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"HumancentiPad"
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Oh my God, isn't it awesome
having an iPad you guys?
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Hey Bebe-- where's your iPad?
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Oh right, you're not cool enough.
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Ha ha ha ha ha!
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Hey, have you seen my iPad Token?
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Funny, you don't seem to have one!
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I thought your family was rich!
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Ha ha.
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You dumbasses have to play four
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square cuz you don't have iPads!
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Oh what should I do on my iPad next?
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Think I'll email some of my friends.
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Oh no, wait!
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Maybe I'll download some more cool apps!
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This is so awesome!
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Tom Saltzman says you don't
really have an iPad.
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What?
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Tom Saltzman says you just
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glued a piece of glass to an iPad cover
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and you're faking it.
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Tom Saltzman's dad is an alcoholic
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who drinks and drives!
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Lemme see your iPad, Cartman.
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Seriously you guys!
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Tom Saltzman's dad is a drunk driver
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he's the one who ran
over Joey Potts' dog
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because Joey Potts' doesn't know how to
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take care of his animals
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which is why he gets beat by is mom.
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Just let us see your iPad, Cartman.
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No because the battery's dead,
it just ran out of power!
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So plug it in.
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I left my charger at home.
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Fine! I'm gonna go home and charge my iPad
and bring it tomorrow and you guys
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are gonna feel really stupid!
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Well good going mom,
you completly screwed me over!
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What happened, Eric?
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You said I had to
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wait till my birthday to get an iPad.
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So the one I rubbed in everyone's faces
today isn't real and tomorrow everyone's
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gonna call me a liar.
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Would you mind loaning me
some of your lipstick mom?
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Because I wanna at least look
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pretty the next time
you decide to fuck me!
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You see?
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And then I can take all
my homework on my iPad,
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and swipe it over to my iPhone!
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Huh? Yeah, apple stuff is
pretty neat al-right...
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I just don't want any big company
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tracking where I am at all times.
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Aw, that's just a rumor.
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They don't really track you.
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Here he is!
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Hello Kyle, we're from Apple.
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We"re all ready for you now.
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What? Ready for what?
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To fulfill the agreement.
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Can we get a weight please?
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83 pounds, sir.
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What agreement?
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83 pounds, good,
let's get the blood work.
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Hey you can't do that!
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You agreed we could take
all the blood we needed.
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What are you talking about?
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When you downloaded
the last iTunes update.
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A window on your screen popped up
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and asked if you agreed to
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our terms and conditions
- you cliked 'agree'.
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Alright let's get him to the water tank.
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The water tank?
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I'm not going with you!
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You've agreed to all of this!
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Hey!
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You guys
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you gotta help me!
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These business casual g-men are trying
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to kidnap me!
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What?
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It's crazy, dude!
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They're saying it's because I agreed to the
lastest terms and conditions on iTunes!
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Why?! What did the terms
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and conditions for the last update say?
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I don't know, I didn't read them!
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You didn't read them?!
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Who the hell reads that entire
thing every time it pops up?!
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I do.
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Me too.
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You're telling me that
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every time you guys download an
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update for iTunes you read
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the entire terms and conditions?
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Of course.
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Welll, how do you know if you
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agree to something if you don't read it?
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Well I turned off all my Apple stuff.
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They can't locate you if you
don't have your stuff on, right?
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There he is!
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Hey you!
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Ahhhh!
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Dad! Dad, I need a lawyer!
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Kyle? What are you doing here?
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Dad, if you agree to something
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but you didn't mean to
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agree to it what do you do?!
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Well, Kyle, it's always
the agreeing party's responsibility
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to know what they are signing.
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But it's like eight pages long
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and they send me a new one like
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every three weeks
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how can they know if I--
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calm down, Kyle. It's okay.
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You're safe with daddy.
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Here he is.
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Ahhhhh!
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Come on you!
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Hey, what the heck is going on?
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Your son has made a binding and legal
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agreement with Apple, sir.
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An agreement to do what?!
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Apple's inner workings are
top secret to all users!
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You know how it is.
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No I don't know how it is!
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I use a PC!
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You what?
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Come on let's go!
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Hey now let him go!
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Ahhhh!
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Dad! You tasered my dad!
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You said we could!
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Okay, wifi plus
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3g... 64 gig. This one, this one!
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Oh sweetie, nine hundred dollars?
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I can't wait to see the look on Kyle's
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stupid face when he
sees my iPad has more
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memory than his!
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Eric, we can't afford that one.
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Well you don't expect me to get the
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wifi only, 16 gig version, do you?
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I think we need to get you a different
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brand, hon. They're a little cheaper.
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Mom, everyone knows
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that everything but Apple is stupid!
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Here look at this one.
Toshiba Handibook.
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The Toshiba Handibook?
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This says it does
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everything the iPad does
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at half the price.
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Mom, do not screw me over again!
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If I take that thing to school
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everyone is gonna think
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I'm a poverty stricken asshole!
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Eric, stop acting like a spoiled brat.
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You can either have
the Toshiba Handibook
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or you can have nothing at all.
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Oh, I've got a better idea!
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Why don't you go across the street
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and buy some condoms?
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Because we should at least be safe
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if you're gonna fuck me, mom!
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Eric!
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You might as well go buy
some cigarettes too
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because I like to have a smoke
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after I get good and fuck.
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You wanna fuck me mom, just say so!
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Go ahead, here!
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Huh?
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Go ahead mom, fuck me,
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fuck me right here in the Best Buy
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you wanna fuck your son so bad,
go on mom!
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Fuck me, fuck me!
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Stop crying, Eric.
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I told you if you kept acting up
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you weren't getting anything.
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But I told you I was sorry.
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You made me look like some sort of
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child molester in front
of all those people!
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I wasn't trying to get you in trouble!
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Then why did you go outside
to a police officer
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and say 'help, help, my mom
is trying to fuck me'?
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Oh wait, I get it now.
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The "f word" is a "no, no word"
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and I shouldn't say it
around other people.
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I'm sorry mama.
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If you're really sorry then you'll
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understand why you aren't
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getting anything.
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Wul, no, that doesn't really have any
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logical sense, mommy,
because I'm already
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being punished by not getting the iPad.
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Mama--
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please, can we just go back and get the
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Toshiba Handibook?
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No!
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Welll, then could we at least
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pull up here and get some dinner?
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Cuz I liked to be wined and dined
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after I've been fucked!
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What are you gonna do to us?!
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What is this?
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What's going on?!
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Y- you... you agreed to the iTunes
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terms and conditions too?
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00:07:02,427 --> 00:07:03,147
What?
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00:07:03,377 --> 00:07:05,827
I just clicked 'agree'...
I didn't read it!
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I was in a hurry, you see, and I -- I
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didn't know what I was agreeing to!
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I can't even read a engrish!
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Hey shut up in there!
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You all agreed to stay quiet!
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Hey! Let me out of here!
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00:07:18,967 --> 00:07:21,727
This is a mistake,
I agreed by accident!
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00:07:21,867 --> 00:07:23,967
You can't 'agree by accident,
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there's a fail safe built in!
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00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:28,357
Even if you click on 'agree",
another litte window
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00:07:28,367 --> 00:07:30,377
pops up that says 'are you sure agree?'
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00:07:30,387 --> 00:07:32,187
and you have to click on agree again.
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What're you going to do to us?
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00:07:34,867 --> 00:07:36,437
Everything that you agreed to
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00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,017
in the iTunes conditions!
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00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:39,317
We didn't read them!
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00:07:39,437 --> 00:07:40,527
Huh! Right.
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00:07:40,657 --> 00:07:43,127
Who just 'agrees' to
something they don't read?
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00:07:46,887 --> 00:07:51,097
And now, the president
of Apple: Steve jobs!
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00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:54,917
Hello everyone!
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00:07:54,987 --> 00:07:56,837
I'm here to announce a new product
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00:07:56,857 --> 00:07:59,257
that will once again
revolutionize the way
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00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:01,437
we use our phones and tablet devices.
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00:08:01,577 --> 00:08:04,337
Let's hear it for our volunteers!
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00:08:08,807 --> 00:08:10,687
These three people have agreed to
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00:08:10,697 --> 00:08:13,197
be brought here,
handcuffed to these beds
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00:08:13,237 --> 00:08:14,897
and become the prototype of our
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00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,497
first truly interfaced device!
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00:08:17,817 --> 00:08:18,757
The first what?
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00:08:18,837 --> 00:08:22,057
They have actually agreed to be
surgically altered.
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00:08:22,927 --> 00:08:24,497
Their lips will be removed
237
00:08:24,527 --> 00:08:26,047
and they will be sown together,
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00:08:26,077 --> 00:08:27,447
mouth to anus.
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00:08:27,527 --> 00:08:28,237
What?!
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00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:31,027
You agreed to this -- mouth to anus,
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00:08:31,087 --> 00:08:32,267
so that the feces from
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00:08:32,277 --> 00:08:34,207
the gastral track from one will
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00:08:34,237 --> 00:08:35,537
enter the mouth of the little
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00:08:35,547 --> 00:08:37,687
boy -- and he agreed this was okay -
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00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:39,757
enter the mouth of the little boy,
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00:08:39,857 --> 00:08:42,017
leading through his anus to the mouth
247
00:08:42,027 --> 00:08:44,017
of the female-- who completely agreed,
248
00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,767
they all agreed-- which will
249
00:08:45,777 --> 00:08:48,187
then go to a tablet device making a
250
00:08:48,207 --> 00:08:50,287
product that is part human and
251
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:52,857
part centipede and part web brower
252
00:08:52,887 --> 00:08:54,497
and part emailing device!
253
00:08:54,527 --> 00:08:58,277
I give you... the Humancentipad!
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00:09:01,677 --> 00:09:05,297
Oh!
I should have never uptaded a iTunes!
255
00:09:08,637 --> 00:09:11,097
You agree that Apple may
charge your credit card
256
00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,867
or PayPal account for any products
257
00:09:12,887 --> 00:09:14,447
purchased in the iTunes store...
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00:09:14,837 --> 00:09:17,657
Can somebody please explain
me what is going on?
259
00:09:17,837 --> 00:09:19,997
We're trying to find out exactly
what Kyle agreed to.
260
00:09:20,057 --> 00:09:20,757
There can't be
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00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:21,987
anything in that agreement that
262
00:09:21,997 --> 00:09:23,247
allows a company to do what
263
00:09:23,277 --> 00:09:24,787
their talking about to Kyle!
264
00:09:25,007 --> 00:09:26,287
Oh, nope. Here it is, right here.
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00:09:26,517 --> 00:09:28,217
By clicking agree you are also
266
00:09:28,247 --> 00:09:29,717
acknowledging that Apple may sew
267
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,197
your mouth to the butthole of
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00:09:31,217 --> 00:09:32,807
another iTunes user.
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00:09:33,177 --> 00:09:33,897
Oh boy.
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00:09:33,947 --> 00:09:36,167
Apple and its subsidiaries may also,
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00:09:36,177 --> 00:09:37,927
if necessary sew yet another
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00:09:37,937 --> 00:09:39,297
persons mouth onto your
273
00:09:39,307 --> 00:09:40,887
butthole, making you a being
274
00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:42,467
that shares one gastral track.
275
00:09:42,697 --> 00:09:45,207
Hmmm... I'm going to click on--
276
00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:46,267
de-cline.
277
00:09:46,407 --> 00:09:48,527
Well that does it!
I'm going to the police.
278
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:49,237
For what?
279
00:09:49,267 --> 00:09:50,087
To find out where
280
00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:51,707
Apple is keeping my son!
281
00:09:51,837 --> 00:09:54,577
Dude! When the police want to know where
somebody is, they ask Apple!
282
00:09:54,967 --> 00:09:56,417
The only way we can fix all this
283
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:57,717
is by going to the highest authority
284
00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:58,467
on the planet.
285
00:09:58,747 --> 00:09:59,867
You guys--
286
00:10:00,197 --> 00:10:01,367
we'll have to ask help from--
287
00:10:01,967 --> 00:10:02,887
the Geniuses.
288
00:10:03,827 --> 00:10:05,577
The Geniuses--
289
00:10:06,517 --> 00:10:08,507
The Geniuses--
290
00:10:12,849 --> 00:10:15,819
Alright. Good.
291
00:10:16,719 --> 00:10:19,179
Looks good, guys, great work.
292
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:24,689
Enough, enough already.
293
00:10:24,729 --> 00:10:26,869
Really nice, guys.
294
00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:30,089
I remember when the first
version of the iPad came out.
295
00:10:30,209 --> 00:10:31,889
People couldn't believe how easy
296
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,309
it was to take their
videos, music and photos
297
00:10:34,319 --> 00:10:37,159
and all their other
shit and share it with
298
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:40,409
other people who took their shit.
299
00:10:40,619 --> 00:10:44,009
The only thing the iPad couldn't do
was walk or read.
300
00:10:44,639 --> 00:10:45,819
Until now.
301
00:10:49,799 --> 00:10:50,689
What was that?
302
00:10:50,699 --> 00:10:51,519
What is that you're saying?
303
00:10:54,439 --> 00:10:56,679
You want out,
are you saying you want out?
304
00:10:58,999 --> 00:11:00,289
Fine you don't want to be part
305
00:11:00,309 --> 00:11:01,679
of this thin sign right here.
306
00:11:03,479 --> 00:11:05,399
No, you didn't read it!
307
00:11:05,419 --> 00:11:07,429
This says we don't ever
have to let you out
308
00:11:07,439 --> 00:11:08,629
and can do whatever we want.
309
00:11:08,789 --> 00:11:10,659
Dammit, why won't it read.
310
00:11:11,069 --> 00:11:13,699
It's probably low on power,
we should feed it.
311
00:11:14,329 --> 00:11:15,929
Alright, here we go, come on.
312
00:11:16,079 --> 00:11:18,839
No, I will not eat.
313
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:22,719
If they're forced to eat I might poo --
314
00:11:23,199 --> 00:11:24,659
perhaps I didn't mention
315
00:11:24,909 --> 00:11:27,779
it's a bean and cheese
burrito from pacos.
316
00:11:28,969 --> 00:11:34,539
Sorry Kyle, I tried to resist
but burrito is too delicious.
317
00:11:36,669 --> 00:11:38,719
We have to unveil this thing tomorrow.
318
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:40,409
It better be reading by then.
319
00:11:42,639 --> 00:11:43,559
Oh, no--
320
00:11:43,959 --> 00:11:45,139
feel sick.
321
00:11:46,259 --> 00:11:48,099
Oh-oh-- oh--
322
00:11:56,189 --> 00:11:58,509
today on "doctor Phil"
323
00:11:58,809 --> 00:12:00,779
the tragic story of a little boy
324
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:03,759
whose mother constantly
tries to fuck him
325
00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:07,309
I want you to raid Eric
Cartman who is a special boy
326
00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:08,709
with a very hard life.
327
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:12,169
Eric, you say that--
you're mom fucks you?
328
00:12:12,359 --> 00:12:14,414
Yes, she fucked me so hard
329
00:12:14,449 --> 00:12:16,689
does this happen often, does she--
330
00:12:16,699 --> 00:12:17,929
does she fucked you a lot?
331
00:12:18,139 --> 00:12:20,989
Dude, Filipino hookers don't
get fucked the way I do.
332
00:12:23,289 --> 00:12:25,689
I know this is difficult for for you to
talk about.
333
00:12:25,719 --> 00:12:28,819
But, where was the last time your
mother fucked you?
334
00:12:28,829 --> 00:12:29,669
At Best Buy.
335
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:33,879
Your mother fucked you at Best Buy?
336
00:12:33,959 --> 00:12:34,549
Huh-uh.
337
00:12:34,759 --> 00:12:36,719
And people saw her doing this?
338
00:12:36,819 --> 00:12:37,639
Yes.
339
00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:39,319
And they didn't do anything?
340
00:12:39,499 --> 00:12:40,159
No.
341
00:12:40,309 --> 00:12:41,929
Eric, stop it.
342
00:12:41,999 --> 00:12:43,949
Oh there she is,
there is my mom right now.
343
00:12:44,269 --> 00:12:46,159
Boo!
344
00:12:46,269 --> 00:12:47,444
Boo!
345
00:12:47,479 --> 00:12:49,629
Eric, you come home right now!
346
00:12:49,664 --> 00:12:51,494
Boo!
347
00:12:51,529 --> 00:12:54,219
Ma'am, why do you think it's okay
to fuck your son?
348
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:55,559
I don't.
349
00:12:55,659 --> 00:12:57,299
She does that all the time
350
00:12:57,369 --> 00:13:00,119
she fuck my on Christmas,
she fuck me on my birthday.
351
00:13:00,349 --> 00:13:02,629
Ohh!
352
00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:04,969
You know mom the least you can do
is kiss me first.
353
00:13:05,009 --> 00:13:07,269
Cause I like to be kissed
before I get fucked
354
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:10,959
you fuck your son and you won't
even want give him a kiss.
355
00:13:10,994 --> 00:13:11,994
Boo!
356
00:13:12,029 --> 00:13:15,149
If I was going to fuck my son,
I would kiss him first.
357
00:13:16,769 --> 00:13:19,729
Well Eric, we have a very special gift
we want to give you.
358
00:13:20,009 --> 00:13:20,979
An iPad?
359
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,199
Sheryl Broflovski.
360
00:13:28,419 --> 00:13:28,859
Okay.
361
00:13:28,889 --> 00:13:30,159
The Geniuses will see us now.
362
00:13:31,079 --> 00:13:34,819
Now remember when you speak
to the Geniuses keep your
questions short and to the point.
363
00:13:35,119 --> 00:13:37,169
The Geniuses don't like those
who waste their time.
364
00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:41,659
Hi, my name is Leslie,
I'll be your Genius.
365
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,979
Genius Leslie we have a problem
and we seek your wisdom.
366
00:13:45,319 --> 00:13:47,579
What problems are you experiencing.
367
00:13:48,019 --> 00:13:52,659
My son was kidnapped by Apple and they're
holding him against his will.
368
00:13:53,429 --> 00:13:56,099
Okay, well I'm sorry having
troubles with that today.
369
00:13:56,439 --> 00:13:58,659
Could I have his Apple id?
370
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:02,359
69ingchipmunks@me.com --
371
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:03,569
okay.
372
00:14:15,009 --> 00:14:16,839
Oh, what do act with this one?
373
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:19,479
Okay, I see. Hum.
374
00:14:20,009 --> 00:14:22,409
I might need to bring
another Genius in on this.
375
00:14:24,399 --> 00:14:25,069
Huh-uh.
376
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,839
This guy's son was abducted by us.
377
00:14:28,009 --> 00:14:31,159
Should I run a stock check or just
give him store credit?
378
00:14:31,519 --> 00:14:33,089
No, I don't want store credit
379
00:14:33,099 --> 00:14:34,649
I want my son back.
380
00:14:34,879 --> 00:14:36,919
Okay this says he agreed to
381
00:14:36,929 --> 00:14:40,199
be taken and being part of an experiment
that Apple wants to perform.
382
00:14:40,429 --> 00:14:41,699
Yeah but it's all a mistake.
383
00:14:41,749 --> 00:14:43,789
He actually didn't read the agreement.
384
00:14:43,989 --> 00:14:45,329
He didn't read it?
385
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:47,509
We know it's preposterous.
386
00:14:47,649 --> 00:14:48,869
Huh!
387
00:14:51,039 --> 00:14:53,689
So, just give them store credit?
388
00:14:59,239 --> 00:15:00,789
I want out of here!
389
00:15:01,499 --> 00:15:02,899
So, sorry, Kyle.
390
00:15:02,909 --> 00:15:04,889
But I am starving.
391
00:15:05,069 --> 00:15:06,909
Which would you rather I eat?
392
00:15:07,379 --> 00:15:12,389
Should I eat a cuddle fish and asparagus
or the vanilla paste.
393
00:15:14,979 --> 00:15:16,739
Cuddle fish and asparagus?
394
00:15:18,649 --> 00:15:21,049
Very well I will eat the cuddle fish.
395
00:15:25,059 --> 00:15:27,219
Go, go, come on guys, come on, go.
396
00:15:27,629 --> 00:15:29,459
Don't worry we're here to help you.
397
00:15:29,569 --> 00:15:32,349
Oh, thank you, thank you.
398
00:15:32,489 --> 00:15:33,489
Come on, hurry.
399
00:15:33,589 --> 00:15:35,549
We have a ambulance waiting outside.
400
00:15:35,609 --> 00:15:37,189
Just try to stay calm.
401
00:15:37,199 --> 00:15:39,439
We have gonna to try to get you
separated right away.
402
00:15:39,529 --> 00:15:44,709
Guys please hurry, that cuddle fish and
asparagus is not sitting well.
403
00:15:46,229 --> 00:15:48,759
We got it, we got it. Doctor,
can you please take this thing apart?
404
00:15:48,819 --> 00:15:51,109
If I'm going to perform surgery,
I need permission.
405
00:15:51,219 --> 00:15:52,889
Sign this release so we can operate.
406
00:15:55,599 --> 00:15:59,299
No, dammit! He didn't read it!
407
00:15:59,479 --> 00:16:02,119
End simulation, end that simulation.
408
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:06,239
What is wrong with you people, why can't
you get the human set the iPad to read?
409
00:16:06,309 --> 00:16:08,369
We're sorry sir, we really thought
410
00:16:08,389 --> 00:16:09,599
we give it to read this time.
411
00:16:09,629 --> 00:16:13,819
Oh, no cuddle fish is about to
to come out of my asshole.
412
00:16:15,319 --> 00:16:18,649
Here it comes, oh it's going
to be a rage.
413
00:16:18,684 --> 00:16:20,189
Hold on, Kyle.
414
00:16:20,249 --> 00:16:23,489
I believe in you.
415
00:16:39,976 --> 00:16:40,536
Yep--
416
00:16:40,946 --> 00:16:43,966
And then you should be able to do a
customer check, uh huh--
417
00:16:44,686 --> 00:16:46,046
Okay, that should do it.
418
00:16:46,496 --> 00:16:48,536
Sorry, Apple
kidnapped your friend guys.
419
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,226
But I believe we have it all cleared up.
420
00:16:50,261 --> 00:16:50,726
You do?!
421
00:16:50,936 --> 00:16:53,816
Yup, we got you a replacement friend.
You should be all good to go.
422
00:16:54,386 --> 00:16:55,496
Hi guys.
423
00:16:56,396 --> 00:16:58,796
No-- we don't want a replacement friend!
We want our friend!
424
00:16:59,630 --> 00:17:01,760
We're gonna have to bring more
Geniuses in on this.
425
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,410
Yeah I think we should have a
quickening with all the Geniuses--
426
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:05,790
I'll summon the counsel.
427
00:17:05,930 --> 00:17:08,450
Okay, if you guys just wait here a sec
we're gonna have a quickening
428
00:17:08,470 --> 00:17:09,780
with the counsel of Geniuses.
429
00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:11,410
See what we can do for you.
430
00:17:14,970 --> 00:17:18,260
Kwaaaaaaaa!
431
00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:23,310
Kwaaaaaa!
432
00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:28,270
Do you know if your friend has a verizon
or at&t mobile number associated
433
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,420
with his.me account?
434
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:30,770
I think verizon.
435
00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:32,060
Okay.
436
00:17:33,780 --> 00:17:35,630
Kwaaaaaaaa!
437
00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:36,810
Kwaaaaaa!
438
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:39,910
Tom, it's a big exciting day for Mac
Apple users,
439
00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:42,870
the unveiling of the
first Humancentipad.
440
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:46,940
As part of a clear PR stunt,
Apple has joined up with Best Buy
441
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,120
and Dr. Phil to donate
the first Centipad
442
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:52,940
to a needy boy who was
raped by his mother.
443
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,950
In all my years, I've never heard a more
tragic story than that of Eric Cartman.
444
00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:01,020
And I want to thank the Apple
company for helping us make
445
00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:03,450
today a very special day for him.
446
00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:08,740
And it's president of Best Buy, Eric.
I want to assure you that
447
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,910
a child will never get fucked in one
of our stores again.
448
00:18:15,110 --> 00:18:18,090
When Dr. Phil contacted us at Apple
with Eric's story
449
00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:19,730
we knew we had to get on board.
450
00:18:19,860 --> 00:18:24,290
And so, Eric, here is your very own--
Humancentipad!
451
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,740
Woah! Cool!
452
00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:33,650
Oh wow, no way!
453
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:39,210
It does email and web browsing
and it shit in Kyle's mouth?!
454
00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:42,940
This is the greatest thing that has
ever been invented!
455
00:18:43,430 --> 00:18:45,800
Yes but, can it read?
456
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,450
Don't worry, it took a while but
I'm pretty sure
457
00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:51,750
it has finally learned to read.
458
00:18:51,890 --> 00:18:52,780
Hasn't it?
459
00:18:53,230 --> 00:18:56,230
Yes... yes, I promise
I'll read.
460
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:05,440
What the hell are they doing now?
461
00:19:05,610 --> 00:19:09,430
The Genius are just performing the
toran ra, it's future stuff.
462
00:19:12,090 --> 00:19:13,220
Alright that's it!
463
00:19:13,340 --> 00:19:15,840
I've had about enough with iCrap
and me clouds
464
00:19:15,930 --> 00:19:18,090
and a counsel of Geniuses without
their future!
465
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:18,960
It's ok, sir,
466
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:21,480
the toran ra has revealed the
answer to your problem.
467
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:24,550
We can retroactively make your son's
agreement invalid.
468
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,100
Ok! Finally!
469
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:27,100
How do we do that?
470
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,210
It's very easy.
471
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,950
You'll simply need to join Apple.
472
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:34,570
No! I don't want to join Apple,
I like my PC.
473
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:38,440
But if you join we can make your
son's account into a family account
474
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:41,230
and then you have to iapprove
all his agreements.
475
00:19:41,620 --> 00:19:43,110
Come on, it's not that
dig a deal.
476
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,540
Will you just stop resisting and
join the rest of us in the future?
477
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:46,690
Ugh...
478
00:19:48,510 --> 00:19:50,020
Alright, fine.
479
00:19:50,370 --> 00:19:52,220
I'll sign up with Apple!
480
00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:54,030
Calafee!
481
00:19:55,030 --> 00:19:56,630
Gerald Broflovski.
482
00:19:56,890 --> 00:20:00,320
Do you agree to let Apple
track your location at all times?
483
00:20:02,230 --> 00:20:03,340
I agree.
484
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:06,830
Do you agree to give Apple acces
to all your personal information
485
00:20:06,870 --> 00:20:10,380
including but not limited to your favorite
movies, songs and books.
486
00:20:10,630 --> 00:20:11,740
I agree.
487
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,070
Do you agree to care about your
membership and prove
488
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,100
that you care buy purchasing
Apple care?
489
00:20:21,110 --> 00:20:23,400
Dude, Humancentipad is awesome!
490
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,380
Sir, sir we have a problem!
491
00:20:26,070 --> 00:20:29,320
What?! What do you mean
we have to take it apart?!
492
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,060
The boy's agreement isn't valid?!
493
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,970
Sorry, we have to recall this.
494
00:20:33,050 --> 00:20:34,470
What?! Hey that's mine!
495
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,030
I don't care what the Geniuses say!
Dammit, I'm trying to create the future here!
496
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:41,760
We are all trying to create the future!
497
00:20:42,670 --> 00:20:44,990
I'm part of the future now too.
498
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,520
I have sat with the counsel of Geniuses.
499
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:51,220
Performed the toran ra and
and I've even been to me.
500
00:20:52,060 --> 00:20:54,550
Mr. jobs, you have done so much
for the world.
501
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,580
You have helped connect everyone
to each other.
502
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,800
Clearly this is the future.
503
00:21:01,140 --> 00:21:07,680
But-- but can't we just slow down
and enjoy the present, a little longer?
504
00:21:09,530 --> 00:21:13,330
You know something--
I agree.
505
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:16,350
Awwwwww!
506
00:21:17,590 --> 00:21:19,910
Come on, we'll get you
separated little boy.
507
00:21:20,060 --> 00:21:22,560
Guess you won't be eating
Japanese food for a while, huh?!
508
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:23,190
Ha, ha...
509
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,210
Hey, hey what is this
some kind of sick prank?!
510
00:21:26,630 --> 00:21:28,950
I get the greatest thing ever just
to have it taken away?!
511
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:30,910
Why did you do this to me God?
512
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,940
Next time you're gonna get
get my hopes up,
513
00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:34,820
could you please take me
to a grease monkey?
514
00:21:34,930 --> 00:21:37,980
Cause I like to get lubed up
before I get fucked. Huh?!
515
00:21:38,110 --> 00:21:39,300
Some lube would be nice!
516
00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:41,120
Or at least a courtesy lick, God.
517
00:21:41,170 --> 00:21:44,570
How about a little courtesy lick
the next time you decide to fuck me?
518
00:21:58,194 --> 00:22:03,955
Sync and corrected by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
519
00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:09,530
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