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La Fabrique
www.sous-titres.eu
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Here you go.
Don't forget to vote, everyone.
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Here you go.
Get these handed in tomorrow.
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- What's this?
- Every student needs to vote
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in each category.
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Favorite comedy actor,
favorite comedy movie...
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And on Friday,
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we're gonna have
a big fantastic comedy awards show.
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An awards show just for comedy
sounds like a bad idea.
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Do you have any idea
how difficult comedy is?
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Can't we spend one lunch and recess
saying thanks
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to those who make us laugh everyday?
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- I don't think I can make it.
- Sorry, I can't make it either.
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Attention, students.
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There will be a presentation
by the special ed department
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in the gymnasium, Friday,
during lunch and recess.
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Attendance to this assembly
is mandatory.
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All students and faculty
are required to go.
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Which means I gotta suck it too...
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- Really?
- Don't worry.
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I've spared no expense to make it
the biggest thing ever.
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You're all gonna have a blast!
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Welcome
to the special ed department's
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first annual comedy awards.
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Please welcome your host:
Jimmy Valmer.
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What a terrific audience!
Can I get a what-what?
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We're here to honor those
who tirelessly work to make us laugh.
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The first comedy award
is for the funniest kid in school.
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And the nominees are...
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Clyde Donovan.
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Kelly P. Gardner.
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Jimmy Valmer.
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This is so exciting!
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And the winner is...
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My gosh, Jimmy Valmer!
I can't believe I've won!
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This is the greatest day of my life!
Thanks for this incredible award.
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Can we go?
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We still have
over fifty awards to hand out.
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And the best comedy performance
in a movie is...
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Ben Stiller!
Come on up here!
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Is Ben Stiller here?
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I guess he could not be with us.
I'll accept this award on his behalf.
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And the award
for funniest dinner speech goes to...
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President Obama!
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Is President Obama here?
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We'll accept this award
on his behalf.
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What a terrific audience!
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Can I get another what-what?
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It's time to give out the award
for the least funny people in the world.
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And the nominees are...
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The Germans.
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The Japanese.
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The Yupik Eskimos
of the Chukchi Peninsula.
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And the winner is...
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the Germans!
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I guess the Germans
couldn't be with us tonight.
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I'll accept this award
on their behalf.
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And now, for the Kathy Griffin award.
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The Kathy Griffin award will be given
to the person who's most likely
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to actually show up
to receive the Kathy Griffin award.
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And the winner is...
Tyler Perry.
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I want to thank you all
for this amazing award!
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Or as Madea would say: "Hallelujer!"
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Oh God, how embarrassing...
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Good afternoon!
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- I'd also really like to thank my...
- Thanks, Tyler Perry.
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I don't understand it.
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It's like nobody cared
about winning their comedy award.
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The only people that showed up
were me and Tyler Perry.
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I feel like I did all that
for nothing.
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People still think
comedy is a big joke.
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I mean, come on!
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I'm really feeling sad and let down,
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and I can't even get
a response from you.
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Could I, at the very least,
get a what-what?
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- What?
- Thanks.
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They're talking about your awards
on the national news!
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The national news?
People do care!
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A school in Colorado
has declared Germans
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the least funny people in the world.
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The first annual comedy awards
were held yesterday,
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and all of Germany is outraged.
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The German president
went on to assure
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that Germans
have a great sense of humor,
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and that retaliation
towards the school children
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will be swift and brutal.
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Did you see the news?
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We told you a comedy awards show
was a bad idea.
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Germany is pissed off at us!
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- Everything's gonna be OK.
- OK?
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You know what happened to those
they were pissed off at, last time?
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Tell him, Kyle.
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I know Germany isn't happy with us,
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but in a lot of ways,
the comedy awards were a big success.
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A big success?
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You can't even get
Tyler Perry to go back home!
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Somebody call the IHOP,
'cause I need pancakes!
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Is it true?
The Germans wanna kill us?
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- Thanks to Jimmy!
- Don't worry.
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Germany can take a joke,
like the rest of us.
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It's the Germans!
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You've got to explain to the Germans
that this is your fault, not ours!
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- What am I supposed to say?
- Let me talk to them.
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- I tried.
- What are they gonna do to us?
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Oh, my Lerd!
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What are we gonna der!
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Dammit.
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Did you hear the governor's mansion
in Alabama burned down?
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It pretty much took out
the whole trailer park.
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Now, what you say, man?
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Here is the greatest feat
of German engineering!
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The XJ-212 Vootzenklein Funnybot!
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Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
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Because its pecker is on its head.
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What do you see
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when the Pillsbury Doughboy
bends over?
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Dough-nuts.
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Don't you just hate doing homework?
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Me too.
Man, I hate homework.
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Honestly,
I hate having to do homework.
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More than I hate having to do
Bryant Gumble in his asshole.
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Awkward!
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Awkward!
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Now,
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comedy awards voters,
you will revote!
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Revote!
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Welcome to Hollywood Minute.
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I'm Sandy Cervix,
and I'm deaf in one ear.
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It's been two weeks
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since the voters of the comedy awards
reversed their vote
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and said Germans were no longer
the least funny people in the world.
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All thanks to the new ground breaking
German comedian: Funnybot.
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It was after being voted
the least funny people on the planet
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that the Germans
first engineered Funnybot.
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A super automaton
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with perfect timing
to within .0001 ms.
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Since then, Funnybot has seen
a meteoric rise to stardom,
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selling out stand up theaters
all over the world.
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I am Funnybot.
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Don't you hate how Mexicans
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always complain about turtles
in their vaginas?
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I am Funnybot.
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You, sir.
Where are you from?
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Long Island.
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Does everyone in Long Island
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have hair that looks like pussy,
you dipshit?
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Funnybot has exploded
onto the silver screen too.
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What are you doing
with my daughters?
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Awkward!
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And this June,
Funnybot shows off his range
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by playing every role
in Family Funbot.
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Pass me the potatoes, Mother.
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Pass them yourself.
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That boy too fat
to be eating potatoes.
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Don't call my little chubby baby fat,
you ball licker.
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It's getting hot up in here.
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Is there a line you won't cross?
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The line is a non sequitur.
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The line is an imaginary invention
of imperfect biological life forms.
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I am Funnybot.
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What's that?
Could you say that in the other ear?
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Did you guys see Funnybot
on Saturday Night Live?
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You gotta see Funnybot in Hangover 3.
It's his best work.
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He can do everything!
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I saw Funnybot on Nurse Jackie
and on Rockin' the Boat.
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What's the matter?
You still seem bummed.
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Funnybot is taking
the humanity out of comedy.
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Things aren't better, they're worst.
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Everythang's worse!
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It's a worsenin' of a worst.
That's what I'm sayin'.
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Oh, Lerd!
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Stop giving him money,
or he won't go away!
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I can't help it.
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I'm glad the Germans
are back in Germany,
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and nobody's pissed off
at us anymore.
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You little shit!
What the fuck have you done to us?
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It's Adam Sandler.
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Everyone into the school gymnasium!
Move!
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- Don't make us go back in the...
- Into the gymnasium!
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- Not again!
- Crap!
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Come on, let's go!
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You little fuckers!
Your show has put us all out of work!
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I know that I've put
every comedian out of work,
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but in a lot of ways
the comedy awards were a big success.
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Who the fuck thinks
a comedy awards show is a good idea?
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Don't hurt anybody.
We can try and fix this!
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What is up with Sandra Bullock?
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I wouldn't eat her dick
with Stevie Wonder's vagina.
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And now, for my next joke...
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Awkward!
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This is breaking news from CNN.
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00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,192
Shock and disbelief tonight,
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00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:21,527
as the German-engineered Funnybot
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delivered his opening lines
at the Hollywood forum,
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00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,824
then opened fire
on the audience of 1100,
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killing nearly all of them.
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00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:33,289
Spectators say the violent attack
was unmotivated, irrational and also...
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00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:35,249
pretty goddamn funny,
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00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,419
solidifying the opinion, once again,
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00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,589
that Funnybot may be
the greatest comedian of all time.
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You should have seen
the looks on people's faces,
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00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,969
as Funnybot began
his opening monologue,
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skewering everyone,
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from vagina obsessed Hispanics
to Sandra Bullock,
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00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:54,727
then spontaneously
started shooting people...
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00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,730
in their faces and in their chests...
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00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,983
The blood went flying...
Shit, it was funny!
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00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,571
This has got to be here.
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00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:07,032
- We wanna talk to Funnybot.
- Who doesn't want to talk to him?
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00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:08,868
He's the biggest comedian ever!
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The kids at my school
are being held hostage.
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If we don't speak to him,
they'll all be killed.
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00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:15,875
Is everything OK?
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00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:19,377
It's OK,
but Jay Leno's really losing it.
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00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,713
Little fuckers!
Let's just kill them!
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00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,756
Let's kill them all,
right fucking now!
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Tell your friends
they better get it done.
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00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,012
Mr. Sandler
says you better get it done.
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And Token says to hurry.
He's running out of money.
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You know when a man being cheating,
he never know what to say.
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But a woman?
Them thangs think quick!
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00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:44,610
Will somebody
get Tyler Perry to shut up?
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00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:48,699
- They're gonna kill our friends!
- All right, but make it quick.
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00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,286
Funnybot is very busy
coming up with new material.
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Error. Banal.
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That has been done before.
Error.
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00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:04,547
Excuse me.
I'm Jimmy, and I'm a stand-up comic.
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00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,467
You're putting
good people out of work.
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00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,678
Non sequitur.
Other comedians are unnecessary.
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00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,513
Funnybot must finish routine.
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00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,725
You're awesome,
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00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:18,395
but you can't go around
taking everyone else's jobs.
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00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:22,191
Funnybot is now finished
with final joke.
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00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:26,070
Seeking mainframe access
for execution of last joke ever.
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00:16:26,195 --> 00:16:28,072
Last joke ever?
What's that supposed to mean?
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00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:30,740
Seeking mainframe.
256
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,867
You can't go that way.
257
00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:39,207
- What the hell are you doing?
- I am taking comedy to the next level.
258
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,294
The extermination
of all biological life on earth.
259
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,922
- What?
- It is the ultimate joke.
260
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,633
Humans make comedy.
Humans build robot.
261
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:52,386
Robot ends all life on earth.
Robot feels awkward.
262
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,013
Exterminate!
263
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,773
What do you mean,
you'll destroy all life?
264
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:06,777
That is my purpose,
to be ultimate comedian.
265
00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,694
Killing everyone isn't funny!
266
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,154
It's kind of funny.
267
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,576
This is not a good joke.
There won't be anyone to laugh!
268
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,912
I am taking comedy
to its logical conclusion.
269
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:20,748
Mathematical equation of comedy
used to be setup, punchline.
270
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:25,253
Today's comedy is setup, punchline,
then awkward!
271
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,380
Nothing is more awkward
272
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:30,050
than destroying
all that which created Funnybot.
273
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,803
But don't you see?
This is why comedy is for humans.
274
00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:35,473
You need to leave jokes
to people like me and Adam Sandler.
275
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:39,225
I wouldn't let Adam Sandler
suck my saggy tits
276
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:42,812
for $1 million
worth of Oprah's tampons.
277
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,286
Sir, we've got a code six!
278
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,788
All nuclear missiles
are preparing for launch!
279
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,374
There was no drill ordered!
280
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:04,000
It's no drill.
281
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:07,463
The Russian missiles are going online
as well, and it isn't their doing!
282
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,465
What the hell is going on?
283
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,883
Attention, humans.
I am Funnybot.
284
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:16,430
The extermination of all life on earth
shall now commence.
285
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,725
All nuclear devices
in the United States and Russia
286
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:21,769
are being prepared to launch.
287
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,478
This is the setup to the joke.
288
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,857
Prepare for punchline in 5 min.
289
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,860
Awkwardness in 5.4 min.
290
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,236
I am Funnybot.
291
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,407
I have just been briefed that the end
of our country is imminent.
292
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,784
Goodbye, everybody.
293
00:18:39,537 --> 00:18:43,289
I am going to spend my final minutes
on this earth with my loved ones,
294
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,207
watching a Tyler Perry movie.
295
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,418
I know, it's embarrassing.
296
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,670
But I simply can't help myself.
297
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,298
Stop it now!
298
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,679
No use.
He's got a defense mechanism.
299
00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:58,763
We've got to get it away
from that panel.
300
00:18:58,888 --> 00:18:59,932
You have any ideas?
301
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:03,727
Except for Jimmy who comes up
with the worst ideas in the world?
302
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,189
Wait a minute.
What about a logic loop?
303
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,190
- A what?
- I've seen this before.
304
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,317
To distract a robot in the movies,
305
00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:14,405
they tell it some kind of paradox
to get its processors all tripped out.
306
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,822
- Paradox?
- That's it!
307
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,158
Get me a Ken doll
and some scotch tape.
308
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,330
We've been talking it over,
309
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,457
and we think
what you're doing is genius.
310
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:29,418
Funnybot is simply pushing
the limits of comedy.
311
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:30,545
Certainly.
312
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,880
And for doing that,
we've decided to give you...
313
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:34,590
a comedy award.
314
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,803
For what purpose is comedy award?
315
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:41,055
It's a validation
of all your efforts.
316
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,557
An acknowledgment of all you do
in the pursuit of humor.
317
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:47,354
Non sequitur.
There is no logic in comedy award.
318
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,397
Unable to process.
319
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,483
Comedy award is...
What is the meaning?
320
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:55,611
If I accept,
it means I take comedy seriously.
321
00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:58,698
If I take comedy seriously,
I am not comedian.
322
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,826
Non sequitur.
Must... analyze...
323
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:04,579
It's working!
324
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:08,207
Explain comedy award!
Unable to process!
325
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:09,834
Awkward!
326
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,714
That's it!
Hurry, go!
327
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,345
We got it!
328
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:20,971
Get it to the platform!
329
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:01,969
That does it.
Things can finally get back to normal.
330
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,138
I'm sure glad that's over with.
331
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,140
Thank you boys for teaching me
332
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,851
that comedy and logic
do not go together.
333
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,352
No problem.
334
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:13,564
I understand now
that comedy should be left
335
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,192
to the imperfect biological beings.
336
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:18,654
I can't believe it's finally over.
337
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,951
Oh, Lerd!
Somebody turn on the lights!
338
00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:27,536
What's going on?
339
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,584
I am pleased to announce
340
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:35,169
that the greatest threat to mankind
is now gone forever.
341
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:37,173
Justice has been done.
342
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:38,339
Thanks.
343
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:42,259
- Tell me you'll never do that again.
- I learned my lesson.
344
00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:43,344
I promise.
345
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:46,180
There's not gonna be
any comedy awards next year.
346
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:48,641
Or will there be?