1
00:00:08,534 --> 00:00:10,117
* i'm going down
to south park *
2
00:00:10,152 --> 00:00:11,709
* gonna have
myself a time *
3
00:00:11,744 --> 00:00:13,232
* friendly faces
everywhere *
4
00:00:13,267 --> 00:00:14,868
* humble folks
without temptation *
5
00:00:14,903 --> 00:00:16,585
* going down
to south park *
6
00:00:16,620 --> 00:00:18,210
* gonna leave my
woes behind *
7
00:00:18,245 --> 00:00:19,766
* ample parking
day or night *
8
00:00:19,801 --> 00:00:21,534
* people spouting
"howdy neighbor" *
9
00:00:21,569 --> 00:00:23,235
* headin' on up
to south park *
10
00:00:23,270 --> 00:00:24,866
* gonna see
if i can't unwind *
11
00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:28,367
* tim-Tmah tim-Mah,
tim-Mah tim-Mah timmy tim-Mah *
12
00:00:28,402 --> 00:00:30,301
* so come on down
to south park *
13
00:00:30,336 --> 00:00:32,200
* and meet some
friends of mine *
14
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:40,432
Throw it away, clyde.
15
00:00:40,467 --> 00:00:41,734
I'm not gonna touch it.
You throw it away.
16
00:00:41,769 --> 00:00:42,998
What's going on?
17
00:00:43,033 --> 00:00:44,899
Some high-Schoolers left a
marijuana cigarette behind.
18
00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:46,300
We have to throw it away before
some kids find it or something.
19
00:00:46,335 --> 00:00:47,265
So throw it away.
20
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,998
Nobody wants to
touch it.
21
00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:50,332
What if the residue
gets on our hands
22
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,634
And it leads to harder drugs
like those commercials say?
23
00:00:52,669 --> 00:00:53,767
Yeah, didn't you see that
commercial where it says
24
00:00:53,802 --> 00:00:55,684
If you have pot you can
become a terrorist?
25
00:00:55,719 --> 00:00:57,567
And the commercial
where two kids have pot
26
00:00:57,602 --> 00:00:58,400
And the one kid
shoots the other.
27
00:00:58,435 --> 00:00:59,699
Harmless?
28
00:00:59,734 --> 00:01:01,534
You guys, those commercials
are just exaggerations.
29
00:01:01,569 --> 00:01:02,799
How do you know?
30
00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:03,667
None of us have ever
had any drugs before.
31
00:01:03,702 --> 00:01:05,701
Well, i did
ecstasy once.
32
00:01:05,736 --> 00:01:07,666
Me and my
girlfriend took it,
33
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:10,801
And we stayed up all night
having s-S-Sex.
34
00:01:10,836 --> 00:01:12,334
Where did you have
sex with her?
35
00:01:12,369 --> 00:01:17,601
In her v-V-Vagina.
36
00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:19,967
Thank you,
thank you.
37
00:01:20,002 --> 00:01:21,599
What a terrific audience.
38
00:01:21,634 --> 00:01:23,334
It's just a stupid plant
that makes you dumb.
39
00:01:23,369 --> 00:01:24,532
Touching it
won't hurt you.
40
00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:26,901
Then you throw it away,
smartass.
41
00:01:26,936 --> 00:01:28,567
Fine, i will.
42
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,165
There- See?
I touched marijuana-
43
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,867
I'm not a terrorist,
i didn't shoot anybody
44
00:01:36,902 --> 00:01:38,534
And i don't feel like
doing more drugs now.
45
00:01:38,569 --> 00:01:39,868
No big deal.
46
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,900
You kids
don't around
47
00:01:45,935 --> 00:01:47,666
With your mom!
48
00:01:47,701 --> 00:01:49,365
Dad, we can't!
49
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,833
The
50
00:01:50,868 --> 00:01:53,000
Stan, what'd i tell you about
watching "the osbournes"?
51
00:01:53,035 --> 00:01:53,699
Oh, come on, mom!
52
00:01:53,734 --> 00:01:56,534
It's going to make you
retarded!
53
00:01:56,569 --> 00:01:57,866
It's just a show!
54
00:01:57,901 --> 00:01:59,367
It doesn't have any
effect on me
55
00:01:59,402 --> 00:02:00,766
For's sake!
56
00:02:00,801 --> 00:02:02,032
Oh goodie, now we can
watch the news.
57
00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:04,067
In other news, south park
police are still looking for
58
00:02:04,102 --> 00:02:06,000
A crazy man who terrorized
the town one hour ago.
59
00:02:06,035 --> 00:02:08,368
The man claimed to be
from the future
60
00:02:08,403 --> 00:02:10,701
And ran naked
through the city streets,
61
00:02:10,736 --> 00:02:12,368
Screaming, "the past!
The past!
62
00:02:12,403 --> 00:02:13,965
Oh my god,
it's the past!"
63
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,334
Which is what one would expect
someone from the future to yell.
64
00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:23,683
Oh my god,
it's the past!
65
00:02:23,718 --> 00:02:26,234
Oh whoa, man,
it's you!
66
00:02:26,269 --> 00:02:27,299
Who are you?
67
00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:29,200
It's me, mom,
your son, stan!
68
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,767
Who is it, sharon?
69
00:02:34,802 --> 00:02:35,751
Dad!
70
00:02:35,786 --> 00:02:36,666
Dad?
71
00:02:36,701 --> 00:02:38,501
Look, we don't know you
and you don't know us.
72
00:02:38,536 --> 00:02:39,951
Just go away before
we call the police.
73
00:02:39,986 --> 00:02:42,026
Who the is it,
mom and dad?
74
00:02:42,061 --> 00:02:44,067
No way, it's me
from the past!
75
00:02:44,102 --> 00:02:44,766
I'm me from the past?
76
00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:46,584
No, i'm you
from the future.
77
00:02:46,619 --> 00:02:48,367
Oh man, this is
so messed up.
78
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,201
Okay, we've had enough.
79
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:51,965
Your name's randy marsh.
80
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,567
You're a geologist and
you don't like chicken.
81
00:02:54,602 --> 00:02:56,399
Mom, your maiden name
is kimble
82
00:02:56,434 --> 00:02:57,532
And you have a scar
on your left knee
83
00:02:57,567 --> 00:02:59,300
From when you slipped at
the swimming pool!
84
00:02:59,335 --> 00:03:01,200
Randy,
what's going on?
85
00:03:01,235 --> 00:03:03,699
I don't know.
86
00:03:03,734 --> 00:03:05,367
Dude, just let me talk to you
for like five minutes.
87
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:08,200
After that, i'll bail.
88
00:03:10,534 --> 00:03:13,098
I can still remember
when i was five
89
00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:16,501
And you both found that squirrel
i'd been keeping in the closet,
90
00:03:16,536 --> 00:03:18,567
And you let me keep it
for another week,
91
00:03:18,602 --> 00:03:19,599
And then it ran away.
92
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:20,666
But that's what
you told me,
93
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,534
I knew mom had actually
let it out.
94
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,332
How could he possibly
know all that?
95
00:03:24,367 --> 00:03:28,532
Unless- He is our son
from the future.
96
00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:30,732
But why are you back in this
time with us, son?
97
00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:33,300
I have no idea, man, i was
just about to go to sleep
98
00:03:33,335 --> 00:03:35,567
In an alley behind
the crack house.
99
00:03:35,602 --> 00:03:36,998
I had shot up
a little heroin,
100
00:03:37,033 --> 00:03:39,432
And then this electrical
storm started.
101
00:03:39,467 --> 00:03:42,467
The next thing i knew i was
running around in my own past, man.
102
00:03:42,502 --> 00:03:44,466
I thought i was
just tripping,
103
00:03:44,501 --> 00:03:46,234
But then i came down
and i was still here!
104
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:49,599
Oh dude,
it's so bizarre!
105
00:03:49,634 --> 00:03:51,500
Oh dude, i should've never
touched that marijuana.
106
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,367
Stan, whatever has happened,
we're going to help you.
107
00:03:53,402 --> 00:03:55,432
That's right.
108
00:03:55,467 --> 00:03:57,534
We're a family,
no matter what time shift.
109
00:03:57,569 --> 00:03:59,334
Thanks. Could i get
another beer?
110
00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:00,466
You must be exhausted.
111
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:01,534
Why don't you
get some sleep?
112
00:04:01,569 --> 00:04:02,735
That'd be killer.
113
00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:03,866
Where can i
crash?
114
00:04:03,901 --> 00:04:06,434
Well, i'm sure stan wouldn't
mind sharing his room.
115
00:04:06,469 --> 00:04:08,968
What?! I have to share
my room with my future self?
116
00:04:09,003 --> 00:04:10,434
Oh, no!
117
00:04:10,968 --> 00:04:13,534
* here we are
face to face *
118
00:04:13,569 --> 00:04:15,801
* my future self n' me
119
00:04:15,836 --> 00:04:16,699
Stop it.
120
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:18,567
* so much alike
and yet so different *
121
00:04:18,602 --> 00:04:20,434
* one of us messy
the other one clean *
122
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,267
* gettin' along
isn't always easy *
123
00:04:22,302 --> 00:04:23,267
* sometimes we disagree
124
00:04:23,302 --> 00:04:24,732
Quit it.
125
00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:26,767
* but in the end we know
we're good for each other *
126
00:04:26,802 --> 00:04:30,501
* two peas in a pod
future self n' me *
127
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,834
* future self
n' me *
128
00:04:32,869 --> 00:04:35,133
* future self n'...
129
00:04:35,168 --> 00:04:37,601
* nnnnn' me *
130
00:04:39,167 --> 00:04:40,165
Hey guys.
Hey.
131
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,800
Whoa!
Kyle and cartman!
132
00:04:41,835 --> 00:04:43,400
So cool to
see you guys!
133
00:04:43,435 --> 00:04:44,618
Who's this asshole?
134
00:04:44,653 --> 00:04:45,766
This is my future self.
135
00:04:45,801 --> 00:04:47,200
He came during the electrical
storm last night,
136
00:04:47,235 --> 00:04:47,734
And is caught in
a time matrix.
137
00:04:47,769 --> 00:04:49,499
He's me when i'm 32.
138
00:04:49,534 --> 00:04:50,766
Wow,
that's pretty cool.
139
00:04:50,801 --> 00:04:51,899
But how does he
know our names?
140
00:04:51,934 --> 00:04:53,634
'Cause, r-Tard,
he's stan from the future!
141
00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:54,934
He knows everything
stan knows.
142
00:04:54,969 --> 00:04:55,799
Ohhh.
143
00:04:55,834 --> 00:04:57,899
Wait- Stan becomes
this douche bag?
144
00:04:57,934 --> 00:05:00,884
Yeah, i spent a lot of my
teenage years on a slow,
145
00:05:00,919 --> 00:05:03,834
Downward spiral experimenting
with drugs and alcohol.
146
00:05:03,869 --> 00:05:05,634
Ha ha ahaaa!
Haa ahaaa haaa!
147
00:05:05,669 --> 00:05:06,918
Shut up, cartman!
148
00:05:06,953 --> 00:05:08,132
That is so awesome!
149
00:05:08,167 --> 00:05:11,532
Thank you, god!
Oh, praise god!
150
00:05:11,567 --> 00:05:12,334
Hey, what happens to me
in the future?
151
00:05:12,369 --> 00:05:14,666
Oh, i don't know.
152
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:16,701
You guys stayed away from
drugs so you were okay.
153
00:05:16,736 --> 00:05:17,965
I just lost touch with you
154
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,834
After i was sent to
juvie hall in 2006.
155
00:05:20,869 --> 00:05:22,866
Juvie hall!
Ha hahaha!
156
00:05:22,901 --> 00:05:25,868
Stan's a loser!
Stan's a loser!
157
00:05:25,903 --> 00:05:26,434
God dammit.
158
00:05:29,133 --> 00:05:31,133
Thanks for staying after school
and tutoring me, butters.
159
00:05:31,168 --> 00:05:32,232
Well, sure thing, stan.
160
00:05:32,267 --> 00:05:34,400
But how come you care about
schoolwork all of a sudden?
161
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,566
I told you, i can't stand
my future self!
162
00:05:36,601 --> 00:05:38,467
I have to do whatever i can to
not become a loser like him.
163
00:05:38,502 --> 00:05:40,317
Well, studying
is the golden key
164
00:05:40,352 --> 00:05:42,098
To the imposing door
of success.
165
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,567
I just can't stand having my
future self around all the time.
166
00:05:44,602 --> 00:05:45,599
It's driving me crazy!
167
00:05:45,634 --> 00:05:46,634
Maybe if i get smarter
i won't become him
168
00:05:46,669 --> 00:05:48,701
And i won't have to
share my room!
169
00:05:48,736 --> 00:05:49,732
I know what you mean.
170
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:51,600
I hate having my
future self around too!
171
00:05:51,635 --> 00:05:53,101
Yeah, it's like
everything i do, he-
172
00:05:53,136 --> 00:05:54,567
Wait a minute-
What did you say?
173
00:05:54,602 --> 00:05:55,866
I said i know how you feel.
174
00:05:55,901 --> 00:05:57,117
My life has gone
completely downhill
175
00:05:57,152 --> 00:05:58,334
Ever since my
future self moved in.
176
00:05:58,369 --> 00:06:00,132
I hate him.
177
00:06:00,167 --> 00:06:01,901
All he ever wants to do
is watch "becker".
178
00:06:01,936 --> 00:06:03,701
And that show
is so stupid.
179
00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:06,600
Dude, how long has your
future self been around?
180
00:06:06,635 --> 00:06:09,133
Oh, i guess it's been
about four months now.
181
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:10,065
Four months?!
182
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,400
And you never told anybody
you were living with
183
00:06:11,435 --> 00:06:12,501
Yourself from the future?!
184
00:06:12,536 --> 00:06:14,085
Nobody asked.
185
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,599
Where is he now?
186
00:06:15,634 --> 00:06:17,467
Probably watching
"becker".
187
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:19,833
My name is t. Becker.
188
00:06:19,868 --> 00:06:21,300
The "t" stands for
"terrific".
189
00:06:21,335 --> 00:06:22,265
Ha ha ha!
190
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:25,833
See, here he is-
Future butters.
191
00:06:25,868 --> 00:06:27,634
Future self, this is
my good friend-
192
00:06:27,669 --> 00:06:29,699
Stan!
Sure i remember you!
193
00:06:29,734 --> 00:06:31,934
Yup, wearing that puffball
hat like always!
194
00:06:31,969 --> 00:06:32,998
Oh, hello, boys.
195
00:06:33,033 --> 00:06:35,434
Future butters, it's time to
take your liver medicine.
196
00:06:35,469 --> 00:06:36,532
Liver medicine?
197
00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:38,065
Yeah, my future self
has a bad kidney
198
00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:39,300
From all the drinking
he did in high school.
199
00:06:39,335 --> 00:06:41,534
I need to learn
to behave myself.
200
00:06:43,901 --> 00:06:46,100
Hey, where are you
going, stan?
201
00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:49,701
Alright, where's that
son of a bitch's wallet?
202
00:06:49,736 --> 00:06:51,699
What are you looking for,
huh, stan?
203
00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:53,601
Butters, don't you think it's
a little bit of a coincidence
204
00:06:53,636 --> 00:06:55,451
That both your future self
and my future self
205
00:06:55,486 --> 00:06:57,232
Got caught in a
"matrix-Anx" time plane?
206
00:06:57,267 --> 00:06:59,567
Well, we both got the same
teacher for homeroom, too.
207
00:06:59,602 --> 00:07:01,033
You didn't say
anything then.
208
00:07:01,068 --> 00:07:01,732
Here it is.
209
00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:03,666
There has to be
something-
210
00:07:03,701 --> 00:07:05,667
Wait, what's this?
This expires in 2002.
211
00:07:05,702 --> 00:07:07,634
Why would he have this
in his wallet?
212
00:07:07,669 --> 00:07:09,101
I don't follow.
213
00:07:09,136 --> 00:07:10,418
3451 colfax avenue.
214
00:07:10,453 --> 00:07:11,666
Come on, butters!
215
00:07:11,701 --> 00:07:14,000
Ooh, are we off
on an adventure?!
216
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,067
Here it is-
Motivationcorp.
217
00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:27,401
I don't think we're supposed
to go in there, stan.
218
00:07:27,436 --> 00:07:28,968
Maybe we should go
adventuring somewhere else.
219
00:07:29,003 --> 00:07:30,985
Butters, part of being
on an adventure
220
00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:32,968
Is you go places
you're not supposed to!
221
00:07:33,003 --> 00:07:33,866
Oh!
222
00:07:33,901 --> 00:07:36,033
Well, you're good at
adventurin', huh, stan?
223
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:45,532
What the hell
is going on here?
224
00:07:45,567 --> 00:07:46,650
And it should take
about a month
225
00:07:46,685 --> 00:07:47,734
To achieve the
results you want.
226
00:07:47,769 --> 00:07:50,132
Well, mr. And
mrs. Brooks,
227
00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:52,400
I think you're gonna be very
pleased with the results.
228
00:07:52,435 --> 00:07:53,732
We sure hope so.
229
00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:56,367
We just don't know how to
talk to our son about drugs.
230
00:07:56,402 --> 00:07:57,968
Well, now you won't
have to.
231
00:07:58,003 --> 00:07:59,132
Ah, here he is.
232
00:07:59,167 --> 00:08:00,098
This is josh cashner,
233
00:08:00,133 --> 00:08:01,300
He'll be playing the role
of your future son.
234
00:08:01,335 --> 00:08:04,400
Nice to meet you-
"Mom and dad"!
235
00:08:05,868 --> 00:08:08,367
My goodness, he does look
a little like kevin.
236
00:08:08,402 --> 00:08:10,300
Yes, and he knows all
your family history
237
00:08:10,335 --> 00:08:11,499
And every detail
of your house.
238
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:14,150
And, he's worked up quite
a future for your son!
239
00:08:14,185 --> 00:08:16,767
I'm going to tell him that
i dropped out of school
240
00:08:16,802 --> 00:08:18,434
And went to prison
for eight years
241
00:08:18,469 --> 00:08:19,901
Where i was sodomized!
242
00:08:19,936 --> 00:08:21,032
In the ass!
243
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,334
Ooh-Hoo, that should get kevin
to stay clear of drugs.
244
00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:24,766
It sure should!
245
00:08:24,801 --> 00:08:27,667
Alright, so we'll put the fake
news report out on tuesday night-
246
00:08:27,702 --> 00:08:29,699
Make sure your son is watching
the channel four news.
247
00:08:29,734 --> 00:08:32,501
Oh, and that's when you fake the
electrical storm as well?
248
00:08:32,536 --> 00:08:34,532
Motivationcorp takes care
of everything.
249
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,267
Just follow these simple scripts
when your actor arrives.
250
00:08:36,302 --> 00:08:39,098
"Listen to me,
you crazy person.
251
00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:41,834
There's no way you can
be from the future."
252
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,833
Ooh! This is
going to be fun!
253
00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:45,667
I can't believe it,
it's all a scam!
254
00:08:45,702 --> 00:08:46,799
Yeah, i can't believe it!
255
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:48,667
They've all been lying to us
this whole time!
256
00:08:48,702 --> 00:08:49,965
This whole time!
257
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,200
I wonder if my future self
knows anything about this.
258
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:57,033
Hey, maybe my future self
remembers this happening
259
00:08:57,068 --> 00:08:59,667
And can shed some light
on the subject.
260
00:08:59,702 --> 00:09:00,699
Butters,
don't you get it?!
261
00:09:00,734 --> 00:09:02,098
Those assholes aren't
our future selves,
262
00:09:02,133 --> 00:09:04,266
Our parents hired them to
make us more motivated!
263
00:09:04,301 --> 00:09:06,601
But then why did they
come back to the past?
264
00:09:06,636 --> 00:09:08,901
They didn't come back to
the past, you dumbass!
265
00:09:08,936 --> 00:09:09,167
They're actors!
266
00:09:09,202 --> 00:09:11,068
Oh.
267
00:09:11,103 --> 00:09:12,899
Ohh...
268
00:09:12,934 --> 00:09:14,367
But that's like
they're lying.
269
00:09:14,402 --> 00:09:15,599
It is lying, butters.
270
00:09:15,634 --> 00:09:17,400
Your parents lied to you
and my parents lied to me!
271
00:09:17,435 --> 00:09:18,466
Get it?!
272
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:20,098
Ooh, that makes me angry.
273
00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:23,767
Why, if professor chaos were
here he would make everyone pay!
274
00:09:23,802 --> 00:09:24,732
Who's that?
275
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:25,799
You know,
professor chaos-
276
00:09:25,834 --> 00:09:27,267
Bringer of destruction
and disorder!
277
00:09:27,302 --> 00:09:28,065
What?
278
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,466
Follow me
back home, stan.
279
00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:32,734
It's time i let you in on
a horrible secret.
280
00:09:34,968 --> 00:09:36,032
Wait right here, stan.
281
00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:38,467
I warn you, you may not like
what you're about to see.
282
00:09:40,534 --> 00:09:41,933
We have to teach
our parents a lesson.
283
00:09:41,968 --> 00:09:43,200
Show them they can't just play
with our emotions like that.
284
00:09:43,235 --> 00:09:46,699
Ha ha ha haaaa!
285
00:09:46,734 --> 00:09:49,367
Now you know my
terrible secret!
286
00:09:49,402 --> 00:09:50,866
You're gay?
287
00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:52,200
That's fine if you're gay,
butters, i don't care.
288
00:09:52,235 --> 00:09:53,998
Huh?
289
00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:54,998
No, i'm professor chaos.
290
00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:56,467
We have to teach our parents
a lesson, butters!
291
00:09:56,502 --> 00:09:57,799
We're running away!
292
00:09:57,834 --> 00:09:59,934
Help me find the perfect place
to run away to!
293
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:03,767
Mmm... maybe i used a little
too much silver.
294
00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:08,968
How about this-
Winter park.
295
00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:09,766
It looks kinda nice.
296
00:10:09,801 --> 00:10:11,567
No, we gotta run away
somewhere warm.
297
00:10:11,602 --> 00:10:13,265
Oh, look at this, stan.
298
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,599
"Are you sick of
your parents?
299
00:10:14,634 --> 00:10:16,883
"Do you want revenge for
something they've done to you?
300
00:10:16,918 --> 00:10:19,133
"Call the parental revenge
center of western america
301
00:10:19,168 --> 00:10:20,267
"For a free consultation.
302
00:10:20,302 --> 00:10:22,599
Results guaranteed."
303
00:10:22,634 --> 00:10:23,667
Dude, i didn't know
there was such a thing!
304
00:10:23,702 --> 00:10:26,866
Hey look, somebody
lost their cat.
305
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,968
Uh, hi, is this the
parental revenge center
306
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:29,799
Of western america?
307
00:10:29,834 --> 00:10:31,165
Uh, i'm really pissed off
at my parents
308
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,334
And i want to impose swift and
horrible revenge upon them?
309
00:10:33,369 --> 00:10:34,234
Look, you can make
your wiener bigger
310
00:10:34,269 --> 00:10:36,267
In just three weeks.
311
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,265
Oh really?
312
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,417
Okay, where are you
located, please?
313
00:10:39,452 --> 00:10:41,499
Great, um, can i
come by tomorrow?
314
00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:43,701
This lady will come and
massage your wiener for $95.
315
00:10:43,736 --> 00:10:45,100
Well, that's a
pretty good deal.
316
00:10:45,135 --> 00:10:46,167
11:00 is great,
thank you.
317
00:10:46,202 --> 00:10:47,332
That was easy!
318
00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:48,732
I just have to
go to their office
319
00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,167
And they'll help me figure out
how to get back at my parents.
320
00:10:50,202 --> 00:10:52,501
Hey, i wanna get revenge on
my douche bag parents too!
321
00:10:52,536 --> 00:10:54,000
Fine, then you can
come with me.
322
00:10:54,035 --> 00:10:54,899
Hooray!
323
00:10:54,934 --> 00:10:55,868
And then we can
make our wieners bigger
324
00:10:55,903 --> 00:10:57,701
And have a lady
massage 'em.
325
00:11:03,701 --> 00:11:05,100
I guess this is it.
326
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:09,833
Uh, hello?
327
00:11:09,868 --> 00:11:12,000
We're here about revenge
on our parents?
328
00:11:12,035 --> 00:11:12,367
Yes, come in, please.
329
00:11:12,402 --> 00:11:14,566
Cartman?!
330
00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:16,534
Oh, stan, butters, i didn't
know it was you guys.
331
00:11:16,569 --> 00:11:17,766
What the hell are you
doing here?
332
00:11:17,801 --> 00:11:19,732
I'm running a business, stan,
are you my 11:00?
333
00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:21,701
You're the parental revenge
center of western america?
334
00:11:21,736 --> 00:11:24,133
God dammit, i knew this was
too good to be true.
335
00:11:24,168 --> 00:11:25,098
Come on, butters,
let's go!
336
00:11:25,133 --> 00:11:26,667
So you don't want to
make your parents suffer
337
00:11:26,702 --> 00:11:28,232
And pay for
mistreating you then?
338
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:30,065
Look, i don't know what
your parents did to you,
339
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,634
But if you're here, i take it
they pissed you off pretty good.
340
00:11:32,669 --> 00:11:34,651
Maybe you should at least
hear what i have to offer?
341
00:11:34,686 --> 00:11:36,634
I'm sorry, we thought this was
a legitimate business.
342
00:11:36,669 --> 00:11:37,933
And it is, i assure you.
343
00:11:37,968 --> 00:11:39,167
I started this business
over three months ago,
344
00:11:39,202 --> 00:11:40,866
From the ground up.
345
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,934
I've been helping children get
back at their parents ever since.
346
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,467
How many parents have you
exacted revenge upon?
347
00:11:44,502 --> 00:11:46,098
Craig's.
And clyde's.
348
00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:47,716
Oh, and kyle's.
But that was a freebie.
349
00:11:47,751 --> 00:11:49,265
Look, i run a legitimate
business here
350
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:51,267
With state-Of-The-Art computers,
charts and technology.
351
00:11:51,302 --> 00:11:52,566
Look around you.
352
00:11:52,601 --> 00:11:55,567
I know how it feels to be really,
really pissed off at your parents.
353
00:11:55,602 --> 00:11:58,032
And i will work hard-
For you.
354
00:11:58,067 --> 00:12:01,834
Our moms and dads lied to us
about those future selves.
355
00:12:01,869 --> 00:12:02,833
It was just a trick to get us
356
00:12:02,868 --> 00:12:04,501
To not want to try
drugs or alcohol.
357
00:12:04,536 --> 00:12:05,666
God dammit.
358
00:12:05,701 --> 00:12:07,334
See, this is exactly why
i started this business.
359
00:12:07,369 --> 00:12:09,200
If a parent can't
respect their child,
360
00:12:09,235 --> 00:12:10,234
Then who can they
respect, huh?
361
00:12:10,269 --> 00:12:11,699
Yeah!
362
00:12:11,734 --> 00:12:13,734
Listen, parents understand one
thing, and that's consequences.
363
00:12:13,769 --> 00:12:15,601
They need to see consequences
from their actions
364
00:12:15,636 --> 00:12:16,899
Or else they'll never learn.
365
00:12:16,934 --> 00:12:19,250
What my company does is
inflicts those consequences
366
00:12:19,285 --> 00:12:21,567
Upon the parents in a very real
and very direct way.
367
00:12:21,602 --> 00:12:23,334
How much is this
going to cost us?
368
00:12:23,369 --> 00:12:26,067
$18,000.
369
00:12:27,634 --> 00:12:29,400
How about just
387 easy payments
370
00:12:29,435 --> 00:12:30,234
Of 199.95?
371
00:12:33,701 --> 00:12:35,532
How about five bucks?
372
00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:38,934
So everything is working out
with your future actor?
373
00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:40,432
Your son seems to be
responding?
374
00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:41,267
I think he's pretty scared
all right.
375
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,065
It's just
a little weird
376
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:45,150
Having to keep lying
to our boy like this.
377
00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:47,165
Well you know what us
ultra-Liberals say.
378
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,434
"When it comes to children
and drugs, lies are okay."
379
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:52,499
The ends justify the means.
380
00:12:52,534 --> 00:12:53,933
Well, take smoking
for instance-
381
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:55,601
The truth is
there's no hard evidence
382
00:12:55,636 --> 00:12:57,065
That secondhand smoke
can kill,
383
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,300
But we believe it's okay
to lie about it
384
00:12:59,335 --> 00:13:01,501
As long as it gets people
to stop smoking.
385
00:13:01,536 --> 00:13:02,699
Well, that makes sense.
386
00:13:02,734 --> 00:13:04,834
So it is with everything
here at motivationcorp.
387
00:13:04,869 --> 00:13:06,701
It's okay for us to lie
and tell kids
388
00:13:06,736 --> 00:13:08,499
That all marijuana
supports terrorism,
389
00:13:08,534 --> 00:13:10,032
Or that one pill of ecstasy
is gonna kill them.
390
00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:14,000
It's not necessarily true,
but the ends justify the means.
391
00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:16,234
I think that when
this is all over
392
00:13:16,269 --> 00:13:17,501
Our son is
gonna thank us.
393
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,933
Okay, butters,
let's start with you.
394
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,267
I think i found a great way
to get revenge on your parents.
395
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,701
Tell me if i'm going in the
right direction here.
396
00:13:24,736 --> 00:13:25,933
What we're gonna do, butters,
397
00:13:25,968 --> 00:13:28,684
Is wait for your parents
to leave the house,
398
00:13:28,719 --> 00:13:31,400
And then, smear all
the walls- With poop.
399
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:33,098
Huh! That'll make 'em
awful sore!
400
00:13:33,133 --> 00:13:35,267
Now, i want you to take a look
at some of these poop swatches.
401
00:13:35,302 --> 00:13:36,532
Poop swatches?
402
00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,167
Poop comes in a lot of
varieties, butters,
403
00:13:38,202 --> 00:13:38,998
I wanna find
the perfect one,
404
00:13:39,033 --> 00:13:40,968
Tailored to your revenge
on your parents.
405
00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:42,532
Hey, that's neat-O,
huh, stan?
406
00:13:42,567 --> 00:13:44,267
Personally, i like
the "baby green".
407
00:13:44,302 --> 00:13:45,968
But i also think that
"classic brown"
408
00:13:46,003 --> 00:13:47,332
Would go nicely
with your house.
409
00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:49,100
Wow, you sure are
professional, eric.
410
00:13:49,135 --> 00:13:51,051
I don't know which
swatch i like best.
411
00:13:51,086 --> 00:13:53,010
Well, you know what
we could do, butters,
412
00:13:53,045 --> 00:13:54,899
Is go with baby green
in the living room
413
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,133
And then maybe a classic brown
or even "nut n' corn crunch"
414
00:13:57,168 --> 00:13:57,634
In your parents bedroom.
415
00:13:57,669 --> 00:13:59,132
That sounds good!
416
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:01,200
Okay, let's do that then.
That'll look nice.
417
00:14:01,235 --> 00:14:02,299
Hooray!
418
00:14:02,334 --> 00:14:03,732
Alright now, stan,
419
00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:05,199
For you've i've put together
a really nice design.
420
00:14:05,234 --> 00:14:07,300
I feel your parents were a bit
more cocky about lying to you,
421
00:14:07,335 --> 00:14:08,866
And your revenge needs
to reflect that.
422
00:14:08,901 --> 00:14:10,667
So what i want to do is put
a note on your parents door,
423
00:14:10,702 --> 00:14:12,734
Telling them i'm the counselor
from the school.
424
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:13,899
Yeah?
425
00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:15,100
The note will inform them that
a problem has come up
426
00:14:15,135 --> 00:14:16,267
And they need to meet me right
away, back at my office.
427
00:14:16,302 --> 00:14:18,599
Yeah?
428
00:14:18,634 --> 00:14:20,267
Your parents will drive
all the way out to the school
429
00:14:20,302 --> 00:14:21,901
Discovering that no meeting
is actually taking place.
430
00:14:21,936 --> 00:14:22,499
Yeah?
431
00:14:22,534 --> 00:14:23,766
And while they're gone,
432
00:14:23,801 --> 00:14:26,300
We're gonna smear all
their walls with poop.
433
00:14:26,335 --> 00:14:29,098
Wow!
Neat-O!
434
00:14:29,133 --> 00:14:30,232
That's not neat-O,
that sucks!
435
00:14:30,267 --> 00:14:32,100
You're gonna smeared butters'
parents' walls with poop?
436
00:14:32,135 --> 00:14:33,968
I thought each revenge was
unique and customized.
437
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,801
Poop smearing is the hot ticket
right now, stan.
438
00:14:35,836 --> 00:14:37,285
Have you seen
the poop swatches?
439
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,699
Dude, that's not
extreme enough!
440
00:14:38,734 --> 00:14:40,067
My parents aren't gonna
learn their lesson
441
00:14:40,102 --> 00:14:41,551
From having some crap
smeared on their walls!
442
00:14:41,586 --> 00:14:43,309
I want them to see
what they did was wrong.
443
00:14:43,344 --> 00:14:45,033
I want them to admit
that they lied to me!
444
00:14:45,068 --> 00:14:46,232
Okay, okay, fine.
445
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:48,334
Just my first idea, that's why
we have these consultations.
446
00:14:48,369 --> 00:14:49,267
Okay, let me see here.
447
00:14:49,302 --> 00:14:51,332
Uh...
448
00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:52,632
Well, this is nice.
How about this?
449
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:53,467
We'll lure your parents
out of the house-
450
00:14:53,502 --> 00:14:55,365
And then we'll kill them.
451
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,300
We'll cut them up into little
pieces and feed them to a dog.
452
00:14:56,335 --> 00:14:57,365
Dude!
453
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:58,367
Extreme enough for you?
How's wednesday?
454
00:14:58,402 --> 00:15:00,799
No, that's too extreme!
455
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:02,200
Well, first its not extreme
enough, then it's too extreme-
456
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,332
Where do you want it?
457
00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:04,834
Just forget it, cartman, you
don't know what you're doing!
458
00:15:04,869 --> 00:15:06,065
I am a professional,
sir!
459
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:09,467
Don't worry, butters, you're
gonna be 100% satisfied.
460
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:15,033
Hey future self.
461
00:15:15,068 --> 00:15:15,899
Yes, former self?
462
00:15:15,934 --> 00:15:17,434
You know that thing
that i've kept hidden
463
00:15:17,469 --> 00:15:18,968
In the hole in the wall
for two years
464
00:15:19,003 --> 00:15:20,432
That i've never
told anybody about?
465
00:15:20,467 --> 00:15:22,300
You know, the thing that i
take out of the shoe box
466
00:15:22,335 --> 00:15:24,868
Every night before
i go to sleep?
467
00:15:24,903 --> 00:15:26,566
Oh, uh...
468
00:15:26,601 --> 00:15:28,167
You must know what
i'm talking about?
469
00:15:28,202 --> 00:15:29,098
Sure, uh, uh...
470
00:15:29,133 --> 00:15:32,234
Oh man, could you all
excuse me for a second?
471
00:15:32,269 --> 00:15:34,299
I think i'm gonna
crap my pants.
472
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:37,300
Uh, stan, don't you think
you're upsetting
473
00:15:37,335 --> 00:15:38,632
Your future self a little?
474
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:40,901
Yeah, stan, don't be
so hard on yourself.
475
00:15:40,936 --> 00:15:41,833
Mom, dad-
476
00:15:41,868 --> 00:15:43,234
I don't think that guy
is from the future.
477
00:15:43,269 --> 00:15:47,332
Oh, you, you don't?
478
00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:48,699
No, you know
what i think?
479
00:15:48,734 --> 00:15:49,933
I think this is all
an elaborate hoax.
480
00:15:49,968 --> 00:15:51,251
And i think that whoever
is doing it
481
00:15:51,286 --> 00:15:52,499
Doesn't have very much
respect for me.
482
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,833
See, the best way to try to
motivate somebody
483
00:15:54,868 --> 00:15:56,200
Is by being direct with them,
to be honest with them.
484
00:15:56,235 --> 00:15:58,933
I think this whole future self
thing is a lie,
485
00:15:58,968 --> 00:16:00,367
And lies are never the right way
to get your message across.
486
00:16:00,402 --> 00:16:03,334
Well, you know what
i think, stan?
487
00:16:03,369 --> 00:16:04,599
What?
488
00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:06,100
I think he is
from the future!
489
00:16:06,135 --> 00:16:07,065
Yeah, he must be!
490
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,334
It's like, i just feel
he's our son, you know?
491
00:16:08,369 --> 00:16:10,767
Right, that's
mother's intuition.
492
00:16:10,802 --> 00:16:12,165
You can't argue with that.
493
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,100
No, stan, i think the only way
you're gonna get rid of him
494
00:16:14,135 --> 00:16:17,067
Is by staying clear
of drugs and alcohol!
495
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,534
Right!
496
00:16:30,801 --> 00:16:32,599
Okay, very nice,
very nice.
497
00:16:32,634 --> 00:16:34,299
Oh wait-
God dammit, philippe!
498
00:16:34,334 --> 00:16:37,033
The classic brown poop is supposed
to go in the parents bedroom.
499
00:16:37,068 --> 00:16:39,300
The living room is supposed
to be all baby green poop.
500
00:16:39,335 --> 00:16:41,365
Que?
La caca no esta aqul?
501
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,432
La caca de
moreno alta, si?
502
00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,200
Aqul es verde, senor,
es verde!
503
00:16:44,235 --> 00:16:45,534
Arriba!
Arriba!
504
00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:46,799
Si, si, senor!
505
00:16:46,834 --> 00:16:48,034
Bien, gracias.
E tu?
506
00:16:48,069 --> 00:16:49,199
Carlos!
Carlos, no!
507
00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:51,467
We want a textured effect on the
nut n' corn crunch poop!
508
00:16:51,502 --> 00:16:53,534
That's why we spackle
with the sponge, see?
509
00:16:53,569 --> 00:16:55,318
Spackle gently.
La marrdo.
510
00:16:55,353 --> 00:16:57,067
Gently, see?
Marrdo.
511
00:16:57,102 --> 00:16:57,666
Si, marrdo.
512
00:16:57,701 --> 00:17:00,033
Marrrdo,
spectacularrr.
513
00:17:00,068 --> 00:17:00,899
Si.
514
00:17:00,934 --> 00:17:02,098
Ugh, so hard to find
good help.
515
00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:03,868
Ah, butters! Like what
you're seeing so far?
516
00:17:03,903 --> 00:17:05,368
Boy, it sure is
stinky in here.
517
00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:06,799
Yeah, well,
300 gallons of poop
518
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:08,334
Isn't gonna smell like
a garden, butters.
519
00:17:08,369 --> 00:17:09,834
But i think it's coming
together real nice.
520
00:17:09,869 --> 00:17:11,065
Look, eric,
i been thinking,
521
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:12,767
My parents sure are gonna be
awful sore and i don't-
522
00:17:12,802 --> 00:17:14,467
Yes, well, i've done my job,
haven't i?
523
00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:15,466
Pepete!
Pepete, no!
524
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:18,801
No come la taco
en la trabajar!
525
00:17:20,501 --> 00:17:22,767
Yes, well, it's hard to
find work in commercials
526
00:17:22,802 --> 00:17:23,699
So i ended up-
Oh, stan!
527
00:17:23,734 --> 00:17:26,199
Oh dude,
how's it going, man?
528
00:17:26,234 --> 00:17:29,467
Hey, you wanna go upstairs
and play hide and go seek?
529
00:17:29,502 --> 00:17:30,599
Hide and go seek, huh?
530
00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:32,067
Yeah, stan,
why don't you go upstairs
531
00:17:32,102 --> 00:17:32,965
And play with yourself.
532
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,699
I don't believe that
he's my future self.
533
00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:37,034
Yeah, but we can't be sure,
so we better assume he is
534
00:17:37,069 --> 00:17:39,334
And never try that first
marijuana cigarette, huh?
535
00:17:39,369 --> 00:17:41,300
No, actually, i have
a way to be sure.
536
00:17:41,335 --> 00:17:43,866
I'm going to
cut off my hand.
537
00:17:43,901 --> 00:17:46,701
If he is my future self,
then his hand will disappear.
538
00:17:46,736 --> 00:17:47,467
Stanley, you don't
need to do that!
539
00:17:47,502 --> 00:17:49,265
He is your future self!
540
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,167
But i have to know
for sure.
541
00:17:51,202 --> 00:17:52,432
Don't be silly, stan,
542
00:17:52,467 --> 00:17:53,968
You don't wanna go through
life without one of your hands.
543
00:17:54,003 --> 00:17:55,234
Maybe it's the hand i smoked
that first joint with.
544
00:17:55,269 --> 00:17:58,400
Here i go,
i'm gonna do it.
545
00:17:58,435 --> 00:17:59,751
Stan!
546
00:17:59,786 --> 00:18:01,032
Yes?
547
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:02,234
Uh, nothing,
go ahead.
548
00:18:02,269 --> 00:18:03,801
Randy!
549
00:18:03,836 --> 00:18:05,299
Aaagh!
550
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,801
Oooooh!
Oh my god, look!
551
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,199
Aaaagh!
552
00:18:10,234 --> 00:18:11,984
Why, his hand
did disappear!
553
00:18:12,019 --> 00:18:13,559
He is you
from the future!
554
00:18:13,594 --> 00:18:15,065
Oh, jesus christ,
help me!
555
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:18,267
That's weird, because i didn't
really cut off my hand-
556
00:18:18,302 --> 00:18:19,666
It was fake.
557
00:18:19,701 --> 00:18:23,165
Uh, look, it was fake
in the future too!
558
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,367
Looks like you better really
watch out for marijuana,
559
00:18:25,402 --> 00:18:26,634
Huh, stan?
560
00:18:28,067 --> 00:18:29,699
Well, butters, i hope
you like the work.
561
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,667
I'm sure your parents
will be plenty pissed off.
562
00:18:31,702 --> 00:18:32,732
And after
my parents get angry
563
00:18:32,767 --> 00:18:34,517
How do we get the poop
off the walls?
564
00:18:34,552 --> 00:18:36,267
Ooh, uh, that's
a different company.
565
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,267
Oh, someone's here,
we better run out the back.
566
00:18:39,302 --> 00:18:40,334
Pepete! Carlos!
567
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,332
Vamanos!
568
00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:42,283
But cartman, wait!
569
00:18:42,318 --> 00:18:43,200
Oh, christmas.
570
00:18:44,701 --> 00:18:46,032
Butters!
Oh, stan!
571
00:18:46,067 --> 00:18:47,367
Butters, we- Oh god,
it smells in here.
572
00:18:47,402 --> 00:18:49,318
Yeah, well,
300 gallons of poop
573
00:18:49,353 --> 00:18:50,943
Isn't gonna
smell like a garden.
574
00:18:50,978 --> 00:18:52,534
Butters,
we're running away.
575
00:18:52,569 --> 00:18:53,933
We are?
576
00:18:53,968 --> 00:18:55,367
Our parents are never gonna
admit what they did was wrong,
577
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:56,434
And they're never
gonna change.
578
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:57,868
What the hell
is this?!
579
00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,232
Oh my god,
our house!
580
00:18:59,267 --> 00:19:01,934
Oh jeez,
i'm gonna get it now.
581
00:19:01,969 --> 00:19:02,799
Butters!
582
00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:04,867
Do you have an
explanation for this?!
583
00:19:04,902 --> 00:19:07,068
Well, not really, sir,
i just thought-
584
00:19:07,103 --> 00:19:09,234
Wait a minute, chris-
Don't you see?
585
00:19:09,269 --> 00:19:10,868
This might be our fault.
586
00:19:10,903 --> 00:19:11,732
Wh- I-
587
00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:13,566
My god,
you're right, linda.
588
00:19:13,601 --> 00:19:15,267
This is what we get for
deceiving our son.
589
00:19:15,302 --> 00:19:17,499
Huh?!
590
00:19:17,534 --> 00:19:18,701
Butters, listen, the whole
future self thing,
591
00:19:18,736 --> 00:19:20,499
Well, it was a dirty fib.
592
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,801
We just so desperately wanted
you to never try drugs
593
00:19:22,836 --> 00:19:24,434
That we used
a big scare tactic
594
00:19:24,469 --> 00:19:25,998
Instead of
telling you the truth.
595
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:28,166
We thought the ends
justified the means,
596
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,300
But they don't.
They just don't, son!
597
00:19:31,267 --> 00:19:33,901
We're sorry, baby!
598
00:19:34,601 --> 00:19:36,434
Get the
outta here.
599
00:19:36,469 --> 00:19:37,399
Stan!
Stan!
600
00:19:37,434 --> 00:19:38,817
Oh, okay, you might
be wondering
601
00:19:38,852 --> 00:19:40,200
Why butters has
a future self too.
602
00:19:40,235 --> 00:19:42,432
Yes, well, you see, son,
603
00:19:42,467 --> 00:19:44,167
The time matrix pulled in
more people from-
604
00:19:44,202 --> 00:19:45,666
Oh, stop it, you guys!
605
00:19:45,701 --> 00:19:47,065
I know all about
motivationcorp!
606
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:48,567
All i've been trying to
get you guys to do
607
00:19:48,602 --> 00:19:50,167
Is admit that you
lied to me!
608
00:19:50,202 --> 00:19:51,432
Oh...
609
00:19:51,467 --> 00:19:53,233
Well, son, we've just been
trying to make sure
610
00:19:53,268 --> 00:19:55,217
You know how dangerous
drugs like pot are.
611
00:19:55,252 --> 00:19:57,132
I've been told a lot of
things about pot,
612
00:19:57,167 --> 00:19:58,400
But i've come to find out a lot
of those things aren't true!
613
00:19:58,435 --> 00:20:00,267
So i don't know
what to believe!
614
00:20:00,302 --> 00:20:02,032
Well, stan,
the truth is
615
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:04,133
Marijuana probably isn't going
to make you kill people.
616
00:20:04,168 --> 00:20:06,799
And most likely isn't gonna
fund terrorists.
617
00:20:06,834 --> 00:20:09,667
But, well, son, pot makes you
feel fine with being bored.
618
00:20:09,702 --> 00:20:10,933
And it's when
you're bored
619
00:20:10,968 --> 00:20:12,566
That you should be learning
some new skill
620
00:20:12,601 --> 00:20:14,868
Or discovering some new science
or being creative.
621
00:20:14,903 --> 00:20:16,968
If you smoke pot
you may grow up to find out
622
00:20:17,003 --> 00:20:18,699
That you aren't good
at anything.
623
00:20:18,734 --> 00:20:20,400
I really, really wish you
just would've told me that
624
00:20:20,435 --> 00:20:22,300
From the beginning.
625
00:20:22,335 --> 00:20:23,532
He's right.
626
00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:24,534
If we use lies
and exaggerations
627
00:20:24,569 --> 00:20:25,998
To keep kids off drugs,
628
00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:27,901
Then they're never gonna
believe anything we tell them.
629
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:30,901
Well there's only one person
i can blame-
630
00:20:30,936 --> 00:20:32,418
Motivationcorp!
631
00:20:32,453 --> 00:20:33,866
Oh, god!
632
00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:36,200
Who smeared crap
all over our walls?!
633
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,399
Oh jesus, it smells, ohh!
634
00:20:38,434 --> 00:20:40,283
You really did
a nice job, eric.
635
00:20:40,318 --> 00:20:42,133
Yup, i gotta admit
you came through.
636
00:20:42,168 --> 00:20:43,933
Thank you.
637
00:20:43,968 --> 00:20:44,667
I thought the "hangover black"
went really nice in the lobby.
638
00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:46,065
Well, here, eric,
639
00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:47,334
I cooked you a huge box
of cookies as a present.
640
00:20:47,369 --> 00:20:48,833
Thanks!
641
00:20:48,868 --> 00:20:50,265
But you know, all this talk
about future selves
642
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:52,967
Has made me think maybe i should
take better care of myself.
643
00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,634
I mean, maybe i should think
about who i'm gonna become.
644
00:20:55,669 --> 00:20:58,167
Atta boy, eric, you made
the right choice!
645
00:20:58,202 --> 00:20:59,232
Who the hell are you?
646
00:20:59,267 --> 00:21:00,850
Ha ha!
It's me, cartman!
647
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,243
You from the future!
648
00:21:02,278 --> 00:21:03,566
I came back
to tell you
649
00:21:03,601 --> 00:21:05,866
That this is the day
you turn it all around!
650
00:21:05,901 --> 00:21:08,367
You stop eating junk food,
you start studying harder,
651
00:21:08,402 --> 00:21:10,065
You stay away from
drugs and alcohol
652
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:13,934
And you become c.E.O. Of your
own time travel company!
653
00:21:13,969 --> 00:21:16,933
Oh wow, really?
That's so awesome!
654
00:21:16,968 --> 00:21:19,067
Now i'll really work
to be successful!
655
00:21:19,102 --> 00:21:19,833
Right on!
656
00:21:19,868 --> 00:21:22,100
Go have sex with
yourself, asshole!
657
00:21:22,135 --> 00:21:23,032
I'm not that stupid!
658
00:21:23,067 --> 00:21:25,233
Just for that i gonna spend
my whole childhood
659
00:21:25,268 --> 00:21:27,400
Eating what i want and
doing drugs when i want!
660
00:21:27,435 --> 00:21:29,434
Whatevah,
i do what i want!
661
00:21:29,469 --> 00:21:30,901
No, wait!
662
00:21:32,567 --> 00:21:34,667
Aw, god dammit!