1
00:00:40,129 --> 00:00:42,967
Well, here we are, dude, the
first day of fourth grade.
2
00:00:42,968 --> 00:00:45,533
Yeah. No more getting pushed
around by fourth graders!
3
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:47,641
Get out of my way, you little dorks!
4
00:00:47,676 --> 00:00:49,109
Hey! We're fourth-graders now, too!
5
00:00:49,144 --> 00:00:52,835
Yeah, but now, we're fifth-graders,
you stupid fourth-graders, so move it!
6
00:00:52,870 --> 00:00:54,134
Ungh, gay, dude.
7
00:00:54,169 --> 00:00:56,651
Dude, we gotta find some third-graders
to beat up. Hey, come here
8
00:00:56,686 --> 00:00:57,351
What?
9
00:00:57,386 --> 00:00:58,417
What grade are you going into?
10
00:00:58,452 --> 00:00:59,279
Thi-ird
11
00:00:59,314 --> 00:01:00,136
Stupid third grader!
12
00:01:00,171 --> 00:01:01,053
Yeah, get out of here!
13
00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:02,741
There, that's better.
14
00:01:02,776 --> 00:01:05,007
You know, I heard our fourth-grade
teacher is some new lady from Denver.
15
00:01:05,042 --> 00:01:05,594
Denver?
16
00:01:05,629 --> 00:01:07,259
U-hoh, dude, we could
walk all over her.
17
00:01:07,294 --> 00:01:11,775
He's right. We have to take a hard stance right now and establish that we're the dominant ones in this relationship!
18
00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,488
Alright. Hey, listen up everybody!
19
00:01:13,489 --> 00:01:17,834
We need to stand up to this new teacher and insert ourselves! Let's all do something radical!
20
00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:18,440
Like what?
21
00:01:18,475 --> 00:01:22,284
Like… ah, how about right at 8:35
we all jump up on our desks and
22
00:01:22,285 --> 00:01:24,706
...pull down our pants and shout,
"KISS MY ASS!!!" all together!
23
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:25,389
YEAH!!!
24
00:01:25,424 --> 00:01:26,178
Why, that's PERfect!
25
00:01:26,213 --> 00:01:28,904
Well, buh wuh when we pull our pants
down, should we stand frontways or back?
26
00:01:28,905 --> 00:01:31,613
I mean, do we show 'er our…
behinds, or-ar our w-wieners?
27
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,245
…I think showing her our asses
should be quite sufficient, Butters.
28
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:36,657
Uh-uh, maybe we could stand like this,
29
00:01:36,658 --> 00:01:40,372
with our wieners pokin' through the back of our legs, you know, and give 'er a nice fruit bowl.
30
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,735
…Yeah. Or we could just show our asses.
31
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:44,778
Okay, so it's decided.
32
00:01:44,779 --> 00:01:45,779
When the clock hits 8:35 we all stand up on our desks, pull down our pants and yell, "KISS MY ASS!!!"
33
00:01:48,802 --> 00:01:50,219
Together we are strong!
34
00:01:50,254 --> 00:01:50,976
YEAH!!!
35
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:53,157
Hey, Timmy might need some
help pulling his pants down.
36
00:01:53,192 --> 00:01:54,343
We got you covered, Timmy.
37
00:01:56,695 --> 00:01:58,777
Whoa, dude, this is our new classroom?
38
00:01:58,812 --> 00:02:00,054
Huhuh, look at all this stuff.
39
00:02:00,089 --> 00:02:01,762
Hey, what the hell is with
these little half-desks?
40
00:02:01,797 --> 00:02:04,677
Dude, look at the walls. Everything is
written in some strange, foreign language.
41
00:02:04,712 --> 00:02:08,420
Alright, children, quiet down.
Welcome to the fourth grade.
42
00:02:08,455 --> 00:02:09,917
Holy God, dude!
43
00:02:09,952 --> 00:02:11,049
(Those tittes are fuckin' huge!)
44
00:02:11,084 --> 00:02:14,611
My name is Ms. Choksondik.
45
00:02:15,788 --> 00:02:17,720
…More like, Ms. Makesmesick.
46
00:02:19,163 --> 00:02:21,602
Play time is over, children!
Do you understand me?!
47
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,508
I don't know how your last teacher
behaved, but this is the fourth grade!
48
00:02:25,509 --> 00:02:27,340
And it is time to go to work!
49
00:02:28,008 --> 00:02:30,049
KISS MY ASS!!!
50
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,981
Oh, weak, you guys. Seriously weak.
51
00:02:36,016 --> 00:02:38,642
Well, young man, I hope you
have a good explanation for this.
52
00:02:38,677 --> 00:02:40,088
Oh, I'm sure I do.
53
00:02:40,123 --> 00:02:42,333
This is the fourth grade!
You need to grow up!
54
00:02:42,758 --> 00:02:43,669
I'm trying.
55
00:02:43,704 --> 00:02:48,448
Now, get back to your desk and write a thousand-word essay on why you feel you need to disrupt my class.
56
00:02:48,483 --> 00:02:50,024
Fantastic, then.
57
00:02:50,059 --> 00:02:52,676
Now, let us begin our first-day exam.
58
00:02:53,404 --> 00:02:54,887
SILENCE!
59
00:02:55,671 --> 00:02:57,231
What a bitch!
60
00:02:57,266 --> 00:03:00,121
And did you see her lazy eye? You
can't even tell what she's looking at.
61
00:03:00,156 --> 00:03:02,033
You guys are all such pussies!
62
00:03:02,068 --> 00:03:06,097
I can't take it, man! Writing in
cursive?? Fractions?? I can't do i-it!
63
00:03:06,132 --> 00:03:08,403
This is it. The end of innocence.
64
00:03:08,404 --> 00:03:10,928
This is the loss of that playful
youth all our parents told us about.
65
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,596
I just didnt think
it would come so soon.
66
00:03:12,631 --> 00:03:16,255
Yeah. Only now do we realize how much
we all took the third grade for granted.
67
00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:17,014
Huh?
68
00:03:17,049 --> 00:03:18,584
Everything was great in third grade.
69
00:03:18,585 --> 00:03:21,673
And now that it's all over, we'er
starting to see just how special it was.
70
00:03:22,462 --> 00:03:26,465
Remember how it used to
be in the Third Grade?
71
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:30,885
We used to laugh and play and cherish each day in the Third Grade
72
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,310
We learned wonderous things
from a teacher so nice
73
00:03:34,345 --> 00:03:37,206
Sat on marshmallow desks
with teddy-bear smiles
74
00:03:37,241 --> 00:03:39,791
The world seemed to all make sense
75
00:03:39,826 --> 00:03:42,611
but that sense seems to slowly fade
76
00:03:42,646 --> 00:03:44,842
After Third Grade
77
00:03:44,877 --> 00:03:47,622
In the Third Grade we
used to write with crayons
78
00:03:47,657 --> 00:03:50,356
We would make sparkly
pictures with glitter and glue
79
00:03:50,391 --> 00:03:53,465
We had warm cookies
and hearts full of love
80
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:57,786
And there wasn't a care
in the world of me… of you…
81
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,579
There's not a thing in this
life that I wouldn't trade
82
00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:02,580
...just to go back for one minute
83
00:04:04,593 --> 00:04:07,053
To Third Grade
84
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:15,072
Wow! I had already forgotten
how great third grade was.
85
00:04:15,107 --> 00:04:16,263
Huh-it sure was.
86
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:17,819
I wish I was sstill there.
87
00:04:17,854 --> 00:04:20,478
Hey, that's it! We gotta
go back to third grade!
88
00:04:20,513 --> 00:04:21,240
How?
89
00:04:21,275 --> 00:04:23,390
We travel back in time.
90
00:04:23,425 --> 00:04:25,373
Oh yeah, time travel.
91
00:04:25,408 --> 00:04:27,678
Oowuh how are we gonna
do that? Does it hurt?
92
00:04:27,679 --> 00:04:30,958
I don't wanna do it if it hurts.
Or if it… makes you get all sticky.
93
00:04:31,119 --> 00:04:33,038
It can't be that bad. People
do it on TV all the time.
94
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,179
Yeah, we just have to find
somebody who knows how to do it.
95
00:04:35,214 --> 00:04:38,458
Well, what about those two college guys next door to me? They're always doing science experiments in their basement.
96
00:04:38,493 --> 00:04:41,437
Yeah, if there's a way to travel back
in time, those two dorks will know how!
97
00:04:41,472 --> 00:04:45,172
When it comes to time-traveling theory,
there are basically two school of thought.
98
00:04:45,173 --> 00:04:50,737
The Spock Theory is that a sling shot around the sun could create a wormhole in which time could not escape.
99
00:04:50,738 --> 00:04:57,024
The Lieutenant Commander Data Theory, however, is that a nag vibration could create a rip in the time-space continuum-
100
00:04:57,059 --> 00:04:59,315
Look, whatever it takes, we just
have to get back to third grade.
101
00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:01,527
Time-travel is no laughing matter.
102
00:05:01,528 --> 00:05:05,798
Four times the Enterprise went back in time, and four times they almost didn't make it back.
103
00:05:05,833 --> 00:05:07,581
We don't want to make it
back, we want to stay there.
104
00:05:07,616 --> 00:05:08,411
Oh.
105
00:05:08,446 --> 00:05:09,370
So can you do it?
106
00:05:09,405 --> 00:05:14,298
It's all theoretical, but from a scientific standpoint, the creation of a rip in space-time is possible.
107
00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:16,462
We just need to find an inertia device.
108
00:05:16,512 --> 00:05:20,510
Heeeyyy. This kid's electric
wheelchair might be just what we need.
109
00:05:20,545 --> 00:05:21,628
Tuh-timmih?
110
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,540
Oh, this new fourth-grade
teacher is driving me nuts!
111
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,578
What's the problem?
112
00:05:26,613 --> 00:05:31,244
Uh, you see, Chef, Ms. Choksondik
has very large, uh, honkers,
113
00:05:31,245 --> 00:05:33,549
and she doesn't seem
to like wearing a bra.
114
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,000
You call that a problem?
That sounds like heaven to me.
115
00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:39,488
No, it's really not as nice as
you might imagine, Chef, m'kay.
116
00:05:39,523 --> 00:05:41,649
Principal Victoria, I would like a word!
117
00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:44,215
Oooo! Call the doctor!
118
00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:48,599
My new students are the most misbehaved, illiterate, brain-dead group of children I have ever come across!
119
00:05:48,634 --> 00:05:52,093
Well, Ms.... Choksondik, those children
did fairly well in the third grade.
120
00:05:52,128 --> 00:05:54,685
One of them is mentally
handicapped, for Christ's sake!
121
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:55,576
Oh? Which one?
122
00:05:56,234 --> 00:05:58,022
The one in the wheelchair!
123
00:05:58,023 --> 00:06:02,566
Look, I would like to have a talk with their last year's teacher! Who was it? Mr. Uh-heh, Garrison?!
124
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,569
I'm afraid that's impossible.
125
00:06:05,570 --> 00:06:08,622
Nobody's seen Mr. Garrison
since the last school year ended.
126
00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:10,026
Why?! Where did he go?!
127
00:06:10,061 --> 00:06:13,049
We… don't like to talk about it.
128
00:06:13,084 --> 00:06:14,967
But I need help reaching these kids!
129
00:06:14,968 --> 00:06:18,583
I have nothing but the hghest expectations
for them. And with God as my witness-
130
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,913
I'm going to teach these kids the wonders
of the world, so that they can reach the top!
131
00:06:22,914 --> 00:06:27,384
I hope that sometime very soon you will let me in on what happened to this Mr. Garrison!
132
00:06:27,385 --> 00:06:29,716
And with that I will bid you good day!
133
00:06:29,866 --> 00:06:31,611
Wuh sure thing, fine, bye-bye then.
134
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,299
Alright, when we power up, the handicapped
kid's chair will accelerate at a high
135
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:45,091
rate of speed about 10 feet that way,
then make the required magnetic vibrations.
136
00:06:45,126 --> 00:06:48,950
If the fields are right, it should then create a wormhole up near the front of the classroom.
137
00:06:48,985 --> 00:06:51,214
You guys don't actually think
this is going to work, do you?
138
00:06:51,249 --> 00:06:56,206
Now, eh, when you all see a wormhole, yuh-you guys are gonna have about 4.2 seconds to run through it.
139
00:06:56,241 --> 00:07:01,386
And on the other side you will find yourself
in the exact same spot, only one year ago.
140
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,032
Back in the third grade.
141
00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,281
Cool/Wow.
142
00:07:04,316 --> 00:07:07,729
I can't wait until the teacher yells at us this
time, and we all tell her to suck our balls!
143
00:07:07,764 --> 00:07:08,412
Yeah!
144
00:07:08,447 --> 00:07:09,211
Oh! Here she comes.
145
00:07:09,246 --> 00:07:11,799
Alright, children, I hope you
all did your homework last night.
146
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,074
Please pass your papers
up to the frontuh.
147
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,921
Suck my balls!!!
148
00:07:15,922 --> 00:07:18,436
Oh, God-damnit, you
guys, I am so seriously-
149
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:21,692
I said, pass your papers to the fronteh!
150
00:07:21,727 --> 00:07:25,861
We didn't do our homework, Ms.
Makesmesick! We didn't feel like it!
151
00:07:25,896 --> 00:07:28,833
It's Choksondik! And you are
all going to have detention!
152
00:07:28,868 --> 00:07:33,181
Hahaa! Charade you are, teacher! I'm
afraid we have different plans! Gentlemen?
153
00:07:33,459 --> 00:07:35,200
Primary fusion initiated
154
00:07:35,235 --> 00:07:36,646
Molecular grenadine active.
155
00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:38,353
What are you doing?!
156
00:07:38,388 --> 00:07:42,385
We're going back in time to third grade! Goodbye, teacher! Perhaps we shall see you in another year!
157
00:07:54,137 --> 00:07:55,675
I didn't think it would work.
158
00:07:55,710 --> 00:07:56,342
Me neither.
159
00:07:56,377 --> 00:07:59,762
Well, well, well! I'd say
somebody has some explaining to do!
160
00:07:59,797 --> 00:08:00,887
You're damn right they do!
161
00:08:00,922 --> 00:08:03,496
Dude! Timmy's chair is packed with
all that stuff! We've gotta help him!
162
00:08:03,531 --> 00:08:04,157
Yeah!
163
00:08:04,799 --> 00:08:06,838
Children! Children, come back here!
164
00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:11,530
Timmy, you have to stop!
165
00:08:11,565 --> 00:08:12,236
-No!
-No??
166
00:08:12,844 --> 00:08:18,479
Look, the system malfunctions if he stops. The nuclear core can bake his magnetic field and the whole chair will blow sky-high.
167
00:08:18,514 --> 00:08:20,652
What?! Timmy! You've got
to get off that chair!
168
00:08:20,687 --> 00:08:21,421
-No!
-No??
169
00:08:21,925 --> 00:08:25,115
We've rigged the chair to be sensitive to his
weight. If he gets off, the whole thing blows!
170
00:08:25,150 --> 00:08:29,045
So if Timmy drops his speed below five miles an hour the chair blow, and if he gets off, the chair blows?
171
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:29,641
Yup.
172
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,451
My God!
173
00:08:31,452 --> 00:08:34,821
It's been over three hours since the police first showed up on the scene
174
00:08:34,822 --> 00:08:38,000
of a handicapped boy's wheelchair set with explosives.
175
00:08:38,035 --> 00:08:38,954
Over here, over here!
176
00:08:38,989 --> 00:08:42,406
The child can't stop or get off the chair without risking explosion,
177
00:08:42,407 --> 00:08:45,475
and so the SWAT team will now attempt to disarm the device.
178
00:08:49,482 --> 00:08:50,410
Closer!
179
00:08:50,712 --> 00:08:53,501
Don't worry, son. Just watch
your speed and stay still!
180
00:08:54,873 --> 00:08:55,986
Look out, Hansen!
181
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,420
Dear Jesus! Hang on, lady!
182
00:09:00,455 --> 00:09:01,864
Oh my God, what's going on?
183
00:09:01,899 --> 00:09:05,227
Ma'am, be very careful! That
wheelchair is set to explode!
184
00:09:05,262 --> 00:09:07,941
What?! AAAH!! Omigod! Omigod!
185
00:09:07,976 --> 00:09:11,124
It's okay! Just stay calm
and keep the speed above 5!
186
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,718
O-kay.
O-kay. Omigod.
187
00:09:14,473 --> 00:09:15,718
Okay. I kept the speed at 5.
188
00:09:15,753 --> 00:09:18,307
Good! What's the
wheelchair's battery power at?
189
00:09:20,044 --> 00:09:22,220
Oh my God! Less than 20 minutes!
190
00:09:22,221 --> 00:09:23,689
Less than 20 minutes?!
191
00:09:23,724 --> 00:09:25,021
Oh no! What have we done?!
192
00:09:27,312 --> 00:09:28,469
Whattaya think? Too forward?
193
00:09:29,201 --> 00:09:30,461
I HAVE HAD IT!!!
194
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:35,720
These children are out of control! I must speak with their last year's teacher, Mr. Garrison!
195
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:40,066
As we said before, that's impossible.
196
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:42,159
What in God's name happened to him?
197
00:09:42,194 --> 00:09:47,717
Uuuh, Ms. Choksondik, Mr. Garrison
had several uuh, eee-motional issues.
198
00:09:47,718 --> 00:09:50,113
He was a closet homosexual
who hated gay people.
199
00:09:50,114 --> 00:09:52,683
Whenever someone asked him
if he was gay, he'd go nuts.
200
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:56,492
And then he was accused of trying
to solicit sex from a young boy.
201
00:09:56,527 --> 00:10:00,924
After being dismissed from teaching,
he went off to write romance novels.
202
00:10:00,925 --> 00:10:07,049
His first novel sold well and everything was fine until he found out that his novel won the gay Pulitzer prize,
203
00:10:07,050 --> 00:10:10,973
and was considered the best homoerotic
novel since Huckleberry Finn.
204
00:10:10,992 --> 00:10:16,327
He finaly snapped and had a nervous breakdown and… went up into the mountains to live in solitude.
205
00:10:16,362 --> 00:10:20,353
"Some say that on cold nights
you can still hear him moanin',
206
00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:23,951
"I'm not gaaay! I'm not gaaay!"
207
00:10:23,986 --> 00:10:27,772
Iii'mmm nnnooottt gggaaayyy!!!
208
00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:29,378
And, nobody has found him?
209
00:10:29,413 --> 00:10:31,756
Well, we really haven't ll-looked.
210
00:10:31,791 --> 00:10:35,611
I see. Then the only way I'll find
the secret to teaching these kids
211
00:10:35,612 --> 00:10:38,431
...is to go up into those mountains
and find Mr. Garrison myself!
212
00:10:38,499 --> 00:10:40,977
But he could be anywhere
up high in those mountains.
213
00:10:41,012 --> 00:10:45,211
Oh, I'll find him! Even if I
have to climb up and up and up!
214
00:10:45,246 --> 00:10:46,804
-NOOO!!
-What?
215
00:10:46,884 --> 00:10:48,989
Oh my God, Oh my God!
216
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:52,170
Tom, I'm standing about two miles outside of Denver
217
00:10:52,171 --> 00:10:56,420
where the darling handicapped boy fights for his life on a wheelchair of death.
218
00:10:56,441 --> 00:11:00,080
Guys, can you tell us what kind of
explosive we're actually dealing with here.
219
00:11:00,115 --> 00:11:03,636
Uh, well, it's a simple hydrogen-fusion
core with a veltig reactant-
220
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:08,138
This has never happened in all
the 72 original Star Trek episodes.
221
00:11:08,173 --> 00:11:11,300
Yah… wait, you mean 73 episodes.
222
00:11:11,898 --> 00:11:13,123
…No, there were 72.
223
00:11:13,158 --> 00:11:13,865
No there weren't!
224
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:15,288
Oh, you are such a nerd!
225
00:11:17,598 --> 00:11:23,629
Tom, I understand that now, the rescuers are gonna try and send in one of the handicapped boy's little friends,
226
00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:27,132
in an attempt to keep him calm
and hopefully, disarm the device.
227
00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:28,845
It's alright, eveything's
goin' tuh be fine.
228
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:29,838
Oh my God!
229
00:11:29,873 --> 00:11:32,287
Alright, young man, when you
get underneath that wheelchair,
230
00:11:32,288 --> 00:11:34,476
I want you to relay back
to me with this walky-talky,
231
00:11:34,477 --> 00:11:36,699
and then I'll tell you
which wires to cross. Ready?
232
00:11:36,734 --> 00:11:37,267
(Yes, sir!)
233
00:11:37,302 --> 00:11:37,945
Go below!
234
00:11:42,275 --> 00:11:46,258
(Hi guys.) (Uh oh.) (Uff. I'm okay.)
235
00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:53,473
Well, who didn't see that coming?
236
00:11:53,508 --> 00:11:55,531
Oh my God! Oh my God!
237
00:11:55,566 --> 00:11:57,466
Stay calm! You have to stay calm!
238
00:11:57,501 --> 00:11:59,570
But if we got off the chair it blows up!
239
00:11:59,605 --> 00:12:01,506
No no, that's only if the boy gets off.
240
00:12:01,541 --> 00:12:02,591
Oh. See ya!
241
00:12:02,626 --> 00:12:03,271
Timmih!
242
00:12:04,235 --> 00:12:05,247
Ten seconds, Hansen!
243
00:12:05,282 --> 00:12:06,678
…nine, eight…
244
00:12:06,713 --> 00:12:07,648
Please-a help me.
245
00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:09,292
…six, five…
246
00:12:09,327 --> 00:12:11,626
-Please help me. Please help me.
-Got it! I think! Up, up!
247
00:12:24,381 --> 00:12:25,697
Hey, it did work.
248
00:12:42,746 --> 00:12:44,256
Hello-oo-ooo.
249
00:12:45,367 --> 00:12:48,011
Oh, what am I doing? I'm
gonna get myself killed.
250
00:12:48,617 --> 00:12:50,271
Is anyone here?
251
00:12:52,132 --> 00:12:54,767
Mister? Mr. Garrison?
252
00:12:54,835 --> 00:12:57,366
Who
-? Who are you? What do you want?
253
00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,295
I am the new fourth grade teacher.
254
00:12:59,296 --> 00:13:01,633
I've come to… seek your help.
255
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:08,399
Please. I don't know how to handle the new fourth graders. I've tried everything. I need to know how you taught them.
256
00:13:08,650 --> 00:13:13,749
No! No, I… haven't… taught
in over… eight… months.
257
00:13:13,784 --> 00:13:17,202
Mr. Garrison, you knew how to reach
these kids! You're my only hope!
258
00:13:17,618 --> 00:13:20,237
Do you know what it is
to be a teacher, Ms.…?
259
00:13:20,272 --> 00:13:21,067
Choksondik.
260
00:13:21,102 --> 00:13:23,256
No I don't! IT'S A LIE! You see?
261
00:13:23,257 --> 00:13:24,842
That's what you get for bein' a teacher!
262
00:13:24,843 --> 00:13:29,494
You work and you work for the children and then people start rumors that you're gay even though you love poontang!
263
00:13:29,529 --> 00:13:32,450
Mr. Garrison, these children are
depeding on me to give them a future.
264
00:13:32,451 --> 00:13:35,883
I can't do it without your
guidance. Please! Help me, for them!
265
00:13:35,884 --> 00:13:37,898
For the future of our children!
266
00:13:38,786 --> 00:13:39,670
…Two hundred bucks.
267
00:13:39,705 --> 00:13:40,475
…Done.
268
00:13:40,510 --> 00:13:42,266
Dude! You gotta build
us another time machine!
269
00:13:42,301 --> 00:13:44,513
Huh? Oh… Can't.
270
00:13:44,548 --> 00:13:46,902
What do you mean, "can't"?! You made
it work; just build us another one!
271
00:13:46,937 --> 00:13:48,949
I can't, because pizza-face isn't here!
272
00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:52,503
We're not on speaking terms! We got in a
big fight and he moved all his stuff out!
273
00:13:52,686 --> 00:13:53,583
W-what did you get in a fight about?
274
00:13:53,618 --> 00:13:57,137
There's 73 original Star Treks!
He keeps saying there's 72!
275
00:13:57,172 --> 00:13:59,446
Oh, Jesus Christ! You've
got to be kidding me!
276
00:13:59,481 --> 00:14:01,536
No! He actually thinks there's 72.!
277
00:14:01,571 --> 00:14:03,517
Look, dude, can't you just build
us another machine without him?
278
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,080
No. Pizza-face took all his
equipment home to his mom's.
279
00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:08,940
Now, if you can go over there and
get him to admit that he's wrong…
280
00:14:08,975 --> 00:14:10,692
Alright, come on, guys.
281
00:14:12,062 --> 00:14:14,726
Man, I can't bellieve we have to do
this while Timmy's already back in time!
282
00:14:14,761 --> 00:14:16,796
Yeah! Timmy's probably back in
third grade right now living it up!
283
00:14:32,655 --> 00:14:34,569
Alright, let's try it again.
284
00:14:34,604 --> 00:14:37,163
"Children, we are now
going to do math problems."
285
00:14:37,198 --> 00:14:40,358
"But teacher, I don't want
to do my math problems."
286
00:14:40,393 --> 00:14:43,396
"Uuh! Ah, you will do them or else
you'll be in very big trouble!"
287
00:14:43,431 --> 00:14:46,959
"Well, I'm not gong' to do it,
teacher! You can just suck my balls!"
288
00:14:47,561 --> 00:14:49,518
"Don't use that kind
of language, young man!"
289
00:14:49,553 --> 00:14:50,231
NOOO!
290
00:14:50,266 --> 00:14:51,304
No??
291
00:14:51,339 --> 00:14:54,071
Look, you can't counter a profane
command with an idle threat!
292
00:14:54,072 --> 00:14:56,076
You must extingish it
with a vulgar suggestion!
293
00:14:56,077 --> 00:15:00,701
When a child says, "Suck my
balls," you say, "Present them."
294
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,445
Now, let's try it again.
295
00:15:06,898 --> 00:15:08,294
SUCK MY BALLS!
296
00:15:08,329 --> 00:15:09,902
Pre-sent them?
297
00:15:11,059 --> 00:15:13,581
Good. Very good.
298
00:15:13,582 --> 00:15:16,132
You're ready to move
on to the next level.
299
00:15:16,569 --> 00:15:20,360
But I warn you: we will now be
diving deep into your own psyche.
300
00:15:20,361 --> 00:15:24,478
These children know what scares you,
and so we, too, must face those demons.
301
00:15:24,573 --> 00:15:26,262
I'm ready. I'm not afraid.
302
00:15:26,297 --> 00:15:30,125
You will be! You will be!
303
00:15:30,126 --> 00:15:31,970
You wil be.
304
00:15:36,183 --> 00:15:37,610
God-damnit, this is ridiculous.
305
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:38,195
What?!
306
00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:40,711
Dude, can you please just stop fighting with your friend and build another machine
307
00:15:40,712 --> 00:15:42,413
...so we can travel back in time to the third grade?
308
00:15:42,448 --> 00:15:45,865
Look! There aern't 73 episodes
of Star Trek, there are 72!
309
00:15:45,866 --> 00:15:50,197
"The Menagerie" was a 2-parter that
counts as one episode! Pizza-face is wrong!
310
00:15:50,232 --> 00:15:51,228
Who the hell cares?!
311
00:15:51,263 --> 00:15:53,704
I know! Why does he have
to be such a dick about it?!
312
00:15:53,739 --> 00:15:56,106
Wouldn't it be better to just agree
with him and forget the whole thing?
313
00:15:56,141 --> 00:15:57,780
No, because he's WRONG!
314
00:15:57,815 --> 00:16:00,884
Look. You guys built a machine
together that can bend time.
315
00:16:00,885 --> 00:16:04,844
If you'll just agree with him, you can build another one and usher in a whole new era of science!
316
00:16:04,879 --> 00:16:07,593
And live in a world of
72 original Star Treks?
317
00:16:07,594 --> 00:16:10,433
I don't think so! I don't
want to live in that world.
318
00:16:12,209 --> 00:16:13,935
God, these guys are such geek dumbasses!
319
00:16:13,970 --> 00:16:14,768
I know.
320
00:16:14,803 --> 00:16:17,228
Yeh-hah. They don't even
realize that "The Menagerie"
321
00:16:17,229 --> 00:16:20,283
originally was the pilot and later
got split up into two episodes,
322
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,104
eh, the dumbasses.
323
00:16:25,328 --> 00:16:26,332
Wiait a minute! I've got it.
324
00:16:27,437 --> 00:16:28,162
What?!
325
00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:30,982
Dude, if you guys build
another time machine,
326
00:16:30,983 --> 00:16:35,152
you can travel back in time and ask the creator of Star Trek how many episodes there were!
327
00:16:36,887 --> 00:16:38,364
Dude, Jesus, you're right.
328
00:16:40,472 --> 00:16:46,210
This is it: The Tree of Insight. You
must go in and face what lives inside.
329
00:16:46,245 --> 00:16:47,494
What lives inside?
330
00:16:47,529 --> 00:16:49,760
Hel if I know. I wouldn't go in there.
331
00:16:50,702 --> 00:16:52,216
Oh, alrighty.
332
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:59,654
What the? Why there's nothng in
here but an exit to the other side!
333
00:17:01,350 --> 00:17:03,252
There's nothing in here at all.
334
00:17:03,253 --> 00:17:06,369
…Oh, and I actually thought my
mental demons would be in here.
335
00:17:07,421 --> 00:17:11,547
Wait a minute. Maybe there's not
supposed to be anythng in here.
336
00:17:11,548 --> 00:17:15,760
Maybe I'm supposed to see that I alone
do have the strength to reach the kids!
337
00:17:16,514 --> 00:17:18,376
I think I get it now!
338
00:17:22,545 --> 00:17:25,451
Hey, hurry up in there! Jesus.
339
00:17:25,452 --> 00:17:28,171
You're taking too long in
the damn Tree of Insight!
340
00:17:29,297 --> 00:17:31,096
You in there?!
341
00:17:32,082 --> 00:17:34,509
Hey, where the hell did she go?
342
00:17:35,403 --> 00:17:36,822
What the?
343
00:17:39,357 --> 00:17:41,386
Who? Who are you?
344
00:17:41,421 --> 00:17:44,586
I am you. I am your gay side.
345
00:17:44,621 --> 00:17:47,562
My gay side, uh
- I DON'T HAVE A GAY SIDE!!!
346
00:17:47,597 --> 00:17:49,584
You must face me at last.
347
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,029
You aren't real! You can't be!
348
00:17:55,064 --> 00:17:59,050
It is me, your darkest fear.
Your gay self, incarnate.
349
00:17:59,085 --> 00:18:00,199
What do you want?
350
00:18:00,234 --> 00:18:04,580
I want you to not fight me anymore.
To accept me, once and for all.
351
00:18:04,615 --> 00:18:05,360
Why?
352
00:18:05,395 --> 00:18:10,426
Don't you see? All these years, your pain,
your confusion, it comes from one place.
353
00:18:10,427 --> 00:18:14,008
Your denial of who you
are. Of who… we are.
354
00:18:14,058 --> 00:18:16,501
But I'm not gay!
Everyone just thinks I am!
355
00:18:16,536 --> 00:18:21,101
Oh, stop it! What about the time you looked at Counselor Mackey's penis in the men's locker room?!
356
00:18:21,136 --> 00:18:23,052
I was just comparing size!
357
00:18:23,087 --> 00:18:24,294
For seven minutes?!
358
00:18:24,953 --> 00:18:29,169
And what about the time you masturbated to the men's 100-meter swimming relay at the Olympics?!
359
00:18:29,204 --> 00:18:31,039
I was beating off to the chicks!
360
00:18:31,074 --> 00:18:32,058
THERE WERE NO CHICKS!
361
00:18:32,093 --> 00:18:34,690
OH, DAMN YOU SPIRIT! HAUNT ME NO LONGER!
362
00:18:34,725 --> 00:18:35,511
ADMIT IT!
363
00:18:35,546 --> 00:18:36,350
NO!!!
364
00:18:36,385 --> 00:18:38,912
YOU HAVE TO STOP LYING
TO YOURSELF AND GET A G-
365
00:18:38,947 --> 00:18:41,961
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I ADMIT IT! I'M GAY!!!
366
00:18:42,625 --> 00:18:48,473
I'm…gay. I'm gay! I am gay!
367
00:18:48,474 --> 00:18:52,732
You hear that everyone?
I'm gay! I'm gay!
368
00:18:52,733 --> 00:18:56,306
I'm gay and it… and it feels good.
369
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,549
Alright, children, I
hope you all did your-
370
00:19:02,165 --> 00:19:04,009
Oowhat is going on now?!
371
00:19:04,044 --> 00:19:06,640
Haha, Teacher, we're traveling
back in time to third grade!-
372
00:19:06,641 --> 00:19:09,384
God-damnit you guys, you seriously said
this time you'd snap into it with me.
373
00:19:09,522 --> 00:19:10,909
Oh Good Gravy, not this again.
374
00:19:10,944 --> 00:19:13,126
Yes! We've had a new time maching built:
375
00:19:13,127 --> 00:19:15,402
this one out of a simple
microwave oven and a duck
376
00:19:15,789 --> 00:19:19,884
Au revoir, teacher! Perheps we shall
see you in the past, hahaa. Gentlemen?
377
00:19:19,919 --> 00:19:21,157
Children, I will have order!!
378
00:19:21,192 --> 00:19:24,054
I can't wait for Gene Roddenberry
to tell you how WRONG you are!
379
00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:27,214
Just like when you said there were no
two-parters of Battlestar Galactica!
380
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,055
There WEREN'T!
381
00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:30,749
The episode called "Gonzo on Ice
Planet Zero" was a two-parter.
382
00:19:30,784 --> 00:19:31,434
No it WASN'T!
383
00:19:31,469 --> 00:19:32,367
Oh, son of a bitch!
384
00:19:32,402 --> 00:19:33,337
I'll kill you!
385
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,717
There it is! Come on, everybody!
386
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:41,703
Children, get back into your seats!
387
00:19:41,738 --> 00:19:42,820
No way, lady!
388
00:19:42,855 --> 00:19:43,792
Eric, I mean it!
389
00:19:43,827 --> 00:19:45,179
You can suck my balls!
390
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,020
Present them.
391
00:19:52,403 --> 00:19:53,680
…What?
392
00:19:53,681 --> 00:19:58,287
You said, "suck my balls." Well, go
ahead. Whip 'em out, and I'll suck 'em.
393
00:19:58,928 --> 00:20:01,594
Thah… That's what Mr.
Garrison would've said.
394
00:20:02,043 --> 00:20:04,531
Touché, teacher. Touché.
395
00:20:04,566 --> 00:20:06,091
Now, children, listen to me.
396
00:20:06,092 --> 00:20:07,957
Why do you want to go back in time?
397
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:10,708
Life isn't about going back,
it's about going forward.
398
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:14,230
Yes, there are times in our life
that we wish we could relive, but,
399
00:20:14,231 --> 00:20:17,353
if we already lived them
perfectly, why live them again?
400
00:20:17,354 --> 00:20:20,213
The adventure of life is that
there's always something new.
401
00:20:20,214 --> 00:20:22,391
New challenges, new experiences.
402
00:20:22,392 --> 00:20:25,406
A fun game is a game that
gets harder as it goes.
403
00:20:25,407 --> 00:20:28,237
So it is with life. Do you understand?
404
00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:32,006
Dude. Sh-she's right.
405
00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:35,607
Yeah. And you know, now that I think about
it, third grade wasn't all that great, either.
406
00:20:35,642 --> 00:20:39,770
Yeah. Third grade sucked! Cartman, why the hell did you try to make us think third grad was so great?!
407
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:41,157
Yeah! You suck, Cartman!
408
00:20:41,192 --> 00:20:41,883
What??
409
00:20:41,918 --> 00:20:44,225
Alright, students, that
will be quite enough!
410
00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:48,481
If you're ready, let's continue
on… with the fourth grade.
411
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:53,353
Hey, Timmy's back!
412
00:20:53,388 --> 00:20:56,808
Dude, it looks like he's been all over time!
He must have such cool stuff to tell us.
413
00:20:57,970 --> 00:20:59,434
Eh, Timmih.
414
00:21:00,254 --> 00:21:02,312
You know I'm always here
to help, Principal Victoria.
415
00:21:02,347 --> 00:21:05,384
Ey, guess what everybody?! I'M GAY!!!
416
00:21:05,419 --> 00:21:06,719
Mr. Garrison?
417
00:21:06,754 --> 00:21:07,680
What?
418
00:21:07,715 --> 00:21:10,519
I'm as gay as a gymnast on shore leave!
419
00:21:10,554 --> 00:21:12,990
You admit it? You admit it!
420
00:21:13,025 --> 00:21:17,614
Oh, that's great, Mr. Garrison. You've
finally come to terms with yourself!
421
00:21:17,649 --> 00:21:19,317
Yeah, it feels really good!
422
00:21:19,352 --> 00:21:21,175
Well, congratulations!
423
00:21:21,210 --> 00:21:22,724
Yeah, congratulations!
424
00:21:23,162 --> 00:21:25,653
You know, I, I feel
like I can start anew.
425
00:21:25,654 --> 00:21:30,002
If it's alright with you, I'd like to
go back to teaching the third grade!
426
00:21:30,075 --> 00:21:34,087
Oh. I'm sorry, we don't hire gay people.