physics. It's inevitable.
1323
01:19:29,986 --> 01:19:33,319
We've been handed
an incredible opportunity here, Peck.
1324
01:19:33,423 --> 01:19:37,257
The universe is talking to us right now.
1325
01:19:37,360 --> 01:19:38,918
You just gotta listen.
1326
01:19:52,041 --> 01:19:55,636
See, this is the good part, Pecker.
This is when the job gets fun.
1327
01:19:55,745 --> 01:19:56,837
Yeah.
1328
01:19:56,946 --> 01:20:00,109
Ask and you shall receive.
1329
01:20:01,150 --> 01:20:05,280
- All right.
- You play ball, we play ball.
1330
01:20:05,388 --> 01:20:08,755
I know you want the goodies.
1331
01:20:08,858 --> 01:20:10,849
Welcome to the goody room.
1332
01:20:10,960 --> 01:20:15,590
You paying attention?
'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker.
1333
01:20:15,698 --> 01:20:16,960
That's how you're gonna roll.
1334
01:20:17,066 --> 01:20:21,025
No more frequent flier
bitch miles for my boy.
1335
01:20:21,137 --> 01:20:22,434
Yeah!
1336
01:20:22,939 --> 01:20:24,201
Playa.
1337
01:20:25,074 --> 01:20:26,405
Playa!
1338
01:20:27,443 --> 01:20:28,740
Big dick playa.
1339
01:20:28,845 --> 01:20:30,836
Swinging past your knees!
1340
01:20:30,947 --> 01:20:31,971
Big dick, baby.
1341
01:20:32,081 --> 01:20:33,275
Yep.
1342
01:20:36,619 --> 01:20:39,213
Or you can grow a conscience
1343
01:20:39,322 --> 01:20:41,688
in the next five minutes
and see where that takes you.
1344
01:20:46,662 --> 01:20:48,755
Let me get this straight.
1345
01:20:48,865 --> 01:20:52,494
You want me
to let my client of 15 years,
1346
01:20:52,602 --> 01:20:53,967
one of my best friends,
1347
01:20:54,070 --> 01:20:58,700
die in the jungle, alone,
for some money and a G5?
1348
01:20:59,842 --> 01:21:00,968
Yes.
1349
01:21:06,048 --> 01:21:08,312
A G5 airplane?
1350
01:21:10,419 --> 01:21:11,477
Yes.
1351
01:21:12,555 --> 01:21:15,251
And lots of money.
1352
01:21:16,626 --> 01:21:18,787
Playa.
1353
01:21:21,697 --> 01:21:22,891
Yeah!
1354
01:21:24,133 --> 01:21:26,727
Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!
1355
01:21:29,305 --> 01:21:31,967
But Mama take care of Jack a lot.
1356
01:21:32,808 --> 01:21:36,539
How many more sleeps
before she wakes up again?
1357
01:21:36,646 --> 01:21:38,170
Sorry, Jack.
1358
01:21:38,281 --> 01:21:40,545
She in heaven now.
1359
01:21:41,317 --> 01:21:44,582
Damn! I thought the movie was bad.
1360
01:21:44,687 --> 01:21:47,815
She sleep forever.
1361
01:21:47,924 --> 01:21:51,052
To the man's credit, he's actually
eased up on the retard throttle.
1362
01:21:51,160 --> 01:21:54,755
And now that's added a balance,
and the audience can connect.
1363
01:21:54,864 --> 01:21:58,664
I mean, this is Theater 101,
but, you know, he's had a tough road.
1364
01:21:58,768 --> 01:21:59,894
He'll become a naturalist.
1365
01:22:00,002 --> 01:22:01,697
- Yeah.
- Break down the aesthetic distance,
1366
01:22:01,804 --> 01:22:03,533
then the...
1367
01:22:06,208 --> 01:22:07,835
Told you I'd tag you back.
1368
01:22:10,513 --> 01:22:12,777
Can I tell you that I'm sorry
1369
01:22:12,882 --> 01:22:15,180
for any offense I might've caused, man?
1370
01:22:15,284 --> 01:22:17,650
- I just got caught up in...
- In being a dumbass?
1371
01:22:17,753 --> 01:22:19,152
I guess so.
1372
01:22:19,255 --> 01:22:21,951
Why you still doing this
Chicken George shit, I have no idea.
1373
01:22:22,058 --> 01:22:23,355
- Neither do I.
- It's beyond me.
1374
01:22:23,459 --> 01:22:25,654
- It's beyond me.
- You confused.
1375
01:22:25,761 --> 01:22:27,695
- I am a little confused.
- I know.
1376
01:22:29,298 --> 01:22:31,095
But are we cool?
1377
01:22:31,200 --> 01:22:32,531
Not really.
1378
01:22:36,339 --> 01:22:37,931
Hey, man.
1379
01:22:38,040 --> 01:22:39,735
- How's it going?
- Good. Yourself?
1380
01:22:39,842 --> 01:22:41,867
Hey, so, if it's no big deal,
1381
01:22:41,978 --> 01:22:44,845
I think I'm just gonna hang back here
for the mission.
1382
01:22:44,947 --> 01:22:46,574
Watch the stuff.
1383
01:22:46,682 --> 01:22:48,707
- Is that cool?
- What? No!
1384
01:22:48,818 --> 01:22:50,718
We need you, Jeff.
1385
01:22:50,820 --> 01:22:52,412
What are you talking about?
1386
01:22:52,521 --> 01:22:54,079
Okay, look, man.
1387
01:22:55,324 --> 01:22:57,622
- I got something to tell you.
- Okay.
1388
01:22:59,862 --> 01:23:02,592
You know those jellybeans
I was eating?
1389
01:23:02,698 --> 01:23:05,792
Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?
1390
01:23:06,702 --> 01:23:09,500
- They were drugs.
- Really?
1391
01:23:09,605 --> 01:23:13,974
I get down there near the mother lode,
I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man.
1392
01:23:14,076 --> 01:23:17,011
I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin
in the fucking world.
1393
01:23:20,316 --> 01:23:24,480
If you guys wanna make it through
this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree.
1394
01:23:25,855 --> 01:23:29,621
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree.
1395
01:23:29,725 --> 01:23:32,592
And you can, no matter what, you can't
fucking untie me until it is done,
1396
01:23:32,695 --> 01:23:34,253
until it is out of my system.
1397
01:23:34,363 --> 01:23:35,990
I'm gonna say,
"Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool.
1398
01:23:36,098 --> 01:23:37,656
"I'm finally better. I'm finally better.
Untie me."
1399
01:23:37,767 --> 01:23:40,964
Don't listen to me!
Anything I fucking say is a lie!
1400
01:23:41,070 --> 01:23:42,401
You got it!
1401
01:23:43,072 --> 01:23:45,131
Goodbye, Mama!
1402
01:23:45,241 --> 01:23:48,369
Now you can have ice cream in heaven.
1403
01:23:48,477 --> 01:23:53,437
I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed,
in my head movies.
1404
01:23:54,383 --> 01:23:58,979
But this head movie
makes my eyes rain.
1405
01:24:08,030 --> 01:24:11,261
Dang.
Short-bus is taking some real hits.
1406
01:24:13,135 --> 01:24:15,933
- They got him on the move!
- That's torture, man.
1407
01:24:16,072 --> 01:24:18,939
Okay. That's where they keeping him.
1408
01:24:19,041 --> 01:24:21,236
I gotta get cracking on my costume.
1409
01:24:21,343 --> 01:24:22,742
Say, are you good
with a needle and thread?
1410
01:24:22,845 --> 01:24:23,869
Hell, yeah.
1411
01:24:23,979 --> 01:24:27,312
Alpa Chino chinos sold more than
five million pairs last spring at the Gap.
1412
01:24:27,416 --> 01:24:30,112
- I sewed them patterns myself, baby.
- Let's roll out.
1413
01:25:02,118 --> 01:25:04,348
It's a little twig man Oscar.
1414
01:25:10,960 --> 01:25:13,360
I'm going to call you Half Squat.
1415
01:25:15,064 --> 01:25:17,032
And you can call me
1416
01:25:18,100 --> 01:25:19,397
Papa.
1417
01:25:42,892 --> 01:25:44,621
Wow, look at all those stars.
1418
01:25:46,595 --> 01:25:48,563
Really makes a guy feel pretty small.
1419
01:25:50,099 --> 01:25:52,659
This could be the last time
we look at these stars.
1420
01:25:53,636 --> 01:25:55,103
Man, that's beauty.
1421
01:25:57,039 --> 01:26:00,099
Nights like tonight
make a man wonder what it's all about.
1422
01:26:00,209 --> 01:26:02,507
Hey, you guys.
Anybody got some bug spray?
1423
01:26:04,346 --> 01:26:05,472
Don't ignore me!
1424
01:26:05,581 --> 01:26:08,448
Stick it out, man.
We're gonna get through this.
1425
01:26:09,585 --> 01:26:11,644
- Hey, Kirk?
- Yeah?
1426
01:26:11,754 --> 01:26:14,587
Are you still dating
Jennifer Love Hewitt?
1427
01:26:14,690 --> 01:26:16,089
'Cause I think she's hot.
1428
01:26:16,192 --> 01:26:19,559
No, that was just some
tabloid conjecture.
1429
01:26:19,662 --> 01:26:23,655
Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through.
You can untie me now.
1430
01:26:24,733 --> 01:26:26,064
Funny, huh?
1431
01:26:26,168 --> 01:26:29,069
The circus life 280 days a year
on location.
1432
01:26:30,306 --> 01:26:33,207
It's hard to find a girl
that can hang with that, you know?
1433
01:26:35,010 --> 01:26:37,069
Not one worth keeping, nohow.
1434
01:26:37,179 --> 01:26:39,477
Hey, Radar? Evans?
1435
01:26:39,582 --> 01:26:40,640
No, it's Kevin.
1436
01:26:40,749 --> 01:26:42,478
Kev, whatever the fuck.
Come over here.
1437
01:26:42,585 --> 01:26:44,815
I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three
is coming down the pike,
1438
01:26:44,920 --> 01:26:48,412
and there's a role in there for you
if you come over and untie me.
1439
01:26:48,524 --> 01:26:51,084
Jeff, you're just going to
have to tough it out.
1440
01:26:51,193 --> 01:26:53,161
Your mother's a cankerous whore!
1441
01:26:53,262 --> 01:26:54,593
Jesus, man.
1442
01:26:55,631 --> 01:26:57,098
Hey, man.
1443
01:26:57,199 --> 01:27:00,100
Remember way back when I said
your mother was a cankerous whore?
1444
01:27:00,202 --> 01:27:03,603
I'm sorry, man.
I did not mean that. She's not.
1445
01:27:03,706 --> 01:27:05,401
How about you, man?
1446
01:27:05,541 --> 01:27:07,975
You got some little minx waiting for you
on the other side of tomorrow?
1447
01:27:08,077 --> 01:27:09,544
Me?
1448
01:27:09,645 --> 01:27:12,409
I've barely even had a girlfriend, and...
1449
01:27:13,249 --> 01:27:16,912
I was really hoping I'd get laid
when this movie came out,
1450
01:27:17,019 --> 01:27:19,419
but that's not gonna happen.
1451
01:27:20,289 --> 01:27:21,756
What about you, Masterblaster?
1452
01:27:21,857 --> 01:27:24,485
You got a certain someone you trying
to get with back in the States?
1453
01:27:24,593 --> 01:27:29,326
What, Alpa Chino?
He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7.
1454
01:27:29,431 --> 01:27:30,659
No. You missing me, man.
1455
01:27:30,766 --> 01:27:32,563
I'm talking about something special.
Big difference.
1456
01:27:32,668 --> 01:27:33,862
How about it?
1457
01:27:34,637 --> 01:27:35,763
Yeah.
1458
01:27:37,172 --> 01:27:39,140
Yeah, there is.
1459
01:27:39,241 --> 01:27:42,574
Well? What's the skinny?
Y'all been on a date or what?
1460
01:27:42,678 --> 01:27:44,578
No. I mean...
1461
01:27:44,680 --> 01:27:49,515
I always wanted to, but I guess
I just never had the courage to ask.
1462
01:27:49,618 --> 01:27:51,313
It's... It's complicated.
1463
01:27:51,420 --> 01:27:53,854
No! It's simple as pie, man.
1464
01:27:53,956 --> 01:27:56,550
You plant your feet in the ground, you
look her square in the eyes, you say,
1465
01:27:56,659 --> 01:28:00,288
"Hey, baby, you and me's going
on a date." That's the end of story.
1466
01:28:00,396 --> 01:28:03,092
- What's her name?
- Lance.
1467
01:28:03,198 --> 01:28:04,961
"Listen here, Lance..."
1468
01:28:05,834 --> 01:28:09,634
Lance? What the fuck did I just hear?
Lance?
1469
01:28:09,738 --> 01:28:11,467
- Did you say "Lance"?
- No!
1470
01:28:11,573 --> 01:28:13,507
- That sounded like "Lance."
- No, I said "Nance."
1471
01:28:13,609 --> 01:28:15,770
- That's what I said, "Nance."
- It sounded like "Lance."
1472
01:28:15,878 --> 01:28:17,402
Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay?
1473
01:28:17,513 --> 01:28:19,174
I love the pussy! All right?
1474
01:28:19,281 --> 01:28:21,181
Lay your ass back down
and look at the stars.
1475
01:28:21,317 --> 01:28:22,648
When you wrote I Love Tha Pussy
1476
01:28:22,751 --> 01:28:26,118
was you thinking of dangling your dice
on Lance's forehead?
1477
01:28:26,221 --> 01:28:28,587
Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look.
1478
01:28:28,691 --> 01:28:31,626
- Man, everyone's gay once in a while.
- I'm not gay!
1479
01:28:31,727 --> 01:28:32,751
This Hollywood.
1480
01:28:32,861 --> 01:28:33,919
How about we all get back to work?
1481
01:28:34,029 --> 01:28:35,690
- Okay. Cool.
- This is ridiculous!
1482
01:28:35,798 --> 01:28:38,699
We got a big day tomorrow.
Let's get focused.
1483
01:28:41,270 --> 01:28:46,105
Alpa, if you untie me,
I will literally suck your dick right now.
1484
01:28:46,208 --> 01:28:49,439
I told you, for the last time,
I love the pussy!
1485
01:28:50,813 --> 01:28:53,646
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft,
1486
01:28:53,749 --> 01:28:56,843
work the pipe and swallow the gravy.
1487
01:28:56,952 --> 01:28:59,011
Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.
1488
01:29:05,594 --> 01:29:06,652
Okay, so, what's the plan?
1489
01:29:06,762 --> 01:29:08,161
Are you gonna talk Vietnamese
to those dudes?
1490
01:29:08,263 --> 01:29:10,026
No. No. Mandarin Chinese.
1491
01:29:10,132 --> 01:29:11,827
Which, from what I can tell,
is what they speaking down there.
1492
01:29:11,934 --> 01:29:13,492
How the hell do you know Chinese?
1493
01:29:13,602 --> 01:29:17,060
Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li.
Second Globe, third Oscar.
1494
01:29:17,172 --> 01:29:21,131
Prepped for that one by working in
a Beijing textile factory for eight months.
1495
01:29:21,243 --> 01:29:23,177
That might be our ride.
1496
01:29:39,928 --> 01:29:41,156
The straps are too tight!
1497
01:29:41,263 --> 01:29:43,629
Shut your mouth and follow my lead.
1498
01:30:11,527 --> 01:30:14,496
The straps are cutting off
my circulation!
1499
01:30:14,596 --> 01:30:15,563
Fuck you!
1500
01:30:23,072 --> 01:30:25,973
Not the fucking bull again.
Fucking asshole.
1501
01:31:20,028 --> 01:31:22,724
Laz, don't let him take me off the yak.
1502
01:31:27,236 --> 01:31:29,500
Bitch whore! Fucking hate you!
1503
01:31:39,648 --> 01:31:40,842
Okay.
1504
01:31:43,051 --> 01:31:44,609
All right.
1505
01:31:44,720 --> 01:31:47,120
That looks like it could be
the munitions hut right there.
1506
01:31:47,222 --> 01:31:49,281
I'm gonna try to find Speedman
in the main building.
1507
01:32:07,176 --> 01:32:10,873
I don't know Chinese but it sounds like
your improvising is for shit.
1508
01:32:10,979 --> 01:32:12,105
Oh, fuck!
1509
01:32:27,629 --> 01:32:29,221
Get over here!
1510
01:32:30,599 --> 01:32:32,157
- What are you guys doing here?
- He has hands.
1511
01:32:32,267 --> 01:32:34,667
- He killed Damien.
- Bullshit!
1512
01:32:34,770 --> 01:32:37,261
- He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis.
- Almost!
1513
01:32:37,372 --> 01:32:40,569
What are you talking about?
Damien stepped on a old landmine.
1514
01:32:40,676 --> 01:32:42,234
Sweet. Thank God.
1515
01:32:42,344 --> 01:32:44,539
- We busting Speedman out.
- Speedman's here?
1516
01:33:12,708 --> 01:33:15,302
I take it y'all are doing
the Wet Offensive from the book.
1517
01:33:15,410 --> 01:33:16,672
I can give y'all a diversion.
1518
01:33:16,778 --> 01:33:20,714
I got enough shit here to light this place
up like it's the Fourth of fucking July.
1519
01:34:02,190 --> 01:34:04,658
Yes, your farm.
1520
01:34:09,031 --> 01:34:11,431
Where is your farm,
1521
01:34:13,001 --> 01:34:14,468
American?
1522
01:34:17,306 --> 01:34:18,568
My farm?
1523
01:34:20,509 --> 01:34:21,771
Oh, shit.
1524
01:34:22,544 --> 01:34:25,741
Here's my motherfucking farm!
1525
01:34:25,847 --> 01:34:27,337
Yeah!
1526
01:34:32,287 --> 01:34:35,279
Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby!
1527
01:34:36,291 --> 01:34:37,485
Kwan-Lo!
1528
01:34:38,994 --> 01:34:40,894
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!
1529
01:34:41,396 --> 01:34:42,556
Yeah!
1530
01:34:44,132 --> 01:34:47,329
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
keep your head down!
1531
01:34:47,436 --> 01:34:49,700
Keep your head down on the ground!
1532
01:34:49,805 --> 01:34:51,966
Nobody move or I do the little big guy!
1533
01:34:52,074 --> 01:34:55,510
That's right,
we running this program now, J.P.
1534
01:34:55,610 --> 01:34:58,238
Now show me where the drugs are.
1535
01:34:58,347 --> 01:35:00,144
What the fuck?
1536
01:35:00,248 --> 01:35:01,943
That ain't the plan!
1537
01:35:02,050 --> 01:35:03,745
Don't judge me!
1538
01:35:07,422 --> 01:35:09,185
He's got a real serious problem.
1539
01:35:09,991 --> 01:35:12,255
Hey! Hey, you!
1540
01:35:12,361 --> 01:35:14,556
Take off your clothes!
1541
01:35:14,663 --> 01:35:16,324
Take off your clothes!
1542
01:35:16,431 --> 01:35:17,728
What do we do now?
1543
01:35:17,833 --> 01:35:19,664
Stick with the plan. Find Speedman.
1544
01:35:19,768 --> 01:35:22,168
Alpa, keep this clown posse down.
Come on now.
1545
01:35:22,270 --> 01:35:25,637
Y'all heard the man.
Be suede, don't move!
1546
01:35:25,741 --> 01:35:27,641
Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag.
1547
01:35:27,743 --> 01:35:30,234
- Door!
- One, two, three!
1548
01:35:43,525 --> 01:35:45,356
I go high, you go low.
1549
01:35:49,731 --> 01:35:53,599
Get down. Get down! Get down!
Chow Yun-Fat, get the hell down!
1550
01:35:53,702 --> 01:35:57,001
If I see one more head pop up,
it's gonna be bullet Whac-A-Mole.
1551
01:35:58,573 --> 01:36:00,006
Come on, come on!
1552
01:36:00,108 --> 01:36:02,099
- Smoke grenade.
- Don't drop it now.
1553
01:36:02,778 --> 01:36:04,336
Here.
1554
01:36:04,446 --> 01:36:06,548
- What's this?
- I don't know what it's called.
1555
01:36:06,548 --> 01:36:06,843
- What's this?
- I don't know what it's called.
1556
01:36:06,948 --> 01:36:09,542
I just know the sound it makes
when it lies.
1557
01:36:09,651 --> 01:36:13,178
Don't move, Matchbox,
or I will shoot you.
1558
01:36:13,288 --> 01:36:16,155
I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move.
1559
01:36:16,258 --> 01:36:17,987
I can still see you.
1560
01:36:24,132 --> 01:36:25,224
Tugg!
1561
01:36:27,769 --> 01:36:28,929
Tugg?
1562
01:36:31,006 --> 01:36:32,200
Gotcha.
1563
01:36:33,375 --> 01:36:36,276
Roll your shit up, man. We going home.
1564
01:36:36,378 --> 01:36:37,504
Home?
1565
01:36:39,648 --> 01:36:43,482
But I'm doing five shows a day
for a standing-room-only crowd.
1566
01:36:43,585 --> 01:36:46,145
Don't you get it? I already am home.
1567
01:36:48,457 --> 01:36:51,585
All right, now, dude, you gotta get it...
1568
01:36:51,693 --> 01:36:53,888
My son gave this to me.
1569
01:36:53,995 --> 01:36:57,487
- That's your stick buddy?
- His name is Twigman.
1570
01:36:57,599 --> 01:36:59,430
Does he wanna come with us?
1571
01:37:20,422 --> 01:37:22,549
Get down! Get down! Get down!
1572
01:37:22,657 --> 01:37:27,617
Maybe y'all heard of me.
Y'all heard of Alpa Chino? No?
1573
01:37:27,729 --> 01:37:30,197
I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah
1574
01:37:30,298 --> 01:37:31,424
They're not your demo, dude.
1575
01:37:31,900 --> 01:37:34,300
Come on.
Six motherfucking VMAs, baby.
1576
01:37:34,402 --> 01:37:37,599
Two BET Awards. Alpa Chino.
1577
01:37:37,706 --> 01:37:44,111
Like him in Carlito's Way?
1578
01:37:44,479 --> 01:37:47,141
Hey, yo, you know what?
Speak English. I don't speak that stuff.
1579
01:37:47,249 --> 01:37:49,183
What're you sayin'? Huh?
1580
01:37:49,284 --> 01:37:53,846
Devil's Advocate. Dog Day Afternoon.
1581
01:37:54,222 --> 01:37:57,055
Cruising. Sea of Love.
1582
01:37:57,158 --> 01:38:00,150
Real Al Pacino.
1583
01:38:00,262 --> 01:38:03,857
Get the fuck down. That's a whole
different dude altogether.
1584
01:38:03,965 --> 01:38:07,025
What you doing? What you doing?
Don't touch that gun.
1585
01:38:07,135 --> 01:38:08,534
Don't do it! Don't touch that gun!
1586
01:38:08,637 --> 01:38:10,935
On my momma, if you touch that gun...
1587
01:38:15,577 --> 01:38:17,977
- Oh, shit, it's on!
- Over here!
1588
01:38:52,380 --> 01:38:54,143
- What're you doing?
- I'm gonna give these boys
1589
01:38:54,249 --> 01:38:55,876
a Hanoi high-five.
1590
01:39:08,530 --> 01:39:09,895
Shadow me, Pinocchio!
1591
01:39:10,665 --> 01:39:11,893
Smoke!
1592
01:39:17,739 --> 01:39:19,434
Oh, shit!
1593
01:39:24,279 --> 01:39:25,803
Jeff, don't!
1594
01:39:26,648 --> 01:39:28,639
It doesn't matter what I do.
1595
01:39:28,750 --> 01:39:31,719
I'll always be a screw-up.
No one'll ever respect me.
1596
01:39:31,820 --> 01:39:35,813
That is not true, you are not a screw-up!
You make so many people laugh.
1597
01:39:35,924 --> 01:39:38,154
They only laugh at my farts.
1598
01:39:38,259 --> 01:39:40,250
Jeff, we really need to go now!
1599
01:39:40,362 --> 01:39:41,954
This is all I deserve!
1600
01:40:02,117 --> 01:40:04,347
Laugh at that, you bastards!
1601
01:40:04,452 --> 01:40:07,853
Hilarious! Hilarious!
1602
01:40:09,391 --> 01:40:12,224
Let's move. We only have 16 hours
before they wake up.
1603
01:40:28,510 --> 01:40:30,102
Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing.
1604
01:40:30,211 --> 01:40:33,146
These assholes are gonna be crawling
in here ready to fucking eat us.
1605
01:40:36,084 --> 01:40:38,951
There. All right, you keep six right here.
1606
01:40:40,889 --> 01:40:43,050
Come on, let's go.
1607
01:40:43,158 --> 01:40:45,092
Come on, what are you guys doing?
Let's get out of here!
1608
01:40:45,193 --> 01:40:46,854
He's on tilt status.
1609
01:40:46,961 --> 01:40:50,920
Same thing happened to me when
I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot.
1610
01:40:51,032 --> 01:40:53,125
They found me in an alley in Burbank
1611
01:40:53,234 --> 01:40:56,465
trying to re-enter the Earth's
atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.
1612
01:40:57,205 --> 01:40:58,263
What're you talking about?
1613
01:40:58,373 --> 01:41:00,739
Come on, fellas, we really need to go.
1614
01:41:00,842 --> 01:41:05,279
Daggomit, Blamtucky,
I ain't re-programming a VCR.
1615
01:41:11,186 --> 01:41:13,416
Give me the flame thrower.
You gotta start the chopper.
1616
01:41:13,521 --> 01:41:16,957
- No, fuck that! Just give me this.
- No time! I'll take care of this!
1617
01:41:18,193 --> 01:41:20,093
All right. Give me your hooks.
1618
01:41:20,195 --> 01:41:21,822
Don't worry,
I'm not gonna put them on again.
1619
01:41:21,930 --> 01:41:24,763
- Just give me your goddamn hooks.
- All right. Here.
1620
01:41:24,866 --> 01:41:27,027
Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!
1621
01:41:31,973 --> 01:41:34,134
Shit! Enough!
1622
01:41:34,242 --> 01:41:36,142
Fake shit!
1623
01:41:39,247 --> 01:41:40,373
Fuck!
1624
01:41:48,089 --> 01:41:51,252
Go get your guys!
Get them to the chopper!
1625
01:41:51,359 --> 01:41:53,452
I'll take care of these yahoos!
1626
01:41:55,497 --> 01:41:57,761
You're gonna focus up now,
motherfucker, and say it.
1627
01:41:57,866 --> 01:41:59,993
- "It's me, Tugg!"
- It's me, Tugg.
1628
01:42:00,101 --> 01:42:01,568
That's right! Now, Tugg who?
1629
01:42:01,669 --> 01:42:04,467
- Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
- Me?
1630
01:42:04,572 --> 01:42:06,267
I know who I am!
1631
01:42:06,374 --> 01:42:10,105
I'm a dude playing a dude
disguised as another dude.
1632
01:42:10,211 --> 01:42:11,269
What?
1633
01:42:11,379 --> 01:42:13,472
You a dude
that don't know what dude he is!
1634
01:42:13,581 --> 01:42:16,277
Or are you a dude who has no idea
what dude he is
1635
01:42:16,384 --> 01:42:17,646
and claims to know what dude he is...
1636
01:42:17,752 --> 01:42:19,515
What the fuck
are you guys talking about?
1637
01:42:19,621 --> 01:42:20,713
...by playing other dudes?
1638
01:42:20,822 --> 01:42:22,016
I know what dude I am!
1639
01:42:22,123 --> 01:42:24,921
- You're scared.
- I ain't scared. Scared of what?
1640
01:42:25,026 --> 01:42:26,288
Or scared of who?
1641
01:42:26,394 --> 01:42:28,988
- Scared of who?
- Come on, guys. We really need to go!
1642
01:42:29,097 --> 01:42:30,359
Scared of you.
1643
01:42:35,270 --> 01:42:37,602
- Jesus.
- What's going on?
1644
01:42:37,705 --> 01:42:39,229
The dudes are emerging.
1645
01:42:39,340 --> 01:42:40,671
He's right, you know.
1646
01:42:42,443 --> 01:42:43,842
I am not
1647
01:42:45,413 --> 01:42:47,108
Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.
1648
01:42:51,519 --> 01:42:52,986
We gotta roll out.
1649
01:42:53,087 --> 01:42:56,318
Nor am I Father O'Malley.
1650
01:42:58,560 --> 01:43:01,495
Or Neil Armstrong.
1651
01:43:09,070 --> 01:43:11,231
I think I might be nobody.
1652
01:43:12,640 --> 01:43:13,800
Wow!
1653
01:43:13,908 --> 01:43:16,570
The insecurity level
with you guys is ridiculous!
1654
01:43:17,846 --> 01:43:20,815
- Everybody's got issues!
- Yeah, man, everybody got issues.
1655
01:43:20,915 --> 01:43:23,475
Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus.
1656
01:43:23,585 --> 01:43:25,746
You're the whole reason
I got into acting.
1657
01:43:25,854 --> 01:43:27,685
I memorized every single monologue
1658
01:43:27,789 --> 01:43:30,383
you ever did
when I was in theater school.
1659
01:43:30,491 --> 01:43:32,516
- Really?
- Yeah. And look, Tugg!
1660
01:43:32,627 --> 01:43:35,061
I saw Scorcher I
24 times when I was in eighth grade.
1661
01:43:35,163 --> 01:43:38,132
That shit blew me away!
I got high to that shit! You the man!
1662
01:43:38,233 --> 01:43:41,361
Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great.
Let's get the fuck out of here!
1663
01:43:41,469 --> 01:43:45,599
Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece
of the puzzle, buddy.
1664
01:43:45,707 --> 01:43:48,699
We need you! Your men need you!
Are you with us?
1665
01:43:53,047 --> 01:43:55,038
I'm a rooster illusion.
1666
01:43:55,149 --> 01:43:56,343
Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.
1667
01:43:56,451 --> 01:43:59,614
Let's move. Come on. Come on.
Double time. Gotta go!
1668
01:44:02,156 --> 01:44:03,953
Come on, come on, come on.
1669
01:44:07,729 --> 01:44:09,663
Bingo! Move out.
1670
01:44:11,599 --> 01:44:12,964
Oh, God.
1671
01:44:14,936 --> 01:44:17,803
Just say no to this,
you drug-making midget.
1672
01:44:22,377 --> 01:44:23,844
Gotta hold on!
1673
01:44:30,018 --> 01:44:31,383
Four Leaf!
1674
01:44:36,124 --> 01:44:37,455
You grew hands?
1675
01:44:46,701 --> 01:44:48,225
RPG, gentlemen!
1676
01:44:51,005 --> 01:44:52,529
Where are you going?
1677
01:44:58,046 --> 01:45:00,571
Oh, my God.
I am moving to catering after this.
1678
01:45:22,603 --> 01:45:23,934
My ass!
1679
01:45:27,175 --> 01:45:28,506
My ass!
1680
01:45:30,111 --> 01:45:33,376
Hey, yo!
We gotta get our shit together, Tugg!
1681
01:45:33,481 --> 01:45:35,711
We gotta get his cracker ass
to the chopper!
1682
01:45:35,817 --> 01:45:40,117
Are you still crazy?
We gotta get Candisky to the chopper!
1683
01:45:40,221 --> 01:45:41,688
It's Sandusky.
1684
01:45:43,558 --> 01:45:46,857
- Kevin Sandusky.
- That's my name.
1685
01:45:46,961 --> 01:45:48,553
You remembered my name.
1686
01:45:48,663 --> 01:45:50,688
Alpa, go help Cody.
1687
01:45:50,798 --> 01:45:52,789
Portnoy, get Sandusky
back to the chopper. Go!
1688
01:45:52,900 --> 01:45:54,731
- I got him!
- Let's go!
1689
01:45:56,170 --> 01:45:57,694
Let's get out of here!
1690
01:46:09,584 --> 01:46:11,074
Hey, Leaf!
1691
01:46:11,185 --> 01:46:12,413
- Leaf!
- Yeah.
1692
01:46:12,520 --> 01:46:13,509
Hit the plunger
1693
01:46:13,621 --> 01:46:14,815
- as soon as they clear the bridge!
- Got it!
1694
01:46:20,061 --> 01:46:22,495
Come on! Get in the chopper!
1695
01:46:22,697 --> 01:46:25,495
- Come on! Move!
- Kirk! Wait!
1696
01:46:30,038 --> 01:46:31,665
Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!
1697
01:46:31,773 --> 01:46:33,570
Are you the special effects guy?
1698
01:46:33,674 --> 01:46:35,801
- You God damn right I am.
- Fuck yeah!
1699
01:46:36,210 --> 01:46:37,404
Leaf's about to blow the bridge.
Come on!
1700
01:46:37,512 --> 01:46:40,106
You don't have to! You don't have to!
I'm staying.
1701
01:46:40,214 --> 01:46:41,704
No, I can't let you do that, mate.
We gotta go.
1702
01:46:41,816 --> 01:46:44,341
No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy.
They'll listen to me.
1703
01:46:44,452 --> 01:46:46,943
I know it sounds weird,
but I have a connection with them.
1704
01:46:47,055 --> 01:46:49,853
You're not doing tofu dinner theater
for these motherfuckers. Let's roll!
1705
01:46:49,957 --> 01:46:53,791
- Get over here!
- I have a son now. Little Half Squat.
1706
01:46:53,895 --> 01:46:55,453
Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat?
1707
01:46:55,563 --> 01:46:57,793
He's my son. He's my boy!
1708
01:46:57,899 --> 01:47:00,333
He needs me. I have to go back to him.
1709
01:47:03,471 --> 01:47:05,132
You tell the world what happened here.
1710
01:47:05,239 --> 01:47:07,070
What happened here?
1711
01:47:07,175 --> 01:47:09,405
I don't know, but you need to tell them.
1712
01:47:11,779 --> 01:47:13,610
I got this.
1713
01:47:13,714 --> 01:47:14,874
Tugg!
1714
01:47:15,583 --> 01:47:19,144
You take care of the boys!
I'll deal with these guys.
1715
01:47:20,555 --> 01:47:24,150
Where is he going?
We're gonna fucking die!
1716
01:47:24,258 --> 01:47:26,886
Laz, come on. He joined the circus.
Let's go.
1717
01:47:26,994 --> 01:47:28,188
- You've got hands.
- Yeah.
1718
01:47:28,296 --> 01:47:30,423
- Fuck! You've got hands?
- Come on!
1719
01:47:31,499 --> 01:47:32,625
- Come on!
- Get in!
1720
01:47:32,733 --> 01:47:34,360
- Come on!
- He's staying?
1721
01:47:34,469 --> 01:47:36,733
Go! He's a lost cause, mate!
Get out of here!
1722
01:47:41,309 --> 01:47:45,803
I was wrong! Blow the bridge!
Blow the fucking bridge!
1723
01:47:51,652 --> 01:47:53,051
I got this.
1724
01:47:53,721 --> 01:47:55,154
Leaf, no!
1725
01:48:39,300 --> 01:48:41,928
It's over! He's gone!
1726
01:48:42,036 --> 01:48:44,095
Cody! We gotta go!
1727
01:48:46,107 --> 01:48:47,301
Look.
1728
01:49:09,931 --> 01:49:11,262
Think he's done.
1729
01:49:11,365 --> 01:49:12,593
Cover me!
1730
01:49:13,668 --> 01:49:16,603
- Come on!
- Wait, come back!
1731
01:49:16,704 --> 01:49:18,433
How do we cover him?
1732
01:49:22,677 --> 01:49:26,078
All right, game over. Come on, mate.
Come on.
1733
01:49:26,180 --> 01:49:28,774
- You all right, man?
- I'm cold.
1734
01:49:28,883 --> 01:49:30,874
I can't feel my legs.
1735
01:49:30,985 --> 01:49:33,920
No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See?
There's a puddle right there.
1736
01:49:34,021 --> 01:49:35,215
- No worries.
- Good.
1737
01:49:35,323 --> 01:49:36,620
Come on, we gotta split, man.
1738
01:49:36,724 --> 01:49:39,022
- You guys came back for me.
- Course.
1739
01:49:39,126 --> 01:49:41,458
Hey! I want you to know something.
1740
01:49:41,562 --> 01:49:42,756
What?
1741
01:49:43,931 --> 01:49:45,728
I know who you are.
1742
01:49:47,835 --> 01:49:49,598
You're my friend.
1743
01:49:51,872 --> 01:49:53,499
You're my brother.
1744
01:49:54,375 --> 01:49:57,208
But like a really cool brother, you know?
1745
01:49:57,311 --> 01:49:58,676
Like a brother
where there was no animosity or...
1746
01:49:58,779 --> 01:50:01,612
Don't look now,
you got some real tears going.
1747
01:50:01,716 --> 01:50:02,705
Really?
1748
01:50:02,817 --> 01:50:04,307
That's the stuff
that accolades are made of.
1749
01:50:04,418 --> 01:50:05,885
Jesus, let's go, man!
1750
01:50:05,987 --> 01:50:07,088
All right?
1751
01:50:07,088 --> 01:50:07,452
All right?
1752
01:50:09,023 --> 01:50:10,456
Upsy-daisy.
1753
01:50:12,226 --> 01:50:15,218
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Let's go! Let's go!
1754
01:50:17,365 --> 01:50:18,662
Get in! Get in!
1755
01:50:18,766 --> 01:50:20,791
Come on! Here we go!
1756
01:50:23,337 --> 01:50:26,135
Tuggernuts! I got it!
1757
01:50:28,509 --> 01:50:30,807
- Tugger!
- Rick!
1758
01:50:33,414 --> 01:50:34,642
What the fuck?
1759
01:50:34,749 --> 01:50:36,376
I got the TiVo!
1760
01:50:37,285 --> 01:50:41,688
My friend wants a TiVo,
my friend gets a TiVo!
1761
01:50:46,861 --> 01:50:48,123
Oh, shit!
1762
01:51:24,965 --> 01:51:26,990
And the Oscar goes to...
1763
01:51:29,737 --> 01:51:32,035
Yes! Tugg Speedman.
1764
01:51:33,674 --> 01:51:36,370
"Tropic Blunder,
The True Story Behind the Making
1765
01:51:36,477 --> 01:51:39,002
"of the Most Expensive
Fake True War Story Ever."
1766
01:51:40,581 --> 01:51:41,707
Yeah!
1767
01:51:46,420 --> 01:51:48,320
Yeah, you son of a bitch!
1768
01:52:07,641 --> 01:52:12,010
Eight Oscars, $400 million
1769
01:52:12,113 --> 01:52:15,344
and you saved
Tugg Speedman's career.
1770
01:52:15,449 --> 01:52:18,316
I couldn't have done it
without you, Slolom.
1771
01:52:20,354 --> 01:52:21,446
Really?
1772
01:52:21,555 --> 01:52:23,546
No, dickhead, of course I could.
1773
01:52:23,657 --> 01:52:26,319
- A nutless monkey could do your job.
- Well, I...
1774
01:52:26,427 --> 01:52:29,328
Now, go get drunk
and take credit at all the parties.
1775
01:52:29,430 --> 01:52:32,126
- I would never do that to...
- Joking.
1776
01:52:32,233 --> 01:52:33,598
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1777
01:52:33,701 --> 01:52:35,896
Very... Okay, there he is.
1778
01:52:36,003 --> 01:52:37,493
- There he is. Okay.
- Go have fun.
1779
01:52:37,605 --> 01:52:39,129
All right. We're having a...
1780
01:52:39,240 --> 01:52:41,640
Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les.
Thank you. You have a good night...
1781
01:52:41,742 --> 01:52:44,142
But seriously,
a nutless monkey could do your job.
1782
01:52:44,245 --> 01:52:45,974
Good. Thank you, sir.