1 00:00:43,114 --> 00:00:44,764 Would you look at that? 2 00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:46,912 It's just incredible, isn't it? 3 00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:50,720 I still can't believe it, even though it's right in front of me. 4 00:00:50,845 --> 00:00:52,995 Yeah, it's just so... astounding! 5 00:00:53,734 --> 00:00:56,230 Well believe it, friends. The impossible has happened. 6 00:00:57,662 --> 00:00:59,183 Kenny has a girlfriend. 7 00:01:00,196 --> 00:01:01,959 Yeah, a fifth grade girlfriend. 8 00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:04,695 This is serious. They've been going out for almost two weeks now. 9 00:01:04,820 --> 00:01:07,410 - So... who is she? - Her name's Tammy Warner. 10 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,495 She's the only girl in school who's family is actually poorer than Kenny's. 11 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:13,623 It's really kind of beautiful, if you'll ask me. 12 00:01:14,039 --> 00:01:16,776 You, guys! You, guys, I think we have a big problem! 13 00:01:16,901 --> 00:01:18,302 - What? - Well, 14 00:01:18,552 --> 00:01:21,172 apparently Kenny has a girlfriend! 15 00:01:21,509 --> 00:01:23,657 Yeah dude, Tammy Warner, she is a fifth-grader. 16 00:01:23,782 --> 00:01:25,177 Does Kenny like her? 17 00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,503 I guess so, she's like his first will girlfriend ever. 18 00:01:27,882 --> 00:01:30,633 - Oh, no! Oh, jeez! - Butters, what's the problem? 19 00:01:30,943 --> 00:01:34,303 I've just talked to Brad Dickson. Tammy Warner is bad news. 20 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,295 All the fifth-graders call her a slut. 21 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:40,420 On account that she gave Dave Darsky a BJ in the parking lot of TGI Friday's. 22 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,866 - What? - It's true! 23 00:01:42,991 --> 00:01:45,730 Ask anybody in fifth grade! Tammy Warner is a total slut! 24 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,319 That bitch! 25 00:01:47,444 --> 00:01:50,159 Kenny's gave his heart to her and she just gonna throw it in face. 26 00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:52,173 Kenny deserves to know, fellas. 27 00:01:52,298 --> 00:01:56,082 If you guys found up my girlfriend was a raging whore, I'd want you to tell me. 28 00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,585 All right... come on, guys. 29 00:02:02,264 --> 00:02:04,068 Hey, Jimmy. What's a BJ? 30 00:02:04,867 --> 00:02:07,538 {\So anyway I passed him a note but then Johnny got...} 31 00:02:08,309 --> 00:02:10,401 - Kenny! Hey, Kenny! - (Hey, guys.) 32 00:02:11,166 --> 00:02:14,085 Listen, Kenny. We need to talk about your new friend. 33 00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:15,210 (What about her?) 34 00:02:16,626 --> 00:02:18,149 - Oh, boy... - Kenny, 35 00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,649 we know you really like this girl, but... 36 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:21,865 (But what?) 37 00:02:22,292 --> 00:02:24,610 Well... we've heard that she's... 38 00:02:25,439 --> 00:02:28,935 Kenny! Your girlfriend is a notorious whore. 39 00:02:29,670 --> 00:02:31,650 She even gave a kid named Dave Darsky a BJ 40 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,269 in a parking lot of TGI Friday's. 41 00:02:35,545 --> 00:02:37,464 Your girlfriend is a slut, dude. 42 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,674 He took it pretty well. 43 00:02:49,011 --> 00:02:50,546 - (Hi, Tammy!) - Hi, Ken. 44 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,533 You decided what you wanna do after school? 45 00:02:52,658 --> 00:02:54,864 (I was thinking we should go to TGI Friday's.) 46 00:02:54,989 --> 00:02:57,736 - TGI Friday's? - (Yeah, could be lots of fun!) 47 00:02:57,861 --> 00:02:58,803 Yeah, OK. 48 00:02:59,437 --> 00:03:00,437 But... 49 00:03:01,346 --> 00:03:05,248 Kenny, listen. There's something I need to tell you about. 50 00:03:05,373 --> 00:03:07,390 There's a lot of rumors going around about me. 51 00:03:07,515 --> 00:03:09,532 That I agreed to give a boy a BJ. 52 00:03:09,825 --> 00:03:11,508 Well, It's true. 53 00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:13,965 But it was before you and I were together, 54 00:03:14,090 --> 00:03:15,658 and it wasn't my fault. 55 00:03:15,783 --> 00:03:18,087 See, I was watching the Disney Channel. 56 00:03:18,212 --> 00:03:20,539 And that show came on, with the Jonas Brothers. 57 00:03:20,664 --> 00:03:23,524 - (Jonas Brothers?) - You know that teenage boy band? 58 00:03:23,918 --> 00:03:26,592 Every time I see them I get so... tingly. 59 00:03:26,717 --> 00:03:28,487 I just completely lose control. 60 00:03:28,612 --> 00:03:31,788 And then Dave Darsky showed up and took me to the TGI Friday's. 61 00:03:31,913 --> 00:03:33,756 And... It just happened. 62 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,936 But it was only for one second and I had my eyes closed. 63 00:03:37,061 --> 00:03:38,669 I know it's terrible. 64 00:03:39,497 --> 00:03:41,757 Can you... can you forgive me, Ken? 65 00:03:47,706 --> 00:03:51,273 There you are, young man. Two tickets to the Jonas Brothers concert. 66 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,448 (Thanks!) 67 00:03:53,651 --> 00:03:56,420 The Jonas Brothers? Dude, Kenny, what the hell is wrong with you? 68 00:03:56,545 --> 00:03:58,561 Aren't they those queermos on the Disney Channel? 69 00:03:58,686 --> 00:04:01,249 (They get Tammy all hot and then she'll give me a BJ.) 70 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:03,528 - A BJ? - You want Tammy to give you a BJ? 71 00:04:03,653 --> 00:04:04,919 (Of course, dude!) 72 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:08,357 Kenny! You gonna let a girl put her mouth on your wiener? 73 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,327 Do you know how disgusting that is? 74 00:04:10,452 --> 00:04:13,331 - Girl's mouths are full of germs! - Yeah, dude, that's gross. 75 00:04:13,456 --> 00:04:15,880 - (It's OK, I'll have protection.) - What kind of protection? 76 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,716 (A box of condoms, please?) 77 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,428 Box of condoms? Certainly, little boy. What kind would you like? 78 00:04:23,683 --> 00:04:26,527 - (I'll take those over there.) - These here? Certainly. 79 00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:29,769 (Cool!) 80 00:04:30,439 --> 00:04:32,395 Kenny, aren't you a little too young for this? 81 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,174 (I'm not young, I want a BJ!) 82 00:04:34,299 --> 00:04:36,750 Just because you've got condoms doesn't mean you're safe, Kenny. 83 00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:39,932 Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet 84 00:04:40,057 --> 00:04:41,530 is the mouth of an American woman. 85 00:04:41,655 --> 00:04:43,751 And you're gonna let that near your penis? 86 00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:48,879 {\THE JONAS BROTHERS LIVE - TONIGHT} 87 00:04:55,198 --> 00:04:57,972 Kenny, you're the best for bringing me here. Isn't this awesome? 88 00:05:07,782 --> 00:05:10,768 I'm ready... to get it on. 89 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,529 But there's no getting on, 90 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,260 till I'm ready. 91 00:05:16,222 --> 00:05:17,607 It's too soon. 92 00:05:18,111 --> 00:05:19,713 Slow down. 93 00:05:20,285 --> 00:05:22,379 - Take it easy, young girl. - My giny tickles! 94 00:05:22,504 --> 00:05:24,335 I need your love, baby! 95 00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:28,556 - Can't wait till the day I kiss you. - Oh, my God! It's start tingling again! 96 00:05:28,681 --> 00:05:31,964 Until then I have to tease you. 97 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,341 'Cause my mom doesn't like it 98 00:05:34,656 --> 00:05:36,701 - when I'm naughty. - I love you! 99 00:05:36,949 --> 00:05:39,048 She'll make me clean my room 100 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,044 if I'm naughty, baby! 101 00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:44,394 - I'm hot... - He's hot... 102 00:05:44,519 --> 00:05:46,979 Tell me how was I to know... 103 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,982 You'd take your love and go? 104 00:05:51,290 --> 00:05:53,577 Was it 'cause I wanted to wait 105 00:05:53,827 --> 00:05:57,553 till we were married to put my arm around you? 106 00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,483 Seasons change, 107 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:00,692 baby. 108 00:06:01,171 --> 00:06:03,309 And the world goes around you round, round... 109 00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:05,982 Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna take my time, 110 00:06:06,107 --> 00:06:09,752 Can't wait till you are mine but it might be a while. 111 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,894 'Cause... Yeah, yeah, girl, we can take it slow. 112 00:06:13,019 --> 00:06:16,509 So we have room to grow, and then someday we can do it call! 113 00:06:17,722 --> 00:06:19,720 You're so hot, Kevin, I love you too! 114 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,847 Until then, go back to Montreal. 115 00:06:23,725 --> 00:06:25,800 'Cause I still love you, baby... 116 00:06:25,925 --> 00:06:27,415 Love you, baby! 117 00:06:27,675 --> 00:06:28,675 Baby! 118 00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:34,332 Good night, Denver, we love you all! 119 00:06:34,457 --> 00:06:36,063 We love you, Denver! 120 00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:37,364 Good night! 121 00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:44,651 Oh, my God! I'm so worked up. 122 00:06:44,901 --> 00:06:47,422 - I just want to attack you, Kenny! - (All right!) 123 00:06:47,547 --> 00:06:49,547 (Let's go to the parking lot!) 124 00:06:51,438 --> 00:06:53,738 And you too, little girl in the red. 125 00:06:54,964 --> 00:06:57,170 Band want you to come backstage. 126 00:06:57,420 --> 00:06:59,260 You too, little girl with the puppy t-shirt. 127 00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:04,154 They want me to come backstage? Oh, my God! 128 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:07,581 - (But, we have to do another thing!) - It's a dream come true! 129 00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:11,283 All right, right this way, girls. 130 00:07:11,408 --> 00:07:13,828 Yeah, come on in everyone. The band is waiting for you. 131 00:07:13,953 --> 00:07:17,121 - Oh, not you. - (Fuck that, I bought the tickets!) 132 00:07:18,447 --> 00:07:20,130 (Hey, let me in!) 133 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,159 Jonas Brothers will be right out, girls. 134 00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:25,527 Why did they call us back here? 135 00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,872 They must wanna have sex with us. 136 00:07:28,343 --> 00:07:31,203 - What? You think so? - Sure, they're a band. 137 00:07:31,453 --> 00:07:33,961 They called us back here so we can give 'em blowjobs. 138 00:07:34,265 --> 00:07:35,391 I'm not doing it. 139 00:07:35,516 --> 00:07:37,759 Just 'cause they're rockstars doesn't mean I'll do that. 140 00:07:37,884 --> 00:07:39,684 I'm not giving a blowjob to anybody! 141 00:07:39,809 --> 00:07:42,109 - Me neither. - Here we are, girls! 142 00:07:44,527 --> 00:07:47,004 Hey, listen. We saw ya out there in the audience. 143 00:07:47,129 --> 00:07:49,310 Yeah, you were getting a little crazy out there. 144 00:07:49,798 --> 00:07:51,937 Let's just get to the blow jobs. 145 00:07:52,899 --> 00:07:53,898 Blow-what? 146 00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,450 I don't know. Look, we called you back here 147 00:07:56,575 --> 00:07:58,889 because we want to share our love of Christ with you. 148 00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:00,905 And see if you wear purity rings from now on. 149 00:08:01,757 --> 00:08:02,907 Purity rings? 150 00:08:03,046 --> 00:08:04,810 We're all wear purity rings. 151 00:08:04,935 --> 00:08:08,509 It means we're going to be pure, and not have sex until we married. 152 00:08:08,634 --> 00:08:10,490 And It means we stay away from bad stuff 153 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,185 and avoid people who swear or watch naughty TV shows. 154 00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:14,952 That's just how we roll. 155 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,513 - Yeah! - Yeah! 156 00:08:17,548 --> 00:08:18,988 So what do you say, girls. 157 00:08:19,113 --> 00:08:21,592 You want to be kid hipsters like us and wear purity rings too? 158 00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:23,839 OK. 159 00:08:24,316 --> 00:08:26,899 And be sure you give a ring to all the kids you care about, 160 00:08:27,024 --> 00:08:29,324 'cause it's the new hip way to roll. 161 00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:37,873 Well, well, well... Here he comes. 162 00:08:37,998 --> 00:08:40,110 It's a BJ McKay and his best friend Bear. 163 00:08:40,657 --> 00:08:42,407 So how did it go last night? 164 00:08:47,781 --> 00:08:49,981 - What's that? - (A purity ring.) 165 00:08:50,274 --> 00:08:52,924 - Purity ring? - (Yeah, a purity ring.) 166 00:08:53,735 --> 00:08:54,895 What does that mean? 167 00:08:55,020 --> 00:08:58,221 (It means I'm gonna be pure and not have sex until I get married.) 168 00:08:58,346 --> 00:09:01,164 You? We thought you really wanted to have a BJ before you got too old... 169 00:09:01,289 --> 00:09:04,702 (I did! I was excited to get a BJ, but now I have to wear this ring!) 170 00:09:04,827 --> 00:09:06,410 All right, Kenny, calm down! 171 00:09:06,535 --> 00:09:08,580 You're too young to be getting BJs anyway! 172 00:09:08,705 --> 00:09:12,300 It's good you and Tammy are making a commitment that isn't based on sex. 173 00:09:12,482 --> 00:09:13,482 (Yeah!) 174 00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:18,728 (It isn't fair, I was so close to getting a blow job!) 175 00:09:18,853 --> 00:09:21,273 (And I'll never get one now!) 176 00:09:29,065 --> 00:09:30,401 Fellas, hey, fellas! 177 00:09:31,049 --> 00:09:34,447 I heard that Kenny is still going out with that slut, Tammy Warner! 178 00:09:34,989 --> 00:09:37,026 It's OK, they have purity rings now. 179 00:09:37,151 --> 00:09:38,836 - What's that? - Rings that says 180 00:09:38,961 --> 00:09:41,651 they not gonna have sex or doing anything naughty anymore. 181 00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:46,167 A ring that says you'll be together but not have sex... 182 00:09:47,327 --> 00:09:49,295 Isn't that called the wedding ring? 183 00:09:53,361 --> 00:09:57,136 I've got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do. 184 00:10:00,046 --> 00:10:03,810 Can't just do whatever I feel like I've got to stay righteous and true. 185 00:10:06,546 --> 00:10:09,816 I can't hang out with my buddies and get into trouble, 186 00:10:10,296 --> 00:10:13,551 'Cause now we're both wearing these rings for each other 187 00:10:13,676 --> 00:10:16,239 But who needs sex, and drugs, and partying, 188 00:10:16,922 --> 00:10:20,644 When we can cook a meal then sit around and watch Netflix. 189 00:10:21,069 --> 00:10:22,161 Baby! 190 00:10:24,755 --> 00:10:28,544 I've got a ring on my finger to remind me that I must behave. 191 00:10:31,583 --> 00:10:35,580 No need to chase after girls, it's a promise I can never break. 192 00:10:38,451 --> 00:10:41,305 I made a commitment and it is forever. 193 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,725 So we can spend every waking minute together. 194 00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,979 And If we get bored, it won't be a problem, 195 00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:52,357 'cause we can just hang out with other couples who wear these rings. 196 00:10:52,482 --> 00:10:53,982 Baby! 197 00:10:54,109 --> 00:10:56,527 Yeah, we've found out that once you wear purity rings 198 00:10:56,652 --> 00:10:58,797 it's best to hang out with other couples that do. 199 00:10:58,922 --> 00:11:01,128 Got more in common, isn't that right, Sarah? 200 00:11:01,253 --> 00:11:03,520 What Carol and I really enjoy is Grey's Anatomy. 201 00:11:03,645 --> 00:11:05,568 We love Grey's Anatomy, don't we, Carol? 202 00:11:05,693 --> 00:11:08,294 We adore Gray's Anatomy, don't we, Nancy? 203 00:11:08,419 --> 00:11:09,439 Adore it! 204 00:11:09,564 --> 00:11:11,771 Kenny and Tammy, do you watch Grey's Anatomy? 205 00:11:13,322 --> 00:11:15,732 We look forward to it all week long! 206 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,301 - Sure is! - Most fun we've had in weeks! 207 00:11:19,426 --> 00:11:23,222 I got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do. 208 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:24,767 Baby! 209 00:11:26,846 --> 00:11:30,226 - Baby! - Baby! 210 00:11:33,852 --> 00:11:36,819 And... cut! Great video shoot, guys! 211 00:11:37,198 --> 00:11:40,448 - This is bull pucky! - Yeah, we've had it, gosh darn it! 212 00:11:42,163 --> 00:11:44,160 Looks like we've got a problem. 213 00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:47,036 Our decision is final! 214 00:11:47,161 --> 00:11:50,934 We've decided, as a band, not to wear purity rings anymore! 215 00:11:51,184 --> 00:11:53,819 - Yeah, you tell them, Joe. - Boys, I know you're tired. 216 00:11:53,944 --> 00:11:56,380 But the purity rings are important for the company's image! 217 00:11:56,990 --> 00:11:58,966 We don't care about the company! 218 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,594 And you gonna say that to the boss's face? 219 00:12:02,008 --> 00:12:03,812 We are... we aren't afraid of him. 220 00:12:03,937 --> 00:12:06,893 I hope you're right, because the boss is on his way here. 221 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,143 - Now! - Oh Jesus, he's here, boss is here! 222 00:12:10,257 --> 00:12:13,823 - Let's be strong, guys. - Hello, sir. How was your trip? 223 00:12:14,583 --> 00:12:17,652 What's all this I'm hearing about not wearing the purity rings? 224 00:12:18,327 --> 00:12:20,119 We'll just leave you alone. 225 00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:23,016 So... I guess we have some issues? 226 00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:25,843 We... need to talk about something. 227 00:12:26,165 --> 00:12:27,323 Oh, boy! 228 00:12:27,448 --> 00:12:30,198 I just love flying all the way to Colorado 229 00:12:30,323 --> 00:12:32,451 to hear about your problems! 230 00:12:32,978 --> 00:12:35,613 Look, we just want our concerts to be about our music, 231 00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:37,407 and not about purity rings. 232 00:12:37,532 --> 00:12:41,092 Oh, gosh, fellas. Let me explain this to you one more time. 233 00:12:42,144 --> 00:12:44,124 You have to wear the purity rings, 234 00:12:44,249 --> 00:12:47,349 because that's how we can sell sex to little girls. 235 00:12:47,846 --> 00:12:51,748 See, if we make the posters with little girls reaching for your junk, 236 00:12:51,873 --> 00:12:53,719 then you have to wear purity rings, 237 00:12:53,888 --> 00:12:56,038 or else Disney Company looks bad. 238 00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,527 But we don't want to be selling sex to little girls anymore! 239 00:13:00,107 --> 00:13:01,779 The rings stay on! 240 00:13:02,418 --> 00:13:06,310 Well... well... maybe we'll just refuse to go on stage! 241 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,550 You don't... fucking... 242 00:13:10,675 --> 00:13:12,572 talk to me... like that! 243 00:13:13,066 --> 00:13:15,736 You little... piece of shit! 244 00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:20,080 Get the fuck up. Get the fuck up! 245 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,303 Now, do we have a problem? 246 00:13:26,074 --> 00:13:28,259 - No, sir. - No, Mr. Mouse. 247 00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:29,873 No, Mr. Mouse. 248 00:13:29,998 --> 00:13:32,643 That's good, 'cause I thought we had a problem for a minute here. 249 00:13:33,206 --> 00:13:36,631 All right, now get out of there and make me some goddamn money! 250 00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:41,713 Yep, he is in here. 251 00:13:42,584 --> 00:13:44,051 Dude, what are you doing? 252 00:13:44,176 --> 00:13:47,628 This is the day we're supposed to throw cow turds at cars together. 253 00:13:47,753 --> 00:13:49,354 We've had just about enough, dude. 254 00:13:49,479 --> 00:13:51,797 You've been blowing us off for two weeks, now what's up? 255 00:13:51,922 --> 00:13:53,998 (Need to buy... more DVDs.) 256 00:13:55,499 --> 00:13:56,811 Grey's Anatomy? 257 00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:59,503 Kenny! What kind of douchebag garbage are you watching? 258 00:14:00,148 --> 00:14:03,449 Come on, Kenny, this isn't you. We want you back, dude. 259 00:14:03,574 --> 00:14:06,314 Kenny... Kenny... Kenny? 260 00:14:06,439 --> 00:14:07,962 Wanna look at Playboys? 261 00:14:08,087 --> 00:14:10,479 Wanna get high sniffing paint? Kenny? 262 00:14:10,604 --> 00:14:12,707 You want your Grey's Anatomy back? 263 00:14:12,832 --> 00:14:16,370 (Grey's Anatomy, cool! This was a great season!) 264 00:14:16,663 --> 00:14:18,646 (Look at that, this is so cool!) 265 00:14:18,895 --> 00:14:22,135 You guys, this is serious. Something is really wrong with him. 266 00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:23,376 It's that ring! 267 00:14:23,501 --> 00:14:26,847 Somehow putting on that ring has turned Kenny into a boring turd! 268 00:14:26,972 --> 00:14:29,787 Oh, my God! Look at this! Motherfucker! 269 00:14:30,364 --> 00:14:31,364 What? 270 00:14:31,489 --> 00:14:34,914 "Jonas Brothers: talk music, faith in God and purity rings." 271 00:14:35,695 --> 00:14:38,172 These Disney douchebags are the ones causing all this! 272 00:14:38,297 --> 00:14:40,747 Yeah, this all happened the day after he went to their concert! 273 00:14:40,872 --> 00:14:41,771 Come on guys. 274 00:14:41,896 --> 00:14:44,924 We're not sitting back and watching our friend die. 275 00:14:46,277 --> 00:14:49,377 Hold tight, buddy. We're gonna find a cure for you. 276 00:14:52,155 --> 00:14:55,152 Live from 5 News Studio in Colorado, 277 00:14:55,277 --> 00:14:57,311 It's Good Mornin' Denver! 278 00:14:58,234 --> 00:15:01,257 We are joined this morning by the Disney supergroup... 279 00:15:01,382 --> 00:15:03,482 the Jonas Brothers. Hello, boys! 280 00:15:04,883 --> 00:15:06,719 - Hello! - Now tell us what you're doing 281 00:15:06,844 --> 00:15:08,596 here in Denver, guys. 282 00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:11,677 We're gonna be doing a live concert from Red Rocks tonight, 283 00:15:11,802 --> 00:15:13,996 that will be live broadcast on the Disney Channel. 284 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:16,122 And 3-D. Don't forget to mention in 3-D! 285 00:15:16,622 --> 00:15:18,710 Oh, and it's gonna be in 3-D. 286 00:15:20,351 --> 00:15:23,463 Now guys, a lot has been made about your purity rings. 287 00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:25,348 Can you tell us about those? 288 00:15:25,473 --> 00:15:26,473 Well... 289 00:15:26,949 --> 00:15:30,223 We... We wear these to symbolize how pure we are and how we... 290 00:15:30,348 --> 00:15:32,596 don't approve of things that are naughty or filthy. 291 00:15:32,721 --> 00:15:34,573 Good. Get a close up on their purity rings. 292 00:15:34,698 --> 00:15:36,588 Close up on the purity rings. 293 00:15:36,713 --> 00:15:38,900 That's wonderful, boys. It's good that little girls 294 00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,147 can see a concert and not have it be about sex. 295 00:15:41,696 --> 00:15:43,561 We understand that at the concert tonight, 296 00:15:43,686 --> 00:15:47,415 you'll be dousing girls in the audience with white foam, is that correct? 297 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:48,920 Yeah. 298 00:15:49,275 --> 00:15:50,815 Can we give our audience a peek? 299 00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:53,250 What do you say, you want the Jonas Brothers to douse you 300 00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:54,975 with their white foam? 301 00:15:59,005 --> 00:16:01,351 Oh, boy! This is TV-gold! 302 00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:04,628 - Excuse us, excuse us! - What do you think you're doing? 303 00:16:05,258 --> 00:16:06,505 Great stuff, boys! 304 00:16:06,893 --> 00:16:09,633 You like taking the Jonas Brother's hot foam in your faces, girls? 305 00:16:13,185 --> 00:16:15,177 Those Jonas Brothers are assholes! 306 00:16:15,302 --> 00:16:17,516 Yeah, their purity rings turned our friend into a douche! 307 00:16:18,661 --> 00:16:21,145 What the hell do you think you're doing spreading this crap to kids? 308 00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:24,700 Who the hell are these guys? Are they from DreamWorks? 309 00:16:24,825 --> 00:16:27,401 Goddamn Eisner trying to hurt this company again? 310 00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:31,409 This whole thing is a freaking shame! I see what you're doing now. 311 00:16:31,534 --> 00:16:33,244 You're trying to sell sex to young girls. 312 00:16:33,369 --> 00:16:34,871 And then confuse them by... 313 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:38,754 Cartman? 314 00:16:38,879 --> 00:16:41,498 You aren't ruining my plans this time, DreamWorks. 315 00:16:42,462 --> 00:16:44,458 Dude, who the hell did that? 316 00:16:52,609 --> 00:16:54,748 Fifteen minutes, that's fifteen minutes, people! 317 00:16:54,873 --> 00:16:56,916 Get another mike on that drum kit. 318 00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:58,973 They almost ruined everything. 319 00:16:59,828 --> 00:17:02,078 How did something like this happen? 320 00:17:04,964 --> 00:17:07,244 Wake up, wake up, you little prick! 321 00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:10,184 Who do you work for, DreamWorks? 322 00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:12,420 Answer me! 323 00:17:13,437 --> 00:17:16,968 - We don't work for anybody. - Oh boy, I sure believe that! 324 00:17:17,362 --> 00:17:21,362 You just try to ruin Disney Company's big night for your own amusement. 325 00:17:22,021 --> 00:17:24,698 - What the hell did you do to us? - Shut up! 326 00:17:25,994 --> 00:17:28,403 And now, Disney Channel presents... 327 00:17:28,653 --> 00:17:31,997 The Jonas Brothers 3D concert spectacular! 328 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:35,572 Live from Red Rocks Amphitheatre in Colorado. 329 00:17:37,548 --> 00:17:39,656 Truly a night of magic as we are set 330 00:17:39,781 --> 00:17:42,180 for the biggest concert event of the year. 331 00:17:42,305 --> 00:17:43,538 In about ten minutes 332 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:47,012 the Jonas Brothers are going to take the stage in what Disney is calling 333 00:17:47,273 --> 00:17:50,483 the most pure and innocent rock event of the millennia. 334 00:17:51,099 --> 00:17:54,092 Do we put the 3D glasses on now, dadda? 335 00:17:54,342 --> 00:17:55,521 Not yet, Keidy. 336 00:17:56,014 --> 00:17:58,190 Everyone around the country is tuning in to see 337 00:17:58,492 --> 00:18:00,508 Disney's latest kid pop stars. 338 00:18:00,821 --> 00:18:03,028 (Yeah, Jonas Brothers at Red Rocks.) 339 00:18:03,879 --> 00:18:06,312 We understand the Jonas Brothers are getting ready. 340 00:18:06,437 --> 00:18:08,617 What's going on backstage must be exciting. 341 00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:11,855 You better start talking. 342 00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:14,136 You better start talking right now. 343 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,518 We told you, we aren't working for another studio 344 00:18:16,643 --> 00:18:18,626 and there isn't a plan to sabotage your big night. 345 00:18:18,888 --> 00:18:21,342 We came on our own 'cause our friends purity ring is killing him. 346 00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:23,007 You're lying, I'll cut you up. 347 00:18:23,653 --> 00:18:26,176 You see? We were right about the purity rings. 348 00:18:26,301 --> 00:18:29,440 A nice Christian symbol can't be used for profit gains. 349 00:18:29,565 --> 00:18:33,109 - We're all angered God. - You think God is in control here? 350 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,510 I am in control, I've been in control since the '50s 351 00:18:36,635 --> 00:18:40,166 if you haven't noticed. You three faggots are going on stage. 352 00:18:40,416 --> 00:18:42,966 And you three faggots aren't gonna stop me. 353 00:18:43,287 --> 00:18:44,954 Nobody is ruining this event. 354 00:18:45,835 --> 00:18:47,865 I've worked too long and too hard 355 00:18:48,338 --> 00:18:50,534 to have anyone fuck this up. 356 00:18:51,044 --> 00:18:53,960 Where would you be without me, Jonas Brothers? 357 00:18:54,085 --> 00:18:56,206 Your music sucks and you know it. 358 00:18:56,872 --> 00:19:00,027 It's because you make little girls ginies tickle. 359 00:19:00,277 --> 00:19:04,048 And when little girls' ginies tickle, I make money. 360 00:19:04,767 --> 00:19:08,677 And that's because little girls are fucking stupid. 361 00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:13,223 And the purity rings make it OK to do whatever I want. 362 00:19:13,665 --> 00:19:16,239 Even the Christians are too fucking stupid 363 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,896 to figure out I'm selling sex to their daughters. 364 00:19:19,634 --> 00:19:22,941 I've made billions off of Christian ignorance for decades now. 365 00:19:23,725 --> 00:19:25,343 And do you know why? 366 00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:28,884 Because Christians are retarded. 367 00:19:29,593 --> 00:19:32,096 They believe in a talking dead guy. 368 00:19:39,475 --> 00:19:40,584 Hello, folks! 369 00:19:42,992 --> 00:19:45,589 Take it easy. Here's the Jonas Brothers. 370 00:19:48,759 --> 00:19:51,637 - C'mon guys. - No, stop! Bring them back here! 371 00:19:52,052 --> 00:19:54,973 It's over Mr. Mouse. Everyone's tuning out. 372 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:58,268 No! No, goddamn it! No! 373 00:20:00,475 --> 00:20:02,836 Shut up! Shut up! 374 00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:13,531 That's it, girls. No more Disney TV for a while. 375 00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:18,970 Tom, the Disney Jonas Brothers 3D television special has failed. 376 00:20:19,271 --> 00:20:21,497 Costing the Disney Company millions. 377 00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:24,821 And once again, Mickey is pissed off and throwing a fit. 378 00:20:24,946 --> 00:20:26,505 Vengeance is mine. 379 00:20:27,112 --> 00:20:30,162 You are all ants and I'm your destroyer. 380 00:20:31,342 --> 00:20:35,342 The Disney purity ring venture will most likely now prove a marketing bust. 381 00:20:35,629 --> 00:20:39,016 As Mickey returns to Valhalla, to slumber and feed. 382 00:20:45,355 --> 00:20:47,524 Oh, Ken. Look at what we've become. 383 00:20:47,649 --> 00:20:49,875 We're way too young to be this boring. 384 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,188 (OK, I'll put in Grey's Anatomy.) 385 00:20:52,490 --> 00:20:55,396 No! I don't want to watch Grey's Anatomy, Ken. 386 00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:58,393 - Let's take off these rings, Ken. - (Take off the rings?) 387 00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,473 (We can take off the rings? Really?) 388 00:21:00,598 --> 00:21:02,939 Let's take them off and just be kids again. 389 00:21:03,064 --> 00:21:05,595 There will be plenty of time to wear rings and be boring and lame 390 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,520 when we reach our late 30s and be boring and lame anyway. 391 00:21:08,645 --> 00:21:10,545 (Yeah! Screw theses things!) 392 00:21:11,605 --> 00:21:14,155 - I feel better already. - (Me too!) 393 00:21:14,575 --> 00:21:17,808 Whats say you and me go to TGI Friday's? 394 00:21:23,078 --> 00:21:23,946 And so, 395 00:21:24,477 --> 00:21:27,177 as we commit this young child to the earth, 396 00:21:27,302 --> 00:21:28,952 let us all be reminded, 397 00:21:29,463 --> 00:21:31,820 that syphilis is still a deadly disease. 398 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,740 And it can be caught even if using protection. 399 00:21:35,017 --> 00:21:36,532 This boy learned the hard way... 400 00:21:36,657 --> 00:21:40,657 I told him. Woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place on Earth I said. 401 00:21:40,981 --> 00:21:44,257 Statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis, I said. 402 00:21:45,821 --> 00:21:47,251 Well, now we know. 403 00:21:48,304 --> 00:21:50,047 And knowing is half the battle.