1
00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:11,220
I'm going out to South Park
gonna have myself a time
2
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:14,572
Friendly faces everywhere
humble folks without temptation
3
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:17,909
I'm goin out to south park
gonna leave my woes behind
4
00:00:17,952 --> 00:00:21,246
Ample parking day or night
people spouting howdy neighbor
5
00:00:21,288 --> 00:00:24,390
I'm heading out to south park
to see if i cant unwind
6
00:00:24,416 --> 00:00:27,710
I like girls with big fat titties
really big fat titties
7
00:00:27,753 --> 00:00:30,892
So come on out to south park
and meet some friends of mine
8
00:00:30,893 --> 00:00:32,120
Episode 10x09
"Mystery of the Urinal Deuce"
9
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:41,076
And so, class, that is when Joe Lee
countered back to Aniston and said things like-
10
00:00:41,235 --> 00:00:42,810
Oh hello Mr. Mackey.
11
00:00:42,853 --> 00:00:44,873
All the girls go out in the hall please?
12
00:00:44,874 --> 00:00:47,891
I need to speak with
the boys of this class, m'kay?
13
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,457
Boys, we have a very serious problem!
14
00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:59,673
I've just come from the men's restroom
and somebody went number 2 in the urinal!
15
00:01:01,305 --> 00:01:04,442
What's an urinal?
- A wall toilet for peeing in.
16
00:01:04,508 --> 00:01:08,191
And some jokester took a poop in it! Okay?
17
00:01:08,258 --> 00:01:11,141
Now I want whoever did it
to come forward right now
18
00:01:11,176 --> 00:01:14,651
and it will be less painful
for everybody! M'kay?!
19
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:18,440
Who would take a ddump in a urinal?
It's such a s-senseless crime.
20
00:01:18,547 --> 00:01:22,371
Mr. Mackey, I think you might want to
entertain that this is some kind of conspiracy.
21
00:01:22,447 --> 00:01:24,950
Just like 9/11.
- Oh God, here we go again!
22
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:28,012
Nine-eleven was not a conspiracy, fatass!
- Oh really?!
23
00:01:28,077 --> 00:01:31,063
Do you just believe everything you're tolk, Kyle?
- Excuse me!
24
00:01:31,126 --> 00:01:32,982
Could we get back to the issue, please?!
25
00:01:33,056 --> 00:01:36,561
You all don't seem to understand
how serious this is!
26
00:01:36,635 --> 00:01:38,820
Now who made dookie in the urinal?!
27
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:43,522
Oh, you think it's funny, huh?!
M'kay! M'kay!
28
00:01:43,528 --> 00:01:46,761
You're gonna think it's real funny
when the police get here!
29
00:01:47,287 --> 00:01:50,912
I'm sorry, Mr. Mackey, but there just
isn't really any evidence to go on.
30
00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:52,960
But there must have been some motive.
31
00:01:52,995 --> 00:01:55,962
Nobody would just dook
in the urinal for no reason.
32
00:01:56,025 --> 00:01:59,011
But who would benefit
from crapping in the urinal?
33
00:01:59,275 --> 00:02:03,221
Uh this is too big a mystery for me.
I think we'd better call in the Hardly Boys.
34
00:02:09,617 --> 00:02:13,580
The Hardly Boys. Two young whippersnappers
with a knack for solving mysteries.
35
00:02:13,817 --> 00:02:18,302
The Hardly Boys in:
"The Mystery of the Urinal Turd".
36
00:02:19,328 --> 00:02:22,931
So, that's it, Hardly Boys, we've got no
leads and nobody admitting to the crime.
37
00:02:23,015 --> 00:02:27,113
That sure is a mystery.
- Yeah, it sounds super-hard.
38
00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:30,022
Whoever did it must have
been angry with the school.
39
00:02:32,126 --> 00:02:35,012
I think I'm getting a clue.
- Really?
40
00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:38,063
Yeah, this is totally giving
me a clue right now.
41
00:02:39,195 --> 00:02:43,292
I'm starting to get a clue too.
- My clue is kind of pointing this way.
42
00:02:44,185 --> 00:02:46,840
Yeah, now I've got a total clue.
43
00:02:46,897 --> 00:02:49,133
I've still got a raging clue.
44
00:02:49,196 --> 00:02:53,873
My clue's pointing over there now!
- Oh, let's follow that clue!
45
00:02:59,568 --> 00:03:02,153
Did they find out who crapped in the urinal yet?
- Not yet.
46
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:04,052
They aren't going to find out who did it.
47
00:03:04,106 --> 00:03:07,572
But they'll make up a scapegoat, send him
to detention, and make us all believe it.
48
00:03:07,625 --> 00:03:09,380
It'll be 9/11 all over again.
49
00:03:09,418 --> 00:03:13,160
Will you shut up about 9/11!
- Kyle, why are you so afraid of the truth?!
50
00:03:13,228 --> 00:03:16,431
Because anybody who thinks 9/11
was a conspiracy is a retard!
51
00:03:16,518 --> 00:03:17,373
Oh really?
52
00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:21,220
Well did you know that over one-fourth of people
in America think that 9/11 was a conspiracy?
53
00:03:21,297 --> 00:03:23,720
Are you saying that one-fourth
of Americans are retards?
54
00:03:23,777 --> 00:03:26,400
Yes. I'm saying one-fourth
of Americans are retards.
55
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,763
Yeah, at least one-fourth.
56
00:03:27,846 --> 00:03:31,993
Let's take a test sample: There's four of us,
you're a retard, that's one-fourth.
57
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:35,263
There are soo many people who
know the truth, Kyle. Uh Butters!
58
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,470
Hey, fellas!
59
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:39,440
Butters, do you think 9/11 was
just a plot by some angry terrorists
60
00:03:39,446 --> 00:03:41,172
or do you think there was some kind of coverup?
61
00:03:41,268 --> 00:03:44,921
Well, I heard that 9/11 was
caused by President Bush.
62
00:03:44,977 --> 00:03:47,341
Aha! Do you see?
- Where did you hear that?
63
00:03:47,405 --> 00:03:49,741
From Eric.
- I rest my case.
64
00:03:49,826 --> 00:03:52,011
Butters, you don't really believe that, do you?
65
00:03:52,116 --> 00:03:54,343
Well, l-uh, I mean, uu, you never know.
66
00:03:54,377 --> 00:03:56,491
Uh the government does some pretty spooky things.
67
00:03:56,525 --> 00:04:00,102
The government and the corporations
headed by the Jews that tear down 9/11
68
00:04:00,188 --> 00:04:02,190
That's right, Butters.
- Goddamnit!
69
00:04:02,226 --> 00:04:04,731
You see what happens when
you spread this stupid crap, fatass?!
70
00:04:04,798 --> 00:04:05,971
What?! People see the truth?!
71
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,963
Can I go now?
- You guys are blind!
72
00:04:08,038 --> 00:04:11,040
I can't believe that everyone here is just
buying into what they're told by the media!
73
00:04:11,096 --> 00:04:12,710
I'm gonna go find out the truth.
74
00:04:12,766 --> 00:04:15,643
I'm gonna blow the lid off this
whole 9/11 conspiracy once and for all!
75
00:04:15,706 --> 00:04:17,232
Oh no...
76
00:04:20,266 --> 00:04:23,493
It is wrong for me to ask questions?
77
00:04:23,498 --> 00:04:26,861
Is it wrong to seek the truth?
78
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:30,172
I just can't blindly accept their version.
79
00:04:30,175 --> 00:04:33,500
I can't base my logic on proof.
80
00:04:33,516 --> 00:04:36,592
Almost all the evidence points one way.
81
00:04:36,638 --> 00:04:40,403
But I'm like Charlie Sheen and Gloria Estefan.
82
00:04:40,426 --> 00:04:46,561
I need to know what really happened
On 9/11-leven-leven-leven-leven.
83
00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:51,073
What really happened
On 9/11?
84
00:04:52,357 --> 00:04:55,662
Of course. It's so obvious.
85
00:04:55,697 --> 00:04:58,290
How did we not see it before?
86
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,980
This is my frog he doesn't have a name.
87
00:05:01,037 --> 00:05:05,593
He's a frog not a toad because toads
don't ribbit. I think frogs are good pets.
88
00:05:07,735 --> 00:05:12,200
Okay, thank you, Leroy, thanks for sharing
your dumb little frog with the class.
89
00:05:12,256 --> 00:05:15,243
Okay, anybody else have
anything for Show and Tell?
90
00:05:18,308 --> 00:05:20,502
All right, Eric, you can go next.
91
00:05:23,186 --> 00:05:25,731
For Show and Tell today I have brought...
92
00:05:25,907 --> 00:05:28,581
my shocking Powerpoint report on the truth...
93
00:05:28,738 --> 00:05:30,830
behind the 9/11 attacks!
94
00:05:31,276 --> 00:05:32,810
Oh Christ.
95
00:05:33,088 --> 00:05:37,312
We are told to believe that the fire from the
jet fuel melted the steel framing of the towers
96
00:05:37,345 --> 00:05:38,873
which led to their collapse.
97
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:42,803
But did you know jet fuel doesn't burn at
a high enough temperature to melt steel?
98
00:05:43,698 --> 00:05:46,282
We were told the Pentagon was
hit by a hijacked plane as well
99
00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:49,252
but now look at this photo of the Pentagon.
The hole is not nearly big enough.
100
00:05:49,328 --> 00:05:52,320
And if a plane hit it,
where is the rest of the plane?
101
00:05:53,588 --> 00:05:57,402
So now, the inevitable question:
if terrorists didn't cause 9/11, who did?
102
00:05:57,537 --> 00:05:59,523
Remember that there are in fact two towers.
103
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:02,030
Two minus one is one; one one - 11.
104
00:06:02,065 --> 00:06:04,692
Two minus one is one, one one.
105
00:06:04,748 --> 00:06:06,830
and there are nine members
on Silverstein's board of directors.
106
00:06:06,836 --> 00:06:09,432
That's nine-one-one.
Nine-eleven.
107
00:06:09,455 --> 00:06:13,633
And take 2 - 1 + 9/11 and you get 12
108
00:06:13,696 --> 00:06:17,701
which leads us all to
the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks.
109
00:06:18,255 --> 00:06:19,650
Kyle!
110
00:06:20,176 --> 00:06:21,053
Me?
111
00:06:21,106 --> 00:06:22,893
Twelve contains the numbers one and two
112
00:06:22,897 --> 00:06:25,983
just like the toilet yesterday where womebody
went number two instead of number one!
113
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:30,602
And one and two with 911 and you get 914!
Drop the 4 and it's 91!
114
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:34,281
Exactly the score Kyle got on his
spelling test twelve days after 9/11!
115
00:06:34,337 --> 00:06:36,542
Who has the most to gain from 9/11?!
Kyle!
116
00:06:36,598 --> 00:06:39,331
Who was nowhere to be found
the morning the towers fell?! Kyle!
117
00:06:39,388 --> 00:06:41,603
Who dropped the deuce in the urinal?!
Kyle!
118
00:06:41,806 --> 00:06:45,941
But probably the most damning of all is
the evidence seen in this photo of Tower 2!
119
00:06:46,087 --> 00:06:50,741
When I zoomed in I saw what first appeared
to be a blur, but when I computer-enhanced it.
120
00:06:52,697 --> 00:06:55,573
You almost got away with it, you sneaky butthole.
121
00:07:02,027 --> 00:07:03,532
Hey Token.
122
00:07:06,418 --> 00:07:08,403
You you gonna watch the game tonight, Butters.
123
00:07:11,086 --> 00:07:15,130
All right, all right,
I was not responsible for 9/11!
124
00:07:17,055 --> 00:07:18,582
God-damnit!
125
00:07:21,176 --> 00:07:24,112
Hello bubbe, how was school today?
- Terrible.
126
00:07:24,165 --> 00:07:26,642
Oh, come on, school isn't all that bad.
127
00:07:26,675 --> 00:07:29,623
But, everyone thinks I was responsible for 9/11.
128
00:07:29,738 --> 00:07:31,361
Whatwhatwhaaat?!
129
00:07:31,628 --> 00:07:33,382
We have to do something!
130
00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:37,242
It is obvious our children are
still completely confused about 9/11!
131
00:07:37,308 --> 00:07:41,860
Yes, we need to go over it again in the class-
room so they understand what really happened.
132
00:07:41,945 --> 00:07:44,170
Well, what really happened?
133
00:07:44,227 --> 00:07:47,980
There's strong evidence that
what we were told isn't the truth.
134
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,620
Oh no, oh brother, oh God.
135
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:54,703
That's right. Did you know that there were
explosions seen at the base of the towers?
136
00:07:54,788 --> 00:07:56,493
Oh no, oh God, that's so retarded.
137
00:07:56,597 --> 00:07:58,540
Look, what-ever you believe
138
00:07:58,558 --> 00:08:01,091
the fact of the matter is somebody...
139
00:08:01,098 --> 00:08:05,112
dropped a dookie in the school urinal
and there's still no explanation for that!
140
00:08:05,148 --> 00:08:07,931
Mr. Mackey, there are more
important things going on here!
141
00:08:07,937 --> 00:08:09,152
More important?!
142
00:08:09,187 --> 00:08:12,943
You aren't the one, who had to walk
into the boys' bathroom, okay.
143
00:08:12,986 --> 00:08:15,661
After having tuh, to wake up early, you know.
144
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,283
There's no, no coffee in
the teachers' lounge, and then you
145
00:08:18,284 --> 00:08:22,031
you walk into the bathroom just to find
a big dook laying there in the urinal!
146
00:08:22,032 --> 00:08:23,827
Like it's laughin' at you!
147
00:08:23,885 --> 00:08:27,521
He's right! The turd could have
been put there to cover up 9/11!
148
00:08:27,605 --> 00:08:31,660
No, I'm not saying they're related!
- How do we know they're not?
149
00:08:31,966 --> 00:08:35,250
We need to be brave enough to ask questions!
150
00:08:35,318 --> 00:08:37,782
It's obvious that before we go any further
151
00:08:37,788 --> 00:08:41,162
we need to find out who was
behind 9/11 once and for all!
152
00:08:41,306 --> 00:08:44,871
Who else could it have been?
- This is too big a mystery for me.
153
00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:49,153
I think we'd better call in the Hardly Boys.
- Oh no, not the Goddamend-
154
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:53,842
The Hardly Boys. Two young whippersnappers
with a knack for solving mysteries.
155
00:08:53,886 --> 00:08:55,282
The Hardly Boys in:
156
00:08:55,316 --> 00:08:58,673
The Case of the World Trade Center Conspiracy.
157
00:08:58,817 --> 00:09:01,293
So that's about the long
and short of it, Hardly Boys.
158
00:09:01,327 --> 00:09:04,691
There were two towers that
stood right here and they're gone.
159
00:09:04,788 --> 00:09:07,001
And nobody knows who's responsible?
160
00:09:07,076 --> 00:09:09,182
There are theories, but, nobody's certain.
161
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:14,323
Who would benefit most from
two buildings disappearing?
162
00:09:14,365 --> 00:09:16,943
I just started getting a clue.
- Really?
163
00:09:16,988 --> 00:09:19,800
Yeah, I'm totally getting a clue.
164
00:09:20,275 --> 00:09:24,702
Oh, that's giving me a clue. Yeah, ye-yeah,
I've got a raging clue right now.
165
00:09:24,766 --> 00:09:26,723
Mine's pointing to the left.
166
00:09:26,998 --> 00:09:32,003
Oh Frank, seriously, I have such a raging
clue right now, I think we'd better follow it.
167
00:09:32,047 --> 00:09:33,560
Okay, let's follow your raging clue.
168
00:09:36,648 --> 00:09:38,333
Godspeed.
169
00:09:54,048 --> 00:09:55,482
Kyle!
- Aaaah!
170
00:09:55,566 --> 00:09:56,112
Dude!
171
00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:59,633
Do you mind telling me why CIA guys are coming
to my house and questioning me about you?
172
00:09:59,676 --> 00:10:03,352
I don't know, dude. It's like everyone's
putting pieces together that aren't there.
173
00:10:03,416 --> 00:10:06,041
Well why did you have to involve me?
- It's not my fault.
174
00:10:06,095 --> 00:10:08,142
All right, look, I've been doing
a lot of research on the Web
175
00:10:08,158 --> 00:10:11,383
and I found an organization who says they
can prove you weren't involved in 9/11.
176
00:10:11,446 --> 00:10:12,843
Really?
- Come on.
177
00:10:12,848 --> 00:10:14,702
We'l go out the back so they don't see you.
178
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:20,021
There's just one thing I need to know before
we go: you weren't responsible for 9/11, right?
179
00:10:22,518 --> 00:10:23,830
Dude.
180
00:10:24,448 --> 00:10:26,050
That's all I needed.
181
00:10:28,596 --> 00:10:33,462
Now you might all think I've given up finding
out who crapped in the urinal. M'kay?
182
00:10:33,568 --> 00:10:36,870
And maybe, maybe you
think it's a victimless crime.
183
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:40,933
This, is Mr. Venezuela, the school janitor.
Okay?
184
00:10:41,087 --> 00:10:43,440
He's the person...
who has to clean up...
185
00:10:43,447 --> 00:10:46,911
when some trickster...
drops a dook in the wrong toilet!
186
00:10:46,975 --> 00:10:51,671
Mr. Venezuela makes six bucks
an hour at best! Okay?
187
00:10:51,797 --> 00:10:55,182
He's got three kids at home,
he's got a car that barely works.
188
00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:58,582
He's gotta clean up puke with sawdust, m'kay.
189
00:10:58,687 --> 00:11:03,232
Then he walks into the boys' room and sees
a big meaty chud starin' 'him in the face!
190
00:11:03,276 --> 00:11:06,372
So when you crapped in that urinal, m'kay.
191
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,680
You might as well have just drropped your pants
192
00:11:08,685 --> 00:11:11,683
and laid a turd right on top
of Mr. Venezuela's head!
193
00:11:13,395 --> 00:11:16,582
Oh, you think it's funny, huh?!
- Mr. Mackey!
194
00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:18,381
We got him.
- Huh?
195
00:11:18,457 --> 00:11:20,611
We caught the person that did it.
196
00:11:26,968 --> 00:11:30,903
Hi, we were hoping you can help us.
My friend is being blamed for 9/11.
197
00:11:31,295 --> 00:11:33,673
Aw geez. Come on in, kids.
198
00:11:34,078 --> 00:11:37,903
It doesn't surprise me. More and more
people are being blamed for 9/11 every day.
199
00:11:38,016 --> 00:11:38,673
They are?
200
00:11:38,718 --> 00:11:42,093
Yeah, it a way of keeping people
from seeing the real evidence.
201
00:11:42,188 --> 00:11:45,813
I know it seems crazy, but 9/11
was pulled off by our own government
202
00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:48,510
so they could gain support
for attacking the Middle East.
203
00:11:48,556 --> 00:11:51,351
What? No no no.
- know it's hard to believe.
204
00:11:51,397 --> 00:11:53,473
Dude, why would the government
attack its own buildings?
205
00:11:53,555 --> 00:11:57,751
It's called the False Flag policy.
Make it look like the enemy attacked you.
206
00:11:57,787 --> 00:12:00,881
Get all your citizens riled up
and waving American flags.
207
00:12:00,927 --> 00:12:03,830
Then you're free to invade any country you want.
208
00:12:04,727 --> 00:12:06,100
That's retarded.
209
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:10,013
Look into the evidence of 9/11 and you'll
see there are a lot of holes in their story.
210
00:12:10,095 --> 00:12:12,973
There's a lot of holes in the Theory
of Evolution too, it doesn't mean it's wrong.
211
00:12:13,027 --> 00:12:16,242
You don't understand!
The government controls everything.
212
00:12:16,246 --> 00:12:20,212
The media, the corporations, they have
the power to do anything they want.
213
00:12:20,218 --> 00:12:24,340
Here, look!
Read the labels on these! Go on, read them!
214
00:12:24,486 --> 00:12:26,072
Code 234.
215
00:12:26,155 --> 00:12:29,263
We think they came from a governmentn office.
- What is it?
216
00:12:29,326 --> 00:12:31,863
It's Anthrax.
- Anthrax?!
217
00:12:31,988 --> 00:12:34,002
Someday we'll use it as evidence against them.
218
00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:36,191
Stan, we can't be seen with this nutjob!
219
00:12:40,558 --> 00:12:43,583
Aw, aw, awww!
220
00:12:45,218 --> 00:12:47,762
Why, Clyde?
Why did you do it?
221
00:12:48,715 --> 00:12:50,063
I don't know.
222
00:12:50,357 --> 00:12:52,951
You got a whole school here, Clyde! M'kay?
223
00:12:53,007 --> 00:12:56,013
You got over three hundred people
that need to use the boys' room.
224
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:58,633
Then you decide you're
gonna be a comedian, m'kay.
225
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:02,672
And pinch one off in the urinal and leave it
layin' there for everyone to have to look at!
226
00:13:04,085 --> 00:13:07,260
Okay okay, you think it's funny,
but nobody else does!
227
00:13:07,327 --> 00:13:09,961
They gotta walk in that bathroom
and see your rancid dook
228
00:13:09,977 --> 00:13:13,050
propped up against the back
of the urinal like a brown rag doll!
229
00:13:14,638 --> 00:13:18,020
Mr. Mackey, Clyde's parents are here.
- M'kay, that's good!
230
00:13:18,066 --> 00:13:21,131
Let's see what your mom and dad have
to say about your little poopscapade!
231
00:13:21,218 --> 00:13:24,251
Come on in, please.
I'm just trying to get your son to explain why
232
00:13:24,256 --> 00:13:26,602
he would drop a dook in the urinal!
233
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,561
Mr. Mackey.
234
00:13:28,636 --> 00:13:30,931
There's something you should know...
235
00:13:36,686 --> 00:13:39,303
Eh-xcuse me, there's been a misunderstanding.
236
00:13:39,356 --> 00:13:41,893
Come on in, Mr. President.
237
00:13:43,686 --> 00:13:46,272
Uh, Mr. President, my name is-
- SSHHUUDDUUPP!
238
00:13:46,336 --> 00:13:51,561
You think we don't know your name?!
We know everything! We control everything!
239
00:13:51,676 --> 00:13:56,320
We've all worked very hard to keep
our involvement in 9/11 a secret!
240
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,862
But you just had to keep digging!
241
00:13:59,515 --> 00:14:00,360
R eally?
242
00:14:00,418 --> 00:14:04,083
You won't get away with it! People know!
- People?
243
00:14:04,138 --> 00:14:05,771
You mean sheeple.
244
00:14:05,867 --> 00:14:09,141
We have the majority of them
kept in blissful ignorance.
245
00:14:09,206 --> 00:14:12,753
Just one more... leak... to fix.
246
00:14:12,825 --> 00:14:14,651
Wait. What are you doing?
247
00:14:14,665 --> 00:14:17,522
You've been a thorn in our
side for too long, I'm afraid.
248
00:14:17,577 --> 00:14:19,841
No! You can't do this!
249
00:14:19,915 --> 00:14:23,953
Please! I'll stop.
I'll take down the Web site. I'll sto-
250
00:14:24,258 --> 00:14:26,351
Oh no! Oh no!
251
00:14:26,515 --> 00:14:28,582
Too late.
252
00:14:29,377 --> 00:14:31,120
Jesus Christ!
253
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:37,122
He died like a pig.
- Some pigs never learn.
254
00:14:37,915 --> 00:14:39,601
No... way.
255
00:14:39,695 --> 00:14:42,490
He was right.
You did cause 9/11.
256
00:14:42,577 --> 00:14:45,812
Yes. Quite simple to pull off, really.
257
00:14:45,907 --> 00:14:49,931
All I had to do was have explosives
planted in the base of the towers.
258
00:14:50,077 --> 00:14:53,133
Then on 9/11 we pretended like
four planes were being hijacked.
259
00:14:53,138 --> 00:14:55,382
When really we just rerouted
them to Pennsylvania.
260
00:14:55,385 --> 00:14:58,622
Then flew two military jets into the World
Trade Center filled with more explosives
261
00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:01,290
then shot down all the witnesses
of Flight 93 with an F-15
262
00:15:01,295 --> 00:15:03,811
after blowing up the Pentagon
with a Cruise missile.
263
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:09,353
It was only the world's most intricate
and flawlessly-executed ever, ever.
264
00:15:11,937 --> 00:15:13,903
Really?
- Why?!
265
00:15:14,245 --> 00:15:16,592
Oldest reason in the world. Money.
266
00:15:16,677 --> 00:15:20,651
The towers fell and the American
sheeple all waved their flags.
267
00:15:20,748 --> 00:15:26,151
Finally we could invade Iraq and get the oil
which made us all richer than before.
268
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:28,832
Beauutiful money, hahahaha!
269
00:15:29,776 --> 00:15:32,671
Really?
- Is the whole government in on this?
270
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,683
We are all-knowing and all-powerful.
271
00:15:36,116 --> 00:15:37,803
Good-bye, boys.
272
00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:46,311
Dangit I missed again!
- For Christ's sake, Cheney!
273
00:15:46,547 --> 00:15:48,722
Kyle! Run!
274
00:15:49,518 --> 00:15:52,402
Kill them!
275
00:15:54,778 --> 00:15:56,621
Attention students.
276
00:15:56,886 --> 00:16:00,312
Apparently, Clyde could not have
been the one who crapped in the urinal.
277
00:16:00,367 --> 00:16:04,352
Because Clyde had a colostomy at age 5. 'Kay?
278
00:16:04,896 --> 00:16:08,611
Now, whoever did this
unspeakable act is still at large.
279
00:16:08,655 --> 00:16:11,923
The boys' bathroom is
closed until further notice
280
00:16:11,988 --> 00:16:14,930
'cause one of you thought
it would be a good idea...
281
00:16:14,986 --> 00:16:17,591
to pull down your pants... m'kay
282
00:16:17,666 --> 00:16:20,233
over your buttcheeks over the urinal...
283
00:16:20,297 --> 00:16:23,701
and squeeze out a chocolate hot dog... m'kay?
284
00:16:25,425 --> 00:16:27,151
Oh you think that's funny, huh?!
285
00:16:27,228 --> 00:16:31,910
Let me assure you, there is nothing funny...
about going up to a nice, clean.
286
00:16:32,007 --> 00:16:34,162
Unsuspectin' urinal, 'kay.
287
00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:37,293
Droppin' your pants then... turnin' around...
288
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:39,472
squattin' over that urinal, 'kay.
289
00:16:39,477 --> 00:16:43,110
Maybe... maybe pullin' your buttcheeks
apart with your hands, m'kay.
290
00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:46,983
And then layin' out a big fudge
dragon for all the world to see.
291
00:16:48,068 --> 00:16:50,172
Oh yeah, that's real funny!
292
00:16:50,615 --> 00:16:55,241
I'm gonna catch this sonofabitch
if it's the last thing I do! M'kay?!
293
00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:04,193
All right, now we have to
switch over to Interbus 65.
294
00:17:04,507 --> 00:17:07,162
We made it dude. We should be
home in less than eighteen hours.
295
00:17:07,188 --> 00:17:11,513
Then we'll tell everyone what we saw.
- It just... doesn't seem right.
296
00:17:11,577 --> 00:17:15,123
Yeah, our eyes are finally open, dude.
It's like waking up for the first time.
297
00:17:15,206 --> 00:17:19,503
Yeah... but doesn't it seem like we got
out of the White House pretty easily?
298
00:17:19,577 --> 00:17:22,331
I mean, it seems like it would be pretty
hard to escape from the White House
299
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,950
with everyone chasing you
and we just kind of... ran out.
300
00:17:25,048 --> 00:17:28,210
Well dude, maybe we're just superbadass.
Have you thought of that?
301
00:17:29,428 --> 00:17:30,670
Hey!
302
00:17:32,696 --> 00:17:35,372
Dude. You're alive?
303
00:17:38,837 --> 00:17:40,602
Come back here!
304
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,662
Hey!
- Ogh!
305
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,341
No. Please. Pleeease!
306
00:18:01,345 --> 00:18:03,430
Dude! What the hell is going on?!
307
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:06,030
Don't kill me!
I, I just do what they say!
308
00:18:06,075 --> 00:18:10,323
What who said?
- I have an family. Please don't kill me!
309
00:18:10,597 --> 00:18:12,513
Dude, we aren't going to kill you.
310
00:18:14,975 --> 00:18:17,883
Oh God!
- It isn't safe here, boys. Follow me!
311
00:18:17,916 --> 00:18:21,003
Who the fuck are you?!
- There's no time! come on!
312
00:18:28,217 --> 00:18:30,292
Do you mind telling us
what the hell is going on?
313
00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:32,280
Who are you?
- I'm a detective.
314
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,792
And I'm afraid that you kids
have been double-crossed.
315
00:18:34,878 --> 00:18:36,973
You f-figured this thing all out?
316
00:18:37,035 --> 00:18:40,602
Not me. My mystery-solving sons.
Come on in, boys.
317
00:18:42,717 --> 00:18:45,552
My boys were researching who went
number two in the urinal at your school
318
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,293
when they discovered something odd,
which gave them a clue.
319
00:18:48,376 --> 00:18:50,100
Gave us both a clue.
320
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:55,620
That clue led them to a 9/11 conspiracy
group party, where they got a lot more clues.
321
00:18:55,696 --> 00:18:58,523
I was getting a clue like every two minutes.
322
00:18:58,588 --> 00:19:02,930
I got such a raging clue that
I almost shot clue goo all over Joe.
323
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:06,101
Those clues pointed out that
all the 9/11 conspiracy theories
324
00:19:06,106 --> 00:19:08,330
could be disproven scientifically.
325
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:10,570
And that's when Frank got his biggest clue.
326
00:19:10,636 --> 00:19:13,023
It was huuuge.
327
00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:18,171
That all the 9/11 conspiracy websites
are run by the government.
328
00:19:18,285 --> 00:19:20,591
The 9/11 conspiracy...
329
00:19:20,655 --> 00:19:23,302
is a government conspiracy.
330
00:19:23,525 --> 00:19:24,782
Aw Jesus...
331
00:19:24,786 --> 00:19:27,602
Why would the government want
people to believe they caused 9/11?
332
00:19:27,646 --> 00:19:31,093
For a government to have power,
they must appear to have complete control.
333
00:19:31,145 --> 00:19:32,672
What better way to make people fear
334
00:19:32,677 --> 00:19:35,913
them than to convince them they are
capable of the most elaborate plan on earth?
335
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,682
That's quite enough, Hardly!
336
00:19:39,207 --> 00:19:41,932
Don't believe what he says, boys.
We caused 9/11.
337
00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:46,862
It's all right here in these secret documents,
but you'll never get them.
338
00:19:50,837 --> 00:19:54,473
I knew it! You didn't plan 9/11
and you really didn't shoot that guy!
339
00:19:55,146 --> 00:19:58,953
Boys, you don't understand.
People need to think we are all-powerful.
340
00:19:59,058 --> 00:20:00,240
That we control the world.
341
00:20:00,246 --> 00:20:04,360
If they know we weren't in charge of 9/11
then we appear to control nothing.
342
00:20:04,468 --> 00:20:06,681
Well why don't you just tell people the truth?!
343
00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:10,220
We do that too.
And most people believe the truth.
344
00:20:10,436 --> 00:20:13,140
But one fourth of the population is retarded.
345
00:20:13,207 --> 00:20:17,511
If they wanna believe we control everything
with intricate plans, why not let them?
346
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:22,550
Just one thing, Mr. President:
How the devil did you know we were all here?
347
00:20:25,736 --> 00:20:29,033
How come you couldn't just go home, dude?
That's all we had to do!
348
00:20:29,115 --> 00:20:31,303
Stan!
What the fuck?!
349
00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:35,153
It was all planned out!
- You knew this whole time?
350
00:20:35,406 --> 00:20:36,381
Why?
351
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:38,320
Because it was me.
352
00:20:38,527 --> 00:20:40,943
I'm the one who took a dump in the urinal.
353
00:20:41,345 --> 00:20:41,770
What?
354
00:20:41,775 --> 00:20:43,933
The stalls were full
and I didn't wanna miss recess!
355
00:20:43,998 --> 00:20:45,853
I didn't think it would turn
into such a big deal!
356
00:20:45,855 --> 00:20:47,482
So you blamed the government?!
357
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:50,053
And the government was more
than willing to take the blame
358
00:20:50,055 --> 00:20:53,191
so long as it made them
look responsible for 9/11!
359
00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:55,991
Oh man, now everyone's gonna know.
360
00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:59,202
Why did the stupid Hardly Boys have
to be so good at solving mysteries?
361
00:20:59,286 --> 00:21:03,871
So wait, wait: Stan took a dump in the urinal
and he contacted the conspiracy Web site?
362
00:21:03,875 --> 00:21:06,042
But the conspiracy site
was run by the government?
363
00:21:06,077 --> 00:21:06,902
Yuh.
364
00:21:06,938 --> 00:21:08,943
So then, who was responsible for 9/11?
365
00:21:09,008 --> 00:21:10,913
Whattaya mean?
A bunch of pissed-off Muslims.
366
00:21:10,916 --> 00:21:12,602
Yeah. What are you, retarded?
367
00:21:15,426 --> 00:21:20,843
Well, it looks like this mystery is solved.
It's time for the culprit to finally pay!
368
00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:27,550
When you dook in the urinal, it's bad, m'kay!
369
00:21:27,617 --> 00:21:32,042
How would you feel...
if somebody came into your home, m'kay.
370
00:21:32,085 --> 00:21:36,322
Pulled down their pants and laid a big
mud monkey right on your mom's face?
371
00:21:37,885 --> 00:21:41,151
Oh you think that's funny, huh?!
Yeah, that's real funny!
372
00:21:41,206 --> 00:21:44,703
Transcipt: spscriptorium
Sync: John Smith for www.forom