1 00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:16,580 I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time 2 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:19,659 Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation 3 00:00:19,747 --> 00:00:22,978 Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind 4 00:00:23,067 --> 00:00:26,298 Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour" 5 00:00:26,387 --> 00:00:29,584 Heading on up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind 6 00:00:29,667 --> 00:00:32,022 Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy Timmy, Timmy 7 00:00:32,107 --> 00:00:33,096 Living a lie, Timmy! 8 00:00:33,187 --> 00:00:36,657 Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine 9 00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:43,424 Oh, hello there, kids! Welcome to Lolly's Candy Shop! 10 00:00:43,507 --> 00:00:45,657 We're the kids whose names you called on your commercial last night! 11 00:00:45,747 --> 00:00:48,056 - We're here to do the shopping spree! - Oh, that's great! 12 00:00:48,147 --> 00:00:49,865 You bet your fat clown ass it is! 13 00:00:49,947 --> 00:00:52,586 Okay! Well, I'll just need your ticket stub. 14 00:00:54,027 --> 00:00:55,062 Ticket stub? 15 00:00:55,147 --> 00:00:58,537 You know, when you entered the contest you got the other half of this ticket. 16 00:00:58,627 --> 00:01:01,300 - Oh... Who has the ticket stub? - It was such a long time ago! 17 00:01:01,387 --> 00:01:03,184 We don't really need the ticket stub, do we? 18 00:01:03,267 --> 00:01:05,542 Don't need the ticket stub? Are you high? 19 00:01:05,627 --> 00:01:07,345 How else do I know you're the winners? 20 00:01:07,427 --> 00:01:09,418 Because our names were called on the commercial last night! 21 00:01:09,507 --> 00:01:12,465 Sorry, boys, no ticket stub, no candy shopping spree. 22 00:01:12,547 --> 00:01:14,424 If you find it, you can come back, 23 00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:16,702 but you only have one week to claim the prize. 24 00:01:16,787 --> 00:01:20,097 That's called a ticking clock. Works great in the movies. 25 00:01:24,147 --> 00:01:25,421 God damn it! 26 00:01:25,507 --> 00:01:27,384 - We've got to find that ticket! - Which one of us took it? 27 00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:28,866 It was so long ago I can't remember! 28 00:01:28,947 --> 00:01:32,337 We've got to focus! We've got to focus and remember! 29 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:36,105 All right! There you go! Hold on to that ticket stub! 30 00:01:36,187 --> 00:01:37,984 You'll need it to claim your prize! 31 00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:40,262 Sign up for the five-minute shopping spree! 32 00:01:40,347 --> 00:01:42,258 You hold onto this, Cartman. I might lose it. 33 00:01:42,347 --> 00:01:45,100 No, I'll lose it for sure. You keep track of it, Kyle. 34 00:01:45,187 --> 00:01:46,302 Okay. 35 00:01:46,587 --> 00:01:48,384 No, I don't want that much responsibility. 36 00:01:48,467 --> 00:01:50,458 Here, you hold onto it, Kenny. 37 00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:55,821 Kenny! 38 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,384 - Yes? - Where's Kenny? 39 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:05,782 Boys... 40 00:02:05,867 --> 00:02:08,904 Kenny died last December. Don't you remember? 41 00:02:08,987 --> 00:02:11,785 We know he's dead! We mean, where is his body? 42 00:02:11,867 --> 00:02:13,698 His body? But why? 43 00:02:13,787 --> 00:02:15,345 Because he has the goddamn ticket for... 44 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,657 Look, we just really miss our friend, 45 00:02:17,747 --> 00:02:20,181 and we need to see his remains for closure. 46 00:02:20,267 --> 00:02:22,383 - Yeah, closure. - What the... is closure? 47 00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:24,776 Oh, all right, boys. Come on in. 48 00:02:25,707 --> 00:02:27,459 We haven't seen you boys for so long. 49 00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:30,107 We thought you'd forgotten all about him. 50 00:02:30,187 --> 00:02:32,860 Here he is, boys. Our dear little Kenny. 51 00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:36,583 You turned him into a teapot? 52 00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:39,739 No, that's an urn, boys. Kenny's inside it. 53 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,863 Your friends are here to see you, Kenny. 54 00:02:41,947 --> 00:02:44,586 They miss you an awful lot, like we all do. 55 00:02:45,827 --> 00:02:49,137 Thanks for coming by, boys. It means a lot to us. 56 00:02:49,747 --> 00:02:51,260 Oh, now, honey. 57 00:03:11,707 --> 00:03:15,063 - Did you get it? - Hold on, I'm checking for robot guards. 58 00:03:15,147 --> 00:03:16,785 There's not gonna be any robot guards, retard! 59 00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:18,380 Just get Kenny! 60 00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,216 All right! We made it! 61 00:03:28,307 --> 00:03:29,945 Kenny better have the ticket stub with him in there! 62 00:03:30,027 --> 00:03:31,824 Let him out, Cartman! 63 00:03:33,987 --> 00:03:35,136 Kenny? 64 00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:37,216 - Kenny? - Is he in there? 65 00:03:37,307 --> 00:03:38,706 I can't see. 66 00:03:41,427 --> 00:03:43,577 What the hell is this? Chocolate milk mix? 67 00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:46,261 - I knew Kenny couldn't fit in that teapot! - It was a trick! 68 00:03:46,347 --> 00:03:48,542 God damn it, this isn't even good chocolate milk mix! 69 00:03:48,627 --> 00:03:50,583 Kenny's parents must be laughing pretty hard about now. 70 00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:52,737 We were dumb enough to believe Kenny's body could be in a teapot! 71 00:03:52,827 --> 00:03:54,783 Why would they play such a cruel joke on us? 72 00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:57,301 Because they're poor, Kyle! Poor people don't have anything better to do 73 00:03:57,387 --> 00:03:59,343 than piss other people off. Don't you watch Springer? 74 00:03:59,427 --> 00:04:01,338 We just have to face it. We're not gonna get Kenny back, 75 00:04:01,427 --> 00:04:02,655 and we're not gonna have our shopping spree. 76 00:04:02,747 --> 00:04:05,864 - It's over! - God damn it! There has to be a way! 77 00:04:15,747 --> 00:04:17,021 Not bad. 78 00:04:30,627 --> 00:04:33,380 Hurry up, Kenny! You're gonna be late for school! 79 00:04:34,827 --> 00:04:38,615 I don't think that chocolate milk mix agreed with my stomach. 80 00:04:39,467 --> 00:04:41,378 - Cartman! Come on! - What? What? 81 00:04:41,467 --> 00:04:43,219 Jesus, you buttholes! It's 6:00 in the morning! 82 00:04:43,307 --> 00:04:45,901 Kyle figured out a way to get our winning ticket stub back from Kenny! 83 00:04:45,987 --> 00:04:47,898 - How? - A ladder to heaven. 84 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,178 We build it, climb up and get our winning ticket back 85 00:04:50,267 --> 00:04:51,620 from that asshole, Kenny. 86 00:04:57,107 --> 00:04:58,938 Hey, if you boys are building a clubhouse, 87 00:04:59,027 --> 00:05:00,380 you should start with the floor. 88 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,617 We're not building a clubhouse. We're building a ladder to heaven. 89 00:05:02,707 --> 00:05:04,106 A ladder to heaven? 90 00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:07,224 - Why, Son? - Because we want to see Kenny again. 91 00:05:08,947 --> 00:05:10,062 Oh. 92 00:05:10,147 --> 00:05:11,466 Oh, that's so sweet. 93 00:05:11,547 --> 00:05:13,663 That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. 94 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:16,022 Hey, Randy, can I borrow your... 95 00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:17,616 What the hell are they doing? 96 00:05:17,707 --> 00:05:21,017 The boys want to see their dead friend, Kenny, again, Jimbo, so they're 97 00:05:21,107 --> 00:05:23,257 building a ladder to heaven. 98 00:05:23,987 --> 00:05:25,943 Kyle, I think you've bothered the Marshes enough. 99 00:05:26,027 --> 00:05:28,780 No, it's all right, Sheila. The boys were just 100 00:05:28,867 --> 00:05:31,506 building a ladder to heaven to see their old friend Kenny. 101 00:05:31,587 --> 00:05:33,782 A ladder to... Oh. 102 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,540 - Oh, gosh. - Oh, that's so touching. 103 00:05:41,427 --> 00:05:44,578 Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado, where last December, 104 00:05:44,667 --> 00:05:47,784 eight-year-old Kenny McCormick died of a terminal illness. 105 00:05:47,987 --> 00:05:50,137 But now, that little boy's three closest friends 106 00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:51,819 miss their friend so much 107 00:05:51,907 --> 00:05:55,502 that they are building a ladder to heaven, in order to... 108 00:05:56,227 --> 00:05:59,025 A ladder to heaven in order to try to see him again. 109 00:05:59,107 --> 00:06:01,462 It's so sad and yet so beautiful, Tom. 110 00:06:01,547 --> 00:06:03,105 Here's what some people had to say. 111 00:06:03,187 --> 00:06:06,145 Well, our son just said to us that he really needed to see 112 00:06:06,227 --> 00:06:08,787 his little friend, Kenny, again and... 113 00:06:09,627 --> 00:06:11,902 And that he thought it would work if he 114 00:06:11,987 --> 00:06:13,420 built a ladder to heaven! 115 00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:16,015 They just believe in their little hearts that it will work. 116 00:06:16,107 --> 00:06:18,257 We can't tell them it won't, we just can't! 117 00:06:18,347 --> 00:06:23,023 It shows how beautiful the innocence of a child really is. 118 00:06:26,707 --> 00:06:28,823 A ladder to heaven? That's... stupid. 119 00:06:28,907 --> 00:06:32,024 These boys symbolise how we all feel about loss. 120 00:06:32,107 --> 00:06:33,984 Who are we to tell them it's impossible? 121 00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:36,023 Tom, people from all over the... 122 00:06:36,107 --> 00:06:37,301 Sorry. 123 00:06:37,387 --> 00:06:39,662 People from all over the country are coming to see the ladder, 124 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,386 feeling a connection to its symbolism and beauty. 125 00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:44,901 Even country singer Alan Jackson has shown up 126 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,182 with a song he has written about the ladder. 127 00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:49,337 Alan Jackson is of course the man who wrote the song 128 00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:51,065 Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning 129 00:06:51,147 --> 00:06:53,024 about the tragedies on September 11th. 130 00:06:53,107 --> 00:06:56,099 And, now, he's here once again to capitalise on people's emotions. 131 00:06:56,187 --> 00:06:57,745 Let's listen in. 132 00:06:57,827 --> 00:07:02,378 Where were you when they built the ladder to heaven? 133 00:07:02,827 --> 00:07:08,185 Did it make you feel like crying Or did you think it was kinda gay? 134 00:07:08,587 --> 00:07:09,906 What a beautiful song. 135 00:07:09,987 --> 00:07:14,617 Well, I, for one, believe in the ladder to heaven 136 00:07:15,587 --> 00:07:20,103 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 9/11 137 00:07:21,187 --> 00:07:28,138 I said, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, nine, nine 138 00:07:28,307 --> 00:07:31,538 9/11 139 00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:38,420 Thank you! I have a new CD out with all my 9/11 songs 140 00:07:38,507 --> 00:07:39,986 for sale right here! 141 00:07:40,347 --> 00:07:41,860 - I want one! - I'll take one. 142 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,780 Oh, good, Cartman's back from the junkyard. 143 00:07:50,867 --> 00:07:53,176 I found this car seat in Mr. Garrison's car. 144 00:07:53,267 --> 00:07:54,859 Mr. Garrison threw away his car? 145 00:07:54,947 --> 00:07:56,016 No. 146 00:07:58,627 --> 00:08:01,824 Hurry up, Kenny! You're gonna be late for school! 147 00:08:02,467 --> 00:08:06,983 Kenny, do you by chance know what happened to my Playboys? 148 00:08:07,067 --> 00:08:08,580 Kenny! Answer me! 149 00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,305 Cartman? Cartman? 150 00:08:10,387 --> 00:08:11,422 What? What? 151 00:08:11,507 --> 00:08:12,781 Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? 152 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:16,462 I don't know. It's like my brain just keeps jacking off. 153 00:08:16,547 --> 00:08:18,026 - Maybe you've got brain cancer. - You think? 154 00:08:18,107 --> 00:08:19,426 Well, don't get cancer on the ladder, Cartman. 155 00:08:19,507 --> 00:08:20,656 You're gonna fall off and break it! 156 00:08:24,107 --> 00:08:26,496 The nation is rallying behind three sweet boys 157 00:08:26,587 --> 00:08:27,940 in Colorado who are building 158 00:08:28,027 --> 00:08:30,461 a ladder to heaven to be with their dead friend. 159 00:08:30,547 --> 00:08:33,141 It's making Americans start to believe in heaven again. 160 00:08:33,227 --> 00:08:35,741 Well, when I see how this ladder has brought people together, 161 00:08:35,827 --> 00:08:39,024 how it has changed America, I mean, how can I not believe? 162 00:08:39,107 --> 00:08:41,541 Do you actually believe in the ladder to heaven? 163 00:08:41,627 --> 00:08:45,905 If heaven is an eight-year-old boy, and the ladder is my penis, 164 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,136 and the pearly gates are the... 165 00:08:50,427 --> 00:08:53,260 Meanwhile, the American economy... 166 00:08:53,347 --> 00:08:54,826 Wait... Wait a minute. 167 00:08:54,907 --> 00:08:57,137 We are getting reports now that Japan is building 168 00:08:57,227 --> 00:08:59,787 their own ladder to heaven to compete with the US's. 169 00:08:59,867 --> 00:09:03,337 Let's go live to SNN Correspondent Nobu... 170 00:09:03,427 --> 00:09:07,466 This is Nobunaga Hiroitchi reporting live from Tokyo, 171 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,176 where Japan has started building its own ladder to heaven. 172 00:09:11,267 --> 00:09:14,577 Already the Japanese ladder extend far into space 173 00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:18,216 and is growing by 1,000 miles every day. 174 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,616 As the endeavour continues, it is becoming clear 175 00:09:20,707 --> 00:09:24,666 that Japan will reach heaven before the United States. 176 00:09:30,587 --> 00:09:32,305 Excuse me. 177 00:09:32,387 --> 00:09:33,820 Excuse me! 178 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,216 We ran out of stuff. 179 00:09:38,627 --> 00:09:41,221 We ran out of stuff to build the ladder with. 180 00:09:41,307 --> 00:09:43,901 - Oh, no. - Oh, Jesus, no. 181 00:09:43,987 --> 00:09:46,182 Where were you when they ran out of stuff 182 00:09:46,267 --> 00:09:48,906 To build the ladder to heaven? 183 00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:51,547 We can keep going, but we need to start tearing down houses for wood. 184 00:09:51,627 --> 00:09:54,983 No! Look, I think maybe this has gone far enough. 185 00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:58,104 Yeah. It's time we told the boys the truth, 186 00:09:58,187 --> 00:09:59,984 that they aren't really going to get to heaven. 187 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,819 Wait! Look! 188 00:10:04,627 --> 00:10:07,061 We've come to help you beat those Japs, boys! 189 00:10:07,147 --> 00:10:11,026 There won't be anyone stopping this great ladder from being built today! 190 00:10:13,227 --> 00:10:15,343 Alpha team! Get that support structure up! 191 00:10:15,427 --> 00:10:17,622 Surveillance team! Get us photos and recon! 192 00:10:17,707 --> 00:10:19,060 Yes, sir! 193 00:10:19,147 --> 00:10:23,777 Where were you when they saved that ladder to heaven? 194 00:10:23,867 --> 00:10:26,506 Man, I can't believe how much people want us to get our winning ticket back. 195 00:10:26,587 --> 00:10:29,260 Candy shopping sprees have that affect on people, Kyle. 196 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:42,020 - You see anything? - No. Hello? 197 00:10:43,147 --> 00:10:44,296 Kenny? 198 00:10:45,707 --> 00:10:46,776 God? 199 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,775 Grandma? 200 00:10:51,187 --> 00:10:53,621 Don't tell me we haven't even reached the cloud city yet! 201 00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:56,744 No cloud city. Not even the giant. Heaven must still be a long way off. 202 00:10:56,827 --> 00:10:58,818 All right, look, I didn't want to have to say this... 203 00:10:58,907 --> 00:11:00,545 But, I think, maybe, we're not seeing heaven 204 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,902 because one of us doesn't believe in it enough. 205 00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:05,777 Heaven could be like the pixy fairies of Bubble Yum Forest. 206 00:11:05,867 --> 00:11:07,698 You only see them if you really believe in them. 207 00:11:07,787 --> 00:11:09,106 - What? - You know, maybe 208 00:11:09,187 --> 00:11:11,018 we're not seeing heaven because one of us is a 209 00:11:11,107 --> 00:11:12,426 J- O-O. 210 00:11:13,787 --> 00:11:15,937 What does me being a Jew have to do with anything? 211 00:11:16,027 --> 00:11:17,460 Because Jews don't believe in heaven! 212 00:11:17,547 --> 00:11:19,777 Yes, we do! Just not a Christian heaven! 213 00:11:19,867 --> 00:11:22,506 Right, your idea of heaven is getting $5 off your matzo ball soup 214 00:11:22,587 --> 00:11:25,226 at Barney's Beanery by lying about a hair in it. 215 00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:29,702 - Hey, Kenny. - Hey, Kenny. 216 00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:32,858 In the ghetto, in the ghetto 217 00:11:32,947 --> 00:11:34,665 He's a boy wearing orange Who's losing his pride 218 00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:37,261 'Cause Kenny and his whole family Reside in the ghetto 219 00:11:37,347 --> 00:11:38,496 In the ghetto 220 00:11:40,107 --> 00:11:41,142 What did you say? 221 00:11:43,027 --> 00:11:44,062 What did you say? 222 00:11:44,147 --> 00:11:47,423 I said, shut up, Cartman, you blood-belching vagina! 223 00:11:49,387 --> 00:11:51,742 Did I just call myself a blood-belching vagina? 224 00:11:51,827 --> 00:11:53,226 Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? 225 00:11:53,307 --> 00:11:55,901 I don't know. I just... I keep feeling like I'm Kenny. 226 00:11:55,987 --> 00:11:57,978 Seeing memories through his eyes. 227 00:11:58,067 --> 00:11:59,898 You're too fat to be Kenny. 228 00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:02,820 - You're a stupid Jew. - Let's just keep building! 229 00:12:02,907 --> 00:12:04,784 We only have five more days until the shopping spree! 230 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,340 All right, how's the ladder going, General? 231 00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:10,224 - Are we beating the Japanese? - Not quite. 232 00:12:10,307 --> 00:12:12,423 But we have a new problem, Mr. President. 233 00:12:12,507 --> 00:12:14,498 Our recon team on the ladder just found 234 00:12:14,587 --> 00:12:17,465 new evidence of threats from Saddam Hussein. 235 00:12:18,027 --> 00:12:20,336 Saddam Hussein? But we killed him. 236 00:12:20,427 --> 00:12:22,895 - We secretly took him out months ago. - Yes, sir. 237 00:12:22,987 --> 00:12:26,775 And now we believe that he is building weapons of mass destruction 238 00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:28,186 in heaven. 239 00:12:28,627 --> 00:12:30,936 Dear Christ, that son of a bitch just doesn't stop! 240 00:12:31,027 --> 00:12:33,302 These surveillance photos were taken atop the ladder 241 00:12:33,387 --> 00:12:35,139 of what appears to be heaven. 242 00:12:35,227 --> 00:12:37,616 Here we see what we believe to be a missile silo. 243 00:12:37,707 --> 00:12:39,425 And, here, we see what looks like 244 00:12:39,507 --> 00:12:42,260 a laboratory of some sort for making chemical weapons. 245 00:12:42,347 --> 00:12:44,656 That kind of looks like a seagull. 246 00:12:44,747 --> 00:12:47,784 Yes, it could be a laboratory disguised as a seagull. 247 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:50,620 - That tricky bastard. - Sir, you must understand our fears. 248 00:12:50,707 --> 00:12:54,700 We must take out those facilities. We must bomb heaven. 249 00:12:56,227 --> 00:12:59,264 SNN question of the day, now that Americans believe in heaven, 250 00:12:59,347 --> 00:13:00,985 should we bomb it? The polls right now show 251 00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:03,820 that 51% of Americans think Saddam has to be dealt with, 252 00:13:03,907 --> 00:13:06,182 while 49% are wimpy, tree-hugging pussies. 253 00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:08,144 War is not my voice. 254 00:13:08,227 --> 00:13:11,458 This country is just run by rednecks and bumpkins with their guns! 255 00:13:11,587 --> 00:13:14,579 We have to take Saddam out to protect ourselves! 256 00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,464 I, for one, believe that if Saddam Hussein 257 00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:17,582 were an eight-year-old boy 258 00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:21,546 and my penis were the United States, then there would... 259 00:13:21,627 --> 00:13:22,901 Hard nipples! 260 00:13:22,987 --> 00:13:24,386 God damn it! 261 00:13:26,787 --> 00:13:29,460 Tom, it's been five days since three sweet boys 262 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:33,335 set out to build a ladder to heaven and captured the nation's hearts. 263 00:13:33,427 --> 00:13:36,146 They've made a nation believe heaven might be up there. 264 00:13:36,227 --> 00:13:39,025 And it could prove to be a threat to our country. 265 00:13:39,107 --> 00:13:41,985 President Bush will seek UN approval for military action. 266 00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:46,136 Boys, it's really neat that you want to see 267 00:13:46,227 --> 00:13:48,980 your old pal, Kenny, so much, but... 268 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:52,503 But it's time for you to get back to school and on with your lives. 269 00:13:52,587 --> 00:13:53,861 No, we have to see Kenny! 270 00:13:53,947 --> 00:13:57,417 You have to understand that Kenny's body isn't up in the clouds. 271 00:13:57,507 --> 00:13:58,656 He was cremated. 272 00:13:58,747 --> 00:13:59,782 Cremated? What's that? 273 00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:02,381 When you die, your body is put into a broiling oven 274 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:05,265 and cooked until you're nothing but ashes. 275 00:14:05,867 --> 00:14:07,266 What? For God's sakes, why? 276 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,939 Kyle, it's just what some people do. 277 00:14:09,027 --> 00:14:11,541 - Are you gonna burn me? - Kyle, that's not the issue right now. 278 00:14:11,627 --> 00:14:12,901 Jesus Christ! 279 00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:16,900 A person's ashes are put into an urn, and that's where Kenny's body is. 280 00:14:16,987 --> 00:14:19,296 You see, boys, Kenny is in here. 281 00:14:20,507 --> 00:14:21,906 What the... 282 00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:25,625 Wait a minute! This is kitty litter! 283 00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,258 All right, all right! I drank the chocolate milk mix 284 00:14:28,347 --> 00:14:30,338 and replaced it with kitty litter. 285 00:14:30,427 --> 00:14:31,462 You what? 286 00:14:31,547 --> 00:14:34,903 Dude! Don't you know what this means? You drank Kenny! 287 00:14:35,227 --> 00:14:36,262 Shut up! 288 00:14:36,347 --> 00:14:38,941 You did, dude! You drank his whole body! 289 00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:40,062 Shut up! 290 00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:44,538 Oh, my God! This is awful and disgusting! 291 00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:47,580 Bad, Eric! Bad! 292 00:14:48,947 --> 00:14:49,982 That explains it, 293 00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:52,023 why I'm having Kenny's memories all the time! 294 00:14:52,107 --> 00:14:54,940 - His soul is inside me! - Well, so much for our winning ticket! 295 00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:56,619 Cartman probably drank that with the rest of Kenny! 296 00:14:56,707 --> 00:14:58,698 Yeah, good job, fat ass! 297 00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:00,906 I can't live like this! 298 00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:04,696 I have to find a place where they remove living souls from your body! 299 00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:09,825 Looks like I've come to the right place. 300 00:15:09,907 --> 00:15:11,659 - Can I help you? - Yes, hello. 301 00:15:11,747 --> 00:15:14,898 I have a living thing inside of me that I need sucked out, please. 302 00:15:14,987 --> 00:15:16,306 You'll have to make an appointment. 303 00:15:16,387 --> 00:15:18,298 The charge is $230. 304 00:15:18,387 --> 00:15:19,786 $230? 305 00:15:19,867 --> 00:15:23,337 I just want you to vacuum him out of me and not put him up in a condominium! 306 00:15:23,427 --> 00:15:24,780 It's gonna be okay, babe. 307 00:15:24,867 --> 00:15:26,983 Listen, lady, you gotta get this crap out of me! 308 00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:30,059 I don't want him in me any more! Just suck him up and throw him out! 309 00:15:30,147 --> 00:15:33,822 Oh, Steven! I can't go through with this! I have to keep it! 310 00:15:34,787 --> 00:15:36,425 Damn it! Damn it! 311 00:15:38,027 --> 00:15:39,824 Thanks a lot, kid! 312 00:15:43,227 --> 00:15:44,740 Kenny! Kenny! 313 00:15:44,827 --> 00:15:47,546 Kenny, Lolly's Candyland is giving away a shopping spree! 314 00:15:47,627 --> 00:15:49,583 We're all gonna pitch in on an entry! 315 00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:53,740 All right! There you go! Hold on to that ticket stub! 316 00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:56,102 Hold onto this, Cartman, I might lose it. 317 00:15:56,187 --> 00:15:59,145 No, I'll lose it for sure. You keep track of it, Kyle. 318 00:15:59,227 --> 00:16:02,219 Okay. No, I don't want that much responsibility. 319 00:16:02,307 --> 00:16:03,820 Here, you hold onto it, Kenny. 320 00:16:06,787 --> 00:16:11,736 You better not lose that ticket, Kenny, or else I'll kick you in the nuts! 321 00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:21,700 The ticket! 322 00:16:21,787 --> 00:16:23,266 Kenny didn't have it on him when he died! 323 00:16:23,347 --> 00:16:25,144 He put it away somewhere! Don't you see? 324 00:16:25,227 --> 00:16:27,457 I can still have my candy shopping spree! 325 00:16:27,547 --> 00:16:30,186 Oh, my God! You guys! You guys! 326 00:16:32,227 --> 00:16:33,945 Ladies and gentlemen of the UN, 327 00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:36,177 we have evidence that Saddam Hussein is up there, 328 00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:38,656 building weapons of mass destruction. 329 00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:41,341 We have tried to communicate with Saddam through a psychic 330 00:16:41,427 --> 00:16:44,180 to ask him to let us see his warehouses in heaven, 331 00:16:44,267 --> 00:16:46,258 but he has not responded. 332 00:16:48,387 --> 00:16:50,742 Of course he has not responded, because he's dead! 333 00:16:50,867 --> 00:16:52,744 Right, dead, and in heaven. 334 00:16:52,827 --> 00:16:53,816 This is preposterous. 335 00:16:53,907 --> 00:16:55,818 Even if there was a heaven, what makes you think 336 00:16:55,907 --> 00:16:57,784 Saddam Hussein's soul would be sent there? 337 00:16:57,867 --> 00:17:00,506 Our intelligence tells us that when Saddam was originally killed, 338 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,578 his soul, actually, went to hell. 339 00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:05,625 But while in hell, he began a homosexual relationship with Satan, 340 00:17:05,707 --> 00:17:06,856 the Prince of Darkness. 341 00:17:06,947 --> 00:17:09,415 Satan, however, decided he didn't want to be with Hussein any more 342 00:17:09,507 --> 00:17:11,384 and broke up with him around August. 343 00:17:11,467 --> 00:17:14,220 When Saddam became jealous and tried to kill Satan's new lover, 344 00:17:14,307 --> 00:17:16,901 Chris, Satan had Saddam sent to heaven to live 345 00:17:16,987 --> 00:17:19,262 with Mormons as a punishment. 346 00:17:22,787 --> 00:17:24,106 Questions? 347 00:17:25,947 --> 00:17:26,982 Yes? 348 00:17:27,067 --> 00:17:29,740 Are you high or just incredibly stupid? 349 00:17:30,827 --> 00:17:33,022 I assure you, I am not high. 350 00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:39,457 You guys! You guys! I saw the ticket! 351 00:17:39,547 --> 00:17:42,061 - What do you mean, fat ass? - I just had another vision, you buttholes! 352 00:17:42,147 --> 00:17:44,422 Kenny didn't keep the ticket with him! He put it away somewhere! 353 00:17:44,507 --> 00:17:46,020 - Where? - I don't know! 354 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,825 I got konked in the head down at the abortion clinic, 355 00:17:47,907 --> 00:17:50,740 and I clearly saw Kenny putting the ticket in a little red box! 356 00:17:50,827 --> 00:17:52,340 I just have to wait for another vision to come. 357 00:17:52,427 --> 00:17:55,260 I could clearly see through Kenny's... 358 00:18:00,107 --> 00:18:01,745 You see anything? 359 00:18:01,907 --> 00:18:04,102 Yes, Kyle. I see a dead Jew! 360 00:18:04,187 --> 00:18:06,621 Maybe Kyle's right, we gotta spark the visions somehow. 361 00:18:06,707 --> 00:18:08,345 Not by giving me brain damage! 362 00:18:08,427 --> 00:18:11,225 Do you want a candy shopping spree or not? 363 00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:14,659 All right, go ahead. 364 00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,102 No. 365 00:18:18,467 --> 00:18:21,027 Randy! Gerald! We were wrong about heaven! 366 00:18:21,107 --> 00:18:23,382 The Japanese just reached it with their ladder! 367 00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:24,582 What? 368 00:18:24,947 --> 00:18:26,141 See for yourself! 369 00:18:26,227 --> 00:18:29,105 This is Nobunaga Hiroitchi reporting live 370 00:18:29,187 --> 00:18:30,700 from heaven. 371 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,257 The great nation of Japan reached heaven 372 00:18:33,347 --> 00:18:35,907 today about 8:00 Pacific Standard Time. 373 00:18:38,467 --> 00:18:41,823 Therefore, heaven is now declared an official part of Japan. 374 00:18:41,907 --> 00:18:43,465 Because we got here first. 375 00:18:43,547 --> 00:18:47,426 And, now, for the weather in heaven, let's go to Natsuko Sen. 376 00:18:47,507 --> 00:18:50,738 Today weather in heaven, partly cloudy. 377 00:18:51,627 --> 00:18:53,822 That's the news from heaven. 378 00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:02,059 Oh, God! And we told our boys they'd never reach heaven! 379 00:19:02,147 --> 00:19:03,262 Kids! 380 00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,578 Good. As soon as the boys finish their ladder, 381 00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:10,225 we'll be ready to take Saddam out. 382 00:19:10,307 --> 00:19:12,696 Do you really think this is a good idea, Randy? 383 00:19:12,787 --> 00:19:16,063 If Saddam is building weapons, we have to stop him. 384 00:19:16,147 --> 00:19:17,296 With our weapons. 385 00:19:17,387 --> 00:19:20,060 Excuse me, everyone! We're not working on the ladder any more. 386 00:19:20,147 --> 00:19:22,058 Thank you. We're done! 387 00:19:23,307 --> 00:19:25,582 - They're... - Not working on the ladder? 388 00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:27,623 But the Japanese won't let us use theirs! 389 00:19:27,707 --> 00:19:29,857 Kenny didn't have the ticket stub. It was in his room. 390 00:19:29,947 --> 00:19:32,541 So we got all our candy and you can all go home! 391 00:19:32,627 --> 00:19:35,016 Wait. Are you saying that you boys only wanted 392 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:38,736 to build a ladder to heaven so you could get some candy? 393 00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:42,426 I've never heard the words "only" and "candy" in the same sentence before. 394 00:19:42,507 --> 00:19:44,065 But what about your lost friend? 395 00:19:44,147 --> 00:19:47,378 What about your fragile innocence in believing we could all get to heaven? 396 00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:49,856 Yeah, well, people make us kids believe that heaven is this white place 397 00:19:49,947 --> 00:19:51,266 with fluffy clouds and angels. 398 00:19:51,347 --> 00:19:54,305 Yeah, but now we think maybe heaven isn't a place you can get to. 399 00:19:54,387 --> 00:19:56,059 Maybe heaven is just an idea, 400 00:19:56,147 --> 00:19:58,615 a frame of mind, or something gay like that. 401 00:19:58,707 --> 00:20:01,301 Maybe heaven is this moment, right now. 402 00:20:02,787 --> 00:20:05,859 So, you're saying we should bomb this moment, right now? 403 00:20:05,947 --> 00:20:06,982 - Right! Johnston! - Sir! 404 00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:09,501 No! No, we shouldn't bomb anybody. 405 00:20:09,827 --> 00:20:10,862 These boys are right. 406 00:20:10,947 --> 00:20:14,223 The only heaven we can hope for is one here on Earth, now. 407 00:20:14,307 --> 00:20:16,457 We should stop waiting to get into heaven 408 00:20:16,547 --> 00:20:18,538 and start trying to create it. 409 00:20:24,467 --> 00:20:27,345 And I was dumb enough to believe Saddam could actually be up there 410 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:28,621 building bombs! 411 00:20:28,707 --> 00:20:31,062 Where were you when they decided heaven 412 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,217 Was a more intangible idea 413 00:20:33,307 --> 00:20:36,105 And couldn't You couldn't really get there? 414 00:20:36,827 --> 00:20:40,376 You little bastards ruined my latest song! 415 00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:43,539 Well, I'm sure glad this is all over with. Let's go count our candy! 416 00:20:43,627 --> 00:20:46,095 Yeah, but what about Kenny? His soul is still in Cartman's body. 417 00:20:46,187 --> 00:20:47,939 No, no. I just drank his memories. 418 00:20:48,027 --> 00:20:50,018 I'm not sharing my body with that poor piece of crap. 419 00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:52,541 Stop calling me poor, you fat dick! 420 00:20:53,147 --> 00:20:55,615 - Oh, Jesus Christ. - Kenny, you in there? 421 00:20:55,707 --> 00:20:57,777 Stop it! Where am I, you guys? Oh, God! 422 00:20:57,867 --> 00:21:00,540 - Dude! Come back here! - Stop him, Kenny! 423 00:21:05,627 --> 00:21:07,902 Keep those nitrogen capsules over there by the warheads. 424 00:21:07,987 --> 00:21:10,023 Right! Chop, chop! Come on! 425 00:21:10,307 --> 00:21:11,456 Saddam. 426 00:21:11,547 --> 00:21:13,219 I've been hearing rumours that you're 427 00:21:13,307 --> 00:21:16,219 secretly building weapons of mass destruction up here. 428 00:21:16,307 --> 00:21:18,218 Weapons of mass destruction? 429 00:21:18,307 --> 00:21:21,777 No! This is a chocolate chip factory. See? 430 00:21:22,027 --> 00:21:24,746 It looks like a chemical weapons plant. 431 00:21:24,827 --> 00:21:28,536 Look, God, if I was gonna secretly build a chemical weapons plant, 432 00:21:28,627 --> 00:21:31,221 I wouldn't make it look like a chemical weapons plant, would I? 433 00:21:31,307 --> 00:21:35,061 I'd make it look like a chocolate chip factory or something. 434 00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:37,618 All right, just checking. 435 00:21:39,187 --> 00:21:40,700 Stupid asshole.