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South Park - Season 12 Episode 6
"Over Logging"
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Get off the Internet,
Stanley, it's time for bed.
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00:00:38,059 --> 00:00:39,895
Mom, I just gotta
do a couple more things.
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00:00:40,015 --> 00:00:42,965
Now, Stanley. The Internet
will be waiting for you in the morning.
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- Off!
- Aw man!
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00:00:48,524 --> 00:00:50,665
Shelley, off the Internet. It's bedtime.
7
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:53,815
Mom, I'm i-chatting with
my boyfriend in Montana!
8
00:00:54,227 --> 00:00:55,650
Now, Shelley!
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00:00:56,195 --> 00:00:57,761
Why do you hate me?
10
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Randy, off the Internet.
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No. No come on, leave me alone.
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- No, mister, it's time for night-night.
- But Sharon, I've got stuff to do.
13
00:01:07,473 --> 00:01:10,279
I've gotta see my credit rating,
I've gotta send an e-mail to Nelson and
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check out Foley's vacation photos-
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You don't have to do all that now!
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00:01:14,178 --> 00:01:17,121
You can do one more
thing and then it's bedtime.
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One more thing?
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Oooo yeah...
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What the hell?
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- Stan! Stan, I gotta use your computer!
- What?
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My Internet's not working;
I gotta use yours.
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And give Daddy some private time,
will ya?
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- My Internet's not working either.
- What?
24
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:55,243
- Dad, the Internet's not working!
- I know that, okay?
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I have to get online with
my darling Amir before school starts!
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Randy, I can't get my e-mail to open.
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Everybody just calm down!
Calm down, all right?
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It's going to be okay!
We just can't panic!
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Gerald. Please help us.
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Randy. What happened?
31
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Our house... It has no Internet.
32
00:02:19,398 --> 00:02:20,590
Oh my God.
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00:02:21,076 --> 00:02:22,473
We've got nothing!
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It's just gone.
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Come in. You can use our Internet
until you figure out what to do.
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Thank you Gerald.
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- I'm getting on it first.
- Oh no you're not!
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Kyle, I need to use your Internet.
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- It's not working.
- What?
40
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I've even unplugged it
and plugged it back in.
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No. No, our Internet can't be broken.
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Ah, I've gotta get an attachment
Larry sent me last night.
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It's not working, Gerald.
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00:02:45,977 --> 00:02:47,573
But it has to work!
Maybe if I do a little-
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Your Internet's not working,
Gerald! Face it!
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I have to get online before it's school.
47
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What about Starbucks?
They have free Internet.
48
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Right, Starbucks!
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Everyone get your stuff;
we can take my car.
50
00:02:59,316 --> 00:03:02,941
- Hey, is your guys' Internet working?
- No! Nobody's is!
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00:03:03,257 --> 00:03:05,050
What's happening?
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Jesus. Everyone's gonna
go to Starbucks now.
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Everyone in the car.
We have to beat them there.
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God, the whole neighborhood's affected.
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Get out of the way, Peterson!
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Folks, there's no Internet here.
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- It's not working, I tell ya.
- It's not working here?
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Kids, get back in the car.
We can go to the Mac store.
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No, don't. You're wasting your time.
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- How do you know?
- Because we just came from there!
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There was nothing!
Not one scrap of Internet!
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How can there be no Internet anywhere?
What's going on?
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Anybody got a Blackberry?
Check Drudge Report.
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Good idea! No wait, we can't check
Drudge Report: there's no Internet!
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There has to be a way
to find out what's going on.
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We can't! Don't you get it?
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There's no Internet to
find out why there's no Internet!
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What did we used to do to
get the news before the Internet?
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A television!
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Once again we apologize,
but we cannot bring you the news.
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It appears that we have
no Internet here at News 4.
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We'll be happy to bring
you up on current events
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just as soon as our Internet is back.
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Jesus, it's statewide.
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It could be nationwide.
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Hello? Do you have Internet?
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It it's Channel 4 News.
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00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,182
No, we don't have Internet either.
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No Internet...
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anywhere...
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Jesus...
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we're all alone...
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- What's the matter?
- I don't know.
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I need to get on Web MD and
see why I have this cough, but I can't.
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00:05:16,068 --> 00:05:18,840
What if my sweetheart
is online looking for me?
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00:05:18,966 --> 00:05:22,070
He could be wondering why
I don't get online with him.
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Maybe he thinks I'm dead.
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If my darling Amir gets another
girlfriend, I'm gonna kill him!
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And you!
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Shelley, whoa, stop, stop!
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Dad, you've gotta do something!
She's out of control!
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You're right.
We just can't sit here any longer.
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00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:47,553
- Randy, where will you go?
- We're gonna head west.
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00:05:47,678 --> 00:05:51,013
There's a rumor going around
there might be some Internet out there.
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So we're headed out Californee Way.
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00:05:53,096 --> 00:05:55,051
You don't know if there's
any Internet in California.
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Well there certainly ain't none here!
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00:05:57,048 --> 00:05:59,502
Look, maybe it's time
you all face reality!
101
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,310
- The Internet here is dried up!
- It could come back.
102
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Yeah, and maybe it won't!
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00:06:04,858 --> 00:06:07,932
In the meantime I got a family
who needs the Internet right away.
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We'll head out Californee Way and...
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see what we can find.
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Come on, let's go.
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Look, if you... you do find
Internet, let us know, will ya?
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How. You won't have Internet.
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Sorry folks, we're full up.
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Know anywhere else we can stay?
We're... heading out Californee Way.
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- Looking for some Internet.
- You and everyone else.
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You'll have to stay out
at the transient camp
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with all the others
heading to Californee.
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It's about a mile down the road.
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I'm going down the road feeling bad.
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I'm going down the road feeling bad.
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I'm going down the road feeling bad,
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oh Lordy.
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My Internet done up and went away.
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00:07:27,837 --> 00:07:30,760
- Where are you from, old-timer?
- Kansas City.
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Had me a store there.
Kind of... computer supply store.
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When the Internet went,
the stores went too.
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Things will be different
when we get out to Californee.
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Soon as we get us some
Internet we can all rest easy.
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Why sure, Silicon Valley.
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They gots a whole mess
of Internet up there.
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'Say a man can practically
roll around in it.
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When I get to that Internet I'm gonna
click on just about everything in sight.
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Might even click on a pop-up
ad just for the heck of it.
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Well I'm gonna sit down at
that Internet and just start e-mailing.
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Just keep on e-mailing till
my fingers are sore to the bone.
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Sure will be nice.
136
00:08:10,645 --> 00:08:12,900
You folks all heading to Silicon Valley?
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That's right. We need to get online.
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- "Get online" he says.
- What's so funny about that?
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Think about it. How many
folk heading out to Californee?
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A million? More?
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And how much Internet
you think they got out there?
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Might be some Internet, sure,
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but with everyone
trying to use it at once,
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it's gonna go real slow-like.
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I knows it 'cause I seen it.
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My two children,
they tried to load a Web page.
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Took them over three days.
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They sat there waiting,
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and by the time the loading
bar was only half-full they was dead.
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Starve on the Internet,
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with a belly stuck out like a bladder...
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Come on, Stan, let's get some rest.
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Amir...
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I miss you so much...
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Don't cry, Shelley.
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You'll be able to get online
when we get to Californee.
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Everyone, wake up! We're here!
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Silicon Valley, Californee!
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- Name?
- Do they have Internet here?
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- Name?
- Marsh.
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- Service provider?
- NetZero.
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All right, stay in line.
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Once you're inside, Red Cross volunteers
will direct you to your campsite.
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So is there Internet here?
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Stay in line and get to your campsite.
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Excuse me,
we're looking for some Internet.
168
00:10:19,418 --> 00:10:21,530
- Yeah, they've got it here.
- All right!
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00:10:21,796 --> 00:10:25,612
But there ain't enough to go around.
All they got is a little Internet.
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00:10:25,737 --> 00:10:27,473
Barely a bar a signal.
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00:10:27,825 --> 00:10:29,833
So they have to ration it out,
carefully.
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Ya... sign up over there and
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use your time when they call your name.
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Each family gets 40
seconds of Internet per day.
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00:10:36,826 --> 00:10:40,490
Forty seconds? That ain't even
long enough to check Wikipedia!
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Well it's all we got,
so we gotta make do.
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00:10:43,147 --> 00:10:45,473
Look, honey,
we ordered us some books on Amazon.
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All right, time's up.
179
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No! No wait! I haven't
entered the shipping information!
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No! No!
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Next? Brady, John H.
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Aw, how am I supposed
to see Internet porn that way?
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00:10:57,896 --> 00:11:00,743
- What did you say?
- Uh, you go ahead, Sharon.
184
00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:04,573
Divide some Internet amongst
the children. I- gotta talk to somebody.
185
00:11:09,576 --> 00:11:11,521
And that's about all we know.
186
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:15,811
Uh, there might be some Internet still
in California and parts of Florida,
187
00:11:15,938 --> 00:11:18,783
though we certainly
still don't have any here.
188
00:11:20,116 --> 00:11:22,960
- A fax! A fax is coming through!
- Oh yeah, a fax!
189
00:11:23,088 --> 00:11:26,632
- A fax! It's a fax, it's a fax!
- It's a fax, we got a fax!
190
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It says,
191
00:11:28,768 --> 00:11:31,740
"The government has sent
their best people to the Internet
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00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:33,513
in order to repair it."
193
00:11:34,705 --> 00:11:37,733
We've gotta send a reporter
out to the Internet!
194
00:11:39,726 --> 00:11:41,620
Where... is... the Internet?
195
00:11:51,938 --> 00:11:53,133
Gentlemen,
196
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:57,121
the President is very angry
that his Internet still isn't working.
197
00:11:57,386 --> 00:11:58,830
We've tried everything, sir,
198
00:11:58,957 --> 00:12:02,132
but the Internet has slowed to a trickle
and we can't get it working correctly.
199
00:12:02,398 --> 00:12:05,842
Take me down below!
I want to see the Internet for myself!
200
00:12:10,955 --> 00:12:12,450
Here it is, general.
201
00:12:12,716 --> 00:12:13,911
The Internet.
202
00:12:21,346 --> 00:12:22,632
What's wrong with it?
203
00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:25,552
See that flashing orange
light in the middle?
204
00:12:25,676 --> 00:12:27,770
It's supposed to be solid green.
205
00:12:30,856 --> 00:12:32,050
My God.
206
00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:38,173
"Thedancingkitty.com",
I wonder what that is.
207
00:12:39,887 --> 00:12:42,860
"Click on the dancing kitty
and you could win a prize!"
208
00:12:42,986 --> 00:12:44,181
All right, time's up.
209
00:12:44,307 --> 00:12:47,191
No, wait, I just clicked
on the kitty. I got it.
210
00:12:47,318 --> 00:12:49,780
No! It wasn't long enough! No!
211
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,053
Next? Nelson, Peter T.
212
00:12:52,757 --> 00:12:56,750
Excuse me, I need to uh,
have some private Internet time.
213
00:12:56,908 --> 00:13:01,453
Look, we're just trying to get by here.
Everyone's gotta take what they can get.
214
00:13:02,037 --> 00:13:04,873
I haven't jacked off in over two weeks.
215
00:13:06,157 --> 00:13:07,352
So jack off.
216
00:13:07,477 --> 00:13:10,722
You don't understand.
I need the Internet to jack off.
217
00:13:11,136 --> 00:13:12,191
I...
218
00:13:12,408 --> 00:13:15,673
got used to being able to see anything
at the click of a button, you know?
219
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:18,432
Once you jack off to Japanese
girls puking in each other's mouths
220
00:13:18,557 --> 00:13:20,571
you can't exactly go back to Playboy!
221
00:13:20,698 --> 00:13:21,890
What do you want us to do?
222
00:13:22,016 --> 00:13:25,173
Pick up the whole computer and put
it inside for ten minutes just for you?
223
00:13:25,297 --> 00:13:28,043
- Three minutes would be plenty.
- Get lost!
224
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,323
All right, each of you take a ticket.
225
00:13:33,447 --> 00:13:35,392
When they call your name
you can use the Internet.
226
00:13:35,656 --> 00:13:38,550
- What number are you, turd?
- Eight fifty one.
227
00:13:39,006 --> 00:13:42,293
- You're nine twenty three now.
- Hey! Mom!
228
00:13:42,618 --> 00:13:44,820
Shelley, give your
brother his ticket back!
229
00:13:44,946 --> 00:13:48,863
Can't you all see I'm in pain?
Nobody understands pure love!
230
00:13:48,988 --> 00:13:52,491
Amir and I are closer than
anybody in this stupid family!
231
00:13:57,858 --> 00:13:59,003
Hey!
232
00:13:59,128 --> 00:14:00,122
Over here!
233
00:14:01,937 --> 00:14:04,600
You... happen to be
looking for Internet porn?
234
00:14:04,728 --> 00:14:06,240
Yeah, how'd you know?
235
00:14:06,368 --> 00:14:09,050
Lots of us fellas came
here for that reason.
236
00:14:09,176 --> 00:14:13,071
We all got used to seeing lots of
really pervrted stuff on the Internet,
237
00:14:13,195 --> 00:14:15,412
so now we can't go back to Playboy.
238
00:14:15,538 --> 00:14:19,150
- I know, right?
- Anyway, we got us a simulator.
239
00:14:19,278 --> 00:14:22,720
You just call out what you
wanna see and then say "click."
240
00:14:23,998 --> 00:14:26,882
- "Internet Porn Simulator"
- Give it a try.
241
00:14:30,915 --> 00:14:32,283
242
00:14:33,335 --> 00:14:36,390
Japanese girls exchanging
bodily fluids? Click.
243
00:14:41,516 --> 00:14:44,202
Oh this sucks! I can't jack off to this!
244
00:14:46,976 --> 00:14:48,170
Damnit.
245
00:14:49,318 --> 00:14:52,300
Let's see. Interracial gang bang Click.
246
00:14:56,037 --> 00:14:58,332
Shemales! Let's try shemales. Click.
247
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:02,352
Bestiality? Click on that.
248
00:15:05,227 --> 00:15:07,913
Brazilian fart fetish porn?
Click! Click!
249
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,870
No. No, this isn't going to work.
250
00:15:16,478 --> 00:15:18,212
It's just not the same.
251
00:15:18,636 --> 00:15:19,892
Well, sorry.
252
00:15:20,017 --> 00:15:22,462
And that'll be $49 on your credit card.
253
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:25,000
Well at least that
part's like the Internet.
254
00:15:25,436 --> 00:15:28,962
We now have a reporter on the scene.
Let's go live!
255
00:15:29,817 --> 00:15:31,882
Tom, I'm at the Internet,
256
00:15:32,008 --> 00:15:35,881
where government officials are doing
their best to get it running again.
257
00:15:37,166 --> 00:15:40,221
All right, Internet.
What do you want from us?
258
00:15:44,826 --> 00:15:47,481
If we've angered you somehow,
let us know.
259
00:15:48,407 --> 00:15:50,942
Try to communicate
with it digitally again.
260
00:16:14,566 --> 00:16:17,860
I've had it with this thing!
Fire a warning shot at it!
261
00:16:23,455 --> 00:16:25,471
Hey, wait a minute.
262
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,083
Is it possible that...
263
00:16:29,665 --> 00:16:31,011
What is it, Kyle?
264
00:16:32,137 --> 00:16:34,733
I think... I know what's wrong.
265
00:16:43,466 --> 00:16:47,371
This is taking too long!
When do I get to use the Internet?
266
00:16:47,937 --> 00:16:49,581
It's gotta be our turn soon.
267
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:53,002
All right, folks, it's bed time.
No more Internet for today.
268
00:16:57,025 --> 00:17:00,180
No, no, we're locking it away
until tomorrow. Everyone get to bed!
269
00:17:27,968 --> 00:17:29,160
Finally!
270
00:17:29,438 --> 00:17:30,783
I'm online again!
271
00:17:31,205 --> 00:17:32,402
Yes!
272
00:17:33,298 --> 00:17:37,372
Japanese girls puking
each other's mouths.
273
00:17:43,547 --> 00:17:44,900
Oh nice...
274
00:17:51,546 --> 00:17:54,812
Now let's see some bestiality.
275
00:18:03,838 --> 00:18:04,833
Yes!
276
00:18:05,058 --> 00:18:08,650
Let's get some Brazilian
fart porn in there!
277
00:18:13,566 --> 00:18:14,962
Oh that's good eh!
278
00:18:19,775 --> 00:18:20,970
What is that?
279
00:18:21,096 --> 00:18:24,040
Sounds like someone's
being attacked by a tiger.
280
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:28,033
Get the keys! We gotta get in there.
281
00:18:37,476 --> 00:18:38,671
What the...?
282
00:18:39,068 --> 00:18:40,481
- Dad?
- Randy!
283
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,332
There was a, there was a ghost!
284
00:18:44,607 --> 00:18:46,441
And this, this ectoplasm!
285
00:18:47,046 --> 00:18:50,163
Did you see the ghost?
It ran through here; it slimed me!
286
00:18:50,707 --> 00:18:51,951
You son of a bitch!
287
00:18:52,306 --> 00:18:55,100
Oh no it wasn't me,
it was this spooky ghost!
288
00:18:57,058 --> 00:18:58,882
This is our last chance.
289
00:18:59,075 --> 00:19:01,672
With nowhere else to turn,
the government is going to allow
290
00:19:01,796 --> 00:19:03,473
ne brave nine-year-old boy
291
00:19:03,736 --> 00:19:06,683
to attempt his method to
get the Internet running again.
292
00:19:07,525 --> 00:19:09,133
It all comes down to this.
293
00:19:09,258 --> 00:19:11,721
Can the little Jewish
boy reason with the Internet?
294
00:19:11,987 --> 00:19:13,831
Or will it be gone forever?
295
00:19:14,706 --> 00:19:16,271
All clear for procedure.
296
00:19:16,797 --> 00:19:18,560
All right! Let's do it!
297
00:19:40,585 --> 00:19:43,760
Look! The flashing
yellow light is green now!
298
00:19:44,068 --> 00:19:45,262
He did it!
299
00:19:45,386 --> 00:19:47,051
- I've got Internet!
- Me too!
300
00:19:47,315 --> 00:19:49,713
Internet activity in all sectors, sir.
301
00:19:54,237 --> 00:19:56,870
- I've got Internet.
- Me too!
302
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,012
It's back!
303
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,952
It's back? It's back!
304
00:20:03,437 --> 00:20:07,531
It's working!
I can i-chat with my darling Amir now!
305
00:20:08,276 --> 00:20:10,573
Shelley. Shelley Marsh?
306
00:20:12,018 --> 00:20:13,461
- What?
- It's me.
307
00:20:13,787 --> 00:20:14,952
Amir.
308
00:20:15,778 --> 00:20:17,541
O... kay.
309
00:20:17,887 --> 00:20:19,932
Your family came here too, huh?
310
00:20:21,807 --> 00:20:23,001
Yeah.
311
00:20:25,778 --> 00:20:28,903
So uh, I guess I'll e-mail
you as soon as I get back home.
312
00:20:29,026 --> 00:20:31,823
- Yeah, okay. Sounds good.
- Okay, see ya.
313
00:20:33,288 --> 00:20:36,402
We're back together!
We're back together!
314
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:41,443
315
00:20:42,627 --> 00:20:44,900
And so what have we
learned through this ordeal?
316
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:48,861
The Internet went away. It came back.
317
00:20:49,278 --> 00:20:51,371
But for how long we do not know.
318
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:55,410
We cannot take the Internet
for granted any longer.
319
00:20:55,778 --> 00:20:58,912
We as a country must
stop over-logging -on.
320
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:02,540
We must use the Internet
only when we need it.
321
00:21:02,976 --> 00:21:06,463
It's easy for us to think we can
just use up all the Internet we want.
322
00:21:07,156 --> 00:21:10,843
But if we don't treat the
Internet with the respect...!
323
00:21:12,756 --> 00:21:14,101
That it deserves,
324
00:21:14,918 --> 00:21:17,062
it could one day be gone forever.
325
00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:21,183
So let us learn to live
with the Internet, not for it.
326
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:23,320
No more browsing
for no apparent reason,
327
00:21:23,446 --> 00:21:27,281
no more mindlessly surfing on
our laptops while watching television.
328
00:21:27,548 --> 00:21:28,631
And finally,
329
00:21:28,758 --> 00:21:33,012
we must learn to only use
the Internet for porn twice a day.
330
00:21:33,867 --> 00:21:35,061
Max.
331
00:21:41,265 --> 00:21:45,210
SouthParkNews.Net / SouthPark-TV.Com
Transcript : SPScriptorium.Com