1 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,800 Ready?! One, two, three, four! 2 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,880 Yeah! Yeah! We like to rock! 3 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,880 Yeah! I like to rock! 4 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,280 Hello, Baltimore! 5 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,520 - Cartman, what the hell are you doing?! - I'm playing the drum! 6 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,000 Well, you have to hit it softer! 7 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:53,080 Ay, you can't just hit a drum! You have to beat the shit out of it! 8 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,000 Shut your pot hole! I'll take you out, you fuckin' drum! 9 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,562 That's how you rock, dude! 10 00:00:57,563 --> 00:01:00,163 You're not supposed to rock! You're just supposed to keep the beat! 11 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,000 I am keeping the beat! Your flute-playing sucks! 12 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,640 - That's it, Cartman! You can't be the drummer! - Hey, I'll get it! 13 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,034 Dude, the Civil War Re-enactment is tomorrow! 14 00:01:06,035 --> 00:01:08,174 You're not gonna get it by tomorrow! - Yes I will! 15 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:11,040 Alright, alright! Let's just try again! One, two, three, four! 16 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,412 Does Cleveland like to rock?! Yaaaaaaaaaah! Goddammit! 17 00:01:20,968 --> 00:01:23,000 - What?! - Gimmie the drum and you play the flute! 18 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,600 No way! Flutes are totally gay! 19 00:01:24,601 --> 00:01:25,598 Are they gay?! 20 00:01:25,599 --> 00:01:27,137 Cartman, I'm the leader of the Re-enactment fife 21 00:01:27,138 --> 00:01:28,838 and drum squad and I say you play the flute! 22 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,560 Oh! Well, you know what I say?! 23 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,000 Screw y'guys! I'm goin' home! 24 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,800 - You dick! - Later! 25 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,544 Alrighty, everyone! We just have a few things to go over before 26 00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:44,976 we head out to the Re-enactment Battlefield! 27 00:01:45,011 --> 00:01:48,268 First of all, I have great news! There're over 200 folks from around 28 00:01:48,269 --> 00:01:50,469 the states that have come to see this year's Re-enactment, 29 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,320 and that's the best turn-out ever! 30 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,095 Where the hell is Cartman! If he misses the Orientation, 31 00:01:56,096 --> 00:01:57,296 they're not gonna let'im in the Re-enactment! 32 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:58,730 - He'll show! - He'd better! 33 00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:01,239 I'm also very proud to announce that this year's 34 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,640 alcohol sponsor is Yaggerman's S' more flavoured Schnapps! 35 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,520 The schnapps with the delightfull taste of s'mores! 36 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,240 - Hey, it does taste like s'mores! - Heh, yeah, and it's got quite a kick too! 37 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,760 And now to clartify how the Re-enactment should unfold, 38 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:19,720 let's bring up our master historian! Grandpa Marvin Marsh! 39 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:25,160 The only man old enough to have actually seen the Civil War Re-enactment of 1924! 40 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,160 Wow, dude! Your Grandpa still isn't dead?! - Dude, that's not cool! 41 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,440 Good morning, gentlemen! 42 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,560 - Cartman, what the hell are you doing?! - Yeah! You're dressed up like the south! 43 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:36,520 Yes! This year, I've decided to fight for the glorious south! Screw y'guys! Home! 44 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,160 And may I say that we're going to whoop your ass this time! 45 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,962 You can't just come to a Civil War Re-enactment 46 00:02:40,963 --> 00:02:42,263 dressed up like General Lee, fatass! 47 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,000 Oh, really?! I'm pretty sure I just did! 48 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,101 Okay! You all know the rules! 49 00:02:46,136 --> 00:02:48,165 You must fire your Blakes into the air, 50 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:51,080 and if someone says they killed you, you gotta play dead! 51 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,563 The south loses this battle, Cartman! They lose the war! 52 00:02:53,598 --> 00:02:57,203 - The south is gonna win! - No they're not, stupid! - Yes we are! 53 00:02:57,238 --> 00:02:58,240 How much you wanna bet?! 54 00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,301 Now remember, everybody! 55 00:02:59,336 --> 00:03:02,134 For a good re-enactment, we've got to pretend down 56 00:03:02,135 --> 00:03:04,535 to the last detail that we're really in the Civil War! 57 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,000 So in the north winds, 58 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,160 all of us on the Confederate side should act all bummed and depressed... 59 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,040 C'mon, Cartman! How much you wanna bet the south doesn't win?! 60 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,400 Well, this war's about slavery, 61 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,200 so how 'bout if the south wins, you two assholes have to be my slaves for a month! 62 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,200 And if the north wins, you're our slave for a month?! 63 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,400 - Right! - You're on! 64 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,680 Then I shall bid you good morning, gentlemen, and see you on the battlefield! 65 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,480 What a dumbass! - Yeah! He doesn't even know that the south loses the Civil War! 66 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,480 It's gonna be rad having Cartman be our slave! 67 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:33,360 And with that, let's all head to Temrock Hill and put on a good show! 68 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:40,880 Welcome to the South Park Re-enactment of the Battle of Temrock Hill! 69 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,240 The men in grey are the Confederacy from the south! 70 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,520 In the blue, the Union from the north! 71 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,640 It was a cold morning in 1862! 72 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:54,240 The Union army had to get the bell on Aplomaticstown from Temrock Hill! 73 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:59,280 What ensued was a bloody battle, but after many hours, the Union army prevailed! 74 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,840 Here now is the re-enactment of that great battle! 75 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,240 Forward! 76 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,000 Let's bring those Confederate bastards down! 77 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,440 Fire! 78 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,200 Alright, men! Fire! 79 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,920 Hey, uh, I shot you, Ned! You have to fall down! 80 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,880 Wow! So this is what it was like! 81 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,440 Hey, what's that guy doing?! 82 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,840 Whoopie! Long live the Confederacah! 83 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,320 What the hell! 84 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,880 - Hey! He took the bell! - He can't do that! 85 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,000 The Confederacy doesn't take the bell! 86 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,200 Hooray for the south! 87 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,480 Cartman, you can't do that! 88 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,000 Goddammit! Now we have to start over! 89 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,266 Alrighty, everyone! We're going to do the entire re-enactment again 90 00:05:05,267 --> 00:05:07,667 because of some confusion over the bell! 91 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,567 Now, I know you're just trying to help, Eric, 92 00:05:09,568 --> 00:05:11,768 but we have to let the Union army capture the bell this time! 93 00:05:11,874 --> 00:05:16,200 But why?! Why should they get the bell?! - W'well, 'cause we're supposed to lose! 94 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:17,640 But we don't have to lose! 95 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,360 - What?! - Gentlemen, we can win this battle! 96 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,746 Sure, we could lose, and tonight we can go back to our families and say: 97 00:05:23,747 --> 00:05:26,920 "We did it! We lost like we were supposed to! Aren't we proud!" 98 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,960 Or... or we take that hill! 99 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:33,905 We take that hill, and when we stand tall upon it, we hold our heads high and we yell: 100 00:05:33,906 --> 00:05:38,040 "Not this year! This year belongs to the Confederacah!" 101 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,200 - By God, he's right! - Jimbo! 102 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,440 Yeah! I've been re-enacting this war for 22 years now, 103 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,920 and for 22 years, this Confederate re-enactors have had to spend 104 00:05:50,921 --> 00:05:54,121 the evening being ridiculed and made fun of by the Union re-enactors! 105 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:55,240 Well, I'm sick of it! 106 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,960 Yeah, why do we have to be their bitches every year?! 107 00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,880 I'm tired of losing this battle! 108 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,000 And I say it's high time we kick some ass! Who's with me?! 109 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,760 Alright, folks! Sorry for the false start! We're ready to go again! 110 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:15,440 It was a cold morning in 1862! The Union army had to... 111 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,400 What a...? 112 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:20,720 Uh, what are they doing?! 113 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,640 You yankee sons of bitches! 114 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,040 That hurt! 115 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,280 Goddammit! What the hell are they doing?! 116 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,080 - Wha'do we do?! - Run for your life, dude! 117 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,520 God bless those men who fight for their freedom! 118 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,400 God bless those men! And God bless the Confederacah! 119 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,880 Surrender your men, General! 120 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,480 Jimbo, have you lost your mind?! 121 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,440 Surrender your men, General! 122 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,160 Alright, alright! We surrender! 123 00:06:58,640 --> 00:06:59,880 The south winned?! 124 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,720 The south wins! 125 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,080 Goddammit! 126 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,160 Well, we can all be friends now! 127 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,920 C'mon, Randy! Have some S'mores Schnapps! 128 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,320 Well, I can't be happy! You ruined the re-enactment! 129 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,360 Aw, come on! Have a little sip! 130 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:22,480 - So, y'guys about ready to start being my slaves?! - You cheated, Cartman! 131 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,644 Yeah, and it doesn't matter, because the bet was that the south doesn't 132 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:27,145 win the war, and the south still didn't win the war, dipshit! 133 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,800 Yeah, too bad you're such a dumbass at history, you would've known that! 134 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,680 I hate y'guys so much! So very very much! 135 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,120 And this is not over! Not by a longshot! 136 00:07:38,415 --> 00:07:40,341 All I'm saying is that... 137 00:07:40,342 --> 00:07:43,742 i'is that the Confederates would've just gotten their asses kicked in Topeka! 138 00:07:43,824 --> 00:07:47,185 That ain't true! The Confederates would've whooped ass in Topeka too! 139 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,040 You're dreaming! 140 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,360 Perhaps we should take Topeka! 141 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,400 The mock us in Kansas, soldier! They think the south is a joke! 142 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,640 - They don't respect our authoritah! - They don't?! 143 00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,760 No! I say we take Topeka! 144 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:05,040 You know what?! I'll bet we could take Topeka right now and prove 'em all wrong! 145 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:06,560 That's right! 146 00:08:06,561 --> 00:08:10,461 Maybe we should do what the Confederates would've done and march on to Topeka! 147 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,640 - I'll bet we could! - I'll bet we could too! 148 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:14,840 I'll bet you can't! 149 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,000 What?! Is that a challenge?! I'll bet we can! 150 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,600 I'll bet you can't! Because you guys are all pussies! 151 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,640 Pussies?! Oh, yeah?! 152 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:26,360 Men! It's time to show the world what this Confederate army has got! 153 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,840 We're gonna take Topeka once and for all! 154 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,400 All you men! You may have lost in the Union today, 155 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,560 but join us now and win back your pride! 156 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,880 May the Union be damned! 157 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,440 Let's go! 158 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:46,000 Oh, what was our bet again?! Let's see! 159 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,640 Yes! I remember! If the south wins, 160 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,640 you have to to be my slaves for a month! 161 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,640 They're just drunk, Cartman! As soon as they sober up, they'll stop! 162 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,640 Yes! E'e'enjoy your freedom, gentlemen! Soon, you will be my propertah! 163 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,960 Come, Kenny! Come fight for us and I'll make sure you get lots of plunder and womens! 164 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,520 - Good morining, Mrs. Hollis! - Hello, Ralph! 165 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,760 Did you happen to catch that ball game last night?! 166 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:23,720 I'm afraid I was grading papers pretty late and... 167 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,760 What's that noise, officer?! 168 00:09:35,322 --> 00:09:36,879 Yaaaaaaaaaaaaah! 169 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,720 Freeze, buddy! These are blanks, but they still hurt like hell! 170 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,840 It's ours! It's ours! We've taken Topeka! 171 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:04,600 Alright, yank! Tell us where you keep your Yaggerman S'more Flavoured Schnapps! 172 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,600 Er, er, er, schnapps?! Uh, uh, I guess it would be at the liquor store! 173 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,160 WHERE?! - AT THE LIQUOR STORE! AT THE LIQUOR STORE! 174 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,760 C'mon, boys! 175 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:18,360 This is the most bizzare thing I've ever seen! 176 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,320 Excuse mah! 177 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,200 Dude, my mom is so pissed at my dad for going to Kansas! 178 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,177 I know, but why do they have to take it out on us?! 179 00:10:26,178 --> 00:10:27,678 Why do WE have to wait around for them to come back?! 180 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,080 There comes a bus! 181 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,360 Butters?! Are you the only one that came back?! 182 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,640 Uh, C'confederate messenger Butters reporting, sir! 183 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,880 I've a message for you from the battle field! 184 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:38,760 What battle field?! 185 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,200 At Topeka, we're raisin' all kinds of hell, see! Heh! 186 00:10:41,278 --> 00:10:44,110 It's probably the most fun I've had in several months! Well, well! 187 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,811 Are you gonna read your message or not?! 188 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,480 Dear guys! Words cannot express how much I hate y'guys! 189 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,775 As we fight our way northward into the great sundown, 190 00:10:52,776 --> 00:10:55,276 only that one thing remains certain! 191 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,960 That I hate y'guys with every tired muscle in my Confederate body! 192 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:02,480 We're taking Topeka and now I must rally the men onward to Mossourah, 193 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:06,760 because I will not stop until we have won it all and y'guys are my slaves, 194 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,720 because I hate y'guys! 195 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,960 I hate y'guys so very very much! 196 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,560 Yours, General Cartman Lee! 197 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,920 Goddammit! That fat piece of shit! 198 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,400 Dude, what if Cartman really does succeed and we really do have to be his slaves?! 199 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,040 - That would suck so much ass! - We have to stop him, dude! 200 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,080 I'll go get my Grandpa! He'll help us! Where's the Confederate army now, Butters?! 201 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,000 Uh, I ain't s'posed to tell you that! 202 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,280 If I told you that, we-ell, I'd be a-a no-good yankee son of a bitch! 203 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,200 - We'll give you ten bucks! - Oh! O-okay! 204 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,960 ...and was forced to live off her own feces for several days! 205 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,894 In national news, a frightening radical group from Colarado 206 00:11:37,895 --> 00:11:40,495 is making its way across the southern states of America! 207 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,465 The group is recruiting new members in each town 208 00:11:42,466 --> 00:11:44,966 they pass through and rapidly growing in number! 209 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,680 So authorities have decided to call in the National Guard! 210 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,161 The group seems to be lead my millitary master mind 211 00:11:50,162 --> 00:11:52,062 and right-winged radical, Jimbo Kearn, 212 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:55,280 who is known for his guerrilla fighting and leadership skills! 213 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:59,080 Gonna need s'more s'mores schnapps! I'm gonna be sick! 214 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,424 Oh, boy! This is worse than I thought! - Well, C'mon, Billy! 215 00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:12,720 We gotta make these little peckers stop before they get themselves killed! 216 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,400 I tell ya! You can either fight them or join them! 217 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,000 Well, I'm joinin' them! Those blanks hurt! 218 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,120 Dad! Dad! Mom wants you to come home! 219 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,080 Not now, Stan! I'm pillaging! 220 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:24,480 Get over here! 221 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:29,200 You got to stop, Dad! If the south wins, me and Stan have to be Cartman's slaves! 222 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,240 This is a re-enactment, Kyle! 223 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:36,120 My name is Private John Farcastle and I have to do what my General tells me! 224 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,240 Hey, there's s'more schnapps! Over here! 225 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,640 More schnapps! 226 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,720 I'm Seargent Larson of the National Guard! We're here to stop the terrorists! 227 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:48,400 They're not terrorists! They're just a bunch of drunk wankers from Colorado! 228 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,840 Well, we can't just shoot 'em! There's innocents and children about! Dawkins! 229 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,600 Dawkins! - Sir! - Fire a warning flare! - Yes sir! 230 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,480 Medic! 231 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,120 - Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! - You bastards! 232 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,760 We can't fire at them, sir! There're too many children! 233 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,280 Then how do we stop them?! 234 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,000 I know how! But, we'll have to wait until dark! 235 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,040 Dear Miss McKormic! 236 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,360 It is with a very heavy heart that I must inform you 237 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,655 that your son Kenny was killed in battle on the morning of November 18 238 00:13:29,656 --> 00:13:32,156 at Groobie Hill's Funland in Chattanooga! 239 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,256 This war has taken something from all of us 240 00:13:34,257 --> 00:13:37,357 and although your son appears to be the only casualty of war, 241 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,200 know that we all share your pain! 242 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,880 Your son did not die in vain! 243 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,812 I shall persevere and make Stan and Kyle my slaves, because I hate those guys! 244 00:13:44,847 --> 00:13:47,160 I hate them so very very much! 245 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,200 Yours, General Cartman Lee! 246 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:54,915 There! You see?! 247 00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:57,143 We take the s'more schnapps, and by morning, 248 00:13:57,144 --> 00:13:59,344 they're all gonna wanna go home! - Nice thinkin', Billy! 249 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,520 Lets go! 250 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,760 - Where to next, General! - Where do the Confederates go, son?! 251 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,040 Well, I, uh, guess the Fort Supture in South Carolina! 252 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,280 That's where the Civil War really escellated! 253 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,240 Ha! Splendid! Then to Fort Supture we shall go! 254 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,640 Well, that sounds great! I'm gonna get some s'more schnapps! Wa'nything?! 255 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,520 Yeah! Could I get some of those animal cookies?! 256 00:14:19,521 --> 00:14:21,321 Those Frause ones with the sprinkles on 'em?! 257 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,680 Um, sure! 258 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,560 What the...! Hey! Where's the s'mores schnapps?! 259 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,800 - We're out of s'mores schnapps?! - That can't be! 260 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,600 I guess we drank it all! 261 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,040 - Now, what? - Now, we just wait until morning! 262 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,080 Checkmate, Cartman! Pretty soon, you're gonna be our slave! 263 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,200 Oh, my head... 264 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:52,400 Where am I? 265 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:55,975 Ned, I think I can say without any doubt that that was the 266 00:14:55,976 --> 00:14:58,976 longest drinking binge we've ever had! 267 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,960 Mmmmm, oh, my head! 268 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:04,040 - Oh, no! I'm s'posed to be at work today! - Me too! 269 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,160 Well, c'mon everybody! We've gotta get to the nearest bus station quick! 270 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,280 - Where're you going?! - We're going home, kid! C'mon! 271 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,000 We can't go home! We have to take Fort Supture! 272 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,240 Uh, the only thing we gotta do is get home before our wives leave us! 273 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,720 No! What about the Confederacah?! What about freedom! 274 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,720 - Ha, ha! You loose, fatass! - God, I hate y'guys! 275 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,160 Yeah, but you know, I think you've learned something today! 276 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,073 You've learned that you can't rewrite history! 277 00:15:28,074 --> 00:15:31,174 You see, history is forever, and everything happens for a reason! 278 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,280 - Sure, you can try to change the past, but usually, you know... - Where're you going? 279 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,960 This isn't over! Oh, no! Oh, no! Not by a longshot! 280 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,080 Oh! I don't believe we came all the way out here! 281 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,040 Yeah! Well, I don't think the bus station is too far from here! 282 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,440 Uh, how much do you think a bus ticket back to Colarado's gonna run?! 283 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,508 Hello! I am Suzzette, the s'more schnapps girl! 284 00:15:58,062 --> 00:16:01,240 We are pleased to sponsor you with all the s'more schnapps you need! 285 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,160 - Uh, I can't drink anymore of that stuff! - Me neither! 286 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,729 Uh, uh, come-come on, guys! Just one little drink! 287 00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:09,430 A toast to how far you came and all that you saw! 288 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,840 Yes, please! Two shots out of my breasts! 289 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,760 Well, I guess one little cheers is in order! 290 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,920 Hey, look! Ned's doing his trick again! 291 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:24,000 - Hey, guys! Let's all play a game of Grabass! - What's Grabass?! 292 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,600 You just run around in cirlces and try to grab each others asses! 293 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,360 Hey! That sounds fine! 294 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:34,760 Gentlemen! 295 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,600 I hate to break up the parteh, but I believe we have a fort to take! 296 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,360 You heard the General! 297 00:16:42,179 --> 00:16:44,473 - Oh, no! - We'll never stop him now! 298 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,139 Throughout 1861, the Confederate authorities tried 299 00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:10,080 to drive out the Union occupents of Supture peacefully, 300 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:14,165 but Abraham Lincoln's administration would not surrender the fort to the Confederates! 301 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,640 So Jefferson Davis decided to take action! 302 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,280 - And the Confederates won the fort?! - Yes! 303 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:23,315 Imagine what it must've been like! You're a Union soldier stationed at this fort, 304 00:17:23,350 --> 00:17:27,760 and one day, you look out and see thousands of confederates ready to pounce on ya! 305 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,640 - TAKE THE FORT! - CHARGE! 306 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,280 We've got it! The fort the fort is ours! 307 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,120 What was that?! 308 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:42,880 Attention, political activists! 309 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,512 You're on government historical document property! 310 00:17:45,547 --> 00:17:47,760 Surrender the logement with your hands up! 311 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,393 If you would like a tour of the fort, 312 00:17:49,394 --> 00:17:52,494 one can fill your needs through the South Carolina Chamber of Commerce! 313 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,160 Give up, fatass! There's over a hundred National Guard guys here! 314 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,000 Suck my ass! 315 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,040 Wha'do we do, General?! We're outnumbered! 316 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,050 We asked the state of South Carolina for recruits! 317 00:18:01,051 --> 00:18:02,851 Some re-enforcements are bound to show up! 318 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,160 Alright! That does it! Blow the whole thing up! 319 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,080 No! You can't do that! Our dads are in there! 320 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,000 Sorry, son! We've tried it your way! Now, we do it our way! 321 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,440 - Prepare the morter! - Hold it right there! 322 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:19,600 Wow! Look at that! The entire state of South Carolina showed up! 323 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:20,920 I knew they would! 324 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:22,120 Aw, dammit! 325 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:25,320 We're ready to fight with ya! Long live the Confederacy! 326 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,760 Now, our numbers are truly great! It is time! 327 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,200 It is time to march to Washington D.C.! 328 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:42,680 Hey, government! You can't ignore our anguished cries anymore! Y'hear that?! 329 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,080 Eh'government?! 330 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,560 Oh boy! This doesn't look good! 331 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,040 It's just like the million-man march except that there actually are a million people! 332 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,280 Mr. President! A message for you from the extremists! 333 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,200 Dear Mr. President! 334 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,520 There are times when humans can no longer endure their government's authoritah! 335 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,786 You must declare the Confederacah its own nation 336 00:19:01,787 --> 00:19:04,587 so that we may enter into a new millenium of prosperitah! 337 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,120 If you do not meet our demands, 338 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:09,800 we will be forced to show the video tapes we have with you with Marisa Tomei! 339 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:10,920 Oh, dear God! 340 00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:14,360 We have to meet their demands! - What? Sir! There's not that many of them! 341 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,600 As vice-president, I think we'd better give them what they want! 342 00:19:17,635 --> 00:19:19,920 It's just the southern states! Who really needs them?! 343 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,840 My hands are tied! Tell General Lee that I'll meet him in front of the Capitol! 344 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:24,880 Sir! 345 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,000 I'm so glad I don't have your job! 346 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,640 Dude, let's just give up now and accept that we have to be Cartman's slaves! 347 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,440 Dammit, Billy! This isn't about you havin' to be slaves! 348 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,400 This is about history! We can't let them change it! 349 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,560 But we've tried everything, Grandpa! What else can we do?! 350 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,120 Wait a minute! They're all still doing the re-enactment! 351 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,040 What we have to do is play into that! 352 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,200 C'mon, Billy! You boys need a quick history lesson! 353 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,419 Alright! I'm gonna sign the document 354 00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:53,420 declaring the Confederacy winners of the Civil War! 355 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,440 Boy! We really got the President by the balls! 356 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,920 Good thing you got that video tape of him and Marisa Tomei! 357 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,080 I don't! I made it up! 358 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:02,600 Hey! Who's that?! 359 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,640 Hello! I'm Abraham Lincoln! President of the United States! 360 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,560 Yes, and I'm Jefferson Davis! President of the Confederacy! 361 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,680 Boy! This just keeps gettin' weirder! Doesn't it!? 362 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:11,926 What the hell are you guys doing?! 363 00:20:11,927 --> 00:20:14,327 Hey, General! He's re-enacting Jefferson Davis! 364 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,280 You can't talk that way to a superior officer! 365 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,936 Men, I want you all to know that, as president of the confederacy, 366 00:20:19,937 --> 00:20:22,120 I am hereby surrendering! - What?! 367 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,640 Well, as Abraham Lincoln, I accept your surrender and agree to your conditions! 368 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,782 You and all the confederates will have 369 00:20:26,783 --> 00:20:28,983 all the s'mores schnapps you can drink for a year! 370 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:33,200 - A whole year?! - Alright! Well, I think we got what we wanted! 371 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,200 That's it?! I... I don't have to sign this thing?! 372 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,840 Hey, come on! We should take a tour of the Smithsonian before we head back! 373 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,640 No! We still have to fight! 374 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,800 Lincoln and Davis signed a treaty, General! The war is over! 375 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,040 It's finally over, Cartman! You lost! 376 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,680 Yeah! And now, you can take that stupid beard off! 377 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,578 Boys, as President of the United States, 378 00:21:04,579 --> 00:21:08,080 I wanna commend you stopping the rebel upriser! - Don't touch me! 379 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,200 Well, Cartman, the south lost! That means you're our slave for a month! 380 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,600 ammit! Dammit, I was so close! Dammit! 381 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,120 Now, the first thing I want you to do for us is... 382 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,440 Wait a minute! I don't have to be your slave! - What?! 383 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,320 The north still won the Civil War! That means slavery is abolished! 384 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,880 H'he's right, boys! Slavery is illegal and immoral! 385 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,600 Partially in thanks to the north winning the Civil War! 386 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,200 Aw, to hell with it! Let's just go home! 387 00:21:29,376 --> 00:21:30,974 - Thank's a lot, Bill Clinton! - Yeah! Thanks, dick!