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"Dances with Smurfs"
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[bell ringing]
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Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
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These are the morning
announcements.
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00:00:40,905 --> 00:00:42,954
Parent/teacher conferences
begin next Thursday.
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If you have
not yet done so,
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please turn in your parents'
requested time sheets
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by the end
of fifth period today.
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Lunch today will be a choice
of chicken tostadas
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or spaghetti with a marinara
sauce and side salad.
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Attention,
fourth graders.
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The fall registration
for glee club
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starts tomorrow.
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Any interested students
should fill out a--
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Whoa!
What's going on?
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I'll kill you!
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- I swear to God, I'll kill you!
- Who are you?
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I'm the man
who's going to
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put a bullet
between your eyes!
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Hey!
He's got a gun!
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You little bastard!
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You fucked my wife!
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You think
I wouldn't find out?
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Sir, please,
I don't know you.
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Yeah, right!
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What the hell
is going on here?
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You, sir, need to
leave this area--
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Oh God!
He shot him!
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You had to push me,
didn't you?
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- Now you!
- Ahh!
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Sir, I don't truly--
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There!
How does it feel, huh?
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Please,
I don't know you--
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You're Gordon Saltski, right?
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Truck driver from Chicago?
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No, I'm Gordon Stolski!
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Third grader who reads the
morning announcements!
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Yeah right!
We'll see if that's true!
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Go on, read the morning
announcements!
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- Somebody help me--
- I said do it!
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Any interested students
should
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fill out
an applicant survey--
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I knew you were lying!
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That was terrible!
45
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Now put your mouth over
the barrel of this gun.
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No, please...
I'm so scared.
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I'm so scared.
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Do it!
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Please,
I... I'll do whatever
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you say I...
Here, see?
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I got my mouth
on the barrel.
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[gunshot]
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Look at you now.
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We're all dead!
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[gunshot]
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We will always remember
the way that
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Gordon bravely read the
announcements every morning.
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Lead us in the Pledge of
Allegiance, m'kay,
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and touched many kids' lives
here at the school.
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And even though
we now know that
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the shooter had him confused
with a 40-year-old truck driver
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who happened
to have a similar name,
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I know this has been
pretty traumatizing, m'kay.
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Now we must decide
who will pick up
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where little Gordon
left off?
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Who will take
his place reading
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the morning announcements?
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It is a big responsibility.
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Because it will be your voice
the entire school listens to, m'kay.
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And although Gordon Stoltski
can never be replaced,
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m'kay, there must be
a student out there
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who has the drive
and the passion to
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have his or her voice heard
every morning.
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Oh my God.
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So you're, uh,
trying out to be
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the morning announcements
person as well?
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Yeah.
I think it would be really
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f-f-f-fun and r-r-r-aise
my self es-es-es-e-steem.
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Oh this is it, huh?
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Okay, uh, Mike,
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why don't we
have you tryout first, m'kay.
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Ha ha!
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He stutters
like a bitch!
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I've got this job
in the bag!
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Who are you?
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My name is Casey Miller
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and I'm in
the third grade.
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Ever since I can remember,
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people have told me
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I should read
the morning announcements.
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My friends
always said to me,
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"Dear Casey, your voice is like
butter to our ears.
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Could you please
find a way
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to get that audible chocolate
on the airwaves?
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Well, here I am.
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And hopefully, I'll be the kid
with the job.
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M'kay, really nice,
Mike.
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Maybe next time you can
get past the first word.
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Oh, Casey Miller, good.
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You're trying out, too?
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I'm trying out
and drying out
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in the sultry summer sun,
that is my voice.
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M'kay, Eric.
You wanna go next?
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M'kay, Eric.
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I'm just gonna have you read
this piece of paper.
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Mr. Mackey,
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what's a moronic
jiz rag?
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What?
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What on Earth
are you askin' me that for?
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Well, it's just that...
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That's what
that Casey kid
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said about
your hair piece.
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Get lost,
you little dirtball!
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- Excuse me?
- I said take a hike!
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I don't understand
what I did wrong.
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Beat it.
You're not getting the job!
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[bell ringing]
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Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
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These are
the morning announcements.
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And I am Eric Cartman.
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All forms for
the school book drive
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must be handed in to
Mr. Davis in the library
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by the end
of the school day today.
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Hmm, doesn't seem
like they gave us
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a lot of notice
on that, okay.
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Oh, well.
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For lunch today,
the cafeteria
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will be serving a selection of
cold sandwiches.
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Cold sandwiches.
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Oh, well.
Thank you so much.
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Remember when we used to be
served hot food?
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I mean, what has happened
to our school?
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This school
is transforming into
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something very bad
and why?
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Because we have leadership
that doesn't care.
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I'm talking of course about
our student body president.
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Wendy Testaburger.
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Ever since Wendy was elected
student body president,
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this school
has started a rapid decline
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towards
some socialist regime
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where students no longer
have a voice.
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The music room will be closed
off today due to painting.
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All students
in band or choir
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will meet in
the gymnasium instead.
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Oh so, now the school is using
money to paint the music room.
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How old and outdated is
our playground equipment?
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What other school has a
15-year-old merry go round on it?
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Our school president is turning
this whole place
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into Communist Russia.
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It's not a coincidence,
that once Wendy took office
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this school started
coming apart
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at the seams.
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Your teachers
don't want to tell you,
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but they are scared and
they should be
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because the very fabric
of this elementary school
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is tearing from all corners.
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Oh jeez!
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But hey,
I'm just a normal kid
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like you,
except that I ask questions.
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And because I'm brave
enough to ask questions,
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I come under scrutinies.
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Is Wendy using your lunch money
to buy heroin?
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Probably not.
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But how can we know?
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I don't want
my lunch money
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going to drugs.
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Who's taking these drugs?
What would be the point?
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I'm asking questions.
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Will somebody
shut him up?
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You wanted to see me,
Principal Victoria?
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The job is to read what is
written on the paper, Eric,
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not to embellish
the way you do.
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Oh, I get it.
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You're trying
to silence me!
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You're scared that somebody is
standing up to this school
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and its president
for once!
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No, it's just that the
announcements need to be quick
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so the students can
get on with their work.
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Oh, really?
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Then how come Gordon Stolski got
to go on for like five minutes
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that one day?
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Well, because he was
being murdered.
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You just want somebody to
read what's in front of them
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like a brain-washed zombie,
is that it, Mr. Mackey?
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I am not
Gordon Stolski, okay?
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I'm not some
dog on a leash
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that just blindly says
what he's told,
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until he's killed.
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All we ask is you keep it shorter.
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Oh, I will.
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And maybe I'll also have
a word with the ACLU.
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Tell them that
a student is being told
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not to speak out
against his school.
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I'm sure they'll find that
very interesting.
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Well...
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Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
197
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These are the morning
announcements.
198
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Tryouts for the soccer team
are Friday afternoon.
199
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That is, of course,
200
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if our student body president
does something
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about our abysmal
soccer field.
202
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I have a question.
203
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What does Wendy Testaburger
actually do?
204
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She is supposed to be
the president, right?
205
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What is her agenda?
206
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She's lying to everyone!
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Or is she?
Let's ask these questions!
208
00:07:40,825 --> 00:07:43,241
Today I want to talk briefly about
the state of our school's economy.
209
00:07:43,643 --> 00:07:45,850
The bake sale last week
was a complete failure.
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00:07:46,390 --> 00:07:48,680
And besides that, who actually
voted for Wendy Testaburger?
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00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:49,532
I know I didn't.
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00:07:49,892 --> 00:07:51,527
And everyone who did is now
scratching their heads
213
00:07:51,562 --> 00:07:52,169
and going, "Oops!
214
00:07:52,204 --> 00:07:53,376
"Guess I shouldn't
have done that."
215
00:07:53,411 --> 00:07:54,574
I'm not in
the student council.
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00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:56,144
I'm just
a normal kid like all of you.
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00:07:56,195 --> 00:07:57,185
And like all of you,
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I want to know
what has happened
219
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to my school!
220
00:07:59,394 --> 00:08:01,386
I pledge allegiance
to the flag...
221
00:08:01,421 --> 00:08:03,083
Of the United States of
America.
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00:08:03,224 --> 00:08:03,990
Our United States,
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00:08:04,030 --> 00:08:05,366
not the one that
Wendy Testaburger would have--
224
00:08:05,367 --> 00:08:07,125
a socialist dung hole.
225
00:08:07,424 --> 00:08:09,214
A socialist dung hole...
226
00:08:12,304 --> 00:08:13,056
Good morning, students.
227
00:08:13,091 --> 00:08:14,259
These are the morning
announcements.
228
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,280
If you will direct your attention
to the new video monitors
229
00:08:16,315 --> 00:08:17,199
at the head
of your class.
230
00:08:17,690 --> 00:08:18,634
You will see that
the announcements
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are now being done
in video.
232
00:08:20,485 --> 00:08:21,870
Oh God. No!
233
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,504
Lunch today is going
to be pizza.
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00:08:33,875 --> 00:08:34,478
Again.
235
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,176
Friends,
our school is dying
236
00:08:37,211 --> 00:08:38,805
and you know it.
You feel it.
237
00:08:39,215 --> 00:08:40,846
You're like me,
you wanna change it.
238
00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:43,673
But oh no, Wendy Testaburger's
not gonna let that happen.
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This is not
the school we grew up in
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and... and I don't know
if we can get it back.
241
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:51,571
So let's take a look at exactly
what our school president wants.
242
00:08:51,606 --> 00:08:53,366
You know, what is
she trying to achieve?
243
00:08:53,401 --> 00:08:55,298
Let's just take a look
at these key words here.
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00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:56,755
Wendy has made it clear
she wants our school
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to be a more integrated,
leftist, and liberal place.
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But you see,
when that happens,
247
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what we get is a--
248
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,846
Socialist, modern,
utopian,
249
00:09:03,881 --> 00:09:06,067
reformed farce
of a school.
250
00:09:06,097 --> 00:09:07,513
So when you look closely,
251
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,481
it becomes very obvious
what Wendy wants.
252
00:09:09,943 --> 00:09:13,403
K-I-L-L S-M-U-R-F-S.
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00:09:14,610 --> 00:09:15,796
Our school president
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00:09:15,831 --> 00:09:17,325
wants to kill Smurfs.
255
00:09:18,373 --> 00:09:19,787
No!
256
00:09:20,147 --> 00:09:21,956
I don't know if we're turning
into a Smurf hating school
257
00:09:21,991 --> 00:09:22,906
or what
we're turning into.
258
00:09:22,941 --> 00:09:24,373
But unless you ask why,
259
00:09:24,872 --> 00:09:26,544
we're gonna transform
into something.
260
00:09:28,242 --> 00:09:28,961
Hey Wendy!
261
00:09:29,149 --> 00:09:29,661
Wendy!
262
00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:31,119
Is it true?
263
00:09:31,724 --> 00:09:32,539
Is what true?
264
00:09:32,891 --> 00:09:34,476
That you hate Smurfs?
265
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:36,802
I don't have time
for this.
266
00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:37,488
Hey now,
267
00:09:37,539 --> 00:09:39,684
me and us fellers
are just asking questions!
268
00:09:39,719 --> 00:09:40,581
- Yeah!
- That's right!
269
00:09:40,616 --> 00:09:42,735
- We can ask!
- Try to understand this:
270
00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,916
All I do is try
to help run student council.
271
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,517
I don't give a crap
about Smurfs!
272
00:09:46,905 --> 00:09:48,930
Oh! It is true!
273
00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:50,148
- Oh my God!
- She admitted it!
274
00:09:50,208 --> 00:09:51,256
Oh my God!
275
00:09:51,276 --> 00:09:52,573
Maybe you guys
should check into
276
00:09:52,608 --> 00:09:54,089
what student council
actually does
277
00:09:54,124 --> 00:09:56,114
before you just blindly
listen to what some idiot
278
00:09:56,149 --> 00:09:57,209
with a microphone
tells you!
279
00:09:59,351 --> 00:10:01,223
What did the Smurfs
ever do to you?
280
00:10:01,258 --> 00:10:02,064
You bitch!
281
00:10:03,139 --> 00:10:04,575
I just called
the president a bitch!
282
00:10:04,610 --> 00:10:05,109
Yeah!
283
00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:06,039
- That was cool!
- Awesome!
284
00:10:06,079 --> 00:10:07,214
- Yeah.
- Yeah, great job.
285
00:10:15,213 --> 00:10:16,704
Thank you,
and this is to...
286
00:10:16,739 --> 00:10:17,611
Douglas.
287
00:10:17,681 --> 00:10:19,319
To Douglas,
there you go.
288
00:10:19,885 --> 00:10:21,047
Book signing today,
everyone.
289
00:10:21,082 --> 00:10:22,077
Be sure to pick up
your copy.
290
00:10:22,112 --> 00:10:23,800
- Hey, Eric!
- Well, hello.
291
00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:25,390
Another person
who cares about
292
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,894
the future
of our school!
293
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,323
Oh, you bet!
294
00:10:28,324 --> 00:10:29,445
I love all the stuff
you said about
295
00:10:29,514 --> 00:10:31,522
how our school president
never does anything!
296
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,271
And how she's changing
everything!
297
00:10:33,306 --> 00:10:34,021
Yes. Well,
298
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:36,050
now you can read about all
the things I've said, Butters.
299
00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:37,388
Take this copy
of my book.
300
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:38,524
Cool, thanks!
301
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,139
That'll be $5.
302
00:10:40,174 --> 00:10:41,356
Oh okay...
303
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:43,619
What the hell do you think
you're doing?
304
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:44,714
A book signing.
305
00:10:44,749 --> 00:10:46,104
I looked through
your stupid book.
306
00:10:46,105 --> 00:10:48,105
It's 540 pages
of ripping on Wendy
307
00:10:48,156 --> 00:10:49,049
and calling her a slut!
308
00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:51,239
I do not directly say
she's a slut.
309
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,079
"Wendy Testaburger has proven
time and time again
310
00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:56,087
that she will do anything
to pleasure her vagina.
311
00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:57,968
Whether it is the school
football team
312
00:10:58,003 --> 00:10:59,081
or the janitor's
on their break,
313
00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:01,390
Wendy spends her time
as President on her knees
314
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,030
or on her back taking the ol' in
out for hours on end."
315
00:11:04,229 --> 00:11:05,672
You didn't read
the rest, dude.
316
00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:07,869
- Or does she.
- Or does she?
317
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,700
See, that's a question.
318
00:11:09,772 --> 00:11:11,146
I'm asking questions, Stan!
319
00:11:11,609 --> 00:11:13,324
I've called for Wendy to come on
my show and defend herself,
320
00:11:13,384 --> 00:11:14,529
but she won't do it.
321
00:11:14,669 --> 00:11:16,337
Yeah, and
she hates Smurfs!
322
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:19,901
"Shouldn't we be worried if
our school president is a girl
323
00:11:19,936 --> 00:11:21,274
who would rather
get her tits licked
324
00:11:21,325 --> 00:11:23,083
than go to student
council meetings?"
325
00:11:23,147 --> 00:11:24,795
- Whoa!
- Yeah. Geez.
326
00:11:24,830 --> 00:11:26,067
Hey, hey!
Stop reading that!
327
00:11:26,184 --> 00:11:27,232
What do you mean?
328
00:11:27,415 --> 00:11:29,662
Listen, just because
a guy's voice is on the intercom
329
00:11:29,697 --> 00:11:30,759
and his words
are in a book
330
00:11:30,794 --> 00:11:32,745
doesn't mean he has any idea
what he's talking about!
331
00:11:33,024 --> 00:11:34,210
Yes, it does.
332
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,108
Eric Cartman
is simply making it
333
00:11:36,148 --> 00:11:38,215
so that all kids take
the responsibility
334
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,966
to question their
school leaders.
335
00:11:40,252 --> 00:11:42,060
We should all ask if our
president
336
00:11:42,095 --> 00:11:45,080
is a penis hungry hooker
with a huge vagina.
337
00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:47,249
I'm Casey Miller.
338
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,233
Wendy, did you see
the stuff
339
00:11:51,268 --> 00:11:52,353
Cartman is saying
about you now?
340
00:11:52,422 --> 00:11:53,647
I really don't care, Stan.
341
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:54,760
Well, don't you think you
should go on his show
342
00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:55,533
and defend yourself?
343
00:11:55,594 --> 00:11:57,066
Everyone is starting to think
you're a crappy president.
344
00:11:58,136 --> 00:11:59,513
I'm not giving Eric Fartman
345
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,144
one minute of my time,
you got that?
346
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:02,999
I'm not acknowledging
his stupid questions.
347
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:03,875
If you want him dealt with,
348
00:12:03,915 --> 00:12:05,182
you'll have to do it
yourself.
349
00:12:09,165 --> 00:12:11,246
You wanted to see me again,
Principal Victoria?
350
00:12:11,438 --> 00:12:13,445
Eric, we've been informed by
a concerned student
351
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:14,750
that you are
writing naughty books
352
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,663
about one of the girls
here at the school.
353
00:12:16,673 --> 00:12:18,318
Oh, Wendy came
and told on me?
354
00:12:18,319 --> 00:12:19,425
So what,
because she's president,
355
00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:20,408
she can't be written about?!
356
00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:23,187
Eric, apparently you wrote
that Wendy's private parts
357
00:12:23,238 --> 00:12:25,932
are big enough to fly
an airplane through, m'kay.
358
00:12:25,967 --> 00:12:26,859
And what if they are?
359
00:12:26,939 --> 00:12:29,267
You'll stop me from asking just
because Wendy forces you to?
360
00:12:29,347 --> 00:12:30,562
Eric, the student body president
361
00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:32,249
really doesn't have
the kind of power that you--
362
00:12:32,284 --> 00:12:33,272
Just enough power
to force you
363
00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:34,747
to stop me
from selling my book.
364
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,765
Face it, you're a lackey,
Mackey.
365
00:12:37,395 --> 00:12:38,859
Eric, I've had enough!
366
00:12:38,919 --> 00:12:40,828
You cannot
and you will not
367
00:12:40,909 --> 00:12:42,634
sell your books
on school grounds.
368
00:12:42,669 --> 00:12:44,230
Do I make myself clear?
369
00:12:44,317 --> 00:12:45,358
Clear as summer rain.
370
00:12:45,506 --> 00:12:47,661
Clear as a flavorless bottle
of vitamin water!
371
00:12:47,689 --> 00:12:49,474
This school has finally
transformed into
372
00:12:49,475 --> 00:12:51,785
the socialist whore land
where a student isn't free.
373
00:12:52,244 --> 00:12:53,340
Well, I'm not going
to be a part of it.
374
00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:54,011
Do you understand?
375
00:12:54,546 --> 00:12:57,247
I am leaving this hypocritical
Communist school!
376
00:12:57,516 --> 00:12:59,165
I am walking out and
I am never coming back!
377
00:13:00,653 --> 00:13:02,702
[bell ringing]
378
00:13:06,215 --> 00:13:08,492
Live from the
principal's office--
379
00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:10,311
These are the morning
announcements.
380
00:13:10,346 --> 00:13:12,467
Here is Eric Cartman.
381
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,264
Yesterday,
as most of you know,
382
00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:17,845
I walked out on this program
and on our school.
383
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,437
I was so... fed up with our
President's hypocrisies,
384
00:13:20,472 --> 00:13:22,187
me not being allowed
to sell my book...
385
00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:23,660
I wanted to live in a place
386
00:13:23,691 --> 00:13:25,446
where my values
were still upheld.
387
00:13:25,808 --> 00:13:27,405
And so I decided
to leave it all behind
388
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,740
and instead go and live
389
00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:29,875
with the Smurfs.
390
00:13:31,408 --> 00:13:33,728
I simply observed the gentle
Smurfs at first.
391
00:13:33,995 --> 00:13:35,287
I wanted to understand
how they could live
392
00:13:35,317 --> 00:13:36,726
such simple and
decent lives.
393
00:13:37,478 --> 00:13:38,714
They were wary of me
at the beginning,
394
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:40,776
but slowly, I began
to earn their trust.
395
00:13:41,752 --> 00:13:43,697
It wasn't long before the gentle
Smurfs accepted me
396
00:13:43,748 --> 00:13:44,633
as one of their own.
397
00:13:52,682 --> 00:13:53,494
Whoa...
398
00:13:54,325 --> 00:13:56,033
The Smurfs and I grew
to understand each other.
399
00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:58,168
They shared with me their art of
picking Smurfberries.
400
00:13:58,502 --> 00:14:01,234
And I shared with them stories
of my country's forefathers.
401
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:03,622
Of course,
it wasn't long before...
402
00:14:04,335 --> 00:14:05,945
I fell in love with Smurfette.
403
00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:07,134
We were from
two different worlds
404
00:14:07,155 --> 00:14:09,002
and yet, we spoke the
common language of passion.
405
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:11,213
These are the morning
announcements?
406
00:14:11,474 --> 00:14:11,882
Shh!
407
00:14:12,258 --> 00:14:14,452
Papa Smurf
was displeased at first.
408
00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:16,269
He told Smurfette
I wasn't a real Smurf
409
00:14:16,304 --> 00:14:17,213
and we could
never be happy.
410
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,487
But I eventually proved myself
to Papa Smurf
411
00:14:19,522 --> 00:14:20,518
by picking more Smurfberries
412
00:14:20,558 --> 00:14:22,094
than any Smurf had ever
smurfed before.
413
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,330
Finally, all was right
with the world.
414
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:26,585
But then... a crisis.
415
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:28,303
Clumsy Smurf burst
into the Smurf ceremony
416
00:14:28,338 --> 00:14:30,632
to say that humans had come
to destroy all of Smurfland.
417
00:14:32,475 --> 00:14:33,092
No!
418
00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:34,979
No, you must leave
the noble Smurfs alone!
419
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,274
Who is behind all this?
420
00:14:36,735 --> 00:14:37,390
[gasp]
421
00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:38,610
I should have known!
422
00:14:38,926 --> 00:14:39,638
Wendy!
423
00:14:40,039 --> 00:14:41,403
Out of my way!
424
00:14:41,628 --> 00:14:42,702
Wendy!
What are you doing here?
425
00:14:42,737 --> 00:14:45,271
Smurfberries are worth
a lot of money.
426
00:14:45,419 --> 00:14:47,181
With all those Smurfberries,
427
00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:49,844
I can power the school
for the entire year!
428
00:14:50,107 --> 00:14:51,821
Wendy, I know you're
President of our school.
429
00:14:51,856 --> 00:14:53,611
But you can't just
dig up the Smurfs' land!
430
00:14:53,670 --> 00:14:56,451
Fuck the Smurfs!
They can suck my fat tits.
431
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:00,963
How many Smurfberries
is enough, Wendy?
432
00:15:01,002 --> 00:15:03,171
You can suck
my fat tits too.
433
00:15:15,242 --> 00:15:16,949
Smurfette, no!
434
00:15:17,229 --> 00:15:19,305
Suck my fat tits!
435
00:15:22,358 --> 00:15:23,687
And so now our school
436
00:15:23,737 --> 00:15:26,283
has plenty of precious,
unobtainable Smurfberries.
437
00:15:26,714 --> 00:15:28,064
Yeah.
Well, big deal.
438
00:15:28,849 --> 00:15:30,531
At what cost did our
school president get it?
439
00:15:31,426 --> 00:15:32,800
Every Smurf is dead.
440
00:15:33,097 --> 00:15:34,878
Wiped out and we will
never see them again.
441
00:15:35,099 --> 00:15:36,277
Go on, look outside.
442
00:15:36,312 --> 00:15:37,421
You won't see any Smurfs.
443
00:15:37,697 --> 00:15:38,759
[crying]
444
00:15:40,509 --> 00:15:41,765
Of course,
since I'm being silenced
445
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,688
I'm not allowed time to
show you the entire movie.
446
00:15:43,844 --> 00:15:46,807
And so please buy "Dances With Smurfs"
available now on DVD.
447
00:15:47,179 --> 00:15:49,225
The question now is
what happened to morals?
448
00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:50,477
What happened to dignity?
449
00:15:50,512 --> 00:15:53,257
What happened to my school?
450
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:56,317
That does it!
451
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,877
Our student council is corrupt
and has to be dealt with!
452
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:02,157
I can no longer
stand idly by.
453
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:04,864
We need to get all the kids
together who want to fight back
454
00:16:04,899 --> 00:16:06,629
and tell them
to meet after school!
455
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,366
We will forever
remember this day,
456
00:16:08,609 --> 00:16:11,415
the day we finally stood up
to Wendy Testaburger!
457
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,369
It is time for that
slutty Smurf-killing bitch
458
00:16:14,404 --> 00:16:15,933
to get what's
coming to her.
459
00:16:15,968 --> 00:16:17,993
[cheers]
460
00:16:20,883 --> 00:16:22,691
I don't know
about all of you,
461
00:16:22,818 --> 00:16:24,499
but I have had enough!
462
00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:25,981
We've been sitting back
463
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:27,455
and watching
as our school
464
00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:29,284
slowly goes
into the toilet!
465
00:16:29,491 --> 00:16:31,494
But today, we do
something about it!
466
00:16:31,529 --> 00:16:33,251
[cheers]
467
00:16:33,341 --> 00:16:35,619
So let's march right on over
to Wendy's house,
468
00:16:35,669 --> 00:16:37,627
and do what we
know needs to be done!
469
00:16:37,859 --> 00:16:39,557
[cheers]
470
00:16:47,595 --> 00:16:49,954
Let us not forget
what happens this day!
471
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:51,021
Do it!
472
00:16:51,399 --> 00:16:53,276
We are here,
Wendy Testaburger!
473
00:17:00,776 --> 00:17:03,204
- Take that, School President!
- Get her good!
474
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:04,418
I am.
475
00:17:05,904 --> 00:17:07,268
Hey!
What are you doing?
476
00:17:07,269 --> 00:17:09,534
The students want answers!
477
00:17:09,725 --> 00:17:12,383
Go on the morning announcements
if you've got nothing to hide!
478
00:17:13,302 --> 00:17:14,966
- What the hell?
- Whoa!
479
00:17:18,845 --> 00:17:20,050
Smurf killer!
480
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:20,659
[screaming]
481
00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:23,872
Answer for your crimes on
the morning announcements!
482
00:17:24,624 --> 00:17:26,443
Wendy, did a boy
just pee on our door
483
00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:27,880
because the Smurfs were
murdered?
484
00:17:28,475 --> 00:17:30,753
It's okay, Dad.
I'll take care of it.
485
00:17:32,770 --> 00:17:35,400
Thank you so much for finally
coming on my show, Wendy.
486
00:17:36,037 --> 00:17:37,772
Yeah. Well, Butters
peed on my house.
487
00:17:38,063 --> 00:17:39,191
People are riled up.
488
00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:41,198
Hopefully, we can clear the air
here this morning.
489
00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:43,671
If we could just keep it to
questions about student council.
490
00:17:43,685 --> 00:17:44,835
Of course.
That's why we're here.
491
00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:45,748
Five seconds.
492
00:17:46,253 --> 00:17:46,598
Don't worry.
493
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:47,780
I won't go
too hard on ya.
494
00:17:50,692 --> 00:17:51,999
Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
495
00:17:52,051 --> 00:17:53,414
These are the morning
announcements.
496
00:17:53,663 --> 00:17:55,875
Rehearsals for the school play
are canceled this afternoon.
497
00:17:55,876 --> 00:17:57,685
For lunch, the cafeteria will
be serving meat loaf
498
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:58,511
or veggie pasta.
499
00:17:58,862 --> 00:18:01,702
My guest today is the student body
president of South Park Elementary,
500
00:18:01,737 --> 00:18:02,712
Wendy Testaburger.
501
00:18:02,971 --> 00:18:04,400
Wendy, thank you
for coming on the show.
502
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:05,383
Sure.
503
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:06,528
Wendy, I want
to start by asking
504
00:18:06,609 --> 00:18:07,590
a pretty straight-forward
question
505
00:18:07,641 --> 00:18:09,027
and I hope you don't
take offense to it.
506
00:18:09,312 --> 00:18:09,935
Okay.
507
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:12,855
How many Smurfberries is
the life of each Smurf worth?
508
00:18:17,187 --> 00:18:19,643
I don't... I...
I have no idea what...
509
00:18:19,644 --> 00:18:20,923
You don't know
how many Smurfberries
510
00:18:20,958 --> 00:18:22,182
the life of each
Smurf is worth?
511
00:18:23,127 --> 00:18:24,732
Oh, he's got her now!
512
00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:27,274
Would you agree that the school
is in a crisis right now?
513
00:18:27,491 --> 00:18:28,665
I believe
there's a few things
514
00:18:28,726 --> 00:18:29,659
wrong with the school, but--
515
00:18:29,694 --> 00:18:31,183
If a Smurf dies and no one is
around to hear it,
516
00:18:31,223 --> 00:18:32,030
does it still scream?
517
00:18:35,339 --> 00:18:36,585
She's speechless!
518
00:18:36,586 --> 00:18:37,616
You are the president
of the school.
519
00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:38,773
Can you see why
many students think
520
00:18:38,808 --> 00:18:39,879
you're an
ineffective slut?
521
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,717
Are you denying that the Smurf
Holocaust ever happened?
522
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:42,771
Is that what
you are suggesting?
523
00:18:43,306 --> 00:18:44,288
Look, Eric!
524
00:18:44,358 --> 00:18:45,391
You have to understand,
525
00:18:45,426 --> 00:18:48,043
the Smurfberries were our school
government's only option!
526
00:18:48,078 --> 00:18:49,948
Yes, and that makes--
Whoa, what?
527
00:18:50,638 --> 00:18:51,983
What was I suppose to do?
528
00:18:52,314 --> 00:18:53,889
The school was
running out of power!
529
00:18:53,952 --> 00:18:55,684
We tried relocating
the Smurfs at first,
530
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:56,705
but they wouldn't budge.
531
00:18:56,985 --> 00:18:58,853
So we decided to get
somebody on the inside.
532
00:18:58,854 --> 00:19:01,222
A member of the school who could
act like one of the Smurfs
533
00:19:01,242 --> 00:19:02,337
and learn their secrets.
534
00:19:02,628 --> 00:19:04,293
But of course, you know that,
don't you?
535
00:19:04,429 --> 00:19:05,559
What--What do you mean
I know that?
536
00:19:05,831 --> 00:19:07,311
I'm just asking
the question.
537
00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:09,472
We all knew you were sent in
to live with the Smurfs,
538
00:19:09,507 --> 00:19:11,495
but did you know
they would be wiped out?
539
00:19:11,757 --> 00:19:13,183
No.
You wiped them all out!
540
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,859
Nobody expected you to fall
in love with Smurfette!
541
00:19:16,132 --> 00:19:17,159
You went
to learn from them
542
00:19:17,194 --> 00:19:18,901
but instead,
you became one of them.
543
00:19:18,936 --> 00:19:19,278
Right?
544
00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:20,932
Fought against
your own kind!
545
00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:22,922
When you knew
we'd stop at nothing.
546
00:19:23,072 --> 00:19:25,079
Do you know that
one Smurfberry
547
00:19:25,114 --> 00:19:26,859
can power the school
for two months?
548
00:19:26,894 --> 00:19:28,162
One Smurfberry!
549
00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:30,336
Wait. Hold on.
Can we take a break?
550
00:19:30,371 --> 00:19:31,215
No, it's okay.
551
00:19:31,557 --> 00:19:32,651
It's all out
in the open now.
552
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,343
I wouldn't have had
to kill the Smurfs
553
00:19:34,402 --> 00:19:35,857
if they would have simply
moved on,
554
00:19:36,116 --> 00:19:37,794
but you gave them
the will to stay.
555
00:19:38,123 --> 00:19:40,098
And I guess, you can't
be blamed for that.
556
00:19:41,057 --> 00:19:41,717
What?
557
00:19:42,673 --> 00:19:43,616
And that is why...
558
00:19:43,981 --> 00:19:45,053
I am stepping down.
559
00:19:45,163 --> 00:19:46,679
You were right all along,
Cartman.
560
00:19:47,076 --> 00:19:49,465
And I am hereby making you
the student body president.
561
00:19:49,832 --> 00:19:51,568
Alright!
Cartman's President!
562
00:19:51,603 --> 00:19:52,461
We did it!
563
00:19:53,113 --> 00:19:54,226
I'm confused.
564
00:19:54,514 --> 00:19:56,332
Dude, you can't take my
Dances With Smurfs idea,
565
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,779
- and turn it into your own--
- No, you're right.
566
00:19:58,120 --> 00:19:59,780
The students all deserve
to know the truth.
567
00:20:00,070 --> 00:20:01,664
And so I have answered
what really happened
568
00:20:01,724 --> 00:20:02,502
in my new book--
569
00:20:02,623 --> 00:20:04,198
Going Rogue on the Smurfs.
570
00:20:04,622 --> 00:20:05,715
No, no, dude.
571
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:07,061
You don't just take
one person's story
572
00:20:07,091 --> 00:20:08,489
and then add a couple things
and call it yours!
573
00:20:08,777 --> 00:20:10,050
Luckily, with the money
I made
574
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:12,006
selling the movie rights to
my book, I'll be okay.
575
00:20:12,255 --> 00:20:13,644
You sold the movie rights
to who?
576
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:14,602
James Cameron.
577
00:20:14,662 --> 00:20:16,049
Go look, the movie came out
already!
578
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,303
They--They can't do that!
579
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,889
I'm student body president!
580
00:20:22,551 --> 00:20:24,026
Oh God dammit!
581
00:20:24,185 --> 00:20:26,954
Son-of-a-bitch-idea
stealing assholes!
582
00:20:27,717 --> 00:20:29,061
You sons a bitches!
583
00:20:29,382 --> 00:20:31,215
Dances With Smurfs
was my idea!
584
00:20:31,495 --> 00:20:32,740
My idea!
585
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,907
[howling]
586
00:20:35,153 --> 00:20:36,664
You can't just take
Dances With Smurfs
587
00:20:36,699 --> 00:20:37,907
and call it
something else!
588
00:20:40,209 --> 00:20:42,295
[bell ringing]
589
00:20:44,976 --> 00:20:45,682
Heh.
590
00:20:46,883 --> 00:20:47,665
Dude, what happened?
591
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:48,962
You're not doing the morning
announcements anymore?
592
00:20:49,262 --> 00:20:51,475
No, because it turns out
that by rule,
593
00:20:51,510 --> 00:20:53,381
the student body president
can't also be
594
00:20:53,416 --> 00:20:54,465
the morning
announcement reader.
595
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,187
Oh well.
596
00:20:55,222 --> 00:20:56,563
At least as President,
you can run the school
597
00:20:56,598 --> 00:20:57,237
the way you want.
598
00:20:57,272 --> 00:20:58,469
I can't do jack!
599
00:20:58,504 --> 00:21:00,154
I went to my first student
council meeting!
600
00:21:00,189 --> 00:21:01,789
All we did was talk about
what colors to make
601
00:21:01,824 --> 00:21:03,446
the stupid
Sadie Hawkins dance!
602
00:21:03,524 --> 00:21:05,030
Student council
is retarded!
603
00:21:06,199 --> 00:21:08,581
The sun is up and
the birds are chirpin'.
604
00:21:08,954 --> 00:21:10,563
I'm Casey Miller
and these--
605
00:21:10,598 --> 00:21:12,259
are the morning
announcements.
606
00:21:12,452 --> 00:21:15,150
I have a letter from
second-grade student Brian Felner.
607
00:21:15,151 --> 00:21:17,144
Brian writes,
"Dear Casey,
608
00:21:17,203 --> 00:21:20,241
why is our school president
such a fat stupid dickhead?
609
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,427
My desk is broken,
and so far,
610
00:21:22,462 --> 00:21:24,340
Eric Cartman has done
nothing about it.
611
00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:27,081
Will you please let that
walking bowl of anus pus
612
00:21:27,116 --> 00:21:28,530
know that
we are not happy."
613
00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:30,945
Well, Brian,
I couldn't agree more.
614
00:21:31,193 --> 00:21:34,543
Our asshole president is a fat,
smelly, douchebag milkshake--
615
00:21:34,578 --> 00:21:36,718
I'm doing the best
I can!
616
00:21:37,241 --> 00:21:38,676
[crying]
617
00:21:38,878 --> 00:21:42,157
Transcript: LeapinLar
[OpenSubtitles.org]
618
00:21:42,158 --> 00:21:45,437
Sync and Edits: VeRdiKT
[Subscene.com / Addic7ed.com]