1 00:00:06,138 --> 00:00:08,307 Captioning made possible by comedy central 2 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,693 ? I'm going down to south park? 3 00:00:10,728 --> 00:00:12,337 ? Gonna have myself a time? 4 00:00:12,372 --> 00:00:13,911 ? Friendly faces everywhere? 5 00:00:13,946 --> 00:00:15,681 ? Humble folks without temptation? 6 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:16,549 ? Going down to south park? 7 00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:18,718 ? Gonna leave my woes behind? 8 00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:20,418 ? Ample parking day or night? 9 00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:21,971 ? People spouting "howdy neighbor"? 10 00:00:22,006 --> 00:00:23,832 ? Headin' on up to south park? 11 00:00:23,867 --> 00:00:25,658 ? Gonna see if i can't unwind? 12 00:00:28,694 --> 00:00:30,212 ? So come on down to south park? 13 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:31,731 ? And meet some friends of mine? 14 00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:36,302 Well, you boys must be pretty excited- 15 00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:37,603 Your first night of scouts. 16 00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:38,905 It's gonna suck. 17 00:00:39,338 --> 00:00:40,640 There's gonna be all these new kids there we don't know. 18 00:00:41,073 --> 00:00:41,906 Yeah. 19 00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,641 Well, now, that's part of the fun. 20 00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:45,411 Yeah, both kenny's dad and i were in scouts for years. 21 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:46,712 Was your dad in scouts, cartman? 22 00:00:47,146 --> 00:00:48,014 Oh yeah, you don't have a dad. 23 00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,449 That's not funny! Jesus christ! 24 00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,653 Are you excited for your first night of scouts, timmy? 25 00:00:54,086 --> 00:00:56,220 Yeah, timmy! 26 00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:57,990 Yeah, he's excited. 27 00:01:02,762 --> 00:01:03,629 Hey, fellas. 28 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:04,896 Hey, butters. 29 00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:06,197 Boy, am i glad to see you guys. 30 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,533 There's lots of kids here from other schools. 31 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,834 I don't know anybody. 32 00:01:09,268 --> 00:01:10,570 All right boys, we're gonna head to the bar. 33 00:01:10,605 --> 00:01:11,871 We'll be back to pick you up at nine. 34 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:14,040 You boys just make sure to obey the scout leader now. 35 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:15,341 He's the man in charge. 36 00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,076 Hello, scouts! 37 00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:19,210 Hey, it's big gay al! 38 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,379 Hello, stanley, i was happy to see you 39 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,149 And your little friends' names on the list. 40 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,415 Timmy! 41 00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:25,968 You're the new scout leader? 42 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,451 I just got transferred in. 43 00:01:27,486 --> 00:01:29,655 I think everyone's here now, so we can get started. 44 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,824 Come on, scouts, we've got work to do. 45 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,427 Hooray! Hooray! See ya, dad. 46 00:01:35,294 --> 00:01:37,463 Hey, are you parents gonna stand there all night? 47 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:41,367 This meeting is for scouts only, you silly gooses! 48 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:45,271 Now, before we get started, scouts, 49 00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:48,307 I want to introduce you to someone very special here tonight. 50 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,441 He's a brave little boy with disabilities, 51 00:01:50,476 --> 00:01:53,946 Who proves just by being here that scouts are for everyone! 52 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,212 Timmy! 53 00:01:55,247 --> 00:01:56,549 So let's all all give a big round of applause 54 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:58,249 To little jimmy! 55 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,453 Well, hello, everyone. 56 00:02:03,055 --> 00:02:04,790 Ji-Jimmy? 57 00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:09,996 Look, i'm not saying the new scout leader's a bad person, 58 00:02:10,031 --> 00:02:12,182 I just don't think he should be a scout leader. 59 00:02:12,217 --> 00:02:14,333 He got to where he is by being a good scout, 60 00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:15,635 Maybe we should just leave him alone. 61 00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:16,936 Well, how gay is he? 62 00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:18,671 He's really, really gay. 63 00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:20,840 Well then, i don't want my boy there either. 64 00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:22,540 So, he's a homosexual, so what? 65 00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:24,744 I have nothing against homosexuals either, randy, 66 00:02:24,779 --> 00:02:26,444 But the big camping trip is next week. 67 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:29,081 Are you saying you're fine with this guy camping overnight, 68 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,781 Alone, with our boys? 69 00:02:30,816 --> 00:02:32,551 You know, boys emulate authority figures. 70 00:02:32,985 --> 00:02:34,720 Even if it doesn't turn them gay, 71 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,455 They can end up all talking all fem' 72 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,190 And prancing around like girls. 73 00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:39,943 Ah, that's ridiculous. 74 00:02:39,978 --> 00:02:41,626 People, people, please! 75 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:44,263 You're forgetting that homosexuality is a choice. 76 00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:49,035 As many of you know, i myself went through a homosexual phase. 77 00:02:49,070 --> 00:02:51,637 But the light of christ showed me how to change. 78 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:52,938 Just give me two hours with this man 79 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,240 And i can convert him back. 80 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,374 That's what you said about peterson, 81 00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:58,577 And then you ended up having sex with him. 82 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,277 That's right, you did. 83 00:03:00,312 --> 00:03:02,915 And so, that's how to make banana nut muffins. 84 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,301 And now, as a very special treat, 85 00:03:05,336 --> 00:03:07,218 Our very special friend jimmy 86 00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:08,554 Is going to do what he loves most- 87 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,306 Motivational stand-Up comedy. 88 00:03:10,341 --> 00:03:12,024 Let's give him a big hand! 89 00:03:13,759 --> 00:03:15,026 Wow, what a great audience. 90 00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:16,362 Well, just in case you were wondering, 91 00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:18,062 I do have a disability- 92 00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:20,266 I am totally happy with the way i was born, very much. 93 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:22,001 I travel to different states and talk to kids 94 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,701 About being proud of what they are. 95 00:03:23,736 --> 00:03:25,905 My mom says god has a p-Plan for everyone. 96 00:03:26,338 --> 00:03:28,507 I guess i was plan "b". 97 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,977 You guys like im-Impersonations? 98 00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:34,545 Timmy! 99 00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:35,846 How about jimmy stewart? 100 00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:37,616 "Merry christmas, movie house." 101 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:38,883 And john travolta. 102 00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:40,184 "Oh my god, mr. Carter. 103 00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:41,520 Mr. Carter, oh my god, mr. Carter." 104 00:03:41,954 --> 00:03:43,654 Jimmy's funny, dude. 105 00:03:43,689 --> 00:03:47,159 Yeah, well, he's the coolest kid with disabilities in the world. 106 00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,426 Hmm! 107 00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:50,196 Ah, kenny, it's 9:00. 108 00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,462 Come on, stanley. 109 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:53,197 Oops, guess we're out of time, kids. 110 00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:54,967 Now remember, tomorrow you all have bake sales 111 00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,136 In your respective neighborhoods to raise money. 112 00:03:57,171 --> 00:03:58,437 We'll meet back here next tuesday 113 00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,606 And see who raised the most. Good luck! 114 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,872 Hey, i've got a great idea. 115 00:04:01,907 --> 00:04:03,642 Why don't we see if jimmy wants to come be in our scout club. 116 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,776 Hey, yeah. Timmy, timmy. 117 00:04:05,811 --> 00:04:07,980 Hey jimmy, you wanna come join our bake sale tomorrow? 118 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,583 Jeez, sure, that'd be great, thanks, fellas. 119 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:11,849 Come on, stan. 120 00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:13,185 Bye big gay al, we had great time. 121 00:04:13,619 --> 00:04:14,452 Yeah, thanks. 122 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:15,753 Bye, jimmy! Bye, jimmy! 123 00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:17,089 See you tomorrow at the bake sale, fellas. 124 00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,258 You were right, dad, scouts is awesome. Yeah! 125 00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,861 We told ghost stories and learned how to make a tornado in a glass bottle. 126 00:04:21,896 --> 00:04:24,463 Yeah, we learned how to make cakes and muffins for our bake sale. 127 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,163 And best of all, we met this kid named jimmy. 128 00:04:26,198 --> 00:04:28,367 He's disabled, but he doesn't let it ruin his life. He's awesome! 129 00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:30,501 Aah! 130 00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,271 Yeah, we're gonna use him to help raise money at our bake sale. 131 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:34,440 Cartman, don't say use him, you big silly goose. 132 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,140 Ah! 133 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:37,042 What did you say? 134 00:04:37,476 --> 00:04:38,778 I just called cartman a name, 135 00:04:38,813 --> 00:04:39,645 He's a silly goose. 136 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:40,911 Uh-Huh. 137 00:04:40,946 --> 00:04:43,514 You do not say "big silly goose"! 138 00:04:43,549 --> 00:04:45,284 You call him an asshole like a normal kid. 139 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,984 But dad, i was just trying to- 140 00:04:47,019 --> 00:04:50,055 Stanley, you call your friend an asshole this instant! 141 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,322 Asshole. 142 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,057 That's better. 143 00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:55,261 Don't call me asshole, you som'bitch. 144 00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:57,863 Ah, hello. 145 00:04:58,297 --> 00:05:01,767 We're having a bake sale to raise money for scout troop #69. 146 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,936 Ah, please stop by and give us a hand. 147 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,202 And now, for your entertainment, 148 00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:08,274 Our new best friend, stand-Up comic jimmy! 149 00:05:09,141 --> 00:05:10,841 Wow, what a great audience. 150 00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:14,780 I just flew into south park, boy are my crutches tired. 151 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,480 What a terrific audience. 152 00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:18,250 You know, people sometimes ask me, 153 00:05:18,684 --> 00:05:20,853 "Are you angry at god for making disabled people?" 154 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:25,191 I say, "no, i think the world is better with president bush." 155 00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:29,059 What a brave little boy. 156 00:05:29,094 --> 00:05:31,697 He's able to use comedy to overcome his handicap. 157 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,831 I love him! 158 00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:36,902 Well, i sure have met a lot of interesting people here in south park. 159 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,505 How about that eric cartman kid, huh? 160 00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,107 "God damn it, no chicken pot pies! 161 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,843 God damn it! God damn it!" 162 00:05:44,276 --> 00:05:46,662 Heh, heh. I don't sound like that. 163 00:05:46,697 --> 00:05:49,824 And how about that school counselor? 164 00:05:49,859 --> 00:05:52,952 "Drugs are bad, drugs are bad, m'kay. 165 00:05:52,987 --> 00:05:54,704 Drugs are bad, okay. Okay." 166 00:05:54,739 --> 00:05:56,448 Wow, what a great audience. 167 00:05:56,483 --> 00:05:58,122 "Mr. Happy, quiet, mr. Hat. 168 00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:00,326 "Hello there, children, mr. Hat. 169 00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,592 "Hello, mr. Hat. 170 00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:03,796 "I think it's all very sacrilege- 171 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,496 It's all very sacrilege... " 172 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,966 "God damn it! God damn it!" 173 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,736 And of course, my very favorite... 174 00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:12,870 "Timmy! Timmy! 175 00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:15,507 I'm living a lie, i'm living a lie, timmy!" 176 00:06:17,676 --> 00:06:18,978 "Timmy, i'm living a lie. 177 00:06:19,411 --> 00:06:20,678 Ah, timmy!" 178 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,882 Sometimes it's like, "please, timmy, learn a new word." 179 00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:24,617 "Timmy! Timmy!" 180 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:25,918 Aahh! 181 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,256 Wow, it looks like when it comes to comedy 182 00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:31,791 I really take the c-C... 183 00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,426 I really take the ca... 184 00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:35,027 I really take the ca-Cake. 185 00:06:36,328 --> 00:06:38,497 Jimmy, jimmy, jimmy! 186 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,666 Timmy! 187 00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:46,739 Well, this is it, we've simply gotten too many complaints 188 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,491 From concerned parents about him. 189 00:06:48,526 --> 00:06:50,209 I'm afraid we don't have a choice. 190 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:51,475 Hi ya, fellas! 191 00:06:51,510 --> 00:06:53,028 How are you today, scout? 192 00:06:53,063 --> 00:06:54,546 I'm super, thanks for asking. 193 00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,680 The troops are off having bake sales, 194 00:06:56,715 --> 00:06:58,450 And i'm pleased to report that we have already raised 195 00:06:58,884 --> 00:07:01,053 Over $600 for the event- Yippy! 196 00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:02,753 Uh, big gay al, 197 00:07:02,788 --> 00:07:07,126 It's recently come to our attention that you are... gay. 198 00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:08,392 Well, stop the presses. 199 00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:10,162 You figure that out all by yourself, silly buns? 200 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,897 Yes, well, unfortunately for you 201 00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:15,367 The scouts have a policy that openly gay men 202 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,634 Cannot belong. 203 00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:18,404 We are left with no options, mr. Al. 204 00:07:18,837 --> 00:07:22,741 We're afraid you are herebyoutof scouts. 205 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,875 Out of scouts? 206 00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:26,610 We're sorry, mr. Gay al. 207 00:07:26,645 --> 00:07:28,814 But i've been in scouts since i was nine, 208 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,514 It's a huge part of my life. 209 00:07:30,549 --> 00:07:33,585 You must understand that scouts is a private club, 210 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,887 A club that follows certain beliefs, 211 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:39,658 And one of those beliefs is that homosexuality is immoral. 212 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:40,925 I see. 213 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,660 It's nothing against you personally. 214 00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,863 What if i promise not to be gay anymore? 215 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,130 Pinky swear! 216 00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,900 We think it's best you just move on. 217 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,502 Right, move on. 218 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:56,507 Oh, hey, timmy. 219 00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:57,808 I'm glad you called, very much. 220 00:07:57,843 --> 00:08:00,012 I've been detecting some animosity towards me lately, 221 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,747 And i was hoping we could bury the hatchet. 222 00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,013 Timmy. 223 00:08:03,048 --> 00:08:04,315 What's that? 224 00:08:04,350 --> 00:08:05,616 A- Libba-La, timmy. 225 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,386 A present, you got me a present? 226 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,652 Timmy! 227 00:08:08,687 --> 00:08:09,954 Gee, you didn't have to do that. 228 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,157 I mean, i understand why you'd be jealous of my talents. 229 00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,459 If you work at it maybe you could be 230 00:08:13,892 --> 00:08:15,627 As handi-Capable as i am, huh? 231 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:16,929 Wow, a parka. 232 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:18,664 You didn't have to do that, tim-Tim. 233 00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:19,930 Tim, timmy. 234 00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:22,533 Oh sure, i'll see if it fits. 235 00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:25,604 This is very warm, thanks a lot, tim-Tim. 236 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,905 Well, i'll see you around. 237 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,207 Timmy! 238 00:08:32,978 --> 00:08:35,581 There he is, kill him, kill him! 239 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,316 Oh, wait, that's not him. 240 00:08:39,918 --> 00:08:42,955 Thanks, again, tim-Tim! 241 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,690 Tim, timmy! 242 00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:18,489 Ah, bye, scouts. 243 00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:20,692 Okay, okay, mark, stop playing now. 244 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,393 Hey, don't yell at me. 245 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:24,163 You asked me to come over and play sad songs 246 00:09:24,198 --> 00:09:25,898 For you to pack to, and then you yell at me. 247 00:09:26,331 --> 00:09:27,633 I'm sorry, i'm sorry. 248 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,368 But now i've packed everything away, so just- 249 00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:32,369 Play something uplifting like, 250 00:09:32,404 --> 00:09:35,006 I'm-Gonna-Put-All-This-Behind- Me-And-Make-It-Okay music. 251 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,609 ? Oh, i don't want her you can have her? 252 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:38,911 ? She's too fat for me? 253 00:09:39,344 --> 00:09:41,080 Oh, jesus, mark. 254 00:09:45,417 --> 00:09:48,020 Parents, this is the new scout leader, mr. Grazier. 255 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:50,189 He will be taking over for the homosexual. 256 00:09:50,224 --> 00:09:51,056 Nice to meet you. 257 00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,322 Marsh, right? 258 00:09:52,357 --> 00:09:53,659 We actually kind of know each other. 259 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:54,960 Your wife and mine are friends. 260 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,660 Your wife, huh? 261 00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:59,081 Carol is is the head of a girls' mountain scouts troop. 262 00:09:59,116 --> 00:10:01,467 Well, i guess we're off to the bar until nine then. 263 00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:02,733 Gonna go pound some brews, huh? 264 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,370 And so i says to him, "hey, i may be handicapped, 265 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,938 But i'm not deaf." 266 00:10:07,973 --> 00:10:10,107 Wow, what a terrific audience. 267 00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:12,311 Well, for my next joke, i'm gonna need a volunteer 268 00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:13,612 From the audience, very much. 269 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:14,913 How about you, timmy? 270 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:15,746 Timmy. 271 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,516 Sure, come on up here, tim-Tim. 272 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,251 Timmy, ladies and gentlemen. 273 00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:20,951 Let's all give him a hand, very much. 274 00:10:20,986 --> 00:10:22,721 Come to think of it, give him a pair of legs, too. 275 00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:25,757 Here, timmy, put on this silly hat. 276 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,943 Just for a second, timmy. 277 00:10:27,978 --> 00:10:30,121 Don't be a jerk, timmy. 278 00:10:30,156 --> 00:10:32,264 Hey, don't push me! 279 00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:33,964 Timmy! 280 00:10:33,999 --> 00:10:35,300 Cripple fight! 281 00:10:35,734 --> 00:10:36,602 That is enough, scouts! 282 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,903 Take your seats! 283 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,603 Aww! 284 00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:42,457 All right, scouts, i am your new scout master, mr. Grazier. 285 00:10:42,492 --> 00:10:45,186 Together we are going to become the best, the sleekest, 286 00:10:45,221 --> 00:10:47,880 The most well-Polished scout troop in all of colorado. 287 00:10:48,313 --> 00:10:49,580 Isn't that right? 288 00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:50,881 When i ask you a question 289 00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:52,651 You will answer "yes, scout master." 290 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:53,917 Do i make myself clear? 291 00:10:53,952 --> 00:10:54,820 Yes, scout master! 292 00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:56,520 Good. 293 00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:59,158 Now, the first activity for this evening will be... 294 00:10:59,591 --> 00:11:00,893 Naked pictures. 295 00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:03,495 I'm going to take some pictures of each of you naked 296 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,664 In case we need them for later. 297 00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:06,497 Aww! Aww! 298 00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:08,232 Oh, what is this?! 299 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,002 If there's one thing i hate it's a whiny platoon. 300 00:11:10,435 --> 00:11:11,736 "We don't wanna do push-Ups! 301 00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,003 "We don't wanna get up early! 302 00:11:13,038 --> 00:11:15,641 We don't wanna have you take naked pictures of us!" 303 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:16,907 Man, this guy sucks. 304 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:19,978 Now, fall in and strip down, scouts! 305 00:11:21,713 --> 00:11:23,882 All right, scouts, we're gonna end this meeting 306 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,184 With a little puppet show. 307 00:11:25,617 --> 00:11:26,919 Here's a little scout. 308 00:11:27,352 --> 00:11:30,389 He's always prepared, he's always ready. 309 00:11:30,822 --> 00:11:33,208 Now, here's the little scout telling his parents 310 00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:35,594 That mr. Grazier took naked pictures of him. 311 00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:36,895 Look what happens. 312 00:11:37,329 --> 00:11:39,064 "Oh, no! Oh, oh! 313 00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:41,198 Ohh!" 314 00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:42,968 Do i make myself clear, scouts? 315 00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:44,269 Yes, scout master! 316 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:45,969 Oh, hello, parents. 317 00:11:46,004 --> 00:11:47,739 All right, that's all the time we have for tonight, scouts. 318 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,474 We sure had a great time, didn't we? 319 00:11:49,908 --> 00:11:51,175 Yes, sir, scout master! 320 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,812 Wow, you sure whipped those kids into shape. 321 00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:56,198 Yeah, now they're acting like men. 322 00:11:56,233 --> 00:11:58,150 Well, you know what i say about kids- 323 00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:59,451 They're all pink on the inside. 324 00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:00,986 You bet. I heard that. 325 00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,487 See ya, mr. Grazier. 326 00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:13,548 Go away, i'm dead. 327 00:12:13,583 --> 00:12:15,899 Oh, well, here he is. 328 00:12:15,934 --> 00:12:17,201 Big gay al, what are you doing? 329 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,537 Yeah, get your big gay ass off the couch 330 00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:19,838 And come be our scout master again! 331 00:12:20,272 --> 00:12:21,538 I can't, kids. 332 00:12:21,573 --> 00:12:23,308 I've been kicked out of scouts. 333 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,008 Kicked out? Oh no. 334 00:12:25,043 --> 00:12:26,778 But you have to come back, we hate our new scout leader. 335 00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:28,478 Really, why? 336 00:12:28,513 --> 00:12:31,116 We can't tell you. 337 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,382 Why not? 338 00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:35,852 Oh, no, no! Oh, no no, no no! 339 00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:40,225 Please, big gay al, we don't wanna go on a camp trip with this guy next week. 340 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,411 Boys, there's nothing i can do. 341 00:12:42,446 --> 00:12:44,563 The scouts don't allow homosexuals. 342 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:45,829 Well then, that settles it. 343 00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:47,564 Fellas, what we're gonna have to do 344 00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:50,202 Is try to change the scouts' rules, very much. 345 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,937 What do we want? 346 00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:53,203 Gays in scouts! 347 00:12:53,238 --> 00:12:54,938 When do we want it? Timmy! 348 00:12:54,973 --> 00:12:56,275 What do we want? Gays in scouts! 349 00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:57,576 When do we want it? 350 00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,328 Timmy! 351 00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:01,046 Ohh, no. 352 00:13:04,516 --> 00:13:06,034 What do we want? Gays in scouts! 353 00:13:06,069 --> 00:13:07,517 When do we want it? Timmy! 354 00:13:07,552 --> 00:13:09,721 All right, this looks like the perfect place to get some signatures. 355 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,890 Puppies, puppies for sale. 356 00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:14,059 Beat it, toots, we got discrimination work to do. 357 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,325 All right, let's set up. 358 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,529 Hi, we're here to collect signatures in support 359 00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,264 To force the scouts to accept gays. 360 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,433 Ah, hello, gays in scouts? 361 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:22,699 God damn it. 362 00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:24,903 Hey, why don't we have jimmy do some stand-Up comedy, 363 00:13:25,337 --> 00:13:26,638 Like in our bake sale, very much? 364 00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:27,939 That's a great idea. 365 00:13:28,373 --> 00:13:30,108 Attention, ladies and gentlemen, now for your entertainment, 366 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,410 Stand-Up comic jimmy! 367 00:13:31,843 --> 00:13:33,543 Wow, what a great audience. 368 00:13:33,578 --> 00:13:36,181 For my first joke i'm gonna need a volunteer. 369 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,350 Come on up here, tim-Tim. 370 00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:42,254 Timmy, when i tell you to do something, you do it. 371 00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:43,121 Timmy! 372 00:13:43,555 --> 00:13:44,856 Timmy, don't make me kick your ass. 373 00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:46,123 Timmy! 374 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,025 Put on your hat! 375 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:47,893 Timmy! 376 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:49,194 P- Put it on! 377 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:51,797 Dude, this looks like it could get ugly. 378 00:13:53,965 --> 00:13:55,700 Timmy... timmy. 379 00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,436 Not this year. 380 00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:01,773 Timmy, tim. 381 00:14:03,942 --> 00:14:05,677 Cripple fight! 382 00:14:07,412 --> 00:14:10,015 Come on... come on! 383 00:14:13,051 --> 00:14:14,353 Timmy. 384 00:14:22,594 --> 00:14:25,630 Cripple fight! 385 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:29,534 Attention shoppers, 386 00:14:29,968 --> 00:14:32,137 Outside today we have cripple fight. 387 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,872 Cripple fight outside. 388 00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,246 Come on. 389 00:14:42,981 --> 00:14:44,716 Oh, oh! 390 00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:48,620 Jesus christ, dude. 391 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,320 Oh my god! 392 00:14:50,355 --> 00:14:51,873 Just let 'em have it out, susan. 393 00:14:51,908 --> 00:14:53,392 They'll run out of steam soon. 394 00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:57,946 Hel-Lo, timmy. 395 00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,464 Hel-Lo, timmy! 396 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,216 Tim-My! 397 00:15:01,251 --> 00:15:02,743 Ugnh! 398 00:15:02,778 --> 00:15:04,236 Ahh! 399 00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:20,684 Timmy... 400 00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:24,189 I told you, put on the hat! 401 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,431 You dirty mother! 402 00:15:38,069 --> 00:15:39,336 What's going on? 403 00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:41,540 Some kind of gay pride rally. 404 00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,553 Whoa! 405 00:16:17,108 --> 00:16:19,277 Aaaah! 406 00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:29,254 Timmy! 407 00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,797 Tom, i'm standing out front ofhenry's supermarket 408 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,966 Where five brave little boys are holding a rally 409 00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,134 To support gays in scouting. 410 00:16:43,568 --> 00:16:45,268 The rally is drawing so much attention 411 00:16:45,303 --> 00:16:48,340 That people from all over the country are taking media notice. 412 00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:50,075 Those boys have shown me the light. 413 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,677 I never knew the mountain scouts was a hate group. 414 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,846 This is a wake-Up call to america. 415 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,015 We cannot turn our backs on gays anymore. 416 00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:59,583 Oh god, they're actually pulling it off. 417 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,751 The rally has also caught the attention 418 00:17:01,786 --> 00:17:03,955 Of old scouts members, like steven spielberg, 419 00:17:04,389 --> 00:17:06,992 Director of such films as "always" and "1941". 420 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,160 I salute those boys and their courage. 421 00:17:09,594 --> 00:17:13,064 I am hereby cutting all my funding to the scouts! 422 00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,366 The rally has also caught the attention 423 00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:16,535 Of high-Power lawyer gloria allred. 424 00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:19,137 It is a disgrace that these homophobes 425 00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,872 Are allowed to discriminate! 426 00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:23,475 I am taking this case on personally! 427 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,741 With this kind of support, tom, 428 00:17:24,776 --> 00:17:27,379 These boys are sure to have a victory for gays. 429 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,697 Back to you. 430 00:17:28,732 --> 00:17:29,981 Thanks, chris. 431 00:17:30,415 --> 00:17:32,584 In other news, the f.B.I. Has finally caught the child molester 432 00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,284 Known as "mr. Slippy fist". 433 00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:36,019 The sick child molester was found 434 00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:39,524 With disturbing, graphic photos of young boys naked, 435 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,276 Which we will show you now. 436 00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,994 Here's one. And here's another. 437 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,096 Eddie? 438 00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,128 Oh my god. 439 00:17:45,163 --> 00:17:47,332 Hey, look at this one, sick son of a bitch. 440 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:48,633 There's one right here. 441 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,935 Aaah! 442 00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:02,514 Timmy! 443 00:18:14,659 --> 00:18:17,262 All right, boys, break it up. 444 00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:23,967 All rise. 445 00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:27,472 In the case of big gay al vs. Mountain scouts of america, 446 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:30,040 Due to the overwhelming show of support, 447 00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:33,545 It is the ruling of this court that the scouts must allow 448 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:36,147 Big gay al, and all gays, into their club! 449 00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:38,715 All right! 450 00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:41,353 Well, we've all learned an important lesson. 451 00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:42,619 That just because somebody's gay 452 00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:44,823 Doesn't mean they're gonna molest children. 453 00:18:44,858 --> 00:18:46,558 Straight people do that too. 454 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,258 Yeah! 455 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,028 And furthermore, the scout elders 456 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,162 Will be put into stocks for three days, 457 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:55,667 So they can see how it feels to be outcasts. 458 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,853 We did it! We did it! 459 00:18:57,888 --> 00:19:00,005 I did it! I did it! 460 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,306 Ha, ha! 461 00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:05,175 Today is a great day for democracy. 462 00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:09,547 The scouts have been exposed for the vile gay bashers they are. 463 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,681 And we owe it all to me! 464 00:19:11,716 --> 00:19:14,319 And these six brave little boys. 465 00:19:15,186 --> 00:19:17,754 Five brave little boys. 466 00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:20,392 And now, here to take his official oath 467 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:23,862 Back into scouts is big gay al! 468 00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:26,048 Thank you all very much. 469 00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,792 But i don't want this. 470 00:19:27,827 --> 00:19:29,501 What? What'd he say? 471 00:19:29,934 --> 00:19:30,767 Huh? 472 00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:33,838 Look, i appreciate what you kids did, i really do. 473 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,140 But this isn't what i wanted. 474 00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,840 I'm proud to be gay. 475 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,176 And i'm proud to be in a country 476 00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:40,345 Where i'm free to express myself. 477 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,314 But freedom is a two-Way street. 478 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,214 If i'm free to express myself, 479 00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:47,719 Then the scouts have to be free to express themselves, too. 480 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,419 I know these men. 481 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:52,455 They are good men. They're kind men. 482 00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:54,659 They do what they think is best for kids. 483 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,828 No matter how wrong we think they might be, 484 00:19:57,262 --> 00:20:00,298 It isn't right for us to force them to think our way. 485 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:03,334 It's up to us to persuade and help them see the light, 486 00:20:03,768 --> 00:20:05,070 Not extort them, to. 487 00:20:05,503 --> 00:20:07,637 Please, don't cut the scouts' funding. 488 00:20:07,672 --> 00:20:09,841 The scouts help and have always helped a lot of kids. 489 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,107 That's why i love them. 490 00:20:11,142 --> 00:20:13,745 I will continue to persuade them to change their minds. 491 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,914 But this is the wrong way to do it. 492 00:20:16,347 --> 00:20:18,733 So, i am hereby dropping my case 493 00:20:18,768 --> 00:20:21,084 And allowing the scouts their right 494 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:24,155 To not allow gays into their private club. 495 00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:25,422 Oh... 496 00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:26,723 Hooray! Hooray! 497 00:20:26,758 --> 00:20:28,927 So wait, did we do good? 498 00:20:28,962 --> 00:20:30,228 Yeah, i think so. 499 00:20:30,662 --> 00:20:31,529 Yeah, we kick ass. 500 00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:33,698 Come on, kids, let's go get some ice cream. 501 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,133 You can't do this, you homophobe! 502 00:20:37,168 --> 00:20:40,204 Well, timmy, i guess we learned an important lesson too, very much. 503 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,241 There is room for more than one handi-Capable person in scouts. 504 00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,109 Timmy! 505 00:20:44,542 --> 00:20:45,410 I'm glad we're best friends now. 506 00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:46,711 See you at scouts. 507 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:47,579 Timmy! 508 00:20:52,350 --> 00:20:54,519 ? Timmy, timmy, timmy, timmy? 509 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:56,653 ? Timmy, timmy, timmy? 510 00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:58,857 ? Timmy, timmy, timmy, tim? 511 00:20:59,290 --> 00:21:01,025 ? Tim, tim, tim, tim, tim? 512 00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:02,726 Ahh! 513 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,062 Dude, timmy, come on, we're gonna be late for scouts! 514 00:21:06,664 --> 00:21:09,267 All right, boys, i am your new scout leader. 515 00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:11,436 Everything is going to be just fine. 516 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,171 No naked pictures. 517 00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:14,038 Ah, timmy? 518 00:21:14,472 --> 00:21:15,773 Yes, timmy. 519 00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:17,309 Oh, dear. 520 00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:18,775 Jimmy? Yes. 521 00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:22,280 You know our policy, i'm afraid you're out of scouts. 522 00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:24,015 Out of scouts? 523 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:27,485 Timmy. 524 00:21:27,919 --> 00:21:29,654 What? Hey, wait a minute, this is crazy. 525 00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:31,354 You can't do this. 526 00:21:31,389 --> 00:21:32,690 Wow, i never knew jimmy was gay. 527 00:21:32,725 --> 00:21:34,009 Me neither. 528 00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:35,319 No, no! 529 00:21:35,354 --> 00:21:36,594 Timmy! 530 00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:40,932 Captioning made possible by comedy central 531 00:21:42,233 --> 00:21:43,535 Captioned by soundwriters™