1 00:00:34,441 --> 00:00:37,016 Oh my God, you guys are not gonna believe what happened to me last night. 2 00:00:37,017 --> 00:00:38,238 What? Tell us? 3 00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:42,598 So, I'm watching the season premiere of Boy Meets Boy on television, and then Queer Eye for the Straight Guy come on, right? 4 00:00:42,599 --> 00:00:47,924 So I fall asleep in front of the TV, and when I wake up, I see that I've spilled the Coke I was drinking all over my satin pajama top. 5 00:00:48,002 --> 00:00:50,995 Oh my Gosh, are you serious? That was the cutest top ever! 6 00:00:50,996 --> 00:00:51,826 I know! 7 00:00:51,861 --> 00:00:54,760 (I just LOVE this jacket 'cause it's SOOO beautiful!) 8 00:00:54,795 --> 00:00:56,234 Oh, tell me about it, Ken doll. 9 00:00:56,269 --> 00:00:57,178 Hey dudes. 10 00:01:02,124 --> 00:01:03,282 What a dork! 11 00:01:03,317 --> 00:01:03,972 What? 12 00:01:04,007 --> 00:01:07,355 Nice jacket, Kyle! Polyester is really the hot fabric this fall! 13 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,642 Well, but, this is the jacket I always wear. 14 00:01:10,677 --> 00:01:12,300 You've gotta get with the times, girlfriend. 15 00:01:12,335 --> 00:01:14,525 Yeah, that jacket is so September 10th. 16 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:18,032 Oohh my God, you got splotches on your neck. Are you using any exfoliating products at all?? 17 00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:20,208 We can't let Kyle out in public like this, you guys. 18 00:01:20,243 --> 00:01:21,326 (That's the truth.) 19 00:01:21,361 --> 00:01:22,859 Come on, Kyle! We're giving you a makeover! 20 00:01:22,894 --> 00:01:28,781 You... came into my life... and my world never looked so bright. 21 00:01:28,816 --> 00:01:32,371 It's true. You bring out the best in me. 22 00:01:32,406 --> 00:01:39,395 When you are around, when you are around, all things just keep getting better. 23 00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:46,877 It keeps getting better. Life keeps getting better and better (All things just keep getting better). 24 00:01:48,131 --> 00:01:52,634 Coming up on HBC, it's Queer Eye for the Staight Guy! 25 00:01:52,669 --> 00:01:55,105 We have got to get you some tighter-fitting shirts! 26 00:01:55,340 --> 00:02:01,933 Then it's Boy Meets Boy, followed by Will and Grace, and then, the Love Boat... with Men. 27 00:02:01,968 --> 00:02:05,910 My goodness, there certainly are a lot of gay shows on television these days. 28 00:02:05,945 --> 00:02:09,341 Yeah. I think it's great that gays are finally being so accepted. 29 00:02:10,023 --> 00:02:11,218 Hi Mom, Hi Dad! 30 00:02:12,945 --> 00:02:14,505 Kyle! What's happened to you?? 31 00:02:14,540 --> 00:02:17,211 I'm just trying to fit in, Daddy. Don't be such a drama queen! 32 00:02:19,015 --> 00:02:19,999 Oh my God! 33 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,075 Come on, Sheila! We'd better go tell the other parents what's going on!! 34 00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:26,503 Oh hi Gerald, Sheila. 35 00:02:26,538 --> 00:02:28,745 Hi Sharon. Uh, we need to talk to you about the boys. 36 00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:31,447 Sure. Come on in. The guys are all watching TV. 37 00:02:31,482 --> 00:02:32,959 Oh, is the game on or something? 38 00:02:34,713 --> 00:02:37,681 Heeey Geraaald! How are youuuu!! 39 00:02:37,716 --> 00:02:39,106 Geraaald! Hi Gerald. 40 00:02:39,141 --> 00:02:41,946 Sit down, Jer-Jer! Queer Eye For the Straight Guy is on. 41 00:02:41,981 --> 00:02:44,399 Oh no! Y-you guys all turned gay too?? 42 00:02:46,279 --> 00:02:49,118 Not gay, Gerald, metrosexual. 43 00:02:49,153 --> 00:02:49,821 What's that? 44 00:02:49,856 --> 00:02:54,986 Just because a guy cares about how he looks and is in touch with his feminine side doesn't mean he's gay anymore. 45 00:02:55,021 --> 00:02:59,255 Yeah. Metrosexual means you're straight, but you appreciate the gay culture. 46 00:02:59,290 --> 00:03:01,920 It's super-fabulous. Would you like some shirazz? 47 00:03:02,784 --> 00:03:04,129 Don't our men look 48 00:03:04,164 --> 00:03:06,676 Haven't you seen Quuer Eye For the Straight Guy, Sheila? 49 00:03:06,677 --> 00:03:07,677 These five gay men go around and show straight men how to better themselves. It's the best. 50 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,286 It is? 51 00:03:12,321 --> 00:03:14,949 Well sure, Sheila. Our husbands are all so clean and neat. 52 00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:17,668 My Randy irons his clothes and even has pedicures. 53 00:03:17,788 --> 00:03:21,280 And they like to talk about their feeling now and drink wine and decorate the house. 54 00:03:21,315 --> 00:03:25,228 My Steven shaved his chest and his balls. OOOO, I love it! 55 00:03:25,263 --> 00:03:26,690 And how about our boys, huh? 56 00:03:26,691 --> 00:03:31,244 Ever since gay culture became cool, our boys bathe every night and brush their teeth three times a day. 57 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,015 This is the greatest thing ever. 58 00:03:33,021 --> 00:03:36,700 I don't know. Sometimes boys take cultural fads too far... 59 00:03:38,295 --> 00:03:40,654 Dude, I can't wait for Wendy to see how gay I look! 60 00:03:40,689 --> 00:03:41,605 That's true, you guys. 61 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,558 When the chicks at school see how gay we are, they're gonna be all over us. 62 00:03:44,798 --> 00:03:45,648 (Woohoo!!) 63 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:50,268 All right. Let's work it! What the...? 64 00:03:50,303 --> 00:03:53,115 Tootaloo, Connor. See ya after classies. 65 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,025 Okay, sweetums. 66 00:03:54,060 --> 00:03:57,322 Oh my God, where is my homework?! I am fr-eaking a-out! 67 00:03:58,121 --> 00:03:59,024 Hey dudes. 68 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:00,929 Hey Craig. 69 00:04:00,964 --> 00:04:02,430 You guys look pretty gay. 70 00:04:02,465 --> 00:04:03,246 Thanks. 71 00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:05,189 Not as gay as us, though. 72 00:04:05,224 --> 00:04:07,693 Oh, please Craig, we're ten times gayer than you! 73 00:04:07,728 --> 00:04:10,022 Oh yeah?! We're superduper triple-dog gay! 74 00:04:10,057 --> 00:04:13,067 Oh yeah?! We're all just super stamp it stamp it no erasies mega gay! 75 00:04:13,102 --> 00:04:14,933 What's all this fightin' about, children?! 76 00:04:14,968 --> 00:04:16,947 These guys are trying to say they're gayer than us! 77 00:04:16,982 --> 00:04:22,485 Aw nah. Don't tell me you children have taken up this whole metrosexual fad, too! 78 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,261 Oh My God, this is not a fad, this is who we are! 79 00:04:25,262 --> 00:04:29,575 No it isn't. Last year you children were all trying to be black, and now you're trying to be gay! 80 00:04:30,175 --> 00:04:31,377 We're metrosexual!! 81 00:04:31,412 --> 00:04:34,714 Maybe. But you'll never be as metrosexual as us! Come on, fags! 82 00:04:34,749 --> 00:04:38,259 GOD I HATE CRAIG!! That son of a... djah!! 83 00:04:39,226 --> 00:04:42,223 Chef, I don't feel very metrosexual. 84 00:04:42,778 --> 00:04:48,206 Well, then, don't buy into this fad, Kyle. Be who you are, not what's cool. 85 00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:52,098 All right children, let's take our seats. 86 00:04:52,728 --> 00:04:54,879 Good morning Mr. Garrison. 87 00:04:57,649 --> 00:05:00,340 Well, uh d-don't you all look nice. 88 00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:01,575 Oooo, Timmy. 89 00:05:04,911 --> 00:05:06,342 Dude! W-what are you doing? 90 00:05:06,377 --> 00:05:09,124 I didn't feel comfortable in that stuff, dude. I'm just being me. 91 00:05:09,159 --> 00:05:11,578 HA! Told you you guys were straight! 92 00:05:11,613 --> 00:05:12,821 We're not straight! You're straight! 93 00:05:12,856 --> 00:05:13,514 You're straight! 94 00:05:13,549 --> 00:05:14,794 You're straight like a freedway! 95 00:05:14,829 --> 00:05:16,343 What the hell is going on?? 96 00:05:16,378 --> 00:05:18,805 You wish you were gay, Craig! In you dreams!! 97 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,612 I'm not just gay, I'm a catamite. 98 00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:24,537 ...So? I'm half bisexual! 99 00:05:24,572 --> 00:05:27,268 Oh, stop it!! You kids don't even know what you're talking about!! 100 00:05:27,269 --> 00:05:29,146 Eric, you're not half-bi!! 101 00:05:29,283 --> 00:05:32,958 I'm like, a quarter-bi. My grandpa was bi, so that makes me quarter-bi. 102 00:05:32,993 --> 00:05:33,901 WHAT?? 103 00:05:34,658 --> 00:05:37,857 It was the crazies thing I've ever seen, Mr. Slave. 104 00:05:37,858 --> 00:05:41,482 All the children were suddenly acting like being gay was cool. 105 00:05:41,483 --> 00:05:45,127 I mean, maybe we're not the only gay couple in town anymore. 106 00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:47,025 Oh, Jethuth Chritht. 107 00:05:49,815 --> 00:05:56,369 Look at that, Mr. Slave. Our cup runneth over. 108 00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:57,923 Jethuth Chritht. 109 00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,140 Mr. Garrison, those are great pants. 110 00:06:00,175 --> 00:06:02,397 Thanks, Jimbo. I really like your outfit, too. 111 00:06:02,398 --> 00:06:07,059 Soho... so Jimbo, you... wanna come back to my place with me and Mr. Slave? 112 00:06:08,217 --> 00:06:09,668 Uh, for what? 113 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,823 Well, you know... 114 00:06:11,858 --> 00:06:12,824 No. 115 00:06:14,363 --> 00:06:16,265 Mr. Garrison! Hey doll. 116 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,206 Oh hey Randy. 117 00:06:17,241 --> 00:06:19,000 You're looking ultra-fabulous. 118 00:06:19,035 --> 00:06:20,755 Wull thanks. You too. 119 00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:25,803 So uh, Randy, you want me to give you a hand job in the bathroom? 120 00:06:25,958 --> 00:06:28,618 Nuno, thanks, I'm, I'm not like that. 121 00:06:28,653 --> 00:06:30,257 Not, not like that? 122 00:06:30,292 --> 00:06:32,487 How about some shirazz, guys? 123 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,647 Uh-OH, thanks, Mr. Tweek. 124 00:06:34,682 --> 00:06:35,792 My pleasure, silly-buns. 125 00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:40,129 Oh, wuh, welluh, Mr. Tweek, why don't we uh, go back to my place. 126 00:06:40,164 --> 00:06:41,028 Why? 127 00:06:41,063 --> 00:06:43,717 Well, you know, I was just thinking we could... 128 00:06:43,718 --> 00:06:48,089 put on some music and watch videos and pound Mr. Slave's tight little ass. 129 00:06:48,315 --> 00:06:50,078 Woohoohoohoo, Jethuth Chritht. 130 00:06:50,113 --> 00:06:52,540 Wohohoho, goodness no. I, I'm straight. 131 00:06:52,575 --> 00:06:53,465 Straight? 132 00:06:53,466 --> 00:06:56,915 Bu-uh, Oh what... Jesus, what the hell is goin' on here?! 133 00:06:57,780 --> 00:06:59,709 Why won't anybody pound Mr. Slave's butt?! 134 00:06:59,744 --> 00:07:02,939 Well, we don't "pound butt," Mr. Garrison, we're straight. 135 00:07:02,974 --> 00:07:06,163 Those pants and those shoes say you pound butt!! 136 00:07:06,198 --> 00:07:09,673 Heeey, now that's not true. My shoes don't say I pound butt. 137 00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:11,974 No, your shoes say you take it in the butt!! 138 00:07:12,009 --> 00:07:17,463 Sokay, Mr. Garrison. We learned that gays are totally cool. You're just one of us now. 139 00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:19,605 One of you?! 140 00:07:19,836 --> 00:07:24,133 We've spent our whole lives tryin' NOT to be one of you! You can't do this to us!! 141 00:07:25,818 --> 00:07:26,982 Have you guys seen this? 142 00:07:26,983 --> 00:07:30,298 It's a conditioner that you can leave in, and it detoxifies the scalp. 143 00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:31,714 Wow, is that from Origins? 144 00:07:31,749 --> 00:07:33,536 Yeah. It's a charcoal-based thing that- 145 00:07:33,571 --> 00:07:35,263 Hey guys. You wanna throw the football around? 146 00:07:36,102 --> 00:07:38,109 Guys, can I talk to you over here for a second? 147 00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:42,419 Look, guys, a lot of the kids in school are talking, okay? 148 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:46,583 And they're spreading rumors that we're not metrosexuals because... we hang out with Kyle. 149 00:07:46,694 --> 00:07:48,038 Well, what can we do about it? 150 00:07:48,073 --> 00:07:51,378 We have no choice, you guys. We're just gonna have to kill Kyle. 151 00:07:51,816 --> 00:07:54,229 What?? That's stupid. We wouldn't have to kill Kyle! 152 00:07:54,230 --> 00:07:56,221 We would just to tell him not to hang around us anymore. 153 00:07:56,327 --> 00:08:00,043 Oh, you know, you're right, Stan. We just have to tell Kyle not to hang around us anymore. 154 00:08:00,078 --> 00:08:01,202 Yeah. Wait, what? 155 00:08:01,237 --> 00:08:03,819 You hear that, Kenny? Stan thinks we should tell Kyle not to hang around us anymore. 156 00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:07,200 I think he's right. Good luck telling him, Stan. I... know it won't be easy. 157 00:08:07,344 --> 00:08:10,331 Hey, butch boy. Nice football you got there. 158 00:08:11,861 --> 00:08:14,339 When was the last guy you had a manicure, straight man? 159 00:08:14,909 --> 00:08:16,148 Yeah, let's see that hair. 160 00:08:16,610 --> 00:08:17,149 Look, he's not even using any product! 161 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,283 Hey, what's goin' on? 162 00:08:21,665 --> 00:08:24,657 Oh, here come the butch boys to help their butchy little friend! 163 00:08:26,254 --> 00:08:27,829 He's not our friend. 164 00:08:31,437 --> 00:08:32,471 Stan? 165 00:08:36,162 --> 00:08:38,683 This playground is for metrosexuals, macho man! 166 00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,758 Take your non-flaming ass to some other school! 167 00:08:41,568 --> 00:08:43,075 No! Ah! 168 00:08:50,802 --> 00:08:53,190 Kyle! What happened to you?! 169 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,741 I got beat up at school... for being different. 170 00:08:56,776 --> 00:08:59,563 WHAT?? Your classmates beat you up for being a Jew? 171 00:08:59,598 --> 00:09:01,884 No! For not being a metrosexual. 172 00:09:01,919 --> 00:09:04,483 Gerald! Gerald, get down here! 173 00:09:04,518 --> 00:09:06,414 Heeere I come! 174 00:09:14,676 --> 00:09:16,773 Oh no! Dad's metrosexual too? 175 00:09:16,808 --> 00:09:18,922 Kyle! You look terrible! 176 00:09:18,957 --> 00:09:21,106 The boys at school beat him up, Gerald. 177 00:09:21,141 --> 00:09:23,725 Oh, really?! Well, don't you worry, Kyle. 178 00:09:23,726 --> 00:09:26,013 We can cover that black eye up with some cream base, 179 00:09:26,014 --> 00:09:27,014 and the coat and pants we'll bleach with an acid wash for a fun vintage look. 180 00:09:29,588 --> 00:09:31,077 Gah! Just leave me alone! 181 00:09:32,915 --> 00:09:35,400 There you go! Now you look fabulous. 182 00:09:35,435 --> 00:09:38,654 You see that? A spray-on tan does wonders for your look. 183 00:09:39,815 --> 00:09:42,403 Now let's get down to the tango class and learn some new steps. 184 00:09:42,438 --> 00:09:44,752 That does it! I know what I have to do! 185 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,465 Oh, hello, Mr. Garrison. 186 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,516 Chef, can I talk to you? 187 00:09:51,551 --> 00:09:53,090 Sure. Come on in. 188 00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:54,921 Thanks. Come, Slave. 189 00:09:58,254 --> 00:10:00,242 Oh, it's just awful, Chef! 190 00:10:00,243 --> 00:10:04,976 I used to feel like an outsider, a totally different person who stood out in this town! 191 00:10:04,977 --> 00:10:08,048 Now every straight guy is acting gayer than me! 192 00:10:08,132 --> 00:10:10,688 Oh Jethuth! Jethuth Chritht! 193 00:10:10,723 --> 00:10:12,191 Well, what do you want me to do about it? 194 00:10:12,226 --> 00:10:15,726 Chef, what did you do when white people stole your culture? 195 00:10:16,181 --> 00:10:19,482 Oh. Well, we black people just always tried to stay out in front of them. 196 00:10:19,517 --> 00:10:21,176 How did you do that? 197 00:10:21,211 --> 00:10:22,374 Well, like with our slang. 198 00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:26,208 Black people always used to say, "I'm in the house" instead of "I'm here." 199 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:30,012 But then white people all started to say "in the house" so we switched it to "in the hizzouse." 200 00:10:30,013 --> 00:10:34,706 Hizzouse became hizzizzouse, and then white folk started saying that, and we had to change it to hizzie, 201 00:10:34,707 --> 00:10:37,579 ...then "in the hizzle" which we had to change to "hizzle fo shizzle," 202 00:10:37,580 --> 00:10:40,109 ...and now, because white people say "hizzle fo shizzle," 203 00:10:40,110 --> 00:10:42,320 ...we have to say ""flippity floppity floop." 204 00:10:43,606 --> 00:10:45,911 We don't have time for all that, Chef! 205 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:50,364 Oh, if only those Queer Eye For the Straight Guy people understood what they were doing. 206 00:10:50,365 --> 00:10:52,234 Wait. That's it! 207 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,306 I know exactly what to do! 208 00:10:54,307 --> 00:10:57,392 Come on, Mr. Slave! Let's get back to our flippity floppity floop. 209 00:10:57,771 --> 00:11:00,032 Oh no! Damnit! Don't call it that! 210 00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,999 One ticket to New York, please. 211 00:11:04,034 --> 00:11:05,985 You're going to New York alone? 212 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:08,532 I'm going to see the Queer Eye For the Straight Guy people. 213 00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:11,309 Oooo, great idea! They can help you with those dated clothes. 214 00:11:26,126 --> 00:11:27,494 Mrrh. Mr. Garrison? 215 00:11:27,529 --> 00:11:28,798 Kyle, what are you doing here? 216 00:11:28,833 --> 00:11:31,517 I'm going to New York to kill the Queer Eye For the Straight Guy people! 217 00:11:31,552 --> 00:11:33,522 What?? That's what I'm doing! 218 00:11:33,557 --> 00:11:36,132 Oh no! They ruined my life! I get to kill them first! 219 00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:39,265 They took gay culture from real gays and their asses are ours! 220 00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:40,457 I thoght of it first! 221 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,655 No you didn't! No you didn't! 222 00:11:41,690 --> 00:11:42,528 Did so! Did so! 223 00:11:42,563 --> 00:11:43,479 I thought of it yesterday! 224 00:11:43,514 --> 00:11:44,547 I thought of it two days ago! 225 00:11:44,582 --> 00:11:45,773 I thought of it before you were born! 226 00:11:45,808 --> 00:11:49,798 Stop it, you two! Stop it! Don't you see how crazy this is? 227 00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:54,524 Oh. You're right, Mr. Slave. We can both kill them together. 228 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:55,384 Cool. 229 00:11:57,699 --> 00:11:58,969 Wow, we look great! 230 00:11:59,004 --> 00:12:01,033 Yeah, and let's see Craig outgay us now. 231 00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:04,334 Boys! Boys! Come on! There's a sale down in Express for Men! 232 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,820 Hey guys! There's a sale in Express for Men! 233 00:12:09,014 --> 00:12:11,340 -Oh my God! -Let's go! Let's go! 234 00:12:11,489 --> 00:12:13,974 You guys have got to see these shoes I bought! 235 00:12:14,009 --> 00:12:16,497 Hurry, you guys! The mall closes in seven hours! 236 00:12:16,498 --> 00:12:18,786 Oh, why can't we all live at the mall?! 237 00:12:19,898 --> 00:12:24,448 You know, I'm starting to think this whole metrosexual thing isn't so great. 238 00:12:24,483 --> 00:12:25,654 I know what you mean. 239 00:12:25,655 --> 00:12:28,500 All my husband ever does now is look at himself in the mirror. 240 00:12:28,501 --> 00:12:31,388 He cares more about how he looks than how I look. 241 00:12:31,419 --> 00:12:34,484 I hope something happens soon to put an end to this whole fad. 242 00:12:36,810 --> 00:12:38,548 Guys, you've done a terrific job. 243 00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:41,241 Queer Eye For the Straight Guy is our number one show! 244 00:12:42,622 --> 00:12:44,836 What can I say? We're fabulous. 245 00:12:44,871 --> 00:12:47,320 You guys are changing the world! 246 00:12:47,321 --> 00:12:52,286 And tomorrow, we're gonna have you make over the President of the United States! 247 00:12:52,308 --> 00:12:53,776 Oh my God, I think I'm gonna faint. 248 00:12:55,888 --> 00:12:57,212 Room service. 249 00:12:57,247 --> 00:12:59,512 What? We didn't order any room service. 250 00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:03,101 Oh, well, the woman at the front desk sent it up. 251 00:13:03,136 --> 00:13:06,180 Carol? Well, I'll have to check on this. Excuse me a minute, fellas. 252 00:13:10,792 --> 00:13:11,723 Clear! 253 00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,277 Okay, Mr. Slave! 254 00:13:18,046 --> 00:13:21,154 Unh, Jethuth Chritht. 255 00:13:21,189 --> 00:13:23,091 Well crap, that didn't work. 256 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,487 You'd better shut up, Craig. 257 00:13:26,522 --> 00:13:27,633 Everyone knows it's true! 258 00:13:27,668 --> 00:13:28,461 It is not! 259 00:13:28,496 --> 00:13:29,098 Is so! 260 00:13:29,133 --> 00:13:30,542 Craig! Behave yourself! 261 00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,842 Yeah, Stanley. What are you fighting about? 262 00:13:32,877 --> 00:13:35,284 Dad, Craig is trying to say that his dad can outdress you! 263 00:13:35,319 --> 00:13:38,143 What? Son, that's a silly thing to fight about. 264 00:13:38,178 --> 00:13:41,089 Yeah. Everyone already knows I dress better than Randy. 265 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,282 Oh really?! 266 00:13:42,317 --> 00:13:45,071 I mean, you do have the fashion sense of a Japanese woman. 267 00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:50,205 Please, girlfriend. You look like some kind of Little Orphan Annie nightmare. 268 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,237 Oh no, errrr! 269 00:13:52,272 --> 00:13:54,991 Oh, stop it! Will you all just stop it?! 270 00:13:56,202 --> 00:14:00,235 Look, you guys are carrying this fad too far! Will you please stop acting this way?! 271 00:14:01,116 --> 00:14:04,561 You don't... like us being metrosexual? 272 00:14:04,596 --> 00:14:05,387 NO! 273 00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:07,819 Well, you know what I think? 274 00:14:08,529 --> 00:14:10,709 I think you're all metrophobic! 275 00:14:10,744 --> 00:14:11,285 Yeah!! 276 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:11,958 What? 277 00:14:11,993 --> 00:14:16,825 We shouldn't be fighting amongst ourselves, we should be uniting against metrophobes like these! 278 00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:17,914 This is crazy! 279 00:14:17,949 --> 00:14:22,237 Crazy? Different? Outcasts? Call us what you want. 280 00:14:22,238 --> 00:14:25,092 But us metros are real people, just like you! 281 00:14:25,183 --> 00:14:28,571 You can metrobash us all you want, but we're here to stay! 282 00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,738 Yeah Mom! We're proud of who we are. 283 00:14:30,773 --> 00:14:32,811 That's right. Proud. You know what I think, guys? 284 00:14:32,812 --> 00:14:35,354 I think we should have a metrosexual pride parade. 285 00:14:35,389 --> 00:14:38,373 Great idea, Eric! Raise metrosexual awareness! 286 00:14:38,408 --> 00:14:41,047 We can make floats and decorate them with streamers and flowers! 287 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,047 (Woohoohoo!) 288 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:45,102 Come on, fellas! Out of the malls and into the streets! 289 00:14:45,137 --> 00:14:47,766 Out of the malls and into the streets! 290 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,290 What the hell did that show do to them? 291 00:14:52,688 --> 00:14:54,902 You sure you don't want to press charges? 292 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:57,841 That's okay, officer. I think they learned murder is wrong. 293 00:14:57,876 --> 00:14:59,514 Especially in those pants. 294 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,195 Look, guys, we're sorry we tried to murder you, but... 295 00:15:03,196 --> 00:15:05,151 You have to stop what you're doing! 296 00:15:05,186 --> 00:15:07,854 Are you crazy?! We're the hottest thing on TV! 297 00:15:07,889 --> 00:15:11,505 But don't you see the price? You're selling out your own kind. 298 00:15:12,073 --> 00:15:16,514 Look, us gays have created a lifestyle, a, a culture that is uniquely ours. 299 00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:21,291 If we keep trying to make straight people into us, well, we're gonna have no identity left. 300 00:15:24,576 --> 00:15:26,562 Sorry Charlie, no sale. 301 00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:30,808 Buh... but... this doesn't make sense! 302 00:15:30,809 --> 00:15:33,760 How can gay men do this to their own people?? 303 00:15:34,044 --> 00:15:38,172 Unless... you're not gay at all... 304 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,208 You just had to push it, didn't you?! 305 00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:46,395 Just had to keep asking question! 306 00:15:48,177 --> 00:15:50,105 Now you know the truth! 307 00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:53,039 They aren't gay? Then what are they? 308 00:15:53,074 --> 00:15:56,676 We're a thousand years our kind have lived beneath the earth's crust! 309 00:15:56,677 --> 00:15:59,188 Banished by man in the Kindling Wars. 310 00:15:59,272 --> 00:16:00,774 Oh my God. 311 00:16:06,864 --> 00:16:09,725 We are the Crab People! 312 00:16:10,671 --> 00:16:11,969 Jethuth Chritht! 313 00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:18,367 Craaab People! Craaab People! 314 00:16:32,243 --> 00:16:35,881 See now where we have been forced to live for a thousand years! 315 00:16:35,882 --> 00:16:40,600 But soon we shall rule the land above, and mankind will be gone! 316 00:16:40,909 --> 00:16:41,874 Gone?? 317 00:16:46,102 --> 00:16:50,244 Crab people are too small and weak to take over man by force, 318 00:16:50,245 --> 00:16:53,484 and so we came up with our perfect plan! 319 00:16:57,861 --> 00:17:01,269 If you can't beat man, change man! 320 00:17:01,641 --> 00:17:02,586 I knew it! 321 00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:05,259 I knew gay people would never do this to their own kind! 322 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:10,490 When all the world is metrosexual, the crab people shall finally reign supreme!! 323 00:17:11,172 --> 00:17:14,954 Craaab People! Craaab People! 324 00:17:14,989 --> 00:17:18,486 Taste like crab, talk like people. 325 00:17:18,521 --> 00:17:20,344 Craaab People! 326 00:17:21,114 --> 00:17:23,635 You'll never turn ME into a metrosexual! 327 00:17:23,636 --> 00:17:25,953 I like being a dirty, filthy little boy! 328 00:17:26,102 --> 00:17:29,676 Very well. If we can't make you into metrosexuals, 329 00:17:29,677 --> 00:17:33,074 ...then we will make you into crab people! 330 00:17:33,075 --> 00:17:34,425 Take them!! 331 00:17:36,426 --> 00:17:39,057 All things just keep getting better 332 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,791 You... came into my life 333 00:17:41,487 --> 00:17:45,475 and my world never looked so bright. Yeah. 334 00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:49,088 It's true. You bring out the best in me. 335 00:17:49,123 --> 00:17:52,096 When you are around, when you are around, 336 00:17:53,905 --> 00:17:56,345 All things just keep getting better. 337 00:17:57,476 --> 00:18:04,099 Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado, where the first Metrosexual Pride Parade is underway! 338 00:18:07,744 --> 00:18:14,302 We're here! We're not queer! But we're close! Get used to it! 339 00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:16,505 That does it! I can't take it anymore! 340 00:18:16,506 --> 00:18:19,370 I should have never wished for a cleaner, neater husband. 341 00:18:19,371 --> 00:18:22,723 Ladies, get yoru things! I know what we have to do! 342 00:18:26,347 --> 00:18:27,620 Whoa, look out! 343 00:18:30,241 --> 00:18:31,947 Oh my God, it's on fire! 344 00:18:31,982 --> 00:18:33,894 Put it out! Put it out! 345 00:18:33,929 --> 00:18:36,334 I can't do anything! These are brand-new pants! 346 00:18:36,369 --> 00:18:40,052 The heat could really damage our hair. We'd better let the police handle this! 347 00:18:40,087 --> 00:18:42,863 Are you crazy? I just had my uniform pressed! 348 00:18:42,898 --> 00:18:45,610 Oh Jesus, it's burning! Oh my God! 349 00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,901 Put it out! Put it out! Fire! 350 00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:53,508 Mr. President, it is such an honor to make you over! 351 00:18:53,543 --> 00:18:55,849 Now, we've got to do something with yoru hair. 352 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,081 And your nails are filthy. Let's get those clean. 353 00:18:58,116 --> 00:18:59,698 This is gay gold! 354 00:19:00,287 --> 00:19:02,565 Stop them! They're crab people! 355 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,251 They cannot see or hear us, foolish man. 356 00:19:05,252 --> 00:19:09,193 Now stand by and watch as your pitiful race becomes helplesss!! 357 00:19:09,213 --> 00:19:13,821 That is very good, Mr. President. Now, put on this silk jacket. 358 00:19:13,856 --> 00:19:16,464 No Mr. President!! Don't do it! Help! 359 00:19:16,499 --> 00:19:17,511 You bastards! 360 00:19:17,546 --> 00:19:20,382 That looks great! Now, how about some moisturizer. 361 00:19:22,535 --> 00:19:24,026 There they are! Get 'em! 362 00:19:24,146 --> 00:19:24,970 What? 363 00:19:25,270 --> 00:19:27,807 You turned our husbands into whiny little wusses!! 364 00:19:27,842 --> 00:19:29,809 It's payback time! 365 00:19:33,842 --> 00:19:35,342 Oh my God, what are they doing?! 366 00:19:35,377 --> 00:19:37,204 Oh noooo!! 367 00:19:41,204 --> 00:19:44,172 Wha? What have you done? 368 00:19:44,207 --> 00:19:46,811 We're sorry, but we didn't have a choice. 369 00:19:46,812 --> 00:19:50,692 You see, at first we liked having our men be clean and neat. 370 00:19:50,693 --> 00:19:54,711 We thought that having them use product in their hair and wanting facials would make them sexier. 371 00:19:54,712 --> 00:19:55,942 But it doesn't. 372 00:19:55,970 --> 00:19:59,417 That's right. Event though my Steven sickens me out sometimes, 373 00:19:59,418 --> 00:20:02,283 it's his rugged manly grossness that I'm attracted to. 374 00:20:02,379 --> 00:20:06,970 We're sorry, but we knew that the only answer was tuh kill the Queer Eye guys. 375 00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,744 Well you're going to jail for thi-! 376 00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:11,576 Wait a minute. What is that? 377 00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:15,618 No! Our evil plans! Noooo... 378 00:20:17,831 --> 00:20:20,844 Oh my God. They were crab people. 379 00:20:20,879 --> 00:20:21,816 Yes! 380 00:20:21,817 --> 00:20:26,030 They were tryingn to systematically make men into wusses so they could take over the world! 381 00:20:26,168 --> 00:20:27,964 -Mom! -Kyle! 382 00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:32,327 I should have known they were crab people. They tried this before with The Jefferson. 383 00:20:32,362 --> 00:20:35,353 So now, can you please change your network's programming? 384 00:20:35,388 --> 00:20:38,523 Yes. Yes, I think this gay fad is over. 385 00:20:38,524 --> 00:20:40,365 Gentlemen, back to Studio 12! 386 00:20:40,366 --> 00:20:42,521 We're gonna bring back the Latin fad. 387 00:20:47,207 --> 00:20:48,392 Hey eses. 388 00:20:48,427 --> 00:20:50,625 Hey Jefey. You want some cerveiza? 389 00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:54,833 Kyle. 390 00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:57,080 Hey, ese. You wanna come play catch with us? 391 00:20:58,056 --> 00:21:00,686 What? Y-you want me to hang out with you? 392 00:21:00,721 --> 00:21:01,931 Yeah. It's cool, holmes. 393 00:21:02,576 --> 00:21:05,925 ...No, dude, it really isn't cool. You all turned yoru backs on me. 394 00:21:05,926 --> 00:21:09,479 You're supposed to be my best friends and you just... treated me like nothing! 395 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:13,365 And now you all expect me to just forget it all and, and hang out with you again like nothing happened? 396 00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:17,372 Aw Jesus, Kyle, don't be such a whiny little gaywad! Come play catch with us. 397 00:21:17,407 --> 00:21:18,847 Yeah, don't be such a fag, dude! 398 00:21:29,570 --> 00:21:31,195 God-damnit!