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Synchro: Arrow, mpm
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- What's going on, dad?
- You have to move. It isn't...
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I'm so...
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startled.
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South Park 12x11
- Pandemic (2) The Startling -
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My name is Craig Tucker.
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Last week was my birthday.
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My grandma gave me a check for $100.
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I was so happy.
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But then, four kids from school
came to my house
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and said I should use my $100
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to invest in becoming
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a Peruvian flute band.
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They promised I would double
my money in one afternoon.
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But the government arrested us, along
with all the other Peruvian flute bands,
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and took us
to an internment camp in Miami.
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We begged to go home.
But instead,
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the government told us
they were sending us to Peru.
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And so that is
why I am now in Peru.
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If I die, let it be known
that it is because four guys
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I don't even like from school
lied to me and took my birthday money.
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We didn't lie!
It was a sweet idea!
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How were we supposed to know
that pan flute bands would be outlawed?
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I don't get it. They said
the military would meet us here.
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This is where they told us to land.
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- Can't you get through to Washington?
- I'm trying.
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This is Conner in Washington!
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The place that homeland security
told us to start the operation,
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there's nobody here to meet us.
It's like they sent us to no man's land.
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Jesus, they're everywhere!
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What are everywhere?
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So furry!
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They're attacking
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every city.
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People dying!
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Guinea pigs,
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all over!
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- Guinea pigs?
- Can't stop them.
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Need to get out.
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I just ate...
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a peanut.
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Peanut now stuck
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in throat.
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I shouldn't eat peanuts
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when scared.
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I've got the video camera.
Got it turned on again.
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This is Randy Marsh.
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I'm shooting the video of myself.
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20 minutes ago, some
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huge creatures attacked our town.
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It's still chaos out the window.
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I barely made it back
to the house.
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Sharon is here with me.
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And there's Shelley.
Wave to the camera.
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Will you put down the camera.
We need to figure out what to do!
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I don't know what to do.
I'm so startled.
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We have to see
what the news is saying.
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This is a shot of New York City
where the giant guinea pigs
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- have also attacked.
- Guinea pigs?
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Reports of attacks are coming
in from major cities all over the world.
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Jesus, this thing is worldwide!
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Look at that thing!
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What are we gonna do?
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- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Go! Run!
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We gotta get out!
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Michels? Harrison?
Anybody?
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Nothing. LSAT is down,
and no answer at RCU.
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Whatever is going on out there,
it's huge.
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All right,
just let me get this straight.
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The head of homeland security
ordered you to fly us,
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five kids, to Peru,
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but had you land way up
in the Andes mountains of Peru
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so that other government
people could meet us and then
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somehow tell us how to go
to the capital of Peru way over in Lima
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and take down their government?
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That was the order.
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That makes sense to you?
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Nope, not at all.
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Actually, the whole rounding up
of the pan flute bands
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didn't make sense
to any of us either.
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None of what that homeland security
guy does make sense!
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So, could you just fly us home,
please?
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You don't understand.
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The plan was to have
a refueling truck meet us here.
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We don't have enough gas
to fly anyplace.
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That's awesome.
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So, we've got to find
another way out of here.
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It's starting to look that way.
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This is fun.
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Let's walk for miles through
a spooky jungle.
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It just keeps getting
better and better.
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You know, we're getting pretty sick
of your attitude.
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Nobody likes hanging out with people
who complain all the time.
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Look at that, no lights on, nothing.
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It's like humans have never been
to this part of Peru.
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More guinea pigs seem to be moving
in from all directions.
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We checked on wikipedia,
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and found out that guinea pigs are
from the Andes mountains. Here.
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What about the pan flute bands?
Are they on their way to Guantanamo bay?
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Sir, we believe we have bigger problems
right now than pan flute bands.
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Have they been loaded on
to the boats or not?
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No, sir.
We diverted all the resources away
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from the pan flute bands
to deal with the guinea pigs.
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That was an order!
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The flute bands were to be put
on boats to Guantanamo last night!
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I am still in charge here!
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I want those pan flute bands
on the boats to Guantanamo!
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Yes, sir.
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I don't see why you have
to yell at people.
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Darling, main street...
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Look at that.
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- Where do we go?
- We've got to get out of town.
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Go through that way.
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My arm! My arm!
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- Jesus!
- Randy, run!
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Run!
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We're running now!
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There's Sharon and Shelley running.
Wave to the camera.
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Dad!
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In there! In there!
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Oh, God. I'm so startled.
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- Are you startled?
- Put down the...
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It's gonna kill us!
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Just stay down.
It can't come in here.
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Hold on. I need to get
a shot of it from outside...
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Where are you going?
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Here we see a view
from outside the bus.
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What the hell are you doing?
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I got a really good shot of it.
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I don't know, Lemski.
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This entire area of Peru
isn't even charted on the maps.
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This whole valley is strange.
Just look at the size of that fruit!
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Ain't that a peach?
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And how do you like them apples?
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Take a look at this!
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They look like
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beehive combs.
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Oh, my God.
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- Dude, what is this place?
- It's like an unknown valley
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that time forgot where
everything grows huge.
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That's a shock.
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I decided to follow you guys
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and now I'm in land
of the giants lost world.
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It isn't our fault! You say that we
always want to be in those situations,
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- but we don't have any choice!
- Stuff just happens.
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- Stuff just happens.
- That's right!
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You just wind up being sent
by the government
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to take down the city of Lima to wind up
in land of the giants lost world.
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That's right.
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You know what stuff happens
to most kids?
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They fall off their bikes.
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They get in fights with their
parents.
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They get swindled out of their
birthday money.
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Look, wherever we are,
I think we better keep moving.
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Dude, look out!
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All right. All right.
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Here's Sharon and Shelley on the
roof of Best Buy.
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We ran up here
to get off the streets.
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We found the Stotch family
hiding out up here also.
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There's Chris, Linda,
and their son Butters.
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Hello.
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What is that?
Chris, what is that?
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That's a new sound.
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Oh, God.
Look!
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- Those aren't guinea pigs.
- Get off the roof!
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Go down the stairs now.
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Get down the stairs.
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And we are now getting word
of giant bees.
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The giant bees have been seen
in the U.S. and Europe.
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Get away.
There's bees everywhere!
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There's another one right there!
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Oh, my God!
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It stung me! It stung me!
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Oh, that startled me!
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That was really startling!
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I think we're just heading
deeper into the mountains.
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Yeah, maybe we should start
heading that way.
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I think we're.
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Hey, look at this.
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What is it?
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I don't know.
Looks old.
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Let's see what's in there.
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00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:37,174
Let's see what's in there.
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That's why you guys get into
these situations.
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Because when you come across
a spooky ancient ruin you say
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"let's see what's in there."
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- It might be a way out, Craig!
- Yeah, Mr. Complainy Pants.
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I don't think anybody's been in
here for centuries.
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Yeah, centuries.
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00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:03,060
You guys look at this!
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It's a wall of ancient drawings.
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00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:09,165
Dude, it's a Peruvian flute band.
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00:11:09,285 --> 00:11:10,624
I know! And look.
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Looks like the pan flute music
is driving away giant guinea pigs?
198
00:11:15,798 --> 00:11:17,414
Oh, no way! Look!
199
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The pan flute bands put in prison.
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00:11:19,806 --> 00:11:21,532
Just like what happened!
201
00:11:21,879 --> 00:11:25,072
And then the guinea pigs
killing people. And then...
202
00:11:30,245 --> 00:11:31,505
Dude, it's Craig!
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What?
204
00:11:33,487 --> 00:11:34,613
That is Craig!
205
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- Dude, Craig, what's going on?
- I have no idea.
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00:11:44,832 --> 00:11:48,044
Do you mind telling us what you're doing
on an ancient Inca wall, Craig?
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00:11:48,966 --> 00:11:50,135
I don't know.
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00:11:51,916 --> 00:11:54,386
There is now word of huge
beehives forming in cities
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00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:55,801
across the U.S. and Canada.
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00:11:55,961 --> 00:12:00,431
Europe and China are reporting deaths
by guinea pigs in the tens of thousands.
211
00:12:01,009 --> 00:12:03,476
And how are the efforts to
contain all this going?
212
00:12:03,980 --> 00:12:05,039
It's bad, sir.
213
00:12:05,459 --> 00:12:09,205
It seems we have no way of stopping it.
We've lost complete control.
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00:12:13,913 --> 00:12:14,740
Sir?
215
00:12:15,439 --> 00:12:17,515
I'm sorry.
I just thought of a funny joke.
216
00:12:19,652 --> 00:12:22,495
All right. Get the jets ready.
I need to get to Machu Picchu.
217
00:12:22,655 --> 00:12:24,455
Machu Picchu, sir?
218
00:12:24,713 --> 00:12:27,541
Yes. I need to be taken to Machu Picchu.
Have you lost your hearing?
219
00:12:28,151 --> 00:12:30,836
But sir, what could possibly
be at Machu Picchu to help...
220
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Am I in charge or not?
221
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,214
We're in the grocery store now.
Some other survivors here.
222
00:12:41,175 --> 00:12:42,763
Can we get through the highway?
223
00:12:42,883 --> 00:12:45,393
The highway's unreachable.
There's guinea rats all over it.
224
00:12:45,594 --> 00:12:46,706
Guinea rats?
225
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,146
What do you mean guinea rats?
226
00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:52,819
There are guinea pigs, but there's also
guinea bees, and guinea rats.
227
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,296
I've even seen guinea spiders
out there.
228
00:12:55,652 --> 00:12:57,397
Randy, will you stop doing that?
229
00:13:00,222 --> 00:13:02,761
Look, I think we need to find
a way out under the city.
230
00:13:02,881 --> 00:13:05,287
In the sewers?
It can't be safe down there.
231
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,238
Oh, God.
What are we going to do?
232
00:13:10,976 --> 00:13:12,461
Something's inside the store!
233
00:13:14,033 --> 00:13:16,105
Guinea rabbits!
There, inside!
234
00:13:21,458 --> 00:13:22,638
They're everywhere!
235
00:13:23,174 --> 00:13:23,973
Help me!
236
00:13:29,602 --> 00:13:30,896
You can't help him.
237
00:13:32,137 --> 00:13:33,691
There's something over there!
238
00:13:34,337 --> 00:13:35,939
It's a guinea bear!
239
00:13:36,059 --> 00:13:37,835
No, it's a guinea mouse, stupid!
240
00:13:40,815 --> 00:13:41,615
Kill me!
241
00:13:41,775 --> 00:13:44,185
Randy, the storeroom!
We've got to get to the storeroom!
242
00:13:52,052 --> 00:13:53,479
Mom, I can't see!
243
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:56,440
It's okay, Shelley. Daddy's gonna
turn on the night vision.
244
00:13:57,187 --> 00:13:58,519
There, there.
245
00:14:02,314 --> 00:14:05,204
- What? What?
- Nothing. I just startled myself.
246
00:14:11,201 --> 00:14:13,001
Let's head over this way, guys.
247
00:14:13,656 --> 00:14:15,532
You hear that?
It sounds like water.
248
00:14:15,652 --> 00:14:17,151
Yeah, it's coming from up there.
249
00:14:28,197 --> 00:14:30,393
- Dude, that's awesome.
- All right. Let's go.
250
00:14:32,602 --> 00:14:33,751
What do you mean no?
251
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:36,709
I'm not following you guys anymore.
252
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,507
We have to go check this out.
253
00:14:40,257 --> 00:14:41,094
Why?
254
00:14:42,783 --> 00:14:44,762
Because that's just the way it is.
255
00:14:45,325 --> 00:14:46,833
Every time bad things happen,
256
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:50,447
you guys end up putting yourselves
deeper into the middle of it, because
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"that's just the way it is."
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We aren't the ones on an ancient temple
prophecy wall, butt-wipe!
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I don't care.
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I've decided that I'm done.
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I am choosing not to be a part
of this anymore.
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How do you do that?
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00:15:05,644 --> 00:15:06,951
It's easy. Watch.
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Craig, dude, wait up.
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00:15:23,025 --> 00:15:24,828
Dude, Craig, we should go back now.
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Hey, look! There's something here!
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Nope.
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00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,873
Dude, this is boring.
This is just a bunch of walking around.
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Nice and boring.
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Just the way I like it.
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00:15:48,495 --> 00:15:52,485
It's been 3 days now since the guinea
pigs and the guinea bees attacked.
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Guinea rabbits are still everywhere.
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Along with a few guinea panthers.
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We've taken shelter
at the outback steakhouse.
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There's Sharon and Shelley.
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Say hey, guys.
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What is that?
What is that?
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00:16:06,619 --> 00:16:08,380
I'm going to take a look outside.
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00:16:08,621 --> 00:16:11,306
- What is it?
- It's a guinea saurus rex.
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00:16:19,582 --> 00:16:20,629
Oh, my God!
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I'm way too startled!
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00:16:22,358 --> 00:16:23,226
Look!
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Jesus, they can't kill it.
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00:16:32,217 --> 00:16:34,536
What do you think about the
guinea saurus rex, Shelley?
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That's good.
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00:16:38,546 --> 00:16:41,767
There's Shelley with the guinea
saurus rex in the background!
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00:16:41,887 --> 00:16:44,176
Give a little peace sign, Shelley.
Oh, I know!
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00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:47,331
Hold out your palm so it looks like
you're holding the guinea saurus rex!
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00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:51,110
I have had it!
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00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:53,552
You are putting down
that goddamn camera!
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00:16:53,672 --> 00:16:57,149
You'll be really glad we have
all this footage of the family some day.
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Wait here a minute.
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Behold!
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I am standing on your precious land.
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00:17:16,376 --> 00:17:18,785
I've waited a long time for this.
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00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:27,716
What's he doing?
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00:17:28,064 --> 00:17:29,677
What of your prophecy now?
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Nothing can stop me!
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00:17:39,346 --> 00:17:40,706
How did you get here?
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00:17:41,005 --> 00:17:43,941
It's that asshole who sent us
to the jungle with nobody to pick us up!
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00:17:44,268 --> 00:17:46,166
Sir, is everything all right?
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00:17:46,507 --> 00:17:48,377
- Shoot them!
- Shoot them?
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00:17:48,766 --> 00:17:51,740
They're a Peruvian band that escaped!
We must keep them contained!
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00:17:52,252 --> 00:17:53,584
No, listen to me.
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00:17:53,704 --> 00:17:56,141
The Peruvian bands were keeping
the guinea creatures away!
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00:17:56,261 --> 00:17:59,415
All of this is happening because you
got rid of all the flute bands!
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00:18:00,005 --> 00:18:01,208
I said, "shoot them!"
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Goo look!
It's all an ancient incan prophecy.
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00:18:04,753 --> 00:18:06,498
Maybe we should look at it, sir.
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Damn you, Craig!
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00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,664
You just don't ever stop, do you?
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00:18:11,907 --> 00:18:14,474
- I didn't say anything.
- You see for thousands of years,
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00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,558
horrid creatures have lived
in the guinea valley of Peru.
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00:18:17,925 --> 00:18:20,962
The incas learned how to keep
the creatures at bay,
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00:18:21,082 --> 00:18:22,683
by playing pan flute music.
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00:18:23,297 --> 00:18:25,868
Guinea creatures hate it even
more than humans do.
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00:18:26,285 --> 00:18:29,804
But the prophecy foretold that one day
the creatures would be unleashed
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and I have made that happen!
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00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,544
The incas predicted the world
would be saved,
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by Craig,
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00:18:37,069 --> 00:18:39,830
but that part of the prophecy will
not come true!
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For you will all die
on this mountain!
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00:18:47,378 --> 00:18:48,797
You're some kind of monster!
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00:18:49,446 --> 00:18:51,092
Oh, I'm much more than that.
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00:18:51,646 --> 00:18:54,636
Guinea bees, guinea rabbits,
guinea saurus rexes.
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00:18:55,007 --> 00:18:57,437
I am something much more evil.
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00:19:04,422 --> 00:19:05,570
Guinea pirate!
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00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:07,107
Jesus christ!
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00:19:07,441 --> 00:19:09,150
Sir, I promise you,
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00:19:09,270 --> 00:19:11,706
I'm not going to ruin your plans.
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00:19:12,105 --> 00:19:13,962
I'll just walk away. See.
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00:19:29,406 --> 00:19:31,610
Now there's sparks
shooting out my eyes.
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00:19:32,793 --> 00:19:34,160
Curse ye, Craig!
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00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:36,261
Stop!
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00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:53,186
My name is Craig Tucker.
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00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:57,121
Last week, I stopped a guinea pirate
from taking over the Earth.
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00:19:58,742 --> 00:20:01,411
All the Peruvian flute bands
were released.
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00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:05,712
And drove the guinea creatures
back to Andes mountains.
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00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:11,155
Many people had died,
but mankind had prevailed.
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00:20:12,663 --> 00:20:15,187
All over the world,
survivors were found.
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00:20:15,573 --> 00:20:18,256
Living witnesses to the terror
that had been seen.
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00:20:19,402 --> 00:20:20,673
Here, look! Look!
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00:20:21,027 --> 00:20:24,259
What the...
I didn't have a tape in it.
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00:20:26,388 --> 00:20:27,884
The guinea pirate lived,
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00:20:28,004 --> 00:20:31,191
but was taken to the prison to live
out the rest of his days.
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00:20:32,181 --> 00:20:33,818
And people all over the world
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00:20:33,938 --> 00:20:36,781
learned to support their local
Peruvian flute bands.
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00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:39,646
And buy their CDs,
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00:20:39,766 --> 00:20:42,081
for they protect us
from the guinea creatures.
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00:20:43,864 --> 00:20:47,047
As for me, I was returned home
by homeland security.
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00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:49,180
My parents were so happy.
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00:20:50,662 --> 00:20:54,106
I realized that we don't always
have control over what happens to us.
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00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:56,216
We are but players
on the stage of life.
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00:20:57,855 --> 00:21:01,471
And I also learned to never listen
when people come ask you for money.
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00:21:06,151 --> 00:21:07,431
That's guy an asshole.
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00:21:07,581 --> 00:21:08,835
Yeah, what a dick.
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00:21:08,955 --> 00:21:10,245
I hate Craig!
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00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:19,239
- Sir, sir we have a problem.
- What now?
359
00:21:19,729 --> 00:21:23,478
The former director of homeland security
that turned out to be a guinea pig,
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00:21:23,972 --> 00:21:26,288
it attacked the guards,
got out of its holding cell.
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00:21:28,132 --> 00:21:29,582
My God, are you telling me...
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00:21:29,858 --> 00:21:32,485
Yes, sir. It broke out of prison.