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♪ I'm goin' down to South
Park, gonna have myself a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪

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♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪

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Hello, everyone, and welcome back.

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We are live at South
Park Elementary school,

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where the local girls volleyball team

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is about to take on
the Jefferson Sabers.

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And, Jim, it is a packed.

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Sell-out crowd tonight... The
first time in team history.

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Everyone turning out to
see what's gonna happen.

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That's right, Mike. All eyes tonight are
of course on 4th grader Nichole Daniels.

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Will she sit or stand
for the national anthem?

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This week, with athletes
all over the country

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sitting down for the national anthem,

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the question on everyone's mind is,

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what is this little girl gonna do?

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She's not gonna sit down. Why would she?

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Screw that. I got a hundred
bucks riding on this.

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Come on, Nichole! Sit it out!

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Now please rise for the national anthem.

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This is it!

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The national anthem starts.

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Nichole Daniels seems to be waiting.

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So far, no sign of... Oh, and
Heidi Turner is sitting down!

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Mike, this is totally unexpected.

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All eyes were on
Nichole when Heidi Turner

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comes out of nowhere
and sits down for...

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And there goes Meagan Ridley!

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The crowd is going wild.
What a turn of events.

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Let's check in with Dave.

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Ed and Mike, I've just looked
at the girls' Twitter accounts,

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and it appears they are
sitting out the national anthem

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to protest all the harassment and
trolling they receive on the Internet!

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Complete surprise, Dave.
Nobody saw this coming.

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Three girls now sitting down, and...

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And finally there goes Nichole.

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- Wow!
- Yeah, 100 bucks!

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And now as the anthem draws
to a close, this thing is over.

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The final result...
Four athletes sitting out

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on the national anthem,
three of them not even black.

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A shocker here in South Park.

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Thanks for joining us.

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Oh, my God, that was great!

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Uh, play ball.

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All right, ladies, first
of all, I want to say

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that I completely respect your
decision to protest our national anthem.

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I thought it was sweet.

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I believe you shed some light
on some very important issues

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regarding gender equality.

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What are you doing about Eric Cartman?

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Ladies, I understand you're upset about

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the trolling you've
received on the Internet.

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But there is no evidence that
Eric Cartman is skankhunt42.

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It is him. It's completely obvious,

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and nobody's doing anything about it.

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Well, he claims that he's been working

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at changing himself and
the world around him.

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Send in Mr. Cartman.

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You wanted to see me, PC Principal?

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Mr. Cartman, I'm gonna
ask you one more time.

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Are you or are you not the
Internet troll skankhunt42?

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It's skank-hunt42, and no, I am not.

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He's lying. Make him show you his phone.

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Unfortunately, that'd be a
breach of my civil rights.

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But I can assure you, nobody respected

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you girls' poignant
protests more than I did.

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Fellow Senators, our nation
is divided like never before.

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While people everywhere fight
for their voices to be heard,

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perhaps it is time for us to consider

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that our national anthem
needs to be changed.

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Americans need an anthem
that inspires and excites,

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an anthem that has
something for everyone,

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while still paying tribute
to what it once was.

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I believe there's
only one person capable

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of achieving this...

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J.J. Abrams.

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Oh, J.J. Abrams!

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He saved "Star Wars,"

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and now we will ask
him to save our country.

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Mr. Abrams?

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Mr. Abrams, we need to speak with you.

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Look there.

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Mr. Abrams, I speak on behalf
of Americans everywhere.

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We've come to ask you to
reboot the national anthem.

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Please, Mr. Abrams,

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we know you've been
asked to reboot a lot.

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We know you're tired.

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We know you're tired.

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What do you say, sir?

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We all want something new,

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but that makes us remember
the things we loved.

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We want to member.

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We need your memberberries!

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One light means yes.

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Two lights means no.

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Fellow students, as you
know, an Internet troll

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by the name of skankhunt42 has
been harassing women and girls

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by making degrading comments
on our school message board.

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The girls are very upset,
and many male students believe

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that it's just because girls
don't have a sense of humor.

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I beg to disagree.

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Girls rule. Women are
funny. Get over it.

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Just the other day in the hallway,

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I heard two male students saying how
the new "Ghostbusters" sucked balls.

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I was shocked and appalled.

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It is time for us all
to realize and accept

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that girls are cool and women are funny.

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Wendy? Wendy, could you
come up here, please?

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Come on up, Wendy.
Wendy Testaburger, guys.

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Wendy, go ahead. Be funny.

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Say something funny,
Wendy. We can't wait.

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I'm not funny.

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Hey, girls are funny
Wendy, okay? Get over it.

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Just do women's comedy
stuff... You know, talk about

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how fat you are and how you
want to have sex with guys

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and then say "my vagina!" a lot.

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I don't feel like being funny right now.

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And that's just the kind of sexist bull
crap that's gonna keep you in the kitchen.

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Sit your ass down.

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This isn't a joke, you
guys. Girls are funny.

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Bebe, why don't you come up here.

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Come on, Bebe.

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No!

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No?

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Come on, talk about having sex with guys
and say "vagina!" and stuff like that.

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Go ahead.

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Girls rule. Women are funny.
Bebe, get over yourself, seriously.

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Get the mic out of my face!

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Huh. Oh, my God, that
wasn't really all that funny.

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That's weird. Um...

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Let's see. Red, you got
any zingers for the crowd?

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No? How about you, Nelly?

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Yeah, I got one. You're a fat fuck.

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'Kay, that wasn't really
funny. It was just angry.

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You see, what the problem is,
is that when a little troll

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is allowed to say anything
he wants anonymously,

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then he speaks for all you boys.

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'Kay, that's good. Now, just try
and say it a little bit funnier now.

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Go ahead and get on
our school message board

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and see what he's saying about us.

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Then see if you guys think it's funny.

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Okay, and then... and then...
And then just go "my vagina!"

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And as our country seems
to be more and more divided,

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the only hope is that J.J.
Abrams' new national anthem

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will appeal to everyone and bring back

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those nostalgic memberberries
we know and love.

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Oh, great.

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Everything's getting a reboot now.

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Hello, sir. I'm with the Gallup poll.

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We're trying to get a read on how people

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will be voting in the
upcoming presidential election.

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Oh. Oh, okay.

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Great. And will you be
voting for the Giant Douche

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or the Turd Sandwich?

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Well, this is usually a
Giant Douche household,

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but we are going firmly
with the Turd Sandwich.

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- Oh, the Turd Sandwich, huh?
- That's right.

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You can put my wife and I
both down for Turd Sandwich.

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Well, good luck with that.

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So far, Giant Douche
is leading in the polls.

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What?

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What the hell is wrong with people?

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They really think that a Giant Douche
should be president? It's insane!

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Why'd you say I'd be voting
for the Turd Sandwich, Randy?

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You haven't even talked to me about it.

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You can't possibly be thinking
about voting for the douche.

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What's wrong with you?

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I just don't understand
why every four years,

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you people freak out over whether to vote
for a Giant Douche or a Turd Sandwich.

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Because we're Americans.

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'Cause this is America.

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Why are we doing this again?

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Why are we back to Giant
Douche and Turd Sandwich?

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Cynical...

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Cynical man!

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You just think everything
and everyone is dumb, huh?

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- 'Cause you're a
kneel-ist? - It's ni-hi-list.

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See? You're such a nihilist.

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The newest Gallup poll results are in,

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and they show Giant Douche
to be leading Turd Sandwich

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by nearly 10%.

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Turd sandwich has said
there is no need to panic.

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Polls are of course a useful tool,

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but they can often be misleading.

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Our campaign is holding strong.

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- Mrs. Sandwich, over here!
- Uh, Mrs. Sandwich.

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00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:10,789
- Mrs. Sandwich!
- Question, Mrs. Sandwich!

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Yes, Arthur.

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Well, Mrs. Sandwich, do you believe

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00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:16,295
that your opponent will gain
any momentum from this poll?

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00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:19,165
I'm sure that like me,
Giant Douche realizes

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00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,884
that polls are never the final answer.

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♪ Sell to me, baby ♪

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Yeah!

201
00:08:26,007 --> 00:08:28,307
Suck that poll, you dumb bitch!

202
00:08:28,392 --> 00:08:31,977
Up 10%. Can you believe that shit?

203
00:08:32,063 --> 00:08:35,848
Oh, Caitlyn, I think we're
really gonna win this thing.

204
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:36,932
Think about it.

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00:08:37,018 --> 00:08:38,184
In a couple of months,

206
00:08:38,269 --> 00:08:42,021
I will be president
of the United States.

207
00:08:47,195 --> 00:08:49,495
Caitlyn, can I ask you something?

208
00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:52,531
Uh, when we actually
get into the White House,

209
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,583
like, um, what are we gonna do?

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00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:55,903
What do you mean?

211
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,308
Well I mean, like, you know, once
we're president and vice president,

212
00:08:58,343 --> 00:08:59,863
like, what do we do then?

213
00:08:59,898 --> 00:09:01,724
How the fuck should I know?

214
00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:03,276
Cait, you... you heard
about the poll, right?

215
00:09:03,361 --> 00:09:04,360
We're probably gonna win.

216
00:09:04,479 --> 00:09:06,312
Don't tell me you don't have a plan!

217
00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:07,980
What plan? I thought you had a plan!

218
00:09:08,116 --> 00:09:09,899
I don't have any fucking plan!

219
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,317
That's why I have you!

220
00:09:11,402 --> 00:09:13,736
I'm gonna be the president,
and you're gonna be in charge

221
00:09:13,822 --> 00:09:15,906
of all foreign and domestic policies!

222
00:09:15,941 --> 00:09:17,957
I thought you were gonna do that part.

223
00:09:18,042 --> 00:09:20,960
Are you telling me that we're
about to be voted into office,

224
00:09:21,045 --> 00:09:23,713
and we have no idea what
the fuck we're gonna do?!

225
00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:27,667
Oh, geez!

226
00:09:29,504 --> 00:09:30,803
I think they called it

227
00:09:30,889 --> 00:09:32,972
"German collective guilt," right?

228
00:09:33,057 --> 00:09:35,258
Where even the Germans
who just did nothing

229
00:09:35,343 --> 00:09:39,374
while Hitler rose to power were...
were maybe somehow also responsible?

230
00:09:39,409 --> 00:09:41,480
Mm-hmm. M'kay. M'kay.

231
00:09:41,566 --> 00:09:43,316
But I can't control what Cartman does,

232
00:09:43,401 --> 00:09:45,518
so why should I feel shame
for what Cartman does?

233
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,187
Well, J.J. Abrams is rebooting
the national anthem, Kyle,

234
00:09:48,323 --> 00:09:50,022
so everything's gonna be fine, m'kay?

235
00:09:50,158 --> 00:09:52,806
I don't think the answer to
all this is memberberries.

236
00:09:52,841 --> 00:09:56,112
You don't like mem... memberberries?

237
00:09:56,197 --> 00:09:59,165
Never mind. I'm just
gonna stay out of it.

238
00:10:05,874 --> 00:10:08,124
'Member Chewbacca?

239
00:10:08,209 --> 00:10:11,210
Yeah, a-a-and
'member AT-ATs?

240
00:10:11,296 --> 00:10:12,511
'Member?

241
00:10:12,597 --> 00:10:13,379
Hey, hey!

242
00:10:13,464 --> 00:10:14,964
'Member "Ghostbusters"?

243
00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:16,465
Oh, I 'member.

244
00:10:16,551 --> 00:10:18,184
'Member Slimer?

245
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:20,970
- Oh, I loved Slimer.
- 'Member?!

246
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,723
How could someone think
these things are bad?

247
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:26,560
- 'Member Storm Troopers?
- 'Member?

248
00:10:28,489 --> 00:10:30,322
The Commander In Chief Forum,

249
00:10:30,407 --> 00:10:32,791
with a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich.

250
00:10:34,078 --> 00:10:35,961
Back now with the
Commander In Chief Forum.

251
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,247
I am joined by the Republican
nominee... a Giant Douche.

252
00:10:39,383 --> 00:10:40,415
Thanks, Matt.

253
00:10:40,501 --> 00:10:42,417
Mr. Douche, some say
you don't actually have

254
00:10:42,503 --> 00:10:45,771
a viable plan in place if you
were to be elected president.

255
00:10:45,873 --> 00:10:48,273
Oh, well, well, who said that?

256
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:49,875
The Turd Sandwich?

257
00:10:49,977 --> 00:10:51,977
In your campaign, you said that you will

258
00:10:52,096 --> 00:10:54,429
deal with our country's
immigrants and enemies

259
00:10:54,515 --> 00:10:57,599
by personally "Fucking
them all to death."

260
00:10:57,684 --> 00:11:00,268
How do you plan to
actually achieve that?

261
00:11:00,404 --> 00:11:04,272
Well, Matt, I don't think I said
I would fuck them all to death.

262
00:11:04,408 --> 00:11:05,774
Okay, well, let's roll the tape on that.

263
00:11:05,859 --> 00:11:07,033
Oh, sure, okay.

264
00:11:07,174 --> 00:11:09,161
Well, there's only
one immigration policy

265
00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:11,413
that I believe in, and
that's fuck them all to death!

266
00:11:11,498 --> 00:11:13,801
Fuck them all to death. Let's
make this country great again.

267
00:11:13,968 --> 00:11:15,584
Fuck them all to death!

268
00:11:15,719 --> 00:11:17,920
And then I'm gonna take all
the drug pushers in our country,

269
00:11:18,055 --> 00:11:19,421
and I'm gonna fuck them!

270
00:11:19,506 --> 00:11:21,941
And you know those people in
Syria? I'm gonna fuck them.

271
00:11:21,999 --> 00:11:24,476
That's why I will make sure
that every terrorist on Earth

272
00:11:24,595 --> 00:11:26,728
is fucking dead!

273
00:11:26,814 --> 00:11:29,514
The leaders of North
Korea, I'll fuck them all!

274
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,350
Yeah! Yeah!

275
00:11:31,435 --> 00:11:33,735
Criminals in our jails... Fucking dead!

276
00:11:33,821 --> 00:11:35,020
A day after...

277
00:11:35,105 --> 00:11:36,939
Yeah! Those ads that
are trying to kill us?

278
00:11:37,024 --> 00:11:39,107
I'll fuck anyone in the
advertising business,

279
00:11:39,193 --> 00:11:42,327
and they'll all die, too!

280
00:11:42,446 --> 00:11:45,664
So, by our estimates, it's
roughly 7.6 million people

281
00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:48,667
you have promised to fuck to
death in your first year of office.

282
00:11:48,786 --> 00:11:50,168
Uh-huh. Okay.

283
00:11:50,287 --> 00:11:52,287
And... And you think that's achievable?

284
00:11:52,373 --> 00:11:54,756
I do. I do, Matt. Uh, I mean...

285
00:11:54,842 --> 00:11:57,092
I'm not gonna just
get elected, you know,

286
00:11:57,177 --> 00:11:58,877
and... and look like a jackass.

287
00:11:59,930 --> 00:12:03,432
Oh, geez...

288
00:12:03,517 --> 00:12:04,633
All right, kids.

289
00:12:04,768 --> 00:12:07,019
Today, we have a very special treat.

290
00:12:07,137 --> 00:12:09,021
One of the older students has written

291
00:12:09,139 --> 00:12:12,975
an original children's story
and is gonna read it to you.

292
00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:14,559
Come on over, Eric.

293
00:12:14,645 --> 00:12:16,061
Hi, guys!

294
00:12:16,146 --> 00:12:17,729
Are you all ready to hear a story?

295
00:12:17,815 --> 00:12:18,864
- Yeah.
- Yeah!

296
00:12:18,983 --> 00:12:22,034
This was a book I created
all with my imagination.

297
00:12:22,152 --> 00:12:25,037
It's called "Little Red Riding Kyle:

298
00:12:25,155 --> 00:12:27,656
the Story of a Little
Gay Boy and His Adventure

299
00:12:27,741 --> 00:12:29,825
with Four Hilarious Women."

300
00:12:29,910 --> 00:12:33,545
"One day, Little Red Riding Kyle
was walking through the forest,

301
00:12:33,664 --> 00:12:34,913
thinking about guys.

302
00:12:34,999 --> 00:12:37,215
He was on his way to visit his grandma,

303
00:12:37,334 --> 00:12:39,418
who was a little black boy named Token.

304
00:12:39,503 --> 00:12:40,752
Get over it.

305
00:12:40,838 --> 00:12:43,588
But, then, a big, bad wolf,
who was a hilarious woman

306
00:12:43,674 --> 00:12:45,557
named Janet, walked
into the house and said,

307
00:12:45,676 --> 00:12:47,342
'I have a large vagina!'

308
00:12:47,428 --> 00:12:48,477
and traded place...

309
00:12:50,681 --> 00:12:52,597
What the hell are you doing?!

310
00:12:52,683 --> 00:12:55,868
Rebooting fairy tales to try and ease
the friction caused by Internet trolls.

311
00:12:55,903 --> 00:12:58,103
You really think you're fooling
anyone with this fake persona?

312
00:12:58,188 --> 00:12:59,688
Everyone knows you're
acting this way by day

313
00:12:59,823 --> 00:13:01,907
so you can be horrible to
people on the Internet at night!

314
00:13:02,026 --> 00:13:03,525
Why would I do that, Kyle?

315
00:13:03,661 --> 00:13:06,161
I don't really care! Just
don't drag me into it!

316
00:13:10,617 --> 00:13:12,918
What is wrong with people, huh?

317
00:13:13,037 --> 00:13:15,170
How can they vote
against a Turd Sandwich

318
00:13:15,255 --> 00:13:16,505
more than a Giant Douche?!

319
00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:17,956
It's senseless!

320
00:13:18,042 --> 00:13:19,675
Randy, you got to calm down.

321
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,044
How can anyone be calm
in a time like this?!

322
00:13:22,179 --> 00:13:25,047
People actually think a
turd is worse than a douche!

323
00:13:25,182 --> 00:13:27,049
Look, maybe you need some supplements

324
00:13:27,184 --> 00:13:28,850
to help calm your nerves.

325
00:13:28,936 --> 00:13:31,103
Have you heard of memberberries?

326
00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:32,688
Memberberries?

327
00:13:32,773 --> 00:13:36,525
It's a new super fruit that
helps you mellow out and relax.

328
00:13:41,982 --> 00:13:43,482
'Member "The Fugitive"?

329
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:46,234
- 'Member "Bambi"?
- 'Member "Alien Nation"?

330
00:13:47,438 --> 00:13:50,989
The guys at work told me about them.
Been taking them about six months now.

331
00:13:51,075 --> 00:13:52,991
I'm telling you, they
really take the edge off.

332
00:13:53,077 --> 00:13:56,244
- 'Member explorers?
- The little kids in a spaceship?

333
00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:58,630
- 'Member Stormtroopers?
- 'Member?

334
00:13:58,749 --> 00:14:00,465
Oh, they're adorable.

335
00:14:00,584 --> 00:14:03,585
'Member the Millennium Falcon?

336
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:06,088
Come on, people, I need answers!

337
00:14:06,173 --> 00:14:08,056
Real solutions!

338
00:14:08,142 --> 00:14:11,143
You're my advisers, for Christ's
sake! How do we do this?!

339
00:14:11,261 --> 00:14:14,813
Maybe if you swam in a pool in Florida,

340
00:14:14,932 --> 00:14:17,315
you could contract the Zika virus.

341
00:14:17,434 --> 00:14:19,151
Then, you fuck all the people you can

342
00:14:19,269 --> 00:14:20,652
and hope they eventually die.

343
00:14:20,771 --> 00:14:22,904
That would take way too long!

344
00:14:22,990 --> 00:14:26,441
And there's no guarantee
every pool in Florida has Zika!

345
00:14:26,527 --> 00:14:27,826
Could you use nuclear weapons,

346
00:14:27,945 --> 00:14:29,945
then fuck all the bodies after the fact?

347
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:33,331
What the hell do I do?

348
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:36,952
If I win, I won't be able
to do what I promised.

349
00:14:37,037 --> 00:14:39,788
But every day, I keep
going up in the polls.

350
00:14:39,923 --> 00:14:44,292
Why did the Democrats have
to elect such a Turd Sandwich?

351
00:14:44,428 --> 00:14:47,379
Maybe you should just quit.

352
00:14:47,464 --> 00:14:50,882
If I quit, I look like a total jackass.

353
00:14:50,968 --> 00:14:53,101
If I win the election...

354
00:14:53,187 --> 00:14:55,971
I look like a total jackass.

355
00:14:56,056 --> 00:14:58,140
I have to keep running,

356
00:14:58,275 --> 00:15:02,277
but I have to make sure she wins.

357
00:15:04,865 --> 00:15:08,650
You guys see what skankhunt42
did on the school server now?

358
00:15:08,786 --> 00:15:10,819
He Photoshopped a picture
of Heidi Turner's mom

359
00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:11,953
with a dick in her mouth!

360
00:15:12,039 --> 00:15:13,371
I want to see.

361
00:15:13,490 --> 00:15:15,407
Look! There's Wendy's mom
with a dick in her mouth, too?!

362
00:15:16,326 --> 00:15:17,626
God damn it!

363
00:15:17,711 --> 00:15:19,461
Do you guys even care how
this makes the girls feel?

364
00:15:19,546 --> 00:15:21,663
- We didn't do it.
- We all know who did.

365
00:15:21,748 --> 00:15:24,800
And if we don't do something, then the
girls will eventually retaliate against us.

366
00:15:24,885 --> 00:15:27,302
Help! Help me!

367
00:15:28,555 --> 00:15:30,172
Eric, what happened?!

368
00:15:30,307 --> 00:15:33,008
A bunch of the girls...
They cornered me in the gym!

369
00:15:33,093 --> 00:15:35,060
They said all boys needed to pay!

370
00:15:35,179 --> 00:15:37,012
They kicked me, and they hit me,

371
00:15:37,147 --> 00:15:40,182
and then they held me down and
drew this vagina on my face!

372
00:15:40,267 --> 00:15:43,435
They said it was to send a message!

373
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:44,986
That's a vagina?

374
00:15:45,072 --> 00:15:47,489
Yeah, see? Here's the top of the
vagina, and there's the balls.

375
00:15:47,574 --> 00:15:49,774
It's starting, you guys!
None of us are safe anymore!

376
00:15:49,860 --> 00:15:52,194
I didn't know vaginas had balls.

377
00:15:52,329 --> 00:15:53,361
Yeah, no, they do.

378
00:15:53,497 --> 00:15:55,497
Vaginas totally have balls, right?

379
00:15:55,582 --> 00:15:57,866
You're just trying to
start a war, aren't you?

380
00:15:58,001 --> 00:15:59,084
What do you mean?

381
00:15:59,203 --> 00:16:01,286
If vaginas don't have
balls, what do they have?

382
00:16:01,371 --> 00:16:02,671
It's not gonna work, Cartman!

383
00:16:02,756 --> 00:16:05,333
I'm not gonna let you divide boys
and girls in this school anymore!

384
00:16:05,392 --> 00:16:07,042
When this whole thing comes to a head,

385
00:16:07,127 --> 00:16:09,544
you're gonna be all on your own.

386
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:17,642
Hello, sir. How are you today?

387
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,894
I'm calling from the
campaign for president,

388
00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:22,146
just seeing if, uh,
I can get your support

389
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:24,716
for Hillary Clinton today?

390
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,535
Yes, I know she's a Turd
Sandwich, but, you know,

391
00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:29,320
if... if you look past
that, you know, she...

392
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:32,307
She really has a lot to offer.

393
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:34,659
Well, I hear you, but, you
know, sometimes in life,

394
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,544
you just got to suck a turd, you know?

395
00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:38,546
Hello?

396
00:16:38,632 --> 00:16:41,173
Damn it! This is impossible!

397
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:43,084
Are you having any success, Caitlyn?

398
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,003
I've tried to get people on board,

399
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,088
but she's just such a Turd Sandwich.

400
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,340
You're just gonna have
to do something awful

401
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,508
to throw the election.

402
00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:52,393
Every time I do something awful,

403
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,345
people just get more stoked on me!

404
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,731
It's impossible to
piss people off anymore!

405
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:57,932
This is breaking news!

406
00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,567
The moment has arrived.

407
00:16:59,653 --> 00:17:00,902
It is here.

408
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:04,155
J.J. Abrams says he has
finished the new national anthem.

409
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,273
Turn it up.

410
00:17:05,408 --> 00:17:07,609
The anthem is sure to
be fresh and exciting,

411
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:10,612
while recapturing the
moments we all knew and loved.

412
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,614
Democratic nominee Turd Sandwich says

413
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,949
she will be in attendance
to show her support

414
00:17:15,085 --> 00:17:16,251
for the rebooted anthem.

415
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,002
Oh, geez.

416
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:21,289
Let's all hope that this new
anthem puts our differences aside

417
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:25,093
and unites this nation once again.

418
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,544
That's it, Cait.

419
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:29,013
That's what I have to do.

420
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,965
I'm gonna sit out the national anthem

421
00:17:31,101 --> 00:17:32,634
on live television.

422
00:17:32,769 --> 00:17:36,888
Then everyone will have to
vote for that Turd Sandwich.

423
00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:39,223
'Member Spock?

424
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,059
Yeah! 'Member tricorders?

425
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,810
- I 'member!
- 'Member that?!

426
00:17:42,946 --> 00:17:44,145
- Yeah!
- 'Member?!

427
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,648
Oh, and 'member Bionic Man?

428
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,316
Oh I 'member.

429
00:17:48,451 --> 00:17:50,485
I loved Bionic Man.

430
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,736
- Mmm.
- 'Member?

431
00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:54,155
'Member Chewbacca again?

432
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,157
Oh, I love to 'member Chewbacca!

433
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,625
'Member?

434
00:17:57,711 --> 00:17:59,160
'Member that?!

435
00:17:59,296 --> 00:18:02,246
Hey, 'member when there
weren't so many Mexicans?

436
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,831
Oh! I 'member.

437
00:18:03,967 --> 00:18:04,666
Wait, what?

438
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,917
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

439
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:09,170
'Member when marriage was
just between a man and a woman.

440
00:18:09,306 --> 00:18:10,805
- I 'member!
- Ooh, I 'member!

441
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:13,391
- Oh, yeah!
- Yeah, I 'member that.

442
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,009
- Wait.
- 'Member feeling safe?

443
00:18:15,145 --> 00:18:16,511
'Member no ISIS?

444
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,645
'Member Reagan?

445
00:18:17,731 --> 00:18:19,097
Ooh! I 'member!

446
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:20,932
- Ooh, 'member?!
- Ooh, 'member?!

447
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:25,153
What the fuck going on
with these memberberries?

448
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,022
Yeah?

449
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,941
Hey, Broship. Got a minute?

450
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,409
What are you doing here?

451
00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,277
You were right, Kyle, okay?

452
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:35,196
I drew the vagina on my face.

453
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,365
I tried to fool people,
but you keenly noticed

454
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,701
my one tiny error in that
girls don't have balls.

455
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,619
I'm going to the bathroom.

456
00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:44,339
Kyle, you have to try and
appreciate what I'm doing.

457
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,175
I know that a war is coming
between us and the girls.

458
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,460
I knew it the moment they
sat out the national anthem.

459
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,846
They sat it out because you
were harassing them online!

460
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,465
Suppose for one second
that I'm not skankhunt42

461
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:57,051
and that I really have been
doing what I've been doing

462
00:18:57,187 --> 00:18:58,970
to try and stop the damage he has done.

463
00:18:59,055 --> 00:18:59,804
Why would you care?

464
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,389
Because I'm scared, Kyle.

465
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,608
Don't know if you've noticed,
but race wars are back,

466
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:05,526
and now if we get gender wars, too?

467
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,278
If we could just prove
who the troll was,

468
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,480
then the girls wouldn't be
wanting a war, would they?

469
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,400
Yeah, but you can't track
down an Internet troll.

470
00:19:12,535 --> 00:19:14,068
It's too bad.

471
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:17,121
Just know this, Cartman...
I'm going to prove

472
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,824
who skankhunk42 is, whatever it takes.

473
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,576
Everyone is going to know,

474
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:26,047
and skankhunt is gonna pay
for everything he's ever said.

475
00:19:28,718 --> 00:19:30,001
Hello, everyone.

476
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,669
We are live at tonight's game

477
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:33,588
between the 49ers and the Panthers.

478
00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:36,257
But of course what everyone
is really here for...

479
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:38,559
The unveiling of the
new national anthem,

480
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,061
rebooted by J.J. Abrams.

481
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:42,513
And, Mike, this new anthem
is said to have everything

482
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:45,266
the old one had, but some
new surprises, as well.

483
00:19:45,402 --> 00:19:48,603
You'd have to be an absolute
asshole not to stand and support it.

484
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,405
This is such a big night for America

485
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,607
that both the presidential
candidates are here.

486
00:19:52,742 --> 00:19:54,525
There you can see the Turd Sandwich

487
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,661
waving to all four
people excited by her,

488
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:59,414
and there is the Giant
Douche doing the same.

489
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,582
When I sit down to
not support this thing,

490
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,117
I'm sure to lose this election.

491
00:20:03,253 --> 00:20:03,951
Ladies and gentlemen...

492
00:20:04,087 --> 00:20:05,169
Here it is!

493
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,672
And the anthem begins. Let's
hope this fixes America.

494
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:10,458
For our national anthem,
we now ask you all

495
00:20:10,593 --> 00:20:13,928
in solidarity to please rise,

496
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,263
or sit,

497
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,098
or take a knee

498
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:19,383
in order to honor America.

499
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,886
- Wait. Uh, wait, what? Wait?!
- # O say can you... #

500
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:25,419
Oh! And J.J. Abrams has absolutely
shattered expectations, Mike!

501
00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:28,025
Now, whether people are
standing, sitting, or kneeling,

502
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:29,360
they are all honoring America.

503
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,286
J.J. Abrams is a
wizard, Tom... A wizard!

504
00:20:31,305 --> 00:20:33,706
More people sitting now as
Abrams has made it irrelevant.

505
00:20:33,808 --> 00:20:34,840
Who saw this coming?

506
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,575
And there's the rest of the anthem,

507
00:20:36,677 --> 00:20:38,377
all the parts we remembered and loved.

508
00:20:38,479 --> 00:20:40,479
J.J. Abrams has fixed America.

509
00:20:40,581 --> 00:20:42,214
No! This was supposed to... oh!

510
00:20:42,316 --> 00:20:44,783
Oh, geez!

511
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,101
Hey, Kyle. You okay, son?

512
00:21:02,203 --> 00:21:04,403
Yeah, dad. Just thinking.

513
00:21:04,505 --> 00:21:07,239
Well, I'll be in my
office if you want to talk.

514
00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:41,460
Sync and corrections by rickSG
www.addic7ed.com