1 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,664 Okay, children, let's all take our seats. 2 00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:43,334 As you all know, Thanksgiving is only two weeks away. 3 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,628 And so the school has arranged for a lecture 4 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,964 from a real live Native American. 5 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:50,258 Oh, neat-o! Huh, fellas? 6 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,426 Hello, boys and girls. 7 00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:55,221 My name is David "Running Horse" Sawitzki. 8 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,807 And I am 1/16 Cherokee Indian. 9 00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:01,144 Does that mean we only have to pay 1/16 attention to you? 10 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,313 There's been a lot of stories 11 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,024 about the first Thanksgiving, and unfortunately, 12 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:10,069 they are mostly geared towards making the Pilgrims look good 13 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,030 and my people being degraded as usual. 14 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,366 Was Thanksgiving about turkey and peace, 15 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:18,911 or was it the beginning of the genocide of an entire race? 16 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,664 Thanksgiving is about murder? 17 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,835 This is bullcrap. 18 00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:27,503 A guest speaker comes to our class 19 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,672 and assigns us a report on Thanksgiving? 20 00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,174 Well, it is kind of true, you know. 21 00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:32,508 Thanksgiving is fun and all, 22 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,510 but the Native Americans got pretty screwed over. 23 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:38,806 Yeah, now my video game time is getting screwed over by them. 24 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,016 Hey, fat ass, 25 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,018 instead of laying in bed eating, why don't you come and help? 26 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:44,020 Jesus, Kyle, you're really being grumpy today. 27 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,439 We all have to do this report together, dude. 28 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,857 You guys, we are wasting time. 29 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,358 If we have to write a report on Thanksgiving, 30 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,027 let's just go downstairs and watch TV. 31 00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:52,361 How is that gonna help? 32 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,780 Dumb ass, it's November. 33 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,031 The History Channel is probably playing 34 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,657 Thanksgiving specials back-to-back. 35 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,326 We can learn everything we need! 36 00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,578 You're watching The History Channel, 37 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:03,080 where the truth is history. 38 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,875 A lot has been written about the first Thanksgiving 39 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:08,169 between Pilgrims and Native Americans. 40 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:11,214 But what really happened at that first historic dinner? 41 00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:12,423 Dude, see? I told you. 42 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,008 Who needs to read a bunch of stupid books 43 00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,092 when we've got History Channel? 44 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:18,596 We know the first Thanksgiving was in the fall of 1621, 45 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:22,058 but new evidence suggests that the first exchanging of food 46 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,227 between the Pilgrims and Native Americans 47 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:28,481 may have been visited by aliens. 48 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,650 In every journal entry we research 49 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,528 from those early Pilgrims, not one entry 50 00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:36,405 mentions anything about aliens not being there. 51 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,658 And what about the food? 52 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,369 Does the appearance of stuffing at the first Thanksgiving table 53 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,913 suggest a kind of alien technology? 54 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,915 Oh-ho! 55 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,834 What? This isn't history. 56 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,043 Dude, it is called History Channel. 57 00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,086 Yeah! 58 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,838 And if we look in all the journals 59 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,464 and all the history books, 60 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:57,802 there is no reference to stuffing before 1621. 61 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,554 So where did it come from? 62 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:02,723 Did it come from space? We just don't know. 63 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:06,102 Did ancient aliens shape the first Thanksgiving? 64 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,437 Is it mere coincidence that Cape Cod, 65 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:12,525 when viewed from space, looks like an alien life-form? 66 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,111 What exactly did the Pilgrims experience? 67 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,530 How exactly did those beings from another world 68 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,449 shape the dinner we celebrate every November? 69 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,492 What? 70 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,660 Kyle, why are you being so grumpy? 71 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:23,828 Are you on your period again? 72 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:26,831 We are not basing research for our report on this crap! 73 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,165 Okay, let's take a vote. 74 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,334 Who thinks the possibility of ancient aliens at Thanksgiving 75 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,796 makes for an interesting history report? 76 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:35,047 Dude! 77 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,841 Okay, and who wants to take a little Pamprin 78 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:39,468 so their menstrual cramps stop bringing everyone down? 79 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,512 - Kyle. - All right, fine. 80 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:44,432 Let's just get this stupid report over with. 81 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,525 Yes? 82 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,485 A report from where? 83 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,487 Does Congress know about this yet? 84 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,656 Try to keep it contained, and get the helicopters ready. 85 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,576 I'll be there as soon as I can. 86 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,662 - Darling? - They found something. 87 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:07,914 This could be it. 88 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,255 Did you guys know that when you stop menstruating, 89 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,090 it's called menopause? 90 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,133 What? 91 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,176 Yeah, God takes your period away, 92 00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:22,011 and apparently it makes you really irritable. 93 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:23,721 I was thinking maybe that's why Kyle's been so grouchy lately, 94 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,139 'cause he's going through menopause. 95 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:26,682 Dude, shut your fucking mouth! 96 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,434 See what I mean, you guys? 97 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:34,273 - Is that them? - That's them. 98 00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:50,039 You boys have been very busy. 99 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:53,876 We need to know everything that you know. 100 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,544 About what? 101 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,381 Have you been contacted by alien life-forms? 102 00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,716 Did you come across some kind of ship or something? 103 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,552 Dude, look, we just saw all this stuff on History Channel. 104 00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,390 We are The History Channel. 105 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:10,518 For years, we've been collecting information on Thanksgiving. 106 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,228 We're getting close to the truth. 107 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:15,356 And now you boys have the exact same information. 108 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:17,233 It can't be coincidence. 109 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,276 We saw it on your channel. 110 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,487 What exactly did you see? 111 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:24,490 That stuffing was never heard of before 1621, 112 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,617 so it might be alien technology. 113 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,077 My God. 114 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,830 Would you be willing to say that on camera for an interview? 115 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,501 ♪ I can hang out with my buddies ♪ 116 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,337 ♪ And get into trouble ♪ 117 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,090 All right, Butters, that's enough MTV for one day. 118 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,217 You need to watch something that stimulates your brain. 119 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:45,428 - I'm putting on History Channel. - Okay, Dad. 120 00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:46,971 You're watching The History Channel, 121 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,432 the only network dedicated to history. 122 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:52,601 Coming up next, it's Monster Quest! Argh! 123 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:55,271 Followed by Hairy Bikers. Grr! 124 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:59,734 But now back to part three of Ancient Aliens at Thanksgiving. 125 00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:02,153 It has become a widely accepted fact 126 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,905 that Thanksgiving was a meal attended by Pilgrims, 127 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:07,450 Native Americans, and alien beings. 128 00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:11,287 Stuffing wasn't mentioned anywhere until 1621, 129 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,622 and it might have been alien technology. 130 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,292 And while the number of people who accept the alien theory 131 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:17,543 continues to grow, 132 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,628 some experts have stepped forward 133 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,630 with a wildly different view altogether. 134 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:25,634 Could it be that Pilgrims were actually aliens themselves? 135 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,720 Of course you can't prove there were no aliens 136 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,888 at the first Thanksgiving, 137 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,473 just like you can't prove the— 138 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,308 the Pilgrims themselves weren't aliens. 139 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,309 Can you prove that? 140 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,978 Here, draw that Thanksgiving turkey symbol with your hand. 141 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:38,481 Maybe that symbol matches galaxies in space or something! 142 00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:39,523 Ooh! 143 00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:42,651 Could it be that the Pilgrims we've read about all these years 144 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,653 actually came from another planet? 145 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:47,948 History experts like Kyle Broflovski say yes. 146 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,492 You might as well just say Pilgrims and Indians 147 00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:51,327 were all aliens who came here and made 148 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,162 some kind of intergalactic treaty. 149 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,998 Wow, check it out, dude. We're on TV. 150 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,166 How can they make a show out of this? 151 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,709 I wasn't even agreeing with them. 152 00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:03,380 What are you doing? 153 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:04,507 Uh-oh. 154 00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:07,134 The first Thanksgiving was a space treaty? 155 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,136 Native Americans are aliens? 156 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,846 I was just explaining how a negative argument 157 00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:11,972 doesn't make a— 158 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,682 Haven't my people been through enough? 159 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,309 - God damn you! - Ah, dude! 160 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,686 The white man is gonna pay for his lies! 161 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:24,860 Look at this, sir! 162 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,529 An aerial photograph of Cape Cod, 163 00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,489 where the Pilgrims landed in 1620. 164 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,700 Five Pilgrim settlements, with Plymouth Rock here. 165 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,203 The same symbols appear everywhere in history. 166 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:37,373 The symbology lines up to mirrored points in space. 167 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,999 If Kyle Broflovski is right, 168 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,877 then Plymouth Rock is some kind of wormhole. 169 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,505 Pilgrims and Indians were the aliens. 170 00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,173 How did we not think of it? 171 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,342 Sometimes it takes the innocence of a child 172 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:50,219 to make us see the most simple things. 173 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,138 - True dat. - True dat. 174 00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,482 Get all those tourists out of here. 175 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,151 We need this place secure. 176 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,278 All right, people, let's clear out. 177 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:10,990 We need you all to disperse. 178 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,908 This area is under quarantine. 179 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,286 Get me a piece of chalk. 180 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,797 Huh. Nothing. 181 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,091 Guess Kyle Broflovski was wrong. 182 00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:31,135 Well, at least we weren't outsmarted 183 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:34,054 by a nine-year-old kid. 184 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:38,684 We should have known. Pilgrims couldn't be from space. 185 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:46,609 Ro-ock! 186 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,258 There. You can see it right there. 187 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:14,011 An object clearly fell from the sky and struck the Earth. 188 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,971 What is it? 189 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,973 It's a Pilgrim, sir. 190 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:26,232 So then Professor Broflovski was right after all. 191 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,076 Not long ago, it was an accepted fact 192 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,620 that civilizations on Earth shared the universe 193 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:42,331 with beings from other planets. 194 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,460 These alien beings visited our world 195 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,671 and once even settled it, 196 00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:51,674 from deep within the galaxy Canis Major 197 00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:55,344 and a distant planet called Plymouth. 198 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,857 Fellow Pilgrims! 199 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,360 The great captain hath gone missing, 200 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:15,489 and thine enemies have attacked our stuffing mines! 201 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:19,785 We must prepare for war with the Indians! 202 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:25,082 Now it is our time! 203 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:27,543 We shall attack Plymouth, 204 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:32,172 and we will take all their stuffing! 205 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,559 Mom? Mom! 206 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,519 Did you already get stuffing for Thanksgiving dinner? 207 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,562 What, hon? 208 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:47,604 Tell me you've already got 209 00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,064 everything we need for Thanksgiving! 210 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,567 Oh, Thanksgiving's still a couple weeks away, sweetie. 211 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:55,237 - I haven't gone shoppies yet. - Oh, God! Oh, no! 212 00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,405 What is it, hon? 213 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,073 Clyde Donovan said that he saw on the news 214 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,242 there's gonna be a massive stuffing shortage! 215 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,453 Get your coat on, Mom. We got to go to the store! 216 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:08,250 - You guys have stuffing? - Stuffing? 217 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:11,003 - Sure, aisle 17. - Oh! We're not too late! 218 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,880 Mother, come! 219 00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:19,928 Hey! Where is it? 220 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,096 It's right there, right on the, uh— 221 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:26,101 Wait. That can't be right. Hey, Chet. 222 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,728 What happened to all the stuffing? 223 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,355 What are you talking about? 224 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:32,107 We got more in the back, right? 225 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,942 I just did inventory in the back. 226 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,527 It was all put out here. 227 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,446 You mean it's two weeks until Thanksgiving 228 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,406 and we're completely out of stuffing? 229 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,783 - Oh, no! - No! 230 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,534 - No! - No! 231 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,874 You dare come to Plymouth, Ambassador, 232 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,251 after attacking our stuffing mines? 233 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,921 The stuffing mines were never yours. 234 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,714 Without control of the mines, 235 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,467 we cannot supply stuffing to the mortals, Ambassador! 236 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,052 This will be war! 237 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:03,305 You are in no position to declare war. 238 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:06,141 Your lead commander is nowhere to be found. 239 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,769 And how knoweth you that? 240 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,313 Word travels fast in our sector. 241 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,316 I do not give three bowls of stuffing what saith you. 242 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:17,194 We will take back control of the stuffing mines. 243 00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:19,780 Then the Thanksgiving treaty will be off. 244 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:23,742 And I pray to stuffing that you are wrong. 245 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:27,663 Where are you, Miles Standish? 246 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,123 And furthermore, 247 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,833 everything Kyle Broflovski said 248 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:34,545 about Native Americans being from outer space was untrue. 249 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,171 Native Americans were brutalized, 250 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:39,174 and David Sawitzski's ancestors deserve an apology! 251 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:42,469 It was wrong to mix aliens and real history. 252 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,512 I don't know, dude. 253 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,513 Have you seen that stuff 254 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:45,848 about the pyramids and the link to Mars? 255 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,933 Dude, there's a guy with a gun here! 256 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,185 I'm just saying there's lots of symbols and signs out there 257 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,271 that show aliens and history are pretty linked. 258 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,690 Will you guys stop? 259 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,650 Just keep writing your apology! 260 00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,862 How now, Indian? 261 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,448 Why hath thy race sent me here to Earth? 262 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,033 Huh? 263 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,535 Dude! 264 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,745 You Indians took me to thy planet 265 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,122 and then cast me here! 266 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,623 Why? 267 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,791 Yeah! Go, dude! 268 00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:15,210 Whoo-hoo! 269 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,587 Hath thy race attacked our stuffing mines 270 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,338 and sent me here to die? 271 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,673 Tell me, Indian! 272 00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:22,509 I-I-I'm only 1/16. 273 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,219 Hold your lying tongue! 274 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,639 This shall prove if thou arts Indian or not! 275 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,477 Ah, he was not. 276 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,728 I didn't think so. 277 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,855 I hath been told of your expertise, 278 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,857 Kyle of Devry Institute. 279 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:40,319 I need your wisdom to get back to my planet. 280 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,740 Into the wheeled chariot that strucketh me! 281 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:47,201 We must make haste to Cape Cod! 282 00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:49,244 - Who's this? - This is Natalie. 283 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:50,370 Hi, guys! 284 00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:54,750 All right, sir, we got some more information 285 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,335 on the Pilgrim who crashed to Earth. 286 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,254 30 seconds after impact, the Pilgrim was hit by a truck 287 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,589 and then put into the backseat. 288 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,257 Who did the truck belong to? 289 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,427 We believe it belonged to Natalie Portman, sir. 290 00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:07,262 The actress? That doesn't make sense. 291 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,305 It gets worse. 292 00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:09,389 All over the country, 293 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,141 people are reporting a shortage of stuffing. 294 00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:12,643 We don't think it's coincidence. 295 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:15,479 You're telling me that somehow during a stuffing shortage, 296 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,314 this Pilgrim dropped down from space 297 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:20,108 and got into a truck driven by Natalie Portman? 298 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,610 Look, if anyone knows about stuffing, 299 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,321 it's Natalie Portman! 300 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:27,032 We have to find Professor Broflovski. 301 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:30,369 He was right about all of this. He'll know what to do. 302 00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:36,166 We shall make camp here for the night. 303 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,961 On the morrow, perhaps we can reach Cape Cod. 304 00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:41,797 And Thanksgiving may yet be saved. 305 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,802 What is wrong with Kyle of Devry Institute? 306 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,178 I think he's just kind of pissed off 307 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,806 he was wrong about the whole ancient aliens thing. 308 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,018 He seems almost like a Puritan lady 309 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,397 whose period hath stopped. 310 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,992 I fear, Kyle, that you still do not know whose side to be on. 311 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,285 No, I don't. 312 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,620 It must have been very difficult for you, 313 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,998 being the one on your planet with his wild theories 314 00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,417 that Pilgrims and Indians were not of this world. 315 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,794 I actually only just said that sarcastically. 316 00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:26,300 Then you are only just a remarkably gifted child. 317 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:30,304 Here, let me show you. 318 00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:36,435 Plymouth, Indi, Colthenheim, and this planet over here 319 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,853 nobody really cares about. 320 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:41,023 The five are connected by a series of wormholes. 321 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:44,067 My people came to your world, and so did our enemies. 322 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,402 But we made a treaty. 323 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:48,280 And for 300 years, our people have not fought. 324 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,866 But now that treaty is over. 325 00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:53,035 But I always read that Native Americans were here 326 00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:54,536 and the Pilgrims and other settlers 327 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,538 kind of took their lands from them. 328 00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:59,374 You can't believe what everyone tells you, Kyle. 329 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,876 You have to open your eyes. 330 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:04,504 Soon your wisdom will open the wormhole back to Plymouth, 331 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:07,132 and the stuffing mines can again be ours, 332 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:11,386 for he who controls the stuffing controls the universe. 333 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,140 Hold it right there! 334 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:21,855 We found Professor Broflovski! He is with the Pilgrim! 335 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,650 Stay back, all of you! 336 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,527 I will get to Cape Cod and cannot be stopped! 337 00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,821 Come, boys. Let us fight to the death! 338 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,698 Wait! Stop! Stop! 339 00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:35,494 Please, Mr. Standish, we are all on the same side here. 340 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,579 We know why there's a stuffing shortage. 341 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,373 We've been trying to get the wormhole open. 342 00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:43,418 I trust none but them! Indians hath betrayed us. 343 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,588 I must return to Plymouth so my king can know the truth! 344 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:49,925 Please! We're The History Channel. 345 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:53,011 We care as much about the truth as you do. 346 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:56,473 Then get us to Cape Cod as soon as possible. 347 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,901 My lord! My lord, the battle is lost! 348 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:10,237 We have tried to stop the Indians on their home planet, 349 00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:12,155 but yea, they are too strong! 350 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,783 Then our last chance for survival is gone? 351 00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,243 I'm sorry, my lord. 352 00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:17,953 All Pilgrim forces sent to the Indians' planet 353 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,121 have been wiped out. 354 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:21,623 And so, soon, the Indians will be here. 355 00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:25,127 Sound the corn horn! We must abandon Plymouth! 356 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:28,213 The stuffing mines are ours! 357 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:36,221 Earth is connected to Plymouth by this wormhole here. 358 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:39,391 Once I get back, I will assemble my people to attack Indi 359 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,476 and regain control of the stuffing mines. 360 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,645 If all goes as planned, you will all have stuffing 361 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:44,980 in time for Thanksgiving. 362 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:47,441 But, Mr. Standish, I'm afraid it's not that simple. 363 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,985 We've tried to get the wormhole open with this symbol, 364 00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,236 and it didn't work! 365 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,655 Of course not! 366 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,407 You had the correct symbol, 367 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,743 but you were missing the keeper of the portal. 368 00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,912 The keeper of the— Of course! Natalie Portman! 369 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,331 We were wondering what she had to do with all this. 370 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,500 Natalie Portman controls the wormhole! 371 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,461 Our window of opportunity is closing, sir. 372 00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:09,421 The wormhole has to be opened now. 373 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,630 All right, Miss Portman, 374 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,924 we need you to open your wormhole! 375 00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:17,679 Mm, no. 376 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,722 Please, Miss Portman, 377 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:21,516 you've got to open your wormhole right now. 378 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,977 Mm. Uh-uh. 379 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,771 Curses and cranberries! 380 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,607 I must get to Plymouth now! Do as they say! 381 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,525 Mm. No. 382 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,360 There has to be a way to get the portal open. 383 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,321 Where is our expert? 384 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,656 What do we do, Professor Broflovski? 385 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,158 I'm not a professor. 386 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,202 The History Channel said you were! 387 00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,412 You are the fucking History Channel! 388 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,998 Please, Kyle of Devry Institute, 389 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,792 there is no more time for squabble. 390 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,585 The universe is at stake. 391 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,170 You knew everything else. 392 00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:52,339 You somehow knew about all of this. 393 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:54,508 You knew it here. 394 00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:57,302 You must know how to get Natalie Portman 395 00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,304 to open her wormhole. 396 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,230 So you, uh-you have any brothers or sisters, Natalie? 397 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,065 I had a lot of really close friends growing up 398 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,274 but not any brothers or sisters. 399 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,692 I was an only child. 400 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,069 Wow. Awesome. Um... 401 00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,905 I have dual citizenship, United States and Israel. 402 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,159 Oh, thanks! 403 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,453 Um, so... 404 00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:25,372 so dual citizenship, wow. 405 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,457 You know that-I never knew anyone that had that. 406 00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,251 Well, I went to Harvard while I was acting. 407 00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,460 I got a B.A. 408 00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:32,629 But I did classes at University of Jerusalem too. 409 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:35,924 Cool. Cool. 410 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,634 You want to order some dessert? 411 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,304 Thanks. That was a lot of fun. 412 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:42,722 Yeah, it was cool. Thanks. 413 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:47,602 Um, so is there any way you'd... 414 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,312 What? 415 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:51,147 You know, could you... 416 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,315 What? 417 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,025 Would you please just open your wormhole? 418 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,487 Oh. 419 00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:59,656 Mm, no. 420 00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:04,619 - Mm, okay. - Yes! 421 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:05,871 All right, let's go, folks! 422 00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,374 But just for a sec, though. 423 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:13,461 Thank you, Kyle of Devry Institute. 424 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:16,298 Now the Indians can be stopped, and Thanksgiving will be saved. 425 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:19,426 Yeah, you're welcome. I'm sorry I doubted you. 426 00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:21,386 And, guys, I'm sorry I acted like a know-it-all. 427 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,804 It's cool, dude. We understand. 428 00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:25,015 I guess we should all realize that history 429 00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:27,309 and alien technology really do go hand in hand. 430 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,147 Now make way, children, for I have a war to fight! 431 00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:35,609 For stuffing! 432 00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,869 Take all their stuffing! 433 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,663 The treaty ends now. 434 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,999 With the wormhole once again open, 435 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,543 Miles Standish was able to finally command 436 00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:54,878 the Pilgrim armies. 437 00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:58,548 Now attack their left flank! Good! 438 00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,008 They're retreating! 439 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,344 Hit them with the anti-Indian device! 440 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:04,679 The Pilgrims fought off the Indians, 441 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,015 making stuffing once again available 442 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:09,517 on all our Thanksgiving tables. 443 00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,561 Yay, stuffing mine. 444 00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:15,231 And now you know the true story behind Thanksgiving. 445 00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,691 Wow, there was a lot about Thanksgiving 446 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,026 I never knew before. 447 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,194 Yeah, History Channel rules. 448 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,196 But was the first Thanksgiving 449 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:24,199 really just about Pilgrims and Indians from space, 450 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,076 or was there something more? 451 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:27,744 Shocking new evidence suggests 452 00:21:27,745 --> 00:21:31,206 that the first Thanksgiving might also have been haunted! 453 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,999 There is certainly no evidence 454 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,378 that the first Thanksgiving dinner was not haunted. 455 00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,254 The Pilgrims welcomed the Indians, 456 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,882 but did they also unknowingly welcome spirits 457 00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:42,258 from beyond the grave? 458 00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:46,054 - Oh! - Oh, come on!