1
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:10,844
♪♪
2
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:14,114
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
3
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:15,849
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
4
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,717
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
5
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:20,687
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
6
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,355
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
7
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,324
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
8
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:27,360
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
9
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,797
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
10
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:34,734
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
11
00:00:37,763 --> 00:00:40,532
[ Video game beeping ]
12
00:00:40,532 --> 00:00:42,034
See, Stan?
You gotta choose
13
00:00:42,034 --> 00:00:43,802
if you wanna be
in Gryffindor or Slytherin.
14
00:00:43,802 --> 00:00:45,704
Yeah, can I do it?
15
00:00:45,704 --> 00:00:47,773
Yeah, see, you gotta fight
these fairy guys.
16
00:00:47,773 --> 00:00:49,007
Randy.
17
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,476
[ Beeping continues ]
18
00:00:50,476 --> 00:00:51,777
Randy!
19
00:00:51,777 --> 00:00:53,312
The powder room
toilet is broken.
20
00:00:53,312 --> 00:00:54,513
Again!
21
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,048
Did you jiggle
the handle?
22
00:00:56,048 --> 00:00:57,483
Yes, I jiggled the handle.
23
00:00:57,483 --> 00:00:59,385
Will you come
fix this, please?
24
00:00:59,385 --> 00:01:01,520
Okay, okay.
25
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,888
[ Beeping continues ]
26
00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:09,161
Huh, well, let's see.
27
00:01:09,161 --> 00:01:12,831
It's gotta be the little
black floaty thingie.
28
00:01:12,831 --> 00:01:13,966
What'd you do to it?
29
00:01:13,966 --> 00:01:15,634
I didn't do anything.
30
00:01:15,634 --> 00:01:17,002
Lemme see if there's
water in the bowl.
31
00:01:17,002 --> 00:01:19,037
No!
Don't lift the lid.
32
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,839
Why can't I
lift the lid?
33
00:01:20,839 --> 00:01:23,642
Don't, Randy!
Uh-huh.
34
00:01:23,642 --> 00:01:25,744
Hey, guys!
Your mom took a shit
35
00:01:25,744 --> 00:01:27,212
and doesn't want me
to see it.
36
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,214
Ew!
Gross, Dad!
37
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:32,017
Randy!
We need to get a new toilet.
38
00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:34,386
We can't just get rid
of Ol' Blue, Sharon.
39
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,921
This is embarrassing.
40
00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:39,024
It's the powder room toilet,
the one guests use.
41
00:01:39,024 --> 00:01:40,559
You get a new toilet,
Randy,
42
00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:43,495
or I'm not helping you
sell weed anymore!
43
00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,931
Alright, alright.
Sharon, you win.
44
00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:47,132
As usual.
45
00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:50,369
Poor Ol' Blue.
46
00:01:53,272 --> 00:01:55,407
[ Indistinct conversations ]
47
00:01:58,444 --> 00:02:00,212
Can I help you
with anything?
48
00:02:00,212 --> 00:02:03,015
Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new
toilet to replace Ol' Blue.
49
00:02:03,015 --> 00:02:05,184
Alright, well, all our toilets
here are standard bowl,
50
00:02:05,184 --> 00:02:06,351
come with full warranty.
51
00:02:06,351 --> 00:02:07,753
How much
you looking to spend?
52
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,121
Well I'm not poor.
53
00:02:09,121 --> 00:02:11,223
I happen to have
my own weed business.
54
00:02:11,223 --> 00:02:13,459
So that's pretty much
the nicest one you have, right?
55
00:02:13,459 --> 00:02:15,127
Yeah, that's probably
the top model, you know,
56
00:02:15,127 --> 00:02:18,430
before you start getting
into the Japanese toilets.
57
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,798
Japanese toilets?
58
00:02:19,798 --> 00:02:21,567
Yeah, they're the sort of
the super-high-class
59
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:23,302
luxury models with all
the bells and whistles.
60
00:02:23,302 --> 00:02:25,871
But you probably don't wanna
spend that kind of money.
61
00:02:25,871 --> 00:02:27,606
I'm not poor.
62
00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:30,409
Oh, well,
we can show them to you.
63
00:02:30,409 --> 00:02:32,578
The Japanese toilets
are right over there.
64
00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:39,551
Hi, Rick.
This gentleman
65
00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:41,420
would like to see
the Japanese toilets.
66
00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:43,589
Well, of course, sir.
My name is Rick.
67
00:02:43,589 --> 00:02:45,591
Let me know if there's
anything you need.
68
00:02:47,726 --> 00:02:50,062
These toilets are all equipped
with the highest-end features,
69
00:02:50,062 --> 00:02:51,730
including an automatic
bidet system,
70
00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:54,233
bluetooth capability,
and seat warmers.
71
00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:56,568
Seat warmers?
Of course.
72
00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:58,337
And the toilet senses
when you've come into the room,
73
00:02:58,337 --> 00:03:00,472
turns on a small light,
plays welcome music,
74
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,074
and raises the lid
for you.
75
00:03:02,074 --> 00:03:04,810
Can I offer you come
sparkling water or champagne?
76
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,179
Oh, sure,
I'll take some champagne.
77
00:03:07,179 --> 00:03:08,981
All the toilet's functions
are operated
78
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,183
by a touch-button remote
which you mount
79
00:03:11,183 --> 00:03:13,352
where the toilet-paper roll
used to go.
80
00:03:13,352 --> 00:03:15,420
So then where do you keep
the toilet paper?
81
00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:18,690
With a Japanese toilet,
you don't need toilet paper.
82
00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:21,059
The toilet washes you
completely clean.
83
00:03:23,195 --> 00:03:24,796
You're mad.
84
00:03:24,796 --> 00:03:26,532
No, it's true.
85
00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:28,166
It has warm water
and a dryer
86
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,003
and cleans you eight times
better than toilet paper can.
87
00:03:32,871 --> 00:03:35,374
Would you like to take one
for a test drive?
88
00:03:35,374 --> 00:03:36,675
Oh, uh, sure.
89
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,777
I did have kind of
a big breakfast.
90
00:03:38,777 --> 00:03:40,178
Right over here.
91
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,221
[ New Age music plays ]
92
00:03:49,221 --> 00:03:55,961
♪♪
93
00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,563
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
94
00:03:57,563 --> 00:03:59,731
♪♪
95
00:03:59,731 --> 00:04:01,900
♪ I, I, I ♪
96
00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:03,535
Oh.
97
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,171
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
98
00:04:06,171 --> 00:04:07,806
[ Water running ]
Whoa!
99
00:04:07,806 --> 00:04:09,975
Ooh.
Oh, oh! Oh.
100
00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:11,410
Ahhh!
101
00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:13,679
Oh, oh!
[ Chuckles ]
102
00:04:13,679 --> 00:04:16,682
[ Farts ]
103
00:04:17,482 --> 00:04:19,084
[ Farts ]
104
00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,919
[ Button beeps,
water running ]
105
00:04:20,919 --> 00:04:22,888
Ohh! Oh.
106
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:26,124
[ Button beeps,
toilet flushes ]
107
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:31,563
Okay, how much?
108
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,933
Guys, I wanted to talk to you
because I want you all
109
00:04:34,933 --> 00:04:37,436
to think about how
we're viewed as a family.
110
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,673
You know, as a prominent
weed dealer, we are successful,
111
00:04:41,673 --> 00:04:44,276
and we're sort of looked up to
in this town
112
00:04:44,276 --> 00:04:48,413
because we have nice things
that most families can't afford.
113
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,382
I mean, Stan, you're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy"
114
00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:52,017
on PS5, right?
115
00:04:52,017 --> 00:04:54,086
You're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5.
116
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,555
Yeah, my -- my point is
that most people in town
117
00:04:56,555 --> 00:04:58,190
don't even have a PS5.
118
00:04:58,190 --> 00:04:59,791
They still have PS4s,
119
00:04:59,791 --> 00:05:03,061
and so we're basically
the Kennedys of South Park.
120
00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:07,733
And the plain fact is
that well-off families
121
00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:09,134
have nice things,
122
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,203
and we shouldn't be
ashamed of that.
123
00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:13,271
[ Doorbell rings ]
Ohp!
New toilet's here!
124
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:18,777
Hajimemashite.
Japanese Torei des!
125
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,912
Uh, yes, thank you.
Bring it on in.
126
00:05:20,912 --> 00:05:23,982
Delivery men:
Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!
127
00:05:23,982 --> 00:05:28,987
Kyo fun yori!
Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!
128
00:05:28,987 --> 00:05:31,757
That's the new toilet?
How much did it cost?
129
00:05:31,757 --> 00:05:34,493
Oh, Sharon.
Tennish.
130
00:05:34,493 --> 00:05:36,928
What's tennish?
Tennish.
131
00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:39,297
Thousandish.
Ten thousandish.
132
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:42,501
You spent $10,000
on a toilet?!
133
00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:44,569
We don't have
that kind of money, Randy!
134
00:05:44,569 --> 00:05:45,971
Yeah, we do.
135
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,839
Shitsurei Shimasu!
Owarimashita.
136
00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:49,675
Okay, yeah, right here?
Okay.
137
00:05:49,675 --> 00:05:52,644
[ Boots clomping ]
138
00:05:53,278 --> 00:05:55,347
Doomo!
Aringanto gozaimashita!
139
00:05:55,347 --> 00:05:57,115
Together:
Aringato gozaimashita!
140
00:05:57,115 --> 00:05:58,617
K, thanks.
141
00:06:03,755 --> 00:06:06,291
You are taking that back
to the store.
142
00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:07,626
Try it, Sharon.
143
00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:09,094
I don't need to, Randy.
I want --
144
00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:10,662
Try it, Sharon!
145
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:13,265
[ New Age music plays ]
146
00:06:13,265 --> 00:06:18,203
♪♪
147
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:19,871
[ Button beeps ]
148
00:06:19,871 --> 00:06:21,873
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
149
00:06:21,873 --> 00:06:23,642
Oh. Oh.
150
00:06:23,642 --> 00:06:25,043
♪ I, I, I ♪
[ Button beeps ]
151
00:06:25,043 --> 00:06:27,379
Oh! Ohh!
152
00:06:27,379 --> 00:06:28,947
Ah-ha-ha!
153
00:06:28,947 --> 00:06:29,981
I wanna try it.
154
00:06:29,981 --> 00:06:31,116
Shhh!
155
00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:32,617
Ah-ho-ho!
156
00:06:32,617 --> 00:06:34,720
Ohh!
157
00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,822
[ Bell rings ]
158
00:06:40,325 --> 00:06:41,693
Oh, look,
there he goes.
159
00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:43,361
It's Mr. Big Shot.
160
00:06:45,330 --> 00:06:46,998
Hey, Richie Rich.
You eating caviar
161
00:06:46,998 --> 00:06:48,734
for lunch today,
Richie Rich?
162
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,707
Stan, just so you know,
nobody gives a shit.
163
00:06:57,476 --> 00:06:58,977
About what?
164
00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:00,178
Come on, guys!
165
00:07:02,981 --> 00:07:05,417
Did you know some people
can't even afford to eat?
166
00:07:05,417 --> 00:07:08,453
How about caring for something
that matters, you bitch?
167
00:07:09,654 --> 00:07:11,423
What the [bleep]?
168
00:07:11,423 --> 00:07:13,992
Hey, Stan, you really
have to be careful.
169
00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:15,660
Of what?
170
00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:17,496
Look, it's great that you come
from a wealthy family,
171
00:07:17,496 --> 00:07:19,765
but people don't like getting
their noses rubbed in it.
172
00:07:19,765 --> 00:07:22,567
Dude, I haven't
even said anything!
173
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,236
Well, your dad called
everyone last night
174
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,671
and told them you have
a $10,000 toilet.
175
00:07:26,671 --> 00:07:27,806
What?!
176
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:31,943
Well, thanks for having us
over for brunch, Randy.
177
00:07:31,943 --> 00:07:34,346
Yeah, what's
the special occasion?
178
00:07:34,346 --> 00:07:37,716
Oh, you know, just good times
with dear friends.
179
00:07:37,716 --> 00:07:39,851
Does anyone need
to go to the bathroom?
180
00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:41,620
Uh, no, I'm --
I'm good.
181
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,388
Oh, maybe some
more coffee, then.
182
00:07:43,388 --> 00:07:45,857
Can you guys believe
all the snow we've gotten?
183
00:07:45,857 --> 00:07:48,026
Yeah, maybe it will actually
help with the drought.
184
00:07:48,026 --> 00:07:49,227
Let's hope so.
185
00:07:49,227 --> 00:07:52,464
Does anyone need
a bathroom break?
186
00:07:52,464 --> 00:07:54,866
Well, actually, I-I think
I could use the restroom.
187
00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:56,468
That was kind of
a big breakfast.
188
00:07:56,468 --> 00:07:58,136
Oh! Oh, yeah, sure!
It's, uh --
189
00:07:58,136 --> 00:07:59,304
It's right across
the hallway.
190
00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:01,406
Right there.
Excuse me.
191
00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:07,412
[ New Age music plays ]
192
00:08:07,412 --> 00:08:09,247
Butters' Dad:
Oh.
193
00:08:09,247 --> 00:08:10,916
What was that?
194
00:08:10,916 --> 00:08:13,485
Oh, that's the welcome music
for my Japanese toilet.
195
00:08:13,485 --> 00:08:15,921
I've heard of those.
Aren't they expensive?
196
00:08:15,921 --> 00:08:17,422
Yeah, a bit.
197
00:08:17,422 --> 00:08:19,124
But for those of us
who can afford it,
198
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,625
it's well worth it.
[ Button beeps ]
199
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,761
Oh! Ohhh!
200
00:08:22,761 --> 00:08:24,830
Ohhhh!
201
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,598
He's now turned on
the rear jet,
202
00:08:26,598 --> 00:08:28,667
which cleans your bottom
with warm water.
203
00:08:28,667 --> 00:08:30,268
Oh. Ohhh!
204
00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:32,504
Ah!
That's the front washer
205
00:08:32,504 --> 00:08:35,006
that washes your balls,
or vagina.
206
00:08:35,006 --> 00:08:37,509
[ Farts ]
207
00:08:37,509 --> 00:08:39,911
If you think about it,
a dry piece of toilet paper
208
00:08:39,911 --> 00:08:42,447
can't clean you half as well
as pressurized water.
209
00:08:42,447 --> 00:08:44,316
I feel bad that most people
have to walk around
210
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:45,817
with fecal matter
on their anus,
211
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,252
but I'm just lucky
212
00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:49,287
I've sold enough weed
to be able not to.
213
00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:51,990
But was it really luck?
Or was it hard work?
214
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,625
Heck, I don't know,
but you know --
215
00:08:53,625 --> 00:08:55,160
Dad, can I
talk to you?!
216
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,128
Stan? You're back
from school already?
217
00:08:57,128 --> 00:09:00,031
I need to talk to you
right now!
218
00:09:00,031 --> 00:09:01,199
The [bleep] are you doing?!
219
00:09:01,199 --> 00:09:02,634
[Bleep] are you doing?
220
00:09:02,634 --> 00:09:04,603
You need to stop
gloating to everybody!
221
00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:06,204
I am not gloating.
222
00:09:06,204 --> 00:09:07,505
Yes, you are,
and now kids at school
223
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,875
are calling me
Richie Rich!
224
00:09:09,875 --> 00:09:11,209
They are?
225
00:09:11,209 --> 00:09:12,844
Nobody cares about
your stupid toilet
226
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,713
and you're acting
like a jerk.
You're stupid.
227
00:09:14,713 --> 00:09:18,683
I'm acting like a jerk because
I'm trying to help people?!
228
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,518
How are you trying
to help people, Dad?
229
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:23,955
Because the people don't know
that these toilets are awesome,
230
00:09:23,955 --> 00:09:26,124
and I'm just, like,
the well-respected guy
231
00:09:26,124 --> 00:09:29,160
who's trying to open
people's eyes like JFK.
232
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,963
You are not like JFK!
233
00:09:31,963 --> 00:09:33,698
You're just showing off!
234
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:37,302
Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause
I am trying to change things!
235
00:09:37,302 --> 00:09:39,838
You're part of a very
respected family, Stan.
236
00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:42,140
You should start
acting like it.
237
00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:44,042
Okay, who's next?
238
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,313
[ New Age music plays ]
239
00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:48,647
♪♪
240
00:09:48,647 --> 00:09:52,685
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
241
00:09:52,685 --> 00:09:54,219
♪ I, I, I ♪
242
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,855
♪♪
243
00:09:56,855 --> 00:10:01,794
♪ Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪
244
00:10:01,794 --> 00:10:05,297
Randy singing along:
♪ Toire ni iru kara ♪
245
00:10:05,297 --> 00:10:06,332
Randy?
246
00:10:06,332 --> 00:10:07,733
♪ Kimochi ii ♪
247
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,668
Randy!
What?!
248
00:10:09,668 --> 00:10:13,205
Your proctologist
is here to see you.
249
00:10:13,205 --> 00:10:14,907
My proctologist?
250
00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:16,275
♪ Atashi ♪
251
00:10:17,376 --> 00:10:18,911
Oh, hey there, Doc.
252
00:10:18,911 --> 00:10:21,313
Well, Randy Marsh,
how are ya?
253
00:10:21,313 --> 00:10:23,048
I'm doing great.
How are you?
254
00:10:23,048 --> 00:10:25,150
Wonderful!
Just been super busy.
255
00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:28,053
I'm actually takin' the wife
to Tuscany day after tomorrow.
256
00:10:28,053 --> 00:10:30,055
Tuscany?
Wow. Awesome.
257
00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:32,224
Yeah, well, Randy
you haven't been in my office
258
00:10:32,224 --> 00:10:33,993
for a few days,
so I thought I'd come
259
00:10:33,993 --> 00:10:36,328
do a house call to help you
with your hemorrhoids.
260
00:10:36,328 --> 00:10:38,263
Oh! No, Doctor.
261
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,599
I haven't needed
to come to your office.
262
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:43,168
In fact, I don't think I'll be
needing your services anymore
263
00:10:43,168 --> 00:10:45,771
since I've gotten
a Japanese toilet.
264
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:47,339
Oh -- Oh, really?
265
00:10:47,339 --> 00:10:49,341
It's completely
changed my life.
266
00:10:49,341 --> 00:10:51,210
I'm healthier,
I'm less stressed,
267
00:10:51,210 --> 00:10:54,013
and I don't get hemorrhoids
'cause I'm not smearing shit
268
00:10:54,013 --> 00:10:55,948
all over my ass
with toilet paper.
269
00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,282
Huh.
270
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,550
Here, here.
You wanna come see it?!
271
00:10:59,585 --> 00:11:01,253
Go on, check it out.
272
00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:09,094
[ Beep, chime ]
273
00:11:09,094 --> 00:11:11,797
[ Whirring ]
274
00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:14,466
[ Doctor shouting,
banging on toilet ]
275
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,301
D-Dr. Sheltair?
276
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,404
[ Shouting and banging
continues ]
277
00:11:18,404 --> 00:11:20,706
Dr. Sheltair?!
278
00:11:20,706 --> 00:11:22,741
You stupid!
Whoa hey hey hey!
279
00:11:22,741 --> 00:11:25,377
You ruined Tuscany!
Gah!
280
00:11:25,377 --> 00:11:26,879
Stop it!
I hate you!
281
00:11:26,879 --> 00:11:29,415
I hate you! I hate you!
282
00:11:29,415 --> 00:11:31,583
Go on!
Get out of here!
283
00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:32,985
How am I supposed to tell
my wife
284
00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:35,587
we can't afford
to go to Tuscany now?!
285
00:11:35,587 --> 00:11:39,091
I never realized you made
so much money off my ass.
286
00:11:39,091 --> 00:11:41,093
Go on.
Get.
287
00:11:41,093 --> 00:11:42,695
Get!
288
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:48,000
[ Bell rings ]
289
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,868
[ Murmuring ]
290
00:11:52,438 --> 00:11:54,106
Hey, Stan!
Stan hold up!
291
00:11:54,106 --> 00:11:55,574
What?
292
00:11:55,574 --> 00:11:57,843
Well, um, you're just
a really good friend, Stan,
293
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,912
and -- and I was gonna
ask if maybe
294
00:11:59,912 --> 00:12:01,780
I could borrow
your plungercost?
295
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:04,149
What's a plungercost?
It doesn't cost nothing
296
00:12:04,149 --> 00:12:06,819
when your toilet's nice
as yours, Richie Rich!
297
00:12:06,819 --> 00:12:08,520
[ Laughter ]
298
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,323
I did it!
I called Stan Richie Rich, too!
299
00:12:11,323 --> 00:12:13,892
That was fun!
300
00:12:16,295 --> 00:12:19,264
Stan, you've got to stop
bragging about your toilet.
301
00:12:19,264 --> 00:12:21,166
I'm not bragging
about my toilet!
302
00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:23,168
And why is it
such a big deal anyway?
303
00:12:23,168 --> 00:12:27,005
It's a big deal, Stan.
You just don't understand why.
304
00:12:29,842 --> 00:12:33,378
Have you ever asked yourself
why we use toilet paper?
305
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:36,849
We're told to wash our hands...
wear masks in crowds...
306
00:12:36,849 --> 00:12:38,884
but for some reason,
when it comes to wiping our ass,
307
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:41,687
we're told to do it
with this little piece of paper.
308
00:12:41,687 --> 00:12:44,356
We are all -- all of us --
walking around right now
309
00:12:44,356 --> 00:12:47,226
with a little bit of shit
smeared on our buttholes.
310
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:49,027
Did you know that 70%
of people in the world
311
00:12:49,027 --> 00:12:52,030
don't even use it at all?
312
00:12:52,030 --> 00:12:54,066
70% of the world
doesn't use toilet paper?
313
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,801
Look it up.
314
00:12:55,801 --> 00:12:58,670
Most people in the world still
use good ol' soap and water.
315
00:12:58,670 --> 00:13:01,473
The average American
uses 140 rolls
316
00:13:01,473 --> 00:13:03,342
of toilet paper per year.
317
00:13:03,342 --> 00:13:06,011
Can you even begin to imagine
how many trees that is?
318
00:13:06,011 --> 00:13:07,846
To supply the United States
its toilet paper,
319
00:13:07,846 --> 00:13:12,684
it takes 31.1 million
trees per year.
320
00:13:12,684 --> 00:13:14,353
A million acres per year
of precious
321
00:13:14,353 --> 00:13:15,888
Canadian Boreal
forest alone,
322
00:13:15,888 --> 00:13:18,490
releasing upwards
of 25 metric tons of CO2
323
00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:20,993
and leveling 90%
of the land barren.
324
00:13:20,993 --> 00:13:23,729
So, then, why do Americans
use it so much?
325
00:13:23,729 --> 00:13:25,564
Well, that's the big question,
isn't it?
326
00:13:25,564 --> 00:13:28,400
None of it makes any sense.
Well, then, maybe somebody --
327
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,369
Just tell your dad to stop.
328
00:13:30,369 --> 00:13:32,271
Americans don't want
to change their toilets
329
00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:34,606
and they never will.
330
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,776
Ladies and gentlemen, we have
a public service announcement.
331
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:40,445
One of our citizens
has asked to speak with you.
332
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:43,448
Please welcome
Mr. Randy S. Marsh.
333
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:47,853
♪♪
334
00:13:47,853 --> 00:13:50,722
Thank you, Mayor.
Thank you, everyone.
335
00:13:50,722 --> 00:13:53,091
You know, the Marshes are
a family that try to always
336
00:13:53,091 --> 00:13:54,960
lead by example.
337
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,764
And we know that
all of you appreciate that.
338
00:13:58,764 --> 00:14:03,702
Everyone deserves to be clean,
and the truth is, you can be.
339
00:14:03,702 --> 00:14:05,304
You might not be the Marshes,
340
00:14:05,304 --> 00:14:08,607
but you can afford
a Japanese toilet.
341
00:14:08,607 --> 00:14:11,376
Just not a really nice one
like what we have.
342
00:14:11,376 --> 00:14:13,212
If you take into account
the money
343
00:14:13,212 --> 00:14:16,415
we all spend on toilet paper,
doctors, and hemorrhoid cream,
344
00:14:16,415 --> 00:14:20,752
a Japanese toilet pays
for itself in just a few years.
345
00:14:20,752 --> 00:14:24,323
There are actually Japanese
toilets made for commoners.
346
00:14:24,323 --> 00:14:26,792
Walmart and Amazon
all carry the lower
347
00:14:26,792 --> 00:14:30,429
cost of shitty Japanese toilets
that anyone can afford.
348
00:14:30,429 --> 00:14:32,164
There's even these like
attachment thingies
349
00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:33,765
for your existing toilet
350
00:14:33,765 --> 00:14:36,168
which will make you feel
like a Marsh yourself.
351
00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,503
They may not be
Nihon No style-ru,
352
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:41,306
but they are
good enough for you guys.
353
00:14:41,306 --> 00:14:46,745
The point is -- even commoners
don't need toilet paper anymore!
354
00:14:46,745 --> 00:14:49,514
And, so, I am suggesting that
this town puts all --
355
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,617
[ Gunshot ]
356
00:14:51,617 --> 00:14:54,820
Man: Holy shit!
357
00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:56,755
Randy?! Wah!
358
00:14:56,755 --> 00:14:59,791
[ Screaming ]
359
00:15:03,829 --> 00:15:06,632
I'm sorry,
but he's in critical condition.
360
00:15:06,632 --> 00:15:08,500
Who shot him?
361
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,369
Nobody knows.
362
00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:12,271
Is he gonna be okay?
363
00:15:12,271 --> 00:15:13,839
He's in a coma.
364
00:15:13,839 --> 00:15:17,175
He's unconscious
and just blabbering nonsense.
365
00:15:17,175 --> 00:15:18,710
[ Monitor beeping ]
366
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:23,482
Bikkuri... Bikkurishita...
Taiehn deshou...
367
00:15:23,482 --> 00:15:26,685
Mr. Marsh, your whole
family is here.
368
00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:29,721
Your wife, your daughter,
and your son.
369
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:32,291
T-Toire Wa?
370
00:15:32,291 --> 00:15:34,660
No, your toilet
is back at the farm.
371
00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:37,663
Taihen ja naaaa....
372
00:15:37,663 --> 00:15:40,365
Dad, I'm sorry I yelled
at you before.
373
00:15:40,365 --> 00:15:43,135
I didn't know you were
really trying to help.
374
00:15:43,135 --> 00:15:46,705
Kon-nichi waaa...
375
00:15:48,473 --> 00:15:52,411
-Stan, where are you going?
-I let dad down once.
376
00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:54,546
Somebody has to pick up
where he left off.
377
00:15:58,776 --> 00:16:00,945
Harris: I promise
we're doing all we can.
378
00:16:00,945 --> 00:16:02,379
I'm sorry for what happened,
379
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,315
but you need to leave it
to the professionals.
380
00:16:04,315 --> 00:16:06,317
There's something
more going on here.
381
00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,652
I think my dad was on
to something and I
382
00:16:08,652 --> 00:16:10,821
didn't listen to him,
and now he's in a hospital.
383
00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:12,222
We've already got a few leads
384
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,024
and we're following up
on all of them.
385
00:16:14,024 --> 00:16:17,027
I assure you we take this
all very seriously.
386
00:16:17,027 --> 00:16:18,963
This isn't a joke to us.
387
00:16:18,963 --> 00:16:20,965
-Chief, hey, Chief!
-Yeah?
388
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:22,299
An angry proctologist
walked in
389
00:16:22,299 --> 00:16:24,401
to the toilet section
of Home Depot.
390
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,203
[ Chuckles ] Y-Yeah?
391
00:16:26,203 --> 00:16:28,138
Proctologist says
to the toilet manager,
392
00:16:28,138 --> 00:16:30,007
"I ain't taking the fall,"
and pulls a gun
393
00:16:30,007 --> 00:16:31,709
on six Japanese delivery men.
394
00:16:31,709 --> 00:16:33,344
[ Chuckling ] Okay.
395
00:16:33,344 --> 00:16:35,179
So, then, the six Japanese
delivery men show up,
396
00:16:35,179 --> 00:16:36,981
and the proctologist
has everyone held hostage
397
00:16:36,981 --> 00:16:38,382
and says he's not
taking the fall
398
00:16:38,382 --> 00:16:40,684
for the Randy Marsh shooting.
399
00:16:40,684 --> 00:16:42,519
Oh, shit, this is
actually happening?!
400
00:16:42,519 --> 00:16:44,254
Come on people let's go!
401
00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:47,091
[ Radio chatter, siren chirps ]
402
00:16:47,091 --> 00:16:49,026
I ain't going down for this!
403
00:16:49,026 --> 00:16:52,363
You got that, coppers?!
I didn't shoot anybody!
404
00:16:52,363 --> 00:16:53,831
But if I'm going down,
405
00:16:53,831 --> 00:16:56,233
I'll take these careless
bastards out with me!
406
00:16:56,233 --> 00:16:58,035
Would you like some
sparkling water or cham--
407
00:16:58,035 --> 00:17:00,070
[ Gasps ]
Get -- Get outta here!
408
00:17:00,070 --> 00:17:01,605
Come on out.
409
00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:04,675
There's no other way,
we have you surrounded.
410
00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:07,344
I didn't shoot
Randy Marsh!
411
00:17:07,344 --> 00:17:10,214
-Taihen!
-Nobody's saying you did!
412
00:17:10,214 --> 00:17:13,450
No, but they're gonna
use me as their scapegoat!
413
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,786
They'll fix things
like they always do!
414
00:17:15,786 --> 00:17:17,855
-Who will?
-They'll use their lawyers
415
00:17:17,855 --> 00:17:20,224
and their power
to make it all go away!
416
00:17:20,224 --> 00:17:22,359
Just like they did back
when that 2nd grade kid
417
00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:24,461
wrote a story in the school
paper about toilets
418
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:25,729
two years ago!
419
00:17:25,729 --> 00:17:27,197
They'll take me out, too!
420
00:17:27,197 --> 00:17:28,766
[ Cocks gun ]
There's no stopping them!
421
00:17:28,766 --> 00:17:30,267
Don't do it!
422
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:32,036
[ Gunshot ]
423
00:17:32,036 --> 00:17:34,038
Sabishiiiii!
424
00:17:34,038 --> 00:17:35,806
Aww! Alright move in!
425
00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:37,608
Secure the area.
426
00:17:37,608 --> 00:17:41,045
2nd grade kid
two years ago...
427
00:17:41,045 --> 00:17:43,414
Wrote about toilets
in the school news paper.
428
00:17:47,251 --> 00:17:51,088
You weren't warning me
about people getting upset.
429
00:17:51,088 --> 00:17:52,690
You know more about this.
430
00:17:55,259 --> 00:17:56,794
Hey!
431
00:17:56,794 --> 00:17:58,495
You wrote a story
in the school paper
432
00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,097
and someone came after you!
433
00:18:00,097 --> 00:18:02,266
Yeah I wrote a story,
big deal!
434
00:18:02,266 --> 00:18:04,501
Jimmy, I want to know
who shot my dad!
435
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,637
They took everything
from me, Stan.
436
00:18:06,637 --> 00:18:09,273
My bike...my cat...
437
00:18:09,273 --> 00:18:10,741
They were gonna
sue my parents
438
00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:12,976
for what I wrote
in the school paper.
439
00:18:12,976 --> 00:18:16,447
You're talking about
the toilet paper companies.
440
00:18:16,447 --> 00:18:19,349
Who has the most to lose?
It's all toilet paper, Stan!
441
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:23,120
Follow the money!
140 rolls per American per year.
442
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,955
Factories pushing out
roll after roll
443
00:18:24,955 --> 00:18:26,590
while razing
Earth's resources.
444
00:18:26,590 --> 00:18:28,492
All of this for
an unsanitary product
445
00:18:28,492 --> 00:18:30,828
that has been proven
to contribute to anal fissures.
446
00:18:30,828 --> 00:18:32,496
Don't you get it, man?
447
00:18:32,496 --> 00:18:35,999
Paper doesn't clean bacteria.
It can't stop viruses.
448
00:18:35,999 --> 00:18:37,468
With all that information,
449
00:18:37,468 --> 00:18:38,836
you'd think
the world health organization
450
00:18:38,836 --> 00:18:41,038
would do studies
to find alternatives.
451
00:18:41,038 --> 00:18:42,639
So why don't they?
452
00:18:42,639 --> 00:18:44,675
Because toilet paper
is an industry worth
453
00:18:44,675 --> 00:18:48,212
billions and b-billions
of dollars.
454
00:18:48,212 --> 00:18:52,382
Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific,
Procter & Gamble.
455
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:55,018
They don't want Japanese
toilets in America
456
00:18:55,018 --> 00:18:57,221
and they have the power
to stop them,
457
00:18:57,221 --> 00:19:00,457
and to stop you.
458
00:19:00,457 --> 00:19:02,659
I can't believe
they shot my dad...
459
00:19:02,659 --> 00:19:05,129
because he wanted
to change things.
460
00:19:05,129 --> 00:19:08,832
These people have deeper pockets
than you can possibly imagine.
461
00:19:08,832 --> 00:19:12,202
They can destroy
everything you love, Stan.
462
00:19:12,202 --> 00:19:13,904
Take my advice...
463
00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:17,841
Don't. Squeeze.
The Charmin.
464
00:19:17,841 --> 00:19:21,678
You might be too scared Jimmy,
but I'm a Marsh.
465
00:19:23,347 --> 00:19:26,216
♪♪
466
00:19:26,216 --> 00:19:27,851
My fellow Americans...
467
00:19:27,851 --> 00:19:29,820
we have been coerced
and brain washed.
468
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,522
While the rest of the world
walks around
469
00:19:31,522 --> 00:19:34,024
with cleaner buttholes,
we are obsessed with dry paper
470
00:19:34,024 --> 00:19:36,894
sold to us by billion-dollar
corporations.
471
00:19:36,894 --> 00:19:40,030
-Yeah.
-Hey, yeah, he's right!
472
00:19:40,030 --> 00:19:42,432
My father wanted everyone to see
that there were alternatives.
473
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,501
But they don't want him talking
about alternatives!
474
00:19:44,501 --> 00:19:46,203
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
475
00:19:46,203 --> 00:19:49,206
And we can't be blindly
buying their products anymore.
476
00:19:49,206 --> 00:19:51,542
And as a town,
we will find alternatives,
477
00:19:51,542 --> 00:19:52,776
and we will not
be afraid to --
478
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:55,412
Stop! Stop!
We're not doing this!
479
00:19:55,412 --> 00:19:57,681
Dad!
Everyone just stop,
we're not doing this.
480
00:19:57,681 --> 00:19:59,883
Thank you. South Park, uh,
we-we're cutting this short.
481
00:19:59,883 --> 00:20:02,286
I was totally wrong
and I want to apologize.
482
00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:03,854
No, dad, it's the toilet
paper companies
483
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,622
that are behind all the --
Yeah, I know.
484
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,891
Yeah, so, uh, w-we have
nothing against toilet paper.
485
00:20:07,891 --> 00:20:09,393
It's a great product
and, uh,
486
00:20:09,393 --> 00:20:10,894
it was childish of me
to make fun of it.
487
00:20:10,894 --> 00:20:12,563
Thanks, though.
We'll see ya later.
488
00:20:12,563 --> 00:20:14,097
Dad,
we can't just back down.
489
00:20:14,097 --> 00:20:16,466
Bro!
I got [bleep] shot!
490
00:20:18,235 --> 00:20:19,937
Japanese toilets are
totally unnecessary,
491
00:20:19,937 --> 00:20:21,738
and, uh, in case anyone
else is listening,
492
00:20:21,738 --> 00:20:24,908
I think all of South Park
would like to apologize.
493
00:20:24,908 --> 00:20:27,578
We retract what we said about
toilet paper companies.
494
00:20:27,578 --> 00:20:31,048
They -- They have done nothing
but help us, and we are sorry.
495
00:20:31,048 --> 00:20:34,251
South Park -- everyone --
say you're sorry.
496
00:20:34,251 --> 00:20:36,553
All: We're sorry.
497
00:20:36,553 --> 00:20:38,755
Okay, great.
Come on, guys, let's go home.
498
00:20:38,755 --> 00:20:41,091
What about helping people
and leading by example?
499
00:20:41,091 --> 00:20:43,060
We're not the Goddamn
Kennedys, Stan.
500
00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:44,728
Stop being an idiot.
501
00:20:44,728 --> 00:21:09,686
♪♪
502
00:20:53,070 --> 00:21:09,686
♪♪
503
00:21:01,345 --> 00:21:09,686
♪♪
504
00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:13,490
Nice to have you back,
Ol' Blue.
505
00:21:13,490 --> 00:21:16,293
You know, guys,
I'm actually not that sad.
506
00:21:16,293 --> 00:21:18,695
Having a Japanese toilet
was great, but...
507
00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:20,597
I've come to realize that,
508
00:21:20,597 --> 00:21:23,300
when you have some big,
nice luxury thing,
509
00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:25,269
it eventually
just becomes normal.
510
00:21:25,269 --> 00:21:27,104
But you start comparing it to
all the other things
511
00:21:27,104 --> 00:21:30,507
in your life which suddenly feel
you have to upgrade, too.
512
00:21:30,507 --> 00:21:32,976
So, it's really best to just
513
00:21:32,976 --> 00:21:36,313
stick with the beat-up,
crappy old things we have.
514
00:21:36,313 --> 00:21:38,048
Love you forever, Honey.
515
00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:44,488
♪♪
516
00:21:45,573 --> 00:22:14,468
♪♪
517
00:21:55,183 --> 00:22:14,468
♪♪
518
00:22:04,825 --> 00:22:14,468
♪♪