1 00:00:00,094 --> 00:00:04,723 _ 2 00:00:07,885 --> 00:00:10,753 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 3 00:00:10,855 --> 00:00:12,555 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 4 00:00:12,657 --> 00:00:14,674 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 5 00:00:14,792 --> 00:00:17,927 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 6 00:00:18,012 --> 00:00:19,595 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 7 00:00:19,681 --> 00:00:21,380 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 8 00:00:21,482 --> 00:00:24,650 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 9 00:00:24,752 --> 00:00:27,720 ♪ I like fucking silly bitches and I know my penis likes it! ♪ 10 00:00:27,822 --> 00:00:31,389 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 11 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,435 Everyone, calm down. Please. 12 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,687 We have to have civil order. 13 00:00:38,773 --> 00:00:40,572 Listen to me! 14 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:43,742 Now, I know everyone is scared, 15 00:00:43,828 --> 00:00:45,861 but we have to keep control. 16 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,263 Yes, all our e-mails and Internet histories 17 00:00:48,365 --> 00:00:50,115 are about to become public knowledge. 18 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,151 But! 19 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,168 But! 20 00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,871 We all need to understand that Troll Trace 21 00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:59,625 will never happen if people don't log on to use it. 22 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,344 The website is a massive database 23 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,714 that cross-references everything ever said on the Internet. 24 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,635 It relies on people typing in a name and address 25 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:13,105 of someone else to add to that database. 26 00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:16,475 If we can all agree to resist the urge to look up 27 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:21,113 other people's Internet histories, Maggie, okay? 28 00:01:21,198 --> 00:01:25,984 As long as we all respect each other's privacy, darling, 29 00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:29,788 then our town won't suffer the same fate as Fort Collins. 30 00:01:29,874 --> 00:01:32,908 And what are the police gonna do to make sure people don't use it? 31 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:35,661 I know I'll certainly respect other's privacy. 32 00:01:35,746 --> 00:01:38,497 But what about people like Laura Tucker, the blabbermouth? 33 00:01:38,582 --> 00:01:39,915 Excuse me? 34 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,918 And that's why we have to come together as a community 35 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:47,172 and resist any temptation to use Troll Trace, Maggie. 36 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,842 We have to stay in control. 37 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,227 This hack of our city will never happen 38 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:55,681 so long as we can rely on the rationality 39 00:01:55,766 --> 00:01:59,735 and the basic decency of the American people. 40 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,821 We're gonna die! 41 00:02:02,907 --> 00:02:05,274 - Oh! We got to get the kids! - Get the kids! Let's go! 42 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,079 Guess I could have worded that differently. 43 00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:13,365 What were you thinking?! 44 00:02:13,450 --> 00:02:16,502 How dare you outright defy me like that?! 45 00:02:16,587 --> 00:02:19,204 Your brother was being punished for using the computer, 46 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:22,040 and you decide to just leave with him?! 47 00:02:22,126 --> 00:02:23,542 I just felt bad for him, Ma. 48 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,544 You felt bad for him?! 49 00:02:25,629 --> 00:02:28,714 After all the horrible things he said to people online? 50 00:02:28,799 --> 00:02:31,717 Your brother is a sick troll, Kyle. 51 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,720 You just wait till your father gets home. 52 00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,281 Ike! Where the fuck have you been?! 53 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,649 Daddy needs your help. 54 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:50,235 You don't want Mommy and Daddy to get divorced, do you? 55 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,904 You know how bad your mom is. 56 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,122 She completely overreacts to everything. 57 00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:55,741 That's where your brother gets it from. 58 00:02:55,826 --> 00:02:57,709 You don't want to be like Kyle, do you? 59 00:02:57,795 --> 00:02:58,744 Hi, Dad. 60 00:02:58,829 --> 00:03:01,296 Hey, buddy! Everything good there? 61 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,415 It was you this whole time. 62 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,417 You're the troll who caused all this trouble. 63 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,969 No, it was your brother. 64 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:08,387 I don't know what's wrong with him, Kyle. 65 00:03:08,472 --> 00:03:09,471 He needs counseling or... 66 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,306 Heidi Turner did emoji analysis. 67 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,091 It was an adult. It was you! 68 00:03:13,177 --> 00:03:15,477 Shh! Shh! Okay, keep your voice down. 69 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,729 Why, Dad? Why did you do this?! 70 00:03:17,815 --> 00:03:20,148 Because it's fucking funny, Kyle. 71 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:22,768 It's called having a sense of humor and laughing. 72 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,937 You should fucking try it once in a while. 73 00:03:25,022 --> 00:03:27,522 Putting a penis in the mouth of a mom who has cancer is funny?! 74 00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:30,492 Because it's so not funny, God! 75 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,527 Pushing people's buttons to get a reaction 76 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,780 can actually be very good for society, Kyle. 77 00:03:34,865 --> 00:03:38,116 Listen to me. The Danish are fucking crazy. 78 00:03:38,202 --> 00:03:40,118 You have to get people to stop them. 79 00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,504 - How? - Go get people riled up. 80 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:44,172 Call the president. I don't know. 81 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:45,457 When you push people's buttons, 82 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,125 they go and push other people's buttons. 83 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,795 - Now, get out there and... - Kyle! Ike! 84 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,130 What the hell is this?! 85 00:03:52,216 --> 00:03:54,049 What did I say?! 86 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:57,719 Get off of that computer right now! 87 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,810 Uh, everyone, please, listen. 88 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:08,397 We don't have any rockets going to Mars. 89 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:11,149 Now, you're not listening. 90 00:04:11,235 --> 00:04:14,820 We don't have the energy requirements figured out yet. 91 00:04:14,905 --> 00:04:17,456 We're working as hard as we can. 92 00:04:17,541 --> 00:04:19,875 There's a little girl working on the problem right now, 93 00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:23,712 and apparently, she's incredibly smart and funny. 94 00:04:29,086 --> 00:04:30,752 You got it figured out, babe? 95 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,005 Babe, I have no idea what any of this means. 96 00:04:33,090 --> 00:04:34,473 Heidi, yes, you do. 97 00:04:34,558 --> 00:04:36,475 You just have to get over yourself. 98 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,560 Come on. Say it. Say it. 99 00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,979 Girls rule. Women are funny. Get over it. 100 00:04:41,065 --> 00:04:42,230 Get over it, baby. 101 00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,732 Stop holding yourself back. 102 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,336 Uh, excuse me. 103 00:04:47,438 --> 00:04:49,371 Sorry, can we have a word, please? 104 00:04:49,473 --> 00:04:51,139 What the fuck do you want?! 105 00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:52,808 Hang on, babe. 106 00:04:52,910 --> 00:04:54,826 This doesn't seem like it's gonna work out, 107 00:04:54,912 --> 00:04:56,194 and we're rather busy. 108 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,362 Just give her a chance. 109 00:04:57,448 --> 00:04:59,364 She's the smartest, funniest girl on Earth. 110 00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:01,700 I haven't really heard her say anything funny. 111 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,703 Yeah, that's because you have a mental block, Elon Musk, 112 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,088 that won't let you get over yourself. 113 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,205 Hee, yeah! 114 00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,958 Don't worry about Heidi. She's a hoot! 115 00:05:13,797 --> 00:05:15,347 Here they come. 116 00:05:17,601 --> 00:05:18,517 Oh, thank God. 117 00:05:18,602 --> 00:05:20,052 There's been a mistake, okay? 118 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:21,386 I'm not one of them. 119 00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,689 My son is Skankhunt42. 120 00:05:23,774 --> 00:05:24,856 Go online and see. 121 00:05:24,942 --> 00:05:26,391 He's still doing it. 122 00:05:26,477 --> 00:05:30,228 All of you, remove your clothes. 123 00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:32,531 What are you gonna do to us? 124 00:05:32,616 --> 00:05:35,400 Remove your clothes now! 125 00:05:40,157 --> 00:05:42,457 In here. Move! 126 00:05:44,461 --> 00:05:45,327 Oh, God! 127 00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:47,045 Oh, God! They're gonna kill us! 128 00:05:47,131 --> 00:05:48,130 No, no, no, no, wait. 129 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,715 Okay, okay, it was me. 130 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,134 You're right. I'm Skankhunt. 131 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,585 But I'm not like them. 132 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:56,588 Please. I have a good job. I'm a good guy. 133 00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:57,973 I'm sorry. 134 00:05:58,092 --> 00:06:00,092 I was just being funny. 135 00:06:00,177 --> 00:06:01,893 I was trying to make people laugh. 136 00:06:01,979 --> 00:06:04,062 That's a positive thing, right? 137 00:06:04,148 --> 00:06:05,931 I wasn't doing it to hurt people. 138 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,599 I was just doing comedy. 139 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:08,900 It's different. 140 00:06:08,986 --> 00:06:11,103 Please, it's different! 141 00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:20,328 Lord, we look to thee on this, our most troubled hour. 142 00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:22,581 We have been led astray, 143 00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:26,201 and now all we can do is wait for the inevitable to happen. 144 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,954 Soon, everything we have said and done online 145 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,006 is going to be known to all. 146 00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:33,792 Many lives will be turned upside down. 147 00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:36,128 Of course, I have nothing to be worried about. 148 00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:40,042 Since I'm a priest, there's nothing I'm ashamed of doing on the Internet, so... 149 00:06:40,077 --> 00:06:42,267 definitely no reason to look up my history. 150 00:06:42,352 --> 00:06:46,605 But, uh, for many, this is a time to pray. 151 00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:49,024 Oh, Lord, please forgive us 152 00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,942 for things we might have done online. 153 00:06:51,028 --> 00:06:51,810 Maggie. 154 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,145 Please try to understand 155 00:06:53,230 --> 00:06:55,981 that even if some of us were on ashleymadison.com, 156 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,649 it was only out of curiosity 157 00:06:57,734 --> 00:07:00,819 and not because we'd actually have an affair. 158 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,705 Please understand that we might have used racial slurs, 159 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,490 but only because it was to a close friend 160 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,325 and never meant to be in public. 161 00:07:08,746 --> 00:07:10,829 What are you all doing?! 162 00:07:10,915 --> 00:07:12,698 Somebody's threatening your way of life, 163 00:07:12,783 --> 00:07:14,533 and you're all just sitting here, praying?! 164 00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,869 Like a-a bunch of babies?! 165 00:07:16,954 --> 00:07:18,787 Like a bunch of pussies! 166 00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:20,873 Come on! This isn't South Park. 167 00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,374 What's happened to us? 168 00:07:22,459 --> 00:07:24,092 We used to have a challenge and deal with it 169 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,677 then move on to the next one. 170 00:07:25,763 --> 00:07:27,179 Now we've just been dealing with trolling 171 00:07:27,264 --> 00:07:29,181 and Internet stuff over and over, week after week, 172 00:07:29,266 --> 00:07:31,600 and I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty sick of it! 173 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:32,885 Yeah! 174 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,304 Now, for once, let's take a stand and try to end this. 175 00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:38,106 We can't let Denmark change who we are. 176 00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:39,892 Yeah! Fuck Denmark! 177 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,561 - Yeah! - All right! 178 00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:44,563 You guys need to, you know, 179 00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:47,399 call the president and get him to... take action. 180 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,650 - Aw. - Oh. 181 00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,569 Uh, the president? He won't listen to us. 182 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,787 He hates us now. 183 00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:54,873 No. But there's somebody he will listen to. 184 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,795 Mr. President, we're looking at global destabilization 185 00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:01,163 like we've never seen. 186 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,915 Countries everywhere are terrified 187 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,583 their Internet may be hacked. 188 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,919 Well, what do they want me to do about it? 189 00:08:07,004 --> 00:08:08,587 You're the leader of the free world. 190 00:08:08,672 --> 00:08:09,888 Everyone is looking to you to be 191 00:08:09,974 --> 00:08:12,140 the calm and steady voice they all need. 192 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,759 Mr. President? 193 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:16,678 Mr. President, the Israeli Prime Minister is on line one. 194 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,764 The Chancellor of Germany is on line two. 195 00:08:18,849 --> 00:08:21,433 And a Mr. Slave is on line three. 196 00:08:21,518 --> 00:08:23,986 Mr. Slave? 197 00:08:24,989 --> 00:08:26,271 This is the president. 198 00:08:26,407 --> 00:08:28,190 Hey. What's up? 199 00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:29,692 Well, well, well. 200 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,110 Crawling out of the woodwork to try and get me back 201 00:08:32,196 --> 00:08:33,829 now that I'm a big cheese? 202 00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:37,749 No, I'm calling because people want you to bomb Denmark. 203 00:08:37,835 --> 00:08:39,751 Who wants me to bomb Denmark? 204 00:08:39,837 --> 00:08:41,503 Lots of people, 'cause it's, like, 205 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,089 going to ruin their freedom of speech or something. 206 00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:48,176 Mr. Slave, this is all very complicated diplomatic stuff, okay? 207 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:50,596 You can't just go bombing other countries. 208 00:08:50,681 --> 00:08:53,548 Oh, Jesus Christ. You're such a little bitch. 209 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,384 Oh, I'm a bitch, huh? 210 00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:57,719 I happen to be president, bitch! 211 00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,271 You're a little bitch president. 212 00:08:59,356 --> 00:09:01,440 You're too scared to bomb anybody. 213 00:09:01,525 --> 00:09:02,858 I'm not scared! 214 00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:04,526 My advisors have told me that I... 215 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,978 Yeah, you're scared. 216 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,614 Just do what your little advisors tell you to do. 217 00:09:08,699 --> 00:09:12,355 If I decide a military strike on Denmark is warranted, then I will... 218 00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:14,525 You don't have the balls to bomb them, pussy. 219 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,371 Pussy ass bitch. 220 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:18,040 Pussy ass bitch. Fuck you. 221 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,625 Oh... You... Oh, okay! 222 00:09:19,710 --> 00:09:20,876 You think so, huh? 223 00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:23,211 Well, watch this, you gay asshole! 224 00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:24,463 Bomb Denmark! 225 00:09:24,548 --> 00:09:25,747 Sir? 226 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:28,083 The Troll Trace building and the whole fucking thing... 227 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,335 Whatever it is, get the missiles ready! 228 00:09:30,471 --> 00:09:32,037 Yeah, it worked. 229 00:09:32,122 --> 00:09:33,305 - All right! - Whoo-hoo! 230 00:09:33,390 --> 00:09:34,813 - Yeah! - Yeah! 231 00:09:34,889 --> 00:09:36,023 Hello! 232 00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:43,646 - What are you doing? - Going pee. 233 00:09:43,731 --> 00:09:46,415 I mean what are you doing calling my girlfriend funny? 234 00:09:46,534 --> 00:09:47,783 You better back off! 235 00:09:47,869 --> 00:09:49,118 You don't even know her! 236 00:09:49,203 --> 00:09:50,369 You haven't spent any time with her! 237 00:09:50,505 --> 00:09:51,454 You're just saying it! 238 00:09:51,539 --> 00:09:53,172 How do you even know she's funny?! 239 00:09:53,257 --> 00:09:55,207 Well, 'cause you keep telling everyone she is. 240 00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:57,259 Butters, Heidi is everything to me. 241 00:09:57,378 --> 00:09:59,211 If you try and take her, I swear to God, I will... 242 00:09:59,347 --> 00:10:00,630 Eric, Eric, trust me. 243 00:10:00,715 --> 00:10:03,049 I want nothing to do with girlfriends. 244 00:10:05,019 --> 00:10:07,019 I know what girlfriends do. 245 00:10:07,105 --> 00:10:09,889 They make you feel the happiest you ever felt. 246 00:10:10,024 --> 00:10:12,808 Then they crawl up inside of you and... 247 00:10:12,894 --> 00:10:15,027 poop on your heart. 248 00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:16,228 What are you talking about? 249 00:10:16,314 --> 00:10:17,897 That's how it ends, Eric. 250 00:10:17,982 --> 00:10:19,565 Girls get you to feel for them, 251 00:10:19,701 --> 00:10:22,034 make you think they're the best thing in the world, 252 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,571 and then they leave, move on to the next thing, 253 00:10:25,707 --> 00:10:27,323 and you're left there, crying, 254 00:10:27,408 --> 00:10:29,575 with your heart covered in poop. 255 00:10:29,711 --> 00:10:31,243 Not Heidi. 256 00:10:31,379 --> 00:10:32,745 She's different. 257 00:10:32,830 --> 00:10:34,747 She's really smart. 258 00:10:34,832 --> 00:10:36,415 And really funny. 259 00:10:36,551 --> 00:10:38,334 Sure, buddy. 260 00:10:38,419 --> 00:10:39,802 Sure. 261 00:10:39,921 --> 00:10:41,337 "Officials have stated that 262 00:10:41,422 --> 00:10:43,339 all communication with Denmark has ended 263 00:10:43,424 --> 00:10:45,808 and that a military strike on the country is now eminent." 264 00:10:45,927 --> 00:10:48,344 - Yay! - "The president stated that since the..." 265 00:10:48,429 --> 00:10:50,763 Are you serious right now?! 266 00:10:50,898 --> 00:10:53,149 Get off that computer! 267 00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:55,184 Mom, we were just using it to look at the news. 268 00:10:55,269 --> 00:10:57,853 I don't care. I said no computers! 269 00:10:57,939 --> 00:11:00,072 You kids are addicted to the Internet! 270 00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:02,074 You're sick, and you're addicted! 271 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:03,526 It's changed your brother. 272 00:11:03,611 --> 00:11:06,245 And now it's turning you against me, Kyle! 273 00:11:06,330 --> 00:11:08,030 I'm not against you, Mom. 274 00:11:08,116 --> 00:11:09,081 You are! 275 00:11:09,167 --> 00:11:10,499 Your father goes away on business, 276 00:11:10,618 --> 00:11:13,035 and all you do is defy me at every turn! 277 00:11:13,121 --> 00:11:16,455 The next time you defy me, it will be your last! 278 00:11:16,591 --> 00:11:18,257 Do you understand?! 279 00:11:18,342 --> 00:11:19,508 - Y-Yes, Mom. - Yes, Mom. 280 00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:21,293 And when your father gets home from Denmark, 281 00:11:21,429 --> 00:11:23,763 you two are both going in for counseling. 282 00:11:25,683 --> 00:11:27,099 - Denmark?! - Denmark?! 283 00:11:27,185 --> 00:11:28,768 What is Dad doing in Denmark?! 284 00:11:28,853 --> 00:11:31,437 The government sent him over there to do paralegal training, 285 00:11:31,522 --> 00:11:32,638 so it would have been nice 286 00:11:32,724 --> 00:11:34,774 if you could have shown a little support. 287 00:11:36,477 --> 00:11:38,944 Oh, shit. 288 00:11:40,531 --> 00:11:42,281 Oh, God. 289 00:11:44,702 --> 00:11:46,819 Will somebody shut him up? 290 00:11:46,954 --> 00:11:49,371 Skank. Skank, get ahold of yourself. 291 00:11:49,490 --> 00:11:51,707 You were right, Dildo, 292 00:11:51,826 --> 00:11:53,492 when you said I was a dick, 293 00:11:53,578 --> 00:11:55,745 when you called me an asshole. 294 00:11:55,830 --> 00:11:56,996 I am. 295 00:11:57,081 --> 00:11:59,381 And now I'm gonna die alone, just like you said. 296 00:12:01,502 --> 00:12:03,385 Come on. You're not an asshole. 297 00:12:03,504 --> 00:12:08,841 You said I was, though, 'cause I only trolled to be funny. 298 00:12:08,926 --> 00:12:11,477 Well... Well, maybe being funny 299 00:12:11,562 --> 00:12:14,513 is just sort of how you deal with serious subjects. 300 00:12:14,599 --> 00:12:16,515 Really? 301 00:12:16,651 --> 00:12:18,851 You don't think I'm a bad person? 302 00:12:18,986 --> 00:12:20,986 I'm sorry. 303 00:12:21,072 --> 00:12:22,905 All you guys, I'm sorry. 304 00:12:23,024 --> 00:12:24,607 - That's okay. - That's okay. 305 00:12:24,692 --> 00:12:26,358 Okay, Skank. All right. 306 00:12:26,444 --> 00:12:28,494 Excuse me. Hello? 307 00:12:28,579 --> 00:12:31,614 Could I please speak to the person in charge? 308 00:12:31,699 --> 00:12:33,699 I have something to say. 309 00:12:33,785 --> 00:12:36,202 Please, just for a moment? 310 00:12:37,955 --> 00:12:40,506 Bring him to the conference room. 311 00:12:44,345 --> 00:12:46,796 Dude, I am so not getting this. 312 00:12:52,019 --> 00:12:53,886 I just don't understand it. 313 00:12:53,971 --> 00:12:55,888 She's always been really smart before. 314 00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:57,556 And hilarious. 315 00:12:57,642 --> 00:12:59,558 Don't feel bad about getting duped, Eric. 316 00:12:59,694 --> 00:13:01,393 It's happened to all of us. 317 00:13:01,479 --> 00:13:03,112 Nobody's been duped! 318 00:13:03,231 --> 00:13:05,898 Stop trying to suggest she's being manipulative. 319 00:13:05,983 --> 00:13:07,366 Why would she want to trick me? 320 00:13:07,451 --> 00:13:09,902 The truth is girls hate us, Eric. 321 00:13:09,987 --> 00:13:11,821 They're sick of our shit. 322 00:13:11,906 --> 00:13:14,540 And one day, they plan to make us obsolete, 323 00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:17,626 stick us underground where we just get milked for our semen. 324 00:13:17,745 --> 00:13:20,045 Boys' only hope is to start over on Mars. 325 00:13:20,131 --> 00:13:21,630 That's ridiculous. 326 00:13:21,749 --> 00:13:23,465 That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 327 00:13:23,584 --> 00:13:27,253 Heidi is the smartest, funniest person I've ever met! 328 00:13:27,338 --> 00:13:28,504 I'm not being tricked! 329 00:13:28,589 --> 00:13:31,340 And I'll prove it to everybody! 330 00:13:31,425 --> 00:13:34,677 Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for talking to me. 331 00:13:34,762 --> 00:13:37,263 I just really need to get something off my chest. 332 00:13:37,398 --> 00:13:40,482 I'm so sorry. 333 00:13:40,601 --> 00:13:43,102 I have had the biggest epiphany about 334 00:13:43,187 --> 00:13:45,738 the damage I've done, the people I've hurt, 335 00:13:45,823 --> 00:13:50,609 but the fact of the matter is I'm not really a troll. 336 00:13:50,695 --> 00:13:53,412 I actually have a job. I'm a lawyer. 337 00:13:53,497 --> 00:13:56,115 I've got a loving wife and great kids. 338 00:13:56,250 --> 00:14:01,453 Um, I've got a family that really misses me and needs me. 339 00:14:01,589 --> 00:14:04,757 Freja Ollengaurd, the volleyball player, had a family, too. 340 00:14:04,842 --> 00:14:06,926 They miss her quite a lot. 341 00:14:07,011 --> 00:14:09,545 And that... That is so tragic. 342 00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:12,965 And I'm so sorry she was driven to kill herself by trolling. 343 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,967 It's... It's wrong. 344 00:14:15,052 --> 00:14:17,970 But, you know, I just sort of set things in motion. 345 00:14:18,105 --> 00:14:20,022 See, I'm a satirist. 346 00:14:20,141 --> 00:14:23,609 I challenge people's point of views by being sort of edgy. 347 00:14:23,694 --> 00:14:25,477 And sometimes, people can be like, "Whoa!" 348 00:14:25,563 --> 00:14:27,730 and mistake that for hate, but it's not hate. 349 00:14:27,815 --> 00:14:30,649 It's pointing out hypocrisies in our society. 350 00:14:30,785 --> 00:14:34,153 You're so full of skinkinslat I can smell it from here. 351 00:14:34,288 --> 00:14:36,622 If you say mean things and you're mean, 352 00:14:36,707 --> 00:14:38,540 then I agree you should be killed. 353 00:14:38,659 --> 00:14:41,410 But if you're being funny, which spreads joy... 354 00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:43,829 You really think my plan is to kill you? 355 00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:45,748 It's not? 356 00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:47,132 Leave us. 357 00:14:47,218 --> 00:14:49,051 Go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 358 00:14:50,338 --> 00:14:54,590 Do you want to know what's really funny? 359 00:14:59,847 --> 00:15:02,932 Mr. President, the bombers are en route to Europe. 360 00:15:03,017 --> 00:15:05,234 Are you sure you want to proceed with this? 361 00:15:05,353 --> 00:15:07,269 Yeah, yeah. Bomb the shit out of them. 362 00:15:07,355 --> 00:15:08,520 We have to be tough here. 363 00:15:08,656 --> 00:15:11,690 Mr. President, the Grand Duke of Luxembourg is on line one. 364 00:15:11,776 --> 00:15:13,609 The Chairman of the Workers Party is on line two. 365 00:15:13,694 --> 00:15:15,744 And Kyle is on line three. 366 00:15:15,863 --> 00:15:18,197 Oh, geez. What does Kyle want? 367 00:15:18,833 --> 00:15:20,332 This is the president. 368 00:15:20,468 --> 00:15:22,585 Mr. Garrison, you can't bomb Denmark! 369 00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:24,053 Oh, for Pete's sake, Kyle. 370 00:15:24,172 --> 00:15:26,672 It-It's wrong, and it could start a bigger war. 371 00:15:26,808 --> 00:15:29,925 Kyle, this is all very serious diplomatic stuff, okay? 372 00:15:30,011 --> 00:15:33,412 You can't understand the political complexities involved here. 373 00:15:35,016 --> 00:15:37,733 I understand you're a dipshit little gay puppet. 374 00:15:37,852 --> 00:15:39,435 Excuse me? 375 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,103 Letting your ex-boyfriend manipulate you 376 00:15:41,189 --> 00:15:42,521 'cause you miss his sweet ass. 377 00:15:42,657 --> 00:15:43,856 Who told you that? 378 00:15:43,991 --> 00:15:45,074 Everyone knows that. 379 00:15:45,193 --> 00:15:47,576 You only do what your little bitch boyfriend manipulates you into do. 380 00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:49,495 Kyle, I am the president. 381 00:15:49,631 --> 00:15:50,997 You're a little dipshit president. 382 00:15:51,132 --> 00:15:53,382 With a dirty asshole. 383 00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:54,834 With a dirty asshole. 384 00:15:54,969 --> 00:15:58,004 And you shit out your dick. 385 00:15:58,139 --> 00:16:00,006 And you shit out your dick. 386 00:16:00,091 --> 00:16:01,474 Where'd you learn to talk like this? 387 00:16:01,559 --> 00:16:02,675 Daddy! 388 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,343 Oh, that's what people think, huh? 389 00:16:04,479 --> 00:16:05,895 Well, maybe I won't bomb Denmark. 390 00:16:06,014 --> 00:16:07,346 What do you think about that?! 391 00:16:07,432 --> 00:16:09,231 Yeah, you will, 'cause you're a little retarded shit bitch. 392 00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:10,850 God fucking damn it! 393 00:16:10,985 --> 00:16:12,018 Hold up! 394 00:16:12,103 --> 00:16:14,347 Hold up on the fucking bombs a minute! 395 00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:20,474 Hey, baby. Uh, how's it going? 396 00:16:20,609 --> 00:16:23,143 I don't understand what any of these symbols mean, 397 00:16:23,229 --> 00:16:24,895 so, in my head, I'm trying to replace them 398 00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:27,481 with something I know to try and see patterns. 399 00:16:27,616 --> 00:16:30,234 Okay, cool. Um, babe, you remember that funny thing 400 00:16:30,319 --> 00:16:31,785 you were saying about soup the other day? 401 00:16:31,871 --> 00:16:32,986 What was that again? 402 00:16:33,072 --> 00:16:35,873 And when I do that, I can see how everything lines up, 403 00:16:35,991 --> 00:16:37,908 except for one thing. 404 00:16:39,628 --> 00:16:44,998 I call it emoji analysis. 405 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:49,920 Emoji analysis. 406 00:16:50,005 --> 00:16:51,505 Do you... Do you remember 407 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,140 that funny voice you did at McDonald's? 408 00:16:53,225 --> 00:16:54,308 You were like, "Could you... 409 00:16:54,393 --> 00:16:55,676 Could you hand me my water," or something. 410 00:16:55,811 --> 00:16:57,177 I can't... I can't remember. 411 00:16:57,313 --> 00:16:58,979 Those two don't line up, babe. 412 00:16:59,065 --> 00:17:00,647 The only things that are out of order. 413 00:17:00,733 --> 00:17:02,266 Or the time you said the thing about clouds 414 00:17:02,351 --> 00:17:04,234 and I was laughing so hard... What was that again? 415 00:17:04,353 --> 00:17:05,602 Excuse me. 416 00:17:05,688 --> 00:17:07,604 Is it possible that the seventh line from the right 417 00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:10,274 and the third one up from the bottom left are out of sequence? 418 00:17:12,027 --> 00:17:12,993 I'm sorry? 419 00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:15,245 That stuff there. It's in the wrong place. 420 00:17:15,364 --> 00:17:17,030 It needs to come before that. 421 00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:19,700 Wait a minute. She might be on to something here. 422 00:17:19,785 --> 00:17:21,034 Okay, okay, now could you just do 423 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:23,120 the "my vagina" thing for them? 424 00:17:23,205 --> 00:17:24,872 Could you just say, "my vagina"? 425 00:17:24,957 --> 00:17:26,790 They're out of sequence! I'll show you! 426 00:17:28,544 --> 00:17:30,878 What the fuck is happening? 427 00:17:32,148 --> 00:17:34,965 Do you remember, Mr. Skankhunt, 428 00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:36,884 when you and your little buddies 429 00:17:37,019 --> 00:17:39,603 trolled the entire country of Denmark? 430 00:17:39,722 --> 00:17:41,388 And that was wrong, too. 431 00:17:41,524 --> 00:17:43,857 I certainly want to apologize for that. 432 00:17:43,943 --> 00:17:45,559 That was certainly a display 433 00:17:45,644 --> 00:17:47,778 of the power of trolling, wasn't it? 434 00:17:47,897 --> 00:17:52,483 But what would be even more impressive? 435 00:17:52,568 --> 00:17:54,318 I-I don't understand. 436 00:17:54,403 --> 00:17:59,072 What if you could troll the entire world? 437 00:17:59,158 --> 00:18:02,242 Somebody who could rise to political power 438 00:18:02,378 --> 00:18:05,129 through nothing more than pushing people's buttons 439 00:18:05,247 --> 00:18:07,414 and getting them all riled up, 440 00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:09,249 become the leader of... 441 00:18:09,335 --> 00:18:11,668 a Scandinavian country, perhaps, 442 00:18:11,754 --> 00:18:14,588 get them to listen to you when, actually 443 00:18:14,723 --> 00:18:18,091 you're not even fucking Danish. 444 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:19,643 No way. 445 00:18:19,762 --> 00:18:22,980 Use that country to create a machine 446 00:18:23,098 --> 00:18:25,732 that relies on the shittiness of people 447 00:18:25,818 --> 00:18:27,768 to fuck over other people 448 00:18:27,853 --> 00:18:32,189 and watch the whole world go completely batshit. 449 00:18:32,274 --> 00:18:35,108 Attention all Troll Trace workers. 450 00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:39,112 Please report to assembly hall one for a big announcement. 451 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,832 Completely fool everyone 452 00:18:41,951 --> 00:18:45,669 and keep your real intentions completely anonymous. 453 00:18:45,788 --> 00:18:49,623 You would... deliberately start World War III, 454 00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:52,376 let the people of Denmark die, 455 00:18:52,461 --> 00:18:55,095 set everyone on Earth against each other? 456 00:18:55,181 --> 00:18:56,380 Why?! 457 00:18:56,465 --> 00:19:01,101 Because it's freakin' hilarious! 458 00:19:01,187 --> 00:19:04,972 Getting a Scandinavian country to fight trolls 459 00:19:05,057 --> 00:19:07,891 by building a giant machine that actually shows 460 00:19:07,977 --> 00:19:10,777 everyone on Earth is kind of a troll, too? 461 00:19:10,863 --> 00:19:12,980 That's not funny. 462 00:19:13,115 --> 00:19:14,648 That's not funny?! 463 00:19:14,783 --> 00:19:16,650 Don't be a fag, dude. 464 00:19:16,735 --> 00:19:19,319 That's real bro shit there. 465 00:19:19,455 --> 00:19:22,072 Sorry to step on your fucking dicks in the mouth 466 00:19:22,157 --> 00:19:24,825 and tit jokes, you amateur little pussy. 467 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,544 Come on! Have some fucking balls! 468 00:19:27,663 --> 00:19:29,496 You can't do this to people! 469 00:19:29,632 --> 00:19:30,831 It's not right! 470 00:19:30,916 --> 00:19:33,200 Listen to you. 471 00:19:33,236 --> 00:19:36,253 All right, everyone. Show's about to begin. 472 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,627 What the fuck is going on? 473 00:20:07,687 --> 00:20:12,039 ♪ Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ♪ 474 00:20:12,124 --> 00:20:15,960 ♪ Never gonna run around and desert you ♪ 475 00:20:16,078 --> 00:20:18,495 - ♪ Never gonna make you cry... - ♪ Wow. That's pretty impressive. 476 00:20:18,581 --> 00:20:20,497 ♪ ...never gonna say goodbye ♪ 477 00:20:20,583 --> 00:20:22,506 Wait! 478 00:20:30,476 --> 00:20:32,977 Ike. It's time. 479 00:20:33,095 --> 00:20:35,562 I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through with this, 480 00:20:35,648 --> 00:20:37,815 but it's the only way now. 481 00:20:37,933 --> 00:20:39,233 I know. 482 00:20:39,318 --> 00:20:42,152 Just remember... I always loved you, little brother. 483 00:20:42,271 --> 00:20:44,655 I love you, too, big brother. 484 00:20:44,774 --> 00:20:47,491 Let's just get it over with. 485 00:20:52,581 --> 00:20:53,998 Mommy. 486 00:20:54,116 --> 00:20:55,949 Yes? 487 00:20:56,035 --> 00:20:57,501 Suck my balls. 488 00:20:57,620 --> 00:20:59,086 You're a fat bitch. 489 00:20:59,171 --> 00:21:00,754 What?! 490 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,173 You get back here, you little monster! 491 00:21:03,292 --> 00:21:05,709 I have had it with you! 492 00:21:05,795 --> 00:21:07,711 Don't you run away from me, Ike! 493 00:21:07,797 --> 00:21:09,463 Who do you think you are?! 494 00:21:09,598 --> 00:21:12,132 Where is he? Where is your brother? 495 00:21:12,218 --> 00:21:13,300 He's in the pantry. 496 00:21:13,386 --> 00:21:15,269 Don't you try and hide from me now! 497 00:21:15,354 --> 00:21:17,855 You are in big trouble, Ike! 498 00:21:17,973 --> 00:21:20,474 What?! What, what?! 499 00:21:20,559 --> 00:21:21,642 Kyle, you open this door right now! 500 00:21:21,727 --> 00:21:23,777 - Ma. Mom, we are really sorry. - Open this door! 501 00:21:23,863 --> 00:21:25,446 But Ike and I need to do something, 502 00:21:25,531 --> 00:21:27,481 and we have to be able to use the computers. 503 00:21:27,616 --> 00:21:29,700 What, what?! No computers! 504 00:21:29,802 --> 00:21:31,735 Do not touch the computers! 505 00:21:31,837 --> 00:21:33,003 We have to do this, Mom. 506 00:21:33,105 --> 00:21:34,888 It's the only thing that can save our family now. 507 00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:36,331 You are done! 508 00:21:36,332 --> 00:21:39,753 You hear me?! You are both done! 509 00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:44,202 Sync and corrections by rickSG www.addic7ed.com