1 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,810 Dude, what're we gonna do for New Year's Eve?! It has to be awesome! 2 00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:39,570 I know! It's probably gonna be the biggest night of our lives! 3 00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:42,270 - Y'guys! Y'guys! Guess what! - What, fatass?! 4 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,740 I've become a man! I started pubrity, y'guys! 5 00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:48,660 - What?! - No you didn't! - Yes! I really did! 6 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:52,460 - How do you know?! - Well, because yesterday, I got my period! 7 00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,450 - You got your what?! - My period, y'guys! 8 00:00:55,460 --> 00:00:58,371 You see, there comes a time in every child's life when they grow up and 9 00:00:58,372 --> 00:01:00,814 nature starts to take its course by having you bleed out of your ass 10 00:01:00,815 --> 00:01:03,520 for a few days every month! - You're making that up! 11 00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:06,100 Miss Alton, what's it mean to get a period?! 12 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,990 Well, boys, I don't think I can tell you! Uh... 13 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,005 Please! It's important! 14 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:13,320 Well, it's when pubrity hits and you bleed... 15 00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:16,480 you know... down there! - Holy shit, dude! Cartman's right! 16 00:01:16,515 --> 00:01:19,620 Well, guys, I'm afraid I won't be able to hang out with you on New Year's Eve! 17 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,610 I have to hang out with the older crowd because now, I'm mature! 18 00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:27,320 I got my period and you guys didn't! 19 00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:30,930 Dude, Cartman can't hit pubrity before us! 20 00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:34,220 Well, maybe we'll get ours soon too! I'm gonna go see if I'm bleeding out my ass! 21 00:01:34,221 --> 00:01:35,221 Me too! 22 00:01:36,140 --> 00:01:38,550 In local news, a stomach virus is going around 23 00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:41,800 that is causing bleeding of the colon in some small children! 24 00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:44,370 Doctors are telling parents that the virus is nothing to worry about 25 00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:47,900 and that the infections can be dealt-with with simple antibiotics! 26 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:51,800 Well, it's just four days until New Year's Eve 1999! 27 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,860 The new millenium is almost upon us, and all over the world, 28 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:59,980 people have started to celebrate by dancing, singing, and killing one another! 29 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,693 But, probably, the biggest event of the millenium is one happening in 30 00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:07,660 South Park, Colarado, where people have gathered for a chance to see Jesus Christ! 31 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,300 Craig Nezzo is standing by! 32 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:12,350 Thank's, Tom! It is indeed four days until the new millenium 33 00:02:12,380 --> 00:02:16,340 and hundreds if not thousands of people have come from all over the world seeking Jesus 34 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,130 here at his house in South Park! 35 00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:21,010 Everyone is giddy with anticipation for Jesus to come out 36 00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:26,040 because, as we all know, if Jesus comes out of his and is not scared by his shadow, 37 00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:29,260 it means the next thousand years will be full of peace and love! 38 00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:32,300 Oh! It looks like Jesus might be coming out! 39 00:02:35,060 --> 00:02:39,440 - Oh, look, Tommy! There he is! Can you see him?! - He's neat, mommy! 40 00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:48,140 Everyone is quiet here, Tom! Looks like the little fellow's a bit nervous! 41 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:51,020 But, he has taken another step out! Tom, this is great news for us! 42 00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:56,700 What are you people doing? 43 00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,900 Can I help you with something? 44 00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:06,140 Well, it's the millenium, Jesus! 45 00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:10,900 Well, it's the millenium! 46 00:03:12,980 --> 00:03:15,000 So, what happens at the millenium? 47 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:18,240 - I don't know! - We thought YOU did! 48 00:03:18,260 --> 00:03:21,540 Yeah! You're s'posed to know! - Yeah! You're Jesus! You're s'posed to know! 49 00:03:22,460 --> 00:03:26,680 Oh! Well... Yea! Believe in me an ye shall find peace! 50 00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:29,423 Yeah, yeah, yeah! We've heard that crap for about 2000 years now! 51 00:03:29,424 --> 00:03:33,220 We wanna hear something new! It's the year 2000 for Christ's sake! 52 00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:34,460 Well, wha'd'you want?! 53 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,820 - We want to see God! - Yeah! With our own eyes! 54 00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:41,174 We followed blindly for thousands of years and we think the least 55 00:03:41,175 --> 00:03:45,775 God can do is show up for New Year's Eve 1999! 56 00:03:45,860 --> 00:03:48,900 Uh, lemmie think about that for a minute! 57 00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:54,020 - Is that good?! - I don't know! 58 00:03:55,540 --> 00:03:58,500 Dude! Did you get your period yet?! - No! There's no blood coming out of my ass! 59 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,066 Mine neither, but I double checked 60 00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:02,367 and Cartman was right! Your period is that start of pubrity! 61 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,601 Well, if Cartman's the only one who gets it and he thinks he's too grown-up 62 00:04:04,602 --> 00:04:06,940 to hang out with us on New Year's Eve, then screw him anyways! 63 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,650 C'mon, Cartman! We have to make plans for New Years! 64 00:04:24,660 --> 00:04:28,180 Hold your horses, guys! This is very important for mature people! 65 00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:32,300 "Offers complete protection during heavy flow". 66 00:04:33,060 --> 00:04:36,740 "Makes main stoppage of vaginal chunks". 67 00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:39,220 Oh! This one's got wings, y'guys! 68 00:04:39,221 --> 00:04:41,571 Whoopie! I got my period! I got my period too! 69 00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:44,320 - You did?! - You got your period too, Kenny?! 70 00:04:44,321 --> 00:04:46,761 Yeah, you guys! I got home, sat on the toilet, and I got my period! 71 00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:49,320 Well, welcome to the club, Kenny! You got your period, so now you're a man! 72 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,860 We can hang out together on New Year's Eve! 73 00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:54,214 But first, you need to buy some maxipads to stuff in the back of your 74 00:04:54,215 --> 00:04:57,215 pants so you don't get blood on your underwear! 75 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:02,740 Tom, it looked for a second as if Jesus was going to come out of his house, 76 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:04,300 but then, he went back inside! 77 00:05:04,340 --> 00:05:07,860 But meanwhile, more and more people are showing up to show their support for Jesus! 78 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:12,480 Well, the way I see, if he really is who he says he is, 79 00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,940 well, he'd better do something on New Year's Eve, 80 00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:16,820 'cause it's in the Bible! 81 00:05:17,740 --> 00:05:22,180 Father, I need to talk to you! Please, father! Appear to me! 82 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:27,980 What is it, my child?! 83 00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:31,860 Father, everyone is starting to pay attention to me again because of the new millenium! 84 00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:33,650 I'm kinda making a come-back! 85 00:05:33,660 --> 00:05:38,530 Yea! Like John Travolta before you! You are experiencing a second revival! 86 00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:41,170 It's the millenium, father! People want to see you! 87 00:05:41,180 --> 00:05:44,860 Nay! Their eyes are not yet prepared to see the likes of me! 88 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:48,240 But dad, I think this may be my one big shot at a come-back! 89 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:52,171 Be ye careful of pride, Jesus! - Just make an appearance! 90 00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:54,990 You can come down, say hi to a few people, and can be back by 12:30! 91 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,390 I'm sorry, my son, 92 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:00,180 but if you want to earn everyone's love, you will have to do it yourself! 93 00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:05,620 Ike, can I talk to you?! - Uh, uh! We're different! 94 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,830 Ike, I don't know what to do! All the guys are getting their periods 95 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:12,540 and I don't think I am! I can't be the last one to get it! I just can't! 96 00:06:12,541 --> 00:06:14,941 Buh, buh! Cheerie! 97 00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:17,050 Cartman got his, then Kenny! 98 00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:19,303 What if tomorrow Stan says he got his and I'm left out! 99 00:06:19,304 --> 00:06:21,115 I might not even get to be their friend anymore! 100 00:06:21,116 --> 00:06:26,416 No! Words are sucker! Mogie! Moogamo goust! Cabagoust! 101 00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:29,900 Yeah! I could just SAY I got my period! It's not like they'll check! 102 00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:32,610 I can just say I got my period cause I really WILL get it someday! 103 00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:35,200 It's not really lying! It's just jumping the gun a little! 104 00:06:35,201 --> 00:06:37,300 Cooka makker! - Thanks a lot, Ike! 105 00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,450 So you guys aren't gonna spend New Year's Eve with us?! 106 00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:42,910 Look! Kenny and I are mature now! We can't spend New Year's Eve with a couple of kids! 107 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,330 Did you get your maxipads, Kenny?! - No, I went and got a tampon! 108 00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:48,320 Tampon?! What's a tampon?! 109 00:06:48,321 --> 00:06:51,260 It's a dildo! You stick it in your ass! - Ew! Doesn't that hurt?! 110 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,420 - YOU GUYS! I GOT MY PERIOD TOO! - Wow! Cool! 111 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,650 - You did?! - Yeah! 112 00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:58,860 I was just hangin' out in my room and then I perioded all over the place! 113 00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:01,430 Alright! You have to be in me and Kenny's club then! 114 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,250 My mom gave me this "Women who Run with the Wolves" book and 115 00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:06,350 I'm finding out all about our goddess powers! 116 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,745 Awesome! We get powers?! 117 00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:11,140 Yeah! C'mon! We can set up everything in my clubhouse and get ready for New Year's Eve! 118 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,950 Hey! Don't feel bad, Stan! 119 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,700 Some of us just mature a little later than others! 120 00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:25,504 "Are you there, God?! It's me! Stan! If you wouldn't mind, 121 00:07:25,510 --> 00:07:28,340 I don't wanna be the only kid who doesn't get his period before the new year! 122 00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:32,380 Could you speed up my development a little?! Thanks, God! Your friend, Stan!" 123 00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:41,400 "Are you there, God?! It's me! Jesus! 124 00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:44,310 I feel like I got a real shot at a come-back, God! 125 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,020 For whatever reason, people are starting to follow me again! 126 00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:50,250 I'm two-thousand years old, but I feel like I'm twenty-eight again! 127 00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:52,130 I think I'm going to win everybody back 128 00:07:52,140 --> 00:07:55,700 because I just made a few phone calls and I'm going to put on the most amazing 129 00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:59,200 New Year's specticle this world has ever seen!" 130 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:07,660 Good morning, South Park! It's 8 AM and only 2 more days until the new millenium! 131 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,860 Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit! 132 00:08:12,060 --> 00:08:13,860 Stanley, honey, what's the matter?! 133 00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:16,500 I'm not bleeding out of my ass! 134 00:08:17,260 --> 00:08:19,310 Well, that's good, honey! 135 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,920 No, it's not! It's terrible! 136 00:08:23,140 --> 00:08:26,450 Are you there, God! It's me! Stan! How come you didn't help me? 137 00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:29,290 I know you're really busy with things, but this is a matter of life and death! 138 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,690 If I don't get my period, my friends won't let me hang out with them on New Year's Eve! 139 00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,600 Please! Please, give me my period soon! 140 00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:41,140 - Here he comes! - He's coming out! 141 00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:44,190 I've given it much thought, my children, and you were right! 142 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,464 After reviewing the Bible, 143 00:08:45,465 --> 00:08:49,465 it does indeed say that something very big is going to happen at the millenium! 144 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:52,370 I have spoken to my father in heaven 145 00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:55,310 and he agreed that the millenium is significant to all of us, 146 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,000 and ye who believe in me SHALL be rewarded! 147 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:02,580 So, what we're gonna do, tomorrow night New Year's Eve 1999, 148 00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:06,534 we just got Rod Stewart to agree to play a COME-BACK CONCERT AT THE 149 00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:10,640 RIO HOTEL CASINO IN LAS VEGAS, AND YOU'RE ALL GOING! 150 00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:16,640 We knew you could do it, Jesus! 151 00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:20,140 I better book myself a flight to Vegas! 152 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,740 For he is Saviour! 153 00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:25,180 For he is Lord! 154 00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:30,140 He give me hope when I have only been born! 155 00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:34,660 And he lifts me up with his gentle arms! 156 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:37,980 Okay! Is everyone accounted for? 157 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,730 - Goddess Wind! - Here! 158 00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:41,260 Goddess Moon!? 159 00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:43,390 GODDESS MOON!? - I'm here! 160 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,785 And I'm here, Goddess Earthly Delights! 161 00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:48,650 So this is the first meeting of our club for teens who have gotten their periods! 162 00:09:48,660 --> 00:09:52,250 We're s'posed to talk about our periods and boys! Let's talk about boys first! 163 00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:55,160 I think Craig is pretty cool, but I don't think Clyde is very cool! 164 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,580 I think Clyde is kinda cool, but Craig is definitely cooler than Clyde! 165 00:09:58,581 --> 00:10:02,081 Yeah! I agree! I think that Craig is cooler than Clyde, and Clyde is a dirty dumb fuck! 166 00:10:02,140 --> 00:10:06,180 Okay! That settles that! Now let's talk about our periods! Kyle, you first! 167 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,290 What's the matter, Kyle? 168 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:13,100 Nothing! My period is really... 169 00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:18,240 My period is going swimmingly! 170 00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:22,580 Okay! That makes sense! Mine's going swimmingly too! - Mine too! 171 00:10:25,660 --> 00:10:26,980 Oh! Hello, Stan! 172 00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:28,960 - Hey, Chef! - How's it goin'? 173 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:29,950 Bad! 174 00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:30,970 Why bad?! 175 00:10:30,980 --> 00:10:33,180 - Can I come in? - Well, sure! 176 00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:35,900 Now what's the matter, little cracker? 177 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:39,500 Chef, I have this friend! See?! And this person's really bummed out 178 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,860 because everyone else the same age has gotten their period and this person hasn't! 179 00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:45,580 - Oh! Your talkin' about your older sister Shelly? - No! 180 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,090 Your little girlfriend Wendy! 181 00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,479 Look, it doesn't matter who it is! 182 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,680 The point is that everyone else got their period and this person hasn't! 183 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:54,330 Look, Stan! Do you really know what a period is? - Yeah! Cartman told us! 184 00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:57,324 Stan, let me sing you a little song about the menstral cycle! 185 00:10:57,325 --> 00:10:59,925 I think it might clear things up for you! - Okay! 186 00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:23,020 I'm alright! I'm, I'm cool! It's okay! 187 00:11:23,460 --> 00:11:25,500 Watch out for the bedspread, baby! 188 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,700 I'll tell ya what! 189 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,820 Why don't I call you next week? 190 00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:39,300 And that's my song about the menstral cycle! Stan, did that clear things up for you? 191 00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:42,645 So what you're saying is this person shouldn't be bummed 192 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,340 because everybody has their period at a different time! 193 00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:48,570 - Is that what I said?! - But it's not fair! 194 00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:50,800 It's not fair that one day you're on top, you're the coolest kid in town, 195 00:11:50,820 --> 00:11:52,417 and then the next day you're at the bottom again 196 00:11:52,418 --> 00:11:53,688 because everyone has blood coming out of their ass but you, 197 00:11:53,695 --> 00:11:56,443 and if I can't menstruate then, by God, I'm gonna sit around and be the 198 00:11:56,444 --> 00:11:59,944 only periodless eight-year-old boy! I'm gonna do something about it! 199 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,060 Whoa! I must've missed a whole little part there! 200 00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:08,340 Can't tell you how excited Rod Stewart is about this millenium concert! 201 00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:11,700 He's gotten a little older, but you're gonna see how much he can still rock! 202 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:12,930 H'oh! I'm excited too! 203 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:16,220 I think it'll bring my father's children back to their faith and back to mine eyes, 204 00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:18,120 for I am the lamb of God! 205 00:12:18,140 --> 00:12:21,674 Yeah! And, ya know Rod is a seasoned veteran, so I'm gonna have to ask 206 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:25,060 for a bit more cash, but we can talk about that later! Here comes Rod now! 207 00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:32,320 Hey! Rod! Great to see you! 208 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:37,730 The folks are sure glad you're playing! It's really given them a lot of faith in me again! 209 00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:42,120 I'm sure that together we can make this millenium party the best New Year's bash ever! 210 00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:43,800 - Poop pants! - What?! 211 00:12:43,860 --> 00:12:45,860 - Poop pants! - Poo pants?! 212 00:12:46,660 --> 00:12:49,500 - You pooped your pants?! - Pooped my pants! 213 00:12:49,660 --> 00:12:52,860 Nurse! Mr. Stewart has apparently pooped his pants! 214 00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:58,580 Again?! Now, Mr. Stewart, what did we say about trying to hold in Mr. Dookie? 215 00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:05,580 Yes! Pubrity is a very wonderful thing, Stan! 216 00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:08,260 It's what links us all together, makes us one! 217 00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,650 But what happens if there's someone who never went through pubrity? 218 00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:13,650 Never went through pubrity?! Who never went through pubrity? 219 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,780 Nobody! I mean, uh, well, my dad! 220 00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,900 Your father never went through pubrity? 221 00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:22,060 No, and that's why he sent me here, 'cause he's too embarrassed to come himself! 222 00:13:22,095 --> 00:13:25,180 Well, I can't say that I blame him! - So do you know anything that can help him? 223 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:30,340 Well, I should think the most logical solution would be Hormones! - Hormones? 224 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,890 Yes! Here! Tell you father to take just one of these pills every week! 225 00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,400 It could be just what he needs! 226 00:13:37,420 --> 00:13:40,370 And be sure to tell him that his secret is safe with me! 227 00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:42,138 Thanks a lot, Dr. Mephesto! You're the best! 228 00:13:42,139 --> 00:13:45,289 My pleasure! I just love helping people! 229 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:01,534 Now for our first club activity! We're s'posed to reach into this little dish and 230 00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:05,400 pull out a word! We look at the word and think about what that word means to us! 231 00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:09,220 Today's word is "Spirituality". 232 00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:10,780 What that means to me is... 233 00:14:10,815 --> 00:14:12,180 Hey, assholes! 234 00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:16,890 Oh, look! It's that little boy who hasn't got his period yet! 235 00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:19,340 Don't you worry about that! I've started taking Hormones! 236 00:14:19,350 --> 00:14:22,694 - Hormones? - Yeah! They make you have your pubrity quicker, and I'm just here to 237 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:25,480 tell you that my pubrity is gonna be bigger than any of you guys's! 238 00:14:25,580 --> 00:14:27,810 Dude, I don't think eight-year-olds are s'posed to take Hormones! 239 00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:31,580 Yeah! You shouldn't force your period, Stan! You should let it come like the morning dew! 240 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,446 So what're we gonna do for New Year's? 241 00:14:33,447 --> 00:14:35,647 Well, we're going with our families to Las Vegas! 242 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,620 I guess there'll be some younger kids there too if you wanna go! 243 00:14:39,020 --> 00:14:41,300 I'm gonna go take some more Hormones! 244 00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:43,780 Now, the word is "Spirituality". 245 00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:47,300 I believe that the goddess in me is more spirituality because... 246 00:14:48,380 --> 00:14:50,960 Quiet, Kenny! The goddess lives in all of us and has... 247 00:14:52,380 --> 00:14:53,780 Goddammit, Kenny! Shut the hell up! 248 00:14:56,540 --> 00:14:57,740 Whoa, dude! 249 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,760 - Mr. and Mrs. McKormic? Yes? 250 00:15:02,780 --> 00:15:04,590 I'm sorry! We couldn't save your son! 251 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:08,940 Oh, my God! My little Kenny's gone! I can't believe it! 252 00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:11,640 We just didn't get to him in time! There's nothing we could do! 253 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,850 What happened?! What killed him, doctor?! 254 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,470 Well, we found a tampon stuck up your child's ass! 255 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,620 Apparently, he'd had it up there for several days! 256 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:24,020 It plugged him up until he finally burst from the inside out like a ruptured septic tank! 257 00:15:24,055 --> 00:15:25,350 Oh, my God! 258 00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:28,690 My worry is that he could've been following some kind of crazy new fad! 259 00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:30,805 Perhaps the children are all shoving tampons up their ass 260 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:34,220 because they've seen the Backstreet Boys doing it on TV or something! 261 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,900 We must get to the bottom of this, if you'll pardon the pun! 262 00:15:38,060 --> 00:15:40,181 But, actually right now, I've gotta catch a plane to Las Vegas 263 00:15:40,182 --> 00:15:41,682 to see the Rod Stewart millenium show! 264 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,740 Rod Stewart's gonna be in Vegas? 265 00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:47,774 Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas where tommorrow night, 266 00:15:47,775 --> 00:15:50,375 THE New Year's Eve event is going to happen! 267 00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:52,722 Jesus Christ, our lord and saviour, 268 00:15:52,723 --> 00:15:56,323 is presenting Rod Stewart, the undisputed king of pop, 269 00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:57,932 right here at this hotel behind me! 270 00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:00,500 It looks as thought Jesus really has come through! 271 00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:03,129 Everyone is very excited because rumour has it 272 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:06,430 that GOD himself is gonna show up to the event! - What?! 273 00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:08,920 How 'bout you, ma'am?! Do you think God is gonna show up tommorrow night? 274 00:16:08,940 --> 00:16:12,540 Of course, he is! This is Jesus we're talking about! He wouldn't let us down! 275 00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:15,020 Oh, no! 276 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,980 Are you there, God? 277 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,820 Father! Will you please reconsider and show up tomorrow? 278 00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:24,020 Hello? 279 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:29,100 Stanley, wake up, honey! It's time to leave for Las Vegas. 280 00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:38,580 Whoa, dude! I've got boobs! 281 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:49,680 Hey, Las Vegas is a pretty cool place for us mature people! 282 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,580 Alright, people! Are we ready to rock the millenium? 283 00:16:56,900 --> 00:17:00,920 Father in heaven, please let tonight's show go well! Please make them like it! 284 00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:02,290 Hey! Here comes Stan. 285 00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:05,350 Have I missed anything? - Wow, Stan! You've really got some nice titties there! 286 00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:07,940 - Did you get your period yet, Stan? - No, I didn't, but... 287 00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:09,570 But don't worry! You'll get it someday! 288 00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:12,980 C'mon, Kyle! Let's go see what kind of tampons they have here in Las Vegas! 289 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:17,620 Well, I tell you one thing! I, sure as heck, am excited! We've got about four hours 290 00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:20,690 to the new year and so I think it's time to START IT UP! 291 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:23,140 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE HE IS! AS PROMISED, 292 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,380 MR. ROD "DO YA THINK I'M SEXY" STEWART! 293 00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:58,880 Uh, pooped 'em. 294 00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:03,980 - This sucks balls! - Yeah! 295 00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:07,120 - Alright! Enough of this! Bring out God! - Yeah! 296 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,120 Oh, no! 297 00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,820 WE WANT GOD! WE WANT GOD! 298 00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,540 Please, father! Do something! 299 00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:18,600 Uh, folks! I'm afraid God can't make it tonight! 300 00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:21,120 We came all the way to Las Vegas for this? 301 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,220 This is the worst New Year's ever! Thanks a lot, Jesus! 302 00:18:24,420 --> 00:18:25,780 Let's get'im! 303 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,691 Well, Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas 304 00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:32,992 and what is quickly becoming known as the gayest party ever! 305 00:18:33,060 --> 00:18:36,200 Everyone is so outraged that they are building a large cross 306 00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:39,900 in which to once again crucify our lord and saviour, Jesus Christ! 307 00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:42,910 Jesus, why does God hate me?! 308 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,700 He doesn't hate YOU! He hates ME! He's gonna let me be crucified again! 309 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:48,798 He hates me more! He doesn't answer my prayers! 310 00:18:48,799 --> 00:18:51,299 I pray to him everyday and he never answered me! 311 00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:53,592 Well, yeah, but just because God doesn't answer your prayers 312 00:18:53,593 --> 00:18:54,893 doesn't mean he doesn't care about you! 313 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,700 Well then, why didn't he give me what I wanted? 314 00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,682 Well, God can't just answer every prayer and suddenly give you 315 00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:03,380 everything you want! That takes all the living out of life! - Wha'd'you mean? 316 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:07,540 If God answered all our prayers, there'd be nothing left for us to do ourselves! 317 00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:10,740 Life is about problems and overcoming those problems, 318 00:19:10,940 --> 00:19:12,970 and growing and learning from obsticals! 319 00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:15,450 If God just fixed everything for us, 320 00:19:15,460 --> 00:19:18,120 then there'd be no point in our existance! 321 00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:21,610 That's why he wouldn't show up to my New Year's party! - I just want my period! 322 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,530 I get it now, father! I had to learn all this on my own! 323 00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,520 I was overcome with my new popularity and, 324 00:19:26,555 --> 00:19:28,500 and I let pride get in the way of good judgement! 325 00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:33,700 Whoa! What is that?! 326 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:36,130 It's dad! 327 00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:39,620 God?! God is going to show himself? - Look! I can see him! 328 00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:43,165 Father! You came! 329 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,860 Now, look upon me, my children, as you know me! 330 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,750 Be not afraid! 331 00:19:48,780 --> 00:19:51,220 Blessed art thou, my children! 332 00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:54,300 That's God? 333 00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,750 Yea! 'Tis my father the creator! 334 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,540 He is the alpha, the omega, the beginning, and the end! 335 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,240 Well, yeah, but THAT?! 336 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:04,500 What did you expect me to look like, my son? 337 00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:07,100 Well, not like that! 338 00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:10,230 Since it is the end of the first 2000 years, 339 00:20:10,231 --> 00:20:14,931 I will allow you, my children, to ask me one question! 340 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,690 - One question? - Only one?! 341 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:18,920 What should we ask him? 342 00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:21,940 We have to think carefully! We can ask him anything we want like: 343 00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:25,100 "What's the meaning of life?" or "Why are we here?"! 344 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,300 I have it! I have the question! 345 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,351 Now, you have to answer me once and for all! 346 00:20:29,352 --> 00:20:33,352 HOW COME I HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY PERIOD YET!? 347 00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:35,880 My child, you are a boy! 348 00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:39,180 Boys do not get periods! That's only for girls! 349 00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:42,005 Your friends were bleeding a little bit out of their asses 350 00:20:42,020 --> 00:20:46,250 because of an acute colon infection, and your friend Kyle simply lied about it! 351 00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:47,420 How'd he know that?! 352 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,420 You will get pubrity when the time is right, 353 00:20:50,430 --> 00:20:53,800 but you will never have a period because you are a man... with titties! 354 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:57,500 Thus speaketh the Lord! And now, I return to heaven! 355 00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:03,060 Hey, wait! That doesn't count as our question! Does it?! 356 00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:06,620 I will answer another on New Year's Eve in the year 4000! 357 00:21:08,380 --> 00:21:10,980 Did you hear that, everbody?! I'm not ever S'POSED to have my period! 358 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,180 That's why God wasn't answering me before! 359 00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:17,980 Boy! I'm sure glad everything worked out okay! 360 00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,900 I guess now we can all celebrate the New Year, huh! 361 00:21:37,540 --> 00:21:40,000 Let's get'im!