1 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:17,104 ♪ I'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 2 00:00:17,114 --> 00:00:18,713 ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ 3 00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:21,052 ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ 4 00:00:21,057 --> 00:00:24,091 ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 5 00:00:24,098 --> 00:00:25,765 ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ 6 00:00:25,771 --> 00:00:27,771 ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 7 00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:31,045 ♪ heading on up to south park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 8 00:00:31,053 --> 00:00:34,120 ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ 9 00:00:34,126 --> 00:00:38,095 ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 10 00:00:44,588 --> 00:00:46,722 Oh, hey, kyle. Kyle, hang on a sec. 11 00:00:46,728 --> 00:00:46,726 Hey, jimmy. What's up? 12 00:00:46,728 --> 00:00:49,329 Not much. I just wanted to make sure 13 00:00:49,335 --> 00:00:50,634 You've heard the f-f-fantastic news. 14 00:00:50,639 --> 00:00:52,606 There's a new terrance and phillip mobile game, 15 00:00:52,611 --> 00:00:54,277 And it's so amazing and incredibly fun. 16 00:00:54,282 --> 00:00:55,715 Oh, really? Yeah. 17 00:00:55,719 --> 00:00:56,785 And the most unbelievable part -- 18 00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:56,789 It's totally free! 19 00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:59,692 You should download it to your phone right now. 20 00:00:59,697 --> 00:01:00,629 I mean, come on. 21 00:01:00,634 --> 00:01:02,167 If it's free, why wouldn't you? 22 00:01:02,170 --> 00:01:03,769 Cool. Thanks, jimmy. 23 00:01:03,775 --> 00:01:05,542 Well, I'll check it out. 24 00:01:05,545 --> 00:01:06,744 You betcha, pal. 25 00:01:12,765 --> 00:01:15,167 The "terrance & phillip" mobile game. 26 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,648 In this game, you are terrance and phillip. 27 00:01:20,655 --> 00:01:22,755 Can you collect all the canadian coins? 28 00:01:27,707 --> 00:01:30,508 That's one coin. Can you collect more? 29 00:01:31,886 --> 00:01:34,553 You've collected 10 canadian coins! 30 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:35,826 Congratulations. 31 00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,930 Hey, you're really good at this, guy. 32 00:01:37,936 --> 00:01:40,870 What? Congratulations, kyle. 33 00:01:40,876 --> 00:01:42,776 With canada coins, you can buy stuff 34 00:01:42,780 --> 00:01:44,614 And help terrance and phillip rebuild canada. 35 00:01:44,623 --> 00:01:46,189 Run around and collect more coins, 36 00:01:46,191 --> 00:01:47,790 Or better yet, buy them in bulk. 37 00:01:47,797 --> 00:01:50,398 How man canadian coins would you like to buy? 38 00:01:50,403 --> 00:01:51,769 This is stupid. 39 00:01:51,775 --> 00:01:53,975 Well, it's just $.49 for the cheapest one. 40 00:01:55,485 --> 00:01:57,785 You bought 200 canadian coins for $.49! 41 00:01:57,790 --> 00:01:57,788 You're amazing! 42 00:01:57,790 --> 00:02:01,525 Now use that canadough to help rebuild canada. 43 00:02:01,534 --> 00:02:03,301 Click to build a hospital here. 44 00:02:04,911 --> 00:02:06,411 Yay! Yay! 45 00:02:06,414 --> 00:02:08,614 It's still stupid, and now I paid $.49 for it. 46 00:02:08,621 --> 00:02:10,521 What are you two boners doing? 47 00:02:10,525 --> 00:02:13,225 We're playing the "terrance & phillip" freemium game. 48 00:02:13,232 --> 00:02:15,333 I played that thing. It's fucking dumb. 49 00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:16,872 I ended paying like five bucks. 50 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:17,874 Who makes this crap? 51 00:02:23,593 --> 00:02:25,794 oh, it's tewiffic! 52 00:02:25,801 --> 00:02:28,502 That's $200,000 more american in just one day. 53 00:02:28,510 --> 00:02:31,444 Where is the roof on this thing? 54 00:02:31,449 --> 00:02:33,549 What's the big idea making a mobile game 55 00:02:33,555 --> 00:02:34,788 Without our approval? 56 00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:36,358 Oh, terrance and phillip. 57 00:02:36,363 --> 00:02:38,263 How are canada's two favorite buddies? 58 00:02:38,269 --> 00:02:39,502 What gives you the right to make 59 00:02:39,505 --> 00:02:40,637 A stupid "terrance & phillip" mobile game? 60 00:02:40,641 --> 00:02:41,640 Who do you think you are? 61 00:02:41,643 --> 00:02:43,510 Oh, I'm only the prince of canada. 62 00:02:43,517 --> 00:02:45,750 And this happens to be the minister of mobile gaming. 63 00:02:45,755 --> 00:02:47,488 We thought you would be pleased 64 00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:49,060 With the quality of the mobile game. 65 00:02:49,064 --> 00:02:50,731 It's the dumbest game ever. 66 00:02:50,736 --> 00:02:52,636 All you do is collect and spend canadough. 67 00:02:52,642 --> 00:02:54,775 Eh, we know the game's not great. 68 00:02:54,779 --> 00:02:56,479 But who cares? It's free! 69 00:02:56,485 --> 00:02:57,818 But it's not free. 70 00:02:57,823 --> 00:02:59,989 If you charge $.40 here and $.50 there, 71 00:02:59,993 --> 00:03:01,293 Then it's not free. 72 00:03:01,297 --> 00:03:02,930 They see through the charade. 73 00:03:02,937 --> 00:03:04,503 Uh-oh. You think so? 74 00:03:04,508 --> 00:03:06,741 I think they see through the charade, yes. 75 00:03:06,745 --> 00:03:09,012 I'm pretty sure they can hear us, too. 76 00:03:09,019 --> 00:03:10,452 All right. Fuck it. 77 00:03:10,455 --> 00:03:11,921 You've seen through the charade, 78 00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:13,760 So you might as well know everything. 79 00:03:13,764 --> 00:03:14,830 Charade up! 80 00:03:21,554 --> 00:03:23,355 Allow me to explain the science 81 00:03:23,359 --> 00:03:25,425 Behind micro-pay freemium gaming. 82 00:03:25,431 --> 00:03:28,099 For years, the concept behind gaming was simple -- 83 00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:30,506 You pay for the game, and you enjoy. 84 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,411 With mobile apps, we now have the ability 85 00:03:32,417 --> 00:03:34,117 To make games that are boring and stupid, 86 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,054 But if you pay for incentives, you're rewarded. 87 00:03:37,063 --> 00:03:40,565 Freemium -- the "mium" is latin for "not really." 88 00:03:40,571 --> 00:03:41,870 Minister of gaming: It's a simple cycle, 89 00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:44,409 A never-ending loop based on rpgs. 90 00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,617 Explore, collect, spend, improve. 91 00:03:46,622 --> 00:03:48,822 But whereas those just use the concept of x.P., 92 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:48,827 Or experience points, 93 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:53,632 We've introduced the idea of micro-paying with money. 94 00:03:53,644 --> 00:03:55,711 Money, money, money, money, money, money. 95 00:03:55,714 --> 00:03:57,447 It's what everyone is doing. 96 00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:59,086 Freemium games are what's now, 97 00:03:59,090 --> 00:04:01,790 And it's all just a lot of harmless fun. 98 00:04:01,797 --> 00:04:03,564 You're in big trouble, stanley. 99 00:04:03,568 --> 00:04:04,700 Can you explain to us 100 00:04:04,705 --> 00:04:06,372 How you managed to spend $489 101 00:04:06,377 --> 00:04:09,544 On a mobile app? 102 00:04:09,551 --> 00:04:10,751 I'm sorry. 103 00:04:10,755 --> 00:04:12,454 I didn't realize I spent that much. 104 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,926 You didn't realize? 105 00:04:13,932 --> 00:04:16,099 What are "canadian coins"? 106 00:04:16,103 --> 00:04:18,671 You buy canadian coins so you have canadough. 107 00:04:18,677 --> 00:04:21,044 Stan, just because I make a good living with my music 108 00:04:21,050 --> 00:04:23,650 Doesn't mean you can go blow it all on canadough. 109 00:04:23,658 --> 00:04:25,091 I'll pay you back for it, okay? 110 00:04:25,096 --> 00:04:26,529 How? 111 00:04:26,531 --> 00:04:27,430 I don't know. I'll figure it out. 112 00:04:27,436 --> 00:04:28,435 Jesus christ. 113 00:04:28,437 --> 00:04:29,803 Can you believe him? 114 00:04:29,807 --> 00:04:31,807 He knew how much he was spending. 115 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,546 He knew he'd get in trouble. 116 00:04:33,553 --> 00:04:34,585 But it didn't matter. 117 00:04:34,587 --> 00:04:35,820 I hate to say it, 118 00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:37,690 But this is a lot like his grandpa. 119 00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:38,961 What do you mean? 120 00:04:38,965 --> 00:04:41,666 Dad's always had a gambling problem. 121 00:04:41,674 --> 00:04:44,074 He's got total addiction tendencies. 122 00:04:44,081 --> 00:04:48,016 Could he have somehow passed those demons down to stan? 123 00:04:48,025 --> 00:04:50,926 Well, and you certainly have some of those problems, too, 124 00:04:50,932 --> 00:04:50,930 With drinking. 125 00:04:50,932 --> 00:04:54,667 I had a problem, but I was able to stop. 126 00:04:54,675 --> 00:04:57,109 Now I only drink gluten-free beer and wine. 127 00:04:57,116 --> 00:04:58,582 But with stan, 128 00:04:58,585 --> 00:05:01,753 I think there's some darkness inside him 129 00:05:01,762 --> 00:05:04,196 That doesn't allow him to stop. 130 00:05:06,141 --> 00:05:06,139 And so, in conclusion, 131 00:05:06,141 --> 00:05:11,077 The successful freemium game is based on five principles -- 132 00:05:11,087 --> 00:05:13,922 Entice the player with a simple game loop, 133 00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:16,096 Use lots of flashing "cha-chings" and compliments 134 00:05:16,102 --> 00:05:18,536 To make the player feel good about themselves, 135 00:05:18,541 --> 00:05:20,775 Train the players to spend your fake currency, 136 00:05:20,781 --> 00:05:22,747 Offer the players a way to spend real currency 137 00:05:22,752 --> 00:05:22,750 For your fake currency... 138 00:05:22,752 --> 00:05:25,920 So they'll forget they're spending money. 139 00:05:25,929 --> 00:05:27,662 ...And make the game about waiting, 140 00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:29,199 But let the player pay not to wait. 141 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,238 It's a surefire way to make lots of money. 142 00:05:31,245 --> 00:05:32,944 We understand micro-paying, 143 00:05:32,948 --> 00:05:35,215 But can't the game hidden inside the charade 144 00:05:35,219 --> 00:05:36,218 Just at least be fun? 145 00:05:36,224 --> 00:05:37,624 No, no! 146 00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,961 It has to be just barely fun. 147 00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:39,964 If the game was too fun, 148 00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:43,234 Then there would be no reason to micro-pay 149 00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:44,608 In order to make it more fun. 150 00:05:44,613 --> 00:05:46,146 What's this? 151 00:05:46,150 --> 00:05:51,086 Your checks, of course, for $10 million american, each. 152 00:05:51,097 --> 00:05:53,131 So this is -- everyone is doing this? 153 00:05:53,136 --> 00:05:54,802 Everyone is doing it. 154 00:05:54,809 --> 00:05:56,976 It's just the way things are going. 155 00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,881 It's the way things are going! 156 00:05:58,885 --> 00:06:02,286 Well, I guess if everyone's just paying $.40 at a time, 157 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,795 It can't be that bad. 158 00:06:05,671 --> 00:06:06,704 Hey, phillip! 159 00:06:07,912 --> 00:06:09,878 Oh, hey, guys. 160 00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:12,150 You... Missed school today? 161 00:06:12,156 --> 00:06:14,323 Yeah, I just wasn't feeling the best. 162 00:06:14,329 --> 00:06:17,030 Did you play the "terrance & phillip" freemium game all day? 163 00:06:17,036 --> 00:06:17,901 Well, yeah. I was sick in bed. 164 00:06:17,903 --> 00:06:19,303 What else was I gonna do? 165 00:06:19,308 --> 00:06:21,174 How much money did you micro-pay today, stan? 166 00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:21,177 Nothing. 167 00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:23,713 Dude, I bought like $10 worth of canadough. 168 00:06:25,158 --> 00:06:27,025 But check it out. I unlocked a stadium in toronto. 169 00:06:27,029 --> 00:06:29,763 You spent $10 and eight hours to unlock a stadium? 170 00:06:29,770 --> 00:06:32,737 You guys, is it that much dumber than video games you play? 171 00:06:32,746 --> 00:06:33,979 Yes. 172 00:06:35,319 --> 00:06:35,317 It's just, like, something to kill some time. 173 00:06:35,319 --> 00:06:35,317 Like jimmy said, it's a cool way to zone out. 174 00:06:35,319 --> 00:06:40,289 Wait, wait, wait. Jimmy told you about this game? 175 00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:42,199 Jimmy told me about this game. 176 00:06:42,205 --> 00:06:43,938 Kenny, who told you about this game? 177 00:06:43,944 --> 00:06:45,277 Mrph. 178 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,345 Dude, what... The... 179 00:06:47,351 --> 00:06:48,384 Fmph? 180 00:06:50,293 --> 00:06:53,028 Psst. Hey, kid. Come over here. 181 00:06:53,035 --> 00:06:55,836 Yeah, come on over. Check this out. 182 00:06:55,843 --> 00:06:56,975 You looking to have some fun? 183 00:06:56,979 --> 00:06:58,178 What do you mean? 184 00:06:58,182 --> 00:06:59,748 The "terrance & phillip" mobile game. 185 00:06:59,751 --> 00:07:01,184 All the cool kids are using it. 186 00:07:01,190 --> 00:07:03,057 Aw, I don't know. Come on. Just try it out. 187 00:07:03,061 --> 00:07:05,094 You can be terrance, or phillip, or both. 188 00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,767 You can walk around and collect canada cash to build new stuff. 189 00:07:07,774 --> 00:07:09,341 It's the perfect thing if you're bored. 190 00:07:09,347 --> 00:07:11,280 And honestly, the best part about it is it's free. 191 00:07:11,284 --> 00:07:11,282 I mean, come on. 192 00:07:11,284 --> 00:07:14,085 Why wouldn't you download it and just try it out? 193 00:07:14,092 --> 00:07:15,224 Hey, uh, jimmy, can we talk? 194 00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:15,227 Well, sure, fellas. 195 00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:17,897 Anyway, be sure to check it out, kid. 196 00:07:17,903 --> 00:07:19,135 Dude, what are you doing? 197 00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:20,773 Just hanging out. What are you up to? 198 00:07:20,777 --> 00:07:22,443 You need to stop recommending that app to people. 199 00:07:22,449 --> 00:07:24,082 Mrph. 200 00:07:24,086 --> 00:07:25,319 Everyone we know says they heard about it from you. 201 00:07:25,323 --> 00:07:26,923 I just think it's a fabulous app. That's all. 202 00:07:26,928 --> 00:07:28,027 It's not a fabulous app. 203 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,129 It's fucking stupid. 204 00:07:29,135 --> 00:07:31,168 Let me ask you something, jimmy. 205 00:07:31,171 --> 00:07:33,972 What happens on level two after you get the ontario nugget? 206 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:35,513 All right, all right. 207 00:07:35,518 --> 00:07:37,084 I never played it. 208 00:07:37,088 --> 00:07:38,955 I stay away from the stuff. 209 00:07:38,962 --> 00:07:40,861 You just push it on other people? 210 00:07:40,865 --> 00:07:41,864 They pay me to! 211 00:07:41,867 --> 00:07:43,200 Who, jimmy?! Who pays you?! 212 00:07:45,445 --> 00:07:47,246 You've both done an amazing job. 213 00:07:47,251 --> 00:07:49,084 New hospitals, new neighborhoods, 214 00:07:49,089 --> 00:07:51,923 All funded by one freemium game. 215 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,229 Uh, listen. 216 00:07:53,234 --> 00:07:53,232 Uh, we've been talking it over, 217 00:07:53,234 --> 00:07:56,168 And we really aren't comfortable with this freemium thing. 218 00:07:56,174 --> 00:07:57,841 Oh, what is the matter? 219 00:07:57,847 --> 00:08:00,848 It seems dishonest, and we have a brand to protect. 220 00:08:00,854 --> 00:08:04,455 But just look at all the things we're getting to build. 221 00:08:04,464 --> 00:08:06,965 Soon, canada will be as advanced and developed as michigan. 222 00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:09,070 We're just worried that some people will abuse the game 223 00:08:09,078 --> 00:08:10,844 And start spending more money than they can afford. 224 00:08:10,848 --> 00:08:12,148 Oh, no! 225 00:08:12,153 --> 00:08:14,219 Well, we certainly wouldn't want that. 226 00:08:14,224 --> 00:08:16,391 oh, I have an idea. 227 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:16,394 How about we take 228 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:20,031 Some of the billions of dollars we are making 229 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:20,038 And we start a campaign 230 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,909 To teach everyone to play the game in moderation? 231 00:08:23,917 --> 00:08:26,150 Oh! 232 00:08:26,156 --> 00:08:27,522 Do you really think that would help? 233 00:08:27,526 --> 00:08:27,524 Of course! 234 00:08:27,526 --> 00:08:31,061 The alcohol industry does it all the time. 235 00:08:32,441 --> 00:08:33,941 You. Friends. 236 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,380 Fun. Drink. 237 00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:36,947 Hot girls. You're hot. 238 00:08:36,954 --> 00:08:38,520 Drink more. Expensive cars. 239 00:08:38,525 --> 00:08:40,158 Ass. Drink. Ass. 240 00:08:40,162 --> 00:08:41,928 Money. You in a tuxedo. Threesomes. 241 00:08:41,932 --> 00:08:43,499 Vodka. Pussy. Drink, drink, drink! 242 00:08:43,505 --> 00:08:45,371 You! Drink! Vegas! Fun! Pussy! 243 00:08:45,375 --> 00:08:47,342 You in a tuxedo fucking this girl. 244 00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:47,346 Vodka! Drink, drink, drink! 245 00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:47,346 Drink it all, you fucking pussy! 246 00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:50,983 More tuxedo! More cars! 247 00:08:50,992 --> 00:08:52,057 More pussy! More vodka! 248 00:08:52,061 --> 00:08:53,227 Drink, drink, drink! 249 00:08:53,231 --> 00:08:56,266 Please drink responsibly. 250 00:09:02,088 --> 00:09:04,190 Come on. This way, stan. 251 00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:07,329 I want you to see this. 252 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,605 There you go. That's your grandpa. 253 00:09:09,609 --> 00:09:12,977 He sits at that slot machine and mindlessly drains money away 254 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:13,918 A little bit at a time. 255 00:09:13,922 --> 00:09:15,288 Sound familiar? 256 00:09:15,290 --> 00:09:17,557 All the little sounds and lights are calculated 257 00:09:17,565 --> 00:09:19,599 To keep him sitting at that stupid machine. 258 00:09:19,604 --> 00:09:21,337 Come on, dad. We're going home. 259 00:09:21,341 --> 00:09:21,339 Ah, go away. 260 00:09:21,341 --> 00:09:25,409 Do you know what you've done to your grandson? 261 00:09:25,419 --> 00:09:28,020 You've infected him with your bullshit! 262 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,959 What are you talking about? 263 00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:32,666 I just don't understand what is wrong with you two. 264 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,607 What is the joy that this stuff possibly brings you? 265 00:09:35,613 --> 00:09:37,513 It's just... It's fun. 266 00:09:37,521 --> 00:09:38,720 Yeah, it's fun. 267 00:09:38,722 --> 00:09:38,720 It's not fun! 268 00:09:38,722 --> 00:09:42,624 You two have demons you're trying to compensate for. 269 00:09:42,634 --> 00:09:44,034 Well, what about you? 270 00:09:44,039 --> 00:09:45,605 You're having a glass of wine. 271 00:09:45,608 --> 00:09:47,975 I'm not having a glass of wine. 272 00:09:47,983 --> 00:09:49,349 I'm having six. 273 00:09:49,351 --> 00:09:51,551 It's called a tasting, and it's classy. 274 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:53,025 Dad, I'm not addicted. 275 00:09:53,028 --> 00:09:53,026 I can stop. 276 00:09:53,028 --> 00:09:56,096 I just like playing it, but I don't have to. 277 00:09:56,103 --> 00:09:57,302 I'll prove it. 278 00:09:57,306 --> 00:09:58,772 Yeah, and if he stops, I'll stop. 279 00:09:58,777 --> 00:10:00,611 All right. 280 00:10:00,616 --> 00:10:04,217 And if you two stop, then we won't have a problem anymore. 281 00:10:04,227 --> 00:10:05,593 Hmm. 282 00:10:05,597 --> 00:10:08,031 Earthy, bold, hint of cherry after-tones. 283 00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:16,785 Is it my responsibility what people decide to do 284 00:10:16,795 --> 00:10:18,762 With their f-f-free time? 285 00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:18,765 I was just the middleman. 286 00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:21,668 People were going to learn about the game somewhere 287 00:10:21,675 --> 00:10:22,674 If not from me. 288 00:10:22,678 --> 00:10:22,676 I'm not the one who made it. 289 00:10:22,678 --> 00:10:26,513 But you accepted money from the canadian government 290 00:10:26,522 --> 00:10:28,221 To push a freemium game on us. 291 00:10:28,225 --> 00:10:29,425 Why would they do that? 292 00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,361 How do you get people addicted to crack? 293 00:10:31,367 --> 00:10:32,399 You give it away for free. 294 00:10:32,403 --> 00:10:33,736 You give away a little taste, 295 00:10:33,741 --> 00:10:36,208 And then -- and then some people can't stop themselves. 296 00:10:36,214 --> 00:10:38,448 And now stan is so consumed by the shit you've been pushing 297 00:10:38,454 --> 00:10:40,153 That he can't even see through it! 298 00:10:40,158 --> 00:10:41,558 How could you sell out your friends?! 299 00:10:41,563 --> 00:10:42,829 I needed the money, all right! 300 00:10:44,838 --> 00:10:48,307 I downloaded yum yum sparkly gem forest because it was free. 301 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,314 I loved the sparkling little gems, 302 00:10:50,319 --> 00:10:52,486 The sounds they made when I got new ones. 303 00:10:52,492 --> 00:10:54,658 Then I made my first in-app purchase. 304 00:10:54,665 --> 00:10:56,932 Before I knew it, I had spent my allowance, 305 00:10:56,937 --> 00:10:58,470 Then my birthday money. 306 00:10:58,475 --> 00:10:59,608 I lost my crutches! 307 00:10:59,611 --> 00:10:59,609 You have your crutches. 308 00:10:59,611 --> 00:11:02,578 It's a figure of speech with crippled people. 309 00:11:02,587 --> 00:11:03,887 We'd say we lost an arm and a leg, 310 00:11:03,891 --> 00:11:05,190 But they ain't worth much. 311 00:11:05,195 --> 00:11:06,628 That makes sense. 312 00:11:06,630 --> 00:11:08,263 You're saying these games do this on purpose? 313 00:11:08,269 --> 00:11:09,668 Why do you think freemium games 314 00:11:09,672 --> 00:11:11,372 Send you those text notifications 315 00:11:11,378 --> 00:11:12,577 When you haven't played in a while? 316 00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:12,578 It's called a trigger -- 317 00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:16,282 A quick image to trigger the addict's brain. 318 00:11:16,291 --> 00:11:18,224 They know exactly what they're doing. 319 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,652 Hey, buddy! Come on, guy! 320 00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:35,401 Come back, fwiend. You've got new buddies, guy. 321 00:11:38,886 --> 00:11:42,254 We've just given you 5,000 canadian coins. 322 00:11:42,263 --> 00:11:44,863 Enjoy your canadough. 323 00:11:44,869 --> 00:11:46,636 Free? 324 00:11:48,611 --> 00:11:50,679 What is wrong with you, stan? 325 00:11:50,685 --> 00:11:53,419 You said you stopped buying canadough. 326 00:11:53,426 --> 00:11:53,424 I didn't think I spent that much. 327 00:11:53,426 --> 00:11:57,561 I-I clicked on a few micro-pays and it just kind of added up. 328 00:11:57,571 --> 00:11:59,972 $26,000? 329 00:11:59,977 --> 00:12:01,944 Do you know how many songs I have to write 330 00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:03,449 To make back that much money? 331 00:12:03,454 --> 00:12:03,452 One. 332 00:12:03,454 --> 00:12:06,555 Oh, it's just nothing to you, isn't it? 333 00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:06,561 No. No, it's not. 334 00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:10,665 You need to realize that you have something in your brain 335 00:12:10,673 --> 00:12:12,606 That you somehow inherited from your grandpa 336 00:12:12,612 --> 00:12:14,312 That makes you act this way, okay? 337 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,515 I don't know how you can say that 338 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,920 When you're standing here chugging beer. 339 00:12:16,923 --> 00:12:18,589 I am not chugging beer. 340 00:12:18,596 --> 00:12:21,464 I'm sampling a flight of gluten-free german lagers 341 00:12:21,469 --> 00:12:23,335 With a french wine pairing. 342 00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:25,943 It's called a schmorgeswein, and it's elegantly cultural. 343 00:12:37,614 --> 00:12:39,982 Okay, I need help. 344 00:12:39,988 --> 00:12:42,688 There is something different about me, you guys. 345 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,529 I know the game is stupid, 346 00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:46,599 And it actually isn't even fun anymore. 347 00:12:46,606 --> 00:12:47,872 I don't understand. 348 00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:50,342 Fellas, could I have a minute with stan, please? 349 00:12:50,349 --> 00:12:52,817 Sure. Come on, guys. 350 00:12:54,392 --> 00:12:54,391 This is my fault, stan. 351 00:12:54,393 --> 00:12:58,095 I should have never told you the game was f-f-f-fa-fantastic. 352 00:12:58,104 --> 00:12:58,102 It's not your fault. 353 00:12:58,104 --> 00:13:00,938 It's something to do with my family. 354 00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:00,943 It's like a curse. 355 00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:03,812 I know this stuff is hard to understand. 356 00:13:03,821 --> 00:13:04,987 Trust me, I know. 357 00:13:04,989 --> 00:13:06,689 I'm an addict, too. 358 00:13:06,694 --> 00:13:07,759 But I got help. 359 00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:07,762 How? 360 00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:11,867 What all the addiction programs say is true -- 361 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,041 You've got to reach out to a higher power, stan. 362 00:13:14,048 --> 00:13:16,082 You've got to get down on your knees 363 00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:18,621 And you've got to say, "I have a problem." 364 00:13:18,627 --> 00:13:20,693 And you've got to ask that higher power for help. 365 00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:25,774 We have to find a way to get the word out. 366 00:13:25,779 --> 00:13:28,013 People need to know pushers are being hired 367 00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:30,453 To take advantage of people with addiction problems. 368 00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:32,459 There has to be a way we can get to the news company 369 00:13:32,464 --> 00:13:34,164 And sneak in and somehow borrow their tv signal. 370 00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:36,470 If we could disguise ourselves as something ridiculous, 371 00:13:36,477 --> 00:13:37,610 Then maybe -- okay, it's done. 372 00:13:37,613 --> 00:13:39,446 What's done? The word is out. 373 00:13:39,450 --> 00:13:40,416 "terrance and phillip hire pushers 374 00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:41,520 To make money off addicts." 375 00:13:41,523 --> 00:13:43,056 I tweeted it. 376 00:13:43,062 --> 00:13:44,561 It's trending. 377 00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:48,170 You son of a bitch! 378 00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:49,774 You paid pushers 379 00:13:49,778 --> 00:13:52,045 To get addicts hooked on our freemium game? 380 00:13:52,051 --> 00:13:53,451 You what? 381 00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:54,889 Now, hold on, terrance and phillip. 382 00:13:54,893 --> 00:13:57,194 There's nothing wrong with promoting a mobile game. 383 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,033 But there's something very wrong 384 00:13:59,037 --> 00:14:01,471 With knowingly making it appeal to human weaknesses! 385 00:14:01,479 --> 00:14:02,845 You didn't build a mobile game. 386 00:14:02,847 --> 00:14:04,647 You built an addiction machine! 387 00:14:04,655 --> 00:14:06,688 Minister of mobile gaming, what's this all aboot? 388 00:14:06,693 --> 00:14:06,691 All right, all right. 389 00:14:06,693 --> 00:14:09,694 You've seen through the charade again. 390 00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:13,001 Let me explain how freemium games really work. 391 00:14:15,014 --> 00:14:16,647 The truth is 392 00:14:16,652 --> 00:14:18,519 A very small percentage of people 393 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,957 Who download freemium games 394 00:14:19,961 --> 00:14:21,561 Ever pay anything for them. 395 00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:23,801 It's all aboot finding the heaviest users 396 00:14:23,805 --> 00:14:26,605 And extracting the most amount of cash from them. 397 00:14:26,613 --> 00:14:28,947 That's how you get addicts to pay 200 bucks 398 00:14:28,954 --> 00:14:31,221 For a game that's not even worth $.40. 399 00:14:31,226 --> 00:14:34,260 But then all our profits come from people with problems. 400 00:14:34,267 --> 00:14:35,867 Don't think aboot that. 401 00:14:35,872 --> 00:14:37,638 Think about all the money. 402 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,276 Here, have a bump of coke. 403 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,821 Okay, but we still won't stand for this. 404 00:14:47,771 --> 00:14:50,572 I don't know if you're listening, 405 00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:54,616 But I guess I have something inside me that I can't control. 406 00:14:54,624 --> 00:14:56,991 It's something kind of dark. 407 00:14:56,998 --> 00:14:59,765 Please, help show me the way. 408 00:15:06,521 --> 00:15:11,058 You have summoned the prince of temptation for what purpose? 409 00:15:11,069 --> 00:15:12,735 Oh, shit. 410 00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:15,975 Uh...I have addiction demons and I don't understand them. 411 00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:21,786 Then allow me to explain the darkness of the human soul. 412 00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:25,136 So, you've got dopamine, right? 413 00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:27,675 That's the chemical that gets released in your brain 414 00:15:27,681 --> 00:15:30,616 Whenever you do something pleasurable like eating, sex. 415 00:15:30,622 --> 00:15:33,923 And that's just nature, right, like, rabbits and fish and shit, 416 00:15:33,931 --> 00:15:36,965 They need dopamine so that they want to consume and reproduce. 417 00:15:36,973 --> 00:15:36,971 Okay. 418 00:15:36,973 --> 00:15:36,971 But because humans have progressed 419 00:15:36,973 --> 00:15:41,276 And now have access to all the shit they want 420 00:15:41,285 --> 00:15:41,283 Whenever they want it, 421 00:15:41,285 --> 00:15:45,987 It's easy for them to overdo and have dopamine problems. 422 00:15:45,999 --> 00:15:48,233 You know, it's not fucking rocket science, this stuff. 423 00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,739 So there's nothing spiritually wrong with me? 424 00:15:50,745 --> 00:15:52,011 Fuck, no. 425 00:15:52,015 --> 00:15:53,315 It's like -- okay, it's like being diabetic. 426 00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:55,752 You know, it's like you can eat wrong and eat wrong, 427 00:15:55,758 --> 00:15:58,059 And chemicals get released from your liver in a weird way. 428 00:15:58,066 --> 00:16:00,266 You know, you've been eating gluten and shit. 429 00:16:00,270 --> 00:16:01,669 And then eventually you've got a chemical imbalance 430 00:16:01,675 --> 00:16:03,208 From your liver. 431 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:06,013 And something clicked and now you're diabetic forever, right? 432 00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:08,253 So, like, if you keep doing something too much, 433 00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,928 Eventually there's, um, a dopamine fuck-up, right, 434 00:16:10,934 --> 00:16:12,700 And you're kind of screwed up for life. 435 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,271 So, what does that mean? 436 00:16:14,276 --> 00:16:15,943 I can get addicted to everything so I can't enjoy anything? 437 00:16:15,948 --> 00:16:18,181 Yeah, that's pretty much what it means. 438 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:21,054 The addict people said something about me filling a hole. 439 00:16:21,061 --> 00:16:23,261 Well, who's not filling a fucking hole, right? 440 00:16:23,268 --> 00:16:24,701 You know? 441 00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:26,138 I mean, what kind of bullshit is that? 442 00:16:26,143 --> 00:16:28,009 So, let's talk about genetics now. 443 00:16:28,013 --> 00:16:29,112 You still have time? 444 00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:30,382 Yeah, no, this is great. 445 00:16:30,386 --> 00:16:32,186 Okay, let me get some visual aids. 446 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,058 Give me just a sec. 447 00:16:35,099 --> 00:16:36,966 Here is a fact -- 448 00:16:36,970 --> 00:16:41,139 80% of alcohol sales are paid for by alcoholics. 449 00:16:41,149 --> 00:16:42,816 Using slot-machine tactics, 450 00:16:42,821 --> 00:16:44,987 Freemiums games are able to make millions 451 00:16:44,994 --> 00:16:47,428 Off of an even smaller percentage of mobile gamers. 452 00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:49,200 Oh, god, he just doesn't stop. 453 00:16:49,205 --> 00:16:51,038 Who is this guy? 454 00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:54,245 We're building a new canada with micro-payments from addicts. 455 00:16:54,252 --> 00:16:55,885 Who cares? 456 00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,290 You think the fucking alcohol industry cares? 457 00:16:58,298 --> 00:17:00,999 They don't care that 10% are gonna get addicted. 458 00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:02,269 They're counting on it! 459 00:17:02,275 --> 00:17:04,008 It's the same with us. 460 00:17:04,013 --> 00:17:06,881 But we've got our eyes on every addicts' screen. 461 00:17:06,887 --> 00:17:08,219 Every button they click, 462 00:17:08,223 --> 00:17:10,357 We get feedback on how to shove this shit 463 00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:11,997 Right down their throats. 464 00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:14,068 Why does he suddenly sound like al pacino 465 00:17:14,072 --> 00:17:15,205 In "devil's advocate"?! 466 00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:18,178 Oh, I'm much worse than the devil. 467 00:17:22,831 --> 00:17:24,230 I'm the canadian devil! 468 00:17:24,235 --> 00:17:25,501 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 469 00:17:25,505 --> 00:17:28,272 Oh, dear god! It's the canadian devil! 470 00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:29,812 Beelzaboot! 471 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:31,482 You discovered my plan, but too late! 472 00:17:33,092 --> 00:17:34,525 Now the souls of all canadians belong to me! 473 00:17:34,529 --> 00:17:35,862 Oh, no! 474 00:17:35,867 --> 00:17:37,266 Oh, what have I done?! 475 00:17:37,271 --> 00:17:38,971 Hee hee hee! Ha ha ha! 476 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,875 So, basically, the genes you got from your dad 477 00:17:41,884 --> 00:17:44,217 Make you more likely to have trouble 478 00:17:44,223 --> 00:17:46,257 With, um, dopamine regulation, 479 00:17:46,262 --> 00:17:48,028 And that's why you need to kind of watch out 480 00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:48,032 For addictive stuff. 481 00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:52,003 Okay, so, you kind of understand now, champ? 482 00:17:52,013 --> 00:17:53,913 I guess so. But why do companies have to put 483 00:17:53,918 --> 00:17:53,916 So many addictive things out there? 484 00:17:53,918 --> 00:17:57,319 You know, they all do it, and it's kind of my deal. 485 00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,192 I've got to put temptation out there, too, 486 00:17:59,198 --> 00:18:01,065 So people have free will and all that shit. 487 00:18:01,070 --> 00:18:03,037 But, you know, everyone has their justification 488 00:18:03,042 --> 00:18:04,841 And thinks what they're doing is okay. 489 00:18:04,846 --> 00:18:07,881 Hey, buddy, where'd you go? Don't you want more canadough? 490 00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:07,886 What's this? 491 00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:07,886 That's what I've been addicted to. 492 00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:12,023 It's a freemium game sending me push notifications. 493 00:18:16,044 --> 00:18:17,544 What, you just collect coins? 494 00:18:20,991 --> 00:18:22,991 How much money can you buy today? 495 00:18:22,996 --> 00:18:26,130 No, see, if something's addictive because it's fun, 496 00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:26,135 That's one thing. 497 00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:30,973 But this is just blatant skinner box manipulation. 498 00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:33,285 Wait a minute, who put this out? 499 00:18:33,292 --> 00:18:34,492 Uh, canada. 500 00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:36,295 Oh, that son of a bitch. 501 00:18:36,299 --> 00:18:38,333 He's always doing this shit. 502 00:18:38,338 --> 00:18:41,005 I tell him temptation has to be nuanced, 503 00:18:41,013 --> 00:18:43,313 But he goes and does this crap again. 504 00:18:43,318 --> 00:18:46,053 I'm gonna need to borrow your soul real quick, kid. 505 00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:47,125 Is that all right? 506 00:18:47,128 --> 00:18:48,361 Okay. 507 00:18:50,238 --> 00:18:52,372 Aaaaaaaaaaah! 508 00:18:54,083 --> 00:18:56,516 Oh, pass interference! Interference! 509 00:18:58,259 --> 00:18:59,659 Stan? Where are you going? 510 00:18:59,664 --> 00:19:01,997 I shall return. 511 00:19:02,003 --> 00:19:03,903 Do not attempt to stop me. 512 00:19:05,179 --> 00:19:07,948 Told ya. Kid's got demons. 513 00:19:07,954 --> 00:19:09,420 I don't do that. 514 00:19:10,927 --> 00:19:12,627 Horror and sadness all over canada tonight. 515 00:19:12,632 --> 00:19:14,432 When the prince signed the agreement 516 00:19:14,438 --> 00:19:14,436 To make a freemium game, 517 00:19:14,438 --> 00:19:17,706 He apparently made a deal with the canadian devil. 518 00:19:17,714 --> 00:19:21,949 Hey, guy! I'm the canadian devil! 519 00:19:21,958 --> 00:19:23,958 Canadian devil now has complete control 520 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,396 Of the souls of every canadian. 521 00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:28,068 This is a sad day for canada and, therefore, the world. 522 00:19:36,163 --> 00:19:37,764 Beelzaboot! 523 00:19:37,769 --> 00:19:41,337 Once again, you lack any sense of nuance. 524 00:19:41,345 --> 00:19:43,111 Who the fuck is that? 525 00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:45,650 Well, well. My over-achieving doppelganger. 526 00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:48,657 You're no match for canadian satan! 527 00:19:48,664 --> 00:19:50,464 Return from whence you came! 528 00:19:51,472 --> 00:19:53,305 Aaaah! 529 00:20:00,331 --> 00:20:02,431 Certainly a shocking turn of events here 530 00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,369 As the actual devil has now appeared 531 00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:06,674 And seems to be fighting the canadian devil. 532 00:20:06,681 --> 00:20:08,848 This is certainly a conundrum for canadians everywhere 533 00:20:08,855 --> 00:20:10,521 As we try to figure out who to root for. 534 00:20:10,525 --> 00:20:12,725 For that, let's ask the minister of sports in edmonton. 535 00:20:12,732 --> 00:20:14,299 Well, of course, the patriotic thing to do 536 00:20:14,302 --> 00:20:15,834 Would be to root for the canadian devil. 537 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:15,838 But then again, he is the one 538 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,108 Who has promised us pain and servitude for a million years. 539 00:20:19,116 --> 00:20:20,549 Screw that! Go, canada! 540 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,452 Enough, beelzaboot. 541 00:20:22,459 --> 00:20:24,392 Thy end has come! 542 00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,173 Hey, dude. Hey. 543 00:20:42,179 --> 00:20:43,612 You all right? 544 00:20:43,616 --> 00:20:44,815 Yeah. 545 00:20:44,819 --> 00:20:46,386 Yeah, I think I'm gonna be okay. 546 00:20:46,391 --> 00:20:47,790 Cool. 547 00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:51,632 My fellow canadians, 548 00:20:51,637 --> 00:20:53,303 What we do now as a country 549 00:20:53,309 --> 00:20:55,710 Will hopefully be a model for others. 550 00:20:55,716 --> 00:20:58,483 We have all learned a tragic lesson together 551 00:20:58,490 --> 00:21:00,390 That though many sins are out there, 552 00:21:00,395 --> 00:21:02,495 When you get involved with freemium gaming, 553 00:21:02,501 --> 00:21:04,735 You are making a deal with the canadian devil. 554 00:21:04,740 --> 00:21:06,940 We will no longer make freemium games, 555 00:21:06,946 --> 00:21:09,914 And we will no longer make improvements to our country 556 00:21:09,921 --> 00:21:11,554 With money taken from addicts. 557 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,259 Canada is back to being 558 00:21:13,263 --> 00:21:15,564 An ethical, respected, shitty tundra. 559 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,310 I'm gonna move here and here, 560 00:21:20,319 --> 00:21:23,353 And then I'm gonna roll to kill this zombie. 561 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:24,558 Okay, good idea. 562 00:21:24,561 --> 00:21:25,827 What are you gaywods doing? 563 00:21:25,832 --> 00:21:27,398 We're playing board games 564 00:21:27,402 --> 00:21:29,336 So that grandpa avoids the casino 565 00:21:29,342 --> 00:21:30,941 And I avoid freemium apps. 566 00:21:30,945 --> 00:21:32,979 Well, all right. Good for you guys. 567 00:21:32,985 --> 00:21:34,551 Tell you what, I'll join you. 568 00:21:34,556 --> 00:21:36,589 Board games go good with a glass of wine. 569 00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:38,429 That's not a glass. That's a trophy. 570 00:21:38,433 --> 00:21:39,799 That you won... For drinking. 571 00:21:39,804 --> 00:21:41,037 It's not "drinking." 572 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,806 It's called a wine zinfandel sipping sprint, 573 00:21:42,811 --> 00:21:44,278 And it's competitive. 574 00:21:44,283 --> 00:21:45,849 Get off your high fucking horse. 575 00:21:45,854 --> 00:21:47,487 Your turn, grandpa. 576 00:21:47,491 --> 00:21:49,858 If you roll a five or six, you can kill these zombies. 577 00:21:49,864 --> 00:21:50,930 You guys want to put some money on it? 578 00:21:55,980 --> 00:21:58,415 I am not chugging beer. 579 00:21:58,421 --> 00:22:00,788 I'm sampling a flight of gluten-free german lagers 580 00:22:00,796 --> 00:22:02,596 With a french wine pairing. 581 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,000 It's called a schmorgeswein, and it's elegantly cultural.