1 00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:10,844 ♪♪ 2 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:14,114 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 3 00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:15,849 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 4 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,717 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 5 00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:20,687 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 6 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,355 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 7 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,324 ♪ People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 8 00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:27,360 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,797 ♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ 10 00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:34,734 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 11 00:00:37,763 --> 00:00:40,532 [ Video game beeping ] 12 00:00:40,532 --> 00:00:42,034 See, Stan? You gotta choose 13 00:00:42,034 --> 00:00:43,802 if you wanna be in Gryffindor or Slytherin. 14 00:00:43,802 --> 00:00:45,704 Yeah, can I do it? 15 00:00:45,704 --> 00:00:47,773 Yeah, see, you gotta fight these fairy guys. 16 00:00:47,773 --> 00:00:49,007 Randy. 17 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,476 [ Beeping continues ] 18 00:00:50,476 --> 00:00:51,777 Randy! 19 00:00:51,777 --> 00:00:53,312 The powder room toilet is broken. 20 00:00:53,312 --> 00:00:54,513 Again! 21 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,048 Did you jiggle the handle? 22 00:00:56,048 --> 00:00:57,483 Yes, I jiggled the handle. 23 00:00:57,483 --> 00:00:59,385 Will you come fix this, please? 24 00:00:59,385 --> 00:01:01,520 Okay, okay. 25 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,888 [ Beeping continues ] 26 00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:09,161 Huh, well, let's see. 27 00:01:09,161 --> 00:01:12,831 It's gotta be the little black floaty thingie. 28 00:01:12,831 --> 00:01:13,966 What'd you do to it? 29 00:01:13,966 --> 00:01:15,634 I didn't do anything. 30 00:01:15,634 --> 00:01:17,002 Lemme see if there's water in the bowl. 31 00:01:17,002 --> 00:01:19,037 No! Don't lift the lid. 32 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,839 Why can't I lift the lid? 33 00:01:20,839 --> 00:01:23,642 Don't, Randy! Uh-huh. 34 00:01:23,642 --> 00:01:25,744 Hey, guys! Your mom took a shit 35 00:01:25,744 --> 00:01:27,212 and doesn't want me to see it. 36 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,214 Ew! Gross, Dad! 37 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:32,017 Randy! We need to get a new toilet. 38 00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:34,386 We can't just get rid of Ol' Blue, Sharon. 39 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,921 This is embarrassing. 40 00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:39,024 It's the powder room toilet, the one guests use. 41 00:01:39,024 --> 00:01:40,559 You get a new toilet, Randy, 42 00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:43,495 or I'm not helping you sell weed anymore! 43 00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,931 Alright, alright. Sharon, you win. 44 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:47,132 As usual. 45 00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:50,369 Poor Ol' Blue. 46 00:01:53,272 --> 00:01:55,407 [ Indistinct conversations ] 47 00:01:58,444 --> 00:02:00,212 Can I help you with anything? 48 00:02:00,212 --> 00:02:03,015 Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new toilet to replace Ol' Blue. 49 00:02:03,015 --> 00:02:05,184 Alright, well, all our toilets here are standard bowl, 50 00:02:05,184 --> 00:02:06,351 come with full warranty. 51 00:02:06,351 --> 00:02:07,753 How much you looking to spend? 52 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,121 Well I'm not poor. 53 00:02:09,121 --> 00:02:11,223 I happen to have my own weed business. 54 00:02:11,223 --> 00:02:13,459 So that's pretty much the nicest one you have, right? 55 00:02:13,459 --> 00:02:15,127 Yeah, that's probably the top model, you know, 56 00:02:15,127 --> 00:02:18,430 before you start getting into the Japanese toilets. 57 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,798 Japanese toilets? 58 00:02:19,798 --> 00:02:21,567 Yeah, they're the sort of the super-high-class 59 00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:23,302 luxury models with all the bells and whistles. 60 00:02:23,302 --> 00:02:25,871 But you probably don't wanna spend that kind of money. 61 00:02:25,871 --> 00:02:27,606 I'm not poor. 62 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:30,409 Oh, well, we can show them to you. 63 00:02:30,409 --> 00:02:32,578 The Japanese toilets are right over there. 64 00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:39,551 Hi, Rick. This gentleman 65 00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:41,420 would like to see the Japanese toilets. 66 00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:43,589 Well, of course, sir. My name is Rick. 67 00:02:43,589 --> 00:02:45,591 Let me know if there's anything you need. 68 00:02:47,726 --> 00:02:50,062 These toilets are all equipped with the highest-end features, 69 00:02:50,062 --> 00:02:51,730 including an automatic bidet system, 70 00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:54,233 bluetooth capability, and seat warmers. 71 00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:56,568 Seat warmers? Of course. 72 00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:58,337 And the toilet senses when you've come into the room, 73 00:02:58,337 --> 00:03:00,472 turns on a small light, plays welcome music, 74 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,074 and raises the lid for you. 75 00:03:02,074 --> 00:03:04,810 Can I offer you come sparkling water or champagne? 76 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,179 Oh, sure, I'll take some champagne. 77 00:03:07,179 --> 00:03:08,981 All the toilet's functions are operated 78 00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,183 by a touch-button remote which you mount 79 00:03:11,183 --> 00:03:13,352 where the toilet-paper roll used to go. 80 00:03:13,352 --> 00:03:15,420 So then where do you keep the toilet paper? 81 00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:18,690 With a Japanese toilet, you don't need toilet paper. 82 00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:21,059 The toilet washes you completely clean. 83 00:03:23,195 --> 00:03:24,796 You're mad. 84 00:03:24,796 --> 00:03:26,532 No, it's true. 85 00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:28,166 It has warm water and a dryer 86 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,003 and cleans you eight times better than toilet paper can. 87 00:03:32,871 --> 00:03:35,374 Would you like to take one for a test drive? 88 00:03:35,374 --> 00:03:36,675 Oh, uh, sure. 89 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,777 I did have kind of a big breakfast. 90 00:03:38,777 --> 00:03:40,178 Right over here. 91 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,221 [ New Age music plays ] 92 00:03:49,221 --> 00:03:55,961 ♪♪ 93 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,563 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 94 00:03:57,563 --> 00:03:59,731 ♪♪ 95 00:03:59,731 --> 00:04:01,900 ♪ I, I, I ♪ 96 00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:03,535 Oh. 97 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,171 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 98 00:04:06,171 --> 00:04:07,806 [ Water running ] Whoa! 99 00:04:07,806 --> 00:04:09,975 Ooh. Oh, oh! Oh. 100 00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:11,410 Ahhh! 101 00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:13,679 Oh, oh! [ Chuckles ] 102 00:04:13,679 --> 00:04:16,682 [ Farts ] 103 00:04:17,482 --> 00:04:19,084 [ Farts ] 104 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,919 [ Button beeps, water running ] 105 00:04:20,919 --> 00:04:22,888 Ohh! Oh. 106 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:26,124 [ Button beeps, toilet flushes ] 107 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:31,563 Okay, how much? 108 00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,933 Guys, I wanted to talk to you because I want you all 109 00:04:34,933 --> 00:04:37,436 to think about how we're viewed as a family. 110 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,673 You know, as a prominent weed dealer, we are successful, 111 00:04:41,673 --> 00:04:44,276 and we're sort of looked up to in this town 112 00:04:44,276 --> 00:04:48,413 because we have nice things that most families can't afford. 113 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,382 I mean, Stan, you're playing "Hogwarts Legacy" 114 00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:52,017 on PS5, right? 115 00:04:52,017 --> 00:04:54,086 You're playing "Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5. 116 00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,555 Yeah, my -- my point is that most people in town 117 00:04:56,555 --> 00:04:58,190 don't even have a PS5. 118 00:04:58,190 --> 00:04:59,791 They still have PS4s, 119 00:04:59,791 --> 00:05:03,061 and so we're basically the Kennedys of South Park. 120 00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:07,733 And the plain fact is that well-off families 121 00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:09,134 have nice things, 122 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,203 and we shouldn't be ashamed of that. 123 00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:13,271 [ Doorbell rings ] Ohp! New toilet's here! 124 00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:18,777 Hajimemashite. Japanese Torei des! 125 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,912 Uh, yes, thank you. Bring it on in. 126 00:05:20,912 --> 00:05:23,982 Delivery men: Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori! 127 00:05:23,982 --> 00:05:28,987 Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori! 128 00:05:28,987 --> 00:05:31,757 That's the new toilet? How much did it cost? 129 00:05:31,757 --> 00:05:34,493 Oh, Sharon. Tennish. 130 00:05:34,493 --> 00:05:36,928 What's tennish? Tennish. 131 00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:39,297 Thousandish. Ten thousandish. 132 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:42,501 You spent $10,000 on a toilet?! 133 00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:44,569 We don't have that kind of money, Randy! 134 00:05:44,569 --> 00:05:45,971 Yeah, we do. 135 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,839 Shitsurei Shimasu! Owarimashita. 136 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:49,675 Okay, yeah, right here? Okay. 137 00:05:49,675 --> 00:05:52,644 [ Boots clomping ] 138 00:05:53,278 --> 00:05:55,347 Doomo! Aringanto gozaimashita! 139 00:05:55,347 --> 00:05:57,115 Together: Aringato gozaimashita! 140 00:05:57,115 --> 00:05:58,617 K, thanks. 141 00:06:03,755 --> 00:06:06,291 You are taking that back to the store. 142 00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:07,626 Try it, Sharon. 143 00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:09,094 I don't need to, Randy. I want -- 144 00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:10,662 Try it, Sharon! 145 00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:13,265 [ New Age music plays ] 146 00:06:13,265 --> 00:06:18,203 ♪♪ 147 00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:19,871 [ Button beeps ] 148 00:06:19,871 --> 00:06:21,873 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 149 00:06:21,873 --> 00:06:23,642 Oh. Oh. 150 00:06:23,642 --> 00:06:25,043 ♪ I, I, I ♪ [ Button beeps ] 151 00:06:25,043 --> 00:06:27,379 Oh! Ohh! 152 00:06:27,379 --> 00:06:28,947 Ah-ha-ha! 153 00:06:28,947 --> 00:06:29,981 I wanna try it. 154 00:06:29,981 --> 00:06:31,116 Shhh! 155 00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:32,617 Ah-ho-ho! 156 00:06:32,617 --> 00:06:34,720 Ohh! 157 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,822 [ Bell rings ] 158 00:06:40,325 --> 00:06:41,693 Oh, look, there he goes. 159 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:43,361 It's Mr. Big Shot. 160 00:06:45,330 --> 00:06:46,998 Hey, Richie Rich. You eating caviar 161 00:06:46,998 --> 00:06:48,734 for lunch today, Richie Rich? 162 00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,707 Stan, just so you know, nobody gives a shit. 163 00:06:57,476 --> 00:06:58,977 About what? 164 00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:00,178 Come on, guys! 165 00:07:02,981 --> 00:07:05,417 Did you know some people can't even afford to eat? 166 00:07:05,417 --> 00:07:08,453 How about caring for something that matters, you bitch? 167 00:07:09,654 --> 00:07:11,423 What the [bleep]? 168 00:07:11,423 --> 00:07:13,992 Hey, Stan, you really have to be careful. 169 00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:15,660 Of what? 170 00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:17,496 Look, it's great that you come from a wealthy family, 171 00:07:17,496 --> 00:07:19,765 but people don't like getting their noses rubbed in it. 172 00:07:19,765 --> 00:07:22,567 Dude, I haven't even said anything! 173 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,236 Well, your dad called everyone last night 174 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,671 and told them you have a $10,000 toilet. 175 00:07:26,671 --> 00:07:27,806 What?! 176 00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:31,943 Well, thanks for having us over for brunch, Randy. 177 00:07:31,943 --> 00:07:34,346 Yeah, what's the special occasion? 178 00:07:34,346 --> 00:07:37,716 Oh, you know, just good times with dear friends. 179 00:07:37,716 --> 00:07:39,851 Does anyone need to go to the bathroom? 180 00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:41,620 Uh, no, I'm -- I'm good. 181 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,388 Oh, maybe some more coffee, then. 182 00:07:43,388 --> 00:07:45,857 Can you guys believe all the snow we've gotten? 183 00:07:45,857 --> 00:07:48,026 Yeah, maybe it will actually help with the drought. 184 00:07:48,026 --> 00:07:49,227 Let's hope so. 185 00:07:49,227 --> 00:07:52,464 Does anyone need a bathroom break? 186 00:07:52,464 --> 00:07:54,866 Well, actually, I-I think I could use the restroom. 187 00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:56,468 That was kind of a big breakfast. 188 00:07:56,468 --> 00:07:58,136 Oh! Oh, yeah, sure! It's, uh -- 189 00:07:58,136 --> 00:07:59,304 It's right across the hallway. 190 00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:01,406 Right there. Excuse me. 191 00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:07,412 [ New Age music plays ] 192 00:08:07,412 --> 00:08:09,247 Butters' Dad: Oh. 193 00:08:09,247 --> 00:08:10,916 What was that? 194 00:08:10,916 --> 00:08:13,485 Oh, that's the welcome music for my Japanese toilet. 195 00:08:13,485 --> 00:08:15,921 I've heard of those. Aren't they expensive? 196 00:08:15,921 --> 00:08:17,422 Yeah, a bit. 197 00:08:17,422 --> 00:08:19,124 But for those of us who can afford it, 198 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,625 it's well worth it. [ Button beeps ] 199 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,761 Oh! Ohhh! 200 00:08:22,761 --> 00:08:24,830 Ohhhh! 201 00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,598 He's now turned on the rear jet, 202 00:08:26,598 --> 00:08:28,667 which cleans your bottom with warm water. 203 00:08:28,667 --> 00:08:30,268 Oh. Ohhh! 204 00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:32,504 Ah! That's the front washer 205 00:08:32,504 --> 00:08:35,006 that washes your balls, or vagina. 206 00:08:35,006 --> 00:08:37,509 [ Farts ] 207 00:08:37,509 --> 00:08:39,911 If you think about it, a dry piece of toilet paper 208 00:08:39,911 --> 00:08:42,447 can't clean you half as well as pressurized water. 209 00:08:42,447 --> 00:08:44,316 I feel bad that most people have to walk around 210 00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:45,817 with fecal matter on their anus, 211 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,252 but I'm just lucky 212 00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:49,287 I've sold enough weed to be able not to. 213 00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:51,990 But was it really luck? Or was it hard work? 214 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,625 Heck, I don't know, but you know -- 215 00:08:53,625 --> 00:08:55,160 Dad, can I talk to you?! 216 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,128 Stan? You're back from school already? 217 00:08:57,128 --> 00:09:00,031 I need to talk to you right now! 218 00:09:00,031 --> 00:09:01,199 The [bleep] are you doing?! 219 00:09:01,199 --> 00:09:02,634 [Bleep] are you doing? 220 00:09:02,634 --> 00:09:04,603 You need to stop gloating to everybody! 221 00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:06,204 I am not gloating. 222 00:09:06,204 --> 00:09:07,505 Yes, you are, and now kids at school 223 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,875 are calling me Richie Rich! 224 00:09:09,875 --> 00:09:11,209 They are? 225 00:09:11,209 --> 00:09:12,844 Nobody cares about your stupid toilet 226 00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,713 and you're acting like a jerk. You're stupid. 227 00:09:14,713 --> 00:09:18,683 I'm acting like a jerk because I'm trying to help people?! 228 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,518 How are you trying to help people, Dad? 229 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:23,955 Because the people don't know that these toilets are awesome, 230 00:09:23,955 --> 00:09:26,124 and I'm just, like, the well-respected guy 231 00:09:26,124 --> 00:09:29,160 who's trying to open people's eyes like JFK. 232 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,963 You are not like JFK! 233 00:09:31,963 --> 00:09:33,698 You're just showing off! 234 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:37,302 Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause I am trying to change things! 235 00:09:37,302 --> 00:09:39,838 You're part of a very respected family, Stan. 236 00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:42,140 You should start acting like it. 237 00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:44,042 Okay, who's next? 238 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,313 [ New Age music plays ] 239 00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:48,647 ♪♪ 240 00:09:48,647 --> 00:09:52,685 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 241 00:09:52,685 --> 00:09:54,219 ♪ I, I, I ♪ 242 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,855 ♪♪ 243 00:09:56,855 --> 00:10:01,794 ♪ Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪ 244 00:10:01,794 --> 00:10:05,297 Randy singing along: ♪ Toire ni iru kara ♪ 245 00:10:05,297 --> 00:10:06,332 Randy? 246 00:10:06,332 --> 00:10:07,733 ♪ Kimochi ii ♪ 247 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,668 Randy! What?! 248 00:10:09,668 --> 00:10:13,205 Your proctologist is here to see you. 249 00:10:13,205 --> 00:10:14,907 My proctologist? 250 00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:16,275 ♪ Atashi ♪ 251 00:10:17,376 --> 00:10:18,911 Oh, hey there, Doc. 252 00:10:18,911 --> 00:10:21,313 Well, Randy Marsh, how are ya? 253 00:10:21,313 --> 00:10:23,048 I'm doing great. How are you? 254 00:10:23,048 --> 00:10:25,150 Wonderful! Just been super busy. 255 00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:28,053 I'm actually takin' the wife to Tuscany day after tomorrow. 256 00:10:28,053 --> 00:10:30,055 Tuscany? Wow. Awesome. 257 00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:32,224 Yeah, well, Randy you haven't been in my office 258 00:10:32,224 --> 00:10:33,993 for a few days, so I thought I'd come 259 00:10:33,993 --> 00:10:36,328 do a house call to help you with your hemorrhoids. 260 00:10:36,328 --> 00:10:38,263 Oh! No, Doctor. 261 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,599 I haven't needed to come to your office. 262 00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:43,168 In fact, I don't think I'll be needing your services anymore 263 00:10:43,168 --> 00:10:45,771 since I've gotten a Japanese toilet. 264 00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:47,339 Oh -- Oh, really? 265 00:10:47,339 --> 00:10:49,341 It's completely changed my life. 266 00:10:49,341 --> 00:10:51,210 I'm healthier, I'm less stressed, 267 00:10:51,210 --> 00:10:54,013 and I don't get hemorrhoids 'cause I'm not smearing shit 268 00:10:54,013 --> 00:10:55,948 all over my ass with toilet paper. 269 00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,282 Huh. 270 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,550 Here, here. You wanna come see it?! 271 00:10:59,585 --> 00:11:01,253 Go on, check it out. 272 00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:09,094 [ Beep, chime ] 273 00:11:09,094 --> 00:11:11,797 [ Whirring ] 274 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:14,466 [ Doctor shouting, banging on toilet ] 275 00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,301 D-Dr. Sheltair? 276 00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,404 [ Shouting and banging continues ] 277 00:11:18,404 --> 00:11:20,706 Dr. Sheltair?! 278 00:11:20,706 --> 00:11:22,741 You stupid! Whoa hey hey hey! 279 00:11:22,741 --> 00:11:25,377 You ruined Tuscany! Gah! 280 00:11:25,377 --> 00:11:26,879 Stop it! I hate you! 281 00:11:26,879 --> 00:11:29,415 I hate you! I hate you! 282 00:11:29,415 --> 00:11:31,583 Go on! Get out of here! 283 00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:32,985 How am I supposed to tell my wife 284 00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:35,587 we can't afford to go to Tuscany now?! 285 00:11:35,587 --> 00:11:39,091 I never realized you made so much money off my ass. 286 00:11:39,091 --> 00:11:41,093 Go on. Get. 287 00:11:41,093 --> 00:11:42,695 Get! 288 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:48,000 [ Bell rings ] 289 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,868 [ Murmuring ] 290 00:11:52,438 --> 00:11:54,106 Hey, Stan! Stan hold up! 291 00:11:54,106 --> 00:11:55,574 What? 292 00:11:55,574 --> 00:11:57,843 Well, um, you're just a really good friend, Stan, 293 00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,912 and -- and I was gonna ask if maybe 294 00:11:59,912 --> 00:12:01,780 I could borrow your plungercost? 295 00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:04,149 What's a plungercost? It doesn't cost nothing 296 00:12:04,149 --> 00:12:06,819 when your toilet's nice as yours, Richie Rich! 297 00:12:06,819 --> 00:12:08,520 [ Laughter ] 298 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,323 I did it! I called Stan Richie Rich, too! 299 00:12:11,323 --> 00:12:13,892 That was fun! 300 00:12:16,295 --> 00:12:19,264 Stan, you've got to stop bragging about your toilet. 301 00:12:19,264 --> 00:12:21,166 I'm not bragging about my toilet! 302 00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:23,168 And why is it such a big deal anyway? 303 00:12:23,168 --> 00:12:27,005 It's a big deal, Stan. You just don't understand why. 304 00:12:29,842 --> 00:12:33,378 Have you ever asked yourself why we use toilet paper? 305 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:36,849 We're told to wash our hands... wear masks in crowds... 306 00:12:36,849 --> 00:12:38,884 but for some reason, when it comes to wiping our ass, 307 00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:41,687 we're told to do it with this little piece of paper. 308 00:12:41,687 --> 00:12:44,356 We are all -- all of us -- walking around right now 309 00:12:44,356 --> 00:12:47,226 with a little bit of shit smeared on our buttholes. 310 00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:49,027 Did you know that 70% of people in the world 311 00:12:49,027 --> 00:12:52,030 don't even use it at all? 312 00:12:52,030 --> 00:12:54,066 70% of the world doesn't use toilet paper? 313 00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,801 Look it up. 314 00:12:55,801 --> 00:12:58,670 Most people in the world still use good ol' soap and water. 315 00:12:58,670 --> 00:13:01,473 The average American uses 140 rolls 316 00:13:01,473 --> 00:13:03,342 of toilet paper per year. 317 00:13:03,342 --> 00:13:06,011 Can you even begin to imagine how many trees that is? 318 00:13:06,011 --> 00:13:07,846 To supply the United States its toilet paper, 319 00:13:07,846 --> 00:13:12,684 it takes 31.1 million trees per year. 320 00:13:12,684 --> 00:13:14,353 A million acres per year of precious 321 00:13:14,353 --> 00:13:15,888 Canadian Boreal forest alone, 322 00:13:15,888 --> 00:13:18,490 releasing upwards of 25 metric tons of CO2 323 00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:20,993 and leveling 90% of the land barren. 324 00:13:20,993 --> 00:13:23,729 So, then, why do Americans use it so much? 325 00:13:23,729 --> 00:13:25,564 Well, that's the big question, isn't it? 326 00:13:25,564 --> 00:13:28,400 None of it makes any sense. Well, then, maybe somebody -- 327 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,369 Just tell your dad to stop. 328 00:13:30,369 --> 00:13:32,271 Americans don't want to change their toilets 329 00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:34,606 and they never will. 330 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,776 Ladies and gentlemen, we have a public service announcement. 331 00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:40,445 One of our citizens has asked to speak with you. 332 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:43,448 Please welcome Mr. Randy S. Marsh. 333 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:47,853 ♪♪ 334 00:13:47,853 --> 00:13:50,722 Thank you, Mayor. Thank you, everyone. 335 00:13:50,722 --> 00:13:53,091 You know, the Marshes are a family that try to always 336 00:13:53,091 --> 00:13:54,960 lead by example. 337 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,764 And we know that all of you appreciate that. 338 00:13:58,764 --> 00:14:03,702 Everyone deserves to be clean, and the truth is, you can be. 339 00:14:03,702 --> 00:14:05,304 You might not be the Marshes, 340 00:14:05,304 --> 00:14:08,607 but you can afford a Japanese toilet. 341 00:14:08,607 --> 00:14:11,376 Just not a really nice one like what we have. 342 00:14:11,376 --> 00:14:13,212 If you take into account the money 343 00:14:13,212 --> 00:14:16,415 we all spend on toilet paper, doctors, and hemorrhoid cream, 344 00:14:16,415 --> 00:14:20,752 a Japanese toilet pays for itself in just a few years. 345 00:14:20,752 --> 00:14:24,323 There are actually Japanese toilets made for commoners. 346 00:14:24,323 --> 00:14:26,792 Walmart and Amazon all carry the lower 347 00:14:26,792 --> 00:14:30,429 cost of shitty Japanese toilets that anyone can afford. 348 00:14:30,429 --> 00:14:32,164 There's even these like attachment thingies 349 00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:33,765 for your existing toilet 350 00:14:33,765 --> 00:14:36,168 which will make you feel like a Marsh yourself. 351 00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,503 They may not be Nihon No style-ru, 352 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:41,306 but they are good enough for you guys. 353 00:14:41,306 --> 00:14:46,745 The point is -- even commoners don't need toilet paper anymore! 354 00:14:46,745 --> 00:14:49,514 And, so, I am suggesting that this town puts all -- 355 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,617 [ Gunshot ] 356 00:14:51,617 --> 00:14:54,820 Man: Holy shit! 357 00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:56,755 Randy?! Wah! 358 00:14:56,755 --> 00:14:59,791 [ Screaming ] 359 00:15:03,829 --> 00:15:06,632 I'm sorry, but he's in critical condition. 360 00:15:06,632 --> 00:15:08,500 Who shot him? 361 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,369 Nobody knows. 362 00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:12,271 Is he gonna be okay? 363 00:15:12,271 --> 00:15:13,839 He's in a coma. 364 00:15:13,839 --> 00:15:17,175 He's unconscious and just blabbering nonsense. 365 00:15:17,175 --> 00:15:18,710 [ Monitor beeping ] 366 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:23,482 Bikkuri... Bikkurishita... Taiehn deshou... 367 00:15:23,482 --> 00:15:26,685 Mr. Marsh, your whole family is here. 368 00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:29,721 Your wife, your daughter, and your son. 369 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:32,291 T-Toire Wa? 370 00:15:32,291 --> 00:15:34,660 No, your toilet is back at the farm. 371 00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:37,663 Taihen ja naaaa.... 372 00:15:37,663 --> 00:15:40,365 Dad, I'm sorry I yelled at you before. 373 00:15:40,365 --> 00:15:43,135 I didn't know you were really trying to help. 374 00:15:43,135 --> 00:15:46,705 Kon-nichi waaa... 375 00:15:48,473 --> 00:15:52,411 -Stan, where are you going? -I let dad down once. 376 00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:54,546 Somebody has to pick up where he left off. 377 00:15:58,776 --> 00:16:00,945 Harris: I promise we're doing all we can. 378 00:16:00,945 --> 00:16:02,379 I'm sorry for what happened, 379 00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,315 but you need to leave it to the professionals. 380 00:16:04,315 --> 00:16:06,317 There's something more going on here. 381 00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,652 I think my dad was on to something and I 382 00:16:08,652 --> 00:16:10,821 didn't listen to him, and now he's in a hospital. 383 00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:12,222 We've already got a few leads 384 00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,024 and we're following up on all of them. 385 00:16:14,024 --> 00:16:17,027 I assure you we take this all very seriously. 386 00:16:17,027 --> 00:16:18,963 This isn't a joke to us. 387 00:16:18,963 --> 00:16:20,965 -Chief, hey, Chief! -Yeah? 388 00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:22,299 An angry proctologist walked in 389 00:16:22,299 --> 00:16:24,401 to the toilet section of Home Depot. 390 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,203 [ Chuckles ] Y-Yeah? 391 00:16:26,203 --> 00:16:28,138 Proctologist says to the toilet manager, 392 00:16:28,138 --> 00:16:30,007 "I ain't taking the fall," and pulls a gun 393 00:16:30,007 --> 00:16:31,709 on six Japanese delivery men. 394 00:16:31,709 --> 00:16:33,344 [ Chuckling ] Okay. 395 00:16:33,344 --> 00:16:35,179 So, then, the six Japanese delivery men show up, 396 00:16:35,179 --> 00:16:36,981 and the proctologist has everyone held hostage 397 00:16:36,981 --> 00:16:38,382 and says he's not taking the fall 398 00:16:38,382 --> 00:16:40,684 for the Randy Marsh shooting. 399 00:16:40,684 --> 00:16:42,519 Oh, shit, this is actually happening?! 400 00:16:42,519 --> 00:16:44,254 Come on people let's go! 401 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:47,091 [ Radio chatter, siren chirps ] 402 00:16:47,091 --> 00:16:49,026 I ain't going down for this! 403 00:16:49,026 --> 00:16:52,363 You got that, coppers?! I didn't shoot anybody! 404 00:16:52,363 --> 00:16:53,831 But if I'm going down, 405 00:16:53,831 --> 00:16:56,233 I'll take these careless bastards out with me! 406 00:16:56,233 --> 00:16:58,035 Would you like some sparkling water or cham-- 407 00:16:58,035 --> 00:17:00,070 [ Gasps ] Get -- Get outta here! 408 00:17:00,070 --> 00:17:01,605 Come on out. 409 00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:04,675 There's no other way, we have you surrounded. 410 00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:07,344 I didn't shoot Randy Marsh! 411 00:17:07,344 --> 00:17:10,214 -Taihen! -Nobody's saying you did! 412 00:17:10,214 --> 00:17:13,450 No, but they're gonna use me as their scapegoat! 413 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,786 They'll fix things like they always do! 414 00:17:15,786 --> 00:17:17,855 -Who will? -They'll use their lawyers 415 00:17:17,855 --> 00:17:20,224 and their power to make it all go away! 416 00:17:20,224 --> 00:17:22,359 Just like they did back when that 2nd grade kid 417 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:24,461 wrote a story in the school paper about toilets 418 00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:25,729 two years ago! 419 00:17:25,729 --> 00:17:27,197 They'll take me out, too! 420 00:17:27,197 --> 00:17:28,766 [ Cocks gun ] There's no stopping them! 421 00:17:28,766 --> 00:17:30,267 Don't do it! 422 00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:32,036 [ Gunshot ] 423 00:17:32,036 --> 00:17:34,038 Sabishiiiii! 424 00:17:34,038 --> 00:17:35,806 Aww! Alright move in! 425 00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:37,608 Secure the area. 426 00:17:37,608 --> 00:17:41,045 2nd grade kid two years ago... 427 00:17:41,045 --> 00:17:43,414 Wrote about toilets in the school news paper. 428 00:17:47,251 --> 00:17:51,088 You weren't warning me about people getting upset. 429 00:17:51,088 --> 00:17:52,690 You know more about this. 430 00:17:55,259 --> 00:17:56,794 Hey! 431 00:17:56,794 --> 00:17:58,495 You wrote a story in the school paper 432 00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,097 and someone came after you! 433 00:18:00,097 --> 00:18:02,266 Yeah I wrote a story, big deal! 434 00:18:02,266 --> 00:18:04,501 Jimmy, I want to know who shot my dad! 435 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,637 They took everything from me, Stan. 436 00:18:06,637 --> 00:18:09,273 My bike...my cat... 437 00:18:09,273 --> 00:18:10,741 They were gonna sue my parents 438 00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:12,976 for what I wrote in the school paper. 439 00:18:12,976 --> 00:18:16,447 You're talking about the toilet paper companies. 440 00:18:16,447 --> 00:18:19,349 Who has the most to lose? It's all toilet paper, Stan! 441 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:23,120 Follow the money! 140 rolls per American per year. 442 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,955 Factories pushing out roll after roll 443 00:18:24,955 --> 00:18:26,590 while razing Earth's resources. 444 00:18:26,590 --> 00:18:28,492 All of this for an unsanitary product 445 00:18:28,492 --> 00:18:30,828 that has been proven to contribute to anal fissures. 446 00:18:30,828 --> 00:18:32,496 Don't you get it, man? 447 00:18:32,496 --> 00:18:35,999 Paper doesn't clean bacteria. It can't stop viruses. 448 00:18:35,999 --> 00:18:37,468 With all that information, 449 00:18:37,468 --> 00:18:38,836 you'd think the world health organization 450 00:18:38,836 --> 00:18:41,038 would do studies to find alternatives. 451 00:18:41,038 --> 00:18:42,639 So why don't they? 452 00:18:42,639 --> 00:18:44,675 Because toilet paper is an industry worth 453 00:18:44,675 --> 00:18:48,212 billions and b-billions of dollars. 454 00:18:48,212 --> 00:18:52,382 Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific, Procter & Gamble. 455 00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:55,018 They don't want Japanese toilets in America 456 00:18:55,018 --> 00:18:57,221 and they have the power to stop them, 457 00:18:57,221 --> 00:19:00,457 and to stop you. 458 00:19:00,457 --> 00:19:02,659 I can't believe they shot my dad... 459 00:19:02,659 --> 00:19:05,129 because he wanted to change things. 460 00:19:05,129 --> 00:19:08,832 These people have deeper pockets than you can possibly imagine. 461 00:19:08,832 --> 00:19:12,202 They can destroy everything you love, Stan. 462 00:19:12,202 --> 00:19:13,904 Take my advice... 463 00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:17,841 Don't. Squeeze. The Charmin. 464 00:19:17,841 --> 00:19:21,678 You might be too scared Jimmy, but I'm a Marsh. 465 00:19:23,347 --> 00:19:26,216 ♪♪ 466 00:19:26,216 --> 00:19:27,851 My fellow Americans... 467 00:19:27,851 --> 00:19:29,820 we have been coerced and brain washed. 468 00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,522 While the rest of the world walks around 469 00:19:31,522 --> 00:19:34,024 with cleaner buttholes, we are obsessed with dry paper 470 00:19:34,024 --> 00:19:36,894 sold to us by billion-dollar corporations. 471 00:19:36,894 --> 00:19:40,030 -Yeah. -Hey, yeah, he's right! 472 00:19:40,030 --> 00:19:42,432 My father wanted everyone to see that there were alternatives. 473 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,501 But they don't want him talking about alternatives! 474 00:19:44,501 --> 00:19:46,203 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 475 00:19:46,203 --> 00:19:49,206 And we can't be blindly buying their products anymore. 476 00:19:49,206 --> 00:19:51,542 And as a town, we will find alternatives, 477 00:19:51,542 --> 00:19:52,776 and we will not be afraid to -- 478 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:55,412 Stop! Stop! We're not doing this! 479 00:19:55,412 --> 00:19:57,681 Dad! Everyone just stop, we're not doing this. 480 00:19:57,681 --> 00:19:59,883 Thank you. South Park, uh, we-we're cutting this short. 481 00:19:59,883 --> 00:20:02,286 I was totally wrong and I want to apologize. 482 00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:03,854 No, dad, it's the toilet paper companies 483 00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,622 that are behind all the -- Yeah, I know. 484 00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,891 Yeah, so, uh, w-we have nothing against toilet paper. 485 00:20:07,891 --> 00:20:09,393 It's a great product and, uh, 486 00:20:09,393 --> 00:20:10,894 it was childish of me to make fun of it. 487 00:20:10,894 --> 00:20:12,563 Thanks, though. We'll see ya later. 488 00:20:12,563 --> 00:20:14,097 Dad, we can't just back down. 489 00:20:14,097 --> 00:20:16,466 Bro! I got [bleep] shot! 490 00:20:18,235 --> 00:20:19,937 Japanese toilets are totally unnecessary, 491 00:20:19,937 --> 00:20:21,738 and, uh, in case anyone else is listening, 492 00:20:21,738 --> 00:20:24,908 I think all of South Park would like to apologize. 493 00:20:24,908 --> 00:20:27,578 We retract what we said about toilet paper companies. 494 00:20:27,578 --> 00:20:31,048 They -- They have done nothing but help us, and we are sorry. 495 00:20:31,048 --> 00:20:34,251 South Park -- everyone -- say you're sorry. 496 00:20:34,251 --> 00:20:36,553 All: We're sorry. 497 00:20:36,553 --> 00:20:38,755 Okay, great. Come on, guys, let's go home. 498 00:20:38,755 --> 00:20:41,091 What about helping people and leading by example? 499 00:20:41,091 --> 00:20:43,060 We're not the Goddamn Kennedys, Stan. 500 00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:44,728 Stop being an idiot. 501 00:20:44,728 --> 00:21:09,686 ♪♪ 502 00:20:53,070 --> 00:21:09,686 ♪♪ 503 00:21:01,345 --> 00:21:09,686 ♪♪ 504 00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:13,490 Nice to have you back, Ol' Blue. 505 00:21:13,490 --> 00:21:16,293 You know, guys, I'm actually not that sad. 506 00:21:16,293 --> 00:21:18,695 Having a Japanese toilet was great, but... 507 00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:20,597 I've come to realize that, 508 00:21:20,597 --> 00:21:23,300 when you have some big, nice luxury thing, 509 00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:25,269 it eventually just becomes normal. 510 00:21:25,269 --> 00:21:27,104 But you start comparing it to all the other things 511 00:21:27,104 --> 00:21:30,507 in your life which suddenly feel you have to upgrade, too. 512 00:21:30,507 --> 00:21:32,976 So, it's really best to just 513 00:21:32,976 --> 00:21:36,313 stick with the beat-up, crappy old things we have. 514 00:21:36,313 --> 00:21:38,048 Love you forever, Honey. 515 00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:44,488 ♪♪ 516 00:21:45,573 --> 00:22:14,468 ♪♪ 517 00:21:55,183 --> 00:22:14,468 ♪♪ 518 00:22:04,825 --> 00:22:14,468 ♪♪