1 00:00:00,925 --> 00:00:04,908 South Park 907 512x384 Xvid 140MB 2 00:00:08,256 --> 00:00:12,397 Erection Day 3 00:00:29,734 --> 00:00:32,359 4 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,662 N'kay, kids, as your counselor, 5 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:42,751 I know it can sometimes be difficult to talk about subjects like drugs and sex and alcohol, m'kay? 6 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,153 So, as you remember, last week I told you to write down any 7 00:00:46,153 --> 00:00:47,631 difficult questions you had 8 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:53,387 and put them in this box anonymously so we could discuss in class, m'kay? 9 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,473 I got a lot o' responses, so let's read some aloud. 10 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,769 "Mr. Mackey is gay." 11 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,440 Okay kids, that is not funny! Unkay?! 12 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:08,110 This box is supposed to be used for serious questions! 13 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:12,239 About, about serious issues! M'kay, let's let's stop the tomfoolery! 14 00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:14,408 M'kay, this looks like a real one here. 15 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,159 "Dear Mr. Mackey, 16 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,786 you are gay." 17 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,539 All right, all right. That's enough, kids. 18 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:23,208 Let's quiet down and try to be mature, 'kay? 19 00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,626 Uh here we go. Okay, 20 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:27,671 "Mr. Mackey, sometimes my parents hit me, 21 00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:29,464 and you are gay." 22 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,302 Damnit, is there not one serious question in here?! 23 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,029 "Mr. Mackey is gay, Mr. Mackey is gay" 24 00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:37,014 Okay, here. 25 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:40,434 I am a boy at South Park Elementary. 26 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:45,856 Sometimes, when I'm sitting in class, my penis becomes hard for no reason. 27 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,482 What should I do? 28 00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:56,200 All right kids, all right kids, that's enough! 29 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,538 If you all can't be serious about the question box, 30 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:05,083 then we'll just do drug identification exercises, unkay?! 31 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:10,506 M'kay, uhh, Jimmy, why don't you come up here and write down the names of two narcotics? 32 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,758 Uh no, that that's okay, Mr. Mackey. 33 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,593 Jimmy, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you! 34 00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,970 Uhhh, just uh uh ahh not right this second, Mr. Mackey. 35 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,764 Well why the hell not?! 36 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:27,314 He's what... 37 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,608 Oh, you do? 38 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:32,402 R r right now, right now it is? 39 00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:35,113 on'kay, on'kay. Don't worry, Jimmy. 40 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,367 N'kay, uhhh, let's pick someone else. 41 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:39,993 Eric, why don't you come up here? 42 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,246 Hey, that's bullcrap?! How come Jimmy doesn't have to do it?! 43 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:45,207 Well, because uh, Jimmy is pitching a tent right now. 44 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:47,251 He's what?? 45 00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,298 TALENT SHOW THIS FRIDAY Garand prize 100$ 46 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,843 A hundred dollar gift certificate to South Park Mall? 47 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,344 Maybe we should do the talent show. 48 00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:00,180 Well, what's the point? Jimmy always wins with his stand-up comedy. 49 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:01,139 Hey fellas. 50 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,101 Dude, didja see, Jimmy? They're giving away a hundred dollar first prize for the talent show. 51 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:07,479 Oh I sure have. I've been working on my ruh... ruh,,, routine all year long 52 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,939 I don't know how you do it, dude. 53 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,732 How do you get up in front of that many people? 54 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,442 Well fellas, entertainment is my life. 55 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,777 I love being in front of everyone. 56 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:18,407 What's the matter? 57 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,284 I gotta guh, I gotta go! See ya fellas. 58 00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:22,035 Excuse me! 59 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:29,691 It's occupied. 60 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,838 No room at the inn, Virgin Mary. 61 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:40,929 Hehey Jimmy! 62 00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:49,897 M'boy, did you see that first prize for the talent show? 63 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,900 Why you must be excited! You'll probably win like always. 64 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,027 Yeah. Yeah, I'm real excited. 65 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,862 REAL escited... for some reason... 66 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,823 Oh, Jesus! What's wrong with me? 67 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,828 Hey, who's droppin' bombs in there?! How about a courtesy flush?! 68 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,371 Up yours, Butters. 69 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,253 Hey Jimmy, how was school? 70 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,087 Fine, Mom. 71 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:17,466 Jimmy, we understand you're getting erections in the classroom. 72 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,093 What? Uh who told you that? 73 00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,929 Mr. Mackey, your counselor. 74 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,181 Aw J-j-j-j...j-Jesus! 75 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,142 Now, Jimmy, it's nothing to be ashamed of. 76 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,604 But we know it's something you might have a hard time talking about. 77 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,481 Get it? A hard time. 78 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:38,254 So, we took your counselor'sadvice 'nd called Doctor Pal to help us all talk about this. 79 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,488 Dz-n-Doctor Pal? 80 00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:40,906 Hey Jimmy, I'm Doctor Pal. 81 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,283 That's because I'm a doctor, but I'm also your pal. Are we cool? 82 00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:44,409 Uh, sure? 83 00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:47,162 A lot of times parents call me in because I can relate to younger kids. 84 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,122 I'm I'm down, I'm dope, you dig? 85 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:51,542 Now, I understand you have some concerns about erections. 86 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:53,210 Oops, can't say erection in front of the parents right. 87 00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:54,878 Oh God, I feel so weird" huh? 88 00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:56,547 Well, a little, yes. 89 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,549 Jimmy, there's nothing weird about random erections. 90 00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:02,511 Almost every boy goes through a phase where his penisbecomes hard... for no particular reason. 91 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:03,637 It's just part of grwoing up. 92 00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,306 Growing up? Growing out is more like it. 93 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,768 But I have to make it stop! The talent show is this F-Friday. 94 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:13,564 Tell you what, Mom and Dad, why don't you skidaddle for a tick and let us hipsters talk in privo. 95 00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,440 A-all right, come on, honey. 96 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,236 Jimmy, as you get older your body goes through a lot of changes. 97 00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:23,198 Certain hormones start to release as your whole reproductive system begins to awaken, 98 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,742 and so, if you like, we can take off our shirts and kiss. 99 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,288 Ke...c-come again? 100 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,369 Oh, hey, nothin', you see? 101 00:05:30,369 --> 00:05:34,418 See, that set you off on a different tangent, got you thinkin' a different way. That's what Doctor Pal is here to do. 102 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,879 Unless, of course, you think we should take off our shirts and kiss. 103 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,298 N-no, I do NOT want to take off my shirt and kiss. 104 00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:41,925 Well then to hell with you, kid. You can just deal with your problems on your own. 105 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,798 Next up for the talent show: 106 00:05:50,798 --> 00:05:54,521 put your hands together for the incredibly talented Jimmy Valmer! 107 00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:58,859 Wow, what a what a great audience. 108 00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:00,819 So apparently Martha Stewart is out of jail. 109 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,779 Have you have you heard about this, have you seen this? 110 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,730 She's very excited to get started on her new show, 111 00:06:04,730 --> 00:06:07,985 "Martha Stewart Living, with an electronic ankle bracelet." 112 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:13,290 So it looks like the Vatican has finally chosen a new Pope. 113 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,167 Have you seen this, have you heard about this? 114 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,089 A-a-apparently they're going to call him New Pope, 115 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,550 a-and refer to John Paul as P-Pope Classic. 116 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:28,305 Uh,.. so it so it looks like Michael Jackson is having back problem in court. 117 00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:31,850 You know... huh... you uh you know what they say about b-b-b-b-back problems. 118 00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:37,481 Uh, uh gee, what a terrific audience. 119 00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:38,982 What a fantastic audience. 120 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,485 Don't worry, Jimmy. We're not laughing with you, 121 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:42,903 we're laughing AT you. 122 00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,290 Lu Lu Lu, I've got some apples, 123 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,292 Lu Lu Lu, you've got some too. 124 00:06:57,376 --> 00:06:59,253 Lu Lu Lu, let's get together, 125 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,588 - I know what we can do, Lu Lu. - Butters! 126 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,090 Oh! Oh hey, Jimmy. 127 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,300 I'm just practicin' for the talent show. 128 00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,177 Butters, ah I really need to talk to somebody, 129 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:09,763 and I think maybe you're the only person who won't make f-f-fun of me. 130 00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:12,641 Oh Gosh, I'd never make fun of somebody with a problem. 131 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,936 Butters, do you know what you're supposed to do when your penis gets hard? 132 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:19,273 Well sure I do. 133 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,148 Really?? 134 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,943 Yes, now sit down, Jimmy, we should have a little talk. 135 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:30,089 You see, Jimmy, when a man's penis becomes hard, the man puts it into a lady. Into her "vagiiina." 136 00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:34,037 Then, the hard penis sneezes milk inside the lady's tummy, 137 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:37,416 and after it's all done sneezin' milk. The penis stops bein' hard, 138 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,626 and the man loses interest in the lady. 139 00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:45,211 So, when your penis becomes hard, you're supposed to put in in a lady's vagina. 140 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,009 And then it stops being hard? 141 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,260 That's right, Jimmy. 142 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,137 But where am I going to find a lady to stick my penis in? 143 00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:51,847 The talent show is this Friday. 144 00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:56,351 Talk to you, Bertha. 145 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,936 Okay, see you later, Jessie. 146 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:00,397 Hey Bertha. 147 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:02,858 Oh, hey Jimmy. What's goin' on? 148 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:06,320 Well Bertha, I was wondering if I could stick my penis in your vagina? 149 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,405 What?? No way! 150 00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:10,407 But the talent show is tomorrow! 151 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:11,533 Jerk! 152 00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:14,161 Jimmy, Jimmy, what the hell are you doing, man? 153 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,704 I'm trying to get laid. What's it look like? 154 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:19,082 Dude, you don't just go up to a girl and ask her if you can stick your penis in her vagina. 155 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,752 Ye-you have to ask her on a date, take her out for some Italian food. 156 00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,462 Wow, seems like you know a lot about this stuff, Eric. 157 00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:24,671 Have you gotten laid before? 158 00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,006 Sure, lots of times. 159 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:28,050 I've been laid, like, five thousand times. 160 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,218 Well, wha-what do I do? 161 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,053 I told you: a date and then Italian food. 162 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,721 And then you gotta make her thnk you're a good listener. 163 00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:36,642 Eric, I can't tell you why, but it's very important that I score to-night! 164 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,520 Can you come on the date and help me? You're like a white... Hitch. 165 00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,813 Why sure, they do this all the time in movies and TV shows. 166 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,857 You go on the date and wear an earpiece, 167 00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:46,860 and I'll be nearby, secretly telling you all the right things to say. 168 00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:48,362 Wow! Thanks, Eric. 169 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,909 Shawna honey, I think your little date is here. 170 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,369 Okay, Mom. 171 00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:58,247 Hey Shawna. 172 00:08:58,872 --> 00:08:59,790 Hi Jimmy. 173 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,543 Okay Jimmy. First off, tell her how good she looks. 174 00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,461 Wow, Shawna, you look fantastic. 175 00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,463 Thanks, Jimmy. Where are we going? 176 00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:09,925 We're going to an authentic Italian restaurant, Buca de Fagghecini. 177 00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:17,558 Welcome to Buca de Fagghecini for the authentico experience Italiano. 178 00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,059 My name is Roma. 179 00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:21,812 Can I start you out with some lotsa pasta macaroni minis? 180 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,857 Uh, I think we're gonna try your authentic pizzareli casserona poppers. 181 00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:25,941 Right away. 182 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,027 You know that girl Sally Rauman at our school? 183 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,529 I can't stand her. 184 00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:31,613 Jimmy! Jimmy! 185 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,752 Jimmy, even though what she's saying now isn't interesting at all, you say: 186 00:09:34,752 --> 00:09:37,411 "Wow, that is very interesting. Please tell me more." 187 00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:40,205 Wow, that is very interesting. Please tell me more. 188 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,206 Really? 189 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,276 Well, Kelligan bought the same purse and I was like, "No WAY do I want it now!" 190 00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,628 because who wants a purse that both their best friends have, right? And so- 191 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,213 All right, when she stops yappin' again, 192 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,175 say: "Wow, I've never thought of it that way before, but you're right." 193 00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:53,927 -I guess that's why I figured, "Who needs friends like that?" 194 00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,471 Wow, I've never thought of it that way before, but you're right. 195 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,681 It's like I told Debbie: 196 00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:59,016 "If you're gonna go out with my friends-" 197 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,851 All right Jimmy, when she finally shuts her trap again, 198 00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:02,519 I want you to repeat whatever she said, 199 00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,147 and then follow it with: "Wow, how insightful." 200 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,900 "And so if you're gonna be that way, I don't need to be your friend." 201 00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:11,403 "if you're gonna be that way, I don't need to be your friend." Wow, how insightful. 202 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:14,114 You know, Jimmy, you are a great listener. 203 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:14,907 Really? 204 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,619 Yeah. I mean, no other boys really communicate like you do. 205 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,120 Oh, I'm so glad you think so, Shawna, 206 00:10:20,204 --> 00:10:22,372 because I really wanna stick my penis in your vagina. 207 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:23,999 Yes, nice, Jimmy, very nice. 208 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,919 ...What??? I'm not doing that! 209 00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:29,129 But the talent show is tomorrow night! 210 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:29,821 Creep! 211 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:42,684 Welcome students and parents to the annual South Park Elementary Talent Show! 212 00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,648 We have a lot of little talneted performers to get through, 213 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:50,609 so the quicker you shut up, the quicker this will be over! 214 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:56,240 Okay, first up we have Billy Turner, from the third grade, 215 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:59,117 who will be doing an alto sax solo. 216 00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,850 Jimmy? Jimmy Valmer? 217 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:26,603 Oh... Hi, Officer B-b-barbrady. 218 00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:30,065 Jimmy, what are you doing here? The talent show is inside. 219 00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:32,359 I'm... not gonna perform in the talent show. 220 00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,112 Not perform? 221 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:39,032 But Jimmy, you love talent shows. Everyone in town knows that. 222 00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:41,827 I just c-can't risk getting up in front of everyone. 223 00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:43,495 Why? 224 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,331 All right! I I keep getting an erection for no reason! Okay! 225 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,209 But I can't get any of the girls here to let me... do it to them. 226 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:52,588 Well of course not, Jimmy. Little girls don't wanna have sex. 227 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,756 Then why does God make it so that my penis gets hard 228 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:57,301 ...if girls don't wanna have it in their vaginas? 229 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:58,886 It's like a cruel joke. 230 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:05,225 Well, Jimmy, the girls here are young and pure. They're not like the ladies down at Colfax Point. 231 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,352 ...Colfax Point? 232 00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:10,439 Well yeah, those women will have sex with anybody. 233 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,356 Really? 234 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,359 M-maybe I can catch the bus ...and get down there before the talent show ends. 235 00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:15,777 Th-thanks, Officer Barbrady! 236 00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:17,571 You're welcome, Jim. 237 00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:21,491 Wait... 238 00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:24,244 Colfax Point... 239 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:28,081 Pimps and hos and tricks in rows 240 00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:32,503 Women walk the street with corns on their feets 241 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:36,507 Broken dreams and no ice creams 242 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,258 You lookin' for a date? 243 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,677 Hello? Hello? 244 00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,805 I need to put my ...p-penis in a woman's vagina. Any takers? 245 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,724 Excuse me, ma'am. What's your name? 246 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,392 They call me Nut Gobbler. 247 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,353 Well, Nut Gobbler, I need to get laid. 248 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:55,275 I have a raging hard-on that just won't quit, and the talent show has already started. 249 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,236 You a cop? 250 00:12:57,528 --> 00:12:59,279 No. Actually, I'm a stand-up comic. 251 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,447 You got money? 252 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:01,448 Sure do. 253 00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,659 All right, you got a place to go? 254 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,661 Sure. I know the p-perfect place. 255 00:13:06,662 --> 00:13:10,165 Welcome to Buca de Fagghecini for the authentic experienso Italiano. 256 00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:13,460 My name is Roma, and Oh, it's so nice to see you again, Mr. Valmer. 257 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,421 Hey, can it, jackass! I just don't want them to know I was here with a different girl. 258 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:17,923 Oh right, pardone, segnore. 259 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,384 I'll come back with some garlic bread mediterraneane. 260 00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:23,095 What are we doin' anyway? 261 00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:25,472 This is authentic Italian food straight from S-Sicily. 262 00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,266 You should try the Lotsa Mozzarella Pizza Roll. 263 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:30,853 I can't eat too much, I'lve got an infected urinary tract. 264 00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:32,688 I've been pissin' blood for a week. 265 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,649 Oh, uh, wow, that is very interesting. Please tell me more. 266 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,111 Well, that's it, I just pissed blood! 267 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,572 So I have to stick a tampon up my peehole. 268 00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:45,617 Wow. You know, I've never thought of it that way before, but you're right. 269 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,036 If you're pissing blood, you can shuve a tampon up your peehole. 270 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,997 You are very insightful. Please tell me more. 271 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:52,541 Look, kid, what are you doin'?! You wanna get laid or not? 272 00:13:52,583 --> 00:13:53,876 Well of couse I wanna get laid. 273 00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:56,670 That's why I'm taking you to this ...fancy place and pretending to be interested in what you have to say.. 274 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:57,880 Kid, I'm a hooker. 275 00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,424 You don't have to take me to dinner OR be nice to me. 276 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:01,967 What? Fo, for real? 277 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:04,636 You paid me, so you get to do me. It's that simple. 278 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:07,097 Well jumpin' Jesus, what are we wasting our time here for then? 279 00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:09,933 The talent show is happening right now! Let's get to r-r-rammin'! 280 00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:11,935 What are you doin', ho?! Havin' dinner?! 281 00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:13,437 You're supposed to be workin' for me! 282 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,856 It's where the trick wanted to go, you bastard! 283 00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:19,109 Trick?! I ain't stupid! Ain't no trick gonna take you out to dinner! 284 00:14:19,151 --> 00:14:21,361 This PIMP is tryin' to steal you away from me! 285 00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:22,988 This is MY ho! 286 00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,573 I beg to differ with you, sir. 287 00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:26,950 I paid for her and took her out to dinner. She's my ho! 288 00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,202 Uh Jesus. 289 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,661 You got a problem, bitch?! 290 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,371 Yes, I do have a problem, as a matter of fact! 291 00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,706 I've spent all my money on this ho, 292 00:14:32,748 --> 00:14:34,041 and she's now my only shot at getting laid, 293 00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:35,918 and the talent show is only a couple of hours from being over. 294 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,544 You're comin' home right now! 295 00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:39,963 Let go of my hair, you son of a bitch! 296 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,423 Sir, sir, that is my ho! 297 00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,091 I'm gonna kick your ass, ho! 298 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,384 Sir, sir! 299 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,859 Son of a ...b-bitch! 300 00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:02,611 Taxi! 301 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:05,948 Follow that pimp and ho! 302 00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:10,619 Where are you taking me?! 303 00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:11,995 I'm gonna kill you, ho! 304 00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:14,289 No! Please! Q Money! I'm sorry! 305 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:15,874 You're already dead, ho! 306 00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:21,505 Sir! I paid for that lady, and by taking her, you are no better than a common th-thief! 307 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:22,589 Fuck you, punk! 308 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,097 Nut Gobbler, grab onto my crutch! 309 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,019 Get your ass back in here, ho! 310 00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,188 I got you, Nut Gobbler! 311 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,903 No no nono no, 312 00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:47,823 I'm not gonna be in the talent show. 313 00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:50,033 Oh no no no no no. 314 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,703 I'll never be in your faggy talent show. 315 00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:58,959 Okay, that was the Goth kids with "Talent Shows Are For Fags" 316 00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:01,086 That was killer. We showed them. 317 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,504 Yeah, I hope we win. 318 00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:06,884 Come on, ho! 319 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,639 Look out! 320 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:31,325 Stay on him! I'm not giving up! 321 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:40,918 Okay, very nice, Clark and Laura. Very nice. 322 00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:45,214 Our next act is Butters, who will be singing a song 323 00:16:45,881 --> 00:16:47,049 There's our boy. 324 00:16:51,762 --> 00:16:53,639 Lu lu lu, I'vw got some... 325 00:16:54,765 --> 00:16:55,599 some... uh, 326 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,435 some uh... some, 327 00:17:01,313 --> 00:17:02,147 Oh no! 328 00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:05,442 No no noho noo! 329 00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,862 Okay, thank you Butters, very nice, short and sweet. 330 00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:13,951 Goddamn, this pimp just won't give up! 331 00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:15,661 Get close to him! 332 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,627 How much do I owe you? 333 00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,755 6 dollars and 24 cents. 334 00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,050 C-can I just get 2 back, please? 335 00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:31,426 Oh, thank you very much. 336 00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:33,762 There you go. Have a good 'n. 337 00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:34,555 Thank you. 338 00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:45,899 You're gonna pay for this, bitch! 339 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,943 No! Heelllp!! 340 00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:55,200 Don't worry, Nut Gobbler! I'm coming! 341 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,038 Oh Jesus, not now. 342 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:02,166 Oh boy, this is embarassing. 343 00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,669 And now we have Eric Cartman, 344 00:18:05,711 --> 00:18:09,548 who will be doing select readings from the movie, Scarface. 345 00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,179 D'you know what you are? 346 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,723 You're all a bunch of fucking cock roaches! 347 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,266 You need people like me! 348 00:18:19,558 --> 00:18:22,227 You need people like me so you can point your fucking finger 349 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,812 and say "That's the bad guy!" 350 00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:25,772 Well say goodnight to the bad guy!! 351 00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,816 That's my little boy. 352 00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:30,903 Please, Q Money! Don't do this! 353 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,821 I told you never to turn on me, ho! 354 00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:35,240 Hey, j-j-jackass! 355 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,036 I'm sorry I resorted to calling you jackass just now, 356 00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:40,496 but I'm very upset! 357 00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:44,333 And what are you gonna do, huh?! I've got four feet on you AND a gun! 358 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:45,501 What do you have?! 359 00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:46,376 What do I have? 360 00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:47,711 The weapon of comedy. 361 00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,464 So apparently the Chinese and the Japanese aren't getting along lately. 362 00:18:50,506 --> 00:18:52,174 Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? 363 00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:53,300 What?! 364 00:18:53,342 --> 00:18:56,803 I'll tell you one thing: their food hasn't been getting along with my stomach for years. 365 00:18:58,514 --> 00:18:59,765 That's pretty good. 366 00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:02,184 Martha Stewart is out of jail. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? 367 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,812 Oh yeah. That's right, she is. 368 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,357 She's apparently gotten real good with baking cakes with keys in them. 369 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,320 Serves you right, you son of a bitch! 370 00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:14,947 Nice teamwork, Nut Gobbler. 371 00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,407 I can't believe you chased me all this way. 372 00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,118 You, you really care about me. 373 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,120 Not really. You're just a hooker, and I need to get laid. 374 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,622 The talent show could be over any minute. 375 00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:25,249 That's good enough for me. 376 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:27,376 Take me to bed. 377 00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:27,477 Okay, very nice, Ike, thank you. 378 00:20:28,312 --> 00:20:31,690 All right, children, it looks like we have no more contestants, 379 00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:34,067 which means, the Talent Show is over! 380 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,196 Mr. Mackey, it's over. 381 00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:38,822 Oh oh oh, right. 382 00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:43,535 Now we will tally up the judges' scores and find out which act they hated the least. 383 00:20:43,577 --> 00:20:45,162 Hold everything! 384 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:58,926 Mrs. Garrison, if you don't mind, I'll be taking that microphone.. 385 00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:02,763 Okay, let's put our hands together for Jimmy Valmer. 386 00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:06,975 Wow, what a terrific audience. 387 00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:09,394 So apparently it's been exactly two years since the fall of Baghdad. 388 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:10,729 Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? 389 00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:14,441 Just as B-Bush predicted, Baghdad fell, Iraq fell, Saddam fell. 390 00:21:14,525 --> 00:21:17,027 The only thing that didn't fall was ...the price of gas. 391 00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:20,697 I just read in the paper that China's protesting Japan. 392 00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:22,115 Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? 393 00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:24,034 Yeah, I guess in China you don't get to- 394 00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:28,622 You've gotta be kidding me.