1 00:00:14,227 --> 00:00:17,697 I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time 2 00:00:17,787 --> 00:00:20,665 Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation 3 00:00:20,747 --> 00:00:24,023 Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind 4 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:27,417 Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour" 5 00:00:27,507 --> 00:00:30,544 Heading on up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind 6 00:00:30,867 --> 00:00:33,017 Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy Timmy, Timmy 7 00:00:33,107 --> 00:00:34,142 Living a lie, Timmy! 8 00:00:34,227 --> 00:00:37,105 Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine 9 00:00:40,747 --> 00:00:42,100 O great wizard of Gregendath! 10 00:00:42,187 --> 00:00:44,462 What quest do you ask of this ranger and paladin? 11 00:00:44,547 --> 00:00:46,378 Only one thing can save our kingdom. 12 00:00:46,467 --> 00:00:48,219 You must bring me a piece of pecan pie 13 00:00:48,307 --> 00:00:50,218 with toffee ice cream and Magic Shell. Hurry now! 14 00:00:50,307 --> 00:00:52,059 That quest sucks, Cartman! Think of another one! 15 00:00:52,147 --> 00:00:55,457 Boys, Butters' parents want to borrow The Lord of The Rings video we rented. 16 00:00:55,547 --> 00:00:59,745 - Could you take it over to them? - You're sending us on a quest? 17 00:00:59,947 --> 00:01:02,381 You ask of us to take The One Video to the house of Butters? 18 00:01:02,467 --> 00:01:03,502 Yeah, whatever. 19 00:01:03,587 --> 00:01:05,782 It shall be a long journey, with many dangers on the way. 20 00:01:05,867 --> 00:01:06,936 But if the tape must be brought 21 00:01:07,027 --> 00:01:08,460 to the house of Butters, who else can do it? 22 00:01:08,547 --> 00:01:10,777 Very well! We shall embark on this quest immediately, Father! 23 00:01:10,867 --> 00:01:12,346 - Come, warriors! Ho! - Ho! 24 00:01:14,587 --> 00:01:16,259 That gets rid of them. 25 00:01:16,347 --> 00:01:17,985 Oh, you're a little frisky, aren't you? 26 00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:20,661 Yeah, well, The Lord of the Rings wasn't the only thing 27 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:23,659 I rented from the video store. I also rented 28 00:01:24,227 --> 00:01:25,455 a porno. 29 00:01:25,547 --> 00:01:27,458 Oh, you little devil! 30 00:01:27,547 --> 00:01:28,866 You wanna go watch? 31 00:01:30,027 --> 00:01:31,460 How shall we journey to the house of Butters? 32 00:01:31,547 --> 00:01:33,856 Through the mines of Vandor or over the mountains of Gralch? 33 00:01:33,947 --> 00:01:36,097 Look out! Here comes the great dragon of Perengraf! 34 00:01:36,187 --> 00:01:37,939 Don't worry! I'm the great wizard Molotarch. 35 00:01:38,027 --> 00:01:39,665 I can shield us from the dragon's fire! 36 00:01:41,587 --> 00:01:42,815 Good job, wizard! 37 00:01:42,907 --> 00:01:44,545 And so, the party journeyed onward! 38 00:01:44,627 --> 00:01:47,266 The great wizard, the skilful ranger, and the covetous Jew. 39 00:01:47,387 --> 00:01:48,900 I'm a paladin, Cartman! 40 00:01:49,187 --> 00:01:50,540 Jews can't be paladins. 41 00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:54,339 Hey, there, cowboy. 42 00:01:54,427 --> 00:01:57,783 - You ready for some hot, steamy fun? - You bet I am. 43 00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,427 The guys at the office told me I had to rent this porno. 44 00:02:00,507 --> 00:02:04,625 They said this is, without a doubt, the hottest porno ever made. 45 00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:07,904 - Sounds good. - I love that lingerie. 46 00:02:09,507 --> 00:02:11,179 Yeah. You like that? 47 00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:12,746 Yeah, baby. 48 00:02:12,827 --> 00:02:14,101 Yeah. 49 00:02:14,187 --> 00:02:16,178 - All right, you ready? - Ready. 50 00:02:16,347 --> 00:02:17,416 Oh, yeah. 51 00:02:19,147 --> 00:02:21,377 The story begins in ages past, 52 00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:23,344 in the deep regions of Middle-Earth, 53 00:02:23,427 --> 00:02:26,419 where Skorn first thrived in the kingdom of Gelgala. 54 00:02:26,507 --> 00:02:29,101 Oh, man, I hate when pornos try to have a story. 55 00:02:29,187 --> 00:02:32,179 Seven rings were cast and given to the races of men... 56 00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:33,461 Yeah. 57 00:02:33,547 --> 00:02:35,424 ...seven to the races of elves, 58 00:02:35,507 --> 00:02:38,340 five to the gloondock villagers of Gelgendor. 59 00:02:38,427 --> 00:02:41,385 Wow! The production values are really good in this porno. 60 00:02:41,467 --> 00:02:42,980 Yeah, it almost looks like... 61 00:02:43,707 --> 00:02:46,585 The Lord of the... Oh, my God! 62 00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:50,820 This is Lord of The Rings! 63 00:02:51,147 --> 00:02:52,466 But then does that mean... 64 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:55,061 The boys have the hottest porno ever made. 65 00:02:58,507 --> 00:02:59,656 Oh, hello, boys. 66 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,659 My father has asked that we bring you this copy of Lord Of The Rings. 67 00:03:02,867 --> 00:03:04,823 Well, thank you very much, kind heroes. 68 00:03:05,147 --> 00:03:07,866 Perhaps a reward is in order? Gold? Frankensteincense? 69 00:03:07,947 --> 00:03:11,019 Oh, but you are noble heroes! We know our thanks is enough! 70 00:03:12,827 --> 00:03:14,021 Man, that's crap. 71 00:03:15,347 --> 00:03:17,622 Butters! Look what we have for you to watch! 72 00:03:17,707 --> 00:03:18,901 The Lord of the Rings! 73 00:03:18,987 --> 00:03:21,376 Oh, boy! Finally I get to see it! 74 00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:23,059 Now, Daddy and I have to do our taxes, 75 00:03:23,147 --> 00:03:25,342 so can you watch this by yourself and not get scared? 76 00:03:25,427 --> 00:03:29,545 - I won't get scared, Mom! Promise! - That's our man! Here you go! 77 00:03:33,987 --> 00:03:36,626 I finally get to see Lord of the Rings! 78 00:03:39,747 --> 00:03:41,066 Spank that ass. 79 00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:43,221 Whoa! 80 00:03:45,907 --> 00:03:47,056 Neato! 81 00:03:48,587 --> 00:03:49,940 This is good! 82 00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:53,181 Oh, my God! This is gonna be so embarrassing! 83 00:03:53,307 --> 00:03:54,456 Hi, Chris! Hi, Linda! 84 00:03:54,547 --> 00:03:56,503 We were just wondering if we could get our porno back! 85 00:03:56,587 --> 00:03:59,306 Calm down. Maybe the boys haven't gotten there yet. 86 00:03:59,387 --> 00:04:02,459 And so, the party returns home after completing their great quest. 87 00:04:02,587 --> 00:04:05,465 The One Tape was returned and South Park was again at peace. 88 00:04:07,187 --> 00:04:08,779 Quick! A monster of Rivendell! 89 00:04:08,867 --> 00:04:11,097 - Prepare for battle! - The boys! 90 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,902 Boys! Boys! Where's the videotape? 91 00:04:15,147 --> 00:04:17,456 We gave it to the parents of Butters, as commanded by you. 92 00:04:17,547 --> 00:04:19,981 I guess we have to go talk to them now. 93 00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:21,944 Well, wait a minute. Boys, 94 00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:25,622 do you think you can go get that tape back for us really fast? 95 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,303 This sounds like a really important quest. 96 00:04:29,387 --> 00:04:33,175 Yes, it is. This is more important than anything I've ever asked you to do. 97 00:04:33,267 --> 00:04:35,906 You must retrieve the tape. But do not look at it, 98 00:04:35,987 --> 00:04:37,943 for it holds an evil power. 99 00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,746 Retrieve the tape and return it to us at home. 100 00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:43,456 Do this, and you will be greatly rewarded. 101 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,381 - Wow! - This is so cool. 102 00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,662 Gentlemen, we are off! 103 00:04:49,907 --> 00:04:51,579 Okay. Problem solved. 104 00:05:00,507 --> 00:05:01,576 Oh, golly. 105 00:05:03,027 --> 00:05:04,585 Hey, what's happening down there? 106 00:05:06,227 --> 00:05:08,821 We have come to reclaim the One Tape! 107 00:05:10,027 --> 00:05:13,303 - Whoa, whoa! What are you doing? - The queen and king of Stan's house 108 00:05:13,387 --> 00:05:15,298 wish the Lord of the Rings returned to them. 109 00:05:15,387 --> 00:05:17,184 But it's the greatest movie I've ever seen! 110 00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:19,462 You guys were right! Lord of the Rings is awesome! 111 00:05:19,547 --> 00:05:21,219 You have to let me finish watching it! 112 00:05:21,307 --> 00:05:25,220 Nay, Butters! The One Tape must be brought back to Stan's house! 113 00:05:27,947 --> 00:05:28,982 Butters! 114 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,819 We said you can't watch it! We have a quest! 115 00:05:30,907 --> 00:05:32,898 Well, then... Then let me go with you! 116 00:05:33,147 --> 00:05:35,422 Okay, fine, Butters, but if you're gonna hang out with us, 117 00:05:35,507 --> 00:05:37,020 you have to play like Lord of the Rings. 118 00:05:37,107 --> 00:05:38,142 Oh, okay! 119 00:05:40,227 --> 00:05:41,296 Oh, oh, yeah. 120 00:05:41,387 --> 00:05:44,265 - Butters! What the hell are you doing? - Playing Lord of the Rings! 121 00:05:46,027 --> 00:05:47,176 Get the hell off me! 122 00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:49,464 You're a freak, Butters! You can't play with us! 123 00:05:49,547 --> 00:05:51,583 - Let me have the tape! - No! We have to return it! 124 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:56,259 My movie. My awesome, cool movie. 125 00:05:57,187 --> 00:05:59,985 My precious... 126 00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:04,824 And so, the tape was again retrieved, to be brought back to Stan's house. 127 00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,705 This copy of Lord of the Rings made the young Butters behave quite oddly. 128 00:06:07,787 --> 00:06:09,823 Yeah, and mine parents were acting strange about it, too. 129 00:06:09,907 --> 00:06:12,580 Perhaps the One Videotape has some power we have not foreseen. 130 00:06:15,147 --> 00:06:16,500 Well, well, well! 131 00:06:16,587 --> 00:06:18,896 If it isn't Robin Hood and his Merry Men! 132 00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:20,136 Oh, crap, the sixth graders! 133 00:06:20,227 --> 00:06:22,138 - What you got there? - Nothing. 134 00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:24,983 - Hey, kid! - Lord of the Rings. 135 00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:26,546 That movie's gay. 136 00:06:26,627 --> 00:06:28,458 - You're gay! - What the... 137 00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:31,820 Whoa! Check it out, you guys! 138 00:06:31,907 --> 00:06:33,056 Whoa! 139 00:06:33,147 --> 00:06:35,502 Give it back! We're on a quest to return it to my parents! 140 00:06:35,587 --> 00:06:38,306 No way! We're keeping this and watching it ourselves! 141 00:06:38,387 --> 00:06:39,422 You can't keep it! 142 00:06:39,507 --> 00:06:42,385 And what are three little fourth graders gonna do it about it, huh? 143 00:06:42,587 --> 00:06:45,306 There's four of us! Kenny's soul is still trapped in Cartman's body! 144 00:06:45,387 --> 00:06:48,265 - Yeah! - Oh, man, I can't wait to see this. 145 00:06:48,547 --> 00:06:50,458 Dude, that video is making people act strange! 146 00:06:50,547 --> 00:06:52,299 The One Tape must be returned! 147 00:06:52,947 --> 00:06:54,539 - Run! - Get them! 148 00:07:00,747 --> 00:07:02,658 Oh, hello, Randy, Sharon. 149 00:07:02,747 --> 00:07:04,385 Chris, are the boys over here? 150 00:07:04,867 --> 00:07:06,141 No, just Butters. 151 00:07:06,227 --> 00:07:08,218 He's been watching The Lord of the Rings downstairs. 152 00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:09,501 Oh, dear! 153 00:07:09,587 --> 00:07:11,179 - What's the matter? - We... 154 00:07:11,547 --> 00:07:13,902 Well, this is really sort of funny, but... 155 00:07:13,987 --> 00:07:17,297 We accidentally put a porno in the Lord of the Rings box. 156 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,466 Oh, God! 157 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,580 - Butters? - Butters? 158 00:07:25,427 --> 00:07:27,895 - Butters? - Precious... 159 00:07:28,187 --> 00:07:30,303 Did you bring back my precious? 160 00:07:30,547 --> 00:07:32,503 Butters, where is the movie you were watching? 161 00:07:32,587 --> 00:07:34,225 They took his precious. 162 00:07:34,347 --> 00:07:36,019 Took it away to watch without him. 163 00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:38,177 He was really enjoying that movie, too! 164 00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:39,700 My precious... 165 00:07:40,867 --> 00:07:42,903 The boys must have come and saw what it was 166 00:07:42,987 --> 00:07:44,659 and then taken it away somewhere. 167 00:07:44,747 --> 00:07:45,896 Oh, no. 168 00:07:51,907 --> 00:07:54,580 We can't let those sixth graders get their hands on this videotape. 169 00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:55,702 I must say, I agree. 170 00:07:55,787 --> 00:07:57,539 If this copy of The Lord of the Rings is haunted, 171 00:07:57,627 --> 00:07:59,140 it would not be safe in the wrong hands. 172 00:07:59,227 --> 00:08:01,058 I smell fourth graders! 173 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,785 - Oh, crap, dude! - Hide! 174 00:08:13,307 --> 00:08:15,980 Hey! I think I see something down the hill! 175 00:08:19,187 --> 00:08:21,064 The One Videotape is sought after, indeed. 176 00:08:21,147 --> 00:08:23,342 Yeah. Butters, my parents, now the sixth graders. 177 00:08:23,427 --> 00:08:27,056 Come, guys. We must bring this all to the attention of the High Elf of Faragon. 178 00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:28,899 Yeah, the High Elf! He'll know what to do! 179 00:08:31,227 --> 00:08:32,819 And so, that's the situation. 180 00:08:32,907 --> 00:08:34,818 All the boys are out there somewhere with a 181 00:08:35,227 --> 00:08:36,546 pornographic videotape. 182 00:08:36,627 --> 00:08:39,858 - Oh, God! This is horrible! - All right, calm down. 183 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:42,626 Now just how bad of a porno tape are we talking, here? 184 00:08:42,707 --> 00:08:45,699 I mean, was it like Crotch Capers 3? 185 00:08:45,787 --> 00:08:48,665 I'm afraid it was Backdoor Sluts 9. 186 00:08:48,747 --> 00:08:50,385 - Backdoor Sluts 9! - Backdoor Sluts 9! 187 00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:51,616 Is that bad? 188 00:08:51,707 --> 00:08:53,584 Backdoor Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers 3 189 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,339 look like Naughty Nurses 2! 190 00:08:55,427 --> 00:08:59,818 It is the single most vile, twisted, dark piece of porn ever made. 191 00:08:59,947 --> 00:09:02,177 - How the hell do you know? - I... 192 00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:03,825 I read about it in People. 193 00:09:03,907 --> 00:09:05,260 Oh, this is just great! 194 00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:07,542 - How could you two be so careless? - We're sorry! 195 00:09:07,867 --> 00:09:10,904 Well, Sheila, we can't shelter our boys forever from these things. 196 00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:13,143 Maybe it's okay for them to see an adult film. 197 00:09:13,227 --> 00:09:15,695 Not without their parents to put it in a proper context! 198 00:09:15,787 --> 00:09:17,186 They won't understand what they're seeing! 199 00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:19,497 It can't hurt them that much, can it? 200 00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:22,939 Precious... Let me see my precious. 201 00:09:24,347 --> 00:09:26,144 Please! 202 00:09:31,307 --> 00:09:32,501 Open. 203 00:09:36,707 --> 00:09:37,776 What do you guys want? 204 00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:39,744 We must speak with the High Elf of Faragon! 205 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,019 Oh. Okay, hang on a second. 206 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,336 What troubles you? 207 00:09:48,747 --> 00:09:51,307 We have in our possession something of great power. 208 00:09:51,707 --> 00:09:53,902 It is The Lord of the Rings. 209 00:09:54,587 --> 00:09:58,296 So? I have three copies and the DVD with 12 hours of extra footage. 210 00:09:58,387 --> 00:10:00,981 Yes, but this is not a... Wow? Twelve hours? 211 00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:05,345 Yes, but this is not a normal copy. It's making people act really strange. 212 00:10:05,427 --> 00:10:08,499 We're seriously, High Elf. Something very evil lurks in this tape. 213 00:10:08,587 --> 00:10:10,498 Very well. I shall call the council together. 214 00:10:10,627 --> 00:10:13,061 Meet me in the woods of gathering behind Talangar the Black's house. 215 00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:15,183 And don't let my mom see you, 'cause I'll get in trouble. 216 00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:16,859 Thank you, High Elf of Paragon. 217 00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:18,665 Faragon! Asshole. 218 00:10:20,227 --> 00:10:21,580 Clyde's a dick. 219 00:10:23,547 --> 00:10:25,026 All right, everybody. Listen up! 220 00:10:25,147 --> 00:10:27,502 There's three snot-nosed little fourth graders out there 221 00:10:27,587 --> 00:10:30,101 who have a porno called Backdoor Sluts 9. 222 00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,817 I checked it out on the Internet, and it said 223 00:10:33,907 --> 00:10:38,185 that Backdoor Sluts 9 is the most hardcore porno ever made. 224 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,497 I have amassed this army of sixth graders 225 00:10:41,587 --> 00:10:43,578 to get the tape by any means necessary. 226 00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:45,976 Now, let's go get that porno! 227 00:10:51,227 --> 00:10:52,706 And so, that is the situation. 228 00:10:52,787 --> 00:10:54,903 The videotape may or may not have evil powers. 229 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,659 Kyle, would you bring it up here, please? 230 00:11:01,347 --> 00:11:04,783 That video could have been made by Sauron's evil forces. 231 00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:06,937 It could hold a mental spell of some kind. 232 00:11:07,027 --> 00:11:09,416 Perhaps we could use it to strengthen our star cruisers! 233 00:11:13,227 --> 00:11:14,945 Kevin, God damn it. 234 00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:19,703 Look, until we see this tape's power for ourselves, 235 00:11:19,787 --> 00:11:21,266 we cannot risk giving it to anybody. 236 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,338 But if we watch it, we could fall under its spell, too. 237 00:11:23,427 --> 00:11:24,496 That is true. 238 00:11:24,587 --> 00:11:26,896 Only a paladin with a high constitution should watch the tape. 239 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,775 Therefore, I think it is a job for you, Talangar The Black! 240 00:11:31,627 --> 00:11:32,855 I'm not scared! 241 00:11:32,947 --> 00:11:35,984 I'll go inside and watch the tape, just for a few seconds. 242 00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:38,979 If I do not return in two minutes, send a party in after me. 243 00:11:39,107 --> 00:11:40,984 The fate of Middle-Earth is in my hands. 244 00:11:45,987 --> 00:11:48,342 Fourth graders! 245 00:11:48,867 --> 00:11:51,506 Give us that porno! 246 00:11:53,507 --> 00:11:54,542 Boys? 247 00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:59,024 Boys, we're not mad at you. We just want to talk to you. 248 00:12:01,307 --> 00:12:03,457 Talangar the Black returns from watching the video! 249 00:12:03,547 --> 00:12:05,856 What sights did you see on the videotape, Talangar? 250 00:12:05,947 --> 00:12:07,505 Is it the work of Sauron's magic? 251 00:12:08,307 --> 00:12:09,979 I'm not playing any more. 252 00:12:10,867 --> 00:12:12,300 Whoa, wait! What'd you see? 253 00:12:12,867 --> 00:12:15,665 I don't know. I don't want to know. I'm out. 254 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:23,539 My God. This thing must really be powerful. 255 00:12:23,627 --> 00:12:25,424 This tape makes people freak out wherever it goes. 256 00:12:25,507 --> 00:12:26,576 What do we do with it? 257 00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:28,737 One thing's for sure, this tape cannot be trusted with anybody. 258 00:12:28,827 --> 00:12:31,216 It must be returned to the video store from whence it came. 259 00:12:31,307 --> 00:12:33,025 Where is the videotape rented from? 260 00:12:33,307 --> 00:12:35,138 Two Towers Video Store, in Conifer. 261 00:12:35,227 --> 00:12:37,422 Conifer? Walking there would take hours! 262 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:38,542 There's no alternative. 263 00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,822 We have to return the tape before it causes more damage. 264 00:12:40,907 --> 00:12:42,226 I'll go! 265 00:12:42,307 --> 00:12:44,741 We cannot trust something of that much power to a dwarf! 266 00:12:44,827 --> 00:12:46,146 Especially a kindergartener dwarf! 267 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,666 Stop acting like a bunch of assholes! 268 00:12:49,747 --> 00:12:50,862 I will take it. 269 00:12:51,907 --> 00:12:53,386 I will walk to the video store. 270 00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:55,583 It is too far and too dangerous to go alone. 271 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,976 Take with you the wizard, the dwarf, the warrior, 272 00:12:58,067 --> 00:12:59,580 the cleric and the Jew. 273 00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:00,702 Paladin! 274 00:13:00,787 --> 00:13:03,904 Very well. You shall be the fellowship of The Lord of The Rings. 275 00:13:03,987 --> 00:13:05,306 Good luck. 276 00:13:05,387 --> 00:13:06,979 I have to go home now before I get in trouble. 277 00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:08,136 Me, too. 278 00:13:09,227 --> 00:13:11,821 - Only the six of us are to go? - No, no, there's seven of us. 279 00:13:11,907 --> 00:13:14,137 Kenny's soul is still trapped in Cartman's body, remember? 280 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,296 Yeah, stupid. 281 00:13:15,387 --> 00:13:17,139 Yeah, luckily Cartman's big enough for the both of us. 282 00:13:17,227 --> 00:13:18,296 Shut up, Kenny! 283 00:13:20,347 --> 00:13:22,815 And so it was that the heroes travelled many miles 284 00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:25,580 to return The Lord of the Rings to the video store. 285 00:13:26,627 --> 00:13:29,539 We have reached the Great Pass of Mount Ururalak. 286 00:13:29,627 --> 00:13:30,980 Look out! 287 00:13:31,067 --> 00:13:32,659 We were almost killed! 288 00:13:32,747 --> 00:13:34,817 A dark wizard must be trying to stop us! 289 00:13:34,907 --> 00:13:36,181 True! Someone or something 290 00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:38,303 doesn't want this video returned to the video store! 291 00:13:41,747 --> 00:13:43,499 Oh, hello, everybody. 292 00:13:43,787 --> 00:13:46,859 Steve, we heard that a bunch of the kids were over here a little while ago. 293 00:13:46,947 --> 00:13:49,302 Well, yes, I believe they were. But they've gone. 294 00:13:49,387 --> 00:13:50,536 What's the matter? 295 00:13:50,627 --> 00:13:54,302 We think our boys might be showing other children a 296 00:13:54,587 --> 00:13:55,940 pornographic tape. 297 00:13:56,027 --> 00:13:57,062 What? 298 00:13:57,147 --> 00:13:59,945 But Token's never seen a porno before! He wouldn't know what to... 299 00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:01,785 - Oh, God! - Token! 300 00:14:06,747 --> 00:14:07,782 Token... 301 00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:11,500 Did the boys come over and show you a movie? 302 00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:14,782 Token? 303 00:14:16,347 --> 00:14:17,416 All right, Token, 304 00:14:17,507 --> 00:14:20,146 we know you must be very confused about what you saw. 305 00:14:22,427 --> 00:14:27,217 Yes, you see, Token, that was called a pornographic film. 306 00:14:27,507 --> 00:14:31,785 It shows adult men and adult women having sexual intercourse. 307 00:14:34,827 --> 00:14:37,944 Well, you see, when a man and a woman fall in love, 308 00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:40,780 the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina. 309 00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:43,620 It's called lovemaking, and it's part of being in love. 310 00:14:45,867 --> 00:14:48,506 And when the woman has four penises in her at the same time, 311 00:14:48,587 --> 00:14:50,305 then stands over the men and pees on them, 312 00:14:50,387 --> 00:14:52,264 is that part of being in love, too? 313 00:14:54,187 --> 00:14:58,066 Five midgets spanking a man covered with Thousand Island dressing, 314 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,705 is that making love? 315 00:14:59,787 --> 00:15:03,496 - Jesus, what kind of porno was that? - It was Backdoor Sluts 9. 316 00:15:03,627 --> 00:15:05,504 Oh, Jesus, not that one! 317 00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:09,701 Oh, Gerald, poor Kyle must be just as confused and scared as this poor kid! 318 00:15:09,987 --> 00:15:12,103 Token, this is very important. 319 00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:14,986 Do you know where the boys went with the naughty tape? 320 00:15:17,627 --> 00:15:19,060 We're entering the limits of Bailey. 321 00:15:19,147 --> 00:15:20,262 Everyone stay close. 322 00:15:20,347 --> 00:15:22,019 Perhaps the great ringworm of Bailey is about! 323 00:15:22,107 --> 00:15:24,223 Ringworms are no match for a dwarf! 324 00:15:24,307 --> 00:15:27,105 Yes, we shall slay the ringworm and take his bounty of treasure! 325 00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:29,701 - For that is the way of the... - I shall put a magic spell on you! 326 00:15:29,787 --> 00:15:31,300 I have blocked your spell, wizard! 327 00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:32,941 Hey, what are you guys doing? 328 00:15:33,027 --> 00:15:34,540 We're playing Harry Potter. 329 00:15:36,787 --> 00:15:37,856 Fags! 330 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,739 You guys, somebody's following us! 331 00:15:43,827 --> 00:15:45,465 - It's Butters. - Butters? 332 00:15:45,547 --> 00:15:47,344 Yes, he's been following us for, like, two hours. 333 00:15:50,147 --> 00:15:53,298 The precious videotape. Let the Butters see it. 334 00:15:53,387 --> 00:15:55,105 Just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away. 335 00:15:55,467 --> 00:15:57,617 Hey, fellas, mind if we take a little rest? 336 00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,663 There's no time for rest, sorcerer! Keep up! 337 00:16:05,587 --> 00:16:06,861 They are coming. 338 00:16:08,787 --> 00:16:09,822 You guys go on ahead! 339 00:16:09,907 --> 00:16:11,704 - Jimmy, are you sure? - Go! 340 00:16:14,347 --> 00:16:18,982 You shall not... 341 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,056 You shall not... 342 00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:30,225 You shall not... 343 00:16:30,507 --> 00:16:31,986 You shall not... 344 00:16:34,267 --> 00:16:35,780 You shall... 345 00:16:38,907 --> 00:16:40,465 You shall not pass. 346 00:16:41,307 --> 00:16:42,376 Jimmy didn't stop them! 347 00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,219 They're going to take The Lord of the Rings from us! 348 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:46,821 Quick! Cross the river! Sixth graders can't stand water! 349 00:16:46,907 --> 00:16:48,340 What? That's stupid. 350 00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:49,741 I'm a high-ranking white wizard, Craig, 351 00:16:49,827 --> 00:16:51,340 and I say sixth graders are opposed to water. 352 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,941 Whatever! I'm going back to play with the Harry Potter kids! 353 00:16:54,027 --> 00:16:55,221 Me, too. 354 00:16:56,747 --> 00:16:59,500 Go ahead and play Harry Butthole Pussy Potter! 355 00:16:59,587 --> 00:17:01,259 Just get across the river! They're coming! 356 00:17:07,387 --> 00:17:09,742 What the hell is wrong with you guys? Get the tape! 357 00:17:09,827 --> 00:17:11,180 Dude, I don't wanna get wet. 358 00:17:11,307 --> 00:17:12,820 Yeah, I don't really like the water. 359 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,467 Besides, if our bikes get wet, the chains will rust. 360 00:17:15,547 --> 00:17:18,015 Oh, God damn it! All right, come on! We'll find a bridge! 361 00:17:21,187 --> 00:17:24,782 The quest continued to return The Lord of the Rings to the video store. 362 00:17:25,547 --> 00:17:27,219 Man, we should have never crossed that stupid river. 363 00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:29,946 Yeah, good job, wizard fat ass! Now we're totally lost! 364 00:17:30,027 --> 00:17:32,985 We're not lost, Jewgar of Jewlingrad. We just don't know where we are. 365 00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:35,900 That's what lost means, stupid. Kenny, shut your goddamn mouth! 366 00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:37,386 This is great. We're in the middle of nowhere and 367 00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:39,298 nobody knows what direction the video store is in! 368 00:17:39,787 --> 00:17:41,584 The Butters knowses. 369 00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:45,182 - Oh, brother. - The video store, yes. Not far from here. 370 00:17:45,347 --> 00:17:46,860 We can show you wheres it is! 371 00:17:46,947 --> 00:17:48,221 - Where? - First, 372 00:17:48,307 --> 00:17:50,775 just let Butters see the precious. 373 00:17:50,867 --> 00:17:54,621 No, Butters! Look what it's done to you. It's made you even lamer than before. 374 00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:55,822 If that was possible. 375 00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:57,499 Tell us how to get to the video store, Butters, 376 00:17:57,587 --> 00:17:58,622 or else we're gonna kick your ass! 377 00:17:58,707 --> 00:18:01,540 No hurtses the Butters! We will show you the way! 378 00:18:01,627 --> 00:18:03,857 Yes... This way it is. 379 00:18:05,107 --> 00:18:06,142 This is awful! 380 00:18:06,227 --> 00:18:08,138 I just know with every passing minute, little Kyle 381 00:18:08,227 --> 00:18:10,343 is seeing more and more depraved sex acts! 382 00:18:10,427 --> 00:18:11,621 We'll find them. 383 00:18:11,707 --> 00:18:13,777 And then we'll try to put what they saw into context. 384 00:18:13,907 --> 00:18:15,465 Look, there's one of the boys now! 385 00:18:17,027 --> 00:18:18,346 - Jimmy! - Jimmy! Jimmy! 386 00:18:18,787 --> 00:18:20,857 Where did the boys go with the porno tape? 387 00:18:20,947 --> 00:18:22,460 They're taking it to the... 388 00:18:22,827 --> 00:18:24,385 The... 389 00:18:26,027 --> 00:18:27,665 Come on, Jimmy, we don't have a lot of time. 390 00:18:27,747 --> 00:18:29,658 They took it back to the video... 391 00:18:29,747 --> 00:18:31,021 The video... 392 00:18:31,587 --> 00:18:32,986 The video sandwich? 393 00:18:33,147 --> 00:18:34,341 The video stockyard? 394 00:18:34,427 --> 00:18:35,985 What's a video stockyard, Jimmy? 395 00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:37,386 No, the video... 396 00:18:37,827 --> 00:18:39,101 The video... 397 00:18:39,187 --> 00:18:40,620 - Stinger? - Staples. 398 00:18:40,707 --> 00:18:42,823 They went to the video Staples? Where's that, Jimmy? 399 00:18:42,907 --> 00:18:46,024 No, you retards! The video store. 400 00:18:46,227 --> 00:18:47,580 The video store! 401 00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:50,022 - Hurry! Hurry! - I know where it is! 402 00:18:59,387 --> 00:19:00,979 Oh, no! They're closed! 403 00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:02,386 - Closed? - There they are! 404 00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:06,295 Don't let them turn it back to the video store! 405 00:19:06,387 --> 00:19:08,582 - We're screwed. - Wait! A drop box! 406 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:11,859 Quick, Kyle! Drop the movie in! 407 00:19:11,947 --> 00:19:13,983 Finally, it's over. 408 00:19:14,067 --> 00:19:16,376 Precious... Must have our precious! 409 00:19:17,147 --> 00:19:18,216 Butters! No! 410 00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:19,945 Nows wes hases it! 411 00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:22,542 They're coming! 412 00:19:23,867 --> 00:19:26,665 - It has to go back! - It wantses to stay with Butterses! 413 00:19:26,747 --> 00:19:28,339 There it is! Give me that tape! 414 00:19:30,507 --> 00:19:31,860 Let go of the tape, Butters! 415 00:19:31,947 --> 00:19:33,744 - I'm never letting go! - Fine! 416 00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:36,786 - Precious... - No! 417 00:19:37,907 --> 00:19:39,340 No! No! 418 00:19:40,227 --> 00:19:41,262 Damn it! 419 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,736 Man, now we'll never see the hot action! 420 00:19:43,827 --> 00:19:45,897 You stupid little fourth graders! 421 00:19:46,147 --> 00:19:49,503 The tape is returned to which it came. Its power over you shall fade as well. 422 00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:50,906 Middle-Earth is again safe. 423 00:19:50,987 --> 00:19:54,059 Yeah? Well, that's not gonna stop us from kicking your asses! 424 00:20:00,747 --> 00:20:02,021 Boys! Boys! 425 00:20:02,107 --> 00:20:04,826 Crap! Parents! Come on, guys! 426 00:20:05,347 --> 00:20:07,702 We'll see you next time, fourthies! 427 00:20:09,427 --> 00:20:10,621 And perhaps they would. 428 00:20:10,707 --> 00:20:12,743 But for now, the sixth grader army was defeated. 429 00:20:12,827 --> 00:20:15,387 - There you are! - Oh, Kyle, you're safe! 430 00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:17,458 Oh, hey, guys. We were just about to come home. 431 00:20:17,547 --> 00:20:18,662 We had to return the video. 432 00:20:18,747 --> 00:20:20,226 All right, now listen, kids. 433 00:20:20,307 --> 00:20:22,662 There's some things we need to put into context for you. 434 00:20:22,907 --> 00:20:25,705 You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina 435 00:20:25,787 --> 00:20:27,584 for both love and pleasure. 436 00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:29,942 But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man, 437 00:20:30,027 --> 00:20:31,824 facing the other way, so that they can 438 00:20:31,907 --> 00:20:33,659 put each other's genitals in their mouths. 439 00:20:33,747 --> 00:20:36,261 This is called 69-ing, and it's normal. 440 00:20:36,347 --> 00:20:38,656 See, boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina 441 00:20:38,747 --> 00:20:41,739 and it feels good to have a man's penis inside of it. 442 00:20:41,827 --> 00:20:45,103 That's right! But sometimes a woman chooses to use other things. 443 00:20:45,307 --> 00:20:47,298 Telephones, staplers, magazines. 444 00:20:47,387 --> 00:20:50,663 It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive, 445 00:20:50,747 --> 00:20:52,180 it's like a fun tickle. 446 00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:54,178 Now, on to double penetration, boys. 447 00:20:54,267 --> 00:20:57,304 You see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man, 448 00:20:57,387 --> 00:20:59,457 each man makes love to a different orifice. 449 00:20:59,547 --> 00:21:01,742 That's right. It's something adults can do 450 00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:03,863 with really good friends in a comfortable setting. 451 00:21:03,947 --> 00:21:06,905 It's also important that you understand why some people 452 00:21:06,987 --> 00:21:08,420 choose to urinate on each other. 453 00:21:08,547 --> 00:21:10,981 Going number one or number two on your lover 454 00:21:11,067 --> 00:21:12,625 is something people might do, 455 00:21:12,787 --> 00:21:16,541 but you must make sure your partner is okay with it before you start doing it. 456 00:21:16,627 --> 00:21:18,743 Okay, boys. Do you have any questions? 457 00:21:23,187 --> 00:21:24,256 Wow. 458 00:21:28,107 --> 00:21:29,460 Well, let's all get going. 459 00:21:29,547 --> 00:21:31,378 Yeah, come on boys, time to get home. 460 00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,140 Wait a minute, where's Butters? 461 00:21:37,427 --> 00:21:39,418 Wes hases our preciouses! 462 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:40,860 Hases it. Hases it.