1 00:00:08,021 --> 00:00:09,470 ♪ I'm going down to South park, ♪ 2 00:00:09,471 --> 00:00:11,510 ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ 3 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:13,086 ♪ friendly faces everywhere, ♪ 4 00:00:13,087 --> 00:00:14,871 ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ 5 00:00:14,872 --> 00:00:16,069 ♪ going down to South park ♪ 6 00:00:16,070 --> 00:00:18,071 ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 7 00:00:18,072 --> 00:00:19,713 ♪ ample parking day or night, ♪ 8 00:00:19,714 --> 00:00:21,465 ♪ people shouting howdy neighbor! ♪ 9 00:00:21,466 --> 00:00:22,629 ♪ headin' up to South park ♪ 10 00:00:22,630 --> 00:00:24,806 ♪ gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 11 00:00:28,102 --> 00:00:29,342 ♪ so come on down to South park ♪ 12 00:00:29,343 --> 00:00:31,438 ♪ and meet some friends o' mine! ♪ 13 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,533 Erectile dysfunction is a fact 14 00:00:39,605 --> 00:00:40,170 of life. 15 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,106 You want to show her you love her 16 00:00:42,178 --> 00:00:43,777 but you're old and so is she. 17 00:00:43,940 --> 00:00:45,650 Next time that moment comes 18 00:00:45,802 --> 00:00:47,063 don't let your sex drive fail you 19 00:00:47,292 --> 00:00:49,543 just because your wife looks like a shrivelled prune. 20 00:00:49,547 --> 00:00:51,377 Fake it, with Cialis 21 00:00:51,598 --> 00:00:52,927 it won't make her any hotter 22 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,395 but it you not care for up to 3 hours 23 00:00:55,606 --> 00:00:58,925 and then you can still have your own separate bathtub from her later on. 24 00:00:58,965 --> 00:01:02,261 Hey, Sheila, do you like having some fun? 25 00:01:02,411 --> 00:01:05,727 Ooh... Did the Cialis commercial turn you on again? 26 00:01:05,839 --> 00:01:08,265 How about I put on the uniform? 27 00:01:08,513 --> 00:01:10,323 Oh, Gerald. 28 00:01:10,467 --> 00:01:12,819 What do you think? You know you like it. 29 00:01:17,667 --> 00:01:19,045 Oh, hello. 30 00:01:19,508 --> 00:01:20,733 UPS, ma'am. 31 00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:24,304 I have a package from Amazon for you. 32 00:01:24,448 --> 00:01:28,176 Oh, dear. But I'm barely dressed. 33 00:01:28,445 --> 00:01:31,912 If you will just sign right here. 34 00:01:36,082 --> 00:01:39,104 Oh, you're so rough with me Mr. UPS man. 35 00:01:40,291 --> 00:01:43,088 - You like your package, ma'am? - Yes! 36 00:01:45,732 --> 00:01:47,749 Do it harder, UPS man. 37 00:01:50,553 --> 00:01:52,369 Ike, what's the matter? 38 00:01:54,066 --> 00:01:55,558 Dude, you've been crying all morning. 39 00:01:55,570 --> 00:01:56,531 What's going on? 40 00:02:05,069 --> 00:02:08,876 Oh, my gosh, Ike, are you sure about this? 41 00:02:09,018 --> 00:02:11,052 Yes, yes. 42 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:14,553 Ike, this is a big deal. You have to be absolutely 100%. 43 00:02:14,686 --> 00:02:16,928 I saw them Kyle, I saw them. 44 00:02:18,201 --> 00:02:19,470 Oh, no. 45 00:02:22,136 --> 00:02:23,836 You guys can't tell anybody, all right? 46 00:02:23,907 --> 00:02:25,307 Not until I figure out what to do. 47 00:02:25,611 --> 00:02:26,611 Dude, what happened? 48 00:02:26,949 --> 00:02:28,521 - Take a look. - What's this? 49 00:02:28,577 --> 00:02:29,842 Ike found out last night. 50 00:02:29,997 --> 00:02:32,247 My mom is having sex with the UPS man. 51 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,777 Wow. Dude, no way. 52 00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:35,973 Yeah, dude. 53 00:02:35,975 --> 00:02:39,046 But are you sure they had sex, like sex, sex, 54 00:02:39,053 --> 00:02:40,614 like they actually had sex? 55 00:02:41,801 --> 00:02:44,385 Yeah, dude, full on, Ike saw everything. 56 00:02:44,457 --> 00:02:45,754 It totally make sense now. 57 00:02:45,795 --> 00:02:47,989 My mom's been ordering all kinds of stuff from Amazon lately 58 00:02:48,206 --> 00:02:50,797 sometimes she doesn't even remember what she's ordered. 59 00:02:50,925 --> 00:02:53,611 She has probably been having sex with the UPS man for a long time. 60 00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:59,123 - Are you going to tell your dad? - I don't know. 61 00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:01,573 I feel like I should confront my mom first 62 00:03:01,704 --> 00:03:02,973 but it's so embarrassing. 63 00:03:03,108 --> 00:03:05,970 Kyle, have you stopped to think that maybe the sex wasn't consensual? 64 00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:06,713 What? 65 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,253 Isn't possible your mom was raped by the UPS man? 66 00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:11,824 We know nothing about this guy and he shows up to all our houses. 67 00:03:11,918 --> 00:03:15,425 Think, what kind of sane, normal person, would want to have sex with Kyle's mom? 68 00:03:15,471 --> 00:03:16,548 Cartman, not now. 69 00:03:16,711 --> 00:03:17,963 No, here me out you guys. 70 00:03:18,109 --> 00:03:19,779 Haven't you seen those ADT commercials? 71 00:03:19,927 --> 00:03:23,799 Women these days get raped by perfectly normal looking white guys in broad daylight. 72 00:03:24,048 --> 00:03:25,565 It may be too late for Kyle's mom 73 00:03:25,665 --> 00:03:27,400 but I'm getting some goddamn security. 74 00:03:29,581 --> 00:03:33,116 Look... Look, the thing is do we tell Gerald or do we just stay out of it? 75 00:03:33,123 --> 00:03:35,023 How do we tell him? 76 00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,827 Hey Gerald, sorry, but the UPS man is 77 00:03:36,898 --> 00:03:37,697 banging your wife. 78 00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,167 It's really none of our business. 79 00:03:39,238 --> 00:03:40,871 If my wife was having sex 80 00:03:40,942 --> 00:03:43,690 with the UPS man I would want you guys to tell me. 81 00:03:43,772 --> 00:03:45,065 How do you know she's not? 82 00:03:45,228 --> 00:03:46,422 I mean, think about it. 83 00:03:46,584 --> 00:03:49,334 This is a guy who visits all our houses during the day 84 00:03:49,427 --> 00:03:52,685 who clearly has a kind of insatiable lust. 85 00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,526 I mean somebody who would have sex with 86 00:03:54,658 --> 00:03:56,837 Kyle's mom would have sex with just about anything. 87 00:03:57,952 --> 00:03:59,312 Oh, come on, he can't be trying that with 88 00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:00,520 all of our wives. 89 00:04:00,523 --> 00:04:02,452 Wouldn't be the first time. 90 00:04:03,798 --> 00:04:07,373 Yeah, there is to be price to be paid of having things convenient. 91 00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:09,961 Used to be, a man had to go to the 92 00:04:10,108 --> 00:04:12,424 store to buy himself a pitcher of milk. 93 00:04:12,526 --> 00:04:14,291 Yeah, then men got lazy. 94 00:04:14,868 --> 00:04:17,725 They wanted that milk delivered right to the door. 95 00:04:18,309 --> 00:04:20,867 Only problem was the guy delivering that milk ends up 96 00:04:20,896 --> 00:04:22,363 [bleep] your wife. 97 00:04:23,441 --> 00:04:26,190 Sure, you had your nice, cold milk delivered right to your 98 00:04:26,287 --> 00:04:30,003 doorstep but your wife was getting pounded out like a Mallard duck. 99 00:04:33,934 --> 00:04:35,780 And now you got your Amazon 100 00:04:36,672 --> 00:04:39,113 and the milk man's come back. 101 00:04:40,657 --> 00:04:42,585 And none you you are safe. 102 00:04:46,241 --> 00:04:47,703 And, so you need the motion 103 00:04:47,848 --> 00:04:48,956 detectors in the living room and 104 00:04:49,083 --> 00:04:52,155 the kitchen, the touch pads at the front and rear doors and 105 00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:54,361 break-in monitors on all 106 00:04:54,433 --> 00:04:54,831 windows. 107 00:04:54,901 --> 00:04:56,500 I'm afraid those are not secured at all. 108 00:04:56,572 --> 00:04:57,070 Oh no, really? 109 00:04:57,173 --> 00:05:00,925 Oh, I'm sorry, but I really don't think I can afford this. 110 00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:02,613 Mom, do you want to get raped? 111 00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:03,909 Haven't you seen the commercials? 112 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,325 You can get raped by a white guy these days, mom. 113 00:05:06,457 --> 00:05:07,109 Oh. 114 00:05:07,245 --> 00:05:10,802 Yes, unfortunately, it's not enough to just be fearful of strangers these days. 115 00:05:10,808 --> 00:05:12,007 What do you mean? 116 00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,466 Well, many times houses are 117 00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,452 burglarized by someone the victim knows. 118 00:05:15,596 --> 00:05:17,028 Oh my God, I knew it. 119 00:05:17,179 --> 00:05:19,048 Kyle is always taking my stuff. 120 00:05:19,290 --> 00:05:21,286 Just yesterday I couldn't find my iPod headphones. 121 00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:22,823 That sneaky little Jew. 122 00:05:22,971 --> 00:05:25,321 We realize it's a lost money Mrs. Cartman, but really 123 00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:28,273 how much is feeling secure in your own home worth? 124 00:05:28,406 --> 00:05:31,706 Yeah, mom, that's dangerous people out there trying to screw us both 125 00:05:36,007 --> 00:05:37,789 don't you need to be getting to work, ran? 126 00:05:37,944 --> 00:05:41,782 No, I think I'll just hang out a little while longer. 127 00:05:42,855 --> 00:05:44,149 I'll get it. 128 00:05:46,801 --> 00:05:49,976 Hey there, looks like I've got a couple of packages from Amazon for you. 129 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:51,785 Oh, is that so? 130 00:05:51,938 --> 00:05:54,327 If I can just get your signature right... There. 131 00:05:54,546 --> 00:05:57,214 Sure, Chad, is it? 132 00:05:57,354 --> 00:05:58,339 Thad. 133 00:05:58,899 --> 00:06:01,838 Thad, nice. 134 00:06:02,303 --> 00:06:04,525 You having a busy day? 135 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,457 Oh, you know, just trying to get to everyone. 136 00:06:06,681 --> 00:06:08,095 Yeah, I'll bet. 137 00:06:08,259 --> 00:06:10,994 - Well, have a good one. - Yeah, you too, Thad. 138 00:06:12,552 --> 00:06:14,396 Hey, Sharon, these came for you. 139 00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:17,345 - Ooh, stuff from Amazon? - Yeah. What are they? 140 00:06:17,396 --> 00:06:19,237 You know, to be honest, I can't remember. 141 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,848 You just ordered stuff of Amazon and you can't remember what? 142 00:06:22,894 --> 00:06:25,377 Oh... yeah, these are the paring knives I ordered. 143 00:06:25,556 --> 00:06:27,159 Sorry, I think I was a little tippesy. 144 00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:30,115 This is the book Stan's been wanting. Can you take it up to him? 145 00:06:30,185 --> 00:06:32,740 Yeah, sure, 'cause people just order 146 00:06:32,790 --> 00:06:35,456 stuff from Amazon and forget what they got. 147 00:06:37,175 --> 00:06:38,798 Stan, you've got something from Amazon. 148 00:06:48,259 --> 00:06:50,222 Aww shit! 149 00:06:52,944 --> 00:06:54,213 Of [Bleep]. 150 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,092 Goddammit 151 00:06:59,583 --> 00:07:00,593 hello! 152 00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:03,461 This is Jeff with Wolf Home Security. Is everything all right? 153 00:07:03,615 --> 00:07:04,976 Yeah, sorry, I live here. 154 00:07:05,109 --> 00:07:07,323 I can't remember the code to turn off the alarm. 155 00:07:07,411 --> 00:07:10,548 That's ok, do you have your security pass phrase you can tell me? 156 00:07:10,692 --> 00:07:12,334 Yeah, my pass phrase is 157 00:07:12,758 --> 00:07:14,885 Kyle is a dirty no good Jew... 158 00:07:15,031 --> 00:07:17,832 No... Wait, Kyle is a no good lying Jew. 159 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,166 Ok, I've got something different here. 160 00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:23,203 Is it my friend Kyle is a no good dirty... 161 00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:25,329 Hang on, I've got it written down here somewhere. 162 00:07:25,382 --> 00:07:27,245 - No problem. - Sorry about this. 163 00:07:27,384 --> 00:07:28,924 It's all right, it happens all the time. 164 00:07:29,076 --> 00:07:32,413 Ok, thanks... Wait, hang on a second, what do you mean that's all right? 165 00:07:32,677 --> 00:07:33,476 What if I was somebody trying to 166 00:07:33,547 --> 00:07:34,212 rape my mom? 167 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,330 You want to rape your mom? 168 00:07:36,487 --> 00:07:39,688 It's nice you're cool about me triggering the alarm and not knowing the password 169 00:07:39,748 --> 00:07:41,063 but how do you know I'm not making it up? 170 00:07:41,082 --> 00:07:42,949 I could have raped my mom twice by now. 171 00:07:43,342 --> 00:07:45,008 You said you lived there. 172 00:07:45,154 --> 00:07:46,654 I do but you don't know that. 173 00:07:46,819 --> 00:07:49,099 I could be Kyle trying to take more of my shit! 174 00:07:52,663 --> 00:07:54,388 How did you get rid of him? 175 00:07:55,796 --> 00:07:57,893 How did you get rid of the milk man? 176 00:08:00,008 --> 00:08:01,790 There is no getting rid of him. 177 00:08:01,973 --> 00:08:04,711 Not in any way you folks will be prepared for. 178 00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:06,762 No, best to let him go on 179 00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:07,666 [bleep] your wives. 180 00:08:08,692 --> 00:08:10,337 Maybe he will get tired of it. 181 00:08:11,143 --> 00:08:13,443 Damn you, it's not just our wives anymore. 182 00:08:13,866 --> 00:08:16,342 This morning, he came for me. 183 00:08:16,382 --> 00:08:17,863 I opened the door. 184 00:08:17,989 --> 00:08:19,265 It was the UPS man. 185 00:08:19,664 --> 00:08:21,056 He had a box from Amazon. 186 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,788 I looked inside and found an adaptor for an iPhone 187 00:08:23,907 --> 00:08:26,646 and then I remembered I had ordered it. 188 00:08:27,305 --> 00:08:30,357 I ordered it the day before and I barely had any recollection. 189 00:08:30,562 --> 00:08:31,861 The UPS man is using his 190 00:08:31,931 --> 00:08:34,632 powers to try to have sex with me now. 191 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,651 You said we wouldn't be prepared to get rid of him. 192 00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:39,010 How did you... 193 00:08:39,758 --> 00:08:42,473 We used a pretty blond to lure him in. 194 00:08:42,935 --> 00:08:44,281 When she answered the door she 195 00:08:44,421 --> 00:08:47,069 told the milk man to follow her to the bathtub, 196 00:08:47,711 --> 00:08:48,972 she took off her clothes and... 197 00:08:49,506 --> 00:08:52,592 Asked the milk man to fill the tub with milk. 198 00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,598 The milk man said: 199 00:08:54,876 --> 00:08:57,338 "You want that milk pasteurized?" 200 00:08:57,765 --> 00:08:59,382 And blond replied: 201 00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:02,325 "No, just up to my boobs, 202 00:09:02,471 --> 00:09:04,670 I can splash it in my eyes." 203 00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:07,353 That's when we jumped him. 204 00:09:07,768 --> 00:09:09,732 It was over in minutes. 205 00:09:10,314 --> 00:09:12,074 Then we burned his body. 206 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,429 You want to get rid of the milk man, 207 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,908 you've got to kill him, and kill him good 208 00:09:18,521 --> 00:09:22,496 and then you've got to go to the store for your stuff from then on. 209 00:09:24,443 --> 00:09:25,098 Hey... 210 00:09:25,841 --> 00:09:28,448 You want me to do this, then you've got to pay up front kid. 211 00:09:28,581 --> 00:09:29,241 You will get your money when 212 00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:31,095 you have finished doing what I asked you, all right? 213 00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:33,296 As soon as I lock the door, just give me a few seconds to arm the 214 00:09:33,425 --> 00:09:35,872 system, then you break in and try to rape my mom. 215 00:09:35,911 --> 00:09:37,911 Ok, got it? 216 00:09:56,433 --> 00:09:58,925 - Hello. - This is Michael with Wolf Home Security. 217 00:09:59,009 --> 00:09:59,988 Is everything all right? 218 00:10:00,134 --> 00:10:02,892 No, a man just broke into our house and he's about to rape my mom. 219 00:10:03,722 --> 00:10:05,475 Go, go, she's upstairs. 220 00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:06,730 Hello. Did you hear me? 221 00:10:06,785 --> 00:10:08,164 A rapist is here. He's white. 222 00:10:08,659 --> 00:10:11,256 Ok, should we contact the police? 223 00:10:11,371 --> 00:10:13,254 Yes, you should contact the [Bleep] police, 224 00:10:13,355 --> 00:10:15,172 my mom is about to get [Bleep] raped. 225 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,806 Ok, we're contacting them now. 226 00:10:16,963 --> 00:10:18,772 It's going up the stairs dude. You better hurry. 227 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,827 Try and stay calm, the police are on their way. 228 00:10:21,014 --> 00:10:23,186 Well, that's nice, maybe they can bring some cigaretes and Gatorade 229 00:10:23,352 --> 00:10:24,857 'cause this guy is gonna be pretty wiped out. 230 00:10:25,005 --> 00:10:25,967 What the [Bleep]. 231 00:10:32,108 --> 00:10:35,596 Hey there, Mr... Stotch? Looks like another Amazon package. 232 00:10:36,873 --> 00:10:39,665 I know that what I feel for you is just some kind of spell. 233 00:10:41,170 --> 00:10:42,206 Sorry? 234 00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:44,473 Just let me sign. 235 00:10:50,113 --> 00:10:51,440 All right, he's coming to you. 236 00:10:56,513 --> 00:10:59,100 Well, hello there, Mr. UPS man. 237 00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:01,948 - What do you... - You should have left our wives alone. 238 00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:04,407 Now let's go for a drive. 239 00:11:08,569 --> 00:11:10,415 Look, you can have whatever's in the back. 240 00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:12,001 It's all stuff from Amazon. 241 00:11:12,293 --> 00:11:14,422 Pull in here. 242 00:11:16,762 --> 00:11:17,870 Just let me go, huh? 243 00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:20,400 Oh, then we would miss out on all the fun. 244 00:11:21,989 --> 00:11:23,030 Ah, ooh. 245 00:11:25,325 --> 00:11:27,602 You should have never come to our town. 246 00:11:28,991 --> 00:11:32,463 A man's wife is his life, Mr. UPS man. 247 00:11:39,149 --> 00:11:40,020 Oh my God. 248 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,374 Come on, honey. 249 00:11:43,757 --> 00:11:46,354 Thought we wouldn't find out? 250 00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:57,236 Who's there? 251 00:11:58,699 --> 00:11:59,688 Please. 252 00:12:04,832 --> 00:12:06,276 Yes, hello? 253 00:12:06,420 --> 00:12:09,991 Hello, this is Varachnu with Wolf Home Security. 254 00:12:10,268 --> 00:12:12,230 No, a man just broke into my house with... 255 00:12:12,322 --> 00:12:14,476 Varachnu? I didn't sign up 256 00:12:14,637 --> 00:12:15,799 to have some Indian guy calling me. 257 00:12:15,949 --> 00:12:17,422 Are you even in the United States? 258 00:12:18,148 --> 00:12:20,767 Yes, I am in United States. 259 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,998 Ah... That's bullshit. Put your manager on. 260 00:12:23,465 --> 00:12:24,700 Ok, hold on. 261 00:12:26,795 --> 00:12:28,130 Hello?! 262 00:12:28,137 --> 00:12:29,838 This is Kevin with Wolf Home Security. 263 00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:30,839 Is everything all right? 264 00:12:30,997 --> 00:12:33,041 No, everything's not all right. How come a guy from India is 265 00:12:33,334 --> 00:12:35,242 calling me when my house is being broken into? 266 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,298 We have alarms going off across the country 267 00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:38,397 14 times a minute. 268 00:12:38,539 --> 00:12:40,478 It takes a lot of employees manning phones. 269 00:12:40,614 --> 00:12:41,864 I'm not paying all this money 270 00:12:41,876 --> 00:12:42,524 to have some guy on the other 271 00:12:42,655 --> 00:12:44,218 side of the earth trying to protect me. 272 00:12:44,099 --> 00:12:45,966 Sir, it doesn't matter where we wall you from 273 00:12:46,376 --> 00:12:48,491 we still call the police in your neighbourhood. 274 00:12:48,656 --> 00:12:51,698 Oh really, oh gosh, I'm so relieved, thanks, 275 00:12:51,795 --> 00:12:53,354 there is still just one little problem, 276 00:12:53,502 --> 00:12:55,856 how do you know I didn't break into this house set off the alarm 277 00:12:55,972 --> 00:12:58,577 and now I'm stalling by being upset about the Indian guy 278 00:12:58,723 --> 00:13:00,082 and have actually stolen a bunch of shit, 279 00:13:00,217 --> 00:13:03,048 raped my mom and you people have done absolutely nothing about it. 280 00:13:05,294 --> 00:13:08,712 I...I... Wow, that just [Bleep] my head. 281 00:13:08,876 --> 00:13:11,519 Yeah, I just [Bleep] your head and the UPS guy just [Bleep] my mom. 282 00:13:12,948 --> 00:13:15,820 All right, quiet down people, please. Quiet. 283 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:19,313 I know you're all worried about you're families security. 284 00:13:19,474 --> 00:13:23,592 All I can tell you is that so far, Bane has not been caught. 285 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,541 What are we supposed to do? 286 00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:29,822 I mean, if Bane is out there on the the loose then none of us are safe. 287 00:13:30,182 --> 00:13:31,223 One Bane's bad enough but 288 00:13:31,368 --> 00:13:33,871 apparently we've got, like... Like, seven Banes... 289 00:13:34,035 --> 00:13:34,671 Ok? 290 00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:36,330 And what do we tell the kids? 291 00:13:36,538 --> 00:13:37,909 We can't leave them in the dark. 292 00:13:38,092 --> 00:13:41,195 Wouldn't be the only ones in your family completely in the dark. 293 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:41,917 What? 294 00:13:42,069 --> 00:13:42,945 Nothing. 295 00:13:42,982 --> 00:13:46,192 Now listen, there is nothing more we can do to protect your homes 296 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,646 but there is someone here who says he can. 297 00:13:49,587 --> 00:13:50,341 Hello, folks. 298 00:13:50,486 --> 00:13:52,678 We are more than happy to get your homes safe and secure. 299 00:13:52,926 --> 00:13:54,461 Now you gonna be wanting monitors 300 00:13:54,609 --> 00:13:57,609 on all your doors and windows, motion detectors in the living areas 301 00:13:57,615 --> 00:14:01,506 and I would also recommend you all get our newest personal security system 302 00:14:01,513 --> 00:14:04,544 to make sure your wives are safe outside the home. 303 00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:07,305 Wait... Wait, what do you mean? 304 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,544 Protecting your home and your family 305 00:14:09,636 --> 00:14:11,167 is hard enough but sometimes 306 00:14:11,304 --> 00:14:13,482 alarms on your doors and windows aren't enough. 307 00:14:13,617 --> 00:14:15,467 A new security system allows not 308 00:14:15,608 --> 00:14:17,457 only for your doors and windows to be monitored, 309 00:14:19,434 --> 00:14:22,286 a security system that is actually inside you, 310 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,558 it's called InSecurity. 311 00:14:24,842 --> 00:14:27,824 We'll never forget the day we took our twin daughters to the beach. 312 00:14:28,541 --> 00:14:30,637 - What cute twins. - Thanks. 313 00:14:30,746 --> 00:14:34,264 They're so adorable that I'm going to bash their [Bleep] heads in. 314 00:14:38,071 --> 00:14:40,611 This is Peter with InSecurity. It's everything all right? 315 00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:42,899 A white man tried to murder our twin girls. 316 00:14:43,109 --> 00:14:45,513 I have a police car on their way with blankets and cocoa. 317 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,787 I only hope other people have InSecurity to protect their families. 318 00:14:49,396 --> 00:14:51,071 Well, how does the shoe fit, pal? 319 00:14:51,212 --> 00:14:52,372 I think it fits good. 320 00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:54,017 Ok let's see if it fits better 321 00:14:54,162 --> 00:14:57,139 than this knife through your [Bleep] skull, bastard! 322 00:15:01,045 --> 00:15:03,340 - Hello! - This is David with InSecurity. 323 00:15:03,476 --> 00:15:04,463 Is everything all right? 324 00:15:04,616 --> 00:15:07,518 No, a white shoe salesman tried to murder my son. 325 00:15:07,972 --> 00:15:10,596 Hold tight, police are on their way with blankets and cocoa. 326 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,257 Don't let your families became another statistic. 327 00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:14,882 Have peace of mind with 328 00:15:15,037 --> 00:15:16,442 in security. 329 00:15:17,137 --> 00:15:19,085 It just keeps getting worse. 330 00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:21,146 I see stuff from Amazon almost every day. 331 00:15:21,285 --> 00:15:22,748 My poor dad has no idea. 332 00:15:22,909 --> 00:15:24,463 You're going to have to tell him dude. 333 00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:25,501 I know... 334 00:15:25,643 --> 00:15:29,378 Ha, Kyle, let's see you try and take my iPod headphones now. 335 00:15:29,421 --> 00:15:29,974 What? 336 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:32,232 Just want you to know that if you want to steal somebody's stuff 337 00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:33,559 you should look elsewhere. 338 00:15:33,705 --> 00:15:35,877 Nobody wants any of your stuff you fat bitch. 339 00:15:35,881 --> 00:15:36,942 Oh, fat bitch, ha? 340 00:15:37,006 --> 00:15:38,326 It just so happens that this 341 00:15:38,444 --> 00:15:40,578 fat bitch has insecurity now Kyle, 342 00:15:40,735 --> 00:15:43,271 and so I'm protected from all you greedy little Jews 343 00:15:43,384 --> 00:15:44,681 until you and your people die out. 344 00:15:44,821 --> 00:15:47,947 The Jewish population isn't dying out, fat ass, it's growing. 345 00:15:49,141 --> 00:15:50,128 What? 346 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,289 - Hello! - This is Marcus with InSecurity. 347 00:15:54,455 --> 00:15:55,537 Is everything all right? 348 00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:56,665 Yeah, yeah, false alarm. 349 00:15:56,668 --> 00:15:59,060 I just heard some troubling news and it set up my InSecurity. 350 00:15:59,065 --> 00:16:01,325 All right, could I just get your password please. 351 00:16:01,329 --> 00:16:02,608 Yeah, it's... 352 00:16:03,175 --> 00:16:04,425 It's "you love boobs". 353 00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:06,835 I love boobs? 354 00:16:06,837 --> 00:16:08,140 No, you love boobs. 355 00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:10,117 Lowercase "you love boobs". 356 00:16:10,661 --> 00:16:11,684 How did you know that? 357 00:16:11,984 --> 00:16:14,009 My password is "you love boobs". 358 00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:17,092 - Oh, I get it, that's pretty funny. - Yeah is [Bleep] hilarious. 359 00:16:17,235 --> 00:16:18,718 Now can you shutdown my InSecurity, please? 360 00:16:18,721 --> 00:16:19,983 Sure, here you go. 361 00:16:21,016 --> 00:16:21,828 Ok... 362 00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:23,561 Anyway, Kyle, you better watch it... 363 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,108 Kyle? Goddammit. 364 00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:33,904 And then, I had to drive to Walgreens, 365 00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:36,099 Barnes and Noble, and Ace Hardware. 366 00:16:36,535 --> 00:16:39,533 I tell you, going around having to buy stuff again sucks. 367 00:16:39,847 --> 00:16:43,189 Yeah, but at least we never have to deal with that UPS driver again. 368 00:16:43,395 --> 00:16:44,910 - He's back. - What? 369 00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:46,749 I just came from Will Paterson's house. 370 00:16:46,888 --> 00:16:49,562 His mother got three packages from Amazon 371 00:16:49,681 --> 00:16:52,872 and the UPS guy told her what he would like to do to her. 372 00:16:53,106 --> 00:16:53,832 How? 373 00:16:53,899 --> 00:16:56,405 He casually dropped this on the way out. 374 00:16:57,997 --> 00:16:59,541 Oh my God! 375 00:16:59,781 --> 00:17:03,069 Didn't kill him, did you? 376 00:17:03,143 --> 00:17:05,231 I didn't think you had anyhow. 377 00:17:05,318 --> 00:17:07,431 We scared him. We thought it would be enough. 378 00:17:07,757 --> 00:17:09,775 Milk man don't get scared. 379 00:17:10,482 --> 00:17:12,993 Not with free pussy at every doorstep. 380 00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:27,567 Son of a bitch, it's him, all right. 381 00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,906 This guy doesn't know when to quit. 382 00:17:30,279 --> 00:17:32,020 He's stopping at another house. 383 00:17:36,395 --> 00:17:38,262 This his guy is a lot tougher than we thought. 384 00:17:38,430 --> 00:17:40,597 Must be why our wives want him so bad. 385 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:42,914 Sorry... Sorry that's me. 386 00:17:44,152 --> 00:17:46,440 - Hello! - This is Alan with InSecurity. 387 00:17:46,510 --> 00:17:47,531 Is everything all right? 388 00:17:47,704 --> 00:17:48,928 Yeah, sorry, false alarm. 389 00:17:49,079 --> 00:17:50,985 Pass phrase is "tickle me homo". 390 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:52,878 It's a joke. 391 00:17:53,566 --> 00:17:55,478 Mom, dad, you always taught 392 00:17:55,522 --> 00:17:58,344 me that being direct and honest is a basic Jewish tenet. 393 00:17:58,440 --> 00:17:59,468 That's right, Kyle. 394 00:17:59,609 --> 00:18:01,556 And that applies to all of us, doesn't it? 395 00:18:01,896 --> 00:18:04,405 Even though it's convenient to have things done for you, 396 00:18:04,445 --> 00:18:06,808 sometimes it's best to deal with it yourself. 397 00:18:12,789 --> 00:18:15,035 Hi, I got a delivery for you. 398 00:18:15,151 --> 00:18:16,596 Yeah. Come in for a minute, would you? 399 00:18:16,601 --> 00:18:17,321 What? 400 00:18:17,357 --> 00:18:19,510 Please, I need you to come sit down for a second. 401 00:18:27,630 --> 00:18:30,038 So, here we all are. 402 00:18:32,275 --> 00:18:34,329 Mom, do you want to tell dad something? 403 00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:37,565 Mom? 404 00:18:37,922 --> 00:18:39,588 What's going on? 405 00:18:39,658 --> 00:18:41,114 You know damn well what's going on. 406 00:18:41,225 --> 00:18:42,595 This ends right now. 407 00:18:42,734 --> 00:18:45,647 We are a family and you need to go somewhere else. 408 00:18:45,752 --> 00:18:47,265 Don't you think I want to? 409 00:18:47,378 --> 00:18:48,753 I hate this damn town. 410 00:18:49,283 --> 00:18:50,526 Every day things just keep 411 00:18:50,661 --> 00:18:53,556 getting weirder around here and I'm just about sick of it. 412 00:18:55,971 --> 00:18:57,024 Oh, my God. 413 00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:02,023 - Hello! - This is Brian with InSecurity. 414 00:19:02,167 --> 00:19:03,120 Is everything all right? 415 00:19:03,249 --> 00:19:05,674 No, they blew up my car, they blew up my car. 416 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:06,465 I'm sending help. 417 00:19:06,591 --> 00:19:08,454 Police are on their way with blankets and cocoa. 418 00:19:08,611 --> 00:19:10,383 They're after me again, do something. 419 00:19:10,610 --> 00:19:13,798 Oh, hold on, one second sir, I have another emergency coming in. 420 00:19:13,825 --> 00:19:15,023 This is Brian with InSecurity. 421 00:19:15,202 --> 00:19:16,115 Is everything all right? 422 00:19:16,303 --> 00:19:17,867 Yeah, no, false alarm again. 423 00:19:18,017 --> 00:19:20,983 I'm in the store and some fat bitch asked me if my dad likes cologne. 424 00:19:21,950 --> 00:19:23,726 What the hell is going on out here? 425 00:19:23,869 --> 00:19:25,299 Stay out of this, Gerald. 426 00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:28,061 Some men care about what their wives are doing. 427 00:19:28,222 --> 00:19:31,007 What? You don't even have a wife, Jimbo. 428 00:19:33,876 --> 00:19:35,280 Somebody answer me, 429 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,405 you have to send help now. 430 00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:40,415 Sir, we are sending help, just stay cal... Hang on sir. 431 00:19:40,558 --> 00:19:41,861 This is Martin with InSecurity. 432 00:19:42,152 --> 00:19:45,708 Yeah, I'm thinking maybe Gerald's house is nicer than mine is. 433 00:19:46,743 --> 00:19:48,159 Hello! This is Martin with InSecu... 434 00:19:48,267 --> 00:19:50,044 Goddamn it, I have had it with you people. 435 00:19:50,182 --> 00:19:53,178 When I signed up I thought I was getting CSI guys protecting my ass 436 00:19:53,314 --> 00:19:55,899 but all you answering the phones are complete retards. 437 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,219 Hello! This is Mike with InSecurity. 438 00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:01,310 Is everything all right? 439 00:20:01,441 --> 00:20:02,253 Hello! 440 00:20:02,556 --> 00:20:03,637 Dude, come down here. 441 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:12,791 So you say this man killed 442 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,782 himself because he was a psychopath 443 00:20:14,821 --> 00:20:16,708 who was forced to have sex with his mother? 444 00:20:16,374 --> 00:20:16,973 Yes. 445 00:20:17,044 --> 00:20:20,813 We found that in his pocket. 446 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,320 Sir, we found this in the 447 00:20:23,393 --> 00:20:24,158 closet upstairs. 448 00:20:24,229 --> 00:20:25,829 Yes, that's mine. 449 00:20:25,901 --> 00:20:26,800 Yours? 450 00:20:26,869 --> 00:20:28,001 What? 451 00:20:28,073 --> 00:20:29,105 Give me that. 452 00:20:29,175 --> 00:20:31,231 What we do in our bedroom is our business. 453 00:20:31,236 --> 00:20:31,984 Wait a minute? 454 00:20:32,122 --> 00:20:34,036 Dad was the UPS man? 455 00:20:34,989 --> 00:20:37,198 Kyle, sometimes when people 456 00:20:37,324 --> 00:20:38,937 get older they need to play and 457 00:20:39,078 --> 00:20:40,940 pretend to keep things interesting. 458 00:20:41,279 --> 00:20:42,434 It's just a way I can still be 459 00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:43,526 intimate with your mother 460 00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:46,912 without relying on silly sexual enhancement drugs. 461 00:20:49,985 --> 00:20:51,248 Hello? 462 00:20:53,038 --> 00:20:54,737 It's over. 463 00:20:54,809 --> 00:20:55,908 But you were wrong. 464 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,389 We don't have to be afraid of Amazon. 465 00:20:59,081 --> 00:21:00,392 The only price to be paid for 466 00:21:00,524 --> 00:21:03,848 convenience is that we must be secure with ourselves. 467 00:21:05,060 --> 00:21:07,283 Yeah, got yourselves some 468 00:21:07,418 --> 00:21:09,473 nice home security systems, don't you? 469 00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:11,919 Paying a man to do your job of 470 00:21:12,068 --> 00:21:13,493 protecting your house. 471 00:21:14,291 --> 00:21:15,686 Only problem is while you're out 472 00:21:15,851 --> 00:21:17,040 feeling like your things are 473 00:21:17,167 --> 00:21:18,394 safe, that security man is 474 00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:19,832 [bleep] your wife. 475 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:22,715 Doors and windows should be 476 00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:23,871 armed and your motion detectors 477 00:21:24,198 --> 00:21:26,922 are up and running. Just call me whenever you need me back. 478 00:21:34,766 --> 00:21:35,825 who are you? 479 00:21:35,997 --> 00:21:37,719 It doesn't matter who we are. 480 00:21:38,622 --> 00:21:40,366 What matters is our plan. 481 00:21:30,237 --> 00:21:33,238 You should have respected my authority.