1 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,590 South Park News - La Fabrique www.sous-titres.eu 2 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,497 Mom, Dad, what's muff cabbage? 3 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:43,668 - Muff cabbage? - Where did you hear that? 4 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,128 Muff cabbage. 5 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:47,213 The new neighbors that moved in to Stan's house. 6 00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:49,007 Ike and I saw the mom get a parking ticket, 7 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,509 and she called the parking cop muff cabbage. 8 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:52,761 Muff cabbage. 9 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,012 A new family moved in ? Where are they from? 10 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:56,764 They're from New Jersey. 11 00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:01,519 A family from New Jersey moved in next to the Marshes? 12 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:04,105 Yeah. Stan said they're having them over for diner tonight. 13 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:07,025 Oh, God! Poor Sharon! 14 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,194 - Doesn't she know? - Know what? 15 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,612 Muff cabbage! 16 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:14,115 Never invite a New Jersey housewife into your home. 17 00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:17,035 And I met the school principal. What's her name? 18 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,327 Principal Victoria. 19 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,622 What a stupid bitch. 20 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:24,375 Excuse my language, but that bitch needs her fucking head examined. 21 00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:28,254 {pos(192,225)}My family moved from Jersey to South Park about a week ago. 22 00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:30,881 {pos(192,225)}So far, I can tell that everyone here really likes me. 23 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:34,094 I met that Stotch woman. What's her name? 24 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:35,512 Linda? 25 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,056 Have you noticed how yellow that bitch's teeth are? 26 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,765 You can tell she's cabbage. 27 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,309 She's cabbage. 28 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:44,104 I went to the mall and just about dropped dead. 29 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:47,356 The only panties you can buy make you look like a grandma. 30 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:50,902 Randy, what gyms are good here? Where do you work out? 31 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,529 I don't really work out. 32 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,614 I've got fight something, my biceps are going flat. 33 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:59,077 Where can you get good clothes in this town? Nowhere. 34 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,912 That's why you're stuck wearing garbage like that. 35 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,374 The woman who works at the hair salon, Julia, 36 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,625 have you seen how big that bitch's ears are? 37 00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:08,920 Julia is a friend of mine. 38 00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,422 Ears out to here. 39 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,590 I tell her, "You got big ears, sweetie." 40 00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:14,968 I'm not trying to be mean. It's a Jersey thing. 41 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,177 Why be offended. 42 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,597 You've got a big chin. We've all got imperfections. 43 00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:22,016 Right, like your eyes are kind of far apart. 44 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,732 That was totally uncalled for. For what she did. 45 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,567 My eyes are too far apart? 46 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,902 And like, who is she? Is she God? No. 47 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:34,445 You don't ever, 48 00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,489 ever, you rat dog, 49 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,283 prostitution whore! 50 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:41,953 You probably sell your muff for $6. 51 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,289 You fucking psycho bitch! 52 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,333 You're nothing but cabbage. 53 00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:49,544 That's what you are, you're cabbage. 54 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,421 You sick, old woman muff cabbage! 55 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,048 Muff cabbage! 56 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:57,259 Fuck this psycho bitch. Let's get the fuck out of here. 57 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,763 She's a fucking pig. She's fucking pissing me off. 58 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,932 - I love you. - Take it easy. 59 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:06,311 I thought I was going to deck her. I was really fine. 60 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:09,188 I wanted to get my point across to her, and that's how I am. 61 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:12,525 Like, I can be mad one minute, and then I'll be fine. 62 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,945 All better. Just had to get that out. 63 00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,530 It's a Jersey thing. 64 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:20,200 So, who wants dessert? Me! 65 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:26,247 You do not understand. Neighbors from Jersey are the worst. 66 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,542 They keep me awake all night. They're either screaming at each other 67 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:31,377 or making disgusting sex sounds. 68 00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:34,130 All people from Jersey do is hump and punch each other. 69 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:36,257 You know what you do to make them move away? 70 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:39,385 Every night, you take a crap on their doorstep. 71 00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:44,140 Is that why there's crap on my doorstep every morning? 72 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,017 Busted. 73 00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,645 They talk way too loud, they flip out for no reason, 74 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:51,231 and every time they act like selfish assholes, they go, 75 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,648 "It's a Jersey thing." 76 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,318 You're talking about Jersey? Me and my friends are from Jersey. 77 00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:57,778 More of them? 78 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,197 There are people from Jersey all over. 79 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,283 Who is from Jersey? 80 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,787 {pos(192,230)}I'm standing there, I'm like, "Who's from Jersey?" 81 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,164 {pos(192,230)}And people all like, "Yo, woohoo!" 82 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,791 {pos(192,230)}Next thing you know, Jersey party at Sizzler. 83 00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,671 Let's get this party started. 84 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,760 Where the hell are they coming from? 85 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,931 Danielle is being a stupid bitch. 86 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:28,768 Shut up, Teresa. You're pathetic. 87 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:29,978 I'm pathetic? 88 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,854 You're muff cabbage. 89 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:36,317 Hi, sweetie. You got to meet our new neighbors. 90 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:39,612 - This is Jacqueline, she's from Jersey. - And Sicilian. 91 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,032 That's Danielle, she's from Jersey. And that's Caroline. 92 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,076 I'm having my face shaved. It's a Jersey thing. 93 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,913 I'm sorry, I have other clients in ten minutes. 94 00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:50,581 Can you sit down? 95 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,461 When the salon girl told Teresa to sit down, 96 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:57,755 I thought Teresa was going to bust a tit. 97 00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:01,509 Don't fucking tell me what to do. I'm a client here. 98 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,887 Teresa, calm down. 99 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,556 I don't have to take your shit. I'm from Jersey. 100 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,474 Get her, Sharon! 101 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,144 - What? - Sharon, stay out of it. 102 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,271 Be the bigger person, Sharon. 103 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,690 - You people are crazy. - Who is crazy? 104 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,775 Are you talking about my family? 105 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,319 Is my family crazy? 106 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,820 Don't you pull my friend's hair, you bitch. 107 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:25,699 Let go of her, you piece of trash. 108 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,830 Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do? 109 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:34,459 You trashy whores get out of here and leave her alone. 110 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,835 Psycho bitch! 111 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,879 You're the psycho bitch! 112 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,715 Psycho bitch! 113 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,592 You want to see fucking crazy? 114 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:46,011 You better step the fuck away, you wanna see fucking crazy. 115 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:47,889 You're cabbage. 116 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,312 People of South Park, 117 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:58,065 we have all noticed a steep rise in everything Jersey lately. 118 00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:01,945 As many of you already know, everything east of the Rockies 119 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,905 is now part of New Jersey. 120 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:07,075 The Jersey Shore now includes Jacksonville, Miami, 121 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,952 the gulf of Jersey Mexico and the Jersey islands. 122 00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:12,413 Jesus, why are they doing this? 123 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,374 More people from Jersey are showing up in our town. 124 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,543 If we don't do something, 125 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,963 South Park is going to become West Jersey. 126 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,465 Well, that does it. 127 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:26,010 Let's go tell everyone from Jersey we don't want them here. 128 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,636 That won't work. 129 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,807 You can't tell people from Jersey you don't like them. 130 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,643 No matter how obnoxious they are, they will convince themselves 131 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:35,227 that you all think they're cool. 132 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,688 How do you know that, Mrs. Broflovski? 133 00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:42,735 That's when I knew I had to tell everyone the truth. 134 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,112 That originally, 135 00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:45,696 I'm from Jersey. 136 00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,950 Born and raised. I wasn't even called Sheila back then. 137 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,745 In New Jersey, I was known as S-Woww Tittybang. 138 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:56,374 I drank heavily and punched a lot of bitches in the face. 139 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:57,958 Living in South Park, 140 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,878 I'm able to control my Jersey side which doesn't really come out 141 00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,172 unless I get around other people from Jersey. 142 00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:06,175 I'm just hoping that people here don't judge me for it 143 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,886 or somehow hold it against me. 144 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,806 Who are you talking to? 145 00:07:12,306 --> 00:07:15,101 You wouldn't understand. It's a Jersey thing. 146 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,770 You ain't getting by that way. 147 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:20,648 Hey, dudes. 148 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,278 Look what the cat threw up in the litter box. 149 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,822 Come on, we don't want to be seen hanging around him. 150 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,241 - What are you talking about? - We heard the news. 151 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,452 - Your mom is from Jersey. - So what? 152 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,996 So what? That makes you from Jersey. 153 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,207 - No, it doesn't. - He's from Jersey. Get away from him. 154 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:40,084 I'm not from Jersey. I was born here. 155 00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:41,461 Don't try and deny it. 156 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,255 You're one of them, and by my accounts that's strike three. 157 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:45,882 What's strike three? 158 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,843 You are a ginger, a Jew and from Jersey. 159 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,762 That's three strikes. You're out. 160 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,221 Shut the fuck up. 161 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:56,142 - What? - Did you know she was from Jersey? 162 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:59,270 - Why does it matter? - It just explains a lot. 163 00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:00,229 My God! 164 00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,440 He's even starting to look like he's from Jersey. 165 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,650 - His skin is turning orange. - No, it isn't. 166 00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,611 Yes, it is. It's getting oranger. 167 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:10,031 Because his mom's a Jersey asshole doesn't mean he is. 168 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,283 You do what you want. 169 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:16,036 As for me, you're a heartless, backstabbing Jersey boy, 170 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,747 and I shan't be playing basketball with the likes of you. 171 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,502 And I'm going to start crapping on your doorstep a lot more. 172 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,352 Couldn't be. 173 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:03,876 My God. 174 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,964 - You're in there? - Hold on. 175 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,591 - Not right now. - Open the door. 176 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,885 Not now, please. 177 00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:14,929 This instant. One... 178 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,348 - Two... - All right. 179 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,353 I guess we need to talk. 180 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,857 I know this has to be very upsetting for you. 181 00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:28,859 What am I? 182 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,987 When I got pregnant with you, 183 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,698 your father and I were living with my parents in Newark. 184 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,408 We knew we had to get out. 185 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,077 Neither one of us wanted our child to be from Jersey, 186 00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:41,080 so we moved, as far away as we could. 187 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,542 But now, I realize you can take the fetus out of Jersey, 188 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,544 but you can't take Jersey out of the fetus. 189 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:47,962 What are you saying? 190 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,339 I'm saying that for the first two months 191 00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:52,758 I carried you in my stomach, I lived in Newark. 192 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,052 Technically, you are from Jersey. 193 00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:00,600 - I don't want to look like this. - It isn't so bad. 194 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,768 A lot of people think the Jersey look is nice. 195 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,985 I can hide it. Nobody ever has to know. 196 00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:13,237 I can't ever let anybody know. 197 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:18,493 Live from St. Louis, New Jersey, it's the Jersey News, 198 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,744 with anchormen P-Train and Tan Jovi. 199 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,206 What's up, New Jersey. It's the evening news. 200 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:24,581 Our top story tonight, 201 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,335 many Jersey people are freaking pissed 202 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,337 after a small town in Colorado 203 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,006 got all agro on some decent Jersey folks. 204 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,258 For more on the story, we go to Chicago. 205 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:37,678 {pos(192,220)}People here in Chicago, New Jersey, are riled up. 206 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,889 Apparently, a town called South Park, 207 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,058 which is at the border of Denver, New Jersey, 208 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,768 is discriminating against people from Jersey. 209 00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,230 They won't sell houses to people from New Jersey, 210 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,690 and they're making all the ones who moved in move out, 211 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,150 and they're taking down all the Jersey owned shops. 212 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,737 These people got a beef with Jersey. What's up with that? 213 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,073 What's up with that? 214 00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:01,035 We are coming after you, South Park. 215 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,037 We fight discrimination. 216 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:04,538 It's a Jersey thing. 217 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:07,666 Governor, 218 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,294 you have to send your troops to join us in this fight. 219 00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:13,630 We're just a small town. We can't stop New Jersey on our own. 220 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,258 We are very sorry, 221 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:18,719 but California cannot afford helping you at this time. 222 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:22,472 Can't you see that if we fall, California is next? 223 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,352 Because Utah is between Colorado and California. 224 00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:31,232 Fine, but when Utah is taken over, then who is next? 225 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:32,899 Nevada. 226 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:34,777 Really? 227 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,195 OK, Mr. I'm awesome at geography. 228 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,116 What are you doing? 229 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,493 My dad said to distribute all these guns. 230 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:47,456 We're going to let him stand here? He could easily be a spy. 231 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:50,251 I told you, I'm not one of them. 232 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,586 I don't want to live in West Jersey any more than you. 233 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:55,797 - Overcompensating a little, aren't we? - That's enough. 234 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,800 You're tainted with the three Js, 235 00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,801 Jewish, Jersey and Jinger. Admit it. 236 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:03,681 I'm not one of them. 237 00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:07,268 Do you understand me? You better get that to your fat head. 238 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,438 I will never be one of them, and if you say it again, 239 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,148 I'll smash your fucking teeth in. 240 00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:22,950 Hurt my throat, because he push it right here, 241 00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,328 and the back of my head hit the tree, 242 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:28,205 He was barking, and he scratched it. 243 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,000 Did you see the scratch? 244 00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:36,797 Emperor Akishino, we need Japan's help. 245 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,968 Fine, but you Japs will all be eating hoagies in a month. 246 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,429 Nobody is going to help us. We're on our own. 247 00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:47,682 We can't take on all of Jersey. We have to find support. 248 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,312 There is no support. Every ally America had is... 249 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,105 Wait a minute. 250 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:56,858 When the threat is great enough, you turn to your enemies for help. 251 00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:58,652 What are you talking about? 252 00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:00,738 We could ask Al-Qaeda. 253 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:05,492 Ask Al-Qaeda for help? After what they did to us? 254 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,245 Maybe it's time we put our differences aside. 255 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,081 What about the families of the victims of 9/11? 256 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:14,126 Their feelings matter for another ten months, damn it. 257 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,128 We got a problem. 258 00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:19,214 You got to get down to the bar. There is trouble. 259 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:22,426 - People from Jersey? - I don't know what the hell I saw. 260 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,889 It tore a whole in my meat locker, 261 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,349 smashed a cigarette machine in half. 262 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,812 Come out, now, make it easy on yourself. 263 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,988 It's one of them. That thing's from Jersey too. 264 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,619 - What is it? - It's called a Snooki. 265 00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:49,828 It's very famous. 266 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,668 That thing is famous? 267 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,379 - Why? - I don't know. 268 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,672 What are we waiting for? Let's kill it. 269 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,970 Don't let it get away. Where is it? 270 00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:08,430 Who is that? 271 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,891 Get it off of me. 272 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:12,768 Shoot it. 273 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:23,154 So then he grabs my throat, and he slams my head into a tree, 274 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,364 and then he screams, "I'll smash your teeth in." 275 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:26,990 My head is gashed open. 276 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,826 Kyle did that? Gee whiz. 277 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:33,664 He's getting worse. The Jersey in him is coming out. 278 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,416 I don't see any other choice. 279 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,168 We have lock him in the meat freezer at Sizzler. 280 00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:42,882 What's up? It's kind of nice out tonight, huh? 281 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,094 He has to be put away, and he has to be put away now. 282 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,513 - Are you being serious? - This is very serious. 283 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,474 But locking Kyle in a meat freezer, he could die. 284 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:55,144 If he does, too bad. Did you see the scratch on my head? 285 00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:01,734 Did you smell raspberries? I smell raspberries. 286 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,030 We need to do this now. 287 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,449 At some point, he might start suspecting something. 288 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:24,840 Hello, Mr. Bin Laden. 289 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:26,758 My name is Randy, 290 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:28,969 and I'm a geologist in America. 291 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:32,890 I know that America isn't your favorite place in the world, 292 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,016 but darn it, we need your help. 293 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:39,396 We are trying to stop our entire country from becoming New Jersey. 294 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:41,273 If we do not succeed, 295 00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,902 Jersey will spread to Japan, Russia, and eventually, to you. 296 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:49,114 You have seen countless horrors in your lifetime, Mr. Bin Laden, 297 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,409 and you have witnessed the very worst of mankind. 298 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,744 Now, I ask you to watch this. 299 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,224 Come on, hurry. 300 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:18,644 - What are we doing at Sizzler? - You won't believe it. 301 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,854 - It's a miracle. - What kind of fucking miracle? 302 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:24,024 Jesus answered our prayers. It's so cool. 303 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,568 It's right there in the meat locker. Kyle, go check it out. 304 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,823 - Why? - Go see why. It's a Jesus miracle. 305 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:33,575 You want to lock me in there, because you think I'm one of them. 306 00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:35,285 Seriously. 307 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:38,914 - You won't trap me. - Trap you? 308 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,874 It's actually... Lights! 309 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:43,961 It's a trap. 310 00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:45,629 Get him to the meat locker. 311 00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,172 What are you doing? 312 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:49,674 Back away. This is for the safety of all of us. 313 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,595 Sorry, but you can't be trusted. 314 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,682 Fine, Cartman, you really want me in there... 315 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,642 What is that behind you? 316 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,685 Do we really have to resort to that? 317 00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,313 I'm serious. What is that behind you? 318 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,775 You ginger Jersey Jew. Your tactics won't work on me. 319 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,278 Snooki want smush-smush. 320 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,197 What the fuck is that thing behind me? 321 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:16,410 The Jersey people are advancing. Where is Randy? 322 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,578 He's still questioning that new prisoner. 323 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:22,291 All right, Mr. Situation, we'll try this again. 324 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:23,792 Why are you doing this? 325 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,044 But I told you. It's just a Jersey thing. 326 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,005 What does that mean? 327 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,799 You just don't understand. It's a Jersey thing. 328 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:37,389 - Stop playing stupid. - Maybe he really is stupid. 329 00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:40,016 Nobody is this stupid. What are you people planning? 330 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:42,269 It's just a Jersey thing. 331 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,187 You've got to be from Jersey to get it. 332 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,401 Here they come. 333 00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:54,948 Is it them? 334 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:56,783 They're from Jersey. 335 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,537 Let's go. 336 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,289 Let's go creepin' in this town. 337 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,333 Don't you talk about my family. 338 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,712 This is where we make our stand. 339 00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:11,924 South Park will never be West Jersey. 340 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,303 Fuck New Jersey! 341 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:30,608 Keep shooting. 342 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:33,403 We're sick of you, Jersey. Fuck off! 343 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,954 - Get it off of me! - Snooki want smush-smush. 344 00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,456 Got to find a way past it. 345 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,542 - What does it want? - Sounds like it wants smush-smush. 346 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:51,213 Snooki want smush-smush. 347 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,674 You guys, it's raping me! 348 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,677 Jesus Christ! What do we do? 349 00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:57,761 Oh, God! 350 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,140 Get out of here. 351 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,016 Why? 352 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,712 Dude. 353 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,089 Get out of here, you piece of cabbage. 354 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,383 You want to smush, get creepin' somewhere else. 355 00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:42,014 You're cabbage, you know that? 356 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,268 You got cabbage in your muff. 357 00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,189 You got cabbage in your fucking muff. 358 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,035 That's the last of it. 359 00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:04,702 We're out of ammo. 360 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,996 Then we've got to start falling back to Utah. 361 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,917 What's the point? Can't you see it's over? 362 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,212 Who is that? 363 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,467 It's Al-Qaeda. 364 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,651 Give them hell, Al-Qaeda. 365 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:44,450 On a cold October night, a small town in Colorado 366 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:48,080 stood up to New Jersey and finally said, "Go away." 367 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,291 Our fortitude was the inspiration for others and now, 368 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:53,669 New Jersey is slowly receding back 369 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:56,088 to the desolate land from whence it came. 370 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:59,174 Our country is getting back to normal, and we owe it all 371 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:00,592 to Osama Bin Laden. 372 00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:09,685 You're back to normal. 373 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,021 The more distance between me and New Jersey, the better I feel. 374 00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:16,108 But you still have it in you. You saved my life. 375 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:20,153 Deep down inside, you're a monster, but you're my little monster. 376 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,239 I just have one question. 377 00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:25,534 At Sizzler, when you were yelling muff cabbage, what's that? 378 00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:28,286 It's a Jersey thing. 379 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,372 On this day, let us all remember 380 00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:33,250 that no people on this Earth are really enemies, 381 00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:35,836 only folks with differences. 382 00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:39,464 Tango's down. 383 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:41,299 We got him!