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God damnit!
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Stan, are you okay?
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Yeah, dad. We're just rehearsing our band.
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Ooohhh, I thought a group of Vietnamese people were having their intestines pulled out through their mouths.
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He's right, dude. We have to define our style if we're ever going to make a platinum album.
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I mean, ah I'm a fusion guy, but Kenny's background is more Latin Jazz.
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(What? Is it?)
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Yeah, and I'm more hip-hop and R-and-B oriented.
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I think out band better buy a whole bunch of music CDs to listen to for inspiration.
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Inspiration.
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Wait a minute, that's it. Inspiration, you guys. Don't you see?
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See what?
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Our band should play Christian rock!
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Christian rock?!
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Think about it! It's the easiest crappiest music in the world, right?
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If we just play songs about how much we love Jesus, all the Christiand will buy our crap!
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That's a retarded idea, Cartman!
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It worked for Creed!
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I don't wanna be in a stupid Christian rock band!
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You just start that way, Stan, then you cross over. It's genious!
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Just get the hell out of here, Cartman! You're not serious and you're a detriment to the band!
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Oh yeah?! I will bet you ten bucks that if I start a Christian rock band that I can get a platinum album before you guys do!
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You're on, fat boy!
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Okay, fine! Ready?!
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First one to have a platinum album wins! Go!
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What a stupid asshole!
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Platinum album! Platinum album!
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Gotta make a platinum album before Kyle!
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Oh, hi Eric.
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Butters! Get your drum set and meet me at my house!
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We have to make a platinum album! Hurry, Butters!
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...Ohhh!
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No time to waste! Platinum album! Must beat Kyle!
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Token! Get the bass guitar out of your basement and meet me over at my house!
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What?! We don't have a bass guitar.
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Your family's black, Token! There's bound to be a bass guitar in your basement somewhere!
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Whoa, you sure seem with it, Eric. You must have some... ih-inspiration.
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Yes, the tears of Kyle Broflovski when he loses his ten dollars to me.
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Hey, there was a bass guitar in my basement.
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I told you, Token.
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So, what are we doing?
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Gentlemen, we are about to embark on the most amazing,
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...life-affirming, financially-windfalling experiences of our young lives.
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Wow!
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We are going to start... a Christian rock band.
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Awww.
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I'm out.
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Wait! Walk out that door, Token, and you'll regret it the rest of your life!
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Christians have a built-in audience of over one hundred and eighty million Americans!
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If each one of them buys just one of our albums at twelve dollars and ninety-five cents that would be-
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Two billion, three hundred and thirty one million dollars.
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Still want to leave, Token?
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Thank you.
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Dad, can I borrow three hundred dollars?
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Three hundred dollars?? What in the world for??
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Our band can't find a stylistic direction to go in.
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We need to go down to the mall to buy hundreds of CDs to listen to so we can define our sound.
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Sorry Kyle, we gave you your allowance already.
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Ugh. Can't you see this is my dream?? Music is my life!
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It wasn't your life yesterday.
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Hold it. Pops, I've got the music inside me. It's in my soul.
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And I know my place is up on that stage.
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I'm gonna make it to the top. And I just want your blessing, Pops.
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The answer is no, Kyle.
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Aw, come on Dad, don't be such a Jew!
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Kyle, don't belittle your own people!
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Hey dude.
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It didn't work! My stupid Jew dad won't lend me money for CDs!
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No, dude, it's cool. Kenny says you can download music for free on the Internet!
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Really?
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(Yeah!)
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You got a computer?
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See? Everyone on the Internet copies their music from their CDs,
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...and then we can download them for free and play them on the computer!
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All right, cool. Let's donwload some Metallica, and some Stevie Wonder.
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(Oh you forgot to get some Judas Priest.)
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Kenny's right. We should download some Judas Priest, too.
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Judas Priest. Wow! Downloading music for free is awesome!
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What the hell is that?
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I don't know. Let me go check.
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Freeze!! FBI!!
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Down on the ground! Down on the ground!
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Hurry up! Let me see those hands!
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Tango Teamus to Point Bravo! Suspects in custody!
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Move move move move move move! All clear, men! Get your ass going!
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Kyle, what did you do?!
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I don't know!
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All right, guys, this is gonna be so easy.
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All we have to do to make Christian songs is take regular old songs and add Jesus stuff to them.
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See? All we have to do is cross out words like "baby" and "Darling" and replace them with...
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...Jesus.
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All right, Butters, give me a beat.
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Okay, nice. Very nice. All right, Token, give me a smooth bass line.
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I don't know how to play bass.
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Token, how many times do we have to go through this?
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You're black. You can play bass.
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I'm gettin' sick of your stereotypes!
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Be as sick as you want, just give me a God-damned bass line!
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God-damnit!
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All right. Nice, fellas. Nice.
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I need you in my life, Jesus.
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I can't live without you, Jesus
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And I just want to feel you deep inside me, Jesus.
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Awesome!
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Um, sir-
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Shiut up!!
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You downloaded a lot of songs!
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Says here you even downlaoded Judas Priest?
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That's hard time you boys are lookin' at.
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You got anything to say for yourselves?
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We d-didn't think it was that big a deal.
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Not a big deal!
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You think downloading music for free is not a big deal?!
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Put your couts on! I'm gonna show you something!
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And I don't think you're gonna like it!
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This is the home of Lars Ulrich, the drummer for Metallica.
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Look. There's Lars now, sitting by his pool.
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What's the matter with him?
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This month he was hoping to have a gold-plated shark tank bar installed right next to the pool,
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...but thanks to people downloading his music for free,
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...he must now wait a few months before he can afford it.
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Come. There's more.
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Here's Britney Spears' private jet. Notice anything?
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Britney used to have a Gulfstream IV.
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Now she's had to sell it and get a Gulfstream III because people like you chose to download her music for free.
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The Gulfstream III doesn't even have a remote control for its surround-sound DVD system.
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Still think downloading music for free is no big deal?
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We... didn't realize what we were doing, eh...
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That is the folly of man.
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Now look in this window.
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Here you see the loving family of Master P.
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Next week is his son's birthday and, all he's ever wanted was an island in French Polynesia.
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So, he's gonna get it, right?
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I see an island without an owner.
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If things keep going the way they are,
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...the child will not get his tropical paradise.
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We're sorry! We'll, we'll never download music for free again!
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Man must learn to think of these horrible outcomes before he acts selfishly or else...
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I fear... recording artists will be forever doomed to a life of only semi-luxury.
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Almost there, you guys.
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Why the hell did you tell us to dress nice to take us out here?
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Because, Token, we have to take pictures for our album cover.
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The key to a hot-selling Christian album is a flashy inspirational album cover.
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Wow, neato! An album cover!
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This Christian album better make as much money as you said it would, tubby!
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I'm going to kill you one day, Token.
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What did you say?!
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Nothing. All right, guys, stand over there and look wholesome and cool.
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I have a timer on this thing so I can get in the shot too.
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Cheese!
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No no no! Haven't you guys ever seen an album cover?
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You're supposed to be standing in random places, looking away like you don't care!
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Cheese!
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No! Butters, you can't look happy on the album cover! That's not cool!
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Oh...
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Token, look away to the right.
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More.
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More!
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Why the hell would I be looking way over there??
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So it looks like you're too cool to care that you're on an album cover, you black asshole!
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Now just hold it!
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Don't ever leave me, Jesus. I couldn't stand to see you go.
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My heart would simply snap, my Lord, if you walked on out that door.
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I promise I'll be good to you, and keep you warm at night.
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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, why don't we just... shut off the lights.
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Thanks for releasing them to us, detective. Sorry for all the trouble they caused.
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It's all right. I think these boys learned their lesson.
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Boy, I'll say!
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If you parents will just step over here, you can pay their four hundred dollar release and penalty fees.
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Four hundred dollars? Just for downloading some songs off the Internet?
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It's not that big a deal.
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Not a big deal, huh?! Come with me!
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I'm gonna show you something!
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And I don't think you're gonna like it!
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Wugh, dude. I can't wait to just go back home and get back to band practice.
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(Yeah)
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No! Didn't you guys learn anything?
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Look, if we make an album, all that's gonna happen is that people are gonna steal our songs for free off the Internet.
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We won't make a dime!
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Oh yeah.
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Until we get people to stop downloading music for free, I say we refuse to play!
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(Yeah!)
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Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado, where the rock band, MOOP, has refused to play.
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The strike started yesterday and could go well into next week.
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Oh hey guys. How's it going?
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We're not letting you back in the band, Cartman! Fuck off!
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I don't wanna be in your crappy band, guys.
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I just wanted to let you know, the album for my Christian rock band,
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Faith + 1, is about to go platinum.
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It is??
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That's right. We already sold thirteen copies.
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You wanna pay me that ten-dollar bet, Kyle?
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You get a platinum album for selling one million copies, you fat turd!
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It's just a matter of time, my friends.
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This weekend is Christfest. The single largest gathering of Christians in the Midwest.
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Each one of them a walkng, praying wallet full of cash.
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And I'll be there selling my album.
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You'll never get a platinum album doing Christian rock, Cartman!
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It was a stupid idea then, and it's a stupid idea now!
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00:10:52,743 --> 00:10:54,742
Yeah, you don't even know anything about Christianity.
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I know enough to exploit it.
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Just get that ten bucks ready, Kyle. Tata!
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Go ahead!
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People will just download your songs for free on the Internet anyways!
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00:11:03,251 --> 00:11:05,343
What a dumbass. Our band is way cooler than his.
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00:11:05,378 --> 00:11:06,218
(Yeah.)
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00:11:12,664 --> 00:11:15,733
Psalm T-Shirts! Get a T-Shirt with your favorite psalm!
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Leather-bound bibles. Show your faith.
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00:11:18,405 --> 00:11:21,412
Yes, it's really the best Christian album that's evern been produced, actually..
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00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:23,685
Oh, this will be great for my grandchildren.
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00:11:23,686 --> 00:11:26,878
They need hip cool music, but with inspirational lyrics.
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00:11:27,081 --> 00:11:29,527
I think that's what the whole world needs, praise Christ.
213
00:11:29,562 --> 00:11:32,036
Huh we're not really Christians, we're just pretendin' we are.
214
00:11:34,430 --> 00:11:36,594
Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.
215
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:41,940
All right, everyone! Welcome to Christfest 2003!
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Are you ready for some live music?
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Yeah Jesus!
218
00:11:49,669 --> 00:11:54,625
Then let's give it up now for one of Christian rock's biggest bands! Trinity!
219
00:11:55,707 --> 00:12:00,404
The Shepherd and the Light, and His Word lifted me up
220
00:12:00,439 --> 00:12:05,205
And I praise His Holy Name wherever I go.
221
00:12:06,161 --> 00:12:06,823
Damnit!
222
00:12:06,824 --> 00:12:09,642
If we're gonna sell our hot Christian album, we have got to get on that stage!
223
00:12:09,799 --> 00:12:11,847
Hey is this the way to the backstage?
224
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Who are you?
225
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,221
We're the band Sanctified.
226
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We play metal and punk, but with lyrics that inspire faith in Christ.
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00:12:17,425 --> 00:12:20,572
Yeah. We proved that Christian music can be tough and hard core.
228
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:22,278
Yeah, you guys are real hard core.
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You bet your gosh-darned rear end we are!
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All right, uhh, Sanctified, you guys are up next.
231
00:12:27,373 --> 00:12:28,967
Yeah! Let's do it!
232
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Sent down from Heaven! The Spirit and the Glory!
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00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,687
Eh hey guys, wait, uh, ..we wannaaa play with you before you go onstage.
234
00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:38,126
Well, that, that's cool.
235
00:12:38,161 --> 00:12:40,179
Always good to be praying before you're playin'.
236
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Let's just go over here so we can hear ourselves better.
237
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Lord, Father in Heaven, we thank you for all your blessings and we...
238
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:50,689
Hey, Eric, I don't think they can get out.
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All right, Christians, how are you feeling tonight?
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Praise Jesus! Praise him! My Lord!
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Let's keep this salvation train going with the hot band, Sanctified!
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That's Faith + 1.
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Uh. Uh apparently there's been a change.
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Give it up for ... Faith + 1!
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You know, Jesus?
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I've been thinking a lot about you lately and, well, that's why I wrote this song.
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I love you, Jesus. I want you to walk with me
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I'll take good care of you baby. Call you my baby, baby!
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You died for my sins, and you know that I would die for you, right?
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What's the matter, baby? You tremble at Jesus, baby!
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Your love... is my life!
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You know when I’m without you, there's a black hole in my life! Oo-ohhh!
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I wanna believe. It's all right, 'cause I get lonely in the night and it's up to you to
254
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Dude, I didn't know being in a band was gonna be this tough.
255
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Yeah, it's tough.
256
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But it's times like these that... you see what your band is made of.
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We've gotta fight through the rough times like Journey!
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"Tom, we're now entering the second day of the rock band MOOP's refusal to play,
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and the second day of absolutely no other news to report on.
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In a recent poll we asked people if MOOP's refusal to play would stop them from downloading music off the Internet.
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One percent said yes. Two percent said no.
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And ninety-seven percent said, "Who the hell is MOOP?!"
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Back to you, Tom.
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Hey, are you the guys protesting free Internet music downloading?
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Hey, it's that Lars Ulrich guy!
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That's right. Metallica is behind you dudes a thousand percent!
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We're gonna sit here and protest with you until free downloadin' stop, hyeah!
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Tom, it appears now the musicians' strike is growing!
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As I'm speaking, more musicians are arriving!
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It looks like Alanis Morissette, Blink 182, Britney Spears, and dozens of others are going to join MOOP in not playing music.
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This is a veritable Strikapalooza!
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Guys, we here at Faith Records were very moved by your performance at Christfest.
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You're one of the most talented Christian rock bands we've ever heard!
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Thank you so much. Christ has really blessed us with talent.
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We just have one question, though. We were looking over some of your lyrics, uh...
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"I want to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus on a private beach for two."
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"I want him to nibble on my ear and say 'I'm here for you."
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Ih it seams you really love Christ.
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Yes, we sure do.
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Eh no but ih it appears you are actually... in love with Christ.
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Well what are you saying? That, that you don't really love Christ??
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Well uh of course I do. I mean I just-
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Well what's the difference?! You love Christ, you're in love with Christ,
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I mean, uh, what the heck is this??
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Uh, we'd just like to make sure the bands we sign are in it for God,
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and not for the money.
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I resent that, sir! I have never in my life done anything just for the money!
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If I'm lying may the Lord strike me down right now.
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Uhm, oh.
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That's- all we needed to know. Just, sign here and we'll get your album sold.
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K-tal Records presents the most inspirational Christian rock band in the world!
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Faith + 1,
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...featuring the very best in good, wholesome Christian music.
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Oh Lord you are my Savior!
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You know I miss you so much when you are gone.
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With great inspirational songs like "I Wasn't Born Again Yesterday"...
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Yes I may be born again, but I was wasn't born again yesterday.
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I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus!
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I wanna feel his salvation all over my face!
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The CD is filled with instant classics.
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Who doesn't remember...
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The Body of Christ! Sleek swimmer's body, all muscled up and toned!
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The Body of Christ! O, Lord Almighty, I wish I could call it my own!
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You're one time, two times, three times my Savior...
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Whenever I see Jesus up on that Cross
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I can't help but think that he looks kinda hot...
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This album is not available in stores and limited quantities are available,
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...so order now!
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I can't take this much longer.
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Maybe we're just, not cut out to be in a band.
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You guys, we can't give up on our dreams now!
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As soon as this strike ends, we're gonna be the biggest band ever!
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Yeah, if we all give in now, people might never stop downloading our music for free!
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I'm sure we're gonna get word any minute that people have agreed to stop.
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Certified letter for the rock band MOOP?
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That's us!
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Dear MOOP.
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This letter is to inform you that Faith Plus One's debut album has just sold one million copies.
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What??
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We cordially invite you to attend the platinum album award ceremony,
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which will be held tomorrow morning at ten.
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Details and proof of sales enclosed.
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P.S. Nananana na na. Hahahaha ha ha.
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He did it. Cartman got a platinum album.
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Is this for real?? This is for real!
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He beat us.
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Because all this time we've been so caught up with how to protect our music
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...that we forgot to just play.
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But why play if we're not gonna make millions of dollars.
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Because that's what real artists do.
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People are always gonna find a way to copy our music and swap it for free.
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If we're real musicians, then we should just play and be stoked that so many people are listening.
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Besides, maybe our sound would have gotten downloaded for free,
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but if they were good songs then people still would have bought tickets to see our band in concert.
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From now on, MOOP isn't about money. MOOP is about music!
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We're not striking anymore! Who's with us?!
337
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...We're just about the money.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Oh.
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So... Dude, what are you gonna do about your bet with Cartman. Are you- gonna pay 'im?
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I don't have a choice, dude.
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I'm gonna swallow my pride, face Cartman, and say "Congratulations. You were right"
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And I'm gonna give him the ten dollars.
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And hopefully, he won't make a big deal out of it.
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Welcome! Welcome everyone!
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Please enjoy! The presentation should begin shortly.
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Cartman, what the hell is all this?
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Our platinum album ceremony. I spared no expense.
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But you spent all the money we made!
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We're Faith Plus One, Token, there'll be plenty more money. Relax and enjoy, black asshole.
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There's hors d'oeuvres and drinks by the Ferris wheel, everyone!
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Oh Kyle, guys, so nice to see you!
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Let's just get this over with, Cartman. You won the bet, here's ten dollars.
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00:19:34,916 --> 00:19:36,881
Oh nonononono, not yet, Kyle. Hold on.
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Everyone! Everyone, can I have your attention please?
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We like to praise Christ!
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Yes, yes, thank you thank you. Praise Him. I think we're ready to start now.
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Welcome to the presentation ceremony for Faith Plus One.
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And now to present the award, here's Michael Collins.
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This is the worse day of my life.
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Ahhh, this is the best day of my life.
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Boys, in recognition for over one million records sold,
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the Christian Recording Industry is please to present you with this Myrrh album.
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00:20:12,186 --> 00:20:14,319
Thank you very uh- wah? Myrrh album?
365
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,230
I thought albums win either gold or platinum.
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00:20:16,265 --> 00:20:19,410
Nono, in Christian rock, our albums go gold and frankincense and myrrh.
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00:20:19,411 --> 00:20:20,313
Congratulations!
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00:20:20,796 --> 00:20:24,274
Ha! Our bet was that you would get a platinum album, not a myrrh album!
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I don't owe you anything, fat boy!
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00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:29,142
You mean to tell me I could never get a platinum album with a Christian rock band?!
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No, but you can go double myrrh.
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GOD DAMNIT!!
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Oh, please don't take the Lord's Name in vain.
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00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:42,151
Who cares?! I can never win my bet because you stupid assholes don't give out platinum albums!
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But you spread the Word of the Lord. You've brought faith in Jesus.
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OH, FUCK JESUS!!
377
00:20:48,687 --> 00:20:52,089
Eric, I-I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say the F-word about-uh Jesus.
378
00:20:52,124 --> 00:20:53,659
Yeah. You're gonna hurt the band.
379
00:20:53,694 --> 00:20:58,668
Who fuckin' cares, Token?! I could never beat Kyle now! I'll say it again! Fuck Jesus!
380
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My ears are bleeding!
381
00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:03,639
Good job, dickhead! You lost the entire audience!
382
00:21:03,674 --> 00:21:05,935
Ah, fuck you, Token! You black asshole!
383
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:16,531
Hm. Guess he got what he deserved.
384
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Fuck you, Eric.