1
00:00:08,207 --> 00:00:11,485
I'm going out to South Park
gonna have myself a time
2
00:00:11,543 --> 00:00:14,802
Friendly faces everywhere
humble folks without temptation
3
00:00:14,833 --> 00:00:18,145
I'm goin out to south park
gonna leave my woes behind
4
00:00:18,161 --> 00:00:21,492
Ample parking day or night
people spouting howdy neighbor
5
00:00:21,524 --> 00:00:24,683
I'm heading out to south park
to see if i cant unwind
6
00:00:24,714 --> 00:00:28,047
I like girls with big fat titties
really big fat titties
7
00:00:28,078 --> 00:00:31,642
So come on out to south park
and meet some friends of mine
8
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,020
Episode 11x04
"The Snuke"
9
00:00:37,027 --> 00:00:39,637
All right, students, let's take our seats.
10
00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:44,410
Everyone try to be nice because we
have a new student joining us today
11
00:00:44,443 --> 00:00:47,826
and I know you'll all make him feel welcome.
12
00:00:47,856 --> 00:00:53,189
Say hello to Bahir Hassan Abdul Hakeem.
13
00:00:55,429 --> 00:00:58,349
Welcome to our class, Bahir.
- Thank you.
14
00:00:58,379 --> 00:01:00,112
Dude, not cool!
15
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:02,681
Why don't you take a seat in Kyle's
empty desk for now?
16
00:01:02,725 --> 00:01:04,062
Okay.
17
00:01:09,196 --> 00:01:13,001
Eric, what the hell is wrong with you?!
- What's wrong?
18
00:01:13,236 --> 00:01:16,060
Has he been checked for bombs?
- Eric, that's enough!
19
00:01:16,097 --> 00:01:18,563
Not all muslim people are terrorists!
20
00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:22,362
No, but most of them are.
And all it takes is most of them.
21
00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:29,822
Now you go, Bahir.
22
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,361
Yeah?
- Kyle, are you on your computer?
23
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,753
What? No, I'm sick.
- Get online.
24
00:01:47,758 --> 00:01:50,560
I need you to check something for me.
- Dude, leave me alone.
25
00:01:50,566 --> 00:01:53,412
Kyle, every one of our friends
might be in serious danger!
26
00:01:53,478 --> 00:01:56,142
What? Why?
- Get online now!
27
00:01:56,187 --> 00:01:57,760
All right, all right.
28
00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:04,622
Go to MySpace. See if there's
a MySpace page for a Bahir Hakeem.
29
00:02:05,116 --> 00:02:06,401
"Bahir Hakeem."
30
00:02:06,405 --> 00:02:09,580
Born in Chicago, eight years old,
his favorite color is green.
31
00:02:09,615 --> 00:02:11,000
Cartman, what is this all about?
32
00:02:11,027 --> 00:02:14,693
Kyle, I want you to check his buddy list.
How many MySpace friends does he have?
33
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:15,851
Over a hundred.
34
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,942
Look further down the page.
Does he list his favorite band?
35
00:02:18,975 --> 00:02:20,571
White Stripes.
36
00:02:20,737 --> 00:02:22,401
That's funny.
- What?
37
00:02:22,438 --> 00:02:25,701
He told everyone in class today
his favorite band was Blink 182.
38
00:02:30,986 --> 00:02:34,543
The following takes place between
recess and Geography class.
39
00:02:37,068 --> 00:02:38,283
Hello?
40
00:02:38,316 --> 00:02:41,862
Officer Barbrady, South Park Elementary
is in serious danger!
41
00:02:41,897 --> 00:02:43,532
From what? Who is this?
42
00:02:43,586 --> 00:02:46,600
I've just ID'd a muslim
and his MySpace page does not check out.
43
00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:49,122
You've got to get these people out of here now!
44
00:02:49,518 --> 00:02:50,763
Are you serious?
45
00:02:50,797 --> 00:02:53,341
If I wasn't serious,
would I be talking like this?
46
00:02:53,375 --> 00:02:54,293
Like what?
47
00:02:54,316 --> 00:02:56,681
Whispering, but whispering really
loudly for dramatic effect.
48
00:02:56,716 --> 00:02:58,171
Oh jeez.
49
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:02,921
What the hell?
50
00:03:02,956 --> 00:03:06,942
All students are to evacuate
the school immediately!
51
00:03:11,027 --> 00:03:14,862
Hey, Bahir, since we get to go home,
you wanna come over, play checkers?
52
00:03:14,906 --> 00:03:17,103
Sure, okay.
- Allright!
53
00:03:19,298 --> 00:03:20,461
Dude.
54
00:03:23,807 --> 00:03:24,420
Yeah.
55
00:03:24,447 --> 00:03:26,993
Dude, I just got an IM from Stan
that they evacuated the school.
56
00:03:27,027 --> 00:03:29,093
Yeah. Now do you believe me
that something is going on?!
57
00:03:29,128 --> 00:03:32,101
I guess so.
- Yeah, well I don't like it! It doesn't follow!
58
00:03:32,136 --> 00:03:34,743
What doesn't follow?
- Why would a terrorist just blow up a school?
59
00:03:34,746 --> 00:03:37,372
It's not their M.O. Unless...
60
00:03:38,027 --> 00:03:41,653
Oh my God!
Unless this was all just a big diversion.
61
00:03:42,066 --> 00:03:44,732
Kyle, I need you to Google-search
the South Park Chamber of Commerce!
62
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:45,593
Okay.
63
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:49,383
Their website should have a calendar of events,
is there anything big going on in town today?!
64
00:03:49,417 --> 00:03:51,493
Yeah. Actually, there is.
- What?
65
00:03:51,528 --> 00:03:54,082
There's a Hillary Clinton campaign rally.
66
00:03:54,556 --> 00:03:56,611
Cartman?
67
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,772
Sir! There's somebody calling in saying
there's going to be a terrorist attack
68
00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:04,653
on the Hillary Clinton rally today.
69
00:04:04,687 --> 00:04:08,192
What? This is CIA head, Alan Thompson.
70
00:04:08,428 --> 00:04:10,491
Mr. Thompson, you have to call off
the Clinton rally!
71
00:04:10,497 --> 00:04:12,082
There's a terrorist in South Park!
72
00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:12,913
What do you know?
73
00:04:12,937 --> 00:04:15,932
He just showed up out of the blue! I need
to speak with the President right away!
74
00:04:15,968 --> 00:04:20,292
I'm the head of the CIA! You can tell me!
- I said I will only talk to the President!
75
00:04:20,305 --> 00:04:22,710
Look, if you have information of a threat,
you could-
76
00:04:23,578 --> 00:04:25,130
I will have you arrested for-
77
00:04:25,176 --> 00:04:27,813
I can't hear you! Only the president!
78
00:04:30,566 --> 00:04:32,343
Call is coming through now, Mr. President.
79
00:04:32,387 --> 00:04:34,570
Hello?
- President Bush, this is Eric Cartman!
80
00:04:34,605 --> 00:04:36,931
Are we on a secure line?
- Huh? Who.
81
00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:40,170
Look, I know you're not the biggest Hildog fan,
but she is in great danger right now!
82
00:04:40,207 --> 00:04:41,400
Hildog?
83
00:04:45,175 --> 00:04:48,413
Yes, I understand.
I'll let Ms. Clinton know.
84
00:04:48,446 --> 00:04:49,722
What is it, Brian?
85
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:54,163
Ms. Clinton, we just received word of a
possible terrorist attack on your rally today.
86
00:04:54,198 --> 00:04:55,673
Is the thread credible?
87
00:04:55,717 --> 00:04:58,460
We aren't sure, but perhaps
it's best we call it off.
88
00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:02,060
No. No, I will not be bullied
by terrorist threats.
89
00:05:02,087 --> 00:05:03,723
Your men do a good job, Brian.
90
00:05:03,756 --> 00:05:07,010
I have faith that any thread will
be taken care of accordingly.
91
00:05:07,178 --> 00:05:09,452
We've reached the rally site, Hildog.
92
00:05:12,535 --> 00:05:15,242
Don't worry, Mrs. Clinton,
I'm sure everything will be fine.
93
00:05:15,278 --> 00:05:17,160
Thank you, Chris.
94
00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:24,602
They know about the bomb!
- That is impossible!
95
00:05:24,638 --> 00:05:27,751
We took every measure to assure
the bomb was hidden from sight.
96
00:05:27,876 --> 00:05:30,260
Well somebody tipped off the CIA.
97
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:33,281
I don't know how much they know,
but security has been heightened.
98
00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:36,502
That bomb must travel with
the Clinton rally to Boston!
99
00:05:36,535 --> 00:05:38,873
The bomb won't make it to Boston now!
100
00:05:38,908 --> 00:05:42,640
With the heightened security, it's only
a matter of time before they find it!
101
00:05:42,957 --> 00:05:47,052
Then we have no choice.
We have to move up the attack.
102
00:05:47,086 --> 00:05:50,180
I understand, comrade.
- Prepare yourself.
103
00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:53,540
We detonate the bomb within the hour.
104
00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:01,402
Kyle, I'm at the Clinton rally site,
but there's no sign of that kid!
105
00:06:01,435 --> 00:06:04,122
So then maybe you're wrong.
- Nope, I'm not wrong.
106
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,920
He must be somehow attacking remotely
from his house. Did you find the address?
107
00:06:06,955 --> 00:06:09,740
Yeah. I cross-referenced his MySpace
page with realtor.com.
108
00:06:09,746 --> 00:06:12,062
His parents moved into that
green house on Janice Street.
109
00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:13,841
Jesus, that's on the other side of town.
110
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:16,412
All right, Kyle, I'm going to take a picture
with my camera phone and upload it to you.
111
00:06:16,416 --> 00:06:18,291
You ready?
- Yeah.
112
00:06:22,825 --> 00:06:25,313
What is that?
- It's my balls!
113
00:06:26,498 --> 00:06:28,151
Goddamnit Cartman!
114
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:30,243
Okay. Okay, Kyle, let's stay focused here.
115
00:06:30,705 --> 00:06:36,231
People of South Park, it is my honor to introduce
a woman who deserves nothing but respect.
116
00:06:36,275 --> 00:06:38,643
Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton!
117
00:06:42,646 --> 00:06:48,952
It is so nice to be back in a small town
like the one I came from.
118
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,371
Hildog!
119
00:06:53,388 --> 00:06:55,483
Otis Green, anything on that bomb threat?
120
00:06:55,505 --> 00:06:58,042
We have the bomb-smiffing pig
going through the crowd.
121
00:06:58,046 --> 00:07:00,432
If there is a bomb, the pig will find it.
122
00:07:03,728 --> 00:07:07,403
This is why I campaign in small towns
like these!
123
00:07:07,445 --> 00:07:13,393
Because it is in towns like South Park
that you find the true America!
124
00:07:18,715 --> 00:07:21,040
Oh my God, she got a scent!
- What?!
125
00:07:21,076 --> 00:07:23,383
The pig is picking up the smell
of nuclear residue.
126
00:07:23,416 --> 00:07:24,913
Terrorists have hidden a bomb!
127
00:07:24,948 --> 00:07:27,692
Oh my God! Where?!
Where could they have stashed it?!
128
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,681
Come on, find it. Find!
129
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,510
My God, they hid it under the stage?!
130
00:07:31,546 --> 00:07:32,612
No wait, look.
131
00:07:32,637 --> 00:07:35,441
How much money do we have to waste
on needless spending
132
00:07:35,445 --> 00:07:38,633
when we should be focusing
all our attention on...
133
00:07:40,607 --> 00:07:43,012
on the education of all-
134
00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:45,641
There, girl.
135
00:07:46,277 --> 00:07:49,092
On the education of all children.
136
00:07:50,997 --> 00:07:52,591
Oh, I declare!
137
00:07:52,625 --> 00:07:58,023
Oh my God. Do you think they could have
hidden a nuclear device up Mrs. Clinton's...
138
00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:01,643
Mr. Thompson, the kid who called
in the warning was right!
139
00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:05,132
We uncovered intel that terrorists
have obtained a nuclear device
140
00:08:05,135 --> 00:08:08,161
and that they have most likely
hidden it in Mrs. Clinton's...
141
00:08:08,578 --> 00:08:11,620
Well, in her...
- In her what?
142
00:08:12,066 --> 00:08:15,200
In her snatch, sir.
- What?!
143
00:08:15,556 --> 00:08:18,030
What is going on? I wasn't finished.
144
00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:20,586
Security measure, Mrs. Clinton.
Probably nothing.
145
00:08:21,436 --> 00:08:22,189
Yes?
146
00:08:22,199 --> 00:08:25,059
Mr. Jeffries, this is Alan Thompson
with the CIA.
147
00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:30,323
We have reason to believe that Mrs. Clinton
may have a nuclear device up her snatch.
148
00:08:30,356 --> 00:08:32,292
A what?!
- A snatch.
149
00:08:32,327 --> 00:08:37,030
It's the technical term for vagina.
- No, I mean what kind of nuclear device?!
150
00:08:37,777 --> 00:08:39,683
Mr. Jeffries, this is Frank Waters.
151
00:08:39,716 --> 00:08:44,980
It's a suitcase nuke, designed to fit in
a woman's snizz. It's called a snuke.
152
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,671
What is going on, Brian?
153
00:08:46,705 --> 00:08:50,651
Ms. Clinton, it appears that terrorists
have snuck a snuke up your snizz.
154
00:08:50,865 --> 00:08:52,163
Oh my.
155
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,703
What can we do? Can we disable the timer?
- It won't have a timer.
156
00:08:55,747 --> 00:09:00,213
Snukes are detonated remotely. Whoever
our terrorist is has a detonator with him.
157
00:09:00,246 --> 00:09:01,431
But then that means...
158
00:09:01,435 --> 00:09:07,013
Yes. If we don't find that detonator, everyone
in the town of South Park is going to die.
159
00:09:07,498 --> 00:09:09,212
Forever.
160
00:09:15,498 --> 00:09:18,952
Do we have that phone trace?
- The call is going through now, sir.
161
00:09:19,986 --> 00:09:22,240
Yeah?
- This is CIA head Alan Thompson.
162
00:09:22,248 --> 00:09:24,152
We spoke before about the-
- Yes, Mr. Thompson?
163
00:09:24,185 --> 00:09:27,000
Well, we've just arrived in your town.
- Why? Did you find something?
164
00:09:27,035 --> 00:09:31,121
Yes. There's a suitcase nuke
in Ms. Clinton's snizz.
165
00:09:31,368 --> 00:09:33,462
A snuke?
- That's right.
166
00:09:33,497 --> 00:09:35,380
It's controlled by a remote detonator.
167
00:09:35,387 --> 00:09:37,741
We have to locate the terrorist
before he sets it off.
168
00:09:37,776 --> 00:09:39,830
I have the address of the house
the terrorist moved into.
169
00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:41,310
I'm almost there now, where are you?
170
00:09:41,328 --> 00:09:44,201
We're on the town's main street,
right by an ice cream shop.
171
00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:46,371
Oh dude, I'm, I'm right next to you.
172
00:09:47,127 --> 00:09:48,591
Oh, hey.
173
00:09:49,916 --> 00:09:53,282
Dude, we totally got let out of school.
- I know. Something big is going on.
174
00:09:53,315 --> 00:09:56,920
Take a look at this. I did a Google search
for "Hillary Clinton Campaign Rally" right?
175
00:09:56,956 --> 00:10:00,361
And one of the links was to YouTube, where
this Russian guy had a bunch of videos.
176
00:10:00,406 --> 00:10:03,181
Russian?
- Yeah, this guy, Vladimir Stolfsky.
177
00:10:03,226 --> 00:10:07,022
He had videos on YouTube of every single rally.
- So he's a Hillary Clinton fan.
178
00:10:07,055 --> 00:10:09,683
No. I cross-referenced his
YouTube profile with MySpace
179
00:10:09,688 --> 00:10:12,150
and according to his blog,
he's an old-school Communist.
180
00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:14,692
So what's he doing at every Clinton rally?
181
00:10:14,735 --> 00:10:17,491
Do a WebCrawler search, maybe he
has podcasts up somewhere.
182
00:10:17,525 --> 00:10:18,900
Oh that's a good idea.
183
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:23,043
What is going on? What have we done?
184
00:10:23,076 --> 00:10:25,361
They claim they don't know anything
about an attack.
185
00:10:25,398 --> 00:10:26,552
Big surprise!
186
00:10:26,588 --> 00:10:30,190
Sir, first pass of the house, we didn't
find a snuke detonator anywhere.
187
00:10:30,227 --> 00:10:32,612
We thought he was at school.
188
00:10:32,647 --> 00:10:35,640
We thought he was at school.
He's not at school?
189
00:10:37,055 --> 00:10:40,021
You're doing great, Ms. Clinton.
- Do they know how long, Brian?
190
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,760
How long before the snuke in
my snizz goes off?
191
00:10:42,796 --> 00:10:45,172
They'll find the detonator, Hildog.
192
00:10:45,205 --> 00:10:47,421
We can't wait for them to find the detonator.
193
00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:50,493
If we can get to the bomb,
maybe we can deactivate it.
194
00:10:50,527 --> 00:10:54,333
Can't somebody go and take a loo
inside Mrs. Clinton's snizz?
195
00:10:55,318 --> 00:10:57,761
I'm not sending any of my men in there.
196
00:10:58,676 --> 00:11:01,301
Are you almost ready to set off the bomb?
197
00:11:01,338 --> 00:11:04,713
Everything is set. We have
the detonator up and running.
198
00:11:08,856 --> 00:11:13,553
Mr. Hakeem, we need to know where your son is!
- I tell you, I do not know.
199
00:11:15,698 --> 00:11:19,140
This is getting us nowhere.
If he knows anything, he's not saying.
200
00:11:19,176 --> 00:11:21,722
Let me have time with him.
- What are you going to do?
201
00:11:21,757 --> 00:11:25,212
We have to find that detonator!
Let me have time with him!
202
00:11:27,477 --> 00:11:31,291
You will tell me where your son is!
- He should be at school!
203
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,693
Hey!
204
00:11:41,156 --> 00:11:44,693
Where is the detonator?!
- What detonator are you ta-
205
00:11:47,137 --> 00:11:50,891
I can do this all day.
- I don't know anything about a-
206
00:11:54,406 --> 00:11:57,411
Stop it! Really!
- You can make it stop!
207
00:11:57,437 --> 00:11:58,842
I don't have the-
208
00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:03,553
Are we just gonna let this go on?
209
00:12:04,407 --> 00:12:08,211
Okay, I got a text of the Russian guy's
podcast. It's all a bunch of links to eBay.
210
00:12:08,245 --> 00:12:11,731
You should be able to search his username on
eBay and see what he's been buying and selling.
211
00:12:11,858 --> 00:12:14,650
Ferris, set up over there.
Two of you can take that bed area.
212
00:12:14,715 --> 00:12:17,550
Hey!
- Donner, take over that station.
213
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:18,922
What's going on?
214
00:12:18,957 --> 00:12:22,500
This apartment is being absorbed
by Homeland Security!
215
00:12:22,706 --> 00:12:24,082
Homeland Security?
216
00:12:24,115 --> 00:12:26,731
Look, your little game of going
over people's heads is over!
217
00:12:26,756 --> 00:12:29,802
You could still work, but from now on
you answer to me, you got that?!
218
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:32,281
Excuse me, who's in charge here?!
- I am!
219
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:36,071
Yeah well not anymore you're not. This
apartment has just been assigned to the FBI.
220
00:12:36,108 --> 00:12:39,582
That's outrageous! On whose orders?!
- On order of the Secretary of Defense!
221
00:12:39,588 --> 00:12:41,373
You had your shot, now I'm in charge!
222
00:12:41,418 --> 00:12:44,571
Not anymore you're not!
Orders just came down from Central!
223
00:12:44,577 --> 00:12:46,731
They want ATF handling this on all fronts!
224
00:12:46,758 --> 00:12:48,932
All right people, from now on
you're answering to me!
225
00:12:48,958 --> 00:12:51,760
Not anymore they're not!
Orders from the President.
226
00:12:51,807 --> 00:12:55,703
He wants this handled by his staff personally!
Now Nelson is in charge.
227
00:12:55,736 --> 00:12:57,861
Not anymore I'm not!
228
00:13:00,687 --> 00:13:04,951
What are you going to do to my wife?!
- Nothing if you tell me where your son is!
229
00:13:04,987 --> 00:13:07,320
We told you, we don't know.
230
00:13:07,437 --> 00:13:09,601
Do you know what this is?!
231
00:13:10,218 --> 00:13:14,513
This is apple juice.
It gives super bad farts.
232
00:13:15,516 --> 00:13:17,743
Did he just inject himself with apple juice?
233
00:13:17,777 --> 00:13:20,752
Where is your son?!
- She doesn't know either.
234
00:13:22,916 --> 00:13:26,863
I mean it! Stop! That is disgusting!
Where is your mother?!
235
00:13:30,675 --> 00:13:32,111
Answer it!
236
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:36,232
Hallo? Hallo Bahir.
Where are you?
237
00:13:36,758 --> 00:13:39,292
Who it Butters?
- Butters.
238
00:13:39,327 --> 00:13:42,631
Bahir, one of your classmates
is keeping us hostage.
239
00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:47,030
You filthy little rapscallion!
240
00:13:47,085 --> 00:13:50,442
We got him! I know where he is!
- All right, where? We'll send our people in.
241
00:13:50,485 --> 00:13:53,421
No no, he's my lead.
- You're not going alone.
242
00:13:53,455 --> 00:13:56,352
You blow in there and you risk taking
him down without finding the detonator!
243
00:13:56,387 --> 00:13:58,282
I'm going to find out where it is!
244
00:13:59,107 --> 00:14:02,632
All right, people, I'm in charge now
and we will find the terrorists.
245
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,580
Jarvis, I want you to check for
any terrorist chatter on AOL.
246
00:14:05,617 --> 00:14:09,721
Marley and Greggs, try searching
for nuclear devices on askjeeves.com.
247
00:14:09,756 --> 00:14:12,563
Ask Jeeves? Nobody uses Ask Jeeves!
Just Google-search it!
248
00:14:12,597 --> 00:14:14,881
Are you telling me how to do my job?
- Yes.
249
00:14:14,916 --> 00:14:16,893
There's a Russian guy named Vladimir Stolfsky
250
00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:18,721
who's got search engine hits all
over this thing.
251
00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:22,921
Chase, search the name Stolfsky on YouTube
and cross-reference it with JDate!
252
00:14:23,046 --> 00:14:23,920
Checking.
253
00:14:23,955 --> 00:14:25,841
Look, these Russian guys all have blogs
talking about this
254
00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:28,202
like it's just some big diversion
for something much bigger!
255
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:31,700
Sir, these kids are right. We've just
received intel that Russian terrorists
256
00:14:31,707 --> 00:14:33,801
are believed to be responsible
for the threat.
257
00:14:33,846 --> 00:14:36,791
Where's the intel from?
- We just read it on Drudge Report.
258
00:14:36,826 --> 00:14:38,411
Look, we already have the guy's blog.
259
00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:40,772
Maybe we can find an address
and check it out on MapQuest.
260
00:14:40,808 --> 00:14:43,672
We do this my way!
I'm the one in charge!
261
00:14:44,247 --> 00:14:47,433
Not anymore you're not.
- Oh, snap.
262
00:14:49,435 --> 00:14:51,651
I captured another one of your pieces, Bahir.
263
00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,180
Oh hey Eric.
264
00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:58,242
Where is the detonator!
- The what?
265
00:14:58,277 --> 00:15:02,161
You have exactly five seconds before I start
dropping serious apple juice farts on your face!
266
00:15:02,197 --> 00:15:04,602
One!
- Leave me alone!
267
00:15:04,777 --> 00:15:06,110
Stop!
268
00:15:06,168 --> 00:15:08,191
Hey, I was about to win!
269
00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:11,191
Stop, terrorist, or I will shoot you!
270
00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:16,251
Get in the van!
271
00:15:17,965 --> 00:15:21,393
Uh, that's cool.
I'm actually not playing anymore.
272
00:15:21,686 --> 00:15:23,523
Get in the van!
273
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,420
That's it! We don't have a choice anymore!
274
00:15:26,438 --> 00:15:30,471
Somebody is going to have to go in
and try to disarm the snuke manually!
275
00:15:30,506 --> 00:15:34,633
No, it's too dangerous! That snatch
has not seen action in over 30 years!
276
00:15:34,665 --> 00:15:36,471
It could be toxic!
277
00:15:36,818 --> 00:15:40,842
I'll do it!
I'll check out Ms. Clinton's snizz.
278
00:15:44,606 --> 00:15:47,601
Let me go! Please! I am just a little boy!
279
00:15:47,636 --> 00:15:50,623
You called and warned the government
of our plans!
280
00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:53,980
What you don't know is that we
are merely mercenaries!
281
00:15:54,017 --> 00:15:58,980
We were paid to set up the snuke so that
the real enemy of America could attack!
282
00:15:59,017 --> 00:16:01,193
That's cool. I'm fine with muslims invading.
283
00:16:01,225 --> 00:16:05,380
You really think Muslims are behind
this terrorist threat?!
284
00:16:05,737 --> 00:16:07,693
Uh yes, of course?
285
00:16:07,728 --> 00:16:13,531
America had other enemies before the Muslims,
you know. Who is America's oldest enemy?
286
00:16:14,137 --> 00:16:16,762
The Russians?
- Before that.
287
00:16:16,807 --> 00:16:19,962
The Germans?
- Before that.
288
00:16:20,006 --> 00:16:22,380
The Germans again?
- Before that!
289
00:16:22,405 --> 00:16:28,833
I am talking about the oldest threat to America!
The greatest enemy America has ever known!
290
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:31,050
You can't possible mean...
291
00:16:35,498 --> 00:16:41,883
Two hundred years we've waited. Finally.
We will get those traitors to the Crown!
292
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,733
Yes, Your Majesty?
293
00:16:45,765 --> 00:16:49,253
The Russians are ready to set off
the diversion.
294
00:16:49,287 --> 00:16:50,783
Full sail.
295
00:16:50,827 --> 00:16:52,803
Full sail, your Majesty.
296
00:17:03,418 --> 00:17:04,913
All right, Brian, this is it.
297
00:17:04,947 --> 00:17:08,632
Get in there and see if you can disarm
the snuke in Ms. Clinton's snatch.
298
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:14,373
All right. I'm nearing her snizz now.
299
00:17:15,105 --> 00:17:16,340
God help him.
300
00:17:16,378 --> 00:17:20,560
What do you see, Brian?
- It's dark. Cold.
301
00:17:20,597 --> 00:17:25,831
You're doing fine, Brian. Get as close as
you can. You have to look inside the snizz.
302
00:17:28,767 --> 00:17:31,092
Allright, I'm,looking.
303
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:34,430
Yes, I see...
I see the device!
304
00:17:36,147 --> 00:17:38,213
You're doing great, Brian. Hang in there.
305
00:17:38,247 --> 00:17:43,792
There's um, metal housing some kind of
three-pronged triggering mechanism that...
306
00:17:43,905 --> 00:17:47,033
Wait there's something else here!
307
00:17:47,077 --> 00:17:48,671
There's something...
308
00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:49,911
Say again, Brian.
309
00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:53,392
There's something perched on the snuke's coil.
310
00:17:53,438 --> 00:17:55,380
Oh God, it's looking at me!
311
00:17:55,416 --> 00:17:59,000
Brian, get out of there!
- What are you?!
312
00:17:59,315 --> 00:18:03,702
I have no qualm with you!
Stay back! Stay back I-
313
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:10,802
Brian? Brian, what's happening?
- It's eating my head! It's eating my head!
314
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:14,852
Oh my!
315
00:18:16,205 --> 00:18:17,622
I got it! I got it!
316
00:18:17,676 --> 00:18:20,240
According to PayPal, the Russian guys
are just hired mercenaries
317
00:18:20,245 --> 00:18:22,412
who had ads up on Craig's List
and got paid through eBay.
318
00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:25,503
So that person could be attacked
by the British.
319
00:18:25,548 --> 00:18:28,463
The British?
- Loyalist Red Coats!
320
00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:32,921
Sir, I found the Russian's eHarmony account!
It does list an address in South Park!
321
00:18:32,957 --> 00:18:36,553
All right! MapQuest the address!
- I'll use Google Maps. It has live traffic.
322
00:18:36,588 --> 00:18:37,413
Good thinking.
323
00:18:37,425 --> 00:18:40,851
Sir, we have the terrorists' location.
IM'ing you now.
324
00:18:41,717 --> 00:18:45,943
It was good knowing you, comrade.
- Please. Think about what you are doing.
325
00:18:45,976 --> 00:18:48,292
The British are just using you,
you're going to die.
326
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:51,063
Yes, but we will be rich.
327
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:54,573
Left flank, prig prang and clear! Go!
328
00:18:56,686 --> 00:19:00,401
The game is over! Get down on the ground!
- How did they find us?
329
00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:04,271
We know about everything! Your diversion
to help the Red Coats is over!
330
00:19:04,307 --> 00:19:07,540
It doesn't matter.
The detonator is on a timer.
331
00:19:07,577 --> 00:19:12,773
You are too late!
In three minutes!
332
00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:18,460
What the hell?!
333
00:19:18,506 --> 00:19:21,510
The power went out!
- Well so then what time is it?
334
00:19:24,326 --> 00:19:27,602
Oh crap.
- Take 'em down!
335
00:19:31,517 --> 00:19:35,490
No! I don't want to die without being paid!
336
00:19:39,996 --> 00:19:43,543
The detonator is secured, general.
You are cleared to proceed.
337
00:19:51,017 --> 00:19:53,400
The Rebel Americans know of our attack?!
338
00:19:53,438 --> 00:19:55,900
How?
- Fire at will!
339
00:20:06,337 --> 00:20:07,472
Yes?
340
00:20:07,508 --> 00:20:10,480
Your Majesty, the attack has failed.
341
00:20:10,516 --> 00:20:15,052
We were unable to end the American Revolution.
342
00:20:15,336 --> 00:20:16,793
I see.
343
00:20:22,425 --> 00:20:26,090
Well, looks like we saved our country
from British rule once again.
344
00:20:26,127 --> 00:20:29,230
Yeah. It just proves we need to learn
not to profile one race of people.
345
00:20:29,265 --> 00:20:32,023
Because, actually,
most of the world hates us.
346
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,170
Well Bahir, I was thinking that maybe
I owe you an apology.
347
00:20:35,207 --> 00:20:36,271
Really?
- Yes.
348
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,333
But then I realized that technically,
I don't.
349
00:20:38,366 --> 00:20:41,403
Because by being suspicious of you
I saved your life and everyone else's.
350
00:20:41,438 --> 00:20:44,791
So really, you own me an apology.
But that's cool.
351
00:20:44,825 --> 00:20:49,101
You didn't save everyone, I did!
You were just out harrassing muslims!
352
00:20:49,375 --> 00:20:52,223
But if I hadn't called you in the first place
to check out the muslim
353
00:20:52,225 --> 00:20:54,590
you would have just stayed
in bed sick all day, right?
354
00:20:54,867 --> 00:20:56,723
Maybe.
- Maybe?
355
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,463
If I hadn't called you, you wouldn't have been
on your computer checking out the Clinton rally.
356
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,472
That means my intolerance of muslims
saved America.
357
00:21:02,815 --> 00:21:04,200
That is so missing the point.
358
00:21:04,245 --> 00:21:07,701
Me being a bigot stopped a nuclear bomb
from going off, yes or no?!
359
00:21:07,736 --> 00:21:10,571
That's not the right way to look at it, I-
- Yes or no, Kyle?!
360
00:21:10,608 --> 00:21:13,182
No! Not, not like you're saying.
361
00:21:13,225 --> 00:21:16,063
But that's all I'm saying:
today, bigotry and racism saved the day.
362
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:17,362
Bahir, you get this, right?
363
00:21:17,395 --> 00:21:22,070
Bahir! Get away from that disgusting child!
Get back home and start packing your things!
364
00:21:22,075 --> 00:21:25,020
We are leaving this whole intolerant country!
365
00:21:29,836 --> 00:21:33,251
Okay. Who got rid of the Muslims, huh?
366
00:21:33,298 --> 00:21:36,611
That was all me.
Simple thank you will suffice.
367
00:21:36,905 --> 00:21:38,203
Transcript: spscriptorium
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