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SouthParkNews.net
La Fabrique
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Hey, everybody!
How's it going?
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I just can't seem to stop.
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You goin' swimming?
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Don't forget to bring a towel!
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Get out of my face!
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Get out of here!
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My name is Towelie.
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T-o-w-e-l...
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y-e-y.
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I'm great at cleaning up spills.
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And I'm 100% machine washable.
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I'm just an ordinary towel
in a lot of ways.
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Except for one.
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I'm addicted to marijuana.
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And crystal meth.
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And crack.
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Anybody want their dick sucked?
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Does anybody want
their dick sucked by a towel?
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Towelie has become
a complete nightmare in our town.
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He's broken into my house twice
and stolen my allowance.
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I've got almost nothing left.
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If we're playing outside,
he shows up completely wasted
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and screaming
the government is after him.
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I just don't want
to watch him kill himself!
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I don't even know who he is anymore!
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There's is no doubt in my mind
that if we don't get Towelie help,
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our entire summer
is gonna be ruined.
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Oh boy!
It's our favorite time of year!
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We get to see
all our old friends again.
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There's Francis!
Hey, Francis!
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Look at Lenora, everyone.
Good job!
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Come on.
Good job, Lenora!
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All right, good.
Let's get Lenora a towel.
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C'mon, where's the towel?
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The towel isn't here.
I think it's off getting high again.
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Where's that towel?
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Just a sec!
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We got Towelie a job,
so he could try and pays us back.
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Stupid towel.
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What's going on, towel?
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Just had to take a piss.
Sorry.
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We got wet campers down there.
Move your ass!
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When Towelie is doing heroin,
he doesn't care about anything.
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I don't care about anything.
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Stupid handicap camp.
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All right, blue team.
As team captain,
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I need to make sure we're ready
for the big camp competition.
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We're weady!
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We can weawy stick it
to wed team this yew!
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No way red team can beat us.
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Red team won't know what hit them.
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All right. Everyone together!
Are we gonna beat red team this year?
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All right!
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I can't stand him, Mimsy.
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That Jimmy kid
makes my fucking skin crawl.
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You've always hated him.
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Ever since he whooped you
at soifin' last summer camp.
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He really took it to ya good.
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- Shut up, Mimsy.
- Sorry, boss.
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Listen to me.
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There is no way that blue team
will beat red team this year at camp.
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You got that?
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What we need to do,
is use a little brain power
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to make sure
blue team can't compete.
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Oh boy!
We'll ruin blue team's chances?
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We'll break their legs?
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Shut up!
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Just do what I say
and we can make sure
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Jimmy Valmer
gets what's comin' to him.
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There ya go.
All better now?
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Yes, thanks.
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That's right, when you go swimmin',
don't forget to bring a...
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Who hired that towel?
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It can barely walk,
let alone dry somebody off.
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You think you're better than me?
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You think you're fucking hot shit?
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When Towelie shoots heroin,
he just gets angry at everybody.
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You can all suck it!
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You're all a bunch of towels.
That's what you are!
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The thing is,
Towelie was pretty happy before.
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He had a girlfriend.
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And she got pregnant
and had a little Washcloth.
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But Towelie just kept
getting more and more high,
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and he got kicked out of the house.
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Fuck you!
Lemme talk to him.
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Lemme talk to him, you bitch!
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I'm not high!
I haven't been high since Wednesday.
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It is Wednesday?
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All right, campers!
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Our first event
is the big canoe race.
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Oh boy, the canoe race!
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We gotta...
we gotta beat the red team!
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I've got it.
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I got a way to win the race
and get rid of Jimmy for good.
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Oh boy!
What're we gonna do, boss?
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Simple.
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We're gonna put
a little surprise in the canoe.
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What kind of a surprise?
It's a snake!
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Not just any snake.
It's a black mamba.
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Gee wiz, boss.
We'll kill all the blue team and Jimmy?
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You boys excited for the canoe race?
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Yes, counselor Steve.
I like duh fun canoe.
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Canoes are fun, aren't they?
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Take the black mamba
and put it in the canoe.
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I'll go get our team ready.
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All right, campers, are we ready?
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Good luck, Jimmy.
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You too, Nathan.
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You're gonna need it,
you fucking asshole.
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On your mark.
Get set.
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Holy shit!
What the hell did you do?
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You said ta put da black mamba
in the canoe!
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Not in our canoe!
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We need a towel!
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Just a sec!
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Not just a sec.
We got a bunch of wet campers!
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What's going on?
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You owe me money, asshole!
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That's it. We're done.
You are no longer employed here.
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Please, sir.
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We need a nice, clean towel
here at summer camp.
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We don't need a towel that shoots
heroin and has sex for money!
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Some people are so picky
about their towels.
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Campers!
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Next event
is the big scavenger hunt.
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Blue team is gonna go first!
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I finally got it.
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I got a way we can kill Jimmy
and beat the blue team.
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Oh boy!
What're we gonna do?
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Simple. We're going to get Jimmy
killed by Native Americans.
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Here take this.
It's a fake scavenger hunt map.
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This map leads
to the scavenger hunt?
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That map leads
to the Indian reservation.
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We switch this with blue team's
scavenger hunting map,
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and they'll end up right on
the Tardicaca Indian reservation.
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Oh boy!
We'll get Jimmy killed by Indians?
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Are you boys excited
for the neat scavenger hunt?
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Yes, counselor Steve.
I like scavenger hunt.
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All right.
Take this map to the reservation
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and you switch it with blue team's.
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You got that?
You switch the map. Switch the map.
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I got it.
Switch the map! Switch the map!
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How come we're scavenger huntin'?
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Because, stupid,
now that we have blue team's map
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we can get
their scavenger prize too.
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Oh boy!
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This doesn't make sense.
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Why would they make us go this far?
We're handicapped.
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Turn left at the...
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Wait.
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Wait a minute.
What the...
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Fuck!
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This is the map
to the Indian reservation!
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Sure it is!
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I told you to switch this
with the map for blue team!
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You told me switch the map.
Switch the map.
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So I switched it and I switched.
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My name is Nathan.
I'm disabled.
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Hey, everybody.
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Let's all go
to the office supply store!
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189
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190
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You must have one dusty computer.
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Fuck you!
It's not illegal, bitch.
192
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I feel like
I could conquer the world.
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Towelie now inhales up to 2,000 cans
of computer duster a day.
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It's like I'm walkin' on sunshine!
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I really think this intervention
is Towelie's last chance.
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Towelie!
Open the door!
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Go away.
I'm walkin' on sunshine!
198
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I gotta take you
somewhere really important.
199
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Just let me walk
on the sunshine a little more.
200
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All right.
In the surfing competition,
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the red team
is up three points to two!
202
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:20,221
And now, it's Jimmy Valmer's turn!
203
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,186
Gee, I wish our team captain
was as awesome as Jimmy!
204
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I finally got it.
205
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I got a way we can get rid
of Jimmy once and for all.
206
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,364
Oh boy!
What'll we do to him?
207
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:41,117
Simple.
We'll get Jimmy eaten by a shark.
208
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:44,286
Here, take this.
It's a shark mating whistle.
209
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,664
Okay, a shark mating whistle!
210
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:50,209
- We'll hit him over the head wid it?
- No, you moron.
211
00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:52,670
You go under the water
and blow that whistle.
212
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:55,673
You can attract sharks,
right as Jimmy starts to surf.
213
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:58,968
214
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:03,806
215
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,266
I got it!
216
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,977
I blow the whistle and make the shark
come and bite Jimmy's legs off!
217
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,229
Then he'll bleed ta deat!
He's gonna bleed ta deat!
218
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,817
Are you boys enjoying the fun beach?
219
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:18,320
Yes, counselor Steve.
The beach is warm.
220
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,366
Gee, dat was a close one, huh?
221
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,618
They almost hoid me sayin'
we was gonna kill Jimmy!
222
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:26,746
Shut up!
223
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:30,791
Just swim in the water where Jimmy is,
then blow that whistle.
224
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:31,917
Oh boy!
225
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,549
I dunno, Timmy.
Those waves are pretty big.
226
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,179
Don't worry,
Jimmy can handle himself!
227
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:45,347
Gonna catch a wave.
228
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:52,480
I got me a shark whistle!
229
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:57,485
Oh boy, here it comes!
230
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,575
Wait, look.
He's doing it!
231
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:25,638
Oh boy!
232
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,765
You didn't do what I told you!
233
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,559
Whatdya mean?
You said to swim and blow the whistle.
234
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:32,937
I swam in the water,
so now I gonna blow the whistle.
235
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:37,191
236
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:40,402
237
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:44,614
You fucking idiot!
238
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,868
You don't blow
a shark mating whistle on dry land!
239
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,037
You were supposed to blow it...
240
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:54,625
241
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:58,003
242
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,758
Get this thing off me!
243
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:07,805
Today is Towelie's intervention.
We have no idea how he's gonna react.
244
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,933
Come on, it's right over here.
245
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,978
246
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:22,653
What's going on?
247
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,822
You wanna have a seat
with your friends?
248
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,659
What is everybody doing here?
249
00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,661
We've all just been talking.
250
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:33,581
What I'm hearing is a bunch of people
who just love the heck out of ya.
251
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,541
They'll say what they wanna say,
252
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:37,626
you'll say what you wanna say,
and we're done.
253
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,796
Towelie, over the past couple years,
254
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,841
I have seen drug addiction
affect you in the following ways...
255
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:45,426
Jesus, man!
256
00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:47,678
Towelie, you need to let him finish.
257
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,681
You're not the towel you used to be.
258
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,809
Where as you used to be
fluffy and absorbent,
259
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,519
you now are crusty
260
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,647
and unable to absorb
the smallest amount of water.
261
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,691
Will you get help today?
262
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:03,277
I don't get this.
263
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,698
Towelie, over the past few months,
264
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:11,327
I've watched you go from an ancillary
character with amusing catch phrases
265
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:14,580
to a dried-out spewge-rag covered
in the jiz of a thousand older men.
266
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:15,998
Can we just end this?
267
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,334
You have to let him finish.
268
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,046
If you refuse treatment, I won't
give you more money or be your friend.
269
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,964
I will not help you kill yourself.
270
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,175
All right, Eric.
Do you want to go next?
271
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,304
Kyle, I hate you so much.
272
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,848
You are a liar and a swindler
who will do anything for money...
273
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,809
We're here for Towelie, fat ass!
274
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,894
I'm supposed
to be allowed to finish, right?
275
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:40,356
The Jews have been persecuted
across the earth for good reason.
276
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,484
You are a race
of beady-eyed thieves, who...
277
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,987
- This is serious, you fucking asshole!
- I'm being serious!
278
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,574
We have to let people
finish during interventions.
279
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,701
But he's just using
his time on television to...
280
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,870
Please, it is not your turn.
281
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,250
You are a race
of beady-eyed thieves,
282
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,502
who throughout the millennia,
have worked your way
283
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,462
into the dark cubbyholes of society.
284
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,591
Where did the Jews
first get their power
285
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,885
and how are they able
to manipulate our minds today?
286
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,095
My God!
287
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:15,599
288
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,396
It's a snap at Tardicaca Camp
289
00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:22,564
to learn to do the hula hula dance
290
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,942
I fell in love with a Tardicaca dove
291
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,652
while doin' that funny funny dance
292
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,487
And that poor little kid...
293
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:32,282
Get ready.
Blue team is about to go boom.
294
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:35,452
295
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:39,498
296
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,125
So I made up my mind
that I've just got to find
297
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:43,711
the Tardicaca girl I did adore
298
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,131
A little Tardicaca
299
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:49,049
She's a candy cane to wiggle
300
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:50,968
She's sure to make you giggle
301
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:53,637
With her naughty little wiggle
I know some day
302
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:57,182
I'm gonna try to make
that Tardicaca gally mine gally mine
303
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,184
'cause all the while
I'm dreamin' of her
304
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,061
My Tardicaca Hula Gal
305
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,317
Sorry. That's not right.
Hang on.
306
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:13,574
I don't tink he's playin' da right note.
The C4 ain't gonna go off!
307
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,492
Shut up!
308
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:19,747
If in fact the Jews
truly are shapeshifters,
309
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,375
and I believe I have presented
enough evidence to prove it,
310
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,920
we must unite
as a species to fight them
311
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,838
and stop their plan
of global domination
312
00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,465
and the control of our freedom.
313
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,011
You want to go next?
314
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,349
Towelie, if you do not go to treatment,
we will all ignore you forever.
315
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:39,349
Will you go?
316
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,436
What treatment?
What are you all talking about?
317
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:45,689
If you say yes, we leave here,
pack your things, get on a plane,
318
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:48,484
go to a facility in Southern California
that's all set up.
319
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,321
Fuck, no!
I'm not getting on a fucking plane!
320
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:53,614
This is bullshit!
321
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,033
Don't give me fucking ultimatums!
322
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,244
I thought
you were my fucking friends!
323
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,039
Your friends don't want
to watch you kill yourself anymore.
324
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:05,417
Then fuck them!
You're telling me I have to do this...
325
00:18:05,878 --> 00:18:07,669
I'm not left with any decisions!
326
00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:08,962
Towelie!
327
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:13,509
We aren't the only ones
who've been hurt by you!
328
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:15,719
Who are you talking about?
329
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:22,893
Washcloth?
You brought Washcloth?
330
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,062
That's low!
331
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,731
Out on the beach
with my dear little peach
332
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,817
where the waves rolling in so high
333
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:31,693
Dammit!
334
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:34,905
335
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,825
336
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:42,371
Go demand the ukulele solo.
It's our only chance!
337
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:43,747
Okay!
338
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,917
If you get in a pinch
go through it's a cinch
339
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:48,919
We want the ukulele solo!
340
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:50,837
We want da ukulele solo!
341
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:53,215
Sorry, I just can't remember it.
342
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,425
We wants ya to play it, don't we?
343
00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:59,346
All right, maybe you can
show me how it's done.
344
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:04,143
It's real easy.
You just play like dis!
345
00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:08,814
You idiot!
What are you doing?
346
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,025
I was gonna show him
how ta play the solo.
347
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,445
That does it.
I'm sick and tired of your stupidity!
348
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,947
You are the biggest idiot
I have ever met.
349
00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:19,158
And from now on,
if I wanna do something,
350
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,700
I'm gonna do it myself!
351
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:29,334
352
00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:32,880
353
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,852
Not the shark again!
354
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,900
Washcloth!
355
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,318
I'm so sorry!
356
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:57,738
He needs you to get better, please!
357
00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:00,741
You got so many people
that just love the heck out of ya.
358
00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:03,827
All right!
359
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,037
I'll go!
360
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:06,872
You will?
361
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:10,125
I don't want to hurt
Washcloth anymore!
362
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,836
He's going, everybody!
Come on! Hugs!
363
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:24,181
Poor wed team.
Their Captain weawy got waped.
364
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,142
I never seen a kid
get screwed by a shark before.
365
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:29,978
I hope I never see it again.
366
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,856
Nathan, your team put up
an amazing fight.
367
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,942
Even though I was crowned
king of the camp,
368
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,736
I want you to know that you
were the real champ.
369
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,072
I hate you.
370
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:43,825
I fucking hate you
with everything in my entire being.
371
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,411
You sure got it
stuck it to ya this year!
372
00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:47,663
Shut up...
373
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:54,795
374
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,630
375
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:03,804
- Hi, Towelie?
- Yeah, hi.
376
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:08,850
Towelie is definitely the most
addicted towels we've ever seen here.
377
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:13,021
He's the second most psychologically
damaged towel I've come across
378
00:21:13,146 --> 00:21:16,608
since treating Christine Ali's towel,
which had seen...
379
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,860
some nasty stuff.
380
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:22,155
I don't know
what tomorrow's gonna bring.
381
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,658
But I'm learning to love what I am.
382
00:21:25,659 --> 00:21:26,827
I'm a towel.
383
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:31,665
384
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:35,919
385
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,256
386
00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:41,717